Original subtitles

Previously on Lois and Clark:

Soon, I'll have everything I want...

...and as a bonus, the destruction of Superman.

With this device, I can implant subliminal messages...

...into the minds of the masses, thereby controlling the collective will.

Attention all registered voters:

John Doe is a darn nice guy.

But you have to admit John Doe really is...

- What, a darn nice guy? - Yeah.

And the next president of the United States of America: John Doe.

If he touches the window, Superman is doomed.

- Lois! - Clark!

- Lois! - Clark!

No!

Clark!

Lois! No!

He's gone.

He's gone.

Lois?

Lois, you're crying.

Don't you know what happened?

I understand Superman left the country.

Too bad. I'll miss him.

He didn't leave. He was sent someplace by John Doe.

And his name's not John Doe, it's Tempus.

And... And he's a monster. He's... He's from the future...

...and he's trying to destroy everything that's good in the country.

Gee, that's just the kind of stuff he said you'd say.

What?

President-elect Doe told me you supported the other side.

Mr. President, you were the other side.

I know. But in my heart, I knew he was right.

Lois, the whole country's behind John Doe.

Get onboard.

He bears you no ill will.

John Doe! John Doe! John Doe!

- We just have to trust him. - John Doe! John Doe! John Doe!

John Doe! John Doe! John Doe!

John Doe! John Doe! John Doe!

Oh, my God.

We got on the plane as soon as we got your call.

What's happened to my boy?

- I wish I knew exactly, Martha. - Lois, are you sure he's gone?

Clark vanished through a time window.

It was brought here by the most evil man I have ever met.

He comes from the future...

...and he's always wanted two things:

To control the world, and to destroy Superman.

But who is this person?

The new president. John Doe.

Oh, but Lois, that can't be.

John Doe is...

Well, he's just a darn nice guy.

See, this is what I'm up against.

I know who he truly is...

...and as long as I keep that image I can think the truth.

But no one else knows him. Somehow he has brainwashed the entire country...

...into thinking that John Doe is a "darn nice guy. "

Oh, honey. Honey, we believe you.

It just doesn't seem like Clark is dead.

Maybe he can be found.

If I haven't learned anything else in this life...

...I've learned you have to cling to hope.

- That's what Clark would say. - Hello?

Yes, he would.

Lois. Perry White.

Lois, don't you dare go into work right now.

Perry, it's Lois.

Yeah, that's wonderful news about John Doe.

What?

All right, I'll be there.

- At least get some rest. - I'm going in.

I've gotta stay close. I have to find a way to beat Tempus.

What did Perry want?

Congress is so anxious to have John Doe in office...

...they may move up the inauguration.

In two days, Tempus might be the most powerful man in the world.

Well, it's all very presidential...

...but does it say "emperor" to you?

Well, we don't actually have emperors in this country.

Not yet, but it's only a pen stroke away.

This is America, Garner. A man can dream.

You can't go in there.

I tried to stop him, sir.

- You wanted to see me? - Yes. Dragon, isn't it?

That's the name.

Dragon, I'm told that you are the cruelest, most sadistic...

...most feared cutthroat in Metropolis.

You killed your parents at age 3, and it's been downhill ever since.

- That's more or less it. - How'd you like to be Secretary of State?

- Now, my friend, President Garner... - Pleased to meet you, Mr. Dragon.

...and his lame duck congress will be enacting several bills into law.

They'll need enforcing.

Well, I guess you don't get it. I don't enforce laws.

I guess you don't get it. I'm giving you carte blanche...

...to shoot anyone who doesn't agree with me.

But everybody agrees with you, Mr. Doe.

Well, an astronomically high percentage does, yes...

...but there's still holdouts. That's why I need legislation making it illegal...

...not to use the phone.

But that's silly, not to mention unconstitutional.

You want me to plug him?

Patience.

Do me a favor. Pick me up some new suits and a new watch.

This stuff was damaged in a little explosion we had here.

Now, look, Mr. President...

...if we're to have an orderly transition, you have to remember...

...that I am the most popular politician the world has ever known.

Even Reagan in his heyday couldn't have gotten away with this.

You just killed him.

Guess you'll have to report me.

This is for you, prez:

John Doe just did a very wise thing.

This is the president. I need to...

Let you know John Doe just did a very wise thing.

That's why the phone, you idiot.

Lois. Where's Clark?

Clark is...

He's... He's not feeling well. He's not here.

Well, he'll be all right. Tell him to drink plenty of liquids.

Now, listen, I want you to skedaddle over to the Regent Hotel.

President-elect Doe has picked you for his very first post-election interview.

Oh, he has, has he?

Yes. He says you're the only one that understands him.

Oh, he does, does he?

Well, I'd like to have a few words with Mr. Doe.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - I'm dreadfully sor...

- Miss Lane. - H.G. Wells, oh.

Mr. Wells, Tempus is out.

Oh, I feared as much.

He's President of the United States.

Catastrophic. And Miss Lane, has something happened to Superman?

Yeah.

That's why I'm here. I was visiting the future.

The wonderful utopia there suddenly changed to one of chaos and mayhem.

The statue of you and Superman, honoring you...

...for your good work, vanished.

Does that mean Clark is dead?

Oh, it... It means he's not present.

Tempus tricked him into stepping into this time window, and then it exploded.

But you could travel through time. You could find him.

No, my dear. It's not so simple.

You see, if the time window exploded...

...then Clark has been banished to a nanosecond...

...that's actually out of time as we know it.

A vortex without past or future.

Finding him would be...

- Impossible. - You know I don't like that word...

...but the longer Clark remains in the time warp...

In the next 48 hours, it could diminish until it vanishes into nothing.

Well, I was wondering how long it'd take to get to that part of the interview.

You are dirt. You are filth. You're pocket lint.

You are pocket lint in the pockets of lawyers.

Oh, calm down. You want a martini?

No, I don't want a martini.

Don't you realize that if I was able to block out this John Doe hypnosis...

...then others can too. And we will bring you down.

No, you won't. You are alone, Lois.

The only other living soul who knows the truth about me is Clark...

...and whoops, he's not living anymore, is he?

Yes, he is. He's coming back.

What do you think this is, a family television show?

Only unhappy endings allowed here, Lois.

Let's see, I could shoot you or hang you on the spot...

...but what's the fun in that?

No, you're the only sane one in the asylum, darling.

Between that and losing your husband...

...you should be clawing the walls in no time.

This interview's over.

You don't get it, do you? You can't stamp out goodness.

You might take the whole world into night...

...but a little sliver of light will come through, and we'll have you.

You make a very attractive widow.

John Doe supporters by the millions flooded Times Square...

... for the 8th night in a row to celebrate the election...

... of America 's newest folk hero: the president-elect, John Doe.

Not perhaps since Lincoln has a candidate risen from such obscure beginnings...

...to seize the ultimate prize... - John Doe doesn't exist. It's Tempus.

It's Tempus.

Clark, where are you?

- Mr. Wells. - Lois, brace yourself.

I've brought...

Clark.

No, my dear. It's not Clark.

Or at least not yours.

I'm sorry, my dear. I know this must seem an awful trick...

...but you remember this Clark, don't you?

You helped create his Superman in the alternate universe.

Even in that world, Tempus wanted him gone.

What he couldn't do there, he's done here.

Lois, I know how bringing Clark here must look.

That any thought of retrieving my Clark is hopeless?

That the only thing that stands between Tempus and world conquest is Superman?

Is that how you think I think it looks?

I'd say the world could use a Superman just now.

Lois, I'm not your Clark.

But I can be Superman.

In my world I've become the Superman that you encouraged me to be.

I know this sounds awful, but I really don't want you here.

It's like having Clark, but not.

And accepting you means accepting that he's gone, and I'm not ready to do that.

- Clark would want me to stay. - How do you know?

He'd want me to protect this world. He'd want me to protect you.

Hon, your cookie dough ice cream is...

Clark. Oh, Clark.

Son.

Martha, this is not our Clark.

If it's not our Clark, whose Clark is it?

Perhaps I can explain.

- And who are you? - H.G. Wells.

The writer?

Aren't you dead?

Only some of the time.

Martha, Jonathan, H.G. Wells can travel through time and space...

...and he brought this Clark here from a parallel universe where we all exist...

...but in altered forms.

Oh, I see.

But you look so much like my son.

And you look so much like my mom...

...and dad.

And in that place we're your parents?

Were. My parents died when I was a kid.

I never thought I'd see you...

Them, again.

Clark, I'm sorry.

What?

I'm sorry for forgetting that as rotten as all this is for me...

...for all of us, that it must be pretty hard for you too.

Lois, I'd really like to help.

Are you okay with that?

Yeah.

Then I shall be on my way. Perhaps I can locate your Clark.

Hello, Herb.

Tempus.

That's President-elect Doe, but I'll forgive the faux pas this once.

I've been expecting you.

Yes. You knew I'd deduce that the corrupted future was your doing...

...and would return through time to find you.

You're a regular Jack Webb.

On the other hand, as easy as it was for you to trace my movements backward...

...that's how impossible it will be for you to find your Superman.

You are a fiend beyond comprehension.

And a good dancer, but enough small talk.

Let's go to my place. There's only room in town for one time traveler...

...and you and this contraption are better off in my hands.

And if I refuse?

Go ahead. Make my days.

Citizens, voters, and phone owners...

...thank you for the huzzahs.

If I could have just an impromptu moment of your time.

Like I have to ask.

Everything I have I owe to you...

...because we are one big family.

- With me as the papa... - Papa!

...and you as the kiddies. - Kiddies!

We will prosper under one big roof...

...obey one big set of laws, use one big phone company...

...and you'll do everything that papa says.

I'm pleased to announce Congress has also...

...unanimously passed the Non-Phone Act...

...making it treasonous not to use the phone.

And we know that if we're good girls and boys...

- Shut up and get over there. ...all will be well.

We also know that if we're bad, we'll be punished.

A papa must know when to cut back on your allowance...

...and when to shoot you.

I had to use a postcard. We don't own a phone!

A papa must be stern.

Ready.

Aim.

I get to be Commander in Chief with a war already on my hands.

- Thank you, Superman. - Yeah, thank you.

He was gonna shoot us just because we don't use phones.

- He's a madman. - Nuts.

So you don't like John Doe?

We hate John Doe.

I'm glad you're here.

The world gets pretty desperate without Superman.

I'll stay as long as it takes.

Did you hear what they said about not liking John Doe?

There were some homeless people that were murdered...

...around the time of the election, and they didn't like John Doe either.

What do they have in common?

He'd probably have the answer right away, wouldn't he?

I think it's phones. They both didn't have phones...

...and now there's a law against not using the phone.

So that's how Tempus is controlling the country.

He's getting his message out through the phone system.

Exactly.

I'll scan the phone system for any internal abnormalities.

I'll find out how real this inauguration is.

Lois?

Is this how it is with the two of you? Working together like this?

Yeah.

Wow.

I know what you've done, you treasonous little bug.

You've imported that muscle-locked Boy Scout...

...from that other universe to this one.

The power of the human spirit cannot be confined to one time or place.

- It's everywhere. - Save that for your overrated novels.

It's only a matter of time...

...before he scans the city with x-ray vision and locates me.

Anticipating that possibility I've relocated to this abandoned fallout shelter.

It's lined with lead.

Now get in that machine...

...and take that overstuffed set of tights back where he belongs.

And what will you do if I refuse? Kill me?

- You bet. - Anticipating your villainy...

...I have adjusted the machine so that only I can operate it.

Now what's going to happen to your plan...

...when Superman examines the phone system, as he will...

...and discovers your fiendish alteration?

While you were anticipating my villainy...

...I was anticipating your anticipation...

...and began implementation of an even more insidious plan...

...to spread my message.

Now that you're my captive, you won't be able to blow the whistle on me...

...or use the bloody time machine yourself.

But I'm getting bored with you, Herb.

We seem joined at the hip, you and I.

And when I get really bored with someone, well...

Mr. Secretary, I believe you're familiar with your duties?

I am.

Hi.

The Kents are already asleep.

I picked up a couple things from the market.

- What? - Nothing.

I mean, you don't... You know...

Spin in and out of the suit?

Spin? Never tried that.

Oh, is that what he does?

Maybe I'll give it a shot sometime.

Oh, no, that's okay. I mean, it's a fine way to change.

I just... It's not him. I mean, you're not him.

I have to remind myself sometimes.

Twinkies, Cup Cakes and Ding Dongs?

Where's my brain? I just thought...

That because he likes those things, so would I.

Yeah.

Anyway...

Here.

So did you find any subliminal message-sending device...

...in the phone system?

No. Whatever was there, he must have moved someplace else.

So the whole country's gonna keep believing in this lunatic.

Did you hear anything from H.G. Wells?

No.

So he hasn't found Clark.

Lois...

Love is the only thing that keeps people going sometimes.

It's that strong.

And right now, you have to grab hold of that strength...

...and know that it's gonna get you through this.

It's a lonely world without love.

I know, because that's how I live my life.

A while back, before I became Superman in my world...

...a new friend told me to trust in myself.

In the power of the goodness inside of me.

She was a pretty smart woman...

...and I believed her.

Now she has to believe me.

You sound like you've gotten pretty smart yourself.

You helped me get there.

- This is unforgivable. - I'm so sorry.

- Just shameful. - I'm really sorry.

No, not you, me. I almost kissed you.

- How could I kiss you? - I almost kissed you.

- No, I almost kissed you. - No, I...

Okay, fine, we almost kissed us. Look, Clark... Other... Other Clark...

...I'm in a... In a really weird place right now.

I... I miss my husband, whom you look exactly like...

...and it wouldn't take imagination to pretend you were him.

I love him. You have to understand.

Yes, understood completely.

But, Lois... See, my life is that lonely thing that I talked about...

...and then there's this weird chemistry...

...between you and I that I don't understand...

...but I promise you it will never ever, ever, ever happen again.

Dragon. Herb. You scamps.

I knew, given time, you'd find something fun in common.

I, on the other hand, have been laboring on a way...

...to operate my Subliminator while bypassing the phone system.

The Subliminator's microwave transmission...

...has been fed into ordinary electrical wiring...

...which acts as an antenna.

No.

- I don't understand. - There's a surprise.

Every home and business in the U.S. will serve as a continually online receiver...

...for what I call Tempus Think.

I refuse to believe that something so diabolical could be so easy.

Well, that's the Protestant in you.

Let's wrap fish in the Constitution and chuck all the old laws.

Would you turn that light switch on, Herb?

Let's wrap fish in the Constitution and chuck all the old laws.

Why did I say that?

Because I wanted you to.

Because the very walls pulse with Tempus Think.

I may have succumbed to your device, but there are others who won't.

Only two that I can think of, and that number's about to shrink.

Trust me on this, Herb. I'm unstoppable.

What am I doing?

About what?

Oh, Tempus, the country...

- You know. - Sorry if I disturbed you.

No. I couldn't sleep either.

If Clark can't be found in the next 24 hours...

...he may just disappear.

You know the terrible thing about marriage?

You take it for granted.

You think that that person sleeping next to you...

That sound they make when they're breathing...

You think you'll always have that.

If there was any way I could...

...get him back... - I know.

Listen...

...about the "chemistry" thing.

I think that your feelings...

Just like it was easy for me to confuse you with Clark...

...I think that your feelings for me are really meant for her.

Your Lois.

Well, you see, I've never even met her.

She was lost on an assignment in the Congo. So...

I just think that somehow you're meant to be together.

You know...

...it is so much less complicated being Superman...

...than being Clark.

That sounds like something Clark would say.

It's amazing how much like him you've become.

Well, now that we're both up...

...why don't I make us a midnight snack.

Lois?

- Lois, are you all right? - Tempus is evil.

There's no such thing as John Doe. It's Tempus.

- Are you okay? - I don't know.

All of a sudden I got these warm, fuzzy feelings about John Doe.

It all started when you turned on the lights.

What are you doing?

I'm following the electrical wiring in your house.

I couldn't find any signs of a mind-control device in the phone system...

...but they've obviously developed another delivery system.

John Doe is papa. He's finally here. Everything he does is right.

He's sending it through the electrical wiring.

If you could just stay tuned into that transmission...

I could follow it through the power system and find the source.

- Yes. Go for it. - Okay

What the heck.

You know, I kind of like that spin thing.

I ordered a jumbo pepperoni, not green peppers...

...and a six-pack of beer.

I don't care if you are closing, I'm the Secretary of State.

Where are you, you little worm?

Where are you?

Forgive me if I gloat.

Unconscionable little brute.

No one can answer your call right now, so leave a message at the beep.

Lois. Wells here. I'm being held against my will...

... in some sort of underground bunker...

Mr. Wells, what happened?

- Tempus kidnapped me. - What?

Lois, I have critical news for Superman.

He's not here.

Oh, my. Then I'll have to come to you.

I'll be there as soon as the time machine warms up. Ta.

So she's finally alone.

No!

Mr. Wells?

It's you.

Well, I would have preferred "Hail to the Chief," but everything in time.

What's he doing here?

Making America safe.

I'm clearing the streets of terrorists. I believe that includes you.

Mr. Wells, what are you doing?

My dear, I believe if we knew to the second...

...the exact moment of Clark's disappearance...

...I might be able to find him with the time machine.

To the second?

Well, anything less and I could miss him by literally billions of years.

Oh, I have no idea.

There was so much going on, I barely remember what day it was.

Yes. Well, there you have it.

You know, as fun as all this is...

...the one wild card's still that copycat Superman of yours.

But as I recall he was quite fond of Lois, here, so he's probably containable.

Probably not. He's out there right now, finding your mind control device.

Once that's gone, so is your power base.

Well, you're just Little Miss Spunky, aren't you?

Garner, get in here!

You'd better pray your boyfriend fails, Lois...

...because as bad as you think things are now...

...the nightmare's only just started.

Hi, Lois. I heard you were visiting.

I'm not visiting. I'm his prisoner.

Oh, Lois, ever the funster. Stop, my sides are splitting.

Anyway, we have here the country's nuclear launch codes.

- What? - I gave them to John Doe as a pal gift.

The traitor, Superman...

...may find a way to turn the public against the President-elect.

If that happens, we'll launch a nuclear strike against every capital on Earth.

- That true? - Excellent.

You can't do that. The other countries will retaliate.

- The whole world will be destroyed. - Also quite good.

If this world no longer wants me, then I no longer want it.

Let the fools be swallowed up in flame. I'll go rule the alternate Earth.

It's almost as nice. Better, even.

For its Superman will be trapped here. Hero to a lifeless planet.

John Doe is papa.

Everything he does is right. John Doe is papa.

He's finally here.

John Doe is papa. He's finally...

Well, I'll be damned. He did it.

He thinks that's all it takes to finish me?

All that spandex must keep the blood from his brain.

President Garner, tell your Secret Service men to arrest him.

- Who? - Sorry, Lois.

The Subliminator's effects won't wear off until...

...well, it's way too late.

Oh, Jonathan...

...they haven't been here all day.

They weren't at the Planet. They never showed up.

Maybe Tempus got his hands on them.

- Lois? - Clark?

Clark.

I found the source of Tempus' mind-control.

- Where's Lois? - Oh dear, wasn't she with you?

No. Maybe she left a note or something.

The answering machine light is on. She might've called in.

Lois. Wells here. I'm being held against my will...

... in some sort of underground bunker...

- Underground? - Maybe she's with him.

I just scanned the entire city. There was no sign of them.

Unless... Unless they're in a place lined with lead.

Back in the '50s, Metropolis built a series of fallout shelters.

- Those were lined with lead. - But they were abandoned years ago.

- Where can I find these shelters? - Honey, we couldn't begin to tell you.

Well, then I'd better find someone who can.

Gee, you got into the missile launch system without any help at all.

Computer codes for this century are so primitive it's laughable.

Well, you look nervous, Lois.

Contemplate your future as a charcoal briquette. It's soothing.

Mr. Olsen. Mr. Olsen.

- Mr. Olsen? - Oh, sorry.

I keep thinking you own the Daily Planet.

Who can I ask to do some research for me?

Are you kidding?

Here's how it works: you come barreling in...

...and say, "Jimmy, I need so and so now! "

Then I drop everything and do it.

Not your old self today, huh?

Jimmy, I need to know the location of every fallout shelter in the city.

Is it urgent? I got this date with this chick just out of prison...

...and I think she's really hot... - Jimmy, I need those locations now.

You know, I liked that whole "Mr. Olsen" thing a lot better.

Tempus, don't do it.

You still have time. You could escape to the alternate universe.

Where Mr. I'm-So-ln-Shape can return me to jail?

Thank you, no.

Besides, I wanna kill billions of people.

- Launch configuration locked. - And that ought to do it.

Here's the city infrastructure from l958 forward.

Target sequencing locked. Missile launch in 30 seconds.

Launch in 25 seconds.

Commence primary ignition.

Twenty, 19, 18...

On the international scene, President-elect John Doe...

... is launching a worldwide nuclear attack.

- What? - Wow, great idea.

Fifteen...

- I got them. There's three in the area. - Thanks, Jimmy.

- Nine, eight, seven... - Nine, eight, seven...

You're too late! You need an abort code to cancel the...

Countdown sequence interrupted.

Or that. You could do that.

John Doe, you are hereby impeached.

Oh, my God. Superman, I did a terrible thing.

I gave him the launch codes.

It's understandable, Mr. President. It's not your fault, it's his.

- Get them out of here. - Yes, sir.

- Let's go. Come on. Move it. - Superman, I...

Oh, God, I think I'm up for re-election again.

Thank you. You were wonderful. Just like I knew you would be.

Lois, I just wish that I could do the same thing for your Clark.

We need the exact second the time window exploded.

We don't have that.

Explosion? You mean like in John Doe's hotel room?

Yeah. What do you know about it?

Let me go, you goon.

I'll tell you what, Lane. If I scratch your back...

...maybe you could put in a good word for me.

He wanted me to go out and get a new watch for him.

He said it was stopped by an explosion.

We must arrive at precisely the moment I've chosen, or he's lost.

Oh, Lois.

So John Doe was a myth...

...created by Tempus, an escaped criminal...

...and planted into your brains by a sophisticated method of brainwashing.

He'll return now to prison, where he'll do no further damage.

Any last words, Tempus?

Why, yes. Glad you asked.

It's time you chowderheads all got let in on a little secret.

This Superman of yours, this chiseled god...

...is, in reality, Clark Kent of the Daily Planet.

In chess, this is where I'd say, "Check. "

Honey, I think the media would like us to comment on Mr. Tempus' last remark.

We regret that Mr. Tempus' mental health has not improved.

He's obviously still delusional.

This is where I would say, "Checkmate. "

No! You cretins! He is Clark Kent!

One of them's from another dimension. I mean, it's obvious!

Thanks for giving me a world to come home to.

Thanks for giving me a legend to live up to.

I can't tell you how grateful I am.

The two of you have been wonderful.

So were you.

We really must be going.

You are the luckiest man alive.

I know.

If my Lois had lived, my world would be a better place.

Especially for me.

I've been meaning to ask you...

...she was lost in the Congo before you two even met?

Which is strange. You know, missing someone that you've never even met.

I tried to find her but...

...that's impossible.

My boy, I never say "impossible. "

I don't think I'm ever letting go.

I hope you don't.

You know...

...he's right.

I am the luckiest man alive.

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