All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S07E17.The.Friendship.Turbulence.720p.BluRay.x264.ROVERS

Raj, your tag's sticking out.

Thank you. That's the closest
I've come to sex in, like, two years.

Now I feel a little gross.

You're only making it seem
more real for me.

Hey, that's my wife.

If anyone's gonna make her feel
gross about sex, it's me.

Can we please talk about something
other than my depressing love life?

How about Penny's
depressing acting career?

Hey. It's been a little tough,
but Penny's following her dreams,

and in my book,
that is not depressing.

Aw, thank you.

Is that book called
Lies I Tell to Get Sex?

Is that a real book?
I would totally read that book.

Can I borrow it when you're done?

Well, I'll have you guys know

I turned down a part
in a movie last week.

Why would you do that?

Because it was crap.

It was a sequel to that awful
killer gorilla movie I was in.

Serial Ape-ist?

I thought you died in that.

She does. 42 minutes in.

While showering topless,
16 minutes after brief side butt

during a pillow fight
with her sorority sisters.

I have an eidetic memory.
I don't know what his problem is.

Okay, well, there are no
shower scenes in this one.

They just try to clone me
from my corpse,

but my DNA gets mixed
with the ape's DNA

and I end up running around
with giant gorilla hands and feet.

Am I missing something, or isn't that
the part she was born to play?

♪ (THEME SONG PLAYS)

So are you really not
gonna do this movie?

Well, I don't think it's the kind
of part that's good for my career.

But don't a lot of famous actors
get their start doing bad movies?

Okay, I don't think Meryl Streep
ever had to say,

"Must keep gorilla hands
from killing again!"

If she did, it would be amazing.
That woman can do no wrong.

I don't know anything
about show business,

so if you think it's reasonable
to turn down paid work

and just burn through
your savings,

I'm sure you know what
you're doing.

I think we're gonna go.

Are you sure?

We were making fun of
failed careers.

We didn't get to tap
the juicy vein that is Howard's.

Hey, I work
at the same university you do.

Yes, and Hawkeye's in
the avengers,

but no one ever says,
"Help, Hawkeye!"

Can I ask you something?

Why do you constantly feel
the need to put down my husband?

I'm sure he does it out of love.

The same way my boyfriend
makes me feel terrible

about my life choices.

I think we're gonna go.

No, no. This is not a fight.

I was just excited that
someone offered you a part

and a little surprised
that you'd rather sit at home

and do nothing than take it.

Now it's a fight.

Well, with that sorted out,

I'm happy to answer your
question, Bernadette.

Howard started it.

I didn't do anything.
I was just sitting here.

I wasn't referring to this evening.

Ten years ago,
upon first seeing me,

your husband claimed
that I looked like C-3PO

and Pee-wee Herman.

And he called me
C-3P-wee Herman.

(LAUGHING) Still funny.

That was ten years ago.

Nine years, 11 months
and three weeks ago,

he followed that up by replacing
the slides for my lecture

with photographs
of nude fat women bending over.

Really?

The lecture was on
cosmic gas clouds.

That's funny!

I was there. It was funny.

In any event, that began
a decade-long progression

of insults, pranks and
unwanted magazine subscriptions.

To this day,
I still get a monthly copy

of Granny on Granny.

Which, other than its
surprisingly fun puzzle page,

is complete filth.

Thanks for walking me to my car.

Actually, it's for both of us.

Last night, I watched
West Side Story,

and I'm a little freaked out
by street gangs.

Why can't Raj find a girl?
The mystery continues.

I don't appreciate your sarcasm,

but we've still got two blocks
to go, so I'll put up with it.

Whatever happened with
your online dating?

No one was writing me back,
so I stopped checking my profile.

Before I met Sheldon,
I was ready to give up, too.

Once, I even dropped
in on my OB/GYN

just to get some human contact.

It has been a while
since I got my prostate checked.

Then I met Sheldon
and look at where we are now.

What? You've kissed, like,
once in three years.

That's true.
Do whatever you want.

- Hey.
- Hello.

Listen, I was thinking you and I

could probably try
to be better friends.

Really?

I was thinking
what we have now is a bit much.

Seriously, I was talking
to Bernadette last night and

she made some great points.

You and I have known each other
a long time,

and I didn't hear the rest
'cause she took her bra off.

Very well.
(CLEARS THROAT)

How do you propose
we move forward?

For starters, we could stop
insulting each other.

That's a great idea.

And in the spirit
of our new arrangement,

I will mask my surprise
that you came up with it.

Anyway, I got invited
to do a little talk at NASA

in Houston this weekend.

They gave me two tickets.
Bernadette can't go.

You want to come with me?
You can visit your mom,

and I'll show you
around the space center.

I have one question.

Is this a prank
where we land in Houston

and you've made up
wanted posters

that have my face with
a mustache and a Spanish name

and then I get arrested
and deported to South America?

No.

I'm glad because I would not
have seen that coming.

Amy, I could use some help.

Let me guess. There's an undergrad
in a leather jacket

snapping his fingers
by the water fountain.

I thought about
what you said last night,

and I went back
on the dating website

and I was looking
at this girl's profile.

She's amazing.

Oh, she's cute.

And smart. Phi Beta Kappa.

And judging by her lack
of Adam's apple,

she's been female her entire life.

I like that in a woman.

Great,
so what do you need me for?

Well, I was up all night trying
to write to her,

but I wanted to run it by
you first.

- All right.
- (CLEARS THROAT)

"Emily,

your face is like
a precious dew-kissed flower."

Wow.

I know.
Powerful stuff, huh?

No. You're supposed to be yourself,
not all desperate and creepy.

Okay, I'm getting
some mixed messages here.

Just say something normal like,
"I saw your profile.

"Looks like we have
a lot in common.

Let's get a cup of coffee sometime."

Yes. "Where I can be jealous of
the cup touching your ruby lips."

Or you just write it for me.

I'm not gonna pretend to be you.

I don't want you
to pretend to be me.

You can be my online wingman.

Like if we met her at a bar
and you talked me up.

Well, what would I say to her?

Just tell her what I'm really like.

And, if you think it'll help,

that you saw me changing once
and my package reminded you

of the muscular tail of a jaguar.

Use your own words.

Thanks again for taking me
to the pharmacy.

It's no problem.
Is everything okay?

I'm fine. It's just some
stomach medication for my trip.

There's the remote
yet distinct possibility

that I may end up
in South America.

Remember the old days when I
would've said something dumb

like, "Why?"

(ENGINE THUMPING)

Uh, that doesn't sound good.

Remember the old days
when I used to point out

that your check engine light
was on?

- Yes.
- Get ready to go down memory lane.

- Penny, your check engine...
- Yeah, I know it's on, Sheldon!

Oh, no, no.
I cannot afford this right now.

Maybe it's just something minor.

(ENGINE BANGS, HISSES)

Oh, good news,
the light just went out.

Are we playing individual
or teams?

Teams are fun.

In that case, I'd like to be
partnered with my good friend Howard.

But I'm always on Howard's team.
We're best friends.

The kind who finish each others...

I really don't think we do tha...

Do that! See?

- Oh, hi.
- How'd it go at the mechanic?

Not great.
Can I talk to you for a sec?

Yeah, sure.

Maybe I can go with you
guys to Houston?

Isn't it late to get plane tick...

Plane tickets? Yeah.

- Will you please sto...
- Stop that? Okay.

I don't know what to do.
My car threw a rod and it's totaled.

I can't afford a new one,
I have no job,

and now I can't drive to auditions.

I'm so sorry.

I know it's a sensitive subject,

but can you reconsider
that part in the movie?

I did. I called them.
The part's gone.

They gave it to someone else.

Now that girl's gonna get
discovered and become famous

and go on Letterman and talk
about how she got her big break

on a cheap monkey movie

all because some dumb girl
thought it was beneath her.

At least they talked
about you on Letterman.

Come on, I can drive you
wherever you need to go.

How?
Unlike me, you have a job.

I'm just gonna have to go back
to being a waitress.

Like I will be
for the rest of my life.

Leonard, would you wrap it up?
We're waiting on you.

I'm sorry, is the fact
that my life's falling apart

interfering with your board game?

It is.

You were wrong, friend Howard.
She completely understood.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Hey, you busy?

No. What's up?

Have you heard back from Emily?

I have.

Great! And?

And I'm afraid she doesn't think
you're right for her.

I give you one simple thing to do.

Contact a complete stranger and
make her fall in love with me,

and you blow it!

I told her what a good guy you are,

but she thought it was a bad sign

that you didn't write
to her yourself.

She thought it made you seem
too shy and passive.

I'm not too shy and passive.

You write her back
and tell her I said that.

You know,
when you have a second.

Look, I'll see if I can change
her mind tomorrow night.

What's happening tomorrow night?

I'm meeting her for coffee.

What?

We emailed back and forth a bit,
and we kind of hit it off.

I find a girl I like,
and you're stealing her?

No. We just ended up
having a lot in common.

We went to Harvard,
we like Chaucer,

we're both hardcore into quilting.

Your words fall like acid rain
on the wounded petals of my heart.

That's Sheldon.
He says he'll be down in a minute.

- What are you doing?
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

He's not coming out
until he sees proof

you don't have an air freshener
in your car.

This is gonna be a long weekend
for you.

You're the reason I'm doing it!

I said to stop insulting each other.

I didn't tell you to take him
on a romantic getaway.

How do I know what you said?

Damn you and your
noise-cancelling breasts.

- Hello.
- Hey, buddy.

You excited for Texas?

Oh, very much so.

It's not every day you get to
tour NASA with a real astronaut.

(GASPS)
Who's the real astronaut?

- Buzz Aldrin.
- Oh. Yay!

(BELL CHIMES)

Howard?
Howard?

Howard?

What now?

I have to go to the bathroom.

You just went to the bathroom.

I didn't use it because
it didn't seem safe.

Despite all my emails,
the toilet didn't have a seatbelt.

Well, it still doesn't.

I realize that,

but safety concerns went out
the window two apple juices ago.

Fine.

Why are you getting annoyed?

I'm trying to be a better friend,

but you constantly say
and do irritating things.

- Like when?
- When?

How about in the car?
I'm an astronaut, and you know it.

You just don't like admitting it,
because you're jealous.

Well, truth be told,

as a child,
I did dream of going to space.

Those astronauts were my heroes.

And when you got to go,
it was hard for me.

Thank you.

Because it made me realize
they'll just send anyone up there.

- Aren't you going to let me out?
- No.

But I still need to use the bathroom.

Here you go. Be creative.

What's the matter?
Scared of a little turbulence?

No, turbulence is
just the equalization

of diurnal temperature
variations in the atmosphere.

I'm not scared at all.

Oh, apple juice,
stay where you are.

Oh, this is nothing.
I experienced way worse

when I was plummeting
back to Earth,

apparently not being
a real astronaut.

(RUMBLING)

Okay, that was a big one.

I take it back.
I'm scared of turbulence!

I'm gonna need that bag back.

You sure you want to do this?

Yeah. Why wouldn't I want
to get my old job back?

It'll be fun to see everyone.

I haven't talked to them
since I said, "I quit.

See you at the Oscars, bitches."

Come on, let's just
get this over with.

"Let's get this over with."

Am I driving you
to the Cheesecake Factory,

or are we having sex?

I'm just trying to lighten the mood.

- I know. Thank you.
- Sorry.

It's just so humiliating.

So humiliating?

Am I driving you to
the Cheesecake Factory...?

I'm sorry.
I'll stop. I'll stop.

Come on, don't look so sad.
You never know what's gonna happen.

Maybe tonight will be great.

Sweetie, I know you're trying
to make me feel better,

and I love you for that,
but it's making me feel worse,

and I kind of hate you.

This isn't your car.

I know. I thought we'd take yours.

I don't understand.

It's nothing fancy,
but it'll get you to auditions,

and at least for now, you don't
have to go back to waitressing.

I don't know what to say.

Don't say anything.

Oh, my God.

I mean, you could say, "Thank you."
I did just buy you a car.

Look, I admit that it's odd that
Rajesh didn't write to you himself,

but if you get to know him, you'll
see he's just a sweet, regular guy.

As a counterpoint, here he is,
uninvited and visibly sweaty.

- Hello, Emily.
- Hello.

Amy told me you were concerned
that I might be too passive and shy.

Let me ask you something.

Would a passive guy barge in here
to look you in the eye and say,

"Hey, dew-kissed flower, what's up?"

No, but a weird guy
with no boundaries might.

Okay, that's a separate issue.

Let's put a pin in that
and just focus on the passive thing.

I'm leaving.

Are we still going to go to
that Chaucer reading Friday?

You know, I think
I'm just gonna go by myself.

Not my best first date.

Yeah, but not my worst, either.

I'm sorry for every mean thing
I ever did or said to you!

I'm sorry, too!
It's all my fault!

If you weren't my friend,
there'd be a hole in my life!

Thank you, Sheldon.

Kind of like when
Firefly was cancelled.

But not as big.

(BELL CHIMES)

WOMAN: The captain has turned off
the fasten seat belt sign.

You're now free
to move about the cabin.

- It's over.
- Yeah.

(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)

Should we stop
holding hands now?

- In a minute.
- Okay, good.

(English US - SDH)