All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S07E01.The.Hofstadter.Insufficiency.720p.BluRay.x264.ROVERS

(THUNDER CRASHES)

Sheldon, it's not a great time!
What do you want?

Hello to you, too.

I'm sorry,
but this is important.

What is it?

Back to the Future 2 was in the
Back to the Future 3 case,

and Back to the Future 3
was, get this,

in the Back to the Future 2 case.

So?

So, did you do that,
or am I in the house with an intruder?

Sheldon, I got to go inside.
It's getting rough out here.

You're dodging the question.
I knew it was you.

(LOUD ROARING)

- What was that?
- What was what?

This isn't a very good connection,

but it sounded like someone
just released a Kraken.

Okay, I'm hanging up now.

You know there's
no such thing as a...

(SCREAMING)
(ROARING)

No!

Penny! Penny! Penny!

What's the matter?

Um...

Well, I was worried
that you might be missing Leonard.

And that might be causing
you to have bad dreams,

like the kind you'd get if you
watched Clash of the Titans

right before you went to bed.

Sweetie, did you have a bad dream?

- To be honest, I did.
- Aw.

Back to the Future 2 was in the
Back to the Future 3 case.

Leonard did it.

- Good night.
- No, wait.

Perhaps I should sleep here,
so you don't miss Leonard as much,

'cause you're being
kind of a baby about it.

You know what?
That would make me feel better.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Good night.

♪ (THEME SONG PLAYING) ♪

I think you'd be pleased to hear that
this morning in the parking garage,

I saw this oil stain on the ground
that was shaped just like

my ex-girlfriend, Lucy,
and I didn't get upset at all.

I'm proud of you.

Well, you should be,
'cause she was looking good.

Dear Lord!
You're an astronomer.

Although you may have earthly woes,
get your mind back on the stars.

Gee, even the lowly dung beetle
chooses to plot its course

- by using the Milky Way.
- Is that true?

Everything I say is true.

Now, of course,
the dung beetle also enjoys

eating feces, living in feces
and making little balls out of feces.

So, you know, pick and choose
which aspects of its lifestyle

you want to embrace.

Come on, you can talk to girls now.

It shouldn't be hard for you
to meet someone new.

How can I meet someone new when
everywhere I look, I see Lucy's face?

Tell me you don't see her smile
in the crust of this chicken pot pie.

Would you stop it!

Now, listen to me.

There's a welcome party
for incoming post-docs tonight.

Go to it and meet someone
who isn't made of grease or pie.

You think you're so cool
because your wife is a person?

Look, Bernie's at a neuroscience
conference with Amy.

- I'll go with you.
- You would do that for me?

Of course. You're my friend.
I want you to be happy.

Thanks.

Oh, Sheldon, since Amy's out of town,
would you like to join us?

I want you to be happy, too,

but not enough
to do anything about it.

Howie, stop. I can't talk like that.
Amy's right here.

Sheldon, stop. For the last time,
I will not bring home bed bugs.

The hotel's nice.
There's a pool, a gym,

the bar looks like fun.

Because I looked in the bed,
and there are no bugs.

I love you, too. If I don't talk
to you before you go to sleep,

- I'll meet you in dreamland.
- AMY: Good night.

No, I will not consider sleeping
in my garment bag.

Penny, did you ever wonder
how Starfleet captains...

No.

Well, now that
I've piqued your interest,

welcome to the exciting world
of 3D chess.

Why don't you just admit
you only want to play this game

because you always play it
with Leonard and you miss him?

You overestimate
his significance in my life.

Hm...

Do I miss how he makes a face
on my toaster waffle with syrup?

No.

Do I miss the way he fixes the zipper
on my jacket when it gets stuck?

I don't think so.

Do I miss how we say good night
to each other

through the walls of our bedroom
using Morse Code?

Okay, I get it, I get it.
You are an emotionless robot.

Well, I try.

All right, let's just get
this stupid game over with.

- Great. I'll go first.
- Okay.

By the way, how are you with zippers?

- Why?
- Well, I really need

to go to the bathroom,
and this one's gone all cattywampus.

Wow, your work on jellyfish
neural nets sounds so interesting.

It is. You can download my paper
off the university server.

I will. You can download my paper
on the Van Allen Belts

- from the university server as well.
- I will.

All right.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

How'd it go?

Well, if you like dry,
factual statements

interspersed with painful moments
of silence, it was bananas.

Check it out. Mrs. Davis
from Human Resources is here.

She's probably on the lookout
for sexual harassment.

Oh, great. There go my chances
of being sexually harassed.

I heard her husband left her
for a hot, young undergrad.

That's so much better
than the old, ugly ones.

Mr. Wolowitz, Dr. Koothrappali.

Mrs. Davis, nice to see you.

You know, I recently read
a fascinating article

- on infidelity among penguins.
- Okay.

So if the fact
that your husband left you

makes you feel unattractive, just
remember, penguins get cheated on,

and they're adorable.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

It was better when you
couldn't talk to women.

I was thinking of going
to the lecture

on posterior cingulate
cortex lesions

in the formation
of autobiographical memory.

Oh, brain lesions are fascinating.

Unless they're yours,
then they're a drag.

To the advancement of science.

And to the sick and dying
who make it possible.

This is fun. We never really get
to talk shop with Penny around.

We usually just end up
talking about boys.

Which is fine,
but it's nice to mix it up

with a little
intellectual conversation.

From the two gentlemen at the bar.

Oh, my gosh, boys bought us drinks!
Boys bought us drinks!

(SQUEALS)

Thank you, thank you,
thank you so much.

- Be cool.
- You be cool!

Guys are hitting on us,
and not just to get to Penny.

You're right. Thank you!

- Oh! Bad move.
- Really? Why?

My queen can now
take your rook from below.

So that means I lose, right?
It's over!

If I make this move...

But I won't because
we're having too much fun.

- Okay, let's take a break.
- We're all out of alcohol.

I wasn't going to get alcohol.

(GROANS)

Gosh, I wonder what Leonard's doing
right now. I miss him so much.

Well, if you'd like,
we could call him.

I mean that you could call him.

As I've explained, the absence
of my friends does not cause me pain.

As rock and roll bad boy Paul Simon
once said,

"I am a rock. I am an iiiisland."

- I'm calling him.
- Oh, goodie! Put him on speakerphone!

♪ (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Excuse me, ladies,
but my pants are buzzing.

North Sea, how can I "kelp" you?

- Leonard?
- Penny?

Hey, it's Penny.
Everybody say "Hi" to Penny.

ALL: Hi, Penny!

Ha! Sounds like you're
having a good time.

Best time of my life!

- Isn't it 5:30 in the morning there?
- Is it?

Hey, everybody,
it's 5:30 in the morning!

(CHEERING)

Okay, well, we were just calling you
because we were missing you.

- Iceberg!
- Oh! Hang on.

- Are you in danger?
- No, it's a drinking game.

Whenever we see an iceberg,
we take a shot!

ALL (CHANTING): Berg! Berg!
Berg! Berg! Berg! Berg!

Leonard? Leonard?
(SCOFFS)

I cannot believe we
were missing that jerk.

You were.

So what happened?
How'd it go?

It's fine. I thanked them again and
let them know we're not available.

So I can drink this without having
to give up the goodies?

Yes, it's all cool.

Although, if you wanted to talk to
one of them, no one would blame you.

And why would no one blame me?

I don't know what I'm saying.

Well, it sounds like you're saying
that I could do better than Sheldon.

Boy, these drinks are strong!

Oh, Mama, I'm gonna be
hugging the toilet tonight!

No, tell me. I want to know
what you meant by that.

I just meant that you're not married,

and your boyfriend's
kind of... Sheldon.

And your husband is extremely Howard.
What's your point?

Sorry, I have no point.
That was a stupid thing to say.

Can we please just go back
to having a nice time?

We could, but unfortunately
my brain is lesion-free

and I remember that rotten thing
you just said about my sweet baboo.

Come on, I apologize.
Can we please just let it go?

- Sure.
- Thanks.

Your husband's weird
and his clothes are ridiculous.

I can't believe it! All this time
I've been doing nothing

but sit around and miss that guy.
And you know what the worst part is?

That you're having to process
your emotional pain without vodka?

No.

Yeah.

But you know what
the second-worst part is?

- He does not miss me at all.
- Allow me to comfort you.

At least you've got your health.

Really? That's it?
That's comforting?

Um...

In a hundred years, you'll both
be dead and it won't matter?

No! Come on! You're supposed to say,
"Of course he misses you.

The only reason he's partying
is to cover up his pain."

Oh, no, I don't think
that's true at all.

This is ridiculous.

Why am I upset just because
he's off having a good time?

Well, perhaps you're
obsessively picturing him

engaged in drunken coitus
with another woman.

Is that it?
Did I get it right?

Okay, that's great. You can stop
trying to make me feel better now.

Actually, I can't.

Before Leonard left, he made me
promise that I'd take care of you.

- He did?
- Yes.

Oh! That's really sweet.

Plus, if I do a good job, he said
he'd bring me back a sailor's cap.

Well, now I miss him even more.

Well, if it's any consolation,
I'm sure Leonard's tormented

every moment he's away from your
warm embrace and cherry lips.

- Thanks.
- Oh! Seriously?

- Excuse me, Mrs. Davis?
- What?

I'd like to apologize
for being insensitive.

And for possibly making penguins
seem like jerks,

because 99 percent of them
are stand-up guys.

Forget about it.

You know, you and I...
you and I have a lot in common.

- Is that right?
- Oh, yes. I...

I, too,
am in the throes of heartbreak.

Okay, fine,
I'll tell you about it.

Here is a hot beverage
to comfort you.

It's in a to-go cup.
Make of that what you will.

Come on. It's still early.
Let's do something.

Well, I have been toying around
with an idea for 4D chess.

- How about we just talk?
- All right.

- In 4D chess...
- No.

Come on, let's talk about our lives.

Tell me something
about you I don't know.

I own nine pairs of pants.

Okay, that's a good start,

but I was thinking maybe something
a little more personal.

- I see.
- Hm.

I own nine pairs of underpants.

How about I go first?

But I don't want to know
how many underpants you own.

Although, based on the floor of your
bedroom, I'd say it's a thousand.

Okay, look, here's something
people do not know about me.

When I first moved out to LA,

I did a topless scene
in a low-budget horror movie

about a killer gorilla.

After I did it,
I felt so ashamed.

Thankfully,
that thing never came out.

I've seen that.

- Yeah. Serial Apeist.
- (GASPS)

Howard found it online
the day we met you.

- Oh, God.
- I mean, it was literally

the moment you walked out the door.

But I see the type of personal
revelations you're going for.

Okay, here's one I thought
I'd take to the grave.

Okay.

(CHUCKLES)

A while back,
YouTube changed its user interface

from a star-based rating system
to a thumbs-up rating system.

I tell people I'm okay with it,
but I'm really not.

- That's your big revelation?
- Yes.

Whoo! I feel ten pounds lighter.

Okay, you know what?
I give up. I'm going to bed.

Here's something else
you don't know about me:

- you just hurt my feelings.
- What did I do?

I opened up and shared something
deeply upsetting to me,

and you treated it
as if it were nothing.

- I didn't think it was a big deal.
- It is to me, that's the point.

Sheldon, you are right.
I'm really sorry.

- I should've known better.
- Your apology is accepted.

Thank you. How about a hug?

- How about a hearty handshake?
- Come on.

Now I know how you felt getting
mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.

- Good night.
- Mm-hm.

It was rather flattering
to have strangers send us drinks.

Yeah, that felt nice.

Maybe tomorrow morning
we put on some hot pants

and see if we can score us
some free omelets.

So, hypothetically, if we
were to have gone with them,

which one would you have picked?

I think I would have gone with the
short one with the goofy haircut.

Oh, good, 'cause I liked
the tall thin one.

He seemed intelligent,
kind of a loner,

maybe a little sexually
inexperienced,

like I'd have
to teach him a thing or two.

(GROWLS SOFTLY)

Not my guy.
I caught him staring at my rack.

It'd be nice to be with a man

who wants to know
what's underneath my cardigan.

FYI, it's another cardigan.

Your short, sexed-up guy
kind of sounds like Howard.

Your brainy virgin
kind of sounds like Sheldon.

- Good night.
- Night.

All right, Dr. Koothrappali,
it's been nice talking to you,

but I need to go home
and relieve my babysitter.

I can relate to being
a single parent. I have a dog.

Yeah, it's exactly the same thing.
Good night.

Mrs. Davis...

I, uh... I must confess,
I came here tonight

in a futile attempt
to pick up some lonely post-doc,

but instead I got to connect
with you at a human level.

That's a much better evening.

You're a lovely person.

- Are you hitting on me?
- No, no, no, that would be crazy!

I mean, if I were hitting on you,
you'd know it

'cause you'd feel uncomfortable
and a little sad for me.

You're sweet.

- Good night, Dr. Koothrappali.
- Good night.

Looks like she accepted your apology.

And then some.
I think we had a moment.

Please, you did not
have a moment.

Who died and made you
king of moments?

Okay, fine.
Let's say there was a moment.

- There was.
- There wasn't. But...

But even if there was,
what are you gonna do about it?

I will slowly seduce her
until she falls helpless into my bed,

hungry for the pleasure
only I can give her.

- So nothing.
- No, not a thing.

(SIGHS)

I'm so glad the police
finally caught

that psychotic
genetically-engineered ape.

That is my girlfriend!
I swear to God!

ALL (CHANTING): Leonard! Leonard!
Leonard! Leonard!

(SCREAMS)

(English US - SDH)