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1
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,472
(moaning)
2
00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:09,476
Ugh, I hate when people do that.
He clearly just wants someone
3
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:10,978
to ask what he's sighing about.
4
00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:12,746
I mean, get to the point,
Miss Thing.
5
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:14,014
I'm trying
to restart "Miss Thing."
6
00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:17,417
Well, it was fun
while it lasted, I guess,
7
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:20,487
but I guess hard work
and a lifetime of public service
8
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:23,657
means nothing to this town.
9
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,159
Mayor Webb does this
every time his term is up.
10
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:29,963
He just mopes around until
somebody begs him to run again.
11
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,932
Well, thank God
for the Last Supper.
12
00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:33,600
Cause when I'm no longer mayor,
13
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:36,103
this here booth's
gonna be my home.
14
00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:37,371
Oh, no, no, no, no,
we cannot have
15
00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:38,539
that Eeyore here all the time.
16
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:39,940
He will drive us crazy.
17
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:41,675
You know what?
I'm gonna get ahead of this,
18
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,544
go over there and give him
a little pep talk.
19
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:45,546
Here's the pep talk
Mayor Webb needs:
20
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,548
shave those face pubes,
cry less,
21
00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:50,784
move out of your mother's condo,
kill yourself.
22
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:53,320
Mayor Webb, I just came
over here to say we all want you
23
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:54,488
to run for reelection.
24
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:55,689
The town needs you, man.
25
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:58,191
Really?
Aw, that's so nice.
26
00:00:58,258 --> 00:01:00,827
I mean, I wasn't fishing
or anything, but thank you
27
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,730
for your unprompted support.
28
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:07,234
Speaking of, my mother
usually helps with my campaign,
29
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:10,170
but...
(crying)
30
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,905
...she passed.
31
00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:14,641
Oh, really?
Oh, Mayor Webb, I'm so sorry.
32
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:17,945
No, no, it's totally fine.
33
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:20,681
I guess maybe I could help you?
34
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,149
Whoa, jackpot!
(laughs)
35
00:01:22,215 --> 00:01:25,152
Hey, see you tomorrow,
Ms. Campaign Manager.
36
00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:26,620
Campaign manager?
37
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,922
âȘ âȘ
38
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,054
Explain to me again
why Mayor Webb
39
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,389
needs a campaign manager.
40
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:03,790
He's running unopposed.
41
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,592
Is he scared he might lose
to Greenpoint's
42
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:07,961
favorite writeâin candidate,
"Farts"?
43
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,664
I know it's ridiculous,
but I had no choice.
44
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,399
If he doesn't win,
he's gonna be hanging around
45
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,900
the Last Supper constantly.
46
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,470
Plus, did you know
his mother just passed away?
47
00:02:16,536 --> 00:02:18,805
Oh, no. He must be devastated.
48
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,807
They're so, mm, weirdly close.
49
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,576
Weren't they married
at some point?
50
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,111
I'm pretty sure
that's just a rumor.
51
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:26,179
See, I love that nobody
ever runs against Webb,
52
00:02:26,246 --> 00:02:28,915
because I can't stand
what elections do to people.
53
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,918
Arguments breaking out,
Thanksgivings ruined,
54
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,588
the normally calming oases
of Facebook and Twitter
55
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,123
becoming war zones.
56
00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:38,825
I honestly wish
every election was unopposed.
57
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,094
âWhat?
âYeah.
58
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:44,131
Just one guyââ or ladyââ
in every election.
59
00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:47,434
It makes it easier on everybody.
No choice necessary.
60
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,704
Wayne, I don't know how to tell
you this, but that's fascism.
61
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:52,205
(scoffs)
No way.
62
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:54,841
It's just one person
who looks out for us,
63
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:58,278
and we do not question him,
no matter what.
64
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,747
How can you vote and I can't?
65
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,616
Why are you helping that fool?
66
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,918
A dustpan with a face
would be a better mayor.
67
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,120
Even the guy
I usually vote for, Farts,
68
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,588
would make a better mayor.
69
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,724
Now here's a town in Texas
that has a cute
70
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,325
little doggy for a mayor.
71
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:15,228
They used to be known for having
a lake that caught on fire.
72
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:16,797
I mean, the lake
is still on fire,
73
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,932
but now they got a dog mayor.
74
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:21,401
That's what you call smart PR.
75
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:22,836
What do you have against Webb?
76
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,838
That man's had a personal
vendetta against me
77
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:26,606
since the moment he took office.
78
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:28,475
Okay, Miss Thing.
79
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,611
What?
I heard that's coming back.
80
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:34,247
Why, just last week,
that dumbâbutt Webb
81
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:35,749
refused to waive
a parking ticket
82
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:38,018
that I received for no reason.
83
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:39,619
There I was, just trying
84
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:42,989
to get myself
a toasty beef sandwich.
85
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,759
The Quiznos parking lot
was a zoo, as always,
86
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:49,162
so I parked in my usual spot,
across the street.
87
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,866
â(sirens wailing)
âAnd they had the gall to ticket me.
88
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:56,603
So, naturally, once I'd obtained
my fresh beef sandwich,
89
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,038
I marched on down to city hall
90
00:03:58,105 --> 00:04:00,474
and gave the mayor
a piece of my mind.
91
00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:02,142
Betty, I can't
cancel your ticket.
92
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:03,944
You're blocking
the emergency room.
93
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:06,446
There's a sign and everything,
not that it needs a sign.
94
00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:09,049
Because it's a friggin'
emergency room.
95
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:11,218
Oh, so, whatââ now if you
want to use that spot,
96
00:04:11,284 --> 00:04:13,053
you have to drive an ambulance?
97
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,489
Everyone in town
driving an ambulance?
98
00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:16,823
What, no more cars?
99
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,259
Well, goodbye, Detroit.
Have a nice life.
100
00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:21,061
Congrats, China, you win.
101
00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:23,396
And it's all thanks
102
00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:26,299
to Mayor Carrol
"Pube Face" Webb,
103
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:29,069
who you have chosen to work for.
104
00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:30,303
I am done talking now.
105
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:32,706
âStorming off.
â(sighs)
106
00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:37,744
Here's my office.
This is where the magic happens.
107
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,913
Oh, did you know
I'm also an amateur magician?
108
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,315
Watch the quarter.
(chuckles)
109
00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:44,518
(choking)
110
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,253
Taâda.
111
00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:48,021
Let's just go over what kind
of help you're gonna need.
112
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,757
Knock, knock.
A citizen has arrived.
113
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,959
(groans)
What are you doing here?
114
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,095
Well, now that I have
someone on the inside,
115
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:58,098
I've got some parking tickets
that need to be shredded.
116
00:04:58,165 --> 00:04:59,266
(truck beeping)
117
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,202
Betty, you can't
park on the grass.
118
00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:05,038
Oh, so now every inch of land
has to be paved?
119
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:07,274
No green space
in the whole city?
120
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,042
Think of the drainage issues.
121
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,912
This man will have us
living in Waterworld.
122
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,548
Get used to the taste
of your own filtered peeâpee,
123
00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:16,149
ladies and gentlemen.
124
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:17,417
Get out of here, Mother.
125
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,821
Gladly.
Storm and slam.
126
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,325
Look at that.
127
00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:27,894
You see how nice politics can be
when you run unopposed?
128
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:29,229
Now doesn't that feel good?
129
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,097
No one fighting about anything.
130
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:35,235
It's like a warm hug that says,
"Shh, it's done already."
131
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:37,737
Ooh, that's another good slogan.
132
00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:41,975
No one else is picking up on
133
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,110
the obvious
authoritarian vibes here?
134
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,079
Just me?
Cool, cool.
135
00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:49,082
Hello, Greenpointers.
I'm Jenny Hart.
136
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:50,917
(whoops)
I know her!
137
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:53,954
Hi, David. And I am proud
to be the campaign manager
138
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,121
for Mayor Webb.
139
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,757
You all know him,
you've seen him around.
140
00:05:57,824 --> 00:05:59,860
And, now, I know
he's running unopposed...
141
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,661
âBETTY: Or is he?
â(crowd gasps)
142
00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:04,097
Dear Lord.
Please do not tell me
143
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,365
you are running for mayor.
144
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:06,867
Oh, don't worry.
I'm not.
145
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,702
But I am the campaign manager
146
00:06:08,768 --> 00:06:10,871
for a very exciting
new candidate.
147
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:14,207
Ladies and gentlemen,
I present to you
148
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:15,709
your next mayor,
149
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:17,711
âRoot Beer.
â(barking)
150
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:19,946
Oh, please, Mother.
People are not gonna fall for...
151
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:21,715
CROWD:
Aw!
152
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,717
(indistinct chatter)
153
00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:25,819
A dog mayor?
That'll put us on the map.
154
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,420
He's wearing a cowboy hat.
155
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,723
(laughs)
Like a real American.
156
00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:31,458
Maybe we'll get to be on
the fourth hour
157
00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:33,159
of The Today Show.
158
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,561
A dog mayor?
159
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:37,230
That's just
what this town needs.
160
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:39,065
â(crowd oohing)
â(laughs)
161
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:40,166
Root Beer licked my knee.
162
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,135
âRoot Beer licked my knee.
âCROWD: Aw.
163
00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:45,505
Mother...
164
00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:51,578
â(barks)
â(crowd cheering)
165
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,813
Mother.
Why are you doing this to me?
166
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,682
I'm not doing it against you.
167
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:59,419
I'm doing it against
that corduroy noodle of a mayor.
168
00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:01,354
Ugh, where did you
even get that dog?
169
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,189
What?
This is my dog.
170
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,425
Come here, Root Beer.
171
00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:07,961
CROWD:
Aw.
172
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,430
Oh, I didn't know your mom
was into politics.
173
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,766
She's not.
She is only into herself,
174
00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:15,035
no matter how many lives
are ruined in the process.
175
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,070
Our only hope now
is that she loses steam
176
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:20,106
and moves onto one of her many
other vendettas.
177
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,208
â(phones ringing)
âBETTY: I am not losing steam.
178
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:25,312
Cancel my many other vendettas.
179
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:26,980
Well, good morning, sleepyhead.
180
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:29,816
Looks like your campaign's
getting off to a late start.
181
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,118
Mother,
it's 6:00 in the morning.
182
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:34,120
Oh, is it that late already?
183
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:37,958
I've had a busy morning
putting together my staff.
184
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:42,562
Including the best social media
team Greenpoint has to offer.
185
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:44,397
Sorry, Mom.
We thought about it,
186
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,599
and we just
really want a dog mayor.
187
00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:48,401
Also, she's paying us
a hundred dollars each.
188
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,671
You're paying all these people?
Where is this money coming from?
189
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:54,040
The donations are rolling in.
190
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:57,077
Hey, listen, Betty.
When y'all win,
191
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,179
you got to get
the food inspector off my back.
192
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:02,515
My girls can't be expected
to dance in hairnets.
193
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:05,518
Now city hall
will stop bothering me
194
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:07,187
for stealing people's mail.
195
00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:09,422
Thank you, Root Beer.
196
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,891
I need to have my house rezoned.
197
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:14,928
I want to open an American
Ninja Warrior practice gym.
198
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,864
So you're just
openly taking bribes?
199
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:20,200
â(phone ringing)
âWhat the hell is going on out here?
200
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:23,303
Just my mother finding new
and unique ways to ruin my life.
201
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:26,106
Okay, this right here is why I
don't like twoâparty elections.
202
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,274
It's already bringing out
the worst in people.
203
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,276
I see no other solution
except that I have to go dig up
204
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:33,780
some dirt on this dog
and disappear him ASAP.
205
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:37,951
One candidate, one choice,
everyone happy, or else.
206
00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:40,887
Jenny.
Bad news flash.
207
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,655
A bunch of raccoons
took over my office.
208
00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:44,290
It's my fault.
209
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,892
I left a bunch of drinkable
yogurts on the fax machine.
210
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,328
We got to run the campaign
out of here now.
211
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:49,729
Oh, God.
212
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,831
All right, listen,
we are in a fight now.
213
00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:53,666
I am not gonna lose to her.
214
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:56,069
Don't you mean
I'm not gonna lose to that dog?
215
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,103
Shut up.
216
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:58,772
No, I changed my mind.
217
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,240
I don't want you to shut up.
218
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:01,674
I want you to get up, stand up
219
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:03,943
And somehow transform yourself
into a leader.
220
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:07,147
Now give me a soundâbite,
give me a quotable.
221
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:10,083
My mother usually
helps me with that,
222
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,718
but she passed.
223
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,520
(sighs)
That's a terrible soundâbite.
224
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,021
What is that in your hand?
225
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,690
âA twoâpiece chicken nuggets.
âWhat the hell?
226
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:19,726
Do you order
from a toddler's menu?
227
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,728
Think about the optics.
(grunts)
228
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:25,098
Whoa. Mom, this might be
a bad time to tell you this,
229
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,966
cause it seems like
you're already mad,
230
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:28,368
but I think we just
made something
231
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:29,769
that's gonna make you mad.
232
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,571
âTry not to be more mad. Bye.
âConsider this
233
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:34,007
a professional courtesy.
Bye.
234
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,577
BETTY:
America. Patriatizium.
235
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,879
Greenpoint.
Root Beer.
236
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:43,550
Root Beer has what it takes
to lead Greenpoint.
237
00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:44,884
He has vowed to change
238
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:48,588
our outdated
parking laws on day one.
239
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:51,925
He will build
dozens of more Quiznos.
240
00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:54,594
We need a real American hero
241
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:57,097
to turn this crap town around.
242
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:59,632
Root Beer
proudly served overseas
243
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:02,602
as a bombâsniffing Kâ9.
244
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:05,004
And, unlike Mayor Webb,
245
00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:08,842
Root Beer will recognize
Martin Luther King Day.
246
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:12,112
What? I love MLK.
Junior and Senior.
247
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:15,648
Real classy, Mother.
Just spreading lies.
248
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:18,151
Satisfied smirk.
249
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,954
WAYNE:Thanks for agreeing to talk with me.
250
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:23,623
I hear you have some dirt
on Root Beer.
251
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:25,592
Root Beer?
Oh, yeah.
252
00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:27,927
There is a lot of dirt
on this dog.
253
00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:29,829
(whoops)
That's what I'm talking about.
254
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:31,931
Well, I should say,
there was a lot of dirt on him,
255
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:34,267
when he arrived at the shelter.
256
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,035
He's a hurricane survivor.
257
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:37,337
(sighs)
258
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:40,106
But he did give me this scar.
259
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:41,841
â(whoops)
âHow else was that little hero
260
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:44,210
gonna pull me out
of my burning car?
261
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,813
â(sighs)
âI'll tell you one thing, though.
262
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:50,450
That dog put a lot of kids
in the hospital.
263
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:52,051
â(whoops)
âOopââ nope, sorry.
264
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:54,821
I should have said visited a lot
of kids in the hospital.
265
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:56,990
I don't know why I said "put."
266
00:10:57,056 --> 00:10:58,691
Oh, what is wrong
with you, lady?
267
00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:02,061
Like I said,
I'm not so good with people.
268
00:11:02,128 --> 00:11:03,396
Uh, you never said that.
269
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:05,131
Welp, thanks for your no help.
270
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,566
Pleasure's all mine.
271
00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:09,269
Now I got to go
put all these dogs down.
272
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,070
âOh, no!
âNo, no, no, no, no.
273
00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:14,941
I mean it's their nap time.
I'm gonna read 'em this.
274
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,210
Good Lord.
275
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,082
You're getting powned by a dog.
276
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,518
Do you understand
everyone in this town
277
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:26,986
is working for Root Beer?
278
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:28,755
All we have is just you,
me and Wayne.
279
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:29,756
â(door opens)
âWAYNE: Guys,
280
00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:31,424
âI quit.
âWhat?
281
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:32,926
I tried to dig up dirt
on Root Beer,
282
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:35,261
and all I found
was heroic stories.
283
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,698
Do you know how many toddlers
he has rescued from wells?
284
00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:41,034
26, Jenny.
26!
285
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,468
He's the perfect leader.
286
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,304
He wags the wag
and he barks the bark.
287
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:47,106
Does everyone forget
what I've done for this town?
288
00:11:47,173 --> 00:11:49,776
I was wagging and barking
for years.
289
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:51,778
Remember when I played
Sandy the dog
290
00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:53,613
in our community theater
production of Annie?
291
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,481
What happened to just
wanting one candidate?
292
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:58,785
Nothing. But that one candidate
needs to be Root Beer.
293
00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:00,453
I think you should drop out,
294
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,957
and everyone should just accept
Root Beer as their leader.
295
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:06,893
Look at this poster I made
for our sovereign ruler.
296
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,062
Wayne, I'm starting to hear
some of the subtle stuff
297
00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:10,263
Violet was picking up on.
298
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,765
Just go take your supreme leader
for a walk.
299
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:14,667
Haâhaâho, it would be an honor.
300
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,737
Whoo, looks like it's just you
and me now, Jenny.
301
00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:19,739
Yeah, I can
already feel us bonding.
302
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:21,507
Now, after we lose,
303
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,076
we can take a little trip
together.
304
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:25,078
There's a Renaissance faire
in Boone
305
00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:26,112
with our names on it.
306
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,513
Now, I know
what you're thinkingââ
307
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,581
"I have nothing to wear"ââ
308
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,483
but worry not, milady.
309
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,619
You can don Mother's
bar wench outfit.
310
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:35,088
(singsongy):
It's pretty revealing.
311
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:36,689
â(laughs)
âStop,
312
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,157
you babyâhanded mouse.
313
00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:40,093
We are not
going to the Renaissance faire
314
00:12:40,159 --> 00:12:42,095
because we are not gonna
lose this election.
315
00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:43,930
We're going dirty.
316
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,498
âȘ âȘ
317
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,275
âȘ
318
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:57,744
âAah!
â(all gasp)
319
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,455
(people screaming, shrieking)
320
00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:19,132
JENNY:
Climate change.
321
00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:20,266
Taxes.
322
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,434
Gas prices.
323
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,969
Long lines.
324
00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:24,070
Traffic.
325
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,238
Inflation.
326
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,840
Timeâlapse of
an elephant decomposing.
327
00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:28,641
ISIS.
328
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,176
Final goodbyes.
329
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,577
Root Beer.
330
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,413
What do those things
have in common?
331
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,282
Do you really want to find out?
332
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,184
I'm Mayor "Bullseye" Webb.
333
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:39,819
And I approve this message.
334
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,421
That's why they call me...
335
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,989
Bullseye!
(chuckles)
336
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:46,793
How the hell did you make that,
Stephanie Spleelburg?
337
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:48,328
Let's just say I had some help
338
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:50,530
from your former
social media team.
339
00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:52,932
You little baby Judases.
340
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,867
Gram, you totally stiffed us.
341
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:57,770
And when we confronted you,
you fired us.
342
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,672
So much for loyalty.
343
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,474
That commercial
was way out of line.
344
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,076
See, this is why
we need Root Beer
345
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:04,811
in charge of the media,
Miss Thing.
346
00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:06,379
Okay, he's completely wrong.
347
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,580
But he did nail that
"Miss Thing."
348
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,248
I am telling you, it is back.
349
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:11,250
Good evening, Miss Things.
350
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:14,420
Well, we have finally arrived
at election night.
351
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:15,888
Ooh, oh, whoa.
352
00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:18,257
Root Beer the dog
had a commanding lead,
353
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:21,627
but after a spate
of horrific campaign events
354
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,163
and a recent barrage
of attack ads,
355
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:26,966
experts are calling
the election a tossâup.
356
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,402
(cheering)
357
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,070
Guys, this is almost over.
358
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:34,640
Now, can't you two lunatics
just shake hands and move on?
359
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,777
Mother, like the dog
you work for,
360
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:40,279
I did not roll over.
Not this time.
361
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:41,948
You might not have rolled over,
362
00:14:42,014 --> 00:14:44,751
but in the end,
you'll be playing dead.
363
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:48,254
Wow, that could not have
backfired more spectacularly.
364
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:51,190
Breaking news.
With all precincts reporting,
365
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:52,592
we have a winner.
366
00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:56,429
Greenpoint's
next mayor will be...
367
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:57,830
âȘ âȘ
368
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:02,301
...Root Beer! Oohâwee!
369
00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:03,569
â(cheering)
â(barks)
370
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,204
(applause)
371
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:07,106
(whoops)
Suck it, y'all!
372
00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:09,409
Things are about to change
around here.
373
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:14,313
As per Root Beer, all parking
tickets are now null and void.
374
00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:17,617
â(cheering, whooping)
â(barking)
375
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:22,488
And starting right now,
we're doing reverse weekends.
376
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:25,224
Two days on, five days off.
377
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:27,660
Party all week.
378
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,162
â(whooping)
âYes!
379
00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:33,566
And stop signs are now
"Hurry The Hell Up" signs!
380
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:37,737
And instead of giving tickets,
cops are now Coinstar machines.
381
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:40,239
âAnd pennies are worth a dollar.
â(cash register dinging)
382
00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:41,741
And dollars are worth a nickel.
383
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:44,577
Anything can be a coupon.
384
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,245
And anyone
can fly any helicopter.
385
00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:49,081
And if your name starts
with a "B" and ends with "Y,"
386
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:52,084
guess whatââ you get one
full box of wine every day.
387
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:54,654
Also, we're bringing back
milkmen,
388
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,322
but only if they're hot
and willing.
389
00:15:56,389 --> 00:16:00,460
And I'm the final say.
On that and everything.
390
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,028
(cheering)
391
00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:04,363
And, Wayne,
you'll like this one.
392
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:06,265
No more elections.
393
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:09,035
Okay, shoot.
I get it now.
394
00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:10,703
Democracy's good.
395
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:14,307
Now, let's get to work
on those statues. Root Beer?
396
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:15,975
Root Beer?
397
00:16:17,276 --> 00:16:18,678
(barks)
398
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,651
Oh, don't give me
that judgy look of yours.
399
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:27,653
Sure, everybody loves you,
but you don't know
400
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,922
what you're doing.
You're a dog.
401
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,291
Yes, it is technically
kidnapping.
402
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:33,759
But someone had to do something.
403
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,928
Look, I'm not gonna
feel guilty about this.
404
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,063
We are doing
405
00:16:37,129 --> 00:16:40,132
the right thing.
406
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:43,135
And don't give me those eyes
about the car ride.
407
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:44,570
You had your head
stuck out the window
408
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:45,938
and you were loving it.
409
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,907
Your snoot was going
all over the place.
410
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,342
(barks)
411
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:51,077
Just work with me, Root Beer.
412
00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:53,446
Okay, we need
to get you incognito.
413
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:57,783
The goal is somewhere between
Joan Jett and Rick Springfield.
414
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,418
Just let me do my thing.
415
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:01,354
Where is the mayorâelect?
416
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:03,890
I made him this dogâsized sash.
417
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:06,058
The dog hasn't
been seen in hours.
418
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:08,060
Where the hell are you,
you dumb rat?
419
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:09,595
I found his leash.
420
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:11,597
That's certainly
not a good sign.
421
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,933
Whoops, sorry. Ha.
That's my leash.
422
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,702
Do not ask what it's for.
It's for sex.
423
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,938
We're officially
without a mayor.
424
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,774
That means all laws
are suspended!
425
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:24,410
âOoh!
â(cheering, shouting)
426
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,546
Violet, have you
seen your mother?
427
00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:29,615
Yes, Wayne.
My eyes were focused on my mom
428
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,584
while Brenda put on a dog collar
429
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,753
and both Randy's legs
bent the wrong way.
430
00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:36,389
You could have just said no, Vi.
431
00:17:36,455 --> 00:17:38,424
(phone rings)
432
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:39,625
Jenny, where are you?
433
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:40,960
I'm at the grocery store.
434
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,795
Wow, they have some
really good deals
435
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,230
on ground turkey right now.
436
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,632
Jenny, don't you lie
to me about turkey deals.
437
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:48,401
I know you took Root Beer.
438
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:49,902
And since you're a Hart woman,
439
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,571
I'm guessing you've already
crossed state lines
440
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:52,838
and started dying your hair.
441
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,341
Actually,
I am right at state lines,
442
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,610
and I am dying...
Root Beer's hair.
443
00:17:57,677 --> 00:18:00,246
So you're wrong on both counts.
Ha! I win.
444
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:03,082
Jenny, come on. There's been
too much mudslinging and lies.
445
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:04,450
It's truth time.
446
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,085
You're crazy.
Your mom's crazy.
447
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:08,521
Now, just bring that dog back,
and let's stop this chaos.
448
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,756
No. I am not
giving her the satisfaction.
449
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,191
Stay still, Root Beer.
450
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,526
WAYNE:
Then what are you gonna do?
451
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:14,860
I got it all worked out.
452
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,696
I'm gonna change my name
to "Donna Romero."
453
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,531
Root Beer will become
a Latino dog named "Chacho."
454
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,232
We'll move every three months,
455
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,568
and I'll communicate with you
guys via coded Craigslist ads.
456
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,070
(sighs)
Perfect plan.
457
00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:26,973
Well, before I say goodbye
to you forever,
458
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:29,208
I just want to give you
a little advice.
459
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:32,378
The only way you're gonna find
peace is to figure out a way
460
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,980
not to let your mother
get to you.
461
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:37,783
She's not ever gonna change,
so don't let her change you.
462
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,253
Oh, well.
463
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,956
Might as well finish the look
before we go home.
464
00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:48,661
Uh, what happened?
465
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,496
Yeah, your mother's
the only one in charge.
466
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:51,631
That's what happened.
467
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:53,766
Mother, Root Beer's back.
468
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,735
What are y'all talking about?
469
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,169
Root Beer's right here.
470
00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:58,471
I don't even want to know.
471
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,406
Mother, this has gotten
way out of hand.
472
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:04,043
I'm sorry for my part in it,
but you need to step down ASAP.
473
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,912
âȘ âȘ
474
00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:13,052
Agreed.
This job majorly sucks.
475
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,187
âHuh?
âEveryone wants me to make good
476
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:16,522
on their bribes.
477
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:18,391
Stream of losers
flowing in here,
478
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:19,725
âasking for handouts.
â(sirens wailing)
479
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,727
Plus, for reasons
I do not understand,
480
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:24,030
the town is suddenly in chaos.
481
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,766
I think I know someone
who can help.
482
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:32,371
Oh, you don't really want me to
take over as assistant mayor.
483
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:33,472
(sputters)
484
00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:35,408
(groans)
485
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:37,209
Oh, please, please.
486
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:38,611
We do, Mayor Webb.
487
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,047
Yes, you're the best.
488
00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:42,715
We need you so bad.
489
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,917
WOMAN:
Is that the census taker, Carrol?
490
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,319
Hey! Isâis that
your mother in there?
491
00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:48,621
The one and only.
492
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,891
I thought...
you said... she passed!
493
00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:54,660
Yeah, passed on
being my campaign manager.
494
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,429
What else could that
possibly mean?
495
00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:57,730
Oh, my God, listen to me.
496
00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,398
You're the only person
in this town
497
00:19:59,465 --> 00:20:01,901
who likes filling out dumb forms
and balancing stupid budgets.
498
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:03,736
So stop feeling sorry
for yourself,
499
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:07,473
pull up your big boy corduroys,
and just take the job!
500
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,576
(laughs)
I accept!
501
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:11,610
Thank God.
502
00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:13,612
Here, take your boss for a walk.
503
00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:15,614
He's your responsibility now.
504
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,516
I get to keep the mayor?
505
00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:20,086
MOTHER WEBB:
Carrol, did you draw my bath?
506
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:22,588
Better get on it,
or I'll have no choice
507
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:23,823
but to grab the paddle!
508
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,459
Wives...
IâI mean mothers, right?
509
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:28,160
(laughs)
Got to love 'em.
510
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:31,197
Well, I guess our relationship
could be a lot more messed up.
511
00:20:31,263 --> 00:20:32,698
It sure could.
512
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,033
WEBB:
All right, your bath
513
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,769
and sponge boy are ready,
Miss Thing!
514
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:39,739
And "Miss Thing" is dead.
515
00:20:44,543 --> 00:20:46,145
I'll have the hot meat
sandwich, please.
516
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:48,013
I don't know
what that is, ma'am.
517
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,181
Oh, sure you do.
518
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,549
You make it for me all the time.
519
00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:52,384
Is Chrissy here?
She'll make it.
520
00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:54,286
No one named Chrissy works here.
521
00:20:54,353 --> 00:20:55,688
Oh, sure, she does.
Chrissy!
522
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,790
No Chrissy has ever worked here.
523
00:20:57,857 --> 00:20:59,058
Chrissy'll sort this out.
524
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,760
Meanwhile,
I'll just have a P'Zone.
525
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:01,761
We don't have that.
526
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:03,262
You're out of P'Zones?
527
00:21:03,329 --> 00:21:04,630
That's not a product we make.
528
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,065
I think that's Pizza Hut.
529
00:21:06,132 --> 00:21:08,567
Hand to God,
Chrissy made me a P'Zone here
530
00:21:08,634 --> 00:21:09,668
just last Saturday.
531
00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:11,403
Ma'am, that had to have been
532
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:12,805
a completely different
restaurant.
533
00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:14,740
Geez, this place has
really gone downhill
534
00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:16,142
since Chrissy left.
535
00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,077
Okay, I have a partial sandwich
in my purse.
536
00:21:18,144 --> 00:21:20,079
Could y'all just run it through
your toasting conveyor belt
537
00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:21,180
âfor me?
âNo.
538
00:21:21,247 --> 00:21:23,249
I don't understand
why y'all's slogan
539
00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:24,650
is "have it your way."
540
00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:26,652
â(meows)
â(horn honks musically)
541
00:21:26,719 --> 00:21:28,687
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
542
00:21:28,754 --> 00:21:29,989
and TOYOTA.
543
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:34,589
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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