Original subtitles

What are you drawing over there?

A hypothetical containment field for a Frisbee-sized wormhole...

that could serve as a portal to a parallel universe.

Oh, you silly doodlebug.

A lot of scientists believe making contact with other life-forms...

would probably not end well for us.

It's a Frisbee-sized wormhole, Leonard.

You could block it with a Frisbee. Calm down.

Do you expect me to build this? Heh.

I expect you to wipe the pudding off your chin. Gentlemen.

Have you guys ever noticed that Sheldon always disappears every day at 2:45?

- Really? - He probably just goes to the bathroom.

Actually, no. He goes at 8 a.m. with optional follow-ups...

at 1:45 and 7:10 on high-fiber Fridays.

It's sad that you know that.

Oh... That's just the tip of the sadness iceberg.

I'm looking at his public calendar.

Two-forty-five to 3:05, nothing.

Yesterday, 2:45 to 3:05, nothing.

Last week, nothing. Last month, nothing.

He never has anything booked during that time.

Twenty minutes a day completely unaccounted for.

- We should figure out where he goes. - Ooh, this is exciting.

Like one of my classic murder-mystery dinner parties.

Right, the case of who murdered three Saturday nights of my life.

Colonel Koothrappali in the kitchen with the olive spread.

It was tapenade and you guys suck.

So how was work today?

Well, I spent most of the afternoon growing isotopically pure crystals...

for neutrino detection.

That sounds like fun.

- Yeah, it was. - Oh, good, I guessed right.

- Who you talking to? - Oh, just this guy I met at school.

Oh, great. We're still dating, right?

Relax, he's just a friend. We're doing an oral report together. He's really nice.

I'm sorry, what was that? I had a little stroke after "oral."

Would you stop?

He moved here from London. He doesn't know anybody.

Oh, good, an English accent, the sexiest accent you can have.

No, that's not true.

There's French, there's Italian.

No, you're right, it's the best.

- Did you tell him you have a boyfriend? - It didn't come up.

Maybe you should tell him.

What am I supposed to say?

Say, "Can't talk right now. Hanging with my boyfriend."

England sucks, you suck, U.S.A. number one."

Fine. "Hanging with my boyfriend. Talk to you later."

- Happy? - Yes. Thank you.

Mm-hm.

Huh.

- What did he say? - Nothing.

What?

"Did your boyfriend make you type that?"

I hate this guy.

Don't be like that.

Oh, come on. Trust me, he's hitting on you.

He's not, we're just friends. Is this gonna be a problem?

He's supposed to come over tomorrow to work.

Really? Here?

If it makes you uncomfortable, I'll switch partners even though the thing's due...

and everyone already has a partner and I'll probably end up failing the class.

That'd be great. Thank you.

Two forty-four. Right on schedule.

Hey, Sheldon.

Oh, hello.

Raj and I are heading over to the genetics lab to pet the glow-in-the-dark bunny.

- Wanna come with us? - No, thank you.

You sure? They turn off the lights and it's

like a little laser show that poops all over.

I'm quite sure. Good day.

- Where are you going? - Where are you going?

- We told you. - Yeah, I just told you.

- No, you didn't. - Your word against mine. See you in court.

- Should we follow him? - I don't know. I'm torn.

I want to know where he's going but now I kind of want to play with the bunny.

- Hey, guys. - Hey, Alex.

- Do you know where your boss just went? - No.

- Don't you know his schedule? - All I know is corduroy...

makes too much noise and I have to go find quieter pants.

Come on.

Boy, what I wouldn't give to get her out of those pants.

And into something a little more stylish.

This is where he goes?

- What's in there? - I think it's an old storage room.

What could he be doing in there every day for 20 minutes?

Well, he's not doing 20-minute abs...

because if he were, he'd have way better abs.

- Can you hear anything? - Not yet.

What are you doing?

I'm listening.

Can't you face the other way and listen?

I can't do anything right for you, can I?

What the hell is he up to?

He is kind of a weirdo.

Maybe he's got Leonard Nimoy chained up in there.

Or Bill Gates. Or Stephen Hawking.

Why would he chain up Stephen Hawking?

Howard, you can't treat the man differently

just because he's disabled. That's not okay.

If you're wondering why I've been staring...

I'm trying to get a look at this guy who's coming over to Penny's.

To be honest, I didn't know you were here.

It's not a big deal. He's just in her history class.

They're working on a project. I don't even know why I care.

- You know what, I don't care. - You think you don't care.

This is silly. I have nothing to worry about.

Oh, I don't know.

Hey, statistically speaking, I'm sure you have something to worry about.

What do you mean?

Well, if we assume that your looks are average...

right off the bat, 50 percent of men on Earth are more attractive than you.

That's 1.5 billion handsome lads standing by, waiting to rain on your parade.

Well, yeah, but this isn't just about looks.

I'm way above average in a lot of other things.

Not height, vision, athleticism, or ability to digest dairy products.

I'm talking about important things like emotional maturity.

You were just spying on your girlfriend through a peephole.

I liked it better when you thought I wasn't here.

I'm not saying you don't have attractive qualities.

Your choice of friends is impeccable.

You're a good sleeper.

And last but not least, you buy the grapes I like.

You're a real catch compared to some snoring guy...

with a fridge full of lousy grapes.

None of this matters.

I trust that Penny cares about me and nothing's gonna happen with this guy.

Unless of course he's a skilled hypnotist.

What?

While unlikely, it's still a statistical possibility.

She might be performing sexual acts with him and not even know it.

- Now you're just being ridiculous. - Am I?

The mind's a mysterious thing, Leonard.

He could be having the time of his life...

while she thinks she's a chicken pecking for corn.

Look at us, sneaking around in the middle of the night like a couple of cat burglars.

I think we're more like ninjas.

I don't wanna be a ninja. I wanna be a cat burglar.

Fine. I'll be a ninja, you be a cat burglar.

No, we both have to be the same thing.

Okay, we're ninjas.

Thank you.

But next time we'll be cat burglars.

- It's locked. - Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Now, you stand guard, I'm...

It's locked.

Just keep an eye out. I'll have this open in a minute.

When did you learn how to pick locks?

When I was starting to do magic in junior high...

I thought I could be an escape artist like Harry Houdini.

- How did that work out? - Pretty good.

I managed to escape friends, popularity, and every party thrown in a 12-mile radius.

- There. Ready? - Hold on, hold on.

What?

Sheldon is a very smart man, and he obviously wants to keep this a secret.

Yeah, so?

What if it's booby-trapped?

Don't worry, I'm one step ahead of him.

Oh, great, what's your pl...?

Are we good?

Yeah.

Huh.

Forty-three.

What the hell does that mean?

I don't know.

- The solution to an equation? - Maybe.

It's a prime number.

Encryption systems are built on prime numbers.

What kind of secret does Sheldon have to encrypt?

He's always been very cagey about what he puts in his egg salad to make it so tasty.

It's paprika.

Really?

Well, okay, one mystery solved.

- Okay, good night. - Thanks, Cole. See you at school.

See you.

I'll be right back.

I thought you left a long time ago.

What's up?

Hey.

You, uh, moving into the apartment on the fifth floor?

No. I was just visiting a friend.

Oh, cool.

- That cute blond on 4? - Yeah. You know her?

Oh, well, I see her around.

I like to keep my distance because her boyfriend's a pretty scary dude.

- Really? - Yeah.

He's ganged up.

She told me he's a scientist.

That's the name of his gang.

The Scientists.

They are crazy.

- Well, thanks for the tip. - No problem, brother. Stay frosty.

We're still dating, right?

- Oh, hello, Dr. Hofstadter. - Oh, hey, Alex.

And call me Leonard. Dr. Hofstadter is my father.

And my mother.

And my sister.

And our cat.

Although, I'm pretty sure Dr. Boots Hofstadter's degree was honorary.

- May I join you, Leonard? - Sure.

Thanks.

Hey, Alex, let me ask you something.

My girlfriend knows this guy at school. He's got an English accent...

Ooh, I love English accents.

Yeah, you all do.

Anyway, I feel like he's hitting on her.

She says he's just being nice and I should trust her.

It's probably harmless.

You know how it is. I'm sure you get hit on all the time.

Right.

Because girls are always like, "Ooh, that guy owns two Star Trek uniforms..."

and gets a lot of ear infections. I gotta get me some of that."

I don't know. Bet it happens more than you realize.

Trust me, it doesn't.

You sure?

You're cute, you're funny.

Maybe you're getting hit on and you don't even know it.

Really?

I'm pretty sure.

Okay, I gotta get back to work. Thanks for listening.

No problem.

Hope no girls rip my clothes off on the way.

Come on, we're smart guys.

- We can figure this out. - Forty-three.

What is 43?

Besides my mom's neck size.

It's the atomic number for technetium.

That stuff's radioactive.

Do you think he's building a bomb?

It took him two years to put together that Lego Death Star. I'm not worried.

Ooh, this could be something.

Forty-three is the number of calories in half a cup of fat-free yogurt.

Why would you know that?

I'm sorry, we can't all eat whatever we want and still stay thin.

Wait. In The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy...

isn't 43 the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything?

That's 42, dumb-ass.

Hey, hey.

Feelings.

We should stop. I'm exhausted.

Yeah, me too. We've got more important things to do.

Who cares what stupid 43 means?

- Not me. - Let's go home.

- Want to get something to eat? - Sounds good.

- What the balls is 43? - I have to know.

Hi.

Hey. Shouldn't you be out with your gang...

spray-painting equations on the side of buildings?

- Come on, I'm sorry. - I just can't believe you don't trust me.

No, I do. Of course I do.

Then why did you embarrass me in front of my friend? Who knew exactly who you were.

- Really? - Your picture's on my refrigerator.

You know, I'm really starting to not like this guy.

What is your problem?

Do you use up your thinking at work and have none left for home?

I don't know.

It's hard sometimes.

Everywhere you go, guys hit on you.

Even if I'm standing right there.

And they're all taller than me. Why is everyone taller than me?

You know what, this is all in my head.

It's my problem, not yours.

Leonard, why do you always do this?

Listen to me. You are the one I'm with. You know I love you.

So will you please relax because you're driving me crazy.

You know, that's the first time you ever said that you love me.

Yeah.

We're just supposed to pretend it's not a big deal?

That's exactly what we're gonna do...

because you're about to make me cry.

And we both know if I start crying you're gonna start crying.

- You're right, you should go. - All right.

She loves me.

"Hey, it's Alex. Nice having coffee with you.

"If you want to talk more, I'm always available." Smiley face, smiley face.

What a friendly girl.

Okay, picture's up. Looks like the camera's working.

That's good-quality video.

It better be. It's the spare camera for the Mars Rover.

How did you get your hands on that?

Million-dollar camera. Ten-dollar lock.

Oh, my God, here he comes. This is it.

- What the hell is that thing? - I don't know.

This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

Experimental log.

Wormhole generator, test 44.

Wormhole-generator test?

The first 43 parallel universes I've checked proved to be empty.

I see no reason to suspect universe number 44 will be any different.

- Oh, my God! - Holy crap!

Ow! It's eating my face!

It's eating his face!

I found your webcam and replaced the video feed.

You two should be ashamed of yourselves.

- Sheldon, we're really sorry. - Yeah, really sorry.

Sorry?

You may not realize it, but I have difficulty

navigating certain aspects of daily life.

You know, understanding sarcasm. Feigning interest in others.

Not talking about trains as much as I want to.

It's exhausting.

Which is why, for 20 minutes a day, I like to go down to that room...

turn my mind off, and do what I need to do to recharge.

But what are you doing in there?

And what does 43 mean?

You don't need to know, you don't deserve to know...

and you will never know.

Yeah, well, I know how to make your egg salad now.

One, two, three, four...

five, six, seven, eight... Drat.

I'm never gonna get to 43 again.

One, two, three, four... Rats.