All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S07E05.The.Workplace.Proximity.720p.BluRay.x264.ROVERS

Awkward silence.
Sheldon on his phone.

No touching.
Somebody's having date night.

It's actually steamier than it looks.

Sheldon's looking up the phallic
symbolism of root vegetables

in Renaissance paintings.

Oh, no, I got bored with that.

I'm just browsing cuticle scissors
on Amazon.

How do you not tear off his clothes
and take him here on this table?

If you do that, I'll scream.

Sheldon, I have some exciting news
to tell you.

That makes two of us.
My new cuticle scissors will be here

in one to two business days.

Come on, one.

I've been invited to consult
on an experiment

at your university for a few months.

Isn't that great?
We could have lunch together.

We could carpool.

You know, riding with Leonard
has gotten a little tedious lately.

The only car game he ever wants
to play is the Quiet Game.

And he's terrible at it.
I always win.

- So, you're okay with this?
- Well, why wouldn't I be?

Well, this project
would have us working

in close proximity to one another.

And there's the vulgar adage that one
should not defecate where one eats.

My father used to say
that all the time.

That and, "Who does one have
to orally gratify

to get a drink around here?"

But what does that have to do
with you working at the university?

Sheldon,
"Don't defecate where you eat,"

means don't have a romantic
relationship in the workplace.

Really?

Yes.

Huh...

I always took it literally.

That's why I have never once moved
my bowels in this or any restaurant.

I'm relieved that you don't have
a problem with us working together.

Not as relieved as I'm about to be.

It's a brave new world, little lady.

♪ (THEME SONG PLAYS) ♪

Are you crazy?

You don't want
your girlfriend at work with you.

Hell Clam.

Why not?

Hairy Fairy.

I think it could be romantic.

You know, my parents met
at his place of work.

Your father's a gynecologist.

I know. What started as a pap smear
turned into a date.

Which turned into her working there,
which turned into marriage,

which then turned into hatred,
which continues to this day.

Two-Eyed Cyclops.

Would you please tell him
this isn't a good idea?

No. I think it'll be great.

Maybe next time he gets
conjunctivitis at work,

she can hold his head and try to put
the drops in his eyes.

Giant baby.

That's a Raging Ogre.

I know.

I'm just saying, I'd never want
to work with Bernadette.

Can you imagine seeing
someone all day long

and then you're supposed to hang out
with them after work, too?

Hold on. We do that all the time.

You and I work together
and play together.

I know, and it drove me
into the arms of another woman.

Bipolar Bear.

Well, I appreciate your concern,

but I won't be seeing any more of Amy
than I already do.

I assume we'll deduct any extra time
we spend together

at work from our weekly quota.

Please let me be there
when you tell her that.

Why? So you can see the look
on Amy's face

when she hears my top-notch idea?

Please, oh please,
just let me be there.

So, Amy, what are you gonna be
working on at Caltech?

I'm leading a study to see

if deficiency of the monoamine
oxidase enzyme leads

to paralyzing fear in monkeys.

If they're anything like humans,
the answer's yes.

Wait, you've done this
experiment on humans?

You mean like death row inmates
with nothing to lose?

No, that would be unethical.

Not a lot of people know this,
but the monoamine oxidase enzyme

was discovered by a woman,
Mary Bernheim.

That's right. My phone is
just as smart as you guys.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

SHELDON:
Amy, Bernadette, Penny.

(KNOCKING)

Amy, Bernadette, Penny.

He's never gonna stop doing that,
is he?

I don't mind. I'm hoping to put
his love of repetition

to good use someday.

Um, I've reconsidered.

You can't work where I work.

- Enjoy the rest of your evening.
- Sheldon.

I already signed the contract.
I cashed a check.

Hmm.

You are not going
to come out of this looking good.

Sheldon, I don't understand.
I thought you were fine with it.

Well, I was. But that was before
Howard explained to me

how awful it would be if he had
to work with his significant other.

He said what?

Now, don't be insulted.

He just thinks too much of you would
be mind-numbingly tedious.

Excuse me, I need to have a chat
with my husband.

Well, now, keep it short.

From what I gather,
brevity is your friend.

So, are we good here?

No, we're not good here.
I am working on this project.

Yeah, you can't tell her
what she can and cannot do.

Last week, you told Leonard
he couldn't wear

his Wookiee jacket out in public.

That's different.
I'm not going to the mall

with someone dressed
like a dumb space bear.

Sheldon, you don't have to worry
about me bothering you.

I'll be in a different building,

and we don't even have
to have lunch together.

- Really?
- Yes.

Before all things, I'm a scientist.

I'm just there to do my work
and, with a little luck,

scare the living crap
out of some monkeys.

Hmm.

You sure your moth-like personality
won't be drawn

to this blazing fire that is myself?

More and more sure.

- Well, then, you have my permission.
- I didn't ask for your permission.

Too late. No backsies.

No, no, listen to me.
Sheldon misunderstood.

What I meant was,
if we worked together,

there'd be too much of me for you,
not the other way around.

Howard, if you're going to lie
to your wife,

don't start the sentence
with "Sheldon misunderstood."

- That's a dead giveaway.
- Well?

Okay, fine. I did say that,
and I think it's true.

I think if we worked together
and lived together,

we'd get sick of each other.

But to be fair, he only said the part
about him getting sick of you.

For the love of God, why?!

What exactly do you think
you'd get sick of?

His only options here are to fake
a heart attack or have a real one.

It's nothing in particular.

Is it my voice?
Am I too bossy?

My arm is feeling numb.

Nailed it.

That's the wrong arm
for a heart attack, doofus.

My point is, I'm sure there are
things about me

that would drive you crazy if you had
to deal with them all day long.

Like looking me in the eye
and lying to me?

Come on, I just...

Where am I supposed to look
when I lie to you?

Find somewhere else
to sleep tonight.

Bernie...

If it makes you feel any better,
Amy and I are fine.

I mean, really good.

So, boys,
how was the pajama party?

You guys jump on the bed
and sing into hair brushes?

It wasn't a pajama party.

It was just a couple of bros
hanging out, giggling,

eating cookie dough
and watching Princess Bride.

Please, stop talking.

"As you wish."

You know, Sheldon,
none of this would've happened

if I hadn't tried to help you.

It also wouldn't have happened
if, in the early universe,

hydrogen was a little more common
or a little less common.

This is fun. Your turn.

- Gentlemen.
- Hey, Amy.

Hello.

That was kind of icy.
You two okay?

We're fine.
As Howard advised,

she's merely respecting
our professional boundaries.

Smart. Take relationship advice
from a man

who spent last night
braiding Raj's hair.

You make a good point.

It would appear I was worried
for nothing.

Look at her, desperately wishing
she was over here at the cool table.

Don't worry, little moth.
The flame will come to you.

On the off chance that Bernadette
doesn't call back and apologize,

how do you feel about Mexican food
for dinner tonight?

I don't know.
Sounds kind of heavy.

That's 'cause you always fill up
on chips.

And this is Dr. Gunderson
from Stockholm.

Ah, Sweden.

Home of my favorite Muppet
and second favorite meatball.

Okay, the Nordic reputation
for lack of humor is well-founded.

Boy, is his name Gunderson
or No-Funderson?

Where are we going with this,
Dr. Cooper?

Please, I'm your boyfriend.
You call me Sheldon.

That's right,
I am in a boy-girl relationship

with this cute little lump of wool.

- Sheldon...
- It's a physical relationship, too.

Hand-holding, hugging...
even on hot days.

(THUD)

Ow!

Okay, here's a new one.

Apparently now we kick each other
in the shin under the table.

How do you like it
when I do it to you?

(THUD)

Not so much, huh?

Test subject D7,

aka Betsy, fear response study.

Image number one: Frenchman
on bicycle carrying baguettes.

(CLICK)

No visible reaction.

Image number two: sousaphone.

(CLICK)

Still no reaction. Okay.

Let's kick things up a notch.

Image number three: crocodile
with a mouthful of monkeys.

(SQUEALING)

Okay, now we're talking.

Dr. Fowler?

What do you want, Sheldon?

Well, I'm done with work, so...
(GASPS)

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry.

Better?

Baguettes.
Yes, I like baguettes.

What exactly are you doing?

Determining baseline fear levels
in capuchin monkeys

by measuring their response
to visual stimuli.

So, goofing off.

As I was saying, I'm done with work
and Leonard's not.

So good news,
you get to take me home.

Play your cards right,
I'll let you drive me

past the lot
where the buses park at night.

I can't leave now, Sheldon.
I'm very busy.

Besides, why would I want to do you
a favor

after the way you treated me
in the cafeteria?

Image number four: boa constrictor.

(MONKEY SQUEALS,
SHELDON SHUDDERS)

What on earth are you talking about?

My behavior in the cafeteria
was delightful.

Maybe your friend Gunderson needs
to head over to IKEA

and assemble a sense of humor.

You embarrassed me in front of
my colleagues on my first day here.

Image number five:
kitten in a teacup.

Oh...

- Embarrassed you?
- You know what?

I don't have time for this.
Find another way home.

I'm starting to get the sense
that you're angry with me.

- Really? What tipped you off?
- Couple things, actually.

Your tone of voice,
your body language...

- Get out.
- Well, now, that.

(MONKEY SQUEALS)

Image number six: woman giving birth.

Oh!

(DOOR OPENS)

It's 9:00. Where you been?

I had to take the bus home.

Fell asleep and missed my stop.

Oh, no.

Did you know that Los Angeles has
a Little Sri Lanka?

- I did not.
- Well, I do... now.

They're a lovely people.

Although terrifying when you wake up
face-to-face with them.

If you're hungry, I brought home
some mutton in coconut milk.

Why'd you get that?
You hate lamb.

I was asking for directions.

Apparently, there was
a communication problem.

I thought Amy was gonna drive
you home.

I thought so, too,
but she's acting very strangely.

I was discussing it with a Sri Lankan
fellow on the bus,

and he hypothesized that a tiger may
have recently run across her shadow.

Although he may have just been trying
to drum up business

for his brother-in-law's
witch doctor practice.

Okay, Sheldon,
what happened between you and Amy?

Well, can you believe she said
I embarrassed her?

Yeah.

But you didn't even hear the details.

Sheldon...

I've known you a long time,
and I'm going to tell you this

with all the love
I can possibly muster.

Amy's right. You're wrong.

- But you don't even know...
- Doesn't matter.

- But, now, but in my defense...
- Doesn't matter.

You're not listening
to my side of it.

Okay, fine, Sheldon.
What is your side?

Well...

Nope, got to go with Amy on this one.

The shrimp was spicy.

You want a TUMS?

You got the tropical fruit kind?

No, if I buy those,
I just go through them like candy.

Tell me about it. One time, I swear
I pooped out a stick of chalk.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

- I'll get it.
- Thanks.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I may have overreacted.

Well, I didn't handle it
so great, either.

It's just sometimes I feel like
you enjoy spending time

with your friends more than with me.

- That's not true.
- It's not?

You spend all day together at work,

and then you all hang out at night
playing games,

going to the comic book store.

Last week, you two got
a couples massage.

So, when you said you wouldn't want
to spend that much time with me,

it really hurt my feelings.

I get that.
I'm so sorry.

Starting tomorrow,
I am turning over a new leaf.

Time with you is
my number one priority.

Why tomorrow?

Well, we're real close
to finishing off the new Batman game.

It is awesome.

You should probably go after her.

Should I go after you?

BERNADETTE: No!

Thanks for getting me in trouble.

Amy.

Sheldon, what are you doing here
so late?

I couldn't sleep
because I kept thinking

about what happened
earlier between us.

Also, I had one heck of a bus nap.

Speaking of which, do you want
some mutton in coconut milk?

- No.
- I cannot give this stuff away.

What do you want?

Amy, this isn't easy to say.

All relationships are difficult,

but even more so
when you're in one

with a person who struggles
with everyday social interactions

and, frankly, who can strike some
people as being kind of a weirdo.

Sheldon...
you're not a weirdo.

I wasn't speaking about me.

I mean, honestly, there's no telling
what will set you off.

You know, introducing myself
as your boyfriend.

Giving you the opportunity
to drive me home.

Breaking the ice with your colleagues
using ethnic humor,

the funniest kind of humor.

- What's your point?
- My point is, we're a couple.

And...
I like you for who you are.

Quirks and all.

- I like you, too.
- Well, I should hope so.

I don't see anyone else
banging on this door

to put up with your nonsense.

Not even a good-bye?

You see, that's the kind of thing
that makes people think you're weird.

AMY: Go away.

Poor kid.

She just doesn't see it.

I'm not apologizing to Howard.

He can come beg me on his knees.

Sheldon, too. If I see him at work,
I'm just going to ignore him.

All right, don't worry.
I talked to Leonard.

He is gonna sit the guys down
and set them straight.

Laser's warmed up.

Pull!

(English US - SDH)