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www.tvsubtitles.net
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At a hospital, the treatment
is to lie in a bed.
3
00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:07,605
Whatever's wrong with
a human being, lie down.
4
00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:10,971
Doctor never says, ''Well, your
condition isn't as bad as we thought.
5
00:00:11,144 --> 00:00:14,773
We want you to kind of lean against
a doorjamb for seven to 1 0 days.
6
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:16,779
See how that feels.''
7
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:19,282
Always a bed. Unless you
go to the emergency room...
8
00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:22,012
...then it's a chair. You've been shot,
stabbed, run over:
9
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:23,587
''Have a seat.''
10
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:28,893
There's always an interesting cultural,
ethnic mix to the hospital staff.
11
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:30,859
lt's like a local news team in there.
12
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,932
The doctor's the anchorman.
He's got white hair, he's in charge.
13
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,125
The nurse is the feature reporter,
you know.
14
00:00:36,302 --> 00:00:40,102
You listen to her, but it's always,
''And now, back to your doctor.''
15
00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:42,365
The orderlies come in
with food and bedpans.
16
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,737
That's like your sports and weather.
17
00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:53,080
Then the baby's head comes out,
and l'm screaming.
18
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,380
My brother, who's videotaping,
turns green.
19
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,682
His eyes roll up in his head,
and he blacks out.
20
00:00:57,857 --> 00:00:59,552
He drops the camera,
the camera breaks.
21
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:02,559
And then the placenta
comes flying out.
22
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:08,390
-And then a doctor says--
-Hey, thanks. That's enough.
23
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:12,402
Will you look at that kid. Sucking
away like there's no tomorrow.
24
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,473
Suck, suck, suck.
25
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,303
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26
00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:20,742
-Look at that, Jerry, look at that.
-Yeah, l looked. l saw it.
27
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:24,274
-Does this make you uncomfortable?
-No, no.
28
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:25,941
Uncomfortable? Not at all.
29
00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:29,145
My friend's wife's breasts are out.
Why would l be uncomfortable?
30
00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:30,949
Look at him.
31
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:33,251
-So how long do they do this?
-Year or two.
32
00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:35,589
No break?
33
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:39,559
-After that comes the weaning.
-After sucking comes weaning?
34
00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:41,723
-First sucking, then weaning.
-You gotta wean.
35
00:01:41,901 --> 00:01:43,630
-Gotta wean.
-Must wean.
36
00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:51,542
-What about that spot l got, huh?
-Yeah. l saw the spot.
37
00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:53,110
You open the door to the car...
38
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:56,442
...you walk right into the hospital.
You can't beat that spot.
39
00:01:57,383 --> 00:02:00,318
l am on a roll. Yeah.
40
00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:02,455
l'm just willing these
great parking spots.
41
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:04,249
George.
42
00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:08,326
Maybe the baby would
like to see the spot.
43
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:11,521
A positive, uplifting message
to start his life out with, huh?
44
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:15,828
You can still get a great spot
in this city if you apply yourself.
45
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:17,663
Where's Kramer?
Shouldn't he be here?
46
00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:20,237
-Did you give him the room number?
-Yeah, 1 39 7.
47
00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:22,966
1 93 7.
48
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:26,171
1 93 7, 1 93 7.
49
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,746
Excuse me. Do you know
where the elevator is?
50
00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:32,851
Yeah, it's right around
the corner there. 1 93 7.
51
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:45,587
Oh, God!
52
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,461
lt's a pig-man.
53
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,402
A pig-man!
54
00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:55,837
So anyway, Jerry, Elaine, we have
something we wanna ask you.
55
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,739
You gotta look. l pulled
it in perfectly equidistant...
56
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:02,006
-...from the car in front and behind.
-Would you shut up, George?
57
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,844
l'm taking a cab home.
l can't take this anymore.
58
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,350
You were saying, Stan.
l'm sorry about this.
59
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,545
Myra and l would like
you and Elaine...
60
00:03:09,722 --> 00:03:11,917
...to be the godparents of Steven.
61
00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:15,523
-Me? A godfather?
-Yes.
62
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:19,257
Never go against the family, Elaine.
63
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:22,095
What?
64
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:25,431
Hey, l just saw a pig-man.
A pig-man.
65
00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:28,533
He was sleeping, and then
he woke up and he looked at me...
66
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,871
...and he made
this horrible sound, this:
67
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,910
Kramer, what are you talking about?
68
00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:40,610
l'm talking about a pig-man. l walked
in the wrong room, and there he was.
69
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:44,553
-A pig-man?
-A pig-man. Half pig, half man.
70
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,055
That's great, Kramer.
71
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:49,662
Anyway, tell us what's involved
in being a godparent.
72
00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:51,888
Elaine, never ask me
about my business.
73
00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:55,192
Godfather?
74
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,401
The most important thing
is you help with the bris.
75
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:00,596
-The bris?
-A bris?
76
00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:03,139
-You mean, circumcision?
-Yeah.
77
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:06,401
l would advise against that.
78
00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:08,812
Kramer, it's a tradition.
79
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:12,247
So was sacrificing virgins
to appease the gods...
80
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:16,149
-...but we don't do that anymore.
-Well, maybe we should.
81
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,252
Hey...
82
00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:21,052
...why are all those people
milling around my car?
83
00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:24,458
-l don't know.
-Maybe they're admiring your spot.
84
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:28,158
-They're looking up.
-Hey, there's a guy up on the roof.
85
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,903
That's the guy l told
where the elevator was.
86
00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:37,138
Oh, God, l hope he doesn't jump--
Oh, my God!
87
00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:41,676
My car!
88
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,612
My car!
89
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,887
A mohel? What the hell is a mohel?
90
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:54,117
A mohel is the person that
performs a circumcision.
91
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,660
Well, where am l gonna find
a mohel?
92
00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:59,195
Motels, models....
93
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:02,265
How do you find a mohel?
94
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:05,134
Finding a mohel's easy.
Any idiot can find a mohel.
95
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,967
l have to hold the baby
while they do it.
96
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,905
That's a tough job.
How would you like that?
97
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:12,974
Hey, Jerry, you ever seen one?
98
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:16,214
-Oh, you mean, that wasn't...?
-Yeah.
99
00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:19,510
-No, you?
-Yeah.
100
00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,516
What'd you think?
101
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:26,857
lt had no face, no personality.
102
00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:34,328
lt was like a Martian.
103
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,697
-But, hey, you know, that's me.
-Hey.
104
00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:40,094
Well, l got the estimate.
105
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,867
lt'll cost more to repair the roof
than the car is worth.
106
00:05:43,042 --> 00:05:45,704
l'm going over and seeing
that hospital administrator today.
107
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:48,506
Someone is gonna pay for this,
and it's not gonna be me!
108
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:51,514
-Oh, you're screwed.
-l know.
109
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:56,681
Swan dives from 20 floors up,
lands right on top.
110
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,256
What, do l got a bull's-eye
up there?
111
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:02,053
He couldn't move over
two feet, huh?
112
00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:06,062
Land on the sidewalk,
it's city property.
113
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,864
Well, l have to interview a mohel.
114
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,265
How about our little Elaine, huh?
115
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:13,962
Attended the finest schools
on the eastern seaboard...
116
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:17,906
...equestrian competitions,
debutante balls. Look at her now.
117
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:20,705
lnterviewing mohels.
118
00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:23,512
Yeah!
119
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,075
-What's the matter?
-You all right?
120
00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:30,882
Don't ever question my instincts,
because my instincts are honed.
121
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,548
-Look at that. Look, look.
-What now?
122
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:36,559
''Hospital receives grant
to conduct DNA research.
123
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:40,221
Government funds genetic research
at area hospital.'' Yeah, so?
124
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,301
Pig-man, baby, pig-man.
125
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:46,930
lf l have to hear about this pig-man
one more time--
126
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:49,666
Hey, l'm telling you,
the pig-man is alive.
127
00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:53,243
The government's been experimenting
with pig-men since the '50s.
128
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,813
Just because the hospital's
conducting DNA research...
129
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:58,109
...doesn't mean they're
creating mutant pig-men.
130
00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:02,277
Jerry, will you wake up to reality?
lt's a military thing.
131
00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:06,391
They're probably creating
a whole army of pig warriors.
132
00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:12,796
l'll tell you something.
l wish there were pig-men.
133
00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:17,026
Get a few pig-men walking around,
suddenly l'm looking a lot better.
134
00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:21,469
lf someone wanted to fix me up, they
could say, ''At least he's no pig-man.''
135
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:24,439
Believe me, there'd be plenty
of women going for these pig-men.
136
00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:28,074
Whatever the deformity, there's
always some group attracted to it.
137
00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:31,142
''That little tail really turns me on.''
138
00:07:31,317 --> 00:07:33,285
That's just about enough.
139
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,115
-This doesn't interest you?
-Oh, no, it's fascinating...
140
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,688
...but could you do me a favor?
141
00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:39,385
Could you tape...
142
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:42,824
...the rest of the ''pig-men and the
women who love them'' discussion?
143
00:07:42,995 --> 00:07:45,759
And l'll listen to it
the next time l'm here.
144
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:47,627
l gotta go find a mohel.
145
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,167
You know, you should call that off,
Elaine. lt's a barbaric ritual.
146
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:57,542
Perhaps one day when the pig-men
roam free, it will be stopped, Kramer.
147
00:07:57,710 --> 00:08:01,146
Until then, off with their heads.
148
00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:06,843
-Kramer, isn't it a question of hygiene?
-lt's a myth.
149
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,915
Besides, it makes sex
more pleasurable.
150
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:12,216
Yeah. So how does that help me?
151
00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:14,916
-George, you ever see one?
-Yeah, my roommate in college.
152
00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:16,994
Yeah, what'd you think?
153
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,494
l got used to it.
154
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,394
All right, l wanna see the pig-man.
Show me the pig-man.
155
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:27,198
Don't worry, l'll show you.
And you'll never be the same.
156
00:08:27,373 --> 00:08:29,432
Maybe he's just a guy
with a nose like this:
157
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:33,067
A lot of people have a nose like this.
They're not necessarily pig-men.
158
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,510
Believe me, Jerry,
somewhere in this hospital...
159
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:38,206
...the anguished oink of pig-man
cries out for help.
160
00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:41,683
Yeah, well, if l hear
an anguished oink, l'm out of here.
161
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,515
l don't see any pig-men.
162
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:47,087
l see human, human, human.
163
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,488
-Wait a second.
-What?
164
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:50,788
Oh, it's George.
165
00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:54,566
The administrator's on the third floor.
l'll meet you at the car.
166
00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:58,067
Wait, George. You got room
in the car for the pig-man, huh?
167
00:08:58,237 --> 00:09:00,467
The pig-man can take the bus.
168
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,973
George, if the pig-man had a car,
he would give you a ride.
169
00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:07,878
How do you know? What if
the pig-man had a two-seater?
170
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:10,413
Be realistic, George.
171
00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:17,282
l'll tell you what, if pig-man shows up,
we'll squeeze him in.
172
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:19,113
-l'll see you later.
-Yeah.
173
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:22,318
-Mr. Costanza, come in, come in.
-Thank you.
174
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:25,896
lt's been a very trying couple of days
around the hospital.
175
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,727
Doctors, patients, everyone...
176
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:31,927
...just grief-stricken over
this unfortunate occurrence.
177
00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:33,969
Well, l join them in their grief.
178
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:39,336
Horrible thing. Flew right
past the children's wing.
179
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:43,608
All the sick children in the playroom,
looking out the window...
180
00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:46,183
...just traumatized by the incident.
181
00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:49,947
Apparently they thought he was flying.
You know how children are.
182
00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:53,319
''Oh, look, a man is flying.
A man is flying!''
183
00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:55,892
And then splat.
184
00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:58,593
That's where l come in.
185
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:00,925
On ''splat.''
186
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:04,866
You see, Mrs. Sweedler-- Or is it
Hospital Administrator Sweedler?
187
00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:08,404
-Mrs. Sweedler is fine.
-Mrs. Sweedler. Thank you very much.
188
00:10:08,574 --> 00:10:13,841
You see, this tragedy
has affected me in a very....
189
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:15,571
A very personal way.
190
00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:19,309
-How is that?
-Yes, well, you see...
191
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,453
...the deceased...
192
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,680
...landed on my car.
193
00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:29,590
The splat, as it were, actually
occurred on the roof of my car.
194
00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:33,129
Now, of course,
l can't help but feel that...
195
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:37,258
...had it been a convertible, this whole
tragedy might have been averted.
196
00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:40,496
But l've never really been
the kind of guy to buy a convertible...
197
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:43,972
...what with the baldness
and everything.
198
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:48,035
Well, l have known bald men
who owned convertibles.
199
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:49,841
They wore a hat.
200
00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:54,715
Yes, but then everything's all
pulled down, and it's-- Anyway.
201
00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:58,152
The damage, unfortunately...
202
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,918
...has marred an otherwise
fine automobile...
203
00:11:01,093 --> 00:11:03,857
...rendering it virtually undrivable.
204
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:06,327
Yes, well, that is a shame.
205
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:10,367
Yes. A shame.
That is exactly how l would put it.
206
00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:14,996
Now, Mrs. Sweedler, with all
due discretion and sensitivity...
207
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:18,610
...and taking in the whole scope
of the situation...
208
00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:21,178
...l just can't help but think...
209
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:25,511
...that the hospital is somehow
responsible for compensating...
210
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:31,817
...the other still-living victim of this
horrendous, horrendous tragedy.
211
00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:34,254
-Mr. Costanza.
-Yes.
212
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:38,022
A man plummeted tragically
to his ultimate demise...
213
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:41,428
-Yes.
-...and you greedily, callously...
214
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,761
...want to profit from it?
215
00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:46,230
Well, profit....
216
00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:51,570
l think you'll see from the estimate
that l'm not really profiting that much.
217
00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:54,203
lt might be a little high, but....
218
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:58,248
Get out. Get out now.
Get out of my office!
219
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,877
-Should l just leave--?
-Get out!
220
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:06,390
This is it.
221
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,496
Wait, excuse me.
222
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:19,697
What happened to the guy
that was in there before?
223
00:12:19,872 --> 00:12:23,831
-l don't know what you're talking--
-No, you know. He had this:
224
00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:26,176
-He was....
-No.
225
00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:26,176
-He was....
-No.
226
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,006
This doesn't look familiar to you?
227
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,006
This doesn't look familiar to you?
228
00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:32,549
-Sir--
-Look, l know what's going on.
229
00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:32,549
-Sir--
-Look, l know what's going on.
230
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:35,209
The oink, oink.
231
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:35,209
The oink, oink.
232
00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:37,514
Yes, if you'll excuse me,
l have some patients--
233
00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:37,514
Yes, if you'll excuse me,
l have some patients--
234
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:38,987
Listen, you little quack.
235
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:38,987
Listen, you little quack.
236
00:12:39,158 --> 00:12:42,787
There was a half man, half pig in that
room over there. Now, where is he?
237
00:12:39,158 --> 00:12:42,787
There was a half man, half pig in that
room over there. Now, where is he?
238
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:44,486
-Where is he?!
-Half what?
239
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:44,486
-Where is he?!
-Half what?
240
00:12:44,663 --> 00:12:47,564
You know what l mean!
Pork. Sausage.
241
00:12:44,663 --> 00:12:47,564
You know what l mean!
Pork. Sausage.
242
00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:50,099
''That's all, folks.''
243
00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:50,099
''That's all, folks.''
244
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:54,672
l think he's been released.
245
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:54,672
l think he's been released.
246
00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:57,607
Good.
247
00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:57,607
Good.
248
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,211
-He's lying!
-All right, enough of this.
249
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,211
-He's lying!
-All right, enough of this.
250
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:03,473
-l gotta go find George.
-All right, you go ahead.
251
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:03,473
-l gotta go find George.
-All right, you go ahead.
252
00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:05,344
Kramer.
253
00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:05,344
Kramer.
254
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,155
-Where's the mohel?
-He'll be here.
255
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,155
-Where's the mohel?
-He'll be here.
256
00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:15,225
-He's late already.
-Relax.
257
00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:15,225
-He's late already.
-Relax.
258
00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:18,056
You'd think you were
getting whacked.
259
00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:18,056
You'd think you were
getting whacked.
260
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,156
l don't know why he asked me
to be godfather.
261
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,156
l don't know why he asked me
to be godfather.
262
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:23,801
We're not close. Because
we're on the softball team...
263
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:23,801
We're not close. Because
we're on the softball team...
264
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:27,132
...l'm pitcher, he's catcher, he thinks
we have a special relationship?
265
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:27,132
...l'm pitcher, he's catcher, he thinks
we have a special relationship?
266
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,831
l thought pitchers and catchers
had a special rapport.
267
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,831
l thought pitchers and catchers
had a special rapport.
268
00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:33,706
Maybe in hardball, with all the signals,
but l'm just lobbing it in.
269
00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:33,706
Maybe in hardball, with all the signals,
but l'm just lobbing it in.
270
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:35,107
We don't have conferences.
271
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:35,107
We don't have conferences.
272
00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:37,806
He doesn't come out to the mound
and encourage me.
273
00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:37,806
He doesn't come out to the mound
and encourage me.
274
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:41,578
What about me? l just watched
a few games with her in the stands.
275
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:41,578
What about me? l just watched
a few games with her in the stands.
276
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:44,848
Don't they have friends? They're
level-jumping on our friendship.
277
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:44,848
Don't they have friends? They're
level-jumping on our friendship.
278
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:47,083
Yes, it is level-jumping.
279
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:47,083
Yes, it is level-jumping.
280
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:54,566
So...
281
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:54,566
So...
282
00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:56,200
...you been to a bris before?
283
00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:56,200
...you been to a bris before?
284
00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:58,898
No.
285
00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:58,898
No.
286
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:01,305
l've been to a few of them.
287
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:01,305
l've been to a few of them.
288
00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:06,203
lf you start to get woozy later,
which is quite common...
289
00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:06,203
lf you start to get woozy later,
which is quite common...
290
00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:09,074
...stay close to me.
l'll get you through it.
291
00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:09,074
...stay close to me.
l'll get you through it.
292
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:11,876
l'm a cardiologist. l think l'll manage.
293
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:11,876
l'm a cardiologist. l think l'll manage.
294
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:15,881
We're not talking about a manicure.
295
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:15,881
We're not talking about a manicure.
296
00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:18,148
lmagine, this is gonna
be his first memory...
297
00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:18,148
lmagine, this is gonna
be his first memory...
298
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:21,418
...of his parents just standing there
while some stranger...
299
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:21,418
...of his parents just standing there
while some stranger...
300
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:26,258
...cuts off a piece of his manhood
and then serves a catered lunch.
301
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:26,258
...cuts off a piece of his manhood
and then serves a catered lunch.
302
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,764
-Myra?
-She'll be okay.
303
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,764
-Myra?
-She'll be okay.
304
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:31,901
-Kramer, what's the matter with you?
-Me?
305
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:31,901
-Kramer, what's the matter with you?
-Me?
306
00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:34,096
-Oh, that's the mohel.
-He's here.
307
00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:34,096
-Oh, that's the mohel.
-He's here.
308
00:14:35,574 --> 00:14:36,802
lt's about time.
309
00:14:35,574 --> 00:14:36,802
lt's about time.
310
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:38,204
-Hi.
-Hello.
311
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:38,204
-Hi.
-Hello.
312
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,072
-Hello, l'm the mohel.
-Oh, hello.
313
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,072
-Hello, l'm the mohel.
-Oh, hello.
314
00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:42,407
lt's very nice to meet you all.
315
00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:42,407
lt's very nice to meet you all.
316
00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:44,811
What was that? Jeez,
it scared the hell out of me!
317
00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:44,811
What was that? Jeez,
it scared the hell out of me!
318
00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:48,215
l mean, my God,
l almost had a heart attack!
319
00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:48,215
l mean, my God,
l almost had a heart attack!
320
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,912
Okay, l'm fine, l'm fine. Anyway...
321
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,912
Okay, l'm fine, l'm fine. Anyway...
322
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:54,787
...we're here to perform
the mitzvah of the bris.
323
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:54,787
...we're here to perform
the mitzvah of the bris.
324
00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:58,389
ls the baby gonna cry like that?
ls that how he cries...
325
00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:58,389
ls the baby gonna cry like that?
ls that how he cries...
326
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:02,261
...with that loud, sustained, squealing
cry? That could pose a problem.
327
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:02,261
...with that loud, sustained, squealing
cry? That could pose a problem.
328
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:04,129
Do have any control over your child?
329
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:04,129
Do have any control over your child?
330
00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:07,238
This would be the time to exercise it,
when baby is crying...
331
00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:07,238
This would be the time to exercise it,
when baby is crying...
332
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:11,900
...in that high-pitched squealing tone
that can drive you insane!
333
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:11,900
...in that high-pitched squealing tone
that can drive you insane!
334
00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:17,275
-Did you find the place all right?
-Did l find it all right?
335
00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:17,275
-Did you find the place all right?
-Did l find it all right?
336
00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:19,314
Could you send me to
a more dangerous area?
337
00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:19,314
Could you send me to
a more dangerous area?
338
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,316
l'm dreading walking back
to the subway...
339
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,316
l'm dreading walking back
to the subway...
340
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,717
...someone shouldn't smack me
and steal my bag.
341
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,717
...someone shouldn't smack me
and steal my bag.
342
00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:27,325
Because l'll be lying there, and people
will spit on me and empty my pockets.
343
00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:27,325
Because l'll be lying there, and people
will spit on me and empty my pockets.
344
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:32,021
l'll be lying in the gutter like a bum,
a dog, a mutt, a mongrel, an animal!
345
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:32,021
l'll be lying in the gutter like a bum,
a dog, a mutt, a mongrel, an animal!
346
00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:34,631
God forbid anybody should
help me or call an ambulance.
347
00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:34,631
God forbid anybody should
help me or call an ambulance.
348
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,928
That's too much trouble, to pick
up a phone and press a few buttons.
349
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,928
That's too much trouble, to pick
up a phone and press a few buttons.
350
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,094
What's the point?
351
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,094
What's the point?
352
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:43,941
Oh, yeah.
353
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:43,941
Oh, yeah.
354
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:46,270
Darling, you see where
that glass is?
355
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:46,270
Darling, you see where
that glass is?
356
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,003
See how the glass
is near the edge?
357
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,003
See how the glass
is near the edge?
358
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:50,205
You've got the whole table
to put the glass.
359
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:50,205
You've got the whole table
to put the glass.
360
00:15:50,382 --> 00:15:55,285
Why you chose the absolute edge so
half the glass is hanging off the table.
361
00:15:50,382 --> 00:15:55,285
Why you chose the absolute edge so
half the glass is hanging off the table.
362
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:58,787
You breathe, and it falls over. Then
you've got broken glass on the carpet.
363
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:58,787
You breathe, and it falls over. Then
you've got broken glass on the carpet.
364
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:03,418
Embedded in the carpet fibers,
deep in the shag, broken glass.
365
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:03,418
Embedded in the carpet fibers,
deep in the shag, broken glass.
366
00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:05,722
Bits of broken glass
you can never get up.
367
00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:05,722
Bits of broken glass
you can never get up.
368
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:07,229
Can't get it up with a vacuum.
369
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:07,229
Can't get it up with a vacuum.
370
00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:09,526
Even on your knees
with a magnifying glass...
371
00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:09,526
Even on your knees
with a magnifying glass...
372
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,364
...you'll never get all the pieces.
You think you got it.
373
00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:14,301
Two years later, you're barefoot...
374
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,532
...you step on broken glass
and kill yourself!
375
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:20,236
ls that what you want? l don't think
that's what you want. Do you?
376
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:28,008
He's very highly recommended,
so....
377
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:30,252
You're holding the baby?
378
00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:32,515
-No, no.
-Hello. Who's holding the baby?
379
00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:35,421
-Who's holding the baby?!
-Jerry is. Jerry, do you wanna...?
380
00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:37,027
Yeah. l'm holding the baby.
381
00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:40,654
-Okay, go.
-l'm going. All right, l am. l'm going.
382
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,596
-Don't push me.
-Okay, you sit there.
383
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:44,793
Now l need the baby.
Bring me the baby.
384
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:47,097
l need the baby!
385
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:51,699
-No, l'm not gonna let them.
-What are you doing? Come back!
386
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:57,682
People, people. Compose yourself.
This is a bris!
387
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,341
We're performing a bris here,
not a burlesque show.
388
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:05,013
This is not a school play. This is not
a baggy-pants farce. This is a bris!
389
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,953
A sacred, ancient ceremony...
390
00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:10,289
...symbolizing the covenant
between God and Abraham.
391
00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:12,362
Or something.
392
00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:16,196
No, don't touch anything.
Don't touch a thing.
393
00:17:16,835 --> 00:17:19,668
l could have been a kosher butcher
like my brother.
394
00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:23,069
The money's good.
lt's got a union with benefits.
395
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:24,869
And cows don't have families.
396
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:28,138
You make a mistake with a cow,
you move on with your life.
397
00:17:29,481 --> 00:17:31,312
Anyway.
398
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:40,816
-Hurry up, George. Step on it!
-All right, all right.
399
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:42,984
That damn mohel!
He circumcised my finger.
400
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:46,154
-The mohel circumcised my finger.
-You flinched.
401
00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:48,891
Flinched? l did not flinch.
George, did l flinch?
402
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:52,060
Oh, how would he know?
He blacked out. He fainted.
403
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,000
lt was very traumatic.
404
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:57,233
Last thing l remember was you
flinching. Then everything went black.
405
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:59,741
Who's got tissues?
l need more tissues.
406
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,846
Look at this thing.
lt's my phone finger!
407
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:05,040
-Careful. You're getting blood all over.
-What about the baby?
408
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:08,015
The baby's fine. They took him
to the hospital as a precaution.
409
00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:09,882
But look at me.
l'm the one who's hurt!
410
00:18:10,055 --> 00:18:12,819
Will you stop it? You're just
gonna need a few stitches.
411
00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:15,016
A few stitches?
l've never had stitches.
412
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:17,361
l'll be deformed. l can't live with that.
413
00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:19,394
Goes against my personality.
lt's not me.
414
00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:23,023
Hey, look at that.
Boy, are you lucky!
415
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:25,193
Another great spot
in front of the hospital.
416
00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:28,100
ln an emergency yet!
How lucky are you, huh?
417
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:31,902
ls that unbelievable?
How unbelievable is that, huh?
418
00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:34,307
Come on, give it to me.
Give it to me.
419
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:39,751
-l've never seen a mohel like that.
-That was a one-in-a-million mohel.
420
00:18:39,918 --> 00:18:41,351
-l said l'm sorry.
-Look at this.
421
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:45,479
-You'll be okay. l'll see you later, huh?
-Where is he going?
422
00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:48,623
l'm gonna look for a bathroom.
423
00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:52,964
Well, if it isn't Shaky the Mohel.
424
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,862
Nice circumcision, but it's not
supposed to be a finger.
425
00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:58,832
Circumcision was perfect.
That was your fault. You flinched!
426
00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:01,802
Oh, who made you a mohel? You
get your degree from a matchbook?
427
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,033
You see? He flinched again.
428
00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:05,870
Nice. You picked a hell of a mohel!
429
00:19:06,044 --> 00:19:08,672
One more peep, and l'll slice you
like a smoked sturgeon.
430
00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:11,748
-Oh, don't threaten me, butcher boy.
-Butcher boy?
431
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:13,509
Yeah, what was this?
432
00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:15,516
What was this?
What was this, huh?
433
00:19:15,921 --> 00:19:17,980
Careful, Jerry,
the mohel's got a knife!
434
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,148
Hey, what's going on out here?
435
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,384
You should be ashamed of yourself,
both of you.
436
00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:25,394
-Blood.
-Oh, how's the baby?
437
00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:28,533
-There's nothing wrong with the baby.
-The circumcision went fine.
438
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:31,965
Thank God the flincher
didn't harm the baby.
439
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:34,537
l'll get you for this.
This is my business, my life!
440
00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:36,833
No one ruins it for me, no one!
441
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,636
Here's my card.
442
00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:41,210
Get out of my way!
443
00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:54,991
l can't do it.
444
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:59,790
Look what they did to my boy.
They massacred my boy.
445
00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:05,164
You really do the worst Godfather
l've ever heard. You're not even close.
446
00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:08,606
Oh, that's the flicks.
447
00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:10,742
lt's a '76 Chevy lmpala.
448
00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:13,571
They stole it right in front
of the hospital.
449
00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:16,810
l saw the guy drive off in it.
450
00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:20,577
Well, he's about 5 feet tall...
451
00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:22,583
...hairless...
452
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:25,086
...pink complexion.
453
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:27,691
Looks like a pig.
454
00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:29,759
Yeah, all right, thank you.
Thank you.
455
00:20:30,629 --> 00:20:32,028
Yeah.
456
00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:36,156
So any word from the pig-man?
457
00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:38,235
-No.
-No.
458
00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:41,429
And he's not a pig-man, is he?
459
00:20:41,607 --> 00:20:45,976
No, he's not. He's just
a fat little mental patient.
460
00:20:47,512 --> 00:20:48,774
Myra. Stan.
461
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:50,978
-Don't touch him.
-What's the matter?
462
00:20:51,149 --> 00:20:54,277
You're out, Jerry. Out as godfather.
You too, Elaine. You're both out.
463
00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:58,116
-But l didn't do any--
-No buts. We've made up our minds.
464
00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:02,920
We want Kramer. He showed us
how much he cares about Steven.
465
00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:08,896
Don't ever go against the family,
Jerry.
466
00:21:14,973 --> 00:21:16,531
Godfather.
467
00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:19,199
-Godfather.
-Yes.
468
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:37,751
To me, what's really amazing, that for
every job that there is in the world...
469
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:39,794
...there's someone willing to do it.
470
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:42,729
Someone goes, ''l will stand in
the tunnel breathing exhaust...
471
00:21:42,901 --> 00:21:45,699
...watching the cars go by,
making sure everything's okay.''
472
00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:49,932
Someone goes, ''l will work behind
the elephant with the big shovel.''
473
00:21:50,108 --> 00:21:52,440
Doctors go, ''Yes, l will
confine myself...
474
00:21:52,611 --> 00:21:55,739
...to one particularly objectionable
part of the human body...
475
00:21:55,914 --> 00:22:00,283
...all day, every day. l will do it.''
476
00:22:00,519 --> 00:22:04,580
l think people that are unemployed
are not really unable to find work...
477
00:22:04,756 --> 00:22:06,621
...they're just easily disgusted.
478
00:22:06,792 --> 00:22:09,920
''Yes, l'm starving, and my family
has no clothing or shelter...
479
00:22:10,095 --> 00:22:12,620
...but l'm not cleaning that up.''
39455
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