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It was the nicest little
whorehouse you ever saw.
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00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:55,393
It lay about a mile
outside the city limits,
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00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,645
so everybody could
feel real friendly.
4
00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:02,738
Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace picked it
out for Miss Wulla Jean in 1910,
5
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,902
and she moved there
with her girls from over
6
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:07,235
the hardware
store on Main Street.
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00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:12,243
MEN: ♪ Oh, the little house lay
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00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:15,417
♪ In a green Texas glade
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00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:19,087
♪ Where the trees
were as coolin'
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00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:21,711
♪ As fresh lemonade
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00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:24,426
♪ Soft summer wind
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00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:27,630
♪ Had a trace of perfume
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00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:30,683
♪ And a fan was turnin'
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00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:33,010
♪ In every room
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00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,518
♪ 20 fans were turnin'
They were turnin'
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00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:39,020
♪ 20 fans were
turnin' in every room
17
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,774
♪ Fevers were a-burnin'
They were burnin'
18
00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:45,857
♪ And they had to
have a way to cool down ♪
19
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,429
(PIANOLA PLAYING RAGTIME MUSIC)
20
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,123
FRED". Right from the beginning,
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00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:57,166
the little house
was kinda special,
22
00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,461
like a home away from home.
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00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,630
Miss Wulla Jean
put a pianola in the
24
00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:04,174
parlor to sorta
help break the ice.
25
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,343
A feller could
ask a girl to dance,
26
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:09,262
or if he held back a little,
she'd ask him.
27
00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:12,342
And pretty soon they'd
get a little business goin'.
28
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:14,051
Two dollars' worth.
29
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,012
Yah-hoo!
30
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,688
FRED: It wasn't long
before the place became
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00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:22,189
one of the better known pleasure
palaces in all of Texas.
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00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:25,817
So much so that the fellers who
visited during World War I
33
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:28,524
sent their sons
back in World War ll.
34
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:32,365
The hospitality and
friendliness never changed,
35
00:02:32,444 --> 00:02:35,197
and neither did Miss Wulla
Jean's strict set of rules.
36
00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:37,833
She liked her ladies,
as she called 'em,
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00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,456
to treat her
customers real good,
38
00:02:40,619 --> 00:02:43,042
but never in an unladylike way.
39
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,801
And she insisted that each girl
40
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,129
check her gentleman for the clap
41
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:53,261
and wash him off with
soap and warm water.
42
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,685
Some of the fellers claimed
that that was the best part!
43
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,933
Ooh-ee!
44
00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:04,227
FRED: It was only during
the Hoover depression
45
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,778
that the little house
had a spell of tough times.
46
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:10,406
Miss Wulla Jean put in a
jukebox to spark up business.
47
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:14,612
But it wasn't always easy in them
days to come up with hard cash.
48
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,078
(CLUCKING)
49
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,204
Well... You just
keep that in the bag,
50
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:23,537
and I'll take it out back
as soon as we're finished.
51
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:29,464
FRED: So fora while,
as the story goes,
52
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,467
the girls began
accepting poultry in trade.
53
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,719
One bird, one lay.
54
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:37,176
And that's how
the place got its name.
55
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:39,599
The Chicken Ranch.
56
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,018
Of course, if you grew
up anywhere in Texas,
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00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:49,822
you knew at an early age they was
sellin' somethin' out there,
58
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,944
and it wasn't poultry.
59
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,006
♪ 20 fans were turnin'
They were turnin'
60
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,558
♪ 20 fans were
turnin' in every room
61
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,931
♪ Fevers were a-burnin'
They were burnin'
62
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,013
♪ And they had to
have a way to cool down
63
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,973
♪ 20 fans were hummin'
They were hummin'
64
00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:27,104
♪ 20 fans were
hummin' in every room
65
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,611
♪ Customers were comin'
They were comin'
66
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,688
♪ And they had to
have a way to cool down ♪
67
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:34,699
(WHOOPING)
68
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:44,168
♪ Bah, bah, ooh. Ooh
69
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:48,668
♪ Bah, bah, ooh. Ooh
70
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:53,093
♪ Bah, bah, ooh. Ooh
71
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:57,514
♪ Bah, bah, ooh. Ooh
72
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,643
♪ 20 fans were turnin'
They were turnin'
73
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,766
♪ 20 fans were
turnin' in every room
74
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:06,268
♪ Fevers were a-burnin'
They were burnin'
75
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:08,476
♪ And they had to
have a way to cool down
76
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,481
♪ 20 fans were hummin'
They were hummin'
77
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,654
♪ 20 fans were
hummin' in every room
78
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,982
♪ Customers were comin'
They were comin'
79
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:18,410
♪ And they had to
have a way to cool down ♪
80
00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,868
Y'all come back now, you hear?
81
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:25,705
Yah-hoo!
82
00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,502
♪ 20 fans were turnin'
They were turnin'
83
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:28,999
♪ 20 fans were
turnin' in every room
84
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:30,877
♪ Fevers were a-burnin'
They were burnin'
85
00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:32,754
♪ And they had to
have a way to cool down
86
00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,021
♪ 20 fans were turnin'
They were turnin'
87
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,690
♪ 20 fans were
turnin' in every room
88
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,859
♪ Fevers were a-burnin'
They were burnin'
89
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:54,484
♪ And they had to
have a way to cool down
90
00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:59,740
♪ Hallelujah. Hallelujah ♪
91
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,753
FRED: So,
for over three generations,
92
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:20,381
the Chicken Ranch went
peacefully about its business,
93
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:23,057
while the people here in
Gilbert went about theirs.
94
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:26,770
That is,
until about seven years ago.
95
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,314
I was a deputy back then,
96
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,518
workin' for
Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd.
97
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,567
You wanted me to remind you
about your 2:00 appointment.
98
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:37,322
FRED".
That was right after I had
99
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,741
lost the fried chicken
franchise here in town,
100
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,409
while Ed Earl had
been Sheriff ever
101
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,657
since old Jack
Roy Wallace retired.
102
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,914
Everybody liked Ed Earl,
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00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,950
especially Ed Earl.
104
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,871
Course,
he sure did know his job,
105
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:55,252
and he was a big
influence on me,
106
00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,668
taught me everything I know.
107
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,846
He used to like to
run a quiet town,
108
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,390
with plenty of time
off for socializin'
109
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,934
and coffee over at
Dulcie Mae's cafe.
110
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,269
Oh, now and again
there'd be a problem,
111
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,591
and we had some tough ones.
Right in front of my car!
112
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,229
Like the time the mule
sat on Miss Modene's car.
113
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,944
MODENE: He just buckled up
his legs and sat right down!
114
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,526
FRED: She was really
havin' a hissy fit,
115
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,823
but it didn't faze Ed Earl.
116
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:24,119
He just walked over to that
jackass and laid down the law.
117
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:28,206
You see, Ed Earl always
believed in talkin' first.
118
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:32,085
Cool reasonin', he used to tell
me, could solve any problem.
119
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:35,001
Course he did have
a bit of a temper.
120
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:36,710
(GUNSHOTS) (SHRIEKS)
121
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,047
(BRAYING)
122
00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:44,465
FRED: Anyway, just about
the time he became sheriff,
123
00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,425
Miss Wulla Jean passed on.
124
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:50,979
She left the Chicken Ranch to her
favorite workin' girl, Mona Stangley,
125
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:54,520
who saw the little house
as a Texas institution
126
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,902
and aimed to keep it that way.
127
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,104
(PIANO PLAYING)
128
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:19,541
♪ It's just a
129
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:24,259
♪ Little bitty
pissant country place
130
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:28,099
♪ Ain't nothin' much to see
131
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,303
♪ No drinkin' allowed
132
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,764
♪ We get a nice, quiet crowd
133
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:37,191
♪ Plain as it can be
134
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,986
♪ It's just a piddly, squattin'
135
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:43,440
♪ Old-time country place
136
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:47,531
♪ Ain't nothin' too high-toned
137
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:51,198
♪ Just lots of goodwill
138
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,829
♪ And maybe one small thrill
139
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,454
♪ But there's
nothin' dirty goin' on
140
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,252
♪ Nothin' dirty goin' on
141
00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:04,636
♪ We get simple farmers
Local businessmen
142
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:09,550
♪ Congress folks from Austin
Young boys lookin' for sin
143
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:12,010
♪ Now, we used to
get a lot of roughnecks
144
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,221
♪ When the oil boom was high
145
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,689
♪ But payday'd
get a little rowdy
146
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,063
♪ Thank God the field run dry
147
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:22,191
♪ It's just a little
bitty pissant country place
148
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:24,068
♪ Nothin' much to see
149
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:27,071
♪ No drinkin' allowed
We get a nice, quiet crowd
150
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,902
♪ Plain as it can be
151
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:32,034
♪ It's just a piddly, squattin'
old-time country place
152
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,165
♪ Nothin' too high-toned
153
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,413
♪ Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
154
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,962
♪ But there's
nothin' dirty goin' on
155
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,832
♪ Keep your
language clean, girls
156
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,134
♪ Keep your bedrooms neat
157
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,632
♪ And don't hang
around the town cafe
158
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:48,588
♪ And say hi on the street
159
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,924
♪ Mind your p's
and q's and manners
160
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,601
♪ And you don't
need no other tools
161
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:58,357
♪ 'Cause every girl that lives
here knows my special no-no rules
162
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,475
♪ Yeah, every girl
that lives here
163
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,811
♪ knows Miss Mon♪s no-no rules ♪
164
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,362
Ruby Rae, start 'em.
165
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,064
♪ Beds are not to be wallowed in
166
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,616
♪ That's the kind of thing
that big, fat, lazy hogs do ♪
167
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,652
And it don't make money.
Beatrice?
168
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,578
♪ And I won't
tolerate no tyin' up my
169
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:15,658
♪ telephone with other
people's business ♪
170
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,576
Eloise, honey?
171
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,707
♪ And please don't
show us no tattoos
172
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:22,335
♪ No hearts and
flowers on your thigh ♪
173
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,253
It's downright tacky.
174
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,296
♪ Brands belong on cattle
175
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:29,004
♪ And that ain't what we're
sellin' at Miss Mon♪s r
176
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,839
Do you catch my drift?
177
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:34,142
♪ I pay the food and
the rent and the utilities
178
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:37,687
♪ You keep your mind on
your work responsibilities
179
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:41,392
♪ Don't let your mouth
overload your capabilities
180
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,727
♪ And we can get along ♪
181
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:44,982
Dawn?
182
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,735
♪ Any bad habits you come in
with Get rid of right now ♪
183
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:48,815
Taddy Jo.
184
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:51,447
♪ I can't stand no chewin' gum
It looks just like a cow ♪
185
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:52,527
Linda Lou.
186
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:55,113
♪ Anyone takin' sick leave
oughta be real sure they're sick
187
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:57,039
♪ And every time
you hear that bell ♪
188
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,742
(RINGING)
189
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,748
♪ You better get
here double-quick
190
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,501
♪ And as for pimps. Pimps are
somethin' you don't need
191
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:05,753
♪ To get your
daily business done ♪
192
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,175
Are you listenin' good?
193
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,923
♪ Keep them
leeches and bloodsuckers
194
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,596
♪ Off the back roads
I know how to use a gun
195
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,924
♪ And nobody
messes with my girls
196
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:17,511
♪ And any questions you might have
about the way I run this place
197
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,473
♪ Don't gripe and
whine behind my back
198
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,853
♪ Just tell me face-to-face
I'm open-minded
199
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:25,560
♪ Say it all
Then go upstairs and pack
200
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,395
♪ The door's that away
201
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:30,698
♪ She pays the food and
the rent and the utilities
202
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:34,198
♪ We keep our mind on
our work responsibilities
203
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:37,622
♪ Don't let your mouth
overload your capabilities
204
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,082
♪ And we can get along ♪
205
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,331
Well, howdy, boys.
206
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:45,372
It's good to see you.
Nice to meet you.
207
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:49,176
Come on over here.
I'd like you to meet my girls.
208
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,967
♪ It's just a
209
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:57,142
♪ Little bitty
pissant country place
210
00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:00,561
♪ Nothin' much to see
211
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:05,817
♪ No drinkin' allowed
We get a nice quiet crowd
212
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,444
♪ Plain as it can be
213
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:13,533
♪ It's just a piddly, squattin'
old-time country place
214
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:16,111
♪ Nothin' too high-toned
215
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:19,330
♪ Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
216
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,370
♪ But there's
nothin' dirty goin' on
217
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:24,669
♪ It's just a little
bitty pissant country place
218
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:26,584
♪ Nothin' much to see
219
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,416
♪ No drinkin' allowed
We get a nice quiet crowd
220
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,092
♪ Plain as it can be
221
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,467
♪ It's just a piddly, squattin'
old-time country place
222
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,263
♪ Nothin' too high-toned
223
00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:38,387
♪ Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
224
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,719
♪ Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
225
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:43,058
♪ Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
226
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:45,314
♪ But there's
nothin' dirty goin' on
227
00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:49,652
♪ Nothin' dirty goin' on
228
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:50,728
♪ Yeah ♪
229
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:54,111
(CROWS)
230
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:59,037
FRED". Well, everything was goin'
along fine, just like always,
231
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,198
until that famous
college football celebration.
232
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,497
Some folks think that that's
when the trouble started.
233
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,296
You see, for years,
the winning seniors
234
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:11,750
of the Texas Aggies-Texas U
football game at Thanksgiving,
235
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,924
they were treated to a night
out at the Chicken Ranch
236
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,423
by their alumni association.
237
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,970
But actually,
the real trouble started
238
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,676
brewin' about three days before.
239
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:33,780
(CHUCKLES) I can't tell you how
thrilled we are with your contribution.
240
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,736
Here's your receipt.
Thank you, Rita.
241
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,823
Those kids'll be so excited,
and the mayor, too.
242
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,950
Why, the town council will
probably vote you another plaque.
243
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,579
Lord, I hope not. I got
a closet full of 'em now.
244
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:48,457
(LAUGHS) Hello, Dulcie Mae.
You know Miss Mona.
245
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:52,257
Oh, yes, of course!
We've met. Mornin'.
246
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,333
Good mornin'.
247
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:54,668
Isn't this wonderful?
248
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,753
Miss Mona has just
capped the goal for
249
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,884
the Little League fund campaign.
250
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,307
Oh, how nice!
251
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:05,516
Well, on behalf of my son and his
teammates, I wanna thank you.
252
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,347
You tell them I'll be
well repaid when they
253
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,103
take the championship next year.
254
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,525
Goodbye, Rita.
255
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,440
I'm sorry the sheriff
wasn't here to thank you.
256
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:15,230
He drove over to Meritsville.
He'll be gone all afternoon.
257
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,024
Well, you tell him I said hi.
Bye.
258
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:19,613
Bye.
259
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:20,909
Bye.
260
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,630
Hey, Miss Mona.
261
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,378
How are you doin', Deputy Fred?
262
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:35,674
It's nice to see you.
263
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:38,128
It's good to see you. Keepin'
an eye on my place at night?
264
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:41,146
Sure are. The Sheriff's real
particular about security out there.
265
00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:43,717
Well, one of these nights when you
ain't on duty, you drop in out there.
266
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,724
My girls would love to show
you a little appreciation.
267
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:49,935
Shoot, Miss Mona. You know
I'm a married man! (LAUGHS)
268
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,729
Oh, Fred, you mean to
tell me you don't think
269
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,310
the cows don't
appreciate the time off
270
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,993
when a bull goes
over to another pasture?
271
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,154
(LAUGHS) Miss Mona!
272
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:02,652
See you later, Miss Mona.
Okay. Goodbye.
273
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,701
Damn it!
274
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:52,210
What's the matter?
275
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,037
You're in bed already. So?
276
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,456
So, I told you 100 times,
277
00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:58,541
watching you get
undressed is the best part.
278
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,502
The best part?
279
00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:03,505
Well, maybe not the best part,
but in the top two.
280
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,263
(LAUGHS)
281
00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:09,393
Now, would I wanna disappoint
my little honey?
282
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:14,975
Whoo! Ah. I'm glad I was late.
283
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:19,107
Me too! You just hold your horses.
I got a surprise for you.
284
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,609
I went by the post
office this morning.
285
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:24,238
I picked up a package. The very latest
thing from Frederick's of Hollywood.
286
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,409
Yeah?
Just a little something sexy
287
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,158
I thought you might like.
288
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:28,276
What do you think? Little?
289
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,614
It don't look too little to me.
290
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,074
Well, it certainly
ain't a trainin' bra,
291
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,875
but I do believe
I can fill it out.
292
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,293
I don't think you
got any problem there.
293
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,245
I'll be back with more.
294
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:39,416
(LAUGHS) You know, Mona,
295
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,751
I've known a lot
of women in my life.
296
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:44,929
None of 'em has ever been
exciting to me like you are.
297
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,592
Really? Even after all these years
we've been meetin' like this?
298
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,138
I'll tell you something.
299
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:58,022
A year with you is like
a minute of sheer happiness.
300
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:02,439
Well, now, that is just about the
sweetest thing anybody ever said to me.
301
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,573
I know.
302
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,402
You know, honey,
303
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:10,997
you bring out the...
The romantic in me.
304
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:18,872
Tah-dah!
305
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,254
Whoo! You did that real fast.
306
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,214
Well, honey,
I've had a lot of practice
307
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,795
gettin' in and
out of my clothes.
308
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,014
How do you like the outfit?
309
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,383
Hot damn.
310
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:32,893
Makes me feel real sexy.
311
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:35,688
Whoo. (LAUGHING)
312
00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:38,728
(LAUGHING)
313
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,815
Well, you don't look real sexy.
314
00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:44,022
What do you mean?
I look like I always look.
315
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:45,364
That's just it.
316
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,861
It's them damn
droopy boxer drawers.
317
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:48,488
I just hate
the looks of them things.
318
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,536
I've worn boxer
shorts for years!
319
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,158
And they look like it.
320
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,332
These are a brand-new pair.
321
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,576
I don't know what you're talkin'
about, "I don't look sexy."
322
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:59,879
People tell me I have a real
sexy quality about me.
323
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:02,294
Well, you do,
but them boxer shorts don't.
324
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:06,173
But when I was gettin' me some
sexy things, I thought about you,
325
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,596
because they have a his 'n' hers
sexy department at Frederick's
326
00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:10,844
and I thought you
might try that on for size.
327
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,268
What the hell is it,
a Japanese slingshot?
328
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:15,515
(LAUGHS)
329
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:19,395
No, it's jockey shorts with
little silver snaps on the side.
330
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:23,695
Mmm. Little is the key word here.
They are real little.
331
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,817
In fact, a guy could hurt
himself wearin' those things.
332
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:27,523
I don't think so,
thank you very much.
333
00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:32,446
Ed Earl, I paid $20 for these, plus
postage. And I want you to wear it.
334
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:34,997
Aw, you paid $20 for these?
335
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,164
MONA: Yes!
336
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:37,541
Well, you got screwed.
337
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,328
Come on, Ed Earl!
338
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:41,875
ED EARL: No!
339
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,082
If they look half as good on you
as I think they're going to
340
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:46,384
you ain't gonna have to
wear 'em but a second.
341
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:47,627
Maybe less.
342
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:50,672
They're ridiculous.
They're impossible.
343
00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:51,802
They're sexy.
344
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,428
No, no, no!
345
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,557
Well, fine! Then I'm gettin'
dressed and goin' home.
346
00:18:56,719 --> 00:19:00,565
Well, fine! I'm goin' in the
bathroom and... Put these on.
347
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,943
Be like puttin' two bowling
balls in a marble bag.
348
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:11,151
Braggin', braggin', braggin'.
349
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:17,908
Well, I saw Dulcie
Mae in town today.
350
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,158
ED EARL: Oh, yeah?
351
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,915
I guess you'll be goin' over
there for Thanksgivin' dinner.
352
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:23,458
ED EARL: Don't I always?
353
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,089
You know, you better check
that turkey of hers,
354
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,758
because there's a hook
in there that's gonna
355
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,585
drag your ass to
a wedding chapel.
356
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,680
ED EARL: (CHUCKLES) No way.
357
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,600
I don't believe in matrimony.
It screws up a relationship.
358
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,556
Amen to that, Ed Earl.
359
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,100
Ready?
360
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,443
Oh, I'm always ready.
361
00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:54,611
Well, hellfire. ls that it?
362
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:55,903
How'd you like it?
363
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,780
I didn't hardly
get to even see them!
364
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,370
That's all you're gonna see,
365
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:02,201
'cause I ain't gonna parade
around like no model.
366
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,587
Aw, come on, Ed Earl. For me.
367
00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:05,959
No! No.
368
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,424
Come on. One itsy-bitsy peek?
369
00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:10,046
What are you doin'? Man!
(CLASP CLICKS)
370
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:14,973
(LAUGHING) Now, that's what the
little silver snaps are for.
371
00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:17,217
(CHUCKLES) Work, don't they?
372
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,510
Just like a snap.
373
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,014
Come on over here and give me
a little lip-lock.
374
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:26,431
Oop. Gotta brush my teeth.
375
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:27,977
Ah. (CHUCKLES)
376
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:30,021
You know how I am
about my breath.
377
00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:31,481
(LAUGHING)
378
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,697
Oh, Ed Earl, I like
a lot of things,
379
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:41,077
but these afternoons with you
have got to top the list.
380
00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:43,702
Yeah?
Well, sing it to me, honey.
381
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:48,214
♪ I like fancy, frilly things
382
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,709
♪ High-heel shoes
and diamond rings
383
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:53,253
♪ Ragtime bands
and Western swing
384
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:55,758
♪ And sneakin' around with you
385
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:58,057
♪ I like beer and rodeos
386
00:20:58,132 --> 00:21:00,385
♪ Detective books and dominoes
387
00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:01,845
♪ Football games and Cheerios
388
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,270
♪ Cheerios?
389
00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:04,722
♪ And sneakin' around with you
390
00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:07,149
BOTH".
♪ Sneakin' around with you
391
00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:12,071
♪ Goin' a round or two
Doin' what lovers do
392
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,699
♪ Whenever they're
sneakin' around
393
00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:17,447
♪ I like lots of cash on hand
394
00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:19,745
♪ And dirty jokes
about the Fuller Brush man
395
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,868
♪ I like stuff I understand
396
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:23,699
♪ Like sneakin' around with you
397
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,794
♪ You know, I like
a thrill that has no strings
398
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:28,917
♪ Friendship that
don't ever change
399
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:31,169
♪ And laughter
from the joy of things
400
00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:33,125
♪ And sneakin' around with you
401
00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,507
♪ Sneakin' around with you
402
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:38,089
♪ Goin' a round or two
403
00:21:38,172 --> 00:21:40,550
♪ Doin' what lovers do
404
00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:42,848
♪ Whenever
they're sneakin' around
405
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:48,224
♪ Oh, ho! ♪
406
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:49,729
(LAUGHS)
407
00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:56,607
♪ Mmm, ah!
I like drive-in picture shows
408
00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:59,030
♪ Kissin' long and lovin' slow
409
00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:01,328
♪ Secret places lovers go
410
00:22:01,403 --> 00:22:02,905
♪ Whenever they're
sneakin' around
411
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:05,662
♪ Whoo! I like
the crazy things we try
412
00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:08,164
♪ And the sexy
things we fantasize
413
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,713
♪ Just a-makin' out
in the broad daylight
414
00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:12,415
♪ And sneakin' around with you
415
00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:14,796
♪ Sneakin' around with you
416
00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:17,219
♪ Keepin' it all brand new
417
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:19,717
♪ Gettin' the best of you
418
00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:22,140
♪ Whenever we're sneakin around
419
00:22:22,216 --> 00:22:24,389
♪ Sneakin' around That's all
420
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,846
♪ I'm gonna lay down the law
421
00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:29,227
♪ Watchin' the rise and fall
422
00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:31,650
♪ Of lovers sneakin' around
423
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:34,737
♪ We're just sneakin' around
424
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,197
♪ Oh, we're just
425
00:22:36,272 --> 00:22:38,366
♪ Sneakin' ♪ (LAUGHING)
426
00:22:41,652 --> 00:22:42,904
Sheriff?
427
00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:44,409
Sheriff!
428
00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:47,454
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
429
00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:50,119
It's Deputy Fred. MONA: Fred.
430
00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:53,626
(BOTH LAUGHING)
431
00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:59,629
Oh. Hold that position, hmm?
432
00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:02,556
Don't move. Be right back.
433
00:23:13,976 --> 00:23:15,649
This better be important.
434
00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:16,820
Well, I think it is.
435
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:18,398
I saw your car
parked from the highway
436
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:19,902
and I figured your
phone was out, because...
437
00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:21,359
What are you wearin' that for?
438
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:23,535
Takin' a shower.
439
00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:24,611
Oh, really?
440
00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:25,825
I always take my
shower in the mornin'.
441
00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:27,703
I read in the Reader's Digest...
442
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:29,328
I don't care!
443
00:23:30,159 --> 00:23:31,285
What do you want?
444
00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:33,245
Oh, it's the mayor.
He wants to speak to you.
445
00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:35,331
Rit♪s been callin' all
over the county for you.
446
00:23:35,581 --> 00:23:37,003
He wants a meeting right away.
447
00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:38,129
Can't it wait?
448
00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:39,927
You mean till after your shower?
449
00:23:40,336 --> 00:23:42,384
Mmm. You go to your radio.
450
00:23:42,713 --> 00:23:44,340
Tell him I'll be
there when I get there.
451
00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:47,343
Nothing can be that important that
it can't wait till this afternoon.
452
00:23:47,676 --> 00:23:48,677
Right, Sheriff.
453
00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:51,514
Nice man, but dumb.
454
00:23:59,021 --> 00:24:02,025
Mona? (LAUGHS)
455
00:24:02,691 --> 00:24:03,817
Mona?
456
00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:30,052
(CAR ENGINE STARTING)
457
00:24:41,355 --> 00:24:42,955
Ain't that funny?
All this time Miss Mona
458
00:24:43,023 --> 00:24:45,025
was at the back
knockin' on the screen door.
459
00:24:45,109 --> 00:24:47,949
She said she's in a real big hurry but
just dropped by to give you this.
460
00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:53,826
It's a Japanese slingshot.
461
00:24:57,079 --> 00:24:59,798
Well, look at that! At last!
462
00:24:59,873 --> 00:25:02,092
Okay, Rufus.
What's on your mind?
463
00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:03,339
Something that
could have serious
464
00:25:03,419 --> 00:25:05,012
implications to
the health of this town!
465
00:25:05,087 --> 00:25:06,805
Tell him, C.J.!
Just like you told me.
466
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,240
Well, Sheriff, I have this friend
that works in a TV station
467
00:25:09,299 --> 00:25:10,346
down in Houston.
468
00:25:10,426 --> 00:25:12,679
He tipped me off
that Melvin P. Thorpe's
469
00:25:12,761 --> 00:25:15,184
plannin' an expose
on the Chicken Ranch.
470
00:25:15,597 --> 00:25:16,689
Who?
471
00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:18,108
Melvin P. Thorpe!
472
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:19,730
He's that crazy
consumer advocate.
473
00:25:19,810 --> 00:25:21,983
Has a report on
the late night news.
474
00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:24,857
He's got a new show now,
a half hour once a week,
475
00:25:24,940 --> 00:25:27,238
The Watchdog Report.
It's on tonight.
476
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:30,659
The Chicken Ranch on TV.
Now, come on, fellas.
477
00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:33,324
Television is a family medium.
478
00:25:33,407 --> 00:25:35,034
But he's a sensationalist,
Ed Earl.
479
00:25:35,117 --> 00:25:38,291
He shows up with his TV cameras every
time a consumer has a complaint.
480
00:25:38,620 --> 00:25:40,213
He's a menace to
the business community.
481
00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:43,258
He's that feller that put the
peanuts back in the chocolate bar.
482
00:25:44,918 --> 00:25:46,010
What?
483
00:25:46,086 --> 00:25:48,088
He made the makers of the
Peanut Delight candy bar
484
00:25:48,172 --> 00:25:50,391
admit that they put less peanuts
485
00:25:50,466 --> 00:25:52,093
in each bar than
they advertised.
486
00:25:52,176 --> 00:25:53,416
He made them change their ways.
487
00:25:54,261 --> 00:25:55,421
Sounds like a tough customer.
488
00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:57,368
He's got a lot of
influence out there.
489
00:25:57,765 --> 00:25:59,645
If he brings cameras out
to the Chicken Ranch...
490
00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:03,070
Come on, Rufus!
I'll make some phone calls.
491
00:26:04,271 --> 00:26:06,899
I got a little influence
around this state myself.
492
00:26:10,486 --> 00:26:13,035
Well, it's no use talkin'
to me about it, Sheriff!
493
00:26:13,363 --> 00:26:16,412
Melvin P. Thorpe is now the biggest
attraction at this station.
494
00:26:16,950 --> 00:26:21,171
High ratings. Lots of letters.
He doesn't listen to anybody.
495
00:26:21,663 --> 00:26:23,586
Hell, he wants to go national!
496
00:26:23,665 --> 00:26:26,043
Wants to be watchdog
for the whole U.S. of A.
497
00:26:26,335 --> 00:26:27,803
Love to help you, Ed Earl,
498
00:26:27,878 --> 00:26:30,238
but just like you don't want to
mess with the Chicken Ranch,
499
00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:32,299
I don't wanna ruffle
this old bird's feathers.
500
00:26:32,925 --> 00:26:35,974
Here in Houston, he's becomin'
a regular Texas attraction.
501
00:26:36,345 --> 00:26:38,268
Well, now, wait a minute,
Ed Earl.
502
00:26:38,347 --> 00:26:42,318
I'd tread easy on this one. Them
TV boys can be mighty powerful.
503
00:26:42,476 --> 00:26:44,649
And mighty useful,
if you get my meaning.
504
00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:46,105
Senator, roll call.
505
00:26:47,189 --> 00:26:48,782
Excuse me, Ed Earl. I gotta go.
506
00:26:48,857 --> 00:26:51,235
It's that damn
bilingual bullshit again.
507
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:53,112
Let me give you
a word of advice from
508
00:26:53,237 --> 00:26:55,410
one elected official to another.
509
00:26:56,198 --> 00:26:58,166
Be careful of the box.
510
00:27:02,121 --> 00:27:04,215
Son of a bitch.
What the hell's going on?
511
00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:07,042
This goddam Melvin P. Thorpe's
got the whole state bamboozled.
512
00:27:07,126 --> 00:27:09,379
This is serious, Ed Earl.
You gotta do something.
513
00:27:10,045 --> 00:27:11,467
I intend to.
514
00:27:12,422 --> 00:27:15,471
Deputy Fred. I want you to hold
down the fort for a while.
515
00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:16,969
Me? Yeah, you.
516
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:18,474
Where you goin'?
517
00:27:18,554 --> 00:27:19,726
I'm goin' to Houston.
I'm gonna take care
518
00:27:19,805 --> 00:27:21,307
of that little
pecker wood myself.
519
00:27:42,411 --> 00:27:44,413
This is it. Thank you.
520
00:27:45,998 --> 00:27:47,796
MELVIN: Come in.
521
00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:52,547
Mr Thorpe?
522
00:27:52,921 --> 00:27:53,968
I know you.
523
00:27:54,548 --> 00:27:55,595
You do?
524
00:27:55,924 --> 00:27:59,554
Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd. They told
me you were here. Come on in.
525
00:28:00,971 --> 00:28:02,598
I hope I'm not...
526
00:28:03,765 --> 00:28:05,017
Interrupting anything.
527
00:28:05,267 --> 00:28:07,144
Oh, please!
It's my pleasure, my honor.
528
00:28:07,227 --> 00:28:08,729
What brings you here to Houston?
529
00:28:08,812 --> 00:28:10,405
Sit down. Anywhere over here.
530
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,903
I, uh... (CHUCKLES).
I'm gettin' dressed.
531
00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:15,778
Sit down.
I've got my TV show to do,
532
00:28:15,903 --> 00:28:17,450
and I'm runnin'
a bit behind time.
533
00:28:17,946 --> 00:28:19,948
ED EARL: It's your show I want
to talk to you about, Mr Thorpe.
534
00:28:20,032 --> 00:28:21,409
Oop. Melvin.
535
00:28:21,491 --> 00:28:22,492
Melvin.
536
00:28:22,784 --> 00:28:24,536
Please. You watch the show, Ed?
537
00:28:24,620 --> 00:28:25,792
Last week Well...
538
00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:28,674
was the best ratin' we ever had.
539
00:28:28,832 --> 00:28:32,006
The city planning commissioner
was drivin' a city car...
540
00:28:32,085 --> 00:28:33,587
Just hold that for me, will you?
541
00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:37,842
While he was on vacation.
Caught him dead to rights.
542
00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:40,181
That pitiful putz.
Would you just pull that up?
543
00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:42,228
What? Just pull that up.
544
00:28:43,847 --> 00:28:45,895
And we broke a 30 share.
545
00:28:45,974 --> 00:28:47,976
It's affectin' my pieces
on the late night news.
546
00:28:48,435 --> 00:28:51,359
Up, up, up. They just
love my little report.
547
00:28:53,815 --> 00:28:55,032
I hear you're very popular.
548
00:28:55,359 --> 00:29:00,866
The power of television, of public
exposure, is so great it scares me.
549
00:29:01,114 --> 00:29:03,617
I swear, I could get the
mayor's own children
550
00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:04,701
to throw rocks at him.
551
00:29:05,827 --> 00:29:07,500
Which show did
you like best, Ed?
552
00:29:09,248 --> 00:29:11,376
I think the one about the...
553
00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:12,623
Nuts in the chocolate bar.
554
00:29:12,668 --> 00:29:14,762
That's one of my favorites.
555
00:29:15,128 --> 00:29:18,302
"Threescore" means 60,
like the Bible says.
556
00:29:18,382 --> 00:29:21,477
So, if it says "60
nuts" on the wrapper,
557
00:29:21,551 --> 00:29:24,600
I wanna see 60 nuts inside.
558
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,479
And I'm talkin' full nuts.
I'm not talkin' a half nut,
559
00:29:27,849 --> 00:29:29,851
or nut bits or nut chips.
560
00:29:31,728 --> 00:29:33,071
I'm talkin' a full nut.
561
00:29:37,359 --> 00:29:38,906
I can see that.
562
00:29:39,361 --> 00:29:43,616
Thank God we still live in
a society where anything
563
00:29:43,949 --> 00:29:46,793
that's phony or dishonest
can't stand the light of day.
564
00:29:47,577 --> 00:29:49,545
Sock. Beg your pardon?
565
00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:50,918
Uh, sock.
566
00:29:51,498 --> 00:29:53,091
Thank you. Yeah.
567
00:29:54,626 --> 00:29:58,005
Most corporations involved
in false advertisin'
568
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,724
would just laugh at a $50 fine.
569
00:30:01,383 --> 00:30:03,431
But you show up
with your TV camera
570
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:05,808
and give them
a little bad publicity
571
00:30:06,096 --> 00:30:10,067
and they shape up faster than goose
shit slides through a tin horn.
572
00:30:10,392 --> 00:30:11,644
(LAUGHS)
573
00:30:13,353 --> 00:30:14,855
(HUMMING)
574
00:30:15,022 --> 00:30:18,026
Well, Melvin, it's that bad publicity
I want to talk to you about.
575
00:30:18,275 --> 00:30:20,528
That could hurt people.
You take that report
576
00:30:20,610 --> 00:30:22,157
you're doin' on
the Chicken Ranch.
577
00:30:23,030 --> 00:30:24,782
That place is older
than rocks and water.
578
00:30:25,407 --> 00:30:28,160
I wouldn't be surprised if your
granddaddy took your daddy out there
579
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:29,790
to learn about
the birds and the bees.
580
00:30:29,870 --> 00:30:33,625
(CHUCKLES) I'm from New Jersey.
581
00:30:34,082 --> 00:30:37,586
See, I moved to Houston six years ago.
(CHUCKLES)
582
00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:39,592
Texas suits my style.
583
00:30:41,131 --> 00:30:42,849
The point I'm tryin' to make is
584
00:30:42,924 --> 00:30:45,268
that every schoolboy in
the state knows about it.
585
00:30:46,011 --> 00:30:47,854
Most of the politicians
have slept there.
586
00:30:47,929 --> 00:30:50,057
And the mayor and the people of
my county that voted for me,
587
00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:51,767
they want to keep
things just the way they are.
588
00:30:51,933 --> 00:30:55,779
Hmm. You know something,
Sheriff, it just struck me.
589
00:30:56,188 --> 00:30:58,282
We are in the same profession.
590
00:30:58,357 --> 00:30:59,404
What's that?
591
00:30:59,483 --> 00:31:00,860
Law enforcement.
592
00:31:00,942 --> 00:31:03,786
I'm out there fightin' for the
rights of the public, just like you.
593
00:31:03,862 --> 00:31:06,490
Both of us are interested
in protectin' the public.
594
00:31:06,782 --> 00:31:10,252
You in the old way,
and me in the new.
595
00:31:10,911 --> 00:31:12,003
Uh-huh. The new?
596
00:31:12,079 --> 00:31:13,797
Television.
597
00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:16,504
I'm the electronic
bounty hunter.
598
00:31:16,583 --> 00:31:18,802
I use a camera, you use a gun.
599
00:31:19,044 --> 00:31:20,296
Yeah.
600
00:31:20,504 --> 00:31:21,847
Well, Melvin,
everybody'd be happy
601
00:31:21,922 --> 00:31:23,219
if you'd just drop
the whole thing.
602
00:31:23,298 --> 00:31:24,345
Ah.
603
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,223
I mean, those ladies out there,
604
00:31:27,636 --> 00:31:29,604
they perform
a necessary function.
605
00:31:29,679 --> 00:31:30,726
I mean, right or wrong...
606
00:31:30,806 --> 00:31:32,308
Right or wrong
don't interest me!
607
00:31:32,933 --> 00:31:36,312
I'm no moralizer. I leave
all that to the preacher.
608
00:31:36,770 --> 00:31:38,317
Well, I'm glad.
609
00:31:38,939 --> 00:31:40,441
Anyway, the mayor was
thinkin' maybe
610
00:31:40,524 --> 00:31:41,867
you'd want a little
unnecessary publicity.
611
00:31:41,942 --> 00:31:45,913
(LAUGHS) Unnecessary publicity?
He's got me all wrong!
612
00:31:45,987 --> 00:31:49,617
I'm not one of those sensation
mongers out to boost his own ego!
613
00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:50,742
Clear.
614
00:31:52,244 --> 00:31:53,587
How do you like it?
615
00:31:53,662 --> 00:31:54,788
It's different.
616
00:31:55,163 --> 00:31:57,586
I designed this myself. (LAUGHS)
617
00:31:57,707 --> 00:32:02,338
No, you tell your mayor he's got
nothing to fear from me on that score.
618
00:32:03,171 --> 00:32:04,423
He'll be happy to hear that.
619
00:32:04,506 --> 00:32:06,224
I'm a lawman.
That's my interest.
620
00:32:06,299 --> 00:32:08,427
The law, right, partner?
(LAUGHS)
621
00:32:08,510 --> 00:32:10,137
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
MAN: 20 seconds, Mr. Thorpe.
622
00:32:10,220 --> 00:32:13,474
Oh, I'm on!
Friend Ed, I gotta go.
623
00:32:14,516 --> 00:32:15,813
MELVIN: That's my cue.
624
00:32:16,351 --> 00:32:18,604
(WOMEN SINGING ON SET) Come on!
625
00:32:19,688 --> 00:32:21,031
Apres vous!
626
00:32:21,773 --> 00:32:24,322
Come to think of it, I'd love
to do an interview with you.
627
00:32:24,484 --> 00:32:25,610
I don't think I'm the type.
628
00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:27,947
Oh, nonsense! You're exactly what
the public would like to see.
629
00:32:28,029 --> 00:32:29,997
Really? We'll discuss
it after the show.
630
00:32:30,073 --> 00:32:31,950
I want you to be my guest.
631
00:32:32,033 --> 00:32:33,580
This is the sponsor's booth.
632
00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:35,128
Just go in there,
make yourself comfortable.
633
00:32:35,203 --> 00:32:37,297
Make yourself to home.
See you later, partner.
634
00:32:37,372 --> 00:32:38,464
Thank you.
635
00:32:38,874 --> 00:32:40,592
DOGETTES".
♪ He's out on the prowl
636
00:32:41,209 --> 00:32:44,213
♪ Guards and
checks the best he can
637
00:32:44,796 --> 00:32:48,767
♪ Watchdog is a fighting man
638
00:32:49,468 --> 00:32:54,269
♪ Watchdog will throw
his beam of light around
639
00:32:54,764 --> 00:32:58,519
♪ If some folks
don't toe the line
640
00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:01,188
♪ Watchdog's light will shine
641
00:33:01,271 --> 00:33:03,148
♪ Shine, shine, shine ♪
642
00:33:03,231 --> 00:33:05,984
ANNOUNCER". And now,
the Watchdog man himself.
643
00:33:06,067 --> 00:33:10,117
The eyes and ears of Texas,
Melvin P. Thorpe!
644
00:33:10,322 --> 00:33:12,199
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
645
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:14,543
(CHEERING)
646
00:33:15,243 --> 00:33:19,089
Thank you, fellow Texans, and
welcome to The Watchdog Report,
647
00:33:19,206 --> 00:33:22,085
with yours truly, Melvin P.
Thorpe,
648
00:33:22,501 --> 00:33:24,378
keepin' an eye
on what's goin' on
649
00:33:24,461 --> 00:33:26,384
in this beautiful state of ours.
650
00:33:26,755 --> 00:33:30,305
This week's spotlight will
shine on a shameful situation
651
00:33:30,383 --> 00:33:34,263
that has been allowed to exist
for close to a 100 years.
652
00:33:34,638 --> 00:33:37,517
I'm talkin' about the
Chicken Ranch, my friends.
653
00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:40,857
The proprietor of this
innocent-lookin' ranch house
654
00:33:40,936 --> 00:33:44,110
is a woman known
only as Miss Mona.
655
00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:49,244
And the man who turns his back
on her illegal operation
656
00:33:49,319 --> 00:33:52,289
is Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd!
657
00:33:52,489 --> 00:33:55,538
Did I say illegal? Yes, I did!
658
00:33:55,617 --> 00:33:56,618
(MUSIC STOPS)
659
00:33:56,743 --> 00:33:59,041
Now, I know that this is TV,
660
00:33:59,496 --> 00:34:02,625
so I'm gonna try to be
as delicate as I can!
661
00:34:03,083 --> 00:34:06,508
Here goes,
and may God forgive me!
662
00:34:07,504 --> 00:34:09,677
♪ Texas has a whorehouse in it
663
00:34:09,756 --> 00:34:11,804
DOGETTES: ♪ Lord,
have mercy on our souls
664
00:34:11,883 --> 00:34:13,885
♪ Texas has a whorehouse in it
665
00:34:13,969 --> 00:34:16,188
♪ Lord, have mercy on our souls
666
00:34:16,263 --> 00:34:20,109
♪ I'll expose the facts Although
it fills me with disgust
667
00:34:20,559 --> 00:34:23,563
♪ Please excuse the filthy,
dark details
668
00:34:23,645 --> 00:34:25,272
♪ And carnal lust
669
00:34:25,605 --> 00:34:28,324
DOGETTES: ♪ Filthy, dark
details and carnal lust
670
00:34:28,984 --> 00:34:31,237
♪ Dancin' goin' on inside it
671
00:34:31,319 --> 00:34:33,071
♪ Don't you see
they've gone plumb wild
672
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:34,998
♪ I inquired No one denied it
673
00:34:35,073 --> 00:34:37,417
♪ Now I think I'm gettin' riled
674
00:34:37,492 --> 00:34:38,914
♪ Bodies close together
675
00:34:38,994 --> 00:34:41,543
♪ Arms and legs all rearranged
676
00:34:41,663 --> 00:34:45,008
♪ And the Sheriff
does not close it down
677
00:34:45,083 --> 00:34:46,585
♪ That's very strange
678
00:34:46,668 --> 00:34:50,013
DOGETTES: ♪ Does not close
it down That's very strange
679
00:34:50,171 --> 00:34:52,720
♪ Mean-eyed, juiced-up
brilliantined honky-tonk cowboys
680
00:34:52,799 --> 00:34:53,925
DOGETTES: ♪ Oh, no
681
00:34:54,009 --> 00:34:57,058
♪ Mixin' with green-eyed, thin-lipped
hard-as-nails peroxide blonds
682
00:34:57,137 --> 00:34:58,229
DOGETTES: ♪ Oh, no
683
00:34:58,305 --> 00:35:02,606
♪ Not to mention some types that
you'd never guess would venture near
684
00:35:02,684 --> 00:35:07,611
♪ Actin' all depraved and loose
and wild 90 miles from here ♪
685
00:35:07,856 --> 00:35:11,156
And now, our own Melvin P.
Thorpe Singers.
686
00:35:11,234 --> 00:35:12,702
DOGETTES". I Texas has
a whorehouse in it ♪
687
00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:15,371
Oh, my goodness,
he's talkin' about us!
688
00:35:15,488 --> 00:35:17,115
♪ Texas has a whorehouse in it ♪
689
00:35:17,198 --> 00:35:18,198
Suits me, Morn.
690
00:35:18,241 --> 00:35:19,288
♪ I'll crusade ♪
691
00:35:19,409 --> 00:35:22,709
Doreen! Get my heart pills!
692
00:35:23,872 --> 00:35:26,045
♪ Loveless copulation goin' on
693
00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:27,125
Hot damn!
694
00:35:27,375 --> 00:35:29,093
♪ And it must stop
695
00:35:29,210 --> 00:35:32,510
DOGETTES: ♪ Loveless copulation
Loveless copulation ♪
696
00:35:32,589 --> 00:35:33,636
Loveless copulation?
697
00:35:34,299 --> 00:35:38,349
♪ Texas has a whorehouse in it
God, have mercy on our souls
698
00:35:38,470 --> 00:35:41,519
♪ Texas has a whorehouse in it
God, have mercy ♪
699
00:35:41,598 --> 00:35:42,690
Ah!
700
00:35:44,476 --> 00:35:45,568
Can you dig it?
701
00:35:46,561 --> 00:35:47,653
Hey!
702
00:35:47,729 --> 00:35:49,857
♪ Loveless copulation going on ♪
703
00:35:49,939 --> 00:35:50,940
(GASPS)
704
00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:53,068
(LAUGHING)
705
00:35:54,402 --> 00:35:55,654
(ALL LAUGHING)
706
00:35:57,072 --> 00:35:59,871
Don't touch that dial!
This is Melvin P. Thorpe
707
00:35:59,949 --> 00:36:02,998
sayin' I'll be back with new
and revealin' information
708
00:36:03,078 --> 00:36:05,172
about this and other cases.
709
00:36:05,246 --> 00:36:07,795
Watchdog never sleeps!
710
00:36:09,542 --> 00:36:13,092
♪ And it must stop
Watchdogs gonna get you
711
00:36:13,338 --> 00:36:15,011
♪ Gonna shine his light on you
712
00:36:15,090 --> 00:36:16,967
♪ Watchdog's gonna get you
713
00:36:17,050 --> 00:36:18,552
♪ Gonna shine his light on you ♪
714
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,138
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
715
00:36:26,393 --> 00:36:29,897
Damn. That man is crazier
than a peach orchard sow.
716
00:36:30,605 --> 00:36:32,824
Announcin' it
straight out on TV.
717
00:36:32,899 --> 00:36:34,446
So you been sayin'.
718
00:36:34,526 --> 00:36:35,994
Everybody's talkin' about it.
719
00:36:36,069 --> 00:36:38,822
Not that it's big news to anybody
over three months of age.
720
00:36:39,614 --> 00:36:41,207
But they heard it
in their livin' room.
721
00:36:41,282 --> 00:36:43,125
Sung. Sung to music.
722
00:36:43,952 --> 00:36:45,920
And he actually called
my name on television.
723
00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:49,086
Worse than that. The son
of a bitch called mine!
724
00:36:49,165 --> 00:36:50,337
(MONA CHUCKLES)
725
00:36:50,625 --> 00:36:52,969
You know, Ed Earl, seems like
ever since I can remember,
726
00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:54,421
folks been jumpin' on me
727
00:36:54,504 --> 00:36:55,596
for one reason or another.
728
00:36:55,672 --> 00:36:56,844
Mmm.
729
00:36:57,215 --> 00:36:59,496
But we're gonna beat this thing.
I ain't worried about it.
730
00:36:59,968 --> 00:37:02,312
You know why?
Because I trust you.
731
00:37:02,387 --> 00:37:04,389
Mmm. 'Cause you're my protector.
732
00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:11,646
Do you know he wears
a sock in his underwear?
733
00:37:12,313 --> 00:37:13,690
A sock? Yeah.
734
00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,405
All rolled up like
a Jimmy Dean sausage.
735
00:37:16,484 --> 00:37:18,327
(BOTH LAUGH)
736
00:37:18,403 --> 00:37:19,996
Well, I bet he's
runnin' for office.
737
00:37:20,071 --> 00:37:22,324
That's typical of
them crusadin' fanatics.
738
00:37:22,657 --> 00:37:24,000
They flare up every few months.
739
00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:26,578
They're always
confusin' crime with sin.
740
00:37:26,661 --> 00:37:28,163
People just get
sick of hearin' it
741
00:37:28,246 --> 00:37:31,420
and pretty soon it just
clears out of the air.
742
00:37:32,751 --> 00:37:34,003
You're probably right.
743
00:37:34,169 --> 00:37:35,421
Well, ain't I always?
744
00:37:35,503 --> 00:37:36,675
Mmm-hmm.
745
00:37:37,338 --> 00:37:39,386
What? You know what I
was thinkin', Ed Earl?
746
00:37:39,466 --> 00:37:41,218
Just how much I miss
all the little stuff
747
00:37:41,301 --> 00:37:43,770
me and you used to do,
like goin' up to the lake.
748
00:37:44,387 --> 00:37:46,810
Wouldn't it be fun just to go up
there, get a couple of six-packs
749
00:37:46,890 --> 00:37:49,109
and just get
drunker than Cootie Brown?
750
00:37:49,184 --> 00:37:52,358
Girl, that's the best idea you had
all year. When we gonna do this?
751
00:37:53,021 --> 00:37:54,301
Well, I'd like to do it tonight.
752
00:37:55,356 --> 00:37:56,699
So would I.
753
00:37:56,858 --> 00:37:58,405
(SIREN WAILING)
754
00:38:00,612 --> 00:38:02,706
Well, I wonder who that is.
755
00:38:08,620 --> 00:38:10,338
Hey, Deputy Fred.
Morning, girls!
756
00:38:10,413 --> 00:38:11,653
How's your tallywacker hangin'?
757
00:38:11,706 --> 00:38:13,834
Fine...
Uh... (CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY)
758
00:38:13,917 --> 00:38:15,134
Shoot
759
00:38:19,130 --> 00:38:20,973
Hi, Sheriff.
This better be important.
760
00:38:21,049 --> 00:38:22,972
I think it is.
That Melvin P. Thorpe
761
00:38:23,051 --> 00:38:24,268
is settin' up
his television show
762
00:38:24,344 --> 00:38:25,971
right out in front
of the courthouse!
763
00:38:26,054 --> 00:38:27,254
In front of the... Courthouse!
764
00:38:27,430 --> 00:38:29,683
FRED: He's gettin' some pictures for
a piece on the late news tonight.
765
00:38:29,766 --> 00:38:33,646
He's got a whole posse of TV cameramen.
You better come take a look.
766
00:38:33,728 --> 00:38:35,275
Right out in front of...
Your office!
767
00:38:35,355 --> 00:38:36,447
Son of a... Bitch.
768
00:38:40,068 --> 00:38:42,287
I cannot believe that sucker!
769
00:38:42,362 --> 00:38:44,330
You know, he even
brought his own singers.
770
00:38:44,405 --> 00:38:46,032
Wait'll I get my hands...
771
00:38:48,201 --> 00:38:49,498
Go get him, Sheriff!
772
00:38:49,577 --> 00:38:50,749
Come on, Deputy Fred!
773
00:38:52,747 --> 00:38:56,593
Ed Earl, please don't go doin' something
stupid you're gonna be sorry for!
774
00:38:57,752 --> 00:38:58,799
Watch your temper.
775
00:38:58,878 --> 00:39:00,505
Everything's
gonna be fine, Mona.
776
00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:01,965
Leave that
little shithead to me.
777
00:39:20,900 --> 00:39:24,780
Howdy again, good neighbors. Melvin P.
Thorpe, the old Watchdog himself,
778
00:39:25,029 --> 00:39:26,952
shinin' a spotlight on Gilbert,
779
00:39:27,031 --> 00:39:29,250
the little town
with the big shame.
780
00:39:30,285 --> 00:39:32,037
Who's that fella in
them trick britches?
781
00:39:32,662 --> 00:39:34,982
I don't know, but it's too late
in the year for a carnival.
782
00:39:35,665 --> 00:39:37,667
One of them TV folks,
looks like to me.
783
00:39:38,001 --> 00:39:40,504
We're here at
the Lanville County Courthouse
784
00:39:40,587 --> 00:39:42,214
to ask some of
the local citizens
785
00:39:42,422 --> 00:39:44,891
how they feel about
the infamous bordello
786
00:39:44,966 --> 00:39:48,596
runnin' wide open in their
American home town.
787
00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:51,564
Cut! All right,
now, stay with me, boys.
788
00:39:51,639 --> 00:39:55,894
And when I start the music, I want you
Dogettes to start with me, brisk!
789
00:39:56,644 --> 00:40:00,148
Good people of Gilbert, may I
have your attention, please?
790
00:40:00,523 --> 00:40:03,902
I would like to speak to you about a
matter of great importance and concern.
791
00:40:03,985 --> 00:40:05,862
Let's hear it, Melvin!
Lay it on us.
792
00:40:06,154 --> 00:40:07,997
I'm speakin' to you
about nothin' less
793
00:40:08,072 --> 00:40:10,666
than your
community's moral health!
794
00:40:11,451 --> 00:40:14,830
I'm talkin' to you
about official blindness,
795
00:40:15,288 --> 00:40:19,168
official corruption,
official malfeasance.
796
00:40:19,292 --> 00:40:21,044
He sure is wound up.
797
00:40:21,169 --> 00:40:24,139
Yep. I'm just waitin'
for Ed Earl to get here.
798
00:40:24,297 --> 00:40:25,640
He's gonna kick that boy's ass.
799
00:40:25,715 --> 00:40:26,807
(CHUCKLES)
800
00:40:26,883 --> 00:40:28,430
(SIREN WAILING)
801
00:40:31,512 --> 00:40:33,105
It's no big secret.
802
00:40:33,181 --> 00:40:35,604
You know what's
goin' on in this town
803
00:40:35,683 --> 00:40:39,563
and what's goin'
on is evil, immoral,
804
00:40:40,271 --> 00:40:42,899
brazen and against the law!
805
00:40:42,982 --> 00:40:44,029
Hit it.
806
00:40:44,108 --> 00:40:46,076
♪ Texas has a whorehouse in it
807
00:40:46,152 --> 00:40:48,280
DOGETTES: ♪ Lord, have mercy
on our souls
808
00:40:48,363 --> 00:40:50,365
♪ Texas has a whorehouse in it
809
00:40:50,448 --> 00:40:52,450
DOGETTES: ♪ Lord, have mercy
on our souls
810
00:40:52,533 --> 00:40:56,834
♪ Sin is running rampant
like before the fall of Rome
811
00:40:56,913 --> 00:40:59,883
♪ Someone is
permittin' you-know-what
812
00:41:00,208 --> 00:41:01,585
♪ And it must stop
813
00:41:01,668 --> 00:41:03,466
DOGETTES". ♪ Loveless copulation
814
00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:05,672
♪ Stop that copulation
815
00:41:05,964 --> 00:41:07,216
♪ Loveless copulation
816
00:41:07,298 --> 00:41:08,345
(SIREN WAILING)
817
00:41:08,424 --> 00:41:10,176
♪ Stop that copulation
818
00:41:10,259 --> 00:41:12,136
♪ Texas has a whorehouse in it
819
00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:14,314
♪ Lord, have mercy on our souls
820
00:41:14,389 --> 00:41:16,312
♪ Texas has a whorehouse in it
821
00:41:16,391 --> 00:41:18,644
♪ Lord, have mercy on our souls
822
00:41:18,726 --> 00:41:21,900
♪ Watchdog smells corruption and
he'll fight it to the top ♪
823
00:41:23,064 --> 00:41:25,658
Now, Sheriff, Sheriff.
Keep a grip on yourself.
824
00:41:25,733 --> 00:41:26,825
Don't get your back up!
825
00:41:26,901 --> 00:41:28,949
Stop whimperin', Rufus.
826
00:41:29,028 --> 00:41:30,496
(MUSIC STOPS)
827
00:41:31,489 --> 00:41:33,912
Well, if it isn't
the man himself.
828
00:41:34,409 --> 00:41:37,037
Would you care to give me
an interview now, Sheriff?
829
00:41:37,245 --> 00:41:40,374
I'm gonna give you 30 seconds,
you fancified fart.
830
00:41:40,623 --> 00:41:42,421
Get you and your singin'
chorus the hell out of town!
831
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:43,501
Now, wait a minute.
832
00:41:43,584 --> 00:41:45,678
And get those cameras and the
rest of that crap off the street.
833
00:41:45,753 --> 00:41:46,925
You're blockin' traffic!
834
00:41:47,005 --> 00:41:48,598
The only traffic we are blockin'
835
00:41:48,673 --> 00:41:50,516
is that headed out
for the Chicken Ranch.
836
00:41:50,591 --> 00:41:52,138
Right, Sheriff?
837
00:41:53,261 --> 00:41:56,765
Little fat buddy,
up to now you got two tickets.
838
00:41:57,015 --> 00:42:00,064
One for paradin' without a license
and the other for insultin' me.
839
00:42:00,727 --> 00:42:02,775
Now, you better get that
travellin' circus out of town
840
00:42:02,854 --> 00:42:05,323
or I'm gonna lock you up so
fast your corset's gonna pop!
841
00:42:05,481 --> 00:42:08,360
Oh, yeah? We're
perfectly within the law.
842
00:42:08,651 --> 00:42:11,450
As a newsman, I have
First Amendment protection.
843
00:42:11,654 --> 00:42:13,577
(GRUNTS) Get this.
844
00:42:14,115 --> 00:42:17,369
The public has a right to know
what is goin' on out there
845
00:42:17,452 --> 00:42:20,706
and what kind of pay-off
you're acceptin' to protect
846
00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:22,916
that notorious
house of ill repute.
847
00:42:23,166 --> 00:42:24,213
CROWD: Ooh!
848
00:42:37,096 --> 00:42:41,567
First thing. First thing is you're
standin' in Lanville County,
849
00:42:41,642 --> 00:42:44,316
which, by my figurin',
is about a 100 miles west
850
00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:46,443
of that stink hole
you call Houston.
851
00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:48,658
So I can't see
it's any of your business
852
00:42:48,733 --> 00:42:50,201
what goes on out here.
853
00:42:50,485 --> 00:42:53,238
Oh, yeah? Please...
854
00:42:54,113 --> 00:42:57,743
Number two. You ain't the
law around here and I am.
855
00:42:58,451 --> 00:43:01,045
So don't be tellin' me what
my goddamn job is,
856
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:05,170
or I'll whip your butt so bad it'll
look like the stripes on a barber pole.
857
00:43:05,291 --> 00:43:06,417
BOY: Get him, Sheriff.
858
00:43:06,501 --> 00:43:07,969
May be mean, but he's ours!
859
00:43:08,044 --> 00:43:10,763
Number three.
No sawed-off little pecker
860
00:43:10,838 --> 00:43:13,933
is gonna accuse me of takin' a
bribe and live to tell about it
861
00:43:14,008 --> 00:43:16,557
'cause I wear the badge
in this goddamn county.
862
00:43:16,636 --> 00:43:20,391
So you listen and listen good, you
over-padded, televisin' turd.
863
00:43:20,598 --> 00:43:22,726
If I ever see you or any
of those little bastards
864
00:43:22,850 --> 00:43:24,727
that work for you
in my town again,
865
00:43:24,852 --> 00:43:26,980
I'm gonna knock you
so flat you're gonna
866
00:43:27,063 --> 00:43:28,610
have to roll down
your socks to shit!
867
00:43:28,689 --> 00:43:30,032
(MOANING)
868
00:43:30,358 --> 00:43:31,951
That's tellin' him, Sheriff!
869
00:43:32,026 --> 00:43:33,323
Oh, my goodness!
870
00:43:33,528 --> 00:43:35,201
So get outta here, you goddamn,
871
00:43:35,530 --> 00:43:37,908
wig-wearin',
citified son of a bitch!
872
00:43:37,990 --> 00:43:39,412
(GUNSHOT)
873
00:43:42,954 --> 00:43:46,800
(SPUTTERING) Holy shit!
Oh, my God, that man's crazy!
874
00:43:46,874 --> 00:43:48,296
Oh! Ooh.
875
00:43:54,006 --> 00:43:55,349
Move, you schmuck!
876
00:43:58,052 --> 00:43:59,895
Move it! Come on!
877
00:44:00,304 --> 00:44:04,229
Get outta here! Move this thing!
878
00:44:04,308 --> 00:44:07,437
Come on, move this thing!
I'll get you for this.
879
00:44:07,687 --> 00:44:10,566
You son of a bitch!
You'll pay for this.
880
00:44:10,690 --> 00:44:13,660
You're in trouble, Sheriff!
You're in big trouble!
881
00:44:15,319 --> 00:44:16,946
So long, partner.
882
00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:22,205
(LAUGHING)
883
00:44:43,764 --> 00:44:47,519
Boy, you sent him hightailin'.
I was so proud of you!
884
00:44:47,602 --> 00:44:48,728
Didn't I? Yeah.
885
00:44:51,522 --> 00:44:53,115
Mmm-hmm. (LAUGHS)
886
00:44:54,108 --> 00:44:55,781
Look at them stars.
887
00:44:55,860 --> 00:44:56,952
Mmm.
888
00:44:57,862 --> 00:45:00,115
Well, there ain't nothin'
prettier than a Texas sky.
889
00:45:00,907 --> 00:45:02,124
Ain't that the truth.
890
00:45:05,244 --> 00:45:06,746
Hey, look! Did you
see that shootin' star?
891
00:45:06,829 --> 00:45:08,081
Mmm-hmm.
892
00:45:08,789 --> 00:45:11,212
Yeah. That could've been
a spaceship, you know.
893
00:45:11,292 --> 00:45:12,332
You believe in spaceships?
894
00:45:12,376 --> 00:45:13,468
Sure.
895
00:45:14,086 --> 00:45:15,884
I saw a picture once.
896
00:45:15,963 --> 00:45:18,091
Them fellers that's supposed
to be from up there.
897
00:45:18,174 --> 00:45:19,596
Fly around. Uh-huh.
898
00:45:20,301 --> 00:45:22,850
Tiny little fellers,
bald-headed.
899
00:45:23,095 --> 00:45:25,348
Little feet,
little hands, got no peckers.
900
00:45:26,307 --> 00:45:27,854
Got no peckers?
901
00:45:29,268 --> 00:45:32,192
Well, I ain't interested.
(LAUGHS)
902
00:45:32,980 --> 00:45:34,653
I don't think my
girls would be either.
903
00:45:34,982 --> 00:45:36,325
(CHUCKLES)
904
00:45:36,651 --> 00:45:40,076
MONA: When I was a little kid, I
used to imagine a flyin' saucer
905
00:45:40,154 --> 00:45:43,658
swoopin' down and pickin' me up
and takin' me off to heaven.
906
00:45:43,824 --> 00:45:45,451
Like the angels.
907
00:45:45,618 --> 00:45:46,835
ED EARL: Mmm-hmm.
908
00:45:46,994 --> 00:45:50,123
"L looked, and behold, a whirlwind
comin' out of the north.
909
00:45:50,206 --> 00:45:51,674
"And out of the midst
of the fire came the
910
00:45:51,749 --> 00:45:53,376
"likeness of four
living creatures."
911
00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:56,282
What the hell you talkin' about?
912
00:45:56,337 --> 00:45:57,509
Well, that's from the Bible.
913
00:45:57,588 --> 00:45:59,807
That's what the Bible says
about spaceships in Ezekiel.
914
00:45:59,882 --> 00:46:01,259
Don't you know
nothin' about the Bible?
915
00:46:01,342 --> 00:46:02,764
Yeah, I know about the Bible!
916
00:46:02,843 --> 00:46:05,043
I just don't know nothin'
about no Ezekiel in the Bible.
917
00:46:05,638 --> 00:46:09,017
I knew Ezekiel Peebles
once in the eighth grade.
918
00:46:10,601 --> 00:46:12,444
Think I busted his jaw.
919
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:13,646
Mmm.
920
00:46:13,729 --> 00:46:15,572
Well, that was
very Christian of you.
921
00:46:15,648 --> 00:46:18,071
Well, most of my
family was Baptist.
922
00:46:19,193 --> 00:46:21,537
Well, I never stayed
with one family long enough
923
00:46:21,821 --> 00:46:23,101
to become
anything in particular.
924
00:46:23,572 --> 00:46:26,041
But I read the Bible.
I believe in Jesus.
925
00:46:26,826 --> 00:46:28,578
I think Jesus was...
926
00:46:28,995 --> 00:46:30,747
Was a real good man.
927
00:46:30,871 --> 00:46:32,669
And he was a heck of a speaker.
928
00:46:33,291 --> 00:46:37,046
Yep. I knew a woman once
that had a vision of Jesus.
929
00:46:37,128 --> 00:46:40,678
He came right in her house, set
right down at the foot of her bed.
930
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:42,057
Mmm-hmm?
931
00:46:42,341 --> 00:46:44,309
I don't know what I'd do
if that happened to me.
932
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:46,141
I'll tell you something, honey.
933
00:46:46,220 --> 00:46:48,973
If Jesus comes to your house,
all hell's gonna break loose.
934
00:46:49,265 --> 00:46:50,562
(LAUGHS)
935
00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:51,858
(CHUCKLES)
936
00:46:51,934 --> 00:46:53,811
You got a point there, Ed Earl.
937
00:46:54,103 --> 00:46:55,400
But you know,
Jesus was really good
938
00:46:55,479 --> 00:46:57,231
to Mary Magdalene,
the fallen woman.
939
00:46:57,732 --> 00:46:59,700
He was always
bein' very sociable.
940
00:47:00,234 --> 00:47:03,955
He went to this big weddin'
once and they ran out of wine.
941
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:06,282
You know what he did?
Turned the water into wine.
942
00:47:07,283 --> 00:47:09,911
Well, that's a man that knows
how to throw a party.
943
00:47:10,411 --> 00:47:12,539
Now, don't be sacrilegious.
944
00:47:12,872 --> 00:47:16,126
I'm not.
I'm not. He forgives me.
945
00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:18,753
He knows I was kiddin'.
946
00:47:18,878 --> 00:47:20,346
Yeah, I know he forgives you.
947
00:47:20,421 --> 00:47:23,015
That's funny, now,
how God can forgive you,
948
00:47:23,090 --> 00:47:24,888
and people can't.
Now why is that?
949
00:47:25,593 --> 00:47:29,814
Well, because people are not
very God-like, Mona.
950
00:47:30,723 --> 00:47:31,940
I know.
951
00:47:32,850 --> 00:47:34,067
I know.
952
00:47:35,311 --> 00:47:36,437
Yeah.
953
00:47:38,606 --> 00:47:40,859
(TRAIN WHISTLE
BLOWING IN DISTANCE)
954
00:47:47,782 --> 00:47:49,534
(CHUCKLES)
955
00:47:51,118 --> 00:47:52,495
What is it?
956
00:47:54,538 --> 00:47:56,131
Melvin P. Thorpe
957
00:47:56,374 --> 00:47:58,968
is a sorry son of a bitch.
958
00:47:59,043 --> 00:48:00,044
(LAUGHS)
959
00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:02,755
(LAUGHING)
960
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,640
You reckon he's gonna
run for the legislature?
961
00:48:08,177 --> 00:48:09,269
Why?
962
00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:14,809
I never told
anybody this, Mona, but...
963
00:48:17,478 --> 00:48:19,598
I was thinkin' of runnin'
for the legislature someday.
964
00:48:20,940 --> 00:48:22,442
Are you serious, Ed Earl?
965
00:48:22,525 --> 00:48:23,651
Yeah.
966
00:48:24,860 --> 00:48:27,955
They say an honest man can't be
elected in this country anymore.
967
00:48:28,739 --> 00:48:30,741
But I don't believe that.
968
00:48:31,492 --> 00:48:33,369
This is a good country.
969
00:48:34,620 --> 00:48:36,497
I believe I could win.
970
00:48:36,664 --> 00:48:39,543
Well, you got my vote.
I might even go register.
971
00:48:40,543 --> 00:48:42,796
Boy, I sure didn't know
you had dreams that big.
972
00:48:42,878 --> 00:48:43,925
Hmm.
973
00:48:44,004 --> 00:48:45,597
People really do
like you, though.
974
00:48:45,673 --> 00:48:46,799
They like you, too.
975
00:48:46,882 --> 00:48:48,008
Really? Sure.
976
00:48:48,843 --> 00:48:50,811
You ask anybody
in town about you.
977
00:48:50,970 --> 00:48:52,438
Say,
"How do you like Miss Mona?"
978
00:48:52,513 --> 00:48:57,189
They say, "Shoot, she's a fine woman.
Fine, friendly and nice."
979
00:48:57,393 --> 00:48:58,485
Huh.
980
00:48:58,686 --> 00:49:02,065
Well, I always just thought if you
see somebody without a smile,
981
00:49:02,398 --> 00:49:03,866
you give 'em yours.
982
00:49:03,941 --> 00:49:05,363
I like that.
983
00:49:06,527 --> 00:49:07,904
I like that.
984
00:49:08,988 --> 00:49:11,036
Think I'll use that
as my campaign slogan.
985
00:49:12,366 --> 00:49:15,370
If you see somebody without
a smile, give 'em yours.
986
00:49:15,870 --> 00:49:17,750
I'm gonna have that
printed up on a little card.
987
00:49:18,038 --> 00:49:21,042
Oh, you're kiddin' me.
You smart-ass.
988
00:49:21,709 --> 00:49:23,427
I had a dream once.
989
00:49:24,211 --> 00:49:25,337
Yeah?
990
00:49:25,546 --> 00:49:27,014
I'll tell you if
you won't laugh.
991
00:49:27,089 --> 00:49:28,762
Oh, I won't laugh.
992
00:49:28,841 --> 00:49:31,390
Well, I used to dream
of bein' a ballerina.
993
00:49:32,219 --> 00:49:34,096
(OPENS CAN) (SNICKERS)
994
00:49:34,930 --> 00:49:36,978
Now, Ed Earl,
I ain't tellin' you nothin'.
995
00:49:37,057 --> 00:49:39,059
(SNICKERING) A ballerina?
996
00:49:39,643 --> 00:49:41,270
Yes, a ballerina!
997
00:49:41,395 --> 00:49:45,616
(LAUGHS) Well,
I think that's wonderful.
998
00:49:45,900 --> 00:49:48,380
And I think you still could be a
ballerina if you wanted to be.
999
00:49:48,486 --> 00:49:50,488
No, you could!
Oh, don't be ridiculous!
1000
00:49:50,571 --> 00:49:53,620
Go into training right now.
Just start jumpin' up and down.
1001
00:49:53,699 --> 00:49:55,918
Me? Jumpin' up and down?
I'd black both my eyes.
1002
00:49:56,327 --> 00:49:57,579
(LAUGHS)
1003
00:49:57,828 --> 00:49:59,956
I couldn't be a ballerina now.
I'm too top-heavy.
1004
00:50:00,039 --> 00:50:01,639
I have a hard enough
time balancin' these
1005
00:50:01,665 --> 00:50:03,633
things now,
without gettin' on my toes.
1006
00:50:11,759 --> 00:50:13,386
You know something?
1007
00:50:13,469 --> 00:50:14,641
What?
1008
00:50:14,762 --> 00:50:18,107
You know that, uh, I don't
see anybody but you anymore.
1009
00:50:19,767 --> 00:50:21,527
Course, now, you can't
say the same, can you?
1010
00:50:25,773 --> 00:50:29,277
I haven't been to bed with another
woman besides you in three years.
1011
00:50:30,402 --> 00:50:32,279
You didn't know that, did you?
1012
00:50:33,864 --> 00:50:35,787
No, I didn't know that.
1013
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:39,787
Nothin' better,
once you've had the best.
1014
00:50:41,288 --> 00:50:42,710
Hey, I like that.
1015
00:50:42,790 --> 00:50:43,962
Mmm. I thought you would.
1016
00:50:44,041 --> 00:50:45,588
Reckon if I was to
run for the legislature,
1017
00:50:45,668 --> 00:50:48,387
I could, uh,
put that on my card?
1018
00:50:48,629 --> 00:50:49,846
(LAUGHS)
1019
00:51:04,353 --> 00:51:08,699
Up next, Melvin P. Thorpe continues
his expose of the Chicken Ranch
1020
00:51:08,774 --> 00:51:12,119
with a violent demonstration
in the Gilbert town square.
1021
00:51:12,403 --> 00:51:14,405
Great God from Goldsboro!
1022
00:51:17,241 --> 00:51:18,493
(PHONE RINGING)
1023
00:51:20,369 --> 00:51:21,621
(GRUNTS)
1024
00:51:22,705 --> 00:51:23,797
ED EARL: Oh. Yeah?
1025
00:51:23,872 --> 00:51:26,500
Ed Earl,
you better turn on Channel 4.
1026
00:51:27,167 --> 00:51:29,590
That Melvin P. Thorpe idiot's
got you on TV again.
1027
00:51:30,212 --> 00:51:32,431
Well, I don't give a shit,
Rufus!
1028
00:51:32,506 --> 00:51:35,009
It's all very well to
take that attitude, Ed Earl,
1029
00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:36,172
but this is serious! Honey.
1030
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,764
Put on the television.
Channel 4.
1031
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:40,848
(RUFUS CHATTERING)
1032
00:51:41,015 --> 00:51:43,985
That Melvin P. Thorpe is
shootin' off his mouth again.
1033
00:51:44,059 --> 00:51:47,359
How could what he's sayin'
be so goddamn important?
1034
00:51:47,479 --> 00:51:51,200
Calm down, Rufus! It can't
be as bad as all that.
1035
00:51:52,234 --> 00:51:55,829
What happened to me as an
individual is not important.
1036
00:51:56,405 --> 00:51:59,375
Is this the kind of man we want
runnin' our law enforcement?
1037
00:51:59,825 --> 00:52:01,827
Is this the kind of
foul-mouthed example
1038
00:52:01,910 --> 00:52:04,538
we wanna set for our young,
innocent children?
1039
00:52:05,748 --> 00:52:07,045
Run the film.
1040
00:52:07,124 --> 00:52:10,298
Number three.
No sawed-off little (SLEEP)
1041
00:52:10,377 --> 00:52:12,926
is gonna accuse me of takin' a
bribe and live to tell about it
1042
00:52:13,005 --> 00:52:15,099
because I wear the badge
in this (BLEEPING) county!
1043
00:52:15,174 --> 00:52:18,849
So you and you listen good!
You (BLEEPING)!
1044
00:52:18,927 --> 00:52:20,679
If I ever see you or
any of those (BLEEP)
1045
00:52:20,763 --> 00:52:22,265
that work for you
in my town again,
1046
00:52:22,348 --> 00:52:25,147
I'm gonna knock you so flat
you're gonna (BLEEPING)!
1047
00:52:26,143 --> 00:52:27,645
(GUNSHOTS)
1048
00:52:27,728 --> 00:52:29,401
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
1049
00:52:31,231 --> 00:52:34,735
Ed Earl, that man has
made a fool out of you.
1050
00:52:34,818 --> 00:52:36,070
(GUNSHOT)
1051
00:52:38,906 --> 00:52:40,749
(PHONE RINGING) I've had
calls from four preachers,
1052
00:52:40,824 --> 00:52:43,122
six deacons, and the presidents
of two garden clubs!
1053
00:52:43,202 --> 00:52:44,374
Thank you for callin'.
1054
00:52:44,453 --> 00:52:45,750
The phones have
been ringin' like that
1055
00:52:45,829 --> 00:52:48,252
all mornin' long.
Sheriff's office.
1056
00:52:48,332 --> 00:52:50,755
I don't know why I let people
talk me into serving as mayor
1057
00:52:50,834 --> 00:52:53,178
of this
incorporated sand trap anyway!
1058
00:52:53,629 --> 00:52:54,909
What in the heck is keepin' him?
1059
00:52:54,963 --> 00:52:56,010
He'll be along.
1060
00:52:56,882 --> 00:52:58,634
Well, he'd better!
1061
00:52:58,717 --> 00:53:00,970
My wife couldn't believe
what she saw last night.
1062
00:53:01,053 --> 00:53:03,181
They bleeped him out,
but she read his lips
1063
00:53:03,263 --> 00:53:05,106
on every "hell,"
"goddamn," and "shit."
1064
00:53:06,350 --> 00:53:07,727
(GROANS)
1065
00:53:08,018 --> 00:53:11,739
There's some folks gettin' up a
petition to close the Chicken Ranch.
1066
00:53:12,106 --> 00:53:14,780
All we wanted to do
was keep it quiet.
1067
00:53:14,942 --> 00:53:17,161
Now, thanks to Ed Earl,
it's the hottest thing
1068
00:53:17,236 --> 00:53:19,204
on the air since The Gong Show.
1069
00:53:19,363 --> 00:53:21,582
RITA: I'll tell him you called.
Bye. Mornin', Sheriff.
1070
00:53:21,657 --> 00:53:23,455
Mornin', Rita.
Here's your calls.
1071
00:53:23,826 --> 00:53:25,419
Reckon you fellas are
waitin' to talk to me.
1072
00:53:25,494 --> 00:53:26,495
We sure are!
1073
00:53:26,578 --> 00:53:28,046
You don't know
the trouble you caused
1074
00:53:28,122 --> 00:53:29,169
on this Chicken Ranch business!
1075
00:53:29,248 --> 00:53:32,548
Dad-gum it, Ed Earl! If you
ain't a pluperfect fool!
1076
00:53:32,793 --> 00:53:35,046
You may be right.
I got over a dozen
1077
00:53:35,129 --> 00:53:36,802
messages here from
outraged citizens,
1078
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:39,429
tellin' me that we got a
whorehouse in Lanville County.
1079
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:42,053
Only been one here
for about 150 years.
1080
00:53:42,136 --> 00:53:45,140
Ed Earl, now, you can set up speed
traps to catch the tourists.
1081
00:53:45,431 --> 00:53:48,731
You can look the other way when the
wrong kid swipes a car to go joyriding.
1082
00:53:49,435 --> 00:53:51,608
Hell, you can even let Miss
Mona run her place out there!
1083
00:53:51,687 --> 00:53:55,533
But there's one thing you can't do and
that's broadcast gutter talk on TV.
1084
00:53:55,733 --> 00:53:57,406
I didn't know they
was takin' pictures.
1085
00:53:57,568 --> 00:53:59,912
What did you figure
the cameras were for?
1086
00:54:00,154 --> 00:54:03,408
Damn it, C.J.!
You pious pissant.
1087
00:54:03,949 --> 00:54:07,044
I don't have one-tenth the trouble
from Miss Mon♪s that I have from you
1088
00:54:07,119 --> 00:54:10,498
for one of your all-night stag parties
over at the Legionnaire Hall.
1089
00:54:10,998 --> 00:54:12,466
That ain't fair, dang it!
1090
00:54:12,541 --> 00:54:13,588
There's just one thing to do.
1091
00:54:13,667 --> 00:54:15,089
And that's close
the place down before
1092
00:54:15,169 --> 00:54:16,421
we all go to hell
in a hand basket.
1093
00:54:16,503 --> 00:54:20,224
Close it down! She was just fine as
long as she was bringin' in the money
1094
00:54:20,299 --> 00:54:21,642
and makin' civic contributions,
1095
00:54:21,717 --> 00:54:24,561
but the moment her luck ran sour,
you want to run out on her.
1096
00:54:25,012 --> 00:54:27,731
Run out on her like
rats from a burnin' barn!
1097
00:54:28,098 --> 00:54:31,853
That's just it, Ed Earl.
Who's gonna put out that fire?
1098
00:54:31,977 --> 00:54:33,570
Look, if you won't
close her down, at least
1099
00:54:33,645 --> 00:54:35,325
tell her to lay low
for a couple of months!
1100
00:54:35,397 --> 00:54:38,321
Yeah, just until the heat
wears off a little bit.
1101
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:40,323
Give it two months.
What's two months?
1102
00:54:41,069 --> 00:54:43,948
Nobody tells me how
to run my goddam job,
1103
00:54:44,031 --> 00:54:45,829
and nobody gives me advice!
1104
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:50,671
I'll do things my own way. I'm
gonna make up my own damn mind!
1105
00:54:51,663 --> 00:54:53,586
Two months. What's two months?
1106
00:54:53,665 --> 00:54:55,918
Shut down for two months!
1107
00:54:56,460 --> 00:54:59,760
That is a hell of a lot
to ask somebody, Ed Earl.
1108
00:55:00,047 --> 00:55:01,469
And that's a hell
of a lot of overhead
1109
00:55:01,548 --> 00:55:03,801
to pay out when
cash ain't comin' in.
1110
00:55:04,301 --> 00:55:05,974
What d'you think I
ought to tell my girls?
1111
00:55:06,053 --> 00:55:07,771
Well, maybe it won't
be two months.
1112
00:55:07,846 --> 00:55:09,314
The holidays are comin' up.
1113
00:55:09,389 --> 00:55:11,232
Maybe in a couple of weeks the
whole thing will blow over
1114
00:55:11,308 --> 00:55:12,605
and then you can let
your regular customers...
1115
00:55:12,684 --> 00:55:16,905
I warned you yesterday about losin'
your temper and carryin' on.
1116
00:55:17,147 --> 00:55:18,945
Last night you said
you was proud of me.
1117
00:55:19,107 --> 00:55:22,077
Last night I wasn't
on the 11:00 news!
1118
00:55:22,611 --> 00:55:25,785
Well, I didn't know that son of a bitch
was gonna make an idiot out of me.
1119
00:55:25,948 --> 00:55:28,042
I don't know anything about
that electronic bullshit!
1120
00:55:28,116 --> 00:55:29,959
How was I supposed to
handle that situation?
1121
00:55:30,452 --> 00:55:34,002
That's your job, Ed Earl. Ain't
that what they pay you for?
1122
00:55:34,164 --> 00:55:37,543
I know what my job is! Don't be
tellin' me what my goddamn job is!
1123
00:55:37,626 --> 00:55:40,095
I could close this place down
in a New York minute!
1124
00:55:40,712 --> 00:55:43,340
All I'm askin' for is for you
to give me a little cooperation
1125
00:55:43,423 --> 00:55:45,425
so I can get through
a difficult situation
1126
00:55:45,592 --> 00:55:47,344
with as little
trouble as possible!
1127
00:55:47,427 --> 00:55:50,556
Okay, okay, okay!
I'll shut it down.
1128
00:55:50,806 --> 00:55:51,807
You will?
1129
00:55:52,099 --> 00:55:54,272
What do you want,
a written contract?
1130
00:55:54,977 --> 00:55:56,069
You promise?
1131
00:55:56,436 --> 00:55:58,939
Ed Earl,
I am givin' you my word.
1132
00:56:03,694 --> 00:56:06,117
I'm sorry, Mona,
about the whole situation.
1133
00:56:06,989 --> 00:56:08,957
Don't feel sorry for me.
1134
00:56:09,825 --> 00:56:13,875
I started out poor, and I
worked my way up to outcast.
1135
00:56:17,082 --> 00:56:18,709
I know what I'm
askin' you to do is gonna
1136
00:56:18,792 --> 00:56:20,552
turn out to be
the best thing for both of us.
1137
00:56:21,169 --> 00:56:22,671
Just trust me.
1138
00:56:26,633 --> 00:56:28,510
You know what burns my ass?
1139
00:56:28,594 --> 00:56:29,720
What?
1140
00:56:29,803 --> 00:56:32,181
A flame about three feet high.
1141
00:56:32,264 --> 00:56:33,265
(CHUCKLES)
1142
00:56:33,599 --> 00:56:36,728
Of course I trust you, you big cowboy.
Ain't I always?
1143
00:56:36,810 --> 00:56:38,062
Mmm-hmm.
1144
00:56:38,395 --> 00:56:40,147
No need to stop now.
1145
00:56:42,232 --> 00:56:43,950
Now get out of here. (SLAPS)
1146
00:56:44,318 --> 00:56:45,991
Everything's gonna
turn out just fine.
1147
00:56:46,278 --> 00:56:48,280
Don't you worry
about a thing, honey.
1148
00:56:48,572 --> 00:56:51,200
Everything's gonna turn out
slicker than cat shit
1149
00:56:51,325 --> 00:56:53,123
on a linoleum floor.
1150
00:56:53,869 --> 00:56:55,121
(LAUGHS)
1151
00:56:55,537 --> 00:56:56,959
(LAUGHS)
1152
00:56:59,041 --> 00:57:00,759
Well, if it ain't the celebrated
1153
00:57:00,834 --> 00:57:02,757
cussin' sheriff
of Lanville County.
1154
00:57:03,253 --> 00:57:04,425
How are you, Sheriff?
1155
00:57:04,504 --> 00:57:06,222
I'm fine. How are you, Porky?
1156
00:57:06,298 --> 00:57:10,269
Oh, Sheriff! I been real good all week.
I've lost six pounds.
1157
00:57:10,344 --> 00:57:13,974
Oh, yeah? Well, don't take
nothin' off them cheeks.
1158
00:57:14,056 --> 00:57:15,399
Oh, go on.
1159
00:57:16,350 --> 00:57:17,567
(LAUGHS)
1160
00:57:17,684 --> 00:57:18,936
Whoa!
1161
00:57:20,145 --> 00:57:22,614
Well, Jewel,
I just promised the sheriff
1162
00:57:22,689 --> 00:57:24,487
that we're gonna shut
down for two months.
1163
00:57:25,317 --> 00:57:27,445
What? How can you promise that?
1164
00:57:27,861 --> 00:57:30,364
What about the football game
celebration tomorrow night?
1165
00:57:31,448 --> 00:57:33,746
(SIGHS) I forgot all about that.
1166
00:57:33,867 --> 00:57:37,087
It's the Thanksgiving game, Miss Mona.
And that's real special.
1167
00:57:37,204 --> 00:57:38,444
Well I know it's special, Jewel!
1168
00:57:38,497 --> 00:57:39,623
But I don't know what to do now.
1169
00:57:39,706 --> 00:57:41,208
I did promise.
1170
00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:43,168
You think if we just close the
doors to the regular customers,
1171
00:57:43,251 --> 00:57:45,800
just went on with the party as
planned, that'd be all right?
1172
00:57:46,046 --> 00:57:50,222
I'm sure it will, honey. That party
is a bigger tradition than the game.
1173
00:57:54,888 --> 00:57:58,142
(CROWD CHEERING)
1174
00:57:58,225 --> 00:58:01,479
65,000-plus on hand
here at Kyle Field,
1175
00:58:01,561 --> 00:58:04,064
and we have seen
an amazing ball game.
1176
00:58:04,189 --> 00:58:07,819
Texas A&M heavily favored,
but we're tied 12-12.
1177
00:58:07,901 --> 00:58:09,744
Aggies have the ball,
second down at eight.
1178
00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:11,618
Time is winding down.
1179
00:58:12,990 --> 00:58:14,833
SPORTSCASTER: They try the
middle of the Texas defense,
1180
00:58:14,908 --> 00:58:17,206
and again, the Longhorns'
break is stopped.
1181
00:58:17,285 --> 00:58:18,878
This University
of Texas defense...
1182
00:58:18,954 --> 00:58:20,080
Whoo!
1183
00:58:21,707 --> 00:58:22,799
Whoo!
1184
00:58:22,916 --> 00:58:23,917
(LAUGHS)
1185
00:58:25,085 --> 00:58:26,678
We string up the white first
1186
00:58:26,753 --> 00:58:29,757
and after we see who wins, we put
up the orange or the maroon.
1187
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:31,592
Yes, m♪am.
(ANNOUNCER CONTINUES ON TV)
1188
00:58:32,968 --> 00:58:35,096
I can't stand it
if them Aggies win.
1189
00:58:35,178 --> 00:58:36,350
What do you mean?
1190
00:58:36,430 --> 00:58:39,775
They're such animals. Always
yellin' and jumpin' about
1191
00:58:39,850 --> 00:58:41,352
and sayin' "yee-haw!"
1192
00:58:41,435 --> 00:58:43,028
If they have to go for
all the marbles,
1193
00:58:43,103 --> 00:58:45,276
they will have to throw to
the end zone right now.
1194
00:58:45,897 --> 00:58:48,946
Time running out. Miller rolls
to the right. Pass! Touchdown!
1195
00:58:49,026 --> 00:58:50,653
(CROWD ROARING)
1196
00:58:51,111 --> 00:58:52,203
Yeah!
1197
00:58:52,446 --> 00:58:54,619
Hell! That calls for a drink.
1198
00:58:55,157 --> 00:58:56,329
SPORTSCASTER:
Talk about the part
1199
00:58:56,408 --> 00:58:58,410
that emotion plays
in a game like this!
1200
00:58:58,702 --> 00:59:00,182
Don't let your
mother see you do that.
1201
00:59:00,787 --> 00:59:02,084
Well, who won?
1202
00:59:02,164 --> 00:59:03,211
The Aggies.
1203
00:59:03,290 --> 00:59:04,587
Aw, Shit.
1204
00:59:04,791 --> 00:59:06,964
ALL: Yee-haw.
1205
00:59:07,294 --> 00:59:10,173
ALL: Yee-haw!
1206
00:59:10,297 --> 00:59:12,425
Yee-haw!
1207
00:59:12,507 --> 00:59:13,884
Hey, boys!
1208
00:59:14,468 --> 00:59:16,311
(ALL WHOOPING)
1209
00:59:16,386 --> 00:59:18,434
All right! Hey, boys!
1210
00:59:19,681 --> 00:59:23,811
Boys, boys!
That was the greatest victory
1211
00:59:23,894 --> 00:59:26,147
since General Eisenhower won!
1212
00:59:26,480 --> 00:59:29,154
Senator, you ain't
forgot you was gonna
1213
00:59:29,232 --> 00:59:31,360
take us to
the Chicken Ranch, did ya?
1214
00:59:31,443 --> 00:59:33,070
MAN: Yeah! How about it?
1215
00:59:33,153 --> 00:59:35,531
I always keep my
campaign promises, hmm?
1216
00:59:35,614 --> 00:59:36,614
(CHEERS)
1217
00:59:36,656 --> 00:59:39,330
Yes, sir. The Chicken Ranch
is a fine institution,
1218
00:59:39,409 --> 00:59:41,582
and I'm proud to
have it in my district.
1219
00:59:41,661 --> 00:59:44,335
And to hell with what
Melvin P. Thorpe says!
1220
00:59:46,083 --> 00:59:49,007
I'll see all you
seniors out at Miss Mon♪s.
1221
00:59:49,086 --> 00:59:51,760
(CHEERING)
1222
00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:00,939
♪ We're gonna whomp and stomp
1223
01:00:01,014 --> 01:00:02,732
♪ And we'll whoop it up
1224
01:00:02,808 --> 01:00:05,857
♪ Tonight
1225
01:00:06,520 --> 01:00:10,241
♪ Those little
gals won't never ever
1226
01:00:10,315 --> 01:00:11,862
♪ Be the same
1227
01:00:13,401 --> 01:00:17,031
♪ They're gonna love it
when we whomp and stomp
1228
01:00:17,114 --> 01:00:22,746
♪ And whoop it up All right
1229
01:00:22,994 --> 01:00:27,966
♪ It's even better than
an Aggie football game ♪
1230
01:00:28,792 --> 01:00:31,386
Better than a football game?
1231
01:00:31,878 --> 01:00:35,599
♪ And then we're
gonna show them all
1232
01:00:35,674 --> 01:00:38,052
♪ A thing or two
1233
01:00:39,803 --> 01:00:42,682
♪ We're gonna demonstrate
1234
01:00:42,764 --> 01:00:47,361
♪ Just what a champion can do
Yee-haw!
1235
01:00:47,435 --> 01:00:52,316
♪ 75 miles
until we get to heaven
1236
01:00:52,399 --> 01:00:57,155
♪ 75 miles
until our plans are laid
1237
01:00:57,445 --> 01:01:02,497
♪ 75 miles until
we get to the Chicken Ranch
1238
01:01:02,576 --> 01:01:05,671
♪ Where history and Aggie boys
1239
01:01:05,745 --> 01:01:10,626
♪ Get made ♪
1240
01:01:10,709 --> 01:01:13,633
(ALL WHOOPING)
1241
01:01:18,466 --> 01:01:20,468
(WHOOPING CONTINUES)
1242
01:01:22,804 --> 01:01:24,101
Yee-haw!
1243
01:01:43,909 --> 01:01:45,707
Get out of the way!
1244
01:01:45,827 --> 01:01:47,921
Look it here! Watch this.
1245
01:01:52,709 --> 01:01:53,961
Whoo!
1246
01:01:55,045 --> 01:01:56,297
Yee-haw!
1247
01:02:08,975 --> 01:02:13,025
Yee-haw! Yee-haw!
1248
01:02:14,606 --> 01:02:16,825
Hey. All right! Hey, come on.
1249
01:02:19,236 --> 01:02:20,488
Atta boy!
1250
01:02:21,071 --> 01:02:25,247
Oh, yeah! Come on! All right!
1251
01:02:29,663 --> 01:02:31,006
All right!
1252
01:03:00,277 --> 01:03:02,200
(WHOOPING)
1253
01:03:09,286 --> 01:03:14,713
♪ 22 miles
until we get to heaven
1254
01:03:14,791 --> 01:03:19,171
♪ 22 miles
until our plans are laid
1255
01:03:19,296 --> 01:03:24,097
♪ 22 miles until
we get to the Chicken Ranch
1256
01:03:24,175 --> 01:03:27,145
♪ Where history and Aggie boys
1257
01:03:27,220 --> 01:03:30,645
♪ Get made ♪
1258
01:03:31,308 --> 01:03:32,855
(AIR WHOOSHING)
1259
01:03:39,733 --> 01:03:42,486
(ALL MOANING)
1260
01:03:43,987 --> 01:03:45,910
What the hell happened?
1261
01:03:50,410 --> 01:03:53,163
Do we have to wear
these ball gowns again?
1262
01:03:53,246 --> 01:03:56,546
Yes, you do, and I don't wanna
hear any more bitchin' about it.
1263
01:03:57,042 --> 01:04:00,262
Miss Mona likes to create
somethin' special for the boys.
1264
01:04:00,587 --> 01:04:02,760
It's like a graduation dance.
1265
01:04:10,096 --> 01:04:12,269
Yee-haw! Yee-haw! Yee-haw!
1266
01:04:13,808 --> 01:04:16,357
(SHOUTS CONTINUE)
1267
01:04:23,026 --> 01:04:27,076
♪ One more mile
until we get to heaven
1268
01:04:27,238 --> 01:04:30,868
♪ One more mile
until our plans are laid
1269
01:04:31,201 --> 01:04:34,796
♪ One more mile until we
get to the Chicken Ranch
1270
01:04:34,954 --> 01:04:38,208
♪ Where history and Aggie boys
1271
01:04:38,291 --> 01:04:42,387
♪ Get made ♪
1272
01:04:43,171 --> 01:04:45,799
(WHOOPING)
1273
01:04:48,510 --> 01:04:50,183
ALL: Yee-haw!
1274
01:04:51,137 --> 01:04:52,389
Y'all come on in!
1275
01:04:53,431 --> 01:04:55,149
(LAUGHING) Oh,
I'm so glad to see ya.
1276
01:04:55,266 --> 01:04:56,609
Congratulations!
1277
01:04:56,684 --> 01:04:58,732
Hey, boys! I think you'll find
1278
01:04:58,812 --> 01:05:00,940
it's a fittin' celebration
for today's victory!
1279
01:05:01,022 --> 01:05:02,365
(CHEERING)
1280
01:05:03,733 --> 01:05:05,201
ALL: Whom!
1281
01:05:05,276 --> 01:05:06,653
Howdy, boys!
1282
01:05:08,071 --> 01:05:10,119
Howdy, m♪am.
I'm Senator Wingwood
1283
01:05:10,198 --> 01:05:13,077
of the 19th District and
the Aggie class of '49.
1284
01:05:13,159 --> 01:05:14,581
Mighty proud to meet you.
1285
01:05:14,661 --> 01:05:17,835
To meet me! Charlie, who you
think you're talkin' to?
1286
01:05:17,914 --> 01:05:19,757
How's Mary
Margaret and the kids?
1287
01:05:19,833 --> 01:05:21,710
(ALL LAUGHING)
1288
01:05:21,793 --> 01:05:24,137
Hell, Miss Mona,
I didn't think you'd remember.
1289
01:05:24,212 --> 01:05:26,761
Remember? Did you remember
to bring my check?
1290
01:05:26,923 --> 01:05:29,346
I got it right here.
1291
01:05:30,051 --> 01:05:32,099
Good. You know
it's always a business
1292
01:05:32,178 --> 01:05:33,475
doin' pleasure
with you, Charlie.
1293
01:05:33,555 --> 01:05:34,807
(LAUGHS)
1294
01:05:34,889 --> 01:05:36,106
You boys head on out back.
1295
01:05:36,182 --> 01:05:38,025
We've got a nice
surprise for you.
1296
01:05:38,101 --> 01:05:39,102
Come on, boys! (BELL RINGING)
1297
01:05:39,185 --> 01:05:41,279
(ALL WHOOPING)
1298
01:05:53,032 --> 01:05:56,536
Yoo-hoo! Boys!
1299
01:05:58,955 --> 01:06:00,457
(BOYS CHEERING)
1300
01:06:00,540 --> 01:06:01,587
Hi!
1301
01:06:05,003 --> 01:06:07,631
(BOYS SHOUTING) (WHISTLING)
1302
01:06:11,092 --> 01:06:12,435
(ALL GASP)
1303
01:06:15,472 --> 01:06:16,940
WOMEN; Oh!
1304
01:07:33,967 --> 01:07:35,093
(LAUGHING)
1305
01:09:28,498 --> 01:09:30,216
BOYS: Yee-haw!
1306
01:09:36,798 --> 01:09:38,175
(WHISTLING)
1307
01:09:38,633 --> 01:09:40,931
♪ Texas has a whorehouse in it ♪
1308
01:09:42,387 --> 01:09:44,515
(WHISTLING)
1309
01:09:45,473 --> 01:09:47,350
(VEHICLES APPROACHING)
1310
01:10:06,744 --> 01:10:10,465
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
(HUMMING)
1311
01:10:11,582 --> 01:10:13,129
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
1312
01:10:13,292 --> 01:10:14,293
Yo!
1313
01:10:14,544 --> 01:10:16,342
FRED: It's me, Deputy Fred!
1314
01:10:16,629 --> 01:10:18,802
Come on in, Fred! (DOOR OPENING)
1315
01:10:19,841 --> 01:10:20,967
Evenin', Sheriff.
1316
01:10:21,134 --> 01:10:22,574
Happy Thanksgiving.
You want a drink?
1317
01:10:22,635 --> 01:10:25,855
Aw, no, thank you. That stuff
always tears up my stomach.
1318
01:10:25,930 --> 01:10:27,352
I was readin' in
the Reader's Digest...
1319
01:10:27,432 --> 01:10:29,230
What d'you want, Fred?
1320
01:10:29,308 --> 01:10:32,278
Oh, I was makin' my
rounds around town,
1321
01:10:32,478 --> 01:10:34,606
and I saw that Melvin P. Thorpe
and a bunch of other fellers
1322
01:10:34,689 --> 01:10:36,809
and they was all headed out
towards the Chicken Ranch.
1323
01:10:36,899 --> 01:10:38,025
Melvin P. Thorpe. Uh-huh.
1324
01:10:38,234 --> 01:10:40,703
(LAUGHS) Goin' out to
the Chicken Ranch, was he?
1325
01:10:40,820 --> 01:10:42,663
(LAUGHING) Yeah?
1326
01:10:43,990 --> 01:10:46,664
He's gonna be real
disappointed! (LAUGHING)
1327
01:10:47,702 --> 01:10:49,170
See, there ain't
nothin' goin' on out there.
1328
01:10:49,245 --> 01:10:51,168
Miss Mona promised me to close
the place down for two months.
1329
01:10:51,289 --> 01:10:54,259
Ah! Well, she didn't. I was out
there earlier this evenin'.
1330
01:10:54,333 --> 01:10:56,586
Those Aggies was just
celebratin' to beat the band.
1331
01:10:58,755 --> 01:10:59,972
Oh, no.
1332
01:11:00,047 --> 01:11:01,264
(LAUGHING) Uh-huh!
1333
01:11:01,340 --> 01:11:02,512
Aw, Shit!
1334
01:11:02,592 --> 01:11:03,889
Uh-huh!
1335
01:11:39,003 --> 01:11:40,380
Shh. Quiet.
1336
01:11:43,925 --> 01:11:48,055
Shh. This may be the most important
scoop of my television career.
1337
01:11:51,599 --> 01:11:54,022
Not now! Idiot boy.
1338
01:11:56,646 --> 01:11:58,819
Give me that. Now.
1339
01:11:59,398 --> 01:12:03,448
Good neighbors, we're about to
enter the whorehouse itself.
1340
01:12:03,528 --> 01:12:04,996
Cut. Come on.
1341
01:12:05,738 --> 01:12:08,912
Stay with me.
Come on. Come on, boys.
1342
01:12:09,450 --> 01:12:11,498
No! There's been a party here.
1343
01:12:11,577 --> 01:12:13,204
Watch your step.
1344
01:12:14,080 --> 01:12:15,252
Shh.
1345
01:12:15,957 --> 01:12:17,334
MELVIN: Hold this.
1346
01:12:19,919 --> 01:12:21,421
(DOOR CREAKS)
1347
01:12:23,422 --> 01:12:24,765
And quiet.
1348
01:12:26,133 --> 01:12:28,101
Billy Joe, light switch.
1349
01:12:33,224 --> 01:12:35,647
Shh. Come on. No!
1350
01:12:36,936 --> 01:12:38,188
(SNORING)
1351
01:12:39,772 --> 01:12:41,024
Careful.
1352
01:12:44,026 --> 01:12:46,950
Henry. Lights. Light switch.
1353
01:12:47,154 --> 01:12:49,828
Watch me.
You know what you gotta do.
1354
01:12:50,157 --> 01:12:52,501
Wait. Bingo.
1355
01:12:53,035 --> 01:12:55,584
Lights! Everybody up!
1356
01:12:58,499 --> 01:13:00,843
(SHOUTING) Let's go!
1357
01:13:00,918 --> 01:13:02,795
All right! Come along!
1358
01:13:06,132 --> 01:13:07,475
Oh, shit!
1359
01:13:13,556 --> 01:13:15,399
Jewel, what in hell is goin' on?
1360
01:13:15,474 --> 01:13:18,148
Call the Sheriff! It's that Melvin P.
Thorpe sucker!
1361
01:13:20,646 --> 01:13:22,319
Oh! Ooh!
1362
01:13:23,357 --> 01:13:25,780
They're smokin'
(SNIFFS) cocaine!
1363
01:13:25,860 --> 01:13:27,237
Take their picture!
1364
01:13:35,995 --> 01:13:37,918
All right, take this! (SCREAMS)
1365
01:13:37,997 --> 01:13:40,170
Take her picture! Thank you!
1366
01:13:50,301 --> 01:13:51,518
(GRUNTS)
1367
01:13:57,850 --> 01:13:59,193
(GRUNTING)
1368
01:14:11,906 --> 01:14:12,907
MAN: Oh!
1369
01:14:12,990 --> 01:14:14,583
Excuse me, m♪am.
1370
01:14:14,659 --> 01:14:16,957
Y'all come back now, you hear?
1371
01:14:18,037 --> 01:14:20,131
Come on! Ooh. Look who's here.
1372
01:14:20,206 --> 01:14:24,552
Senator, the eyes of Texas are upon you.
(LAUGHING)
1373
01:14:27,380 --> 01:14:29,382
Come on, boys! We gotta leave.
1374
01:14:29,882 --> 01:14:31,555
Thank you, m♪am.
1375
01:14:32,009 --> 01:14:33,135
Oh!
1376
01:14:37,431 --> 01:14:39,729
Oh, ho, ho, ho! Miss Mona!
1377
01:14:40,184 --> 01:14:42,403
Melvin P. Thorpe. Gotcha!
1378
01:14:45,064 --> 01:14:48,568
Let's get to those vans! We're
gonna make the mornin' news!
1379
01:14:58,744 --> 01:15:00,496
(SIRENS WAILING)
1380
01:15:19,348 --> 01:15:21,442
See you on TV! (LAUGHING)
1381
01:15:21,726 --> 01:15:23,103
Holy shit!
1382
01:15:24,186 --> 01:15:25,529
God almighty.
1383
01:15:39,910 --> 01:15:41,412
Damn it! You gave me your word!
1384
01:15:41,495 --> 01:15:43,088
You gave me your
word and I took it!
1385
01:15:43,164 --> 01:15:44,211
Now, I'm the law!
1386
01:15:44,290 --> 01:15:46,042
The law!
You wanna talk about the law!
1387
01:15:46,125 --> 01:15:48,503
A bunch of crazies break into
my house tonight,
1388
01:15:48,669 --> 01:15:51,172
comin' in here, takin'
pictures, invadin' my privacy,
1389
01:15:51,255 --> 01:15:53,633
and you wanna know what
the law's gonna do about that?
1390
01:15:53,716 --> 01:15:54,968
I can tell you. Nothin'!
1391
01:15:55,051 --> 01:15:56,769
They'd have no reason
to do nothin'
1392
01:15:56,844 --> 01:15:58,391
if you'd done what you
said you were gonna do!
1393
01:15:58,471 --> 01:16:00,769
I trusted you. That's what hurt.
I trusted you!
1394
01:16:00,848 --> 01:16:04,898
Don't you talk to me about trust!
I trusted you to protect me!
1395
01:16:04,977 --> 01:16:07,696
I made a mistake tonight, okay?
1396
01:16:08,105 --> 01:16:11,484
If that's your idea of an apology,
it ain't worth armadillo crap.
1397
01:16:11,567 --> 01:16:12,989
Well, I ain't apologizin'!
1398
01:16:13,069 --> 01:16:15,413
I'm a business woman
payin' out double taxes!
1399
01:16:15,488 --> 01:16:18,162
I expect a little
protection for my money!
1400
01:16:18,240 --> 01:16:20,368
Where were you tonight? I
couldn't get you on the phone...
1401
01:16:20,451 --> 01:16:22,124
I was home in bed,
because you gave me
1402
01:16:22,203 --> 01:16:23,705
your word you were closin' down.
1403
01:16:23,829 --> 01:16:25,752
Well, if Sheriff Jack
Roy Wallace was here,
1404
01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:27,111
none of this
would have happened.
1405
01:16:27,166 --> 01:16:28,668
Sheriff Jack Roy
Wallace couldn't
1406
01:16:28,751 --> 01:16:30,549
hold my jock!
You can't handle the job!
1407
01:16:30,628 --> 01:16:33,222
God damn it,
Mona, you're makin' me mad!
1408
01:16:33,297 --> 01:16:37,848
Whoo! Listen at him cuss and shout.
Just like on TV!
1409
01:16:38,010 --> 01:16:40,729
You're just a kid
playin' at bein' a cowboy.
1410
01:16:40,805 --> 01:16:43,024
You ain't never gonna grow up!
1411
01:16:43,265 --> 01:16:45,359
You use me as your mistress.
1412
01:16:45,434 --> 01:16:48,483
You use that damn Dulcie Mae
as your in-town wife.
1413
01:16:48,562 --> 01:16:50,985
And you even use
that little boy of hers
1414
01:16:51,065 --> 01:16:52,942
so you can play weekend daddy!
1415
01:16:53,025 --> 01:16:54,117
Leave that boy out of it!
1416
01:16:54,193 --> 01:16:55,490
You're playin', Ed Earl.
1417
01:16:55,569 --> 01:16:58,823
You're just a big, overgrown
kid playin' at bein' a man!
1418
01:16:59,198 --> 01:17:03,203
I don't have to listen to this shit.
Damn it! I'm the law.
1419
01:17:03,285 --> 01:17:06,585
If I choose to, I'll close this
place down till hell freezes over.
1420
01:17:06,872 --> 01:17:10,797
Don't you threaten me. I'm tellin'
the truth, and you know it!
1421
01:17:11,335 --> 01:17:14,965
And all of your big dreams
of goin' to the legislature.
1422
01:17:15,548 --> 01:17:17,346
That's all they are.
They're just dreams,
1423
01:17:17,758 --> 01:17:20,637
'cause you ain't never gonna be
no more than you are right now.
1424
01:17:20,719 --> 01:17:23,723
A chicken-shit sheriff
in a chicken-shit town.
1425
01:17:24,682 --> 01:17:25,934
(EXHALES)
1426
01:17:26,809 --> 01:17:28,277
You may be right.
1427
01:17:28,352 --> 01:17:30,192
It's a hell of a lot
better than bein' a whore.
1428
01:17:37,319 --> 01:17:38,992
(BREATH TREMBLING)
1429
01:18:33,626 --> 01:18:37,301
Legalized prostitution, pro
or con, is in the news today.
1430
01:18:37,379 --> 01:18:41,179
For a report, here is Jeff
Gerald in Gilbert, Texas.
1431
01:18:42,468 --> 01:18:45,312
The Chicken Ranch, the legendary,
long-running bawdy house,
1432
01:18:45,387 --> 01:18:47,890
is showing little activity
after the disclosure yesterday
1433
01:18:47,973 --> 01:18:49,350
of the Thanksgiving night raid.
1434
01:18:49,808 --> 01:18:50,809
Get away!
1435
01:18:50,893 --> 01:18:52,236
The deputy at the front
gate keeps away onlookers
1436
01:18:52,311 --> 01:18:53,312
and potential customers,
1437
01:18:53,562 --> 01:18:55,242
while up at the house,
the doors are closed
1438
01:18:55,272 --> 01:18:56,865
and the principals
are not talking.
1439
01:18:58,275 --> 01:19:00,949
The sheriff of Gilbert, Ed
Earl Dodd, refused interviews,
1440
01:19:01,028 --> 01:19:03,247
while in Houston, the man
who launched the campaign,
1441
01:19:03,322 --> 01:19:05,165
consumer advocate Melvin P.
Thorpe,
1442
01:19:05,241 --> 01:19:06,761
held a press
conference this afternoon.
1443
01:19:07,159 --> 01:19:09,582
I have a report here that
says that the Chicken Ranch
1444
01:19:09,662 --> 01:19:13,712
is involved with and under the
influence of organized crime.
1445
01:19:13,999 --> 01:19:17,048
I myself am gonna take
this report to Austin
1446
01:19:17,127 --> 01:19:18,845
in the hopes that
the Governor himself
1447
01:19:19,046 --> 01:19:20,798
will come out of
his long silence
1448
01:19:20,923 --> 01:19:23,392
on this issue
and uphold the law.
1449
01:19:23,509 --> 01:19:24,509
(APPLAUSE)
1450
01:19:24,551 --> 01:19:26,269
And... Thank you.
Thank you very much.
1451
01:19:27,137 --> 01:19:29,105
GERALD". At the capitol today,
the Governor made no statement,
1452
01:19:29,181 --> 01:19:30,728
but Senator Charles Wingwood,
1453
01:19:30,849 --> 01:19:32,929
who was a principal figure
in the Watchdog news raid,
1454
01:19:33,143 --> 01:19:35,521
also held a press conference
explaining his involvement.
1455
01:19:36,021 --> 01:19:39,616
I have no independent recollection
of going to the Chicken Ranch.
1456
01:19:39,692 --> 01:19:42,115
And I can only say,
as the most dedicated
1457
01:19:42,194 --> 01:19:44,572
anticommunist in
the state legislature,
1458
01:19:44,655 --> 01:19:46,202
that I must have been drugged
1459
01:19:46,282 --> 01:19:48,626
by communists or
communist sympathizers
1460
01:19:48,701 --> 01:19:52,547
and placed there to harm
my reputation and good name.
1461
01:19:52,788 --> 01:19:55,211
Reaction across
the state is split 50-50.
1462
01:19:55,291 --> 01:19:56,463
But here in the town of Gilbert,
1463
01:19:56,542 --> 01:19:58,215
the Chicken Ranch
has many supporters.
1464
01:19:58,711 --> 01:20:01,214
I ain't never seen anything
bad come out of there yet,
1465
01:20:01,297 --> 01:20:03,049
and I've lived here all my life.
1466
01:20:03,507 --> 01:20:06,477
Why, they attract a lot of
business to the community.
1467
01:20:06,552 --> 01:20:09,431
They pay their taxes. (CHUCKLES)
Just like you and me!
1468
01:20:10,014 --> 01:20:13,393
No one. No one was ever
forced to go up there.
1469
01:20:13,726 --> 01:20:17,105
My Frank, when he was alive, used
to go up there every Saturday.
1470
01:20:17,187 --> 01:20:21,158
I took it as a blessin'. Of course,
things were different then.
1471
01:20:21,483 --> 01:20:25,158
Nowadays women enjoy doin'
that sort of thing themselves.
1472
01:20:25,738 --> 01:20:27,866
At least, so I've been told.
1473
01:20:28,157 --> 01:20:31,161
The Chicken Ranch?
I think it's a good idea.
1474
01:20:31,243 --> 01:20:32,540
See, you take a lot of
young boys
1475
01:20:32,619 --> 01:20:34,462
and they're gonna be out
there lookin' for women.
1476
01:20:34,538 --> 01:20:36,415
If they can't find 'em,
they'll rape 'em.
1477
01:20:36,749 --> 01:20:39,878
And if they don't do that, they'll
run to other women and get diseases!
1478
01:20:40,252 --> 01:20:41,845
Those girls went to doctors.
1479
01:20:41,920 --> 01:20:45,265
Although petitions are being
circulated to save the Chicken Ranch,
1480
01:20:45,341 --> 01:20:48,185
already this bumper sticker is
beginning to appear around the state.
1481
01:20:49,011 --> 01:20:51,105
And so, as feminists
line up behind the bill
1482
01:20:51,180 --> 01:20:52,853
for the decriminalization
of prostitution
1483
01:20:52,931 --> 01:20:56,185
already in the legislature, while
traditionalists and fundamentalists
1484
01:20:56,268 --> 01:20:58,612
lobby for its defeat, the
fate of the Chicken Ranch
1485
01:20:58,687 --> 01:20:59,813
rests with the Governor,
1486
01:20:59,897 --> 01:21:01,365
who today, again,
was unavailable for comment.
1487
01:21:01,440 --> 01:21:02,441
(PILLS FIZZING)
1488
01:21:02,775 --> 01:21:04,777
Jeff Gerald,
ABC News, Gilbert, Texas.
1489
01:21:05,110 --> 01:21:07,112
Thank you, Jeff.
If there are further...
1490
01:21:09,156 --> 01:21:11,250
Well, I hate admitting
I was wrong, Miss Mona.
1491
01:21:11,742 --> 01:21:14,495
But with television broadcasting
this from hell to breakfast,
1492
01:21:14,787 --> 01:21:17,961
we should've done what the sheriff
said and kept this place closed.
1493
01:21:18,957 --> 01:21:22,427
(SIGHS) It was my fault, Jewel.
It was my decision.
1494
01:21:22,544 --> 01:21:24,546
He ain't gonna be able to
stop it this time, is he?
1495
01:21:25,506 --> 01:21:29,136
No. He'd like to,
but he's out of his league.
1496
01:21:29,218 --> 01:21:30,686
He don't know how to fight 'em.
1497
01:21:31,470 --> 01:21:34,974
He's just a good old boy that
ain't never gonna grow up.
1498
01:21:35,682 --> 01:21:37,810
Honey, we see
everything in this profession.
1499
01:21:38,227 --> 01:21:41,948
But one thing I ain't never seen,
man nor woman, is a grown-up.
1500
01:21:42,022 --> 01:21:45,117
Don't be too hard on him.
He loves you.
1501
01:21:48,987 --> 01:21:50,660
Well, he ain't never said it.
1502
01:21:52,199 --> 01:21:54,418
Some men can't say the words,
honey.
1503
01:21:55,244 --> 01:21:57,372
But that don't mean they
don't feel it in their heart.
1504
01:21:59,206 --> 01:22:01,880
Well, it's just as
well anyhow, Jewel.
1505
01:22:02,584 --> 01:22:05,178
I set my course a long time ago
1506
01:22:06,004 --> 01:22:08,177
and I can't go changin' now.
1507
01:22:13,429 --> 01:22:14,869
RUFUS: Well,
I don't know what to do.
1508
01:22:15,055 --> 01:22:18,525
Seems like folks got nothin' else to
talk about but this Chicken Ranch mess.
1509
01:22:18,725 --> 01:22:21,604
Like a broken record. Chicken Ranch,
Chicken Ranch, Chicken Ranch!
1510
01:22:21,687 --> 01:22:25,282
And all of this bad publicity's
flat ruinin' business.
1511
01:22:25,357 --> 01:22:26,557
I haven't sold a car in a week.
1512
01:22:26,608 --> 01:22:28,485
It's ruinin' the town.
1513
01:22:28,902 --> 01:22:32,076
No one's blamin' you, Ed Earl.
It ain't your fault.
1514
01:22:32,239 --> 01:22:34,617
But we can't just sit around
here waitin' to grow tits!
1515
01:22:34,700 --> 01:22:38,295
Now, now, the way I see it, the
Chicken Ranch served a purpose once.
1516
01:22:38,370 --> 01:22:40,372
But now everything's openin' up.
1517
01:22:40,539 --> 01:22:44,214
Do you know we are in the middle
of a worldwide sexual revolution?
1518
01:22:44,334 --> 01:22:47,338
Why, Miss Mon♪s ain't obscene.
It's just obsolete.
1519
01:22:47,421 --> 01:22:50,641
She ain't got a handful
of supporters left, Ed Earl.
1520
01:22:50,716 --> 01:22:53,219
All this publicity's
makin' folks think twice
1521
01:22:53,302 --> 01:22:55,680
about signin' that
petition to keep her open!
1522
01:22:55,888 --> 01:22:58,141
Why the hell can't
that station in Houston
1523
01:22:58,223 --> 01:23:00,817
turn its cameras to the
cesspool in their own backyard?
1524
01:23:00,893 --> 01:23:03,897
And how about Austin? Why, two
blocks from the state capitol,
1525
01:23:03,979 --> 01:23:05,071
you can have
anything done to you
1526
01:23:05,147 --> 01:23:07,400
for money that you
can get in Tangier!
1527
01:23:07,608 --> 01:23:09,986
Well, there's naked massages,
there's tongue baths,
1528
01:23:10,068 --> 01:23:12,662
there's somebody ticklin'
your ass with a feather.
1529
01:23:12,738 --> 01:23:16,788
If you know that for a fact,
Mr. Newspaper Editor,
1530
01:23:16,867 --> 01:23:18,790
it's your duty to expose it!
1531
01:23:18,869 --> 01:23:20,337
Well, now, you see here, C.J.!
1532
01:23:20,412 --> 01:23:21,504
I don't give a damn
1533
01:23:21,580 --> 01:23:24,003
if folks want their ass
tickled with a feather!
1534
01:23:24,082 --> 01:23:27,006
I kind of like to think that
that's what heaven is all about.
1535
01:23:27,085 --> 01:23:28,587
(LAUGHING)
1536
01:23:30,047 --> 01:23:33,096
Boys, I got myself a pretty
good bullshit detector.
1537
01:23:34,092 --> 01:23:36,140
And I can tell when
somebody's peein' on my boots
1538
01:23:36,220 --> 01:23:37,813
and tellin' me it's a rainstorm.
1539
01:23:38,805 --> 01:23:42,025
Now, this thing's gotten way out of hand.
I don't know how.
1540
01:23:42,684 --> 01:23:44,524
But I figure there's
only one thing left to do.
1541
01:23:44,811 --> 01:23:46,108
Close it down!
1542
01:23:46,605 --> 01:23:49,279
No. I'm goin' to Austin.
1543
01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:53,783
See the Governor, tell him Miss
Mon♪s side of the situation.
1544
01:23:54,780 --> 01:23:57,249
He sure as hell ain't gonna hear
about it from anybody in this room.
1545
01:23:57,324 --> 01:23:59,076
You can't go up
and see the Governor!
1546
01:23:59,159 --> 01:24:00,957
He don't see anybody!
1547
01:24:01,119 --> 01:24:02,587
He'll see me.
1548
01:24:15,842 --> 01:24:17,810
Feel like
the country dog in the city.
1549
01:24:18,095 --> 01:24:19,563
If I stand still, they screw me.
1550
01:24:19,638 --> 01:24:21,015
If I run,
they bite me in the ass.
1551
01:24:21,098 --> 01:24:22,441
(CHUCKLES)
1552
01:24:23,183 --> 01:24:24,560
I... I wish
1553
01:24:25,644 --> 01:24:27,112
there was somethin' I could do.
1554
01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:29,823
Thank you.
1555
01:24:32,818 --> 01:24:34,365
They want me to close her down,
1556
01:24:35,195 --> 01:24:36,993
run her out of town.
1557
01:24:40,284 --> 01:24:43,037
How can I ask her to leave when
all I want her to do is stay?
1558
01:25:04,641 --> 01:25:08,316
Ladies and gentlemen, His
Excellency, the Governor of Texas.
1559
01:25:12,816 --> 01:25:14,534
My friends, I want to thank you
1560
01:25:14,610 --> 01:25:17,454
for that sincere and
heart-warming ovation.
1561
01:25:17,529 --> 01:25:18,621
No questions, please.
1562
01:25:18,697 --> 01:25:19,823
(REPORTERS CLAMORING)
1563
01:25:19,906 --> 01:25:22,705
Governor, what do you think of
the crisis in the Middle East?
1564
01:25:22,993 --> 01:25:24,745
I was sayin' just this
morning at the weekly
1565
01:25:24,828 --> 01:25:26,546
prayer breakfast in
this historic capitol
1566
01:25:27,289 --> 01:25:29,291
that it behooves both
the Jews and the Arabs
1567
01:25:29,708 --> 01:25:31,802
to settle their differences
in a Christian manner.
1568
01:25:32,044 --> 01:25:34,012
But... Governor! Governor...
1569
01:25:34,087 --> 01:25:36,055
Have you seen the evidence
of the disgraceful situation
1570
01:25:36,131 --> 01:25:37,974
at the Chicken Ranch?
1571
01:25:40,802 --> 01:25:45,478
♪ Fellow Texans I am proudly
1572
01:25:45,557 --> 01:25:50,529
♪ Standing here to humbly say
1573
01:25:50,687 --> 01:25:52,234
♪ I assure you
1574
01:25:53,148 --> 01:25:54,821
♪ And I mean it
1575
01:25:55,484 --> 01:26:00,786
♪ Now, who says I don't
speak out as plain as day
1576
01:26:00,864 --> 01:26:02,582
♪ And fellow Texans
1577
01:26:03,200 --> 01:26:06,795
♪ I'm for progress And the flag
1578
01:26:06,870 --> 01:26:10,420
♪ Long may it fly
1579
01:26:11,249 --> 01:26:12,876
♪ I'm a poor boy
1580
01:26:13,377 --> 01:26:15,129
♪ Come to greatness
1581
01:26:17,130 --> 01:26:20,634
♪ So it follows that
I cannot tell a lie ♪
1582
01:26:22,094 --> 01:26:23,516
What the hell did he say?
1583
01:26:23,595 --> 01:26:25,939
The same as usual.
Not a damn thing.
1584
01:26:30,602 --> 01:26:34,232
♪ Ooh, I love to
dance a little sidestep
1585
01:26:34,314 --> 01:26:36,362
♪ Now they see me Now they don't
1586
01:26:36,441 --> 01:26:37,988
♪ I've come and gone
1587
01:26:38,068 --> 01:26:41,914
♪ And ooh I love to sweep
around the wide step
1588
01:26:41,988 --> 01:26:45,117
♪ Cut a little swath
and lead the people on ♪
1589
01:26:45,742 --> 01:26:47,619
(REPORTERS CHATTERING)
1590
01:26:49,413 --> 01:26:50,881
REPORTER: Governor! Yeah.
1591
01:26:50,956 --> 01:26:52,503
Jerry Rogers of
the Houston Post.
1592
01:26:52,582 --> 01:26:53,799
Hi, Jerry.
1593
01:26:54,042 --> 01:26:56,886
Governor, do you plan to take
action against the Chicken Ranch?
1594
01:26:58,296 --> 01:27:00,139
♪ Now, my good friends
1595
01:27:00,298 --> 01:27:02,141
♪ It behooves me
1596
01:27:02,217 --> 01:27:05,938
♪ To be solemn and declare
1597
01:27:06,012 --> 01:27:09,357
♪ I'm for
goodness and for profit
1598
01:27:09,891 --> 01:27:13,236
♪ And for living clean
and saying daily prayer
1599
01:27:13,311 --> 01:27:17,316
♪ And now, my good friends
You can sleep nights
1600
01:27:17,649 --> 01:27:21,119
♪ I'll continue to stand tall
1601
01:27:21,194 --> 01:27:22,992
♪ You can trust me
1602
01:27:23,071 --> 01:27:24,789
♪ For I promise
1603
01:27:24,906 --> 01:27:29,332
♪ I shall keep
a watchful eye upon y'all ♪
1604
01:27:32,622 --> 01:27:33,874
Did you get any of that?
1605
01:27:33,957 --> 01:27:35,800
I hear him talking
but he don't come in.
1606
01:27:37,169 --> 01:27:40,924
♪ Ooh, I love to
dance a little sidestep
1607
01:27:41,006 --> 01:27:42,599
♪ Now they see me Now they don't
1608
01:27:42,674 --> 01:27:44,676
♪ I've come and gone
1609
01:27:44,801 --> 01:27:48,101
♪ And ooh I love to sweep
around the wide step
1610
01:27:48,180 --> 01:27:51,730
♪ Cut a little swath
and lead the people on ♪
1611
01:27:53,018 --> 01:27:54,645
There he is. Come on, boys.
1612
01:27:54,728 --> 01:27:56,571
Governor! Governor.
1613
01:27:56,646 --> 01:27:58,944
Melvin P. Thorpe. Watchdog News.
1614
01:27:59,357 --> 01:28:02,531
Why has the Chicken Ranch
operation been so long ignored?
1615
01:28:02,611 --> 01:28:04,651
We seem to be havin' some
acoustic problems in here.
1616
01:28:04,696 --> 01:28:07,449
Aren't you afraid of possible
pay-offs and bribes?
1617
01:28:07,532 --> 01:28:09,455
Melvin, I'm sorry.
1618
01:28:09,618 --> 01:28:11,040
Enough of this pussy footin',
Governor.
1619
01:28:11,119 --> 01:28:14,714
What do you intend to do about
Miss Mona and the Chicken Ranch?
1620
01:28:15,707 --> 01:28:16,959
(MUTTERS)
1621
01:28:25,967 --> 01:28:28,436
♪ Now, Miss Mona
1622
01:28:28,720 --> 01:28:30,393
♪ I don't know her
1623
01:28:30,680 --> 01:28:33,854
♪ Though I've heard the name
1624
01:28:34,059 --> 01:28:35,356
♪ Oh, yes
1625
01:28:35,936 --> 01:28:37,813
♪ But of course I have
1626
01:28:38,188 --> 01:28:40,065
♪ No close contact
1627
01:28:40,524 --> 01:28:45,200
♪ So what she is doin'
I can only guess
1628
01:28:45,278 --> 01:28:47,576
♪ And now Miss Mona
1629
01:28:47,864 --> 01:28:49,616
♪ She's a blemish
1630
01:28:50,116 --> 01:28:54,462
♪ On the face of that good town
1631
01:28:57,582 --> 01:29:00,756
♪ I am takin' certain steps here
1632
01:29:00,836 --> 01:29:05,433
♪ Someone somewhere 's gonna
have to close her down ♪
1633
01:29:08,343 --> 01:29:10,186
MELVIN:
Can you believe that man?
1634
01:29:10,262 --> 01:29:12,014
Was that a yes or a no?
1635
01:29:12,097 --> 01:29:13,724
That's a possible maybe.
1636
01:29:15,016 --> 01:29:18,190
♪ Ooh, I love to
dance a little sidestep
1637
01:29:18,770 --> 01:29:20,363
♪ Now they see me Now they don't
1638
01:29:20,438 --> 01:29:22,236
♪ I've come and gone
1639
01:29:22,607 --> 01:29:26,362
♪ And ooh I love to sweep
around the wide step
1640
01:29:26,444 --> 01:29:29,539
♪ Cut a little swath
and lead the people on
1641
01:29:30,198 --> 01:29:33,702
♪ Ooh, I love to
dance a little sidestep
1642
01:29:37,747 --> 01:29:41,547
♪ Ooh, I love to
sweep around the wide step
1643
01:29:49,134 --> 01:29:52,889
♪ Cut a little
swath and lead the people
1644
01:29:52,971 --> 01:29:55,099
♪ On ♪
1645
01:29:58,560 --> 01:29:59,812
(EXHALES)
1646
01:30:01,563 --> 01:30:03,941
WOMAN: Governor? I have
Sheriff Dodd from Gilbert
1647
01:30:04,024 --> 01:30:05,697
waiting outside to see you.
1648
01:30:05,775 --> 01:30:09,154
He's been here since early this
morning and is very insistent.
1649
01:30:09,654 --> 01:30:11,622
Swearin' Sheriff Dodd?
The one on TV?
1650
01:30:12,157 --> 01:30:15,331
No, no, no, no... Hi, Sheriff!
1651
01:30:16,202 --> 01:30:18,250
Just talkin' about you.
How are ya?
1652
01:30:18,747 --> 01:30:22,217
Governor. I know I'm way out of
line comin' up here like this,
1653
01:30:22,459 --> 01:30:23,927
but before you closed
down the Chicken Ranch,
1654
01:30:24,002 --> 01:30:25,003
I wanted you
to know all the facts.
1655
01:30:25,045 --> 01:30:26,968
But I haven't made that
decision yet! Good.
1656
01:30:27,047 --> 01:30:28,139
My aides are
still workin' on that.
1657
01:30:28,214 --> 01:30:30,057
Well, the Chicken...
1658
01:30:30,133 --> 01:30:32,852
The Chicken Ranch has been in my
county since before I was born.
1659
01:30:33,178 --> 01:30:37,524
Its doors have been open to soldiers
and presidents and farmers.
1660
01:30:38,350 --> 01:30:41,445
Even governors who can remember
what a great institution it is.
1661
01:30:43,313 --> 01:30:44,735
No need to bring
that up, Sheriff.
1662
01:30:44,814 --> 01:30:45,815
I ain't
threatenin' you, Governor.
1663
01:30:45,899 --> 01:30:47,321
Whatever you say, I'm gonna do.
1664
01:30:47,400 --> 01:30:48,822
But think of
the people out there.
1665
01:30:48,944 --> 01:30:50,617
I've known Miss
Mona for 12 years.
1666
01:30:50,695 --> 01:30:52,322
You're never gonna
meet a finer woman.
1667
01:30:52,405 --> 01:30:55,204
She never refuses a charity.
The whole town likes her.
1668
01:30:55,742 --> 01:30:59,667
Hospital fund, new swimmin'
pool, even the Little Leaguers.
1669
01:30:59,746 --> 01:31:02,586
She bought 'em uniforms so they wouldn't
have to play in their overalls.
1670
01:31:03,291 --> 01:31:04,383
Well.
1671
01:31:06,461 --> 01:31:09,806
I wasn't aware of
her civic generosity.
1672
01:31:10,590 --> 01:31:11,762
(POUNDS FIST)
1673
01:31:11,841 --> 01:31:12,967
But the law is the law!
1674
01:31:13,051 --> 01:31:14,553
Sometimes it's gotta be changed.
1675
01:31:14,886 --> 01:31:16,388
I been fightin'
crime all my life,
1676
01:31:16,471 --> 01:31:18,565
but let's not confuse crime
with committin' a sin.
1677
01:31:18,890 --> 01:31:20,563
You can't legislate morality.
1678
01:31:20,642 --> 01:31:23,191
Those girls out there have never
caused any trouble to anybody.
1679
01:31:23,269 --> 01:31:26,364
They're healthy, taxpayin',
law-abidin' citizens
1680
01:31:26,439 --> 01:31:27,861
who supply
a demand and provide an
1681
01:31:27,941 --> 01:31:29,443
economic asset to the community.
1682
01:31:30,443 --> 01:31:32,866
Whew. Ed Earl.
1683
01:31:33,655 --> 01:31:38,126
You ever think about runnin' for office?
Huh? I swear.
1684
01:31:38,243 --> 01:31:40,245
You make that whorehouse
sound like a
1685
01:31:40,328 --> 01:31:41,830
damn nonprofit
recreational facility.
1686
01:31:43,039 --> 01:31:46,043
Governor, if
the citizens who elected me
1687
01:31:46,126 --> 01:31:48,174
found it necessary
for me to close it down,
1688
01:31:48,253 --> 01:31:49,926
I would close it down.
1689
01:31:50,005 --> 01:31:54,351
If Miss Mona and the girls that work
for her were jeopardizin' the health,
1690
01:31:54,426 --> 01:31:57,680
wealth or moral scruples of the
community, I would close it down.
1691
01:31:58,096 --> 01:32:00,098
If the place was just
a piddlin' nuisance,
1692
01:32:00,432 --> 01:32:03,527
an eyesore, a fire hazard,
I would close it down!
1693
01:32:03,601 --> 01:32:04,601
But there's nothin'.
1694
01:32:04,644 --> 01:32:07,397
No reason except
the goddam cries
1695
01:32:07,480 --> 01:32:10,233
of a muckrakin'
sensationalist on television.
1696
01:32:11,026 --> 01:32:13,279
Here they are, Governor.
What you've been waitin' for.
1697
01:32:16,448 --> 01:32:18,416
Aha. I'm sorry, Ed Earl.
1698
01:32:18,491 --> 01:32:21,995
But the Chicken Ranch loses,
42 to 37, with 21% undecided.
1699
01:32:22,412 --> 01:32:23,538
What is that?
1700
01:32:23,621 --> 01:32:26,044
The polls. You can't expect
me to go against the polls.
1701
01:32:26,124 --> 01:32:27,216
This is what the people want.
1702
01:32:27,292 --> 01:32:29,420
Melvin still outside? Maybe I can
catch the television cameras
1703
01:32:29,502 --> 01:32:31,379
before they leave.
Good seein' ya.
1704
01:32:31,671 --> 01:32:33,093
But it's not
what my people want.
1705
01:32:34,466 --> 01:32:36,969
Shaw's over, Sheriff.
Close it down!
1706
01:32:46,811 --> 01:32:49,030
CROWD: Hooray! Aha!
1707
01:32:51,483 --> 01:32:54,783
♪ Melvin Thorpe
has done it once again
1708
01:32:55,153 --> 01:32:58,657
♪ He's shone his
light and now we see
1709
01:32:59,115 --> 01:33:02,494
♪ Melvin Thorpe will
go through thick and thin
1710
01:33:02,577 --> 01:33:05,581
♪ And lead us on to victory ♪
1711
01:33:05,663 --> 01:33:06,835
(DOGETTES CONTINUE SINGING)
1712
01:33:06,915 --> 01:33:10,294
♪ Ooh, I love to
dance a little sidestep
1713
01:33:10,502 --> 01:33:12,049
♪ Now they see me Now they don't
1714
01:33:12,128 --> 01:33:14,096
♪ I've come and gone
1715
01:33:14,339 --> 01:33:18,060
♪ And ooh I love to sweep
around the wide step
1716
01:33:18,134 --> 01:33:21,354
♪ Cut a little swath
and lead the people on
1717
01:33:22,013 --> 01:33:25,233
DOGETTES: ♪ Melvin Thorpe
has done it once again
1718
01:33:25,517 --> 01:33:28,066
♪ He's shone his
light and now we see
1719
01:33:29,354 --> 01:33:33,029
♪ Melvin Thorpe will
go through thick and thin
1720
01:33:33,108 --> 01:33:35,987
♪ And lead us on to victory
1721
01:33:37,946 --> 01:33:41,450
♪ Melvin Thorpe
has done it once again
1722
01:33:41,533 --> 01:33:44,628
♪ He's shone his
light and now we see ♪
1723
01:33:44,702 --> 01:33:48,206
(LAUGHING) I'd love to see
that sheriff's face right now!
1724
01:33:49,499 --> 01:33:52,753
That Chicken Ranch
is gonna get it in the neck!
1725
01:33:53,503 --> 01:33:56,507
And Miss Mona,
she's gonna get hers, too.
1726
01:33:57,715 --> 01:33:59,183
DOGETTES: I' For all to see ♪
1727
01:33:59,384 --> 01:34:00,681
(SCREAMS)
1728
01:34:00,760 --> 01:34:05,140
♪ Melvin Thorpe will go through
thick and thin He'll lead us all to
1729
01:34:05,223 --> 01:34:09,694
♪ Victory ♪
1730
01:34:14,023 --> 01:34:15,570
ED EARL: Sorry son of a bitch.
1731
01:34:33,918 --> 01:34:35,386
(PHONE RINGS)
1732
01:34:37,964 --> 01:34:39,341
(RINGING)
1733
01:34:50,852 --> 01:34:52,024
Hello?
1734
01:34:53,271 --> 01:34:55,148
Mona, this is an official call.
1735
01:34:56,441 --> 01:34:58,114
As the Sheriff of
Lanville County,
1736
01:34:58,193 --> 01:34:59,365
it's my duty to tell you that...
1737
01:34:59,444 --> 01:35:01,947
Why don't you just get
to the point, Sheriff?
1738
01:35:03,740 --> 01:35:05,083
I gotta close you down.
1739
01:35:06,117 --> 01:35:07,289
I see.
1740
01:35:08,828 --> 01:35:10,626
How long do we have?
1741
01:35:11,122 --> 01:35:13,591
Be better to do it
as soon as possible.
1742
01:35:15,752 --> 01:35:17,220
I understand.
1743
01:35:18,254 --> 01:35:19,346
Mona.
1744
01:35:21,090 --> 01:35:22,967
About the other night.
1745
01:35:24,969 --> 01:35:26,642
I lost my temper.
1746
01:35:28,640 --> 01:35:30,438
I said some things
I shouldn't have said.
1747
01:35:32,518 --> 01:35:34,316
I want to apologize.
1748
01:35:35,188 --> 01:35:37,065
Oh, it's all right, Ed Earl.
1749
01:35:37,148 --> 01:35:40,618
I think we both said a whole
lot of things we regret.
1750
01:35:41,027 --> 01:35:42,574
If there's ever
anything I can do...
1751
01:35:42,946 --> 01:35:45,449
No, thank you. I think
you've done all you could.
1752
01:35:46,366 --> 01:35:48,334
I have to tell my girls.
1753
01:36:17,188 --> 01:36:18,610
(BELL DINGS)
1754
01:36:22,694 --> 01:36:25,197
Well, the news has come.
1755
01:36:25,738 --> 01:36:27,285
Just got a call
from the Sheriff,
1756
01:36:27,991 --> 01:36:29,868
and we are closed down.
1757
01:36:30,368 --> 01:36:32,496
Immediately and permanently.
1758
01:36:36,207 --> 01:36:37,629
WOMAN: Oh. What'll we do?
1759
01:36:37,709 --> 01:36:40,883
Well, Las Vegas, here I come.
1760
01:36:41,504 --> 01:36:43,472
Damn! I thought
when the Sheriff went
1761
01:36:43,548 --> 01:36:45,346
up to Austin to
speak to the Governor,
1762
01:36:45,425 --> 01:36:47,143
we'd get a reprieve.
1763
01:36:47,218 --> 01:36:48,435
What did you say?
1764
01:36:48,970 --> 01:36:50,517
Didn't you know
about that, Miss Mona?
1765
01:36:51,431 --> 01:36:52,899
He drove up last night.
1766
01:36:53,516 --> 01:36:56,440
The whole town's talkin' about
the way he fought for you.
1767
01:36:57,395 --> 01:36:59,363
Didn't he tell you that?
1768
01:36:59,647 --> 01:37:02,241
No. No, he didn't.
1769
01:37:32,305 --> 01:37:36,401
♪ Hey, maybe I'll dye my hair
1770
01:37:38,353 --> 01:37:40,902
♪ Maybe I'll move somewhere
1771
01:37:40,980 --> 01:37:43,108
♪ Maybe I'll get a car
1772
01:37:43,232 --> 01:37:48,614
♪ Maybe I'll drive so
far they'll all lose track
1773
01:37:48,946 --> 01:37:52,996
♪ Me, I'll bounce right back
1774
01:37:53,284 --> 01:37:55,412
♪ Maybe I'll sleep real late
1775
01:37:58,122 --> 01:38:00,466
♪ Maybe I'll lose some weight
1776
01:38:00,541 --> 01:38:02,839
♪ Maybe I'll clear my junk
1777
01:38:02,919 --> 01:38:08,517
♪ Maybe I'll just
get drunk on apple wine
1778
01:38:08,633 --> 01:38:14,640
♪ Me,
I'll be just fine and dandy
1779
01:38:14,764 --> 01:38:19,361
♪ Lord, it's like
a hard candy Christmas
1780
01:38:19,477 --> 01:38:22,401
♪ I'm barely getting through
1781
01:38:22,480 --> 01:38:23,982
♪ Tomorrow
1782
01:38:24,148 --> 01:38:26,071
♪ But still I won't let
1783
01:38:26,150 --> 01:38:29,120
♪ Sorrow bring me way down
1784
01:38:29,195 --> 01:38:33,792
♪ I'll be fine and dandy
1785
01:38:33,866 --> 01:38:38,588
♪ Lord, it's like
a hard candy Christmas
1786
01:38:38,663 --> 01:38:41,917
♪ I'm barely gettin' through
1787
01:38:41,999 --> 01:38:43,296
♪ Tomorrow
1788
01:38:43,376 --> 01:38:48,507
♪ But still I won't let
sorrow bring me way down
1789
01:38:52,176 --> 01:38:56,852
♪ Hey, maybe I'll learn to sew
1790
01:38:57,473 --> 01:39:01,194
♪ Hey, maybe I'll just lie low
1791
01:39:01,269 --> 01:39:03,363
♪ Maybe I'll hit the bars
1792
01:39:03,438 --> 01:39:08,615
♪ Maybe I'll count
the stars until the dawn
1793
01:39:08,693 --> 01:39:13,164
♪ Me, I will go on
1794
01:39:13,239 --> 01:39:16,459
♪ Maybe I'll settle down
1795
01:39:18,035 --> 01:39:20,333
♪ Maybe I'll just leave town
1796
01:39:20,413 --> 01:39:22,632
♪ Maybe I'll have some fun
1797
01:39:22,707 --> 01:39:28,214
♪ Maybe I'll meet
someone and make him mine
1798
01:39:28,296 --> 01:39:32,802
♪ Me, I'll be just fine
1799
01:39:32,884 --> 01:39:34,306
♪ And dandy
1800
01:39:34,385 --> 01:39:38,606
♪ Lord, it's like
a hard candy Christmas
1801
01:39:38,681 --> 01:39:43,562
♪ I'm barely
gettin ' through tomorrow
1802
01:39:43,644 --> 01:39:48,491
♪ But still I won't let sorrow
bring me way down
1803
01:39:48,566 --> 01:39:52,992
♪ I'll be fine and dandy
1804
01:39:53,112 --> 01:39:57,709
♪ Lord, it's like
a hard candy Christmas
1805
01:39:57,783 --> 01:40:02,505
♪ I'm barely
gettin ' through tomorrow
1806
01:40:02,580 --> 01:40:04,332
♪ But still I won't let
1807
01:40:04,415 --> 01:40:07,464
♪ Sorrow bring me way down
1808
01:40:09,837 --> 01:40:14,263
♪ I'll be fine and dandy
1809
01:40:14,425 --> 01:40:19,022
♪ Lord, it's like
a hard candy Christmas
1810
01:40:19,096 --> 01:40:23,727
♪ I'm barely
gettin ' through tomorrow
1811
01:40:23,809 --> 01:40:25,686
♪ But still I won't let
1812
01:40:25,770 --> 01:40:29,115
♪ Sorrow bring me way down
1813
01:40:50,127 --> 01:40:54,883
♪ I'll be fine
1814
01:40:55,132 --> 01:40:56,725
♪ I'll be fine
1815
01:40:59,887 --> 01:41:03,983
♪ I'll be fine ♪
1816
01:41:19,740 --> 01:41:21,583
FRED: So the girls left
1817
01:41:21,659 --> 01:41:24,333
and it was a sorry
day for Lanville County.
1818
01:41:27,498 --> 01:41:29,000
It's kinda like
the end of an era.
1819
01:41:29,917 --> 01:41:32,011
You know, like when you
graduate from high school?
1820
01:41:33,087 --> 01:41:35,510
Things are just
never the same again.
1821
01:41:37,216 --> 01:41:39,969
Ed Earl's up in
the state legislature now,
1822
01:41:40,678 --> 01:41:42,680
and I became the Sheriff.
1823
01:41:50,104 --> 01:41:52,224
I suppose you're wonderin'
what happened to Miss Mona.
1824
01:41:52,607 --> 01:41:55,907
Well, Ed Earl drove up
there on her last day.
1825
01:42:12,251 --> 01:42:13,628
Hey, Sheriff.
1826
01:42:13,711 --> 01:42:14,883
Good morning, Jewel.
1827
01:42:14,962 --> 01:42:18,557
I'm so pleased to see ya. I
knew you couldn't let me leave
1828
01:42:18,633 --> 01:42:21,261
without a sweet
goodbye for your old Porky.
1829
01:42:21,344 --> 01:42:22,687
(CHUCKLES)
1830
01:42:24,180 --> 01:42:25,397
Goodbye, Jewel.
1831
01:42:25,473 --> 01:42:26,565
Goodbye, Sheriff.
1832
01:42:26,641 --> 01:42:29,144
I sure hope you come up north
to visit Miss Mona and me.
1833
01:42:29,894 --> 01:42:31,146
Where is she?
1834
01:42:31,228 --> 01:42:32,445
Inside.
1835
01:42:34,315 --> 01:42:35,942
See you're takin'
the old juke with you.
1836
01:42:36,108 --> 01:42:40,158
(LAUGHING) You know I couldn't
leave without my bell and my box.
1837
01:43:24,448 --> 01:43:25,700
Ed Earl?
1838
01:43:28,953 --> 01:43:30,751
This old place looks
kinda funny, don't it?
1839
01:43:31,997 --> 01:43:34,546
Ben Sawtuck bought all
my furniture and fixtures
1840
01:43:34,625 --> 01:43:37,094
and Langston downtown
is gonna sell the rest.
1841
01:43:42,258 --> 01:43:43,858
Mona, there's
something I wanna tell you.
1842
01:43:44,135 --> 01:43:45,808
I want you to
thank your boys for me.
1843
01:43:46,137 --> 01:43:47,480
Those sightseers and
reporters would have
1844
01:43:47,555 --> 01:43:48,852
got all out of
hand if it hadn't been
1845
01:43:48,931 --> 01:43:50,558
for your deputies
down at the gate.
1846
01:43:52,852 --> 01:43:54,274
Mona,
you know me better than that.
1847
01:43:54,353 --> 01:43:56,113
Ed Earl, I believe
the thing for you to do is
1848
01:43:56,147 --> 01:43:57,865
just to put this
whole thing behind you
1849
01:43:57,940 --> 01:43:59,942
just as quick as you can.
1850
01:44:00,025 --> 01:44:03,404
I've made a little money, I've laughed
some, I've danced to the music.
1851
01:44:03,487 --> 01:44:05,581
It's just time to pay
the fiddler, that's all.
1852
01:44:09,160 --> 01:44:10,787
Mona, we've been
together a long time.
1853
01:44:12,329 --> 01:44:14,627
Sometimes I think you know me
better than I know myself.
1854
01:44:17,293 --> 01:44:19,091
So you know how hard
this is for me to say.
1855
01:44:21,672 --> 01:44:23,015
I love you.
1856
01:44:25,843 --> 01:44:27,516
Will you marry me?
1857
01:44:27,928 --> 01:44:31,603
Oh, Ed Earl, I've loved you
since I was 16-years-old.
1858
01:44:32,141 --> 01:44:34,690
But I've thought about
this for a long time.
1859
01:44:35,102 --> 01:44:36,820
And as much as I'd
love for it to work,
1860
01:44:37,563 --> 01:44:40,362
I know deep down in my heart
it ain't never gonna be.
1861
01:44:41,066 --> 01:44:42,784
Didn't you hear what I said?
1862
01:44:43,027 --> 01:44:44,119
I did, darlin'.
1863
01:44:44,195 --> 01:44:46,698
But it's gonna
always be just like it is.
1864
01:44:47,490 --> 01:44:50,243
There just ain't no way
in this world it can work.
1865
01:44:51,076 --> 01:44:52,953
We could make it work.
1866
01:44:53,204 --> 01:44:54,706
Just have to give it a chance.
1867
01:44:56,207 --> 01:44:57,379
♪ If I
1868
01:44:59,293 --> 01:45:01,466
♪ Should stay
1869
01:45:02,588 --> 01:45:05,182
♪ Well, I would only
1870
01:45:05,257 --> 01:45:08,386
♪ Be in your way
1871
01:45:09,804 --> 01:45:12,603
♪ And so I'll go
1872
01:45:13,474 --> 01:45:17,104
♪ And yet, I know
1873
01:45:17,186 --> 01:45:19,154
♪ That I'll think of you
1874
01:45:19,605 --> 01:45:22,825
♪ Each step of the way
1875
01:45:25,069 --> 01:45:28,323
♪ And I
1876
01:45:28,614 --> 01:45:32,118
♪ Will always
1877
01:45:32,201 --> 01:45:35,375
♪ Love you
1878
01:45:35,746 --> 01:45:39,046
♪ I will always
1879
01:45:39,124 --> 01:45:42,674
♪ Love you
1880
01:45:46,006 --> 01:45:48,350
♪ Bittersweet
1881
01:45:49,552 --> 01:45:51,350
♪ Memories
1882
01:45:53,597 --> 01:45:58,774
♪ I guess that's all
I'll be takin' with me
1883
01:46:01,146 --> 01:46:03,148
♪ Good-bye
1884
01:46:03,482 --> 01:46:06,281
♪ Oh, please, don't cry
1885
01:46:06,986 --> 01:46:13,915
♪ 'Cause we both know
that I'm not what you need
1886
01:46:15,119 --> 01:46:18,373
♪ But I
1887
01:46:18,455 --> 01:46:21,459
♪ Will always
1888
01:46:21,542 --> 01:46:24,967
♪ Love you
1889
01:46:25,129 --> 01:46:28,724
♪ I will always
1890
01:46:28,799 --> 01:46:32,849
♪ Love you ♪
1891
01:46:38,767 --> 01:46:40,440
I know you're
gonna get your dream.
1892
01:46:42,062 --> 01:46:45,441
And I know you're gonna do a real
good job in the legislature.
1893
01:46:47,067 --> 01:46:48,614
But if you was to marry me...
1894
01:46:48,694 --> 01:46:50,037
Wait, a second.
1895
01:46:51,113 --> 01:46:52,490
I love you.
1896
01:46:53,866 --> 01:46:55,994
I don't give
a damn what people say.
1897
01:47:01,498 --> 01:47:03,796
ED EARL: Jewel!
Hold it right there!
1898
01:47:03,876 --> 01:47:06,174
JEWEL: What's that, Sheriff?
1899
01:47:08,797 --> 01:47:10,640
Which one of them bags is hers?
1900
01:47:10,716 --> 01:47:12,013
That one.
1901
01:47:12,509 --> 01:47:15,353
And that one there, there...
1902
01:47:23,145 --> 01:47:25,318
on, Sheriff! (CHUCKLES)
1903
01:47:27,566 --> 01:47:32,037
JEWEL: I always knew you'd
come through! (LAUGHING)
1904
01:47:44,500 --> 01:47:46,969
on! (LAUGHS)
1905
01:48:44,935 --> 01:48:48,485
FRED". Well, that's pretty darn
close to the way it happened.
1906
01:48:48,772 --> 01:48:53,073
The old Watchdog, Melvin P.
Thorpe, got what he wanted.
1907
01:48:53,944 --> 01:48:56,197
Miss Mona married Ed Earl
1908
01:48:56,280 --> 01:48:58,282
and they got what they wanted.
1909
01:48:58,365 --> 01:49:02,791
And the people of Texas, well,
they got what they wanted.
1910
01:49:02,870 --> 01:49:07,250
Another legend, the legend
of the Chicken Ranch.
1911
01:49:08,250 --> 01:49:11,424
♪ It's just a little bitty
pissant country place
1912
01:49:11,503 --> 01:49:13,301
♪ Nothin' much to see
1913
01:49:13,505 --> 01:49:16,224
♪ No drinkin' allowed
We get a nice quiet crowd
1914
01:49:16,300 --> 01:49:17,893
♪ Plain as it can be
1915
01:49:17,968 --> 01:49:20,938
♪ It's just a piddly, squattin'
old-time country place
1916
01:49:21,013 --> 01:49:23,015
♪ Nothin' too high-toned
1917
01:49:23,098 --> 01:49:25,396
♪ Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
1918
01:49:25,476 --> 01:49:28,070
♪ But there's
nothin' dirty goin' on
1919
01:49:28,145 --> 01:49:30,398
♪ It's just a little
bitty pissant country place
1920
01:49:30,481 --> 01:49:32,324
♪ Nothin' much to see
1921
01:49:32,524 --> 01:49:35,243
♪ No drinkin' allowed
We get a nice quiet crowd
1922
01:49:35,319 --> 01:49:36,992
♪ Plain as it can be
1923
01:49:37,071 --> 01:49:39,915
♪ It's just a piddly, squattin'
old-time country place
1924
01:49:39,990 --> 01:49:41,992
♪ Nothin' too high-toned
1925
01:49:42,117 --> 01:49:44,586
♪ Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
1926
01:49:44,661 --> 01:49:46,629
♪ Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
1927
01:49:46,705 --> 01:49:49,128
♪ Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
1928
01:49:49,208 --> 01:49:50,835
♪ But there's
nothin' dirty goin' on
1929
01:49:53,629 --> 01:49:55,882
♪ Nothin' dirty goin' on ♪
1930
01:49:56,632 --> 01:49:58,680
Y'all come back now, ya hear?
150283
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