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1
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:06,245
Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
2
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:10,286
Welcome to
Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun With Flags.
3
00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:12,921
Before we get started...
4
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:16,766
I'd like to announce the winner of our
"design your own flag" competition...
5
00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:18,604
but I can't.
6
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:24,642
The only entry was from GameyGamer75,
I know that was a JPEG of your buttocks.
7
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:28,290
Now, this week,
we have a very special episode...
8
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:32,968
where we explore the flags of the
popular entertainment franchise Star Trek.
9
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:37,091
And to help me, I'm pleased to introduce
Internet personality...
10
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,005
former star of
The Next Generation...
11
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:45,530
and the only guy I know lucky enough
to be immortalized in one-sixteenth scale.
12
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,001
Set phasers to "fun"...
13
00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,127
for my friend Wil Wheaton.
14
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:56,451
Hi, thanks for having me.
Happy to be here.
15
00:00:56,464 --> 00:00:57,726
Cut.
16
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:02,967
- What's wrong?
- Sorry, you were brilliant as always.
17
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,401
Wil, that was a little wooden.
18
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,162
- Wooden?
- Don't worry, it wasn't terrible.
19
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:13,041
Just this time,
try to say it the way people sound.
20
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:16,524
And action.
21
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:19,004
My friend Wil Wheaton.
22
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,481
Hi, thanks for having me.
I'm excited to be here.
23
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:26,049
- So, Wil, what do you have for us first?
- Well, this is an exciting one.
24
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,680
This is the flag
of the United Federation of Planets.
25
00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:30,233
Now, what's interesting
about this flag...
26
00:01:30,246 --> 00:01:31,650
Cut.
27
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:36,565
- What was wrong with that?
- It's called Fun With Flags.
28
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:40,441
They're not at half-mast. Nobody died.
Let's try and keep it upbeat.
29
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,968
Um, no offense,
but I've been acting since I was a kid.
30
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,561
I can handle a web show
without a lot of direction.
31
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:48,767
It's true.
32
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:53,045
In 1982 Wil played the voice
of Martin the mouse in The Secret of NIMH.
33
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,971
You moved me.
34
00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:57,405
You'll have to forgive me.
35
00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,769
This is my first time directing.
I just want it to be good.
36
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:02,200
- So do I.
- Great.
37
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,762
So this time, let's try more real boy,
less Pinocchio.
38
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,888
- And action.
- And cut.
39
00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,242
You realize I'm doing this for free, right?
40
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:17,087
Yes, and so far,
we're still not getting our money's worth.
41
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:21,603
Let's try it again.
42
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,888
Everybody's having fun.
43
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,084
And action.
44
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:27,890
So, Wil...
45
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,371
what do you have for us first?
46
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:41,808
Well, this is an exciting one.
47
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,641
This is the flag
of the United Federation of Planets.
48
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:46,926
Cut.
49
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,682
Problem, first-time director?
50
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:51,721
None that I could see.
51
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,451
I saw a man who loved flags
almost as much as I do.
52
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:56,921
I got goose bumps.
53
00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:00,289
- He was overacting on purpose.
- Really?
54
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,250
Oh, he reminded me
of a young William Shatner.
55
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,164
I'm really happy to do this for you...
56
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,767
but not if she's gonna be a huge
pain in the ass the whole time.
57
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,926
Are you gonna let him speak to me
like that?
58
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,730
Well...
59
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,364
you're my girlfriend,
and I don't want you to be upset.
60
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:23,442
Then again, Wil Wheaton's my friend,
and I don't want him to be upset.
61
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,404
Hmm...
62
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:26,965
This is a sticky wicket.
63
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:30,051
What do you think?
64
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,008
Can I speak to you for a second?
65
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:34,924
I'll be right back.
66
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,969
Feel free to play with yourself.
67
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,930
I don't care for your friend,
and he's being rude to me.
68
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,451
You need to ask him to leave.
69
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,410
Amy, I can't just ask Wil Wheaton to leave.
70
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,244
He's a minor celebrity.
71
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,609
Once you explain who he is,
many people recognize him.
72
00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,091
Fine, then maybe I should go.
73
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,403
Could you? That would solve everything.
74
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:08,122
You are the best.
I'll see you at dinner tonight?
75
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:11,363
Sure you wouldn't rather have dinner
with your friend Wil Wheaton?
76
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,642
Come to think of it, I would.
77
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,006
You, little lady, are on fire.
78
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:48,122
Every time we eat here, your mom refuses
to let me help with the dishes.
79
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:49,486
Don't take it personally.
80
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:53,685
She likes doing them by herself so she can
lick the plates with no one looking.
81
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,606
You ready to go?
82
00:04:55,760 --> 00:05:00,004
Yeah, let me just grab a couple
of fresh turtlenecks.
83
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:03,767
I don't understand why you keep your stuff
here when there's room at home.
84
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,160
What are you talking about?
85
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:09,570
All I have here is a few sweaters,
books, bank stuff...
86
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:13,122
computers, mail, collectibles, medicine
and my electric body groomer.
87
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,645
Ooh! There's my plaid dickey.
88
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,212
Oh. Got this at the Goodwill
store for 50 cents.
89
00:05:20,225 --> 00:05:22,647
Can you believe it? Heh.
90
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,721
Fifty cents sounds right.
91
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,807
- Let's go.
- You know, it's kind of late.
92
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,964
- Why don't we spend the night here?
- Because we don't live here.
93
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,690
- I know.
- Do you?
94
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,729
You said when you got back from space...
95
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,248
you were gonna move into my apartment,
but half the time we stay here.
96
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:42,885
That's not true.
97
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:47,409
Howard, I'm doing laundry!
You want me to put anything in for you?!
98
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:50,643
There's some underwear in the hamper!
99
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,885
Oh, good, I got that new
stain stick to try out!
100
00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:00,287
Thank you.
I only put it on the list two weeks ago!
101
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,529
Okay, I see what you're getting at.
102
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:09,084
How about this weekend,
I'll box up all my things...
103
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:11,686
and move them to our place?
104
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,171
Thank you.
105
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,846
The lightsabers will look great
in the living room.
106
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,890
Or in the closet. We can decide later.
107
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,925
Howard, help!
My hand's stuck in the garbage disposal!
108
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:28,085
Just let go of whatever piece of food
you're holding!
109
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:33,049
Are you kidding?!
It's a perfectly good chicken leg!
110
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,444
Hey, look who's out after dark
like a big boy.
111
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,325
I was out raising heck
with Mr. Wil Wheaton.
112
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:46,326
Four hours more and we would have
closed down the hometown Buffet.
113
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,287
- I thought you had plans with Amy.
- Yeah, I did.
114
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,808
But then Wil called Amy
a pain in the A-S-S.
115
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:57,009
She got huffy and left,
and then Wil and I headed out to dinner.
116
00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:01,051
That place really did remind me
of my hometown.
117
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,726
Because there we also have
a hometown Buffet.
118
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:10,330
- Hold on. Wil and Amy had an argument?
- Yes, quite the kerfuffle.
119
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:14,280
- Then Amy got mad and left?
- Walked right out the door.
120
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:15,965
And you...?
121
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,811
Enjoyed a delightful dinner
at a reasonable price.
122
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:24,642
The manager recognized Wil and let us sit
right next to the frozen-yogurt machine.
123
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,131
Right next to it.
124
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,649
I was closer to it than
I am to you right now.
125
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,641
- Buddy, I think Amy might be upset.
- Why's that?
126
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:39,327
Because your friend was rude to her
and then you went to dinner with him.
127
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,531
You're just repeating what I said.
128
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,570
It's like living
with a lactose-intolerant parrot.
129
00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,649
Trust me. Call her.
130
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,445
Fine.
131
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,807
It's a shame you didn't go
to dinner with us...
132
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,169
because the buffet you're about to enjoy
only serves humble pie...
133
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,926
a dessert much less tasty
than frozen yogurt.
134
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,360
I was this close.
135
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,689
What?
136
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:08,681
You'll appreciate this.
137
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,531
Leonard has some ridiculous notion
that you're mad at me.
138
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,729
Tell him you're not mad at me.
Go ahead, set him straight.
139
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,370
I'm mad at you, Sheldon.
140
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:18,810
Hmm...
141
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,644
Eat one of your Luna Bars.
142
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,962
Very often, when women think
they're angry, they're really just hungry.
143
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:29,005
I'm not hungry.
144
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,247
Your friend insulted me
and you didn't do anything.
145
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:36,041
Precisely. I didn't do anything.
146
00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,004
Now, does someone feel like checking
her emotional math?
147
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,246
Keep going, buddy. You're doing great.
148
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,089
Sheldon, I'm your girlfriend
and you should have taken my side.
149
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,687
That's it. End of story. Good night.
150
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:56,921
Wow, Amy's mad and Leonard was right.
151
00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,082
What a weird day.
152
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,086
Hey, sorry this took so long.
But you used to work here.
153
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,925
- You know how it is.
- Kitchen slammed again?
154
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,242
No, I'm a terrible waitress, remember?
155
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,367
So anything I can do
to help you move tomorrow?
156
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:17,764
Now that you mention it,
I was thinking tomorrow might not be great.
157
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,926
- What's your excuse this time?
- No excuse.
158
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,724
It's just, you know, I'm Jewish...
159
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:26,771
and technically, we're not supposed to
drive or carry anything on the Sabbath...
160
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,769
so this one's on God.
161
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:34,124
That might be more convincing if you didn't
have a mouthful of bacon cheeseburger.
162
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,566
My religion's kind of loosey-goosey,
you know.
163
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:42,004
As long as you got your schmeckel clipped
and don't wear a cross, you're good.
164
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,370
Howie, you promised you'd move.
165
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:47,927
- And I will.
- Yeah, right.
166
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:53,120
I'm not going to live in my mother's house
for the rest of my life. I'm not a child.
167
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,807
I've seen her burp you.
168
00:09:58,800 --> 00:09:59,881
She did not burp me.
169
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:03,283
She was patting me on the back
and I happened to burp.
170
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,166
Don't you have other tables
you should be waiting on?
171
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,721
Yeah, but I told you,
I'm not good at my job.
172
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:15,445
- Listen to me. He is never gonna leave.
- I'm starting to think you're right.
173
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,631
All right, I've had enough of this.
I'm a grown man.
174
00:10:17,644 --> 00:10:19,685
I have a successful career.
175
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,161
I mean, for the love of God,
I've been to space.
176
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:26,166
I will move out when I'm ready, and I don't
need anyone badgering me into it.
177
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,326
Wow. Excuse me.
178
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:34,691
That was just for her benefit. I'll move
tomorrow. I love you. Don't leave me.
179
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:40,685
Amy?
180
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,285
Amy.
181
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,569
Angry Amy?
182
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:47,601
What?
183
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:54,207
I've been thinking about what happened, and
I hope this gift will make things better.
184
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:59,206
Star Trek DVDs?
185
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:00,725
Why would I want this?
186
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,725
First of all, you're welcome.
187
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:07,283
Furthermore, not being familiar
with Wil Wheaton's body of work...
188
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:11,525
there was no way for you to know
you were being rude to a national treasure.
189
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,369
Get ready for 130 hours of "I told you so."
190
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,767
Fine, I'll just tell you what happens.
191
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,609
Episode one, "Encounter at Farpoint."
192
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:27,841
Fade in.
193
00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:30,486
The new Enterprise heads out
on its maiden voyage...
194
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:33,120
to contact the Bandi people of Deneb IV.
195
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,727
Enter Wesley Crusher,
played by my buddy...
196
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,764
She's hooked.
197
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:54,886
Wow, an end of an era.
198
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:59,087
Boy, if these walls could talk.
199
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:03,323
They'd say,
"Why does he touch himself so much?"
200
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:09,681
Yeah.
201
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:15,408
I can't believe
I'm not gonna live here anymore.
202
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,928
This has always been my bedroom.
203
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,641
Right here is where my mom
used to mark my height.
204
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,410
Oh, yeah.
205
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:30,920
"Fifth grade, sixth grade,
seventh grade, eighth grade, ninth grade."
206
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,243
Yeah, I remember when I was 5...
207
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,762
hiding under this desk
with all my Halloween candy.
208
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,567
Had some Peanut M&M's...
209
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:46,851
went into my first anaphylactic shock,
had to be rushed to the hospital...
210
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,766
came home, celebrated with a Snickers,
went into my second anaphylactic shock.
211
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,207
When did you figure out
you're allergic to nuts?
212
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,203
Sometime around the third Almond Joy.
213
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,886
Okay, wanna start loading this stuff
into the truck?
214
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,929
Yeah, I guess.
215
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,560
Hey, would you do me a favor?
Go on ahead.
216
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:11,641
I just want one last moment alone
in my old room.
217
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:15,725
We're not standing outside by the U-Haul
while you fondle yourself.
218
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:19,681
Fine, let's go.
219
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,245
Hey, what brings you in?
220
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:34,566
Penny, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like
to have a conversation about girls.
221
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:39,641
Had a feeling we'd have a talk like this
sooner or later.
222
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:43,566
Are you finally getting
fuzz in weird places?
223
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:47,725
Penny, please, I'm on the horns
of a relationship dilemma.
224
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:51,726
And for the record, I had a full
pubis of hair by the time I was 19.
225
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:54,887
And for the record:
226
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,804
- So, what are you drinking?
- Well, it's been a rough day.
227
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:04,169
I usually go chamomile tea,
but I don't think that's gonna cut it.
228
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,604
You could have a Long Island iced tea.
229
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,167
Will that calm my nerves?
230
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:17,242
It's calmed the pants
off me a couple times.
231
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,766
- Sold.
- Oh.
232
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:25,211
So the heart you got from the wizard
giving you trouble?
233
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,489
The trouble isn't with me, Penny,
it's with your gender.
234
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,324
Someday scientists will discover...
235
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:34,769
that second X chromosome contains
nothing but nonsense and twaddle.
236
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,043
Yeah, Amy told me what happened.
237
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:40,761
Look, just apologize.
It'll warm her twaddle.
238
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,170
That's a Band-Aid at best.
239
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:46,807
The core problem is that Amy and Wil
do not like each other...
240
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:50,407
which is baffling
because they're both crazy about me.
241
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:55,208
And I like them, which indicates
they're bright and interesting...
242
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,727
and/or were on Star Trek.
243
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,768
Honey, you can't make people
like each other.
244
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,323
Not true. Leonard made me like you.
245
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,642
Let me tell you, that
was a hard row to hoe.
246
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,123
Cheers, pal.
247
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:13,763
Ooh!
248
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,164
Boy, that is a treat that's hard to beat.
249
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,843
Get the Mad Hatter on the horn.
I'm having a tea party.
250
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,050
You might wanna pace yourself.
251
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,243
I drink tea all the time.
I think I know what I'm doing.
252
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,449
Far be it for me
to criticize a man with a full pubis.
253
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:44,529
Look, your problem is not Wil Wheaton.
Your problem is the way you treated Amy.
254
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,126
Problem is I'm out of tea.
255
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,723
Come on, someone insulted your girlfriend,
you just let him do it?
256
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,531
Thought you Texas guys stood up
for your womenfolk.
257
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,370
Oh, Penny, please.
258
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,649
Think I've evolved
beyond my simple rustic upbringing.
259
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:00,881
Sorry.
260
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:05,011
On the other hand, that low-down polecat
done wronged my woman.
261
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,885
Welcome to Long Island, Tex.
262
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:13,930
Amy deserves better.
263
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,481
You know,
when we buy the Planters Deluxe Mix...
264
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,928
she eats all the Brazil nuts
so I don't have to look at them.
265
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,450
She's a unique blend of saint and squirrel.
266
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,846
Yup, that she is. Here you go.
267
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,527
I'm a callous egomaniac.
She's gonna leave me.
268
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,763
- No, she won't.
- No, she won't. I'm great.
269
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:44,650
Ah!
270
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:51,291
Okay, I have now officially moved out
of my mother's house.
271
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:55,001
You are now the only woman in my life
who I'll see naked in the bathroom.
272
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,651
I know this wasn't easy. You doing okay?
273
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,122
Well, I'm fine. It's just
her I'm worried about.
274
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,803
- She'll be okay. She's a grown woman.
- I know.
275
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:11,086
It's just ever since my dad left,
I've felt responsible for her.
276
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,208
That's a lot for a kid to deal with.
277
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:16,125
She was just so sad all the time.
278
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,284
I was the only person
who could cheer her up.
279
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,727
Well, me and Ben and Jerry.
280
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:25,168
She's lucky you were there.
281
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,289
You know, she's why I first got into magic.
282
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,130
I would do little shows for her.
283
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:37,486
Hang up a bedsheet like it was a curtain,
put on a top hat and cape.
284
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:43,170
And partway through the act, I would say
I needed a volunteer from the audience...
285
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:49,327
to be my beautiful assistant
and invite her up on-stage.
286
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:53,007
I can still remember the way she'd smile.
287
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:58,202
For a few minutes,
she'd forget how lonely she was.
288
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,370
Aw, crap. Let's go.
289
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:05,846
Where are we going?
290
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,571
Grab a box.
We'll sleep at your mother's place tonight.
291
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,449
No, but I want to live here.
292
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,685
Well, you should've thought of that before
you told me the stupid magic-trick story.
293
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,244
Can't we talk about this?
294
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:21,485
No husband of mine
is gonna break his mother's heart.
295
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:32,121
Wil Wheaton.
296
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,042
Wait, how many was that?
297
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:42,084
- Hey, Sheldon, what's up?
- Wouldn't you like to know.
298
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,603
- Have you been drinking?
- Just tea.
299
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,285
It was the best tea I've ever had.
300
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,051
Why are you here?
301
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,165
I'll tell you.
302
00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:57,567
I'm from Texas.
303
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,520
Need I say more?
304
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,325
Yeah, actually,
a little more would be helpful.
305
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:09,088
You insulted my woman.
I'm here to defend her honor.
306
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,651
Two. It was two.
307
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,402
Wil Wheaton.
308
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:19,641
Now prepare yourself for what may come.
309
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,971
Oh, Sheldon,
do you really think we're gonna fight?
310
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:29,284
My fists are not up here
because I'm milking a giant invisible cow.
311
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,249
They're up to beat an apology out of you.
312
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:36,491
Okay, I'm sorry.
313
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,126
Well, that was a long bus ride
for not very much.
314
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:42,721
Are you okay?
315
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,531
You're asking a lot of questions,
Wil Wheaton.
316
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,409
As a matter of idle curiosity...
317
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:52,282
which of your shrubberies do you feel
would benefit from a thorough vomiting?
318
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:54,762
Never mind, I'll choose.
319
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,171
You were so good in Stand by Me.
320
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,610
Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
321
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:17,651
Welcome to
Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun With Flags.
322
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,883
Get ready for a very special episode...
323
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:24,965
where we explore the flags of the
popular entertainment franchise Star Trek.
324
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,562
And to help us,
I'm pleased to introduce a special guest.
325
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:33,169
Surprisingly, it only took gas money and
the promise of free food to get him here.
326
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,482
Mr. LeVar Burton.
327
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:38,963
Hey, Sheldon. It's a pleasure to be here.
328
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:42,408
- Well, we've got some interesting flags...
- Cut.
329
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,530
Yikes, this guy is worse than Wil Wheaton.
330
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:53,602
I don't know what she's talking about,
but I'm obligated to agree with her.
331
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,923
- She's my girlfriend.
- Ah. I hear you, brother.
332
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,401
I still get lunch, right?
27255
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