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♪ At home, alone
♪ Alone
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00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:06,799
♪ Together
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00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:09,919
♪ We'll always be together at home
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00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:13,559
♪ Alone, together forever
♪ Ever
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00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,079
♪ Forever
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00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:18,439
♪ When life has lost all meaning
♪ Shoop, dooby doo-doo
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00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:21,719
♪ The kids are screaming,
the rent is due
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♪ At least I'm home alone
together with you. ♪
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Hello. Unfortunately,
I'm still Ray Martin.
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Welcome to At Home Alone Together,
a new lifestyle show
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00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,719
for those who don't have a life
or Netflix.
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00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:42,439
Now, I know that restrictions
have been eased a bit,
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00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:45,839
but the team and I are here to hold
your hand through this crisis,
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even though the hand is a bit
germ-ridden and disgusting.
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00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:49,920
Tonight,
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00:00:49,921 --> 00:00:51,359
the boom in bike sales
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00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:55,079
and what drugs you'll need
to become a proper cyclist.
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00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:59,199
Plus, five new viruses
we'd like to give to Richard Wilkins.
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00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,799
And as the pubs and clubs reopen,
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a handy refresher course
on how to lose all your money.
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But first, here's Bjorn.
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Hey, folks. Bjorn here.
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How long have we been
in quarantine now?
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I don't know.
My watch has stopped working.
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(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
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Seriously, though.
That's my grandfather's watch.
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Today's challenge comes from Jim
from Gunnedah.
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And Jim says...
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(READS)
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Can't I, Jim?
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This guy with a Cert 4 in cooking
can't even make a loaf of bread, hey?
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(CHUCKLES)
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Well, I'm gonna rise to the
challenge, because guess what -
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challenge accepted!
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OK.
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First up, mix all the ingredients
in a big mixing bowl,
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and as you stir, the dough
will start to come together
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all silky and smooth.
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This dough is a bit wet, so we're
going to add a bit more flour.
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It'll come together
all silky and smooth.
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Too wet. (SIGHS)
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Too wet.
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Still too wet!
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Wet.
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Still too bloody wet!
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It looks dry, but it's wet. (LAUGHS)
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Why are you wet? (GROWLS, LAUGHS)
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(ON COMPUTER) You stir it thoroughly
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so it'll come together
all silky and smooth.
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Well, it's not.
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Now, some of you in the comments
will be like,
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"Wow, Bjorn is taking ages
making this bread dough.
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"What a dumb-arse flog.
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"This guy has no idea."
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Well, unlike others,
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I actually take the ancient art
of breadmaking seriously, OK?
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So why don't you keep your hurtful
comments to yourself?
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Dust the board and start kneading.
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Now, the trick with kneading
is to use the palm of your hand.
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Roll and stretch.
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So, roll and...
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Son of a (BLEEP)! It's wet!
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I find kneading really therapeutic.
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Where's my watch?
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Yes! Oh, my God!
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Yes! Finally!
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(LAUGHS)
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If you keep kneading, it'll come
together all silky and smooth.
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Isn't she a beauty?
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That's perfect.
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Oh, wow!
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(LAUGHS)
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Now the moment of truth.
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Um...
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I am so happy with this.
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This is just how Mum used to make it.
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Mmm!
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(GLASS CRACKS)
Oh!
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(GROANS)
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Fuckin' call an ambulance!
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VOICEOVER: And now it's time
for an unthreatening fact
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with Norman Swan.
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Hi. I'm Dr Norman Swan
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with an unthreatening,
non-COVID-19-related fact.
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Tonight's fact -
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researchers have found a tree
in Sweden that's 9,550 years old.
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That's one old tree.
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And it has nothing to do
with the current global pandemic.
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That was an unthreatening fact
with Norman Swan.
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Since everybody's stuck at home,
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they are online bragging
about their vegie gardens.
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What if you don't have a backyard?
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Don't be sad.
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In my opinion, outside gardens are
just too much work for vegetables.
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So let me show you how to get
that garden vibe inside your home,
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the modern way.
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Hello from the inside!
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Come on in.
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First what you want to do
is to look for a corner
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that feels like
it wants a garden in it.
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Now, this corner is really
screaming out for a garden,
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so let's clear some space.
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Add a pop of colour.
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I suggest green,
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for that garden vibe.
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Raised garden beds are all the rage,
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so you can use
that Swedish coffee table
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your mother-in-law gave you
that you absolutely hate
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and just cover it with one of the
cheap Christmas tablecloths
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that you only used once and then
you put in the back of the cupboard,
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you forgot you had it.
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Next, create a border for your garden
with little white rockies.
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Remember when you bought them
from the discount store
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because you were going to write
little hope messages on them
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to read on the down days,
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but then you didn't need it anymore
because you just got medication?
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Then you want to get your dirt.
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But you don't want to use real dirt
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00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:06,519
because it smells like
a peasant person.
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For my dirt, I like to use
chocolate crumbles.
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I'll show you why later.
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Now for the most fun part -
planting your vegetables.
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I like to use
a lot of different colours
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because it really
brings that garden alive.
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Canned vegetables are so much
better than real vegetables
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00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:26,399
because they never die and are
so much more aesthetically pleasing.
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If you look around your home,
you'll be so surprised
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about what you'll find
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for those extra touches
of the garden vibe.
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00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,839
Adding fairy lights means
you can enjoy your garden
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as the best time of day -
night-time.
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There really is nothing better
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than eating the food that you've
grown in your own garden.
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And the best part?
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The dirt is perfect
for your nightly cocoa.
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I'm so glad we're not outside.
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It would be so cold.
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00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,920
Let's see how we scored
on the Vibe Rater.
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I feel good about this Vibe Rating.
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00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,479
And don't forget, you can grow
anything you want.
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Oh, look! I grew a wheel of brie!
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This is really a perfect garden vibe.
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Coming up, my trick for using
COVID-19 to get rid of people
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you don't want to talk to.
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00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:24,279
Simply rig up a sensor
to trigger a loud cough alarm
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00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,079
whenever someone approaches.
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00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,240
(COUGHING)
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The more unwelcome the guest,
the more you can dial up the cough.
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(LOUD COUGHING)
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Works every time.
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These are unprecedented times.
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We know things are hard right now.
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You're stuck inside
with nothing to do.
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You might be going out of your mind.
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Just wanting to do something.
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Anything.
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But now more than ever...
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More than ever.
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00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:57,879
More than ever.
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00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,679
It's time to think about
how your choices affect others.
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So please.
Please.
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00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:03,759
Please.
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00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,079
Don't start a podcast.
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Just...
Don't do it.
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Don't do it.
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00:08:08,881 --> 00:08:10,439
You might feel like
it's a productive
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00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:11,639
use of your time right now.
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00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:16,159
You've probably already got a USB mic
and a spare room ready to go.
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00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,559
And your mate Dave's got some
interesting opinions.
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But we're here to tell you.
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He doesn't.
He really doesn't.
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He's a fuckwit.
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00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:26,719
We don't need
your true crime exclusive,
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00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:30,159
which is just you reading Wikipedia
articles to your housemate.
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00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,519
We don't need
your minute-by-minute breakdown
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00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,279
of every episode of Parks and Rec.
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00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,280
What are you gonna do?
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Send everyone in your contact list
a MailChimp newsletter?
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00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,999
And force them to mark you as spam
instead of unsubscribing?
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00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,999
Because they're scared
to hurt your feelings?
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We're in the middle of a pandemic!
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Look, it's pretty straightforward.
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00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:47,959
Just don't start a podcast.
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Make some pasta from scratch
like everyone else and just shut up.
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The greatest gift you can give your
fellow human beings right now...
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Right now.
Right now.
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Is to shut the fuck up.
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Shut the fuck up.
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Come on.
Do it.
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00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,360
Don't start a podcast.
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00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:14,920
♪ At least I'm home alone together
with you. ♪
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Welcome back.
I think we've all discovered
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that living in lockdown
means lots of sacrifices.
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00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,639
I mean, I can't remember
the last time
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00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,919
I was able to mud wrestle
with George Negus.
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00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,119
Must be months.
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00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,639
But our money-maker, Helen Bidou,
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has discovered this is a good time
to make a profit.
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00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:34,800
Books!
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00:09:34,801 --> 00:09:37,239
They seem boring,
and mostly they are,
201
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:41,079
but they're also a great way
to explore your creativity
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00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,439
and become a cultural icon, like me!
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00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:45,760
(CACKLES)
204
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,359
(GIGGLES) Oh, yes.
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00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,199
Writing a book is easy.
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00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,839
It's just thoughts coming out of
your head, travelling through space
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00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:58,119
and going into a computer.
208
00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:02,079
The first step is to find yourself
an inspiring writing sanctuary.
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00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,039
And now you're all set.
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00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,759
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS)
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Right now, I'm writing three books
at once to maximise my reach -
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00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,079
an erotic fiction,
213
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,359
a crime thriller
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00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,960
and a memoir.
215
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,719
The main thing you need when
writing a book is an imagination,
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00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,439
and imagination is just
little people in your head
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00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,560
acting out your thoughts.
218
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:28,480
(CHUCKLES)
219
00:10:28,481 --> 00:10:30,079
No! (LAUGHS)
220
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,519
No. Oh. No! (LAUGHS) No! (SQUEALS)
221
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,959
So try and picture the scenes
as you go.
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00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,639
It'll make it a lot quicker
and easier.
223
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,759
Let's take a look at
my erotic fiction,
224
00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:41,279
Hot Like Helen.
225
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,719
(SENSUALLY) "It was a hot,
sweaty night.
226
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,560
"I had to put the aircon on 18."
227
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,399
So you've come back.
228
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,039
Couldn't live without me, Simon?
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00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:55,319
Alright, let's have a look.
230
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,719
(HORSE WHINNIES)
My my!
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00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,759
We HAVE been working out.
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00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,599
You can't beat the real thing.
233
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,600
Welcome to cougar town.
234
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:06,999
It's as easy as that!
235
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,999
Now let's have a look
at my thriller, Cocktail Nights.
236
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,359
(THUNDER CRASHES)
"This time,
237
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,359
"Bethany had gone too far
and she knew it."
238
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:17,039
You think you could just stare at
your best friend's man
239
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,800
and there's no consequences?!
240
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,240
Enjoy the cocktail nights, Bethany!
241
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,359
Easy peasy.
242
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:31,359
And now for a slice of real life -
my memoir, Helen Speaks.
243
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:34,079
"I was thriving in lockdown.
244
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,559
"I'd already done Pilates
twice that morning
245
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:40,119
"and now was taking the opportunity
to catch up with loved ones."
246
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,439
I applied for the job, and I got it!
247
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:46,239
Oh, Connor, you're such a wonderful
child with so many gifts.
248
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:50,439
And you're such a supportive and
non-emotionally-abusive mother.
249
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,079
Oh, yeah!
250
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,599
I'm just so happy that my mother
251
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,919
is a confident and sexually...
(SQUEALS)
252
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,639
..dynamic being.
Whoo!
253
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:01,719
She really knows how to show Daddy
who's boss.
254
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,200
(CACKLES)
That is not my daddy.
255
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,399
That is NOT my da...
256
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:08,639
And there you have it.
257
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,599
Writing a book is that easy.
258
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,479
Admit it - you're jealous!
(GIGGLES) Ciao.
259
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,239
Well, last week
our love doctor showed us
260
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,119
how to spice things up
with some roleplay dress-up -
261
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:22,359
advice that I've taken to heart
with my own love life.
262
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,360
So let's see what hot tips
she has for us this week.
263
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,679
Well, it seems that the lockdown
has really been taking its toll
264
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:33,919
on the nation's couples.
265
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,639
All the emails I'm getting, I swear.
The problem is boredom.
266
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,359
Well, I think
I have just the solution.
267
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,519
♪ Follow me
Everything is alright! ♪
268
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,000
(LAUGHS) To the backyard.
269
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,359
What a lot of people are missing
at the moment are the endorphins
270
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,719
that come from doing things
with their partner.
271
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,919
A great way
to get that shared feeling
272
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,759
is to do some high-intensity exercise
together.
273
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,799
And as we can see,
it's laundry day today,
274
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,799
so Billy D's improvised
his workout look.
275
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,799
Haven't you, bub?
No, I'm not. I always wear these.
276
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,319
I've got my three-quarties on.
277
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:06,919
I've got my Ben Harper hoodie on.
278
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,479
So please don't lie about me
on camera, thank you.
279
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,639
(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) We've got our
little routine that we like to do.
280
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,719
It's a full body workout and it
targets all the major muscle groups.
281
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:16,840
So let's get into it.
282
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:22,079
So, I've tweaked just ordinary
exercise into a couples exercise
283
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:23,239
by creating a game
284
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:26,360
where with each rep,
you give your partner a compliment.
285
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,159
Great hair.
Thank you.
286
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:32,879
Strong upper body.
Thank you. That's two.
287
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,519
Good sense of humour.
288
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,319
"Thank you. Thank you very much."
Elvis.
289
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,679
Doesn't care
what people think or say.
290
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:41,079
No, that's not a compliment.
Isn't it?
291
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,479
What do they say, pray tell?
292
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,960
Oh...
I have no charisma?
293
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,319
I seem like I come from a family
that kiss on the lips?
294
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,600
Switch?
295
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,479
Definitely seen some guys
wear tights like this.
296
00:13:58,480 --> 00:13:59,880
Oh, totally.
297
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,679
I just never have. (CHUCKLES)
298
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:04,000
I have.
299
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:08,599
This is one of our favourites.
300
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,079
What we like to do, and what you
can do, is talk about a time
301
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:12,879
that you were physically challenged
as a couple
302
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:14,239
and how you overcame that.
303
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,599
Like when we did Tough Mudder.
(CHUCKLES)
304
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,839
Yes. We are one of the only couples
305
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,439
to have been banned
from Tough Mudder for life.
306
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,879
Well, that's because someone
insisted on running down that hill,
307
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,599
even though I said
it wasn't part of the track,
308
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,319
and then we got lost out there
in the park.
309
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,119
(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) There's a signage
problem with Tough Mudder.
310
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,639
No, no. The signage is very clear.
311
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,479
You insisted on running down there
312
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,079
and then we got lost out there
for six or seven hours
313
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:42,759
and regrettably, we hunted
and killed a platypus for food.
314
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,239
Yeah. At the end of Tough Mudder,
we certainly didn't get a beer.
315
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,839
Instead, we got two little silver
blankets for our hypothermia
316
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,159
and a really stern talking to
about wildlife.
317
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,599
So, just goes to show
you're not right about everything.
318
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,799
(LAUGHS FALSELY)
I'm right about those tights.
319
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,039
OK. Storming out. Storming out.
320
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,679
If nothing else,
exercise can be a great way
321
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,920
of releasing those frustrations
caused by boredom.
322
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:05,559
That's it from me.
323
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,440
Fuck off, Billy D.
324
00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:13,599
Stick around because when we're
back from the break,
325
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:14,759
Joanie and I will show you
326
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,440
how to turn mundane chores
into romantic date nights.
327
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,999
Because there's no reason a simple
task, like folding a fitted sheet,
328
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,560
can't be a moment to connect
and a bit of loving fun for everyone.
329
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,799
Argh!
Ow! Shit.
330
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,079
I didn't...
(GROANS)
331
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,719
Sorry.
Ow.
332
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:35,879
So don't go anywhere,
because when we're back,
333
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,759
we'll give you some
of our favourite handy tips
334
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,560
on how to rekindle the old flame.
335
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:44,480
And make the most of this
cataclysmic, world-altering event.
336
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,880
Melbourne.
337
00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,960
It's as empty as your
27th bottle of hand sanitiser.
338
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:06,120
But it's still full of magic.
339
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:12,600
What secrets await behind all those
closed, locked doors?
340
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,160
So many rooftop bars to point at.
341
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,080
Galleries to stand outside of.
342
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,720
And shows you can literally
only dream about.
343
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,119
You never know who you might meet.
344
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,519
MAN: Move on.
345
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:31,760
Move on!
346
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,639
And when you're finally ready
to end it,
347
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,199
board your own private tram.
348
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:44,079
It doesn't matter where you're going,
because wherever you end up,
349
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:47,119
you'll feel like the city
is all yours.
350
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,720
The emptiness
can sometimes feel normal.
351
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:55,240
Oh, you're in Docklands.
That explains it.
352
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,879
VOICEOVER: Friday night
on Antiques Roadshow,
353
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:03,479
join our special guest appraisers
354
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,679
from Sky News
and the Financial Review
355
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:09,319
as they train their expert eye
on the value of all things old.
356
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:13,279
Well, I'd say she dates
from around 1930, 1940,
357
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,999
which makes her, what,
at least 80 years of age?
358
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:20,840
Which, to my thinking, makes her...
not worth very much at all.
359
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,719
Certainly not worth
destroying the economy over.
360
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:28,599
That's a very capitalist edition
of Antiques Roadshow,
361
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,200
Friday at 8:00 on ABC.
362
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:37,480
♪ At least I'm home alone together
with you. ♪
363
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:40,519
Welcome back.
364
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,559
When I was first asked to host
this lifestyle program,
365
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:44,399
I just made one condition.
366
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,439
I didn't want that sort of
product placement,
367
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,439
sort of magazine tie-in
you so often see.
368
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,599
Anyone who's read one of my books -
I've done three books altogether -
369
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,959
would know that I'm against
that kind of cross-promotion.
370
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:58,319
Still to come, and I can't wait,
are the closing credits.
371
00:17:58,320 --> 00:17:59,759
But first, Ryan Shelton
372
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,879
with a segment we hope
might be vaguely interesting
373
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,440
to somebody this week.
374
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,039
(LAUGHS) Thanks, Ray.
375
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:08,919
I'll see what I can do, mate.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
376
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:13,239
G'day. How are your kitchen cabinets
looking at the moment?
377
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,799
A little shabby?
378
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,679
Don't worry. I can relate.
379
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:21,439
Which is why I asked my identical
twin brother and DIY expert Jason
380
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,639
to show us
how to bring them back to life
381
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,719
with nothing more... Whoa!
382
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,279
..than a lick of paint.
383
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,839
Over to you, Jase.
384
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,439
Thanks, Ryan.
385
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,959
(LAUGHS)
386
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,279
Hey, just before we hit up
the kitchen cabbos down here...
387
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,999
OK, Jase, just remember what we
talked about last night, mate.
388
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,559
Relax, mate. Gonna stick
to your precious script, alright?
389
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,679
Just give me two seconds to say
one little thing, if that's alright.
390
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,239
All good. Just... just making sure.
Yeah. Alright. OK.
391
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,479
Well, I just thought because
we're talking about paint here,
392
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,999
thought it was a perfect opportunity
to give a little shout-out
393
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,639
to my misso, Cheredith.
394
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,399
Chez is a small business owner.
395
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,519
She does this wicked, like,
kids' face painting and stuff,
396
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,479
but she's just been hit pretty hard
with the coronavirus and stuff,
397
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,399
so... I mean, you've seen it, Ryz.
You know.
398
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,319
It's... yeah, brutal.
For sure, mate. Tough time.
399
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,919
Yeah, it is. And I just thought it
would just mean the world to her
400
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,879
if I just gave her a little plug
on air,
401
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:12,999
so, kids...
Oh, um... maybe not right now, Jase.
402
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,119
I'm not sure...
Oh, that'd be right.
403
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:16,279
Chez.
Yeah.
404
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,519
Hi.
Big-time TV star
405
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,759
doesn't want to support
the little guy.
406
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:20,919
I get it.
Not at all. Jase...
407
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,879
No, no, no. Am I beneath you,
am I, Ryz?
408
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,719
No...
I'm SO sorry I'm not Margot Robbie.
409
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,359
Just to be clear,
I'm a huge supporter
410
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,999
of small business owners,
especially recently,
411
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,479
which reminded me
to call my mate Gaz.
412
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,839
He's the owner/operator
of my local store
413
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,559
and I just felt like saying g'day.
414
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,399
G'day, Gaz. It's Shelts. (CHUCKLES)
415
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,159
(ON PHONE) Who's that?
Ryan, mate.
416
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,519
Shelton.
Oh, yeah. What do you want?
417
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,359
Mate, I'm just ringing to say, uh,
can't wait to get back in the shop
418
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:49,599
and buy all my groceries from you.
OK.
419
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,600
Been doing that a fair bit,
haven't I? (CHUCKLES)
420
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,000
Alright, I'll let you go, Gaz.
See you, mate.
421
00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:00,319
After a cheeky catch-up
with an old mate...
422
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,399
What a character.
423
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,319
..it was back to Jase and
the amazingly talented Cheredith.
424
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,319
(SOBS) You never support me, Ryan!
425
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,359
Whoa, whoa. That is not true,
Cheredith.
426
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:09,479
It is!
Oh, come on, Chez.
427
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,919
That's a little bit unfair.
Ryz is very supportive of you.
428
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,199
Always has been.
Bullshit!
429
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,439
He never has.
S-sorry, Chez. Jase, what was that?
430
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:16,719
Can you say that again?
No, no, no.
431
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:17,999
I was just saying that, you know,
432
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,079
I reckon you've always been
very supportive of Chez
433
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,999
and we're very appreciative
of that, you know?
434
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,359
Yes! Thank you.
435
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:25,399
And I reckon
you'd probably be willing
436
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:26,839
to do anything in your power
right now
437
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,519
to support her
in what is a very difficult time.
438
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:30,679
Uh...
Really?
439
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:31,719
Yeah...
440
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:35,399
In my opinion, there's nothing
more important than family,
441
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,519
which is why I realised
that painting the kitchen cabinets
442
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:39,879
could probably wait.
443
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,399
Hey, Ryzzla!
What's up, Jase?
444
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,639
Are you on your way to tell everyone
to hire Cheredith Shelton
445
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,359
for their next kids' birthday party?
446
00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:49,559
Absolutely, Jase. Why do you ask?
447
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,239
Well, I'd hurry up if I were you.
It's getting dark.
448
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:53,319
Yeah, you're right.
449
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:54,879
I should probably get...
450
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,319
..moooooving.
451
00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:58,439
(LAUGHS)
452
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,399
You know, in times like this,
there's nothing more important
453
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,759
than the support of our loved ones.
454
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,719
Looks so realistic, Ryzzla! (LAUGHS)
455
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:10,679
The Colosseum.
Blokes of Australia, g'day.
456
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,559
Has this bloody grub of a coronavirus
got you down?
457
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:16,239
Has the thought of no footy
on the air or at the stadiums
458
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:17,919
pushed you to the brink of collapse?
459
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,799
Has your footy show
been taken off the air
460
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,999
because of one innocent funny gag
461
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,999
by the fucking PC police?
462
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,399
Well, Big Hewy's got the solution.
463
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,320
Bring the MCG to you!
464
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,799
Re-create gate 7 entry.
465
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,759
Come on, darling.
It's just a barcode.
466
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:35,959
Not that hard.
467
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,000
Here we go. Footy time!
468
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:43,800
Fuck.
469
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:51,439
Don't be afraid to let the dribbler
who's sitting in your favourite spot
470
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,319
cop an absolute earful.
471
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:55,599
Uh, excuse me, mate. Yeah, you.
472
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,839
You're in my bloody seat, mate.
473
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,279
I think I'd know my own seat, mate!
474
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,279
I've been sitting here
for 20 fuckin' years!
475
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,239
Get out of the way.
476
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,240
Unbelievable.
477
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,399
Crank the oven on a couple
of Four'N Twenties.
478
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:10,879
You want them coming in hotter
479
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,679
than Dusty Martin
after a five-day Mad Monday.
480
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,079
Make it authentic -
for every pie you eat,
481
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:17,840
chuck $20 in the bin!
482
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,000
(SIGHS)
483
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,639
Oh, sit down, you absolute lemon!
484
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,999
Down in the front!
Can you believe this? You idiot?
485
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,920
Get out of the way!
Oh, you're pathetic!
486
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:42,679
Be sure to simulate an argument
with your tight-arse mate
487
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:43,719
who never shouts a round.
488
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:45,560
Sticksy, mate, it's your round next.
489
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,319
Oh, don't tell us that, that you got
a round last week. That's crap.
490
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:50,999
You are a grub, mate.
491
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,439
You are a grub!
492
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,119
Let's go, Hawkies!
493
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:55,479
Come on, boys.
494
00:22:55,480 --> 00:23:00,519
Now with these simple handy steps,
turn there into out there!
495
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,079
Hey, darling. It's Dad.
496
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:06,159
Wanna come to the MCG at home?
Fuck off, Dad.
497
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,079
I'm staying at the beach house
with Jason.
498
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,839
Well, that's that from me.
499
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:10,840
Be sure to check out
500
00:23:10,841 --> 00:23:12,799
the Footy Record isolation edition
501
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,759
in the Home Alone Together magazine.
502
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:15,920
Cheers!
503
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:18,999
Coming up after the break,
504
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,759
I'm going to show you how to
reignite that long lost spark
505
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:22,799
you once had with your husband,
506
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,239
whose stupid, vapid, vacant face
you've been staring at
507
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,760
for 24 hours a day,
seven goddamn days a week.
508
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,279
Father Bob here.
The churches might be closed,
509
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,919
but that doesn't mean
our hearts have to be.
510
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:39,959
That's why I've opened up the
Father Bob Zoom Confessional Booth -
511
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,959
your one-stop forgiveness shop.
512
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:47,399
Just listen to these satisfied
sinners who've opened up their souls.
513
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:48,959
Forgive me, Father.
514
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:53,679
Last night I watched a program
on the ABC and I quite enjoyed it.
515
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,439
Please don't tell the guys
at The Australian.
516
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:59,199
Well, I recently embarrassed my
daughter at an egg and spoon race
517
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,959
when I competed
wearing my full bodysuit.
518
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:02,999
Forgive me, Bob.
519
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:07,240
I once slipped Viagra
into Barnaby Joyce's coffee.
520
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,719
And remember - what you say
in the confessional
521
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,599
stays in the confessional.
522
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,159
Except for the bits
that I use in these ads.
523
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,919
So log on today
for your online absolution.
524
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,479
Where even someone like
Joe Hildebrand can be forgiven.
525
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,439
The Father Bob
Zoom Confessional Booth.
526
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:32,240
Because you can shut down our lives,
but you can't shut down salvation.
527
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:39,920
♪ At least I'm home alone together
with you. ♪
528
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:44,599
You know, right now, a lot
of Australians are doing it tough,
529
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:45,600
but the best of us...
530
00:24:45,601 --> 00:24:47,439
Ah! What's that doing there?
531
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:51,359
The best of us know that you can't
take this pandemic lying down.
532
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:53,079
Unless, of course,
you've got the virus,
533
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,719
then it's probably smart to lie down.
534
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,839
But each week I'm going to be
saluting some special Aussies,
535
00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:00,479
those who, a bit like
Josh Frydenberg's cough,
536
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:01,839
keep on keeping on.
537
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,640
We call them Ray's Heroes.
538
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,000
My name's Cameron Phillips...
539
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:12,599
..and I'm an essential worker.
540
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,479
Cameron Phillips works as a butcher
in a supermarket
541
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,599
and has been on the front lines
of this entire pandemic.
542
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,999
When this all kicked off, there was
absolutely chaos at the shops.
543
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,880
People were panicking.
The shelves were empty.
544
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,399
I felt like I was... like I was
finally given a green light
545
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,199
to just be rude to customers.
546
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:30,359
It was sick.
547
00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:32,039
I could say whatever I wanted.
548
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,239
What are they gonna do?
Who are you gonna complain to?
549
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:35,719
I'm essential.
550
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:36,879
And people need me.
551
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:38,800
(INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC)
552
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,719
How do you feel about living
with an essential worker?
553
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:49,079
It's a bit of a punish.
554
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,959
I mean, I understand
it's an important job
555
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,560
and everyone needs to eat. Um...
556
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,439
This guy is delusional.
557
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,159
He keeps saying things like...
558
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,800
If you think about it,
this is kind of my Gallipoli.
559
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,239
I caught him in his room
listening to the Last Post.
560
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,679
I've seen him practise
his handshake in the mirror.
561
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,799
Cameron Phillips, essential worker.
562
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,759
Cameron Phillips,
essential worker.
563
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:14,680
(HUMS LAST POST)
564
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:18,919
What a tune.
565
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:20,319
It's getting out of control.
566
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:22,039
The other morning
I come into the kitchen
567
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:23,799
and he's just yelling at the sauces.
568
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,519
Sir. Sir, there's a line.
569
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,079
There's... Yeah. It's a pandemic.
570
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,919
No, we don't have any spatchcock!
571
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:32,439
Where am I getting spatchcock from?
572
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:33,639
He's going insane.
573
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:37,999
Alright, everyone, everyone,
everyone - shut the fuck up.
574
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,959
Have some respect.
575
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:41,399
I'm the sausage man.
576
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,639
Now look what I have to deal with.
Back of the line. Back of the line.
577
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,039
Back of the line.
578
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,679
You know, I might be essential,
but I don't have all the answers.
579
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,519
I don't know how long this thing
is gonna go on for.
580
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,399
My dad doesn't even know.
581
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,159
I promise you this -
582
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,560
I'll be on the front lines
as long as they need me.
583
00:26:57,800 --> 00:26:59,280
I just want this to be over.
584
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:02,960
This might get me a beer
with Gorden Tallis.
585
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,479
Big Raging Bull fan.
586
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:06,839
It very well might, Cameron.
587
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,879
Gordie, if you're watching,
can you give a bloke a chance?
588
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:14,119
Cameron Phillips, my front line
worker hero of the week.
589
00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:16,000
(INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC)
590
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:22,799
Well, that's all
you've got time for tonight.
591
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,199
But a big thank you
for all the cards and letters,
592
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,799
most of which had to be destroyed
because the postie tested positive.
593
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,039
But we did save this one
594
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,239
from a devoted fan
595
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,200
who hand-delivered
it to me.
596
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,039
I'm sorry, Alan,
the answer's still no.
597
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:37,160
Goodnight.
46168
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