Original subtitles

It's no laughing matter.

The way I feel this morning, I shouldn't be laughing at anything.

Now look Hank, fun's fun, but there's a limit.

You call me up in the middle of the night

and you tell me to grab a plane to Washington,

and now all this malarkey about flying saucers.

Course most of these reports are obvious nonsense.

Brother you said it.

A lot of highly imaginative people, some neurotic, some just plain liars,

all swore they saw the flying saucer.

Well we tracked down every report and cross-examined every witness.

And found out it was all a bunk.

Not all of it, Mike.

Some experts, commercial and Air Force pilots also claim to have seen it.

You're not trying to tell me you really believe there's a flying saucer.

I'm not sure.

There must be a spark of fire somewhere under all that smoke.

Well even if there is one Hank, what good is it?

Well if it's true what the expert witnesses say,

it'll outfly anything we can put in the air.

And it works on a revolutionary principle that we can't even guess at.

Yes Mike, it appears it was designed for one purpose.

To carry the atomic bomb.

Now the first country that learns the secret of the flying saucer

will control the skies of the world.

And I don't want that country to be Russia.

Well if there is such a gadget, how do you

know the Russians aren't the ones who are already flying it around?

Because we have reason to believe they're looking for it too.

One of our undercover agents has been working inside a Communist group

that's been operating around this district.

Juneau, huh?

Used to be quite a town.

It still is.

Our last report from our man said there's some Russian Air Force officers that

slipped into the territory from Siberia.

He heard that they were trying to locate

the flying saucer somewhere near the Taku Glacier.

Russia apparently knows something that we don't.

It certainly is a tip worth investigating.

Don't you agree?

Oh sure, all part of your job I suppose,

but what's this all got to do with me?

Because you're going to do the investigating for us.

Are you nuts or something?

If the whole intelligence service and the

Air Force can't find it, just how do I figure?

'Cause you were born and grew up in Alaska.

Because, my old friend, your father still owns most of the timber,

the goldmines, and the fisheries

in the part of the country we're interested in.

So that qualifies me as a bloodhound huh?

It qualifies you as a native.

Any of our men would be immediately suspected because they're strangers.

What about that guy you already got planted up there?

Well it's just possible that something may have

happened to him since we got his last report.

Now when you get to Alaska...

I'm not going to Alaska.

I'm having too much fun in New York.

Besides, my polo team starts practice tomorrow at Meadowbrook.

A man of distinction, eh?

Good picture of you, Mike.

Very natural.

You're known all over as a sportsman,

a playboy, and a good two-fisted drinker.

So we'll plant it in the Alaska papers that you're

coming home to recuperate from a nervous breakdown.

A nervous breakdown?

I feel fine.

You'll feel even better if you take this job.

Oh look Hank, it just won't work,

so why don't you get yourself another boy?

Mike, I'm not asking you to do this for me.

I'm asking you to do it for the country.

I gave my country five years of my life, that's enough.

How would you feel if tomorrow a flying saucer would drop an atomic bomb

on every key city in the United States?

Would you feel you've done enough?

All right, all right.

Stop waving the flag, I'll go.

But I won't like it.

By the way, I was talking to your father an hour ago on the phone.

He told me to tell you that his yacht will be waiting for you in Seattle.

That the caretaker be instructed to get

the Taku Hunting Lodge ready for you.

So you had it all planned.

Just cutting a few corners to save time.

Well the least you can do Hank is offer me a drink.

When do I leave?

Afternoon plane to Seattle.

Here are your tickets.

You and your nurse.

My nurse?

Look, our story is that you're suffering from a nervous breakdown.

Now for appearances sake, you've got to travel with a nurse.

Look Hank, I can tell you right now I'm not gonna have any nurse.

Send Miss Langley in please.

You wanted me, Mr. Thorn?

Come in, Vee.

My nurse?

Very good idea Hank, I really oughta have a nurse.

I thought you'd agree.

Vee, this is Mr. Trent.

Mike, Miss Langley.

How do you do, Mr. Trent?

Miss Langley's one of our best operatives.

The fact that she's also a trained nurse is quite incidental.

Oh sure, sure, that's great.

I think I'd better take charge of the tickets, Mr. Thorn.

Well how do you like that?

When we reached Seattle, I managed to for about an hour.

Then they got me in tow.

Shanghaid me aboard dad's yacht and we were off to Alaska.

Like the man said, water water everywhere and not a drop to drink.

Three days out, I was getting fed up with the whole business.

"Flying saucers."

So much bunk.

I was beginning to feel a little better

when we were cruising up the inland passage.

I'd almost forgotten there was such a thing

as beautiful scenery outside of a nightclub.

Hey Vee, a whale!

Watch it.

Oh he's gone.

Do you think he'll come back?

If I was him, I wouldn't.

Wasn't long before we reached Juneau.

Quite a town as towns go in Alaska.

None of the store club gang ever got up that far.

I used to have a lot of pals there.

Should look them up for old times' sake.

Hey skipper, pull in here at Juneau.

No, Captain Arday.

We'll go directly to the lodge.

Open up!

Come on, open up!

Skipper wouldn't drop anchor, my keeper put him up to that.

The fact that I let myself into this

little caper didn't help my disposition.

The Taku Glacier and the end of our journey.

The hunting lodge was just across the river.

So long, skipper.

Monsieur Trent?

That's right.

Where's ol' Pierre?

Gone away.

I'm Hans, the new caretaker.

Oh this is beautiful, Mr. Trent.

Yeah.

Just like San Quentin.

Come on, warden.

What happened to ol' Pierre?

I do not know, sir.

I understand he just disappeared.

I'm sorry to hear that.

And my father hired you huh?

That is so, Mr. Trent.

Oh, this is Miss Langley, the doctors thought I needed a nurse.

Oh what a beautiful view.

Did you ever see the Empire State Building in the moonlight?

It's time for you to rest now, Mr. Trent.

Rest?

What I gotta rest from?

Hey Hans.

See any Russian spies around here lately?

Spies?

I don't understand.

Spies, you know, Russian spies.

There's some Russian fisherman down at Taku Village that I know.

But spies?

I don't know nothing about, sir.

See any flying saucers?

Hans, would you please show me to my room?

Take Miss Langley's things upstairs, Hans.

I'll take the room down here.

Hey.

Aren't you afraid to leave me down here to myself?

You know, I might get into mischief.

You already have.

If we knew all the answers, we wouldn't have to be here.

Why don't you calm down?

Tell me about the glacier.

All right.

There it is.

18 million tons of ice.

The great Taku Glacier.

Built by mother nature 100,000 years ago.

How am I doing?

What do you suppose those men are?

Probably salmon fishermen.

This place is driving me nuts.

It's a funny thing, when I was a kid

I used to think it was wonderful up here in the wilds.

It's too bad you had to grow up, it's still wonderful.

You can have it.

Vee, let's take the skipper and go to Juneau.

No, Mr. Trent.

Okay, I'll go alone.

No, Mr. Trent.

"No, Mr. Trent, no, Mr. Trent."

If only just one you'd say yes Mike.

Yes Mike?

Why don't you just relax and enjoy it?

We mustn't forget what we're here for.

Somebody had a brain storm, that saucer isn't real.

It is real.

Aw it's strictly for laughs.

Hey.

It's quite an arsenal we've got here.

We're all ready to stand the siege.

You oughta pick yourself a gun while there's still time.

I have an automatic upstairs in my suitcase.

Better let me have it, you might hurt yourself.

I assure you I know how to use it.

I'll keep that in mind.

Oh I'm sorry Hans, I didn't know you were out there.

Would you or the lady like some more coffee perhaps sir?

No thanks.

Excuse me, I think I'll go to bed.

You sure you can find your way upstairs all by yourself?

I think I can manage.

And what about me?

You?

What do you mean?

Well I'll be down here all alone with my pulsing temperature, I might have

a relapse during the night.

Oh I think you'll live.

You call this living?

You're lovely when you laugh.

Goodnight.

And present dreams.

I doubt it very much.

Morning Hans.

Good morning, Miss.

Is Trent up yet?

Not yet.

He's supposed to rest, shouldn't he nurse?

Yes of course.

All this wonderful fresh air and sunshine.

I never knew it could be so warm in Alaska.

In summer, yes.

Sometimes it's as warm as today, but the big ice, it never melts.

Oh you mean the glaciers.

I love them.

Do you think I'll freeze to death if I take a swim before breakfast?

You'll not freeze to death, no, but shiver maybe, yes.

Morning Vee.

Oh good morning, Mr. Trent.

See any flying saucers yet?

Look Mr. Trent, we've got to be

very careful what we do and say from now on.

Oh sure, there's a Russian spy behind every rock and bush.

You may think it's all very funny, but we're here on a serious mission.

So you're going swimming?

Well we're supposed to behave naturally.

I'm all for that.

Hey Hans!

What's for breakfast, I'm starving?

During the next few days Vee Langley and I followed Hank Thorn's orders.

At least she followed them, and I followed her.

Many Russian spies were watching us, which I doubted very much.

I saw only a patient and his nurse supposedly

enjoying the fresh air, the sunshine, and the sea.

It wasn't hard for me to take when Vee was a part of the scenery.

If Thorn's agent was still around, he never showed himself to us.

While we were waiting for him to appear,

well, we weren't exactly standing still.

Hey!

Catch it!

Did I make a first down?

Baby, you scored.

You forgot your thermos, Mr. Trent.

Red six on a black seven.

I saw it.

Please Mike, not now.

Why not?

Oh, I get it.

We're not human beings anymore.

We're still Hank Thorn's stooges.

For Pete's sake Vee, how long does this go on?

I don't know.

I suppose until we finish our job.

What a job.

You still don't believe the flying saucer really exists do you?

Oh sure, like spots in front of my eyes.

What's the matter?

Hear something?

Yes, don't you?

Jet plane maybe.

Oh probably a meteor.

Traveling in circles?

Well you certainly don't think it was...

Of course.

Oh Hans.

Say, did you see anything float in the sky just now?

Only the Aurora Borealis.

The Northern Lights, sir.

With sound effects?

Listen, there was something up there in the sky

and it wasn't Northern Lights or any kind of airplane I've ever heard.

It was the flying saucer.

Yes, I guess perhaps it really was.

Vee, I'm going to Juneau.

Oh no Mike, you mustn't.

But honey, it's the only thing to do.

I'll look up some of my old buddies and find out all the dope.

There must be somebody in Juneau that knows something about these saucers.

Mr. Thorn told us to stay here.

But we're wasting time!

Mike, we've got to stay here until our orders are changed.

You're prettier than my old top sergeant, but baby you talk just like him.

Good mornings Hans.

Is breakfast ready yet?

No Miss, but soon.

I think I'll take a little walk first.

Oh Hans!

Never mind, I found it.

Good morning, Hans.

Miss Langley up yet?

Yes sir.

I believe she went for a walk in the woods.

Fine, I think I'll take a little exercise myself.

Mike!

Mike, get out here!

Oh Hans, I just saw a bear.

They're dangerous aren't they?

A man was killed by one near here not long ago.

Phew, after this I better stay out of the forest when I'm alone.

Where's Mr. Trent?

He's gone.

Gone?

What do you mean?

He escaped to Juneau I think.

Isn't there another boat here?

No.

I must get to Juneau at once.

There's no way.

Oh yes there is.

There's a barge from the goldmine, it always stops here.

I better get dressed.

What'll it be?

Scotch.

Look mac, we recommend the rye, see?

Sure, I'll play it safe.

Okay.

It's a long time since I've been to Juneau.

Looking up some old friends.

You don't say.

Chuck Thorpe used to come in here a lot, you know him don't you?

Nope.

Spike Agley?

Well you must known ol' Matt Mitchell, he's quite a character.

Never heard of him.

Say.

You notice anything funny around here last night?

You see a lot of funny things in a joint like this.

No no, I mean up in the sky.

Oh sure.

Angels.

They fly over Juneau every night.

In flocks.

So long, joker.

Anybody here seen Matt Mitchell?

Nope.

You seen ol' Matt Mitchell?

Not tonight.

Oh sure.

There was a guy like that in here a little while ago.

Regular screwball, you know what I mean?

Kept talking about angels flying around at night.

Thank you.

Anybody here know Matt Mitchell?

Nope.

Give me a rye.

Hey honey, I'm looking for ol' Matt Mitchell, you seen him?

He just left.

Double rye.

Where's ol' Matt Mitchell?

How should I know?

Ol' Matt Mitchell, where are you?

Rye.

Leave the bottle.

Saves time.

You're a busy guy, I can see that.

Used to have a lot of friends in Juneau.

Been looking all over for them.

But they're gone.

They're all gone.

Is that a fact?

It's a sad thing to lose all your...

It's a sad thing to lose all your friends!

A very very sad thing.

That's sure tough.

How'd you like to make a new friend?

Who are you?

Just a friendly sort of girl.

You can call me Nanette.

Hiya Nanette.

Maybe you know some of my old pals.

Oh sure I do, I know everybody in Juneau.

And everybody knows me.

Let's go sit down where we can talk.

That's a good idea.

Not now, I just caught me a big fish, Mike Trent.

The millionaire playboy?

That's the guy, I spot him from his picture in the papers.

Champagne, the best.

Of course I know a Matt Mitchell.

He always drops in around this time.

You just stay here with me.

We'll wait for good ol' Matt together.

Good ol' Matt, you said it.

He'll tell me the truth.

Everybody else lies, but good ol' Matt won't lie.

He'll tell me what goes.

What goes where?

Up there.

Way up there in the sky.

Mike.

Hi Vee!

What are you doing here?

Looking for you.

Well that's fine.

That's fine, I want you to meet an old friend of mine.

What's your name, hun?

Honey, this is Vee.

Sit down will you?

Have a little drink.

You've had enough.

Mike, why did you do it?

Oh you think don't you?

Well that's where you're wrong.

I'm here to find out things.

Very important things.

Mike, we're going back to the lodge right now.

No, no, I'm gonna wait for a friend.

Ol' Mattie will know all the answers.

Waiter!

Bring a bottle of wine!

You're not well, Mike.

So you need a nurse do you Mike?

Who said I needed a nurse?

I do as I please, see?

Attaboy.

Better come along with us, Mr. Trent.

Didn't take you long to find a boyfriend did it?

Oh Mike, don't be that way.

I'll be any way I wanna be, see?

Listen.

I didn't want this job in the first place.

Furthermore, let me tell you that I...

Furthermore...

I'll be right here if you need me.

I won't be needing you anymore.

Goodbye.

Hey Vee.

Hey Vee, wait!

Hey Mike, let's have some laughs together.

I better go pretty up.

No cigarette.

Mike!

Well if it ain't my old friend!

Matt Mitchell, you old walrus you, how are you?

Fine.

See, I heard about you.

You were up in your pappy's lodge.

I was gonna look you up.

But I've been so busy entertaining and...

Celebrate.

Celebrate, yeah that's it.

Why do you got to celebrate, you old walrus you?

Oh I'm getting rich, Mike.

I gotta learn how to spend money.

You sure look like you're in the chips all right.

Plenty more where this come from.

You got yourself a goldmine or something?

Better than that.

Say, do you remember that old broken down chore of mine?

Sure, you taught me how to navigate when I was a kid.

Yeah, that's right!

Well you know, the other day I was ready to junk her,

and a couple of foreigners come in, and they rented her,

and they're paying me $100 every day.

What are they using her for Matt?

I don't know.

They ain't using it as a fishing boat, at least not fishing for fish.

Pshhh!

Pshhh!

Matt.

Yeah?

I gotta go back to the lodge and find Vee.

All right.

You still live in that old fishing shack up the river?

Yup.

All right, I'll be up there first thing in the morning,

there's a lot of questions I gotta ask you.

Very important questions, Matt.

So long, Matt.

So long, Mike!

Hello Mitchell.

Let's you and I have a little chat.

Sure, mister.

Sit down, let's have a little drink.

Come on.

Hmm?

Perhaps we'll have better luck tomorrow.

We'll cover this area along the edge of the Taku Glacier.

It's Alex, open the door.

Why have you brought him in here?

I had too Colonel, he was shooting off his mouth in the bar.

Don't push me!

I don't like being pushed.

The drunken old fool is harmless, he knows nothing of our plans.

Excuse me Colonel, but he knows too much for our own good.

How could he have learned anything?

We hire his boat, that is all.

But if we let him keep on talking, even to a drunken playboy like

Mike Trent, someone may start guessing.

He will not talk anymore.

It's all right Colonel, he'll stay quite for a while,

but he's got the thickest skull I ever cracked.

As long as you didn't overdo it.

He must be able to walk when we want him.

He can stagger out on his own.

See that there are witnesses when he does.

We can dispose of him later from the trawl.

Mike, please, won't you...

Your boyfriend took out on the lamb.

Good riddance if you ask me.

It's Turner, Dr. Lawton's mechanic.

At last he's come to us.

Bring him in.

Mr. Turner, I've been expecting you for some time.

You've been away, I presume.

Flying around here and there.

Very exhilarating, air travel.

It oughta be.

2,000 miles an hour.

As much as that?

Sit down, Mr. Turner.

So at last you've come to talk business with me.

Depends upon how much you're willing to pay.

That depends on how much you're prepared to deliver.

The works.

The flying disc itself?

If the money's right.

I understood you were a believer in our cause.

Oh yes.

That's why I wanted to give you a chance

to bid on it before I took it to some other party.

You're a shrewd businessman.

Are you dealing in Dr. Lawton's name, Mr. Turner?

Dealing for myself.

But the goods are in my hands, Dr. Lawton's

gone to Seattle to make a deal with the Americans.

How fortunate.

Then his experiments are finished?

Everything's perfect or he wouldn't be trying to sell it to the US.

And just where do you keep the flying ship, Mr. Turner?

Let's talk money first.

Oh let us not quarrel over money, we will pay what is just and reasonable.

A million dollars cash?

Agreed.

And now perhaps, Mr. Turner, you will tell us

where Dr. Lawton has hidden his famous flying saucer.

Twin Lakes.

The other side of the ice cap.

Are you prepared to fly it to Russia?

He's gone out the window.

Wait Alex!

We'll take care of him tomorrow on our way to Twin Lakes.

Thanks, Matt.

You saved my life.

You're all right, young fella.

Take it easy.

Matt!

Come on, there's a boat coming.

How do you feel, old timer?

Fine Mike, just fine.

It'll take more than one bullet to finish me off.

Sure, you're too tough to die.

Why'd those fellas try to kill you?

Because I knew about the.

Where the saucer was.

Where is it?

The other side of ice cap.

How do I get there Matt?

I don't know how.

Unless you flew.

No one has ever flew over an ice cap.

Too doggone dangerous.

I'll fly it.

Where do I land?

Face toward Twin Lakes.

Twin Lakes.

I'll find it.

Say Mike, wait a minute.

I gotta tell you.

You're gonna be in a lot of trouble.

Watch out.

Those fellas are...

Matt?

Matt, who are they?

Matt!

Pardon me, have you seen Mr. Trent?

No I haven't.

Yes?

Mr. Fred Burnside is calling from Seattle.

Will you talk to him?

Hello, Fred?

How are you, Hank?

So-so.

What's on your mind?

Are you still interested in flying saucers?

Am I?

Have you seen one?

Better than that.

I've seen the fella who claims he invented it.

What?

Isn't that a howl?

This screwball called himself Dr. Carl Lawton.

He said he flew down from Alaska just to see me.

He offered to sell me the whole works for only $10 million.

Where is he now?

Out fighting off the squirrels I suppose.

You actually let him get away?

I'm running an airplane company, not a nuthouse.

Look Fred, I've got to find that man.

You really think he's got something?

I know he has, and we've got to have it.

Haven't you any idea where he went to?

He was sore at me when he left.

He said he was gonna fly right back to Juneau immediately.

And I'd be sorry.

Well I am sorry, Hank.

All right Fred, so long.

Poor old Matt said that no one had ever flown over the ice cap before.

I wasn't anxious to be the first one to try it, but Twin Lakes was on

the other side and I had to get there in a hurry.

I wasn't sure just what I expected to find when, and if, I got there.

But whatever it was, I had to find it.

Hey!

Where can I get a plane?

Inside the hanger.

Thanks.

I didn't outline my flight plan to the officer in charge.

His plane was more valuable to him than my neck,

so I kept it a secret that I was going to risk both of them.

Come on, let's keep moving.

I made it to Twin Lakes.

From the air I spotted a solitary cabin in the wilderness.

A place where someone who wanted to hide something might live in safety.

Perhaps I'd find there the secret I was looking for.

I decided to fly back to Juneau immediately

and get in touch with Hank Thorn and the nearest Air Force base.

Wouldn't take long to put the flying saucer

in the bag with Uncle Sam pulling the strings.

But I soon found out that my gas was running low.

Gas her up, I'm going to Juneau.

Are you in a hurry, sir?

Yes, I'm gonna send a message to Washington right away.

Who were those fellas you were talking to?

What fellows, sir?

The ones you were talking to when I was landing.

Oh they were just some fishermen, sir.

Asking directions.

Where's Miss Langley?

In the lodge I believe.

I'll get the gas, sir.

Dr. Lawton, the Russians will stop

at nothing to capture you and your flying saucer.

They'll never find the disc, young lady, it's too well hidden underground.

Well that may be true, but you're out in the open.

And if they get their hands on you they may be able to persuade you

to tell them where the disc is.

Perhaps you're right, they're quite skillful in such matters I believe.

But now where is this place you suggest we stay until your chief arrives?

A hunting lodge up the river.

You'll be perfectly safe there.

Vee!

Hey Vee!

Vee?

Kick her over.

Put him in the chair.

Mr. Trent, you've given us a great deal of trouble.

Why didn't you stay in New York

with your drunken friends at the nightclubs?

I sobered up.

Mr. Thorn of Washington sent you up here on a mission, is it not so?

Never heard of the guy.

Come up here for my health.

A mistake, Mr. Trent.

Your health will not benefit, I assure you.

Where's the woman who calls herself your nurse?

I sent her home.

I didn't need her anymore.

She'll be back soon, I'm sure.

Like you, she's curious about things that don't concern her.

There's a plane landing now.

Ah, that must be Miss Langley.

Come in, my dear.

We've been expecting you.

And this is Dr. Lawton, I believe.

Always a pleasure to meet so eminent a scientist.

Turner, what are you doing here?

Mr. Turner is now my valued collaborator.

Oh don't look so distressed, my dear doctor.

Instead of being used to further the imperialistic designs of America,

your invention will now be employed for the good of the entire human race.

Russia will never get it.

I don't see how you're gonna prevent it, Dr. Lawton.

And now I think it's time for us all to go.

Where?

For a little trip underneath the glacier.

There is a most interesting passage goes through the ice.

We shall part company on the other side.

Even the so clever Mr. Thorn of Washington

will wonder what happened to his friends.

Turn to your left up there!

Come on, come on.

Don't shoot!

Turner's flying it to Russia.

It was only a small bomb, but Turner didn't know it was there.