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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,831 --> 00:00:08,830 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:01:47,183 --> 00:01:50,549 Fuck Wolverine. 3 00:01:50,551 --> 00:01:53,348 First, he rides my coattails with the R rating. 4 00:01:53,350 --> 00:01:57,882 Then the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. 5 00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,049 What a dick. 6 00:02:00,051 --> 00:02:02,448 Well, guess what, Wolvie? 7 00:02:02,450 --> 00:02:04,948 I'm dying in this one, too. 8 00:02:08,116 --> 00:02:10,149 To understand why I took a cat-nap 9 00:02:10,151 --> 00:02:12,549 on 1,200 gallons of high-test fuel... 10 00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:13,782 I need to take you back 11 00:02:13,784 --> 00:02:16,348 to the dewy slopes of six weeks ago. 12 00:02:16,350 --> 00:02:17,748 I'd gone international, 13 00:02:17,751 --> 00:02:19,649 taking out mass murderers, gangsters, 14 00:02:19,651 --> 00:02:21,250 unspeakable monsters. 15 00:02:21,252 --> 00:02:24,182 People nobody would touch. Except me. 16 00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:27,049 I'm gonna touch them all over. 17 00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,882 Hey, it's Gail calling. 18 00:02:31,884 --> 00:02:33,283 Love the shiny suit. 19 00:02:33,284 --> 00:02:34,150 Really brings out 20 00:02:34,151 --> 00:02:35,814 the sex trafficker in your eyes. 21 00:02:37,984 --> 00:02:42,115 I don't speak Cantonese, Mister... 22 00:02:42,116 --> 00:02:44,182 Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that. 23 00:02:44,185 --> 00:02:47,014 But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so... 24 00:02:49,084 --> 00:02:52,081 Which literally translates to... 25 00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:55,348 I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker. 26 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,649 Uno, dos, tres, cuatro... 27 00:03:18,252 --> 00:03:20,914 I'll take a cranberry-grapefruit vodka. 28 00:03:20,917 --> 00:03:22,382 I know it's called a Sea Breeze. 29 00:03:22,384 --> 00:03:23,848 Don't make me say it. 30 00:03:23,849 --> 00:03:25,449 Hit it, Dolly. 31 00:03:42,384 --> 00:03:45,251 Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals! 32 00:03:53,384 --> 00:03:54,584 Whoo! Do not go in there! 33 00:04:04,849 --> 00:04:07,948 Oh, God! Oh, God, time out! Time out! 34 00:04:07,949 --> 00:04:11,649 Cut. Got bad guy blood, right in my open eye. 35 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,581 Oh, that's so gross. 36 00:04:14,651 --> 00:04:16,216 Fuck. 37 00:04:16,949 --> 00:04:19,052 Scoutmaster Kevin? 38 00:04:25,250 --> 00:04:26,949 Too exotic? 39 00:04:29,317 --> 00:04:31,050 My world tour brought me home 40 00:04:31,052 --> 00:04:33,682 to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov. 41 00:04:33,685 --> 00:04:35,115 But we'll get to him in a moment. 42 00:04:35,117 --> 00:04:36,415 'Cause I know what you're thinking. 43 00:04:36,418 --> 00:04:39,649 "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." 44 00:04:39,651 --> 00:04:41,050 But that's where you'd be wrong. 45 00:04:41,052 --> 00:04:44,050 That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now... 46 00:04:44,052 --> 00:04:48,516 and, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. 47 00:04:48,518 --> 00:04:49,783 True story. 48 00:04:49,784 --> 00:04:53,548 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. 49 00:04:53,550 --> 00:04:56,415 Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7. 50 00:04:56,418 --> 00:04:59,882 Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire. 51 00:04:59,884 --> 00:05:02,615 That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire. 52 00:05:02,617 --> 00:05:06,315 Yeah. You know I get paid to take out bad guys, right? 53 00:05:06,317 --> 00:05:07,315 But this guy? 54 00:05:07,317 --> 00:05:09,884 He was one of the worst of 'em. 55 00:05:12,117 --> 00:05:13,848 Hurry up and open this fucking door, 56 00:05:13,850 --> 00:05:14,983 and let's kill this motherfucker! 57 00:05:22,384 --> 00:05:24,449 Ugh. So gross. 58 00:05:24,451 --> 00:05:27,149 A panic room? Really? 59 00:05:27,151 --> 00:05:29,348 Can you come out? 60 00:05:29,350 --> 00:05:32,817 I really have to go. It's my anniversary. 61 00:05:38,183 --> 00:05:39,682 Over and over, I hear people say, 62 00:05:39,685 --> 00:05:41,182 "I just don't have enough confidence." 63 00:05:41,183 --> 00:05:43,316 Listen, confidence is not something you have. 64 00:05:43,317 --> 00:05:44,848 It's something you create. 65 00:05:44,850 --> 00:05:46,949 And you can create it at any moment in time. 66 00:05:46,951 --> 00:05:48,749 A sense of confidence is nothing 67 00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:50,182 but a sense of power within yourself... 68 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,182 a sense of certainty that you can pull something off. 69 00:05:52,183 --> 00:05:54,115 Start the car! Start the fucking car! 70 00:05:54,117 --> 00:05:54,983 Dopinder! 71 00:05:54,985 --> 00:05:56,985 Start the fucking car! 72 00:06:04,017 --> 00:06:05,749 - Whoo! - Oh, I shit my pants. 73 00:06:05,750 --> 00:06:08,016 Actually, that may have been me. 74 00:06:08,018 --> 00:06:09,481 Oh, mission accomplished? 75 00:06:09,483 --> 00:06:11,182 Well, in a George W. sort of way. 76 00:06:11,184 --> 00:06:13,182 Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever. 77 00:06:13,184 --> 00:06:14,814 Oh, you're living the dreams, DP. 78 00:06:14,817 --> 00:06:16,716 It has been quite the run, Dopinder, 79 00:06:16,718 --> 00:06:17,983 and who'da thought? 80 00:06:17,985 --> 00:06:20,716 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus. 81 00:06:20,718 --> 00:06:22,649 Passion of the Christ, then me. 82 00:06:22,651 --> 00:06:23,882 At least domestically. 83 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,081 We beat them overseas, 84 00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:27,149 where there's no such thing as religion. 85 00:06:27,151 --> 00:06:29,315 I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy. 86 00:06:29,317 --> 00:06:31,814 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks. 87 00:06:31,817 --> 00:06:33,481 - I want to fill my... - Pockets? 88 00:06:33,483 --> 00:06:36,783 What's your poison? A little, uh, cokey cokey? 89 00:06:36,784 --> 00:06:38,215 Can't maintain an erection 90 00:06:38,216 --> 00:06:39,882 without buying shoes online? 91 00:06:39,884 --> 00:06:41,882 I've never experienced that last one. 92 00:06:41,884 --> 00:06:43,182 Talk to me, Goose. 93 00:06:43,183 --> 00:06:45,983 I was going to say "soul". I want to fill my soul. 94 00:06:45,985 --> 00:06:49,382 I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir. 95 00:06:49,384 --> 00:06:50,983 - Dopinder... - Hmm? 96 00:06:50,985 --> 00:06:53,050 You never cease to surprise me. 97 00:06:54,250 --> 00:06:57,182 You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. 98 00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:58,949 We all need a sense of belonging. 99 00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:00,814 We all need a genuine sense of home. 100 00:07:00,817 --> 00:07:01,882 A place in this world. 101 00:07:01,884 --> 00:07:03,249 I want to become a contract killer. 102 00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:04,949 I'm sorry. What did you say? 103 00:07:04,951 --> 00:07:06,983 Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu 104 00:07:06,985 --> 00:07:08,548 and threatened him with great violence? 105 00:07:08,550 --> 00:07:09,949 You kind of killed him. 106 00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:11,915 And then remember the movie Interview with the Vampire? 107 00:07:11,918 --> 00:07:13,048 Don't want to. 108 00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:14,115 When Tom Cruise fed 109 00:07:14,117 --> 00:07:16,014 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood 110 00:07:16,016 --> 00:07:17,249 for the first time... 111 00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:19,783 and she looked up at his smooth, 112 00:07:19,785 --> 00:07:22,250 handsome face and said... 113 00:07:22,718 --> 00:07:24,415 "I want some more." 114 00:07:24,418 --> 00:07:28,451 Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst. 115 00:07:29,384 --> 00:07:31,915 I'll never not picture that. 116 00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,749 But I can't wait to never speak of this, 117 00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:35,649 as soon as possible. 118 00:07:35,651 --> 00:07:38,317 We're here. 119 00:07:40,451 --> 00:07:41,348 You're my Tom Cruise! 120 00:07:41,350 --> 00:07:43,316 And you're my Kristen Dunst! 121 00:07:43,317 --> 00:07:44,884 Kristen? Kirsten? 122 00:07:49,750 --> 00:07:51,449 Sorry I'm late. 123 00:07:51,451 --> 00:07:52,949 There was a bunch of 124 00:07:52,951 --> 00:07:55,048 handicapable children stuck in a tree... 125 00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:56,516 - and I had to, uh... - Uh-uh. 126 00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:59,348 You're right. I was fighting a caped badass. 127 00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:02,115 But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too. 128 00:08:02,117 --> 00:08:03,415 No. 129 00:08:03,418 --> 00:08:04,418 Traffic? 130 00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:06,151 Hmm? 131 00:08:07,016 --> 00:08:08,615 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 132 00:08:08,617 --> 00:08:09,918 Well, come here. 133 00:08:21,384 --> 00:08:23,981 I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit. 134 00:08:23,983 --> 00:08:25,149 Don't you want your surprise? 135 00:08:25,151 --> 00:08:27,216 Do I look like a patient burn victim? 136 00:08:27,850 --> 00:08:29,250 I got one for you, too. 137 00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:31,815 Happy anniversary, baby. 138 00:08:31,817 --> 00:08:33,484 Open, open, open. 139 00:08:35,484 --> 00:08:37,316 Skee-Ball token. 140 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:38,649 Our first date. 141 00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:39,981 Yup. 142 00:08:39,984 --> 00:08:43,084 That's genuine, high-grade lead. 143 00:08:45,786 --> 00:08:48,282 I'll keep it forever. 144 00:08:48,283 --> 00:08:49,817 Thank you, baby. 145 00:08:51,084 --> 00:08:53,051 - Open yours. - All right, all right. 146 00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,216 Oh... 147 00:08:56,317 --> 00:08:58,448 That's just the most beautiful thing that I've... 148 00:08:58,451 --> 00:08:59,849 I don't know what this is. 149 00:08:59,850 --> 00:09:01,682 My IUD. 150 00:09:01,684 --> 00:09:02,883 A bomb? 151 00:09:02,884 --> 00:09:05,981 No, dick for brains. My birth control device. 152 00:09:05,984 --> 00:09:07,048 What, you mean that your... 153 00:09:07,051 --> 00:09:08,914 Baby factory's open for business. 154 00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:10,182 Oh, my God! 155 00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:13,448 Oh, my God! I want a boy! 156 00:09:13,451 --> 00:09:16,515 Or a little girl! Definitely one or the other! 157 00:09:16,518 --> 00:09:19,583 Oh! And I want our kid to have only one name. 158 00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:23,282 Like Cher or Todd. 159 00:09:23,283 --> 00:09:25,249 You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy. 160 00:09:25,250 --> 00:09:26,316 Yes, I do. 161 00:09:26,317 --> 00:09:28,282 Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss. 162 00:09:28,283 --> 00:09:29,283 Let's do that. 163 00:09:30,384 --> 00:09:32,448 ♪ Papa... ♪ 164 00:09:32,451 --> 00:09:34,551 ♪ Can you hear me? ♪ 165 00:09:36,183 --> 00:09:38,783 ♪ Papa, can you see me? ♪ 166 00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:41,183 Does this song sound familiar to you? 167 00:09:43,418 --> 00:09:45,381 May. 168 00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:49,350 Connor, if it's a boy. May, if it's a girl. 169 00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:54,249 So weird. 170 00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:56,984 Family was always an F-word to me. 171 00:09:58,183 --> 00:10:02,581 My pile of shit father took off and bailed. 172 00:10:02,583 --> 00:10:04,981 I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models 173 00:10:04,984 --> 00:10:07,283 to draw off of for Todd. 174 00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:11,017 Hey. Look at me. 175 00:10:11,950 --> 00:10:14,283 You are not your father. 176 00:10:15,817 --> 00:10:17,115 Besides... 177 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:22,183 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 178 00:10:22,984 --> 00:10:24,048 But here's the thing, 179 00:10:24,051 --> 00:10:25,451 isn't that how it always works? 180 00:10:25,984 --> 00:10:27,416 Like in Star Wars, 181 00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:30,215 men are destined to become their father... 182 00:10:30,216 --> 00:10:33,316 and then have consensual sex with their sister? 183 00:10:33,317 --> 00:10:36,815 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie. 184 00:10:36,817 --> 00:10:39,081 No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her. 185 00:10:39,084 --> 00:10:41,349 Baby, that's Empire. 186 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:44,017 The point is, kids... 187 00:10:45,216 --> 00:10:48,116 they give us a chance to be better than we are. 188 00:10:48,786 --> 00:10:51,548 Better than we used to be. 189 00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:54,051 You're a lot smarter than I look. 190 00:10:54,884 --> 00:10:56,716 I'm gonna go make dessert. 191 00:10:56,719 --> 00:11:01,081 You get the strap-on. Let's make a super baby. 192 00:11:01,083 --> 00:11:03,551 Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, but we can try. 193 00:11:04,784 --> 00:11:08,215 What about Krystal? But with a "K"? 194 00:11:08,216 --> 00:11:10,282 It's too stripper-y. 195 00:11:10,283 --> 00:11:11,716 Kevin with a "K"! 196 00:11:11,719 --> 00:11:13,984 No, too stripper-y, too. 197 00:11:14,451 --> 00:11:16,215 Uh, Earl! 198 00:11:16,216 --> 00:11:18,716 He's gonna go straight to jail 199 00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:20,914 if we name him Earl. 200 00:11:20,917 --> 00:11:23,017 What about Bruce? 201 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,349 No. 202 00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:26,581 Get down. 203 00:11:26,583 --> 00:11:27,984 What? 204 00:11:56,518 --> 00:11:58,616 Baby? Baby? 205 00:12:01,784 --> 00:12:03,381 I'm okay. 206 00:12:03,384 --> 00:12:06,182 Thank God I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader. 207 00:12:40,717 --> 00:12:42,150 Please. 208 00:12:47,216 --> 00:12:48,914 Please. Please. 209 00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:52,282 Baby, I'm so sorry. 210 00:12:52,283 --> 00:12:56,150 No! 211 00:16:00,317 --> 00:16:03,250 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 212 00:16:04,384 --> 00:16:05,548 Is it just me, or does 213 00:16:05,551 --> 00:16:07,682 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? from Frozen... 214 00:16:07,684 --> 00:16:09,081 sound suspiciously like 215 00:16:09,083 --> 00:16:11,282 Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl? 216 00:16:12,183 --> 00:16:14,850 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 217 00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,581 And nobody fucking realizes it. 218 00:16:18,583 --> 00:16:21,815 Go home. You've been here for three days, okay? 219 00:16:21,817 --> 00:16:24,048 You smell like somebody shit in a Civil War wound... 220 00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:25,548 after it had become gangrenous. 221 00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:27,881 They should've just amputated it. Why shit in it? 222 00:16:27,884 --> 00:16:29,515 Doesn't make any sense. 223 00:16:29,518 --> 00:16:31,115 I love Frozen. 224 00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:34,649 I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water. 225 00:16:34,650 --> 00:16:36,048 An ocean is water. 226 00:16:36,051 --> 00:16:41,081 More importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know? 227 00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:42,249 George Michael was right. 228 00:16:42,250 --> 00:16:44,716 I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck! 229 00:16:44,717 --> 00:16:45,917 He's dead, too. 230 00:16:47,017 --> 00:16:49,014 At least we still have Bowie. 231 00:16:49,017 --> 00:16:53,084 Yeah. We still have Bowie. 232 00:16:53,551 --> 00:16:54,815 I'm sorry. 233 00:16:54,817 --> 00:16:56,149 Shot after shot, 234 00:16:56,150 --> 00:16:58,149 it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... 235 00:16:58,150 --> 00:16:59,548 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? 236 00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:02,581 You're making the face that you make when you urinate. 237 00:17:02,583 --> 00:17:04,481 - Is he pissing? - I'm on it! 238 00:17:04,483 --> 00:17:05,815 There you go, Dopinder. 239 00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:07,782 If you want to be a contract killer... 240 00:17:07,785 --> 00:17:10,249 you gotta handle a mop before you handle a gun. 241 00:17:10,250 --> 00:17:11,516 Although I don't quite understand 242 00:17:11,518 --> 00:17:12,815 how they are at all similar. 243 00:17:12,817 --> 00:17:15,250 Well, they both have handles. Now, leave me. 244 00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:17,847 Go home, Wade. 245 00:17:17,849 --> 00:17:20,749 I don't have a home, Weas, you know. I got a... 246 00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:23,250 Fuck! Okay, I'm fine. 247 00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:24,115 I'm fine. 248 00:17:24,116 --> 00:17:26,015 You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? 249 00:17:26,017 --> 00:17:29,815 Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional. 250 00:17:29,817 --> 00:17:31,217 According to the... 251 00:17:32,483 --> 00:17:33,882 - Kubler-Ross. - Yeah. 252 00:17:33,884 --> 00:17:35,847 According to the Kubler-Ross model... 253 00:17:35,849 --> 00:17:38,682 denial is just one of the five stages of grief. 254 00:17:38,684 --> 00:17:40,981 Jesus Christ, Buck! 255 00:17:40,983 --> 00:17:43,116 No more speaking lines for you. 256 00:18:19,084 --> 00:18:20,582 "I'm thinking it over!" 257 00:18:20,584 --> 00:18:22,048 Motherfuck! 258 00:18:22,050 --> 00:18:23,050 Fuck! 259 00:18:25,849 --> 00:18:27,548 The hell you doin' here? 260 00:18:27,550 --> 00:18:29,415 Don't you know how to knock? 261 00:18:29,417 --> 00:18:31,449 I thought you saw me... 262 00:18:31,451 --> 00:18:32,847 with your ears. 263 00:18:32,849 --> 00:18:34,215 You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the... 264 00:18:34,218 --> 00:18:35,148 The wall? 265 00:18:35,151 --> 00:18:38,849 The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain. 266 00:18:41,251 --> 00:18:43,048 I heard the news, sweetie. 267 00:18:43,050 --> 00:18:45,348 I'm very sorry. I am. 268 00:18:45,351 --> 00:18:47,148 What am I gonna do, Al? 269 00:18:47,151 --> 00:18:49,084 Probably something terrible. 270 00:18:50,218 --> 00:18:51,548 Knowing you. 271 00:18:51,550 --> 00:18:53,184 It was my fault. 272 00:18:54,351 --> 00:18:56,948 I fucking did this. 273 00:18:56,950 --> 00:18:59,015 And all I wanna do is grab her and see her 274 00:18:59,017 --> 00:19:01,050 and tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't. 275 00:19:03,218 --> 00:19:04,948 She's gone. 276 00:19:04,950 --> 00:19:08,648 Sweetheart, can you speak up? 277 00:19:08,651 --> 00:19:10,048 It's a little hard to hear you 278 00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:11,516 with that pity dick in your mouth. 279 00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:14,715 Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living. 280 00:19:14,718 --> 00:19:15,948 Thank you... 281 00:19:15,950 --> 00:19:19,015 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. 282 00:19:19,017 --> 00:19:21,115 Listen to the pain. 283 00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:23,948 It's both history teacher and fortune teller. 284 00:19:23,950 --> 00:19:27,481 Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. 285 00:19:27,483 --> 00:19:31,415 Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. 286 00:19:31,417 --> 00:19:34,384 But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we? 287 00:19:36,785 --> 00:19:38,152 Wade? 288 00:19:40,518 --> 00:19:42,582 - Wade? - I'm right here, Althea. 289 00:19:42,584 --> 00:19:45,415 And that is the most beautiful thing 290 00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:47,316 I've ever heard. 291 00:19:47,317 --> 00:19:48,950 You're absolutely right. 292 00:19:52,684 --> 00:19:55,184 I'm about to do something terrible. 293 00:19:58,884 --> 00:20:01,182 There. All caught up. 294 00:20:01,184 --> 00:20:04,115 You can't really live until you've died a little. 295 00:20:04,117 --> 00:20:06,084 Let's test that theory, shall we? 296 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,914 Baby factory's open for business. 297 00:20:24,351 --> 00:20:26,516 Your crazy matches my crazy. 298 00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:28,782 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 299 00:20:28,785 --> 00:20:30,548 Skee-Ball token. 300 00:20:32,152 --> 00:20:35,281 Happy International Women's Day. 301 00:20:35,284 --> 00:20:36,615 Listen, I've been thinking a lot. 302 00:20:36,617 --> 00:20:37,782 Really? 303 00:20:37,785 --> 00:20:38,847 About why we're so good together. 304 00:20:38,849 --> 00:20:40,281 I love you, Wade Wilson. 305 00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:44,152 Ness? 306 00:20:45,550 --> 00:20:46,817 Ness? 307 00:20:47,483 --> 00:20:49,049 Ness. 308 00:20:49,051 --> 00:20:51,916 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you. 309 00:20:53,351 --> 00:20:56,015 Your heart's not in the right place. 310 00:20:56,017 --> 00:20:58,749 Wait, hold on. What? 311 00:20:58,750 --> 00:21:00,815 Your heart's not in the right place. 312 00:21:00,817 --> 00:21:02,049 Wait. What do you mean 313 00:21:02,051 --> 00:21:03,449 my heart's not in the right place? What does it... 314 00:21:23,217 --> 00:21:25,914 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade. 315 00:21:25,916 --> 00:21:27,615 You're broken. 316 00:21:27,617 --> 00:21:31,085 Oh, God. I know that voice. 317 00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:36,249 "Heart's in the right place." 318 00:21:36,250 --> 00:21:37,847 "Heart's in the right..." What does that mean? 319 00:21:37,849 --> 00:21:39,715 You've been sleep for three days. 320 00:21:39,718 --> 00:21:41,582 I took the liberty of dressing you. 321 00:21:41,584 --> 00:21:42,847 No shit. 322 00:21:42,849 --> 00:21:44,815 Why can't I fucking die? 323 00:21:44,817 --> 00:21:46,449 Take your mask off, Wade. 324 00:21:46,451 --> 00:21:48,016 We must talk. 325 00:21:48,018 --> 00:21:50,548 You need fresh start. 326 00:21:50,550 --> 00:21:52,948 With training, you can be X-Man. 327 00:21:52,950 --> 00:21:55,083 You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus. 328 00:21:55,085 --> 00:21:56,548 I'm not X-Man material. 329 00:21:56,550 --> 00:21:58,217 Understatement of the year. 330 00:21:58,584 --> 00:21:59,584 Wade, Yukio. 331 00:22:00,151 --> 00:22:01,914 Yukio, Wade. 332 00:22:01,916 --> 00:22:04,148 What in the fuck knuckles is this? 333 00:22:04,151 --> 00:22:06,782 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant shit. 334 00:22:06,785 --> 00:22:08,749 Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Fox & Friends. 335 00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:10,749 I'm just surprised anyone would date you. 336 00:22:10,750 --> 00:22:13,481 Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. 337 00:22:13,483 --> 00:22:15,382 I like this guy. 338 00:22:15,384 --> 00:22:17,281 Give him a chance. 339 00:22:17,284 --> 00:22:18,582 It's great seeing you like this. 340 00:22:18,584 --> 00:22:20,916 Yeah. 341 00:22:21,284 --> 00:22:22,382 Bye, Wade! 342 00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:24,982 Now, some ground rules while under our roof. 343 00:22:24,984 --> 00:22:27,847 "Rule number one. No killing... 344 00:22:27,849 --> 00:22:31,214 "anyone ever, no matter how bad. 345 00:22:31,217 --> 00:22:34,148 "Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator." 346 00:22:34,151 --> 00:22:35,151 Wade? 347 00:22:36,051 --> 00:22:37,214 Wade? 348 00:22:37,217 --> 00:22:38,382 Wade! 349 00:22:38,384 --> 00:22:40,016 Don't try to chase me. 350 00:22:40,018 --> 00:22:42,382 I'm not ready to be touched again. 351 00:22:42,384 --> 00:22:44,715 All these elderly white men on the walls... 352 00:22:44,718 --> 00:22:46,548 Should have brought my rape whistle. 353 00:22:46,550 --> 00:22:47,815 Hi. 354 00:22:47,817 --> 00:22:50,481 Those were already damaged after they fell there! 355 00:22:50,483 --> 00:22:52,415 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? 356 00:22:52,417 --> 00:22:54,815 Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? 357 00:22:54,817 --> 00:22:57,615 And how would I do that exactly? 358 00:22:57,617 --> 00:23:00,382 'Cause where the fuck is everyone? 359 00:23:00,384 --> 00:23:01,382 It's always just you 360 00:23:01,384 --> 00:23:02,815 and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever... 361 00:23:02,817 --> 00:23:04,082 Enough! 362 00:23:04,084 --> 00:23:06,116 I said no touching! 363 00:23:07,718 --> 00:23:10,982 What the fuck? 364 00:23:10,984 --> 00:23:13,348 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone. 365 00:23:13,351 --> 00:23:15,847 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? 366 00:23:15,849 --> 00:23:17,982 How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings? 367 00:23:17,984 --> 00:23:19,148 What do those do anyway, huh? 368 00:23:19,151 --> 00:23:20,682 Carry him three feet off the ground 369 00:23:20,684 --> 00:23:22,749 to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? 370 00:23:22,750 --> 00:23:24,915 No, no, no! 371 00:23:24,917 --> 00:23:27,883 I am not X-Man material at all. 372 00:23:27,884 --> 00:23:30,281 First off... 373 00:23:30,284 --> 00:23:32,550 I'm not even a virgin. Second and more... 374 00:23:34,684 --> 00:23:35,782 I should have left you 375 00:23:35,785 --> 00:23:37,648 in the self-pitying mess I found you in. 376 00:23:37,651 --> 00:23:40,682 But this is what friends do. They show up! 377 00:23:40,684 --> 00:23:42,715 Not when convenient or easy. 378 00:23:42,718 --> 00:23:47,048 When hard, and you always make it hard. 379 00:23:47,050 --> 00:23:49,481 You are unwell. 380 00:23:49,483 --> 00:23:51,782 I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here. 381 00:23:51,785 --> 00:23:53,648 Wait. One of the assholes 382 00:23:53,651 --> 00:23:55,250 who killed Vanessa got away. 383 00:23:57,718 --> 00:24:00,082 Oh, Jesus Christ! 384 00:24:00,084 --> 00:24:02,249 Wade, whoever they are... 385 00:24:02,250 --> 00:24:05,284 we track them down and bring them to justice. 386 00:24:05,617 --> 00:24:07,084 It was me. 387 00:24:09,951 --> 00:24:12,516 I'm the asshole who got away. 388 00:24:12,518 --> 00:24:15,715 I killed every last one of them, except me. 389 00:24:15,718 --> 00:24:17,483 Couldn't kill me. 390 00:24:20,718 --> 00:24:22,917 We were gonna start a family. 391 00:24:24,550 --> 00:24:26,548 We were, uh... 392 00:24:27,718 --> 00:24:30,316 We were gonna be a family. 393 00:24:30,317 --> 00:24:31,249 Wade... 394 00:24:31,250 --> 00:24:34,250 Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back. 395 00:24:35,718 --> 00:24:38,015 This may not be family you want... 396 00:24:38,017 --> 00:24:40,582 but it's family you need. 397 00:24:40,584 --> 00:24:41,848 You have a good heart. 398 00:24:41,851 --> 00:24:43,483 It belongs here where it can grow. 399 00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:46,351 What did you say? 400 00:24:48,351 --> 00:24:49,817 About my heart? 401 00:24:55,017 --> 00:24:57,217 I think I'm in the right place. 402 00:26:11,518 --> 00:26:12,518 Wade. 403 00:26:13,116 --> 00:26:14,516 Wade! 404 00:26:14,518 --> 00:26:17,648 Hey, I was just taking Cerebro for a spin here... 405 00:26:17,651 --> 00:26:19,449 looking deep into the future. 406 00:26:19,451 --> 00:26:20,750 Phew. This thing... 407 00:26:20,751 --> 00:26:22,648 - That's not how Cerebro works. - That's not how Cerebro works. 408 00:26:22,651 --> 00:26:24,648 Yes. Yes, it is. 409 00:26:24,651 --> 00:26:26,415 - We have mission. - We have mission. 410 00:26:26,417 --> 00:26:28,382 We do. You do. 411 00:26:28,384 --> 00:26:29,481 You guys be safe out there. 412 00:26:29,483 --> 00:26:32,451 - No, I want you to join. - No, you want me to join. 413 00:26:33,950 --> 00:26:35,382 I'm sorry, what? 414 00:26:35,384 --> 00:26:36,848 You are ready. 415 00:26:36,851 --> 00:26:38,382 That's a terrible idea, and it's gonna end badly. 416 00:26:38,384 --> 00:26:40,648 You wanna know how I know? I'll give you a hint. 417 00:26:40,651 --> 00:26:41,784 It's on my head 418 00:26:41,786 --> 00:26:43,882 and smells like Patrick Stewart. 419 00:26:43,884 --> 00:26:45,784 Be at the X-Jet in five. 420 00:26:48,751 --> 00:26:51,281 Irene Merryweather, WHIT News. 421 00:26:51,284 --> 00:26:53,249 Live here at a breaking news situation 422 00:26:53,250 --> 00:26:56,048 at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. 423 00:26:56,050 --> 00:26:58,015 A mutant boy is appearing to have 424 00:26:58,017 --> 00:26:59,382 some sort of an incident... 425 00:26:59,384 --> 00:27:01,148 - with police here behind me. - Get away from me! 426 00:27:01,151 --> 00:27:03,683 There are two police vehicles that are overturned. 427 00:27:03,685 --> 00:27:05,048 - There are open fires. - Fuck off! Stay back! 428 00:27:05,050 --> 00:27:06,316 A scene of absolute chaos here. 429 00:27:06,317 --> 00:27:07,214 Calm down. 430 00:27:07,217 --> 00:27:10,183 I'll burn you! You stay back! 431 00:27:10,751 --> 00:27:12,415 Get away from me! 432 00:27:12,417 --> 00:27:15,183 You wanna fucking die? 433 00:27:29,916 --> 00:27:33,316 And it appears as if the X-Men are arriving... 434 00:27:33,317 --> 00:27:34,784 Scatter! 435 00:27:34,786 --> 00:27:36,615 with what appears to be a trainee. 436 00:27:36,617 --> 00:27:39,847 Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I... 437 00:27:39,849 --> 00:27:41,115 We're the X-Men! 438 00:27:41,116 --> 00:27:43,683 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s. 439 00:27:43,685 --> 00:27:45,584 So, respect. 440 00:27:46,351 --> 00:27:47,550 At ease, Officer. 441 00:27:49,017 --> 00:27:50,849 What are you doing? 442 00:27:51,217 --> 00:27:52,281 My job! 443 00:27:52,284 --> 00:27:53,847 You're the one who said I was ready, 444 00:27:53,849 --> 00:27:55,281 and I frankly disagreed with you. 445 00:27:55,284 --> 00:27:57,847 But here we are, trying to overcome our differences. 446 00:27:57,849 --> 00:28:00,384 Like Beyonce says, "Please... 447 00:28:01,050 --> 00:28:02,548 "Please, stop cheating on me." 448 00:28:02,550 --> 00:28:03,683 Hey! 449 00:28:03,685 --> 00:28:05,015 This is the fifth incident. 450 00:28:05,017 --> 00:28:07,415 This kid needs to be in the Ice Box, not here. 451 00:28:07,417 --> 00:28:09,048 Russell belongs in our care. 452 00:28:09,050 --> 00:28:10,847 Not in prison. I assure you... 453 00:28:10,849 --> 00:28:11,981 we have everything under control. 454 00:28:11,983 --> 00:28:13,281 Stay back! I'll burn you! 455 00:28:13,284 --> 00:28:14,316 Not getting a real 456 00:28:14,317 --> 00:28:16,582 "under control" vibe here, Marty. 457 00:28:16,584 --> 00:28:18,449 - It is Glen, isn't it? - Daniel. 458 00:28:18,451 --> 00:28:20,981 I'll ask the questions. Let me talk to the kid. 459 00:28:20,983 --> 00:28:25,317 You stay here with your weird, secret sex lips. 460 00:28:27,384 --> 00:28:28,516 You wanna die? 461 00:28:28,518 --> 00:28:29,449 This kid's adorable. 462 00:28:29,451 --> 00:28:30,717 I don't know why I packed the hollow points. 463 00:28:30,719 --> 00:28:32,115 I'll burn your balls off! 464 00:28:32,116 --> 00:28:35,616 First day. I'm so nervous! 465 00:28:35,618 --> 00:28:37,415 Did you just say "hollow points"? 466 00:28:37,417 --> 00:28:38,616 Yeah, probably should've 467 00:28:38,618 --> 00:28:40,849 brought a Super Soaker. 468 00:28:41,351 --> 00:28:42,351 Hi, there! 469 00:28:43,550 --> 00:28:45,981 Stay back or Justin Bieber dies! 470 00:28:45,983 --> 00:28:49,550 Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber. 471 00:28:50,817 --> 00:28:52,650 Hold on! Wait, wait, wait! 472 00:28:52,652 --> 00:28:55,749 Okay, let's not do whatever that is. 473 00:28:55,750 --> 00:28:57,348 Okay? Let's just talk! 474 00:28:57,351 --> 00:28:58,914 It's Russell, right? 475 00:28:58,916 --> 00:29:01,148 - Firefist. - Firefist. 476 00:29:01,151 --> 00:29:03,382 Ooh, that's a great name. Where does it burn? 477 00:29:03,384 --> 00:29:05,116 Just the fist, or all the way up to the elbow? 478 00:29:10,084 --> 00:29:12,715 Definitely all the way up to the elbow. 479 00:29:12,718 --> 00:29:15,382 Come quietly, or there will be trouble. 480 00:29:15,384 --> 00:29:18,449 - You stole that from Robocop! - That's from Robocop! 481 00:29:18,451 --> 00:29:19,981 Just stand down! 482 00:29:19,983 --> 00:29:22,281 You're embarrassing me. Look, Fire... 483 00:29:23,351 --> 00:29:26,148 Oh, my God! I can't say it! I'm so sorry! 484 00:29:30,551 --> 00:29:34,583 Oh, shit! That fucking does it! 485 00:29:34,585 --> 00:29:35,914 Put your hands behind your knees 486 00:29:35,916 --> 00:29:37,616 and get down on your head! Now! 487 00:29:37,618 --> 00:29:39,815 Wade! What was first rule? 488 00:29:39,817 --> 00:29:41,616 Label everything in the refrigerator! 489 00:29:41,618 --> 00:29:44,382 - Do not escalate! - Rules are meant to be broken! 490 00:29:44,384 --> 00:29:45,948 That's the exact opposite 491 00:29:45,950 --> 00:29:47,451 of what they're meant for! 492 00:29:48,384 --> 00:29:50,182 Fuck! Fine! 493 00:29:50,183 --> 00:29:51,914 I'll start from the beginning. 494 00:29:51,916 --> 00:29:54,481 My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man. 495 00:29:54,483 --> 00:29:56,417 - Trainee! - Shut it! 496 00:29:57,351 --> 00:29:59,585 Look, I get it. 497 00:30:00,718 --> 00:30:02,417 All right, you're scared. 498 00:30:03,050 --> 00:30:03,948 Alone. 499 00:30:03,950 --> 00:30:05,048 You got no family. 500 00:30:05,050 --> 00:30:06,115 I didn't have a family, either. 501 00:30:06,116 --> 00:30:07,914 You live in this dump. Guess what? 502 00:30:07,916 --> 00:30:10,415 I used to live in a shithole just like it. 503 00:30:10,417 --> 00:30:13,148 But you know something? To make matters worse... 504 00:30:13,151 --> 00:30:15,015 it's a confusing time in your life right now. 505 00:30:15,017 --> 00:30:18,749 Your body is going through some fiery changes. 506 00:30:18,750 --> 00:30:20,715 Too far? I went too far, didn't I? 507 00:30:27,884 --> 00:30:29,914 That was effervescent. 508 00:30:29,916 --> 00:30:32,348 Stay in school, kid. 509 00:30:32,351 --> 00:30:34,148 Or don't. I didn't. 510 00:30:34,151 --> 00:30:36,048 And I'm an X-Man. 511 00:30:36,050 --> 00:30:37,182 Trainee. 512 00:30:37,183 --> 00:30:38,415 Fuck it! 513 00:30:38,417 --> 00:30:40,217 Superhero landing coming up! 514 00:30:43,849 --> 00:30:45,517 Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck! 515 00:30:45,519 --> 00:30:47,549 That is so not practical. 516 00:31:08,116 --> 00:31:10,115 I could get used to this X-Man shit. 517 00:31:10,116 --> 00:31:11,415 Trainee! 518 00:31:11,417 --> 00:31:12,382 Trainee! 519 00:31:12,384 --> 00:31:14,316 Get a power restraint on him. Now! 520 00:31:14,317 --> 00:31:17,584 Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya. 521 00:31:19,519 --> 00:31:20,981 What's that do? 522 00:31:20,983 --> 00:31:22,615 Power-dampening collar. 523 00:31:22,617 --> 00:31:23,914 Shuts down all mutant abilities. 524 00:31:23,916 --> 00:31:26,549 You can't get it off. Unless you've got a grenade. 525 00:31:26,551 --> 00:31:29,847 Huh. Could've used one of those in the first act. 526 00:31:29,849 --> 00:31:31,217 Thank you! 527 00:31:32,817 --> 00:31:35,316 That was absolutely thrilling. 528 00:31:35,317 --> 00:31:37,450 True heroism in action. 529 00:31:37,451 --> 00:31:39,183 We are in your debt. 530 00:31:39,817 --> 00:31:41,615 We can take it from here. 531 00:31:41,617 --> 00:31:43,815 Take me to the Ice Box, please! 532 00:31:43,817 --> 00:31:45,082 Anywhere's better than here. 533 00:31:45,084 --> 00:31:46,249 Believe me, son, 534 00:31:46,250 --> 00:31:47,914 you do not wanna go to the Ice Box. 535 00:31:47,916 --> 00:31:49,948 Let's get you inside, young man. 536 00:31:49,950 --> 00:31:51,948 No, wait, wait. Wait. 537 00:31:51,950 --> 00:31:53,550 You guys stay there. 538 00:32:03,550 --> 00:32:05,250 Those guys hurt you? 539 00:32:06,584 --> 00:32:07,817 Who? 540 00:32:09,651 --> 00:32:12,384 Baldilocks? Jared Kushner? 541 00:32:13,750 --> 00:32:15,351 Both of 'em? 542 00:32:19,451 --> 00:32:20,715 Oh, fuck it. 543 00:32:20,718 --> 00:32:22,383 Four or five moments! 544 00:32:22,384 --> 00:32:23,450 I'm sorry? 545 00:32:23,451 --> 00:32:26,817 Four or five moments! 546 00:32:27,817 --> 00:32:30,817 That's all it takes to be a hero. 547 00:32:31,651 --> 00:32:33,914 People think you wake up a hero... 548 00:32:33,916 --> 00:32:36,082 brush your teeth a hero... 549 00:32:36,084 --> 00:32:39,249 ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. 550 00:32:40,317 --> 00:32:44,317 But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments! 551 00:32:45,584 --> 00:32:47,214 A few moments... 552 00:32:47,217 --> 00:32:50,115 doing the ugly stuff no one else will do. 553 00:32:53,451 --> 00:32:54,550 No! 554 00:32:57,084 --> 00:32:58,582 Stand down! Hold your fire! 555 00:32:58,584 --> 00:33:00,815 - Wade, what did you do? - Colossus, no! 556 00:33:00,817 --> 00:33:02,249 That kid was abused! You can tell. 557 00:33:02,250 --> 00:33:03,948 - You can always tell! - We have rules! 558 00:33:03,950 --> 00:33:06,815 You are not judge, jury or executioner! 559 00:33:06,817 --> 00:33:09,815 Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right! 560 00:33:09,817 --> 00:33:11,416 And sometimes you gotta fight dirty! 561 00:33:11,419 --> 00:33:14,950 You let me down for the last time, Wade. 562 00:33:17,849 --> 00:33:20,115 Okay, get these guys in the pod. 563 00:33:20,116 --> 00:33:22,715 Take them to the Ice Box. 564 00:33:43,318 --> 00:33:44,318 Hey, baby! 565 00:33:45,183 --> 00:33:47,615 I wonder what gang I'll be in. 566 00:33:47,617 --> 00:33:49,015 Yeah! 567 00:33:49,017 --> 00:33:51,417 - Is there, like, a Sorting Hat? - Hi. 568 00:33:53,318 --> 00:33:54,318 Go! 569 00:33:57,483 --> 00:33:58,884 Hard left, douchebag. 570 00:34:03,017 --> 00:34:05,250 Please, after you. 571 00:34:05,251 --> 00:34:07,648 Another disgusting mutant off the streets. 572 00:34:07,651 --> 00:34:08,782 God bless America. 573 00:34:08,784 --> 00:34:10,048 Let's get a taco. 574 00:34:13,650 --> 00:34:16,318 Nighty-night, you annoying prick! 575 00:34:48,318 --> 00:34:51,581 I'mma tell you what the big lie is. 576 00:34:51,583 --> 00:34:53,250 Toilet paper. 577 00:34:53,251 --> 00:34:56,648 Toilet paper is a plenty fine appetizer. 578 00:34:56,650 --> 00:34:58,847 But, then... 579 00:34:58,849 --> 00:35:01,416 Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. 580 00:35:01,418 --> 00:35:02,815 That's your main course. 581 00:35:02,817 --> 00:35:06,449 They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies. 582 00:35:06,451 --> 00:35:09,748 Finally, one more pass with the toilet paper, 583 00:35:09,751 --> 00:35:11,349 maybe clear out that excess moisture. 584 00:35:11,351 --> 00:35:13,048 Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, 585 00:35:13,050 --> 00:35:14,317 if you can get you a hair dryer. 586 00:35:14,318 --> 00:35:16,983 Just about 30 seconds will do you good. 587 00:35:20,550 --> 00:35:21,550 The fuck? 588 00:35:22,751 --> 00:35:23,983 Year? 589 00:35:24,784 --> 00:35:25,983 What? 590 00:35:26,916 --> 00:35:28,748 What year is it? 591 00:35:28,751 --> 00:35:30,815 What kind of dumb-ass question is that to ask? 592 00:35:50,016 --> 00:35:52,516 You're a long way from your superpowers. 593 00:35:52,518 --> 00:35:53,682 Yeah. 594 00:35:57,351 --> 00:35:58,481 Fuck! 595 00:35:58,483 --> 00:36:00,250 I wanted to be a superhero. 596 00:36:00,251 --> 00:36:02,516 Always wanted a real super suit. 597 00:36:02,518 --> 00:36:04,182 What happened? 598 00:36:04,184 --> 00:36:06,251 When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 599 00:36:06,817 --> 00:36:08,449 Never. 600 00:36:08,451 --> 00:36:10,847 The industry discriminates. 601 00:36:10,849 --> 00:36:12,583 Fuck superheroes. 602 00:36:13,251 --> 00:36:14,449 Fuck everyone. 603 00:36:14,451 --> 00:36:17,548 The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here... 604 00:36:17,550 --> 00:36:19,615 burn the headmaster alive... 605 00:36:19,617 --> 00:36:23,115 and then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse. 606 00:36:23,117 --> 00:36:25,382 Who says prison isn't reformative? 607 00:36:25,384 --> 00:36:27,184 Fucker hates mutants. 608 00:36:27,983 --> 00:36:29,548 Blessed are the wicked 609 00:36:29,550 --> 00:36:31,817 who are healed by my hand. 610 00:36:32,251 --> 00:36:33,483 Your abilities. 611 00:36:34,884 --> 00:36:37,282 I know how seductive they are. 612 00:36:39,483 --> 00:36:40,815 Now, please don't cry. 613 00:36:47,518 --> 00:36:51,418 Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy in here... 614 00:36:52,016 --> 00:36:53,349 and we'll make him our... 615 00:36:57,117 --> 00:36:58,615 What was that? 616 00:36:58,617 --> 00:37:01,115 That is the biggest guy in here. 617 00:37:01,117 --> 00:37:03,416 Fun fact about the Ice Box... 618 00:37:03,418 --> 00:37:05,115 though no one's ever seen it, 619 00:37:05,117 --> 00:37:07,516 they keep a monster in the basement. 620 00:37:07,518 --> 00:37:09,150 Right next to a huge, 621 00:37:09,152 --> 00:37:10,983 steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 622 00:37:11,483 --> 00:37:12,483 Look. 623 00:37:13,483 --> 00:37:15,715 I can't protect you. 624 00:37:15,717 --> 00:37:16,882 With this collar on, 625 00:37:16,884 --> 00:37:20,014 my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 626 00:37:20,016 --> 00:37:23,615 Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye. 627 00:37:23,617 --> 00:37:25,715 Now, if you'll excuse me... 628 00:37:25,717 --> 00:37:28,981 I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits. 629 00:37:28,983 --> 00:37:31,282 I'll start by making us a shank. 630 00:37:31,284 --> 00:37:33,282 - Good listening. - I stole that guard's pen... 631 00:37:33,284 --> 00:37:35,548 and stashed it in the old prison wallet, 632 00:37:35,550 --> 00:37:37,581 if you know what I'm saying. 633 00:37:37,583 --> 00:37:40,083 Prison wallet? 634 00:37:40,085 --> 00:37:42,518 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 635 00:37:44,751 --> 00:37:47,648 I can hear you rummaging around in there. 636 00:37:52,016 --> 00:37:53,548 And to update you 637 00:37:53,550 --> 00:37:54,947 on the story reported earlier, 638 00:37:54,949 --> 00:37:56,382 after a lengthy standoff 639 00:37:56,384 --> 00:37:59,181 outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation... 640 00:37:59,184 --> 00:38:00,682 two mutants were arrested 641 00:38:00,684 --> 00:38:02,315 and transported to the Ice Box... 642 00:38:02,318 --> 00:38:04,018 Entering repair mode. 643 00:38:08,184 --> 00:38:09,516 several police cars were destroyed 644 00:38:09,518 --> 00:38:11,916 and the X-Men were called in to restore order. 645 00:38:32,849 --> 00:38:34,882 Cells seven and nine 646 00:38:34,884 --> 00:38:38,416 now off-limits for medical personnel. 647 00:38:38,418 --> 00:38:39,847 Cells seven and nine 648 00:38:39,849 --> 00:38:42,483 now off-limits for medical personnel. 649 00:38:44,451 --> 00:38:45,949 Psst! 650 00:38:48,318 --> 00:38:50,282 Don't do that. 651 00:38:50,284 --> 00:38:53,449 What? Why are you winking at me? 652 00:38:57,318 --> 00:38:58,615 I got your back. 653 00:38:58,617 --> 00:38:59,815 Oh, my God. 654 00:38:59,817 --> 00:39:01,315 You're sick, I gotta protect you. 655 00:39:01,318 --> 00:39:03,418 Just leave me alone, kid. 656 00:39:04,418 --> 00:39:05,483 Oh, great. 657 00:39:07,150 --> 00:39:09,815 Well, hello there, new fish. 658 00:39:09,817 --> 00:39:12,882 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 659 00:39:12,884 --> 00:39:15,114 I've done some light catalog work... 660 00:39:15,117 --> 00:39:17,748 but, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting. 661 00:39:17,751 --> 00:39:20,416 - I was talking to him. - Oh. 662 00:39:20,418 --> 00:39:23,949 Have we met? I can't place your mustache. 663 00:39:23,951 --> 00:39:26,516 - Black Tom Cassidy. - White Wade Wilson. 664 00:39:26,518 --> 00:39:30,050 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? 665 00:39:30,052 --> 00:39:32,782 You're supposed to be the toughest cunt in here. 666 00:39:32,784 --> 00:39:35,181 You don't look like much to me. 667 00:39:35,184 --> 00:39:37,882 First rule of the yard, fuckface... 668 00:39:37,884 --> 00:39:39,882 find the biggest guy and make him your... 669 00:39:43,817 --> 00:39:46,016 Second biggest guy. 670 00:39:46,018 --> 00:39:48,315 The last thing I need is more hepatitis. 671 00:39:48,318 --> 00:39:51,882 Oh, it's slippery, too. This table needs a wipe down! 672 00:39:51,884 --> 00:39:53,882 Can we get a wipe down on the table? 673 00:39:55,052 --> 00:39:57,248 Kid, I think you picked the wrong side. 674 00:39:57,251 --> 00:39:59,847 No, I didn't! He's my friend! 675 00:39:59,849 --> 00:40:02,150 Zip it. We're not friends. 676 00:40:03,717 --> 00:40:04,985 You're about to get dick-slapped. 677 00:40:17,351 --> 00:40:19,248 I had so much fun! You were like... 678 00:40:19,251 --> 00:40:21,481 And I was like, "Take a seat, shit dick." 679 00:40:21,483 --> 00:40:23,114 Just let me die in peace. 680 00:40:23,117 --> 00:40:25,349 We make a great team! 681 00:40:25,351 --> 00:40:27,983 Oh, God! We're not a team. 682 00:40:27,985 --> 00:40:32,148 Why'd you say that back there? We're friends, partners. 683 00:40:32,150 --> 00:40:34,985 We're not partners or friends. 684 00:40:36,117 --> 00:40:38,315 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. 685 00:40:38,318 --> 00:40:40,481 It ends with me dying of cancer... 686 00:40:40,483 --> 00:40:44,516 and you winning the Ice Box award for softest mouth. 687 00:40:45,851 --> 00:40:47,615 There's only one person in this world 688 00:40:47,617 --> 00:40:49,384 that I care about, and she's gone. 689 00:40:51,016 --> 00:40:54,181 You wanna survive? 690 00:40:54,184 --> 00:40:57,548 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here... 691 00:40:57,550 --> 00:40:59,550 and make friends with them. 692 00:41:00,784 --> 00:41:02,451 Make friends with someone. 693 00:41:03,418 --> 00:41:05,583 Anyone but me. 694 00:41:06,451 --> 00:41:08,918 Maybe even Black Tim. 695 00:41:09,650 --> 00:41:11,148 Black Evan, I don't know. 696 00:41:11,150 --> 00:41:13,951 All I remember is he was African-American. 697 00:41:59,050 --> 00:42:01,349 System malfunctioning. 698 00:42:01,351 --> 00:42:04,382 Cells 7, 12, 14, 27. 699 00:42:04,384 --> 00:42:06,981 Back in your cells, you filthy mutants! Get in there! 700 00:42:06,983 --> 00:42:10,351 Cells 1, 3, 7, 8. 701 00:42:11,318 --> 00:42:13,016 Searching. 702 00:42:14,384 --> 00:42:16,983 Cell 04 located. 703 00:42:18,251 --> 00:42:20,181 Door won't open! 704 00:42:20,184 --> 00:42:22,083 On your fucking knees! 705 00:42:58,786 --> 00:43:00,550 That was our cell. 706 00:43:02,451 --> 00:43:04,882 What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker 707 00:43:04,884 --> 00:43:06,217 with a Winter Soldier arm? 708 00:43:15,786 --> 00:43:17,384 Get away from me, kid! 709 00:43:24,751 --> 00:43:26,217 Listen to me! Go! 710 00:43:31,451 --> 00:43:33,050 Hello, Russell. 711 00:44:56,483 --> 00:44:57,949 Hello, superpowers. 712 00:45:15,849 --> 00:45:17,050 Who are you? 713 00:45:17,784 --> 00:45:19,150 I'm Batman. 714 00:45:30,418 --> 00:45:31,418 Ooh! 715 00:45:36,050 --> 00:45:39,150 Oh. That's got some zip. 716 00:45:47,083 --> 00:45:50,650 Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me. 717 00:45:50,652 --> 00:45:52,114 Talk! 718 00:45:52,117 --> 00:45:53,981 What kind of spineless shit stick 719 00:45:53,983 --> 00:45:55,817 tries to kill a 14-year-old boy? 720 00:45:56,717 --> 00:45:58,048 You might wanna start talking! 721 00:45:58,050 --> 00:46:00,916 'Cause I got a long history of firing at times like this! 722 00:46:01,983 --> 00:46:03,981 The name's Cable. 723 00:46:03,983 --> 00:46:07,449 I'm from the future. Just walk away. 724 00:46:07,451 --> 00:46:08,748 Oh! 725 00:46:08,751 --> 00:46:10,748 So, you're from the future. 726 00:46:10,751 --> 00:46:12,748 I have three questions then. 727 00:46:12,751 --> 00:46:16,248 One, is dubstep still a thing? 728 00:46:16,251 --> 00:46:19,282 Two, which Sharknado are we on? 729 00:46:19,284 --> 00:46:22,248 And three, at what point do audiences say... 730 00:46:22,251 --> 00:46:23,585 "Enough with the robotic arms"? 731 00:47:06,884 --> 00:47:08,947 Dubstep's for pussies. 732 00:47:08,949 --> 00:47:10,215 You're so dark! 733 00:47:10,217 --> 00:47:12,384 Are you sure you're not from the DC universe? 734 00:47:13,284 --> 00:47:14,782 I love dubstep! 735 00:47:40,784 --> 00:47:42,215 Is that a fanny pack? 736 00:47:42,217 --> 00:47:45,882 I used to have one of those in 1990-never. 737 00:47:45,884 --> 00:47:48,014 Something to remember you by. 738 00:47:48,016 --> 00:47:51,847 Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere. 739 00:47:51,849 --> 00:47:54,351 Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack! 740 00:48:03,884 --> 00:48:06,215 Why are you protecting the kid? 741 00:48:07,217 --> 00:48:09,682 I don't give a fuck about him... 742 00:48:09,684 --> 00:48:12,217 and his Are You My Mother? complex! 743 00:48:14,684 --> 00:48:16,083 What's this one do? 744 00:48:29,817 --> 00:48:31,349 In every film, there's a moment 745 00:48:31,351 --> 00:48:33,882 when the hero hits rock bottom. 746 00:48:33,884 --> 00:48:35,882 In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy's 747 00:48:35,884 --> 00:48:37,581 prized bobsled broke. 748 00:48:37,583 --> 00:48:40,847 In Human Centipede, it was when those people... 749 00:48:40,849 --> 00:48:42,648 signed on to be in that movie. 750 00:48:42,650 --> 00:48:44,682 But in this film, well... 751 00:48:44,684 --> 00:48:46,014 you're looking at it. 752 00:48:46,016 --> 00:48:48,016 On your fucking knees, mutant. 753 00:48:50,684 --> 00:48:51,884 Rock... 754 00:48:55,717 --> 00:48:57,318 meet bottom. 755 00:49:07,784 --> 00:49:09,181 I love you, Wade Wilson. 756 00:49:09,184 --> 00:49:10,385 Ness? 757 00:49:11,385 --> 00:49:12,949 Hey, Ness! 758 00:49:13,650 --> 00:49:15,483 Ness, can you let me in? 759 00:49:15,485 --> 00:49:17,817 Please! Please. 760 00:49:19,650 --> 00:49:20,782 Jesus. 761 00:49:23,684 --> 00:49:25,516 You're not giving me a lot of direction here. 762 00:49:25,518 --> 00:49:27,416 I'm at the end of my rope. 763 00:49:29,751 --> 00:49:32,081 Then I joined the X-Men. 764 00:49:32,083 --> 00:49:34,150 I went to prison. I, uh... 765 00:49:38,217 --> 00:49:39,817 Is it the kid? 766 00:49:41,452 --> 00:49:44,583 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be. 767 00:49:45,916 --> 00:49:47,117 The kid! 768 00:50:00,617 --> 00:50:02,181 That's exactly what she meant. 769 00:50:02,184 --> 00:50:03,715 Your heart needs to be in the right place. 770 00:50:03,717 --> 00:50:05,516 I'm not gonna abandon this kid. 771 00:50:05,518 --> 00:50:08,317 He's never had anyone, ever. 772 00:50:08,318 --> 00:50:09,615 I need to be selfless. 773 00:50:09,617 --> 00:50:11,615 Yeah, but what does that mean? 774 00:50:11,617 --> 00:50:14,914 It means I'm gonna save Russell. 775 00:50:14,916 --> 00:50:16,382 Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa... 776 00:50:16,385 --> 00:50:19,481 but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. 777 00:50:19,483 --> 00:50:21,682 Yeah, but what I mean is, like, the world "selfless." 778 00:50:21,684 --> 00:50:23,349 I literally don't know what that means. 779 00:50:23,351 --> 00:50:24,317 Jesus Christ. 780 00:50:24,318 --> 00:50:27,148 Okay, look. According to my guy, okay... 781 00:50:27,150 --> 00:50:29,248 those muties are being transferred 782 00:50:29,251 --> 00:50:30,914 to a supermax, 80 miles away. 783 00:50:30,916 --> 00:50:32,815 Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way. 784 00:50:32,817 --> 00:50:34,981 Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay? 785 00:50:34,983 --> 00:50:37,014 We're talking about an armored convoy... 786 00:50:37,016 --> 00:50:39,215 and a vicious super soldier from the future... 787 00:50:39,217 --> 00:50:42,081 that is looking to turn your skull into a fuckable ashtray. 788 00:50:42,083 --> 00:50:43,648 You know what we need to do? 789 00:50:43,650 --> 00:50:45,581 We need to build a fucking team. 790 00:50:45,583 --> 00:50:47,748 We need 'em tough, morally flexible... 791 00:50:47,751 --> 00:50:49,048 and young enough so they can carry 792 00:50:49,050 --> 00:50:50,516 this franchise 10 to 12 years. 793 00:50:50,518 --> 00:50:52,251 My body is an instrument of death. 794 00:50:53,418 --> 00:50:54,914 Not now, Dopinder. 795 00:50:54,916 --> 00:50:56,981 I could be of great use. 796 00:50:56,983 --> 00:50:58,849 What's your superpower? 797 00:51:00,117 --> 00:51:01,914 - Courage. - That's adorable. 798 00:51:01,916 --> 00:51:03,516 Do you have the courage to check and see... 799 00:51:03,518 --> 00:51:06,250 if there are enough sanitary napkins in the dispenser? 800 00:51:06,251 --> 00:51:07,114 Yes, sir. 801 00:51:07,117 --> 00:51:08,581 I'm sorry you had to see that, 802 00:51:08,583 --> 00:51:10,882 although I'm glad you heard it. 803 00:51:10,884 --> 00:51:12,847 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes. 804 00:51:12,849 --> 00:51:15,081 But we're not paying medical or dental. 805 00:51:15,083 --> 00:51:17,318 It's time to get back on Linkedln. 806 00:51:55,117 --> 00:51:58,648 Transport will begin at 0800 hours... 807 00:51:58,650 --> 00:51:59,748 Oi. 808 00:51:59,751 --> 00:52:01,148 What the fuck do you want? 809 00:52:01,150 --> 00:52:03,114 That's my fucking pudding. 810 00:52:03,117 --> 00:52:05,014 - Fuck your pudding! - You like pudding? 811 00:52:26,384 --> 00:52:27,384 Hello? 812 00:52:29,617 --> 00:52:32,083 I know you're in there. 813 00:52:47,550 --> 00:52:50,152 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. 814 00:52:51,050 --> 00:52:53,516 Lonely at the top, eh? 815 00:52:53,518 --> 00:52:55,483 They're moving us tomorrow. 816 00:52:57,849 --> 00:53:00,847 Maybe I can get you out of here. 817 00:53:00,849 --> 00:53:04,184 And we can make the whole world our bitch. 818 00:53:05,849 --> 00:53:07,849 We need a secret code. 819 00:53:10,717 --> 00:53:13,518 No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot. 820 00:53:20,583 --> 00:53:22,048 We're a team. 821 00:53:22,050 --> 00:53:24,048 We're like thugs, we're like gangsters. 822 00:53:24,050 --> 00:53:28,014 I'm like Tupac, and you're like Ice Cube. 823 00:53:28,016 --> 00:53:30,449 Supposedly, she can rap, too. 824 00:53:30,451 --> 00:53:31,315 I like that. 825 00:53:31,318 --> 00:53:33,182 Terrific, these are all terrific. 826 00:53:33,184 --> 00:53:34,815 Meet Bedlam. 827 00:53:34,817 --> 00:53:37,282 Cool name! Superpowers? 828 00:53:37,284 --> 00:53:38,315 I can distort 829 00:53:38,318 --> 00:53:39,847 electrical fields. 830 00:53:39,849 --> 00:53:42,048 Including the one inside your brain... 831 00:53:42,050 --> 00:53:44,748 causing anxiety, confusion... 832 00:53:44,751 --> 00:53:46,050 pain. 833 00:53:46,884 --> 00:53:49,014 So, basically, you're Dave Matthews. 834 00:53:49,016 --> 00:53:50,318 We can use him. 835 00:53:51,916 --> 00:53:53,682 I'm Zeitgeist. 836 00:53:53,684 --> 00:53:54,947 Cool. I like it. 837 00:53:54,949 --> 00:53:56,215 So you have the power 838 00:53:56,217 --> 00:53:58,849 to put your finger on the pulse of society? 839 00:53:59,684 --> 00:54:00,847 No. 840 00:54:00,849 --> 00:54:02,548 No, I spit acidic vomit. 841 00:54:02,550 --> 00:54:03,682 - Oh. - Do you want me 842 00:54:03,684 --> 00:54:05,014 - to demonstrate? - No! 843 00:54:05,016 --> 00:54:06,382 We'll take your word for it. 844 00:54:06,384 --> 00:54:08,117 Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's, okay? 845 00:54:08,784 --> 00:54:11,483 And this is the Vanisher. 846 00:54:14,751 --> 00:54:15,949 But... 847 00:54:16,884 --> 00:54:18,516 Vanisher! 848 00:54:20,884 --> 00:54:22,817 Nice! Right? 849 00:54:23,849 --> 00:54:24,981 He's not here, is he? 850 00:54:24,983 --> 00:54:26,817 He may be running late. 851 00:54:27,983 --> 00:54:30,882 My name's Rusty, but I go by Shatterstar. 852 00:54:30,884 --> 00:54:32,181 That's good, yeah. 853 00:54:32,184 --> 00:54:34,248 - "Rusty" is terrible. - Toughie. 854 00:54:34,251 --> 00:54:37,150 - So, uh, where are you from? - The planet Mojo World. 855 00:54:37,152 --> 00:54:39,382 - So you're an alien, I guess. - Bad name. 856 00:54:39,384 --> 00:54:40,947 How does that, uh, help us? 857 00:54:40,949 --> 00:54:43,914 I'm basically better than you at everything. 858 00:54:43,916 --> 00:54:45,715 Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people 859 00:54:45,717 --> 00:54:47,215 that are worse than me at everything. 860 00:54:47,217 --> 00:54:49,416 A whole bunch of functional idiots. 861 00:54:49,418 --> 00:54:51,648 I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman. 862 00:54:51,650 --> 00:54:52,715 Isn't that Canada? 863 00:54:52,717 --> 00:54:55,251 You shut your goddamn trash mouth! 864 00:54:56,583 --> 00:54:58,016 - Meet... - Domino. 865 00:54:58,018 --> 00:55:00,248 - What's your shtick? - I'm lucky. 866 00:55:00,251 --> 00:55:02,382 If you're so lucky, then what are you doing here with us? 867 00:55:02,384 --> 00:55:03,581 I don't know yet. 868 00:55:03,583 --> 00:55:04,715 What's that supposed to mean? 869 00:55:04,717 --> 00:55:06,181 It means that I don't know yet. 870 00:55:06,184 --> 00:55:07,782 But there's a reason why I'm here, 871 00:55:07,784 --> 00:55:08,914 and I'll know when I know. 872 00:55:08,916 --> 00:55:10,548 Everything usually works out for me. 873 00:55:10,550 --> 00:55:12,248 Luck isn't a superpower. 874 00:55:12,251 --> 00:55:13,782 - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. 875 00:55:13,784 --> 00:55:15,050 - Yes, it is. - No, ma'am. 876 00:55:15,052 --> 00:55:16,481 - Mmm-hmm. - Mario No-pez. 877 00:55:16,483 --> 00:55:17,615 - Yeah. - Nacho cheese. 878 00:55:17,617 --> 00:55:18,715 No, it definitely is. I really... 879 00:55:18,717 --> 00:55:19,782 There's no way that it... 880 00:55:19,784 --> 00:55:21,315 Sorry, I was interrupting you. 881 00:55:21,318 --> 00:55:22,847 - Sorry. No, I interrupted you. - No, no, no. You can go first. 882 00:55:22,849 --> 00:55:24,315 Oh, I was just gonna say, "No, it isn't." 883 00:55:24,318 --> 00:55:27,083 I was gonna just bring it back to that yes, it is. 884 00:55:27,085 --> 00:55:28,847 Let's meet in the middle and say, "No, it isn't." 885 00:55:28,849 --> 00:55:31,983 - But it is. - Okay. 886 00:55:31,985 --> 00:55:33,715 - You're hired! - You're hired. 887 00:55:33,717 --> 00:55:35,050 Oh, lucky me. 888 00:55:35,052 --> 00:55:36,251 She's great. 889 00:55:37,518 --> 00:55:39,083 And last, but not least... 890 00:55:39,085 --> 00:55:40,184 Peter. 891 00:55:41,217 --> 00:55:43,882 Am I getting catfished here or...? 892 00:55:43,884 --> 00:55:45,715 Any powers you wanna tell us about? 893 00:55:45,717 --> 00:55:47,548 No. 894 00:55:47,550 --> 00:55:49,148 I don't have one. 895 00:55:49,150 --> 00:55:52,418 Um, I just saw the ad and thought it looked fun. 896 00:55:53,351 --> 00:55:54,516 You're in. 897 00:55:54,518 --> 00:55:56,184 - Yeah. - Fuck! 898 00:55:58,717 --> 00:56:00,451 It's fulfilling work. 899 00:56:04,784 --> 00:56:06,217 Let's go! 900 00:56:19,418 --> 00:56:22,516 This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box. 901 00:56:22,518 --> 00:56:24,018 We are en route. 902 00:56:31,284 --> 00:56:33,985 Peacetime makes people soft. 903 00:56:35,451 --> 00:56:37,284 I was born into war. 904 00:56:38,717 --> 00:56:40,050 Bred into it. 905 00:56:40,784 --> 00:56:41,882 Okay. 906 00:56:41,884 --> 00:56:43,583 People think they understand pain. 907 00:56:44,784 --> 00:56:47,150 What's the most pain you've ever felt? 908 00:56:49,117 --> 00:56:50,382 These restraints are pretty... 909 00:56:50,384 --> 00:56:51,384 I've got a list. 910 00:56:52,717 --> 00:56:54,885 We're gonna work down it. 911 00:56:55,451 --> 00:56:56,451 Together. 912 00:56:57,583 --> 00:57:00,648 Number one, I'm gonna bend something. 913 00:57:00,650 --> 00:57:02,949 Something that was not meant to bend. 914 00:57:02,951 --> 00:57:04,048 I'm gonna stop you right there 915 00:57:04,050 --> 00:57:05,416 because I'm not gonna make it to two. 916 00:57:05,418 --> 00:57:06,748 I won't even make it to one. 917 00:57:06,751 --> 00:57:08,181 I don't do well with pain, you know. 918 00:57:08,184 --> 00:57:10,983 If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day. 919 00:57:10,985 --> 00:57:13,581 I cried when they canceled Felicity. 920 00:57:13,583 --> 00:57:15,081 When I get really scared, I get nervous erections. 921 00:57:15,083 --> 00:57:16,682 I have one right now. 922 00:57:16,684 --> 00:57:18,481 Don't look. It'll only make it worse. 923 00:57:18,483 --> 00:57:19,382 I don't want you to hurt me, 924 00:57:19,384 --> 00:57:21,951 and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. 925 00:57:22,717 --> 00:57:25,014 Except for where they are. 926 00:57:25,016 --> 00:57:26,416 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound 927 00:57:26,418 --> 00:57:27,548 on Gerry Duggan Parkway. 928 00:57:27,550 --> 00:57:29,282 The monster's with them. I wouldn't fuck with him. 929 00:57:29,284 --> 00:57:30,648 You all know the plan. 930 00:57:30,650 --> 00:57:32,282 Intercept the convoy, 931 00:57:32,284 --> 00:57:34,581 grab the boy. But not inappropriately! 932 00:57:34,583 --> 00:57:35,715 You know what, 933 00:57:35,717 --> 00:57:36,983 I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either. 934 00:57:36,985 --> 00:57:39,416 Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable. 935 00:57:39,418 --> 00:57:42,114 He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it. 936 00:57:42,117 --> 00:57:44,815 Watch out for this guy, Cable! 937 00:57:44,817 --> 00:57:48,048 He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics. 938 00:57:48,050 --> 00:57:51,081 And if we succeed, we all go home early. 939 00:57:51,083 --> 00:57:53,117 So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you... 940 00:57:53,983 --> 00:57:55,951 there's a wind advisory in effect. 941 00:58:06,885 --> 00:58:08,550 A little turbulent up here. 942 00:58:15,918 --> 00:58:17,815 I don't know much about this Cable fella... 943 00:58:17,818 --> 00:58:19,081 but I guarantee he hasn't killed 944 00:58:19,083 --> 00:58:21,083 as many people as melanoma has. 945 00:58:22,384 --> 00:58:23,748 We're getting close! 946 00:58:23,751 --> 00:58:25,516 As a former X-Man... 947 00:58:25,518 --> 00:58:27,349 - Trainee. - Thank you, Bedlam. 948 00:58:27,351 --> 00:58:29,815 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism 949 00:58:29,818 --> 00:58:31,516 in the group's name. 950 00:58:31,518 --> 00:58:33,382 X-Men! Men! 951 00:58:33,384 --> 00:58:36,615 The point is, our group will be forward thinking. 952 00:58:36,617 --> 00:58:37,981 Gender neutral. 953 00:58:37,983 --> 00:58:40,318 From now on, we'll be known as... 954 00:58:42,550 --> 00:58:43,981 X-Force. 955 00:58:43,983 --> 00:58:45,715 Isn't that a little derivative? 956 00:58:45,717 --> 00:58:48,251 I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter! 957 00:58:49,418 --> 00:58:50,983 That wasn't me. 958 00:58:57,818 --> 00:59:00,181 Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet... 959 00:59:00,184 --> 00:59:02,014 intercept the convoy, and grab the boy. 960 00:59:02,016 --> 00:59:03,181 Let's bring on the carnage, baby! 961 00:59:03,184 --> 00:59:05,181 Get me on the ground, watch me go! 962 00:59:05,184 --> 00:59:06,248 Yeah! 963 00:59:06,251 --> 00:59:08,181 I can't wait to kill! 964 00:59:08,184 --> 00:59:10,815 Hey! Hey! Hey! 965 00:59:10,818 --> 00:59:13,581 I just wanna say how proud I am of this team. 966 00:59:13,583 --> 00:59:16,315 You know, you guys look amazing! 967 00:59:16,318 --> 00:59:19,449 Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing too. 968 00:59:19,451 --> 00:59:20,349 This is the family 969 00:59:20,351 --> 00:59:22,117 that I've always dreamed of having and I... 970 00:59:23,150 --> 00:59:24,248 Ah, shit. 971 00:59:25,684 --> 00:59:27,248 I just get a little choked up sometimes. 972 00:59:27,251 --> 00:59:29,349 I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous 973 00:59:29,351 --> 00:59:30,682 about the high winds? 974 00:59:30,684 --> 00:59:32,048 - Gary. - My name's Peter. 975 00:59:32,050 --> 00:59:33,947 I realize that you're new to this, but relax. 976 00:59:33,949 --> 00:59:35,516 You've been chosen by a higher power. 977 00:59:35,518 --> 00:59:37,981 - Did he just call himself God? - I think he did. 978 00:59:37,983 --> 00:59:39,750 - I'd like to go home. - And I'd like... 979 00:59:39,751 --> 00:59:42,114 the McRib to be available year round, 980 00:59:42,117 --> 00:59:44,081 but sometimes dreams don't come true. 981 00:59:44,083 --> 00:59:46,181 I spent 10 years in Special Forces. 982 00:59:46,184 --> 00:59:47,516 You think we didn't jump out of the plane 983 00:59:47,518 --> 00:59:48,947 because of a light breeze? 984 00:59:48,949 --> 00:59:51,581 You're in this shit now, Mustache! 985 00:59:51,583 --> 00:59:53,784 I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. 986 00:59:53,786 --> 00:59:56,315 I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. 987 00:59:56,318 --> 00:59:58,481 Leonard, hit it! 988 01:00:07,184 --> 01:00:09,217 Go! Go! Go! 989 01:00:44,719 --> 01:00:46,282 Let's get some! 990 01:00:46,284 --> 01:00:47,449 Whoo! 991 01:00:47,451 --> 01:00:48,684 Oh, yeah! 992 01:00:48,686 --> 01:00:51,550 Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command! 993 01:00:52,518 --> 01:00:54,181 Deploy! Oh, hey now! 994 01:00:54,184 --> 01:00:55,318 Whoa! 995 01:01:00,518 --> 01:01:02,451 Little off course here. 996 01:01:04,686 --> 01:01:07,184 Holy mommy fucking shit! 997 01:01:08,351 --> 01:01:09,481 Ah, there they are. 998 01:01:09,483 --> 01:01:13,148 Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches. 999 01:01:13,150 --> 01:01:15,284 Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam! 1000 01:01:20,150 --> 01:01:24,617 No! Tripping motherfucking billies! 1001 01:01:24,619 --> 01:01:27,483 Shatterstar. Okay, you got this. 1002 01:01:28,418 --> 01:01:29,516 Left! 1003 01:01:29,518 --> 01:01:30,847 Left! 1004 01:01:30,849 --> 01:01:33,217 No, stage left, you idiot! 1005 01:01:36,916 --> 01:01:38,581 Well, I guess we found something 1006 01:01:38,583 --> 01:01:39,849 you're not better at. 1007 01:01:41,686 --> 01:01:43,114 Vanisher. 1008 01:01:43,117 --> 01:01:45,117 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see. 1009 01:01:48,217 --> 01:01:49,416 Oh! Really? 1010 01:01:49,418 --> 01:01:51,914 All right, we could do this with four. 1011 01:01:51,916 --> 01:01:54,947 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy! 1012 01:01:54,949 --> 01:01:57,251 That's the stuff! That's the X-Force spirit! 1013 01:01:58,217 --> 01:02:00,583 Never underestimate a man with a mustache! 1014 01:02:00,585 --> 01:02:02,315 Just ask anyone in Brooklyn. 1015 01:02:02,318 --> 01:02:03,481 We did it! 1016 01:02:03,483 --> 01:02:05,215 You're a goddamn superhero, you! 1017 01:02:05,217 --> 01:02:06,251 X-Force! 1018 01:02:06,719 --> 01:02:07,916 X-Force. 1019 01:02:12,284 --> 01:02:14,184 Oh! 1020 01:02:17,717 --> 01:02:18,847 Peter. 1021 01:02:18,849 --> 01:02:20,114 I got you, buddy! 1022 01:02:20,117 --> 01:02:21,248 - You're gonna be fine! - This is not good, man! 1023 01:02:21,251 --> 01:02:23,715 You got this, big guy! Here we go, Peter! 1024 01:02:23,717 --> 01:02:25,181 Look at me. We're X-Force, right? 1025 01:02:25,184 --> 01:02:27,483 - Yeah, we're X-Force. - We're X-Force. 1026 01:02:31,451 --> 01:02:33,315 Oh, my God! What the fuck? 1027 01:02:33,318 --> 01:02:34,882 Fucking acidic vomit! 1028 01:02:37,016 --> 01:02:39,815 Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up in my mask. 1029 01:02:42,884 --> 01:02:45,215 Okay, I'm over the convoy. 1030 01:02:45,217 --> 01:02:47,284 Where did the rest of the team land? 1031 01:02:47,949 --> 01:02:49,715 Good news and bad news. 1032 01:02:49,717 --> 01:02:52,914 Bad news is the whole team is dead. 1033 01:02:52,916 --> 01:02:54,148 The good news is, 1034 01:02:54,150 --> 01:02:56,081 I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. 1035 01:02:56,083 --> 01:02:59,481 He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul! 1036 01:02:59,483 --> 01:03:00,550 Peter! 1037 01:03:00,552 --> 01:03:01,947 Peter, I'm gonna miss him most. 1038 01:03:01,949 --> 01:03:03,081 But there is a slight chance 1039 01:03:03,083 --> 01:03:04,516 Vanisher could make it. 1040 01:03:04,518 --> 01:03:07,349 —Nope, no chance. He's dead. 1041 01:03:07,351 --> 01:03:08,315 The whole team? 1042 01:03:08,318 --> 01:03:10,550 Only the main ones. We're still good. 1043 01:03:10,552 --> 01:03:11,847 Fuck, you are dumb. 1044 01:03:11,849 --> 01:03:14,248 Even after all this time, I still can't talk about it. 1045 01:03:14,251 --> 01:03:16,382 Who knew these winds would be so strong? 1046 01:03:16,384 --> 01:03:19,081 Everyone! Everyone on the helicopter! 1047 01:03:19,083 --> 01:03:20,884 And everyone not on the helicopter! 1048 01:03:29,949 --> 01:03:32,050 They're headed into the tunnel. 1049 01:03:32,849 --> 01:03:34,248 I'm that kid's only hope, 1050 01:03:34,251 --> 01:03:36,351 so sit tight and wait for my word. 1051 01:03:36,949 --> 01:03:38,048 Whatever. 1052 01:03:38,050 --> 01:03:39,349 We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in. 1053 01:03:39,351 --> 01:03:42,181 Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. 1054 01:03:42,184 --> 01:03:44,847 Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked! 1055 01:03:44,849 --> 01:03:47,947 No, we most certainly are not fucked. 1056 01:03:50,983 --> 01:03:53,550 Seriously, I don't get it! 1057 01:03:53,552 --> 01:03:56,318 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? 1058 01:03:58,251 --> 01:04:00,148 It's just it's hard to picture. 1059 01:04:00,150 --> 01:04:02,452 And certainly not very cinematic. 1060 01:04:04,983 --> 01:04:06,715 I mean, luck? 1061 01:04:06,717 --> 01:04:09,181 What coked out, glass pipe-sucking 1062 01:04:09,184 --> 01:04:10,715 freakshow comic book artist... 1063 01:04:10,717 --> 01:04:12,315 came up with that little chestnut? 1064 01:04:12,318 --> 01:04:14,884 Probably a guy who can't draw feet! 1065 01:04:25,518 --> 01:04:28,981 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders. 1066 01:04:28,983 --> 01:04:30,181 It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. 1067 01:04:30,184 --> 01:04:31,449 - Wander the Earth... - I'm in. 1068 01:04:31,452 --> 01:04:33,148 I'm sorry, what did you say? 1069 01:04:33,150 --> 01:04:34,014 I'm in. 1070 01:04:34,016 --> 01:04:36,117 How in the fuck are you in already? 1071 01:04:36,485 --> 01:04:38,349 Oh, shit. 1072 01:04:38,351 --> 01:04:39,581 It's Cable. 12 o'clock. 1073 01:04:39,583 --> 01:04:40,682 Okay. 1074 01:04:40,684 --> 01:04:43,081 New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers 1075 01:04:43,083 --> 01:04:45,914 to stop Cable from killing that kid. 1076 01:04:45,916 --> 01:04:47,817 I'm coming up on your six. 1077 01:04:55,849 --> 01:04:57,882 That gun is amazing! 1078 01:05:06,916 --> 01:05:08,981 Hey! Asshole! 1079 01:05:08,983 --> 01:05:10,715 Where is he? I can't see him. 1080 01:05:10,717 --> 01:05:12,318 He's on top of you. 1081 01:05:14,284 --> 01:05:16,449 He's going in through the back! 1082 01:05:16,452 --> 01:05:17,648 Oh, God, he's inside! 1083 01:05:17,650 --> 01:05:18,914 You hear yourself, right? 1084 01:05:18,916 --> 01:05:20,548 Accidental double entendres! 1085 01:05:20,550 --> 01:05:22,882 Russell! Russell Collins! 1086 01:05:22,884 --> 01:05:25,016 Hands off that kid, John Connor! 1087 01:05:30,318 --> 01:05:31,518 No, no, no! 1088 01:05:35,284 --> 01:05:36,385 Shit! 1089 01:05:58,083 --> 01:06:00,217 Two can play that game! 1090 01:06:02,318 --> 01:06:04,184 Got it! No, I don't. 1091 01:06:04,983 --> 01:06:06,048 Showtime, mama! 1092 01:06:06,050 --> 01:06:07,949 Lady Luck, take the wheel. 1093 01:06:45,284 --> 01:06:47,416 I'd ask who you are, but you'll be dead in a second. 1094 01:06:47,418 --> 01:06:49,516 I'm Domino, and doubtful. 1095 01:07:05,916 --> 01:07:07,117 Hang in there, Doms! 1096 01:07:08,385 --> 01:07:09,947 Oh, this is really hard. 1097 01:07:22,050 --> 01:07:23,583 And give me back my Skee-Ball token. 1098 01:07:27,016 --> 01:07:28,849 - You're doing great. - X-Force. 1099 01:07:30,617 --> 01:07:32,682 I guess dubstep never dies. 1100 01:07:37,050 --> 01:07:38,083 Whoo! 1101 01:07:44,983 --> 01:07:47,817 You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch! 1102 01:07:50,418 --> 01:07:51,518 That's unfortunate. 1103 01:07:54,784 --> 01:07:56,114 We got no brakes! 1104 01:07:56,117 --> 01:07:57,518 Figure it out! 1105 01:08:01,817 --> 01:08:03,451 There's nothing I can't kill. 1106 01:08:05,684 --> 01:08:06,947 Ooh. 1107 01:08:06,949 --> 01:08:10,384 Somebody knows karate. 1108 01:08:12,784 --> 01:08:14,451 Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy. 1109 01:08:29,685 --> 01:08:30,884 Ow. 1110 01:08:31,717 --> 01:08:32,917 Here we go. 1111 01:08:33,751 --> 01:08:36,048 Domino, mind slowing us down? 1112 01:08:36,051 --> 01:08:38,349 Here goes nothing. 1113 01:09:09,016 --> 01:09:11,185 Knock, knock. 1114 01:09:17,583 --> 01:09:18,682 That's my boy. 1115 01:09:25,117 --> 01:09:26,315 Holy... 1116 01:09:36,384 --> 01:09:38,115 I'll be first to admit... 1117 01:09:38,118 --> 01:09:40,518 this did not go according to plan. 1118 01:09:41,884 --> 01:09:43,381 I'll also be the first to admit that 1119 01:09:43,384 --> 01:09:45,315 that plan was written in crayon. 1120 01:09:45,318 --> 01:09:48,448 Looks like Russell found a new friend. Jelly. 1121 01:09:48,451 --> 01:09:50,250 Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass, 1122 01:09:50,252 --> 01:09:53,381 and maybe, possibly mildly lucky. 1123 01:09:53,384 --> 01:09:56,783 But Cable? Ugh. That guy's in a mood. 1124 01:09:56,784 --> 01:09:57,847 A mood that is 1125 01:09:57,850 --> 01:09:59,884 about to get significantly worse. 1126 01:10:23,283 --> 01:10:25,817 Something is so terribly, terribly wrong. 1127 01:10:28,784 --> 01:10:30,350 Oh. 1128 01:10:31,984 --> 01:10:33,583 Oh, God, that hurt. 1129 01:10:38,850 --> 01:10:40,118 Russell. 1130 01:10:42,685 --> 01:10:43,949 Russell! 1131 01:10:44,451 --> 01:10:46,518 Russ, where are ya? 1132 01:10:50,016 --> 01:10:52,215 Russell. Russell, you're okay! 1133 01:10:52,216 --> 01:10:55,783 Oh, thank God. Oh, my God! 1134 01:10:55,784 --> 01:10:57,215 Juggernaut! 1135 01:10:58,350 --> 01:11:00,215 I thought that was you! 1136 01:11:00,216 --> 01:11:03,115 I should've worn my white pants. 1137 01:11:03,118 --> 01:11:06,981 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan. 1138 01:11:06,984 --> 01:11:10,481 Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411. 1139 01:11:10,484 --> 01:11:11,748 X-Men Unlimited 12. 1140 01:11:11,751 --> 01:11:13,914 You know, it has always been a dream of mine... 1141 01:11:13,917 --> 01:11:15,847 to see my face reflected in your helmet... 1142 01:11:15,850 --> 01:11:17,948 as you charge at me with murderous intent. 1143 01:11:17,949 --> 01:11:19,814 I don't mean right now. 1144 01:11:19,817 --> 01:11:21,881 I'm gonna rip you in half now. 1145 01:11:21,884 --> 01:11:24,682 That is such a Juggernaut thing to say. 1146 01:11:28,118 --> 01:11:32,381 Oh, my God! I can't feel my legs. 1147 01:11:32,384 --> 01:11:33,817 I can't feel... 1148 01:11:34,618 --> 01:11:36,682 Oh, no, they're right here. 1149 01:11:36,685 --> 01:11:38,548 Got 'em. God, Russell. 1150 01:11:38,551 --> 01:11:40,417 I have a mission. 1151 01:11:41,018 --> 01:11:42,814 To get my revenge. 1152 01:11:42,817 --> 01:11:45,082 I'm going to burn that headmaster alive. 1153 01:11:45,085 --> 01:11:47,416 You're not the revenge type. 1154 01:11:47,417 --> 01:11:48,948 Take it from a friend. 1155 01:11:48,949 --> 01:11:52,847 Friend? You were sick, and I protected you. 1156 01:11:52,850 --> 01:11:55,015 You said it yourself. 1157 01:11:55,018 --> 01:11:57,814 "I'm not your friend. Find someone stronger." 1158 01:11:57,817 --> 01:11:59,381 So I did. 1159 01:12:00,717 --> 01:12:02,881 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then. 1160 01:12:02,884 --> 01:12:06,914 But I can now. What do you want me to say, huh? 1161 01:12:06,917 --> 01:12:08,847 "I care about you"? 'Cause goddamn it, 1162 01:12:08,850 --> 01:12:11,215 I care about you, Russell. 1163 01:12:11,216 --> 01:12:13,349 What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? 1164 01:12:13,350 --> 01:12:17,114 Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs! 1165 01:12:17,117 --> 01:12:20,150 - Legs! - Still hurts to hear out loud! 1166 01:12:22,085 --> 01:12:25,082 What is that? That's not a real rope! 1167 01:12:25,085 --> 01:12:27,484 You get back here, young man! 1168 01:12:28,518 --> 01:12:29,914 Doms! 1169 01:12:29,917 --> 01:12:32,114 Doms, get me out of here, please. 1170 01:12:32,117 --> 01:12:35,251 Use my arms as backpack straps. 1171 01:12:37,417 --> 01:12:38,349 I think we may have found 1172 01:12:38,350 --> 01:12:40,716 your cosmic reason for being here. 1173 01:12:40,717 --> 01:12:42,615 I'm pretty sure this isn't it. 1174 01:12:42,618 --> 01:12:44,018 X-Force. 1175 01:12:57,150 --> 01:12:59,015 No child is hopeless. 1176 01:12:59,018 --> 01:13:00,416 Don't give up on the boy. 1177 01:13:00,417 --> 01:13:02,682 How could he just walk away? 1178 01:13:02,685 --> 01:13:05,481 It was the coldness in his eyes. 1179 01:13:05,484 --> 01:13:07,150 You should've heard it. 1180 01:13:08,884 --> 01:13:11,283 I guess family really is an F-word. 1181 01:13:12,018 --> 01:13:14,215 Rub my legs, Mama. 1182 01:13:14,216 --> 01:13:15,783 Why would I rub your legs? 1183 01:13:15,784 --> 01:13:18,748 Please, they hurt. I have growing pains. 1184 01:13:21,817 --> 01:13:23,582 What in the... 1185 01:13:23,583 --> 01:13:26,381 Why is your hand so tiny again? 1186 01:13:26,384 --> 01:13:28,082 That's not my hand. 1187 01:13:28,083 --> 01:13:30,416 Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph! 1188 01:13:30,417 --> 01:13:32,381 That was nice for me. 1189 01:13:32,384 --> 01:13:35,448 Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy and... 1190 01:13:39,784 --> 01:13:42,048 Why wouldn't you cover that up? 1191 01:13:42,051 --> 01:13:44,248 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. 1192 01:13:44,251 --> 01:13:46,248 Yeah, but you do. Look at you. 1193 01:13:46,251 --> 01:13:48,515 You're just straight shirt-cocking it, 1194 01:13:48,518 --> 01:13:49,948 toddler-style. 1195 01:13:49,951 --> 01:13:51,882 Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh. 1196 01:13:51,885 --> 01:13:53,916 The hell's happening? Describe it. 1197 01:13:53,917 --> 01:13:55,215 I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you. 1198 01:13:55,216 --> 01:13:56,882 - It's like, um... - Here we go. 1199 01:13:56,885 --> 01:13:58,114 It's like he was giving birth anally, 1200 01:13:58,117 --> 01:13:59,783 but they quit halfway through. 1201 01:13:59,784 --> 01:14:00,916 They got the legs out, and they said, 1202 01:14:00,917 --> 01:14:02,282 "You know what, I'm done." 1203 01:14:02,283 --> 01:14:03,282 Happy? 1204 01:14:03,283 --> 01:14:04,548 It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down. 1205 01:14:04,551 --> 01:14:05,882 But this time, you can see 1206 01:14:05,885 --> 01:14:07,282 the Muppet's dick. 1207 01:14:07,283 --> 01:14:08,682 Grover's got a cock the size of a twig. 1208 01:14:08,685 --> 01:14:10,015 Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked. 1209 01:14:10,016 --> 01:14:11,951 I've had three tickets already. 1210 01:14:13,184 --> 01:14:16,015 No, no, no, DP, not again! 1211 01:14:16,016 --> 01:14:18,548 This has happened before? 1212 01:14:18,551 --> 01:14:20,149 —Jesus! Either vomit or don't. 1213 01:14:20,150 --> 01:14:21,649 The indecision is killing me. 1214 01:14:21,650 --> 01:14:23,551 Why couldn't God take my hearing? 1215 01:14:25,216 --> 01:14:27,215 Oh. Wow! 1216 01:14:27,216 --> 01:14:28,981 Cool your pits. They're growing back. 1217 01:14:28,984 --> 01:14:30,981 I'm talking about your face. 1218 01:14:30,984 --> 01:14:32,916 I've never seen you without your mask before. 1219 01:14:32,917 --> 01:14:35,114 - Jesus Christ! - Looks like an avocado. 1220 01:14:35,117 --> 01:14:37,082 Your legs, though, they're cute. 1221 01:14:37,083 --> 01:14:39,117 You wanna borrow a pair of pants? 1222 01:14:40,583 --> 01:14:42,082 I'm glad everybody dropped by. 1223 01:14:42,083 --> 01:14:44,981 You must be wondering why I didn't call you here. 1224 01:14:44,984 --> 01:14:46,716 I'll tell you why I'm here. 1225 01:14:46,717 --> 01:14:49,082 "The Time Traveler's Wife's" husband... 1226 01:14:49,083 --> 01:14:50,416 beat me within an inch of my life. 1227 01:14:50,417 --> 01:14:51,548 He was torturing me! 1228 01:14:51,551 --> 01:14:54,682 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. 1229 01:14:54,685 --> 01:14:57,248 So, I'm here to help us gear up. 1230 01:14:57,251 --> 01:14:58,582 So we can go after him without me. 1231 01:14:58,583 --> 01:14:59,916 No! 1232 01:14:59,917 --> 01:15:01,515 I'm doing this alone. 1233 01:15:01,518 --> 01:15:02,582 The Juggernaut 1234 01:15:02,583 --> 01:15:03,916 - will kill you all. - Fair enough. 1235 01:15:03,917 --> 01:15:05,882 I just need a couple of hours to get some legs 1236 01:15:05,885 --> 01:15:07,015 - under me. - What will you do? 1237 01:15:07,016 --> 01:15:08,582 I don't care what the kid did to me. 1238 01:15:08,583 --> 01:15:09,815 I ain't letting Cable get to him, 1239 01:15:09,818 --> 01:15:11,181 even if I have to teabag him to death. 1240 01:15:11,184 --> 01:15:13,181 It's really just a sip of tea at this point. 1241 01:15:13,184 --> 01:15:15,015 Zip it, black Black Widow! I'm flowing. 1242 01:15:15,016 --> 01:15:16,082 The first order of business is 1243 01:15:16,083 --> 01:15:17,381 to get me in front of Cable... 1244 01:15:17,384 --> 01:15:19,048 so I can pull all the fucking blood out of his body... 1245 01:15:19,051 --> 01:15:21,515 and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry. 1246 01:15:21,518 --> 01:15:23,181 Then, I'm gonna take his skin... 1247 01:15:23,184 --> 01:15:26,451 and stretch it out over a homemade mating drum. 1248 01:15:27,917 --> 01:15:29,583 He's standing right behind you, isn't he? 1249 01:15:38,318 --> 01:15:40,149 What in the ass? 1250 01:15:40,150 --> 01:15:43,448 Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr? 1251 01:15:43,451 --> 01:15:45,850 You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy. 1252 01:15:46,717 --> 01:15:49,350 Ugh. Is that really necessary? 1253 01:15:51,551 --> 01:15:54,448 No. It's his "Basic Instinct." 1254 01:15:54,451 --> 01:15:56,015 What can we help you with? 1255 01:15:56,016 --> 01:15:57,917 I'm here to proposition you. 1256 01:15:59,318 --> 01:16:00,248 Oh, boy! 1257 01:16:00,251 --> 01:16:01,582 He's really teeing it up, isn't he? 1258 01:16:01,583 --> 01:16:03,481 Who gets to make the first joke? 1259 01:16:03,484 --> 01:16:05,149 I think we should all do it at the same time. 1260 01:16:05,150 --> 01:16:06,048 Good call. 1261 01:16:06,051 --> 01:16:07,515 For $45, you get sucky-suck. 1262 01:16:07,518 --> 01:16:09,114 I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. 1263 01:16:09,117 --> 01:16:10,048 Fuck! 1264 01:16:10,051 --> 01:16:11,349 The Proposition has a wonderful 1265 01:16:11,350 --> 01:16:12,381 Guy Pearce performance. 1266 01:16:12,384 --> 01:16:14,282 Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over. 1267 01:16:14,283 --> 01:16:16,981 - Give us the line again. - I need your help! 1268 01:16:16,984 --> 01:16:19,282 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are... 1269 01:16:19,283 --> 01:16:22,615 but you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt! 1270 01:16:22,618 --> 01:16:24,948 I can't bring him down alone. 1271 01:16:24,949 --> 01:16:26,583 So here we are. 1272 01:16:27,850 --> 01:16:29,716 We're no longer accepting applications 1273 01:16:29,719 --> 01:16:31,282 for X-Force, unfortunately. 1274 01:16:31,283 --> 01:16:32,481 Even if we were... 1275 01:16:32,484 --> 01:16:34,248 there's a wind advisory in effect until at least... 1276 01:16:34,251 --> 01:16:35,448 We don't have a lot of time. 1277 01:16:35,451 --> 01:16:37,416 Your friend's about to make his first kill. 1278 01:16:37,417 --> 01:16:38,981 No offense, but if you know so much... 1279 01:16:38,984 --> 01:16:41,914 why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? 1280 01:16:41,917 --> 01:16:42,981 Or better yet, head back a little further, 1281 01:16:42,984 --> 01:16:44,048 kill baby Hitler. 1282 01:16:44,051 --> 01:16:46,082 I use a device to slide through time. 1283 01:16:46,083 --> 01:16:48,847 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. 1284 01:16:48,850 --> 01:16:51,582 I got two charges: one to get me here, 1285 01:16:51,583 --> 01:16:52,750 one to get me home. 1286 01:16:52,752 --> 01:16:53,914 Well. 1287 01:16:53,917 --> 01:16:55,881 That's just lazy writing. 1288 01:16:55,884 --> 01:16:57,114 Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster 1289 01:16:57,117 --> 01:16:58,815 of the orphanage tonight. 1290 01:16:58,818 --> 01:17:00,948 After that, he gets a real taste for it. 1291 01:17:00,949 --> 01:17:03,783 Like 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker! 1292 01:17:03,786 --> 01:17:05,750 So he keeps killing... 1293 01:17:05,752 --> 01:17:07,181 and killing, and killing, 1294 01:17:07,184 --> 01:17:08,615 and killing. 1295 01:17:08,618 --> 01:17:12,184 Until one day, he kills the wrong fucking people. 1296 01:17:14,650 --> 01:17:16,150 My people. 1297 01:17:20,051 --> 01:17:21,048 Relax. 1298 01:17:21,051 --> 01:17:23,649 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag. 1299 01:17:23,652 --> 01:17:26,149 It's a goddamn fanny pack... 1300 01:17:26,150 --> 01:17:28,847 and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! 1301 01:17:28,850 --> 01:17:30,583 The difference is night and day. 1302 01:17:32,451 --> 01:17:34,684 You remind me of my wife. 1303 01:17:34,685 --> 01:17:36,114 I'm sorry. 1304 01:17:36,117 --> 01:17:37,215 I said, "You remind me of my wife." 1305 01:17:37,216 --> 01:17:38,515 No, I'm sorry that you said that... 1306 01:17:38,518 --> 01:17:41,582 while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm. 1307 01:17:41,583 --> 01:17:42,917 She always struggled. 1308 01:17:43,850 --> 01:17:45,282 But she was funny... 1309 01:17:45,283 --> 01:17:48,716 and filtered her pain through the prism of humor. 1310 01:17:48,719 --> 01:17:51,083 Something I could never master. 1311 01:17:51,817 --> 01:17:54,184 It was my fault she died. 1312 01:17:55,685 --> 01:17:59,248 It was my job to stop people like him. 1313 01:17:59,251 --> 01:18:01,384 I came close a few times. 1314 01:18:05,350 --> 01:18:07,283 He wasn't too happy about that. 1315 01:18:08,850 --> 01:18:10,181 He was trying to hurt me... 1316 01:18:10,184 --> 01:18:12,484 and he knew exactly how to do it. 1317 01:18:16,618 --> 01:18:18,416 Blessed are the wicked 1318 01:18:18,417 --> 01:18:20,083 who are healed by my hand. 1319 01:18:22,751 --> 01:18:25,149 He came into my home... 1320 01:18:25,150 --> 01:18:28,251 and took the only thing that made it a home. 1321 01:18:32,318 --> 01:18:33,817 Sound familiar? 1322 01:18:34,751 --> 01:18:36,481 - I'm sorry. - Uh-huh. 1323 01:18:36,484 --> 01:18:38,216 No, I'm really sorry. 1324 01:18:40,384 --> 01:18:42,349 But that isn't Russell. 1325 01:18:42,350 --> 01:18:44,515 - It doesn't have to be him. - If you knew what I knew... 1326 01:18:44,518 --> 01:18:46,315 Yeah, he's got anger issues... 1327 01:18:46,318 --> 01:18:47,981 maybe a small learning disability... 1328 01:18:47,984 --> 01:18:49,548 splash of diabetes... 1329 01:18:49,551 --> 01:18:50,847 but nothing that can't be fixed. 1330 01:18:50,850 --> 01:18:52,416 If you could go back... 1331 01:18:52,417 --> 01:18:55,481 and stop the people that took your girl, would you? 1332 01:18:55,484 --> 01:18:57,283 Of course I fucking would! 1333 01:18:57,884 --> 01:18:59,748 But I wouldn't kill a kid. 1334 01:18:59,751 --> 01:19:01,282 I'm not asking you to kill a kid! 1335 01:19:01,283 --> 01:19:02,448 I'll kill the kid. 1336 01:19:02,451 --> 01:19:06,082 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. 1337 01:19:06,083 --> 01:19:08,381 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage. 1338 01:19:08,384 --> 01:19:10,448 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend... 1339 01:19:10,451 --> 01:19:13,847 would want you to do the right thing, wouldn't she? 1340 01:19:13,850 --> 01:19:17,048 So, what's it gonna be, handsome? 1341 01:19:17,051 --> 01:19:18,847 Give me a chance to save him. 1342 01:19:18,850 --> 01:19:20,248 - What? - You said... 1343 01:19:20,251 --> 01:19:21,981 once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. 1344 01:19:21,984 --> 01:19:24,515 If we can get to him before that happens... 1345 01:19:24,518 --> 01:19:26,048 promise you'll give me a chance 1346 01:19:26,051 --> 01:19:27,948 to put him on a different path. 1347 01:19:27,949 --> 01:19:29,215 Define "chance." 1348 01:19:29,216 --> 01:19:30,349 I don't know. How long does it take 1349 01:19:30,350 --> 01:19:31,847 to save someone's soul? That's not... 1350 01:19:31,850 --> 01:19:33,181 I'll give you 30 seconds. 1351 01:19:33,184 --> 01:19:35,381 - What? No! - Best I can do. 1352 01:19:35,384 --> 01:19:36,817 Take it or leave it. 1353 01:19:46,984 --> 01:19:48,448 He's doing it! 1354 01:19:48,451 --> 01:19:50,114 Look at the little fella. He's doing it. 1355 01:19:50,117 --> 01:19:52,315 There he goes. 1356 01:19:52,318 --> 01:19:53,783 Jesus Christ! 1357 01:19:53,784 --> 01:19:55,349 Just shirt-cocking it. 1358 01:19:55,350 --> 01:19:57,149 Ugh. 1359 01:19:57,150 --> 01:19:58,585 There you go, little fella. 1360 01:19:59,384 --> 01:20:00,981 Go on, you're doing it! 1361 01:20:00,984 --> 01:20:04,051 My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy. 1362 01:20:06,216 --> 01:20:07,381 Christ! 1363 01:20:07,384 --> 01:20:09,149 That's disturbing. 1364 01:20:09,150 --> 01:20:10,417 30 seconds. 1365 01:20:15,717 --> 01:20:17,318 - Deal. - Deal. 1366 01:20:19,784 --> 01:20:22,282 I have no idea what's happening. 1367 01:20:22,283 --> 01:20:25,550 Probably for the best. 1368 01:20:25,551 --> 01:20:29,315 And that is why you never eat a raw starfish. 1369 01:20:29,318 --> 01:20:31,550 It's just common sense. 1370 01:20:31,551 --> 01:20:32,948 Where the hell are we going? 1371 01:20:32,949 --> 01:20:34,282 You said it yourself. 1372 01:20:34,283 --> 01:20:37,215 Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup. 1373 01:20:37,216 --> 01:20:40,215 I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. 1374 01:20:44,484 --> 01:20:46,184 Can you turn off the music? 1375 01:20:46,984 --> 01:20:49,082 You'll do no such thing. 1376 01:20:49,083 --> 01:20:51,449 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? 1377 01:20:51,452 --> 01:20:52,416 What the hell are you...? 1378 01:20:52,417 --> 01:20:54,615 Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. 1379 01:20:54,618 --> 01:20:56,215 I am so sorry. It gets better. 1380 01:20:56,216 --> 01:20:58,114 I'm not a fucking racist, moron! 1381 01:20:58,117 --> 01:21:01,149 Tell that to Black Tom. He was like a brother to me. 1382 01:21:01,150 --> 01:21:02,914 I'm with the old white guy on this one. 1383 01:21:02,917 --> 01:21:04,615 And that's a twist. 1384 01:21:04,618 --> 01:21:05,783 So what exactly do you 1385 01:21:05,784 --> 01:21:06,847 do in the future, anyway, huh? 1386 01:21:06,850 --> 01:21:08,582 Some kind of soldier? 1387 01:21:08,583 --> 01:21:10,282 Yeah, something like that. 1388 01:21:10,283 --> 01:21:12,716 I was a soldier. Special Forces. 1389 01:21:12,717 --> 01:21:15,181 I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. 1390 01:21:15,184 --> 01:21:17,282 50 years from now, you're very dead. 1391 01:21:17,283 --> 01:21:20,082 Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma. 1392 01:21:20,083 --> 01:21:21,550 Boom! 1393 01:21:21,551 --> 01:21:22,814 Spoiler alert. 1394 01:21:24,318 --> 01:21:25,449 Planets. 1395 01:21:25,452 --> 01:21:26,881 Next time, Uber. 1396 01:21:26,884 --> 01:21:28,384 Here's a spoiler alert. 1397 01:21:29,519 --> 01:21:31,417 You're not a fucking hero. 1398 01:21:31,418 --> 01:21:35,548 You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy. 1399 01:21:35,551 --> 01:21:36,748 Well, I got news for you. 1400 01:21:36,751 --> 01:21:38,048 My heart is in the right place. 1401 01:21:38,051 --> 01:21:39,516 Russell's not gonna kill anyone. 1402 01:21:39,519 --> 01:21:42,015 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. 1403 01:21:42,016 --> 01:21:43,449 Because of you, I'll always know 1404 01:21:43,452 --> 01:21:45,783 what a grown man with baby balls looks like. 1405 01:21:45,784 --> 01:21:48,215 I'm a grower, not a shower. 1406 01:21:48,216 --> 01:21:49,682 I should've finished college. 1407 01:21:49,685 --> 01:21:50,914 Right here! 1408 01:22:08,949 --> 01:22:10,981 I made mistakes! 1409 01:22:10,984 --> 01:22:12,881 I wanna take them back! 1410 01:22:12,884 --> 01:22:15,881 You trusted me. I took that trust... 1411 01:22:15,884 --> 01:22:17,417 and turned it into a glory hole 1412 01:22:17,418 --> 01:22:18,814 in an airport bathroom. 1413 01:22:18,817 --> 01:22:21,583 The one in Minneapolis. You know the one. 1414 01:22:22,551 --> 01:22:23,881 Colossus! 1415 01:22:23,884 --> 01:22:25,981 I wouldn't ask for your help unless it was life or death! 1416 01:22:25,984 --> 01:22:28,048 That kid needs our help! 1417 01:22:28,051 --> 01:22:30,215 I know you're listening! 1418 01:22:30,216 --> 01:22:31,615 He's teamed up with the Juggernaut! 1419 01:22:31,618 --> 01:22:32,914 The Juggernaut! 1420 01:22:32,917 --> 01:22:34,382 That's like my favorite Marvel character ever, 1421 01:22:34,385 --> 01:22:36,048 but you should never meet your heroes... 1422 01:22:36,051 --> 01:22:39,015 because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! 1423 01:22:39,016 --> 01:22:41,649 And like a lot of dicks, he's as hard as a rock... 1424 01:22:41,650 --> 01:22:43,449 and causes nothing but problems! 1425 01:22:43,452 --> 01:22:45,181 - Hi, Wade! - Hi, Yukio! 1426 01:22:45,184 --> 01:22:46,048 Please don't. 1427 01:22:46,051 --> 01:22:47,417 You guys make a super cute couple. 1428 01:22:47,418 --> 01:22:49,315 Yeah. Where was I? Oh, yeah! 1429 01:22:49,318 --> 01:22:51,481 Colossus! Look, I don't deserve 1430 01:22:51,484 --> 01:22:53,615 your friendship or your help. 1431 01:22:53,618 --> 01:22:55,317 But this kid does. 1432 01:22:55,319 --> 01:22:58,283 And I'm not gonna bail on him like everyone else. 1433 01:22:59,884 --> 01:23:02,051 Oh, come on! 1434 01:23:06,016 --> 01:23:09,114 Any chance Pigeon Wings is available? 1435 01:23:09,117 --> 01:23:11,682 That's just fine! That's fine! 1436 01:23:11,685 --> 01:23:13,149 No! You know what? 1437 01:23:13,150 --> 01:23:16,048 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy... 1438 01:23:16,051 --> 01:23:19,317 and fucked up, and not particularly convenient! 1439 01:23:19,319 --> 01:23:22,783 So stay here in Chateau de Virgin... 1440 01:23:22,784 --> 01:23:25,083 while we go get our fuck on! 1441 01:23:27,884 --> 01:23:29,385 You're doing great. 1442 01:23:34,850 --> 01:23:36,283 So you wear that helmet because 1443 01:23:36,284 --> 01:23:38,114 your brother tries to read your mind? 1444 01:23:38,117 --> 01:23:41,350 Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even-steven. 1445 01:23:41,351 --> 01:23:43,948 Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir. 1446 01:23:43,949 --> 01:23:45,948 He's not alone. 1447 01:23:45,949 --> 01:23:47,917 Secure the children. 1448 01:23:52,150 --> 01:23:55,015 What do you say we go fuck some shit up? 1449 01:23:55,016 --> 01:23:59,083 "Let's fuck some shit up" is my legal middle name. 1450 01:24:02,150 --> 01:24:04,881 Watch my back. I've got the old man. 1451 01:24:04,884 --> 01:24:07,319 Amen, brother. 1452 01:24:12,949 --> 01:24:14,682 Time to make the chimichangas. 1453 01:24:14,685 --> 01:24:16,847 30 seconds. 1454 01:24:16,850 --> 01:24:19,481 I finally know why I'm here. 1455 01:24:19,484 --> 01:24:21,283 I was raised in this place. 1456 01:24:21,284 --> 01:24:23,716 Well, not raised. I was tortured. 1457 01:24:23,717 --> 01:24:26,649 Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here. 1458 01:24:26,650 --> 01:24:27,948 - Shall we? - This is gonna be fun. 1459 01:24:27,949 --> 01:24:29,114 Yeah! 1460 01:24:29,117 --> 01:24:30,748 Hey! Been meaning to ask you... 1461 01:24:30,751 --> 01:24:34,317 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1462 01:24:34,319 --> 01:24:37,984 It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter. 1463 01:24:40,051 --> 01:24:41,981 I have a gluten sensitivity. 1464 01:24:41,984 --> 01:24:43,649 So one glass of wine, I just... 1465 01:24:45,083 --> 01:24:46,083 Yeah. 1466 01:24:49,618 --> 01:24:50,783 Wish we could head back in time, 1467 01:24:50,784 --> 01:24:52,615 and I could take all that back. 1468 01:24:52,618 --> 01:24:54,515 We should just cue the music. 1469 01:25:18,984 --> 01:25:21,949 Welcome home, Russell. We missed you. 1470 01:25:23,117 --> 01:25:24,048 Russell! 1471 01:25:24,051 --> 01:25:26,518 You don't need to do this! Let's talk! 1472 01:25:27,350 --> 01:25:29,114 Why are you dressed like the Unabomber? 1473 01:25:33,384 --> 01:25:34,381 That's why! 1474 01:25:34,384 --> 01:25:35,881 Told you this little fucker's too far gone. 1475 01:25:35,884 --> 01:25:37,716 Zip it, Thanos! We have a deal and you fuck... 1476 01:25:37,717 --> 01:25:40,082 Hey! 1477 01:25:40,083 --> 01:25:43,384 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass. 1478 01:25:44,484 --> 01:25:46,748 My body and my hands are so soft. 1479 01:25:46,751 --> 01:25:47,881 You should probably head back to the car. 1480 01:25:47,884 --> 01:25:49,850 I think I'll head back to the car. 1481 01:25:50,784 --> 01:25:53,518 It works best when you pull the trigger. 1482 01:25:56,451 --> 01:25:57,884 That gun is amazing! 1483 01:25:58,949 --> 01:26:00,318 Say it! 1484 01:26:02,451 --> 01:26:05,515 You are an abomination! 1485 01:26:12,518 --> 01:26:15,981 Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. 1486 01:26:15,984 --> 01:26:18,518 I believe him! Every man for themselves! 1487 01:26:22,850 --> 01:26:24,682 Gotcha! 1488 01:26:24,685 --> 01:26:26,016 Beat it, midget! 1489 01:26:28,817 --> 01:26:31,914 Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low! 1490 01:26:31,917 --> 01:26:33,185 Oh, shit fuck! 1491 01:26:46,884 --> 01:26:48,551 Come here, beautiful. 1492 01:26:50,650 --> 01:26:51,917 Say it! 1493 01:27:51,216 --> 01:27:52,481 You came for me. 1494 01:27:52,484 --> 01:27:53,881 I'm not giving up on you, 1495 01:27:53,884 --> 01:27:56,082 and you are not giving up on that boy. 1496 01:27:56,085 --> 01:27:58,082 Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken? 1497 01:27:58,085 --> 01:28:00,615 It's time to fight dirty. 1498 01:28:00,618 --> 01:28:02,015 Time to sweep the leg, Johnny. 1499 01:28:02,018 --> 01:28:04,814 Hey! Pick on someone your own size! 1500 01:28:04,817 --> 01:28:06,914 That's such a you thing to say! 1501 01:28:06,917 --> 01:28:08,914 Go get him, tiger! 1502 01:28:08,917 --> 01:28:10,817 Big CGI fight coming up! 1503 01:28:33,817 --> 01:28:35,349 He's doing great. 1504 01:28:35,350 --> 01:28:36,518 Say it! 1505 01:28:40,650 --> 01:28:42,184 - Russell. - Bingo! 1506 01:28:53,984 --> 01:28:56,150 That's right! I'm fighting dirty! 1507 01:28:56,884 --> 01:28:57,948 Oh, great! 1508 01:28:57,949 --> 01:28:59,248 There they are! Those freaks! 1509 01:28:59,251 --> 01:29:01,649 A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. 1510 01:29:01,650 --> 01:29:03,748 Can I have one of those guns? 1511 01:29:03,751 --> 01:29:05,615 - No. - That's fine. 1512 01:29:05,618 --> 01:29:07,548 Get off this property, mutant scum! 1513 01:29:07,551 --> 01:29:08,583 I'm just gonna use this brick. 1514 01:29:09,384 --> 01:29:10,481 Maximum effort. 1515 01:29:16,283 --> 01:29:18,283 Who says you can't go home again? 1516 01:29:26,917 --> 01:29:28,451 Oh! 1517 01:29:35,384 --> 01:29:36,384 Yeah! 1518 01:29:38,551 --> 01:29:40,114 Say it. 1519 01:29:40,117 --> 01:29:43,350 Say what you said every time you tortured me! 1520 01:29:43,784 --> 01:29:45,050 Say it! 1521 01:29:45,051 --> 01:29:48,051 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand! 1522 01:29:49,018 --> 01:29:51,315 Blessed are the wicked... 1523 01:29:51,318 --> 01:29:52,484 who are healed... 1524 01:29:52,884 --> 01:29:54,484 by my hand. 1525 01:30:12,518 --> 01:30:14,917 You commie motherfucker! 1526 01:30:41,083 --> 01:30:43,748 Oh, my God. Did you feel that, too? 1527 01:30:43,751 --> 01:30:46,117 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together. 1528 01:30:48,951 --> 01:30:51,582 You got 30 seconds, you jabbering butt plug! 1529 01:30:51,583 --> 01:30:52,951 Now we're getting it. 1530 01:30:57,318 --> 01:30:59,716 I need a bus to get you all out of here. 1531 01:31:05,117 --> 01:31:06,150 Orphans. 1532 01:31:07,283 --> 01:31:08,451 Oh, geez. 1533 01:31:09,784 --> 01:31:12,381 It's time to burn for what you've done! 1534 01:31:12,384 --> 01:31:15,184 A child should not be burdened with such power! 1535 01:31:23,751 --> 01:31:25,016 Russell! Wait! 1536 01:31:30,885 --> 01:31:32,216 Oh! 1537 01:31:39,283 --> 01:31:41,381 Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet! 1538 01:31:41,384 --> 01:31:43,615 - What more do you need to see? - Don't you fucking dare! 1539 01:31:43,618 --> 01:31:44,815 He's just a kid! 1540 01:31:44,818 --> 01:31:46,917 Tick, tock. Meter's running! 1541 01:31:59,251 --> 01:32:02,484 I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring. 1542 01:32:22,752 --> 01:32:25,515 - I told you! Leave me alone! - Come on! 1543 01:32:25,518 --> 01:32:26,818 Listen to me! 1544 01:32:49,949 --> 01:32:51,914 That's how we do it 1545 01:32:51,917 --> 01:32:53,484 in Mother Russia. 1546 01:32:55,318 --> 01:32:58,150 They say millennials are the hardest to reach. 1547 01:32:59,384 --> 01:33:02,815 Oh, no. You're doing amazing. 1548 01:33:03,984 --> 01:33:06,914 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta! 1549 01:33:06,917 --> 01:33:08,815 Go home, Wade! 1550 01:33:08,818 --> 01:33:10,884 You're ruining everything! 1551 01:33:15,949 --> 01:33:17,448 I'm getting good at this shit. 1552 01:33:17,451 --> 01:33:18,484 Go, go, go! 1553 01:33:21,917 --> 01:33:23,914 He dies tonight, Wade. 1554 01:33:23,917 --> 01:33:26,282 You can't stop me! 1555 01:33:26,283 --> 01:33:28,215 He even runs like a fucking pervert. 1556 01:33:28,216 --> 01:33:31,216 Like an online predator who lost his laptop. 1557 01:33:32,350 --> 01:33:33,981 There's one bullet left in that gun. 1558 01:33:33,984 --> 01:33:36,215 Wait, wait, wait! Please, just give me a second! 1559 01:33:36,216 --> 01:33:37,615 I got this. 1560 01:33:37,618 --> 01:33:39,847 - Russell! - Stay back! Go home, Wade! 1561 01:33:39,850 --> 01:33:42,615 Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way! 1562 01:33:42,618 --> 01:33:44,181 That piece of shit... 1563 01:33:44,184 --> 01:33:45,981 he deserves to die for what he did to you. 1564 01:33:45,984 --> 01:33:49,484 He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others. 1565 01:33:50,184 --> 01:33:52,048 But if you kill him, he wins. 1566 01:33:52,051 --> 01:33:55,981 You become everything he says you are, but worse. 1567 01:33:55,984 --> 01:33:58,015 You're just a kid. 1568 01:33:58,016 --> 01:33:59,847 You don't wanna hurt anyone. 1569 01:33:59,850 --> 01:34:01,082 How do you know what I want? 1570 01:34:01,083 --> 01:34:02,984 Because I've been inside you. 1571 01:34:03,518 --> 01:34:05,448 That came out wrong. 1572 01:34:05,451 --> 01:34:07,048 I've been inside your shoes. 1573 01:34:07,051 --> 01:34:08,981 Which is also off-putting. 1574 01:34:08,984 --> 01:34:10,582 It's not a great analogy. 1575 01:34:10,583 --> 01:34:12,481 The point is... 1576 01:34:12,484 --> 01:34:14,082 there are people... 1577 01:34:14,083 --> 01:34:17,149 There are people in this fucking world... 1578 01:34:17,150 --> 01:34:19,948 besides him, who will treat you right. 1579 01:34:19,949 --> 01:34:22,850 It isn't too late. Don't do it. 1580 01:34:28,051 --> 01:34:30,551 I never should've left you there. 1581 01:34:32,150 --> 01:34:34,251 I never should've left you in that prison. 1582 01:34:41,318 --> 01:34:42,551 I can't trust you. 1583 01:34:44,318 --> 01:34:46,817 I can't trust anybody! 1584 01:34:55,784 --> 01:34:57,082 Wonderful kid. 1585 01:34:57,083 --> 01:34:58,881 You can't stop me, Wade! 1586 01:35:01,016 --> 01:35:03,248 I got one more idea. 1587 01:35:03,251 --> 01:35:06,416 It's just a really bad one, even for me. 1588 01:35:06,417 --> 01:35:07,416 Wade, what are you doing? 1589 01:35:07,417 --> 01:35:09,914 All right. This is for all the marbles, kid! 1590 01:35:09,917 --> 01:35:12,015 You're gonna kill someone today... 1591 01:35:12,016 --> 01:35:13,582 Blessed are the wicked... 1592 01:35:13,585 --> 01:35:15,518 then it's gotta be me. 1593 01:35:16,585 --> 01:35:18,518 who are healed by my hand! 1594 01:35:21,618 --> 01:35:24,150 Fuck this! 1595 01:35:28,184 --> 01:35:31,847 ♪ The sun will come out tomorrow ♪ 1596 01:35:31,850 --> 01:35:36,448 ♪ Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow ♪ 1597 01:35:36,451 --> 01:35:39,448 ♪ There'll be sun ♪ 1598 01:35:39,451 --> 01:35:46,282 ♪ When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely ♪ 1599 01:35:46,283 --> 01:35:53,318 ♪ I just stick out my chin and grin and say ♪ 1600 01:35:59,051 --> 01:36:02,448 ♪ The sun will come out tomorrow ♪ 1601 01:36:02,451 --> 01:36:07,416 ♪ So you gotta hang on till tomorrow ♪ 1602 01:36:07,417 --> 01:36:10,814 ♪ Come what may ♪ 1603 01:36:10,817 --> 01:36:16,114 ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya, tomorrow ♪ 1604 01:36:16,117 --> 01:36:20,949 ♪ You're always a day away ♪ 1605 01:36:24,652 --> 01:36:27,817 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1606 01:36:32,784 --> 01:36:34,184 Oh, that's not good. 1607 01:36:35,650 --> 01:36:37,384 No, sir. 1608 01:36:44,685 --> 01:36:47,817 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1609 01:36:48,150 --> 01:36:49,114 Yeah. 1610 01:36:49,117 --> 01:36:51,617 And it was the best thing I ever did. 1611 01:36:53,251 --> 01:36:55,582 I told you I care about you. 1612 01:36:55,585 --> 01:36:57,384 You're a good kid, Russell. 1613 01:36:59,150 --> 01:37:00,216 Hey. 1614 01:37:01,451 --> 01:37:02,748 The bear. 1615 01:37:02,751 --> 01:37:04,184 It worked. 1616 01:37:10,751 --> 01:37:12,682 Because of you. 1617 01:37:12,685 --> 01:37:15,083 No, Wade, because of you. 1618 01:37:15,784 --> 01:37:18,082 Stop, stop, stop! 1619 01:37:18,083 --> 01:37:19,216 Stop! 1620 01:37:20,150 --> 01:37:23,149 Just let it happen, okay? 1621 01:37:23,150 --> 01:37:26,948 I guess my heart was finally in the right place. 1622 01:37:26,949 --> 01:37:29,484 That riddle is so fucked up. 1623 01:37:34,384 --> 01:37:36,914 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1624 01:37:36,917 --> 01:37:38,114 Don't be. Don't be. 1625 01:37:38,117 --> 01:37:40,615 I've been trying to make this happen for a while. 1626 01:37:40,618 --> 01:37:42,181 Please, just don't leave me. 1627 01:37:42,184 --> 01:37:43,914 I don't wanna die without an audience. 1628 01:37:43,917 --> 01:37:45,483 We are not going anywhere. 1629 01:37:45,484 --> 01:37:47,847 Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching. 1630 01:37:47,850 --> 01:37:49,083 Just rest, okay? 1631 01:37:50,751 --> 01:37:52,016 Papa. 1632 01:37:53,984 --> 01:37:56,117 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 1633 01:37:58,117 --> 01:38:04,318 ♪ Papa, can you find me in the night? ♪ 1634 01:38:25,519 --> 01:38:27,149 Before I go... 1635 01:38:27,150 --> 01:38:29,117 Sorry, I got a bit more in me. 1636 01:38:29,583 --> 01:38:30,814 Domino. 1637 01:38:30,817 --> 01:38:35,682 I want you to have my Adventure Time watch. 1638 01:38:37,850 --> 01:38:40,949 Turns out that I'm the lucky one. 1639 01:38:41,551 --> 01:38:42,850 Thank you. 1640 01:38:43,917 --> 01:38:47,548 Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. 1641 01:38:47,551 --> 01:38:49,817 It has been a pleasure. 1642 01:38:51,150 --> 01:38:54,282 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade! 1643 01:38:55,817 --> 01:38:57,184 And you... 1644 01:38:57,618 --> 01:38:59,449 Chrome Bone. 1645 01:38:59,452 --> 01:39:02,615 I haven't always been the best friend to you. 1646 01:39:02,618 --> 01:39:04,948 But you've always been that to me. 1647 01:39:04,949 --> 01:39:06,385 So thank you. 1648 01:39:08,518 --> 01:39:10,184 Say "fuck" for me. 1649 01:39:10,850 --> 01:39:12,114 Just once. Come on, 1650 01:39:12,117 --> 01:39:13,847 we'll do it together. It's no big deal. 1651 01:39:13,850 --> 01:39:17,114 Here we go. One, two, three. F... F... F... 1652 01:39:17,117 --> 01:39:18,048 Fuck. 1653 01:39:18,051 --> 01:39:21,484 Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth. 1654 01:39:22,751 --> 01:39:25,847 And you, Cable. 1655 01:39:25,850 --> 01:39:30,282 You get back to your family. You tell 'em Wade says hi. 1656 01:39:30,283 --> 01:39:34,015 And promise me. Promise me one thing. 1657 01:39:34,016 --> 01:39:35,582 That you'll start judging people... 1658 01:39:35,583 --> 01:39:36,914 not by the color of their skin, 1659 01:39:36,917 --> 01:39:39,016 but by the content of their character. 1660 01:39:39,618 --> 01:39:41,283 - Jesus. - R-Dog? 1661 01:39:42,452 --> 01:39:44,847 There you are. Hey! 1662 01:39:44,850 --> 01:39:46,850 You're a superhero now, bubba. 1663 01:39:48,251 --> 01:39:49,548 Look. 1664 01:39:49,551 --> 01:39:52,251 Family is not an F-word. 1665 01:39:52,850 --> 01:39:54,149 All right? 1666 01:39:54,150 --> 01:39:56,716 There's one out there for you. 1667 01:39:56,717 --> 01:39:58,484 Just keep looking, okay? 1668 01:40:01,850 --> 01:40:04,850 Guys, for a second there... 1669 01:40:05,518 --> 01:40:08,251 we made a pretty good team. 1670 01:40:22,650 --> 01:40:24,850 Oh, it's so hard to go. 1671 01:40:26,083 --> 01:40:28,551 I just love being around you guys so much. 1672 01:40:29,618 --> 01:40:31,016 So, so much. 1673 01:40:31,583 --> 01:40:32,914 Mmm. 1674 01:40:32,917 --> 01:40:35,814 No, I can feel it now. Here it comes, yeah. 1675 01:40:35,817 --> 01:40:39,748 I feel the soul exiting the husk. 1676 01:40:39,751 --> 01:40:40,949 Yeah. 1677 01:40:42,551 --> 01:40:44,981 Can you see it? 1678 01:40:44,984 --> 01:40:47,319 Do you see that beautiful bright light? 1679 01:40:48,685 --> 01:40:50,016 There it is. 1680 01:40:56,016 --> 01:40:57,250 Oh, that's the sun. 1681 01:40:57,252 --> 01:40:59,515 Don't stare directly into that. 1682 01:40:59,518 --> 01:41:00,847 I just have a few final words. 1683 01:41:03,184 --> 01:41:04,484 Woodpecker. 1684 01:41:05,319 --> 01:41:06,583 Gingivitis. 1685 01:41:08,618 --> 01:41:10,117 Codswallop. 1686 01:41:14,184 --> 01:41:16,351 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? 1687 01:41:55,016 --> 01:41:57,817 ♪ We're talking away ♪ 1688 01:41:59,252 --> 01:42:02,182 ♪ I don't know what I'm to say ♪ 1689 01:42:02,185 --> 01:42:04,817 ♪ I'll say it anyway ♪ 1690 01:42:05,917 --> 01:42:10,582 ♪ Today's another day to find you ♪ 1691 01:42:10,583 --> 01:42:12,417 ♪ Shying away ♪ 1692 01:42:13,551 --> 01:42:16,518 ♪ I'll be coming for your love, okay? ♪ 1693 01:42:17,384 --> 01:42:22,016 ♪ Take on me ♪ 1694 01:42:24,751 --> 01:42:29,949 ♪ Take me on ♪ 1695 01:42:31,217 --> 01:42:32,548 Sorry I'm late. 1696 01:42:32,551 --> 01:42:34,015 There was a bunch 1697 01:42:34,016 --> 01:42:35,515 of handicapable children who were stuck in a tree. 1698 01:42:35,518 --> 01:42:36,884 - No. - No. 1699 01:42:37,751 --> 01:42:40,847 - But I did have to help a kid. - Yeah. 1700 01:42:40,850 --> 01:42:42,814 - He's got a terrible name. - It's just awful. 1701 01:42:42,817 --> 01:42:44,016 - Ugh. - I tried to tell him. 1702 01:42:46,283 --> 01:42:47,583 Is this heaven? 1703 01:42:48,484 --> 01:42:49,850 It is now. 1704 01:42:53,217 --> 01:42:55,118 I am so sorry. 1705 01:42:55,784 --> 01:42:58,015 It's okay. 1706 01:42:58,016 --> 01:43:01,283 ♪ Slowly learning that life is okay ♪ 1707 01:43:01,949 --> 01:43:04,252 ♪ Say after me ♪ 1708 01:43:05,384 --> 01:43:09,016 ♪ It's no better to be safe than sorry ♪ 1709 01:43:09,650 --> 01:43:14,051 ♪ Take on me ♪ 1710 01:43:16,917 --> 01:43:19,016 I missed you so much. 1711 01:43:24,484 --> 01:43:26,217 What is it? What's wrong? 1712 01:43:27,949 --> 01:43:30,015 It's not time. 1713 01:43:30,016 --> 01:43:32,048 What do you mean it's not time? 1714 01:43:32,051 --> 01:43:33,783 I'm here, I made it. 1715 01:43:33,784 --> 01:43:35,381 - You can't stay. - No, no, no. 1716 01:43:35,384 --> 01:43:38,349 I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere without you. 1717 01:43:38,350 --> 01:43:39,748 It's okay. 1718 01:43:39,751 --> 01:43:42,817 There's a time for us. It's just not now. 1719 01:43:43,618 --> 01:43:46,185 - They need you. - Who? 1720 01:43:48,016 --> 01:43:49,451 Your F-word. 1721 01:43:50,650 --> 01:43:51,981 Why? 1722 01:43:51,984 --> 01:43:53,984 You'll find out. 1723 01:43:54,751 --> 01:43:56,884 It's all right. I'll be here. 1724 01:43:57,917 --> 01:43:59,318 I love you. 1725 01:44:01,717 --> 01:44:04,251 I know. I love you, too. 1726 01:44:04,850 --> 01:44:06,051 Now, go. 1727 01:44:07,085 --> 01:44:09,283 Go on. Go, get out of here. 1728 01:44:10,318 --> 01:44:11,318 Go. 1729 01:44:14,384 --> 01:44:15,384 Hey! 1730 01:44:18,185 --> 01:44:20,518 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 1731 01:44:21,216 --> 01:44:22,318 Well, come here. 1732 01:44:24,583 --> 01:44:29,917 ♪ Take me on ♪ 1733 01:44:31,884 --> 01:44:36,949 ♪ I'll be gone ♪ 1734 01:44:38,018 --> 01:44:41,118 ♪ In a day or two ♪ 1735 01:44:41,618 --> 01:44:43,015 Don't fuck Elvis. 1736 01:44:43,018 --> 01:44:45,184 - Don't fuck Colossus. - What? 1737 01:44:54,884 --> 01:44:56,315 Time to make the chimichangas. 1738 01:44:56,318 --> 01:44:57,248 30 seconds. 1739 01:44:57,251 --> 01:44:58,682 Hey. Been meaning to ask you... 1740 01:44:58,685 --> 01:45:01,115 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1741 01:45:01,118 --> 01:45:02,981 It's my daughter's teddy bear. 1742 01:45:02,984 --> 01:45:04,416 Her name's Hope. 1743 01:45:04,417 --> 01:45:05,518 Well... 1744 01:45:06,685 --> 01:45:08,615 What are you doing? 1745 01:45:08,618 --> 01:45:10,481 Somebody swiped right. 1746 01:45:22,784 --> 01:45:25,582 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1747 01:45:28,318 --> 01:45:30,448 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1748 01:45:30,451 --> 01:45:32,051 It would seem I... 1749 01:45:34,085 --> 01:45:35,318 Huh? 1750 01:45:36,417 --> 01:45:38,884 Genuine, high-grade lead. 1751 01:45:40,618 --> 01:45:43,682 You time-sliding son of a bitch! 1752 01:45:43,685 --> 01:45:45,350 You did this for me? 1753 01:45:47,051 --> 01:45:50,149 Wait. You can't go back. 1754 01:45:50,150 --> 01:45:51,615 You used the last of your fuel. 1755 01:45:51,618 --> 01:45:53,248 What about your girl, your wife? 1756 01:45:53,251 --> 01:45:56,850 Now, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. 1757 01:45:58,018 --> 01:46:00,615 No, I'm gonna stick around for a while... 1758 01:46:00,618 --> 01:46:01,847 and make sure the world 1759 01:46:01,850 --> 01:46:03,817 doesn't shit itself into oblivion. 1760 01:46:04,384 --> 01:46:07,283 No. You did it for me. 1761 01:46:07,884 --> 01:46:09,481 No, I didn't. 1762 01:46:09,484 --> 01:46:10,847 - You did. - I really didn't. 1763 01:46:10,850 --> 01:46:12,748 - Pretty sure you did. - No, I'm positive I didn't. 1764 01:46:12,751 --> 01:46:14,416 Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay? 1765 01:46:14,417 --> 01:46:17,181 Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. 1766 01:46:17,184 --> 01:46:19,951 I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me. 1767 01:46:20,350 --> 01:46:21,215 Say it again. 1768 01:46:21,216 --> 01:46:22,983 - He did it for me. - Jesus. 1769 01:46:22,984 --> 01:46:24,948 - We must get the collar off. - Forget it. It's no use. 1770 01:46:24,951 --> 01:46:27,015 These collars don't just come off. 1771 01:46:27,018 --> 01:46:28,018 Wade. 1772 01:46:28,451 --> 01:46:30,215 I have an idea. 1773 01:46:30,216 --> 01:46:32,349 No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please! 1774 01:46:32,350 --> 01:46:34,916 I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just... 1775 01:46:34,917 --> 01:46:38,181 Oh, God! They do say the pen is grosser than the sword. 1776 01:46:38,184 --> 01:46:40,548 We need the code. 1777 01:46:40,551 --> 01:46:42,315 Try, uh, seven? 1778 01:46:42,318 --> 01:46:44,015 Settle down, Captain Lucky. 1779 01:46:44,018 --> 01:46:45,615 It's not gonna be one number. 1780 01:46:45,618 --> 01:46:46,884 Oh, God, that's lazy writing. 1781 01:46:47,685 --> 01:46:49,150 I still got it. 1782 01:46:51,984 --> 01:46:54,150 Put that back in your prison wallet. 1783 01:46:55,717 --> 01:46:57,649 I don't know how to thank you. 1784 01:46:57,650 --> 01:46:59,615 But I do know how to hug you. 1785 01:46:59,618 --> 01:47:00,882 - No. - Yes. 1786 01:47:00,885 --> 01:47:02,515 Here we go. Bring it in. 1787 01:47:02,518 --> 01:47:03,615 Come on. 1788 01:47:03,618 --> 01:47:04,983 Pelvis to pelvis. 1789 01:47:04,984 --> 01:47:06,315 Let's go tip to tip. 1790 01:47:06,318 --> 01:47:09,248 There we go. The kids call this docking. 1791 01:47:10,717 --> 01:47:12,248 Is there a knife in my dick? 1792 01:47:12,251 --> 01:47:14,149 - There's a knife in your dick. - I'm just gonna back up now. 1793 01:47:14,150 --> 01:47:16,015 - Yeah, yeah. - No need to go full Yentl. 1794 01:47:16,016 --> 01:47:18,882 Gonna pretend like that never happened. 1795 01:47:18,885 --> 01:47:21,016 Let's go home, Russell. 1796 01:47:24,551 --> 01:47:26,783 All you dirty mutants 1797 01:47:26,784 --> 01:47:28,882 are gonna rot in hell with the boy! 1798 01:47:28,885 --> 01:47:31,983 Your souls are beyond redemption! 1799 01:47:31,984 --> 01:47:33,248 Let's see your soul, perv! 1800 01:47:33,251 --> 01:47:36,349 No, no! No! No more! We're better than that! 1801 01:47:36,350 --> 01:47:37,381 We're better than him! 1802 01:47:37,384 --> 01:47:40,114 No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed! 1803 01:47:40,117 --> 01:47:41,814 We'll let karma take care of him. 1804 01:47:41,817 --> 01:47:45,016 The day of reckoning is here! 1805 01:47:54,083 --> 01:47:56,381 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great. 1806 01:47:56,384 --> 01:47:57,582 Whoo! 1807 01:47:57,583 --> 01:47:59,315 Courage, motherfuckers! 1808 01:47:59,318 --> 01:48:00,481 And karma, motherfucker. 1809 01:48:00,484 --> 01:48:02,149 I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds. 1810 01:48:02,150 --> 01:48:04,381 I could barely keep a straight face. 1811 01:48:04,384 --> 01:48:06,082 I want some more. 1812 01:48:06,083 --> 01:48:07,882 I bet you do, Brown Panther. 1813 01:48:07,885 --> 01:48:11,349 We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up. 1814 01:48:11,350 --> 01:48:13,783 Good call. You guys coming with us? 1815 01:48:13,784 --> 01:48:15,783 No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion. 1816 01:48:15,784 --> 01:48:17,448 Besides, we're X-Men. 1817 01:48:17,451 --> 01:48:20,015 No, you're X-People. 1818 01:48:20,016 --> 01:48:21,282 You're exhausting. 1819 01:48:21,283 --> 01:48:23,882 I see what you did there. Puns. 1820 01:48:23,885 --> 01:48:26,381 - Bye, Wade! - Bye, Yukio! 1821 01:48:28,685 --> 01:48:29,783 What do you get 1822 01:48:29,786 --> 01:48:30,916 when you take eight feet of chrome... 1823 01:48:30,917 --> 01:48:32,082 one pinch of courage... 1824 01:48:32,083 --> 01:48:33,515 a cup of good luck... 1825 01:48:33,518 --> 01:48:34,981 a dab of racism... 1826 01:48:34,984 --> 01:48:36,248 a splash of diabetes... 1827 01:48:36,251 --> 01:48:38,981 and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer? 1828 01:48:38,984 --> 01:48:41,582 Answer: a family. 1829 01:48:41,583 --> 01:48:44,916 See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was. 1830 01:48:44,917 --> 01:48:46,315 If there's anything you take away today... 1831 01:48:46,318 --> 01:48:49,381 other than the need to Google, "What the fuck is dubstep?"... 1832 01:48:49,384 --> 01:48:52,417 it's that we all need to belong to someone. 1833 01:48:55,108 --> 01:49:00,108 Subtitles by explosiveskull 1834 01:50:49,051 --> 01:50:50,914 How something so small generates 1835 01:50:50,917 --> 01:50:52,914 enough energy to reverse time is... 1836 01:50:52,917 --> 01:50:54,948 Oh, just fix it, Eleven, 1837 01:50:54,949 --> 01:50:57,114 or I'll take it to the Genius Bar. 1838 01:50:57,117 --> 01:50:58,515 Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out. 1839 01:50:58,518 --> 01:50:59,582 Never heard of him. 1840 01:50:59,583 --> 01:51:01,150 Why do you think I'm helping him? 1841 01:51:02,184 --> 01:51:04,615 The Lord works in mysterious ways, 1842 01:51:04,618 --> 01:51:06,817 don't I? A good day. 1843 01:51:07,583 --> 01:51:08,583 Bye, Wade! 1844 01:51:09,184 --> 01:51:10,184 Bye, Yukio! 1845 01:51:11,451 --> 01:51:13,881 That was probably a bad idea. 1846 01:51:13,884 --> 01:51:15,814 What have we done? 1847 01:51:33,817 --> 01:51:35,783 I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader. 1848 01:51:45,917 --> 01:51:47,484 I'll be right back! 1849 01:51:49,251 --> 01:51:52,083 We're definitely naming our kid Cher! 1850 01:51:52,384 --> 01:51:53,384 Whoo! 1851 01:51:55,251 --> 01:51:56,582 Peter! 1852 01:51:56,585 --> 01:51:58,015 Whoo! X-Force! 1853 01:51:58,016 --> 01:52:00,384 Walk away! Just walk away! 1854 01:52:01,283 --> 01:52:02,381 But we're X-Force! 1855 01:52:02,384 --> 01:52:04,082 Nope! We're not, there's no X-Force! 1856 01:52:04,083 --> 01:52:07,582 All right, well, this has been pretty scary! 1857 01:52:07,585 --> 01:52:10,248 Go home, Sugarbear. Go home. 1858 01:52:10,251 --> 01:52:13,150 Okay. Will you give Domino my email? 1859 01:52:22,350 --> 01:52:24,184 Wade, is that you? 1860 01:52:26,451 --> 01:52:27,783 I guess Stryker finally 1861 01:52:27,784 --> 01:52:29,216 figured out how to shut you up. 1862 01:52:35,751 --> 01:52:38,881 Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! 1863 01:52:38,884 --> 01:52:41,315 Just cleaning up the timelines! 1864 01:52:45,850 --> 01:52:47,251 Love you! 1865 01:52:49,618 --> 01:52:51,051 Welcome to the big leagues, kid. 1866 01:52:58,451 --> 01:53:00,318 You're welcome, Canada. 122613