Original subtitles

present a film by Marcel Bystroii

You know what the world is missing -

it is missing the rules.

The rules are holding all this civilization together.

And civilization is taking a piece of us every day.

Every bastard thinks

that he can fuck with you,

that he can owe to you, for however long he wants,

that he can lie to you,

that he can rape your wife,

that he can kill your son without any rules.

Somebody like you and I can't accept this.

in a "family" film

BORN INTO... SHIT

Make-up

Costume designer

Assistant director

Sound

Art director

Editor

Production

Music

Director of photography

Executive producers

Coproducers

Written and directed by

My name is Thomas Vohnout.

Iam 14 years old and I have the dumbest parents in the world.

My dad is a complete idiot, he doesn't talk a lot

but he's trying to get on my wavelength.

-You're listening to us, Your Majesty. -l am not. I am feeding Dave.

Yes, you are. Do you think it's funny, do you?

Go to the bathroom and sleep-o-rama!

My mother is a Christian.

She loves all gods creatures, instead of my father.

All you need is Love.

Halleluiah!

My friend Dominik lives in the same apartment block where I live.

He's 10 and his mum is a porn actress.

His father left them a year ago and since then lots of stepfathers

have been living there and they each tried to bring him up.

-Eggs or cereals? -You're joking!

He's big enough to make breakfast himself.

Do you want him to be mollycoddled?

Dominik, you're in my way!

Mr. Hrana lives there at the moment.

He's an idiot but everybody respects him.

Bring me my breakfast to bed. And don't forget a coffee!

Buy yourself something to eat on the way to school.

Dominiks' watchword is: I was born and I have to survive.

Dominik wears a cap with a canabis leaf on it. His gran bought it

because she thought it's the Canadian symbol.

We found a company to set up stuff and distribute it about a year ago.

Dominik had the contacts and I had a small work room.

1 think this business is better than genetics or computers.

We meet lots of new people, and there is good money from it.

There will always be interest in this kind of stuff too.

This is Madona. She's 13, and we've been together for 3 weeks already.

She lives opposite our apartment block and once I noticed her.

Go to the bathroom and sleep-o-rama!

Our relationship could have stayed platonic, but thanks to Dominik...

-I met Madona yesterday. -Did you tell her anything?

-I told her you like her. -Shit, are you kidding me?

-Don't get upset. I'm ok, why should I be upset?

-Anyway who told you to meet her? -You see you're becoming a prat.

Well, maybe I am. But it's appropriate for my age, tiny.

-l arranged a date for you. -You're an asshole!

Madona is clear about everything.

Stop thinking about us being together for the rest of our lives.

-What are you talking about? -We are bound to split up sometime.

Maybe you're right.

She grew up fast because there's nobody normal in her family.

-Something bad happens. -What?

There was a rail accident in Italy - 85 people dead.

I shouldn't have brought you into this world. You have to forgive me.

-Sure, mum. -Mum, where are you?

Madona has one brother and he's really weird.

-Why did you leave me? -I thought you went to sleep.

I was only meditating.

If someone is sleeping it looks like this...

And if someone is meditating it looks like that!

-So, did I sleep or meditate? -You were meditating, Danny.

He's a lunatic. He is eighteen and he is on a disability pension.

-What's up? Everything is O.K. at school.

You're so beautiful mummy!

-But my tits are sagging. -You bitch!

Stop talking about yourself like that or I'm gonna kill you!

Shit, she's such a bitch.

Well, he's a bit crazy but he's totally harmless.

I'd like to have your head pickled.

I'd look at it every day and tell you how stupid you are, Ma!

Have a pill, Danny bunny.

You just can't choose your family.

I. REVOLT OF THE SOCIOPATHS

- can't help myself, nothing works. -And what about me?

First loves never stay forever. What's wrong?

With a worm...

-What's wrong? -My father is a faggot.

Well, he is.

I'm the cutest gay in town! Shout it out. That will help you.

-No worries. -He's gay too!

Where are you taking me, you faggot?

Is homosexuality hereditary?

I don't think so.

-Why do you stay with dad? -What kind of question is that?

I was just wondering why are you still together.

-We are husband and wife. -And is this the reason?

This is the biggest reason.

But you're not making it together.

You know, everybody has their own secret.

And there are some things we can't talk about yet, Tommy.

-Did you know dad is an faggot? -Stop talking about him like that!

Stop! Why are you gawping at the camera?!

What are you staring at?! Don't try to do it again!

-He went limp! -Limp?

I'm sorry Deana. I am knackered.

Stupid fucking Czechs! Give him an injection, asshole!

-Into my asshole? -Into your dick, you asshole!

-So how's school Dominic? -l got "A" for maths.

Good boy.

Hello Tom. Were you horny?

Then you are a homosexual. Doesn't matter.

Maybe I will be too. We can get married then. That would be great.

-ldiot. -Actors on set!

Dominik, buy some bread, butter and milk, please.

I'll come back later.

Well, get ready my sweeties. Lets shoot it. Concentrate to this.

You are all invited for dinner tonight! I'll make some meal.

Good evening, can I talk to Thomas?

Good evening Madona. Wait a minute.

Thomas?

Tommy...

There is no reason to tell you about me.

-Can I go out? -Sure, Your Majesty. -Thanks.

What are you doing?

Lets try it. If you are gay, you won't come.

-But I never tried it before... -Me neither.

I can't.

I brought you some magazines.

Oh shit! It can't. I must be gay.

-It didn't come. -What?

Well, my period didn't come, I might be pregnant.

Are you sure?

Fuck you, do you think I would miss it?

It can come later, it's normal.

It's not regular at your age.

And what about abortion?

You think it's funny, don't you?

I'm not going to be like my dumb father.

Hey stop shouting, otherwise I'm gonna get you chucked out.

Go go go...

I don't want another brother.

Don't worry Madona, Mire¢ek has got a condom.

You do have a condom, don't you?

Mire¢ek, you do have a condom?

Yes!

Here it is.

I'm the last person who would like to have another baby.

Mum...

Mummy...

Shit, I really don't know what to do.

I can't marry her. And she wants that baby.

It's punishable. It's carnal abuse.

-You raped each other. -I'll go to jail!

Don't worry, you cant go to jail until you're 15. So calm down.

That's true, but I will have a bad report.

Calm down and come with me.

I still have to get a baby bath and some toys -

-I'll bring them tomorrow. -What is that?

You're gonna live over here, family.

Where did you get that?

-Somebody has to look after you. -You're crazy!

I know it's uncomfortable, but it's only for a while.

Until I find something better!

I'm Mrs. Vohnout and this is my family. My husband is an idiot

but he is convinced that he has a good sense of humor.

We didn't sleep together in the snow.

Our son was born in April so we had to do it in July.

It was a joke. We never sleep together on the snow.

Anyway, he's lucky, because my God doesn't let me divorce him.

My son Tommy takes care of the neighbor's son, who's 10,

even though boys his age maybe even smoke and drink alcohol.

Shit, I can't marry her. And she wants that baby.

She's really crazy, she's only 13.

The kiddies are so good these days,

addicted to their parents.

This is Magdalena. We met on Paradise garden stop.

It is obvious she had a bad day.

I felt there is lots of obstacles in my way,

but I decided to deal with all of them.

Life is a gift,

God gave it to you because he wanted you to be happy.

-Oh shit, she's a Jew. -l am not.

I drive a car every day, but I had a dream last night,

Jesus wanted me to go by tube today.

Itis a joke, isn't it?

-I had dream about Jesus once too. -Oh really?

You should listen to him.

He wanted me to give him a blow job.

We drunk 5 shots of Tequila and Magdalena forgot to kill herself.

We soon became close friends.

It is thanks to your sister that I am here. She saved my life!

-Jesus saved you, not me! -Halleluiah!

Now I believe in God and the God has task for me.

We spent nearly every day together.

And what does your congregation live from?

-From tithes. -What is it?

Everybody gives 10 percent from their salary.

And there is no tax.

I felt her like her sister when I'm with her.

Do you know how my father stopped me from smoking?

He gave me a cigarette, and shut me in the toilet,

thinking I would throw up.

But I liked it and that really pissed him off.

What's that... on your hand?

A watch.

So this is our daddy.

-You're listening to us, Your Majesty? -No. I am feeding Dave.

You're listening and think it's a yuk-o-rama, right?

OK, wash up and sleep-o-rama!

-I'm going to bed. -Good night. -Goodbye.

I've got to go too. Is the door downstairs open?

I'll go with you.

-I'm not a lesbian. -Yes, you are. Trust me.

I'm married.

I'd love to slap your ass. You'd like it.

You better go.

And then I will lick the sores as the lioness licks its lion.

You need help.

Jesus is with you.

I wouldn't even tie you up.

OK, good night.

Good night.

What's the matter?

-There was a spider there. -A spider?

Don't laugh at me. I am an arachnophobic.

It's ok now, don't worry.

I was naughty...

What do you want with?

But the marks will stay.

Don't worry, Mr. Vohnout hasn't seen my ass in ages.

He doesn't want to wear a brace.

You will have spaces between your teeth Tommy.

And do you know what the girls will call you?

Your Majesty doesn't know, does he?

They will call you... They'll call you Bucky!

-But not Tooth Fairy! -Bucky. I should know!

Your friends might call you like that,

but me and the girls called you Tooth Fairy.

-My friend Bastova thought it up. -No way! You were yelling at me,

-"hairy Tooth Fa". -Yeah yeah, hairy Tooth Fairy.

Not sucky Bucky! Hairy Tooth Fairy.

Tommy!

Being pregnant is a gift and we have to accept it.

We have to be brave to talk about our good hope, because the belief says...

So that's why you wanted to jump onto the tracks.

-Leave me alone. - have to take care of you.

-You're mine. -Fuck you.

-Everything can be sorted out. -That's right.

-I going to have an abortion. -What?

Stop talking about him like that!

But I saw him with another guy. They were on a date in the cafe,

holding each others hand and he was touching him up!

-Don't lie to me! -I'm not lying!

Ok, he's a homosexual, that doesn't matter.

We brought you up to be broad-minded, didn't we?

They're all the same to us. Be quiet now!

And don't talk about it in front of your father.

Good evening, can I talk to Thomas?

Good evening Madona. Wait a minute.

Thomas?

Tommy...

The girls are nearly living in our house!

So what? It was the same when I was his age.

Of course, a full house of girls.

Tssss... I was dating a different girl every day.

-Do you know what my nickname was? -Of course I do. Tooth Fairy!

There is no reason to talk to you about me.

-Can I go out? -Sure, Your Majesty. -Thanks.

My husband is cheating on me. He's got a lover

and I don't know what to do.

He wants to get divorced and break the promise we made before God.

The devil is trying to split us up.

But I won't betray Jesus and will love him forever!

Oh shit!

I really don't mind if you stay until tomorrow.

But I do. Bye.

-I will help you. -Yep.

Will you divorce and marry me?

-God love you. -God love anyone.

It's over.

Go slower.

It's over? What's over?

We are over.

That's stupid.

God forgive us. It's about love.

I don't love you anymore. You are so boring...

-I'll call you. -Fuck you!

Don't leave me my love.

1 will give you everything you want.

1 will do anything you wish.

1 will leave my husband and my son

and I will take care of you and your baby.

I stole all the money from the church.

We are going to have a great life together.

Come in.

-You should come visit us again. -I will feel uncomfortable there.

They elected me head of the congregation.

That's good.

I don't want you to feel as if you are our enemy.

I'm fine.

Jesus loves the lost sheep too.

I know. Jesus misses me.

1 still feel guilty.

Come with me.

Let everybody see how you can forgive?

You're cold.

But it was the only way to save you.

And what about your baby?

I had an abortion.

Wait for me, 1 will just get dressed.

-l have a present for you. -For me?

Wait...

I want you to know I still like you - this is true love.

Well Your Majesty, go wash up and then sleep-o-rama.

Iam Mr. Vohnout. And this is my family.

There is no reason to talk about them.

Son is still watching outta window and my wife is mad about a God.

Very good. They both think I'm an idiot.

I was with Mr. Contact at KFOR in Bosnia 10 years ago.

He saved my life once. He never talked about it after then.

He knew, I would do the same.

Ill. BORN INTO SHIT

You still hold to the word you give someone,

you still believe in a honour, in friendship and morality.

But how many people like you still live in this world?

There is only a few left

and that's why we have to clean this world up.

Each day take a syringe with medicine

and poke it the world's vein.

Otherwise this world and us are going to die.

He talks to me like that constantly every month.

He has to do it. He's my manager. He gets the jobs -

guarantees enough work and communicates with our clients.

They don't know me and I don't know them.

It's better that way.

Can you check it out, please?

They stole your car again?

-Do you want a history? -No.

It's near to this cottage. Is that all?

How's your wife? And children?

-A dog? -Died.

-Born into... -shit.

Here is the main entrance, side entrance leading to garage.

This is your place, this is mine.

And a silencer?

Don't throw it away in the forest!

Greenpeace.

-Born into... -shit.

Stop biting, you bitch.

1 will not repeat it.

Do you know, how my father learnt me not to smoke?

He gave me a cigarette, close me on the toilet

and thought I'll be sick from it.

But I liked it and my father was angry to me.

What is it on your hand?

Watches.

So this is our daddy.

-What did she tell you? -Who? -Guess who? Madona.

-l don't remember. -Don't lie.

Mr. Contact never told me who the pregnant woman was,

but I felt it would be trouble.

-She likes you too. -Idiot.

Bye.

The poor unhappy ones, don't understand the poet

whose hair hangs in her eyes like a thousand strings

but still sees far.

And when the air blows her tresses aside

she sees even farther.

They beat her on the head, envy her this sight,

themselves being blind.

She feels the blows and often leaves for that distant place.

Where someone perhaps comes holds out his hand

and loses himself in her eyes... and sometimes understands.

A story - we can hardly talk about a story - it is a patchwork

of adolescence imagination about a world of grown ups,

cheap sexual symbols and valueless provocation.

There is a bonus -

violence on every page but it was bad targeting.

I would rather recommend to kill the author than some of the characters.

I liked your book...

Give me a cigarette.

Take a look at steak pages.

-They want it into the colon. -I'm not from fuckin' Balkan.

And there is more at specialities.

-What is it? -A story you wrote.

-l am good writer. -Yes, you are.

-Born into... -shit.

It is an interesting story. Are you a homosexual?

A little bit.

-The strong, silent, loner type. -Maybe.

I like it. I like it a lot.

-Sugar? -Yes.

Splash.

I am sorry.

-Do you want some wine? -Only this time.

- can't help myself, nothing works. -And what about me?

I have a very good bottle at home.

But it is a little bit harder. With a worm.

-What's wrong? -My father is a faggot.

C'mon. I'm a faggot and so are you.

-Yes, we are faggots. -The biggest faggots!

I'm the cutest gay in town! Shout it out.

-That will help you. -No worries.

He's gay too. Where are you taking me, you faggot?

Worm or not, honey?

-Take your clothes off. -You're such a wild man!

You too, you too.

What is it?

The bathroom is next door.

Blindfold your eyes and stay on your belly.

Well ok, ok...

Sure, ok.

-l can't wait! -It's gonna be soon, hon.

Oh my god...

You tom-cat, you're good writer.

-It's clean. -Sure it's clean. Outta the way!

-0k, ok. -Good boy.

So, it was the reason you wanted to jump under the train?!

-You exercising your wrist?! -I am pumping up my ball.

Close the door and piss off, you fag-o-rama!

Sure, ok.

My old friend from the Army moved into the same apartment block.

-Hello. -Good evening. -It's Mr. Hrana.

Mr. Hrana was in the same group where I was in Bosnia.

-He's gonna live with us. -Don't you mind, do you?

Christmas was coming...

-What do you want? -Two murders, honey.

My wife had problems at church, so me and Mr. Hrana went for a drink.

-Born into... -shit.

Troubles are on their way.

-What do you want? -I want the same as this beast.

-A murder? -Well I want a murder.

And once more for him.

She wants you, Vohnout.

-Be careful. Let her go. -Don't worry.

Wanna dance?

-Your ass is like a ducks' ass. -Don't want to disturb you.

Do you like a pregnant woman?

You could loose your baby.

Well, that's right.

Look...

Perhaps an old passage from the book of books really holds,

that what a person loses for love, is returned to him a hundred times over.

Understand? Like though you're giving,

but you get much more from the other person. Understand.

Oh my god, this knife is wonderful.

Will you give it to me?

Maybe I will write some poetry about you, my honey.

-Where is he? -I don't know.

I said I don't know him.

It was fingers at first, then a knee... Guess what will be next.

I am a retired colonel, my number is 1938, 1948, 1968.

Now I know what it means to fear life.

And in my hand I hold a page, where is written: you're dust.

Do you know I am the best in my class?

-And what do you study? -Literary academy.

-And guess why I am the best. -Probably talent.

Your right. It's talent too. But the main reason is:

-I am the only one in my class. -How come?

My husband didn't allowed me to go for a weekend party with my friends.

And what?

So I blamed him - I dreamed up this story about being kidnapped

and instead went partying with my friends for the weekend.

And they all died there.

Guess how come?

-An epidemic? -Yep, 9mm bacilis.

So now I am the best in my class thank you, honey.

I don't know what are you talking about.

It is a rarity to have one brown eye and one blue eye.

-What do you want from me? -l want you.

Now, you own me.

Honey? Run, honey run!

-Don't move! -Jesus! You fucker mother!

-What are you doing here? -Shut up!

-Your hands, babe! -Fuck, don't you see I'm pregnant?

Poor you! You're coming, aren't you?

-Leave me alone! -Shut up! -Idiot!

Is it you Vohnout?

Born into... shit.

She reminded me of my ex-wife.

We got divorced. How? She started to work out on her figure and

she was going to the swimming pool every day. She fuck it up!

We stopped sleep together

cause she was stinking of chlorine and I am allergic to it.

Shut up. Otherwise I'll make you suck your dick.

You know girls...

Don't worry baby, it will not hurt.

What are you waiting for. Shoot me!

Are you a soldier?

Bring the other one.

We'll meet up on the other side.

Fuck your mother.

What are you waiting for? Let's go.

There was a totally stupid bitch on the shooting range today.

She bought a 50mm Eagle gun.

That's ok I said, but why does she need it?

She can't put it in her hand bag! I don't understand women!

They get emancipated and they lose their discretion!

They even buy a Hummer car!

I'm not the jealous type but why do they need a fucking Hummer?

When she tries to park she smashes up three other cars. Minimally!

Then there was this other stupid bird. She bought a Magnum 44mm gun

and wanted me to teach her how to shoot.

I said to her, take your hearing protectors off,

because if you are shooting when you are on the street

you are going to fuck up.

She fired one shot and never come back.

Oh shit, the sauce is cold! And stop stiring the food, man!

-Who is this? -It's Mr. Hranas'.

When he is in the shooting gallery he is going to look like an idiot.

Shit, I really don't know what to do.

I can't marry her. And she wants that baby.

Calm down and come with me.

I love rabbits with a gas-pistols.

Sorry, idiot.

-Your references will be bad. -If we got them all they wont be.

-Born into... -shit.

Fuck! He unloaded my gun, fucking brat.

I'll kill him.

I hope you know how to deliver a baby!

-Breathe out! -Fuck you!

Fuck you, get ready!

-l can see a head! -Yeah?

Fuck!

Cut the umbilical cord!

Don't you dare give her a Glasgow kiss.

Do you want a coffee?

I must go home.

-l fell in love with Klimes. -With an idiot?

Correct. I only choose idiots.

We split up because he got beat up all the time. He can't fight.

-I know, I fought him too. -See.

It was the reason I started to go out with you.

I loved him so much, I didn't want him to be hurt by you all the time.

I was in love with Karin.

-Not Karin again! -Not Klimes$ again!

My father cut my hair once.

And I didn't want her to see me.

I looked like an idiot.

I wrote to her and told her

that we should split up for a while.

To let my hair grow back.

But she didn't know that

-and she started... -...to go out with Klimes.

-Can I? -Stop being sentimental.

Please...