Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,017 --> 00:00:04,586
Happily divorced is shot
before a live audience.
2
00:00:04,587 --> 00:00:05,821
Hello, darling.
3
00:00:05,855 --> 00:00:07,923
Oh, ma, what a nice surprise.
4
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:10,553
Yeah. Look.
I found the perfect earrings
5
00:00:10,554 --> 00:00:13,031
for you to give daddy
to surprise me with
6
00:00:13,032 --> 00:00:15,201
on our mother's day brunch.
7
00:00:15,236 --> 00:00:18,003
What time's the reservation?
8
00:00:18,038 --> 00:00:22,564
Um... you know, let me
just check with Cesar.
9
00:00:22,572 --> 00:00:23,903
Okay.
10
00:00:23,904 --> 00:00:25,372
Table for four
at the Ritz Carlton.
11
00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:28,046
Not near a draft.
12
00:00:30,156 --> 00:00:32,457
Yeah, he's gonna check on it.
13
00:00:32,458 --> 00:00:34,962
Make sure that, you know,
we got the perfect table,
14
00:00:34,963 --> 00:00:36,565
- perfect view...
- Good.
15
00:00:36,566 --> 00:00:38,134
For you to have the perfect
16
00:00:38,135 --> 00:00:40,475
mother's day brunch
at the Ritz Carlton.
17
00:00:41,978 --> 00:00:44,148
They're booked.
18
00:00:44,183 --> 00:00:46,854
Or another place.
19
00:00:46,889 --> 00:00:49,591
Your forgot the reservations.
20
00:00:49,626 --> 00:00:51,729
Oh, ma, I'm so sorry.
21
00:00:51,730 --> 00:00:53,533
It's just that
I've been so swamped
22
00:00:53,534 --> 00:00:57,505
with mother's day coming.
23
00:00:57,539 --> 00:00:59,841
No problem, sweetheart.
24
00:00:59,842 --> 00:01:02,078
We can do what I like
on father's day.
25
00:01:02,079 --> 00:01:04,281
Oh, no, wait, we can't
26
00:01:04,282 --> 00:01:08,420
because you ordered
daddy's dodger tickets already.
27
00:01:08,454 --> 00:01:12,358
Well, you know, you have to do
that months in advance
28
00:01:12,359 --> 00:01:13,693
or you don't get them.
29
00:01:13,727 --> 00:01:16,998
Months in advance,
you thought of your father.
30
00:01:16,999 --> 00:01:20,735
Isn't that sweet?
31
00:01:20,736 --> 00:01:22,136
We're back.
32
00:01:22,137 --> 00:01:24,072
- Hey, ma.
- Hello, darling.
33
00:01:24,073 --> 00:01:26,941
Did you hear where we're not
going on mother's day?
34
00:01:26,976 --> 00:01:28,209
We're not going to the Ritz?
35
00:01:28,210 --> 00:01:29,477
Come on, we've been taking Dori
36
00:01:29,478 --> 00:01:30,578
there since we were married.
37
00:01:30,613 --> 00:01:32,380
Well, after 18 years,
38
00:01:32,381 --> 00:01:34,482
we decided to dine elsewhere.
39
00:01:34,483 --> 00:01:37,819
Very much like you did.
40
00:01:37,853 --> 00:01:38,852
Now how was the dog park?
41
00:01:38,854 --> 00:01:40,521
Was it fun?
42
00:01:40,556 --> 00:01:41,889
Hell, yeah.
43
00:01:41,890 --> 00:01:46,527
Thanks to this thing, hot guys
actually talked to me.
44
00:01:46,528 --> 00:01:47,829
Is it a bunny?
Is it a bear?
45
00:01:47,863 --> 00:01:49,966
Is it an ewok?
46
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,567
Yes, you were.
47
00:01:51,602 --> 00:01:53,170
Who wants another cookie?
48
00:01:53,171 --> 00:01:56,140
Oh, no, no, sweetie.
49
00:01:56,141 --> 00:01:59,644
She so fat, she can't
even walk now.
50
00:01:59,645 --> 00:02:01,880
Come to mama.
51
00:02:03,516 --> 00:02:05,450
- What was that?
- I don't know.
52
00:02:05,451 --> 00:02:06,618
You're not holding her right.
53
00:02:06,619 --> 00:02:08,186
You're hurting her.
54
00:02:08,187 --> 00:02:11,356
Come here.
55
00:02:11,357 --> 00:02:13,625
Mama loves y...
56
00:02:13,660 --> 00:02:15,861
Why is she growling at me?
57
00:02:15,895 --> 00:02:18,797
Maybe she's disappointed
we're not going to the Ritz.
58
00:02:22,936 --> 00:02:27,640
She was certain that he was
the one and only
59
00:02:27,641 --> 00:02:32,613
but their union always seemed
a little forced
60
00:02:32,614 --> 00:02:36,084
she got married anyway
61
00:02:36,085 --> 00:02:38,287
turns out that he was gay
62
00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:41,912
they're still in love, but now
she's happily divorced
63
00:02:41,913 --> 00:02:43,895
sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.Addic7ed.Com/
64
00:02:43,896 --> 00:02:46,665
Oh, sweetie.
65
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:51,170
What would you say
if I told you I had a coupon
66
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:56,176
for a free spray tan
that's good until 4:00 today?
67
00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,245
I'd say I'd leave right now,
except I'd miss
68
00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:01,182
what you're trying
to hide from me.
69
00:03:01,183 --> 00:03:04,186
Not trying to hide anything.
70
00:03:04,187 --> 00:03:06,588
All right, I have to know why
Esther hates me.
71
00:03:06,589 --> 00:03:09,091
So my girlfriend from junior
high, who's now a pet psychic,
72
00:03:09,092 --> 00:03:12,228
is coming over,
and it's not stupid.
73
00:03:12,229 --> 00:03:13,630
A pet psychic?
74
00:03:13,631 --> 00:03:14,965
Hold on, you're spending money
75
00:03:14,966 --> 00:03:17,067
for some quack
to read a dog's mind?
76
00:03:17,101 --> 00:03:18,268
Come on, Fran.
77
00:03:18,269 --> 00:03:19,303
I'm wearing sunglasses
78
00:03:19,304 --> 00:03:21,506
held together with band-aids.
79
00:03:21,540 --> 00:03:25,510
Peter, I cannot live in
this house with two things
80
00:03:25,511 --> 00:03:28,713
that no longer wanna lick me.
81
00:03:28,714 --> 00:03:31,483
Fine, you know, I can read
dogs' minds too.
82
00:03:31,484 --> 00:03:32,617
What's that you say, Esther?
83
00:03:32,652 --> 00:03:35,954
Food, poop, food, poop,
food, poop, poop.
84
00:03:35,955 --> 00:03:37,422
Huh. That'll be 300 bucks.
85
00:03:37,457 --> 00:03:39,458
Oh, stop.
86
00:03:41,494 --> 00:03:43,228
Hi!
87
00:03:43,229 --> 00:03:44,228
Look who's here.
88
00:03:44,230 --> 00:03:48,534
Hi!
89
00:03:48,535 --> 00:03:51,704
- Katie o'grady.
- You.
90
00:03:51,738 --> 00:03:53,139
Oh, it's so great to see you.
91
00:03:53,140 --> 00:03:54,808
It's been way too long.
92
00:03:54,809 --> 00:03:57,211
Hey, do you remember
Peter from the wedding?
93
00:03:57,245 --> 00:03:58,946
No, I wasn't invited.
94
00:03:58,980 --> 00:04:01,049
Oh, yeah.
95
00:04:01,050 --> 00:04:03,351
Well, soup or salad,
fish or meat?
96
00:04:03,352 --> 00:04:06,688
He chose meat, now we're
divorced, you're all caught up.
97
00:04:06,689 --> 00:04:08,890
Ah, so where's the dog?
98
00:04:08,925 --> 00:04:11,026
Shouldn't you know that?
99
00:04:11,061 --> 00:04:13,044
That's very funny.
You're a funny guy.
100
00:04:13,062 --> 00:04:15,297
Feel free to crack all the jokes
you want,
101
00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:18,100
because the clock
started when I walked in.
102
00:04:18,101 --> 00:04:20,435
Bye.
103
00:04:20,436 --> 00:04:21,770
This is the patient.
104
00:04:21,804 --> 00:04:23,772
- Oh.
- Aw.
105
00:04:25,675 --> 00:04:28,142
And that's the problem.
106
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,477
See?
107
00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:31,579
Why does she hate me?
108
00:04:31,613 --> 00:04:35,483
Why do you hate me?!
109
00:04:35,517 --> 00:04:38,453
Well, let's see if
we can find out, okay?
110
00:04:38,454 --> 00:04:39,787
There you go, baby.
111
00:04:39,788 --> 00:04:42,223
Hello, angel baby girl.
112
00:04:42,224 --> 00:04:43,958
Hi. Really?
113
00:04:43,993 --> 00:04:46,795
Oh, I hear you.
114
00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:48,530
Uh-huh.
115
00:04:48,531 --> 00:04:49,597
Uh-huh.
116
00:04:49,598 --> 00:04:51,332
What's she saying
about me, Katie?
117
00:04:51,366 --> 00:04:54,168
Did you call her fat?
118
00:04:54,202 --> 00:04:56,737
It's only because I thought
she'd be healthier.
119
00:04:56,738 --> 00:04:58,372
And I thought if she
lost a little weight,
120
00:04:58,373 --> 00:04:59,806
she'd look better.
121
00:04:59,807 --> 00:05:01,675
Well, she knew exactly
what you meant.
122
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:05,311
And so did I when you said
it to me in eighth grade.
123
00:05:05,312 --> 00:05:08,548
Well, here you go.
124
00:05:08,549 --> 00:05:11,184
And by the way, if Esther
says that I borrowed
125
00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:14,453
Fran's Jimmy choos and
spilled red wine on them,
126
00:05:14,454 --> 00:05:17,523
that bitch is a damn liar.
127
00:05:17,558 --> 00:05:20,026
Now has she said
anything good about me?
128
00:05:20,027 --> 00:05:22,528
Like when I bought her
than new coat?
129
00:05:22,562 --> 00:05:25,731
Oh. She hates it.
130
00:05:25,766 --> 00:05:27,600
- Hates it?
- Yeah.
131
00:05:27,601 --> 00:05:29,602
She was so excited
she was running around
132
00:05:29,603 --> 00:05:31,204
in circles when
I brought it home.
133
00:05:31,239 --> 00:05:32,306
Yeah, that's cause she needed
134
00:05:32,307 --> 00:05:34,809
to have her anal
glands squeezed.
135
00:05:34,843 --> 00:05:36,811
She's also not crazy
about the way
136
00:05:36,845 --> 00:05:38,680
you keep shoving
that pill down her throat.
137
00:05:38,714 --> 00:05:40,148
That's for her hips.
138
00:05:40,149 --> 00:05:42,017
It's for your own good,
missy.
139
00:05:42,052 --> 00:05:44,186
She doesn't know that, Fran.
She's a dog.
140
00:05:44,221 --> 00:05:46,422
Oh, that she doesn't know,
141
00:05:46,423 --> 00:05:48,157
but I buy her a coat
and all of a sudden
142
00:05:48,158 --> 00:05:51,994
she's Joan rivers
on fashion police?
143
00:05:52,029 --> 00:05:55,131
She says she loves going
to the park with Peter.
144
00:05:55,132 --> 00:05:57,466
Uh, they have a lot in common.
145
00:05:57,501 --> 00:06:00,003
Like what? Chasing balls?
146
00:06:01,538 --> 00:06:05,308
Oh, she thought that was funny.
147
00:06:05,309 --> 00:06:07,244
Listen, you shouldn't
worry about that.
148
00:06:07,245 --> 00:06:09,112
A lot of little girls
love their daddies more.
149
00:06:09,113 --> 00:06:11,348
- It's normal.
- Oh, just like you.
150
00:06:11,382 --> 00:06:13,616
That's so not true, Judi.
151
00:06:13,651 --> 00:06:15,085
Oh, come on, Fran.
152
00:06:15,086 --> 00:06:16,453
You forgot mother's day,
153
00:06:16,454 --> 00:06:19,522
but you remembered
father's day two months early.
154
00:06:19,557 --> 00:06:21,624
How do you even know that?
155
00:06:21,659 --> 00:06:24,527
Who do you think your mother
calls when she's all faklempt
156
00:06:24,528 --> 00:06:28,631
about the mishegas
you're causing her?
157
00:06:28,665 --> 00:06:30,733
Fran Newman,
you forgot mother's day?
158
00:06:30,768 --> 00:06:32,602
Ugh, shame on you.
159
00:06:32,603 --> 00:06:35,138
Do you know how lucky you
are to even have a mother?
160
00:06:35,139 --> 00:06:37,874
I mean what I wouldn't give
to have one more day with mine.
161
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:38,908
You know?
162
00:06:38,909 --> 00:06:39,942
Just to walk with her,
163
00:06:39,943 --> 00:06:41,243
to smell her Jean Nate,
164
00:06:41,244 --> 00:06:42,243
to hold her hand,
165
00:06:42,245 --> 00:06:43,746
to tell her how much I love her,
166
00:06:43,747 --> 00:06:44,746
I miss her?
167
00:06:44,748 --> 00:06:46,315
I didn't mean to forget.
168
00:06:46,349 --> 00:06:49,118
Yeah, but you didn't forget
father's day, did you?
169
00:06:49,152 --> 00:06:51,120
I know, honey, I know.
170
00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:52,120
What's she saying?
171
00:06:52,122 --> 00:06:53,489
Well, she said, and I happen
172
00:06:53,490 --> 00:06:54,523
to agree with her,
173
00:06:54,524 --> 00:06:55,791
how do you expect her to treat
174
00:06:55,792 --> 00:06:57,093
you any different when she sees
175
00:06:57,094 --> 00:07:00,229
the way you treat
your own mother?
176
00:07:00,264 --> 00:07:02,565
She's right.
177
00:07:02,566 --> 00:07:04,434
I'm sorry, Esther.
178
00:07:04,435 --> 00:07:06,369
I'm a terrible daughter.
179
00:07:06,370 --> 00:07:08,605
No, franny, you're not
a terrible daughter.
180
00:07:08,606 --> 00:07:11,775
You just ripped out
your mother's kishkas.
181
00:07:11,776 --> 00:07:14,778
Whatever the hell they are.
182
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:24,569
- Wow, don't you look gorgeous?
- Oh, thanks.
183
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:25,577
What are you
all dressed up for?
184
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,380
You know, I figured out a way
185
00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:29,582
to let my mother know
how much I love her.
186
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,016
I'm gonna spend more
time with her.
187
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:34,219
Like today, I'm gonna
take her dress shopping
188
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:36,539
for estelle shapiro's
daughter's wedding.
189
00:07:36,555 --> 00:07:38,523
No!
190
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:40,024
I'm taking your
mother dress shopping
191
00:07:40,025 --> 00:07:41,659
for estelle shapiro's
daughter's wedding.
192
00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:43,713
Then we're going for
popovers at neiman's.
193
00:07:43,728 --> 00:07:44,895
No, you're not.
194
00:07:44,896 --> 00:07:46,129
Today, you're gonna stay home
195
00:07:46,130 --> 00:07:47,498
and watch the Lakers
game with daddy.
196
00:07:47,532 --> 00:07:49,767
But I don't know anything
about basketball.
197
00:07:49,768 --> 00:07:51,435
Come on, what did I
come out for anyway?
198
00:07:51,436 --> 00:07:54,672
So I can openly shop
and go for popovers.
199
00:07:54,706 --> 00:07:56,173
- Honey.
- Baby.
200
00:07:56,174 --> 00:07:58,476
- Sweetie.
- Doll, I planned my whole day
201
00:07:58,477 --> 00:08:00,778
around those popovers.
202
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,748
Well, I planned my whole life
around a man that likes vaginas.
203
00:08:03,749 --> 00:08:06,050
We don't all get what we want.
204
00:08:06,051 --> 00:08:07,318
Ah.
205
00:08:09,887 --> 00:08:11,788
Hi, you guys.
206
00:08:11,789 --> 00:08:15,792
So, who's ready to watch kobe
take it hard to the hole?
207
00:08:15,826 --> 00:08:20,429
See, it's right up your alley.
208
00:08:20,430 --> 00:08:22,297
Listen, we have
a little change of plans.
209
00:08:22,298 --> 00:08:23,865
Daddy, you're gonna stay here
210
00:08:23,866 --> 00:08:25,700
and watch the Lakers game
with Petey,
211
00:08:25,701 --> 00:08:27,769
and I'm gonna go
shopping with ma.
212
00:08:27,803 --> 00:08:30,301
Oh...
213
00:08:30,306 --> 00:08:32,308
Oh, come on.
214
00:08:32,309 --> 00:08:34,610
It'll be fun. Yay.
215
00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:37,647
Hey, I love Pete,
but this is a big game
216
00:08:37,648 --> 00:08:38,748
and he don't know from sports.
217
00:08:38,749 --> 00:08:40,228
Is he gonna be all
annoying and stuff?
218
00:08:40,251 --> 00:08:44,088
Yes, I am. I'm gonna be
all annoying and stuff.
219
00:08:44,122 --> 00:08:46,423
And darling,
you always rush me.
220
00:08:46,424 --> 00:08:49,993
I am not showing up in something
I bought, one-two-three,
221
00:08:49,994 --> 00:08:52,995
just because somebody
had to get to chipotle.
222
00:08:58,168 --> 00:09:01,958
Well, it took seven stores,
but you're right, ma.
223
00:09:01,971 --> 00:09:04,271
It's $4 cheaper here.
224
00:09:04,306 --> 00:09:06,880
Did I tell you?
225
00:09:06,908 --> 00:09:07,975
You did.
226
00:09:07,976 --> 00:09:09,777
And you know what
the best part is?
227
00:09:09,778 --> 00:09:12,279
We got to spend
more time together.
228
00:09:12,314 --> 00:09:13,614
Aww.
229
00:09:13,615 --> 00:09:15,350
And we haven't even
started with the shoes
230
00:09:15,351 --> 00:09:17,919
or the bags or the hose!
231
00:09:17,953 --> 00:09:20,188
Yay...
232
00:09:20,189 --> 00:09:22,124
- We're having fun, aren't we?
- Yeah.
233
00:09:22,158 --> 00:09:23,726
Mother-daughter fun.
234
00:09:23,727 --> 00:09:25,294
Anything goes.
235
00:09:25,328 --> 00:09:26,733
- Really?
- Yeah.
236
00:09:26,763 --> 00:09:28,163
- Anything?
- Sure.
237
00:09:28,198 --> 00:09:30,666
Because I just saw something
I would love to see you in.
238
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:31,867
Oh, well, where is it?
239
00:09:31,868 --> 00:09:33,101
I'll slip it on.
240
00:09:33,136 --> 00:09:36,805
Ta-da!
241
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:40,142
Very funny, ma.
242
00:09:40,177 --> 00:09:42,712
Put it on.
243
00:09:42,746 --> 00:09:45,714
I don't wanna.
244
00:09:45,715 --> 00:09:46,982
Excuse me?
245
00:09:46,983 --> 00:09:48,249
We'd like to see this dress.
246
00:09:48,284 --> 00:09:51,553
How can I hel... hey,
look who it is.
247
00:09:51,587 --> 00:09:54,010
Katie, you work here too?
248
00:09:54,023 --> 00:09:56,724
Yeah, well, you know with
the economy being how it is,
249
00:09:56,759 --> 00:09:58,893
I took a job here as a floater.
250
00:09:58,927 --> 00:10:00,128
You know what, they got me over
251
00:10:00,129 --> 00:10:02,096
at the Mac counter
doing makeovers.
252
00:10:02,097 --> 00:10:06,981
Not gonna lie.
Not a perfect fit.
253
00:10:07,002 --> 00:10:11,038
Oh, ma, do you remember Katie
o'grady from junior high?
254
00:10:12,173 --> 00:10:14,141
- Of course.
- Yes.
255
00:10:14,142 --> 00:10:15,542
Oh, my goodness.
256
00:10:15,577 --> 00:10:17,477
You know,
I sat with her family
257
00:10:17,478 --> 00:10:19,327
for all of
the school productions.
258
00:10:19,347 --> 00:10:22,950
Your brother was the best tevya
I have ever seen.
259
00:10:22,951 --> 00:10:24,885
That was me.
260
00:10:24,919 --> 00:10:26,520
- Oh.
- Yeah.
261
00:10:26,554 --> 00:10:29,923
Listen, I just wanna let
you know how nice it is
262
00:10:29,924 --> 00:10:32,632
to see a mother and daughter
spending quality time.
263
00:10:32,661 --> 00:10:36,364
Oh, isn't it wonderful?
264
00:10:36,365 --> 00:10:39,133
We were gonna head up
to the bridal salon,
265
00:10:39,134 --> 00:10:43,518
but something tells me
it's by appointment only?
266
00:10:43,538 --> 00:10:45,853
Nope. I can take you
right up there.
267
00:10:45,874 --> 00:10:48,009
Oh.
268
00:10:48,010 --> 00:10:50,311
Uh, you know, ma, we both know
269
00:10:50,312 --> 00:10:52,212
that I'm never gonna
wear that gown,
270
00:10:52,213 --> 00:10:55,115
and it's such a hassle to get
dressed and undressed.
271
00:10:55,116 --> 00:10:57,885
Would you mind terribly
if I didn't try it on?
272
00:11:02,724 --> 00:11:08,668
And now one with
the mother of the bride.
273
00:11:08,697 --> 00:11:09,864
You know,
my dad always watched
274
00:11:09,865 --> 00:11:11,065
these games with my brother.
275
00:11:11,066 --> 00:11:13,033
He never took the time
to explain it to me.
276
00:11:13,034 --> 00:11:14,101
Of course, it cuts both ways.
277
00:11:14,102 --> 00:11:15,101
I'm sure my brother was jealous
278
00:11:15,103 --> 00:11:16,203
that mom never taught him
279
00:11:16,204 --> 00:11:19,012
how to make boeuf bourguignon.
280
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,407
You think this is fun?
281
00:11:20,408 --> 00:11:21,407
You'll love football.
282
00:11:21,409 --> 00:11:23,043
That's a real man's sport.
283
00:11:23,044 --> 00:11:24,911
Guys taking each other down,
284
00:11:24,912 --> 00:11:29,717
doing anything they can to pound
it into the endzone.
285
00:11:29,718 --> 00:11:32,954
What channel's that on?
286
00:11:32,988 --> 00:11:33,987
- Yes!
- Oh!
287
00:11:33,990 --> 00:11:36,992
- Three pointer.
- Ha! Holla!
288
00:11:38,929 --> 00:11:40,463
Hey, Glen, you want
my cheesy bread?
289
00:11:40,497 --> 00:11:41,798
Are you kidding me?
290
00:11:41,799 --> 00:11:43,834
I have to fight franny
for this.
291
00:11:43,835 --> 00:11:45,802
I love having a gay son.
292
00:11:45,837 --> 00:11:47,503
Hey, where'd all the guys go?
293
00:11:47,504 --> 00:11:49,272
What's with the dancing girls?
294
00:11:49,273 --> 00:11:51,474
- It's the half.
- The what?
295
00:11:51,475 --> 00:11:53,504
Intermission.
296
00:11:53,510 --> 00:11:55,744
Didn't franny say you have to
give the dog her pill?
297
00:11:55,779 --> 00:11:57,913
Oh, yeah. Esther?
298
00:11:57,914 --> 00:11:59,747
Esther? I don't see her.
299
00:11:59,782 --> 00:12:00,781
Where the hell can she be?
300
00:12:00,783 --> 00:12:01,783
The dog can barely move.
301
00:12:01,817 --> 00:12:02,983
I don't know.
302
00:12:02,984 --> 00:12:05,986
Esther, come here, girl.
303
00:12:08,724 --> 00:12:11,726
You left the door open!
304
00:12:14,686 --> 00:12:17,388
Ma, can't I get out of this
dress already?
305
00:12:17,389 --> 00:12:20,491
It's beginning to cut off
my circulation.
306
00:12:20,525 --> 00:12:22,893
It's supposed to be
a little tight.
307
00:12:22,894 --> 00:12:27,230
It gives the bride inspiration
to lose before the wedding.
308
00:12:27,231 --> 00:12:28,565
There is no wedding.
309
00:12:28,566 --> 00:12:30,833
There's no groom.
I'm all alone.
310
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,835
Well, with that attitude,
it's no wonder.
311
00:12:32,869 --> 00:12:37,305
Ladies, complimentary
champagne and truffles.
312
00:12:37,306 --> 00:12:39,507
Oh, aren't you
a doll, Katherine?
313
00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:40,809
I know, can you believe this?
314
00:12:40,810 --> 00:12:42,944
I gotta float up here
more often.
315
00:12:42,945 --> 00:12:47,482
You know, now they can't yell
at me for drinking on the job.
316
00:12:47,483 --> 00:12:49,852
I could use one of those
truffles, Katie.
317
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,479
Oh, really?
318
00:12:51,488 --> 00:12:55,942
When it took the two of us
to stuff you into that?
319
00:12:55,959 --> 00:12:59,728
Gimme the tray.
320
00:13:01,564 --> 00:13:04,283
Oh, God, ma!
321
00:13:04,301 --> 00:13:06,452
I told you I'm not a size six.
322
00:13:06,469 --> 00:13:09,747
Angel, it's a nine.
323
00:13:09,773 --> 00:13:11,140
Listen, you know what?
324
00:13:11,141 --> 00:13:13,126
We broke it, we'll buy it.
325
00:13:13,143 --> 00:13:15,837
I don't have an
extra 1,500 bucks.
326
00:13:15,846 --> 00:13:19,815
Sweetheart, it is my pleasure
to buy it for you...
327
00:13:19,816 --> 00:13:22,251
With the money
that daddy and I saved
328
00:13:22,252 --> 00:13:24,470
for our grandchild's
bar mitzvah.
329
00:13:24,488 --> 00:13:26,597
God, how sweet.
330
00:13:26,624 --> 00:13:28,024
Sweet?
331
00:13:28,025 --> 00:13:29,767
Don't you hear the dig?
332
00:13:29,794 --> 00:13:32,195
You know, you can tell
if a shih tzu is bipolar,
333
00:13:32,196 --> 00:13:36,858
but you can't tell when a jewish
mother is giving you hert zich?
334
00:13:36,867 --> 00:13:38,335
What did I say?
335
00:13:38,336 --> 00:13:42,321
I simply offered you a $1,500
dress that you will never wear
336
00:13:42,339 --> 00:13:46,075
with money that your father
and I sweated to save
337
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:48,378
for a grandchild
we will never have.
338
00:13:48,379 --> 00:13:51,948
How is that a dig?
339
00:13:51,949 --> 00:13:54,917
You know what, Fran,
I wanna go home.
340
00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:56,419
I'm not having any fun.
341
00:13:56,453 --> 00:13:58,621
Oh, really?
342
00:13:58,622 --> 00:13:59,922
Personally,
I cannot understand
343
00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:01,549
why you insisted
that we do this.
344
00:14:01,558 --> 00:14:02,758
You know what, ma?
345
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,328
Neither can I!
346
00:14:04,329 --> 00:14:05,596
Well, that's very nice.
347
00:14:05,630 --> 00:14:07,598
The day before mother's day, ha.
348
00:14:07,632 --> 00:14:09,267
Oh, do you see
what she just said?
349
00:14:09,301 --> 00:14:12,437
How she turns it around, makes
it seem like she's the one
350
00:14:12,438 --> 00:14:14,306
that got her feelings hurt?
351
00:14:14,307 --> 00:14:15,813
Unbelievable.
352
00:14:15,842 --> 00:14:19,011
Ma, you know, I tried to have
fun with you today,
353
00:14:19,012 --> 00:14:21,281
but it is not possible.
354
00:14:21,315 --> 00:14:24,405
Wow.
355
00:14:24,418 --> 00:14:29,189
I'm a 46-year-old woman and
I'm standing here flashing back
356
00:14:29,190 --> 00:14:31,579
to when I was a kid
trying on a prom dress.
357
00:14:31,592 --> 00:14:35,328
Do you know what she told me
weeks before my prom?
358
00:14:35,329 --> 00:14:37,464
"Do you really need that cookie?
359
00:14:37,465 --> 00:14:40,867
Or do you not wanna be invited
to the prom?"
360
00:14:40,868 --> 00:14:44,175
Well, I ate the cookie,
mom, and guess what?
361
00:14:44,205 --> 00:14:46,974
Mark schnieder
still invited me, ha!
362
00:14:47,008 --> 00:14:52,313
Because mark's mother
owed me a favor!
363
00:14:52,347 --> 00:14:54,349
Wow.
364
00:14:59,916 --> 00:15:01,015
I don't understand it.
365
00:15:01,050 --> 00:15:02,584
How far could she go?
366
00:15:02,585 --> 00:15:06,154
I mean, she collapses
on her way to the mailbox.
367
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,657
Now, Pete, let's get
our stories straight.
368
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,893
You left the door open,
you let the dog out.
369
00:15:10,927 --> 00:15:13,429
No, no, no, no,
you left the door open.
370
00:15:13,430 --> 00:15:16,399
Come on, I already like boys.
371
00:15:16,433 --> 00:15:17,633
She's my little girl.
372
00:15:17,634 --> 00:15:18,901
She looks up to me.
373
00:15:18,902 --> 00:15:20,536
I'll give you money.
374
00:15:20,571 --> 00:15:22,772
Glen, please, it's going to be
easier for you.
375
00:15:22,773 --> 00:15:24,073
You're going to die first.
376
00:15:24,074 --> 00:15:28,044
I'm going to have to hear
about this for decades!
377
00:15:28,045 --> 00:15:30,046
Okay, worries are over.
378
00:15:30,047 --> 00:15:33,149
Look what I found at the pound.
379
00:15:33,184 --> 00:15:34,351
Cesar, what's
the matter with you?
380
00:15:34,352 --> 00:15:35,518
This isn't Esther.
381
00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:37,954
Yes, but this one is better,
it does things.
382
00:15:37,988 --> 00:15:39,422
Sit!
383
00:15:39,423 --> 00:15:41,557
Huh?
384
00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:43,526
Will you please
just keep looking?
385
00:15:43,527 --> 00:15:44,660
Hold on to this one.
386
00:15:44,661 --> 00:15:47,530
She might need a rebound dog.
387
00:15:47,565 --> 00:15:48,765
Holy crap, we're dead, Pete.
388
00:15:48,766 --> 00:15:49,766
Our wives are home.
389
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,501
Oh. Come on.
390
00:15:52,536 --> 00:15:54,370
Oh, well, look who's back.
391
00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:56,539
The game just ended.
Nothing bad happened.
392
00:15:56,574 --> 00:15:57,640
Why don't you girls relax,
enjoy yourselves,
393
00:15:57,641 --> 00:15:58,941
and Glen and I
394
00:15:58,942 --> 00:16:01,411
- will go out and find...
- A pickup game.
395
00:16:01,412 --> 00:16:02,545
Yeah.
396
00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:03,545
What's a pickup game?
397
00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:05,181
A dog.
398
00:16:07,785 --> 00:16:11,187
So, would it kill you to pour
the woman who went through
399
00:16:11,188 --> 00:16:16,159
22 hours of labor without an
epidural a shot of Tequila?
400
00:16:16,194 --> 00:16:18,095
Does the woman
who brings it up
401
00:16:18,096 --> 00:16:20,997
every 22 hours
want some lime?
402
00:16:21,031 --> 00:16:22,831
Yes, please.
403
00:16:24,834 --> 00:16:28,303
You know, ma, I would have
rather sat home
404
00:16:28,304 --> 00:16:32,474
eating pizza with daddy on
the night of my junior prom
405
00:16:32,475 --> 00:16:36,545
than have you call some
14-year-old gigolo's mother
406
00:16:36,546 --> 00:16:39,814
to force him to take me.
407
00:16:39,849 --> 00:16:42,984
And I would do it again
tomorrow rather than hear
408
00:16:42,985 --> 00:16:48,690
my daughter crying her eyes out
because no one asked her.
409
00:16:48,691 --> 00:16:50,225
You heard me crying?
410
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:52,261
Sweetheart, we shared a wall.
411
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,597
I heard everything that went on
in your bedroom.
412
00:16:54,632 --> 00:16:57,434
And I yours.
413
00:17:01,038 --> 00:17:03,139
Fran...
414
00:17:03,174 --> 00:17:04,474
Yes.
415
00:17:04,508 --> 00:17:06,242
I'm sorry.
416
00:17:06,277 --> 00:17:08,477
I never wanted you
to know what I did.
417
00:17:08,478 --> 00:17:10,913
For 30 years,
I carried this inside me.
418
00:17:10,914 --> 00:17:14,650
And when I heard those words
coming out of my mouth,
419
00:17:14,651 --> 00:17:18,386
I wanted to shoot myself.
420
00:17:18,387 --> 00:17:19,387
It's okay, ma.
421
00:17:19,421 --> 00:17:21,222
I still love you.
422
00:17:21,256 --> 00:17:24,292
And I promise that
I'm never going to forget
423
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,894
mother's day reservations
ever again.
424
00:17:26,895 --> 00:17:29,897
Oh, and you know what,
darling?
425
00:17:29,931 --> 00:17:33,234
I could try not to be so
always...
426
00:17:33,235 --> 00:17:36,237
Saying things for your own good.
427
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,477
Ahh!
428
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:46,848
Fran?
429
00:17:46,883 --> 00:17:48,116
What?
430
00:17:48,117 --> 00:17:49,952
You're not gonna share
with your mother?
431
00:17:49,953 --> 00:17:51,954
Oh, ma.
432
00:17:53,390 --> 00:17:56,392
So where's my little girl?
433
00:17:59,496 --> 00:18:02,898
You... look so lovely.
434
00:18:02,933 --> 00:18:04,633
Oh!
435
00:18:04,668 --> 00:18:07,203
And I love you so much.
436
00:18:07,237 --> 00:18:09,138
But...
437
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:17,513
I gave Esther some pizza.
438
00:18:17,548 --> 00:18:20,516
That's okay.
439
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:23,586
Come to mama.
440
00:18:23,620 --> 00:18:26,790
You'll start your diet tomorrow.
441
00:18:26,791 --> 00:18:27,958
Oh, shut up.
442
00:18:27,959 --> 00:18:29,760
Sometimes a mother
has to do things
443
00:18:29,761 --> 00:18:31,895
that you won't understand.
444
00:18:31,896 --> 00:18:34,297
- Right, ma?
- Yes, darling.
445
00:18:34,298 --> 00:18:37,300
You know that's a dog,
not a grandchild.
446
00:18:42,072 --> 00:18:46,477
I'd like to make a toast to
the greatest mom in the world.
447
00:18:46,478 --> 00:18:48,145
Happy mother's day.
448
00:18:48,146 --> 00:18:49,380
I love you, ma.
449
00:18:49,415 --> 00:18:53,451
Oh, sweetheart,
I love you too.
450
00:18:53,452 --> 00:18:55,120
- Cheers.
- Happy mother's day, ma.
451
00:18:55,121 --> 00:18:56,388
Oh, thanks, honey.
452
00:18:56,423 --> 00:18:57,890
Pete, soccer's on.
453
00:18:57,925 --> 00:18:59,992
Booyah!
454
00:18:59,993 --> 00:19:03,562
What kind of costumes
do they have?
455
00:19:03,563 --> 00:19:05,330
I mean, look at this.
456
00:19:05,331 --> 00:19:06,998
My three daughters.
457
00:19:07,033 --> 00:19:11,035
Just like Charlie's
angels... ish.
458
00:19:13,504 --> 00:19:15,505
I love you, Dori.
459
00:19:15,539 --> 00:19:18,107
Thank you for being
my west coast mom.
460
00:19:18,142 --> 00:19:20,109
Represent, dear.
461
00:19:20,143 --> 00:19:23,713
Mazel tov, baby.
462
00:19:23,714 --> 00:19:26,048
And Dori,
thanks for including me.
463
00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:28,417
It's been a long time
since I celebrated this day.
464
00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:29,986
Thanks for giving me
a reason to.
465
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:33,222
Oh, sweetheart,
you're my newest daughter.
466
00:19:33,223 --> 00:19:35,191
And may I say that
the highlights you had
467
00:19:35,192 --> 00:19:37,160
put in your hair
are very flattering.
468
00:19:37,194 --> 00:19:38,661
I didn't have highlights.
469
00:19:38,696 --> 00:19:42,231
Should you?
470
00:19:42,232 --> 00:19:46,969
Welcome to the family, sis.
471
00:19:46,970 --> 00:19:48,437
Mmm.
472
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:53,475
Well, this has been great,
but you are not my only table.
473
00:19:53,476 --> 00:19:56,484
- Bring bread.
- Okay.
474
00:19:56,485 --> 00:20:00,096
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.Addic7ed.Com/
475
00:20:00,146 --> 00:20:04,696
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33355
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
