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1
00:00:02,717 --> 00:00:05,483
Remind me how we got roped
into giving away the blood
2
00:00:05,568 --> 00:00:07,101
that's keeping us alive?
3
00:00:07,186 --> 00:00:08,976
Wendy signed us all up
when we were hungry.
4
00:00:09,061 --> 00:00:10,741
She knew we weren't
paying attention.
5
00:00:10,851 --> 00:00:12,970
I swear she used the words
"drag queen bingo,"
6
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:14,710
or I never would have agreed.
7
00:00:15,522 --> 00:00:17,274
What if I walk out of here
and get hit by a bus
8
00:00:17,358 --> 00:00:19,429
and don't have enough blood
in my body to save me?
9
00:00:19,514 --> 00:00:21,452
Then they'll wheel you
right back in here
10
00:00:21,568 --> 00:00:22,960
and fill you
full of mine.
11
00:00:23,063 --> 00:00:25,108
I would not take
that offer.
12
00:00:25,828 --> 00:00:27,616
I just hate needles.
13
00:00:27,739 --> 00:00:30,440
Except for Botox,
which actually helps people.
14
00:00:31,079 --> 00:00:32,327
You're gonna
be fine.
15
00:00:32,412 --> 00:00:34,304
I give blood
every six months.
16
00:00:34,389 --> 00:00:35,632
It's nothing to
be scared of.
17
00:00:35,717 --> 00:00:38,077
Wow. Some of these questions
are pretty personal.
18
00:00:38,162 --> 00:00:41,146
"Have you had unprotected sex
with someone you do not know..."
19
00:00:41,231 --> 00:00:43,757
- Yay, I'm out!"
- ...In the last three months?"
20
00:00:43,842 --> 00:00:45,366
Damn it, I'm back in.
21
00:00:46,827 --> 00:00:49,718
We should be proud that we're
sober and we can do this.
22
00:00:49,803 --> 00:00:51,905
There was a time when none
of us could've given blood
23
00:00:51,990 --> 00:00:53,722
because of our
lifestyles.
24
00:00:53,807 --> 00:00:56,987
So let's be grateful
and generous of spirit.
25
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:59,292
Oh, crap-a-doodle.
26
00:00:59,396 --> 00:01:00,683
What's the matter?
Is it number eight?
27
00:01:00,767 --> 00:01:02,463
"Have you taken
money for sex?"
28
00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:05,972
I started blood thinners.
I can't donate.
29
00:01:06,057 --> 00:01:08,217
Wait. Do you have 'em in your purse?
Give me one.
30
00:01:09,384 --> 00:01:11,761
Oh, I wish I was
sick in the hospital
31
00:01:11,846 --> 00:01:12,940
and someone was
bringing me
32
00:01:13,025 --> 00:01:15,683
a Valentine's bear with
a heart on his tummy.
33
00:01:15,768 --> 00:01:16,464
Mm.
34
00:01:16,549 --> 00:01:18,032
I'm not interested
unless that bear
35
00:01:18,117 --> 00:01:19,513
is carrying jewelry.
36
00:01:19,598 --> 00:01:22,038
Adam and I never make a big
deal out of Valentine's Day.
37
00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:23,676
Usually, by the time
he gets home from the bar,
38
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:26,058
I've already eaten my edible
underwear and gone to sleep.
39
00:01:26,542 --> 00:01:27,851
I have a date with chicken fajitas
40
00:01:27,936 --> 00:01:29,378
and Bridget
Jones's Diary.
41
00:01:29,542 --> 00:01:33,011
Well, Gary and I have
a sexy Skype planned.
42
00:01:33,096 --> 00:01:34,636
Tammy, I may
need your help
43
00:01:34,721 --> 00:01:37,465
getting off my compression
socks beforehand.
44
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,300
Great. I have a date
with chicken fajitas,
45
00:01:40,385 --> 00:01:42,745
Bridget Jones's Diary
and Marjorie's compression socks.
46
00:01:45,349 --> 00:01:46,433
Oh, there's Wendy.
47
00:01:49,386 --> 00:01:50,829
Wendy's kissing a man.
48
00:01:50,914 --> 00:01:52,133
Wendy's kissing a man!
49
00:01:52,218 --> 00:01:54,258
I'm gonna faint before
I give blood.
50
00:02:07,521 --> 00:02:09,521
*MOM*
Season 08 Episode 10
51
00:02:09,605 --> 00:02:11,436
Episode Title:
" Illegal Eels
and the Cantaloupe Man"
52
00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:12,803
Aired on:
March 04, 2021
53
00:02:18,124 --> 00:02:20,943
I'm sorry
I can't pet you, Gus.
54
00:02:21,279 --> 00:02:22,920
I gave blood.
55
00:02:24,329 --> 00:02:28,131
You know, it can't always be
about you, you know.
56
00:02:30,267 --> 00:02:31,240
Hey.
57
00:02:31,342 --> 00:02:32,433
Hey.
58
00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:34,053
You all right?
59
00:02:34,138 --> 00:02:36,740
I spent all morning
saving lives.
60
00:02:36,950 --> 00:02:38,781
I thought
you were just giving blood.
61
00:02:39,060 --> 00:02:40,772
Not just any blood.
62
00:02:40,857 --> 00:02:44,341
AB negative,
the rarest of all.
63
00:02:44,677 --> 00:02:48,139
The nurse called it
the "champagne of blood."
64
00:02:50,998 --> 00:02:52,475
Juice me.
65
00:02:53,076 --> 00:02:55,311
Do you think you'll have
your strength back by Sunday?
66
00:02:55,396 --> 00:02:59,316
Oh, no. You're not still trying
to get me to church, are you?
67
00:02:59,623 --> 00:03:01,318
I can't drink
the wine,
68
00:03:01,403 --> 00:03:03,873
and those crackers they
serve with it are terrible.
69
00:03:04,060 --> 00:03:06,498
Sunday is
Valentine's Day,
70
00:03:06,583 --> 00:03:09,458
and I'm taking you out
for a romantic dinner.
71
00:03:09,928 --> 00:03:12,068
Not chicken wings
in your office at the bar?
72
00:03:12,153 --> 00:03:16,073
Nope. Michelin star restaurant,
six-course tasting menu.
73
00:03:16,158 --> 00:03:18,990
Wear your highest heels
'cause I'm sitting down anyway.
74
00:03:19,713 --> 00:03:22,397
Oh, my God,
our first Valentine's date.
75
00:03:23,228 --> 00:03:25,969
If I wasn't so weak,
I'd kiss you.
76
00:03:26,982 --> 00:03:28,334
I'll come to you.
77
00:03:28,419 --> 00:03:30,967
I'll do my best
to muster a pucker.
78
00:03:33,972 --> 00:03:35,857
Oh, orange juice and Oreos.
79
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,519
Just had a flashback
to preschool.
80
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,034
Not what you want
when you're kissing your wife.
81
00:03:42,302 --> 00:03:45,047
You know, Bonnie, it's
been more than 24 hours,
82
00:03:45,163 --> 00:03:46,211
so you can take
that off now.
83
00:03:46,295 --> 00:03:47,908
Oh, is that still there
84
00:03:47,993 --> 00:03:51,131
from when I gave my very rare
blood to save lives?
85
00:03:51,262 --> 00:03:54,068
You're surprised? She wore her
"I Voted" sticker for a month.
86
00:03:54,153 --> 00:03:57,355
I was excited. It was my first
time voting under my real name.
87
00:03:59,256 --> 00:04:00,740
Oh, Wendy's here.
88
00:04:00,825 --> 00:04:03,048
This is gonna be
fun. Hey, girl!
89
00:04:03,133 --> 00:04:05,162
What's new? What's going on?
90
00:04:05,526 --> 00:04:07,818
Uh, I just got my hair cut.
91
00:04:07,918 --> 00:04:09,695
Well, not really cut,
just a trim. They call it...
92
00:04:09,779 --> 00:04:12,225
No one cares.
Who's the guy?
93
00:04:12,310 --> 00:04:13,358
What guy?
94
00:04:13,443 --> 00:04:15,491
The doctor you were
playing doctor with.
95
00:04:15,692 --> 00:04:17,239
When we came to
give blood...
96
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:18,723
We saw you
sucking face with him.
97
00:04:18,808 --> 00:04:20,271
Why have you been
holding out on us?
98
00:04:20,356 --> 00:04:21,823
Oh. Yeah.
99
00:04:22,025 --> 00:04:23,582
We've been kind of
seeing each other.
100
00:04:23,667 --> 00:04:26,184
Yesterday, you went on and on
about the lint in your dryer,
101
00:04:26,269 --> 00:04:28,153
but nothing about
Dr. Hot Lips?
102
00:04:28,238 --> 00:04:31,387
It's new, and I was afraid
you guys would tease me.
103
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:32,955
Wendy, we would never.
104
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,785
- Has he taken your temperature yet?
- And if so, how?
105
00:04:35,870 --> 00:04:38,113
Can he prescribe
satisfaction?
106
00:04:39,010 --> 00:04:41,113
Does he recommend
you stay horizontal
107
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:42,333
with plenty of fluids?
108
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:44,169
All right.
109
00:04:44,254 --> 00:04:46,183
All right, everybody
just leave Wendy alone.
110
00:04:46,268 --> 00:04:47,620
She's probably tired
111
00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:49,322
from all the booster
shots he's giving her.
112
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:52,499
It's fun when you play.
113
00:04:54,453 --> 00:04:56,470
All right, tease all you want.
114
00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:58,048
Armand and I are happy.
115
00:04:58,158 --> 00:04:59,657
Armand?
116
00:05:00,132 --> 00:05:02,415
Is his last name
"Douché"?
117
00:05:04,229 --> 00:05:06,409
Oh, my God.
What?
118
00:05:06,985 --> 00:05:09,167
Gary just broke
up with me.
119
00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:10,407
In a text?
120
00:05:10,540 --> 00:05:11,892
What did he say?
121
00:05:13,409 --> 00:05:15,056
I'm sorry.
I need a minute.
122
00:05:17,914 --> 00:05:19,173
Poor Marjorie.
123
00:05:19,258 --> 00:05:20,338
Do you think
this is some sort
124
00:05:20,422 --> 00:05:21,540
of cosmic
rebalancing?
125
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:24,157
Like Wendy got a boyfriend
so Marjorie had to lose hers?
126
00:05:24,397 --> 00:05:26,564
It's the only
plausible explanation.
127
00:05:27,012 --> 00:05:29,134
Ow! Damn it!
128
00:05:30,993 --> 00:05:32,260
- What happened?
- Oh,
129
00:05:32,345 --> 00:05:34,868
I was looking at my phone,
and I fell,
130
00:05:34,998 --> 00:05:36,954
like the stupid
old woman I am.
131
00:05:37,039 --> 00:05:40,009
Ow! Oh,
I really hurt my wrist.
132
00:05:40,188 --> 00:05:42,168
Oh. We should get you
to the ER.
133
00:05:42,253 --> 00:05:44,509
Which in Wendy's case
is the Erection Room.
134
00:05:45,782 --> 00:05:47,024
No? I guess
we're done.
135
00:05:47,109 --> 00:05:48,196
Go.
136
00:05:51,538 --> 00:05:54,368
Is it weird that I feel like Teen People
really gets me?
137
00:05:54,453 --> 00:05:56,302
No. You've got a
youthful spirit
138
00:05:56,387 --> 00:05:58,610
and a giant crush
on Harry Styles.
139
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,589
Huge news.
140
00:06:01,674 --> 00:06:02,722
Is Marjorie all right?
141
00:06:02,807 --> 00:06:03,915
No idea.
142
00:06:04,077 --> 00:06:05,940
I did a little sleuthing,
and I found out
143
00:06:06,025 --> 00:06:07,690
that Wendy's boyfriend
is a cardiologist.
144
00:06:07,775 --> 00:06:08,728
So I called my girlfriend Jenna,
145
00:06:08,813 --> 00:06:10,400
whose husband is also
a cardiologist,
146
00:06:10,485 --> 00:06:11,882
to see if she had
the scoop on him.
147
00:06:11,966 --> 00:06:14,621
Ooh, good work. I bet he's a
model train guy or has a ferret.
148
00:06:14,757 --> 00:06:17,284
Thank you,
but hold your ticket.
149
00:06:17,436 --> 00:06:19,354
- He's married.
- What?!
150
00:06:19,439 --> 00:06:21,207
I know.
I couldn't believe it, either.
151
00:06:21,292 --> 00:06:22,153
Do you think she knows?
152
00:06:22,238 --> 00:06:23,584
Wendy would never
date a married man.
153
00:06:23,668 --> 00:06:25,192
- We have to tell her.
- Do we?
154
00:06:25,277 --> 00:06:27,824
Last week, she cried
when the bistro ran out of soup.
155
00:06:27,909 --> 00:06:30,357
Of course we do. She's our
friend, and we care about her.
156
00:06:30,442 --> 00:06:31,738
But it's gonna
break her heart.
157
00:06:31,823 --> 00:06:33,582
If we don't tell her,
six months from now,
158
00:06:33,667 --> 00:06:35,323
she's gonna be
in Palm Springs with him,
159
00:06:35,424 --> 00:06:37,560
and his wife's gonna find out
and set her car on fire.
160
00:06:37,644 --> 00:06:38,847
Who would do that?
161
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,242
I always forget you weren't
around for those stories.
162
00:06:41,327 --> 00:06:43,723
I never actually set
anybody's car on fire.
163
00:06:43,984 --> 00:06:45,917
It's harder than you think.
164
00:06:46,033 --> 00:06:47,964
All right, well,
so who's gonna tell her?
165
00:06:48,049 --> 00:06:49,271
Not me.
I've made her cry enough.
166
00:06:49,355 --> 00:06:51,115
I got the scoop.
I've done my part.
167
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,230
Well, I don't want
to do it.
168
00:06:52,314 --> 00:06:53,684
I just got her over
being scared of me.
169
00:06:53,768 --> 00:06:55,561
So we're in agreement.
If Marjorie doesn't die
170
00:06:55,645 --> 00:06:56,969
from wrist-related
complications,
171
00:06:57,054 --> 00:06:58,232
we'll make her
tell Wendy.
172
00:06:58,317 --> 00:06:59,638
Good plan.
173
00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:01,593
Here she comes. Shh.
174
00:07:01,678 --> 00:07:03,162
Oh, does my face look like
it knows too much?
175
00:07:03,246 --> 00:07:05,077
No, never.
176
00:07:05,162 --> 00:07:07,064
- Hey, guys. - Hey.
- Hey.
177
00:07:07,149 --> 00:07:09,228
There she is.
178
00:07:10,282 --> 00:07:13,292
Marjorie's gonna be fine.
It's just a slight fracture.
179
00:07:13,377 --> 00:07:15,250
She's getting a cast,
and then we can take her home.
180
00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:16,469
Great. Super.
181
00:07:16,554 --> 00:07:18,689
So she's not gonna die.
182
00:07:23,069 --> 00:07:25,744
You know, you all didn't
have to come home with me.
183
00:07:25,829 --> 00:07:28,119
Well, I live here
so I was coming anyway.
184
00:07:28,392 --> 00:07:30,635
We just want
to make sure you're okay.
185
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:31,985
I'm fine.
186
00:07:32,314 --> 00:07:34,260
Doctor said my wrist will heal.
187
00:07:34,345 --> 00:07:35,958
Yeah, but you also
just got dumped
188
00:07:36,043 --> 00:07:38,135
in a text
right before Valentine's Day.
189
00:07:38,419 --> 00:07:40,111
Thank you for reminding me.
190
00:07:40,196 --> 00:07:43,041
We're all here because we love
you, and we just want to help.
191
00:07:43,126 --> 00:07:44,304
Can I get you a pillow?
192
00:07:44,388 --> 00:07:46,258
If I need a pillow,
I'll get one.
193
00:07:46,343 --> 00:07:49,044
Look around. It's like a
Pier 1 exploded in here.
194
00:07:49,455 --> 00:07:51,329
All right, no pillow.
195
00:07:51,413 --> 00:07:53,310
Do you want to talk about
what happened with Gary?
196
00:07:53,394 --> 00:07:54,848
No.
197
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:57,325
Are you gonna call him? No.
198
00:07:57,411 --> 00:08:00,334
Well, I say good riddance.
We never liked him anyway.
199
00:08:00,419 --> 00:08:01,548
Jill! What?
200
00:08:01,632 --> 00:08:02,723
Who didn't like him?
201
00:08:02,807 --> 00:08:04,193
All of us. Jill!
202
00:08:04,365 --> 00:08:06,560
What? I'm just
telling her the truth.
203
00:08:06,645 --> 00:08:08,661
And as someone who's recently
been dumped herself,
204
00:08:08,746 --> 00:08:09,788
I know
what you're going through,
205
00:08:09,872 --> 00:08:11,856
and I just want to say,
men suck.
206
00:08:12,674 --> 00:08:14,882
But Gary especially.
207
00:08:14,967 --> 00:08:16,101
Not all men suck.
208
00:08:16,186 --> 00:08:18,754
Adam's great,
80%, 85% of the time.
209
00:08:19,906 --> 00:08:21,517
And I've got
a great guy, too.
210
00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:28,052
What?
211
00:08:28,137 --> 00:08:29,906
Well, if we'd gotten
some alone time
212
00:08:29,991 --> 00:08:31,215
with Marjorie, she'd tell you.
213
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:32,687
Tell her what?
214
00:08:33,533 --> 00:08:35,169
Okay, I'll jump
in front of the bullet.
215
00:08:35,254 --> 00:08:36,908
Armand's married.
216
00:08:38,277 --> 00:08:40,848
I'm sorry.
This must be devastating.
217
00:08:40,947 --> 00:08:42,298
Oh, I know
he's married.
218
00:08:42,383 --> 00:08:43,894
- You do?
- Yeah.
219
00:08:43,978 --> 00:08:46,501
Really? It's not ideal,
but I'm okay with it.
220
00:08:46,586 --> 00:08:47,898
But you never break the rules.
221
00:08:47,982 --> 00:08:49,954
You won't even smuggle popcorn
into a movie,
222
00:08:50,039 --> 00:08:51,337
and I know
'cause I've asked you to.
223
00:08:51,421 --> 00:08:53,625
My purse was filled
with cheeseburgers.
224
00:08:54,851 --> 00:08:57,368
Wait a minute.
Your boyfriend is married?
225
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,384
I know you're old and injured,
but try to keep up.
226
00:09:01,023 --> 00:09:02,435
How are you okay with this?
227
00:09:02,633 --> 00:09:05,547
You don't understand.
We had an instant connection.
228
00:09:05,696 --> 00:09:07,617
I've never been with someone
who's this into me.
229
00:09:07,702 --> 00:09:10,625
Yeah, well, I bet he was
into his wife at one point, too.
230
00:09:12,453 --> 00:09:15,304
Honey, he'll say he'll leave
her, but he's never going to.
231
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:16,634
It's okay.
232
00:09:16,719 --> 00:09:18,804
I'm fine with things
the way they are.
233
00:09:20,624 --> 00:09:22,322
All right, since you didn't
have to break the news,
234
00:09:22,406 --> 00:09:24,509
you can jump right into your
lecture about how wrong this is.
235
00:09:24,593 --> 00:09:26,993
Do you want a glass of water,
cup of tea, or can you just go?
236
00:09:27,603 --> 00:09:28,721
No lecture.
237
00:09:28,806 --> 00:09:30,242
Great. Straight to yelling.
238
00:09:30,539 --> 00:09:33,571
Mm, we can do anything
we want in sobriety
239
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:36,812
as long as we're willing
to accept the consequences.
240
00:09:37,570 --> 00:09:39,337
Obviously,
Marjorie is delirious.
241
00:09:39,422 --> 00:09:41,875
I'm jumping in.
Somebody make me some tea.
242
00:09:42,593 --> 00:09:44,258
I have dated my share
of married men...
243
00:09:44,343 --> 00:09:46,179
Back when I was drinking,
not proud...
244
00:09:46,297 --> 00:09:48,089
And yes,
the secrecy was exciting,
245
00:09:48,173 --> 00:09:50,320
and the thrill of that guy
getting something from me
246
00:09:50,406 --> 00:09:52,804
that he couldn't get from
his wife made me feel special.
247
00:09:54,893 --> 00:09:56,579
But here's
what I didn't understand,
248
00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:58,012
because I wasn't married:
249
00:09:58,304 --> 00:10:00,930
That guy's wife is a real person
with feelings,
250
00:10:01,015 --> 00:10:03,031
and she probably
suspects something.
251
00:10:03,148 --> 00:10:04,598
So don't think
you're not hurting someone,
252
00:10:04,682 --> 00:10:05,906
because you are.
253
00:10:07,125 --> 00:10:08,849
You know what I think?
254
00:10:09,414 --> 00:10:11,464
I'm happy
and you can't stand it.
255
00:10:18,682 --> 00:10:20,797
Do you still want the tea?
256
00:10:28,482 --> 00:10:30,272
- This is beautiful.
- Yeah.
257
00:10:30,357 --> 00:10:32,280
Does it count as
one of those six courses?
258
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:33,838
'Cause I may want
to pace myself.
259
00:10:33,922 --> 00:10:36,435
That is called
an amuse-bouche.
260
00:10:36,574 --> 00:10:37,599
I did not know that.
261
00:10:37,684 --> 00:10:39,124
I was told while you
were in the bathroom,
262
00:10:39,208 --> 00:10:40,624
after I said, "I hope
the next course
263
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,224
- comes on a bigger plate."
- Ah.
264
00:10:42,841 --> 00:10:45,241
- Well, it looks delicious.
- Should I take a picture?
265
00:10:45,326 --> 00:10:47,195
No. I don't want to be
one of those people.
266
00:10:47,389 --> 00:10:48,477
Yes, I do.
267
00:10:49,826 --> 00:10:51,132
You look gorgeous.
268
00:10:52,130 --> 00:10:53,943
I'm the luckiest
man in the room.
269
00:10:54,161 --> 00:10:56,161
I got a look at the crowd
on the way to the bathroom,
270
00:10:56,245 --> 00:10:57,958
and yes, you are.
271
00:10:58,630 --> 00:11:01,826
I bought you
a little Valentine's Day gift.
272
00:11:01,926 --> 00:11:04,505
God, how much sex
do you want tonight?
273
00:11:04,951 --> 00:11:06,686
W-We may have to push
till tomorrow morning,
274
00:11:06,771 --> 00:11:09,591
after six courses and
this bouche situation.
275
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:15,803
Hey, you two.
276
00:11:15,896 --> 00:11:17,076
Jill, what are you
doing here?
277
00:11:17,161 --> 00:11:19,483
Oh, just picking up.
I paid for this months ago
278
00:11:19,568 --> 00:11:20,882
when I thought I would
still have a boyfriend,
279
00:11:20,966 --> 00:11:23,397
but at least I get to eat in
my sweats, so that's a win.
280
00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:26,201
Well, enjoy
your Valentine's.
281
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,674
- Jill?
- Yeah.
282
00:11:27,758 --> 00:11:29,397
Would you like
to join us?
283
00:11:29,482 --> 00:11:31,163
Oh, no. This is a
couples-only zone.
284
00:11:31,248 --> 00:11:32,654
No, come on, sit down.
285
00:11:32,739 --> 00:11:33,700
Really?
286
00:11:33,785 --> 00:11:35,047
Absolutely.
287
00:11:36,115 --> 00:11:38,458
Okay. I'll go
ask for a chair.
288
00:11:39,771 --> 00:11:41,108
You are so wonderful.
289
00:11:41,193 --> 00:11:42,998
Later, I'm gonna
do something to you
290
00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:45,021
that's only legal
in Thailand.
291
00:11:47,177 --> 00:11:50,006
Okay, I know this isn't
the night you had planned,
292
00:11:50,091 --> 00:11:51,695
but I worked really hard
on these fajitas,
293
00:11:51,779 --> 00:11:53,086
and I think
you're gonna like 'em.
294
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,348
I'm not hungry.
295
00:11:54,432 --> 00:11:55,697
Well, they're there
if you want 'em.
296
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:56,685
I won't.
297
00:11:56,770 --> 00:11:58,035
Then they're just there.
298
00:11:58,755 --> 00:12:00,522
I was gonna watch
Bridget Jones's Diary.
299
00:12:00,607 --> 00:12:01,318
Is that okay with you?
300
00:12:01,403 --> 00:12:04,365
A story about a woman
who can't keep her man? Why not?
301
00:12:04,526 --> 00:12:05,802
Oh, I also have RoboCop.
302
00:12:05,887 --> 00:12:07,807
Impossible to see
your current situation in that,
303
00:12:07,924 --> 00:12:10,529
unless there's something
about Gary you haven't told us.
304
00:12:10,872 --> 00:12:12,755
I don't care.
305
00:12:13,404 --> 00:12:15,083
I know this is
hard for you,
306
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:18,108
but you still have so much
to be grateful for.
307
00:12:18,193 --> 00:12:22,349
Like what? I'm old, I'm alone,
my bones snap like dry twigs,
308
00:12:22,434 --> 00:12:24,044
and I get to spend
the next two weeks
309
00:12:24,129 --> 00:12:26,439
taking a shower
with a plastic bag on my arm.
310
00:12:26,982 --> 00:12:29,279
Is there anything I can do
to make you feel better?
311
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:33,107
Go back in time and tell me
not to dump Wayne for Gary.
312
00:12:33,192 --> 00:12:34,545
I would if I could.
313
00:12:34,662 --> 00:12:37,015
Then I'd go further back in time
and invent the zipper.
314
00:12:37,170 --> 00:12:39,044
Though I don't know
when that was invented.
315
00:12:39,129 --> 00:12:40,650
It'd be pretty embarrassing
if I show up and say,
316
00:12:40,734 --> 00:12:41,701
"Hey, look what I invented!"
317
00:12:41,814 --> 00:12:44,863
Then the real zipper guy
is like, "Nice job, loser."
318
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,271
- Can you eat your fajitas in your bedroom?
- Yes, I can.
319
00:12:50,916 --> 00:12:52,225
Wendy, right?
320
00:12:52,309 --> 00:12:54,140
I know. A married man?
321
00:12:54,225 --> 00:12:55,882
Mm. I can't stop
thinking about it.
322
00:12:55,967 --> 00:12:57,522
I finally got her
to stop thinking about it,
323
00:12:57,606 --> 00:12:58,958
so can we change
the subject?
324
00:12:59,043 --> 00:13:01,630
I'm even willing to go back
to panty liners.
325
00:13:03,470 --> 00:13:06,592
This was set to be
my worst Valentine's Day ever,
326
00:13:06,677 --> 00:13:08,021
and I'm having fun.
327
00:13:08,106 --> 00:13:11,112
Oh, I'd say my worst was
waking up in a Colombian jail.
328
00:13:11,197 --> 00:13:12,255
Not sure how I got there.
329
00:13:12,340 --> 00:13:13,955
Something to do with
selling illegal eels.
330
00:13:15,948 --> 00:13:17,431
I was gonna tell
a harrowing story
331
00:13:17,515 --> 00:13:18,982
about a flat tire in Fresno,
332
00:13:19,077 --> 00:13:21,125
but I forgot
who I was having dinner with.
333
00:13:21,325 --> 00:13:23,202
It's hard to unseat the champ.
334
00:13:23,629 --> 00:13:25,025
Well, the truth is,
335
00:13:25,110 --> 00:13:28,412
all my Valentine's Days
were the worst before I met you.
336
00:13:28,497 --> 00:13:29,733
Aw.
337
00:13:29,818 --> 00:13:32,217
I love you.
Can I open my present now?
338
00:13:32,302 --> 00:13:34,351
There's a present?
Go, go, go!
339
00:13:34,602 --> 00:13:36,037
Oh, wait. No, no.
340
00:13:36,121 --> 00:13:37,491
Don't open it till I'm off.
341
00:13:37,576 --> 00:13:38,667
Hey, Tammy.
342
00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:40,256
Marjorie's gone down
a rabbit hole,
343
00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:41,607
and I don't know what to do.
344
00:13:41,692 --> 00:13:42,944
She's sitting in the dark
345
00:13:43,029 --> 00:13:44,901
muttering about
giving her cats away
346
00:13:44,986 --> 00:13:46,553
to younger people.
347
00:13:47,518 --> 00:13:49,994
- Oh, no.
- What's going on?
348
00:13:50,094 --> 00:13:53,088
Marjorie's gone to a bad place,
and Tammy don't know what to do.
349
00:13:53,173 --> 00:13:54,221
Who are you talking to?
350
00:13:54,306 --> 00:13:56,074
Oh, Bonnie.
I'm out with her and Adam.
351
00:13:56,159 --> 00:13:58,908
Why are you...?
Never mind. Let me talk to her.
352
00:14:01,539 --> 00:14:02,682
Hey, Tam.
353
00:14:02,767 --> 00:14:05,455
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
354
00:14:08,119 --> 00:14:09,088
Uh-huh.
355
00:14:09,173 --> 00:14:10,914
- Two more for dinner?
- Uh-huh.
356
00:14:15,337 --> 00:14:17,252
I heard about
the whole Gary text thing.
357
00:14:17,404 --> 00:14:19,409
That's just messed up.
I'm sorry.
358
00:14:19,563 --> 00:14:20,596
Thank you.
359
00:14:20,696 --> 00:14:21,874
He didn't like
him, either.
360
00:14:22,666 --> 00:14:24,807
Did everyone
hate Gary?
361
00:14:24,892 --> 00:14:27,588
Hate's a strong word,
but it's the right word.
362
00:14:28,395 --> 00:14:30,226
Why didn't anybody tell me?
363
00:14:30,349 --> 00:14:31,885
Well, you seemed
so happy.
364
00:14:31,970 --> 00:14:33,931
And we didn't want to
rain on your sex parade.
365
00:14:34,016 --> 00:14:37,022
Oh, well, he was the grand
marshal of the sex parade.
366
00:14:38,414 --> 00:14:39,897
But if I'm
completely honest,
367
00:14:39,982 --> 00:14:41,987
I sometimes
found him challenging.
368
00:14:42,072 --> 00:14:44,390
- He could be a bit opinionated.
- And a little overbearing.
369
00:14:44,474 --> 00:14:46,721
Kind of a know-it-all.
He was a dick.
370
00:14:47,155 --> 00:14:49,723
Don't say "dick"
in a swanky restaurant.
371
00:14:50,436 --> 00:14:53,877
I don't know about women,
but guys have a rule
372
00:14:53,979 --> 00:14:55,918
that you don't bash the ex
until you're sure
373
00:14:56,003 --> 00:14:57,964
that they're not
getting back together.
374
00:14:58,165 --> 00:15:00,721
Like the other person's dead,
preferably cremated
375
00:15:00,806 --> 00:15:03,072
and you've looked
inside the urn.
376
00:15:05,131 --> 00:15:08,355
He broke up with me by text,
so, in the words of Taylor Swift,
377
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,042
"We are never, ever,
ever getting back together."
378
00:15:12,189 --> 00:15:14,861
Well, for what it's worth,
I think you can do a lot better.
379
00:15:14,946 --> 00:15:16,473
Well, thank you.
380
00:15:16,558 --> 00:15:18,867
And I'm starting
to feel a little better, too.
381
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:21,748
Maybe all I needed was
a night out with my gals.
382
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:23,292
Aw, you hear that?
You're one of the gals.
383
00:15:23,376 --> 00:15:24,685
I'm honored.
384
00:15:24,770 --> 00:15:26,893
Though, I think the people
in this restaurant think
385
00:15:26,978 --> 00:15:28,690
I'm some sort
of cult leader.
386
00:15:31,588 --> 00:15:33,166
You know the one thing
that's missing?
387
00:15:33,251 --> 00:15:35,596
Ketchup? I think they're
pretending they don't have any.
388
00:15:35,743 --> 00:15:38,299
Wendy. If I'm gonna have
a romantic Valentine's dinner
389
00:15:38,384 --> 00:15:40,563
with all my girlfriends,
she should be here.
390
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,229
Excuse me.
We're gonna need another chair.
391
00:15:43,314 --> 00:15:44,963
And I get that
you "don't have ketchup,"
392
00:15:45,048 --> 00:15:48,097
but do you have ranch
or barbecue sauce or mustard?
393
00:15:48,182 --> 00:15:50,402
Just looking for
a little dip here, sir.
394
00:15:53,258 --> 00:15:54,588
I'm glad you called.
395
00:15:55,005 --> 00:15:56,316
Having a boyfriend
who's with his wife
396
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,100
on Valentine's Day is rough.
397
00:15:58,185 --> 00:16:00,635
Even though I violently disagree
with your choices,
398
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,018
I'm violently happy you're here.
399
00:16:04,889 --> 00:16:06,791
One for you.
400
00:16:06,876 --> 00:16:08,221
One for you.
401
00:16:08,306 --> 00:16:09,571
Aw.
402
00:16:09,676 --> 00:16:10,676
One for you.
403
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:12,190
- Oh.
- One for you.
404
00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:13,105
Oh.
405
00:16:13,190 --> 00:16:14,494
And two for you.
406
00:16:14,579 --> 00:16:16,584
I'm no dummy.
407
00:16:17,985 --> 00:16:19,620
You know, you see this happen
in restaurants,
408
00:16:19,704 --> 00:16:20,886
and it's the hokiest thing ever,
409
00:16:20,970 --> 00:16:22,924
and then it happens to you,
and it's so nice.
410
00:16:23,009 --> 00:16:24,405
You're a classy
on of a bitch.
411
00:16:24,523 --> 00:16:26,528
Swanky.
I forgot.
412
00:16:27,916 --> 00:16:29,361
Should we give
this another shot?
413
00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:31,088
Ooh, tiny box alert.
414
00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:36,624
Oh, Adam.
415
00:16:36,809 --> 00:16:38,158
It's beautiful.
416
00:16:38,243 --> 00:16:39,726
Oh, let me see!
417
00:16:39,952 --> 00:16:41,653
Oh, that's
a nice weight.
418
00:16:41,738 --> 00:16:43,525
Oh, Adam, so elegant.
419
00:16:44,013 --> 00:16:45,486
Really pretty.
420
00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:46,471
There's an inscription.
421
00:16:46,556 --> 00:16:48,463
Oh, yeah. Look, it says...
422
00:16:48,606 --> 00:16:50,307
Ooh, probably
Bonnie should read it.
423
00:16:52,758 --> 00:16:56,069
"No, sorry, no Linda here."
424
00:16:56,528 --> 00:16:57,759
What does that mean?
425
00:16:57,844 --> 00:16:59,644
Those are the first words
you ever said to me.
426
00:17:00,110 --> 00:17:01,276
When I called the wrong number
427
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,111
that ended up
being the right number.
428
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,044
You're amazing.
429
00:17:09,726 --> 00:17:11,697
I would like to propose
a toast.
430
00:17:11,782 --> 00:17:13,416
To Adam Janikowski,
431
00:17:13,501 --> 00:17:16,400
who has made our friend happier
than she has ever been,
432
00:17:16,589 --> 00:17:18,002
and he also puts up
with all of us,
433
00:17:18,087 --> 00:17:20,416
which is something
even we have trouble doing.
434
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:23,971
I knew when I married Bonnie
435
00:17:24,056 --> 00:17:25,756
that I was also marrying
all of you.
436
00:17:25,927 --> 00:17:27,279
And I'm good
with that.
437
00:17:27,434 --> 00:17:28,743
I love you guys.
438
00:17:28,828 --> 00:17:29,971
Oh.
439
00:17:30,056 --> 00:17:31,190
Pay attention, ladies.
440
00:17:31,275 --> 00:17:33,495
Don't settle for
anything less than this.
441
00:17:34,944 --> 00:17:37,014
Wendy, don't you even
look at him.
442
00:17:50,033 --> 00:17:52,055
Well, somebody's got
their sparkle back.
443
00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:53,289
Mm-hmm.
444
00:17:53,374 --> 00:17:55,858
Well, I stopped at the
farmer's market on the way here,
445
00:17:55,943 --> 00:17:59,133
and I got talking
to the cantaloupe man.
446
00:17:59,218 --> 00:18:01,875
Long story short, we're
having coffee next Wednesday.
447
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:02,875
Oh, thank God.
448
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,125
I can put all the sharp
knives back in the kitchen.
449
00:18:05,789 --> 00:18:07,655
The good news is
maybe it'll work out,
450
00:18:07,740 --> 00:18:10,069
but the better news is,
even if it doesn't,
451
00:18:10,154 --> 00:18:12,546
it's given me hope
that I've still got game.Mm.
452
00:18:12,631 --> 00:18:13,941
The best news is
we can make jokes
453
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,663
about him squeezing
your melons.
454
00:18:17,288 --> 00:18:19,641
Oh, I want
a cantaloupe man.
455
00:18:19,803 --> 00:18:22,242
I really need to start
doing my own shopping.
456
00:18:23,039 --> 00:18:25,693
No. I'd rather
be alone forever.
457
00:18:26,590 --> 00:18:29,161
It's 'cause those were the
first words I ever said to him.
458
00:18:29,378 --> 00:18:32,732
It was a wrong number.
Pretty magical story.
459
00:18:33,121 --> 00:18:35,134
Hey, Bonnie, can I talk
to you for a second?
460
00:18:35,219 --> 00:18:36,171
Yeah.
461
00:18:36,255 --> 00:18:38,039
Later, I'll show you
pictures of our dinner.
462
00:18:38,124 --> 00:18:40,782
My phone put them into a little
video with sentimental music.
463
00:18:40,867 --> 00:18:42,672
It's actually very moving.
464
00:18:44,437 --> 00:18:45,680
What's up?
465
00:18:45,765 --> 00:18:48,391
I just want to let you know
that Armand and I broke up.
466
00:18:49,317 --> 00:18:52,602
I'm sorry, but I do think
you made the right choice.
467
00:18:52,976 --> 00:18:54,904
It wasn't my choice.
It was his.
468
00:18:58,756 --> 00:19:00,631
But can we say
it was mine?
469
00:19:00,816 --> 00:19:02,250
That's what I heard.
34847