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1
00:00:01,694 --> 00:00:04,460
Remind me how we got roped
into giving away the blood
2
00:00:04,545 --> 00:00:06,078
that's keeping us alive?
3
00:00:06,163 --> 00:00:07,953
Wendy signed us all up
when we were hungry.
4
00:00:08,038 --> 00:00:09,718
She knew we weren't
paying attention.
5
00:00:09,828 --> 00:00:11,947
I swear she used the words
"drag queen bingo,"
6
00:00:12,032 --> 00:00:13,687
or I never would have agreed.
7
00:00:14,499 --> 00:00:16,251
What if I walk out of here
and get hit by a bus
8
00:00:16,335 --> 00:00:18,406
and don't have enough blood
in my body to save me?
9
00:00:18,491 --> 00:00:20,429
Then they'll wheel you
right back in here
10
00:00:20,545 --> 00:00:21,937
and fill you
full of mine.
11
00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:24,085
I would not take
that offer.
12
00:00:24,805 --> 00:00:26,593
I just hate needles.
13
00:00:26,716 --> 00:00:29,417
Except for Botox,
which actually helps people.
14
00:00:30,056 --> 00:00:31,304
You're gonna
be fine.
15
00:00:31,389 --> 00:00:33,281
I give blood
every six months.
16
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,609
It's nothing to
be scared of.
17
00:00:34,694 --> 00:00:37,054
Wow. Some of these questions
are pretty personal.
18
00:00:37,139 --> 00:00:40,123
"Have you had unprotected sex
with someone you do not know..."
19
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,734
- Yay, I'm out!"
- ...In the last three months?"
20
00:00:42,819 --> 00:00:44,343
Damn it, I'm back in.
21
00:00:45,804 --> 00:00:48,695
We should be proud that we're
sober and we can do this.
22
00:00:48,780 --> 00:00:50,787
There was a time when none
of us could've given blood
23
00:00:50,871 --> 00:00:52,699
because of our
lifestyles.
24
00:00:52,784 --> 00:00:55,964
So let's be grateful
and generous of spirit.
25
00:00:56,202 --> 00:00:58,269
Oh, crap-a-doodle.
26
00:00:58,373 --> 00:00:59,660
What's the matter?
Is it number eight?
27
00:00:59,744 --> 00:01:01,440
"Have you taken
money for sex?"
28
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,949
I started blood thinners.
I can't donate.
29
00:01:05,034 --> 00:01:07,194
Wait. Do you have 'em in your purse?
Give me one.[tsks]
30
00:01:08,361 --> 00:01:10,738
Oh, I wish I was
sick in the hospital
31
00:01:10,823 --> 00:01:11,917
and someone was
bringing me
32
00:01:12,002 --> 00:01:14,660
a Valentine's bear with
a heart on his tummy.
33
00:01:14,745 --> 00:01:15,441
Mm.
34
00:01:15,526 --> 00:01:17,009
I'm not interested
unless that bear
35
00:01:17,094 --> 00:01:18,490
- is carrying jewelry.
- [chuckles]
36
00:01:18,575 --> 00:01:21,015
Adam and I never make a big
deal out of Valentine's Day.
37
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:22,653
Usually, by the time
he gets home from the bar,
38
00:01:22,737 --> 00:01:25,035
I've already eaten my edible
underwear and gone to sleep.
39
00:01:25,347 --> 00:01:26,656
- [laughs]
- I have a date with chicken fajitas
40
00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:28,355
and Bridget
Jones's Diary.
41
00:01:28,519 --> 00:01:31,988
Well, Gary and I have
a sexy Skype planned.
42
00:01:32,073 --> 00:01:33,613
Tammy, I may
need your help
43
00:01:33,698 --> 00:01:36,442
getting off my compression
socks beforehand.
44
00:01:36,977 --> 00:01:39,277
Great. I have a date
with chicken fajitas,
45
00:01:39,362 --> 00:01:41,722
Bridget Jones's Diary
and Marjorie's compression socks.
46
00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:44,234
[laughs]
47
00:01:44,326 --> 00:01:45,410
Oh, there's Wendy.
48
00:01:48,363 --> 00:01:49,806
JILL:
Wendy's kissing a man.
49
00:01:49,891 --> 00:01:51,110
Wendy's kissing a man!
50
00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:53,235
I'm gonna faint before
I give blood.
51
00:01:54,595 --> 00:01:56,597
♪
52
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:04,074
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53
00:02:06,498 --> 00:02:08,498
*MOM*
Season 08 Episode 10
54
00:02:08,582 --> 00:02:10,413
Episode Title: " Illegal Eels
and the Cantaloupe Man"
55
00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:11,780
Aired on: March 04, 2021
56
00:02:14,828 --> 00:02:17,647
I'm sorry
I can't pet you, Gus.
57
00:02:17,983 --> 00:02:19,624
I gave blood.
58
00:02:21,033 --> 00:02:24,835
You know, it can't always be
about you, you know.
59
00:02:25,296 --> 00:02:26,390
[sighs]
60
00:02:26,971 --> 00:02:27,944
Hey.
61
00:02:28,046 --> 00:02:29,137
Hey.
62
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:30,757
You all right?
63
00:02:30,842 --> 00:02:33,444
I spent all morning
saving lives.
64
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,485
I thought
you were just giving blood.
65
00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:37,476
Not just any blood.
66
00:02:37,561 --> 00:02:41,045
AB negative,
the rarest of all.
67
00:02:41,381 --> 00:02:44,843
The nurse called it
the "champagne of blood."
68
00:02:45,577 --> 00:02:46,968
[sighs]
69
00:02:47,702 --> 00:02:49,179
Juice me.
70
00:02:49,780 --> 00:02:52,015
Do you think you'll have
your strength back by Sunday?
71
00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:56,020
Oh, no. You're not still trying
to get me to church, are you?
72
00:02:56,327 --> 00:02:58,022
I can't drink
the wine,
73
00:02:58,107 --> 00:03:00,577
and those crackers they
serve with it are terrible.
74
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:03,202
Sunday is
Valentine's Day,
75
00:03:03,287 --> 00:03:06,162
and I'm taking you out
for a romantic dinner.
76
00:03:06,632 --> 00:03:08,772
Not chicken wings
in your office at the bar?
77
00:03:08,857 --> 00:03:12,777
Nope. Michelin star restaurant,
six-course tasting menu.
78
00:03:12,862 --> 00:03:15,694
Wear your highest heels
'cause I'm sitting down anyway.
79
00:03:16,417 --> 00:03:19,101
Oh, my God,
our first Valentine's date.
80
00:03:19,932 --> 00:03:22,673
If I wasn't so weak,
I'd kiss you.
81
00:03:23,686 --> 00:03:25,038
I'll come to you.
82
00:03:25,123 --> 00:03:27,671
I'll do my best
to muster a pucker.
83
00:03:30,676 --> 00:03:32,561
Oh, orange juice and Oreos.
84
00:03:32,653 --> 00:03:34,223
Just had a flashback
to preschool.
85
00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:36,738
Not what you want
when you're kissing your wife.
86
00:03:39,006 --> 00:03:41,751
You know, Bonnie, it's
been more than 24 hours,
87
00:03:41,867 --> 00:03:42,915
so you can take
that off now.
88
00:03:42,999 --> 00:03:44,612
Oh, is that still there
89
00:03:44,697 --> 00:03:47,835
from when I gave my very rare
blood to save lives?
90
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:50,772
You're surprised? She wore her
"I Voted" sticker for a month.
91
00:03:50,857 --> 00:03:53,827
I was excited. It was my first
time voting under my real name.
92
00:03:54,226 --> 00:03:55,757
[laughter]
93
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,444
Oh, Wendy's here.
94
00:03:57,544 --> 00:03:59,767
This is gonna be
fun. Hey, girl!
95
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,866
What's new? What's going on?
96
00:04:02,230 --> 00:04:04,522
Uh, I just got my hair cut.
97
00:04:04,615 --> 00:04:06,399
Well, not really cut,
just a trim. They call it...
98
00:04:06,483 --> 00:04:08,929
No one cares.
Who's the guy?
99
00:04:09,014 --> 00:04:10,062
What guy?
100
00:04:10,147 --> 00:04:12,195
The doctor you were
playing doctor with.
101
00:04:12,396 --> 00:04:13,943
When we came to
give blood...
102
00:04:14,028 --> 00:04:15,427
We saw you
sucking face with him.
103
00:04:15,512 --> 00:04:16,975
Why have you been
holding out on us?
104
00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:18,527
Oh. Yeah.
105
00:04:18,729 --> 00:04:20,286
We've been kind of
seeing each other.
106
00:04:20,371 --> 00:04:22,888
Yesterday, you went on and on
about the lint in your dryer,
107
00:04:22,973 --> 00:04:24,857
but nothing about
Dr. Hot Lips?
108
00:04:24,942 --> 00:04:28,091
It's new, and I was afraid
you guys would tease me.
109
00:04:28,176 --> 00:04:29,659
Wendy, we would never.
110
00:04:29,744 --> 00:04:32,489
- Has he taken your temperature yet?
- And if so, how?
111
00:04:32,574 --> 00:04:34,817
Can he prescribe
satisfaction?
112
00:04:34,902 --> 00:04:35,629
[chuckles]
113
00:04:35,714 --> 00:04:37,817
Does he recommend
you stay horizontal
114
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:39,037
with plenty of fluids?
115
00:04:39,253 --> 00:04:40,873
- [Laughter]
- MARJORIE: All right.
116
00:04:40,958 --> 00:04:42,887
All right, everybody
just leave Wendy alone.
117
00:04:42,972 --> 00:04:44,324
She's probably tired
118
00:04:44,426 --> 00:04:46,026
from all the booster
shots he's giving her.
119
00:04:46,110 --> 00:04:47,940
[laughter]
120
00:04:48,024 --> 00:04:49,203
It's fun when you play.
121
00:04:49,287 --> 00:04:50,986
[phone chimes]
122
00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:53,174
All right, tease all you want.
123
00:04:53,268 --> 00:04:54,752
Armand and I are happy.
124
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,361
Armand?
125
00:04:56,836 --> 00:04:59,119
Is his last name
"Douché"?
126
00:04:59,314 --> 00:05:00,709
[laughter]
127
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:03,113
Oh, my God.
What?
128
00:05:03,689 --> 00:05:05,871
Gary just broke
up with me.
129
00:05:05,955 --> 00:05:07,111
In a text?
130
00:05:07,244 --> 00:05:08,596
What did he say?
131
00:05:10,113 --> 00:05:11,760
I'm sorry.
I need a minute.
132
00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:15,877
Poor Marjorie.
133
00:05:15,962 --> 00:05:17,042
Do you think
this is some sort
134
00:05:17,126 --> 00:05:18,244
of cosmic
rebalancing?
135
00:05:18,329 --> 00:05:20,861
Like Wendy got a boyfriend
so Marjorie had to lose hers?
136
00:05:21,101 --> 00:05:23,268
It's the only
plausible explanation.
137
00:05:23,716 --> 00:05:25,838
MARJORIE:
Ow! Damn it!
138
00:05:26,561 --> 00:05:27,612
[groans]
139
00:05:27,697 --> 00:05:28,964
- What happened?
- Oh,
140
00:05:29,049 --> 00:05:31,572
I was looking at my phone,
and I fell,
141
00:05:31,702 --> 00:05:33,658
like the stupid
old woman I am.
142
00:05:33,743 --> 00:05:36,713
Ow! Oh,
I really hurt my wrist.
143
00:05:36,892 --> 00:05:38,872
Oh. We should get you
to the ER.
144
00:05:38,957 --> 00:05:41,213
Which in Wendy's case
is the Erection Room.
145
00:05:42,486 --> 00:05:43,728
No? I guess
we're done.
146
00:05:43,813 --> 00:05:44,900
Go.
147
00:05:48,242 --> 00:05:51,072
Is it weird that I feel like Teen People
really gets me?
148
00:05:51,157 --> 00:05:53,006
No. You've got a
youthful spirit
149
00:05:53,091 --> 00:05:55,314
and a giant crush
on Harry Styles.
150
00:05:56,813 --> 00:05:58,293
Huge news.
151
00:05:58,378 --> 00:05:59,426
Is Marjorie all right?
152
00:05:59,511 --> 00:06:00,619
No idea.
153
00:06:00,781 --> 00:06:02,644
I did a little sleuthing,
and I found out
154
00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:04,394
that Wendy's boyfriend
is a cardiologist.
155
00:06:04,479 --> 00:06:05,432
So I called my girlfriend Jenna,
156
00:06:05,517 --> 00:06:07,104
whose husband is also
a cardiologist,
157
00:06:07,189 --> 00:06:08,586
to see if she had
the scoop on him.
158
00:06:08,670 --> 00:06:11,325
Ooh, good work. I bet he's a
model train guy or has a ferret.
159
00:06:11,461 --> 00:06:13,988
Thank you,
but hold your ticket.
160
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:16,058
- He's married.
- BOTH: What?!
161
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,911
I know.
I couldn't believe it, either.
162
00:06:17,996 --> 00:06:18,857
Do you think she knows?
163
00:06:18,942 --> 00:06:20,288
Wendy would never
date a married man.
164
00:06:20,372 --> 00:06:21,896
- We have to tell her.
- Do we?
165
00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:24,528
Last week, she cried
when the bistro ran out of soup.
166
00:06:24,613 --> 00:06:27,061
Of course we do. She's our
friend, and we care about her.
167
00:06:27,146 --> 00:06:28,442
But it's gonna
break her heart.
168
00:06:28,527 --> 00:06:30,286
If we don't tell her,
six months from now,
169
00:06:30,371 --> 00:06:32,027
she's gonna be
in Palm Springs with him,
170
00:06:32,128 --> 00:06:34,264
and his wife's gonna find out
and set her car on fire.
171
00:06:34,348 --> 00:06:35,551
Who would do that?
172
00:06:35,636 --> 00:06:37,946
I always forget you weren't
around for those stories.
173
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:40,427
I never actually set
anybody's car on fire.
174
00:06:40,688 --> 00:06:42,621
It's harder than you think.
175
00:06:42,737 --> 00:06:44,668
All right, well,
so who's gonna tell her?
176
00:06:44,753 --> 00:06:45,975
Not me.
I've made her cry enough.
177
00:06:46,059 --> 00:06:47,819
I got the scoop.
I've done my part.
178
00:06:47,904 --> 00:06:48,934
Well, I don't want
to do it.
179
00:06:49,018 --> 00:06:50,388
I just got her over
being scared of me.
180
00:06:50,472 --> 00:06:52,265
So we're in agreement.
If Marjorie doesn't die
181
00:06:52,349 --> 00:06:53,673
from wrist-related
complications,
182
00:06:53,758 --> 00:06:54,936
we'll make her
tell Wendy.
183
00:06:55,021 --> 00:06:56,342
Good plan.
184
00:06:56,774 --> 00:06:58,297
Here she comes. Shh.
185
00:06:58,382 --> 00:06:59,866
Oh, does my face look like
it knows too much?
186
00:06:59,950 --> 00:07:01,781
No, never.
187
00:07:01,866 --> 00:07:03,768
- Hey, guys. - Hey.
- Hey.
188
00:07:03,853 --> 00:07:05,932
There she is.
189
00:07:06,986 --> 00:07:09,996
Marjorie's gonna be fine.
It's just a slight fracture.
190
00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:11,954
She's getting a cast,
and then we can take her home.
191
00:07:12,038 --> 00:07:13,173
JILL: Great. Super.
192
00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:15,393
So she's not gonna die.
193
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,448
You know, you all didn't
have to come home with me.
194
00:07:22,533 --> 00:07:24,823
Well, I live here
so I was coming anyway.
195
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:27,339
We just want
to make sure you're okay.
196
00:07:27,424 --> 00:07:28,689
I'm fine.
197
00:07:29,018 --> 00:07:30,964
Doctor said my wrist will heal.
198
00:07:31,049 --> 00:07:32,662
Yeah, but you also
just got dumped
199
00:07:32,747 --> 00:07:34,839
in a text
right before Valentine's Day.
200
00:07:35,123 --> 00:07:36,815
Thank you for reminding me.
201
00:07:36,900 --> 00:07:39,745
We're all here because we love
you, and we just want to help.
202
00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:41,008
Can I get you a pillow?
203
00:07:41,092 --> 00:07:42,962
If I need a pillow,
I'll get one.
204
00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:45,748
Look around. It's like a
Pier 1 exploded in here.
205
00:07:46,159 --> 00:07:48,033
All right, no pillow.
206
00:07:48,117 --> 00:07:50,014
Do you want to talk about
what happened with Gary?
207
00:07:50,098 --> 00:07:51,552
No.
208
00:07:51,764 --> 00:07:54,029
Are you gonna call him? No.
209
00:07:54,115 --> 00:07:57,038
Well, I say good riddance.
We never liked him anyway.
210
00:07:57,123 --> 00:07:58,252
Jill! What?
211
00:07:58,336 --> 00:07:59,427
Who didn't like him?
212
00:07:59,511 --> 00:08:00,733
All of us. Jill!
213
00:08:00,817 --> 00:08:03,264
What? I'm just
telling her the truth.
214
00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:05,365
And as someone who's recently
been dumped herself,
215
00:08:05,450 --> 00:08:06,492
I know
what you're going through,
216
00:08:06,576 --> 00:08:08,560
and I just want to say,
men suck.
217
00:08:09,378 --> 00:08:11,586
But Gary especially.
218
00:08:11,671 --> 00:08:12,805
Not all men suck.
219
00:08:12,890 --> 00:08:15,458
Adam's great,
80%, 85% of the time.
220
00:08:16,610 --> 00:08:18,221
And I've got
a great guy, too.
221
00:08:23,501 --> 00:08:24,756
What?
222
00:08:24,841 --> 00:08:26,610
Well, if we'd gotten
some alone time
223
00:08:26,695 --> 00:08:27,919
with Marjorie, she'd tell you.
224
00:08:28,004 --> 00:08:29,391
Tell her what?
225
00:08:30,237 --> 00:08:31,873
Okay, I'll jump
in front of the bullet.
226
00:08:31,958 --> 00:08:33,612
Armand's married.
227
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,552
I'm sorry.
This must be devastating.
228
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:39,002
Oh, I know
he's married.
229
00:08:39,087 --> 00:08:40,598
- You do?
- Yeah.
230
00:08:40,682 --> 00:08:43,205
Really? It's not ideal,
but I'm okay with it.
231
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:44,602
But you never break the rules.
232
00:08:44,686 --> 00:08:46,658
You won't even smuggle popcorn
into a movie,
233
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:48,041
and I know
'cause I've asked you to.
234
00:08:48,125 --> 00:08:50,329
My purse was filled
with cheeseburgers.
235
00:08:51,555 --> 00:08:54,072
Wait a minute.
Your boyfriend is married?
236
00:08:54,157 --> 00:08:56,088
I know you're old and injured,
but try to keep up.
237
00:08:56,172 --> 00:08:57,610
[snaps]
238
00:08:57,727 --> 00:08:59,139
How are you okay with this?
239
00:08:59,337 --> 00:09:02,251
You don't understand.
We had an instant connection.
240
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,321
I've never been with someone
who's this into me.
241
00:09:04,406 --> 00:09:07,329
Yeah, well, I bet he was
into his wife at one point, too.
242
00:09:09,157 --> 00:09:12,008
Honey, he'll say he'll leave
her, but he's never going to.
243
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:13,338
It's okay.
244
00:09:13,423 --> 00:09:15,508
I'm fine with things
the way they are.
245
00:09:17,328 --> 00:09:19,026
All right, since you didn't
have to break the news,
246
00:09:19,110 --> 00:09:21,213
you can jump right into your
lecture about how wrong this is.
247
00:09:21,297 --> 00:09:23,697
Do you want a glass of water,
cup of tea, or can you just go?
248
00:09:24,307 --> 00:09:25,425
No lecture.
249
00:09:25,510 --> 00:09:26,946
Great. Straight to yelling.
250
00:09:27,243 --> 00:09:30,275
Mm, we can do anything
we want in sobriety
251
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,516
as long as we're willing
to accept the consequences.
252
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,041
Obviously,
Marjorie is delirious.
253
00:09:36,126 --> 00:09:38,579
I'm jumping in.
Somebody make me some tea.
254
00:09:39,297 --> 00:09:40,962
I have dated my share
of married men...
255
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:42,883
Back when I was drinking,
not proud...
256
00:09:43,001 --> 00:09:44,793
And yes,
the secrecy was exciting,
257
00:09:44,877 --> 00:09:47,024
and the thrill of that guy
getting something from me
258
00:09:47,110 --> 00:09:49,508
that he couldn't get from
his wife made me feel special.
259
00:09:51,597 --> 00:09:53,283
But here's
what I didn't understand,
260
00:09:53,368 --> 00:09:54,716
because I wasn't married:
261
00:09:55,008 --> 00:09:57,634
That guy's wife is a real person
with feelings,
262
00:09:57,719 --> 00:09:59,735
and she probably
suspects something.
263
00:09:59,852 --> 00:10:01,302
So don't think
you're not hurting someone,
264
00:10:01,386 --> 00:10:02,610
because you are.
265
00:10:03,829 --> 00:10:05,553
You know what I think?
266
00:10:06,118 --> 00:10:08,168
I'm happy
and you can't stand it.
267
00:10:15,386 --> 00:10:17,501
Do you still want the tea?
268
00:10:19,715 --> 00:10:21,735
[gentle piano music playing]
269
00:10:23,118 --> 00:10:24,908
- This is beautiful.
- Yeah.
270
00:10:24,993 --> 00:10:26,916
Does it count as
one of those six courses?
271
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,474
'Cause I may want
to pace myself.
272
00:10:28,558 --> 00:10:31,071
That is called
an amuse-bouche.
273
00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:32,235
I did not know that.
274
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:33,760
I was told while you
were in the bathroom,
275
00:10:33,844 --> 00:10:35,260
after I said, "I hope
the next course
276
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:36,860
- comes on a bigger plate."
- Ah.
277
00:10:37,477 --> 00:10:39,877
- Well, it looks delicious.
- Should I take a picture?
278
00:10:39,962 --> 00:10:41,831
No. I don't want to be
one of those people.
279
00:10:42,025 --> 00:10:43,113
Yes, I do.
280
00:10:44,462 --> 00:10:45,768
You look gorgeous.
281
00:10:46,766 --> 00:10:48,579
I'm the luckiest
man in the room.
282
00:10:48,797 --> 00:10:50,797
I got a look at the crowd
on the way to the bathroom,
283
00:10:50,881 --> 00:10:52,594
and yes, you are.
284
00:10:53,266 --> 00:10:56,462
I bought you
a little Valentine's Day gift.
285
00:10:56,562 --> 00:10:59,141
God, how much sex
do you want tonight?
286
00:10:59,587 --> 00:11:01,322
W-We may have to push
till tomorrow morning,
287
00:11:01,407 --> 00:11:04,227
after six courses and
this bouche situation.
288
00:11:08,826 --> 00:11:10,439
Hey, you two.
289
00:11:10,532 --> 00:11:11,712
Jill, what are you
doing here?
290
00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:14,119
Oh, just picking up.
I paid for this months ago
291
00:11:14,204 --> 00:11:15,518
when I thought I would
still have a boyfriend,
292
00:11:15,602 --> 00:11:18,033
but at least I get to eat in
my sweats, so that's a win.
293
00:11:18,118 --> 00:11:20,837
[laughs] Well, enjoy
your Valentine's.
294
00:11:20,922 --> 00:11:22,310
- Jill?
- Yeah.
295
00:11:22,394 --> 00:11:24,033
Would you like
to join us?
296
00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:25,799
Oh, no. This is a
couples-only zone.
297
00:11:25,884 --> 00:11:27,290
No, come on, sit down.
298
00:11:27,375 --> 00:11:28,336
Really?
299
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,683
Absolutely.
300
00:11:30,751 --> 00:11:33,094
Okay. I'll go
ask for a chair.
301
00:11:34,407 --> 00:11:35,744
You are so wonderful.
302
00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:37,634
Later, I'm gonna
do something to you
303
00:11:37,719 --> 00:11:39,657
that's only legal
in Thailand.
304
00:11:41,813 --> 00:11:44,642
Okay, I know this isn't
the night you had planned,
305
00:11:44,727 --> 00:11:46,331
but I worked really hard
on these fajitas,
306
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:47,722
and I think
you're gonna like 'em.
307
00:11:47,806 --> 00:11:48,984
I'm not hungry.
308
00:11:49,068 --> 00:11:50,333
Well, they're there
if you want 'em.
309
00:11:50,417 --> 00:11:51,321
I won't.
310
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:52,671
Then they're just there.
311
00:11:53,391 --> 00:11:55,158
I was gonna watch
Bridget Jones's Diary.
312
00:11:55,243 --> 00:11:55,954
Is that okay with you?
313
00:11:56,039 --> 00:11:59,001
A story about a woman
who can't keep her man? Why not?
314
00:11:59,162 --> 00:12:00,438
Oh, I also have RoboCop.
315
00:12:00,523 --> 00:12:02,443
Impossible to see
your current situation in that,
316
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:05,165
unless there's something
about Gary you haven't told us.
317
00:12:05,508 --> 00:12:07,391
I don't care.
318
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,719
I know this is
hard for you,
319
00:12:09,804 --> 00:12:12,744
but you still have so much
to be grateful for.
320
00:12:12,829 --> 00:12:16,985
Like what? I'm old, I'm alone,
my bones snap like dry twigs,
321
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,680
and I get to spend
the next two weeks
322
00:12:18,765 --> 00:12:21,075
taking a shower
with a plastic bag on my arm.
323
00:12:21,618 --> 00:12:23,915
Is there anything I can do
to make you feel better?
324
00:12:24,056 --> 00:12:27,743
Go back in time and tell me
not to dump Wayne for Gary.
325
00:12:27,828 --> 00:12:29,181
[sputters]
I would if I could.
326
00:12:29,298 --> 00:12:31,651
Then I'd go further back in time
and invent the zipper.
327
00:12:31,806 --> 00:12:33,680
Though I don't know
when that was invented.
328
00:12:33,765 --> 00:12:35,286
It'd be pretty embarrassing
if I show up and say,
329
00:12:35,370 --> 00:12:36,337
"Hey, look what I invented!"
330
00:12:36,450 --> 00:12:39,499
Then the real zipper guy
is like, "Nice job, loser."
331
00:12:39,636 --> 00:12:41,907
- Can you eat your fajitas in your bedroom?
- Yes, I can.
332
00:12:45,552 --> 00:12:46,861
Wendy, right?
333
00:12:46,945 --> 00:12:48,776
I know. A married man?
334
00:12:48,861 --> 00:12:50,518
Mm. I can't stop
thinking about it.
335
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,158
I finally got her
to stop thinking about it,
336
00:12:52,242 --> 00:12:53,594
so can we change
the subject?
337
00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:56,266
I'm even willing to go back
to panty liners.
338
00:12:56,455 --> 00:12:57,764
[Bonnie and Jill laugh]
339
00:12:58,106 --> 00:13:01,228
This was set to be
my worst Valentine's Day ever,
340
00:13:01,313 --> 00:13:02,657
and I'm having fun.
341
00:13:02,742 --> 00:13:05,748
Oh, I'd say my worst was
waking up in a Colombian jail.
342
00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:06,891
Not sure how I got there.
343
00:13:06,976 --> 00:13:08,591
Something to do with
selling illegal eels.
344
00:13:08,675 --> 00:13:10,114
[laughs]
345
00:13:10,584 --> 00:13:12,067
I was gonna tell
a harrowing story
346
00:13:12,151 --> 00:13:13,618
about a flat tire in Fresno,
347
00:13:13,713 --> 00:13:15,761
but I forgot
who I was having dinner with.
348
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,838
It's hard to unseat the champ.
349
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:19,661
Well, the truth is,
350
00:13:19,746 --> 00:13:23,048
all my Valentine's Days
were the worst before I met you.
351
00:13:23,133 --> 00:13:24,369
Aw.
352
00:13:24,454 --> 00:13:26,853
I love you.
Can I open my present now?
353
00:13:26,938 --> 00:13:28,987
There's a present?
Go, go, go!
354
00:13:29,238 --> 00:13:30,673
- [ringtone playing]
- Oh, wait. No, no.
355
00:13:30,757 --> 00:13:32,127
Don't open it till I'm off.
356
00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:33,303
Hey, Tammy.
357
00:13:33,388 --> 00:13:34,892
Marjorie's gone down
a rabbit hole,
358
00:13:34,977 --> 00:13:36,243
and I don't know what to do.
359
00:13:36,328 --> 00:13:37,580
She's sitting in the dark
360
00:13:37,665 --> 00:13:39,537
muttering about
giving her cats away
361
00:13:39,622 --> 00:13:41,189
to younger people.
362
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,630
- Oh, no.
- What's going on?
363
00:13:44,730 --> 00:13:47,724
Marjorie's gone to a bad place,
and Tammy don't know what to do.
364
00:13:47,809 --> 00:13:48,857
Who are you talking to?
365
00:13:48,942 --> 00:13:50,710
Oh, Bonnie.
I'm out with her and Adam.
366
00:13:50,795 --> 00:13:53,544
Why are you...?
Never mind. Let me talk to her.
367
00:13:56,175 --> 00:13:57,318
Hey, Tam.
368
00:13:57,403 --> 00:14:00,091
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
369
00:14:02,755 --> 00:14:03,724
Uh-huh.
370
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:05,550
- Two more for dinner?
- Uh-huh.
371
00:14:09,973 --> 00:14:11,888
I heard about
the whole Gary text thing.
372
00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,045
That's just messed up.
I'm sorry.
373
00:14:14,199 --> 00:14:15,232
Thank you.
374
00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,510
He didn't like
him, either.
375
00:14:17,302 --> 00:14:19,443
Did everyone
hate Gary?
376
00:14:19,528 --> 00:14:22,224
Hate's a strong word,
but it's the right word.
377
00:14:23,031 --> 00:14:24,862
Why didn't anybody tell me?
378
00:14:24,985 --> 00:14:26,521
Well, you seemed
so happy.
379
00:14:26,606 --> 00:14:28,567
And we didn't want to
rain on your sex parade.
380
00:14:28,652 --> 00:14:31,658
Oh, well, he was the grand
marshal of the sex parade.
381
00:14:31,743 --> 00:14:32,965
[laughs]
382
00:14:33,050 --> 00:14:34,533
But if I'm
completely honest,
383
00:14:34,618 --> 00:14:36,623
I sometimes
found him challenging.
384
00:14:36,708 --> 00:14:39,026
- He could be a bit opinionated.
- And a little overbearing.
385
00:14:39,110 --> 00:14:41,357
Kind of a know-it-all.
He was a dick.
386
00:14:41,791 --> 00:14:44,359
Don't say "dick"
in a swanky restaurant.
387
00:14:45,072 --> 00:14:48,513
I don't know about women,
but guys have a rule
388
00:14:48,615 --> 00:14:50,554
that you don't bash the ex
until you're sure
389
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,600
that they're not
getting back together.
390
00:14:52,801 --> 00:14:55,357
Like the other person's dead,
preferably cremated
391
00:14:55,442 --> 00:14:57,708
and you've looked
inside the urn.
392
00:14:58,042 --> 00:14:59,682
[laughter]
393
00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:02,991
He broke up with me by text,
so, in the words of Taylor Swift,
394
00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:05,678
"We are never, ever,
ever getting back together."
395
00:15:05,763 --> 00:15:06,740
[laughs]
396
00:15:06,825 --> 00:15:09,497
Well, for what it's worth,
I think you can do a lot better.
397
00:15:09,582 --> 00:15:11,109
Well, thank you.
398
00:15:11,194 --> 00:15:13,503
And I'm starting
to feel a little better, too.
399
00:15:13,595 --> 00:15:16,384
Maybe all I needed was
a night out with my gals.
400
00:15:16,469 --> 00:15:17,928
Aw, you hear that?
You're one of the gals.
401
00:15:18,012 --> 00:15:19,321
I'm honored.
402
00:15:19,406 --> 00:15:21,529
Though, I think the people
in this restaurant think
403
00:15:21,614 --> 00:15:23,326
I'm some sort
of cult leader.
404
00:15:24,064 --> 00:15:25,852
[laughter]
405
00:15:26,224 --> 00:15:27,802
You know the one thing
that's missing?
406
00:15:27,887 --> 00:15:30,232
Ketchup? I think they're
pretending they don't have any.
407
00:15:30,379 --> 00:15:32,935
Wendy. If I'm gonna have
a romantic Valentine's dinner
408
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:35,199
with all my girlfriends,
she should be here.
409
00:15:35,610 --> 00:15:37,865
Excuse me.
We're gonna need another chair.
410
00:15:37,950 --> 00:15:39,599
And I get that
you "don't have ketchup,"
411
00:15:39,684 --> 00:15:42,733
but do you have ranch
or barbecue sauce or mustard?
412
00:15:42,818 --> 00:15:45,038
Just looking for
a little dip here, sir.
413
00:15:47,894 --> 00:15:49,224
I'm glad you called.
414
00:15:49,641 --> 00:15:50,952
Having a boyfriend
who's with his wife
415
00:15:51,036 --> 00:15:52,736
on Valentine's Day is rough.
416
00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:55,271
Even though I violently disagree
with your choices,
417
00:15:55,356 --> 00:15:57,654
I'm violently happy you're here.
418
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:01,427
- One for you.
- [gasps]
419
00:16:01,512 --> 00:16:02,857
One for you.
420
00:16:02,942 --> 00:16:04,207
Aw.
421
00:16:04,312 --> 00:16:05,312
One for you.
422
00:16:05,396 --> 00:16:06,826
- Oh.
- One for you.
423
00:16:06,911 --> 00:16:07,741
Oh.
424
00:16:07,826 --> 00:16:09,130
And two for you.
425
00:16:09,215 --> 00:16:11,220
- [laughs]
- I'm no dummy.
426
00:16:11,605 --> 00:16:12,536
[laughter]
427
00:16:12,621 --> 00:16:14,256
You know, you see this happen
in restaurants,
428
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:15,522
and it's the hokiest thing ever,
429
00:16:15,606 --> 00:16:17,560
and then it happens to you,
and it's so nice.
430
00:16:17,645 --> 00:16:19,041
You're a classy
on of a bitch.
431
00:16:19,159 --> 00:16:21,164
[gasps] Swanky.
I forgot.
432
00:16:22,552 --> 00:16:23,997
Should we give
this another shot?
433
00:16:24,082 --> 00:16:25,724
Ooh, tiny box alert.
434
00:16:26,127 --> 00:16:27,476
[chuckles]
435
00:16:28,776 --> 00:16:31,260
Oh, Adam.
436
00:16:31,445 --> 00:16:32,794
It's beautiful.
437
00:16:32,879 --> 00:16:34,362
Oh, let me see!
438
00:16:34,588 --> 00:16:36,289
Oh, that's
a nice weight.
439
00:16:36,374 --> 00:16:38,161
Oh, Adam, so elegant.
440
00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:40,122
Really pretty.
441
00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:41,107
There's an inscription.
442
00:16:41,192 --> 00:16:43,099
Oh, yeah. Look, it says...
443
00:16:43,242 --> 00:16:44,943
Ooh, probably
Bonnie should read it.
444
00:16:47,394 --> 00:16:50,705
"No, sorry, no Linda here."
445
00:16:51,164 --> 00:16:52,395
What does that mean?
446
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,280
Those are the first words
you ever said to me.
447
00:16:54,746 --> 00:16:55,912
When I called the wrong number
448
00:16:55,996 --> 00:16:57,747
that ended up
being the right number.
449
00:17:00,156 --> 00:17:01,680
You're amazing.
450
00:17:04,362 --> 00:17:06,333
I would like to propose
a toast.
451
00:17:06,418 --> 00:17:08,052
To Adam Janikowski,
452
00:17:08,137 --> 00:17:11,036
who has made our friend happier
than she has ever been,
453
00:17:11,225 --> 00:17:12,638
and he also puts up
with all of us,
454
00:17:12,723 --> 00:17:15,052
which is something
even we have trouble doing.
455
00:17:15,394 --> 00:17:16,935
[laughter]
456
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:18,607
I knew when I married Bonnie
457
00:17:18,692 --> 00:17:20,392
that I was also marrying
all of you.
458
00:17:20,563 --> 00:17:21,915
And I'm good
with that.
459
00:17:22,070 --> 00:17:23,379
I love you guys.
460
00:17:23,464 --> 00:17:24,607
Oh.
461
00:17:24,692 --> 00:17:25,826
Pay attention, ladies.
462
00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:28,131
Don't settle for
anything less than this.
463
00:17:29,580 --> 00:17:31,661
Wendy, don't you even
look at him.
464
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,075
[humming]
465
00:17:42,507 --> 00:17:44,529
Well, somebody's got
their sparkle back.
466
00:17:44,614 --> 00:17:45,763
Mm-hmm.
467
00:17:45,848 --> 00:17:48,332
Well, I stopped at the
farmer's market on the way here,
468
00:17:48,417 --> 00:17:51,607
and I got talking
to the cantaloupe man.
469
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:54,436
Long story short, we're
having coffee next Wednesday.
470
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:55,435
Oh, thank God.
471
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,685
I can put all the sharp
knives back in the kitchen.
472
00:17:58,263 --> 00:18:00,357
The good news is
maybe it'll work out,
473
00:18:00,442 --> 00:18:02,576
but the better news is,
even if it doesn't,
474
00:18:02,746 --> 00:18:05,138
it's given me hope
that I've still got game.Mm.
475
00:18:05,223 --> 00:18:06,533
The best news is
we can make jokes
476
00:18:06,617 --> 00:18:08,143
about him squeezing
your melons.
477
00:18:08,228 --> 00:18:09,624
[laughter]
478
00:18:09,824 --> 00:18:12,177
Oh, I want
a cantaloupe man.
479
00:18:12,277 --> 00:18:14,716
I really need to start
doing my own shopping.
480
00:18:15,584 --> 00:18:18,238
No. I'd rather
be alone forever.
481
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,737
It's 'cause those were the
first words I ever said to him.
482
00:18:21,852 --> 00:18:25,206
It was a wrong number.
Pretty magical story.
483
00:18:25,595 --> 00:18:27,608
Hey, Bonnie, can I talk
to you for a second?
484
00:18:27,693 --> 00:18:28,645
Yeah.
485
00:18:28,729 --> 00:18:30,513
Later, I'll show you
pictures of our dinner.
486
00:18:30,598 --> 00:18:33,256
My phone put them into a little
video with sentimental music.
487
00:18:33,341 --> 00:18:35,146
It's actually very moving.
488
00:18:36,911 --> 00:18:38,154
What's up?
489
00:18:38,239 --> 00:18:40,865
I just want to let you know
that Armand and I broke up.
490
00:18:41,791 --> 00:18:45,076
I'm sorry, but I do think
you made the right choice.
491
00:18:45,450 --> 00:18:47,378
It wasn't my choice.
It was his.
492
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:53,105
But can we say
it was mine?
493
00:18:53,290 --> 00:18:54,724
That's what I heard.
494
00:18:55,990 --> 00:18:58,230
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
495
00:18:58,315 --> 00:19:00,315
Synchronized by srjanapala
496
00:19:01,305 --> 00:20:01,948
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