All language subtitles for Sanford and Son - 02x06 - The Card Sharps.DVDRip.Addic7ed.com.srt (English)

Hey, Pop, I'm home!

Oh. Hello, son.
I didn't hear the truck pull in.

- You was just going at it, huh?
- Yeah. All day long.

Yeah.

No wonder they say
a woman's work is never done.

- You're like the woman of the house.
- That's me.

- You're also the liar of the house.
- What?

I wonder why
that sofa's so warm.

You haven't, by any chance,
been sleeping on the sofa again?

Who, me, sleeping?
No, I've been working.

I've been cleaning
and vacuuming and coordinating.

I've been coordinating my... off.

Then how come
that sofa's so warm?

I guess the cat
was sitting on it.

- We don't have a cat.
- The one from next door.

He usually come over and keep me company
because it get lonesome here sometimes.

Wonder if he's still here.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

- Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
- Why don't you stop?

Okay, so I laid down
for a few minutes.

Will you just stop
picking on me all the time?

I'm just trying to figure out
what it is you do around here.

I know what I did today.
What did you do?

Anything. Name it.

- And no lying?
- No lying.

If you tell the truth,
I'll give you five dollars.

- Now, that's a deal.
- Did you clean up the yard?

No. Give me five bucks.

- Why?
- You said...

You said you'd pay
five bucks for the truth.

You think you're slick. I don't have
time to talk 'cause I got things to do.

What do you mean
you got things to do?

- That's right.
- Like what kind of things?

I got some people
coming over here tonight.

What do you have?

Clam dip.
What do you do with this?

- What do you think you do with it?
- Dip clams in it.

No, you dip these
corn chips in it.

Why don't they call it "corn chip dip"
instead of"clam dip," dummy?

What's this stuff for?

I got some people coming over
to play poker tonight.

Oh, yeah? Poker, is that what
you're gonna play?

- Well, not in my house.
- Are you serious?

Yes, I'm serious. You know
what your mother called cards?

Fifty-two devils
in Satan's army.

Oh, come on.

That's right. You don't believe me?
Let me show you something.

- I gotta get this thing...
- Just come in here with me.

- I've gotta get the clam dip.
- Come with me.

- I wanna fix the clam dip.
- Just wait a minute.

- Now, what is this?
- It's a deck of cards.

Deck of cards. Had 'em 25 years
and never opened 'em.

Know why? Your mother made me swear
on this unopened deck...

I wouldn't
play cards no more.

"Don't play cards," she said.
Then she died.

I thought you told me Mom's last
words were, "Take care of Lamont. "

- Well, she said that too.
- Well, which was it?

Well, she said both of'em.

- Do you wanna know her last words?
- Yeah. What was it?

Here what she said.
See, she was in the hospital bed...

and the doctor was taking me
to her bedside, and he whispered to me.

He said, "The end is near,
Mr. Sanford. "

And I looked down
at your mother, and she said...

"Fred, if you or Lamont
ever get sick again...

don't use this doctor. "

And then she died.

- That must have been terrible, Pop.
- It was terrible.

I had to walk out the room
with that doctor.

Your mother was a fine woman,
but she just hated gambling.

The only reason that Mom hated gambling
was because you were a lousy cardplayer.

- You were always losing.
- Listen. Don't say that to me.

Didn't you always get
everything you needed?

You was the first kid in
the neighborhood who had a gold tooth.

I was also the first kid
in the block to get ringworm.

It cleared up with Glover's Mange,
didn't it?

You had plenty to eat
and a roof over your head.

I also had a stocking cap
over my head.

Listen.
Who's coming here anyhow?

Just some guys I know.
One of them is Arthur Matthews's son.

- Arthur Matthews's son?
- That's right.

The Arthur Matthews?
Ugly Arthur Matthews's son?

- That's right. His son Skeeter.
- Skeeter Matthews?

- He been in jail.
- So what? Who hasn't?

Well, I haven't.
And you haven't.

Why are you gonna fool around
with them jailbirds for?

- Who else is coming?
- Just some guys I met at the poolroom.

There's Rooster and Hucklebuck.

Rooster and Hucklebuck.

I know what a rooster does,
but what does a hucklebuck do?

Hucklebuck is in used cars, Pop.
He buys and sells.

You sure he doesn't
steal and repaint?

- You asked me, so I told you.
- So, you're gonna play poker...

with a jailbird,
a car thief and a rooster.

- Good luck.
- I've played before. I know the game.

- You ever play with them?
- Yeah. Once.

- How much did you win?
- How did you know I won?

It's the oldest trick
in the business.

They set a sucker up,
let him win a few games...

then they set him up again, then
next time they take everything he got.

Don't worry about it, Pop, okay?
They're not gonna take me.

I've played these guys before
and I can play 'em again.

You don't have to worry about it.
Anyway, I don't wanna talk about it...

because those guys
are gonna be here any minute.

I want you to help me
straighten this place up, okay?

Take that out.

Let me tell you.
You know that old saying:

A fool and his money are soon parted.

Well, it won't be long now, fool.

If you don't like the idea of me
playing poker here, don't watch.

- You can go upstairs and go to bed.
- I'm gonna stay and watch.

And every time I see 'em do something
fishy, I'm gonna give you a signal.

That's what I'm gonna do.
Give you a signal.

Here. Now, all you gotta do
is watch me with this.

I'm warning you now, Pop, you better
not do nothing tonight to embarrass me.

- I ain't gonna say another word.
- Good.

- I'll stay out of it.
- Perfect.

- I'll keep quiet.
- Thank you.

You'll lose your shirt.

I thought you said you wasn't
gonna say nothing else.

Now, there's the guys.
Remember what I told you, Pop.

You go let 'em in, and I'm gonna
go upstairs and get my money.

Rooster and Hucklebuck
and Skeeter.

What a bunch of crooks.

- Hey, old man, how you doing?
- Hey, man, what's going on?

This is some place you got here.

They got as much stuff in here
as they got outdoors.

- You must be Rooster.
- No. I'm Hucklebuck.

Oh. Then you
gotta be Rooster...

'cause I bet all my money
I know who you are.

You Skeeter Matthews.
You look just like your father...

Ugly... I mean,
Arthur Matthews.

You're a card, Pop.
You must be Papa Sanford.

No, I'm Mama Cass.

He something else,
ain't he?

- Hey!
- Lamont, how you doing?

- Shall we get to the game?
- Yeah!

Ain't nothing like friends getting
together for a friendly game of poker.

You're gonna try to do it
to us again, huh, Louis?

- It's Lamont.
- Yeah. Right.

Here. We'll play with these.
I just picked them up at the drugstore.

- You don't mind playing with my cards?
- No, I don't mind.

- What's the matter with you?
- There's bugs around here.

There's no bugs in here.
Would you get away from the table?

There's bugs in the house.

Brother, you gonna give us a chance to
win back that 15 bucks you won from us?

- Hey, that's possible.
- Hey, I got a great idea.

Why don't we make it
very interesting?

Let's raise the stakes
from last time.

No, no, no.
Keep it down.

You start raising the stakes,
you take the fun out of it.

When you take the fun out of it, you
start losing friends. Right, Lester?

It's Lamont.

- Yeah. Right.
- Let's raise 'em just a little bit.

Yeah, man, get a little
excitement in the game.

- No, no. I'm against it.
- Yeah, me too.

Hey, what's the matter? You're scared
you're gonna lose a few bucks?

No, that ain't it. This man invited us
in his house. We're guests here.

- Right. Y'all ain't nothing but guests.
- Well, let's ask him.

You don't wanna keep it down
to a penny ante game, do ya?

- That does seem kind of small.
- Not to me.

Okay. Well, look, partner.

I mean, it's up to you.

You wanna raise the stakes,
we'll raise 'em.

You tell us. You're the host.

- Okay, we'll raise 'em.
- Yeah, that sounds good.

What are you
hitting me for?

- What's going on?
- There's a bug or something.

- I must have missed him.
- Oh, man.

Then it's two bits
to open and table stakes.

- Right.
- First ace deals.

Hey, it's my deal, huh?

What are you doing, Pop?

What you got?

Aces, full of nines.

- I'm gone.
- Four deuces.

That's a shame.
Four threes. You lose.

Stick with it though, Leonard.
You'll win a hand soon.

- It's Lamont.
- Yeah. Right.

You're really not
doing too good, Lamont.

- You must be lucky in love.
- Oh, yeah. He got a lot of girls.

All over town. Call him
Sweet Lips Lamont, the dummy Don Juan.

Go back in the kitchen. You're not
exactly bringing me any luck out here.

You think I'm jinxing you?
Did you win anything while I was out?

Well, play, dummy.

Say, Pop,
would you do me a favor?

Would you just get away from me?
Go do something, all right?

Yeah, I'll fix me a nightcap.

- Ante up, Rooster.
- All right, I'm in.

- Hey!
- Gettin' it on.

Look at him. Doing one
of those old-timer's dances.

Would you turn
that thing off?

What's the matter with you?
What's the matter with you?

What are you trying to do, Pop,
blast us out of here?

I can't play cards.
I can't even watch you play.

I can't play the radio.
I can't dance. What can I do?

Why don't you go upstairs
and go to bed?

I ain't sleepy.

Go upstairs, go to bed. I know what
I'll do. I'll fix something to drink.

- Yeah, how about a Scotch?
- Scotch?

- That sounds good to me.
- Me too.

Coming up.
Three Scotches. Coming up.

All righty, this gonna cost you
a dollar there, Huck.

I'll raise you two.

- Another two.
- All right, I'll stay.

I call.

Well, bottom's up.

What's the matter with you? He can't
drink all of that. Get it off the table.

It's a quarter
to three threes

No one in the place

Has got less than these

So throw 'em in, Joe

This little story
can save you some dough

So throw 'em in, Joe

Throw them in, Joe

Say, Pop,
would you stop it?

Go out in the kitchen
and get yourself some applejack...

and take it upstairs
and go to bed.

- We're trying to play here.
- I told you I wasn't sleepy. Bye.

I'm sorry, fellas, but you know how
it is when they get to be that age.

- They start acting weird.
- Like my old man, about the same age.

You ought to do what I did. I got him
a television set for his bedroom.

I haven't seen him since 1968.

That's not such a bad idea.

- What's going on with the lights?
- Hey, Pop!

- Excuse me.
- How are we gonna play in the dark?

We're gonna play.

Lights went out, didn't it?

Yeah, and I think
I know who did it.

- Who?
- You.

- Who, me?
- No, the switch fell down all by itself.

Well, I'll call the light company
and have them fix it in the morning.

Hey, man, the lights are back on.
Come on and play, huh?

I know what you're trying to do. You're
trying to break up this card game.

- Let's get the game on, huh?
- All right, here I come.

- Leave us alone. Quit bothering us.
- Well, listen, Lamont.

They're gonna take you
for everything you've got.

I'm telling you, they cheatin'.

Would you leave us alone, Pop?
Please leave us alone.

And stay here in the kitchen.
That's right. Stay here in the kitchen.

Don't come through
this kitchen door. You got that?

I'm sorry, fellas. It was a fuse.
I put a penny in. It's all right now.

- It's all right.
- So where were we?

- How many cards you want?
- Okay. Give me one.

It's gonna cost you six bucks.

- All right. Rooster.
- Give me three, Skeeter.

- Three. Okay. You?
- Two.

All right.

I'll play with these.

I don't know who that could be.
Excuse me, fellas.

I don't know what's going on.
We're gonna play this game.

What are you doing out here?

You told me don't come
through the kitchen door.

Let me see that hand. Listen, Lamont.
This is a sucker's hand.

Don't play this hand.
Don't play no hand they deal you.

- I'm telling you, they cheatin'.
- You already told me that, Pop.

Would you just leave us alone so we
could play? Take a walk or something.

Okay, dummy. Before this game,
you was just a plain dummy.

But after tonight,
you'll be a broke dummy.

Thank you and good night.

- Hey, fellas, I'm sorry.
- That's all right.

- Let's get to the game.
- It's 16 bucks if you wanna stay.

- He raised it eight.
- Okay. Sixteen dollars...

- Again, man? What is it?
- Excuse me. We're playing.

Didn't I tell you...

- Hey, I'm sorry, man.
- We understand. We understand.

It's all right.
Sixteen bucks if you wanna stay.

Sixteen bucks.

Excuse me, men. We'll get this game.
Don't worry about it.

- Hello.
- Lamont, listen. Don't play that hand.

- Sorry about that.
- That's okay.

We'll play. We'll play.

Dummy.

- Sorry, men.
- Sure. Sure.

Listen. Are you guys hungry?
There's some food on the sideboard.

- Let's just play on out this hand.
- Let's play this game.

- Now, it was up to me, right?
- Right.

- How much do I have to put up?
- Sixteen dollars.

Sixteen dollars. Right. Okay.

How did you get upstairs?

You know how easy it is climbing
through that second-floor window?

We gotta get that fixed. Any burglar
could climb right in like I did.

- Leave him alone. Let's play.
- Put your money where your mouth is.

Stay away from the table, Pop.
Don't come near this table.

All right. You're gonna put up
16 bucks to see me?

Don't do it.

- Sixteen bucks if you wanna see me.
- Don't do it. Don't do it.

- I'll call you.
- All right.

- Full house.
- I got a flush.

- Straight flush.
- Flush is right.

Your money going
right down the toilet.

Well, that's it for me.
That cleans me out.

That's a good balance, ain't it? Nothing
in your pocket and nothing in your head.

- That's about it then, huh?
- Yeah, we might as well split.

Too bad.

Say, wait a minute, fellas.

Why don't you wait around and have
a beer? Would you have a beer?

No, it's getting kind of late.

Oh, you can take
time out for a beer.

You just don't wanna
win and run, do you?

- All right, we'll have a beer.
- That's good.

Hey, Lamont, go down to the store
and get a couple of six-packs.

- What am I supposed to use for money?
- Here. Take this.

Take the truck, in case you have
to try to find a store that's open.

Fellas, you think you got time
for a few more hands?

- Play? With you?
- You?

Lamont won't let me play. Maybe we can
get a few hands in before he gets back.

No, no. I think the stakes are a little
too high for you, Papa Sanford.

I got money now. Wait a minute.

Look here. I got money.

Safe. Door.

Combination. Open.

Shoe box.

Top.

Mason jar.

Sock.

Woolite.

Mint government. Is that enough?

- Maybe we do have time for a few.
- Your money's good.

I hope you fellas don't mind
playing with a new deck.

See, I got an unopened deck
I had for over 25 years.

My wife made me swear
I wouldn't play.

So I figure since this is the first time
I've played since she passed...

that it'd be good
to play with that deck.

You mean you haven't played cards
for over 25 years?

Right.

And please forgive a old man.

I'll get my glasses
'cause I don't see too well...

and I don't wanna
make no mistakes.

Yeah, right here.
Still unopened.

Wait. I hope you'll be patient with a
old fellow, but how do you play again?

Fellas, where you going?
I got the beer.

- You're not leaving, are you?
- See you later, Lucas!

It's Lamont!

Pop, what happened
to the fellas? I thought...

Come on over here, son.
Try on some of this stuff.

I'm sure some of it
will fit you.

- Were you playing cards with them?
- That's right.

That's impossible. I wasn't gone long
enough for you to win all of this stuff.

You was gone
long enough for me.

It didn't... Let me see
how long you was gone.

Yeah, you were gone long enough
for me to beat them crooks.

You know that Skeeter Matthews?
He was dealing off the bottom.

Three-finger drag
with the thumb on top.

Oldest trick
in the business.

If they were cheating,
how did you win?

I had my own deck, son.

Look here.
Let me show you.

- Now, what you see?
- It's three cards faced down.

Okay. Now look
through these.

Eight of hearts...

six of clubs,
three of diamonds.

Hey, Pop, you're slick,
you know that?

You really did it to 'em.

They did it to you. I always believe
by going by what it say in the Bible.

What?

Deal unto others
as they have dealt unto thee.

You got a whole lot of money.

Pop, can you let me
have ten dollars?

Where you going
all dressed up?

Hey, I got a date.
I called up Sheila. I'm going out.

- Are you kidding? This time of night?
- Yep.

Ain't no way no girl
gonna give you no date this late.

Are you serious?
I already called her.

I called her up
and she said okay.

The only thing she's waiting for is for
me to call and tell her I'm on my way.

Hello, Sheila.
Hey, this is Lamont.

Yeah, I know I'm late, but I had to
change my clothes and do my mustache.

I'll be there in 15 minutes.

Well, how about ten?

Five. Well, how about
if I meet you at the... Hello?

Hello?

Well, Mustache...

first ace deals.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape
before a live studio audience.