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[dramatic music]
2
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I'm Randall Park at Freedom High School,
3
00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:09,824
continuing our all-access coverage
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00:00:09,858 --> 00:00:12,641
of the Dwayne Johnson
presidential campaign.
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♪♪
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Thank you for joining us
for the official opening
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of the Dwayne Johnson Library.
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Dwayne, we always knew
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that you were destined for greatness.
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Nice lady.
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She made me sound good,
but none of it was true.
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I mean, the only thing that people said
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I was destined to do was time.
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- [both chuckle]
- That's good.
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As we all know, nobody's perfect,
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and we all screw up.
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I just happened to screw up
a little bit more than most.
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As a matter of fact, Randall,
when I first got here
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to Freedom High School,
I was a hardcore shoplifter.
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Mm-hmm.
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Hey, just so you know,
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you guys have to come in tighter
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when he says stuff like that.
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Well, it's too late now.
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It's too late. Back up.
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Just anticipate.
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Uh, continue.
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Yeah, so we moved here
to Bethlehem from Nashville
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because my dad wasn't wrestling
for Vince McMahon anymore.
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- That's your father...
- Mm-hmm.
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[wrestling announcer voice]
"Soul Man" Rocky Johnson!
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Nice, man. Good job.
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- Give me some.
- All right.
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- You practiced that, didn't you?
- I did.
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I don't know if I mentioned it,
but I used to be an actor.
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00:01:17,069 --> 00:01:18,603
- You have.
- I have? Okay.
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- Yeah, yeah, multiple times.
- Oh, okay.
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- But back to my parents.
- Yes, yes.
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So money wasn't coming in
the way it used to,
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00:01:23,509 --> 00:01:26,244
so he and my mom opened up
a cleaning business.
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00:01:26,278 --> 00:01:29,380
I had a side job
after school slinging pizza,
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00:01:29,415 --> 00:01:31,349
but the only thing
I wanted to do was chase girls.
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00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:32,583
- Mm.
- [chuckles]
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And to get their attention, I thought
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that I had to look rich,
hence all the stealing.
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Candidate Johnson, please,
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remember our media training session.
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- It's fine, Sandy.
- Yeah, it's fine, Sandy.
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So my dad was still trying to wrestle
50
00:01:45,998 --> 00:01:48,433
any chance that he got, so my Uncle Afa
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- from the Wild Samoans...
- The Wild Samoans.
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00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,904
- [growls]
- Yeah, that's good.
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00:01:52,938 --> 00:01:54,505
- Yeah.
- Borderline inappropriate.
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- Oh, okay.
- It was the tongue.
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- Yeah. Oh, sorry.
- Yeah.
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So my Uncle Afa hooked my dad up
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with a promoter who got him booked
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on some local shows, which was great.
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00:02:03,315 --> 00:02:05,890
I mean, we needed the money, but my dad
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00:02:05,953 --> 00:02:07,819
was still very much reliving
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his glory days of the early '80s.
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Listen to that crowd!
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Whoo!
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Kick to the midsection.
Johnson taking a beating!
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[Sam and Dave's "Soul Man"]
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Rocky making an incredible comeback
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against the Nature Boy.
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[cheers and applause]
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Here comes
the big "Soul Man" right hand!
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♪ I'm a soul man ♪
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♪♪
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He holds Flair up!
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[crowd cheering] One, two...
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Three, and the crowd goes wild!
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Yeah, right, they did!
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I remember seeing that match on TV.
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00:02:36,648 --> 00:02:39,017
Flair's a great guy.
Just don't touch his hair.
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00:02:39,051 --> 00:02:42,854
But do compliment
his ring entrance robe.
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Brother spends a ton on feathering.
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[sighs]
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Dewey, did you put an empty egg carton
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and an empty milk carton
back in the fridge?
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How are you supposed to know
we're out of stuff
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if I don't put the empty
cartons in the fridge?
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How 'bout you write it down
on the grocery list?
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00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,807
Because when I do, you ignore it.
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00:03:02,841 --> 00:03:05,510
Like, here I wrote "Coke,"
and you bought
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Sim's Market Brand Sugar Cola.
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00:03:08,113 --> 00:03:10,415
Do you think I want Sim's
Market Brand Milk Alternative
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for my coffee? No.
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00:03:11,717 --> 00:03:13,518
I want the purple half-and-half,
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but nobody here is making
half-and-half money, Dewey.
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We're making Sim's Market Brand money.
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00:03:18,857 --> 00:03:20,657
Gotta take a shower.
I've got a new client.
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I can't be late.
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[phone rings]
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00:03:26,532 --> 00:03:28,332
- Hello?
- Hey, Son.
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00:03:28,367 --> 00:03:29,867
- Hey, Dad.
- Is your mom there?
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00:03:29,902 --> 00:03:30,868
She's in the shower.
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00:03:30,903 --> 00:03:32,770
She's working for that new client today.
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All right, let her know
I'm running a little late.
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I lost track of time
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storytelling for the guys at the gym.
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Mom seems real stressed, Dad.
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Hey, when I get home, I'll give her
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a Rocky Johnson foot massage.
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That'll take care of it.
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Well, since I waited 20 minutes
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for the phone to open up,
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let's not waste it.
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00:03:46,452 --> 00:03:48,052
Hey, how's it going
with that girl you like?
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Fine-Ass Karen... and not good.
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I want to ask her out,
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but so does every other guy in school.
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Well, son, you are not every other guy.
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You just need to figure out
what you can offer her
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that no one else can.
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My Hans and Franz impression
from "Saturday Night Live."
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I don't know what that means, son,
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00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:06,904
but you gotta step your game up.
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00:04:06,939 --> 00:04:09,941
Be confident. Girls like swagger.
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00:04:09,975 --> 00:04:11,943
And don't wait to make your move.
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00:04:11,977 --> 00:04:14,846
For every second you hesitate,
there's another guy out there
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telling your girl
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00:04:15,681 --> 00:04:17,715
she'd look better with less makeup.
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00:04:17,749 --> 00:04:20,418
So I wasn't gonna hesitate.
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[Bon Jovi 's "Livin' On A Prayer"]
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Dewey, I'm leaving. See you tonight!
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00:04:23,622 --> 00:04:25,623
Okay, Ma, see you later!
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This girl Karen thought I was rich,
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and I sure as hell wasn't,
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so I had to impress her
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with the best stolen clothes I had.
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♪♪
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That's right, those are Girbaud jeans.
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♪ Living on a prayer ♪
137
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I had my gear.
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00:04:42,141 --> 00:04:43,841
Now I just had to catch my ride.
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00:04:43,876 --> 00:04:48,546
♪♪
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Hello, hello.
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00:04:51,717 --> 00:04:54,285
Uh, sir, you need to be
a student to ride this bus.
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I am a student.
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00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:58,489
You got some stones, pervert.
144
00:05:00,692 --> 00:05:02,871
Gabe, yo, tell him I'm a student!
145
00:05:02,943 --> 00:05:04,944
Are those Girbaud jeans?
146
00:05:10,784 --> 00:05:13,626
So I think Mondays
and Thursdays to start,
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00:05:13,651 --> 00:05:15,049
and if you have any questions
or you need anything,
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just let me know.
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00:05:16,165 --> 00:05:18,066
Okay. Thank you, Mrs. Ariti.
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00:05:18,108 --> 00:05:21,940
Oh, please, call me Diane.
Do you have any kids?
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00:05:21,965 --> 00:05:23,746
I have a daughter, supposedly.
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00:05:23,772 --> 00:05:25,873
She hasn't called in three weeks.
153
00:05:25,916 --> 00:05:29,721
I'm learning to cook Indian,
but I can't find the spices!
154
00:05:29,761 --> 00:05:32,329
So if it hadn't been
for that second margarita,
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00:05:32,364 --> 00:05:35,132
you'd be looking at
Mrs. Kelsey Grammer right now.
156
00:05:35,167 --> 00:05:37,668
And I just don't think
I'm a good hugger!
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00:05:37,702 --> 00:05:39,203
Do you think I should get a facelift?
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00:05:39,237 --> 00:05:41,038
Be honest.
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00:05:41,073 --> 00:05:43,441
I have a shrimp allergy!
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00:05:43,475 --> 00:05:45,209
Clark got me this for my birthday.
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00:05:45,243 --> 00:05:48,579
He was always getting me
expensive, insulting gifts.
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00:05:48,613 --> 00:05:50,614
Bicycle, gym membership, diet pills...
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00:05:50,649 --> 00:05:53,117
Oh, my God, those aren't real problems.
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Paying rent, keeping the lights on,
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those are real problems.
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Oh, right.
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Of course.
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00:05:59,825 --> 00:06:01,125
I could pay you a dollar more an hour.
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00:06:01,150 --> 00:06:02,593
No, no, that's not what I was asking.
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00:06:02,627 --> 00:06:04,028
I just used to pay
what my neighbor paid,
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- but she moved...
- Let's just forget I said anything.
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I can't believe
he wouldn't let me on the bus.
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I was so late that I missed homeroom
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with Fine-Ass Karen.
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00:06:17,776 --> 00:06:19,310
She didn't get to see
the new jeans I stole
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or my Hans and Franz.
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00:06:20,953 --> 00:06:22,653
What if I miss my window with her?
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00:06:22,681 --> 00:06:25,616
Dude, honestly, I don't know
if your jeans
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00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:27,518
or your impression would have mattered.
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00:06:27,552 --> 00:06:30,321
Karen has crazy high standards.
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00:06:30,355 --> 00:06:31,388
♪ Let's all go to the lobby ♪
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Take me home.
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00:06:33,425 --> 00:06:35,025
Take me home.
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00:06:35,060 --> 00:06:37,061
♪ Karen ♪
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00:06:37,095 --> 00:06:38,896
Take me home.
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00:06:38,930 --> 00:06:41,565
Um, we're at your house.
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00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,300
Oh.
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00:06:43,335 --> 00:06:44,935
Well, take yourself home then.
189
00:06:49,007 --> 00:06:50,274
My God.
190
00:06:50,308 --> 00:06:51,976
- It's the Karens!
- What?
191
00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:54,211
- It's the Karens!
- No, here?
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00:06:54,246 --> 00:06:56,614
♪ Taking me ♪
193
00:06:56,648 --> 00:06:58,249
♪ To the point of no return ♪
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00:06:58,283 --> 00:06:59,717
Fine-Ass Karen.
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00:06:59,751 --> 00:07:01,685
[Exposé's "Point Of No Return"]
196
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,287
Big Hair Karen.
197
00:07:03,321 --> 00:07:05,756
- Colorblind Karen.
- [sighs]
198
00:07:05,790 --> 00:07:08,159
And Bonnie.
199
00:07:08,193 --> 00:07:10,561
They made her an honorary Karen
'cause it's her car.
200
00:07:10,595 --> 00:07:11,996
Yo, they're coming. They're coming in.
201
00:07:12,030 --> 00:07:13,797
Yo!
202
00:07:13,832 --> 00:07:15,266
- What are we doing?
- Yo, I don't know man!
203
00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:16,433
Just be cool!
204
00:07:16,468 --> 00:07:18,202
I'm gonna put these peppers on a plate.
205
00:07:18,236 --> 00:07:20,804
♪ I ♪
206
00:07:20,839 --> 00:07:22,439
♪ I'd like to feel the passion ♪
207
00:07:22,474 --> 00:07:24,308
♪ To the point of no return ♪
208
00:07:24,342 --> 00:07:25,342
♪ Oh, baby ♪
209
00:07:25,377 --> 00:07:27,912
The universe was giving me
a second chance,
210
00:07:27,946 --> 00:07:30,848
and like my dad said,
I had to be confident.
211
00:07:30,882 --> 00:07:32,449
Yo, let's go over.
212
00:07:32,484 --> 00:07:33,951
I can't, man.
213
00:07:33,985 --> 00:07:35,920
I squirted pepper juice in my eye.
214
00:07:35,954 --> 00:07:37,721
Ugh. Ow.
215
00:07:37,756 --> 00:07:39,390
Go over there for the both of us.
216
00:07:39,424 --> 00:07:41,025
[exhales]
217
00:07:43,495 --> 00:07:46,030
- Hello, ladies.
- Hi, Tomas.
218
00:07:46,064 --> 00:07:48,365
Oh, yeah, I also told her
that my name was Tomas.
219
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,701
- Missed you in homeroom.
- Oh, I was shaving.
220
00:07:50,735 --> 00:07:51,869
Lost track of time.
221
00:07:51,903 --> 00:07:54,038
So why are you even working here?
222
00:07:54,072 --> 00:07:56,240
I thought Karen said you were rich.
223
00:07:56,274 --> 00:07:58,876
Oh, this isn't a money job.
This is a build-character job.
224
00:07:58,910 --> 00:08:00,044
I totally get it.
225
00:08:00,078 --> 00:08:01,879
My cousin's a construction worker.
226
00:08:01,913 --> 00:08:03,214
My dad's a professional wrestler.
227
00:08:03,248 --> 00:08:04,908
That's where our family money
comes from.
228
00:08:04,933 --> 00:08:05,974
Oh, yeah?
229
00:08:06,017 --> 00:08:08,213
My dad bought WrestleMania III
on pay-per-view.
230
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:09,253
Was your dad in that?
231
00:08:09,279 --> 00:08:11,480
No, but he's friends
with all the guys who were.
232
00:08:11,523 --> 00:08:14,193
I once spent a beautiful day
with André the Giant
233
00:08:14,218 --> 00:08:15,233
when I was a kid.
234
00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:16,360
Fezzik!
235
00:08:16,401 --> 00:08:18,936
That's his character's name
in "The Princess Bride."
236
00:08:20,065 --> 00:08:21,966
Well, that's interesting.
237
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,101
Not what Bonnie said, but what you said.
238
00:08:24,135 --> 00:08:26,670
The last guy I dated's dad
was vice president
239
00:08:26,705 --> 00:08:28,505
for the acquisitions of... who cares?
240
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:29,940
So boring.
241
00:08:29,975 --> 00:08:31,909
You know, I was
actually talking about you
242
00:08:31,943 --> 00:08:33,410
- with my dad this morning.
- What?
243
00:08:33,445 --> 00:08:35,279
- No, you weren't.
- I was.
244
00:08:35,313 --> 00:08:37,047
I told him I wanted to ask you out.
245
00:08:37,082 --> 00:08:39,450
- You know what he told me?
- What?
246
00:08:39,484 --> 00:08:42,786
He told me to offer you
what the other guys can't.
247
00:08:42,821 --> 00:08:44,655
Oh, yeah, and what's that?
248
00:08:45,824 --> 00:08:46,957
[German accent] I'm Hans.
249
00:08:46,992 --> 00:08:50,694
I'm Franz. And we want to pump you up.
250
00:08:57,226 --> 00:09:00,061
I love Hans and Franz. Call me later.
251
00:09:00,086 --> 00:09:02,220
[upbeat music]
252
00:09:06,501 --> 00:09:08,534
The "Soul Man" has
withstood the onslaught
253
00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:12,009
by Roddy Piper and is now
all over the rowdy one!
254
00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:13,121
[cheers and applause]
255
00:09:13,146 --> 00:09:15,844
Here comes the signature drop kick!
256
00:09:16,692 --> 00:09:17,959
Is it over?
257
00:09:17,984 --> 00:09:19,418
[crowd chanting] One, two...
258
00:09:19,460 --> 00:09:21,595
Three, the crowd goes wild!
259
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:23,630
Rocky, Rocky, Rocky!
260
00:09:23,665 --> 00:09:26,633
Like I said,
I don't really watch wrestling.
261
00:09:26,668 --> 00:09:28,468
Sure you do.
262
00:09:28,503 --> 00:09:29,803
Let me tell you about this other time.
263
00:09:29,838 --> 00:09:31,305
So I had this brother, right?
264
00:09:31,339 --> 00:09:33,273
Well, I feel awful.
265
00:09:33,308 --> 00:09:34,842
I snapped at my new client today,
266
00:09:34,876 --> 00:09:36,743
so now I'm making her apology musubis.
267
00:09:36,778 --> 00:09:38,779
Do like we do out here in Hawaii.
268
00:09:38,813 --> 00:09:41,682
Send mangoes, the fruit of forgiveness.
269
00:09:42,851 --> 00:09:44,785
There he is. I did what you said.
270
00:09:44,819 --> 00:09:46,587
I stepped to Karen with confidence,
271
00:09:46,621 --> 00:09:47,521
and she gave me her number.
272
00:09:47,555 --> 00:09:48,789
Oh, that's great, son.
273
00:09:48,823 --> 00:09:49,890
I told you that would work.
274
00:09:49,924 --> 00:09:51,692
Gonna call her tonight after I work out
275
00:09:51,726 --> 00:09:53,794
so I can say, "I just worked out."
276
00:09:53,828 --> 00:09:55,855
Smooth as hell, son.
Keep your foot on the gas.
277
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:56,897
Don't let up.
278
00:09:56,931 --> 00:09:58,599
Rocky, did that promoter pay you yet?
279
00:09:58,633 --> 00:10:00,567
Uh, no, we got a match on Saturday.
280
00:10:00,602 --> 00:10:01,869
Office said he's gonna pay us then.
281
00:10:01,903 --> 00:10:03,437
Where's your match on Saturday?
282
00:10:03,471 --> 00:10:05,973
North Hampton College. Sold out.
283
00:10:06,007 --> 00:10:08,442
- Really?
- Totally sold out.
284
00:10:08,476 --> 00:10:09,776
Oh, I'm gonna blow their minds.
285
00:10:09,811 --> 00:10:11,778
Like that time I went up
against Paul Orndorff...
286
00:10:11,813 --> 00:10:14,648
[school bell rings]
287
00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:17,484
[funky music]
288
00:10:17,518 --> 00:10:19,887
Hello, Dwayne. How's student life?
289
00:10:19,921 --> 00:10:22,990
Hey, Principal Bogg. It's good.
290
00:10:23,024 --> 00:10:25,025
That was for the benefit
of the kids, Officer Johnson.
291
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:26,827
I don't want to blow your cover.
292
00:10:26,861 --> 00:10:29,663
Any leads on the rash
of locker break-ins?
293
00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:32,132
- Again, I'm not a narc.
- Of course.
294
00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:33,867
You can't talk on school premises.
295
00:10:33,902 --> 00:10:36,770
I'll make us a reservation
at Morton's Steakhouse.
296
00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:38,305
You can brief me later.
297
00:10:38,339 --> 00:10:40,507
Hey, stay safe out there.
298
00:10:42,877 --> 00:10:44,478
What?
299
00:10:44,512 --> 00:10:46,380
♪♪
300
00:10:46,414 --> 00:10:50,851
Karen, Karen, Karen, Bonnie.
301
00:10:50,885 --> 00:10:52,085
You can call me Karen.
302
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:53,754
Is it me, or is he wearing all red?
303
00:10:53,788 --> 00:10:55,856
- It's you.
- Hi, Tomas.
304
00:10:55,890 --> 00:10:57,357
Fun talking to you
on the phone last night.
305
00:10:57,392 --> 00:10:59,259
Think how fun it will be
when we talk face-to-face
306
00:10:59,294 --> 00:11:00,260
on our date.
307
00:11:00,295 --> 00:11:02,763
Karen, you didn't tell us
he asked you out.
308
00:11:02,797 --> 00:11:05,232
He didn't, Karen.
It's happening right now.
309
00:11:05,266 --> 00:11:07,100
No fricking way.
310
00:11:07,135 --> 00:11:09,102
My dad is wrestling
at North Hampton College
311
00:11:09,137 --> 00:11:09,937
on Saturday.
312
00:11:09,971 --> 00:11:12,005
It's sold out, but I can get us in.
313
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,975
Snag us some VIP passes, hang backstage.
314
00:11:15,009 --> 00:11:16,677
That would be pretty exciting.
315
00:11:16,711 --> 00:11:18,178
I've never seen a live show.
316
00:11:20,014 --> 00:11:23,083
See, Kevin? That's how you do it.
317
00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:26,787
♪♪
318
00:11:26,821 --> 00:11:27,788
♪ Baby ♪
319
00:11:27,822 --> 00:11:29,990
♪ I can't wait ♪
320
00:11:31,626 --> 00:11:33,327
Mmm.
321
00:11:33,361 --> 00:11:36,730
They taste like hope
for a better future.
322
00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:38,165
[chuckles]
323
00:11:38,199 --> 00:11:40,200
Thank you for these,
but you really didn't have to.
324
00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:42,936
It's the least I could do
after how I spoke to you.
325
00:11:42,971 --> 00:11:45,872
It's not an excuse,
but my husband's been having
326
00:11:45,907 --> 00:11:48,175
work issues, and money's been tight.
327
00:11:48,209 --> 00:11:49,710
Anyway, I'm sorry.
328
00:11:49,744 --> 00:11:51,144
I'm sorry too.
329
00:11:51,179 --> 00:11:53,747
Ever since my daughter
left home and my divorce,
330
00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:56,383
I've been a little lonely.
331
00:11:56,417 --> 00:11:58,418
I guess I got overexcited
at having company.
332
00:11:58,453 --> 00:12:01,088
Family tests you whether
they're here or they're gone.
333
00:12:01,122 --> 00:12:02,356
Amen.
334
00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:04,358
Just like Sally Jessy says,
"We're expected
335
00:12:04,392 --> 00:12:06,793
to react to the needs
of the people around us."
336
00:12:08,396 --> 00:12:09,563
Who's Sally Jesse?
337
00:12:09,597 --> 00:12:11,498
Sally Jesse Raphael.
338
00:12:12,667 --> 00:12:15,702
The yellow haired hawk of daytime talk.
339
00:12:15,737 --> 00:12:18,372
Oh, come with me. Come with me.
340
00:12:18,406 --> 00:12:21,341
And I was like, "No, Bonnie,
a perm would not do well
341
00:12:21,376 --> 00:12:22,643
with your face structure."
342
00:12:22,677 --> 00:12:24,912
And that is how I saved her life.
343
00:12:24,946 --> 00:12:26,780
What would she do without you?
344
00:12:28,583 --> 00:12:32,686
Wow, this place really is sold out.
345
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,888
I'll talk to the guy,
tell him who we are.
346
00:12:36,958 --> 00:12:38,125
Here for the flea market?
347
00:12:38,159 --> 00:12:39,793
We're here for the wrestling match.
348
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,028
Yep, you're in the right place.
349
00:12:41,062 --> 00:12:42,562
That's right between the vintage coats
350
00:12:42,597 --> 00:12:43,730
and French armoires.
351
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,401
Now, I knew my dad wasn't wrestling
352
00:12:47,435 --> 00:12:48,935
in packed arenas anymore,
353
00:12:48,970 --> 00:12:50,504
but he definitely stretched the truth
354
00:12:50,538 --> 00:12:51,738
about this venue.
355
00:12:51,773 --> 00:12:53,373
Dewey! [chuckles]
356
00:12:53,408 --> 00:12:56,476
Well, well, well,
and this must be Karen.
357
00:12:56,511 --> 00:12:58,779
- Oh, what a surprise.
- Dewey?
358
00:12:58,813 --> 00:13:00,814
- My nickname.
- It's a nickname for Tomas?
359
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:02,649
Tomas? His name is Dwayne.
360
00:13:02,683 --> 00:13:04,084
Is this true, Tomas?
361
00:13:06,054 --> 00:13:07,854
You said you were wrestling
at a college.
362
00:13:07,889 --> 00:13:09,389
Yeah, this is at a college.
363
00:13:09,424 --> 00:13:11,258
This is a flea market next to a college.
364
00:13:11,292 --> 00:13:13,160
Commemorative bicentennial spoons?
365
00:13:13,194 --> 00:13:16,329
Ew, I am not buying used spoons.
366
00:13:16,364 --> 00:13:19,399
Vintage T-shirts, young lady?
You a fan of GWAR?
367
00:13:19,434 --> 00:13:21,968
- Dwayne!
- One sec.
368
00:13:21,995 --> 00:13:24,137
Look at her, Dad.
She's not the flea market type.
369
00:13:24,172 --> 00:13:26,006
You know I've been trying
to impress this girl.
370
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,375
All right, all right,
I might have hyped it up a bit,
371
00:13:28,409 --> 00:13:29,876
but the crowd is pumped.
372
00:13:31,412 --> 00:13:32,412
There's, like, ten people here.
373
00:13:32,447 --> 00:13:35,582
Now, see, there was 11,
but this woman fainted
374
00:13:35,616 --> 00:13:37,417
when she heard I was on the card.
375
00:13:37,452 --> 00:13:39,453
Yeah, she saw me wrestle Mr. Fuji
376
00:13:39,487 --> 00:13:41,088
at the Garden years ago.
377
00:13:41,122 --> 00:13:42,956
Now, that was a hell of a match.
378
00:13:42,991 --> 00:13:45,258
Okay, sure, my dad stretched the truth
379
00:13:45,293 --> 00:13:47,761
to make himself look good,
but he was also used
380
00:13:47,795 --> 00:13:49,796
to a certain level of success
that he wasn't
381
00:13:49,831 --> 00:13:51,231
ready to give up.
382
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:53,467
So Fuji's about to throw salt
in my eyes, right?
383
00:13:53,501 --> 00:13:55,002
Dwayne, can we go?
384
00:13:55,036 --> 00:13:56,303
There is a woman trying to sell me
385
00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:59,773
what I think is a racist syrup jar.
386
00:13:59,807 --> 00:14:02,075
- Um, we gotta...
- Oh, wait, wait, no.
387
00:14:02,110 --> 00:14:03,777
You can't leave before the main event.
388
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,815
For sure, we're staying.
389
00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:10,984
No way we're missing
a Rocky Johnson show.
390
00:14:12,186 --> 00:14:13,020
That's my boy.
391
00:14:14,389 --> 00:14:16,623
- Rocky, showtime.
- Great, thanks, Hal.
392
00:14:16,657 --> 00:14:18,325
I'll see you two after the match?
393
00:14:20,028 --> 00:14:21,395
No way we're staying.
394
00:14:21,429 --> 00:14:24,331
There is a man selling
a pile of old baby shoes,
395
00:14:24,365 --> 00:14:26,500
and it is freaking me out.
396
00:14:26,534 --> 00:14:29,603
If you want to leave,
go ahead, but I'm staying.
397
00:14:29,637 --> 00:14:31,138
Why?
398
00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:33,407
He's my dad.
399
00:14:36,511 --> 00:14:39,312
Like Karen, I'm also confused.
Why did you stay?
400
00:14:40,782 --> 00:14:42,049
He's my dad.
401
00:14:45,186 --> 00:14:46,686
That's it.
402
00:14:50,943 --> 00:14:52,410
Wait.
403
00:14:56,541 --> 00:14:58,667
And it's really unusual, I think,
to hear women say this...
404
00:14:58,692 --> 00:15:00,949
looks are more important than brains?
405
00:15:00,974 --> 00:15:03,559
- Oh, yeah.
- I think I would like a dumb, hot man.
406
00:15:03,614 --> 00:15:05,854
Clark was basically a giant brain
407
00:15:05,879 --> 00:15:08,126
attached to the body
of an uncooked chicken.
408
00:15:08,161 --> 00:15:09,930
[laughs]
409
00:15:09,962 --> 00:15:12,063
I'd like a man
who can put his ego aside.
410
00:15:12,114 --> 00:15:14,315
I love Rocky, but he always exaggerates
411
00:15:14,349 --> 00:15:16,517
to make himself look good
when he doesn't even have to.
412
00:15:16,551 --> 00:15:17,785
It's exhausting.
413
00:15:17,819 --> 00:15:19,653
Still, sounds better than Clark.
414
00:15:19,688 --> 00:15:23,324
- An uncooked chicken, Ata.
- [laughs]
415
00:15:25,193 --> 00:15:27,161
- Oh, I have to go.
- No.
416
00:15:27,195 --> 00:15:28,662
Yeah, I still gotta go
to the grocery store
417
00:15:28,697 --> 00:15:29,897
and get dinner ready.
418
00:15:29,931 --> 00:15:32,600
You have to take time for yourself too.
419
00:15:32,634 --> 00:15:33,868
"Find the little joys,
420
00:15:33,902 --> 00:15:35,603
for they give us
the greatest pleasures."
421
00:15:38,340 --> 00:15:39,540
Did you just come up with that?
422
00:15:39,574 --> 00:15:40,775
No, that's SJR.
423
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:43,310
She said it to a toothless
woman addicted to crystal meth.
424
00:15:43,345 --> 00:15:45,546
I recorded it. I'll show you.
425
00:15:47,149 --> 00:15:48,949
Got us some snacks.
426
00:15:48,984 --> 00:15:50,684
That's what my family buys
to feed the fish
427
00:15:50,719 --> 00:15:52,019
when we go to the Poconos.
428
00:15:52,054 --> 00:15:53,220
- [screams]
- [screams]
429
00:15:53,255 --> 00:15:56,157
[chuckles] Hey, Uncle Afa, Uncle Sika.
430
00:15:56,191 --> 00:15:58,926
- This is Karen.
- Hi, Karen.
431
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,227
- [screams]
- [screams]
432
00:16:00,262 --> 00:16:04,198
[laughs] Bye, Karen.
433
00:16:04,232 --> 00:16:07,101
Should've gone
white water rafting with Kevin.
434
00:16:07,135 --> 00:16:09,303
Okay, yeah, this place sucks,
435
00:16:09,337 --> 00:16:11,005
but I promise you're in for a show.
436
00:16:11,039 --> 00:16:13,641
In this corner, the "Soul Man"!
437
00:16:13,675 --> 00:16:15,076
Even though my dad wasn't wrestling
438
00:16:15,110 --> 00:16:16,877
in Madison Square Garden anymore,
439
00:16:16,912 --> 00:16:18,412
in his mind, he was.
440
00:16:18,447 --> 00:16:20,681
[Sam and Dave's "Soul Man"]
441
00:16:20,715 --> 00:16:24,718
And his opponent,
hailing from the ocean,
442
00:16:24,753 --> 00:16:27,388
the Gull!
443
00:16:27,422 --> 00:16:28,589
[screams]
444
00:16:28,623 --> 00:16:33,661
Ooh, a dirty attack
by the Gull before the bell.
445
00:16:33,695 --> 00:16:35,996
And whether it was the Gull
or Rick Flair
446
00:16:36,031 --> 00:16:38,132
or Roddy Piper,
447
00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:39,600
anytime Rocky Johnson got in that ring,
448
00:16:39,634 --> 00:16:41,535
he went all out.
449
00:16:41,570 --> 00:16:43,671
♪ That's what I got, the hard way ♪
450
00:16:43,705 --> 00:16:46,207
♪ And I'll make it better
each and every day ♪
451
00:16:46,241 --> 00:16:49,610
It's so violent in real life.
452
00:16:49,644 --> 00:16:51,412
Ah, ah! Ow!
453
00:16:51,446 --> 00:16:53,114
♪ 'Cause you ain't seen nothing yet ♪
454
00:16:53,148 --> 00:16:55,583
If he doesn't sell
and get his opponent over,
455
00:16:55,617 --> 00:16:57,952
there's no point
in blowing his comeback.
456
00:16:57,986 --> 00:16:59,487
What does that mean?
457
00:16:59,521 --> 00:17:01,922
Ow!
458
00:17:01,957 --> 00:17:03,724
♪ I'm a soul man ♪
459
00:17:03,758 --> 00:17:06,127
Stop it! He's hurt!
460
00:17:06,161 --> 00:17:07,194
♪ I'm a soul man ♪
461
00:17:07,229 --> 00:17:08,362
♪♪
462
00:17:08,396 --> 00:17:10,264
Rocky reaches the ropes.
463
00:17:10,298 --> 00:17:13,200
The Gull has to let him go
or be disqualified.
464
00:17:13,235 --> 00:17:15,035
- [audience booing]
- Caw!
465
00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:17,238
I hate you!
466
00:17:18,106 --> 00:17:20,040
[mouthing words]
467
00:17:21,309 --> 00:17:24,211
Nobody put on a show
like the "Soul Man."
468
00:17:24,246 --> 00:17:27,214
Rocky, Rocky, Rocky!
469
00:17:27,249 --> 00:17:29,049
[all chanting] Rocky, Rocky, Rocky!
470
00:17:29,084 --> 00:17:31,986
[crowd cheering] Rocky, Rocky, Rocky!
471
00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:33,154
♪ I'm a soul man
472
00:17:33,188 --> 00:17:34,488
[all cheer]
473
00:17:34,523 --> 00:17:35,356
[grunts]
474
00:17:35,390 --> 00:17:37,691
♪ I'm a soul man ♪
475
00:17:37,726 --> 00:17:38,792
♪♪
476
00:17:38,827 --> 00:17:40,361
Whoo!
477
00:17:40,395 --> 00:17:42,696
♪ Well, grab the rope,
let me pull you in ♪
478
00:17:42,731 --> 00:17:44,632
♪ Give you hope ♪
479
00:17:44,666 --> 00:17:46,400
♪ And be your only boyfriend ♪
480
00:17:46,434 --> 00:17:48,936
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
481
00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:50,437
[crowd chanting] One, two...
482
00:17:50,472 --> 00:17:51,672
Three!
483
00:17:51,706 --> 00:17:53,340
[cheers and applause]
484
00:17:53,375 --> 00:17:55,643
Like my dad, I had been
exaggerating the truth
485
00:17:55,677 --> 00:17:58,812
to make myself look good,
but when I finally got real
486
00:17:58,847 --> 00:18:02,116
and chose to be there for him
over impressing the girl,
487
00:18:02,150 --> 00:18:03,551
I somehow got the girl.
488
00:18:03,585 --> 00:18:05,152
That was amazing!
489
00:18:05,187 --> 00:18:06,487
What did I tell you?
490
00:18:06,521 --> 00:18:09,356
Nobody puts on a show like my dad.
491
00:18:09,391 --> 00:18:12,526
[cheers and applause]
492
00:18:13,862 --> 00:18:15,563
That was so fun.
493
00:18:15,597 --> 00:18:17,498
You set the bar high for our next date.
494
00:18:17,532 --> 00:18:18,699
Next date?
495
00:18:18,733 --> 00:18:20,968
Oh, is that before or after
you go rafting with Kevin?
496
00:18:21,002 --> 00:18:23,270
- Shut up.
- Ah.
497
00:18:23,305 --> 00:18:24,271
- Hi, Rocky!
- Hey.
498
00:18:24,306 --> 00:18:25,739
Amazing, Dad.
499
00:18:25,774 --> 00:18:26,807
You put on a show.
500
00:18:26,841 --> 00:18:28,409
You were so great, Mr. Johnson.
501
00:18:28,443 --> 00:18:30,611
Why, thank you, Karen.
Appreciate that, son.
502
00:18:30,645 --> 00:18:32,012
I've never seen wrestling live before,
503
00:18:32,047 --> 00:18:34,014
and it was so much better than on TV.
504
00:18:34,049 --> 00:18:36,450
Kind of like that time I saw
Kirk Cameron at the airport.
505
00:18:37,619 --> 00:18:39,153
Hey, hell of a match, Rocky.
Hell of a match.
506
00:18:39,187 --> 00:18:40,554
Finally, payday.
507
00:18:42,891 --> 00:18:44,858
- Where's the rest?
- That's $300.
508
00:18:44,893 --> 00:18:46,427
It was 300 per match.
509
00:18:46,461 --> 00:18:47,962
I wrestled three matches for you.
510
00:18:47,996 --> 00:18:49,630
No, 300 total.
511
00:18:52,067 --> 00:18:53,400
Just give us a second.
512
00:18:53,435 --> 00:18:54,368
Business.
513
00:18:55,503 --> 00:18:57,805
$300? That's all?
514
00:18:57,839 --> 00:18:59,840
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he doesn't do
515
00:18:59,874 --> 00:19:01,308
these smaller shows for money.
516
00:19:01,343 --> 00:19:03,043
He just does 'em
as a favor to my uncles.
517
00:19:03,078 --> 00:19:04,411
- Oh.
- Yeah.
518
00:19:04,446 --> 00:19:06,747
Still, though, you want to keep
these local promoters honest.
519
00:19:06,781 --> 00:19:08,849
But he makes the real money
at the big shows.
520
00:19:08,883 --> 00:19:11,352
Oh, well, I'd love to see one of those.
521
00:19:11,386 --> 00:19:13,354
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
522
00:19:13,388 --> 00:19:14,555
I'll take you to the next one.
523
00:19:14,589 --> 00:19:16,890
Hey, you know,
my dad has a ton of merch.
524
00:19:16,925 --> 00:19:18,592
- You want a hat?
- Mm-hmm.
525
00:19:18,627 --> 00:19:20,394
I'll bring you a hat on Monday.
526
00:19:20,428 --> 00:19:24,098
♪ So the wind might change direction ♪
527
00:19:24,132 --> 00:19:27,534
♪ And you stay always as you are ♪
528
00:19:27,569 --> 00:19:29,436
I've always loved that song.
529
00:19:29,471 --> 00:19:30,771
Dwayne said the show was great.
530
00:19:30,805 --> 00:19:32,139
Hey, you know me.
531
00:19:32,173 --> 00:19:34,008
My worst day is someone else's best day.
532
00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:36,243
[chuckles]
533
00:19:36,278 --> 00:19:38,045
Hey, I'm sorry about the money.
534
00:19:38,079 --> 00:19:39,613
- Hal swore he was...
- Hey.
535
00:19:39,648 --> 00:19:43,050
$300 is $300. We could use it.
536
00:19:43,084 --> 00:19:45,252
But next time, we gotta
make sure you get paid upfront.
537
00:19:45,287 --> 00:19:46,887
Definitely.
538
00:19:46,921 --> 00:19:50,324
Plus this convention in Erie
will bring in some extra dough.
539
00:19:50,358 --> 00:19:52,926
Pose for pictures, sign some autographs.
540
00:19:52,961 --> 00:19:54,628
It'll be great.
541
00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:00,901
Hey, babe, what's with
this small, purple milk?
542
00:20:00,935 --> 00:20:02,369
It's my little joy.
543
00:20:02,404 --> 00:20:03,637
I put it behind the cantaloupe
544
00:20:03,672 --> 00:20:05,172
so Dewey doesn't drink it all
in one gulp.
545
00:20:05,206 --> 00:20:06,740
Smart.
546
00:20:06,775 --> 00:20:08,776
No way that boy's going near a melon.
547
00:20:08,810 --> 00:20:09,777
Mm-hmm.
548
00:20:11,780 --> 00:20:13,614
That is a sweet end to the story.
549
00:20:13,648 --> 00:20:15,582
Would've been, yeah,
but that's not the end.
550
00:20:15,617 --> 00:20:17,284
Unless we want it to be.
551
00:20:17,319 --> 00:20:18,652
Sandy, please.
552
00:20:18,687 --> 00:20:21,488
Can someone get
this Sandy guy out of here?
553
00:20:21,523 --> 00:20:23,490
Bitch trying to step into my coverage.
554
00:20:23,525 --> 00:20:25,626
- Sorry about that.
- That's okay.
555
00:20:25,660 --> 00:20:27,828
You know, Randall, look,
I'm here to be honest,
556
00:20:27,862 --> 00:20:29,797
and that's why I told you this story.
557
00:20:29,831 --> 00:20:32,800
No one's perfect,
and we all make mistakes.
558
00:20:32,834 --> 00:20:34,868
I just happened to make
a whole hell of a lot of them.
559
00:20:34,903 --> 00:20:36,537
Hey, Karen.
560
00:20:36,571 --> 00:20:38,772
- I brought you this.
- Thanks.
561
00:20:38,807 --> 00:20:40,374
Nice jeans.
562
00:20:40,408 --> 00:20:42,142
I was just telling everyone
about the match.
563
00:20:42,177 --> 00:20:43,744
When your dad did that sunset flip...
564
00:20:43,778 --> 00:20:45,446
which was badass...
565
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,448
it, like, totally changed my life.
566
00:20:47,482 --> 00:20:50,351
Ugh, at the flea market?
567
00:20:50,385 --> 00:20:52,820
Ugh, yes, that part was disgusting.
568
00:20:52,854 --> 00:20:56,323
It was like a cursed mall,
but the show was really fun.
569
00:20:56,358 --> 00:20:58,892
Aw, that's awesome, man.
570
00:20:58,927 --> 00:21:00,694
My neighbor's throwing
a garage sale next week.
571
00:21:00,729 --> 00:21:02,229
Maybe your dad can main event that.
572
00:21:02,263 --> 00:21:04,098
- [laughter]
- My brother was there.
573
00:21:04,132 --> 00:21:07,301
He said there were, like,
ten people in the audience.
574
00:21:07,335 --> 00:21:08,535
There's ten people here right now.
575
00:21:08,570 --> 00:21:10,804
This was the audience.
576
00:21:10,839 --> 00:21:14,341
I mean, it doesn't even matter.
Wrestling's all fake anyway.
577
00:21:16,678 --> 00:21:17,878
- [crowd gasps]
- Oh!
578
00:21:17,912 --> 00:21:18,912
[gasps]
579
00:21:20,014 --> 00:21:22,649
Never use the F-word.
580
00:21:22,684 --> 00:21:24,551
Wait, so you knocked him out cold.
581
00:21:24,586 --> 00:21:25,853
Ah.
582
00:21:25,887 --> 00:21:27,554
Um...
583
00:21:27,589 --> 00:21:30,357
we just scooped everyone in the country.
584
00:21:30,392 --> 00:21:32,025
- Scooped 'em all.
- Yeah, we did.
585
00:21:32,060 --> 00:21:33,209
[both chuckle]
586
00:21:33,233 --> 00:21:37,233
-- Subs by kinglouisxx --
for www.addic7ed.com
42474
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