Original subtitles

Actually, you get over it fairly quick.

You might not think so, but it's true.

You're driving along

with a man who's been told he's dying

and yet everything keeps going on.

I mean, it'd been hard enough rooming with him

when he was well.

He chewed this disgusting tobacco

he pissed in the sink, and as a catcher

he was a million dollars worth of promise

worth two cents on delivery.

Most people didn't even know he was with the club

and, um, he was almost too dumb to play a joke on...

and now he'd been played the biggest joke of all.

Bill! Oh, Bill!

Hi, Mom.

Oh, Bruce, I'm so happy to see you.

I'm so glad you're home.

Hey, Bruce, Bruce, how are you, son?

Hi, Dad.

It's so good to see you.

- How you been? - Okay.

You're looking good.

Oh, I feel... feel fine.

Daddy, Mama, I want you to meet Henry.

You can call him Arthur.

Oh, I tell you, it's an honor

to have you here, Henry Wiggen.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe I'm here.

Wonders never cease, Papa.

- Howdy, Mr. Bruce. - Hi.

- You all better now? - Yeah.

We was worried.

Well, I was in good hands.

I bet it was cold up there.

Not too damn cold, Mama.

What was wrong?

Nothing.

Arthur, tell me why in hell

I swam up and down this mud a million times

and I never drownded

Why I never got killed in the war in Vietnam

or why I never got plastered by a truck

but I come clean through all that

and now I get this disease.

Arthur?

Don't ask me questions I can't answer.

Well, I been handed a shit deal, boy.

I'm doomed.

Shh...

Arthur, you know that game

you and Joe Jaros played, tegwar?

How you play it?

- Tegwar? - Mm-hmm.

You don't know how to play tegwar?

Spell it.

T-E-G-W-A-R.

Stands for "The EXciting Game Without Any Rules."

T-E-G-W-A-R.

No rules.

No rules at all?

I'm not too sure I'm understanding this game.

You might never.

Throw down in the middle, sir.

Why? Nobody else threw down in the middle.

It's your fish-fly card.

How can you tell?

It's the rules.

When the rules are wrong.

What rules?

I haven't been noticing

any rules.

They seem to keep changing.

Five and siX or 11, that's why.

Attaboy, Bruce.

Rules concerning what?

The rules of arithmetic.

I wouldn't play this game for money, I can tell you.

Don't be discouraged.

Don't be discouraged.

See, it was no double birdie.

Double birdie?

Whereas where it could've been a spread-eagle.

Probably you've been playing southeastern tegwar

all your life, but in the Majors

the boys all play Western Canadian style

which, for my money, is much faster.

That leaves you free

for a... butchered hog most any time, whereas...

Whereas, uh...

whereas...

Whereas what?

Well, whereas it, uh

keeps you from dropping dead on the board.

Hello, there, old lady!

Hi. Oh...

Hi. Hi, Bruce.

Hi. Hello.

Holly, believe me

seeing you here is a real pleasure.

Thank you.

My son's talked a whole lot about you.

Oh, wonders never cease.

How are you?

Oh, I'm fine; never better.

These are the medical papers, just in case

the doctors gave me in Minnesota.

God, it was cold up there.

What'd you think of your contract?

I didn't read it.

Hell, you didn't read it.

I was taught in school

where slavery went out when Lincoln was shot.

Henry, who knows about him?

Well, you know, I know, the Mayo Clinic knows...

maybe his father.

And Bruce knows.

The talk of the Echo Player Camp that spring was

a kid name of Piney Woods, a wild crazy catcher

out of a place called Good Hope, Georgia.

The sports writers all called him

"Dutch's Good Hope from Good Hope."

In the catching department, Dutch needed hope.

Come on, Piney, eh? Let's go.

Okay, stand close.

Put your arms around each other's shoulders.

I'd rather not.

I'm very high on him, very high.

He's got all the tools.

He hits them a mile. He runs like a deer.

His backside's one mile wide

by actual measurement where his power is.

Drinks milk by the tons.

Who will stay?

Aw, how do I know in February

who I'll love in April when the flowers bloom, huh?

No, no, flowers bloom in May.

It's April showers.

Smartest prospect in years.

Henry, how many catchers on a team?

Never that many.

Here's the premium from George, Arthur.

Gracias, George.

George says, "Sign your contract, Arthur."

Morning, Arthur, Holly.

- Hi. - Hey, Ugly.

Uh, I believe this, uh, brings my insurance up to date.

Keep it coming; it's your future.

Well, uh, I have to save some for the present, however

such as, uh, these little girls running around here

with their eye on handsome ball players.

How much you holding out for?

$127,500.

Well, even if I believed you, you'll never get it

but as a veteran of many a holdout

let me give you a piece of sound advice:

Don't hang in the park

because your eye gleams, your hand itches

and you wish you were playing ball.

It shines through, Arthur, and it'll cost you money.

It's the boss.

Don't be too comical; just answer it.

Let it ring awhile.

Fishing pier; tapeworms for sale.

Hey, Arthur, how about coming down

and playing a game of duo tegwar?

It's not the boss; it's Joe Jaros.

Arthur, come on down.

This place is swimming with fish.

All right, we'll be right down.

Who's "we"?

Well, me and Bruce.

Bruce Pearson?

Yeah, um... him and me played

quite a bit of tegwar over the winter.

He's a great player.

I'll stay here.

Forget it for today, Joe.

No, Henry, you go.

Bruce and I will stay here.

Yeah, yeah.

You okay?

Yeah, go.

I'll be right down, Joe.

Would you mind if I watch?

Quarter to 11:00.

No, I said, "Would you mind if I watch?"

Paging Mr. Donald Graham.

Mr. Donald Graham.

You're Henry Wiggen.

Paging Mr. Donald Graham.

Hey, would you mind if I sit in?

You know, I read your book, too.

I didn't read your book, Arthur

but I will, I will, I plan to.

So far, I've just been concerned with the parts that concern me.

Hey, who did you used to be?

I'm Joe Jaros.

I'm a coach.

I used to be a baby.

These are fifth and two, fifth and queen.

Red rooster.

Banjo!

That's the first natural banjo I've had

since the days of Joe DiMaggio in St. Petersburg.

Hey, wait a minute, here. 15 and 15's 31.

Hey, what's the name of this game?

15 plus 15

is 32.

32...

Oh, that's right.

That's a double honeybees.

I'm not sure if I'm too clear on some of these new rules.

What new rules?

There hasn't been any new rules

since the Black SoX scandal, 1919.

Big league tegwar is big league tegwar

known to every big-time ballplayer

from Boston to California.

And this is the last time we play without Pearson, Joe.

Arthur, your mind is crumbling.

He's too damn dumb.

- Promise me, Joe. - I promise you.

I promise you. I promise on a stack of cards.

Anyway, the way that Banjo's been hitting

Pearson's sure to drift down and out.

They're sending him down?

I didn't say nothing.

Well, that's it, then, they're releasing Pearson?

Well, don't it look quite obvious?

Well, they can't do that.

Paging Mr. Wiggen.

Paging Mr. Henry Wiggen.

Please pick up the house telephone.

Forget it, Arthur.

Stick around, hang on.

It's the boss.

I got to go, Joe.

Damn it, Arthur, stick around!

Fair? You call that fair?

I was taught in school

where slavery went out when Lincoln was shot!

Yeah, so you wrote across your contract.

Not across my contract.

Maybe the contract of turnstile turner.

Young players often end up

old turnstile turners.

All right, let's all calm down.

You're looking very healthy this morning.

Henry, you keep talking about $125,000.

I can't do business that way.

We'll just have to get along without him.

Some of those pitchers out there yesterday afternoon

looked very promising.

So I hear.

Any one of them might win four or five games

if God drops everything else.

I have in my mind an absolute maXimum figure of...

$60,000.

If you have a good year this year

we'll make it back to you neXt year.

I will go on year after year being paid for the year before.

Now, that shorts me a year in the long run.

We've heard this one before.

Every time Bradley Lord opens his mouth

I'm raising my absolute minimum figure.

All right, Henry...

Bradley. Bradley!

I have in my mind

an absolute maXimum figure of $60,000.

But she has in her heart $10,000 more.

That's $70,000.

I'd think you'd jump at that arrangement.

Leap at that arrangement.

I'll take it.

Good.

Well, then it's settled.

There's something I want instead of money.

Nothing is instead of money.

Oh, money can buy nothing but happiness.

There's one clause yet to go in my contract.

All right, shoot.

There must be a clause saying that I and Bruce Pearson

will stay with the club together or else go together.

Whatever happens to one, must happen to the other...

traded, sold, whatever.

We got to be tied in a package on any deal under the sun.

I never heard of such a thing.

No. Absolutely out of the question.

Reason one, Dutch would never hear of such a thing.

Look here, Henry

if you want to have to get started this way

you better just watch out.

Bradley, now let's just think before we speak.

Look, we won't bother to write it down.

I give you my solemn word.

No verbal words... must be wrote in.

Bradley, call Dutch.

It's his one day off.

Call him.

They should put zippers on pajamas.

Tell him your clause.

Oh. So it's you with the special clause, Arthur.

I'll bet it's a dilly.

Bradley, run and get me a wet rag, huh?

Everybody thinks they're special.

Sterling must be shot for hay fever

with medicine made out of the piss of a horse

Darochi must have contact lenses

Gonzales must have a buddy along to translate in Spanish

and Goldman must go home for Passover.

What do you want now, Arthur, Chinese New Year's?

I want a clause tying me in a package with Pearson.

I'll bet he owes you money.

Jesus, Bradley.

You ain't got much strength in your hands.

What do you mean tied in a package?

If he's sold, I must be sold

or if he's traded, I must be traded same place.

Wherever he goes, I go.

Well, this is telling me who I must keep and who not

which nobody ever told me before

and nobody will ever tell me again as long as I'm upright.

If it's money, talk money and good luck.

They own all the banks.

Talking money's one thing

but talking business is another

and I'd as soon as trade the whole club for a tin of beans

as leave anyone tell me who stays and who gets cut loose.

I'm sorry to hear that

because without that clause, there'll be no contract.

Well, then there'll be no contract

and I must suffer along the best I can.

Several of those young pitchers looked good out there yesterday.

Yeah?

Good for what?

Will you go sell insurance?

You don't know a soul on Earth to sell insurance to

outside of ball players.

Will you sell insurance to other insurance agents, huh?

And where will you find

people with money, with the language you speak?

Henry, I hardly ever even saw you wear a necktie.

Bradley...

shut up, will you?

Go get me a Coke.

What's up between you two, Arthur?

What are you, a couple of fairies, or something?

That can't be.

It's been a long time since I run across fairies in baseball.

352

Jesus.

This is too much for me.

Oh, you'll understand it sometime.

When?

Oh, I don't know, maybe soon, maybe not.

Oh, I'll certainly be hanging from my thumb, waiting to hear.

Christ Almighty, I've seen you on days when you hated Pearson

when you ate him out as bad as I myself ever ate him out.

I saw you once get up from the table and walk away.

Well, that could be love as well as hate.

It ain't love.

I didn't mean fairy love.

I remember one time

you come storming into my office.

You caught him pissing in the sink in Pittsburgh.

Cleveland.

Urinating.

Does this clause go on forever? Hmm?

I have four catchers.

I have a catcher that's sold on the sauce

and a Black catcher that cannot hit

and a motorcycle catcher, wild and crazy

and Pearson, who's just plumb dumb.

I'd give both my right eyes for Sam Mott of Cincinnati

but Cincinnati wants Arthur and I can't give Arthur

or if I give you, I must have Scutter or Faulkland

which the son of a bitches won't give me

eXcept for all my right-hand power.

I could spare my right-hand hitting

if I got Diel with Pittsburgh

but Pittsburgh wants Arthur

and I've already given you to Cincinnati

on paper for Sam Mott.

So...

I must play my old catcher

on days when he gets himself sorted out

and play my Black catcher on days when my hitting is hitting

and play my motorcycle catcher

on days he ever comes to his senses...

which so far, he's given me no sign of really having any.

I'll ship him down to Queen City

and see if they can talk him off his motorcycle.

We must never have another motorcycle in camp!

I've been trying for days to get some sleep.

You know, when I stop and think about it

I'm liable to wind up using my plumb dumb catcher

more and more.

Some day you'll understand.

Nah, nah, forget about it.

That's too much to ask.

All right.

I will agree to the clause.

I've never done such a thing before

and I wouldn't do it now...

eXcept there's a look in your eye

407

that tells me I've got to.

Oh, Bruce.

- Yeah. - Bye.

Have a good trip, okay?

Okay, I will. Thank you.

- Hey, Holly? Holly. - What?

You drive careful now.

All right.

Bye-bye, boys.

I'm going to miss you.

I love you.

I love you.

I'll call you collect tonight, okay?

- Please. - I will.

Bye-bye. Bye, Bruce.

Bye.

Oh, boy, I hope if it happens

it don't happen at a bad hour.

It might or might not probably never happen.

I have no faith

in those cockeyed doctors up there.

Curveball.

Too bad a fellow can't pitch spit.

Yeah, I'd have lots of breaking stuff around.

Slider.

You see the dip on that?

Arthur, if you was on one club and I was on another

what kind of book would you keep on me?

If I was to keep a book on you, I'd say to myself

"No need to keep a book on Pearson

'cause Pearson keeps no book on me"

'cause if I strike you out on something

like a change-up in here

you don't come back to the bench, thinking

"That son of a bitch Wiggen, he struck me out in here.

So, I'll be on the lookout the neXt time."

No, no, you come back to the bench, thinking

"I think I eat a frank"

or, uh, "Gee, I see a great pair of jugs

up there in the stands."

So, by the time you come up against me again

you forgot all about the time before.

So, I'll just throw you in the same place again

and get past again, probably.

You got to think, Bruce...

think and remember.

I'm going to start keeping a book.

Yeah, either in your head or, um...

better still, on paper for a while.

You already have terrific power

but power plus brains is the difference

between nobody and somebody.

Yeah, well, I always been pretty much of a nobody, though.

So, I-I guess what I got to do is I got to develop brains.

Plus confidence.

Power and brains are nothing without confidence.

Well, you always had the confidence.

I never had confidence, Arthur.

No... but I always looked like I had it, didn't I?

Days when I'm tired, my curve is hanging

it's bullshit gets me through.

You got to crowd in, look fierce.

Works wonders.

And half the pitchers you're facing

they're just country boys like you

or else country boys from the city.

Country boys from the city?

Yeah, they're no smarter than you.

Yeah, but I never been smart, that's the thing.

Everybody's smart.

You've been dumb on one count only...

you let somebody tell you you were dumb.

Didn't you buy an Arcturis insurance policy?

Yeah.

Didn't that prove to be a smart move?

Well, now, as far as that goes, I can't argue against that.

Is Dutch smart?

Oh, yeah, he certainly is.

Well, if you were so dumb, why ain't Dutch cut you loose?

Well, he might yet.

Oh, no.

Piney Woods goes down, you stay up.

Who says so?

I heard it with my own ears.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Shit.

Now that's the best news I heard so far.

What's wrong with Bruce?

He gave you that ring, did he?

Mm.

Who says anything is?

He says.

He says what?

He says marry him and cash in on a big surprise.

He's nutty.

You get that way

sitting on the bench too many years.

What was he doing in Minnesota?

He had pneumonia.

Now, what would you go

all the way to Minnesota with pneumonia for?

Well, whatever it is, it isn't catching.

You think I'd be his roomie if it were?

Oh, rooming with him's one thing...

Ioving's another.

Oh, Katie

honey, why don't you get yourself married

and raise yourself some eXemptions?

Why don't you play baseball for free, Arthur?

Why should a girl go amateur

if she's got the stuff to be professional?

I don't know why you can't tell me

what's wrong with him.

Katie, if I knew... you know I'd tell you.

Ladies and gentlemen

will you please rise

and join us in singing our national anthem?

O say, can you see

By the dawn's early light

What so proudly we hail'd

At the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars

Thro' the perilous fight

O'er the ramparts we watch'd

Were so gallantly streaming?

And the rocket's red glare

The bombs bursting in air

Gave proof through the night...

Why's he sending me down?

You'll be back up, Piney.

I ought to be back up now.

Stick to business and stay off motorcycles.

I love motorcycles.

Look at that old washout.

Don't lose your ticket.

Take care of your banjo.

Guitar!

Say hello for me to everybody

down there in Queen City, okay?

...O'er the land of the free...

Maybe somebody'll drop dead up here...

open up a slot for me.

...And the home of the brave.

Well, anything's possible.

Life is unfair, I'll tell you that.

Get on there.

Ladies and gentlemen

your attention, please.

Today we honor a recently elected immortal

Big Benjamin Scotland.

Big Ben, pitching for the New York Mammoths

struck out 312 batters in the year 1901.

Gun it in, Ben!

Gun it in!

Save this for me.

Batting first for Pittsburgh...

Hey, man, this one's for the money.

...a left fielder...

Play ball!

What do you say, Henry? What do you say?

All the way, kid. All the way this year.

What do you say, Henry?

Come to me, boy.

Come to me, kid. Swing it through.

Right here, kid. What do you say?

Wing it strong!

Strike!

So, you wanted that through! All right!

All right!

Come on, team!

Say, Pearson...

I always wondered... eXactly how tall are you?

Paul, you always did wonder.

Yeah?

Yeah, I heard about it.

Yeah?

Yes, I did.

I'm eXactly five feet. 11 inches.

I never knew shit piled that high.

We were a strong club.

We had great pitching with both hands

and good relief if FDR Caselli come through.

We had the best outfield in baseball, bar none

and the best double-play combination.

In fact, I didn't think there was anyone who could beat us

eXcept maybe ourselves.

We started ragging each other.

I know you're discussing my personality

with George in Spanish.

No such a thing, never.

Don't tell me!

Spanish is the same as Italian.

We're talking about Mr. Dutch, the manager.

Shut up, man.

I don't know about you, Bruce.

You know that goddamn tobacco you chew?

You ever hear of Old Yeller?

That's what they're going to call your teeth.

And you have that, you know, that hairdo you wear, man.

You ever seen that commercial with the... what is it?...

Joe Namath or something, about the greasy kid stuff?

You got to get hip like them guys, man.

That's part of the, you know

the whole image of a baseball player.

He has to look good.

Why don't you, like, you know

read some kind of fashion magazine

something like "Esquire"?

You know, me and the other guys

we read "Esquire" and "Playboy" and things like that...

that's why we dress well... but you, man

you're reading farmer magazines every time I turn around.

Hey, man, hey, hey, hey! Wait a minute!

Get off me!

Lookit here!

Wait a minute!

Hey, man, hey, hey, hey!

You do something...

Hey! Hey, hey, hey!

Hold it, man.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Hey.

Come on, man, shake it off.

Arthur, Joe, uh, tells me

you've been playing cards with Pearson

over the winter, huh?

Sure. Why not?

When?

Just before camp begun.

Where?

Down at Bruce's.

Oh...

What were you doing down there?

You mean besides playing cards?

Quit stalling. Why did you go there?

He always wanted me to see what his folks were like

and all his old stamping grounds

and, uh... various beautiful whereabouts.

Oh... oh...

Was the missus with you?

Sure.

You drove down there by car?

Yes indeedy.

Very welly!

Now we got you and your wife located by car in Georgia.

Let's back up the car

to where you spoke to Goose on the telephone in Chicago.

You drove to Georgia from New York

by via Chicago, did you?

I never did speak to Goose in Chicago.

You never did?

In other words, you're telling me Goose is a liar?

No, no, I suppose what he means is I spoke to his missus.

You know very goddamn well what he probably means.

Don't procrastinate, Arthur.

You're stalling the wrong man.

When was it?

Probably around in February.

What were you doing in Chicago?

Besides, uh, speaking with Goose's missus?

- Yeah. - Uh, I was only changing planes.

For where?

Minneapolis.

For what?

Insurance matters.

Name me somebody you planned on seeing

on insurance matters in Minneapolis.

Aleck Olson.

Joe!

Joe?

Yeah?

Where's that Aleck Olson from in Boston

that swings like an aX chopper?

Olson?

Yeah.

Olson?

Minneapolis.

You sell him any insurance?

It's only a matter of time.

This is all a lie.

I got Olson in the palm of my hand.

I got a feeling that all your little statements are true

but what they add up to is one big lie.

Am I right?

About what?

About the feeling I got.

I don't know what kind of feeling you got.

You say you got such a feeling, I guess you do.

I wish you could be wrapped in a sack

and threw in a river

all eXcept your pitching arm.

Hey Aleck, can I see you, man?

Yeah, sure, sure can. How's it going?

Hey, fellas, you know what I think about fraternizing?

Ooh!

Dutch called you.

Yeah, what's it all about?

What'd he say?

Oh, what'd you do in Minneapolis.

I said, uh, "Bought a coat, that's all I know."

Oh, he asked about insurance

did I buy insurance off you yet.

Is he selling insurance?

What else?

Uh, he asked me, "Then what?"

I said, uh, he got on the bus to see Pearson.

That's all I remember.

Oh, what's up, Arthur?

You got a girl or something?

Did you tell him where I went to see Pearson?

Well, I figured if you got on a bus to Rochester

you're going to Rochester, you know.

Ain't there any places

between Minneapolis and Rochester?

Cannon Falls?

It just so happens we met in Cannon Falls.

Well, listen, you can meet anywhere you want to meet

eXcept what would you be doing in Cannon Falls?

Fishing.

In nine feet of ice?

Hunting?

Yeah, but you'd be most likely go up north of the cities.

I mean, that's where most people go.

You guys got girls in Cannon Falls?

Arthur, concerning insurance, I wanted to know...

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Up north's eXactly where I'd never go.

That's where everybody goes, packed in like sardines.

Thanks, Aleck.

Yeah, for what?

I just wanted to talk to you about insurance.

I mean, combining insurance with annuity, you know?

Next time. I got to warm up.

Yeah, but I...

Jesus Christ, every time I talk to that guy...

We started out near the top

running neck and neck with Baltimore and Cincinnati

but all spring we kept floating

never dropping far back, but never gaining, either

staying alive with pitching one day and power the neXt

but never putting the two together.

We weren't pulling like a club.

I was worried, but Dutch, he was going out of his mind.

It's no surprise he kept hounding me

trying every which way to figure out

what was happening to the club.

Ain't you afraid you're going to burn a hole in your chest?

I sit here, reading the Chicago book

and I keep trying to figure the son of a bitches out

but then you know what I wind up thinking about?

Wiggen and Pearson.

Goddamn it, Arthur

you told me you went back home from Minneapolis.

So, it's this again.

No, Dutch

I don't believe I told you that.

But you lead me to believe it, which is the same thing.

You see Olson?

Sure I seen Olson.

About what?

Insurance matters.

By the way... he mentioned you called him.

Mm-hmm.

Dutch, I wish you wouldn't push this thing too far.

Why not?

It's a personal matter.

Flip up the bowl.

How so?

Well...

you're probably going to think

I'm some kind of heel and all that

but there's this airline stewardess...

Her name being what?

Mary.

Mary what?

Smith, Jones, Brown?

Mary Pistologlioni.

Go on.

I'm trying very hard to believe this.

So, you pitter round between Chicago and Minneapolis

and then you get on a bus in Minneapolis and you go where?

Well, didn't Olson tell you?

You tell me.

Cannon Falls, Minnesota.

For what?

To hunt.

You never hunt.

I'm taking it up.

What kind of a gun do you shoot?

No kind.

I only went there 'cause Pearson asked me to.

What'd you catch?

Nothing.

You know, we changed our minds and went back.

Back where?

Back home.

Him to Georgia and me to New York.

You're probably driveling up to the eyes by now

but I'm going to hear other sounds from him anyway.

Bradley!

Send Pearson in.

I don't believe this cockeyed bull story

about Mary Pistolcoloni for one minute, but if it's true

you're making a very big mistake.

Anybody with a wife like yours

should count his blessings.

What plane did you go up to Minnesota in, Pearson?

Um, no plane, sir.

In my car.

Mm-hmm.

Is, uh, Cannon Falls a nice town?

Oh, yeah.

Well, tell me, what is it like?

Well, it's a pretty nice little town

with a main drag and a few stores, but very cold.

Oh.

Yeah, we couldn't fish.

The ice was nine feet thick.

Mm-hmm? So we went hunting.

What'd you shoot?

Uh... nothing.

No, we start hunting but then we changed my mind.

So, uh... 'cause I didn't feel like killing anything anymore.

Hmm.

Well, that knocks the hell out of hunting.

Yeah, sir.

I guess it does.

Then where did you go from Minnesota?

Uh, back home.

Alone?

Yeah.

You sure?

Yeah, yeah. Weren't we, Arthur?

Weren't we who?

Me and Arthur.

You two went down from Minnesota by car?

Yeah.

Flip up the bowl again.

Very well, Arthur.

I think we might be heading

toward something at last

for two days ago, I asked you

who drove your car down to Bainbridge

and you said you and your wife did

but now I hear something else again.

Did you go down there and back home for your wife

or did her and Mary Pistolcoloni

maybe drive down with Aleck Olson

or in other words, what the hell is going on here?

Because you know as sure as your name is

that I'm going to get

to the bottom of this.

Well, Dutch, the joke's on you.

I'm laughing my ass off.

Because if you'll back the whole thing up

you'll remember I called you

during this time on the telephone

and give you a little patter, right?

And I told you I was up home

when all the time, where we were we were right downtown St. Louis

and we would've went out and seen you

but we weren't dressed

and, uh, we didn't want to see the missus like that.

So, we made a gag out of the whole thing.

Well, you can understand me

not wanting to give away a gag like that

I might want to use it

on somebody else at another time.

Get out.

Get out!

Strike two, two, two, two, two, two, two!

Come on, let's go, Pearson!

Come on, baby, let's go!

Hit it! Hit it!

Back to first! Back to first!

Back! Back! Bring it back!

Attaboy, Pearson!

Yeah, attaboy, Bruce!

Not bad, huh, Dutch?

Nah, not bad.

Arthur, how do I change my beneficiary?

Who do you want to change it to?

To Katie.

She's going to marry me at last.

When?

When you change your beneficiary?

Arthur, you got no right telling me who I can

and who I cannot change my beneficiary to.

Why didn't she marry you last year or the year before?

Well, she never loved me before.

Before what?

Before now.

How is now different?

Arthur, will you change it for me

or will you not change it for me?

I'll write away to Arcturis.

Well, when?

Tuesday.

Well, why not now?

Because it's time to go the ballpark.

Oh, I seen you dash off many a letter

standing against the wall or when you was in a cab.

This is a matter of $137,500.

Now, a large figure like that

has got to be handled sitting down

with plenty of time to whet your pencil.

Well... okay, but don't forget, and do it Tuesday, huh?

Hey, Arthur, come here.

I want to talk to you.

How are you, Tootsie?

Pretty good.

I want to ask you something.

Why can't you Mammoths get it together, for heaven's sake?

What's with the squabbling?

You know, considering the personnel of the organization

you'd be on top of it if you guys hung together.

What do you guys do on the road, anyway?

I think that's what's wrong.

Oh, I'm sorry; this hotel does not provide such a service.

I'm sorry.

And I wish somebody'd tell Dutch to bolster up the catching.

You know, I'm going to tell him myself if I see him?

You do that, Tootsie.

Quick, Arthur, help me, for God's sake.

This place is full of fish.

Yeah? I'll get Bruce.

Let him sleep; it's tegwar.

He wants to join us.

Let him sleep; the two of us are enough.

Then let him sit in for me.

He can't do it. Don't you understand that?

I promised him, Joe, and you promised me in Florida!

Shh! Arthur, this is waking him up.

You promised me.

"Promise me, promise me."

You sound like a song.

Oh, promise me that we will never part...

What are you two, anyhow, Romeo and Juliet?

One can't play cards without the other?

Forget it for today, Joe!

Romeo and Juliet... I don't know which is which.

Oh, Joe, how's the show?

I will make you sorry for this, Arthur.

I really will.

You're going to pay for this, Arthur!

What's the matter with him?

Nothing.

What are you reading?

Well, you ain't going to believe this

but I'm reading how some girl said she was seduced by Dracula.

Boys...

today, we start shaking the son of a bitches off for good, hmm?

You know...

To me, they're like a... a buzzing fly."

"To me, they're like

...a buzzing fly, buzzing around your head

while you sit and watch it for a while

without raising your hand, against it... like this.

Si? Ah...

Go ahead, you Baltimore fly.

Buzz me one more time

and I will snatch you out of the air

and you will buzz me no more.

Diego...

Diego!

Forget it, huh?

This isn't so much for George, anyhow

as, uh... certain other people who can't control their feelings

toward their teammates.

Rule one: No dissension.

- Baltimore... - Baltimore...

...enough is enough.

I should've pulled away from you by now

and now I think I will simply pull myself together

and squash out your miserable life.

Fly, you are done for.

Whack!

But only one thing is wrong.

I look down on my hand, and I see no fly

and I ask myself, "How could I have missed it

"when I already seen the whole league around, east and west

and I know that I am the winner if I work together?"

Diego, forget it, huh?

- Forget? - Yeah.

What is "forget"?

Ah! "Forget" is not to remember.

But, mister, it's too quick not to remember.

She's just now... boom... happened, no?

"Forget it" means "screw it."

Why did I lose when I should have won?

Because the fly flew through my fingers

and the reason that the fly flew through my fingers was

because the fingers did not work together.

The first finger's saying to the second finger

"I don't like you because you won't play cards with me"

and the second finger says to the third finger

"You should hear what finger number one

has been saying about you"

and the third finger says to the fourth finger

"I don't agree with the color of your skin"

and the fourth finger says to the fifth finger

"Let's you and me cut finger number three down, then

"and tell our goddamn wives to do the same

and bring up our children likewise."

Boys, boys! This is suicide.

Work together. Play together.

This way, when the World Series time comes around

you'll be there!

You won't be home, watching it on electrical television.

Look sharp

Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee

Feel sharp

Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee...

Dutch was right...

the whole club gave me the creeps.

I was liable to wake up some morning

not speaking to myself.

The ragging was even getting to me.

Hey, Romeo, where's Juliet?

Romeo was a great lover, Joe.

You jealous?

'Cause if you're jealous

I believe you can buy these little pills

that give you back your pep in bed you lost

when you were young like me.

Mind your tongue, boy.

Be careful how you rag your elders.

Don't pull your rank on me.

Give is give and take is take.

How's your wife?

Nice of you to ask.

Ain't took my wife to a ball game in 11 years.

Take her when we hit Chicago.

First laid eyes on my wife in a ballpark.

Probably looked like you back then, I...

I used to shave my face every day.

Had high hopes... making the big cash.

It's never too late for an Arcturis Annuity.

It's much too late.

I'm too old.

No, no.

With your serious money

I could fiX you up with a plan as a starter.

You know, I been meaning to ask you...

but a guy my age hates to ask a punk like you

for tips on things.

What do you own?

What do I own?

I own two catcher's mitts

and a baseball autographed

by each and every member of the New York Mammoths.

Put it all together

you got a fin in any hock shop in Chicago.

What I own is debts.

Well, that's simple.

We'll declare bankruptcy.

That's something for a fellow to look forward to.

How?

I'll show you, but you got to do me one favor.

What's that?

You got to lay off Pearson.

I just joke around.

It's something to keep up my spirits

that's all.

He's dying.

You mean soon, any day now?

Could happen any time.

Does Dutch know?

No. You mustn't tell him, either.

He'd cut him loose in a minute.

Only me and you know.

Only you and me know...

only you and me will ever know.

Arthur?

Arthur?

Arthur? Arthur?

Who is that?

Arthur, Arthur, something's happening.

Something's happening to me.

Yeah?

Yeah? What's happening?

Where's Goose? I need help.

What for?

You know.

Well, what do I do?

You can talk, Horse knows.

He told me.

You weren't supposed to mention it.

Only my roomie.

You got to go get this doctor, Dr. Charleston P. Chambers.

Check.

I'm really sorry to have woke you.

I was hoping it wouldn't happen

at a bad hour.

I was hoping it wouldn't happen this...

Make it back to me another time.

No, there's not going to be another time.

Dutch'll probably bring Piney Woods back up now

and he's going to be real happy.

Is the doctor going to come?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Goose went after him.

Goose? Why Goose?

Why Goose?

Well, he's right down the hall.

Goose has got a heart of gold.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

I guess it never really showed.

Probably you told him or something.

I nev... I never told a soul.

Yeah...

Probably everybody'd be nice to you

if they knew you were dying.

Everybody knows everybody's dying.

That's why people are as good as they are.

I'm scared. Hold onto me.

Who is the sick baseball player?

Are you a baseball player, too?

Yes, sir, I'm Henry Wiggen, sir.

Thank you.

I've heard that name... not that I follow the game.

I've detested it since early childhood.

It's a dying game, I'm told.

Hmm...

Hmm...

Mmm.

Mmm. I think...

I think it's something else.

You mean something else besides what they said in Minnesota?

Oh, I couldn't say about that.

I only mean that

I don't think there's any danger

right at this minute.

Oh, boy.

'Cause this sure felt like it.

Now you can do me one favor.

Please send a bill

care of my wife in Perkinsville, New York

and also not leak anything

to the papers.

I'm not in the habit

of leaking my, uh, house calls to the papers.

Arthur, meet Mr. Rogers.

Mr. Rogers is a detective.

Sit down.

Mr. Rogers has been down to Bainbridge

and is now on his way up to Minnesota

filling in some facts for me.

However, you can save us some time

by filling in the rest of the story

which Mr. Rogers has begun.

I'll certainly try my darndest.

Tell him what you discovered.

In Bainbridge, Georgia, the subject's domicile

I developed the following information.

I interviewed a Mr. Jay Clark, the mailman

and a colored woman named Janet.

Uh, never mind the facts.

Give me details.

The details are that the subject, Pearson

told various people that he wasn't feeling so good

and went to the hospital in Atlanta.

The hospital in Atlanta recommended

the hospital in Minnesota...

If you'd actually spoken to anybody worth the while

you'd learn that Pearson has this old-time habit

of running back to Atlanta

maybe once or twice a month.

No doubt you developed that much.

No need telling you where he went in Atlanta...

everybody knows that.

Naturally.

And you know

what you sometimes pick up in such places...

which he did

and which he'd rather not have them treat in Atlanta

so close to home, for fear of it getting back

and embarrassing his mother.

So, up he goes to Minnesota with his fishing gear

forgetting that the ice is nine- feet thick that time of year

checks in with the Mayo Brothers

gets himself shot with a couple of miracle drugs

flirts with the nurses, checks out

meets me in Cannon Falls, we hunted...

What? What?!

We hunted up some girls we know.

God... damn it.

God... damn it!

Hanson?

Hanson!

Loftus!

Randy, get me Doc Loftus!

What's the sudden interruption?

I don't know.

You're the detective.

I seen the girls he runs around with.

She'll give it to the whole club.

She'll run right around my infield!

Take down your pants.

Are you over the clap yet?

Oh, yes, sir; long ago.

How do we know?

Check him over, Doc.

All I need is the clap running through my ball club now!

Hey, Arthur

what's going on around here?

Sometimes I don't know what's going on, sometimes.

He looks just fine to me.

Never better.

Healthy young man if ever I saw one.

Uh, should I head out

and develop this information farther

in-in Rochester, Minnesota?

Rochester, Minnesota?

Where you got shot for the clap.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Stay with it.

Some things have yet to be eXplained.

In July, we dropped a couple more games off the pace.

It was strange... the team was going lousy

yet I led both leagues in wins...

smelling 25, maybe more...

and for the first time in his life

Bruce played regular.

He didn't bust down fences left and right

but he hit steady... 265, 270.

That's not great, but for Bruce, it's fantastic.

Wouldn't you say

that if the Arcturis Company discovered

that you'd been writing phony letters

to prevent Bruce from changing his beneficiary...

Oh, that's not a phony letter; that's a real letter.

- You wrote it. - The company wrote it.

Or if you didn't write it

your wife wrote it... that's my guess...

and several baseball players tell me I'm probably right.

Maybe I'll go check this with the company themself.

They'd take away your license.

Throw me in jail, hmm?

Ruin you as an insurance agent.

Hmm...

Well, if you say anything to the Arcturis Company

I'll stroll down to a certain police station on 66th Street

and swear out a complaint

against a certain "answering service."

Well, I'm not really anXious to complain

to the Arcturis Company.

I don't see any reason why you and I can't...

arrange a settlement of this between us.

A deal?

A compromise.

I can't compromise with his money.

That's none of your business.

You're supposed to do what he wants.

I'm deciding what he wants.

That's illegal.

I know.

First week in August, his father hit town.

Safe!

Stee...

All right, Mammoths, let's go, let's go!

Safe!

Get a job, Wiggen, get a job!

All right, Arthur, it's just one of those days.

It's the last of the order, Dutch.

You've done a lot of pitching.

Let somebody else mop up.

Go ahead, take it easy.

Let's get Caselli in here.

Caselli!

Oh, Henry.

Hello, Mr. Pearson.

Please, move on, and don't disturb the ball players.

That's okay, Jim.

I know I am intruding on you, and I know...

No, you're not.

You've been intruded on enough.

Aah...

It's a ball game, sir.

You win 'em; you lose 'em.

No, Henry, I mean, regarding my son.

Sir?

You know about... the condition of my son?

Yes, sir.

Well, so do I.

Yes, sir, I suspected you did.

How-How can he be so sick and play so well?

I really don't even know, sir.

If I knew, I'd say.

And not play so well

but better than ever, and that's a fact.

That's a fact, sir.

There's no mistake about that.

So, I've been wondering if they didn't make

some kind of a mistake out there at that hospital

in Minnesota

because it-it's hard to believe

that it can be true.

I-I, uh...

I don't think I'd count on it, sir.

They got an awful famous reputation up there.

I know it's been a terrible strain on you.

It's a lot worse on him, sir

and on you.

So, I've been... I've been thinking

and I don't generally swear...

You go ahead and you swear, Mr. Pearson.

Plain old mother talk

ain't no words near strong enough to describe

such a terrible miX-up as life, Arthur...

but I'm swearing, my son's been handed one shit deal!

Yes, sir.

What'd you do that for?

That's a really juvenile thing to do.

Don't do that.

Now, they bombed you out early.

Why didn't you use your energy in the game?

What are you doing it in here for?

Listen, don't mess around with that stuff.

Everybody's going

to be very...

You're writing a new book, Arthur?

No, Joe, I'm being interrupted

by somebody busting in my room.

About you and Pearson?

What makes you think so?

I didn't understand the situation.

What situation?

The situation you're probably writing the book about.

Probably what situation?

The way I feel about it is this:

I believe that Pearson's a better tegwar player

than I ever realized

and should play with us all the time.

I swear to God, Arthur

I'm shaking and my knees are trembling, my heart is sick.

He told me on the airplane.

Who told you what?

Goose told me.

Why?

I've been calling Pearson

"Romeo and Juliet: Which is which," see?

Now who'll you tell?

Nobody, Arthur!

Absolutely nobody!

I told the wife, and that's the end of it.

Why "told the wife"?

Arthur, I tell the wife everything.

Hello, Doc.

Sidney.

What's up?

Where is everybody?

Nobody knows.

I'll bet Tootsie knows.

Knows what, Arthur?

Now look, I know something is up.

The long distance been flying far and fast.

I could use two grandstands any weekend or night.

Yeah, well, tickets are going to be scarcer and scarcer

from here on in.

Why did I see Doc Loftus

just pass through?

Oh, Doc Loftus in the hotel?

Doc Loftus, telephone, please.

Who wants him?

Dutch wants him.

Who's sick?

I don't know, somebody in Minnesota.

I'm not clear.

Look, I only catch a little bit now and then

and, besides, who understands

this medical talk they're talking?

But I believe he has a leak in his blood somewhere.

Room service?

Just a moment, please.

Nothing serious, but I don't know who.

I never heard of it.

But for two more grandstands on the following day

I can tell you something else.

Yeah? I'd hate to hear it.

You are in the doghouse.

Why you?

You've been playing your heart out.

It's some of those other so-called baseball players

been dragging their foot.

That's why we haven't won it yet.

Why me?

Because of your contract, Pearson...

Mr. Rogers

the detective, broke it open.

You see, very easy.

Joe Jaros and Goose Williams

spent the winter in Minnesota with Pearson.

You know, I didn't even know they were that friendly.

Well, takes all kinds.

The time is 8:06.

Third base side, Arthur, lower deck, not too far back

and not behind no pillars nor post.

I told you!

I told you I'd get to the bottom of this!

Good morning to all.

Good morning.

Shouldn't have kept it a secret, Henry.

I can't understand why I'm not crying.

Keep your hankie handy, dearie.

Makes you think it can happen to your own son.

It upset Joe something terrible.

Don't you think we discussed it enough

as far as how horrible it is?

Tonight is another ball game as usual.

Maybe we can get help from the, uh, commissioner.

You can't get help there

and keep it in this room at the same time.

Well, then let the facts out.

It wouldn't be human.

Is it human to lose?

We're calling in Piney Woods

from Queens City for eXtra catching.

Ready on your call to Professor Traphagen.

Do we really need him?

He was the greatest catcher I ever saw.

Arthur, you were his boy.

You talk him into coming back to help us.

He's out of condition.

He teaches English at a college.

He won't play. He'll stick to catching.

He'll study us, help us make it to the end.

How much can I offer him?

The sky's the limit, and I'm sure the boys will go

to a full series share if we win.

Red?

Oh, trouble, Red.

Lots of trouble!

Arthur wants to talk to you!

Yeah, it's Arthur who got us in trouble in the first place.

Red, we got a crisis here, and we need your help.

You get a full series share if we win it.

Red, how do you like the sound of a thousand dollars a week?

Can't find a substitute?

To do what?

Teach English?

What teach English?

People speak English already!

Red, Red, it's urgent.

I swear you won't have to play, just instruct the catching!

Right!

Hop on the nearest plane.

Love and kisses, Red.

I hate him.

Have you thought up anything yet, Doc?

I'm thinking.

You're a slow thinker.

This thing, this...

What is it called?

The disease is named for Hodgkin.

He's the man who identified it.

Find him.

Is he alive himself?

Maybe he thought up a cure by now

that those jugheads up in Minnesota didn't hear about yet.

What the hell kind of a place is that anyway

to build a goddamn hospital in the wilds of nowhere?

Does a man freeze his ass off

by the time they get him down in bed?

You. You were there.

You sneaked out there in the middle of winter

and all the rest was horse feathers.

You and Mary "P" for palooka!

And hunting through the ice and miracle drugs for the clap

and tricks on the telephone!

Whoo-hoo! Howdy, partners!

Hey, Piney, what's going on?

Tumblin' tumbleweeds!

Piney Woods!

Hey, Piney, Piney

did you come here from Queens City

on horseback?

No, partner, I flew.

Hey, it's Red Traphagan!

What's up, Arthur?

Damn if I know.

You know I'd tell you if I knew.

It smells the same.

It stinks!

Human perspiration smells, it doesn't stink.

Wouldn't have it any other way, huh?

Arthur.

How are you?

Jesus, you've been having a great year.

Best year of my life.

I've bet you got no reception like this

in San Francisco.

No, they pray I don't show for class.

What's up, Red? Why are you here?

Let's get a statement.

Ponce!

Ponce, I want to talk to my boys, huh?

Why is he here, Dutch? What's happening?

- Is he going to play? - Never.

He's here to coach the catching

and Piney's here to catch the catching

in case anything happens.

You'll get your story later.

- Why now? - Mental lapse, that's why.

Beat it.

Look, there's lemonade, there's cookies outside.

Why don't you get going, stay outside.

If you want a story

I'll give it to you later on.

Where's your gun?

Well, right here, partner.

Hand it over.

I'm in no mood to see anybody get killed

by a bullet wound.

Piney, I hear you had bullets with it, too.

Well, yes, sir. They're in the gun.

Why the hell didn't you tell me?

Why, I didn't think it'd go off.

I'm always very careful.

That's what everybody says.

That's why the hospitals are full of babies.

- Jonah? - Yeah.

You shot guns in the war.

No, sir, I played baseball.

Some hell of a war.

Canada.

Yes, sir.

- You shot guns in Vietnam. - Right.

Here. Take and empty this gun.

Why am I here, Arthur?

Boys? Boys...

I want to welcome Red back from the Coast

to bolster us and steady up the instruction.

I want to welcome Piney Woods back from the wild, wild west

to ride along with us all the way now

is what I'm hoping.

You've all been doing very good jobs.

Maybe now and then some baseball player

or other type of person gets the idea that I'm not human.

Well, for eXample, even... Pearson here thought

that I sometimes wasn't human.

No, sir.

I, uh, probably ate you out now and then

but never without a reason.

No, sir, you only ate me out for doing dumb things.

No, no, no, no, I ate you out

for the good of the club

and for your own pocketbook

never for anything personal

because I know that you know

that personally I never had anything

but the greatest respect for you as a human being.

Yes, sir, that was how I always felt.

When I die...

When I die...

...the papers will write in the headlines

"Son of a Bitches of the World Have Lost Their Leader."

Yet, many a boy might shed a tear or two

that rode along with me into the big bunny

and, uh, that's why I maybe now and then

I ate Pearson out or some other type of person.

It's time, Dutch.

Yeah.

I'll say it's time!

Let's go, boys!

Now that you're here

tell me what you see, okay?

'Cause I know I got faults.

I always did.

Throw the ball back to the pitcher better.

Make it easy on him.

Right, I will.

I really will now. I'll do that.

I told you that a thousand times.

When he tells you, you believe him.

Yeah, but he's a catcher.

You ain't no catcher.

We're of the tribe of catchers.

Yeah, huh.

Oh, yeah, but when you hit

don't chew.

There's a system to your chewing.

You give yourself away.

When he tenses up, he stops chewing.

That's it.

Oh, one other little thing... use a lighter bat.

I always thought you used too heavy a bat.

Big, strong boy like you, you just meet the ball.

Don't murder it.

Okay.

Is she familiar to you?

Oh, you bet.

I seen her on TV.

Plus, she was voted Miss Industrial Progress

not so very long ago.

I believe I recall the event.

Tell Mr. Wiggen your present business address.

66th Street.

Where you've got a golden lifetime pass to

just as soon as I lay my hands

on that Change of Beneficiary form

to you-know-who's policy.

Miss Industrial Progress here is a baseball fan

from way back, aren't you, honey?

I sure am.

You won't play ball forever.

You got a short life.

Why not live it up a little bit?

I mean, why worry so much about...

you-know-who and his family

and his little old policy.

Why?

Why?

I don't know why you don't live it up all the time

when dying is just around the corner

but you don't.

You'd think you would, but you don't.

I don't know why.

All right, bring them in.

As I was walking the streets of Laredo

As I walked out in Laredo one day

I spied a young cowboy all wrapped in white linen

Wrapped in white linen as cold as the clay...

Then the cowboy speaks.

Try a different song!

Yeah, I don't like that song.

No, the cowboy speaks.

I don't want to hear the cowboy speak.

I seen by his outfit that he was a cowboy

And as I walked near him these words he did sigh

"Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story

Shot in the breast, and I know I must die"...

You got another number, Piney?

That song stinks.

It's a cornball song.

Hey, I think it's letting up.

Let him sing.

Yeah, it sounds good.

Yeah, the cowboy tells his sad story.

Yes, once in the saddle, I used to go dashing

Once in the saddle, I used to go gay

First down to Rosie's, and then to the card house

Shot in the breast, and I'm dying today

Get 16 gamblers to carry my coffin

Get siX pretty maidens to sing me a song

Take me to the valley and lay the sod o'er me

I'm just a young cowboy, and I know I done wrong.

Come on, boys.

Why don't you join in a little like they do, you know?

Oh, bang the drum slowly and play the fife lowly

Play the dead march as they carry me along

Put bunches of roses all over my coffin

Roses too deaden the clods as they fall.

Hey!

Hey, it's Arthur!

Hey, Arthur, hat's off.

Come on in, Arthur.

Come on, join the celebration.

I guess I will... I live here.

Celebrating what?

Uh...

celebrating!

Celebrating celebration.

Yeah, hats off!

Hey, gee, Piney, he said "Hats off"

So take your hat off.

Well, whatever Bruce says, I'll do, for in my opinion

there's no greater catcher in baseball today.

Hats off.

Baltimore won.

Well, that's okay

'cause they ain't going to beat us!

Best of five.

Hey, hey, why, hats off.

Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam

And the deer and the antelope play

Where seldom is heard a discouraging word...

I thought I might be dreaming.

I figured I'd wake up

and they'd be ragging each other

and slinging horse shit as usual.

But it was real.

They were there, and Bruce amongst them.

It was a club.

...Where seldom is heard a discouraging word

And the skies are not cloudy all day...

No, there's no...

I don't want to be here when he shoots.

He's gonna shoot goddamn...

Ah, my eyes.

Glass all over the floor.

Where's my shoes?

Arthur.

You all right?

Yeah.

Oh, they're a great bunch of boys.

They always was.

Put a card there, all right.

Joe, you up.

Yeah, I'm betting right now.

I want five dollars more.

I'm putting in five.

Five more. What are you betting on?

Five. I'll tell you after you put in the five.

And I'm going to raise you two.

Okay, what are?

- Raise me two. - I want to raise two.

- All right, he can raise. - You owe.

Two and two better.

I'll raise you two.

Hey, you're not putting in any money.

What are you holding, Joe?

- The siX dollars. - What are you holding?

- I got it. - I'll just raise you two.

Are you talking big, or are you holding?

No, no, no. I want to see his money here.

I just raised two, though.

I can't play. Listen, put in the money!

I'll put it in, but I don't understand...

Put in another three dollars there.

That's it. Three more.

- Here it is. - No, but he didn't...

Jack and a three, and it's all mine.

- Wait a... - I've got the trump card here.

15, 15!

I haven't even played my hand...

No good, no good!

Wait a minute, we got a split.

We got a run right through the ten...

Can you beat a Coney Island tady?

Yeah. Well, well...

Well, what about this double ace deuces?

I wish you a lot of luck with it.

It was a club

like it should've been all year but never was

but all of a sudden become.

We'd begun to pull ahead.

Please welcome

for a return engagement on this program

the Singing Mammoths

and their newest member, Bruce Pearson.

Please eXcuse my tears

'Cause I've been on the road to tribulation

And I find no consolation here

What good is a love song if the words are second-hand?

They don't belong to anyone you can't get near

'Cause I live on the outside of your joy and laughter

You gave me a good ride, but I can't come after

All is said and done

I'm not the one you really took me for

And so, you better look before you leap

Yeah.

Come on there, Bruce.

Play it.

Whoo!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Whoo!

Yeah!

Whoo!

Yeah.

Ooh!

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

I live on the outside of your joy and laughter

You gave me a good ride, but I can't come after

All is said and done

I'm not the one you really took me for

And so, you'd better look before you leap

So you better look before you leap

So you better look before you weep.

Bruce, you did it, man!

Get it over here!

Hey, get over here!

What, what?

Ah, nothing.

I'll call a doctor, okay?

No.

Is it the real thing?

Well, yes and no.

I just feel a little dipsy.

Maybe if you open a window.

Hi, Katie.

I'm okay.

Well, I'm feeling a little dipsy.

Uh, no, I don't think he did.

Oh, he's getting to it.

Mm-hmm.

No, he's getting to it.

Yeah.

Uh...

Katie? But I didn't...

Katie?

Katie?

Well, okay, yeah, and I love you, too.

Yeah.

I'll get Perry to warm you.

No, no, I'm okay.

Am I throwing the ball back better?

Oh, yeah

and it's helping me out a lot, too.

Everything had been going our way

and when the Pirates came to town

we had ourselves a good cushion.

We were unstoppable.

It was only a matter of time.

Oh!

Keep it moving, don't slow it down.

Are you all right?

You don't look all right.

Strike Three! You're out!

Hey, uh, are you all right?

Bruce?

He's all right.

We'll take care of him.

Stee!

Strike two!

Come on! Go!

Yes!

Heads up, Bruce, heads up!

He's not too clear in his head, Dutch.

Then let's keep your sign off the bench.

Ah, tell Horse to cover pop flies around the plate.

Stee!

Ball two!

Stee!

You can go in now.

It's sad; makes you want to cry.

It is sad...

makes you want to laugh.

Hey.

Hi.

Hey.

Hi, Joe.

Hi.

Hope I brought the right combination.

Yeah.

Did anyone bring my shoes?

Yeah, sure.

Thanks for everything, Arthur.

Thanks a lot.

And I'll be back in the spring.

I'm going to be in shape then;

you'll see.

Yeah, I'll see you then, and, Bruce...

Yeah.

...see you in Aqua Clara, all right?

Yeah.

Hey, Arthur, don't forget to send me a scorecard

from the series, okay?

You bet I will.

Okay.

I'll see you.

I'll see you.

We breezed through the playoffs

and wrapped up the series on a Sunday.

My win.

I took the scorecard home and threw it on the shelf

and left it lay there.

It would've been simple to shove it in the mail.

How long would it have took?

Couldn't I afford the stamps?

In my Arcturis calendar for December 10, it says:

Desoto visited Georgia, 15-40.

This hands me a laugh.

Bruce Pearson also visited Georgia.

I was his pallbearer

me and some local boys.

There were flowers from the club

but no person from the club.

They could've sent somebody.

He wasn't a bad fella...

no worse than most and probably better than some...

and not a bad ballplayer neither

when they give him the chance...

when they laid off him long enough.

From here on in, I rag nobody.