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1
00:00:02,828 --> 00:00:05,266
Remind me how we got roped
into giving away the blood
2
00:00:05,309 --> 00:00:07,137
that's keeping us alive?
3
00:00:07,181 --> 00:00:09,183
Wendy signed us all up
when we were hungry.
4
00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:11,185
She knew we weren't
paying attention.
5
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:13,230
I swear she used the words
"drag queen bingo,"
6
00:00:13,274 --> 00:00:14,492
or I never would have agreed.
7
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:17,278
What if I walk out of here
and get hit by a bus
8
00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:19,628
and don't have enough blood
in my body to save me?
9
00:00:19,671 --> 00:00:21,456
Then they'll wheel you
right back in here
10
00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:23,153
and fill you
full of mine.
11
00:00:23,197 --> 00:00:25,242
I would not take
that offer.
12
00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:28,071
I just hate needles.
13
00:00:28,115 --> 00:00:30,856
Except for Botox,
which actually helps people.
14
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:32,293
You're gonna
be fine.
15
00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:34,077
I give blood
every six months.
16
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:35,644
It's nothing to
be scared of.
17
00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:38,299
Wow. Some of these questions
are pretty personal.
18
00:00:38,342 --> 00:00:41,258
"Have you had unprotected sex
with someone you do not know..."
19
00:00:41,302 --> 00:00:44,087
Yay, I'm out!
"...in the last three months?"
20
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,698
Damn it, I'm back in.
21
00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:49,919
We should be proud that we're
sober and we can do this.
22
00:00:49,962 --> 00:00:52,008
There was a time when none
of us could've given blood
23
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,097
because of our
lifestyles.
24
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:57,361
So let's be grateful
and generous of spirit.
25
00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:59,189
Oh, crap-a-doodle.
26
00:00:59,233 --> 00:01:00,930
What's the matter?
Is it number eight?
27
00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:02,932
"Have you taken
money for sex?"
28
00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:06,153
I started blood thinners.
I can't donate.
29
00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:08,459
Wait. Do you have 'em
in your purse? Give me one.[tsks]
30
00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:11,375
Oh, I wish I was
sick in the hospital
31
00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:12,942
and someone was
bringing me
32
00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:15,336
a Valentine's bear with
a heart on his tummy.
33
00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:16,598
Mm.
34
00:01:16,641 --> 00:01:18,165
I'm not interested
unless that bear
35
00:01:18,208 --> 00:01:19,644
is carrying jewelry.[chuckles]
36
00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:22,169
Adam and I never make a big
deal out of Valentine's Day.
37
00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:23,996
Usually, by the time he
gets home from the bar,
38
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,390
I've already eaten my edible
underwear and gone to sleep.
39
00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:27,783
[laughs]
I have a date with chicken fajitas
40
00:01:27,826 --> 00:01:29,828
and Bridget
Jones's Diary.
41
00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:33,049
Well, Gary and I have
a sexy Skype planned.
42
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,051
Tammy, I may
need your help
43
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,880
getting off my compression
socks beforehand.
44
00:01:37,923 --> 00:01:40,491
Great. I have a date
with chicken fajitas,
45
00:01:40,535 --> 00:01:42,841
Bridget Jones's Diaryand
Marjorie's compression socks.
46
00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:44,234
[laughs]
47
00:01:45,279 --> 00:01:46,497
Oh, there's Wendy.
48
00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:50,719
JILL:
Wendy's kissing a man.
49
00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:52,286
Wendy's kissing a man!
50
00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:54,114
I'm gonna faint before
I give blood.
51
00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:58,379
♪
52
00:02:18,007 --> 00:02:20,488
I'm sorry I can't pet you, Gus.
53
00:02:20,531 --> 00:02:23,447
I gave blood.
54
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:28,148
You know, it can't always be
about you, you know.
55
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,455
[sighs] Hey.
56
00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:32,630
Hey.
57
00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:34,241
You all right?
58
00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:37,244
I spent all morning
saving lives.
59
00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:39,159
I thought
you were just giving blood.
60
00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:41,378
Not just any blood.
61
00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:44,947
AB negative, the rarest of all.
62
00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:48,168
The nurse called it
the "champagne of blood."
63
00:02:48,211 --> 00:02:50,387
[sighs]
64
00:02:50,431 --> 00:02:52,128
Juice me.
65
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:55,305
Do you think you'll have
your strength back by Sunday?
66
00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:59,309
Oh, no. You're not still trying
to get me to church, are you?
67
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:01,355
I can't drink
the wine,
68
00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:04,314
and those crackers they
serve with it are terrible.
69
00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:06,490
Sunday is
Valentine's Day,
70
00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:09,450
and I'm taking you out
for a romantic dinner.
71
00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:12,322
Not chicken wings
in your office at the bar?
72
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:16,326
Nope. Michelin star restaurant,
six-course tasting menu.
73
00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:19,460
Wear your highest heels
'cause I'm sitting down anyway.
74
00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:22,506
Oh, my God,
our first Valentine's date.
75
00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:26,118
If I wasn't so weak,
I'd kiss you.
76
00:03:27,163 --> 00:03:28,730
I'll come to you.
77
00:03:28,773 --> 00:03:31,123
I'll do my best
to muster a pucker.
78
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:36,390
Oh, orange juice and Oreos.
79
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,043
Just had a flashback
to preschool.
80
00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:40,481
Not what you want
when you're kissing your wife.
81
00:03:42,483 --> 00:03:45,268
You know, Bonnie, it's
been more than 24 hours,
82
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:46,400
so you can take
that off now.
83
00:03:46,443 --> 00:03:48,097
Oh, is that still there
84
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:51,448
from when I gave my very rare
blood to save lives?
85
00:03:51,492 --> 00:03:54,408
You're surprised? She wore her
"I Voted" sticker for a month.
86
00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:56,671
I was excited. It was my first
time voting under my real name.
87
00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:59,151
[laughter]
88
00:03:59,195 --> 00:04:00,892
Oh, Wendy's here.
89
00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:03,199
This is gonna be
fun. Hey, girl!
90
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,375
What's new? What's going on?
91
00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:08,117
Uh, I just got my hair cut.
92
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,814
Well, not really cut,
just a trim. They call it...
93
00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:12,513
No one cares.
Who's the guy?
94
00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:13,644
What guy?
95
00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:15,777
The doctor you were
playing doctor with.
96
00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:17,561
When we came to
give blood...
97
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,171
We saw you
sucking face with him.
98
00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:20,521
Why have you been
holding out on us?
99
00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:22,131
Oh. Yeah.
100
00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:24,002
We've been kind of
seeing each other.
101
00:04:24,046 --> 00:04:26,483
Yesterday, you went on and on
about the lint in your dryer,
102
00:04:26,527 --> 00:04:28,355
but nothing about
Dr. Hot Lips?
103
00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:31,923
It's new, and I was afraid
you guys would tease me.
104
00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:33,490
Wendy, we would never.
105
00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:36,319
Has he taken your temperature
yet? And if so, how?
106
00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:38,452
Can he prescribe
satisfaction?
107
00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:39,540
[chuckles]
108
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,193
Does he recommend
you stay horizontal
109
00:04:41,237 --> 00:04:42,412
with plenty of fluids?
110
00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:44,022
[laughter]MARJORIE:
All right.
111
00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:46,416
All right, everybody
just leave Wendy alone.
112
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:47,852
She's probably tired
113
00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:49,245
from all the booster
shots he's giving her.
114
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,160
[laughter]
115
00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:52,422
It's fun when you play.
116
00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:54,598
[phone chimes]
117
00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:56,208
All right, tease all you want.
118
00:04:56,252 --> 00:04:58,123
Armand and I are happy.
119
00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,082
Armand?
120
00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:02,606
Is his last name
"Douché"?
121
00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:04,086
[laughter]
122
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:06,349
Oh, my God.
What?
123
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:09,091
Gary just broke
up with me.
124
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:10,614
In a text?
125
00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:12,573
What did he say?
126
00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:15,140
I'm sorry.
I need a minute.
127
00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:19,188
Poor Marjorie.
128
00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:20,624
Do you think
this is some sort
129
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,278
of cosmic
rebalancing?
130
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,236
Like Wendy got a boyfriend
so Marjorie had to lose hers?
131
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,630
It's the only
plausible explanation.
132
00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:30,199
MARJORIE:
Ow! Damn it!
133
00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:31,896
[groans]What happened?
134
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:34,986
Oh, I was looking at my phone,
and I fell,
135
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:37,162
like the stupid old woman I am.
136
00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:40,078
Ow! Oh, I really hurt my wrist.
137
00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:42,211
Oh. We should
get you to the ER.
138
00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:45,301
Which in Wendy's case
is the Erection Room.
139
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,347
No? I guess
we're done.
140
00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:48,522
Go.
141
00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:54,571
Is it weird that I feel like Teen People
really gets me?
142
00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:56,399
No. You've got a
youthful spirit
143
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,401
and a giant crush
on Harry Styles.
144
00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:01,796
Huge news.
145
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:02,927
Is Marjorie all right?
146
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,146
No idea.
147
00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:06,061
I did a little sleuthing,
and I found out
148
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,410
that Wendy's boyfriend
is a cardiologist.
149
00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:08,716
So I called my girlfriend Jenna,
150
00:06:08,759 --> 00:06:10,239
whose husband is also
a cardiologist,
151
00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:11,806
to see if she had
the scoop on him.
152
00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:14,939
Ooh, good work. I bet he's a
model train guy or has a ferret.
153
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:17,551
Thank you, but hold your ticket.
154
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:19,553
He's married.BOTH:
What?!
155
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:21,163
I know.
I couldn't believe it, either.
156
00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:22,425
Do you think she knows?
157
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:23,774
Wendy would never
date a married man.
158
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:25,689
We have to tell her.
Do we?
159
00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:28,257
Last week, she cried
when the bistro ran out of soup.
160
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:30,302
Of course we do. She's our
friend, and we care about her.
161
00:06:30,346 --> 00:06:31,956
But it's gonna
break her heart.
162
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,523
If we don't tell her,
six months from now,
163
00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:35,264
she's gonna be
in Palm Springs with him,
164
00:06:35,307 --> 00:06:37,484
and his wife's gonna find out
and set her car on fire.
165
00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:39,137
Who would do that?
166
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:41,531
I always forget you weren't
around for those stories.
167
00:06:41,575 --> 00:06:44,012
I never actually set
anybody's car on fire.
168
00:06:44,055 --> 00:06:46,188
It's harder than you think.
169
00:06:46,231 --> 00:06:48,364
All right, well,
so who's gonna tell her?
170
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,670
Not me.
I've made her cry enough.
171
00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:51,367
I got the scoop.
I've done my part.
172
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,499
Well, I don't want
to do it.
173
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:54,065
I just got her over
being scared of me.
174
00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:55,589
So we're in agreement.
If Marjorie doesn't die
175
00:06:55,632 --> 00:06:57,025
from wrist-related
complications,
176
00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:58,287
we'll make her
tell Wendy.
177
00:06:58,330 --> 00:06:59,419
Good plan.
178
00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:00,985
Here she comes. Shh.
179
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:03,553
Oh, does my face look like
it knows too much?
180
00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:05,468
No, never.
181
00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,992
Hey, guys.Hey.
Hey.
182
00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:09,298
There she is.
183
00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:13,258
Marjorie's gonna be fine.
It's just a slight fracture.
184
00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:15,435
She's getting a cast,
and then we can take her home.
185
00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,653
JILL:
Great. Super.
186
00:07:16,697 --> 00:07:19,003
So she's not gonna die.
187
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:26,271
You know, you all didn't
have to come home with me.
188
00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:27,882
Well, I live here
so I was coming anyway.
189
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:31,276
We just want
to make sure you're okay.
190
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,626
I'm fine.
191
00:07:32,669 --> 00:07:34,410
Doctor said my wrist will heal.
192
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,107
Yeah, but you also
just got dumped
193
00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:38,283
in a text
right before Valentine's Day.
194
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,242
Thank you for reminding me.
195
00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:43,375
We're all here because we love
you, and we just want to help.
196
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:44,464
Can I get you a pillow?
197
00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:46,509
If I need a pillow,
I'll get one.
198
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:49,294
Look around. It's like a
Pier 1 exploded in here.
199
00:07:49,338 --> 00:07:51,253
All right, no pillow.
200
00:07:51,296 --> 00:07:53,516
Do you want to talk about
what happened with Gary?
201
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,387
No.
202
00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:57,477
Are you gonna
call him? No.
203
00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,523
Well, I say good riddance.
We never liked him anyway.
204
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:01,959
Jill!What?
205
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:03,134
Who didn't like him?
206
00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:04,440
All of us.Jill!
207
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,616
What? I'm just
telling her the truth.
208
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,618
And as someone who's recently
been dumped herself,
209
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:10,098
I know
what you're going through,
210
00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:11,447
and I just want to say,
men suck.
211
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,451
But Gary especially.
212
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,670
Not all men suck.
213
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:19,281
Adam's great,
80%, 85% of the time.
214
00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:21,936
And I've got
a great guy, too.
215
00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:28,464
What?
216
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:29,900
Well, if we'd gotten
some alone time
217
00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:31,380
with Marjorie, she'd tell you.
218
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:32,512
Tell her what?
219
00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:35,340
Okay, I'll jump
in front of the bullet.
220
00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:37,038
Armand's married.
221
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:41,259
I'm sorry.
This must be devastating.
222
00:08:41,303 --> 00:08:42,478
Oh, I know
he's married.
223
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,306
You do?Yeah.
224
00:08:44,349 --> 00:08:46,613
Really?It's not ideal,
but I'm okay with it.
225
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:48,310
But you never break the rules.
226
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:50,268
You won't even smuggle popcorn
into a movie,
227
00:08:50,312 --> 00:08:51,748
and I know
'cause I've asked you to.
228
00:08:51,792 --> 00:08:54,142
My purse was filled
with cheeseburgers.
229
00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:57,493
Wait a minute. Your
boyfriend is married?
230
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,408
I know you're old and injured,
but try to keep up.
231
00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:01,236
[snaps]
232
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:02,846
How are you okay with this?
233
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:06,023
You don't understand.
We had an instant connection.
234
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:08,330
I've never been with someone
who's this into me.
235
00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:10,854
Yeah, well, I bet he was
into his wife at one point, too.
236
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,467
Honey, he'll say he'll leave
her, but he's never going to.
237
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:19,167
It's okay. I'm fine with
things the way they are.
238
00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:22,605
All right, since you didn't
have to break the news,
239
00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:24,738
you can jump right into your
lecture about how wrong this is.
240
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:26,914
Do you want a glass of water,
cup of tea, or can you just go?
241
00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:29,133
No lecture.
242
00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:30,395
Great. Straight to yelling.
243
00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:33,485
Mm, we can do anything
we want in sobriety
244
00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:37,533
as long as we're willing
to accept the consequences.
245
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,579
Obviously,
Marjorie is delirious.
246
00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:42,799
I'm jumping in.
Somebody make me some tea.
247
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:44,671
I have dated my share
of married men--
248
00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:46,498
back when I was drinking,
not proud--
249
00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,500
and yes,
the secrecy was exciting,
250
00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:50,546
and the thrill of that guy
getting something from me
251
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,983
that he couldn't get from
his wife made me feel special.
252
00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:56,813
But here's
what I didn't understand,
253
00:09:56,857 --> 00:09:58,423
because I wasn't married:
254
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,948
That guy's wife is a real person
with feelings,
255
00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:02,645
and she probably
suspects something.
256
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:04,604
So don't think
you're not hurting someone,
257
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:05,735
because you are.
258
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:09,260
You know what I think?
259
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:11,828
I'm happy
and you can't stand it.
260
00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:20,750
Do you still want the tea?
261
00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:28,845
[gentle piano music playing]
262
00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:30,281
This is beautiful.Yeah.
263
00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:32,327
Does it count as
one of those six courses?
264
00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:34,285
'Cause I may want
to pace myself.
265
00:10:34,329 --> 00:10:36,157
That is called
an amuse-bouche.
266
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,898
I did not know that.
267
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,160
I was told while you
were in the bathroom,
268
00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:40,814
after I said, "I hope
the next course
269
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,163
comes on a
bigger plate." Ah.
270
00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:45,383
Well, it looks delicious.
Should I take a picture?
271
00:10:45,427 --> 00:10:47,385
No. I don't want to be
one of those people.
272
00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:48,517
Yes, I do.
273
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:50,867
You look gorgeous.
274
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:54,175
I'm the luckiest
man in the room.
275
00:10:54,218 --> 00:10:56,351
I got a look at the crowd
on the way to the bathroom,
276
00:10:56,394 --> 00:10:57,613
and yes, you are.
277
00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:01,791
I bought you a little
Valentine's Day gift.
278
00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:04,446
God, how much sex
do you want tonight?
279
00:11:04,489 --> 00:11:06,883
W-We may have to push
till tomorrow morning,
280
00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:09,581
after six courses and
this bouche situation.
281
00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:15,762
Hey, you two.
282
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:17,198
Jill, what are you
doing here?
283
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:19,200
Oh, just picking up.
I paid for this months ago
284
00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:21,245
when I thought I would
still have a boyfriend,
285
00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:23,726
but at least I get to eat in
my sweats, so that's a win.
286
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:26,033
[laughs] Well, enjoy
your Valentine's.
287
00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:28,122
Jill?Yeah.
288
00:11:28,165 --> 00:11:29,253
Would you like
to join us?
289
00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:31,386
Oh, no. This is a
couples-only zone.
290
00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:32,692
No, come on, sit down.
291
00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:33,736
Really?
292
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,042
Absolutely.
293
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:39,481
Okay. I'll go
ask for a chair.
294
00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:41,309
You are so wonderful.
295
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,354
Later, I'm gonna
do something to you
296
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:45,008
that's only legal
in Thailand.
297
00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:50,013
Okay, I know this isn't
the night you had planned,
298
00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:51,362
but I worked really hard
on these fajitas,
299
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:53,016
and I think
you're gonna like 'em.
300
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:54,278
I'm not hungry.
301
00:11:54,322 --> 00:11:55,627
Well, they're there
if you want 'em.
302
00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:57,020
I won't.
303
00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:58,369
Then they're just there.
304
00:11:58,413 --> 00:11:59,980
I was gonna watch Bridget Jones's Diary.
305
00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:01,459
Is that okay with you?
306
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:04,506
A story about a woman
who can't keep her man? Why not?
307
00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:06,203
Oh, I also have RoboCop.
308
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:07,770
Impossible to see
your current situation in that,
309
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,207
unless there's something
about Gary you haven't told us.
310
00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:12,993
I don't care.
311
00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:15,256
I know this is
hard for you,
312
00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:17,780
but you still have so much
to be grateful for.
313
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:22,393
Like what? I'm old, I'm alone,
my bones snap like dry twigs,
314
00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:24,265
and I get to spend
the next two weeks
315
00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,658
taking a shower
with a plastic bag on my arm.
316
00:12:26,702 --> 00:12:29,400
Is there anything I can do
to make you feel better?
317
00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:33,448
Go back in time and tell me
not to dump Wayne for Gary.
318
00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:34,884
[sputters]
I would if I could.
319
00:12:34,928 --> 00:12:37,321
Then I'd go further back in time
and invent the zipper.
320
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:39,280
Though I don't know
when that was invented.
321
00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:40,847
It'd be pretty embarrassing
if I show up and say,
322
00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:42,239
"Hey, look what I invented!"
323
00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:45,373
Then the real zipper guy
is like, "Nice job, loser."
324
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:47,984
Can you eat your fajitas
in your bedroom? Yes, I can.
325
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:52,336
Wendy, right?
326
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:54,251
I know. A married man?
327
00:12:54,295 --> 00:12:55,992
Mm. I can't stop
thinking about it.
328
00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:57,820
I finally got her
to stop thinking about it,
329
00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,256
so can we change the subject?
330
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:02,042
I'm even willing to go back
to panty liners.
331
00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:03,434
[Bonnie and Jill laugh]
332
00:13:03,478 --> 00:13:06,350
This was set to be
my worst Valentine's Day ever,
333
00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:08,265
and I'm having fun.
334
00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:11,355
Oh, I'd say my worst was
waking up in a Colombian jail.
335
00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:12,574
Not sure how I got there.
336
00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:14,271
Something to do with
selling illegal eels.
337
00:13:14,315 --> 00:13:15,795
[laughs]
338
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:17,361
I was gonna tell
a harrowing story
339
00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:19,189
about a flat tire in Fresno,
340
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:21,322
but I forgot
who I was having dinner with.
341
00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:24,064
It's hard to unseat the champ.
342
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:25,543
Well, the truth is,
343
00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:28,590
all my Valentine's Days
were the worst before I met you.
344
00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,157
Aw.
345
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,333
I love you.
Can I open my present now?
346
00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:34,465
There's a present?
Go, go, go!
347
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:35,815
[ringtone playing]
348
00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:37,642
Oh, wait. No, no. Don't
open it till I'm off.
349
00:13:37,686 --> 00:13:38,818
Hey, Tammy.
350
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:40,515
Marjorie's gone down
a rabbit hole,
351
00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:41,864
and I don't know what to do.
352
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:43,474
She's sitting in the dark
353
00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:45,215
muttering about
giving her cats away
354
00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:46,826
to younger people.
355
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,177
Oh, no.What's going on?
356
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:53,441
Marjorie's gone to a bad place,
and Tammy don't know what to do.
357
00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:54,572
Who are you talking to?
358
00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:56,357
Oh, Bonnie.
I'm out with her and Adam.
359
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,794
Why are you...?
Never mind. Let me talk to her.
360
00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:03,320
Hey, Tam.
361
00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:05,845
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
362
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:09,326
Uh-huh.
363
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,111
Two more for dinner?Uh-huh.
364
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:17,900
I heard about
the whole Gary text thing.
365
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:19,989
That's just messed up.
I'm sorry.
366
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,251
Thank you.
367
00:14:21,295 --> 00:14:22,513
He didn't like
him, either.
368
00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:25,038
Did everyone
hate Gary?
369
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:28,563
Hate's a strong word,
but it's the right word.
370
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,478
Why didn't anybody tell me?
371
00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:32,349
Well, you seemed
so happy.
372
00:14:32,393 --> 00:14:34,395
And we didn't want to
rain on your sex parade.
373
00:14:34,438 --> 00:14:37,485
Oh, well, he was the grand
marshal of the sex parade.
374
00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:38,790
[laughs]
375
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:40,357
But if I'm
completely honest,
376
00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:42,142
I sometimes
found him challenging.
377
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:44,666
He could be
a bit opinionated.And a little overbearing.
378
00:14:44,709 --> 00:14:47,277
Kind of a know-it-all.He was a dick.
379
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:49,889
Don't say "dick"
in a swanky restaurant.
380
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:54,110
I don't know about women,
but guys have a rule
381
00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:56,373
that you don't bash the ex
until you're sure
382
00:14:56,417 --> 00:14:58,419
that they're not
getting back together.
383
00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:00,856
Like the other person's dead,
preferably cremated
384
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,640
and you've looked
inside the urn.
385
00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:05,252
[laughter]
386
00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:08,559
He broke up with me by text, so,
in the words of Taylor Swift,
387
00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:10,866
"We are never, ever,
ever getting back together."
388
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,433
[laughs]
389
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:15,349
Well, for what it's worth,
I think you can do a lot better.
390
00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:16,959
Well, thank you.
391
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:19,353
And I'm starting
to feel a little better, too.
392
00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:22,225
Maybe all I needed was
a night out with my gals.
393
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:23,574
Aw, you hear that?
You're one of the gals.
394
00:15:23,618 --> 00:15:24,967
I'm honored.
395
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:27,274
Though, I think the people
in this restaurant think
396
00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:29,276
I'm some sort
of cult leader.
397
00:15:29,319 --> 00:15:31,147
[laughter]
398
00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:33,410
You know the one thing
that's missing?
399
00:15:33,454 --> 00:15:36,152
Ketchup? I think they're
pretending they don't have any.
400
00:15:36,196 --> 00:15:38,589
Wendy. If I'm gonna have
a romantic Valentine's dinner
401
00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:40,852
with all my girlfriends,
she should be here.
402
00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:43,507
Excuse me. We're gonna
need another chair.
403
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:45,422
And I get that
you "don't have ketchup,"
404
00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:48,556
but do you have ranch
or barbecue sauce or mustard?
405
00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:50,819
Just looking for
a little dip here, sir.
406
00:15:53,735 --> 00:15:55,258
I'm glad you called.
407
00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:56,781
Having a boyfriend
who's with his wife
408
00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:58,566
on Valentine's Day is rough.
409
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,916
Even though I violently disagree
with your choices,
410
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,918
I'm violently happy you're here.
411
00:16:05,225 --> 00:16:07,531
One for you.[gasps]
412
00:16:07,575 --> 00:16:08,532
One for you.
413
00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:09,881
Aw.
414
00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:11,100
One for you.
415
00:16:11,144 --> 00:16:12,667
Oh.
One for you.
416
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:13,581
Oh.
417
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:15,104
And two for you.
418
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,193
[laughs]
I'm no dummy.
419
00:16:17,237 --> 00:16:18,629
[laughter]
420
00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:19,979
You know, you see this happen
in restaurants,
421
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:21,502
and it's the hokiest thing ever,
422
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:23,634
and then it happens to you,
and it's so nice.
423
00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:25,114
You're a classy son of a bitch.
424
00:16:25,158 --> 00:16:27,203
[gasps] Swanky. I forgot.
425
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:29,727
Should we give
this another shot?
426
00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:31,338
Ooh, tiny box alert.
427
00:16:31,381 --> 00:16:32,730
[chuckles]
428
00:16:34,515 --> 00:16:37,039
Oh, Adam.
429
00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:38,693
It's beautiful.
430
00:16:38,736 --> 00:16:40,260
Oh, let me see!
431
00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:42,044
Oh, that's
a nice weight.
432
00:16:42,088 --> 00:16:43,915
Oh, Adam, so elegant.
433
00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:45,656
Really pretty.
434
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,223
There's an inscription.
435
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:48,790
Oh, yeah. Look, it says...
436
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,357
Ooh, probably
Bonnie should read it.
437
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:56,406
"No, sorry, no Linda here."
438
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:58,321
What does that mean?
439
00:16:58,365 --> 00:17:00,106
Those are the first words
you ever said to me.
440
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,759
When I called the wrong number
441
00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:03,196
that ended up
being the right number.
442
00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:07,287
You're amazing.
443
00:17:09,898 --> 00:17:12,031
I would like to propose a toast.
444
00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:14,076
To Adam Janikowski,
445
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,600
who has made our friend happier
than she has ever been,
446
00:17:16,644 --> 00:17:18,559
and he also puts up
with all of us,
447
00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:20,604
which is something
even we have trouble doing.
448
00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:22,606
[laughter]
449
00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:24,521
I knew when I married Bonnie
450
00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:26,306
that I was also marrying
all of you.
451
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:27,742
And I'm good
with that.
452
00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:29,135
I love you guys.
453
00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:30,440
Oh.
454
00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:31,789
Pay attention, ladies.
455
00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:34,053
Don't settle for
anything less than this.
456
00:17:35,663 --> 00:17:37,230
Wendy, don't you even
look at him.
457
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:49,938
[humming]
458
00:17:49,981 --> 00:17:51,679
Well, somebody's got
their sparkle back.
459
00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:53,159
Mm-hmm.
460
00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:55,726
Well, I stopped at the
farmer's market on the way here,
461
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:59,208
and I got talking
to the cantaloupe man.
462
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:01,950
Long story short, we're
having coffee next Wednesday.
463
00:18:01,993 --> 00:18:03,430
Oh, thank God.
464
00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:05,258
I can put all the sharp
knives back in the kitchen.
465
00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:07,999
The good news is
maybe it'll work out,
466
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:10,176
but the better news is,
even if it doesn't,
467
00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:12,787
it's given me hope
that I've still got game.Mm.
468
00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,180
The best news is
we can make jokes
469
00:18:14,223 --> 00:18:15,790
about him squeezing
your melons.
470
00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:17,270
[laughter]
471
00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:19,707
Oh, I want
a cantaloupe man.
472
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:23,232
I really need to start
doing my own shopping.
473
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:25,930
No. I'd rather
be alone forever.
474
00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:29,586
It's 'cause those were the
first words I ever said to him.
475
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:33,024
It was a wrong number.
Pretty magical story.
476
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:34,896
Hey, Bonnie, can I talk
to you for a second?
477
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:36,158
Yeah.
478
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:38,334
Later, I'll show you
pictures of our dinner.
479
00:18:38,378 --> 00:18:41,076
My phone put them into a little
video with sentimental music.
480
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,556
It's actually very moving.
481
00:18:44,384 --> 00:18:45,994
What's up?
482
00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:48,431
I just want to let you know
that Armand and I broke up.
483
00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:52,174
I'm sorry, but I do think
you made the right choice.
484
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,742
It wasn't my choice.
It was his.
485
00:18:58,789 --> 00:19:00,704
But can we say
it was mine?
486
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:12,368
That's what I heard.
487
00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:14,370
Captioning sponsored by
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488
00:19:14,414 --> 00:19:16,590
and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
489
00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:18,635
and TOYOTA.
490
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,642
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
491
00:19:25,692 --> 00:19:30,242
Repair and Synchronization by
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