All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S07E18.The.Mommy.Observation.720p.BluRay.x264.ROVERS

Should you really be
sitting in Sheldon's spot?

He's in Texas.
He'll never know.

I wouldn't be so sure about that.

Yeah, he has a very sensitive butt.

Well, it's true.

Once I saw him sit on a bunch
of loose change and add it up.

Have you heard from Howard?

I did.
His talk at NASA went great.

Sheldon didn't heckle him?

No, in fact, he was so well-behaved,

Howie bought him a Buzz Aldrin
bobble head and astronaut ice cream.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

- Hey, guys.
- Hi, Stewart.

- How's it going?
- Good.

Sheldon's out of town,
so we can do whatever we want.

We even ordered from
the Thai place he doesn't like.

How is it?

Disgusting. Do not tell him.

What do you guys want to do tonight?

I don't know.

I told Howie if I wasn't busy,
I'd spend the night at his mom's.

So for God's sake,
think of something.

(COUGHING)

Stuart? Are you okay?

No, I don't feel so...

- Oh, Stuart?
- Stuart?

Oh, my God,
you guys need to do something!

Calling 911.

- It's too late.
- What do you mean it's too late?

He's been murdered
by someone in this room.

♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

- Oh, my God.
- Come on!

Welcome to another classic
Koothrappali murder mystery dinner.

I'm leaving.

You can't leave.

You're a suspect in the
mysterious murder of Stuart Bloom.

♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

I didn't know his
last name was Bloom.

Yeah, it's Bloom.

Are you really gonna
lie on the floor

and pretend to be dead all night?

What do you think
I was gonna do at home?

♪ (THEME SONG PLAYS)

Are you gonna make us pretend
to be a bunch of lame characters

with silly accents?

"Lame characters with silly ac..."
What kind of actress are you?

You're right, I'm sorry.
It sounds like fun.

- Thank you.
- That kind of actress. This sucks!

Come on, guys.
Raj put a lot of effort into this.

And that's great.
It's not sad, it's great.

I think it might be fun
to be someone else tonight.

Actually, you're all just
gonna be yourselves.

Oh. Ecch!

All right, if I'm doing this, I'm
playing to win. So just to be clear,

If we're ourselves,
that means one of us killed Stuart?

Very good, Bernadette.
You are a regular Byomkesh Bakshi.

What is that, like,
the Indian Sherlock Holmes?

Or is Sherlock Holmes
the English Byomkesh Bakshi?

According to Wikipedia,
Sherlock Holmes came first.

Great, everyone's a Byomkesh Bakshi.

Now, here are some secret facts
about each of you,

including whether
you are the murderer.

Throughout the game, feel free

to ask each other questions
to uncover clues.

Got it.

Hey, who's the murderer?

Any question but that.

Sorry.

Hey, who's not the murderer?

Bernadette, can you not stand
so close to me?

What do you care? You're dead.

Suit yourself.
But I can kind of see up your skirt.

Thank you for my bobble head.

Thank you for not making fun
of me during my speech.

It wasn't easy. Was it Buzz?

We can't show up to
your mom's empty-handed.

We should bring something.

I already am.
I'm bringing the gift of knowledge.

Oh, boy.

Despite what her Bible says,
recent archeological studies indicate

that although camels are
referenced in the Old Testament,

they didn't exist in the Middle East
until hundreds of years later.

I was gonna say we pick up
a cake or a pie.

But an insult to her faith
is always thoughtful.

So, what happens next?

I can't tell you that.
But perhaps the killer dropped

a fun and imaginative clue
somewhere in the apartment.

Ooh, I'm gonna check the fridge,

and see if there are
any clues inside a beer.

Hey, I found something.

It looks like a little man
with a briefcase.

Oh, no. That's Clarence Darrow.

It's from a game Sheldon made up
called Chutes and Lawyers.

You slide down a chute
and then work your way back up

through the appellate system.

Well, unlike that,
my games are much more fun.

Can I ask you something? Why do you
like making us do this stuff?

Well, I guess it goes back to

when I was a fat kid in India,
and didn't have any friends.

I didn't know you were fat.

Yeah, I was 200 pounds
by the time I was in middle school.

Kids were mean.
Cows may be sacred there,

but it doesn't help
if you look like one.

Anyway, I was pretty lonely,

so I had to make up
my own stories and games,

and I promised myself
if I ever made any friends

that I would play
those games with them.

That is so sweet.

I've seen old pictures of you.

You were never a fat kid.

No, I was svelte as a gazelle.

A gazelle blessed with a flair
for storytelling.

♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

Hey, what about this?
It looks like a receipt.

- What's it for?
- For a cup of coffee.

But it's dated 20 years from now.

From the future?
How fun and imaginative.

So one of us came back from
the future to murder Stuart?

Correct.

Does the gazelle with a flair
for storytelling

know he's ripping off Terminator?

Does the smart-ass know
that Terminator was actually

ripped off from an Outer Limits
script called

Demon With a Glass Hand,
by Harlan Ellison?

Oh, does the gazelle know that
according to Harlan Ellison,

it was not ripped off
from Demon With a Glass Hand,

but was ripped off from another
Outer Limits script

he wrote called The Soldier?

I'm gonna need another clue.

Okay, give me the flowers and pie.

But if we show up
and you're holding them,

she'll think they're only from you.

They are only from me.

You said the gift of you was enough.

Yes, but now that I've seen
what the gift of me

with flowers and pie looks like,
there's no going back.

Boy, I can't wait to see
the look on her face...

We're leaving right now.

- What's wrong?
- Nothing.

Sheldon, tell me what's going on!

I saw my mommy with a naked man

and she was trying
to be a mommy again.

You ready to talk about it?

I'm not nearly drunk enough.

Okay.

Do you have any idea
what it's like to see

your mother ravaging someone?

Does a brisket count?

I'm sorry, buddy, that's rough.

But didn't she know we were coming?

No. I wanted to surprise her.

What am I supposed to say to
her after something like this?

Well, did she see you
in the window?

- No.
- Then don't say anything.

I have to.

How can we ever hope to have
a healthy relationship

if I don't tell her
how disappointed I am,

and that I'll never forgive her?

Well, don't do it on the phone.

I'm just going
to tell her I'm coming

so she can give that
"Good Time Charlie" the heave-ho.

That's some tough talk.
I may need to cut you off.

Yeah, maybe you better.
I took a pretty big sip.

Look, she's a grown woman.

And... and your dad's been
gone a long time.

Maybe this is none of your business.

I beg to differ.

I used to live in those genitals.

And if someone wants
to move into my old room,

I should at least get a vote.

Okay, murder suspects,

Leonard has found the time
machine the killer must've used.

You're all inside it, and we hurtle
through the very fabric of time.

♪ (SCI-FI LASER SOUNDS)

And welcome
to 20 years in the future.

Hey, you guys just time-traveled.
Stop looking so bored.

Well, my beer isn't flat
and my rack's not saggy.

So far, the future's great.

Hey, can I go to the bathroom?

Fine, just try not to look too alive.

That's my jam.

So one of us went back
in time to kill Stuart?

- But why?
- Perhaps this will help.

Here are some facts
about yourselves in the future

that might contain a clue.

Hey, I won
the Nobel Prize in physiology.

Then I used the money to buy
Stuart's comic book store,

and close it down so Sheldon
would pay attention to me.

Not the worst idea.

Hey, I'm a famous actress
living in London.

I'm a professor at Stanford.

So I guess you two are
making it work long distance.

Oh, no. In this game,
as your careers both took off,

you drifted apart.
Kind of like how future me

lost touch with you guys
after I became boy toy

for the wrinkled,
but still flexible, Madonna.

What does your card say, Bernadette?

Hang on. Do you think
we'd really drift apart

if we both became successful?

Of course not.

If I became a famous actress
and had to move,

you would just come with me.

But if I get a chance
to be a tenured professor,

I might not have that much
choice in where I end up.

Yeah, but if I become
a successful actress,

we wouldn't need the money.

Well, you don't go
into science for the money.

Speak for yourself.

Last month, my company both invented
and cured Restless Eye Syndrome.

Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps.

So, wait, if my career
took me somewhere else,

you might not go?

♪ (VOCALIZES DRAMATIC MUSIC)

He started it.

Okay, guys, new back stories.

Penny and Leonard, you two lovebirds

are super successful
and living in New York.

You're an actress, you're a professor
and you have three beautiful kids.

- Great.
- Really?

You think I'm putting
this body through three kids?

Okay, let's do this.

Good luck.

You...
Aren't you gonna come with me?

While you confront your mother
about her sex life?

I'd rather go back to that bar
in ass-less chaps.

Mother?
Mother?

Mother.

Shelly!
I'm so glad you're here!

I saw you having naked sex.

What are you talking about?

Earlier, I came here to surprise you.

I looked in the window
and I saw you with a man.

Oh, Shelly, I'm so sorry.
Come in.

Um...

Maybe we should sit down
and talk about this.

Can you recommend a surface
you haven't had coitus on?

That's not funny.

Maybe we should sit at the table.

Well, I'm sure that you
have a lot of questions.

Who was he?

His name is Ron.
I met him at my prayer group.

How long have you been
involved with him?

A few months.

And of those few months,

how long have you been
a demented sex pervert?

That is no way
to speak to your mother.

Perhaps not.

But it is a way to speak
to a woman who quoted the Bible

to me my whole life,
and then desecrates

one of Ethan Allen's finest sofas.

I will give you one opportunity,
young man, to apologize.

- Or what?
- Or I will send you to your room.

That's ridiculous.
I am a grown man.

I am a professional scientist.

And I currently occupy
the moral high ground.

Go to your room.

But I occupy the moral high ground.

Go to your room.

But I'm a professional scientist.

Go to your room!

I'm a grown man.

Can we please get back to the game?

In a minute.
I don't understand why any success

you have in acting is more important
than any I have in science.

Okay, if you do
something cool in science,

you might change the world.

If I become a famous actress...

I'm not gonna tell you why movie
stars are the best. They just are.

I'm surprised you guys never
talked about this stuff.

Like you and Sheldon have
everything figured out?

Actually, our relationship agreement
covers a wide array of scenarios,

including career changes,
financial instability,

intelligent dog uprising.

FYI, we plan on selling out
the human race hard.

In 20 years, who knows
what'll happen with any of us?

I think you and Leonard
will be together.

- You do?
- Yeah.

I think you're
the best couple I know.

That's so sweet.

- What the hell?
- Excuse me?

Duh, duh, duh...
Let the dead man talk.

So, why do you think that?

Well, I feel like you guys
make each other better.

Penny brought Leonard
out of his shell.

And it seems like Leonard makes Penny
think more deeply about the world.

I don't know. Together, you two
kind of make one awesome person.

Aw, Stuart.

Now I feel bad for murdering you.

Oh, come on!

Penny did it! I win!
Suck it, jackasses!

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Hey, can I come in?

Apparently any man
is welcome in this house.

Why not you?

I thought you were waiting
in the car.

That was an hour ago, Sheldon.

A Jew sits in front of a house
in Texas that long,

"For Sale" signs start to go up.

I take it things didn't
go smoothly with your mom.

No.

I'm not sure how we're going
to get past this.

You know, I sort of went
through something like this myself.

Howard, we've all seen
your mother naked.

That woman needs to learn
how to tie a robe.

I'm talking about when
my mom started seeing someone

a couple years after my dad left.

I didn't know she did.

Yeah, she was dating this guy,

and I was kind of a jerk
to her about it.

What did you do?

Let's just say
it was the most vicious

bar mitzvah speech in
the history of Temple Beth El.

Anyway, she broke up with him.

And she's basically
been alone ever since.

She never said it, but I always felt
I was the reason why.

I'm sorry.

Although, based on your story,

you absolutely were the reason why.

All I'm saying is
you might not want

to get in the way
of your mom's happiness.

You may have a point.

I love my mother.

Even if she fornicates
like a demonic weasel.

And the healing begins.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Are you ready to discuss
this calmly, like adults?

I am.

Shelly, I'm sorry that
you saw what you saw.

I know that this is hard for you.

I think what most upsets me
about it, Mother, is the hypocrisy.

Doesn't this contradict

all the religious rules you've
been espousing your whole life?

You're right, it does,
and it's something

that I'm struggling
with these days.

Then why are you doing it?

Because I'm not perfect, Shelly.

And that man's booty is.

Well, this is confusing for me.

But I don't want to stand
in the way of your happiness.

So...

I'll condemn you internally
while maintaining

an outward appearance of acceptance.

That is very Christian of you.

Mother, if you're going
to conduct your life in this fashion,

then I should let you know
that the world has changed

since you were a young woman.

You know, it's not all sock hops,
soda jerks and segregation anymore.

How old do you think I am?

My point is that you're going
to need to be careful.

You used to be protected by your
pre-Enlightenment mythology,

but now you're going
to need a stronger friend

named latex.

Are you having the sex talk with me?

Well, someone has to.

Oh, dear Lord!

No, don't look to Him.
He's mad at you right now.

Come on, don't pout.
I'm sorry I ruined your game.

I'm not pouting, I'm brooding.

Which is how sexy men pout.

It actually was kind of fun.

You're just saying that.

Yeah.

I liked the time travel element.

Thank you.
I thought it was inspired.

It was. By Terminator.

Well, I hope 20 years from now,
we really are all still together

and still friends.

- Definitely.
- Of course.

Hey, how about this?

Whether we're friends, not friends,

scattered around the world,
no matter what,

let's all promise to meet
in front of this building

exactly 20 years
from tonight at 8:00 p.m.

and have dinner
like we always do.

Aw, I love it.

Putting it in my phone right now.

Yeah, me, too.

My phone doesn't have a calendar.

It's all right,
I'll just write it on my hand.

And it's done.

Yup, we're all in.

All right,
I'll see you guys in 20 years.

I knew it.

(English US - SDH)