Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

♪ Shadows falling baby

♪ We stand alone

♪ Out on the street Anybody you meet ♪

♪ Got a heartache Of their own ♪

♪ It oughta be illegal

♪ Make it a crime To be lonely or sad ♪

♪ It oughta be illegal

♪ You got a reason for livin' You battle on ♪

♪ With the love You're livin' on ♪

♪ You gotta be mine ♪

♪ We take it away ♪

♪ It's gotta be night and day Just a matter of time ♪

♪ And we got nothing to be

♪ Guilty of our love

♪ Will climb any mountain Near or far we are ♪

♪ And we never let it end

♪ We are devotion

♪ And we got nothing To be sorry for ♪

♪ Our love is one In a million eyes ♪

[mechanical owl whirring, beeps]

[Gene] Good morning, Yoyo.

[Yoyo] Morning, Gene. Has it started?

[Gene] They're waiting for you,sir. You better get changed.

[Yoyo] Okey-dokey.

[alarm beeps]

[suspenseful music playing]

Would anyone like a drink before we get started?

No, thank you.

Well, I'm going to make myself..

a "suicide."

Just a little bit of root beer, traditional cola,

just a touch of lemon-lime spritz,

orange up, and my secret ingredient...

just a dash of lemon-infused iced tea.

I like the extra bite.

It's perfect.

Is it ready?

Finally, yes.

After years of work, I have developed

genetically modified mosquitos

and a way to control them.

This remote here, activates that receiver under the cow,

releasing a signal attracting the mosquitos.

These are not just itchy mosquito bites.

One sting will kill a large animal within minutes.

So, hypothetically speaking,

if the receiver was placed, say,

in the middle of a small town,

the mosquitoes would then fly towards it

stinging and killing everyone in the town?

-Hypothetically. -Well,

given that we have thousands of mosquitos,

we could kill thousands of people

but we don't wanna do that, right?

We're using these to kill animals with rabies, right?

In South Africa?

There was a problem with rabid herds of animals? You said?

Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

You cannot get away with this! My house is full of evidence!

Yoyo.

[machine beeping]

-[Dr. Bradley screams in agony] -Goodbye, Dr. Bradley.

[alarm blaring]

[screaming]

[Dr. Lady] Now, no one can stop me.

No one.

♪ Let's go girls

♪ Come on...

Whenever I watch those movies

-where they're in the 1800s... -[Star] Oh.

I can't stop thinking,

did everybody just-- Gosh, I don't wanna be rude--

-Stink? -Yes.

Yes, I know. I think about it all the time.

-They didn't have deodorant! -No.

They didn't have toilets, didn't brush their teeth!

-Everyone had yellow teeth. -Yeah.

Yellow teeth was just the regular color.

-It was the norm. -The regular color.

-Yes, everyone had it. -[Barb scoffs]

♪ No inhibitions Make no conditions ♪

♪ Get a little outta line...

I had a dream

that I made love with that man on the Pringles can.

-What flavor of Pringles was it? -Plain. I like everything plain.

-Plain Pringles are the best. -Just plain.

-Yeah. -You know who I always

-had a crush on? Mr. Peanut. -Who? Oh, my gosh.

-Something about him. -But he's so smart.

-He had that little monocle. -And a top hat.

-Love a man with a top hat. -Me too.

♪ Oh, oh, oh Go totally crazy... ♪

God, it's so funny to think all the raccoons in the world

-are sleeping right now. -What?

Listen, I don't really know more than what I've already said.

And some of what I said I'm not even sure I actually know.

-[man] Excuse me. -[both] Hi.

-Do you work here? -[both] Yes. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.

Great! 'Cause we're interested in this couch you're sitting on.

-Hmm, good. Okay. -Um...

-Okay... -Here's the thing.

-Um, okay. -[both chuckle nervously]

This couch is the floor model. And it's the only one left.

-I'm so sorry. -So, I'm sorry.

-It's soiled up pretty badly. -Is there a discount

-since it's the floor model? -Oh.

I'm sorry would you excuse us just for one minute?

Just a quick second.

[both chuckle]

-Star. -Barb, what are we gonna do?

-This is our couch. -We've told each other

so many things on this couch. Remember when you told me

you were afraid you were addicted to caramel?

-Right here on this couch. -Caramel squares.

God, I'm glad that's over. And it was on this couch

you told me my husband was having an affair

-with Dina Rankusio. -That was so hard for me.

You're a good friend for telling me. Some wouldn't.

Well, I couldn't keep that in. I would never lie to you.

-I would never lie to you. -Star.

[man] Excuse me, uh, ladies?

Listen, the reason why we're acting a little funny

about this couch is because well, we love it.

[both giggling] It's the truth.

We sit on it every day.

It's, um, it's our talking couch, you know?

So, um, you're telling us not to buy the couch

because you wanna sit on it? At work?

-That's it. You get it. Yes. -Yes. She gets it. Exactly.

-That's exactly it. -Thank you.

Thank you for helping us. That was very helpful.

[both] Thank you so much.

-That's so nice of you. -Oh, my gosh.

-Okay. Look, that was close. -That was the couch.

-We should do something. -[Star] We have to rip a hole...

-Why don't we fart on it? -Oh, yes. Let's fart.

-Let's fart right now. -[clears throat]

[both gasp] Hi.

I called you both

in here today because...

Wait, Star are you even supposed to be working today?

Oh, I always come in when Barb works.

She does the same. Don't worry, you're not paying us double.

Wait. I thought you were working today.

No! I thought you were the one working.

-Gosh, that's so funny. -[Barb overlaps indistinctly]

-It's not the first time... -That this happened.

Sometimes one of us is on the schedule,

-we both come in. -We just come in.

Alright. Look. This is very difficult for me to do.

But I need to tell you that we're closing the store.

-What? -Oh, I think he means

for renovations. Oh my gosh.

-Are we getting a juke box? -Please tell me

we're getting that jukebox.

No, please stop asking me about that.

The store is closing for good.

Apparently, Jennifer Convertibles

as a national chain

closed about seven months ago and nobody bothered to tell us.

-So, what does that mean? -What does that mean?

I'm sorry, I know you love it here.

But the good news is that the company

-is giving you severance. -No. Severance?

-We don't wanna be severanced. -No! Please!

This job is our lives. It's our purpose.

Where are we gonna host Thanksgiving?

Well, you can--

Wait, you come in here when the store is closed

and host your Thanksgiving dinners?

[both] No.

[Star] God I'm really upset.

I can't believe we're not gonna work here anymore.

I'm grieving. I think... I think I'm really grieving.

Me too, but you know what?

We'll find another job. This small town's full of places

looking to hire women in their 40s.

Yeah. That's the attitude!

-We'll find something better. -Yeah.

I mean, we both have high school degrees.

-Well, you do. -Well, I don't.

-I thought you did. -Well, I don't.

-Well, what can we do? -[woman] Ladies!

Hi!

[both] Mickey.

[upbeat music playing]

-You look amazing. -You look great.

-Wow. -Miguel and I just got back

from vacation.

My dermatologist is not gonna be happy with me.

I soaked up some mega rays. [laughs]

Gosh, you can see it. You look glowing.

You look really dark.

Girls, I might just pack up and moved there.

-What? Where? -[both] Where did you go?

It's this tiny little oasis on the coast of Florida.

It's people like us. Mid-lifers

who still like to strut past the pool and stop the party

dead in its tracks with a tube top and full jewelry.

-Oh. Yeah. -[Mickey] I'm not kidding.

I feel like I got a soul-douche.

-A soul-douche? Well... -[chuckling]

And not that I was looking,

but there are so many gorgeous men there.

We're talking Tommy Bahama

from head to toe.

[both] Tommy Bahama.

Put that with a 24-hour CVS

and you got yourself a party.

I mean best week of my life. You girls have got to go.

-Well, not the best-- -Oh, yeah, no.

-We're not-- -Time right now.

We're not in a place

-to really go anywhere. -We can't really leave.

I'll drop off a brochure later.

-Oh, wow. Thank you. -Oh, yeah.

-That won't be necessary. -I mean, yeah.

It'd be nice to see what it looks like.

What's the name of the place again?

Vista Del Mar!

-View of the swordfish. -View of the mar.

[Debbie] Before we begin I just wanna thank

Barb and Star for hosting tonight's talking club

and for making their famous,

usual hot dog soup. Again.

-You're welcome. -It's a simple recipe.

-Simple. -Oh, Gail's not here,

but it's 6:00 on the dot. So, it's time to lock the door.

-[knocking on door] -[Gail] I'm here.

You're late Gail, buh-bye.

Well, Talking Club is officially in session.

I was really hoping to talk this week about horses.

Specifically my horse,

and the spectacular time we had--

You know the rules, Delores.

We only share about the topic

that we pick out of the talking jar.

Give me your soup.

Today's topic is...

jobs.

[women groan]

[Pinky] I wanted to talk about my job at the Christmas store.

I know everyone thinks it's not busy right now,

but we are... all year round.

-I believe you. -Thank you.

Well, I love my job at the pharmacy.

I get to play with the pills,

and sometimes I shake them along to the music.

Star, we can't tell the ladies what happened today.

What? You mean lie? We can't.

Oh, we just lost our job at the hottest place in town.

-What will they think of us? -[Debbie] Oh,

and I love my uniform.

It's all white,

so I get to set myself apart with character socks.

-[all gasp] -Those look fun.

These have coffee cups and coffee beans on them.

-[laughs] I wish you dress me. -I don't have time.

Barb and Star? What about you guys?

I mean, you guys work at the hottest place in town!

Maybe socks would be a good topic.

Oh, yes. I love the socks without ankle.

Barb, Star, the topic is jobs.

Tell us about your jobs.

-Oh. Well... -Oh.

-[both] Uh... Today was... -Uh, it was busy.

-It was busy. -Yeah.

[both] So, we had a lot of-- Big delivery.

-[Star] One big delivery. -With furniture.

-And sofa. -Tables.

[both] There was a guy.

-[Star] He was delivering, -[both] He was tall.

-[Barb] The other was shorter. -[both] Not as tall.

-[Star] We filled out paperwork. -Inventory.

Did everything.

-Then we had to load it all in. -[Barb] To look at the samples.

-...brought the samples. -[Star] ...clipboard.

-[Barb] Made some tea. -We signed up.

[both] And then we got a promotion.

-Oh! -What?

-Wow! -Congrats.

[Gail] Congratulations you guys!

-Go home, Gail. -[woman] We're so proud of you.

We should do a toast.

[neighs]

What? That's how I cheers with my horse.

[snorts, chuckles]

Barb and I lost our jobs.

[gasp]

Sorry. The store closed.

And the story we just told you about the delivery,

the men coming, the trucks, the nightstands,

the fabric samples, the couches,

the tall guy and the shorter guy that wasn't as tall?

-That was a lie! [whimpers] -[gasp]

Oh, damn.

We all know there are only three major rules in Talking Club.

Rule number one, no sneakers.

Rule number two, no swearing except for the "F" word.

Rule number three, no lying.

You two are banned from the club.

-What? -What?

[Debbie] Ladies, grab your purses, and pocket books.

-[Barb] No, Debbie, please. -Isn't there like

a three-strike rule or something?

Please, we won't do it again. This is all we have left.

-Can we have one more chance? -[Star] One more chance.

-[Barb] Please. -[Star] It was just one lie.

-[Barb] Give us a chance. -We don't know what to say.

[dramatic music playing]

[door closes]

Barb, are you upset with me? I'm sorry I blurted it out.

[Barb] Star, no. I can never be upset with you.

It's okay, we lied. We deserved it.

Do you know they make denim culottes?

They're for our weather.

Do you think Jennifer Convertibles closing

was a sign?

And getting kicked out of Talking Club?

A sign?

Okay. You know those days when you see me

-just staring at the carpet? -Yes.

Sometimes I daydream.

About life outside of this place.

Maybe something is telling us to do something different.

-Oh, my gosh. Yes. -Yes? Oh!

Should we try those socks with individual toes? [laughs]

-Yeah. -What do they feel like?

I've always wondered.

I wonder how my toes will react. They've always been together.

I think they'll like it.

-What if it's something bigger? -Like what?

-Like this. -[tropical tune plays]

-A trip? -Yes.

-Star-- -No, look,

look at these two people. Look how happy they are.

Imagine that's you and me riding on that banana boat.

Just bouncing around

with our arms and legs spread wide open

with water and air going all inside of us.

This is dangerous.

Things happen to people on trips.

What if we get lost, or poisoned,

or we get a rash? What if they put us in jail

'cause they think we put drugs in our butts?

What if we fall out of a car?

Have you heard of traveler's diarrhea, Star?

Your stomach doesn't care where you are, it just releases.

Haven't you ever wondered if the real ocean

sounds like our noise machine?

The real ocean has strong currents.

And people get swept out, and they sink and they drown.

[sighs] Okay.

I know things changed for you after Ron died.

They certainly did for me after Carmine Left.

But we used to have fun.

Remember that one time we went on a haunted hay ride?

-[both chuckle] -And we got chased by that man

with a Jack-o'-lantern head and a chainsaw.

And then we heard later

he wasn't an actor, he just escaped from the local prison.

-[laughs] He was a real killer. -Killer.

-He was trying to kill us. -[both] Oh.

Remember the 4th of July when we roller skated through town

in our sequined leotards?

And my sparkler caught your hair on fire?

And then my hair caught your hair on fire.

[both laughing] We caught each other's hair on fire.

Oh.

Barb, I feel like... we lost our... shimmer.

Isn't that just what happens when you get older?

No. I mean, it doesn't have to.

We still have a chance to be those people again.

[scoffs] I mean, look all of our stories.

They're-- they're from the past.

We don't have any stories from now.

I feel like we're fading away.

I don't wanna fade away.

Hey, look, I know you're afraid something is gonna go wrong,

but what if it doesn't?

What if we go there and have a time of our lives?

We lay on the beach and we feel the sun

and we have breakfast and have muffins

and croissants with all kinds of jelly--

-Let's do it. -What?

I can't believe I'm saying this. Let's throw caution to the wind

like a couple of rock and rollers!

-[Star] Really? -Yes.

-Barb. -Star.

[both] Let's go to Vista Del Mar.

[both squeal]

[Barb] I'm gonna bring those culottes I bought at Kaboom.

-[Star] Culottes? -[Barb] My fringe shorts.

-[Star] Tangerine pants. -[Barb] Oh, my curlers.

I don't want anything to happen to my curlers.

-Anyway-- -[Star] Cheese pizza.

Gosh, let me just get mushroom. Well.

[Barb] Traveler's checks. Leftover from my wedding.

[Star] For the shower. Safety first.

[Barb] Always good to bring a little piece of art

-from home. -[Star] We're gonna buy a lot

-of Florida cookies. -[Barb] Some rope.

[Star] This is gonna be for the cheese pizza.

[Barb] My curlers.

[Star] This is a toilet scrubber and a back scrubber.

[Barb] Maybe it's time to put the curlers in.

-[Star] Vista Del Mar... -[Barb] Here we come.

[suspenseful music playing]

What's on your mind?

[Dr. Lady] I'm just nervous something is going to go wrong.

I even tried to distract myself today

by training some of the mice from the lab.

Everything is going to be fine. I promise.

I want you to get there early.

Get the lay of the land.

Here's the microchip.

The receiver cannot be activated without it.

Be very careful with it. It's fragile.

There's a compartment for it in your belt.

Yoyo designed it.

God, I love that little boy...

And most importantly...

the antidote.

You might get stung.

This will make you immune to the poison.

-I won't let you down, my love. -No, you won't.

I've been working on this plan my entire life.

And now, it's finally time.

[Edgar] I can't wait for all of this to be over.

After what those people did to you,

and for you to be happy,

and for us to be an official couple.

Um...

Mm-hmm. Yes.

You do wanna be together, right?

-Be an official couple? -Mm-hmm.

Yes, of course I do.

[chuckles] I'm just, um,

it's hard for me relax. You know, until this is over.

-You understand. -Yeah.

So...

don't screw it up.

[climatic orchestra music plays]

Strings, you're still off.

-[mice groan] -[conductor squeaking angrily]

The rest can have cheese.

[mice squeaking excitedly]

[tropical music playing]

Woo! Well, I was not prepared for that take off.

Me neither.

Ma'am, I apologize for screaming at the top of my lungs.

Mm.

-What? A free magazine! [gasps] -What?

I have got to read this interview with Don Cheadle.

Oh, I love him. You know that reminds me,

the other day I said to myself...

I cannot think of a famous actress named Trish.

You're kidding. That's my favorite name.

What? Mine too! How did we never talk about this?

To me, a woman named Trish is a woman you can count on.

Really has her act together. Athletic, natural.

Just real natural. And loves the holidays.

Trish? At Christmas? Forget it.

She gets everybody a gift.

-What about Halloween? -Oh.

Trish leaves a big pot of candy for the kids.

-Yeah. -[both] Because she trusts.

-[chuckle] -[Barb] She'd be out

-with her girlfriends. -[Star] Country-dancing.

[Barb] She has a natural sense of rhythm.

She'd have one ear double-pierced.

-And the other... -Just single.

Once when I was applying for a job at Talbots,

-I told them my name was Trish. -What? [laughs]

Well, remember when I was in that hit and run

-and that lady passed? -Uh-huh.

-Her name was Trish. Yeah. -Really?

[Barb] Trish loses one of her ears in a twister,

-but not her hearing. -She's a storm chaser.

Her mom doesn't want her to be.

-Their relationship is tough. -Hmm.

Trish always wanted to be a portrait photographer.

She loves people. She would always say,

"A person's face says a lot about how they look."

-Oh, that's beautiful. -Yeah.

[Star] Okay.

-Trish's favorite number? -[both] Four.

-Her favorite animal? -[both] Hen!

-Trish's favorite movie? -Oh.

-Short Circuit. -The Ring.

[both laugh]

And then she said, "You know what, skin cancer?

"You are not gonna take me.

"Because I'm gonna take my own life."

And she did.

She jumped off that cliff near her house on the Cape.

Dove right into the water,

hitting every rock on the way. [sniffles]

And now there's a beautiful spirit out there in the ocean.

And you know what her name is?

[both] It's Trish.

[both sobs] Trish.

♪ Florida♪

♪ Florida

♪ Going back to the peninsula

♪ Ooh, Florida

[indistinct chatter]

I'm here.

Oh, the air feels different here.

Oh, my God, you're right.

Smells like Red Lobster.

Look, it's the shuttle for our hotel!

Oh, my God.

♪ Florida♪

♪ Florida

♪ Going back to the peninsula

♪ Ooh, Florida

♪ Ooh, Florida

♪ Florida

-Oh, my Star. -Oh, my Barb.

Let me take your bags, ma'am.

-[gasps] -Check in's over there.

Hope you had a nice flight.

♪ Welcome to Palm Vista

♪ A Floridian paradise

♪ All your dreams Come true here ♪

♪ Every drink Is served with ice ♪

♪ We're here To please every member ♪

♪ We love the pie in town

♪ It's a middle-age Nirvana

♪ At the Palm Vista Hotel

♪ Add this macaroni salad ♪

♪ At the all You can eat buffet ♪

♪ We'll chop your food With passion ♪

♪ We'll change your sheets here Every day ♪

♪ Well, almost every day

♪ Everywhere I look I see official couples ♪

♪ And soon My turn will come around ♪

♪ A man must do what it takes To win his sweetheart ♪

♪ So I'm gonna kill everyone In this town ♪

♪ The spa is so relaxing ♪

♪ The ocean is aquamarine

♪ I'm recovering From my divorce here ♪

♪ And the pool has chlorine ♪

♪ So get ready For the time of your life ♪

♪ We're gonna rock Your freaking bell ♪

♪ Are you ready For your soul-douche ♪

-♪ Soul-douche -♪ Soul-douche

♪ Soul-douche

♪ At the Palm Vista ♪

♪ The Palm Vista The Palm... ♪

♪ Vista...

♪ Motel♪

[man] Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Did you say Palm Vista Motel?

Uh, yeah.

♪ The beds are tempurpedic

No, Jerry! No. You're late again.

And the song is over.

Ma'ams, I am so sorry,

but this is the Palm Vista Hotel Spa and Salon.

You are clearly staying at the Palm Vista Motel

which is right outside the doors

two football fields away across the hot parking lot.

So, have a good day.

[both stammering] Can we stay here?

You have any rooms? We really like it here.

Ladies, you can flirt with me all you want,

but it's not gonna change my mind.

There is absolutely no vacancies.

We are completely booked up

because of this weekend's Seafood Jam.

Have a great day.

[manager] Oh, brother.

[somber music playing]

[doorbell chimes]

We'll, this looks nice too.

Oh, look at that. Painting.

Oh, hi. Hi.

-Hi. -Hi.

We have a reservation under Barb and Star.

Okay, six nights?

-Yup. -Yup. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Do you want towels?

-Yes, uh, yeah, uh-huh. -Yeah I think so.

Do you need sheets?

-Probably. -Yeah, for the bed. [laughs]

No pillows though, okay?

-Okay. -Okay.

-[laughs] -Gosh.

This is peaceful.

[Barb] I like how the stains everywhere look like designs.

[Star] Oh, yeah.

I am warm though.

-Me too. -Yeah.

-I'm really warm. -Yeah.

I have an idea. What if we go check out the pool

-over at the nice hotel? -Star.

-Is that even legal? -I honestly don't know.

-[laughs] -[Star laughs] Come.

-[Star] Oh. Woo. -[Barb] Whoa, gosh.

-[Star] Better get some water. -[Barb] My eyes--

I don't see anything.

♪ The sun will come out Tomorrow♪

♪ Bet your bottom dollar That tomorrow ♪

♪ There'll be sun

♪ Just thinkin' about tomorrow ♪

♪ Clears away the cobwebs And the sorrow ♪

♪ 'Til there's none

♪ With the day that's gray

♪ And lonely I just stick out my chin ♪

♪ And grin, and say ♪

[indistinct chatter]

Mickey was right. Everyone here is so friendly!

I know. Star?

-What? -That guy is waving at you.

I think he likes you. You should take a lover

-on this trip. -Barb,

men are not attracted to me, okay? The guy's just being nice.

And Carmine was proof of that when he left me for Dina!

That is not true.

Men find me disgusting, and I'm okay with it.

Star, if I said it once, I said it a million times,

you could model for effin' Chico's,

-and I'm not just saying that. -Chico's?

-Come on. I wish. -Or Costco.

I'm talking the Kirkland brand.

Kirkland? Oh, my God.

-[Barb] Oh, my God. -[giggling]

I think I'm gonna try the frog's legs.

What? Oh, gosh, I couldn't.

Every time I think of frog legs

I think of Kermit riding his bicycle

and how much he used his legs. He really needed them.

He did. Oh, I feel bad now.

Okay. I'm gonna do the veal-stuffed manatee.

Ooh. I'm gonna try

the fried bald eagle babies.

-Oh, yum. -Excuse me, ladies?

[both] Hi.

Can I see you out of the pool, please?

[both] We're so sorry.

-Please. You're right. -I knew this was gonna happen.

-She said we'd go to jail. -The other motel, it was so hot.

-[both overlapping] -Stop!

Ladies listen.

There's been a cancellation and we have a room available.

-What? Here? -What?

It's not really a cancellation.

The family that was in the room is missing.

[both] Oh!

It's probably the husband.

It's always the husband. He reported them missing,

the next thing you know, they're stuffed up in a chimney.

Anyway, the room is yours, if you'd like it.

[both] Yes. Yes, yes.

Ooh, your voices are really high.

[upbeat tropical music playing]

[gigglingé\g]

Oh, my God.

-Look at this room! -[Barb] Woo.

Star, did you see that restaurant?

-Oh, yeah. -I'm so excited

it's almost time for dinner!

And time for a cocktail?

-Star! -Okay. You go in the bathroom,

I'll lay out our bottoms and tops!

You know what should wear tonight?

[both] Our evening culottes!

[Edgar] Everything's going according to plan, my love.

I'm also missing you.

There are lots of people here, lots of official couples.

Do you miss me?

Oh, well, you're usually here. And now you're not.

And I know you're gone.

And when you return, you'll be back.

Is that what you mean?

-Never-mind. -Oh, Edgar,

I feel like I'm sensing some 'tude.

-No, no. -[Dr. Lady] I really must run.

Yoyo and I have been playing hide and seek

and I haven't seen him since last night.

[line disconnects]

[sighs]

[piano playing]

Good evening, ladies and gentleman,

I'm Richard Cheese.

♪ What I really, really love

♪ When I look Around this place ♪

♪ Is all the sets of boobies ♪

♪ And I want them in my face

♪ Hello, boobies

♪ I love boobies

♪ I love gazongas

♪ I love knockers And chimichangas ♪

♪ I love melons and bonbons

♪ And Winnebagos

♪ I'll take a big chest Up shirt potatoes ♪

♪ Because I love boobs

Thank you.

Oh, my, these are comfortable.

Put another whiskey, please?

-Room number again, please, sir? -Six-eleven.

Oh, 611? Oh, my-- Barb.

Oh, my gosh! He's 611.

Six-eleven? We're in 124!

[both laugh]

-We're in room 124. -And you're...

Wow.

I'm Barb and this is Star, and you are...

Edgar.

-Oh. Edgar. -Nice.

I'm sorry, I'm having a bad day.

Oh, no. Are you not going?

That's what's happening with us.

Traveling really stops you up.

I mean, my stomach it's like

just a bunch of rolled up sacks in there.

All in line trying to get out, it's like a traffic jam.

No, uh, work stuff.

Oh, my gosh. We have work stuff too!

-We just lost our dream jobs. -[Star] Yeah.

[Barb] It's been really hard.

Star, why don't you cheer him up with one of your greeting card

-poems? -Oh, Barb. Don't listen to her.

-No. I'm so rusty, no. -Come on.

-Stop it. -Come on.

-Barb? -Sorry, what is this?

Star has a gift, you should share it.

Oh, it's nothing, it's just a silly hobby I have.

I like to make my own greeting cards, specifically

for the middle aged, you know, because we go through stuff.

-Don't be shy, come on. -Barb, please.

Do it, just do it. Help this man.

Okay. Okay. [chuckles] Just do one. Gosh. [laughs]

-You're gonna love this. -Okay,

-I'm gonna make it up. -[Barb] She's gonna make it up.

-Okay. -[Barb] Nothing planned.

She's thinking. She's preparing.

We can't force it.

Sometimes life's umbrella has holes in it,

and the water just pours all over your shoulders

-and your hair. -All right.

But don't worry, because the rain will end.

But you should also get a replacement umbrella

for the next time.

Gosh. [laughs] Was that okay? I was so nervous!

I don't know how she does it. Words just...

fall out of her, like, air comes out of a...

-See, I can't do it. -Anyway,

I hope it helped a little.

Yeah, it did actually, yeah. Thank you.

See?

-See? -All right.

[applause]

Thank you so much. I'm gonna take a short break.

I'll be right back, thank you.

Okay. I'm back. Thank you.

[laughter]

-My turn to pick the drink. -Okay.

Okay. Ooh, George, what's this drink

with the skull and crossbones over it?

Can we get one of those?

[ominous music playing]

It's called The Buried Treasure.

-[ghostly voice] Yo-ho-ho. -No one's ever finished

the whole thing.

But if you get to the bottom,

there's a real treasure.

You sure you guys wanna do this?

-Yeah. -[both] Yes.

-Okay. -[Star] I love treasures.

-[Barb] Yes. -Yeah.

♪ Tried to amend My carnivorous habit♪

♪ Made it nearly 70 days♪

You finished that already?

-Mm-hmm. Yeah. -Yeah.

Just for the record, we never found the treasure.

You found the chest at the bottom

-with the syrupy liquid? -[all agreeing] Yeah.

-We licked it up. -All the syrup.

-Let's go. -You open up

the scuba diver's mask and found the three pills?

-Uh-hmm. -I took a pill.

-I had one. -I had a pill.

Oh, well, that's you... [distorted] treasure.

[distorted singing] ♪ Cheeseburger in paradise♪

♪ Heaven on Earth With an onion slice♪

♪ Not too particular Not too precise♪

♪ Cheeseburger...♪

♪ Near, far♪

♪ Wherever you are♪

♪ I believe that♪

♪ The heart does go on♪

I like looking at wicker, but I don't like sitting at it.

Hmm.

♪ Love can touch us one time♪

♪ And last for a...♪

Hello, it's me. Of course, you didn't answer.

I'm getting sick of these...

mixed messages, so I've met two young--

two middle-aged lady friends.

If you don't start giving me this respect thing soon...

And the mission is off.

[hiccups]

[dance music continues]

♪ My heart will go on...♪

[seagulls squawking]

[phone vibrating]

-[Edgar grunts] -[Barb gasps]

[phone chimes]

-Did we all-- -Yes.

A lot of times.

[Dr. Lady] I just got your message, my darling.

Let's not talk such nonsense about completing the mission.

You know it's hard for me to show it,

but I love you deeply.

I know I rode you guys like a couple of horses.

-Oh. That's why... -There up and down the hallway.

-...my back's a little sore. -Yeah.

-That's why my back-- -It might be sore

from all you did against the table.

-It was two against one there. -Well, that's true.

[Dr. Lady] Miss you. Kiss with tongues.

[Star] We really used the room today and our bodies.

Bye, guys. Thanks very much for the, um, great time.

-Oh, Edgar. Goodbye. -Hey, come on.

-Come on. -Goodbye to you.

-[Barb] Have a great day. -[Star] Bye.

-Bye. -[both] Goodbye.

-Oh, great. -[laughs]

-Oh. -Well, okay.

Oh, gosh I have to admit I do feel kind of funny.

Was it because I spanked your bottom?

I think it's because he's the first man

I've been with, you know, since Carmine left.

-Oh, I know how you feel. -Yeah.

I haven't been with anyone since Ron.

-You know that. -Yeah.

-Oh. -Edgar was nice though.

-I mean-- -Oh, my gosh.

[both] What a nice man.

-[laughs] -Was such a nice man.

[reggae music playing]

-[Barb] My God! The shop-- -[Star] The shopping here.

I love that magnet I got that says "Flip Flop Zone"

in wacky letters? I wanna look at it.

That ones in the bag that says Pookie McNally's Trinket Hut.

-It's the yellow one. -Oh, yes.

That's where I got my new phone case.

-[laughs] I love it. -It's like I'm listening

-to the ocean. -[Barb] I love it.

-We don't have cell phones. -Oh, no, I'm gonna take it home

-and glue it to our land line. -That's clever.

-I can't believe we found this. -[Star] That's going on our car.

Do you know what my favorite thing is?

-[both] Friendship bracelets? -Yes.

I can't believe these were only three dollars.

It's a keepsake, it's a keepsake for life.

[giggling]

-It's a little sharp though. -They are sharp.

-They're a little sharp. -Getting my skin a little bit.

We'll break it in. It'll wear down over time.

-[Star] Yeah. -Star.

[Star] A glass bottom boat?

-Let's see what time it leaves. -Let's go fast.

-[Barb] We gotta hurry. Oh, God! -[Star] Okay.

-[Barb] Sea shells! -[Star] What? Gosh.

It's a freakin' clam with googly eyes.

[suspenseful music playing]

Ready to party?

♪ Near, far, wherever you are♪

[suspenseful music playing]

You imbecile!

I can fix this, I can.

-Fiddlesticks. -Please, just let me try.

I won't mess up again. Please don't worry.

Oh, I won't.

I know if I need to count on someone,

there's another man I could call.

What? What man?

Let's just say when it comes to spies,

I know he won't let me down.

Now, you listen to me and you listen good.

You work for me, do you get that?

You are my employee and nothing more

until this gets done. Now, if you'll excuse me

I have a long distance phone call to make.

[Edgar] No, wait, wait. No!

Wait, wait! No! Hello?

[sighs]

♪ Burning, like my blood's In a pan on a stove ♪

♪ And its heating me up To the max ♪

♪ So I'm running, my legs As just fast as I can ♪

♪ To the left, to the right

♪ I'm a frustrated man

♪ Now I'm flicking my tiptoes To kick up the sand ♪

♪ 'Cause I can't understand

♪ All these fire That's raging inside me ♪

♪ Seagulls in the sand Can you hear my prayer ♪

♪ I keep trying But I'm getting nowhere ♪

♪ Head's gonna fall now Under her spell ♪

♪ Am I in heaven Or am I in hell ♪

♪ Leaping, doing the splits From my heart ♪

♪ Going higher and higher My legs spread apart ♪

♪ Now I'm twirling Like a baby ballerina ♪

♪ Who's digging a hole With the force of his feet ♪

♪ Watch me climbing

♪ I'm going up a palm tree Like a cat up a palm tree ♪

♪ Who's decided To go up a palm tree ♪

♪ Seagull on the tire Can you hear my prayer ♪

♪ I keep trying But I'm getting nowhere ♪

♪ Head's gonna fall now Under her spell ♪

♪ Am I in heaven Or am I in hell ♪

♪ Ooh...

♪ Ooh...

♪ Ooh...

♪ Ooh...

♪ Ooh...

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

-♪ Ooh -♪ Ooh

♪ Woman, I love you

♪ Seagulls in a group Can you hear my prayer ♪

♪ I keep trying But I'm getting nowhere ♪

♪ Head's gonna fall now Under her spell ♪

♪ This couldn't be heaven I know ♪

♪ I'm in...

♪ Hell

Phew! Well, I gotta be honest,

I don't think I can do another night like last night.

-[Star] Oh. -[both chuckle]

Me neither. My gosh.

Although, you know, Edgar was so nice.

Who?

Oh, um-- Oh, was it Edgar? What was his-- that man's name?

-Oh, I don't know. -Hmm.

-Oh, right. Edgar. -[Star] Yeah.

From last night.

Oh, I wasn't thinking about him anymore.

I forgot him.

Me too. Yeah, I should forget all about him.

I think I just wanna stay in tonight.

Sit on the patio and practice my calligraphy.

Maybe write a poem.

And just have a couple of wheat thins,

-and just cool it. -[Barb] Oh, that's a nice idea.

And I'm gonna take a bath.

-Oh. I won't disturb you. -And I will not disturb you.

[both chuckle]

-Okay. -[Star] I'm gonna get my stuff.

Oh, here's my pen.

[tropical music playing]

Okay, I'm in the tub now.

[Star] Dearest Edgar, I hope you remember me.

I'm the disgusting woman from last night.

Oh, gosh.

Barb says I shouldn't describe myself that way.

You should know that I've been hurt in the past.

I'm a broken woman.

[laughs]

I haven't written my feelings down in so long,

but, gosh, you lit a fire in me

and I am raging with passion right now.

[squeals]

Okay? Where do I begin? Um...

I was born in a hospital...

[seagulls squawking]

Ah. I get it.

[phone vibrates]

-Hello? -[man] Edgar Paget?

-Uh, who is this? -[man] Never mind you.

-Uh, what? -[man] For the purpose

of our relationship, I shall remain anonymous.

I'm an associate of you know who.

Oh. Um... [clears throat] hello.

[man] I understand you lost the microchip.

You are in a bit of a conundrum.

Fortunately, I'm the man with the means to replace it.

Don't ask me what they are. That's private.

-Okay. -[man] You'll hear from me.

Wait for my call from this private number

I'm calling you from right now privately.

Actually, you know what, you came--

you came up on my-- on my phone.

-[man] I'm sorry. What? -[Edgar] Your number actually

came up on my phone.

Damn it! [scoffs] Well, don't look at it again.

-I won't? -[man] Don't call it.

I'm very private.

-And don't give to anyone. -Who will I give it to?

Listen, um, when the number comes up,

does it happen to say the name Darlie Bunkle?

Uh, no. Is that your name?

Damn it!

[knocking on door]

What was that noise?

Don't tell him it's me on the phone. Darlie Bunkle.

-Capital D-A- -Oh, listen, I have to go.

[Darlie] No, I have to go.

[knocking on door]

Shit.

Hey.

Hi.

I've been thinking about you ever since this morning.

[clears throat]

-Shall I come in? -Uh... no, no, no.

-Wait. Sorry. Um... -Oh

I got like work stuff everywhere. It's a real mess.

That's okay. I only have a few minutes anyways.

-Star thinks I'm in the tub. -No, no. Wait, wait.

Um, not here. Not here. Let's not do it here.

Let's, um... Let's go for a walk

-Edgar. [chuckles] -What?

-Okay. -[Edgar] Okay.

[Barb] There's probably a lot you wanna know about me.

My husband's name was Ron Quicksilver.

He was a rodeo star.

He was so manly, there were rumors he was chemically off.

He was the love of my life.

All I'm grateful for is he died a quick death.

He was trampled.

-Oh, no. By a bull? -No.

It was a bunch of shoppers at the Stereo Hut on Black Friday.

They had 50-inch flat screens for $199.

I did get one.

♪ Wrapped around each other...♪

[Barb] I realized your worst fears can come true.

And I think maybe when Ron died, I stopped living too. I mean,

-I didn't really stop living. -[camera shutter clicks]

I'm not dead. I'm not a ghost. [chuckles]

But after that wild night with you,

something shifted in me, you know?

Something's changing. I...

I wanna look at life for the first time again

like a baby.

Gosh, I wanna be a baby again. I was so flexible then.

Star went as a baby for Halloween once.

She wore a diaper. Only a diaper.

She won best costume. [chuckles]

Oh, my gosh. Star, she thinks I'm in the tub.

I lied to her and I've never done that before.

God, I'm a terrible friend. I wasted all that water.

Edgar, I'm sorry. This can't happen.

We weren't mean to be.

You've set me free, and that's all this was.

Thank you, Edgar. Thank you!

You're welcome?

[Barb] Everything is possible!

Oh, look at her. She's asleep.

Star!

Star!

Okay. You're probably exhausted from writing.

Anyway, sweet dreams. Good night, Star.

I'm just so grateful for you!

Gosh darn it, you're a good friend.

That's all. Good night, Star!

Hi.

Hi.

[giggles]

I started writing you a letter, but then,

my gosh, I was thinking about you so much,

my brain just got all squirrelly. [chuckles]

I just... wanted to come over and...

talked to you inside where your sheets are.

His name is Carmine Testaviglio.

I should've known he was having an affair with Dina.

I didn't stand a chance. [chuckles]

Carmine had a foot fetish, and Dina has huge toes.

My toes stopped growing after I was three months old.

They're like little pieces of rice. I'm not kidding.

-Oh, God, don't look. -I wasn't.

♪ Wrapped around each other...♪

[Star] Now, when someone leaves you, you just think,

"So there must be something wrong with me."

So I just figured I'm disgusting.

But that night with you was the first time since Carmine

I felt non-disgusting. [chuckles]

I mean, you saw my folds and holes

-and you didn't run away. -[camera shutter clicks]

Now, I'm just starting to realize that maybe

having meaningless flings is the way to go.

No one gets hurt. No strings attached.

It's just you shouldn't have to try to make someone love you.

That's all. I don't know.

I know what you mean.

You do?

Plus, you put all your faith in someone and, poof,

they turn out to be someone else.

[gasps] I once heard this story about a woman

who married a doctor, turns out

he was Bruce Springsteen.

I guess he just wanted to be a regular person

for a little while or something.

I remember one year for Halloween,

Barb went as Bruce Springsteen.

Oh, my God. Barb.

What am I doing? She thinks I'm sleeping.

I lied to her, and I think she might have feelings for you.

-Oh, no. I don't think she-- -I've been a terrible friend.

[scoffs] And I ruined that pillow.

Oh, Edgar... [scoffs] I should go.

Which means we don't have a lot of time.

Gosh, I need you inside me.

Let's go make love against those hard wooden stairs.

[both exhales]

Edgar. Oh, thanks for letting me talk through this

and letting me ride you like that.

[giggles] Now, I get meaningless sex.

It feels good physically, and that's all.

Star that was...

that was amazing.

I mean, it was really, really different.

-Did I bounce too much? -No.

Oh, good.

That was so lovely.

Listen, I really have to get back.

Barb, can never know about this.

Gosh, gotta go.

-Let's do it one more time. -Oh, yup. Yup. Please.

-[lamp switch clicking] -[eerie music playing]

What are you doing?

Oh, I was just playing with this lamp.

-Oh. [laughs] -[Barb] I got a little reflux.

And I tried to wake you,

but I saw you put a pillow in the bed.

Was that just a funny joke? I laughed but then I wondered.

Oh, um, I just didn't wanna make you up.

You know, I didn't know how long I was gonna be out.

Oh, thank God.

I thought maybe you went down to the ocean and got swept away.

[chuckles] Where did you go?

I just went out to clear my head.

You know, get some of that salty breeze in my lungs.

-Okay. -And went for a walk with...

a turtle.

-A turtle? -You know, I just

wanna make sure he was safe, so I-I-- made sure he got home.

You went to a turtle's house?

I went to a turtle's house.

[squeals] Where do they live around here?

Oh, over by bushes. [chuckles] How was your bath?

Oh.

-It was good. Good tub. -Good.

I just stayed in there, the whole time.

Well, good for you.

Well, I was really relaxed, and the water was warm.

And I...

saw a turtle.

[scoffs] In the tub?

Yup. A baby one.

He just floated up out of the drain,

and he swam around, and he splashed me.

And I tried to pet him,

-but he got scared. -'Cause your big?

So much bigger than him. He went back down.

And, uh, anyway, that's why you can't see him right now.

-Wow. -[both chuckle]

We should probably hit the hay.

Yes. Let's go to bed. I'm tired.

Anyway, I'm so happy to be here with you.

Well, I'm so happy to be here with you.

-Good night. -Good night, Star.

[ominous music playing]

[gasps]

Yoyo.

-I love it. -[sighs]

I'm so happy I built you that craft room.

Now, let's go over the plan one last time.

-Are you ready? -Why does this plan

mean so much to you, huh?

Oh, Yoyo.

Bring me my chair.

Where shall I begin?

I was born here in Taylorsville.

I was also born with a skin condition the doctors called

pigmentatia-degenera-hysterica- whiteskinika.

Is it serious?

It is serious. You have to take care of yourself.

You have to stay out of the sunlight.

[Dr. Lady] Leaving me forever allergic to the sun.

When I was seven years old, my father got a job

that would change our lives.

We packed up and moved to a small town

in Florida called...

Vista Del Mar.

At my new school, everyone made fun of me

because of the way that I looked.

They would call me names like...

-pale girl... -Pale girl.

-[Dr. Lady] ...white devil... -White devil.

-[Dr. Lady] ...and asshole. -Asshole.

[Dr. Lady] I finally made one friend.

Her name was Maria Margolis.

She would stay inside with me.

We would read and create inventions,

cook food from her culture.

Then one day as we were walking to hercasa,

through the Vista Del Mar swamps,

an alligator jumped out of the water and ate Maria

-right in front of me. -[Maria screaming]

Really gobbled her up.

She was my last friend.

Years later, my father convinced me

to go to Vista Del Mar's annual Seafood Jam.

I remember looking up on the stage

at the four young pretty girls.

One of them about to be crowned the new Shrimp Queen.

And then all of a sudden...

a group of popular girls

from my school pushed me on to the stage...

[laughter]

...ripping my hat off, replacing it with a fake crown.

-No. No. -[Dr. Lady] Father was trying

to get to the front, but he couldn't

before the elderly mayor mistook me

for the actual Shrimp Queen and proceeded with the tradition.

He shoved me into the human cannon.

Then one of the girls turned the dial all the way up.

[crowd cheering]

[Dr. Lady] As I rocketed through the air,

the force of the wind ripped off all of my clothes.

And I landed in the water...

of a pool...

-of a Disney Cruise Ship. -[ship horn blowing]

[Dr. Lady] And there I was, a laughing stock.

Bobbing in the water like a ball of fresh mozzarella.

[laughter]

From all the guilt and the stress,

my poor father suffered a heart attack.

And my mother abandoned me to reinvent herself

in Palm Springs. And after all that,

I knew someday,

I would get revenge on that small town.

And everyone that chose to live in it.

That dreadful town that ruined my life

and cost me everything.

I think your feelings are valid and this is the only answer.

Thank you, Yoyo.

But we have to get another microchip to Edgar.

We're running out of time.

Oh, don't worry about that.

Plan B is in already in motion.

[piano playing]

♪ Boobies on vacation ♪

♪ Boobies in the afternoon ♪

♪ Boobies at the hotel buffet ♪

♪ Bouncing all over the room ♪

♪ Boobies

-[Darlie] Here you go. -Thank you.

[Darlie] It's me. We spoke on the phone.

Darlie Bunkle?

Shoot! I forgot you knew my name.

Yeah, it's me, Darlie Bunkle. 205 Pagoda Drive.

Is that your address?

Damn it! That was private.

So, any idea when you think the microchip will be ready?

-It's ready. I have a plan. -[Edgar] Good.

A piece of paper will be slipped under your door

naming the time and the place for the drop off.

It will lined notebook paper with frayed edges.

Letters will be small because the message is private.

Why don't you just tell it to me now

instead of having to come back here later on?

Listen, Edgar, I've been thinking about your idea.

You know, the one where I just tell you where we're meeting

instead of me driving a piece of paper to you

-wherever you are later. -Yeah.

And I like it. I like it.

I'll meet you outside your hotel room

probably at sundown.

When you see me next, I'll be wearing a large

purple Zorro-style fedora and the rest I don't know yet

but I love colors, all of them.

All right. I mean, you're the expert. Okay.

Thank you. I am. Yeah, I'm gonna sneak out subtly,

show you how it's done.

[clattering]

[Darlie] Damn it!

[Star gasps] Bard, look. A banana boat.

I can't wait for us to go on that together.

[shrieks] Yeah.

Ladies, I know I've said this a lot,

but it's really hard to draw your faces

when you keep talking.

-Sorry. Enough said. Yes. -I'm sorry. Sorry about that.

Apologize. [shrieks] What is she drawing?

-I don't know. -You just did it.

-You moved your head again. -I'm a caricature.

The suspense is killing me.

I hope she gives me bigger teeth.

-Love big teeth. -She loves big teeth.

-Good to know. -[Barb] I just like how

everything is accentuated in the caricatures.

So, feel free to make my teeth as big as you want.

Like just real big. Like, even if it's just two eyes

and a bunch of teeth, that would be--

Barb. Um, uh...

Gosh! All of a sudden, I'm... I'm not feeling so good.

Oh. Oh, no. Are you-- are you okay?

I don't know. No. I think I have the flu.

I think I should go lay down in the room or something.

Oh, Star. Do you want me to come with you?

No. I don't wanna ruin your day.

Just, uh, go snorkeling?

Snorkeling? In the ocean with the currents?

-Oh, I couldn't do that. -Oh.

Plus, we said we were gonna do these things together.

I'll just wait for you to get better.

Probably a few hours or so. I'm feeling very faint.

But, um, I'll see you-- I'll see you then.

-[artist] All right. I'm done. -Star.

[artist] And there you go. Enjoy.

I can see where the talking was problematic.

[artist] Uh-hmm. That's what your face was doing.

[indistinct chatter]

You want in?

Oh, no. No, thanks.

[phone vibrates]

[tropical music playing]

There's a current, everyone! There's a current!

Oh, my God. Waves.

♪ Pineapple princess

♪ He calls me Pineapple princess all day ♪

♪ As he plays his ukulele On the hill above the bay ♪

♪ I saw a boy on Oahu isle

♪ Floatin' down the bay On a crocodile ♪

♪ He waved at me

♪ And he swam ashore

♪ And I knew he'd be mine Forevermore ♪

♪ Pineapple princess

♪ He calls me Pineapple princess all day ♪

♪ As he plays his ukulele On the hill above the bay ♪

♪ Pineapple princess, I love you ♪

♪ You're the sweetest girl I've seen ♪

♪ Someday we're gonna marry

♪ And you'll be My pineapple queen ♪

Oh.

-[groans] -[Barb] Oh, no!

How are you feeling? [sighs] Let me check.

Oh. Yup. It's fever. A hundred and thirty-seven.

-Oh. -You better rest.

Look at you. Looks like you're getting a little tan.

Oh.

There's a skylight in the business center.

Oh.

I've been in the business center.

-Okay. Well, I better-- Gosh! -I don't wanna give you

-what I have. -I'm gonna let you get you rest.

-Contagious. I'm so sick. -Yeah.

[Barb] Yeah, I'll check in with you later.

♪ He sings his song From banana trees ♪

♪ He even sings to me On his water skis ♪

♪ We went skin-divin' And beneath the blue ♪

♪ He sang and played His ukulele too ♪

♪ Pineapple princess I love you ♪

♪ You're the sweetest girl I've seen ♪

♪ Someday we're gonna marry

♪ And you'll be My pineapple queen ♪

[Barb] Woo! This is living!

Woo!

[murmuring] Mm.

These just arrived.

Well, looks like Edgar is distracting himself.

Hmm.

Well, she is beautiful.

You want me to take care of them?

No, Yoyo. I'll handle this.

[birds chirping]

[grunting]

Ow! Oh, my-- Ow!

-Here! -Oh, my.

Take my calloused hand.

[Barb] Oh. That's very calloused.

Wow! Feels like barnacles.

Oh, yeah. I fell on my elbow.

It's all right. It'll be fine.

What is such a beautiful woman doing all alone out here?

in the sticks?

Oh. I'm just changing into my regular clothes.

I-- I'm sorry. I thought it was private here.

[man] Give me your arm.

-What? -[man] Your arm.

Oh.

Thank you.

What do you mean regular clothes?

It's a long story. I'm on vacation,

and my friend is sick,

and I've been pretending that I'm doing nothing,

but I've been doing everything.

Anyway, I feel bad.

But I have to admit, I also have never felt more alive.

Am I a bad friend?

You could only be a friend

if you're a friend to yourself first.

That is where you find your truth.

What if I don't know my truth?

-[man] What if you do? -Oh.

[man] You are finding your courage, your voice.

-You're being delivered. -I am?

It is time to mount the wind and ride it

with the fierceness of a hippopotamus.

Okay.

-Ha-hoya! -Oh.

-You are rising. -[Barb] Oh, my God.

Your truth is that you are a phoenix.

Dumbledore's bird.

-[man] Who? -Dumbledore.

I must leave now... to finish my swamp walk.

Remember, your shimmer is on the horizon.

My shimmer? How did you know that?

It's what I do.

Wait. Sir, I'm sorry, what was your name.

The name is Tommy.

Tommy Bahama.

[gasps]

[bird calling]

What the fu...

-[sneezes] -Bless you.

Thank you.

Edgar, what are we gonna do when this trip is over?

Let's not talk about the future.

I just wanna spend every moment we have

discovering different levels of specialness in you.

Oh, you're so amazing.

I have so many feelings in my heart.

Just incredible and amazing.

I have those feelings too.

You've been pleasuring me a lot lately.

In that last position, your dong went really deep.

I think your dong went all the way up and...

touched my heart.

So, what do we do now?

I mean, do you still just want

meaningless flings or something more...

Official?

What?

Oh, Star!

Oh, I have to go. I have... I have a business meeting.

Oh, business meeting.

Oh, no. I wish I could tell you more about my job,

-but-- -No. No. Come on.

What else is there to know? You're a clam inspector,

and you're in town on top business.

Okay.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

Gosh, he smells so good.

Is this right?

[sighs] What about Barb?

I'm in a big pickle, little crab.

What am I gonna do?

[crab] Go with your heart. Love is rare.

True friends forgive.

Oh. Well, that makes me feel better.

-I-- -To a point.

Well, it depends what you do and how long your lie lasts.

Now, if you really "F" her over,

she is not gonna talk to you again.

Oh. Well, thanks a lot.

[sighs] Shoot! I should probably get going.

[crab] The name's Morgan.

Morgan Freemond, with a "D."

Okay. Well, maybe I'll see you around.

[Morgan laughs] You won't.

I am going into the ocean tonight

and I shall never return.

Oh, I have lived a full life.

Bathed in the sun. Slept in the sand.

I was in jail. Even drove an old lady around,

and taught her about tolerance and true friendship.

But that kid is long gone.

This old crab is all that's left.

[epic theme music playing]

Goodbye, me.

[Darlie] Psst! Get me tonight. I'm having a yard sale.

And it's going better than I thought.

So, the microchip is inside. Keep it private.

Darlie Bunkle. Age, 41. Weight, 179. Damn it!

[piano music playing]

[Barb] Oh, my gosh.

I love this place.

I love this bar. I love the food.

I love the way Richard's music always lift my spirits. Oh!

♪ Several of my friends From high school ♪

♪ Have recently passed

♪ Seth, Gabe, Grant All dead... ♪

That one's a little dark, but I love it here.

We love having you, Barb.

Aw, that's so sweet.

[Jeff] Hey, Barb.

-Jeff. -Ready for the banana boat?

-Oh, yes. -All right.

Gosh! I forgot we were doing this.

-Put this on. -Is it okay

if I just wear my culottes? I forgot.

-Yeah. -Great.

Just helping you ready 'cause you're in

for a real tit flapper.

Jeff, really?

It's what it does.

Your skin jiggles, your tits start flapping.

-Anyway, after you. -Oh, okay.

Oh, I'm so excited.

I'm, you know, feeling a little guilty.

I supposed to be doing this with Star. [chuckles]

You know what?

I'm gonna wait till she's feeling better,

'cause this the one thing

that we really, really, really wanted to do together.

[dramatic music playing]

Star?

[Star giggling]

Ya-ya-yow!

That's hot.

[Star chuckles]

Look, Star, I...

I really like you.

Oh, my God. Yes, I will.

-What? -Hmm?

Oh. Oh. Nothing. Never mind. I thought you were-- It wasn't.

It's not. It's okay. Never mind. [chuckles]

-My head is just a little... -[cell phone rings]

That's my cell phone.

-Oh. Phew! -Yeah.

It's work. I should probably take this.

Okay.

See each other soon?

-Okay. -Star.

Yeah?

I've never been this happy.

Really?

Oh.

-[mumbling] Musical. -What?

Uh-uh. I've gonna be... [chuckles, mumbles]

-I didn't get it. -[chuckles]

I'm gonna be-- Yeah. [chuckles]

Okay. [mumbles, chuckles]

Hmm?

[elevator door dings]

-[elevator door dings] -[dramatic music playing]

[panting]

Star.

[Edgar] Well, I don't know how much clearer I can be.

I've changed my mind.

I see now, you've been using me.

[Dr. Lady] Edgar, don't be silly.

We're almost at the finish line.

And you and I can be official.

Don't even try.

You know, I've figured it all out.

You pretended to loved me.

You made me a bunch of promises

so that I would come down here

and place the receiver on the stage,

in the middle of the Seafood Jam party,

that will attract thousands of deadly mosquitoes

that are gonna kill thousands of people.

[woman] Excuse me.

Did you get that leaf and pearl necklace down by the boardwalk?

[whispering] Oh, yes. I got it at Baleafy Ornate.

I'm sorry. What?

-Baleafy Ornate. -What?

And not that you care, but I have met someone.

And unlike you, I know-- I know what real love feels like,

and it is not how you've treated me.

-It feels amazing and special. -[Dr. Lady] Oh, Edgar,

I really hate to be the one to tell you this.

You know, you-- your girlfriend

and her little partner, the ones with the fluffy hair

-and the culottes. -How do you know about them?

Their spies, Edgar. They're not who they say they are

and they've been playing you all along.

-You're lying. -[Dr. Lady] I wish I was.

Luckily,

I have some inside sources at their agency.

What agency? Who do they work for?

-The H...P... V.

-Sounds familiar. -[Dr. Lady] Check your emails.

We've intercepted some of the photos they've sent back

to headquarters. I think you'll find

there are some interesting ones.

It all looks very fun.

-Star, no. -Oh,

I know, Edgar,

this must hurt that she lied to you about loving you.

And I don't blame you

about running into the arms of another woman.

I hadn't been there for you, and I'm so sorry.

Let's get away after this, find a little place in Portugal

where we can be official.

I got the necklace at Baleafy Ornate.

-I cannot hear you. What? -Baleafy Ornate.

It's called Baleafy Ornate!

It sells everything bay leaf!

It's a play on words! My God, lady!

Okay.

-Oh. -[glass shatters]

[Barb] Sorry I yelled.

-Sorry. -Shit!

What shit?

It was Barb, the other one. She was listening

at the door. Damn, they're good...

spies. I can't believe this.

Edgar, you listen to me and you listen to me good.

-Edgar? -I'm listening.

Okay. I just wanted to make sure you could still hear me.

Sometimes the connection in here...

Anyway,

I need you to find those two. And kill them.

Star.

Star!

[coughs]

Oh, don't bother pretending to be sick anymore.

I know all about your little lies.

And I know all about you and Edgar.

And guess what? He's a bad man!

And he's gonna do something terrible!

-What? -He's following orders

from someone. I overheard him on the phone with his boss.

His boss from Clamco?

No, Star! He lied to you! He's a killer!

A killer?

But, Barb, what you're saying is ridiculous.

There's nothing ridiculous about what I'm saying.

Edgar put a receiver in the middle of the Seafood Jam

that'll trigger deadly mosquitos that'll fly into the crowd

and sting everybody with their killer tails!

Why are you doing this? [gasps]

-You're making this all up! -Oh, come on.

I cannot believe you.

You're mad because Edgar picked me!

Get me a break. I am not mad about that.

And I am not making it up.

-I'm calling the police. -[scoffs] Fine.

Jeff's Banana Boats?

I didn't go through with it.

While I was lying here in my deathbed?

-You weren't sick. -You didn't know that?

-Because you lied. -So did you.

[both scoff]

I should have gone on that banana boat.

-I wish I did. -Oh.

[Edgar] I hear it's a real tit flapper.

[gasps]

[dispatcher] 911, what's your emergency?

Uh, never mind.

I thought I saw a burglar but it was a... turtle.

[suspenseful music playing]

[Dr. Lady] Yoyo, where are you?

The mosquitoes are almost there.

Goodie.

And, remember, don't keep the steering wheel too straight.

Lots of tiny movements, left to right.

[groans] I wish we wouldn't have had these ropes.

-[grunting] -Stop squirming.

Believe me this is better. I'm supposed to kill you guys.

What? Who said to kill us? Edgar, what is happening?

-Ow! Our bracelets are sharp. -These bracelets really hurt.

-They're sharp. I know. -They're sharp, be careful

with that. And we-- [groans]

Edgar, you lied to me!

You should talk. I know all about the HPV.

Okay. Look, I was gonna tell you about that.

A lot of people have it. I mean, you probably have it.

What? Stop trying to confuse me.

Star, I thought you we're different.

Edgar.

Don't let him bamboozled you, Star.

He's a murderer. Tell her.

-You're not who you say you are. -You're not who you say you are.

We are who we are. We're Barb and Star.

Unlike you, Edgar, you big effin' liar.

Huh?

God, I knew this wasn't real.

And no one could ever love me again.

God, I'm in so much grief right now.

-Goodbye, ladies. -[Barb] Edgar, please wait.

A lot of innocent people will die.

[Star] At least tell us why?

Why you would ever be involved with such an awful thing?

[sighs] Fine. I'll tell you.

-Oh, he pulled up a chair. -It's gonna be a long story.

When I was seven years old my father

left my mom, my eleven sisters, and me.

-[whispering] Use your bracelet. -[Edgar] I was the oldest,

so I had to support us.

We had no money.

I did odd jobs. I built lawnmowers for Honda.

I even tried to sell my poop to farmers

saying that it was fertilizer.

It was never enough.

One day, a woman wearing a cape

and bag over her head put $50 in my cup.

-Oh. Hmm. -Oh. Mm-hmm.

She started to seduce me

as the errands became more criminal.

-[grunting] -I fell under her spell.

I thought it was love.

I would do anything for her.

We'd always talk about this particular plan.

Her life's work.

When it came time to help her, I said, Yes.

Of course, I had my reservations,

but...

But she said when it was over, we could be an official couple.

That's all I wanted at the time. That's all I've ever wanted.

People do crazy things for love.

Yeah, but, I mean, killing people, that's...

that's a lot.

Yeah, it's a lot of people. That's... that's a little crazy.

Is it? Wouldn't you have done it for Carmine?

And you for Ron?

Wait.

How do you know about Barb's dead husband, Ron Quicksilver?

-Wait. -She told me

-when she came to see me. -Oh.

That night on the foot bridge right before you did.

Well, you weren't supposed to say that.

Goodbye, Barb and Star. Whoever you are.

Okay. We can talk about it. Let's just talk about it.

It's-- It was a long time ago. A long time.

[MC] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome

to the 49th Annual Seafood Jam,

where the clams are hot

and the crowd is on the older side.

[indistinct chatter]

People are gonna die!

-We have to find Edgar! -You're right,

but by me agreeing with you about having to stop Edgar,

I don't agree about stopping being mad at you.

We agree to go. But I want you to know

that I'm frustrated and hurt

and I'm really freaking pissed off.

I'm freaking pissed off too. It's not that I'm copying you

-It's because I am. -Fine.

Hello.

[both] Hi.

[dramatic music playing]

[seagulls calling]

[both gasp]

-[Dr. Lady] Oh, hello. -[both gasp]

Enjoying your vacation?

-Well, um... -Oh, um...

-It started out fine. -...supposed to be a friend trip

-We got here and we were... -And we got here.

-No, I didn't-- -[Barb overlapping]

The first night, we went out to loosen up a little bit.

That's when we meet Edgar, which was not a good idea.

Edgar and I started hanging out, and I was lying to Barb,

-which I shouldn't have done... -I met Tommy Bahama.

-You met Tommy Bahama? Anyway... -Then we discovered--

Enough!

I have set up one last excursion for the two of you.

[snickers] It's more of a game, really.

The rules are you get to choose how you die.

-What? -What?

You can either jump off that cliff behind you

hitting every sharp rock on the way down,

ripping your skin at every bounce

or you can stay here and have dinner

with, um... my new friends.

-[growling] -There are two

very hungry hot alligators in those crates.

[both] Alligators?

-Oh, please. No, no... -No, no, no...

That's what you get for getting in my way.

Now, you can kiss your middle-aged, flat, wide asses...

[both gasp]

...goodbye.

-Please wait! -Oh, my gosh!

[Star] No, no, no, no, no, no.

Thanks a lot, Star, for making me come on this trip.

Now, we're gonna die just like I predicted.

Oh, will you just stop your complaining for once?

Seems to me like you've been having the time

-of your life here. -Oh, I sure have.

-[growling] -[both whimpering]

[suspenseful music playing]

When we get to heaven, we're not living with each other,

and we're not running around playing harps

in our halos and wings!

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm not even gonna look for you up there!

I'm gonna find the farthest cloud away from you.

And I'm gonna find Betsy Ross!

And I'm gonna be best friends with her.

And we're gonna ignore you at all the parties.

[whimpering]

I guess we're gonna die on bad terms.

I guess you're right.

[dramatic music playing]

[screaming]

[parachute flapping]

[dramatic music playing]

-Our culottes! -They're natural parachutes.

[gasping]

I'm so sorry. Oh!

So sorry. Lying to you was the hardest thing

I've ever had to do.

-I'm sorry too. -No. This is all my fault.

None of this will be happening if I hadn't suggested

coming on this trip in the first place.

Are you kidding? I've had the time of my life here.

I've done things I never thought I would do.

-I went in the ocean, Star. -[gasps]

-And I got my labia pierced. -What?

I took it out. Immediately took it out.

I should never have spent all that time with Edgar

behind your back. I should've told you.

I know you're only trying to protect my feelings.

And I'm so happy you found love.

[giggling]

I mean, it's unfortunate that he turned out to be a conman

-and a mass murderer. -Yeah. Yeah.

[both gasp]

-Oh, my God. -[Star] Edgar.

-[both] We have to stop him. -Go!

[MC] The Seafood Jam just keeps on jamming!

[Dr. Lady] Nice view.

-[slurping] -What are you doing here?

Cleaning up your mess.

Seems like you can't follow through

with anything these days. For example,

getting rid of your little friends.

-I did. I-I mean, I-- -Oh, it's okay, Edgar.

I took care of them myself.

What?

-What did you do? -Let's just say

there are a couple of alligators out there

with bellies full of... them.

Oh, don't be so sad, Edgar.

Those two were just a couple of pathetic Stellas

trying to get their groove back.

But they were spies, right?

I mean, you told me that they were spies.

Sorry. I just said that to get what I want.

Sometimes I do that,

but I'll work on it on our relationship, I promise.

That is still what you want, isn't it, Edgar?

To be official?

And, um, the receiver is in position?

It's on the stage.

-The microchip is inside. -Good.

This is it.

My moment of glory.

Goodbye, Vista Del Mar. You stupid place

full of dummies.

[detonator beeping]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Shit.

[dramatic music playing]

-Shit. -[MC] Of course, shrimp

is the most popular fish in America.

Let's introduce our finalists.

[Edgar] Star?

-[Star] Sorry. -Excuse me. Excuse me.

Oh, my God. Where?

He said it was on the stage.

-[MC speaking indistinctly] -[crowd cheering]

-[Barb] Star. -Yes?

Oh, my gosh. That's it.

[Barb] Star, it's bleeping.

Go, go, go, go.

[dramatic music playing]

-We need to get it in the water! -Okay!

Run, run! Oh. Wait, wait, wait.

-Look, look, look. -[Barb] Yeah?

-Oh, Lord, shells? -[Star] Everything's shells.

What kind of bird is this? It's all made out of shells.

-[Edgar] Star! -[gasps] He's coming. Run!

Star. Guys, please stop!

Please wait! Hey, I'm trying to stop this!

No! We won't let you do this.

We'll throw it on the ocean and destroy it.

No. That won't destroy it.

-Just-- just give it to me. -No.

Look, I'm sorry.

She told me you were spies. That's why I tied you up.

She's manipulated me this whole time.

-Why should we believe you? -Because...

-I love you, Star. -[both gasp]

Oh.

I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met,

especially on the inside.

Edgar, please. Not in front of Barb.

-No. Not that inside. -Oh.

-Your heart. -Oh.

Listen, I need you guys to get in the cab

and drive inland as fast as you can, okay?

I'm gonna get in the boat and dump the receiver

far out in the ocean, okay?

You don't have to worry about me.

Look, I have the antidote.

What's the matter?

Lemon infused ice tea?

She was setting me up to die this whole time.

-Oh. That's not nice. -Oh. Oh, no.

It doesn't matter.

The plan is the same. I have to go through with it.

I got us into this mess. I'm gonna fix it.

-No, Edgar. No, you can't. -Star...

I'm sorry for getting you into this.

-Goodbye, Star. -No.

-[Darlie] You mean hello... -[gasps]

...to me.

It's me, fools,

Darlie Bunkle. [laughs] Now, do you recognize me?

-[gasps] -I was wearing disguise glasses.

And this disguise shirt,

-and this disguise-- -[Star] Run!

-[screams] -[Darlie] Whoa! Hey! [groans]

[grunting]

Hey. Sir. Sir, can we please borrow your Jet Ski?

It's really important.

Don't explain. I need no further information.

-Take it. We trust you. Come on. -I'll drive. Come on.

Okay.

Uh, it's beeping faster.

[computer beeping]

Okie-dokey. Time to surface.

[railroad crossing alarm blaring]

[submarine alarm wailing]

-[dialing] -[duck horn honking]

-[line dings] -[operator] We're sorry,

you have reached a number that's no longer in service.

-[dog barking] -[cat meowing]

-[elephant trumpeting] -[alarm blaring]

[horn farts]

[suspenseful music playing]

[MC] Ladies and gentlemen...

[echoing] ...who will be this year's

Seafood Jam Shrimp Queen?

[grunting]

[dramatic music playing]

Releasing the mosquitoes.

[alarm blaring]

[mosquitoes buzzing]

-[both grunt] -[Barb] What's happening?

We're gonna die this time!

[screaming]

Okay. My turn. [chuckles]

My favorite facial expression goes like this.

[screaming]

[Star] Lord, we're coming to see you now!

-[Barb] Open the gate! -[Star] The pearly one!

[Barb] Make sure it's the pearly one!

And the winner is...

Sydney Hobart!

♪ She is the Shrimp Queen♪

♪ Is she a dream Or is she real? ♪

♪ What a glorious deal For her and the...♪

-[grunting] Just stop! -[MC continues indistinctly]

[grunts] Fine.

I'll give you your break. You need it.

Star. What have I done? I should be right there.

[canon firing]

[crow cheering]

[Star] Barb, I gotta get something

really big off my chest. The biggest lie of them all.

-I gotta tell you. -[Barb] What?

I never went to a turtle's house.

Oh, Star, that's okay.

I never splashed and played with a baby turtle in the tub.

I never even got in the tub.

And I still have my labia pierced.

-What? -God, it's so uncomfortable

sitting on this thing. I don't think it's healed yet.

-Barb? -[hissing]

-Barb! -[grunts]

[screaming]

[gasping]

-Give it to me! -It's too late. It's over.

[grunting]

Give it to me, or she drowns!

[Barb] Star, no! Star, no!

Really?

Eureka!

Ha! [laughs]

Looking for this?

Yes, I was actually.

You're really gonna sacrifice your own lives

for those fools on the beach?

Give me the keys!

-Barb? -Star?

No, no, no, no.

[mosquitos buzzing]

No! No! [screams]

[dramatic music playing]

Sorry about that, man.

Let me know if you wanna get some food later.

Barb and Star,

they... they saved us all. Now they're gone.

[crowd gasping]

[gasping]

["Ever See a Diver Kiss His Wife" plays]

♪ Did you ever-eever-eyever In your life-lee-low ♪

♪ See a diver-deever-devver Kiss his wife-wee-woe... ♪

[mouthing] What the fuck?

♪ In the kingdom of the sea

♪ While the bubbles bounce About above the water? ♪

You're alive?

[sighs]

What just happened? What was that?

[both] It was Trish.

[laughs]

Oh, Star, I'm so sorry

I was ever involved in such a horrible plan. I mean,

I'm so ashamed.

No, Edgar, I believe you.

And I do wanna be an official couple with you.

Because I love you.

I love you with all my fart-- heart.

Oh, God. What a terrible time to flub my words.

-Whoo. -Yeah.

-All right. -Wow!

-[moaning] -[Barb] I just wanna say,

I believe you too, Edgar, so we're cool.

Everything's cool.

I do wonder where we're all gonna live though?

[Dr. Lady] Well, isn't this sweet?

[gasps]

[grunts]

Surprised to see me?

Well, I'm not surprise. You took the real antidote?

Of course, I did! You traitor!

And as for you, I should've push you two

off the cliff when I had the chance!

But it's not too late for me

to shut your blabbing trap.

No. You shut your blabbing trap.

You're a nobody.

-[gasps] -[grunts]

-[crowd gasp] -Not anymore!

I am Barb freakin' Quicksilver, and I have been delivered.

-[western music plays] -I used to be afraid

of a lot of stuff, including people like you.

But I'm not afraid anymore!

And I know my truth. I'm a phoenix.

-[bird calling] -Now, my friend,

Star is really good with words, and she is gonna speak now!

You won't be rude through it.

You won't be rude, you rude lady!

-Ha-hoya! -[cheers]

[Barb] Star, the beach is yours.

[Edgar] You can do this, Star.

Hi.

I know you have a lot of pain.

You're just trying to hurt all these people because...

you're hurting inside yourself.

But you're not alone.

I've always been alone.

Well, that's terrible. No friends?

I hate that word.

Friend is the best word of all.

I mean, they're there when you're sad.

They jump up and down with you when something good happens.

Yeah. And you'll spend your birthdays together

and stay up late giggling about boobs and butts and stuff.

No one ever wants to be... my friend.

I'll be your friend.

What?

So will I.

Me too. I'll be your friend.

-Me too. -Me too.

-Me too. -Me too.

I'd very much like being your friend,

if you'll take me.

[all exclaiming]

Edgar?

Uh... I mean, it's kind of weird but I guess.

After everything I've done?

I'm not going to...

I'm not gonna get emotional.

No. No!

I'm not going to cry. No.

They're trying to come up, but no.

No! No!

They're coming. My feelings are coming!

Yes!

I'm ready to have friends!

[cheering]

[Dr. Lady] And now I'm gonna rush out into the crowd.

I mean, all of you, we could giggle

about boobs and butts. Who wants to be my first friend?

We did it.

Barb, there something on your chest.

-It's like you're glowing. -So are you. On your chest.

[Star] What is...

[both] It's our shimmer.

[overlapping conversation]

-Edgar. -That's great.

-We got our shimmer. I saw hers. -She saw mine.

What do you say we go celebrate

if I get another buried treasure.

-Ooh. That sounds fun. -Yeah.

-[crowd] Really fun! -But actually, um...

Barb and I have something we have to do first.

[giggling]

-[Barb] We found it. -[Star] I can't believe it.

[Trish] Well, looks like Barb and Star

found some adventure after all.

I mean, ain't that what we all want?

A little love, friendship, and adventure?

Well, I hope you learned something here today.

I know I did.

Sometimes you gotta step out of your box a little

then you'll know what life is really about.

But then again, what do I know?

I'm just a fun-loving water spirit named Trish.

Bye-bye now.

[tropical music playing]

[Barb and Star shrieking]

♪ Ay

[crowd gasps]

Hey, middle-aged people.

You thought this was over?

You are wrong.

It's time to boogie!

♪ Okay, shawty What's happenin'?♪

♪ Girl let's get This thing crackin' ♪

♪ You just bend it on over

♪ I'll get behind And you make it wind ♪

♪ Jump in the line Shake your body on mine ♪

♪ Ba-dong-bong-bong Ba-dong-ba-da-bong-bong ♪

-We keep going? A little more. -Yeah. Just a little more.

♪ Jump in the line Shake your body on mine ♪

♪ Brra-dong Ba-dong-ba-dong-bong ♪

♪ Jump in the line Shake your body on mine ♪

♪ Ba-dong-bong-bong Ba-dong-ba-da-bong-bong... ♪

[laughing]

[saxophone playing]

♪ Shake, shake, shake, señora

-♪ Shake it left and right -♪ Right

♪ Work, work, work, señora Right into my ride ♪

♪ Miami's in the house Without a doubt ♪

♪ I'm the Chico, in the club That they yell about ♪

♪ I'm from the city Where the women all real... ♪

It's getting hard to breath a little bit,

but I'm gonna keep going.

♪ And that ass Is off the chain ♪

♪ I hit that thing so hard

♪ She called 411 pain Dammit, man ♪

♪ Let's go to Jamaica For Sean Paul ♪

♪ Then take it to tally For T-Pain ♪

♪ Mami move that ass Like chitty-chitty bang-bang ♪

♪ Chitty-chitty bang-bang

♪ Okay, shawty What's happenin'? ♪

♪ Girl let's get This thing crackin' ♪

♪ You just bend it on over

♪ I'll get behind And you make it wind ♪

♪ Jump in the line Shake your body on mine ♪

♪ Brra-dong Ba-dong-ba-dong-bong ♪

♪ Jump in the line Shake your body on mine ♪

♪ Brra-dong Ba-dong-ba-dong-bong... ♪

[Star] I don't have any sand in my mouth yet--

-[Barb] You don't? -[Star] Not yet.

[Barb] I can feel a little granules, like,

-in between my teeth, like-- -[Star] Your teeth? Oh!

-I just got some. There you go. -[Barb] Oh, there you go.

♪ Brra-dong Ba-dong-ba-dong-bong ♪

[tropical music playing]

Ah. Can we talk about horses now?

Give it to me.

[sighs]

[upbeat music playing]

[vocalizing]

[man] Woo-hoo.

[upbeat music playing]

[man] My bad.

[upbeat music playing]

[singers singing in Spanish]

[upbeat music playing]

There are good ships. And wood ships.

And ships that sail the sea.

But the best ships are friendships.

And may they always be.

[crowd cheers]

I agree.