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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,060 --> 00:00:05,601 [dramatic music] 2 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:07,747 I'm Randall Park at Freedom High School, 3 00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:09,824 continuing our all-access coverage 4 00:00:09,858 --> 00:00:12,641 of the Dwayne Johnson presidential campaign. 5 00:00:12,666 --> 00:00:14,166 ♪♪ 6 00:00:14,206 --> 00:00:17,709 Thank you for joining us for the official opening 7 00:00:17,743 --> 00:00:20,909 of the Dwayne Johnson Library. 8 00:00:20,946 --> 00:00:23,214 Dwayne, we always knew 9 00:00:23,249 --> 00:00:26,451 that you were destined for greatness. 10 00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:27,485 Nice lady. 11 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,454 She made me sound good, but none of it was true. 12 00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:30,421 I mean, the only thing that people said 13 00:00:30,456 --> 00:00:32,323 I was destined to do was time. 14 00:00:32,358 --> 00:00:34,535 - [both chuckle] - That's good. 15 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,227 As we all know, nobody's perfect, 16 00:00:36,262 --> 00:00:37,762 and we all screw up. 17 00:00:37,796 --> 00:00:39,964 I just happened to screw up a little bit more than most. 18 00:00:39,999 --> 00:00:41,866 As a matter of fact, Randall, when I first got here 19 00:00:41,901 --> 00:00:44,502 to Freedom High School, I was a hardcore shoplifter. 20 00:00:44,536 --> 00:00:46,070 Mm-hmm. 21 00:00:46,105 --> 00:00:47,605 Hey, just so you know, 22 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:49,073 you guys have to come in tighter 23 00:00:49,108 --> 00:00:50,275 when he says stuff like that. 24 00:00:50,309 --> 00:00:51,509 Well, it's too late now. 25 00:00:51,543 --> 00:00:53,778 It's too late. Back up. 26 00:00:53,812 --> 00:00:55,713 Just anticipate. 27 00:00:55,748 --> 00:00:56,881 Uh, continue. 28 00:00:56,916 --> 00:01:00,084 Yeah, so we moved here to Bethlehem from Nashville 29 00:01:00,119 --> 00:01:02,453 because my dad wasn't wrestling for Vince McMahon anymore. 30 00:01:02,488 --> 00:01:03,688 - That's your father... - Mm-hmm. 31 00:01:03,722 --> 00:01:07,926 [wrestling announcer voice] "Soul Man" Rocky Johnson! 32 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,661 Nice, man. Good job. 33 00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,262 - Give me some. - All right. 34 00:01:11,297 --> 00:01:13,798 - You practiced that, didn't you? - I did. 35 00:01:13,832 --> 00:01:17,035 I don't know if I mentioned it, but I used to be an actor. 36 00:01:17,069 --> 00:01:18,603 - You have. - I have? Okay. 37 00:01:18,637 --> 00:01:20,305 - Yeah, yeah, multiple times. - Oh, okay. 38 00:01:20,339 --> 00:01:21,806 - But back to my parents. - Yes, yes. 39 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,474 So money wasn't coming in the way it used to, 40 00:01:23,509 --> 00:01:26,244 so he and my mom opened up a cleaning business. 41 00:01:26,278 --> 00:01:29,380 I had a side job after school slinging pizza, 42 00:01:29,415 --> 00:01:31,349 but the only thing I wanted to do was chase girls. 43 00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:32,583 - Mm. - [chuckles] 44 00:01:32,618 --> 00:01:33,985 And to get their attention, I thought 45 00:01:34,019 --> 00:01:37,088 that I had to look rich, hence all the stealing. 46 00:01:37,122 --> 00:01:38,489 Candidate Johnson, please, 47 00:01:38,524 --> 00:01:40,558 remember our media training session. 48 00:01:40,592 --> 00:01:43,661 - It's fine, Sandy. - Yeah, it's fine, Sandy. 49 00:01:43,696 --> 00:01:45,964 So my dad was still trying to wrestle 50 00:01:45,998 --> 00:01:48,433 any chance that he got, so my Uncle Afa 51 00:01:48,467 --> 00:01:50,535 - from the Wild Samoans... - The Wild Samoans. 52 00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,904 - [growls] - Yeah, that's good. 53 00:01:52,938 --> 00:01:54,505 - Yeah. - Borderline inappropriate. 54 00:01:54,540 --> 00:01:55,506 - Oh, okay. - It was the tongue. 55 00:01:55,541 --> 00:01:57,342 - Yeah. Oh, sorry. - Yeah. 56 00:01:57,376 --> 00:01:59,110 So my Uncle Afa hooked my dad up 57 00:01:59,144 --> 00:02:00,845 with a promoter who got him booked 58 00:02:00,879 --> 00:02:03,281 on some local shows, which was great. 59 00:02:03,315 --> 00:02:05,890 I mean, we needed the money, but my dad 60 00:02:05,953 --> 00:02:07,819 was still very much reliving 61 00:02:07,853 --> 00:02:09,954 his glory days of the early '80s. 62 00:02:09,989 --> 00:02:11,856 Listen to that crowd! 63 00:02:11,890 --> 00:02:13,124 Whoo! 64 00:02:13,158 --> 00:02:15,693 Kick to the midsection. Johnson taking a beating! 65 00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:16,728 [Sam and Dave's "Soul Man"] 66 00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,896 Rocky making an incredible comeback 67 00:02:18,922 --> 00:02:20,489 against the Nature Boy. 68 00:02:20,532 --> 00:02:21,699 [cheers and applause] 69 00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:24,168 Here comes the big "Soul Man" right hand! 70 00:02:24,203 --> 00:02:25,937 ♪ I'm a soul man ♪ 71 00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:28,373 ♪♪ 72 00:02:28,407 --> 00:02:30,108 He holds Flair up! 73 00:02:30,142 --> 00:02:31,376 [crowd cheering] One, two... 74 00:02:31,410 --> 00:02:33,411 Three, and the crowd goes wild! 75 00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:34,712 Yeah, right, they did! 76 00:02:34,747 --> 00:02:36,614 I remember seeing that match on TV. 77 00:02:36,648 --> 00:02:39,017 Flair's a great guy. Just don't touch his hair. 78 00:02:39,051 --> 00:02:42,854 But do compliment his ring entrance robe. 79 00:02:42,888 --> 00:02:45,023 Brother spends a ton on feathering. 80 00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:51,295 [sighs] 81 00:02:52,931 --> 00:02:54,732 Dewey, did you put an empty egg carton 82 00:02:54,767 --> 00:02:56,634 and an empty milk carton back in the fridge? 83 00:02:56,668 --> 00:02:57,765 How are you supposed to know we're out of stuff 84 00:02:57,790 --> 00:02:59,304 if I don't put the empty cartons in the fridge? 85 00:02:59,329 --> 00:03:00,938 How 'bout you write it down on the grocery list? 86 00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,807 Because when I do, you ignore it. 87 00:03:02,841 --> 00:03:05,510 Like, here I wrote "Coke," and you bought 88 00:03:05,544 --> 00:03:08,079 Sim's Market Brand Sugar Cola. 89 00:03:08,113 --> 00:03:10,415 Do you think I want Sim's Market Brand Milk Alternative 90 00:03:10,449 --> 00:03:11,682 for my coffee? No. 91 00:03:11,717 --> 00:03:13,518 I want the purple half-and-half, 92 00:03:13,552 --> 00:03:16,354 but nobody here is making half-and-half money, Dewey. 93 00:03:16,388 --> 00:03:18,823 We're making Sim's Market Brand money. 94 00:03:18,857 --> 00:03:20,657 Gotta take a shower. I've got a new client. 95 00:03:20,682 --> 00:03:21,859 I can't be late. 96 00:03:21,894 --> 00:03:24,629 [phone rings] 97 00:03:26,532 --> 00:03:28,332 - Hello? - Hey, Son. 98 00:03:28,367 --> 00:03:29,867 - Hey, Dad. - Is your mom there? 99 00:03:29,902 --> 00:03:30,868 She's in the shower. 100 00:03:30,903 --> 00:03:32,770 She's working for that new client today. 101 00:03:32,805 --> 00:03:34,572 All right, let her know I'm running a little late. 102 00:03:34,606 --> 00:03:35,740 I lost track of time 103 00:03:35,774 --> 00:03:37,208 storytelling for the guys at the gym. 104 00:03:37,242 --> 00:03:38,743 Mom seems real stressed, Dad. 105 00:03:38,777 --> 00:03:40,178 Hey, when I get home, I'll give her 106 00:03:40,212 --> 00:03:41,612 a Rocky Johnson foot massage. 107 00:03:41,647 --> 00:03:42,814 That'll take care of it. 108 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,182 Well, since I waited 20 minutes 109 00:03:44,216 --> 00:03:45,183 for the phone to open up, 110 00:03:45,217 --> 00:03:46,417 let's not waste it. 111 00:03:46,452 --> 00:03:48,052 Hey, how's it going with that girl you like? 112 00:03:48,087 --> 00:03:50,188 Fine-Ass Karen... and not good. 113 00:03:50,222 --> 00:03:51,389 I want to ask her out, 114 00:03:51,423 --> 00:03:52,657 but so does every other guy in school. 115 00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:55,927 Well, son, you are not every other guy. 116 00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:58,229 You just need to figure out what you can offer her 117 00:03:58,263 --> 00:04:00,231 that no one else can. 118 00:04:00,265 --> 00:04:03,401 My Hans and Franz impression from "Saturday Night Live." 119 00:04:03,435 --> 00:04:05,169 I don't know what that means, son, 120 00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:06,904 but you gotta step your game up. 121 00:04:06,939 --> 00:04:09,941 Be confident. Girls like swagger. 122 00:04:09,975 --> 00:04:11,943 And don't wait to make your move. 123 00:04:11,977 --> 00:04:14,846 For every second you hesitate, there's another guy out there 124 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:15,646 telling your girl 125 00:04:15,681 --> 00:04:17,715 she'd look better with less makeup. 126 00:04:17,749 --> 00:04:20,418 So I wasn't gonna hesitate. 127 00:04:20,452 --> 00:04:21,786 [Bon Jovi 's "Livin' On A Prayer"] 128 00:04:21,820 --> 00:04:23,588 Dewey, I'm leaving. See you tonight! 129 00:04:23,622 --> 00:04:25,623 Okay, Ma, see you later! 130 00:04:25,657 --> 00:04:27,458 This girl Karen thought I was rich, 131 00:04:27,493 --> 00:04:29,260 and I sure as hell wasn't, 132 00:04:29,294 --> 00:04:30,828 so I had to impress her 133 00:04:30,863 --> 00:04:32,930 with the best stolen clothes I had. 134 00:04:32,965 --> 00:04:35,800 ♪♪ 135 00:04:35,834 --> 00:04:38,769 That's right, those are Girbaud jeans. 136 00:04:38,804 --> 00:04:40,538 ♪ Living on a prayer ♪ 137 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:42,106 I had my gear. 138 00:04:42,141 --> 00:04:43,841 Now I just had to catch my ride. 139 00:04:43,876 --> 00:04:48,546 ♪♪ 140 00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:51,682 Hello, hello. 141 00:04:51,717 --> 00:04:54,285 Uh, sir, you need to be a student to ride this bus. 142 00:04:54,319 --> 00:04:56,220 I am a student. 143 00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:58,489 You got some stones, pervert. 144 00:05:00,692 --> 00:05:02,871 Gabe, yo, tell him I'm a student! 145 00:05:02,943 --> 00:05:04,944 Are those Girbaud jeans? 146 00:05:10,784 --> 00:05:13,626 So I think Mondays and Thursdays to start, 147 00:05:13,651 --> 00:05:15,049 and if you have any questions or you need anything, 148 00:05:15,074 --> 00:05:16,140 just let me know. 149 00:05:16,165 --> 00:05:18,066 Okay. Thank you, Mrs. Ariti. 150 00:05:18,108 --> 00:05:21,940 Oh, please, call me Diane. Do you have any kids? 151 00:05:21,965 --> 00:05:23,746 I have a daughter, supposedly. 152 00:05:23,772 --> 00:05:25,873 She hasn't called in three weeks. 153 00:05:25,916 --> 00:05:29,721 I'm learning to cook Indian, but I can't find the spices! 154 00:05:29,761 --> 00:05:32,329 So if it hadn't been for that second margarita, 155 00:05:32,364 --> 00:05:35,132 you'd be looking at Mrs. Kelsey Grammer right now. 156 00:05:35,167 --> 00:05:37,668 And I just don't think I'm a good hugger! 157 00:05:37,702 --> 00:05:39,203 Do you think I should get a facelift? 158 00:05:39,237 --> 00:05:41,038 Be honest. 159 00:05:41,073 --> 00:05:43,441 I have a shrimp allergy! 160 00:05:43,475 --> 00:05:45,209 Clark got me this for my birthday. 161 00:05:45,243 --> 00:05:48,579 He was always getting me expensive, insulting gifts. 162 00:05:48,613 --> 00:05:50,614 Bicycle, gym membership, diet pills... 163 00:05:50,649 --> 00:05:53,117 Oh, my God, those aren't real problems. 164 00:05:53,151 --> 00:05:54,552 Paying rent, keeping the lights on, 165 00:05:54,586 --> 00:05:56,120 those are real problems. 166 00:05:56,154 --> 00:05:58,189 Oh, right. 167 00:05:58,223 --> 00:05:59,790 Of course. 168 00:05:59,825 --> 00:06:01,125 I could pay you a dollar more an hour. 169 00:06:01,150 --> 00:06:02,593 No, no, that's not what I was asking. 170 00:06:02,627 --> 00:06:04,028 I just used to pay what my neighbor paid, 171 00:06:04,062 --> 00:06:06,447 - but she moved... - Let's just forget I said anything. 172 00:06:13,004 --> 00:06:15,106 I can't believe he wouldn't let me on the bus. 173 00:06:15,140 --> 00:06:16,612 I was so late that I missed homeroom 174 00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:17,751 with Fine-Ass Karen. 175 00:06:17,776 --> 00:06:19,310 She didn't get to see the new jeans I stole 176 00:06:19,344 --> 00:06:20,911 or my Hans and Franz. 177 00:06:20,953 --> 00:06:22,653 What if I miss my window with her? 178 00:06:22,681 --> 00:06:25,616 Dude, honestly, I don't know if your jeans 179 00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:27,518 or your impression would have mattered. 180 00:06:27,552 --> 00:06:30,321 Karen has crazy high standards. 181 00:06:30,355 --> 00:06:31,388 ♪ Let's all go to the lobby ♪ 182 00:06:31,423 --> 00:06:33,390 Take me home. 183 00:06:33,425 --> 00:06:35,025 Take me home. 184 00:06:35,060 --> 00:06:37,061 ♪ Karen ♪ 185 00:06:37,095 --> 00:06:38,896 Take me home. 186 00:06:38,930 --> 00:06:41,565 Um, we're at your house. 187 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,300 Oh. 188 00:06:43,335 --> 00:06:44,935 Well, take yourself home then. 189 00:06:49,007 --> 00:06:50,274 My God. 190 00:06:50,308 --> 00:06:51,976 - It's the Karens! - What? 191 00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:54,211 - It's the Karens! - No, here? 192 00:06:54,246 --> 00:06:56,614 ♪ Taking me ♪ 193 00:06:56,648 --> 00:06:58,249 ♪ To the point of no return ♪ 194 00:06:58,283 --> 00:06:59,717 Fine-Ass Karen. 195 00:06:59,751 --> 00:07:01,685 [Exposé's "Point Of No Return"] 196 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,287 Big Hair Karen. 197 00:07:03,321 --> 00:07:05,756 - Colorblind Karen. - [sighs] 198 00:07:05,790 --> 00:07:08,159 And Bonnie. 199 00:07:08,193 --> 00:07:10,561 They made her an honorary Karen 'cause it's her car. 200 00:07:10,595 --> 00:07:11,996 Yo, they're coming. They're coming in. 201 00:07:12,030 --> 00:07:13,797 Yo! 202 00:07:13,832 --> 00:07:15,266 - What are we doing? - Yo, I don't know man! 203 00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:16,433 Just be cool! 204 00:07:16,468 --> 00:07:18,202 I'm gonna put these peppers on a plate. 205 00:07:18,236 --> 00:07:20,804 ♪ I ♪ 206 00:07:20,839 --> 00:07:22,439 ♪ I'd like to feel the passion ♪ 207 00:07:22,474 --> 00:07:24,308 ♪ To the point of no return ♪ 208 00:07:24,342 --> 00:07:25,342 ♪ Oh, baby ♪ 209 00:07:25,377 --> 00:07:27,912 The universe was giving me a second chance, 210 00:07:27,946 --> 00:07:30,848 and like my dad said, I had to be confident. 211 00:07:30,882 --> 00:07:32,449 Yo, let's go over. 212 00:07:32,484 --> 00:07:33,951 I can't, man. 213 00:07:33,985 --> 00:07:35,920 I squirted pepper juice in my eye. 214 00:07:35,954 --> 00:07:37,721 Ugh. Ow. 215 00:07:37,756 --> 00:07:39,390 Go over there for the both of us. 216 00:07:39,424 --> 00:07:41,025 [exhales] 217 00:07:43,495 --> 00:07:46,030 - Hello, ladies. - Hi, Tomas. 218 00:07:46,064 --> 00:07:48,365 Oh, yeah, I also told her that my name was Tomas. 219 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,701 - Missed you in homeroom. - Oh, I was shaving. 220 00:07:50,735 --> 00:07:51,869 Lost track of time. 221 00:07:51,903 --> 00:07:54,038 So why are you even working here? 222 00:07:54,072 --> 00:07:56,240 I thought Karen said you were rich. 223 00:07:56,274 --> 00:07:58,876 Oh, this isn't a money job. This is a build-character job. 224 00:07:58,910 --> 00:08:00,044 I totally get it. 225 00:08:00,078 --> 00:08:01,879 My cousin's a construction worker. 226 00:08:01,913 --> 00:08:03,214 My dad's a professional wrestler. 227 00:08:03,248 --> 00:08:04,908 That's where our family money comes from. 228 00:08:04,933 --> 00:08:05,974 Oh, yeah? 229 00:08:06,017 --> 00:08:08,213 My dad bought WrestleMania III on pay-per-view. 230 00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:09,253 Was your dad in that? 231 00:08:09,279 --> 00:08:11,480 No, but he's friends with all the guys who were. 232 00:08:11,523 --> 00:08:14,193 I once spent a beautiful day with André the Giant 233 00:08:14,218 --> 00:08:15,233 when I was a kid. 234 00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:16,360 Fezzik! 235 00:08:16,401 --> 00:08:18,936 That's his character's name in "The Princess Bride." 236 00:08:20,065 --> 00:08:21,966 Well, that's interesting. 237 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,101 Not what Bonnie said, but what you said. 238 00:08:24,135 --> 00:08:26,670 The last guy I dated's dad was vice president 239 00:08:26,705 --> 00:08:28,505 for the acquisitions of... who cares? 240 00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:29,940 So boring. 241 00:08:29,975 --> 00:08:31,909 You know, I was actually talking about you 242 00:08:31,943 --> 00:08:33,410 - with my dad this morning. - What? 243 00:08:33,445 --> 00:08:35,279 - No, you weren't. - I was. 244 00:08:35,313 --> 00:08:37,047 I told him I wanted to ask you out. 245 00:08:37,082 --> 00:08:39,450 - You know what he told me? - What? 246 00:08:39,484 --> 00:08:42,786 He told me to offer you what the other guys can't. 247 00:08:42,821 --> 00:08:44,655 Oh, yeah, and what's that? 248 00:08:45,824 --> 00:08:46,957 [German accent] I'm Hans. 249 00:08:46,992 --> 00:08:50,694 I'm Franz. And we want to pump you up. 250 00:08:57,226 --> 00:09:00,061 I love Hans and Franz. Call me later. 251 00:09:00,086 --> 00:09:02,220 [upbeat music] 252 00:09:06,501 --> 00:09:08,534 The "Soul Man" has withstood the onslaught 253 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:12,009 by Roddy Piper and is now all over the rowdy one! 254 00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:13,121 [cheers and applause] 255 00:09:13,146 --> 00:09:15,844 Here comes the signature drop kick! 256 00:09:16,692 --> 00:09:17,959 Is it over? 257 00:09:17,984 --> 00:09:19,418 [crowd chanting] One, two... 258 00:09:19,460 --> 00:09:21,595 Three, the crowd goes wild! 259 00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:23,630 Rocky, Rocky, Rocky! 260 00:09:23,665 --> 00:09:26,633 Like I said, I don't really watch wrestling. 261 00:09:26,668 --> 00:09:28,468 Sure you do. 262 00:09:28,503 --> 00:09:29,803 Let me tell you about this other time. 263 00:09:29,838 --> 00:09:31,305 So I had this brother, right? 264 00:09:31,339 --> 00:09:33,273 Well, I feel awful. 265 00:09:33,308 --> 00:09:34,842 I snapped at my new client today, 266 00:09:34,876 --> 00:09:36,743 so now I'm making her apology musubis. 267 00:09:36,778 --> 00:09:38,779 Do like we do out here in Hawaii. 268 00:09:38,813 --> 00:09:41,682 Send mangoes, the fruit of forgiveness. 269 00:09:42,851 --> 00:09:44,785 There he is. I did what you said. 270 00:09:44,819 --> 00:09:46,587 I stepped to Karen with confidence, 271 00:09:46,621 --> 00:09:47,521 and she gave me her number. 272 00:09:47,555 --> 00:09:48,789 Oh, that's great, son. 273 00:09:48,823 --> 00:09:49,890 I told you that would work. 274 00:09:49,924 --> 00:09:51,692 Gonna call her tonight after I work out 275 00:09:51,726 --> 00:09:53,794 so I can say, "I just worked out." 276 00:09:53,828 --> 00:09:55,855 Smooth as hell, son. Keep your foot on the gas. 277 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:56,897 Don't let up. 278 00:09:56,931 --> 00:09:58,599 Rocky, did that promoter pay you yet? 279 00:09:58,633 --> 00:10:00,567 Uh, no, we got a match on Saturday. 280 00:10:00,602 --> 00:10:01,869 Office said he's gonna pay us then. 281 00:10:01,903 --> 00:10:03,437 Where's your match on Saturday? 282 00:10:03,471 --> 00:10:05,973 North Hampton College. Sold out. 283 00:10:06,007 --> 00:10:08,442 - Really? - Totally sold out. 284 00:10:08,476 --> 00:10:09,776 Oh, I'm gonna blow their minds. 285 00:10:09,811 --> 00:10:11,778 Like that time I went up against Paul Orndorff... 286 00:10:11,813 --> 00:10:14,648 [school bell rings] 287 00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:17,484 [funky music] 288 00:10:17,518 --> 00:10:19,887 Hello, Dwayne. How's student life? 289 00:10:19,921 --> 00:10:22,990 Hey, Principal Bogg. It's good. 290 00:10:23,024 --> 00:10:25,025 That was for the benefit of the kids, Officer Johnson. 291 00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:26,827 I don't want to blow your cover. 292 00:10:26,861 --> 00:10:29,663 Any leads on the rash of locker break-ins? 293 00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:32,132 - Again, I'm not a narc. - Of course. 294 00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:33,867 You can't talk on school premises. 295 00:10:33,902 --> 00:10:36,770 I'll make us a reservation at Morton's Steakhouse. 296 00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:38,305 You can brief me later. 297 00:10:38,339 --> 00:10:40,507 Hey, stay safe out there. 298 00:10:42,877 --> 00:10:44,478 What? 299 00:10:44,512 --> 00:10:46,380 ♪♪ 300 00:10:46,414 --> 00:10:50,851 Karen, Karen, Karen, Bonnie. 301 00:10:50,885 --> 00:10:52,085 You can call me Karen. 302 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:53,754 Is it me, or is he wearing all red? 303 00:10:53,788 --> 00:10:55,856 - It's you. - Hi, Tomas. 304 00:10:55,890 --> 00:10:57,357 Fun talking to you on the phone last night. 305 00:10:57,392 --> 00:10:59,259 Think how fun it will be when we talk face-to-face 306 00:10:59,294 --> 00:11:00,260 on our date. 307 00:11:00,295 --> 00:11:02,763 Karen, you didn't tell us he asked you out. 308 00:11:02,797 --> 00:11:05,232 He didn't, Karen. It's happening right now. 309 00:11:05,266 --> 00:11:07,100 No fricking way. 310 00:11:07,135 --> 00:11:09,102 My dad is wrestling at North Hampton College 311 00:11:09,137 --> 00:11:09,937 on Saturday. 312 00:11:09,971 --> 00:11:12,005 It's sold out, but I can get us in. 313 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,975 Snag us some VIP passes, hang backstage. 314 00:11:15,009 --> 00:11:16,677 That would be pretty exciting. 315 00:11:16,711 --> 00:11:18,178 I've never seen a live show. 316 00:11:20,014 --> 00:11:23,083 See, Kevin? That's how you do it. 317 00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:26,787 ♪♪ 318 00:11:26,821 --> 00:11:27,788 ♪ Baby ♪ 319 00:11:27,822 --> 00:11:29,990 ♪ I can't wait ♪ 320 00:11:31,626 --> 00:11:33,327 Mmm. 321 00:11:33,361 --> 00:11:36,730 They taste like hope for a better future. 322 00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:38,165 [chuckles] 323 00:11:38,199 --> 00:11:40,200 Thank you for these, but you really didn't have to. 324 00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:42,936 It's the least I could do after how I spoke to you. 325 00:11:42,971 --> 00:11:45,872 It's not an excuse, but my husband's been having 326 00:11:45,907 --> 00:11:48,175 work issues, and money's been tight. 327 00:11:48,209 --> 00:11:49,710 Anyway, I'm sorry. 328 00:11:49,744 --> 00:11:51,144 I'm sorry too. 329 00:11:51,179 --> 00:11:53,747 Ever since my daughter left home and my divorce, 330 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:56,383 I've been a little lonely. 331 00:11:56,417 --> 00:11:58,418 I guess I got overexcited at having company. 332 00:11:58,453 --> 00:12:01,088 Family tests you whether they're here or they're gone. 333 00:12:01,122 --> 00:12:02,356 Amen. 334 00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:04,358 Just like Sally Jessy says, "We're expected 335 00:12:04,392 --> 00:12:06,793 to react to the needs of the people around us." 336 00:12:08,396 --> 00:12:09,563 Who's Sally Jesse? 337 00:12:09,597 --> 00:12:11,498 Sally Jesse Raphael. 338 00:12:12,667 --> 00:12:15,702 The yellow haired hawk of daytime talk. 339 00:12:15,737 --> 00:12:18,372 Oh, come with me. Come with me. 340 00:12:18,406 --> 00:12:21,341 And I was like, "No, Bonnie, a perm would not do well 341 00:12:21,376 --> 00:12:22,643 with your face structure." 342 00:12:22,677 --> 00:12:24,912 And that is how I saved her life. 343 00:12:24,946 --> 00:12:26,780 What would she do without you? 344 00:12:28,583 --> 00:12:32,686 Wow, this place really is sold out. 345 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,888 I'll talk to the guy, tell him who we are. 346 00:12:36,958 --> 00:12:38,125 Here for the flea market? 347 00:12:38,159 --> 00:12:39,793 We're here for the wrestling match. 348 00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,028 Yep, you're in the right place. 349 00:12:41,062 --> 00:12:42,562 That's right between the vintage coats 350 00:12:42,597 --> 00:12:43,730 and French armoires. 351 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,401 Now, I knew my dad wasn't wrestling 352 00:12:47,435 --> 00:12:48,935 in packed arenas anymore, 353 00:12:48,970 --> 00:12:50,504 but he definitely stretched the truth 354 00:12:50,538 --> 00:12:51,738 about this venue. 355 00:12:51,773 --> 00:12:53,373 Dewey! [chuckles] 356 00:12:53,408 --> 00:12:56,476 Well, well, well, and this must be Karen. 357 00:12:56,511 --> 00:12:58,779 - Oh, what a surprise. - Dewey? 358 00:12:58,813 --> 00:13:00,814 - My nickname. - It's a nickname for Tomas? 359 00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:02,649 Tomas? His name is Dwayne. 360 00:13:02,683 --> 00:13:04,084 Is this true, Tomas? 361 00:13:06,054 --> 00:13:07,854 You said you were wrestling at a college. 362 00:13:07,889 --> 00:13:09,389 Yeah, this is at a college. 363 00:13:09,424 --> 00:13:11,258 This is a flea market next to a college. 364 00:13:11,292 --> 00:13:13,160 Commemorative bicentennial spoons? 365 00:13:13,194 --> 00:13:16,329 Ew, I am not buying used spoons. 366 00:13:16,364 --> 00:13:19,399 Vintage T-shirts, young lady? You a fan of GWAR? 367 00:13:19,434 --> 00:13:21,968 - Dwayne! - One sec. 368 00:13:21,995 --> 00:13:24,137 Look at her, Dad. She's not the flea market type. 369 00:13:24,172 --> 00:13:26,006 You know I've been trying to impress this girl. 370 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,375 All right, all right, I might have hyped it up a bit, 371 00:13:28,409 --> 00:13:29,876 but the crowd is pumped. 372 00:13:31,412 --> 00:13:32,412 There's, like, ten people here. 373 00:13:32,447 --> 00:13:35,582 Now, see, there was 11, but this woman fainted 374 00:13:35,616 --> 00:13:37,417 when she heard I was on the card. 375 00:13:37,452 --> 00:13:39,453 Yeah, she saw me wrestle Mr. Fuji 376 00:13:39,487 --> 00:13:41,088 at the Garden years ago. 377 00:13:41,122 --> 00:13:42,956 Now, that was a hell of a match. 378 00:13:42,991 --> 00:13:45,258 Okay, sure, my dad stretched the truth 379 00:13:45,293 --> 00:13:47,761 to make himself look good, but he was also used 380 00:13:47,795 --> 00:13:49,796 to a certain level of success that he wasn't 381 00:13:49,831 --> 00:13:51,231 ready to give up. 382 00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:53,467 So Fuji's about to throw salt in my eyes, right? 383 00:13:53,501 --> 00:13:55,002 Dwayne, can we go? 384 00:13:55,036 --> 00:13:56,303 There is a woman trying to sell me 385 00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:59,773 what I think is a racist syrup jar. 386 00:13:59,807 --> 00:14:02,075 - Um, we gotta... - Oh, wait, wait, no. 387 00:14:02,110 --> 00:14:03,777 You can't leave before the main event. 388 00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,815 For sure, we're staying. 389 00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:10,984 No way we're missing a Rocky Johnson show. 390 00:14:12,186 --> 00:14:13,020 That's my boy. 391 00:14:14,389 --> 00:14:16,623 - Rocky, showtime. - Great, thanks, Hal. 392 00:14:16,657 --> 00:14:18,325 I'll see you two after the match? 393 00:14:20,028 --> 00:14:21,395 No way we're staying. 394 00:14:21,429 --> 00:14:24,331 There is a man selling a pile of old baby shoes, 395 00:14:24,365 --> 00:14:26,500 and it is freaking me out. 396 00:14:26,534 --> 00:14:29,603 If you want to leave, go ahead, but I'm staying. 397 00:14:29,637 --> 00:14:31,138 Why? 398 00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:33,407 He's my dad. 399 00:14:36,511 --> 00:14:39,312 Like Karen, I'm also confused. Why did you stay? 400 00:14:40,782 --> 00:14:42,049 He's my dad. 401 00:14:45,186 --> 00:14:46,686 That's it. 402 00:14:50,943 --> 00:14:52,410 Wait. 403 00:14:56,541 --> 00:14:58,667 And it's really unusual, I think, to hear women say this... 404 00:14:58,692 --> 00:15:00,949 looks are more important than brains? 405 00:15:00,974 --> 00:15:03,559 - Oh, yeah. - I think I would like a dumb, hot man. 406 00:15:03,614 --> 00:15:05,854 Clark was basically a giant brain 407 00:15:05,879 --> 00:15:08,126 attached to the body of an uncooked chicken. 408 00:15:08,161 --> 00:15:09,930 [laughs] 409 00:15:09,962 --> 00:15:12,063 I'd like a man who can put his ego aside. 410 00:15:12,114 --> 00:15:14,315 I love Rocky, but he always exaggerates 411 00:15:14,349 --> 00:15:16,517 to make himself look good when he doesn't even have to. 412 00:15:16,551 --> 00:15:17,785 It's exhausting. 413 00:15:17,819 --> 00:15:19,653 Still, sounds better than Clark. 414 00:15:19,688 --> 00:15:23,324 - An uncooked chicken, Ata. - [laughs] 415 00:15:25,193 --> 00:15:27,161 - Oh, I have to go. - No. 416 00:15:27,195 --> 00:15:28,662 Yeah, I still gotta go to the grocery store 417 00:15:28,697 --> 00:15:29,897 and get dinner ready. 418 00:15:29,931 --> 00:15:32,600 You have to take time for yourself too. 419 00:15:32,634 --> 00:15:33,868 "Find the little joys, 420 00:15:33,902 --> 00:15:35,603 for they give us the greatest pleasures." 421 00:15:38,340 --> 00:15:39,540 Did you just come up with that? 422 00:15:39,574 --> 00:15:40,775 No, that's SJR. 423 00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:43,310 She said it to a toothless woman addicted to crystal meth. 424 00:15:43,345 --> 00:15:45,546 I recorded it. I'll show you. 425 00:15:47,149 --> 00:15:48,949 Got us some snacks. 426 00:15:48,984 --> 00:15:50,684 That's what my family buys to feed the fish 427 00:15:50,719 --> 00:15:52,019 when we go to the Poconos. 428 00:15:52,054 --> 00:15:53,220 - [screams] - [screams] 429 00:15:53,255 --> 00:15:56,157 [chuckles] Hey, Uncle Afa, Uncle Sika. 430 00:15:56,191 --> 00:15:58,926 - This is Karen. - Hi, Karen. 431 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,227 - [screams] - [screams] 432 00:16:00,262 --> 00:16:04,198 [laughs] Bye, Karen. 433 00:16:04,232 --> 00:16:07,101 Should've gone white water rafting with Kevin. 434 00:16:07,135 --> 00:16:09,303 Okay, yeah, this place sucks, 435 00:16:09,337 --> 00:16:11,005 but I promise you're in for a show. 436 00:16:11,039 --> 00:16:13,641 In this corner, the "Soul Man"! 437 00:16:13,675 --> 00:16:15,076 Even though my dad wasn't wrestling 438 00:16:15,110 --> 00:16:16,877 in Madison Square Garden anymore, 439 00:16:16,912 --> 00:16:18,412 in his mind, he was. 440 00:16:18,447 --> 00:16:20,681 [Sam and Dave's "Soul Man"] 441 00:16:20,715 --> 00:16:24,718 And his opponent, hailing from the ocean, 442 00:16:24,753 --> 00:16:27,388 the Gull! 443 00:16:27,422 --> 00:16:28,589 [screams] 444 00:16:28,623 --> 00:16:33,661 Ooh, a dirty attack by the Gull before the bell. 445 00:16:33,695 --> 00:16:35,996 And whether it was the Gull or Rick Flair 446 00:16:36,031 --> 00:16:38,132 or Roddy Piper, 447 00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:39,600 anytime Rocky Johnson got in that ring, 448 00:16:39,634 --> 00:16:41,535 he went all out. 449 00:16:41,570 --> 00:16:43,671 ♪ That's what I got, the hard way ♪ 450 00:16:43,705 --> 00:16:46,207 ♪ And I'll make it better each and every day ♪ 451 00:16:46,241 --> 00:16:49,610 It's so violent in real life. 452 00:16:49,644 --> 00:16:51,412 Ah, ah! Ow! 453 00:16:51,446 --> 00:16:53,114 ♪ 'Cause you ain't seen nothing yet ♪ 454 00:16:53,148 --> 00:16:55,583 If he doesn't sell and get his opponent over, 455 00:16:55,617 --> 00:16:57,952 there's no point in blowing his comeback. 456 00:16:57,986 --> 00:16:59,487 What does that mean? 457 00:16:59,521 --> 00:17:01,922 Ow! 458 00:17:01,957 --> 00:17:03,724 ♪ I'm a soul man ♪ 459 00:17:03,758 --> 00:17:06,127 Stop it! He's hurt! 460 00:17:06,161 --> 00:17:07,194 ♪ I'm a soul man ♪ 461 00:17:07,229 --> 00:17:08,362 ♪♪ 462 00:17:08,396 --> 00:17:10,264 Rocky reaches the ropes. 463 00:17:10,298 --> 00:17:13,200 The Gull has to let him go or be disqualified. 464 00:17:13,235 --> 00:17:15,035 - [audience booing] - Caw! 465 00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:17,238 I hate you! 466 00:17:18,106 --> 00:17:20,040 [mouthing words] 467 00:17:21,309 --> 00:17:24,211 Nobody put on a show like the "Soul Man." 468 00:17:24,246 --> 00:17:27,214 Rocky, Rocky, Rocky! 469 00:17:27,249 --> 00:17:29,049 [all chanting] Rocky, Rocky, Rocky! 470 00:17:29,084 --> 00:17:31,986 [crowd cheering] Rocky, Rocky, Rocky! 471 00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:33,154 ♪ I'm a soul man 472 00:17:33,188 --> 00:17:34,488 [all cheer] 473 00:17:34,523 --> 00:17:35,356 [grunts] 474 00:17:35,390 --> 00:17:37,691 ♪ I'm a soul man ♪ 475 00:17:37,726 --> 00:17:38,792 ♪♪ 476 00:17:38,827 --> 00:17:40,361 Whoo! 477 00:17:40,395 --> 00:17:42,696 ♪ Well, grab the rope, let me pull you in ♪ 478 00:17:42,731 --> 00:17:44,632 ♪ Give you hope ♪ 479 00:17:44,666 --> 00:17:46,400 ♪ And be your only boyfriend ♪ 480 00:17:46,434 --> 00:17:48,936 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 481 00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:50,437 [crowd chanting] One, two... 482 00:17:50,472 --> 00:17:51,672 Three! 483 00:17:51,706 --> 00:17:53,340 [cheers and applause] 484 00:17:53,375 --> 00:17:55,643 Like my dad, I had been exaggerating the truth 485 00:17:55,677 --> 00:17:58,812 to make myself look good, but when I finally got real 486 00:17:58,847 --> 00:18:02,116 and chose to be there for him over impressing the girl, 487 00:18:02,150 --> 00:18:03,551 I somehow got the girl. 488 00:18:03,585 --> 00:18:05,152 That was amazing! 489 00:18:05,187 --> 00:18:06,487 What did I tell you? 490 00:18:06,521 --> 00:18:09,356 Nobody puts on a show like my dad. 491 00:18:09,391 --> 00:18:12,526 [cheers and applause] 492 00:18:13,862 --> 00:18:15,563 That was so fun. 493 00:18:15,597 --> 00:18:17,498 You set the bar high for our next date. 494 00:18:17,532 --> 00:18:18,699 Next date? 495 00:18:18,733 --> 00:18:20,968 Oh, is that before or after you go rafting with Kevin? 496 00:18:21,002 --> 00:18:23,270 - Shut up. - Ah. 497 00:18:23,305 --> 00:18:24,271 - Hi, Rocky! - Hey. 498 00:18:24,306 --> 00:18:25,739 Amazing, Dad. 499 00:18:25,774 --> 00:18:26,807 You put on a show. 500 00:18:26,841 --> 00:18:28,409 You were so great, Mr. Johnson. 501 00:18:28,443 --> 00:18:30,611 Why, thank you, Karen. Appreciate that, son. 502 00:18:30,645 --> 00:18:32,012 I've never seen wrestling live before, 503 00:18:32,047 --> 00:18:34,014 and it was so much better than on TV. 504 00:18:34,049 --> 00:18:36,450 Kind of like that time I saw Kirk Cameron at the airport. 505 00:18:37,619 --> 00:18:39,153 Hey, hell of a match, Rocky. Hell of a match. 506 00:18:39,187 --> 00:18:40,554 Finally, payday. 507 00:18:42,891 --> 00:18:44,858 - Where's the rest? - That's $300. 508 00:18:44,893 --> 00:18:46,427 It was 300 per match. 509 00:18:46,461 --> 00:18:47,962 I wrestled three matches for you. 510 00:18:47,996 --> 00:18:49,630 No, 300 total. 511 00:18:52,067 --> 00:18:53,400 Just give us a second. 512 00:18:53,435 --> 00:18:54,368 Business. 513 00:18:55,503 --> 00:18:57,805 $300? That's all? 514 00:18:57,839 --> 00:18:59,840 Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he doesn't do 515 00:18:59,874 --> 00:19:01,308 these smaller shows for money. 516 00:19:01,343 --> 00:19:03,043 He just does 'em as a favor to my uncles. 517 00:19:03,078 --> 00:19:04,411 - Oh. - Yeah. 518 00:19:04,446 --> 00:19:06,747 Still, though, you want to keep these local promoters honest. 519 00:19:06,781 --> 00:19:08,849 But he makes the real money at the big shows. 520 00:19:08,883 --> 00:19:11,352 Oh, well, I'd love to see one of those. 521 00:19:11,386 --> 00:19:13,354 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. 522 00:19:13,388 --> 00:19:14,555 I'll take you to the next one. 523 00:19:14,589 --> 00:19:16,890 Hey, you know, my dad has a ton of merch. 524 00:19:16,925 --> 00:19:18,592 - You want a hat? - Mm-hmm. 525 00:19:18,627 --> 00:19:20,394 I'll bring you a hat on Monday. 526 00:19:20,428 --> 00:19:24,098 ♪ So the wind might change direction ♪ 527 00:19:24,132 --> 00:19:27,534 ♪ And you stay always as you are ♪ 528 00:19:27,569 --> 00:19:29,436 I've always loved that song. 529 00:19:29,471 --> 00:19:30,771 Dwayne said the show was great. 530 00:19:30,805 --> 00:19:32,139 Hey, you know me. 531 00:19:32,173 --> 00:19:34,008 My worst day is someone else's best day. 532 00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:36,243 [chuckles] 533 00:19:36,278 --> 00:19:38,045 Hey, I'm sorry about the money. 534 00:19:38,079 --> 00:19:39,613 - Hal swore he was... - Hey. 535 00:19:39,648 --> 00:19:43,050 $300 is $300. We could use it. 536 00:19:43,084 --> 00:19:45,252 But next time, we gotta make sure you get paid upfront. 537 00:19:45,287 --> 00:19:46,887 Definitely. 538 00:19:46,921 --> 00:19:50,324 Plus this convention in Erie will bring in some extra dough. 539 00:19:50,358 --> 00:19:52,926 Pose for pictures, sign some autographs. 540 00:19:52,961 --> 00:19:54,628 It'll be great. 541 00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:00,901 Hey, babe, what's with this small, purple milk? 542 00:20:00,935 --> 00:20:02,369 It's my little joy. 543 00:20:02,404 --> 00:20:03,637 I put it behind the cantaloupe 544 00:20:03,672 --> 00:20:05,172 so Dewey doesn't drink it all in one gulp. 545 00:20:05,206 --> 00:20:06,740 Smart. 546 00:20:06,775 --> 00:20:08,776 No way that boy's going near a melon. 547 00:20:08,810 --> 00:20:09,777 Mm-hmm. 548 00:20:11,780 --> 00:20:13,614 That is a sweet end to the story. 549 00:20:13,648 --> 00:20:15,582 Would've been, yeah, but that's not the end. 550 00:20:15,617 --> 00:20:17,284 Unless we want it to be. 551 00:20:17,319 --> 00:20:18,652 Sandy, please. 552 00:20:18,687 --> 00:20:21,488 Can someone get this Sandy guy out of here? 553 00:20:21,523 --> 00:20:23,490 Bitch trying to step into my coverage. 554 00:20:23,525 --> 00:20:25,626 - Sorry about that. - That's okay. 555 00:20:25,660 --> 00:20:27,828 You know, Randall, look, I'm here to be honest, 556 00:20:27,862 --> 00:20:29,797 and that's why I told you this story. 557 00:20:29,831 --> 00:20:32,800 No one's perfect, and we all make mistakes. 558 00:20:32,834 --> 00:20:34,868 I just happened to make a whole hell of a lot of them. 559 00:20:34,903 --> 00:20:36,537 Hey, Karen. 560 00:20:36,571 --> 00:20:38,772 - I brought you this. - Thanks. 561 00:20:38,807 --> 00:20:40,374 Nice jeans. 562 00:20:40,408 --> 00:20:42,142 I was just telling everyone about the match. 563 00:20:42,177 --> 00:20:43,744 When your dad did that sunset flip... 564 00:20:43,778 --> 00:20:45,446 which was badass... 565 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,448 it, like, totally changed my life. 566 00:20:47,482 --> 00:20:50,351 Ugh, at the flea market? 567 00:20:50,385 --> 00:20:52,820 Ugh, yes, that part was disgusting. 568 00:20:52,854 --> 00:20:56,323 It was like a cursed mall, but the show was really fun. 569 00:20:56,358 --> 00:20:58,892 Aw, that's awesome, man. 570 00:20:58,927 --> 00:21:00,694 My neighbor's throwing a garage sale next week. 571 00:21:00,729 --> 00:21:02,229 Maybe your dad can main event that. 572 00:21:02,263 --> 00:21:04,098 - [laughter] - My brother was there. 573 00:21:04,132 --> 00:21:07,301 He said there were, like, ten people in the audience. 574 00:21:07,335 --> 00:21:08,535 There's ten people here right now. 575 00:21:08,570 --> 00:21:10,804 This was the audience. 576 00:21:10,839 --> 00:21:14,341 I mean, it doesn't even matter. Wrestling's all fake anyway. 577 00:21:16,678 --> 00:21:17,878 - [crowd gasps] - Oh! 578 00:21:17,912 --> 00:21:18,912 [gasps] 579 00:21:20,014 --> 00:21:22,649 Never use the F-word. 580 00:21:22,684 --> 00:21:24,551 Wait, so you knocked him out cold. 581 00:21:24,586 --> 00:21:25,853 Ah. 582 00:21:25,887 --> 00:21:27,554 Um... 583 00:21:27,589 --> 00:21:30,357 we just scooped everyone in the country. 584 00:21:30,392 --> 00:21:32,025 - Scooped 'em all. - Yeah, we did. 585 00:21:32,060 --> 00:21:33,209 [both chuckle] 586 00:21:33,233 --> 00:21:37,233 -- Subs by kinglouisxx -- for www.addic7ed.com 42474

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