All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S07E07.The.Proton.Displacement.720p.BluRay.x264.ROVERS

(HUMMING)

I've never seen him
this happy before.

It's because you've never seen him on
"Restock the Medicine Cabinet Day."

Look!

A new topical
antihistamine with lidocaine.

Wow!

I can't wait until I get a rash.

Oh, Gas-X has a new ultra strength.

I guess they really do
read their mail.

Hey, isn't that Professor Proton?

Oh, yeah.

Look at him, just standing in line,

like he wasn't moderately
famous 30 years ago.

Let's go say hello.

Oh, maybe we shouldn't bother him.

I'm not going to bother him,
I'm going to talk to him.

He thinks there's a difference.

Arthur?

Arthur, it's me, Sheldon Cooper.

You may not remember
because of your advanced age.

Trust me, I... I remember.

This is my girlfriend, Amy.

Amy, this is television
legend Arthur Jeffries.

His science show
inspired millions of children.

Hold... Hold on.

You... You have a girlfriend?

Yes, and I've heard
so much about you.

Hey, look, we're wearing
the same orthopedic shoes.

I can't believe I dress
like a celebrity.

Okay, I get it now.

Dr. Jeffries, hello again.
Leonard Hofstadter.

Oh, oh, right,
I remember your girlfriend.

Is she... is she here?

No, she's not.

So, what prescription
are you getting filled?

- Sheldon.
- No. Wait, I want to guess.

Don't tell me.

I wasn't going to tell you.

Sheldon, come on.

No, no, no. I'm really good at this.
All right, give me a hint.

Does it involve difficulty initiating
a stream of anything?

Well, given my age,
that's more than just a lucky guess.

Hey, Sheldon,
let's go mock the people

buying homeopathic medicine.
You love that.

But I'm hanging out with my friend,
and we're having fun.

Look how happy he is.

(SIGHS)

♪ (THEME SONG PLAYS) ♪

Bernie's having a girls' night
on Friday at our place.

You want to do something?

- Actually, I'm busy.
- Doing what?

There's a new sports bar
over on Colorado Ave.

- You're going to girls' night.
- Yeah.

You know
they're making jewelry, right?

You think they came up with that?

They were going
to drink beer and play darts.

- What's up?
- Not his testosterone levels.

Excuse me. I happen to be very
comfortable with my masculinity.

How is that possible?

(CELL PHONE DINGS)

Hey, I got an email
from Professor Proton.

Goody! What's it say?

He's working on a paper
about nano vacuum tubes,

and wants to know
if I'd take a look at it.

That's strange,

that he would come to you
for that and not me.

Oh, I got two emails from him.

"Do you have Leonard's
email address?"

And...

"Never mind, I found it."

I can't believe
he picked you over me.

You don't want to read a paper
by some old has-been

who hasn't done
any real science in decades.

Yeah, it's nothing to cry about.

Sheldon Cooper does not cry.

It's true. You'd rust.

And to think I idolized that man.

And why?

At the end of the day he's just
another Hollywood phony.

Is it really worth
getting upset about?

They say don't meet your heroes.

Don't peek behind
that curtain of fame and celebrity,

because if you do,
you'll see them as they really are:

degenerate carnival folk.

Come on,
he's a retired kids show host.

That's even worse.
Using the sweet candy of science

to trick children into loving him.

Pervert.

Have you thought about why Arthur
didn't want you to read his paper?

Yes, I have.

And my only conclusion is the
prescription he was picking up

the other day was for cuckoo pills.

Maybe he found you a bit much.

That's kind of a stretch.

Look, when it comes to social skills,
I've mastered the big three.

There's the coy smile.

There's the friendly chuckle.

(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

There's the vocalization of sympathy.

Aww...

That last one's tricky.
I'm still working on it.

From what I saw the other day,

I could understand why he and...

some people might find you...

What?

Doesn't matter.

No, go ahead, say it.

I know what it is.
I've heard it my whole life.

The word's "annoying".
Go ahead, say it.

Say it. Say I'm annoying.

- Sheldon...
- Oh, it won't hurt my feelings.

Go ahead, Amy, say I'm annoying.

I'm annoying. I'm annoying.

I'm annoying.
Yeah, now where are you going?

Look, you know you want
to say it. Say it.

Say I'm annoying. Go ahead, say it.

Say it. Say it. Amy, say it.

Well, she can't stand it
when I'm right.

This is fun.

I'm going to feel like such
a vixen wearing jewelry

that doesn't have a list
of medications I'm allergic to.

Penny, how's it going over there?

Good. I'm just having
little trouble with the glue.

How do you not know how to use glue?
Did you ditch pre-school?

Yeah, but only because
I was dating a second grader.

Hello, everyone.

Okay, let me have it.

Let's hear all
the "Raj is a girl" jokes.

Nope, Bernadette told me
it isn't nice and I'm not allowed.

- Thank you.
- So I won't be making fun of you,

or the things you like, or the fact
that you just want to have fu-un.

Howie, stop.
Come on, look at what I'm making.

Oh, that's actually pretty nice.

- I'm making a bracelet.
- Yeah, I'm just making a mess.

You know, instead of beads and glue,

you guys can use my soldering iron.

You'd be able to make
much cooler stuff.

Oh, I think we're doing
just fine, thank you.

Actually, I'd kind of like
to try that.

- Me, too.
- Be right back.

When did I have pistachios?

Arthur.

Door knocker.

That's TV money.

Sheldon, what are you doing here?

I'm sorry. Did I wake you?

Of course you woke me.
It's 7:30.

Well, I would have been here sooner,
but for some reason your home

isn't on this map of Hollywood stars.

What do you want, Sheldon?

It's been pointed out
by my girlfriend

that I may have been annoying to you.

She sounds like a keeper.

Anyway, I wanted to apologize.
I am truly sorry.

All right, apology accepted.
Have a nice night.

Now that we've cleared the air,

I wanted to discuss
another matter with you.

Sheldon, in a couple hours,
I have to get up,

pee and then wander
around the house.

Well, then, I'll make this quick.

I want to talk about the paper
you sent Leonard.

Now, I know he said it's promising

and he's going to collaborate on it,

but now that you and I are friends
again, I am at your disposal.

And, frankly, lending my name

and reputation to it will help,
because a lot of people think

that you're a washed-up has-been.

Or dead.

I should be so lucky.

So, what do you say?

You know,
if it's all the same with you,

I think I'll stick with Leonard.

It's because I'm annoying, right?
I know it is. Say it.

Say it. Say I'm annoying.

- Good night.
- Say it.

Arthur, say it.
Say I'm annoying. Say it. Say it.

I'm annoying. Say it.

You're annoying!

Wow, that really hurt.

If you would have told me
when I was a kid

that someday
I would be doing science

next to Professor Proton,
I would not have believed you.

If someone had told me that people
would still call me Professor Proton

when I was 83 years old,

I never would have quit smoking.

I'm sorry, Dr. Jeffries,
I'm just excited.

This nano vacuum tube idea
of yours, it's really interesting.

Hello, Leonard. Oh, hello, Arthur.

What an odd coincidence
that you're both here.

Why is it odd?

Because as it just so happens,
I'm also spending the day

with a beloved children's
television science personality.

Isn't that right,
new friend and colleague,

Bill Nye the Science Guy.

Sorry, I replaced you
with a newer model.

Wow, Arthur Jeffries.

It's an honor to meet you.

My show never would
have happened without yours.

That's what I told my lawyers.

Mr. Nye, hello. I'm sorry he got
you involved in this nonsense.

He said I'd be speaking to a class.

No, I said you were teaching
someone a lesson. Now let's go.

What are you guys working on?

Oh, we're making nano vacuum tubes.

- That's interesting.
- Haven't you stolen enough from me?

Back off, bow tie!

Hey, guys, what do you think?

Wow, Penny, good job.

Thanks. Target, 4.99.
I'm getting a drink.

- What are you working on?
- I'm making a necklace for my mom.

That's sweet.

Yeah, she and my dad are
going through a bit of a rough patch,

so I wanted to do something to let
her know I was thinking about her.

What's going on with them?

They're just having
a little trouble communicating.

My dad says it's because
the sound of my mom's voice

makes him want to tear his ears off
and sew them over his eyes

so he never has to look at her again.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

- Hi.
- Hey, guys.

Look who's here to put
the "Jew" in "Jewelry Night."

Oh, sure,
so it's fine when you say it.

Sorry we're late.
I wanted to swing by the lab

and pick up some even
cooler tools for us to use.

- I didn't know you were coming again.
- Well, last week was a blast.

Plus, I thought you might
like having a guy here.

It was not funny.

So, what tools did you bring?

Everything we need
to make jewelry molds.

Here's some silver, a crucible

and an acetylene torch
to melt it down.

Ooh! That looks like fun.

Maybe you should master glue
before you move on to fire.

Okay, who's up first?

Rajesh, want to make a bracelet
for your mom to go with the necklace?

No, thanks.

I was gonna make
a necklace for my mom,

but unfortunately,
she doesn't have a neck.

She's just chins and fat and feet.

Okay, we're almost ready to go.

Once we bond the wires,
we can test the tubes.

This is so exciting, I feel...

like I'm 75 again.

Oh, God.

What... what is it?

Sheldon just sent me a picture of him
and Bill Nye getting smoothies.

- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah, sure.

Why do you put up with Sheldon?

Oh.

You know, because we're friends.

Why?

Wow, you ask really hard questions.

Yeah.

Look, I know he can be aggravating,

but what you have to remember is that
he's not doing it on purpose.

It's just how he is.

But he's also loyal and trustworthy

and we have fun together.

You know you're describing a dog.

He did bite me once.

But in his defense, I came up
behind him while he was eating.

Yeah, they hate that.

You know what, Sheldon is the
smartest person I have ever met.

He's a little broken
and he needs me.

I guess I need him, too.

Why is that?

Boy, you will not
let this go, will you?

Oh, geez.

Another photo from Sheldon?

No, I have to go pick him up.

Bill Nye ditched him
at the smoothie place.

He probably stole his wallet, too.

You know, if you guys are interested,

there's a technique
where I can take a lock of your hair,

refine it into carbon dust,
and use the hydraulic press at work

to turn it into a tiny little diamond
with your DNA in it.

Oh, that's amazing!

Yeah. See Bernie's engagement ring?

That came right off my mom's back.

He's kidding.

If that were true,
it'd be so much bigger.

"My name is Howard.
I can make your hair into diamonds.

My mom is morbidly obese.
Everybody love me."

Whoa, where is that coming from?

I'll tell you where it's coming from.

All you do is make fun of me
for coming to girls' night,

and now you're here ruining it
for everyone.

Raj, cool it.
He's gonna make us hair diamonds.

How am I ruining anything?

I'm just trying to help you
make better jewelry.

But this isn't about the jewelry.

This is about me having a place where
I can open up about my feelings.

Since when can't you open up
with me?

There are just some things

that I feel more comfortable
sharing with the girls,

because they won't make fun of me

or and call me names, or ask me if my
"Koothrapanties are in a bunch."

Buddy, I was just joking around.

Yeah, well,
sometimes your jokes hurt.

(SIGHS)

You're right.

I didn't realize
I was making you feel that way.

It was very brave of you to tell me.

Thank you.

It wasn't easy.

They're gonna have sex
before Sheldon and I do. I knew it.

- Arthur.
- Hi, Sheldon.

I'm surprised to see you here.

Yeah, me, too.

Somewhere around the third floor,

I began to see a white light.

I'll get Leonard.

No, no, no, I'm...

I'm here to see you.

If you're hoping to get in touch
with Bill Nye, I can't help you.

I've been informed that he's now
Bill Nye the Restraining Order Guy.

No, I'm... I was thinking,
if it isn't too much trouble,

I'd like to get your opinion
about my paper.

Thank you. It would be an honor.

Oh, great.

Well, actually, I don't need that.

I hacked into your e-mail
account and read it.

And... what did you think?

Well, first, I think the fact

that you use your birthday
as a password is embarrassing.

Thank you.

Second...

I thought your paper was inspired.

Oh, well, that...
that means a lot to me.

Can I invite you in for tea?

No, no. I really... I have to run.

Hey, Arthur. How are you?

Well, I guess one cup wouldn't hurt.

Hey, buddy, what's up?

Well, I was feeling bad
about how I acted the other night

so I made you a little something.

- You didn't have to do that.
- Well, it was fun.

I used some of the jewelry techniques
you taught us.

(CHUCKLES)

It's a lightsaber belt buckle.

This is so cool. Thanks.

It gets better.

Wow!

And that's not even the best part.

See?

I have one, too.

Check it out.

You can wear yours,

and we can have little sword fights
whenever we want.

(IMITATES LIGHTSABER)

Yeah, and my eighth favorite
episode of Professor Proton

was "Alka-Seltzer Rocket."

You said, "Plop, plop, fizz, fizz,

oh, what a blast-off it is."

Remember?
Remember that? Remember?

He can't help it.
He can't. He really can't.

Wait here,
I'll get some Alka-Seltzer,

we can build that rocket,

and we can shoot it
at Bill Nye's house.

As long as I'm not
within 500 feet of it.

So, you...

you have... you have any...

single grandmothers?

Sorry, they're both married.

Good.

Ha... ha...

happily?

(English US - SDH)