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1
00:00:04,173 --> 00:00:06,791
Good evening. Welcome to the show.
The extra buttons.
2
00:00:08,462 --> 00:00:10,152
Yeah.
3
00:00:11,724 --> 00:00:14,791
What kind of a sicko, really,
would save these...
4
00:00:14,958 --> 00:00:17,380
...have them in a huge file?
5
00:00:17,549 --> 00:00:20,549
Drawers that wide.
You know, you just....
6
00:00:22,350 --> 00:00:23,526
''Where the hell is that but--''
7
00:00:23,694 --> 00:00:27,753
I mean, is it that hard to get
black, round buttons...
8
00:00:27,918 --> 00:00:29,706
...that they make it
into a whole thing?
9
00:00:29,870 --> 00:00:31,431
Like this is such a great jacket.
10
00:00:31,597 --> 00:00:35,591
These buttons are so unique,
so one-of-a-kind.
11
00:00:35,758 --> 00:00:38,060
You'll never find them.
We'll save you the trouble...
12
00:00:38,223 --> 00:00:41,257
...of knocking your brains out.
We know they're going to fall off too.
13
00:00:41,423 --> 00:00:44,009
That's the other point that
they're trying to make here.
14
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,592
Everyone in my family's creative.
15
00:00:51,758 --> 00:00:54,857
And even though I'm working
as an accountant right now...
16
00:00:55,024 --> 00:00:58,286
...I'd really like to eventually
work exclusively...
17
00:00:58,446 --> 00:01:00,651
...on my papier-mâché hats.
18
00:01:04,336 --> 00:01:06,571
I don't understand.
Papier-mâché hats?
19
00:01:09,551 --> 00:01:10,981
What if it rains?
20
00:01:12,976 --> 00:01:15,147
They're art.
You hang them on the wall.
21
00:01:15,599 --> 00:01:16,810
Art.
22
00:01:17,487 --> 00:01:20,304
It's my creative outlet,
one of my passions.
23
00:01:20,463 --> 00:01:21,740
Any money in it?
24
00:01:22,704 --> 00:01:25,006
''Who so belongs only to his age...
25
00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:28,813
...reverences only its popinjays
and mumbo jumbos.''
26
00:01:29,873 --> 00:01:32,012
Of course. Right.
27
00:01:32,336 --> 00:01:35,653
-Thomas Carlyle, 1 864.
-Tommy C.
28
00:01:41,265 --> 00:01:42,890
These are the receipts from '85.
29
00:01:43,218 --> 00:01:45,258
-And I'm gonna do '86.
-I'm sorry.
30
00:01:45,424 --> 00:01:48,906
I thought it was a legitimate charity.
I didn't know you'd get audited.
31
00:01:49,074 --> 00:01:51,278
I don't blame you. I blame myself.
32
00:01:51,441 --> 00:01:53,678
-No, blame me.
-Okay, I blame you.
33
00:01:53,842 --> 00:01:56,232
-No, no, don't blame me.
-What was I supposed to do?
34
00:01:56,401 --> 00:01:57,962
I was on my first date with Elaine.
35
00:01:58,131 --> 00:02:00,650
You come barging in here,
asking me to contribute money...
36
00:02:00,817 --> 00:02:03,338
...to a volcano relief fund
for Krakatoa.
37
00:02:03,505 --> 00:02:05,033
It was supposed to erupt.
38
00:02:05,203 --> 00:02:06,828
I find the whole thing embarrassing.
39
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:09,001
Well, you know what
my feelings are about this.
40
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:10,348
I don't even pay taxes.
41
00:02:10,514 --> 00:02:12,751
Yeah. That's easy when
you have no income.
42
00:02:14,803 --> 00:02:16,810
-Hi.
-Hi.
43
00:02:16,979 --> 00:02:20,240
Kramer, do me a favor, will you?
44
00:02:20,402 --> 00:02:23,186
lf you insist on making pasta
in my apartment...
45
00:02:23,666 --> 00:02:27,463
...please don't put the tomato sauce
on the pasta while it's in the strainer.
46
00:02:27,635 --> 00:02:32,076
All the little squares have
hardened red sauce in them.
47
00:02:33,076 --> 00:02:34,897
What's so funny?
48
00:02:35,060 --> 00:02:38,256
Oh, I don't know. Kramer dating
your roommate, it's funny.
49
00:02:39,474 --> 00:02:41,231
It's a riot, Alice.
50
00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:43,049
When do you put the sauce on?
51
00:02:43,219 --> 00:02:44,746
Any other time.
52
00:02:45,235 --> 00:02:48,551
No, no, no. I like to strain the sauce.
53
00:02:48,916 --> 00:02:52,299
And I could really live without...
54
00:02:52,467 --> 00:02:56,941
...the tribal music and the make-out
sessions in the living room.
55
00:02:58,133 --> 00:02:59,538
Yeah, Tina likes the couch.
56
00:03:04,821 --> 00:03:08,117
-What are you doing? What is all this?
-Oh, he's helping me sort my receipts.
57
00:03:08,276 --> 00:03:09,683
I'm being audited.
58
00:03:09,844 --> 00:03:12,016
You're being audited? What for?
59
00:03:12,180 --> 00:03:15,409
Oh, I contributed money to a charity
that turned out to be fraudulent.
60
00:03:15,572 --> 00:03:18,572
-It's really very boring.
-When was this?
61
00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:20,945
A long, long time ago...
62
00:03:21,108 --> 00:03:24,142
...in a galaxy far, far away.
63
00:03:24,373 --> 00:03:29,391
I remember you donated to some
volcano thing on our first date.
64
00:03:29,621 --> 00:03:31,826
Volcano? Really?
65
00:03:32,277 --> 00:03:34,830
Oh, wait a minute.
Don't tell me that that was--
66
00:03:34,998 --> 00:03:36,754
Something to drink?
67
00:03:36,918 --> 00:03:38,707
What, did you think
that would impress me?
68
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,179
You've got me all wrong.
69
00:03:40,533 --> 00:03:43,468
I was thinking only
of the poor Krakatoan.
70
00:03:43,638 --> 00:03:45,580
Like you'd make this donation
for 50 bucks...
71
00:03:45,750 --> 00:03:47,605
...and I'd start tearing my clothes off?
72
00:03:47,766 --> 00:03:50,351
Those brave Krakatoans...
73
00:03:51,126 --> 00:03:53,166
...east of Java...
74
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:56,400
...who sacrificed so much,
for so long.
75
00:03:56,566 --> 00:03:58,192
Now you're being audited
because of it.
76
00:03:58,358 --> 00:04:00,595
-See, that's karma.
-No, that's Kramer.
77
00:04:04,695 --> 00:04:07,892
-So, what are you gonna do?
-It's all taken care of.
78
00:04:08,054 --> 00:04:09,298
How is that?
79
00:04:10,359 --> 00:04:12,781
An old friend of mine,
whom you may have met...
80
00:04:12,951 --> 00:04:15,503
...George Costanza,
has recently become intimate...
81
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,038
...with a female accountant
who was formerly...
82
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,655
...a highly placed official
with a little outfit...
83
00:04:20,824 --> 00:04:23,759
...known as the IRS.
84
00:04:23,928 --> 00:04:26,830
And as we speak,
at this very moment...
85
00:04:27,383 --> 00:04:31,278
...he is handing over to her
all of my pertinent tax information...
86
00:04:31,576 --> 00:04:33,583
...and she has assured us...
87
00:04:33,945 --> 00:04:38,002
...that the matter is well within
her field of expertise.
88
00:04:39,448 --> 00:04:40,626
Why is she doing this?
89
00:04:40,792 --> 00:04:42,734
I don't know. It must be love.
90
00:04:43,352 --> 00:04:45,359
I don't think we should see
each other anymore.
91
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:48,501
You're great...
92
00:04:48,824 --> 00:04:51,606
...but I'm riddled
with personal problems.
93
00:04:51,769 --> 00:04:54,005
-What's wrong? What did I do?
-Nothing. It's not you.
94
00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:57,966
It's me. I have a fear of commitment.
95
00:04:58,137 --> 00:05:00,919
-I don't know how to love.
-You hate my earrings, don't you?
96
00:05:01,625 --> 00:05:03,119
-No, no.
-And you didn't comment...
97
00:05:03,288 --> 00:05:04,466
...on the chopsticks.
98
00:05:04,634 --> 00:05:08,725
I love the chopsticks. I personally
prefer a fork, but they look very nice.
99
00:05:10,489 --> 00:05:13,206
You're not telling me the truth.
I must have done something.
100
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,722
-I have a fear of intimacy. l--
-Don't give me clichés.
101
00:05:16,889 --> 00:05:18,515
I have a right to know.
What did I do?
102
00:05:18,682 --> 00:05:19,958
Nothing. It's not you.
103
00:05:20,122 --> 00:05:21,496
I want the truth!
104
00:05:21,658 --> 00:05:24,626
The truth? You want the truth?!
105
00:05:24,795 --> 00:05:26,420
It is your earrings!
106
00:05:26,586 --> 00:05:27,895
It is your chopsticks.
107
00:05:28,058 --> 00:05:30,579
But it's so much more.
You're pretentious.
108
00:05:31,002 --> 00:05:32,890
You call everyone by their full name.
109
00:05:33,050 --> 00:05:35,439
You called my doorman Sammy,
''Samuel.''
110
00:05:35,611 --> 00:05:39,188
But you didn't even say Samuel.
You went ''Samuel.''
111
00:05:39,354 --> 00:05:40,947
Papier-mâché?
112
00:05:41,115 --> 00:05:43,482
What is papier-mâché?
113
00:05:44,826 --> 00:05:46,004
Keep going.
114
00:05:46,651 --> 00:05:49,400
I think I made my point.
115
00:05:50,811 --> 00:05:52,437
I'm sorry if I was a little harsh.
116
00:05:53,435 --> 00:05:55,475
No. I asked for the truth.
117
00:05:56,154 --> 00:05:57,911
Thank you for being so honest.
118
00:05:59,035 --> 00:06:00,464
Can l...?
119
00:06:00,635 --> 00:06:04,377
-Can I walk you back to work?
-I really prefer to go alone.
120
00:06:05,979 --> 00:06:07,222
How much do I owe?
121
00:06:07,388 --> 00:06:08,762
Oh, please.
122
00:06:09,596 --> 00:06:11,832
Four dollars is fine.
123
00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:16,085
lf this audit had happened to me and
I didn't have this woman to help me...
124
00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:19,797
...I would've killed this man. I would've
strangled him with my bare hands.
125
00:06:19,964 --> 00:06:21,906
-I don't blame you.
-Ever been through an audit?
126
00:06:22,076 --> 00:06:23,670
-No.
-It's hell.
127
00:06:23,836 --> 00:06:27,218
It's the financial equivalent
of a complete rectal examination.
128
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:29,047
I would've killed this man.
129
00:06:29,212 --> 00:06:30,620
Torn him limb from limb.
130
00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:33,814
Ripped the flesh right off his bones.
131
00:06:36,348 --> 00:06:37,592
-Yeah?
It's George.
132
00:06:37,757 --> 00:06:39,067
Come on up.
133
00:06:39,836 --> 00:06:42,357
There he is, the man himself...
134
00:06:42,525 --> 00:06:44,347
...George Louis Costanza.
135
00:06:44,509 --> 00:06:46,745
Here I am, about to go
to the electric chair...
136
00:06:46,909 --> 00:06:49,462
...and my oldest friend
is dating the governor.
137
00:06:51,805 --> 00:06:54,556
My whole life has been
a complete waste of time.
138
00:06:54,909 --> 00:06:56,338
And there's so much more to go.
139
00:06:56,509 --> 00:06:59,159
Now I know what I'm supposed
to do. It is so simple.
140
00:06:59,326 --> 00:07:03,036
Tell the truth. That's all.
Just tell the truth.
141
00:07:03,197 --> 00:07:05,402
-You give her my tax papers?
-What?
142
00:07:05,566 --> 00:07:07,322
My papers?
143
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,105
What?
144
00:07:10,270 --> 00:07:11,994
Oh, the papers.
145
00:07:12,446 --> 00:07:14,682
-You didn't give her the papers?
-No, I did.
146
00:07:14,847 --> 00:07:16,505
So?
147
00:07:18,527 --> 00:07:20,414
I broke up with her.
148
00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:31,350
-You what?
-I broke up with her.
149
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:32,981
I'm being audited...
150
00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:35,671
-...and you broke up with her?
-It's okay. It's fine.
151
00:07:35,839 --> 00:07:39,581
-She'll do it. I'm sure she'll still do it.
-Why? Why will she still do it?
152
00:07:39,743 --> 00:07:42,907
She hates you now. People don't
do you favors after you dump them.
153
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,566
No, no. We left on good terms.
154
00:07:44,735 --> 00:07:46,590
How is that possible?
155
00:07:46,751 --> 00:07:50,046
Because l--
I told her the truth.
156
00:07:50,335 --> 00:07:52,441
-Oh, my God.
-Okay.
157
00:07:52,607 --> 00:07:54,712
-It's unheard of.
-She asked me to.
158
00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:56,123
So you lie.
159
00:07:56,287 --> 00:07:59,636
-What did you tell her?
-I told her that she was pretentious.
160
00:07:59,808 --> 00:08:01,182
Pretentious?
161
00:08:01,344 --> 00:08:04,792
The woman has my tax papers.
You told her she's pretentious?
162
00:08:04,961 --> 00:08:06,368
The IRS...
163
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,798
...they're like the Mafia.
They take anything they want.
164
00:08:08,961 --> 00:08:11,295
How would you like it if
someone told you the truth?
165
00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:14,041
-What? What could they say?
-There are plenty of things to say.
166
00:08:14,209 --> 00:08:16,543
Like what? I'm bald?
What is it specifically?
167
00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:18,712
Is there an odor I'm not aware of?
168
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,983
-George, please.
-Give me one.
169
00:08:21,344 --> 00:08:23,417
-You sure?
-Yes.
170
00:08:23,584 --> 00:08:25,079
Okay.
171
00:08:26,850 --> 00:08:29,216
You're extremely...
172
00:08:29,665 --> 00:08:31,324
...careful with money.
173
00:08:33,153 --> 00:08:34,495
I'm what?
174
00:08:34,657 --> 00:08:36,730
-Forget it.
-I'm cheap? You think I'm cheap?!
175
00:08:36,898 --> 00:08:39,287
How could you say that to me?
I can't believe this!
176
00:08:39,458 --> 00:08:41,792
-How could you say that to me?
-You asked me to.
177
00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:43,809
-You should've lied.
-So should you!
178
00:08:43,970 --> 00:08:46,042
Okay, wait a second.
What happened to my papers?
179
00:08:46,209 --> 00:08:48,730
-I'm not really working right now.
-I know.
180
00:08:48,898 --> 00:08:51,713
When I was working, I spent, baby!
181
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:56,219
Yeah, I know.
Champagne, limos, cigars.
182
00:08:56,387 --> 00:08:57,881
What happened to the papers?
183
00:08:58,050 --> 00:09:00,418
She put them in her pocketbook.
I guess she took them.
184
00:09:00,578 --> 00:09:04,572
-A pocketbook or a handbag?
-Is that relevant? She took them.
185
00:09:05,026 --> 00:09:07,001
Call her office.
186
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:08,600
Give me the phone.
187
00:09:15,683 --> 00:09:18,367
Yeah, hi, I'd like to speak to Patrice.
188
00:09:19,043 --> 00:09:20,604
What?
189
00:09:21,443 --> 00:09:23,331
Oh, really.
190
00:09:23,587 --> 00:09:26,043
Oh, okay. Thank you.
191
00:09:27,619 --> 00:09:29,507
What? What?
192
00:09:30,435 --> 00:09:32,192
She never came back from lunch.
193
00:09:33,092 --> 00:09:34,947
This is no good.
194
00:09:36,516 --> 00:09:38,339
This is no good.
195
00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:41,369
Call her house.
196
00:09:46,404 --> 00:09:47,834
Hi. Are you okay?
197
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:50,844
No, no. No--
198
00:09:55,684 --> 00:09:57,539
She hung up.
199
00:09:58,564 --> 00:10:00,125
Not good.
200
00:10:01,508 --> 00:10:03,996
All right, look,
there's nothing to be worried about.
201
00:10:04,165 --> 00:10:06,205
She's just a little annoyed right now.
202
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,282
Tomorrow, I'll personally
go over there.
203
00:10:08,837 --> 00:10:11,390
I'll apologize. I'll get the papers.
204
00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:14,851
Don't worry. Don't worry.
205
00:10:16,389 --> 00:10:18,245
Not good.
206
00:10:20,774 --> 00:10:23,196
Yeah, it's a windshield.
207
00:10:24,453 --> 00:10:27,171
I can see that. What's it for?
208
00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:29,243
I found it on the road.
209
00:10:33,671 --> 00:10:35,613
-Yeah?
I just finished working out.
210
00:10:35,783 --> 00:10:38,532
-Are you busy?
-No. Come on up.
211
00:10:38,694 --> 00:10:41,890
Can you believe somebody
threw this out?
212
00:10:43,334 --> 00:10:46,204
I'm gonna make a coffee table
out of this and surprise Tina.
213
00:10:46,374 --> 00:10:48,546
Well, wouldn't it be invisible?
214
00:10:48,711 --> 00:10:51,777
I mean, what, are you gonna just
sense it's in front of the couch?
215
00:10:52,359 --> 00:10:53,985
Well....
216
00:11:02,503 --> 00:11:03,965
Hello.
217
00:11:04,391 --> 00:11:06,148
Hello.
218
00:11:08,263 --> 00:11:10,238
What's with you two?
219
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:15,138
-You haven't told him?
-Told me what?
220
00:11:17,255 --> 00:11:19,711
Go ahead, tell him.
221
00:11:20,264 --> 00:11:22,053
I saw her naked.
222
00:11:28,232 --> 00:11:30,239
He saw me naked.
223
00:11:31,208 --> 00:11:34,110
Kramer saw me naked.
224
00:11:35,593 --> 00:11:36,901
Well, it was an accident.
225
00:11:37,065 --> 00:11:39,847
Who walks into a woman's bedroom
without knocking? I wanna know.
226
00:11:40,168 --> 00:11:42,176
I thought it was a closet.
227
00:11:43,754 --> 00:11:44,931
Completely naked?
228
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:47,682
Completely naked.
229
00:11:48,489 --> 00:11:51,752
Jerry, how can I go on?
230
00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:58,408
All right, if it's gonna make you feel
any better, you can see me naked.
231
00:11:58,569 --> 00:12:00,194
No, thank you.
232
00:12:01,193 --> 00:12:03,102
-No, I want you to see me naked.
-No, no, no.
233
00:12:03,273 --> 00:12:04,484
-I wanna show you.
-No! Jerry!
234
00:12:04,650 --> 00:12:06,788
Hold it. Just a second.
235
00:12:06,953 --> 00:12:10,117
Let's not lose our heads here.
236
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,934
Kramer, you know you're always
welcome in my home...
237
00:12:13,097 --> 00:12:15,433
...but as far as Mr. Johnson
is concerned...
238
00:12:15,594 --> 00:12:17,863
...that's another story.
239
00:12:20,362 --> 00:12:23,559
-What is this?
-It's a windshield.
240
00:12:23,882 --> 00:12:25,987
It's going to be
your new coffee table.
241
00:12:26,475 --> 00:12:29,606
I'm gonna kill myself on that thing.
You can't even see it.
242
00:12:29,770 --> 00:12:31,232
You'll sense it.
243
00:12:36,042 --> 00:12:38,499
Well? What happened?
Was she there?
244
00:12:38,668 --> 00:12:40,522
No. No, she wasn't.
245
00:12:40,684 --> 00:12:42,887
-You didn't get my papers?
-No, I didn't.
246
00:12:45,804 --> 00:12:47,178
Well, where is she?
247
00:12:48,171 --> 00:12:50,627
A mental institution.
248
00:12:51,532 --> 00:12:54,379
Why is it so difficult,
uncomfortable to be naked?
249
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,482
It's because we have clothes on...
250
00:12:56,652 --> 00:13:00,132
...you can always make those little
adjustments, which people love to do.
251
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:03,464
You feel like you're getting it together.
''Yeah, I look pretty good.
252
00:13:03,629 --> 00:13:05,733
Feeling good, looking good.''
253
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:10,123
But when you're naked, it's like--
It's so final. You're just, ''Well...
254
00:13:10,284 --> 00:13:12,072
...that's it.
255
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,180
There's nothing else I can do.''
256
00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:18,242
That's why I like to wear
a belt when I'm naked.
257
00:13:18,413 --> 00:13:20,005
Because I feel
it gives me something.
258
00:13:20,172 --> 00:13:22,889
Some, you know,
''I'm naked, but, you know....''
259
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:26,371
I'd like to get pockets to hang
off of the belt. That would be--
260
00:13:26,541 --> 00:13:28,396
Wouldn't that be the ultimate thing?
261
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:31,524
To be naked
and still be able to do this.
262
00:13:31,692 --> 00:13:34,692
I think that would really help a lot.
263
00:13:37,486 --> 00:13:39,176
A mental institution?
264
00:13:39,341 --> 00:13:42,506
You know what they do in there?
Did you see Cuckoo's Nest?
265
00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:44,970
They put those electrodes
in your head.
266
00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:46,856
It's not really a mental institution.
267
00:13:47,021 --> 00:13:48,680
It's more like a depression clinic.
268
00:13:48,845 --> 00:13:52,162
She went out to Woodhaven and
checked herself in. I'm sick over this.
269
00:13:52,334 --> 00:13:54,243
-Who told you this?
-Her roommate.
270
00:13:54,415 --> 00:13:56,137
I've driven women
to lesbianism before...
271
00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:58,189
...but never to a mental institution.
272
00:14:01,743 --> 00:14:04,426
My friend Bob Sacamano
had shock treatments.
273
00:14:04,591 --> 00:14:07,721
But his synapses were so large,
had no effect.
274
00:14:08,910 --> 00:14:12,523
You know, I hate to raise
a crass financial concern...
275
00:14:12,687 --> 00:14:17,291
...but was there any information
as to the whereabouts of my papers?
276
00:14:18,223 --> 00:14:21,737
She put them in her pocketbook. She
probably took them out there with her.
277
00:14:21,966 --> 00:14:24,039
-So, what now?
-I don't know.
278
00:14:24,207 --> 00:14:25,385
Can we go out there?
279
00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:27,785
-Where?
-Woodhaven.
280
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:31,310
We could.
281
00:14:31,951 --> 00:14:33,708
I'm very nervous about this.
282
00:14:33,935 --> 00:14:37,100
I've never spoken
to a mental patient before.
283
00:14:37,456 --> 00:14:40,008
My cousin Douglas
was in a place like this one time.
284
00:14:40,176 --> 00:14:43,787
Came over to my house for dinner,
there was no soda...
285
00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:45,926
...and he went berserk.
286
00:14:46,096 --> 00:14:48,746
He was screaming, ''Where's
the Pepsi? Where's the Pepsi?''
287
00:14:48,911 --> 00:14:51,368
I should be in a place like this.
288
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:53,737
I envy this woman.
289
00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:56,648
Get to wear slippers all day.
290
00:14:56,944 --> 00:14:59,049
Friends visit, they pity you.
291
00:14:59,792 --> 00:15:03,884
Pity's very underrated. I like it.
It's good.
292
00:15:04,208 --> 00:15:07,143
Plus, they give you those word-
association tests. I love those.
293
00:15:07,313 --> 00:15:09,386
They're great.
There's no wrong answer.
294
00:15:09,554 --> 00:15:12,172
-Potato.
-Tuberculosis.
295
00:15:13,169 --> 00:15:15,144
-Blanket.
-Leroy.
296
00:15:15,410 --> 00:15:18,224
-Grass.
-Tuberculosis.
297
00:15:21,777 --> 00:15:23,719
Oh, boy. Here she comes.
298
00:15:30,865 --> 00:15:32,143
Oh, my God.
299
00:15:37,809 --> 00:15:40,711
Oh, Kram....
300
00:15:50,227 --> 00:15:52,845
Kramer! Kramer, could you please...
301
00:15:53,011 --> 00:15:54,419
...put something on?
302
00:15:55,507 --> 00:15:57,775
Well.... Oh, boy.
303
00:15:57,939 --> 00:16:00,208
Listen, you want some leftovers?
304
00:16:00,372 --> 00:16:03,471
I made some African food.
There's yambalas and sambusa.
305
00:16:03,827 --> 00:16:05,551
Sweetie.
306
00:16:05,810 --> 00:16:09,869
-Are you coming back to bed?
-Yeah, yeah. I'll be right there, babe.
307
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,379
Hi, Elaine.
308
00:16:15,988 --> 00:16:18,769
What did you think
of the coffee table?
309
00:16:19,859 --> 00:16:21,615
It's invisible.
310
00:16:21,779 --> 00:16:23,089
So is everything cool or what?
311
00:16:23,252 --> 00:16:25,739
Yeah, you seem
a little bit dysfunctional.
312
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:29,707
-Well....
-Come on, Elaine...
313
00:16:29,876 --> 00:16:31,470
...just tell us the truth.
314
00:16:33,012 --> 00:16:34,605
The truth?
315
00:16:34,772 --> 00:16:36,202
You want the truth?
316
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:38,858
Who are you?
317
00:16:40,949 --> 00:16:43,533
This is my friend...
318
00:16:44,660 --> 00:16:46,417
...Jerry.
319
00:16:48,085 --> 00:16:49,808
Why are you talking like that?
320
00:16:49,973 --> 00:16:52,112
And what do you want?
321
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:53,684
Want? What could I possibly want?
322
00:16:53,845 --> 00:16:57,937
I just came because I heard so many
nice things about you from George.
323
00:16:58,294 --> 00:16:59,854
Gorge thinks I'm pretentious.
324
00:17:00,597 --> 00:17:03,019
Pretentious. Who isn't pretentious?
I mean...
325
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:06,867
...if everyone that was pretentious
was in a mental institution--
326
00:17:07,030 --> 00:17:09,965
Obviously,
this isn't a mental institution.
327
00:17:11,286 --> 00:17:14,733
You're trying to take it back because
you're feeling guilty I'm in here.
328
00:17:14,902 --> 00:17:16,975
-No, that's not it at all.
-Don't lie, George!
329
00:17:17,143 --> 00:17:18,256
I'm not a liar.
330
00:17:18,870 --> 00:17:20,147
We're cool. Everything's cool.
331
00:17:20,311 --> 00:17:22,699
-No problem. We're good.
-Just chatting.
332
00:17:22,870 --> 00:17:24,180
Very friendly.
333
00:17:26,549 --> 00:17:28,307
Alrighty.
334
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:31,055
No reason for us to raise our voices.
335
00:17:31,319 --> 00:17:33,522
I know what you said.
You can't change that.
336
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,693
What I said.
I say stupid things all the time.
337
00:17:35,863 --> 00:17:38,034
I can't go two minutes
without saying something dumb.
338
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,941
It's one stupid thing after another.
339
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:44,689
So let me ask you, when you come
to one of these places...
340
00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:46,480
...do you bring your pocketbook?
341
00:17:47,352 --> 00:17:48,945
You should be the one criticizing me.
342
00:17:49,112 --> 00:17:51,631
I'm lucky to even know
someone like you.
343
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:53,712
-Do you mean that?
-Of course.
344
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,368
-I'm incapable of guile.
-He's never guiled.
345
00:17:57,336 --> 00:18:01,198
You know, some women keep a lot of
important papers in their pocketbooks.
346
00:18:01,367 --> 00:18:03,256
Like, for example...
347
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,351
...someone else's
personal financial papers.
348
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:08,786
Papers.
349
00:18:08,952 --> 00:18:11,821
Oh, Jerry. You're the Jerome
with the tax problem.
350
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,679
You know,
after that date with George...
351
00:18:14,841 --> 00:18:17,458
...I got so cuckoo,
I threw out all your papers.
352
00:18:17,624 --> 00:18:20,014
So I'd love to help you,
but I'll just need the copies.
353
00:18:21,752 --> 00:18:23,410
There are no copies.
354
00:18:24,345 --> 00:18:25,687
So...
355
00:18:25,849 --> 00:18:28,271
...are you saying you want
to continue seeing me?
356
00:18:28,761 --> 00:18:30,768
Who makes copies?
357
00:18:31,929 --> 00:18:34,350
The truth is...
358
00:18:35,416 --> 00:18:36,594
...I think...
359
00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:41,648
...you make a very nice couple.
360
00:18:43,865 --> 00:18:45,775
Oh, Kramer.
361
00:18:57,083 --> 00:18:59,416
-Here, Kramer?
-No, no.
362
00:18:59,577 --> 00:19:01,650
Let's go to the couch.
363
00:19:04,763 --> 00:19:07,218
Yes, I'm trying to get
a copy of a receipt...
364
00:19:07,386 --> 00:19:10,452
...for a computer that I bought there.
365
00:19:11,898 --> 00:19:14,385
It was 1 98 7.
366
00:19:14,939 --> 00:19:18,867
I remember I talked to a guy,
had, like, a maroon sport jacket...
367
00:19:19,035 --> 00:19:22,712
...and he might have had a toupee.
Oh, it was a weave?
368
00:19:23,739 --> 00:19:26,773
Okay, well, then I'll come by.
369
00:19:26,940 --> 00:19:28,151
Okay, bye.
370
00:19:28,570 --> 00:19:31,027
Anybody want to take a walk down
to 48th Street?
371
00:19:31,196 --> 00:19:33,562
I think I may have tracked
down another receipt.
372
00:19:34,044 --> 00:19:36,760
I can't. I got to go visit Tina
in the hospital.
373
00:19:36,924 --> 00:19:38,898
-George?
-I'm going to a poetry reading...
374
00:19:39,069 --> 00:19:40,312
...with Patrice.
375
00:19:40,475 --> 00:19:42,385
First-time poets.
376
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:45,490
It's in a burnt-out building
down by the docks.
377
00:19:46,045 --> 00:19:47,800
It's supposed to be good.
378
00:19:51,484 --> 00:19:53,012
Are you going to the hospital now?
379
00:19:53,180 --> 00:19:55,668
-Yeah, I suppose I am.
-All right. Great, great.
380
00:19:55,837 --> 00:19:57,015
We'll share a cab.
381
00:19:57,180 --> 00:19:58,871
You going by 48th.
You can give me a ride.
382
00:19:59,038 --> 00:20:00,313
I'm getting in on that.
383
00:20:00,476 --> 00:20:02,265
-Yeah.
-You know you're chipping in.
384
00:20:02,428 --> 00:20:04,435
You're going that way anyway!
385
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:06,392
Come on.
386
00:20:06,877 --> 00:20:10,041
I was audited last year.
I have been through an audit.
387
00:20:10,205 --> 00:20:13,107
At first, I thought, ''Well,
IRS kind of sounds like Toys 'R' Us.
388
00:20:13,277 --> 00:20:16,375
Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe they
have a sense of fun about it.''
389
00:20:16,541 --> 00:20:19,127
You know?
But it's bad. It's an ordeal.
390
00:20:19,293 --> 00:20:22,011
And they don't do anything
to keep your spirits up...
391
00:20:22,174 --> 00:20:23,734
...through the ordeal.
392
00:20:23,934 --> 00:20:26,552
I think they should take all
your receipts and put them...
393
00:20:26,718 --> 00:20:28,857
...in one of those big,
Lucite sweepstake drums...
394
00:20:29,022 --> 00:20:30,778
...and just kind of crank
it around there.
395
00:20:30,942 --> 00:20:34,171
Give you a feeling like you might win
something. You know what I mean?
396
00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:36,057
Then they can pull them out and go:
397
00:20:36,222 --> 00:20:39,801
''Oh, I'm sorry.
That's another illegal deduction...
398
00:20:39,967 --> 00:20:44,756
...but we do have some lovely
parting gifts for you. Jail.''
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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