All language subtitles for the.unicorn.s02e11.720p.hdtv.x264-syncopy

Oh, hey!

Hi!

Is this a bad time? Do
you have people over?

No! No, no, no, I'm-I'm good.

Oh, it's so good to see you!

We keep missing each other.

I know, and I'm sorry
about this connection.

The Internet guy's
finally coming on Saturday.

- Oh!
- Is that Shannon?

- What? Oh, I want to say hi!
- Uh, yeah, I...

Hi! Hi!

Hold on, I thought you
weren't having people over!

It's just Michelle and Delia.

- Girl, we're not people.
- Yeah.

- So, how is Asheville?
- Mm-hmm.

Wade says you found a place.

I did, and I-I started
a new job on Monday.

I haven't even had time to unpack.

Girl, leave it for a month,
okay, if it's not unpacked

- by then, throw it away.
- No, what? Are you joking?

- No, tell me you're joking right now.
- Uh, ladies, ladies,

- can I, can I have my-my girlfriend back?
- She's joking.

- We haven't spoken all week and I really...
- Okay, but first I'm gonna

need you to send me that
ratatouille recipe that you

- promised me last week, okay?
- Ok-Okay, okay, I just, I just want...

there's some things I want to tell her,

- okay, I promise.
- Okay.

I promise you'll get the rata...

You'll get the
ratatouille... Oh, no, no,

no, Linda, that's a sponge!

Uh, all right... so how are you?

Oh, hey, you're Bert.

I'm gonna play Clash of Clans.

Okay, Bert, give me the back the phone.

- Yeah... It's, it's okay.
- Sorry.

Hey, Wade, we need your
opinion on something.

Would you please tell
Forrest he's crazy?

So everybody's there.

I didn't want you to hang up.

Hey, listen, this is
only gonna take a second.

- Hey, Shannon.
- Yeah.

What do you think birds think cars are?

Okay, you know what?
I need five minutes.

- Okay, five minutes, yeah.
- Okay, yeah, take your time.

- Yeah, yes, okay.
- Take your time, think about it,

- we'll write our answers down, okay?
- No, we won't.

Great. Oh, my God, uh...

I'm so excited about Tuesday.

Yes, hey, it's a little thing, but, um,

my schedule changed at work
and I'm not gonna be done

until 9:00... That's
okay with you, right?

Yeah, 9:00's not a problem.
I just, uh, have to be

at the hotel site at 7:00 a.m.
to meet the city inspector.

So if I left your place
around midnight, see,

I'd get home at 4:00, 4:15.

That sounds awful.Okay.

So how about this? How
about I stay over with you?

And head straight to work from there?

At 3:00...

- At 3-3:00 a.m.?
- Yeah.

Should we just pick another day?

Yeah, yeah, maybe that makes more sense.

How's Thursday?

Uh, yeah, well, let me, let
me check my calendar, hold on.

Oh, no, you just, you hit the button...

And you're gone.

Linda, Linda, that's a candle!

Come on, how do you
not know what food is?

Linda, drop it, drop it!

Linda, please drop it, drop it.

Shannon's Internet
guy missed his window?

Yeah, he was running three hours late,

so he gave her a new window for Tuesday.

A second window defeats

- the entire window premise.
- Right?

So now she's not gonna
make it here again.

I'm so sorry. You guys are cursed.

You know what, we'll make it work.

When she lived here,
we could see each other

whenever we had a minute, but...

now that she's four hours away...

it just takes a little
more planning, that's all.

You put it up wrong.

- Hey, guys.
- Oh.

Hey, man, you missed the game.

I know, I-I zonked out on the couch.

I don't know, I've just
been so beat lately.

Like, I've had terrible
insomnia for weeks.

Oh, that's the worst.

- Maybe you should avoid screens at night.
- Mm-hmm.

- Or do more exercising.
- Oh, yeah,

you know, I've been sleeping like a baby

ever since Michelle and I started

our two-week steps challenge.

Hey, Forrest, you know I'm a bit

of a night owl myself.

Sometimes I'm up 2:00,
3:00 in the morning

playing Words with Friends.

If you can't sleep, hit me up.

Thank you, man. Maybe I will.

You definitely put it up wrong.

No, I feel bad.

Mondays are usually really free for me.

It's just that my sister
wouldn't take no for an answer.

Because I had to meet
with her mah-jongg group.

- Mm-hmm.
- Um, you know, I...

I have been thinking that, um,

it's been a while since we, uh...

Yeah, believe me, I know.

Want to?

You mean, over, over this?

Uh... sure.

Uh, but how do we...?

I think you just go for it, I think.

And, like... um, like,
as if I was there.

Uh, okay.

Okay, um...

well...

here you are...

in my bed.

That's a great start, it
really is, but I don't know

that you would say that if
I was actually in your bed.

Yeah, right, right, we
would both know that already.

And I would be kissing you.

Yes, you'd be kissing, right?
We'd be, okay, uh, wow, wow,

wow, that looks like
you're kissing my eyeball.

Oh.Yeah, that... it felt wrong.

- Yeah, I think so.
- Maybe you just talk

- sexy to me.
- Why don't we, uh...

take our clothes off, right?

I mean, not that...
Let's just get undressed.

- Yes, now you're talking.
- Yeah.

Uh, the dog is watching.

Yeah, you're watching,
yeah, you're watching me,

you dirty dog. That's right.

- No, my actual dog. They're watching.
- Oh!

I think she's got to go to the bathroom.

She hasn't been out in a while.

You know what, you stay here, all right?

Don't go anywhere, I'll
be right back, okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Go, go, come on, come on, come on.

I really hope you sleep
better tonight, honey.

Thank you. Me, too.

That's not a rattlesnake, is it?

What, that click?

You know they found a six-foot snake

in a ditch on Morgan Street, right?

I mean, can you imagine?

I don't know what I would do.

No... I'm pretty sure

that's just the hot water pipe clicking.

What, like it's gonna burst?

No, like it's making
the sound that it makes.

Okay, but you did pay the
flood insurance, right?

After what happened to
that woman on Loma Linda.

- Ooh.
- What happened on Loma Linda?

Well, you know, she got
water in her fuse box

and then...

Why are you making a missile sound?

I can't believe you didn't hear
that ambulance the other night.

Am...?

Okay, so you're gonna call the pipe guy?

Yeah? Put that on your
list, right, honey?

Yeah, of course, of course.

Forrest, everything okay?

Yeah, you said hit you
up if I couldn't sleep.

No, man, that was if you wanted
to play Words with Friends.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Pretend I didn't call.

Not really possible at this point.

It's just...

for the last month or so,
Delia's started running

through a list of everything
she's worried about

before she goes to bed.

I'm her fear dumpster.

Forrest, don't stress.

Nothing good happens at 2:00 a.m.

Look, tomorrow morning,
the sun will be shining,

and you'll be ready for
whatever life throws your way.

Trust me, it's all okay.

Forrest? You heard me?

Over video?

Really?

Was it awesome? It sounds awesome.

It was just awkward.

Sexy awkward?

Please pretend I never told you.

You know, I also received a not-sexy

awkward phone call last night.

I'm sorry. It will never happen again.

I called him and woke him up last night.

But then I got the best
sleep I'd had in weeks!

He's so soothing.

- What did you do?
- I did nothing! He's making it weird.

Ben's voice is like being wrapped

in a, in a warm bearskin rug.

See? I told you it's so weird.

Will, uh, one of you get that?

Yeah, oh, it's Shannon. Hey, Shannon.

Don't worry, we're
getting right out of here.

- We're getting right out.
- Okay.

Yeah, because whatever
two adults do in private

is A-OK with us, right?

What did Wade tell you?

- Nothing!
- It's fine.

It's fine... I might
even try it with Delia.

Although, you know, I guess,

- we'd have to go in separate rooms.
- Okay.

I'm gonna make up the
guest bed, just in case.

All right, come on, give
me that, get out of here.

- Hey, babe.
- Hi.

So I have good news.

I switched shifts with Curtis

so I have Saturday night off.

Oh, perfect! Uh...

except Saturday is no good.

No, uh, Grace has her choir concert.

How about Friday?

No, we have a big
party at the restaurant.

I can't get away. Uh, what about, uh...

- what about Thursday?
- Thursday...

Thursday I've got...

nothing. Oh, my God.

I can leave Norwood in charge
of the site in the afternoon

and be there by dinner.

I was thinking that maybe, um,

we could have a little
fun before dinner.

Well, I like a little
before-dinner fun.

I know you do.

Oh, shoot! The, uh, my sea
bass is burning... I got to go.

- Bye! Bye, bye, bye.
- Okay, all right, go, go, go, go.

Ah...

yes.

How many steps do you have?

- Oh, 8,800.
- What?!

How is that possible?

I only have 7,000... what
are you doing differently?

I'm walking.

Oh, it's your short little steps.

You walk like a penguin.

Well, a penguin closing
in on 9,000 steps.

Oh,

did you hear about the
nice old man who lives

in the blue house on River Bank Drive?

Oh, Mr. Szathmary?

Oh, don't tell me that
a snake got to him.

Mm-mm, but somebody stole
the catalytic converter

- right out of his car.
- What?

That is terrible.

What is a catalytic converter?

I don't know.

But you definitely want it.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
That's why they have it.

Wow, I had no idea how
bad this neighborhood

was getting until you joined that app.

Some of his neighbors
started a GoFundMe for him.

For what, the converter thingy?

- Worse.
- Worse?

Well, worse?

Oh, well, they thought
it was just a sore throat.

But, you know, the good news is,

these days they can sometimes

stretch the remaining healthy esophagus.

Poor guy's just driving around
without a catalytic converter.

Just spewing carbon into the atmosphere.

Meanwhile...

a piece of the arctic ice
shelf the size of Connecticut

is just gonna break off...

Any minute.

You can't keep doing this.

How big is Connecticut?

Just ask Delia not to unload on you.

Oh, but, oh, she's got so much stress.

We all do, Forrest.

You think I don't have stress?

Kai thinks the Tooth Fairy hates him

because she only gave him two dollars

and his friend Lucas got $20.

I had to spend an hour in his
bedroom tonight consoling him.

But I know that tomorrow,

he's gonna be playing with
that little spoiled brat Lucas

and everything will be fine,
you know what I'm saying?

Forrest?

Forrest, you're asleep, aren't you?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, this is the wrong lesson.

Forrest, get up!

- There has to be consequences, Forrest!
- What?!

Awake... I'm here!

I'm here! Hello! Hey!

Ben?

Thank you so much

for picking up Grace
from school tomorrow.

Are you thanking me or reminding me?

Can it be a little bit of both?

I'm sorry.

I'm just... I'm so excited

about getting on the
road to see Shannon.

It's just been so long,
I miss her so much.

Hey, corn dog.

Uh, corn got my dog. Dog... got my corn.

What? No, no, no. Linda... Linda! Linda!

You don't ever want to
feed a dog a corncob.

Good rule of thumb is,
if you wouldn't eat it,

your dog shouldn't eat it.

Well, that pretty much rules out

everything Linda eats.

Will she be okay?

Should be.

Worst case scenario, emergency surgery.

But hopefully she'll
pass the cob on her own.

Oh, poor girl.

Um...

Ah. Hold on.

Hey, babe.

I'm kind of in the middle of
something. Everything okay?

Yes. Sorry.

Just, I-I can't wait
to see you tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah. I'm-I'm excited, too.

Um, I got to, I got to
run. I'll see you soon.

- Excited!
- Okay, okay. Bye.

So, um, how long will
it take the cob to pass?

- Eight hours.
- Oh, great!

Two days on the outside.

Ah.

Well, Linda,

let's do this.

My love life is in your hands.

Technically, your love
life is in her butt.

- Was that really necessary?
- Why would you say that?

I thought it was funny.

Linda, let's go outside.

Let's do this.

Let's go.

Come on, you got it.

Come on, let's do... Let's do this.

"Are you up?"

Remember that blonde lady who
gave you that nice lamb shank?

Well, I'd really like to see her again,

and I bet you really
want to pass that corncob,

so... win-win.

Ah...

It's okay, girl.

You feel better.

We still got time.

Nope.

When are you supposed to leave?

Uh, four hours ago.

You know what? Go.

Go. Go see Shannon.

I will stay with the dog.

Nobody has a better
rapport with him than I do.

Linda is a her,

and, you know, if she needs surgery...

Yeah... I'll take him!

Her.

And thanks, man, but it's okay.

I wish I understood

what was keeping you
up all night, Forrest.

Yeah, Ben hasn't been
able to sleep, either.

Yeah, I'm not sleeping
because he's not sleeping.

And he's not sleeping because of you!

Me? What-what am I doing?

What, am I kicking you?

Oh, am I talking in my sleep?

What am I saying?

Is it gibberish? Is it whole words?

No. No, you just vent.

You're freaking him out.

- What?
- With the rattlesnakes

and the catalytic converter,

and the boom noises no one
can identify. It's just...

- What are those?
- I don't know.

That's not my fault.

Michelle's on that app,
you know, and she tells me

every single scary thing

- that's happening in our neighborhood.
- Oh.

Don't blame me.

I have to talk to somebody about it,

or else I can't sleep at night.

Well, now I can't sleep at night.

Yeah, which means I
can't sleep at night.

Yeah, tell me about it.

- You all right, Wade?
- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Long distance relationships suck.

I don't know, I just keep telling myself

that... it's going to get easier.

But when?

Is there anything we can do?

Uh... no.

I got to go break the news to Shannon

that we're not going
to see each other...

again.

- Well, you know where to find us.
- Yeah.

Thanks, guys.

I feel so bad about the dog.

I wish Wade would let me stay with him.

MICHELLE, DELIA AND BEN: Her!

I know he's a her.

Dad! Dad!

Linda just pooped the
cob out in the kitchen!

- She-she what?
- Yeah!

- Come clean it up!
- What?

No. You clean it up.

- I'm out of here.
- What?

You-you... Look at you.

Aw, you're the best dog.

Aw, you pooped the cob!

Oh! Yes! Mwah!

Okay.

Hey, hey, hey.

Guess what. We have corn.

We have corn?

Does that mean you can come?

Yes, I am walking out
of the house right now.

Alexa, how long will it
take to get to Asheville?

Based on current traffic,

it'll take about four
hours, three minutes

to drive to Asheville.

11:15. I'll take it.

Better! Bert's with my sister,

I can meet you halfway.

There's this diner just
off I-40 in Statesville.

Yeah? Is it good?

- Not really.
- Well, you know what?

Doesn't matter.

Alexa, how long will it
take to get to Statesville?

Based on current traffic,

it'll take about one hour, 51 minutes

to get to Statesville.

Guess who's coming to Statesville.

I can't tell you how good it is

- to see you.
- It is so good to see you.

Yeah, so, uh,

Sadie's actually, um...
she's not convinced you exist.

This is Sadie, this is
your-your friend from work?

No. Sadie, uh, Sadie from high school.

She's the one who
helped me find the house.

Who are you thinking of?

I just remember

you mentioned there's
a Sadie in the kitchen.

The one with the complete
set of SpongeBob tattoos.

Oh, Sophie!

- Okay.
- Don't make that mistake.

Ever. No.

It is kind of hard to take her seriously

with Squidward on her neck, but, uh,

trust me, she's... she's really tough.

- So just...
- Okay, all right.

Whoa, I-I stand warned.

- Okay.
- Okay.

How is everybody?

They're great.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

But I... I just want to hear

- about you.
- About me?

- Yeah.
- Oh.

I really wish you'd told me

that I've been keeping
you up at night, Forrest.

Oh, I didn't want to bother you.

Oh, but you know, that kind of stress,

it just can really
build and build and build

and-and inflame ulcers

and cause heart disease.

Just ask Martha from my office.

Wow, her husband...

Just healthy as an ox

and then, out of the clear blue sky,

next day, he just...
he just ups and d...

Oh. I'm doing it again.

Forrest, I'm so sorry.

Honey, I get it.

- Life is stressful.
- Yeah.

And if I can be therapeutic for you,

- I want to be.
- Mm...

I want to be that guy
in The Green Mile...

- who absorbs everybody's pain
- Oh.

And then spits out a mouthful of bees.

Didn't that kill him?

No, he got the electric chair.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Well, I love

that you want to turn my pain into bees.

But I just... I can't keep
doing this to you anymore.

It's just, it's too hard on you.

And I love you.

I love you.

What was that boom?

I didn't hear anything.

No?

Sounded like a transformer, or...

like gas...

- No.
- No?

Okay. I'm sure it's nothing.

- Yeah.
- Just...

Okay. Well...

you just relax

and... good night.

I wish you could come back with me.

Oh, I wish you could come back with me.

I know.

Well, I think it's a victory
that we made it halfway.

Right? I mean, so did the Titanic, so...

Yeah.

I'll see you soon, okay?

- Okay.
- Okay. But not,

not this week, because
I have to deal with, um,

- I have to deal with Bert's new school.
- Um...

Uh, I guess he's been
teaching his classmates

- some very interesting words.
- Oh.

Which, in fairness, I
guess I taught him, so...

um... maybe the week after?

Well, it can't be on the weekend,

because Friday is Grace's 16th birthday.

Yeah. And I,

I promised her that I would
take her and her friends

to go ride go-carts.

Oh, that's fun.

Okay, well, why don't
we try, um, a weekday?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Weekday it is.

Okay. All right.

Okay.

Hey, uh, Shannon...

Yeah?

Um...

I want to say thank you.

Thank you? Okay.

When I met you, I was a, um,

a shell-shocked widower.

I... I didn't think

that I would ever meet
anybody ever again.

And then you came along.

And you... you taught
me things, you know?

Things that I had,

um... I had forgotten.

Like I could be in a relationship.

I could be happy.

I could, uh...

I could feel normal again.

And for that,

I will f... forever be grateful.

We don't ha... We don't have to...

Look, I just, I...

I wanted you to know that.

You know, just in case that
weekday doesn't work out.

It'll... It'll work out.

I mean, it's...

this is going to get easier.

Sometime.

Um...

I'm not ready to say goodbye.

Then let's not say goodbye.

Okay.

Okay.

Goodbye.

I can't keep doing this.

- I need my sleep.
- I know, Ben. I know.

But Forrest just said

that you were so helpful.

I didn't do anything.

You guys just worry too much.

- Yeah.
- Look.

Things can get bleak at night, I know,

but you can deal with it.

I know you can.

Just put aside everything
that's going on in the world

and stop worrying.

Delia?

Huh.

The hell is that?

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