All language subtitles for Lois and Clark - 03x07 - Ultrawoman

Previously on Lois and Clark:

Will you marry me?

Who's asking? Clark...

...or Superman?

No.

I mean, I can't yet.

Please, don't shut me out of your life.

You put up with me
for the same reason I put up with you.

It's because I'm completely
in love with you.

- Did we just make up?
- I think so.

Something about you
always made sense to me.

That's what you and I together
are all about: Taking a chance.

- Welcome back, Lois.
- How are you?

- Pretty?
- Pretty.

Sorry.

- I thought you said I could count on you.
- You can.

- Tell me this is going to work.
- It's going to work.

- Tell me why.
- We're Newtriches.

- Which means?
- We live by our code, go our way...

- ...and don't take any crap from anybody.
- And?

And we have a Red Kryptonite laser.

- Which will?
- Which will make Superman apathetic.

- So we?
- So we can be rich beyond our dreams...

...spend money like wild baboons
and get back at every creep...

- ...who was mean to us in high school.
- Mean to you.

- I was very...
- You were very popular and well-liked.

I'm sorry,
I always mess up that part.

Hey.

- How about dinner tonight?
- Sure. As long as it's not Chinese.

Been in kind of a rut lately. I think
I've had my life's quota of soy sauce.

I wouldn't take you to Paris for Chinese.

Paris?

There's a kid trapped
in the well at Metropolis Park.

- Lois. Clark.
- On it.

- And your wife called, Chief.
- All right. Call her back for me.

Tell her it looks like
it's gonna be another late one.

See you there.

Don't shoot till I tell you, Nell.

- Is he all right?
- Fine.

But his batteries are a bit run down.

That is the sickest,
most disgusting thing...

Fire.

I cannot believe that...

Get down.

Go! Go!

Hey.

Idiot. Moron. Cretin.

- I burnt my hand.
- Hypochondriac.

- Are you all right?
- What?

Yeah, I feel a little dizzy.
What happened?

- Somebody shot us with a red beam.
- Well, go get them.

What is it?

I think they went this way.

What is it?

- I can't fly.
- What?

No x-ray vision,
no super hearing, nothing.

- Clark.
- How do you feel?

Fine.

Oh, boy.

Do you feel different?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'd say I feel different.

Okay.
Let's just stay calm.

Okay.

Oh, God!
Oh, God. What's happening?

I think we know exactly
what's happening.

The question is, how?

Let's just go back out there
and see if we can find some clues.

Good. Good. Good. Clues, right.
Clues... clues I can handle.

"I can handle it," you said.

"I won't screw up," you said.

"This time it's going to be different,"
you said.

It's me. I'm the idiot.

I'm the idiot who told you my plan...

...believed you when you said
you'd make it foolproof...

...and then invested every last cent
in a heist that'll never happen.

- Are you through?
- We both are.

The beam hit him.
I think it worked.

- Really?
- He didn't come after us, did he?

Nell, just be grateful
I'm too depressed to beat you to death.

In 48 hours, we either move on that
$200 million shipment or bail.

I'd say, with that kind of payoff,
it's worth a little test.

What kind of test?

Okay. A-plus on the heat vision.

I was aiming for the bottles.

Clark, I don't like this.
I'm starting to be afraid of my own...

I know. I know. It's okay.

When do you think STAR Labs is gonna
be able to tell us about that laser?

It was pretty burned up.

You know, I don't understand this.
Red Kryptonite isn't supposed to do this.

I mean, last time
it made you a little...

- ...yeah, apathetic, but not this.
- I'm sure they'll figure it out.

Like I'm sure we're gonna find
whoever did this.

Why are you so calm?
I mean, don't you feel?

Aren't you upset?

I'm fine.

Okay, I'm upset.

But I also know
that we're gonna figure this out.

In the meantime, you've got some
powers that need to be controlled...

- ...or you're gonna cause some damage.
- You're right.

You're right.

- Okay, why don't we deal with:
- Great idea.

- Okay, it's not as hard as you think.
- Help! The brakes are out!

- What?
- That truck.

What truck?

- Oh, no.
- The brakes.

Look out!

Lady, did you just do
what I think you did?

What is your name? I gotta call
the papers. This is amazing.

No, no. Please. I...

Everybody all right?

Superman. Thank you.

For a minute,
I thought this lady, you know:

These shoes cost $75.

Does the Superheroes Union
cover expenses?

No, but it does bring up
an interesting issue.

Which is?

Well, you're just not the kind of person
who can sit around...

...and watch someone in trouble
if you can help.

I have a bad feeling
about where this is going.

But you don't want the world knowing
that it's Lois Lane stopping trucks, so...

Does this mean I have to wear glasses?

No, dear, of course not.

- I'm thinking about a mask.
- A mask?

I think a mask would be very sharp.

- How about a cape?
- You guys...

...could we just slow down?
I don't think I can do this.

No cape?

No, I mean any of it.
This... it's just... it's not me. It's Clark.

He's putting on this brave face, but
inside, I know this is eating him alive.

If he sees me in a cape and tights, how
do you think that's gonna make him feel?

Lois, Clark is strong. And I'm not talking
about how much he can bench press.

He's strong where it counts
and when it counts.

He'll get through this.
You both will.

Now...

...let's talk boots.

I thought I had it working.

But it just burned up again.

Do you know how it works?

Well, like any other laser.
Except all of its power...

...seems to refract through that chunk
of Red Kryptonite in the casing.

Sorry.

What happened when the beam hit you?

- I felt a little dizzy.
- Any lingering reactions?

Well, between you and me,
I'm not quite myself.

I'd like to get it working again, fast.

I'll do my best.

- How's it going?
- Sure is tight.

I know, but that cuts down
the wind resistance.

So, what do you think?

Jimmy. Any word on those nutballs
who stuffed Betsy Wetsy in the well?

- Not yet, Chief. Here, you dropped this.
- Thanks.

It's from Alice.

Wonder how long that's been there.

Well, you've been wearing the same coat
for three years.

What?

She left me.

- Alice?
- No, no, no. Wait a minute.

- "Call me by 5 and we'll talk."
- Chief, it's after 5:30.

"Otherwise, don't bother. Ever."

- Chief, I'm really sorry.
- Yeah, me too. This blows.

In that it's sad.

- Things have been dicey between us...
- Hello? Yeah.

- ...but I didn't think they were that bad.
- What?

- I gotta find her.
- I'll tell him.

We got a call. The Planet gets torched
in two minutes unless Superman shows.

Judas priest. It's raining and pouring.
All right. Jimmy, sound the alarm.

Let's get everybody out of here.

All right, people, we got an emergency!
Everybody out!

Let's go. Get out from under this
canopy. Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

- Is that everybody?
- Yeah.

All right, let's go.

Two and a half minutes and counting.

- Get the smug out of your voice.
- Why?

He's here.

Kerosene.

- He doesn't look that apathetic to me.
- Only one way to find out.

Those bottles must be filled
with kerosene too.

Jimmy!

Who is it?

My God.
Now there are two of them.

And funny, neither one of them
looks that apathetic.

Thanks.

I say, bolt.

Great costume.

It's a little tight.

- I know. Mom says it cuts down on...
- Wind resistance. I know. Is that?

- Water.
- Another practical joke.

It's Perry and Jimmy.
They're gonna know it's me.

- No, they won't.
- How blind do you think people are?

Miss?
You saved the Daily Planet.

I'm Perry White. You are?

This is...

...Ultra Gir...

Woman. Ultra Woman.

A smile for the Planet.

Why, when $200 million
is only 24 hours away, does this happen?

Why, when I take Superman out
of the picture, does she show up?

Why, when I'm speaking,
are you not listening in rapt attention?

- I have a theory.
- Oh, joy.

Let's say
that my kryptonite laser worked...

...but not in the way we expected.

Let's say it created
an unforeseen energy field...

...that passed through Superman
into this reporter...

...making her ultra unique.

Oh, please.
Tell me you're adopted.

If we actually share genes, I'm gonna
throw myself in front of a bus.

Lucille, Superman didn't fly
onto the scene. He walked.

He didn't blow out the flame.
He used a tarp.

I'm telling you, he has
all the superpowers of Batman.

And she is proof that those powers
are transferable.

Let's say you're not totally wrong.
We don't have the laser anymore.

Last night, while you were binging
and purging, some of us were working.

- What about the Red Kryptonite?
- Down to our last chunk.

So it better work,
which means you better practice.

Sorry?

I'm going to take Ultra Woman's powers.

Nell, in a partnership,
there's a kind of symbiosis.

In ours, it's inspiration, execution.

My dreams become our reality
because of you.

That's your gift.
It always has been.

Lucille.

Ultra Lucille, angel. Ultra Lucille.
Practice it. Let it roll off your tongue.

Ultra Lucille. Say it with me.
Ultra Lucille. Ultra Lucille.

- Jimmy, what are these?
- They're for Ultra Woman.

Really?

Governor.

Fabio.

Brad Pitt.

Deion Sanders.

Jimmy Ol...

Jimmy.

I know it's not the biggest,
but you think she'll like it?

- Well, I...
- I can't get her out of my mind, Lois.

I know it sounds crazy,
but the way she looked in those tights.

And the boots, I mean...
You think they're leather?

I think you should apply ice.

Hey, morning, CK.

- Cut yourself shaving?
- Repeatedly.

- Morning.
- Morning.

Ultra Woman?

Antonio Banderas.

Never liked that guy.

Me neither.

- Did I get that fax from the state pen?
- Yeah, it's on your desk.

You on to something?

I think the key here
is that Red Kryptonite.

It's probably that geologist,
Gene Newtrich. Remember?

I remember helping put him away.
He's only had two visitors since.

Yeah, sisters. Nell and Lucille.

Please don't tell me
that I loosened it for you.

Did I tell you how much I hate wearing
this costume underneath my clothes?

- Feels like long underwear.
- Yeah, well, it feels good after a while.

And it's snug.

- Believe me, you miss...
- You don't like just wearing your boxers?

- Boxers? I wear briefs.
- I know.

- Lois, did you x-ray my...?
- I was just kidding.

Lois. Clark. You get me
that exclusive on Ultra Woman yet?

- Not just yet, Chief. Any day now.
- But we're working on it.

Any day is not good enough.

Any hour is not good enough.

Be thinking any minute, people.
Any minute.

- What's up with Perry?
- It's Alice.

- She left him.
- When?

Yesterday.

Is this another superhero thing
to get used to?

Miss huge events in your personal life?
Can't be there for your friends?

That's one of the tougher ones, yeah.

Let's run a check
on these Newtrich girls.

Here.
I think this has stopped bleeding.

- Thank you.
- No. Here we go.

Lucille Newtrich...

...employed by First National Bank of
Metropolis. Fired.

Moved. No forwarding.

Nell Newtrich. Employed by Unitech...

- ...in laser research.
- Well, this is getting good.

Resigned her job two days after her
sister was fired. Again, no forwarding.

Well, that's never stopped us before.
Let's pound some pavement and... oh, no.

- Help! Please, help!
- Go.

- But...
- I'll find these two. We'll catch up later.

- There's something I gotta finish first.
- What?

Thank you, Ultra Woman.

Excuse me.
Excuse me.

Did you have to tear the whole door off?
Who's your insurance company?

- Insurance company?
- This is not coming out of my pocket.

- Look, I realize...
- You tore up my car.

Because your wife was choking.

Who, by the way, is fine. And I'm
sure she appreciates your concern.

Lady, you can't go through there!

Ultra Woman,
on TV, there's an oil fire in Texas.

Texas. Right.

- Help! Ultra Woman, help!
- Where are you?

Hurry!
They say a whole town could burn.

- Help!
- Help me!

No. Believe me, I understand.

Absolutely. If the hijackers won't listen,
you're gonna have to take them out.

Okay. Let me tell you about...

In fact, no, let me tell you about one time
when I was in that exact same situation.

You know... no. Go.
Go, but be careful.

Hey. Love you.

Lois says she's sorry
she missed dinner, but...

...there's a 747 with a bomb on it.

Well, maybe she'll be back
in time for pie.

No, I told her to just go on home
and get some rest.

Hey, you guys wanna play Monopoly?

Are you okay, sweetie?

Fine.

What on earth
makes you think you can fool me?

No, Mom. I am.
I'm fine. I just...

I mean, it's not like I'm sick
or dying or anything, I just...

I guess I just...
I don't know what I am.

Martha...

...remember when I had the surgery
and was laid up for six months...

...and we almost lost the farm?

Your mother went to work
as a secretary...

...and ended up as office manager
with a secretary of her own.

Jonathan, stop.

It was two secretaries.

Anyway, your mother saved the day.

And it was hard for me to just lie there
and watch her do everything.

I...

I guess I was afraid I was losing her.

As if some silly job
could ever replace you.

Either of you.

Maybe I'll take a walk.
Maybe over toward Lois's.

Maybe I'll wait for her to get home.

Thanks for dinner, Mom.

- Did we raise a smart boy or what?
- You were great.

Fourteen bucks.
That's it?

- And it's all his. So give it back.
- Yeah?

I got a better idea. Gimme yours.

- Come and get it.
- Yeah? You wanna get crazy?!

Back off, boys.
Now.

Let's get out of here.

Thanks.

Our pleasure, Mr. Kent.

I've wired this steel chair
to a 220-volt line...

...which runs a double electric range,
an air-conditioning unit...

or charbroils a reporter
unless you call Ultra Woman.

I think her number's unlisted.

I'm thinking more in the
"help, help, save me" area.

Why me?
I've never even met her.

I'm sorry. You don't know
Lois Lane, your own partner?

I don't know what you guys
are talking about.

I'll make it simple.

- We want you to get Ultra Woman here.
- Fast.

She has something we want.

If he doesn't yell for help,
we're not really going to...

oh, come on.

It's up to him.

Which any Buddhist will assure you slides
this thing out of murder and into suicide.

Keeping us karmically covered.

It worked better than I thought.

You idiot!

He went out the back door.

Another job well done.
Don't you ever get tired of perfection?

I really could use some help...

...getting out of this.

It worked.

Oh, my God.
Clark, what happened?

Who did this?

- Are you sure that you x-rayed...?
- They're not here.

It's a good thing. When I get
my hands on them for what they...

- Clark, are you okay?
- Fine. Fine.

- You're bleeding.
- It's just a nick.

- Oh, God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
- Lois, it was an accident. It happens.

Well, it can't happen anymore.

No more accidents, no more mistakes.

- Not after tonight.
- What do you mean?

Hey, what is it?

I was landing this plane in Paris...

And I tried to get there as fast
as I could, and I wasn't fast enough.

I mean, what did I do wrong?
How come I couldn't get there faster...

- ...and why did those people have to...?
- Lois, listen to me.

No matter how strong you are
and no matter how fast...

...sometimes it just isn't enough.

And you have to accept that.

But what makes me a good reporter
is that I don't accept things.

And I'm always questioning
and I'm never satisfied.

And I'm never gonna be satisfied
with getting there five seconds too late.

I don't care what you say,
I know it doesn't make you feel good...

...to watch me do
what you were born to do.

I admit...

...I do miss the cape and the S.

- This whole bleeding thing is no fun.
- Yeah.

And crying with this mask
isn't so great either.

Could we just bag these lunatics
and get things back to normal?

Yeah.

Okay. I overheard them talking
about some kind of plan to get...

...$200 million by tomorrow. Looks
like they cleared out of here in a hurry...

...so maybe they left a clue.

What do you see?

A number.

9117841...

I can't make out the other three.

How does that add up
to $200 million?

There's no facility in town
with that much cash.

So the money's coming in to Metropolis.
What bank needs that much?

9117841...

...and three missing digits.

- Anybody want coffee?
- I'll take some.

- Yeah. With sugar.
- Sugar.

Lois...

...did you ever get that interview
with Ultra Woman?

Why?

I was just wondering if...

...she mentioned
if she was seeing anyone.

Jimmy.

Not that I think I'm good enough for her,
up against Deion Sanders and Brad Pitt...

...but I can't stop thinking about her.

And I thought that maybe
you could tell her that I'm a nice guy.

- You are.
- And that...

...I've been waiting my whole life
to meet someone like her.

- Morning, Chief.
- Morning, Chief.

- Is the Chief okay?
- He's been sleeping in his office.

He doesn't wanna go home
and face that big, empty house alone.

- Is he talking to somebody?
- No.

But he's making up for it
by yelling at everybody.

Maybe it's a winning
lottery-ticket number.

- Hello?
- Could it be a laser, or?

- Banking? Like an account number?
- Someone will be right there.

Guys. One of you guys better get down
to the corner of Giordano and Adams.

- What's up?
- We got a jumper on a ledge.

I'll take that one.

You guys keep working on this number.

This job can really get to you, hearing all
the worst stuff people do day and night.

- Yeah.
- Her sister sounded really upset too.

Whose sister?

The jumper's sister. That was her
on the phone, crying and sobbing.

You know, I think I'm gonna
go handle this one too. Okay?

- Would you like to talk to a doctor?
- No.

But I would like a hug.

Well... well, okay.

No, it's her!

I'm an empowered woman.

Well, let's see just how strong I am.

Hey, you. In the dime-store dress?
Over here.

Is that real polyester?

Because it goes great with
that cheap lipstick and that bad wig.

Don't you talk
about my sister's hair like that.

Shut up, Nell.
I can fight my own battles.

Yeah, but you are
losing the one with taste.

I'm going to ram you into next Thursday.

The nasty thing about those superpowers:
Hard to control with a bad temper.

Let's get out of here
before she calms down.

I guess I'm gonna have to get used
to being earthbound again.

Well, you're off to a good start.

I'm gonna break them both
into bite-sized chunks...

...just as soon as we're rich.

And one more thing:

Just in case you had one bright idea
in your whole life.

Where is she?

Thanks, Jimmy.
Nice work.

He says that number's
a post-office truck.

Post-office truck?

What are they gonna steal,
Ed McMahon's 10 million?

Whatever it is, it's the world
versus Hurricane Lucille...

...unless we get your powers back.

Excuse me.
This is for you.

Look at that. Thank you.
That's so sweet.

I guess there are one or two things
about this job I'm gonna miss.

Thanks, Ultra Woman.

I'll go pay another visit to STAR Labs.

Go to the Planet, see if you can
narrow down which truck.

- Be careful.
- You too.

- That's it.
- What?

One of these trucks is making a pickup
at the Bank of Metropolis.

- No, made a pickup.
- I don't get it.

- They picked up bank money.
- I bet you anything it's old ATM money.

- Sorry, I'm a little slow today.
- I did a story on this.

You see, banks need to constantly
replenish their ATMs with new bills.

The old ones get picked up
in postal trucks.

Lucille used to work at a...
Hello? I'm looking for Superman.

- Thanks for the rush job.
- But we haven't even tested it.

It could conk out, or even blow up.

One thing I've learned over the past
couple of days: Roll with the punches.

Yes? He's right here.
It's Lois Lane.

Hello?

Well, do you know the route?

You like the way the bullets
bounced off my chest?

Yes. Watching you
get shot was a real pleasure.

This is the way crime should be.

Forget about those gangs of guys
with Uzis or the getaway chopper.

- Just rip, punch and grab.
- We're rich.

- We're rich!
- Ladies.

- May I have a word?
- Ultra Woman?

Excuse me. Don't you qualify
for protection...

...under the Endangered Species Act?

You're the one up for early extinction.
See, I've still got all my powers.

- You make me so mad my hair hurts.
- She's lying.

Let's just see.

Why do I think you're bluffing?

Well, I don't know.

I see fear in your eyes.

That's just extreme modesty.

Nell, let's do a little test.
Pick up the guard's gun there.

You're familiar with the phrase
"Faster than a speeding bullet"?

Lucille, I...

Nell, she knows who we are.
What we did.

Now, there isn't a jail on earth
that could hold me, but you...

...you'd be in a lot of trouble
if she talked to the police.

So if you're so sure
your little laser worked...

...finish the job.

Get her.

Express shuttle, now leaving Earth.

Leave my sister alone!

No. No!

Not a bad note for Ultra Woman
to go out on.

Just one last thing.

If I could do it myself, I would.

- You better get these two behind bars.
- Right this way, ma'am.

- Let's go.
- Pray we don't end up in a cell together.

I'm so scared.

You have the right to remain silent...

okay.

Just one more last thing:

This is great stuff, kids.

But we still don't know
where this Ultra Woman came from.

- And are we ever gonna see her again?
- Well...

She said she was
a really close friend of Superman's...

...and that's all
either of them would say.

All right. Let's slap this on the
front page and head for home.

Does that mean
you're not sleeping here?

Alice is staying with a friend...

...and I'm gonna be moving out
at the end of the month.

- We're sorry to hear that, Chief.
- Well...

...you know, the fact is I've lived and
breathed the Daily Planet for 30 years.

Alice says no matter how much I promise
to change, that's the way it'll always be.

She feels that she has the right
to play first fiddle with somebody...

...and I can't disagree.

But I wanna... I wanna
thank you all for your concern...

...and understanding that my fuse
has been a little short lately.

Well. Okay, let's hit it.
We got a paper to print.

- See you later.
- Oh, Jimmy.

I talked to Ultra Woman
before she flew off...

...and she wanted me
to give you a message.

- Yeah?
- You're cute.

She said that?

- Her exact words.
- Man!

I'm cute.

You know, if somebody
had asked me three days ago...

...who the one person in the world
I admired most was...

...I'd have said you.

But without really knowing
what that meant...

...and without understanding
that the hardest thing about being you...

...is all the things you can't do.

All the cries for help
that you can't answer...

...and how that quietly tears you apart.
But it never stops you.

And after living a little of that myself,
I realized something.

Something that I never
thought was possible.

What?

I love you more.

More than I ever have...

...and more than I ever thought
I could love anyone.

And so...

...I wanna ask...

...will you marry me?

Who's asking?

Lois?

Or Ultra Woman?

Who's answering?

Clark or Superman?

I'm answering.

I'm waiting.

Yes.