Original subtitles

SIMON: Fashion changes with the speed of light, these days.

I'm seriously thinking of abandoning clothes altogether,

in favour of baked-on striped paint and a small loincloth.

Any luck? No, no trace of him.

He could have been and left. No, I asked when I came in.

Not much point in staying. What?

I said, there is not much point in staying.

Oh.

Hi, there, kids. Go have fun, huh?

I don't believe it!

It's me, all right. What a sight for sore eyes. How are you, pal?

Jean, this is Cord Thrandel. He owns the place. Jean Lane.

We're on a missing-persons kick, looking for Jean's brother, Tony Lane.

Do you know him? Tony Lane?

Tony Lane...

No, it doesn't mean a thing to me. Still, they come through here in their thousands.

Yes, I can see that. Good night.

You're not leaving? I'm afraid we have to.

Ah, come on, let me buy you a drink. I haven't seen you in years. We got a lot to talk about.

Some other time. Good night, Cord.

Hey, Max! Max!

What is it?

What's wrong with him?

An attack of curiosity, maybe?

So, you're Tony Lane's sister? And you're worried about him?

Yes.

Uhh!

You know, Max,

there are moments when a gadget like this really comes in handy.

This guy's dynamite. Who is he?

You don't know him?

His name's Templar.

Simon Templar.

It's really perfect workmanship.

Hand painted? Of course it's hand painted! They all are.

Lovely.

There you are, love, tell all your chums it's genuine Fan Quan.

Was that 15th century? 11th, sweetheart, 11th.

Ta-ta.

Has Tony Lane been in tonight?

Tony hasn't been in for three days and his deliveries are piling up.

He didn't go to Manchester? Interesting question.

Then answer it and cut out the chat. No, he didn't.

That kid needs a lesson.

Yes, Teacher, he does.

Have you been to his room? A couple of hours ago. He wasn't there.

Perhaps he's gone home to Mummy.

You've got to be kidding.

Well, then, where is he? I'll take a look around.

Go to the hotel, see that Ching's suite is in order.

Master's command anticipated.

I've laid on the lot, including joss sticks and wine. What time does he get in?

Three o'clock. Call for me at the club at two. Humble servant will obey.

Look, Fish, cut it out! Cool it, Cord. I'm only kidding.

I got problems. Your kind of kidding raises my temperature.

Ching arrives tonight, so wear a suit.

A plain, simple...

civilised, decadent suit.

OK. OK.

And comb your hair.

You certainly have some lovely friends!

You must meet more of them.

What did he do to us?

An old Oriental trick.

A needle in his signet ring. A fast-acting barbiturate.

But why?

Because he knows something about Tony and I'm looking for him.

How do we get out of here?

Good question.

The way we got in, presumably.

That man, that waiter or whatever he was,

I saw him push a little picture on the opposite wall and then the door opened.

Well, it's a nice view.

A pity I don't have fingers four feet long!

He can't keep us here forever.

Simon, I'm sorry, I really am.

I thought it would just be a simple thing of finding Tony.

Where have you been?

Right here.

You're turned on. I'm not.

I'm getting drunk. Any objections?

Six, to be exact. The deliveries you were supposed to make in Manchester today.

I didn't go.

Why not?

Because I didn't feel like it.

You're not paid to feel.

But I do...

sick and disgusted.

Cord, I...

I can't work for you any more.

I'm quitting.

You're completely hung up and you know it.

A couple of words from me to the police, you'd got to jail.

I could change.

I've got my whole life in front of me.

I could tell the police a few things myself, couldn't I?

Get up!

You came to me begging for help.

You had no friends, no money.

I felt sorry for you, so I set you up.

And how do you pay me back?

You shoot your mouth off.

I didn't.

Your sister turned up at the club tonight.

Jean?

How did she know where to come?

I don't know.

She knew because you told her.

I didn't, Cord, honestly.

I never said a word about the club to anybody.

Not even to Simon Templar?

Who? Knock off the innocent act, Tony!

You've had an attack of conscience.

You want to go to the police, give yourself up, tell them all about me.

Well, forget it, Tony.

There's no way out for you now.

Do that again.

Do what? With the beads.

May I?

I wonder. What's the idea?

There's a principle involved.

Well!

As Archimedes said...

.."Eureka!"

Open the peephole.

Move it back with your fingers.

You're a genius. True.

Well, I must say this for him, Cord has excellent taste.

Some of this stuff must have cost a fortune.

Do we have to admire the antiques now?

You're a designer. You should be interested. Come on. Let's split.

# SIXTIES POP MUSIC

How did you get out of...?

Sonny, you'll bend your ruffles!

What's your name? Max.

Max what? Max Fuss.

You have my sympathy.

Now, Max, when did Cord Thrandel leave Hong Kong?

Three or four years ago.

Is Tony Lane working for him? Yeah, I think so.

Where does Tony live? I don't know.

Think again!

I don't know. You can ask till you're blue in the rotten face.

Right! We'll see whose face goes blue first.

Where does he live?

He's got a room in Norton Street. What number?

Tony always was a misfit, I guess.

He and Dad fought constantly and then, two months ago, he just upped and left.

Oops! I sat on my batteries.

Very tricky. I think so.

How does it work?

Pliable plastic lamps sewn into the material. A rechargeable battery pack.

A trans sensory, hyperdelic experience.

To say the least.

How far now? Oh, round to the left and first on the right.

Tony?

What is it? Gas.

Tony!

Hey!

Open up!

OK. What happened?

I don't know how, but they got away.

What did you tell them? Nothing.

Max, I know you. Your resistance to pain is zero.

What did you tell them? Nothing.

Except Tony's address.

Jean, stay with him at the hospital till he comes round. Find out exactly what happened.

It's obvious, isn't it? He's tried to kill himself. You think so?

He attempts suicide and puts a blanket at that window...

..a rug at this door...

..and nothing here?

Look at the gap.

And where's the key he locked himself in with?

No, Jean, I'm afraid this is not an attempt at suicide.

It's attempted murder.

You'd better run along.

I'll call you as soon as I can.

I gotta go to the airport.

Follow. Find out what hospital, what condition he's in.

And don't louse it up this time.

You are quiet.

Just a little nervous. I always am when there's a collection to be made.

Risk is inherent in all illegal operations.

When did the shipment arrive?

Got the Port of London Authority Notice today. Everything's in order.

You must be tired. Why so?

It's a long flight from Hong Kong.

I spent the time meditating on the thought of Mao,

whose wisdom radiates in all directions.

I am, therefore, refreshed.

Good evening!

Sorry. We're closing up. Oh, that's a pity.

Tony Lane told me to come round and see you.

You know Tony?

Yes, er...very well.

He said that you could possibly match this for me.

Where did you get that?

Oh, don't tell me it's a fake.

I understood it was a genuine Chian-Lun.

Look, mister, I'm sorry, I'm closing up now.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

I'm here, you're here. It's only going to take a few seconds of your time.

Do you have a duplicate? No. Now, if you'll excuse me...

This is quite fascinating. Chao Kan.

Tell me, what's upstairs?

Look, you've got a nerve! And an insatiable curiosity.

Does Tony really work here? What about it?

He doesn't know anything about these things.

He stood lookout for Lady Chatterley. Beat it!

I've been polite to you once. You've been very rude.

I may be forced to have a few words with Cord about you.

You're a friend of Cord's, too?

Why don't you ask him?

Tell him that Simon Templar dropped round.

CHING: Our operation is much more successful in New York City than in London.

CORD: The two situations are entirely different.

Something which must be changed. It is the main reason for my trip.

You both realise that in China we are pursuing a revolution with dedicated ferocity.

And brilliance.

Ultimately, we will subjugate the West.

Whether it takes us 50 years or 200 is of no importance.

Now, about this present shipment.

Excuse me.

The Hong Kong bill of lading.

Commonwealth Preference Certificate. Customs Entry Form.

And we received Port of Authority Notice that the shipment cleared Customs today.

We have finished and I am tired.

I'll drive you to your hotel. Thank you.

The shipment will be picked up tomorrow?

First thing. As soon as the warehouse opens.

Good night. Good night, Mr Ching.

Hello. Fish? Is Cord there?

No, he left a few minutes ago with Ching.

Er...not long. He's taking Ching back to his hotel.

How the hell should I know?

OK. Good night, Max.

Oh, Max, hang on a minute. About that shipment tomorrow...

Have you got a pencil?

Cord forgot to make a note of the bin number.

Will you take it down for me?

Right. Hold on.

Are you there? OK.

Warehouse two.

Bin 10-15.

Yeah. Good night, Max.

Cord, I've been trying to get you. Tony Lane is in the Welbeck Hospital.

And? I asked at the desk.

They said he was still unconscious.

Come on.

His sister is still in the waiting room, Dr King.

I promised her you'd have a word with her.

He's been badly concussed.

Don't leave him alone. Yes, Dr King.

Park at the side entrance. Keep the motor going.

Could you tell me what room Mr Tony Lane is in, please?

309. Wentworth Wing.

309? Oh, sorry, sir. No visitors.

But I am a personal...

Reception. OK. Thank you.

Yes, of course, yes.

Yes, I'll look it up for you.

She said she'd try vanishing cream!

Notify me at once if he regains consciousness.

Yes, Dr King. Thank you.

Good evening, Nurse. Good evening, Doctor.

Dr King asked me to take a look at Mr Lane.

I'm Dr Riley.

Oh, Nurse, I left my bag down in the Doctors' Lounge on the first floor.

It has my initials on it, GHR. Would you mind getting it for me?

Dr King said I wasn't to leave Mr Lane alone.

Nurse, I'm here.

Oh, yes.

Yes, of course, Dr Riley.

Dr King said I could drop in on him for a second.

Of course. He's with a Dr Riley at the moment.

Oh.

It might be an hour. It might be two days. It's difficult to tell.

Nurse?

Yes, Dr King?

I told you Mr Lane was not to be left alone.

But Dr Riley is with him. He said you asked him to look in.

Riley?

Who the devil's Riley?

Oh...

Easy.

Are you all right?

Cord.

1cc of Coramin, Nurse. Yes, Doctor.

He should be all right.

Doctor...

I know, of course, that Tony is your first consideration.

But you want to talk to him?

It's vital.

To him or to you?

I'm sorry. When?

Call me in two hours.

Jean, come on, I'll take you home.

Thank you, Doctor.

Nurse, have an orderly stand by for the rest of the night.

Yes, Dr King.

Do you want me to come in? No. I'll be all right.

You'd better take something. You need sleep.

Simon, I've got so many questions.

Well, the answers are all in that warehouse and I'm going to get them.

Be careful.

Don't bother. I'll manage.

Good night. Good night.

Sit!

Cord! Something's gone wrong.

Be silent.

What goes on? What gives?

The documents necessary for collecting the shipment are missing.

Well, they're in his desk.

They were.

Cord...I think Templar has got them.

Obviously, he intends collecting the shipment the moment the warehouse opens.

In six hours.

Stand by the car.

Urgh!

Hold it, Templar.

Now put it down.

Slowly.

While your methods of obtaining the shipment lacked subtlety,

they were effective.

One hopes that future shipments will be handled in a more routine manner, so that...

Fried Pearl River rice birds?

Product of the People's Republic of China?

He must have got the wrong crate.

You fool! He got the right one!

Anyway, I couldn't stand it any longer.

So I left home.

And went to work for Cord?

Yes, it was waiting table at the Red Dragon, first of all.

Then what?

Simon, I...

I had a car crash.

I hit a girl and...

I didn't stop.

Cord knows all about it.

So he blackmailed you...

into delivering these.

I had to.

Where to?

Clubs.

In Liverpool, Manchester and London.

I wanted to quit, honestly.

Cord tried to kill me because I said I was going to the police.

And I will, I promise, Simon.

You get better first, hm?

Meditation marshals one's inner resources.

A class reunion?

I regret deeply, Mr Templar, that you have interfered with a highly-organised operation.

Oh, it's a special talent of mine.

The People's Republic of China intends to dominate the world.

So did Hitler.

It will not be a rapid process. It may take many years.

Nevertheless, we can claim a modest success.

Have you any idea how many drug addicts there were in London in 1961?

Three, five hundred?

Today, Mr Templar, there are 7,000.

Sadly, we are not as successful here as in America.

In New York alone, addicts number over 100,000.

I tell you this so you will fully understand

that we shall allow nothing and no-one to stand in our way.

Pearl River rice birds.

Delicious! Mark you, the sauce has to be just right.

You have the key to the whereabouts of a million pounds' worth of heroin.

Interesting, isn't it? You will tell us.

Ooh, I doubt that. I do not.

Obviously, you put our label on this crate.

Correct.

And, therefore, the label from this crate on our shipment.

A brilliant deduction.

You refuse to talk?

Not at all. I'll er...

I'll talk about anything you like. Food, religion, politics...

sex.

I should find you quite amusing under different circumstances.

Well, that's very sweet of you, my old Honourable Number One Son.

Take your choice, Mr Templar.

Your cooperation...or her life.

Impatient as ever, aren't you, Cord?

Templar, you'd better be right.

I knew you were trouble the minute you walked into the club looking for Tony Lane.

Here it is.

OK. Get it!

Hey! What are you playing at?

You're a most resilient man, Mr Templar.

Well, it's wearing a little thin, so, if you don't mind...

I could make you very rich, very rich indeed, if you would consider joining my organisation.

I'm sorry, but it would interfere with my choir practice.

I'm quite serious.

Cord Thrandel is a fool. All brawn and no brains.

Well, I'm afraid you're stuck with him. May we go?

But of course. I gave you my word.

Goodbye, Mr Templar.

Your word?

My word, Mr Templar.

Of course, I cannot speak for Cord.

Could I er...reconsider your proposition?

Such resilience! Of course.

What proposition?

I would, of course, have to be in complete charge of the London operation.

Agreed. What is this?

And Idiot Boy here will have to go.

As you say, he is all brawn and no brains.

He is completely dispensable.

Now, listen, Ching, I've had enough...

That's him! He dropped this in my van.

Left it in your van.

Look, mate, I tell you that's him.

On the contrary, that's him.

And that's him. And this...

..is heroin.

You'll find an office full of it through there.

Oh, by the way, Ching, that offer of yours, about taking over the London operation,

forget it.