All language subtitles for The Big Bang Theory - 03x16 - The Excelsior Acquisition

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:24,651 Will you please turn your shirt off? 2 00:00:25,058 --> 00:00:27,356 What? I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music. 3 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:31,089 People will know I'm awesome and to be feared. 4 00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:33,859 Right. There's nothing more awesome and frightening... 5 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,993 ...than a man who's got music blasting from between his nipples. 6 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:42,274 - Hey, Stuart. What's going on? - Well, you might wanna mark... 7 00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:46,401 ...your Google calendars. Stan Lee is coming to do a signing on Thursday. 8 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:49,105 Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography? 9 00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:53,083 I'm sure ages 79 through 87 were just action-packed. 10 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,619 No, just a regular comic signing. 11 00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:59,384 My uncle is his dermatologist, and Stan's doing him a favor. 12 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,551 Oh, I don't wanna know that. 13 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:05,186 How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee the scientific foundations... 14 00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:08,528 ...for interstellar flight on a surfboard when part of my brain... 15 00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:12,729 ...will be scanning his face for signs of contagious skin disease? 16 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,638 Stan Lee does not have a contagious skin disease. 17 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:20,143 Well, look who thinks he's Stuart's uncle now. 18 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:24,306 Can't believe it. We're gonna meet Stan Lee. 19 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,978 I'm so excited And I just can't hide it 20 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:33,224 I'm about to lose control And I think I like it 21 00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:35,827 I'm sad to say I taught him those moves. 22 00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:07,118 I can't decide whether I want Stan Lee to autograph... 23 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:10,161 ...my Journey Into Mystery 83, first appearance of Thor... 24 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:14,596 ...or my Fantastic FourNumber 5, first appearance of Dr. Doom. 25 00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:28,011 Alex, I'm gonna go with: "What is you're a dumb-ass?" 26 00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:38,556 I've decided I'm going to have Mr. Lee sign my copy of this month's Batman. 27 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,827 That's crazy. Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman. 28 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,361 Which is why no one else will ask him to sign one. 29 00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:47,523 I'll be the possessor of a unique, albeit confusing artifact... 30 00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:51,535 ...which will set me apart from the hoi polloi of comic-book fandom. 31 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:56,405 That's a great idea. I'm gonna get him to sign a Batman as well. 32 00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:01,404 What is it about the word "unique" you don't understand? 33 00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:04,516 Ow! Damn. Paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut. 34 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:08,553 Well, obviously, you don't remember your circumcision. 35 00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:13,249 There's Neosporin and Band-Aids in my top desk drawer. 36 00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:15,759 Why don't you keep that stuff in the bathroom? 37 00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:19,524 He does. And in the kitchen, and in the car, and in his pocket. 38 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,759 Yeah, but the ones in my pocket are mine. 39 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:25,234 - Hi. - Hey. 40 00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,566 Guess who's gonna be at the comic store on Thursday. 41 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,733 - Um, can you give me a hint? - Stan Lee. 42 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:35,041 Um, Stanley. Stanley. Stanley Tucci? 43 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,878 No, ha, ha. No. Stan Lee. 44 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:42,749 Oh. Oh, Stan Lee. Cool. 45 00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:47,186 You have no idea who he is, do you? 46 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:50,090 Of course I do. You're an important part of my life... 47 00:03:50,263 --> 00:03:53,460 ...and I pay attention to the things you are interested in. 48 00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:55,965 - Good. Good. - Heh, heh. 49 00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:57,228 So who's Stan Lee? 50 00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:00,470 Um, he was on Star Trek. 51 00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:05,769 - No. - Star Wars? 52 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,140 No. 53 00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:12,614 Um, Stan Lee. Oh, he was in those goofy kung fu movies you love so much? 54 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,920 That's Bruce Lee. 55 00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:16,380 Oh. 56 00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:19,116 So is this Bruce Lee's nerdy brother, Stan? 57 00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:24,653 Sheldon, why do you have all these unopened paychecks in your desk? 58 00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:29,291 Because most of the things I'm planning to buy haven't been invented yet. 59 00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,998 There must be thousands of dollars here. 60 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,970 - Why don't you put it in the bank? - I don't trust banks. 61 00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:39,602 I believe that when the robots rise up, ATMs will lead the charge. 62 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:44,314 You've also got something from the Pasadena Municipal Court. 63 00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:48,018 Undoubtedly yet another snide response to my repeated letters... 64 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:52,022 ...complaining that the flags in front of the courthouse are in the wrong order. 65 00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:56,026 It's supposed to be federal, state, and then city of Pasadena. 66 00:04:56,463 --> 00:05:00,160 I'm sorry, you sent more than one letter about that? 67 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,662 It bothers me. 68 00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:07,362 - Sheldon, this is a summons. - A summons? For what? 69 00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,270 Looks like you ran a red light... 70 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:14,345 ...on Marengo Avenue at 9:30 p.m. on November 16th. 71 00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:18,206 They got you on a traffic camera. Nice picture. 72 00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:26,556 November 16th? Penny, that's the evening you fell in your bathtub. 73 00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:28,819 I had to drive you to the emergency room. 74 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:30,189 No, it isn't. 75 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,532 - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. 76 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:37,227 I have an eidetic memory. That's a picture of you in the passenger seat... 77 00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:39,838 ...holding your dislocated shoulder. 78 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,200 Hmm. No, it isn't. 79 00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:46,040 Okay, then why is a summons for a traffic violation... 80 00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:50,479 ...committed in your car, bearing your license plates, coming to me? 81 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,251 Okay, look, they sent me the ticket. 82 00:05:57,424 --> 00:06:01,087 I told them I wasn't driving, and they were all, "Who was it?" 83 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,252 - So you betrayed me. - No. 84 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:04,556 It wasn't a betrayal. 85 00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:07,723 It was more of a, I can't afford any more points on my license. 86 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:11,564 I already have to buy my insurance from this place in the Cayman Islands. 87 00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:13,899 But the only reason I was driving your car... 88 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:17,043 ...was because you were in distress, and I was rescuing you. 89 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,907 Yes. And look, now you have a photo to remember that heroic day. 90 00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:23,939 It's not that big a deal. 91 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:27,450 You just go down to the court on Thursday, and you pay the fine. 92 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,715 I'm not going to pay a fine. That would imply I'm guilty. 93 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,256 You are guilty. 94 00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:41,132 - That one I liked. - Yeah. 95 00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:44,133 I am not guilty. I only have a learner's permit. 96 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:46,772 Penny was the teacher. When the light turned yellow... 97 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,875 ...she said, "Go, go, go," so I went, went, went. 98 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:53,375 Sheldon, I'm sorry. I'll be happy to reimburse you for the fine. 99 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:57,277 You know, as soon as I get a part in a movie or my own TV series. 100 00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:59,645 You don't need to reimburse me. I'm not paying. 101 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:03,778 On Thursday, I will have my day in court, and justice will be done. 102 00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:07,393 In fact, I'm going to begin preparing my defense right now. 103 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,094 Okay, he's going to jail. 104 00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:15,129 Oh, that's right. Thursday's Stan Lee day. 105 00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,137 Now you see what you've done? 106 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:23,598 Because of you, we're all going to miss Stan Lee. 107 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:25,804 Whoa! 108 00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,978 - What do you mean "all"? - Well, you're my friends. 109 00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,641 You'll be standing by my side, supporting me... 110 00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:35,845 ...feeding me legal precedents, and, if you have the strength... 111 00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:39,185 ...carrying me out on your shoulders when I'm victorious. 112 00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:42,620 Yeah, okay, no. 113 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:46,163 Are you saying that you will not stand beside me as I plead my case? 114 00:07:46,499 --> 00:07:48,160 That's what I'm saying. 115 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,499 - Howard? - Wow. Ahem. 116 00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:54,197 Uh, Stan Lee or you in court. 117 00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:58,435 Uh, if this was Sophie's Choice, it would've been a much shorter movie. No. 118 00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:00,979 Raj, you'll be there, won't you? 119 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:08,548 All right, then, my so-called friends have forsaken me. 120 00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:12,055 So I guess it'll just be me and my eyewitness. 121 00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:14,789 Oh, balls. 122 00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:18,397 Try to wear something appropriate. It won't help my case if the judge... 123 00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:22,365 ...is busy trying to read the word "Juicy" scrawled across your buttocks. 124 00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,903 Penny. Penny. 125 00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:32,874 Penny. 126 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:38,039 - That's just wrong. - All right, let's go. 127 00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:40,550 Wait. Hold on. Before we get to the courthouse... 128 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,746 ...I'd like to call on your skills as an actress. 129 00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,049 What is this? 130 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:48,752 I've taken the liberty of scripting your appearance on the witness stand. 131 00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:50,589 You're somewhat of a loose cannon. 132 00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:54,533 Don't worry, it's written in your vernacular. So shall we rehearse? 133 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,261 - Do I have a choice? - Of course you have a choice. 134 00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:01,498 Although we live in a deterministic universe, each individual has free will. 135 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,403 Now, sit down. 136 00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:07,936 "I call your attention to the events of November 16th. 137 00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:09,581 Do you remember that date?" 138 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:13,081 "Darn tooting, I do. 139 00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:19,581 If the court will excuse my homespun, corn-fed, Nebraskan turn of phrase." 140 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:24,125 - Excellent. Go on. - "The reason that date is, like... 141 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:28,427 ...so totally fixed in my memory is that I had the privilege to be witness... 142 00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:33,129 ...to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in, like, ever." 143 00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:37,300 "And who performed that heroic act?" 144 00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:41,311 "Why, you did, sir. You, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. 145 00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:45,315 And may I add, it is a privilege to know you." 146 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:49,585 "T here's no need for compliments. This court is only interested in the facts." 147 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:53,817 "But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you. 148 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,128 Totally." 149 00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,894 "A teardrop rolls down my cheek"? 150 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:04,125 Only a suggestion. A catch in your throat would work just as well. 151 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:10,840 "But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you. 152 00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:13,669 Totally." 153 00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:19,110 Maybe you should put on your Juicy pants again. 154 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,286 Pay the cashier. 155 00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:26,018 Sheldon Cooper. 156 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,352 Good morning, Your Honor. 157 00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:35,866 Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se. That is to say, representing himself. 158 00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:38,663 I know what it means. I went to law school. 159 00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:42,330 And yet you wound up in traffic court. 160 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:47,135 If it would please the court, I'd like to begin with an opening statement. 161 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,304 The court would advise you to make it quick. 162 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:53,976 The court had a dicey-looking breakfast burrito and just took an Imodium. 163 00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:58,679 Very well. A quick opening statement. 164 00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:03,022 Like a milking stool, my case rests on three legs. 165 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:06,632 I will demonstrate that I was improperly instructed in driving... 166 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:10,530 ...by a woman whose lack of respect for society borders on the sociopathic. 167 00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:14,639 I will argue that the emergency met the legal doctrine... 168 00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:19,210 ...of quod est necessarium est licitum, that which is necessary is legal. 169 00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:22,542 But first, I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue. 170 00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:27,982 I am unable to confront my accuser, a non-human entity, to wit, a camera. 171 00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:30,418 So to sum up, improper instruction... 172 00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:33,252 ...quod est necessarium est licitum, Sixth Amendment. 173 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,724 My milk stool is complete. 174 00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:37,590 - Impressive. - Thank you. 175 00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:40,756 Guilty. Pay the cashier. 176 00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:43,732 I object. You're completely ignoring the law. 177 00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:47,236 No, I'm following the law. I'm ignoring you. 178 00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:51,509 Really? I would point out that I am at the top of my profession... 179 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,738 ...while you preside over the kiddie table of yours. 180 00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:59,448 Dr. Cooper, before I find you in contempt and throw you in jail... 181 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:02,952 ...I'm gonna give you a chance to apologize for that last remark. 182 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:06,881 I'm a scientist. I never apologize for the truth. 183 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:15,965 That's my spot. 184 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:26,968 I can't wait to ask Stan Lee why he insists on giving his characters... 185 00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:30,138 ...first and last names that start with the same letter. 186 00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:32,477 Oh, come on. Why would you do that? 187 00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:36,247 Bruce Banner, Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Stephen Strange... 188 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,890 ...Otto Octavius, Silver Surfer, Peter Parker. 189 00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:44,394 Oh, and worst of all, J. Jonah Jameson Jr. 190 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:46,656 Okay, I'm cutting. 191 00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:50,462 I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee after you cheese him off. 192 00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,669 - Hey. - Sheldon's in jail. 193 00:12:57,844 --> 00:13:00,938 - Sheldon's in jail? - You called it. 194 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,014 - For what? - What do you think? 195 00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:07,516 For doing the same crap he always does, except to a judge. 196 00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:12,351 - He has to stay there until he apologizes. - So tell him to apologize. 197 00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:15,653 Oh, gee, thanks, Leonard. That didn't occur to me. 198 00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:19,189 If he doesn't apologize by 5:00, he's gonna spend the night in jail. 199 00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:23,495 Oh, no, that's terrible. The line's moving. Gotta go. Bye. 200 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,544 Excuse me. Excuse me, jailor? 201 00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:40,713 - What? - I need to use the restroom. 202 00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:42,377 Knock yourself out. 203 00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:49,552 - That's the toilet? - Well, it ain't a wishing well. 204 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,996 Please tell the judge I'm ready to apologize. 205 00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:58,367 Look at that. 206 00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:04,636 "To my friend Leonard. From Stan Lee. Excelsior!" 207 00:14:04,811 --> 00:14:06,244 Awesome. Mine says: 208 00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:11,748 "To my friend Howard. From Stan Lee. Excelsior!" 209 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:16,315 Mine says, "To Raj. From Stan Lee." 210 00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:23,362 That's because you pissed him off about his character names. 211 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,326 I didn't even mention Dum Dum Dugan... 212 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:29,195 ...or Green Goblin, Matt Murdock, Pepper Potts, Victor von Doom. 213 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:33,499 Oh, and worst of all, Millie the Model. 214 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:35,765 We're home. 215 00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:39,605 - Oh, hey, buddy. How'd it go? - You know very well how it went. 216 00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:42,612 Yeah. But we all wanna hear it from you. 217 00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:49,945 - I was found guilty and fined $533. - I'm gonna write you a check for that. 218 00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:54,184 As long as you promise to put it in your drawer and never cash it like the others. 219 00:14:57,463 --> 00:15:01,957 I also now have three points on a driver's license I do not yet possess... 220 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,797 ...and I was forced to issue an undeserved apology... 221 00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:09,374 ...because I refused to urinate in a stainless-steel bowl in front of criminals. 222 00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:12,304 Plus, you didn't get to meet Stan Lee. 223 00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:17,038 Okay, that's enough, Howard. The poor guy's had a tough time. 224 00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:20,982 He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail wearing that suit. 225 00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:27,317 It would be cruel to mention that, after he finished signing autographs... 226 00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:30,826 ...Stan Lee took Stuart and us out for gelato. 227 00:15:32,331 --> 00:15:34,993 You had gelato with Stan Lee? 228 00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:38,303 He said we could call him Stan. 229 00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:40,330 Except for Raj. 230 00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:47,479 Well, I hope you're satisfied, Penny. 231 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:52,346 You are responsible for all the evil that has befallen me today. 232 00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,008 - I realize... - Not finished. 233 00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:57,350 It is because of you that I now have a criminal record. 234 00:15:57,523 --> 00:16:01,459 And it is because of you that I missed out on having gelato with Stan Lee. 235 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,458 - Maybe you'll have another chance... - No. 236 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,860 I will never have another chance to have gelato with Stan Lee... 237 00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,695 ...because opportunities to have gelato with Stan Lee... 238 00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:11,427 ...come but once in a lifetime. 239 00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:16,701 The moving finger writes and, having writ, moves on. 240 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:24,844 Did he just somehow give me the finger? 241 00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:28,978 Not just the finger, the moving finger. 242 00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:34,051 Hey, Stuart. 243 00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:37,886 Oh, hey, Penny. Wow. 244 00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,858 Hi. 245 00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:41,499 - What's going on? - Nothing. 246 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:46,331 I'm just getting ready to close up and head out. 247 00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:51,307 - Cool. Got any fun plans? - Oh, yeah. Big night tonight. 248 00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:55,911 Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat. 249 00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:57,913 Oh, nice. 250 00:16:58,084 --> 00:17:04,387 Not even my cat. I just feed it. Some nights, it doesn't even show up. 251 00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:09,190 Oh, okay. Well, I was hoping, um, you could do me a favor. 252 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,590 Sure, yeah. Name it. 253 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:13,254 I'm kind of responsible for Sheldon missing Stan Lee. 254 00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:15,764 I really wanna make it up to him. I was hoping... 255 00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:19,200 ...you could give me his number so I can arrange for them to meet. 256 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,772 Oh, I'm sorry. I don't have his phone number. 257 00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:23,932 Damn. All right. Thank you. 258 00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:25,441 Mm-hm. 259 00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,268 Wait. 260 00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:29,714 I have his address. 261 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,446 Really? Great. 262 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:35,553 But I can't give it to you. 263 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:40,124 - Then why did you tell me you had it? - I don't know. Just chatting. 264 00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:45,625 You're looking at a guy who could very well get stood up by a stray cat tonight. 265 00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,630 I'm sorry, Stuart. Thanks anyway. 266 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,132 Mm-hm. 267 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,469 Wait. 268 00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:56,140 - Yeah? - Maybe we can make a deal. 269 00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:58,235 What kind of deal? 270 00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:03,312 I will give you the address if you go to my cousin's wedding with me. 271 00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:06,315 - You're extorting a date out of me? - I kind of have to. 272 00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:10,251 The cousin who's getting married is the cousin I usually go to weddings with. 273 00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:14,487 - Can I bring Leonard? - Sure. What the hell? 274 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,824 - Deal. - We'll tell people he's your cousin. 275 00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:23,161 This is Stan Lee's front door. 276 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:26,328 We were on Stan Lee's curb, then we were on Stan Lee's walk... 277 00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:29,303 - ...and now we're at Stan Lee's front door. - Yep. 278 00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:34,510 Oh, Lord, you just rang Stan Lee's doorbell at Stan Lee's house. 279 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,615 We're about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee. 280 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:41,412 Sweetie, I don't know if we're gonna have cookies or what's gonna happen... 281 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,112 ...so just let me talk and... 282 00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:45,947 Yeah? 283 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:52,189 - Are you Stan Lee? - Oh, damn. 284 00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,800 Hi. I'm Penny. This is my friend Sheldon. 285 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:58,368 We're not friends at the moment. Depends on how this goes. 286 00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:01,506 Right, right. Anyway, Sheldon here is a huge fan of yours. 287 00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:06,702 He was supposed to meet you the other day, but he kind of ended up in jail. 288 00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:11,978 I see. And you thought you'd just come over to my house uninvited? 289 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:13,808 You said we were invited. 290 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:18,286 Oh, no, no. I said I'm inviting you to come with me to Stan Lee's house. 291 00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:21,493 You know, you fanboys are unbelievable. 292 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:25,153 Do you think you can just ring my doorbell anytime you want? 293 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:28,858 I mean, why don't you just come on in and watch the Lakers game with me? 294 00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:33,236 Well, I'm not much of a sports fan, but thank you. 295 00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:38,339 I'm sorry. He doesn't really understand sarcasm. 296 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,741 Well, I'll give him something he'll understand. 297 00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:44,246 - Joanie, call the police. - Nice to meet you. 298 00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:53,055 Fantastic Four, Daredevil... 299 00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:56,422 ...Invincible Iron Man, Happy Hogan, Curt Connors... 300 00:19:56,595 --> 00:19:58,222 Would you just let it go? 301 00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:03,933 And worst of all, Fin Fang Foom. 302 00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:08,835 - Hey. Where you been? - I'll tell you where I've been. 303 00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:11,909 You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee... 304 00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:15,741 ...and gotten autographed comics, but I saw the inside of his house... 305 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:20,113 ...and got an autographed application for a restraining order. 306 00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:23,713 Sweet. 307 00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:27,282 Plus, I get to hang out with him again, at the hearing. 308 00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:31,285 This is going to look great... 309 00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:34,797 ...hanging next to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy. 26806

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