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1
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:04,069
Previously on The Big Bang Theory:
2
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:07,730
I'm going to the Arctic Circle with
Leonard, Wolowitz and Koothrappali.
3
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:09,842
- For three months?
- Yes.
4
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:13,408
What did you mean when you said
you were going to miss me?
5
00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:17,977
It means I wish you weren't going,
6
00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,524
Oh, thank God we're home.
7
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:37,693
I can't believe we spent three months
in that frozen hell,
8
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:41,363
It was like a snowy nightmare
from which there was no awakening.
9
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:44,433
I don't know what Arctic expedition
you were on...
10
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,602
...I thought it was a hoot and a half.
11
00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:51,844
Oh, hi, Mom.
12
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:55,211
No. I told you I'd call you when I got home.
I'm not home yet.
13
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:59,089
All right. I'm home.
14
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,188
The Arctic expedition
was a remarkable success.
15
00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:05,024
I'm all but certain there's a Nobel Prize
in my future.
16
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:08,099
Actually, I shouldn't say that.
I'm entirely certain.
17
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:14,135
No, Mother, I could not feel
your church group praying for my safety.
18
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:16,367
The fact that I'm home safe
doesn't prove it worked.
19
00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:19,410
That logic is post hoc
ergo propter hoc.
20
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:23,983
No, I'm not sassing you
in Eskimo talk.
21
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,952
- I'm gonna let Penny know we're back.
- Mother, I have to go.
22
00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:30,589
Yeah, love you. Bye.
23
00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:33,322
Hello, old friend.
24
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,667
Daddy's home.
25
00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:47,671
Leonard, you're back.
26
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:50,071
Yeah, I just stopped by to say...
27
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,015
- Yeah, so hi.
- Hi.
28
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:09,088
Damn it, I should've gone over
and told her we were back.
29
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:17,100
Yeah, it was first come, first serve.
30
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,531
I just want you both to know,
when I publish my findings...
31
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:50,397
- ...I won't forget your contributions.
- Great.
32
00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:52,731
I can't mention you
in my Nobel acceptance speech.
33
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,498
When I write my memoirs...
34
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:58,702
...you can expect a very effusive footnote
and perhaps a signed copy.
35
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:02,676
- We have to tell him.
- Tell me what?
36
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,547
Damn his Vulcan hearing.
37
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,318
You are planning a party for me,
aren't you?
38
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:11,920
Okay, Sheldon, sit down.
39
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:15,422
If there's going to be a theme,
I should let you know...
40
00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:17,893
...I don't care for luau, toga
or under the sea.
41
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:23,532
Yeah. We'll keep that in mind.
Look, we need to talk to you...
42
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,537
...about something that happened
at the North Pole.
43
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,005
If this is about the night
the heat went out...
44
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,736
...there's nothing
to be embarrassed about.
45
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:36,449
- It's not about that.
- We agreed to never speak of it again.
46
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,243
So we slept together naked.
47
00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:45,190
It was only to keep our core
body temperatures from plummeting.
48
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:49,255
- He's speaking about it.
- For me it was a bonding moment.
49
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,963
Sheldon, you remember
the first few weeks...
50
00:03:57,137 --> 00:04:00,732
...we were looking for magnetic monopoles
and not finding anything...
51
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:04,138
...and you were acting
like an obnoxious giant dictator?
52
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:06,370
I thought we were gonna be gentle
with him.
53
00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:09,640
That's why I added the "tator."
54
00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,887
And when we finally got
our first positive data...
55
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,318
...you were so happy.
56
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:22,554
Oh, yes. In the world of emoticons,
I was colon, capital D.
57
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,935
Well, ahem, in actuality,
what your equipment detected...
58
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:34,938
...wasn't so much evidence
of paradigm-shifting monopoles...
59
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:40,444
...as it was static from the electric
can opener we were turning on and off.
60
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,509
He just went colon, capital O.
61
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:50,789
- You tampered with my experiment?
- We had to.
62
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:54,950
It was the only way to keep you
from being such a huge Dickensian.
63
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:58,662
You see that? I added the "ensian."
64
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,529
Did Leonard know about this?
65
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:04,499
Leonard's my best friend.
Surely Leonard didn't know.
66
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,332
- It was his idea.
- Of course it was.
67
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,633
The whole plan reeks of Leonard.
68
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,111
- I missed you so much.
- I missed you too.
69
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:15,840
- I couldn't think of anyone else.
- Me neither.
70
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:19,379
Except for one night
when the heat went out.
71
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:23,288
Long story. It's... Don't ask.
72
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,127
Leonard. Leonard. Leonard.
73
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,829
Do not make a sound.
74
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,033
Whispering, "Do not make a sound"...
75
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,063
...is a sound.
76
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,903
Damn his Vulcan hearing.
77
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,704
Not a good time, Sheldon.
78
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,315
Penny. Penny. Penny.
79
00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:50,710
Ugh, this is ridiculous.
80
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,146
- What?
- Hello, Penny.
81
00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:57,757
I realize you're currently at the mercy
of your biological urges...
82
00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:02,384
...but as you have a lifetime of poor
decisions ahead, may I interrupt this one?
83
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,357
Great to see you too. Come on in.
84
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:09,493
Wolowitz has informed me
of your grand deception.
85
00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:11,398
Do you have anything to say?
86
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:15,063
Yes, I feel terrible about it.
I will never forgive myself.
87
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:18,837
I don't expect you to. I'd appreciate it
if you'd leave me with Penny...
88
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:22,277
...for a session of self-criticism
and repentance.
89
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,846
Can someone tell me
what's going on here?
90
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:32,549
What's going on is I was led to believe
I was making strides in science...
91
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,887
...when in fact
I was being fed false data...
92
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:39,395
...at the hands of Wolowitz, Koothrappali
and your furry little boy toy.
93
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:42,129
Is that true?
94
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:45,863
- It was the only way to make him happy.
- Why'd you have to make him happy?
95
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:48,803
Because when he wasn't happy
we wanted to kill him.
96
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,469
That was even a plan.
97
00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,707
We were going to throw
his Kindle outside.
98
00:06:55,882 --> 00:07:00,046
And when he went to get it, lock
the door and let him freeze to death.
99
00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:02,821
- That seems like a bit of an overreaction.
- No.
100
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:06,550
The overreaction was to tie your limbs
to four different sled-dog teams...
101
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:08,751
...and yell, "Mush!"
102
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:14,657
Look, we kept the original data.
You can still publish the actual results.
103
00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:17,598
Yes,, but the actual results
are unsuccessful.
104
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,467
I sent an e-mail
to everyone at the university...
105
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,301
...explaining I confirmed
string theory...
106
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:24,909
...and forever changed
man's understanding of the universe.
107
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,478
Oh. See, yeah, you probably
shouldn't have done that.
108
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:32,279
So write another e-mail.
Set the record straight. It's no big deal.
109
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:37,348
You're right, Leonard.
That's not a big deal.
110
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:40,152
All you did was lie to me,
destroy my dream...
111
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:43,922
...and humiliate me
in front of the whole university.
112
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:48,098
That, FYI, was sarcasm.
113
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:52,166
I, in fact, believe it is a big deal.
114
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,768
- Oh. That poor thing.
- Yeah, I feel terrible.
115
00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:59,969
Wait.
Aren't you gonna go talk to him?
116
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:03,206
Well, I... He'll be fine.
The guy's a trouper. Come here.
117
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:07,217
No, no, you're right.
You shouldn't talk to him. I will.
118
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,450
Man, I cannot catch a break.
119
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:23,163
- Hey. Do you wanna talk?
- About what?
120
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,167
Being betrayed by my friends?
121
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,569
Spending three months at the North Pole
for nothing?
122
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:31,637
And I didn't even get to go
to Comic-Con.
123
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:37,143
Oh, hon...
124
00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:46,523
Soft kitty, warm kitty
125
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,184
That's for when I'm sick.
Sad is not sick.
126
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,853
Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't know your sad song.
127
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,865
I don't have a sad song.
I'm not a child.
128
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:59,928
Well, you know, I do understand
what you're going through.
129
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,700
Really? Did you have
the Nobel Prize in waitressing...
130
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,673
...stolen from you?
131
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:06,912
Well, no.
132
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,844
But, uh, when I was in high school,
one of my friends heard...
133
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:13,110
...I was gonna be named
head cheerleader. I was so excited.
134
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:16,221
My mom even made me
a celebration pie.
135
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:19,187
Then they named stupid
Valerie Mosbacher head cheerleader.
136
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,452
Big old slutbag.
137
00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:26,096
Are you saying
that you think a celebration pie...
138
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:29,565
...is even remotely comparable
to a Nobel Prize?
139
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,603
Well, they're pretty tasty.
140
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:37,108
And on a different
but not unrelated topic...
141
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:40,041
...based on your current efforts
to buoy my spirits...
142
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:45,412
...do you truly believe that you
were ever fit to be a cheer leader?
143
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:52,618
Look, I just don't think
that the guys and Leonard...
144
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:56,057
...really meant to hurt you.
They just told an unfortunate lie...
145
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:59,824
...to deal with a difficult situation.
You know what it's like?
146
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:03,230
Remember the new Star Trek movie?
Kirk has to take over the ship...
147
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,633
...so he tells Spock stuff
he knew wasn't true.
148
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:09,002
Like saying Spock didn't care
his mom died.
149
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:12,603
I missed Comic-Con
and the new Star Trek movie?
150
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:19,417
- I like the new look.
- Thanks.
151
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,184
I call it the Clooney.
152
00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:28,354
I call it the Mario and Luigi,
but whatever.
153
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:31,962
Hey, how's Sheldon doing?
154
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,828
He came out of his room
wearing his Darth Vader helmet...
155
00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:39,938
...and tried to choke me to death
with the Force, so I'd say a little better.
156
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:44,042
If I may abruptly change the subject,
did you and Penny finally...? You know.
157
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:45,438
- Howard.
- I don't care...
158
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,172
...but my genitals wanted me to ask.
159
00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:51,844
Tell your genitals what I do with Penny
is none of their business.
160
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,518
He says they didn't do it.
161
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,787
Sheldon, over here.
162
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,401
What are you doing?
163
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,841
Well, I feel bad for the guy.
164
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:22,738
Sheldon, why are you sitting
by yourself?
165
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,474
Because I am without friends.
166
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:28,143
Like the proverbial cheese,
I stand alone.
167
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,016
Even while seated.
168
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,919
Come on. We said we were sorry.
169
00:11:32,091 --> 00:11:34,184
It's going to take more
than an "I'm sorry"...
170
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,421
...and an apology pie from Penny
to make up for what you've done to me.
171
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:41,066
Hey, Cooper.
Read your retraction e-mail.
172
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,600
Way to destroy your reputation.
173
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:48,098
You see? People have been pointing
and laughing at me all morning.
174
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,832
It's not true.
175
00:11:50,009 --> 00:11:53,001
People have been pointing and laughing
at you your whole life.
176
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:55,773
All right, I've had enough.
Attention, everyone.
177
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,610
I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
178
00:11:57,784 --> 00:12:00,082
As many of you
in the Physics Department know...
179
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,847
...my career trajectory
has taken a minor detour.
180
00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:04,717
Off a cliff.
181
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:09,292
- My credibility may have been damaged.
- Completely wrecked.
182
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:14,229
But I would like to remind you that in
science there's no such thing as failure.
183
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,958
There once was a man...
184
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:19,127
...who referred to his prediction
of a cosmological constant...
185
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:21,569
...as the single biggest blunder
of his career.
186
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:25,973
That man's name was, surprise, surprise,
Albert Einstein.
187
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:30,144
Yeah, but research into dark energy
proved...
188
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:33,444
...Einstein's cosmological constant
was actually right all along.
189
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:38,250
So you're still, surprise, surprise,
a loser.
190
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,083
Oh, you think you're so clever.
191
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,629
Well, let me just tell you.
While I do not currently have a retort...
192
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:48,767
...check your e-mail periodically
for a doozy.
193
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,997
So much for our friendship with Sheldon.
194
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:59,838
Well, we'll always have the night
the heat went out.
195
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:09,579
- Hi.
- Hey.
196
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:13,487
Since we got interrupted last night,
I didn't have a chance to give you this.
197
00:13:13,926 --> 00:13:17,089
Aw, Leonard. You shouldn't have.
198
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:19,828
Oh, boy. Ha, ha.
199
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:23,134
What is it?
200
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,503
It's a snowflake from the North Pole.
201
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:29,834
- Are you serious?
- Uh-huh.
202
00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:34,844
It'll last forever. I preserved it in a
1-percent solution of polyvinyl acetal resin.
203
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:41,611
God, that's the most romantic thing
anyone's ever said to me...
204
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:44,154
...that I didn't understand.
205
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,224
It's actually a pretty simple process.
206
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:49,987
You see, cyanoacrylates are monomers,
which polymerize...
207
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,463
Red alert. Leonard, Sheldon ran away.
208
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:58,229
Man, I cannot catch a break.
209
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,367
So how do you know he ran away?
210
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:04,499
I mean, he's not answering his phone,
he handed in his resignation...
211
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,703
...and he sent me a text that said,
"I'm running away."
212
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,575
Okay. Thanks for letting me know.
213
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:12,013
Well... Leonard.
Aren't you gonna do something?
214
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:15,043
Well, of course
I'm gonna do something.
215
00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:17,416
Uh, Howard, check the comic-book store.
216
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:21,424
Raj, go to the Thai restaurant.
I'll stay with Penny in her apartment.
217
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:24,694
Oh, damn it.
218
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,354
It's Sheldon's mother.
219
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,057
A break cannot be caught.
220
00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:30,668
Hi, Mrs. Cooper.
221
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:32,528
He is?
222
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,037
Sheldon went home to Texas.
223
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:37,832
Yeah... No, I know he resigned.
224
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:41,844
Yes, I guess it kind of is our fault.
225
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,077
No, no. You're right.
Someone needs to come talk to him.
226
00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:48,687
Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Yeah.
All right.
227
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,247
New plan.
228
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:55,383
Howard, you and Raj go to Texas,
I'll stay with Penny in her apartment.
229
00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:58,296
- You're not gonna go with them?
- Well, you know...
230
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:01,262
...I gave you the snowflake,
and we were kissing, and...
231
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,527
Come on. I don't wanna go to Texas.
232
00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:09,064
Oh, right. And I do? My people already
crossed the desert once. We're done.
233
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:13,972
Trust me, you'll be fine. See you.
234
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,278
Well, wait a second, Leonard.
Come on. How can you not go?
235
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,941
- He's your best friend.
- But I already saw him naked.
236
00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:21,882
- Just come here.
- No.
237
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,249
I promise I will be here
when you get back.
238
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,051
Just go help Sheldon.
239
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:28,055
- Really?
- Yeah.
240
00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:31,594
We waited a few months.
We can wait a few more days.
241
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,398
Maybe you can.
242
00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:41,067
Go.
243
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:46,338
Boy, you cannot catch a break,
can you?
244
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:51,282
- Here you go, Shelly.
- Thanks, Mom.
245
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,316
Yeah.
246
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:57,987
Hold your horses, young man.
Here in Texas, we pray before we eat.
247
00:15:58,157 --> 00:15:59,181
Oh, Mom.
248
00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:02,850
This is not California,
land of the heathen.
249
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,320
Give me.
250
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:12,365
By his hand we are all...
251
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:13,629
Fed.
252
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:17,264
- Give us, Lord, our daily...
- Bread.
253
00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:19,707
- Please know that we are truly...
- Grateful.
254
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:22,370
- For every cup and every...
- Plateful.
255
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:24,448
Amen.
256
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,951
Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?
257
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:33,789
My objection was based
on considerations other than difficulty.
258
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,622
Whatever. Jesus still loves you.
259
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,694
Thank you for carving a smiley face
in my sandwich.
260
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:44,530
I know how to take care of my baby.
261
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:49,038
His eyes came out a little thin,
but you can just pretend he's Chinese.
262
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:55,712
So do you want to talk
about what happened...
263
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,816
...with you and your little friends?
264
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,717
- They're not my friends.
- All right.
265
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:07,485
If you recall, when you were little
we sat right here at this very spot...
266
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:11,528
...and talked about the problems you had
getting along with the neighbor kids.
267
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:14,689
That was different. They were
threatened by my intelligence...
268
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,859
...and too stupid to know
that's why they hated me.
269
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:23,069
Oh, baby, they knew very well
why they hated you.
270
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,750
I can't believe
you bought a red cowboy hat.
271
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:40,450
Hello? I'm wearing a red turtleneck.
272
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:47,289
Plus it was the only boys' large
they had.
273
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:51,964
I'm sorry. This does not look like Texas.
Where's the tumbleweeds?
274
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:54,265
- Where's the saloons?
- Saloons?
275
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,271
Like in the movies I saw growing up.
276
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:59,240
You know, uh, 4 for Texas,
Yellow Rose of Texas.
277
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:03,974
This neighborhood
is more Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
278
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,411
I was really hoping to see a cattle drive.
279
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,951
What can I tell you?
280
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:11,749
They probably have steaks on sale
at that big-ass Costco over there.
281
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,234
Will you please take that stupid hat off?
282
00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:24,892
No, I wanna blend in.
283
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:29,004
To what? Toy Story?
284
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:32,733
Hi, boys.
285
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:36,109
- Howdy, ma'am.
- Howdy to you too. You got here quick.
286
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,909
- We took the redeye.
- Come on in.
287
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:39,574
Thank you kindly.
288
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:42,516
- Can I get you something to drink?
- No, thank you.
289
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:46,988
If y'all don't mind,
I got a hankering for a Lone Star Beer.
290
00:18:48,427 --> 00:18:52,761
There's no alcohol in this household,
stop talking like that and lose the hat.
291
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:57,967
Sorry. I'll take a diet Yoo-hoo
if you have it.
292
00:18:58,771 --> 00:18:59,795
You'll take a cola.
293
00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:03,300
What about you? Raj, is it?
294
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:06,609
Oh, you still having trouble talking
to the ladies? Ha-ha-ha.
295
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:08,440
Because, you know, at our church...
296
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:10,639
...we have a woman
who's an amazing healer.
297
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,614
Mostly she does crutch
and wheelchair people...
298
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:16,050
...but I bet she'd be willing
to take a shot...
299
00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:19,521
...at whatever Third-World demon
is running around inside of you.
300
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:25,157
If you don't mind, there's a 3:05
nonstop back to Los Angeles...
301
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,959
...and you have no idea
how much I wanna be on it.
302
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:30,966
- A girl?
- Uh, yes, ma'am.
303
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:33,469
Oh, good. I've been praying for you.
304
00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:38,737
Oh, Sheldon.
305
00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:40,173
What are they doing here?
306
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,836
- We came to apologize.
- Again.
307
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:45,142
And bring you home.
Pack up your stuff and we'll head back.
308
00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:48,711
No. This is my home now.
309
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:53,086
Thanks to you, my career is over.
I will spend the rest of my life here...
310
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:56,524
...trying to teach evolution
to creationists.
311
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:01,060
You watch your mouth, Shelly.
312
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,999
Everyone's entitled to their opinion.
313
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:06,661
Evolution isn't an opinion, it's fact.
314
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:10,240
And that is your opinion.
315
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:14,178
I forgive you, let's go home.
316
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,513
Don't tell me prayer doesn't work.
317
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:33,127
How about that?
Finally caught a break.
318
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:34,630
Uh-huh.
319
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:42,800
You know how they say
when friends have sex it can get weird?
320
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:44,567
Sure.
321
00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:49,776
- Why does it have to get weird?
- Pbbt. I don't know.
322
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:54,886
I mean, we were friends
and now we're more than friends.
323
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:59,957
And we're whatever this is.
But why label it, right? I mean...
324
00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:01,423
It is what it is and...
325
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,618
- Leonard?
- Yeah?
326
00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:04,888
- It's weird.
- Totally.
26945
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