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1
00:00:07,517 --> 00:00:08,827
- That's why I'm really into
microbrews, you know?
2
00:00:08,862 --> 00:00:11,102
- What's up, dude?
- Oh, let me get you a chair.
3
00:00:11,137 --> 00:00:13,517
- And he's doing, like,
actual shots.
4
00:00:13,551 --> 00:00:15,481
- Sorry, can I take
this chair, guys?
5
00:00:15,517 --> 00:00:17,857
- No problemo, amigo.
6
00:00:17,896 --> 00:00:19,826
So he's, like, ripping these
shots, and we're like,
7
00:00:19,862 --> 00:00:21,312
"Yeah, go for it, man," like,
"You're the man."
8
00:00:21,344 --> 00:00:25,554
And we're totally fine,
so then eventually...
9
00:00:25,586 --> 00:00:26,656
- Nope.
- Like, this,
10
00:00:26,689 --> 00:00:27,619
whatever you, like,
make a cast out of--
11
00:00:27,655 --> 00:00:30,685
- [speaking Spanish]
12
00:00:46,103 --> 00:00:47,523
Ahh, okay.
13
00:01:07,379 --> 00:01:08,619
- [speaking Spanish]
14
00:01:30,310 --> 00:01:33,100
- I know that feel, brah.
15
00:01:35,344 --> 00:01:36,724
- Hola.
16
00:01:38,344 --> 00:01:39,904
- Oh, fuck. Okay.
17
00:01:47,172 --> 00:01:48,382
- Ha-ha.
18
00:01:50,206 --> 00:01:51,586
- That worked. It was funny.
19
00:02:03,655 --> 00:02:06,405
- No problemo, amigo.
20
00:02:06,448 --> 00:02:08,898
Pew-pew, pew-pew.
21
00:02:08,931 --> 00:02:10,451
Pshew-pew-pew.
22
00:02:10,482 --> 00:02:12,412
You--you can keep the chair.
23
00:02:12,448 --> 00:02:13,518
Sorry about your mom.
24
00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:14,721
That sucks.
25
00:02:14,758 --> 00:02:16,758
Okay, bye. Thank you.
26
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,791
Yeah, you can stand.
27
00:02:21,827 --> 00:02:24,787
[cool percussive music]
28
00:02:24,827 --> 00:02:31,857
♪
29
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,520
Hey, do you know
Vanessa's Dumplings?
30
00:02:35,551 --> 00:02:37,831
- Yeah, I love
Vanessa's Dumplings.
31
00:02:37,862 --> 00:02:39,792
- I love Vanessa's Dumplings.
- What?
32
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,277
- Yeah.
- Oh, my gosh.
33
00:02:41,310 --> 00:02:44,860
- Wow, Imagine Dragons,
Crème de la Mer,
34
00:02:44,896 --> 00:02:46,446
any movie with John Leguizamo.
I mean--
35
00:02:46,482 --> 00:02:48,032
- Including "Spawn."
- Thank you.
36
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:49,068
- Yes.
37
00:02:49,103 --> 00:02:50,283
- You really check
all the boxes.
38
00:02:50,310 --> 00:02:51,280
- You know,
I think we might have
39
00:02:51,310 --> 00:02:52,830
another thing in common too.
40
00:02:52,862 --> 00:02:55,282
- You take off all your clothes
to go number two as well?
41
00:02:55,310 --> 00:02:56,900
- Mm.
42
00:02:59,689 --> 00:03:00,829
- You meant kissing.
- Yeah.
43
00:03:00,862 --> 00:03:01,862
- Cool. Yeah, me too.
44
00:03:01,896 --> 00:03:02,996
[laughter]
45
00:03:03,034 --> 00:03:04,524
All right.
46
00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:07,551
Honest hour, Tina, I've met a
lot of people in my life,
47
00:03:07,586 --> 00:03:09,826
you know, good people, like,
sturdy people,
48
00:03:09,862 --> 00:03:11,142
- Mm.
49
00:03:11,172 --> 00:03:12,722
- I've never felt such an
immediate connection
50
00:03:12,758 --> 00:03:14,968
with somebody, especially after
four dates.
51
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,100
- Aww.
52
00:03:16,137 --> 00:03:17,167
- Not to be weird about it,
53
00:03:17,206 --> 00:03:19,786
but the sex,
it's so intimate...
54
00:03:19,827 --> 00:03:21,617
- [laughs]
- So much eye contact.
55
00:03:21,655 --> 00:03:25,475
- Yeah, you know,
you can blink.
56
00:03:25,517 --> 00:03:27,517
- Good to know.
Good to know, yeah.
57
00:03:27,551 --> 00:03:29,211
- Hey, I'm gonna take a
shower...
58
00:03:29,241 --> 00:03:30,971
- All right.
- And you can make yourself
59
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,000
at home.
- Oh, cool.
60
00:03:34,034 --> 00:03:35,074
- Bye.
- See ya.
61
00:03:38,275 --> 00:03:40,995
[door closes]
62
00:03:44,620 --> 00:03:47,760
- Ooh, bitchin' place.
63
00:03:47,793 --> 00:03:50,313
Oh, yes.
64
00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:53,621
Man, I love hats.
65
00:03:56,482 --> 00:03:59,282
You wascally wabbit.
[laughs]
66
00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:01,070
Oh, yeah.
67
00:04:01,103 --> 00:04:04,073
Okay.
68
00:04:04,103 --> 00:04:06,173
I am the captain now.
[laughs]
69
00:04:06,206 --> 00:04:10,066
You jokester.
70
00:04:10,103 --> 00:04:11,723
Play ball.
[laughs]
71
00:04:11,758 --> 00:04:14,828
[dramatic music]
72
00:04:14,862 --> 00:04:18,522
Oh, God, no. No, nope.
No, no.
73
00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:19,901
Oh, no.
74
00:04:19,931 --> 00:04:21,861
Oh, God, no.
75
00:04:21,896 --> 00:04:23,446
Yes, please.
76
00:04:23,482 --> 00:04:24,902
No.
77
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,031
I'm dating a Republican?
78
00:04:27,068 --> 00:04:28,068
God.
79
00:04:28,103 --> 00:04:32,103
No!
80
00:04:32,137 --> 00:04:33,897
Okay, how did I miss that?
81
00:04:33,931 --> 00:04:37,451
[cool percussive music]
82
00:04:37,482 --> 00:04:40,452
[gentle piano music]
83
00:04:40,482 --> 00:04:43,072
- When Mateo Cruz was
diagnosed at the age of two
84
00:04:43,103 --> 00:04:44,693
with a rare blood disease,
85
00:04:44,724 --> 00:04:48,214
doctors said he wouldn't make
it to his fifth birthday.
86
00:04:48,241 --> 00:04:49,861
- All right, blow out the
candles, buddy.
87
00:04:49,896 --> 00:04:53,656
- And yet here the miraculous
Mateo is six years later.
88
00:04:53,689 --> 00:04:55,659
- Look at those lungs.
- Nice job.
89
00:04:55,689 --> 00:04:58,339
- When we heard
Mateo's amazing story,
90
00:04:58,379 --> 00:05:01,789
we knew we wanted to make his
biggest dream come true.
91
00:05:01,827 --> 00:05:03,787
And he knew
his wish right away.
92
00:05:03,827 --> 00:05:05,517
He didn't even have to think.
93
00:05:05,551 --> 00:05:10,691
- My wish is that I don't want
to meet Macklemore.
94
00:05:10,724 --> 00:05:13,454
- Family and friends were
immediately touched
95
00:05:13,482 --> 00:05:15,242
by Mateo's dream.
96
00:05:15,275 --> 00:05:16,475
I mean, what can I say?
97
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:18,137
Our little guy
just can't stand Macklemore.
98
00:05:18,172 --> 00:05:20,622
And it's not
just his music either.
99
00:05:20,655 --> 00:05:23,755
As Mateo would say, you know...
100
00:05:23,793 --> 00:05:25,793
he just hates
the guy's whole vibe.
101
00:05:25,827 --> 00:05:28,027
- I don't like his songs,
102
00:05:28,068 --> 00:05:30,758
and I don't think I would like
him as a person.
103
00:05:30,793 --> 00:05:33,243
I don't ever want to meet him.
- Okay, champ.
104
00:05:33,275 --> 00:05:34,995
They're gonna see
what they can do, okay?
105
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:36,454
No promises.
106
00:05:36,482 --> 00:05:37,792
- When we heard the wish,
107
00:05:37,827 --> 00:05:39,587
we weren't sure
it would be possible.
108
00:05:39,620 --> 00:05:42,000
Macklemore seems
like a pretty nice guy.
109
00:05:42,034 --> 00:05:44,724
And surprising sick kids
at a hospital seems like
110
00:05:44,758 --> 00:05:46,588
something he'd want to do.
111
00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:49,000
- We were just hoping and
praying that when he saw
112
00:05:49,034 --> 00:05:52,934
just how little his music meant
to our son, he'd understand.
113
00:05:52,965 --> 00:05:55,925
[gentle music]
114
00:05:55,965 --> 00:05:57,755
♪
115
00:05:57,793 --> 00:05:59,623
- That's me.
116
00:05:59,655 --> 00:06:00,965
That's my dad.
117
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,520
That's my mom.
118
00:06:02,551 --> 00:06:04,831
And there's no Macklemore.
119
00:06:04,862 --> 00:06:06,722
- I'll never forget that night
in the hospital.
120
00:06:06,758 --> 00:06:09,688
Mateo must have been five,
I think. [sniffles]
121
00:06:09,724 --> 00:06:12,074
We were watching TV, and he's
like, "Daddy, who's that?"
122
00:06:12,103 --> 00:06:14,213
And I said, "Son, that's
Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.
123
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,141
That have a song called
"Thrift Shop."
124
00:06:16,172 --> 00:06:20,482
He just goes,
"No, no, no, no, no."
125
00:06:20,517 --> 00:06:23,787
He looked like
he was gonna be sick.
126
00:06:23,827 --> 00:06:26,687
I mean, sicker
than he already was.
127
00:06:26,724 --> 00:06:28,834
- That's great.
That's really good.
128
00:06:28,862 --> 00:06:32,862
It was so inspiring to see the
whole town come together
129
00:06:32,896 --> 00:06:35,206
to help make
Mateo's wish come true.
130
00:06:35,241 --> 00:06:37,901
When all this started, I said
to him, "You do know
131
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,521
"nobody would ever make you
meet Macklemore, right?
132
00:06:40,551 --> 00:06:42,721
He's not even
that big right now."
133
00:06:42,758 --> 00:06:45,238
And he was like,
"I just want to play it safe.
134
00:06:45,275 --> 00:06:46,895
I want a guarantee."
135
00:06:46,931 --> 00:06:49,171
- And we were like, "You know,
you can have whatever you want.
136
00:06:49,206 --> 00:06:51,826
"You know, if you wanted to
live in Disneyland for a month,
137
00:06:51,862 --> 00:06:53,212
"they could probably
make that happen.
138
00:06:53,241 --> 00:06:56,071
And you would still probably
never meet Macklemore."
139
00:06:56,103 --> 00:07:00,663
But then he said, "Dad, what if
Macklemore is at Disneyland?"
140
00:07:00,689 --> 00:07:04,689
And you know what?
I-I hadn't thought of that.
141
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,484
- After weeks of calling,
142
00:07:06,517 --> 00:07:10,137
Katherine finally connects
with Macklemore's managers.
143
00:07:10,172 --> 00:07:14,862
- Yep, just don't visit him
and don't surprise him.
144
00:07:14,896 --> 00:07:16,066
Yep, that's all.
145
00:07:18,724 --> 00:07:20,314
Thank you so much.
146
00:07:20,344 --> 00:07:21,904
Okay.
147
00:07:23,931 --> 00:07:25,171
He's not coming.
148
00:07:25,206 --> 00:07:28,996
- Okay, buddy, time to take off
that blindfold, okay?
149
00:07:34,379 --> 00:07:35,859
- He's not here.
150
00:07:35,896 --> 00:07:38,206
He's really not here.
151
00:07:38,241 --> 00:07:40,281
- Macklemore
is never coming, honey,
152
00:07:40,310 --> 00:07:44,240
not now, not later, never.
153
00:07:44,275 --> 00:07:46,135
[applause]
154
00:07:46,172 --> 00:07:47,902
- And that's when I realized
that all the other kids
155
00:07:47,931 --> 00:07:49,971
have it wrong
by wishing for vacations
156
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,690
or a ticket to a big game.
157
00:07:51,724 --> 00:07:54,244
When your one wish is to never
meet Macklemore,
158
00:07:54,275 --> 00:07:58,025
every day that you don't meet
Macklemore feels like a gift.
159
00:07:58,068 --> 00:08:01,968
♪
160
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,280
- You know, this is an
especially difficult job
161
00:08:04,310 --> 00:08:08,450
for me, because I actually kind
of like Macklemore.
162
00:08:08,482 --> 00:08:09,862
♪ Downtown
163
00:08:09,896 --> 00:08:11,786
- Aah!
- Ooh, I'm sorry, kiddo.
164
00:08:11,827 --> 00:08:13,997
I thought you were asleep.
- Just let me die.
165
00:08:14,034 --> 00:08:16,414
[cool percussive music]
166
00:08:19,206 --> 00:08:22,786
[cool percussive music]
167
00:08:22,827 --> 00:08:25,407
- What are you doing?
You can't date a Republican.
168
00:08:25,448 --> 00:08:27,758
- I know,
but Tina's amazing, man.
169
00:08:27,793 --> 00:08:29,343
I don't know what to do.
- Easy.
170
00:08:29,379 --> 00:08:31,209
You push her down a well, and
you say it was an accident.
171
00:08:31,241 --> 00:08:32,621
- Really, Jen, a well?
172
00:08:32,655 --> 00:08:33,855
- Yeah, there's one in Queens.
173
00:08:33,896 --> 00:08:35,996
- Whoa, guys, murder's bad.
174
00:08:36,034 --> 00:08:37,384
- It's a shallow well.
175
00:08:37,413 --> 00:08:38,623
- We should be trying to
understand people
176
00:08:38,655 --> 00:08:39,925
who disagree with us,
177
00:08:39,965 --> 00:08:42,065
like people who believe
the Earth is round.
178
00:08:42,103 --> 00:08:43,723
- Listen, this is not a big
deal, all right?
179
00:08:43,758 --> 00:08:45,238
New York is a melting pot.
180
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:48,205
For example, I once dated a
girl from Mongolia, same thing.
181
00:08:48,241 --> 00:08:50,101
- Mm.
- That's not the same thing.
182
00:08:50,137 --> 00:08:52,277
- She was one of the top models
in Ulaanbaatar.
183
00:08:52,310 --> 00:08:54,140
- Okay, so you're not helping.
You're just bragging.
184
00:08:54,172 --> 00:08:55,972
- You want to see a picture?
- No.
185
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,590
Maybe... later.
186
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,720
- Tracy's single, if you want
me to set you guys up instead.
187
00:08:59,758 --> 00:09:01,688
- Chris, please stop trying to
hook me up with your sister.
188
00:09:01,724 --> 00:09:04,664
- We could be brother-in-laws.
- I know.
189
00:09:04,689 --> 00:09:07,449
- How can you even date
a Republican, like, legally?
190
00:09:07,482 --> 00:09:08,792
- Tina's cool, okay?
191
00:09:08,827 --> 00:09:10,307
And I haven't felt this way
about a girl
192
00:09:10,344 --> 00:09:12,004
in a really long time.
193
00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:14,104
And honest hour,
the sex is incredible.
194
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,137
- Ooh, Tracy likes sex.
195
00:09:15,172 --> 00:09:17,482
- Chris, seriously?
196
00:09:17,517 --> 00:09:19,657
- What does a Republican puss
even look like?
197
00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:21,969
Is it mean, like a frown?
198
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,790
[gasps]
Is there a wall around it?
199
00:09:23,827 --> 00:09:26,067
- Stop it.
- Just be careful, Arturo.
200
00:09:26,103 --> 00:09:28,073
Because beliefs
can be sexually transmitted.
201
00:09:28,103 --> 00:09:29,173
- Stop it, Jen.
202
00:09:29,206 --> 00:09:30,616
There are good people
on both sides.
203
00:09:30,655 --> 00:09:32,445
- See? See? It's happening.
- Ooh.
204
00:09:32,482 --> 00:09:34,002
- It's happening.
- Ooh.
205
00:09:34,034 --> 00:09:35,934
- Now, can we get
back to her puss?
206
00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:37,065
Are there guns in there?
207
00:09:37,103 --> 00:09:38,483
- I like her.
I can't help it.
208
00:09:38,517 --> 00:09:40,587
- Listen, man, just let it go,
don't bring up politics.
209
00:09:40,620 --> 00:09:41,930
You'll be cool.
- No, no.
210
00:09:41,965 --> 00:09:43,275
I have to be honest with her.
211
00:09:43,310 --> 00:09:45,480
I at least have to try
to bridge the gap, you know?
212
00:09:45,517 --> 00:09:46,717
And since it's the only advice
213
00:09:46,758 --> 00:09:48,068
that none
of you have mentioned,
214
00:09:48,103 --> 00:09:50,003
I think
it's the right one, right?
215
00:09:51,965 --> 00:09:53,995
What are we shucking
all this corn for?
216
00:09:54,034 --> 00:09:55,834
- I thought this was your corn.
- It's not my corn.
217
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:57,002
- It's not mine.
218
00:09:57,034 --> 00:09:58,484
- Whose corn is this?
219
00:10:00,482 --> 00:10:03,142
- Oh, yeah, it is my corn.
220
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:08,446
[cool percussive music]
221
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:09,862
[upbeat guitar music]
222
00:10:09,896 --> 00:10:11,996
- Okay, everybody,
the tamales are ready.
223
00:10:12,034 --> 00:10:13,314
Come and get them, okay?
224
00:10:13,344 --> 00:10:14,794
Just serve yourselves.
- Mamá.
225
00:10:14,827 --> 00:10:16,337
- Ay, mi'jo. Hola.
226
00:10:16,379 --> 00:10:17,929
Un poco tarde, ¿no?
227
00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:19,615
- Oh, sorry.
Sofia and I are late.
228
00:10:19,655 --> 00:10:21,895
- Oh, it's okay, mi'jo.
I know it's not your fault.
229
00:10:21,931 --> 00:10:23,761
Sofia, hola.
230
00:10:23,793 --> 00:10:25,173
- ¿Cómo está?
231
00:10:25,206 --> 00:10:27,136
- My future daughter-in-law.
232
00:10:27,172 --> 00:10:28,552
Which is crazy.
233
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:31,136
[laughter]
234
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,142
What is this?
235
00:10:32,172 --> 00:10:34,412
- Oh, I brought tamales.
236
00:10:34,448 --> 00:10:36,138
[all gasp]
237
00:10:36,172 --> 00:10:37,972
- Tamales.
238
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,280
Interesting choice.
239
00:10:39,310 --> 00:10:41,760
- Yes, it's my
abuela's recipe.
240
00:10:41,793 --> 00:10:43,073
- I thought
you were bringing cookies.
241
00:10:43,103 --> 00:10:44,763
I thought she was bringing
cookies, Mom.
242
00:10:44,793 --> 00:10:46,453
- Well, I decided to make
tamales instead.
243
00:10:46,482 --> 00:10:48,282
- I thought I told you,
my mom makes the tamales.
244
00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:50,550
- We're just gonna have more
tamales, then.
245
00:10:50,586 --> 00:10:53,516
[Latin-tinged guitar music]
246
00:10:53,551 --> 00:10:56,831
♪
247
00:10:56,862 --> 00:10:57,972
- It's okay, mi'jo.
248
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,310
I'm sure her tamales are made
with love...
249
00:11:00,344 --> 00:11:03,174
just like my tamales are made
with so much love.
250
00:11:03,206 --> 00:11:04,856
- Oh, Mama Garcia,
251
00:11:04,896 --> 00:11:07,546
my tamales are made
with the most love.
252
00:11:07,586 --> 00:11:09,236
- Mi'ja, would you like
to put them down?
253
00:11:09,275 --> 00:11:12,405
- I would love to.
- You can put them right here.
254
00:11:12,448 --> 00:11:13,548
Here you go.
255
00:11:13,586 --> 00:11:15,966
♪
256
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,830
[sniffs]
Mmm, they smell so--
257
00:11:18,862 --> 00:11:20,312
¿Cómo se dice"trying too hard"?
258
00:11:20,344 --> 00:11:21,554
Así se dice.
259
00:11:21,586 --> 00:11:23,306
Sí, that's how you say it.
260
00:11:23,344 --> 00:11:26,314
- And yours, they look
so tightly wound,
261
00:11:26,344 --> 00:11:27,724
suffocating even.
262
00:11:27,758 --> 00:11:29,338
- Pedro, are you ready
for a tamale?
263
00:11:29,379 --> 00:11:31,659
- Yes, Pedro, have one.
264
00:11:31,689 --> 00:11:34,309
- I--oh, I--oh, I'm not
actually hungry, so...
265
00:11:34,344 --> 00:11:35,664
- No, you said
that you were starving.
266
00:11:35,689 --> 00:11:36,659
- I had some chips
in the house.
267
00:11:36,689 --> 00:11:37,999
[stomach rumbling]
268
00:11:38,034 --> 00:11:39,794
- Ay, mi gordito, I can hearyour stomach rumbling.
269
00:11:39,827 --> 00:11:42,897
Just choose one.
- Yes, choose.
270
00:11:42,931 --> 00:11:44,341
- There's no wrong choice.
271
00:11:44,379 --> 00:11:48,929
Just pick whichever one
you want to eat.
272
00:11:48,965 --> 00:11:51,205
♪
273
00:11:51,241 --> 00:11:54,831
- Hey, everybody,
I brought tamales.
274
00:11:54,862 --> 00:11:57,072
No, I did not.
Good-bye.
275
00:11:57,103 --> 00:11:58,693
- I carried you
for nine long months, mi'jo,
276
00:11:58,724 --> 00:12:00,174
fed you from my own bosom.
277
00:12:00,206 --> 00:12:02,236
- I've been engaged to you
for nine long months, mi amor,
278
00:12:02,275 --> 00:12:04,135
shown you my own bosoms.
279
00:12:04,172 --> 00:12:05,792
- Wow, do you kiss your mother
with that mouth?
280
00:12:05,827 --> 00:12:08,407
- Just your son.
- I will fucking end you.
281
00:12:08,448 --> 00:12:11,238
- Please, you're not helping!
Do you mind?
282
00:12:11,275 --> 00:12:12,235
- Choose, Pedro.
283
00:12:12,275 --> 00:12:13,615
- Choose.
- Choose.
284
00:12:13,655 --> 00:12:15,335
- You must choose now.
- Choose with your heart.
285
00:12:15,379 --> 00:12:16,589
- Choose.
- Choose.
286
00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:19,070
- [screams]
287
00:12:19,103 --> 00:12:22,213
[all screaming]
288
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,761
- Mi'jo, ¿qué estás haciendo?
289
00:12:24,793 --> 00:12:27,593
- [slurring]
I burned off my taste buds.
290
00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:30,210
Now I can't taste anything.
291
00:12:30,241 --> 00:12:32,071
You can't make me choose.
292
00:12:32,103 --> 00:12:34,973
- Mi'jo, that was
so exaggerated.
293
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,590
- I-I-I'm a little overwhelmed
by this, right?
294
00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:39,310
- We are bonding right here.
295
00:12:39,344 --> 00:12:40,974
- We're having a moment.
We're having a nice time.
296
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,100
And then you mess it up.
297
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,967
- Disgusting.
You know what? Embarrassing.
298
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,450
I'm sorry. Are you okay?
299
00:12:45,482 --> 00:12:47,102
- I don't think so.
300
00:12:47,137 --> 00:12:48,657
- I am so very sorry.
301
00:12:48,689 --> 00:12:49,969
Here come--come with me.
- Pedro...
302
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,930
- I'm so sorry. Have you met
my other son, mi'ja?
303
00:12:51,965 --> 00:12:53,305
- The one who's not
a little bitch?
304
00:12:53,344 --> 00:12:55,004
- Yes, that's the one.
He's so cool.
305
00:12:55,034 --> 00:12:57,594
- Can someone take me
to the hospital?
306
00:12:57,620 --> 00:12:58,930
[kids giggling]
307
00:12:58,965 --> 00:13:00,275
Mom!
308
00:13:00,310 --> 00:13:03,070
[cool percussive music]
309
00:13:05,586 --> 00:13:08,926
[cool percussive music]
310
00:13:08,965 --> 00:13:10,785
- So it's all out in the open.
Good.
311
00:13:10,827 --> 00:13:12,167
We don't agree politically,
312
00:13:12,206 --> 00:13:13,616
but we still like
each other, right?
313
00:13:13,655 --> 00:13:16,165
- Yeah, and I-I guess I can't
say I'm surprised,
314
00:13:16,206 --> 00:13:17,686
given your, um--
315
00:13:17,724 --> 00:13:18,794
- Absolutely everything
about me.
316
00:13:18,827 --> 00:13:20,237
- Yep.
- Yeah, I know.
317
00:13:20,275 --> 00:13:21,375
But nothing has to be
different.
318
00:13:21,413 --> 00:13:23,723
We can still talk
about anything.
319
00:13:23,758 --> 00:13:26,278
Um, I don't know, like,
the weather.
320
00:13:26,310 --> 00:13:28,280
Today was freezing.
- Freezing.
321
00:13:28,310 --> 00:13:29,410
- I know.
- Yeah.
322
00:13:29,448 --> 00:13:30,828
So much for global warming.
323
00:13:30,862 --> 00:13:32,102
[laughter]
324
00:13:32,137 --> 00:13:33,377
- Mm-mm.
- Oh, no.
325
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:34,863
- Mm, weather is out.
326
00:13:34,896 --> 00:13:36,446
- Um...
327
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,032
- Sports.
- Yeah.
328
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:39,378
- How about football?
Do you like football?
329
00:13:39,413 --> 00:13:40,623
- Yes, I do.
- Oh, awesome.
330
00:13:40,655 --> 00:13:42,275
- Well, I did.
I stopped watching
331
00:13:42,310 --> 00:13:44,140
once they started kneeling
during the anthem.
332
00:13:44,172 --> 00:13:46,242
- Movies. Movies are good.
- Great.
333
00:13:46,275 --> 00:13:48,655
- I'll tell you, I just saw
"Rudy" for the first time.
334
00:13:48,689 --> 00:13:50,209
- [gasps]
- I know. It's so sweet.
335
00:13:50,241 --> 00:13:51,721
- The documentary
about Rudy Giuliani.
336
00:13:51,758 --> 00:13:53,968
- Nope, not that one.
337
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,280
I would not watch that one.
338
00:13:55,310 --> 00:13:57,070
- Okay, I-I don't know
about this.
339
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:59,523
- No, no, no, stop.
We can do this, all right?
340
00:13:59,551 --> 00:14:01,141
Look, do we agree politically?
341
00:14:01,172 --> 00:14:02,762
No.
342
00:14:02,793 --> 00:14:04,663
But are we still people
with the ability to love
343
00:14:04,689 --> 00:14:06,239
and talk to each other?
Yeah.
344
00:14:06,275 --> 00:14:07,545
- Yeah.
345
00:14:07,586 --> 00:14:09,306
- So maybe we focus
on the commonalities
346
00:14:09,344 --> 00:14:11,554
that bring us together,
you know,
347
00:14:11,586 --> 00:14:15,306
the Imagine Dragons or
the John Leguizamos
348
00:14:15,344 --> 00:14:17,834
or the Crème de la Mers,
right?
349
00:14:17,862 --> 00:14:21,142
- I think we should break up.
350
00:14:21,172 --> 00:14:22,552
- I get it.
351
00:14:22,586 --> 00:14:24,336
'Cause I refuse to give up my
progressive values.
352
00:14:24,379 --> 00:14:27,139
- Nope, because
of your eye contact in bed.
353
00:14:27,172 --> 00:14:28,622
- Excuse me?
354
00:14:28,655 --> 00:14:31,025
- I haven't seen you blink
once during sex.
355
00:14:31,068 --> 00:14:32,968
And it's like
I'm banging Chucky.
356
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,520
- Chuck E. Cheese?
357
00:14:34,551 --> 00:14:37,101
- No, the murder doll.
358
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,377
- Ouch.
359
00:14:38,413 --> 00:14:40,033
- Good-bye, Arturo.
360
00:14:46,413 --> 00:14:48,973
- I was gonna break up
with her first.
361
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:53,450
She's a loser.
I'm a winner. Sad.
362
00:14:53,482 --> 00:14:55,382
Oh, God.
363
00:14:55,413 --> 00:14:58,833
[cool percussive music]
364
00:14:58,862 --> 00:15:01,902
[eerie piano music]
365
00:15:01,931 --> 00:15:04,101
♪
366
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,137
- Oh, my God.
[radio static crackles]
367
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,102
We found the crash site
of the rugby team.
368
00:15:08,137 --> 00:15:09,377
There are survivors.
369
00:15:09,413 --> 00:15:12,973
Assessing the damage.
We'll send coordinates.
370
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,790
- Hello, men.
371
00:15:14,827 --> 00:15:16,277
I'm rescue worker Smith.
372
00:15:16,310 --> 00:15:17,520
This is rescue worker Ruiz.
373
00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:18,661
- Hey.
374
00:15:18,689 --> 00:15:20,099
- We're gonna get you
off this mountain.
375
00:15:20,137 --> 00:15:22,377
Now, we need to assess
the situation.
376
00:15:22,413 --> 00:15:25,523
I can see that not all
of you are here.
377
00:15:25,551 --> 00:15:27,411
And since you've been missing
for over three months
378
00:15:27,448 --> 00:15:30,338
without any food,
we assume that, to survive,
379
00:15:30,379 --> 00:15:33,099
you had to resort to some
extraordinary measures.
380
00:15:33,137 --> 00:15:34,997
- Yeah, it's true.
381
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:40,004
- Tell me, did you survive
because you ate...
382
00:15:40,034 --> 00:15:43,344
- The plane, yeah.
383
00:15:43,379 --> 00:15:44,519
- What?
384
00:15:44,551 --> 00:15:46,031
- In order to survive,
we ate the plane.
385
00:15:46,068 --> 00:15:48,028
- No way.
- It's true.
386
00:15:48,068 --> 00:15:50,448
- You ate the plane
you went down in.
387
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:52,342
- Well, we didn't see
any other plane up here.
388
00:15:52,379 --> 00:15:54,169
[laughter]
389
00:15:54,206 --> 00:15:55,376
- Yeah, we just had
the one, Smith.
390
00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:57,213
- Was it good?
- Tina, don't--this is not--
391
00:15:57,241 --> 00:15:58,481
- What, I...
392
00:15:58,517 --> 00:16:00,757
- No. No, it wasn't good.
- It was pretty bland.
393
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,313
- So you ate the wings?
394
00:16:02,344 --> 00:16:03,764
- Yeah.
395
00:16:03,793 --> 00:16:04,763
- You ate the seats?
396
00:16:04,793 --> 00:16:06,213
- Oh, yeah.
397
00:16:06,241 --> 00:16:08,101
- You ate the oil and the gas?
398
00:16:08,137 --> 00:16:09,927
- Well, we drank it.
399
00:16:09,965 --> 00:16:11,995
- You can't eat a liquid.
[laughter]
400
00:16:12,034 --> 00:16:13,624
- Well, that's what I meant.
Thank you.
401
00:16:13,655 --> 00:16:14,715
- Yeah, you didn't say that.
402
00:16:14,758 --> 00:16:16,168
- What about
the in-flight meals?
403
00:16:16,206 --> 00:16:17,926
- We tried them, but they
tasted terrible.
404
00:16:17,965 --> 00:16:19,825
- Really disgusting,
really disgusting.
405
00:16:19,862 --> 00:16:21,552
- All right, do you guys know
where we can find
406
00:16:21,586 --> 00:16:22,826
the black box?
407
00:16:22,862 --> 00:16:25,342
- [inhales sharply] Ooh,
anybody else want to tell him?
408
00:16:25,379 --> 00:16:26,589
- Okay, I'll go.
We ate it.
409
00:16:26,620 --> 00:16:27,660
- Are you serious?
410
00:16:27,689 --> 00:16:28,759
- It's the best part
of the plane.
411
00:16:28,793 --> 00:16:30,003
It's, like, the heart meat.
412
00:16:30,034 --> 00:16:31,244
- That was a good day.
- That was Thanksgiving.
413
00:16:31,275 --> 00:16:32,655
- Oh, that's right, yeah.
- Yeah.
414
00:16:32,689 --> 00:16:33,969
- Okay, there are more
important things
415
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,000
to discuss right now.
416
00:16:35,034 --> 00:16:36,214
- Are there?
417
00:16:36,241 --> 00:16:39,761
- Are any of you hurt?
- Um, I have a stomachache.
418
00:16:39,793 --> 00:16:41,283
But that might just be
from eating the plane.
419
00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:43,000
- Yeah, that's what it is.
- If I had to guess.
420
00:16:43,034 --> 00:16:44,144
- Yeah, definitely.
421
00:16:44,172 --> 00:16:45,412
- If you didn't eat any
of the people,
422
00:16:45,448 --> 00:16:46,788
where are the rest
of the passengers?
423
00:16:46,827 --> 00:16:48,237
- Oh, they went
down the mountain.
424
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:49,305
They didn't want to eat
the plane.
425
00:16:49,344 --> 00:16:50,624
- Why didn't you guys go
with them?
426
00:16:50,655 --> 00:16:52,895
- We were eating the plane.
427
00:16:52,931 --> 00:16:54,761
- Hey, have you seen
my walkie-talkie?
428
00:16:54,793 --> 00:16:57,413
- [crunching]
- It was right here.
429
00:16:57,448 --> 00:16:59,338
- Seriously?
430
00:16:59,379 --> 00:17:01,099
- The plane was better.
431
00:17:01,137 --> 00:17:03,337
The plane was better.
- Yeah, figured as much.
432
00:17:03,379 --> 00:17:04,999
- Now, for dessert, does
anybody have any gas
433
00:17:05,034 --> 00:17:06,034
or oil I could eat?
434
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:07,898
[laughter]
435
00:17:07,931 --> 00:17:10,451
I got you.
- Smith.
436
00:17:10,482 --> 00:17:12,692
[cool percussive music]
437
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,340
[cool percussive music]
438
00:17:17,379 --> 00:17:21,719
♪
439
00:17:21,758 --> 00:17:23,478
- I'm sorry it didn't work out
with Tina, man.
440
00:17:23,517 --> 00:17:25,067
I know you liked her.
- Thanks, man.
441
00:17:25,103 --> 00:17:26,483
I think she's still thinking
about me.
442
00:17:26,517 --> 00:17:27,547
[chuckles]
- Shut up.
443
00:17:27,586 --> 00:17:28,856
- Yeah, she wrote
this Facebook post about me
444
00:17:28,896 --> 00:17:30,276
that's sort of going viral.
445
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:33,790
- Let me see.
Let me see.
446
00:17:33,827 --> 00:17:36,067
"I recently found out
I was dating a liberal.
447
00:17:36,103 --> 00:17:38,833
"It ended poorly, but Arturo
did extend an olive branch
448
00:17:38,862 --> 00:17:40,282
"and acknowledged my humanity.
449
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:41,620
"So, honest hour,
450
00:17:41,655 --> 00:17:44,305
an unbearable expression
he used three times per day."
451
00:17:44,344 --> 00:17:45,314
- You can skip that part.
452
00:17:45,344 --> 00:17:46,664
- You do say that
a lot, though.
453
00:17:46,689 --> 00:17:47,859
- Can you please skip it?
454
00:17:47,896 --> 00:17:49,206
- Um, "I learned not
all liberals are baby-killing,
455
00:17:49,241 --> 00:17:50,861
tree-hugging
Jew-funded commies."
456
00:17:50,896 --> 00:17:52,026
- Just go to the end.
457
00:17:52,068 --> 00:17:53,758
- "So let's raise a glass
of liberal tears to you.
458
00:17:53,793 --> 00:17:54,863
Thanks, Arturo."
459
00:17:54,896 --> 00:17:56,856
- That's the one.
Isn't that sweet?
460
00:17:56,896 --> 00:17:57,856
- Sweet.
461
00:17:57,896 --> 00:17:58,856
- Ah.
- Oh.
462
00:17:58,896 --> 00:17:59,966
These comments
are pretty interesting.
463
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,450
"Arturo just border-jumped
into my heart.
464
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,072
- Conflicting, that one.
465
00:18:04,103 --> 00:18:05,933
- This one just says
"#BringBackRoseanne."
466
00:18:05,965 --> 00:18:07,235
- I agree.
467
00:18:07,275 --> 00:18:08,515
- "Arturo's
one of the good ones"...
468
00:18:08,551 --> 00:18:09,551
- [laughs]
469
00:18:09,586 --> 00:18:11,066
- "But we should still
build a wall."
470
00:18:11,103 --> 00:18:12,383
Oh, here's a good one.
471
00:18:12,413 --> 00:18:15,033
"Arturo is the new poster boy
for humanizing Republicans."
472
00:18:15,068 --> 00:18:17,098
- Yeah, there's that.
- Which is good, right?
473
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:19,097
I mean, that's--
that's good, right.
474
00:18:19,137 --> 00:18:20,927
- Well, Chet doesn't seem
to agree.
475
00:18:20,965 --> 00:18:21,965
Hmm.
476
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:25,450
- Shame! Shame! Shame!
Shame! Shame!
477
00:18:25,482 --> 00:18:27,452
- She'll get over it, right?
- I think so.
478
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:29,452
- No, I won't!
Shame! Shame!
479
00:18:29,482 --> 00:18:32,902
[cool percussive music]
480
00:18:32,931 --> 00:18:35,591
[thunder booms]
481
00:18:35,620 --> 00:18:37,760
[light music]
482
00:18:37,793 --> 00:18:40,283
- Oh, Carl, this is perfect.
483
00:18:40,310 --> 00:18:42,410
Just you, me, no kids--
484
00:18:42,448 --> 00:18:44,618
a nice, big bed.
485
00:18:44,655 --> 00:18:46,545
- I don't know, babe.
It's a highway motel.
486
00:18:46,586 --> 00:18:48,756
I mean, who knows who slept
in this bed last
487
00:18:48,793 --> 00:18:50,453
or what they left
in these sheets?
488
00:18:50,482 --> 00:18:52,452
- Mm-hmm.
I knew you would say that,
489
00:18:52,482 --> 00:18:54,452
so I brought a black light.
- [chuckles]
490
00:18:54,482 --> 00:18:56,282
- Now we can put
your little paranoia to rest.
491
00:18:56,310 --> 00:18:58,070
- All right.
- Okay?
492
00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:00,663
Nothing there.
493
00:19:00,689 --> 00:19:02,689
Mm...
494
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:05,104
Maybe a little smidge there.
495
00:19:05,137 --> 00:19:06,337
And...
496
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,519
[upbeat Latin music playing]
497
00:19:07,551 --> 00:19:08,691
- Whoa!
498
00:19:08,724 --> 00:19:11,284
- Hernando Marquez!
499
00:19:11,310 --> 00:19:13,620
- Barely anything there.
All clean.
500
00:19:13,655 --> 00:19:17,165
- What? No. There was an adult
man dancing in the corner.
501
00:19:17,206 --> 00:19:18,826
- It was probably
just sauce, honey.
502
00:19:18,862 --> 00:19:19,862
Now, where were we?
503
00:19:19,896 --> 00:19:22,166
- We were seeing
a glowing jazz man,
504
00:19:22,206 --> 00:19:24,166
whose name I think
is Hernando Marquez,
505
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:25,336
dancing and having a blast.
506
00:19:25,379 --> 00:19:27,169
Let me see that.
507
00:19:27,206 --> 00:19:28,826
[creepy music]
508
00:19:28,862 --> 00:19:30,482
What?
- See?
509
00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:32,167
Nothing.
- No--
510
00:19:32,206 --> 00:19:34,376
- Put that down
and make love to your wife.
511
00:19:34,413 --> 00:19:36,383
[upbeat Latin music]
- Ah, there he is again!
512
00:19:36,413 --> 00:19:38,663
- Hernando Marquez!
513
00:19:38,689 --> 00:19:40,339
- Come on, it's just a motel.
514
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:42,169
Even the Ritz is gonna have
a little schmutz.
515
00:19:42,206 --> 00:19:43,516
- That is not schmutz.
516
00:19:43,551 --> 00:19:45,691
That was a human noodling out
on the trumpet
517
00:19:45,724 --> 00:19:46,864
and announcing his name,
518
00:19:46,896 --> 00:19:48,826
which, yes, does seem
to be Hernando Marquez.
519
00:19:48,862 --> 00:19:51,312
Or wait. Does he think
I'm Hernando Marquez?
520
00:19:51,344 --> 00:19:52,904
- You seem distracted, honey.
521
00:19:52,931 --> 00:19:56,341
Does this help?
522
00:19:56,379 --> 00:19:58,759
- Yes, it does.
- [chuckles] I bet it does.
523
00:20:01,896 --> 00:20:03,026
[chuckles]
524
00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:04,858
[upbeat Latin music playing]
525
00:20:04,896 --> 00:20:06,276
- Aah!
526
00:20:06,310 --> 00:20:08,340
- Hernando Marquez!
527
00:20:08,379 --> 00:20:10,069
[both screaming]
528
00:20:10,103 --> 00:20:11,073
- What?
529
00:20:11,103 --> 00:20:12,073
- Oh, my God!
530
00:20:12,103 --> 00:20:13,313
You were just Hernando Marquez!
531
00:20:13,344 --> 00:20:15,314
- Can you stop talking
about Hernando Marquez?
532
00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:17,034
If this is an excuse to not
have sex with me here,
533
00:20:17,068 --> 00:20:18,028
then just say it.
534
00:20:18,068 --> 00:20:19,028
- Look, I don't want
535
00:20:19,068 --> 00:20:20,408
to talk about
Hernando Marquez.
536
00:20:20,448 --> 00:20:22,548
It's just, why does he only
appear in black light?
537
00:20:22,586 --> 00:20:24,856
I mean, is he made
of bodily fluid?
538
00:20:24,896 --> 00:20:26,586
Is he a real person
who's covered in it,
539
00:20:26,620 --> 00:20:28,590
or is it coming to life?
540
00:20:28,620 --> 00:20:29,900
Am I going insane?
541
00:20:29,931 --> 00:20:30,971
- You know what?
Forget this.
542
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,030
I'll see you at home.
543
00:20:32,068 --> 00:20:34,068
- Come on.
Honey, please.
544
00:20:34,103 --> 00:20:36,283
Come on.
[scoffs]
545
00:20:36,310 --> 00:20:37,520
[sighs]
546
00:20:37,551 --> 00:20:40,521
[eerie music]
547
00:20:40,551 --> 00:20:44,211
♪
548
00:20:44,241 --> 00:20:47,691
[eerie music builds
to crescendo]
549
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:50,904
[upbeat Latin music playing]
550
00:20:50,931 --> 00:20:53,551
- Hernando Marquez!
551
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:54,996
- Hey,
are you Hernando Marquez,
552
00:20:55,034 --> 00:20:56,174
or am I Hernando Marquez?
553
00:20:56,206 --> 00:20:58,236
- Hernando Marquez!
554
00:20:58,275 --> 00:20:59,715
[music resumes]
- Okay.
555
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:01,548
[both laugh maniacally]
556
00:21:01,586 --> 00:21:04,336
[music continues]
557
00:21:04,379 --> 00:21:07,549
both:
Hernando Marquez!
558
00:21:07,586 --> 00:21:09,996
- So you're semen, right?
559
00:21:10,046 --> 00:21:14,596
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