All language subtitles for 45.Days.to.Be.Rich.2021.HDRip.XviD.AC3-EVO.ENG

(SILENCE)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
M_I_SForEver

(CLASPS CLICKING)

(BAG RUSTLING)

(ZIPPER CLOSING)

(LIGHT SWITCH CLICKING)

(CAR DOOR CLOSING)

(CAR STARTING)

(SEATBELT ALARM BEEPING)

(GEAR SHIFT MOVING)

(WHEELS MOVING)

(FOOTSTEPS FALLING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(GAVEL BANGING)

Order in my court.

Mr. Bowers, you're saying the
reason why you were speeding

is because you were
being chased by a ghost?

Yes, your honor.

Is there a witness to this
ghost

that you're talking about?

(CLEARING THROAT) Well,
the cop that pulled me over

said he didn't see anything.

So I'm assuming that the
sirens musta scared him off.

Thank you, Mr. Bowers.

You may have a seat.

Mr. Walker.

Your honor.

Oh God.

Your honor, according to
the laws of physics and nature

the steep of my car pedal,

when one applies the Pythagorean
Theorem,

the steep of my car
pedal is at higher rate

than most other pedals in most
other cars.

Therefore, when I put my foot
upon it,

it's naturally going to speed
up at a slightly higher rate

than most other cars.

Does your speedometer work?

Yes, your honor, but Galileo,
in 1588,

didn't give a flying
fuck about speedometers.

Thank you, Mr. Walker.

You may have a seat now.

The rest of you are guilty
with no further explanation.

I've had enough for today.

(GAVEL BANGING)

(WATER POURING)

I swear to God, people are
getting dumber,

or more creative with
their excuses nowadays.

There's a man who called you,
several times, from Greece.

What did he say?

He said it's something
regarding your daughter Lisa.

I think he left a text.

(PHONE BEEPING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Search me flights to Detroit
for the day after tomorrow.

Detroit?
What's there?

My grandsons live there.

Wait, are you still going to
the LA convention next week?

(ALARM BUZZING)

(GUN FIRING)
(ALARM CLOCK BREAKING)

What happened last night?

(GROANING) I don't even
remember.

Oh shit!

Shit!

Where's the TV?

Shit, someone stole the TV?

Oh, fuck!

Great.
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)

Jake, I think we have a
problem.

What?

JOE: There's a naked guy
sleeping in our bathtub.

Just wake him up, ya dumbass.

Don't look at the penis.

Don't look at the penis.

Don't look at the penis.

Don't look at the penis.

Don't look at the penis.

Don't look at the penis.

Dude, wake up.

Come on, wake up.

Wait, what are you? (SCREAMING)

Fuck this shit.

Hey, Jake.

What do you want?

(MOANING) Nothing.

Did you wake him up yet?

I'm just gonna use
the bathroom upstairs.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

GRANDPA: Hey, Jakey, how are
you?

Listen buddy, whatever
you're selling, I ain't buying.

GRANDPA: It's your
grandpa, you knucklehead.

Oh shit!

Hey Grandpa.

GRANDPA: Are you drunk?

No, no, no, no, no, I'm fine.

GRANDPA: Listen, I'm
on my way to your place.

Now?

GRANDPA: You still
live on Temple Street?

Yeah.

: Great, I'll be there in 10
minutes.

Shit.

Joe.

JOE: What?

Grandpa's gonna be here in 10
minutes.

JOE: Who?

Grandpa.

Grandpa's still alive?

Of course he's still alive,
you idiot.

Now help me clean this place up.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(MOANING) What time is it?

Past 12.

(MUMBLING) Late for work
again.

Fuck it.

They're gonna fire me anyway.

Well this is a work of art.

Is this my dick or yours?

- (PLAYFUL MUSIC)
- Too big to be mine.

(TAPE RIPPING)

What about the TV?

What about it?

Well Grandpa might ask us
about it when he gets here.

Grandpa hasn't visited
us in five fucking years.

Do you think he cares
whether or not we have a TV?

Who doesn't have a TV?

We don't have a fucking TV.

Now will you hurry up.

(TRASH BAG CRINKLING)

I mean, what's the big deal

if Grandpa knew we were
partying last night.

Joe, sometimes your stupidity
even surpasses my thoughts.

Thank you.

No.

Mom just died two days ago.

If Grandpa found out that we had
a party,

he'd flip out.

I told you we should've
rescheduled this party, Jake.

Hey, we planned this
party like three weeks ago.

Mom's the one that should've
rescheduled her death.

Is that even possible?

Joe, we don't have time for
your stupid fucking questions.

Please help me get this
place back together.

She left us when we were
kids and moved to Greece.

She's like a stranger to us.

Still, we're her kids.

Now do you want Grandpa to
start bitching about this?

No.

Then less talk, more cleaning.

(TRASH BAG CRINKLING)

Boys, how are ya doing?

We're good.

How are you?

(GRANDPA SIGHING)

Sorry about Mom, Grandpa.

Your mom

was a good woman, Jake.

I know she was.

I just wish I had a chance
to get to know her more.

She actually wanted
to take you with her,

but she couldn't.

After she lost the case
against your dad in court,

she had no choice but to
escape his unruly behavior.

Dad died two years ago.

Why didn't she just call?

Your mother was in a coma for
five years

because of a car accident.

You'd have known if you'd have
asked.

Anyway, I'm not here to talk
about that.

I'm here to tell you boys

that your mother died a
millionaire.

(JAKE SPITTING)

I'm sorry, Grandpa.

Jesus Christ, Jake!

How much money are we talking
about?

Four million dollars.

Wait, where did Mom
get all this money from?

After Lisa moved to Greece
she married a rich businessman

who gave her everything before
he died.

Oh, so, basically our
mom was a gold digger?

So what you're telling us,

is that we're basically
eligible to a cut of her heir?

Yes, but under one condition.

Your mom had a child in Greece

who she gave half of her net
worth,

the other half to me.

Whoa, what about us?

Your mom had a will.

She made me promise to
give you your share,

only if you'll agree to live
with your brother for 45 days.

Why would she want that?

Lisa always had this dream

that all of her kids would come
together

after your father died.

So are we going to Greece
or is he coming here?

You're not going anywhere.

He's coming here to Detroit.

Now, I suggest that you
start preparing a room

because he'll be here tonight.

Wow, Grandpa, thanks
for last minute notice.

(SIGHING) Where's your
bathroom?

Second door on your left.

(FOOTSTEPS FALLING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(JAKE AND JOE CHEERING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hey, Ronny, what's up?

RONNY: (MUMBLING) machine.

You know Jake, I'm sick of
you being late all the time.

You always come up with
these silly excuses

just to explain why your ass
isn't here,

which it should be, operating
the goddamn espresso machine.

Hey Ronny, how 'bout you
shove that espresso machine

up your ass?

I bet it'll fit.

RONNY: Did you say what?

You heard me, Ronny.

And one more thing, I quit.

Have a nice life.
(PHONE BEEPING)

Hey, boys.

Why is there a naked guy in your
bathtub?

- That's.
- Joe's boyfriend.

So anyway Grandpa, it was
really, really good to see ya.

Thank you so much for stopping
by, and I promise you,

we're gonna take real good
care of our new brother.

Which reminds me though,

what time is he gonna be here?

About eight.

Are we picking him up?

Nope, he's got a driver.

Fantastic.

Now have a safe trip back to
Hawaii.

Ohio.

(MOANING) Even better.

What the fuck, Jake!

You know how homophobic Grandpa
is!

Oh is he.

JOE: You're an asshole.

What?

What's wrong with being gay?

It's 2019 for Christ's sake.

JOE: That's not the point.

(GROWLING) All right, I'm
sorry.

Can you make me some eggs
please?

JOE: We don't have any eggs.

Shit.

We gotta go to the grocery
store.

Fuck!

JOE: Is this really
necessary?

Hell yeah, it's necessary.

Didn't you hear Grandpa?

If our new brother doesn't feel
welcome

he may change his mind.

What's the plan then?

Plans easy.

Keep him happy until we
get our cut of the money.

Fuck that.

Can't Grandpa just give us our
money

with all of this family
bullshit?

Patience, Joe.

It's only 45 days until
we become millionaires.

Whoa, I always wanted
to get some of these.

Weights aren't gonna make
your fat ass any thinner, Joe.

Fuck you, Jake.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

All right, I'm gonna
run to the gas station

get a pack of smokes.

If our new brother shows up,

please don't do anything stupid.

You got it.

Just invite him in and
try and be normal, will ya?

(JOE MOANING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

I'll be right back.

(JOE LAUGHING)
(DRILL WHIRRING)

(SACK LANDING)

(ZIPPER OPENING)

(COMPUTER STARTING)

(KEYBOARD CLICKING)

(JOE GRUNTING)

MAN: Just do it!

Yes you can!

Just do it!

(JOE YELLING)

(JOE SCREAMING)
(JOE CRASHING)

If you're tired of starting
over,

(DOOR KNOCKING)

stop giving up!

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(JOE GRUNTING)

(DOOR OPENING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Good evening, ladies and
gentlemen.

(GROANING) That's okay,
just one gentleman.

It's not a bad place to live in.

Except for the color of this
wall.

This need to be changed.

Nancy?

Yes, Mr. Anthony?

Make a note to call a painter

to come change the color of this
wall.

(MUMBLING) match the furniture.

Nancy, can you add a new
couch as well, on the list.

NANCY: Copy that.

You must be Joe.

How are you doing?

Who the fuck are you?

(LAUGHING) I'm sorry, I was
caught up with the moment,

I forgot to introduce myself.

I'm Anthony.

Oh.

Before I forget, this
is my living schedule.

It has everything you need
to know about how I live,

my every activity of the day.

It's very important to stick
with

everything mentioned on this
paper.

So. (SPITTING)

(GROANING) This wine is bad and
cheap.

(GROANING) Nancy, need to add
a bottle of fine wine as well.

Yes, sir.

So,

Joe,

any questions?

(PLAYFUL MUSIC)

(ANTHONY SCREAMING)

(SHOES THUDDING)

(DOOR OPENING)

What was that?

What was what?

The guy that just
flew through our window.

Oh, the weird looking
guy in the suit and fedora?

Yes.

I have no clue.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

GRANDPA: Hey Joe,
did Anthony arrive yet?

Who?

GRANDPA: Your brother,
Anthony.

His name was Anthony?

GRANDPA: Yes.

- (PHONE HANGING UP)
- Shit.

Grandpa just told me our
brother's name was Anthony.

So?

You know that guy I
just threw out the window?

Yes?

His name was Anthony.

Holy fuck, Joe!

Did you just throw four
million dollars out the window?

You idiot!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Oh, shit, where'd he go?

I don't know.

Anthony?

Oh, this is not good!

Oh, shit!

Anthony?

Anthony?

(BOWL AND SPOON CLANGING)

(BAG CRINKLING)

(CAT MEOWING)

(MILK POURING)

(BAG CRINKLING)

(CEREAL CRUNCHING)

(CAT MEOWING)

Oh boy, eating cereal at
night.

That means you're angry.

You fucked up, Joe.

I'm sorry, Jake.

Grandpa said he was Greek,

not a time traveler from the
1900's.

I just thought he was some kind
of faggot

trying to play a trick on me.

I swear to God,

if we lose that money Joe,

I'm gonna cut your balls
off and feed 'em to Larry.

Hey, did you know that Larry
was gay?

The fuck are you talking
about?

Do you know about the
affair with Larry and I?

Are you hooking up with my
cat?

No.

We just watch each other
masturbate.

Oh, and sometimes I let him lick
my balls.

(JAKE SPITTING)
(CAT MEOWING)

Let's wash the sin away.

(CAT MEOWING AND HISSING)

I know.

We gotta wash the sins away.

Good boy, good boy.

(CAT MEOWING)

Let's wash the sins away.

It's like your own water park.

(CAT MEOWING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hey, Grandpa, what's up?

GRANDPA: Jake, did Anthony
arrive yet?

Why, did he talk to you?

GRANDPA: No, that's why I'm
calling.

Uh, yeah, yeah, he
just went to sleep early.

He's good.

GRANDPA: All right.

When he wakes up, tell
him to call me, would ya?

All right, I will.

I'll let him know, Grandpa.

I gotta go now.

Bye.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(CAT MEOWING)

(WASHING MACHINE SLOSHING)
(CAT MEOWING)

Oh shit!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

So, is Anthony like your
boyfriend?

No, Mr. Anthony is my boss.

So you're single?

Joe, there you are.

I've been looking everywhere for
you.

Where the fuck'd you go.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm Jake.

Have we met?

I'm Nancy, Mr. Anthony's
personal secretary.

Wait, you know where Anthony
is?

Joe just told me what
happened.

I got off the phone with Mr.
Anthony a few minutes ago.

He should be back shortly.

Oh, thank you so much, Nancy.

You just saved our lives.

(MOANING) Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Never let go.

Thank you.

We're gonna be rich.

Sorry again about what happened.

Joe wasn't expecting you,

and apparently he thought
you were trying to rob him.

No worries.

I watch a lot of American
fights on YouTube,

and I believe stupidity is
normal here.

You're absolutely right.

We're surrounded by stupidity.

I mean, look at Joe, for
example.

What?

So what do you think of the
room?

It's actually very nice.

I want to thank you for your
generosity.

Of course.

And if you need anything,
anything at all,

just let us know.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

What the hell is he still doing
here?

I don't know.

Have you guys seen my socks,
man?

Sorry, dude, no one's seen
your socks.

So, please, can you piss off?

Yeah, shoo, scat!

I need my socks, man.

I'm cold.

No one gives a shit about your
socks.

Now get the fuck out of here,
please.

You guys make my dick shrivel,
man.

A friend of yours, I assume?

That's the.

- Electrician.
- Plumber..

So anyway, Anthony, we're
gonna let you get some rest.

Make yourself comfortable.

We'll see you tomorrow.

Jack, before you leave.

Do you mind if I build a
tepidarium in the bathroom?

Yeah, sure.

Thank you very much.

Have a good night to you as
well.

What's a tepiquarium?

JAKE: I have no idea.

(ANTHONY LANDING ON BED)

(STAIRS CREAKING)

You still here?

Only for a little while.

In case Mr. Anthony needs me.

Would you like a drink?

No, I'm good.

Thank you though.

Are you sure?

I think we have some good
whiskey.

JOE: Who are you talking to?

Jake, Nancy's still here.

JAKE: Who?

Nancy.

(STAIRS CREAKING)

Oh, hey Nancy.

You stayin'?

Just for a little while.

I mean, if you want to spend
the night

you can stay in my room.

Well why your room Jake?

'Cause Anthony's staying in
yours, Joe.

If you want, you can sleep on
the couch.

That's where I'll be sleeping.

So what do you say?

I should get going.

Thanks guys.

Bye now.

- Bye Nancy.
- Drive safe.

(DOOR OPENING)
(PLAYFUL MUSIC)

(JOE WHINING)

What's wrong with you?

I'm angry.

Why?

Because Nancy's so hot,

and I left my Iron Man pajamas
upstairs.

So go get 'em.

But what if he's asleep?

He probably isn't, but go
before he is.

(JOE WHINING)
(DOOR CLOSING)

(DOOR OPENING)

Didn't mean to bother you,

just came in for my Iron Man
pj's.

What pj's?

Ya know, pj's, Iron Man.

I'm a big fan of Mr. Stark.

Anthony did you move all my
clothes?

I appreciate the extra
generosity, brother,

but I have my own clothes.

Extra...

What extra generosity?

Anthony, those were my clothes!

Oh.

Apparently there's some
kind of misunderstanding,

because I gave it all
away to the naked guy.

(JOE SCREAMING)

Oh shit.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

You gave him everything?

You even gave him my underwear?

(DOOR OPENING)

What's going on?

Anthony gave away all my
clothes.

That's fine, you can just use
mine.

I think he took yours as well.

What?

Isn't this guys a friend
of yours, of some sort?

No, Anthony, we don't
even know that guy!

Is it normal in America

that people let naked strangers
mooch around their houses?

Because we don't have
such a thing in Greece.

No!

All this screaming and yelling

is not really good for your
health.

See, this books here talks
about anger management.

It can definitely help
you with your problems.

I myself read it like five
times,

and every time I read it,

all the intense emotions go
away.

Works like a charm.

Now I suggest that you
start with chapter seven,

that's when things become
interesting.

And so Jack, I have
something for you special.

Give me one second.

See, this is here my living
schedule.

It has your name on it

so if anyone lose copy
doesn't blame the other one.

So if you read it here, I
sleep at 10:30 on Fridays,

and I believe today is Friday.

So I wish I could chat more,

but we can do this tomorrow.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Have a good night.

(DOOR CLOSING)

What?

No, this one's yours.

Hey Jake?

(JAKE GRUNTING)

What are we going to do about
that creature over there?

You talking about Anthony?

Yeah, he is the weirdest
person I have ever met.

Joe, Grandpa said.

Fuck Grandpa.

And I can't believe he
threw away our clothes!

It's not a big deal.

He's rich.

He'll probably get us
new clothes tomorrow.

What about my Iron Man pj's?

Fuck your Iron Man pj's, Joe.

It's like 80 degrees in here.

That's not the point.

As long as we have a bed to
sleep on we're gonna be good.

Yeah, sleeping naked.

Half naked.

(JOE GRUNTING)

Joe?

Yeah?

Why do I feel your bare ass?

Because I'm naked.

Get the fuck out of my bed.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(HAMMER BANGING)
(SAW BUZZING)

(EXPLOSION BLASTING)

BOTH: Anthony!

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

All right, on three.

One, two.

No, no, no, no, no, stop!

- JOE: Stop!
- Stop!

Anthony, what the fuck are you
doing?

I'm just building a
tepidarium I told you about.

What the hell is a tepidarium?

And I'm pretty sure you need a
permit

for something like this.

Do you have one?

Yes, indeed.

How the hell did you get this?

- (SIRENS BLARING)
- Oh shit, cops.

Oh, shit.

We gotta get out of here, bro.

I can't go back to jail.
Fuck that.

Here, take that.

Why, what's going on?

We're not real engineers.

What?

Yeah, well, we were just
pretending.

The guy, he was paying a lot,

but we don't know what we're
doing to these walls, man.

Yeah, what he said.

What?
(BUILDING CRACKING)

What's that sound?

- (BUILDING CRACKING)
- Shit.

Oh no, the walls are collapsing.

Run!

(DOOR OPENING)

Oh my God!

Save yourselves!

JAKE: Dammit, Anthony!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(BUILDING COLLAPSING)
(SIRENS BLARING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Excuse me.

Can either one of you tell me

exactly what's going on here?

Mister police sheriff,

I hired the best construction
company

to build my tepidarium in that
house.

There was two frauds who
deceived me

and pretend to be sent by them.

OFFICER: Do you even know
anybody

that would know about your
construction?

ANTHONY: Well, I.

All you fucking care about.

Mommy, mommy, mommy.

You know, I don't fucking get it
Jake.

I don't.

Just stand still, will ya?

We just lost our house
for fuck's sake, Jake.

That's all right.

We still got Mom's money.

What?

Mom's money?

- Where is it, Jake?
- What are you doing?

You got it shoved up
your butthole somewhere?

Cut it out, man.

No.

No one is gonna control my
freedom, Jake.

No one.

ANTHONY: Joe.

(SCREAMING) No!

No!

No, no!

I'm leaving, Jake.

And you can't tell me what to
do.

I'm gonna take my car
and go anywhere I want.

(JOE GRUNTING)

(DOOR SHUTTING)

(CAR ATTEMPTING TO START)

(SCREAMING) Fuck!

According to my global
positioning system

we should reach Grandpa's house
in two hours and 36 minutes.

Nancy, stop at the nearest store

so that we can buy some
clothes for my dear brothers.

Copy that, Mr. Anthony.

Here you go, Jack.

This is my credit card.

I will make sure you get
reimbursed

for all the damage I've caused.

(TRAFFIC ROARING)

JAKE: Dude, are you beating
off?

JOE: Fuck off, I'm stressed.

(CHIME RINGING)

(FOOTSTEPS FALLING)
(PLAYFUL MUSIC)

Whoa, Jake, check this out.

They're giving away free
necklaces.

JAKE: Joe, we don't have time
for that.

Jake, check this thing out.

Joe, quit fooling around.

What are you talking about?

I'm buying this bad boy.

JAKE: You're an idiot.

I know.

Oh, hey Jake, will you hold
this while I put these on?

You're doing that right here?

There's a dressing room
right around the corner.

Well they've already seen us
half naked.

What does it matter?

Is this your jizz?

Maybe.

(GROANING) You sick bastard!

Oh, now it's on my hands.

Oh, God, get off.

Oh my God.

Is this jizz?

He threw it.

It's his jizz.

- It's his jizz.
- Oh my God.

It's everywhere!

So gross!

Great, Joe.

Now this lady's been victimized
by your jizz blanket.

Hey, if you hadn't a thrown
it.

Yeah, if you weren't
jerking off in the car

the blanket wouldn't have been
all jizzy.

Jizzy?

Is that even a word?

You know what I mean.

Hey!

You two jokers need to get
the hell out of this store.

Now!

Can I keep this?

Gimme that.

(PLAYFUL MUSIC)

I can't take you anywhere.

Hey, this was your fault.

You know when I gave you my
credit card,

I expected you to buy more
than some cheap necklace.

It's Joe's fault.

Hey, don't blame me.

If it wasn't for your
fucking man chowder.

If it wasn't for your fucking
throw.

Can we just go to another
store?

We don't have time.

I'm sure Grandpa provide you
with some clothes from his own.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(ENGINE PURRING)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(DOOR OPENING)

It's a long story.

Don't ask.

(ANTHONY SCREAMING)

Hey Grandpa, do you only have
suits?

Well excuse me for being
classy most of the time.

Do you happen to have a
smaller size or something?

Or a bigger one?

Hey, I wear a convenience
size.

It's not my fault that you're
too slim and you're too fat.

Hey now.
(JAKE LAUGHING)

It really doesn't matter.

It's better walk naked on
our fun going out night.

Fun going what now?

According to my living
schedule

tonight is our fun going out
night.

Good thing you're already
dressed.

Please excuse us, Grandpa.

Oh no, don't you worry about
me.

You go out and have fun now.

And please, take care of your
brothers.

They're idiots, and they
don't know what they're doing.

Thanks Grandpa.

I love you too.

I'm gonna go get some rest.

Now you take care of yourself
pumpkin.

Try to be safe and don't
do anything stupid.

Dickheads.

(ANTHONY SIGHING)

You look great!

Let's go!

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

So you come here often?

From time to time.

It's funny, I've never seen
you here.

Glad I am.

(POOL BALLS CLANKING)
(JOE CHEERING)

In your face!

Jake.

(JOE HISSING AT JAKE)

Jake.

(JOE HISSING AT JAKE)

Jake.

Excuse me, Sally.

What?

Anthony wants you.

Where is he?

He's in the alleyway.

What does he want?

I don't know.

Can't you see

I'm trying to hook up
with this chick right now?

If I leave, that guy at the end
of the bar

is gonna take my spot.

Who?

Bearded guy at the end of the
bar.

He's been looking at her all
night.

Him and his handsome good looks.

What do you want me to do?

Go tell him I'm busy.

Okay.

No, wait.

What if he gets pissed?

That's great!

We've been looking for
a way to get rid of him.

Sounds like a plan.

No, you idiot.

I'm talking about Grandpa.

What if he gets mad?

Who cares.

You want the guy that's
holding our new fortune

to be mad at us?

Fuck the money, Jake.

- Fuck you.
- Fuck you.

All right, screw this chick.

Money's more important anyway.

I could hold your seat for
you.

No you can't, 'cause you're a
freak.

You're gonna scare her away.

No, no, no, I won't
say a word, I promise.

Promise me you won't say a
word?

Swear.

Just don't even look at her.

Play with your phone, order a
drink,

and just be a dunce, okay?

Got it.

Sally, I'm so sorry,

but I gotta go take an
important phone call.

It might take a while, but
I'll be back, I promise.

Okay.

But until then, this complete
stranger's

gonna take my spot

and not say a word until I get
back.

So, I don't want you to think
I'm weird,

'cause I'm not weird,

it's just that I can't talk to
you,

and it's not because you're
not beautiful or anything,

you are gorgeous, and you have
great tits.

It's just, I'm supposed to save
this seat

for the hunky guy who just
left, and not this fat ass.

(JOE GIGGLING)

I think I freaked her out.

(CHOKING) Can I have another?

(SHUTTER CLICKING)

It's been a fucking half hour.

Where is this cocky bastard?

Fuck it.

Hey, you look really nice.

Thank you, honey.

(SHUTTER CLICKING)

Free drinks for everybody.

(ALL CHEERING)

(JOE FARTING)

Anthony, what the fuck are you
doing?

I've been waiting for you
outside.

Jack, how you doing?

Jack, this is Sally.

Sally, this is Jack.

I know, we've met.

And my name is Jake, not Jack.

I kinda like Jack.

Me too.

Maybe you should change it
sometime.

You ready to go, Sally?

Yes.

Jake!

Jake!

Jake!

Jake.

I think Anthony's trying
to steal your girl.

Joe, I thought you were
homosexual, not sick.

(SALLY GIGGLING)

Get the fuck off of me.

(JAKE GRUNTING)

Here you go, Jack.

Sally and I are taking a
taxi, and Nancy's on vacation.

You can use my credit card
to pay for your drinks.

Please, Jack, don't drink and
drive.

It could be very dangerous out
there

and I promised Grandpa
I'd take care of you.

So, you want anything
from me before I leave?

Obviously not.

Have fun.
Bye-bye.

(GRUNTING) Oh shit.

Hey sugar face.

Oh fuck.

BARTENDER: It's declined.

It can't be.

Can you try it again, please.

I've already tried four times.

It's not gonna go through, trust
me.

Well I have no cash on me.

What the fuck am I supposed to
do?

I'll tell you what you could
do.

You can work in my kitchen all
night

or you can spend the night in
jail.

There is a third option, you
know?

What's that?

I can beat you up
and we'll call it even.

We'll take it.

Shut up, dude.

I'll pay for your drinks,

(JOE GROANING)

As long as you spend the night
with me.

No thank you.

- Yes.
- No.

- Yes.
- What, no.

Excuse us for a second.

This might take a, please!

What are you doing?

Joe, this is a golden
opportunity

for you to experience your own
(MUMBLING).

What the fuck are you talking
about?

Just pretend he's a chick with
a dick.

I know you're into chicks with
dicks.

I've seen your pornos.

But he doesn't have any boobs.

Just pretend he's a
chick with flat boobs.

Jake, he's got a beard for
God's sake.

Joe, you'll bang my cat,

but you won't have sex with a
chick

with flat boobs, a dick, and a
beard?

No.

Well first time for
everything.

Line up the shots.

Comin' right up.

(GLASSES CLINKING)

(LIQUID POURING)

(FOOTSTEPS FALLING)

(WATER SPLASHING)
(JAKE GASPING)

Rule number one, you can't
sleep in the living room.

I got three bedrooms upstairs
you can rest your ass in.

I hope that wasn't your
piss bucket, Grandpa.

Where's your brother?

Upstairs.

I'm going to wake him up.

(NECK CRACKING)

Oh shit.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Grandpa, you know what?

Joe had a rough night.

Maybe we should let him get some
rest.

Bullshit.

Everyone gets up at
nine in Grandpa's house.

Grandpa, no, no, no, no, no.

Did you know about this?

Joe, wake up.

Joe, wake up.

(JOE STAMMERING)

Joe, what is this?

Grandpa, it's not what it
looks like.

This is just a chick with a
dick,

who happens to have a beard.

What?

It was Jake's idea.

I can explain.

(JOE SLURPING)

So you're gay now?

Omnisexual.

What the hell does that mean?

What the hell do you care?

Nah, you're right.

Why would I care?

You can bang whatever you want.

Yes I can.

Grandpa, I'm so sorry about
last night.

Sit down, Jake.

What's wrong with you?

Why are you acting like this?

Because you have no idea
how crazy Anthony's making us.

He gave me a bad credit
card at the bar last night

to pay for drinks, when he knew

we didn't have any cash on us.

I'm sure that was
just an honest mistake.

No, it wasn't, and that's the
problem.

I know why you're frustrated
Jake.

You're just jealous.

Jealous of what?

He's good looking,
rich, and sophisticated.

He's not 30 yet, and he's
already accomplished more

than you have in your entire
lives.

Grandpa, I'm not.

I'm not changing my mind.

Until the end of next month you
two

are gonna do whatever it
takes to keep Anthony pleased.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

I have a convention in
LA that I need to attend.

Grandpa, can we at
least talk about this?

You can talk about whatever
you want,

but your mama's will will not be
ignored.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

JOE: Now what?

I don't know.

(WOMAN MOANING)

Did you hear that?

I've been hearing it all
night.

Why didn't I hear it?

Maybe it's because you were
too busy

stuffing a strange man's
member into your fat ass.

Hey, fuck you, Jake.

This is your fucking fault.

If you hadn't got me hammered
last night

so that guy would pay for our
drinks,

we wouldn't be in this mess.

I'm tired of your selfishness
and your fucking attitude.

My attitude?

What about that fucking weirdo
up there?

Maybe if you didn't care
for Mom's money so much,

we wouldn't be living with him.

Mom wanted this, I didn't.

And I'm not giving away
my cut of the money

because of that fucking chode.

I'm not spending 45 days
kissing his ass

for Mom's stupid fortune.

Dude, get back here!

Joe!

(YELLING) God damn it!

(JAKE SIGHING)

Hey.

Go away.

What are you doing?

What's it look like I'm doing?

I'm leaving.

(BAG RUSTLING)

Those are Grandpa's suits.

You know that, right?

Yeah, I know.

I figured I could sell them

and still make some money off of
him.

I can't do it anymore, Jake.

I just want to live.

You can have it all.

It doesn't work like that,
man.

Grandpa said we both need to
live with him for 45 days.

I can't take it anymore.

Me either.

But I want, I need you to bear
with me.

I know I've been acting
like a big douche bag.

Oh, you're always a douche
bag.

My point is, I can't
do this without you.

Don't worry.

I'll talk to him this afternoon.

I'll tell him that he
can't treat us like this.

We're his older brothers, he
will show us some respect.

First you gotta check
his living schedule,

and make sure he's available.

Oh, yeah, that thing.

You still have it?

Yeah, he gave me another one
last night.

Oh shit, what's today?

Sunday?

Sure.

Today's his puffin'
nuff' for relaxation day.

His what?

I don't know.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Hello, my brothers.

What's with the Chinese hat?

Light is too bright in
here, I can't change it.

It's Grandpa's house, so.

Anthony, we need to talk.

Sure, I'm listening.

First I want to say, we're
so happy to have you here,

staying with us.

Actually, where's the
magazine?

I want to have magazine back,
please.

Yeah, I just want to see
something really quick.

(PLAYFUL MUSIC)

Continue, I'm listening.

As I was saying, we're really
pleased to have you here.

Just five seconds.

Can you flip that page?

I'm actually done reading this.

Enough of this shit.

What do you want from us, huh?

What are you talking about?

What are you getting out of
all of this?

Brother, I can surely confirm
to you

that there is no problem,
whatsoever.

Why did you give us a
bad credit card last night?

It could be an honest mistake.

Bullshit, you did it on
purpose.

You know, now is really
good time to read that book

I gave you.

It's written by one of the best
writers.

(ANTHONY SCREAMING)

Listen to me, god damn it!

Get out of this delusional
world you're living in!

And stop fucking with us!

We're you're older brothers,
and you will listen to us!

You hear me?

(ANTHONY SCREAMING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(ANTHONY GRUNTING)

(FOOTSTEPS CRUNCHING)

There goes the two million
dollars.

Sorry about that, man.

That's okay.

I never dreamed I'd be
a millionaire anyway.

Is Anthony hurt?

I think he's fine.

I don't know if he's
told Grandpa yet, though.

Joe, we need to come up with a
plan.

For what?

A plan to control him.

Lately he's been pulling the
strings.

We need to change that.

Without him feeling in control,
do you know what I mean?

No.

His living schedule's fucking
us up.

He's using it to get on our
nerves.

We can't keep an eye on
every one of his motions,

we need to change that.

Well, how?

Come up with something smart.

A road trip.

That's your definition of
being smart?

I don't know, Jake.

I'm stupid.

Wait, that's actually not a
bad idea.

If we go on a road trip,
he'd be trapped in a car

like a fucking child.

That way we can guide him.

Joe, it's pretty genius.

I know.

We'll tell him we're
going on a road trip,

show him around the state,
show him a few places,

show him that we love him, and
then throw him in the woods.

Not what I said.

I know.

I'm embellishing a little
bit, but let me relish this.

Okay.

(JAKE KNOCKING)

Come in.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Wow!

This room looks so much better

than the shithole we used to
have.

Is this real?

Is there any reason behind
your surprising visit,

brother Jack?

Yeah, I just want to talk
about what happened earlier.

Listen, I'm really sorry about
what I did.

Don't worry about it.

Would you like some juice?

Some juice?

(ANTHONY GRUNTING)

Sure.

Have a seat.

Here you go.

This is a funny looking juice
box.

What kind of juice is this
anyway?

It's purified monkey's
urine, mixed with sweets.

(JAKE SPITTING)

It's good for your brain.

If you drink this everyday,
that explains so much.

Pardon me?

So, Joe and I were thinking

about taking you on a road trip.

What do you say?

A road trip?

Yeah, you know, we'll
take you around the state.

Take you to a few places here
and there,

and kind of show you what we're
all about.

Sounds fun.

Let's go tomorrow.

(BREATHING OUT) Yeah.

Yeah, we can go tomorrow.

So, is everything good between
us?

Jack, you're my brother.

If anything,

I should be apologizing for
the way I was acting too.

No hard feelings between us.

All right.

Well, I should probably go get
ready then.

Before you go.

Can you give this juice box to
Joe.

I'm sure he'll like it.

Here you go.

What's that?

It's apple juice.

It's good for the brain.

God knows you need that.

Where you going?

I'm going to pack,

because we're going on a road
trip.

Sweet.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Where's your suit?

I thought you said we were
wearing suits?

I'm not wearing a suit on a
road trip.

But you told me to wear a
suit.

I look stupid.

No, you look fine.

Suits with torn sleeves
and pants are a new look.

You're good.

Well, where'd you find those
shorts?

I don't see Grandpa wearing
shorts.

Pretty sweet though, huh?

Found 'em in the back
of one of his closets.

Check out these chicks.

They're really hot.

They must be really into us.

You think it's the suit?

(LAUGHING) Yeah, it's
definitely the suit.

Looking fresh.

Well, watch and learn, my
brother.

I'm gonna show you how to
pick up chicks Jakey style.

Is that like tiger style?

Now you listen to me.

This deal is going down tonight.

And no, I'm not settling for
less than 40 million dollars,

you hear me?

You know I'm not the kind of
guy that sells things cheap.

Hey rich guy?

All right, I gotta go.

I'll talk to you later.

Me?

Yeah, you.

Is this your house?

Why yes it is.

Why do you ask?

Can you give me a tour?

Definitely.

Where would you like to start?

How about the bedroom?

I have to warn ya, things
get pretty wild in there.

Wow!

That actually worked.

Hey!

Yes, sell the house
for 50 million dollars.

Then take that 50 million
dollars,

because it is my 50 million
dollars,

and put it in the appropriate
place,

because it is my 50 million
dollars.

(PHONE BEEPING)

What's up sweet things?

- WOMAN #1: Oh, hey you.
- WOMAN #2: Hey.

Do you want a tour of my
bedroom?

Do you have stuffed animals?

JOE: Of course I have stuffed
animals.

Who doesn't have stuffed
animals in their bedroom?

WOMAN #2: Well let's go.

Hell yeah.

Jakey style's workin'.

Yeah.

Can you get away?

Ready to go?
Ready to go?

JOE: Where are we going?

(CLOTHES RIPPING)

Hey! (SCREAMING)

Hey!

What the fuck?

Joe, you lost your clothes
already?

Why can't you be like your
brother Jack?

Who's this guy?

Why'd he just call you Jack?

That's our amusement clown.

I'm Anthony.

This is Joe.

We are Jack's brothers.

These are your brothers?

- No, no, no.
- Yes.

(LAUGHING) This is getting
weird.

Yeah, I'm gonna.

- Wait, wait, wait.
- Go.

I didn't get your number yet.

JOE: Bye.

She sounds like a really nice
girl.

So, ready for our fun going
adventure?

Whoo.

Well, I guess not.

Well, I'm sure once we start,

this upset will turn to sunset.

Let's go.

Can I get some pants?

(BAG RUSTLING)

Doing all right, little
brother?

I'm doing just fine, but
this sun is really annoying,

it's hitting my eyes.

Can you raise the window a
little bit?

Sure.

(WINDOW WHIRRING)

How's that?

Not the glass, the metal.

The what?

The metal.

Can you raise the metal little
bit?

No, we can't raise the god
damn,

son of a bitch frame up.

You okay, Joe?

No, I'm not okay, Jake.

'Cause every time we're in the
car,

I'm the one who has to be naked.

Well you're half naked
this time, so deal with it!

Gimme your vest.

What are you doing?

I'm frustrated.

Joe, don't you dare cum inside
my vest.

I can cum wherever I want.

God stop touching yourself!

You can't tell me what to do!

Get your nasty dick beaters
off my vest!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(JAKE SCREAMING)

Holy crap, man.

Get your nasty fingers off of
me!

Let go of the vest!

(CAR HORN HONKING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)
(CAR CRASHING)

Great!

You see what you made me do!

What happened?

I think one of the tires blew.

Don't worry, I'll
take care of everything.

Cum on this thing.

(TRUNK OPENING)

Of course he doesn't have a
spare.

Where the hell is Anthony?

I have no fucking clue.

(JOE SIGHING)

(TRUNK SLAMMING)

Where do you think he went?

I don't know.

I hope to go get a new tire,
or get some help for us.

Well, is that what he said?

He said, "Don't worry, I'll
take care of everything."

Well, what if he didn't find
anyone?

Anthony may be the weirdest
fucking kid

I've ever met in my life,

but he's kind of smart in his
own way.

I'm sure he'll come up with
something.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

ANTHONY: I'm back, my
brothers.

JAKE: But did you find
anything?

I sure did.

Anthony, what are you doing?

Just wait.

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

Now I can have some sleep.

(ANTHONY SNORING)

What was you plan B?

To get rid of him.

Yeah, you wanna do that?

Let's get the fuck outta here.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I need a drink,

Go grab a seat, come on.

I'm telling you Jake,
Anthony is dangerous.

Need I remind you that what
just happened on the road

was your fault, Joe.

Well, yeah, but forget that.

To everything up to that point.

I'm telling you, in a month's
time,

Anthony will have killed us.

We still have time, Jake.

Let's go to Grandpa, and
just say fuck the money.

Are you fucking serious right
now?

There's no way I'm gonna
squander the opportunity

to become a millionaire.

I'm in this no matter what it
takes.

Excuse me, sir, we
don't allow our customers

to sit in their underwear.

Who are you?

MANAGER: I'm the assistant
manager.

Oh, the assistant manager.

Do you see a sign here that says

customers can't sit in their
underwear?

- Sir?
- 'Cause I don't see.

You're a racist!

What?

How is that racist?

You're kicking me out because
I'm fat.

All right, this is ridiculous.

This is America, young sir.

Yep, this is a free country.

Yeah, yeah, do all you see this?

Michael Phelps.

Still being ridiculous now?

Yeah, how's that?

How do you like that?

Mister assistant manager.

MANAGER: All right.
(JOE CHUCKLING)

Getting a big tough guy, huh?

Gonna do the back stroke.

All right!

(JOE GRUNTING)

Fuck my ass!

You lost my business.

Was all that necessary?

I'm losing my mind, Jake.

Joe, you're worrying too much.

Like I said, Anthony is
harmless.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(FEET CRUNCHING)

(JOE SCREAMING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)
(CAR CRASHING)

(FOOTSTEPS FALLING)

(ENGINE RUNNING)

Anthony, this is the coffee
shop you wanted me to stop at?

Yes, according to the internet,
it's the best one around.

Okay.

Wait, can I get my
wallet from the trunk.

Give me the keys.

I'll just pop the trunk.

Don't bother.

The button does not work.

Fucking leave it.

(DOOR CLOSING)

I'm stuck!
(ANTHONY YELLING)

JOE: Anthony, this way.

JAKE: Anthony,
tighten the fuck up here.

ANTHONY: We're good.

Okay.
(DOORS CLOSING)

Thank you.

BARISTA: Of course, have a
great day.

- Hello.
- BARISTA: Hello.

Can I get a small coffee with
two cream,

a quarter cube of sugar,
and five stirs please?

God damn it.

She stir it six times instead of
five.

MAN: Dog, but I told that
nigger

if he got something to say,
he can say it to my face,

the punk, for real.

Hey, Jake?

What is a (CAR HORN HONKING)?

Hey, Anthony, don't say that.

That's a racist word man.

What does racist mean?

What does racist mean?

It means, when a dominant.

It means that only
African-Americans can say it.

(ANTHONY MOANING)

MAN: 'Sup bro, (MUMBLING)
suit, man.

Oh, thank you (CAR HORN
HONKING).

Yo, man, you just call me the
N-word?

N-word?

Why is it bad?

Why is it bad?

The hell you think?

Oh, the two gentlemen over
there

told me that the word can
only be used on black people.

Oh, is that so.

Hey, where you all from?

We're from Greece.

We don't know what word mean.

No, no, we're American.

This was just a huge
misunderstanding.

What I said, it was,

the word could be used
between black people,

not on black.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Joe?

- Run!
- Okay.

Get back here!

Wait, what about Anthony?

Who gives a fuck about
Anthony?

Get in!

Shit, I don't have the keys!

Well, where are they?

Aw, they're with Anthony!

Well, lock the doors.

We don't have a fucking
windshield.

Fuck!

- Jake!
- JAKE: Oh shit!

Jake!

Jake!

Jake!

Oh shit, oh shit, oh
shit, oh shit, oh shit,

oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh
shit.

(JOE SCREAMING)

(METAL CLANGING)

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

But I didn't say anything.

That wasn't me, I promise you.

Dude, I would never do that.

Don't worry, my brothers.

I will get help as soon as I get
home.

JAKE: Anthony, fuck you!

(CAR STARTING)

(DOOR OPENING)

Where is he?

Anthony, you'd better be
awake,

'cause we're coming to get ya.

(BOTH COLLAPSING)

(WATER SPLASHING)
(JOE SPITTING)

What did I say about
sleeping in the living room?

Jesus Grandpa!

(JOE GROANING)

I have some great news for you
guys.

Anthony's dead.

I just came back from
the lawyer's office.

We went back over your mother's
will.

And?

And he said he made a mistake.

Turns out you guys don't
have to live with Anthony

for 45 days.

(JOE AND JAKE CHEERING)

It's actually 45 weeks.

BOTH: What?

We misinterpreted the will.

Turns out it's 45 weeks, not 45
days.

Nope, nope, no, no, no, no,
no, no!

No, no, no, no!

Grandpa, please.

Please give us our cut
of the money already.

We've been through a lot, and
I can't take anymore of this.

I mean, look at my face
for Christ's sakes.

Anthony did that?

No, but his actions did.

He's driving us crazy, and
he's doing it on purpose

to just fuck with us!

I've had enough of that creature
already!

Now please, Grandpa, do the
right thing,

and give us some of that money.

Jake.

Just enough to get a new
house.

I'm sorry, Jake.

I can not ignore your mother's
will.

Well then fuck you and Mom's
will.

You can keep it all for
yourself.

I bet that was the plan
from the beginning.

So this is what it takes
to get your attention, Jake?

What the hell are you talking
about?

I'm talking about the fact
that you haven't called me

in five years.

So suddenly I turn up
with two million dollars,

and you're ready to do whatever
it takes

to spend time with the family.

That's not the point.

What's the point then?

The point is is that
you're so god damn stubborn

to commit to Mom's will, when
all it is

is a stupid piece of paper.

What if I told you I made this
up,

just to teach you a lesson?

Don't fuck with me right now!

Take a look yourself.

Anthony's real name is Carlos
Pizarro.

He's an Austrian actor that I
hired

just to make you pay for
ignoring me for five years.

So you destroyed our house,

made me quit my job,

and ruined our lives,

because I haven't called
you in five years?

Well, it has also been kind of
fun,

'cause he's had a body cam
the entire time. (LAUGHING)

Well, I hope you were
entertained,

'cause you just lost
your grandsons forever.

Jake.

Don't talk to me, Grandpa!

Your mom really is a
millionaire.

Is?

What do you mean by is?

Look to your left.

(INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC)

Your mom really was in
a coma for five years.

When she woke up, the first
thing she wanted to see

was you Jake.

(MOM CRYING)

So where is Joe, anyway?

Joe didn't take this so well.

(YELLING) No!

(JOE PANTING)

There's food out.

I'm sure he'll show up.

(FINGERS TAPPING)

What's that?

Two million dollars.

(JAKE LAUGHING)

Yeah, but Mom's still alive.

It's my net worth.

Start a business.

(JAKE LAUGHING)

You know what?

I don't need it.

I have everything I need right
here.

Man, I am starving.

What's for lunch?

Man, I haven't eaten alL day.

What's going on, Ray?

I'm good, Freddy.

How are you?

Same ol' shit, man.

(RAY AND FREDDY LAUGHING)

Excuse me there, partner.

I just want to get this
dressing.

RICKY: Steve?

Ricky!

RICKY: How you doing?

How are you doing?

I'm doing good.

You know, just trying to
blow up some more houses.

(STEVE AND RICKY LAUGHING)

Hey.

Oh, this food looks great.

Can't wait to dig in.

Thanks Ray.

You're welcome, Ricky.

You're welcome, Ricky?

Grandpa, what the hell's
going on right here?

Let's see here.

Ricky and Mitch, I hired
them to destroy your house.

Freddy, he's an actor that I
hired

to play the angry black man

that you typically see in
movies.

So, wait.

You hired all these
people to be in on this?

Yeah, pretty much, yeah.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(JAKE LAUGHING)

(CHEERING) Yes!

What the?

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull