Original subtitles

I'M DRUNK AS HELL I'LL BLOW YOUR ASS AWAY

LIKE RINGING A BELL FOOT'S TO THE FLOOR

AND THE WHISKEY'S FLOWING I GOT A PORN SHOOT

I GOTTA GET GOING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND

HE DON'T GIVE A DAMN ♪ >> ♪ 12 OZ. MOUSE, 12 OZ. MOUSE

12 OZ. MOUSE, 12 OZ. MOUSE ♪ >> ♪ JET CAR'S ROLLING

ALL NIGHT LONG CRANKING UP THE JAMS

AND SINGING ALONG CAR'S FULL OF BITCHES

AND A BRAND NEW BONG ♪ [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP] >> WE MUST BE, UH--WOW.

HOLY CRAP, WE'RE HIGH.

LOOK. WHAT IS THAT DOWN THERE?

>> [SQUEAK] >> THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M

THINKING.

THERE'S NOTHING DOWN THERE BUT WHERE WE LIVE, EXCEPT FOR OVER

THERE.

IT LOOKS LIKE A REAL CITY.

[BEEPING] [BEEPING STOPS]

[BEEPING] ALL RIGHT, I THINK WE GOT HER.

LET'S GIVE HER A CRANK.

[ENGINE REVVING] PERFECT.

WHERE'S SHE GOING?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

TO SAVE MOUSE, I GUESS?

HOW WOULD I KNOW?

DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR PERSONAL COMPUTER?

>> HAND ME THAT TOWEL.

WHY?

YOU'RE BECOMING BLACK NOW--THE BAD BLACK SHARK, REMEMBER?

>> HAND ME THAT TOWEL, PLEASE, SO I CAN SHOVE IT THROUGH YOUR

MOUTH AND DOWN INTO YOUR GUTS?

>> WHOO.

I'M SCARED.

[PIANO PLAYING] >> THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, SPIDER,

BUT, HEY, LISTEN, MAN, LET'S PUT AN END TO ALL THIS, MAN.

WHY DON'T YOU UNTIE ME, MAN, OK?

I'LL BE COOL.

JUST HAND ME THAT GUITAR.

I AIN'T GONNA ACT UP OR NOTHING, AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT

FOR ON A TUNE.

THERE YOU GO.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

OH, THIS IS NICE.

GOOD SPIDER.

>> MY BLOOD HAS TURNED TO BOOZE, AND I WANT MY FACE TO

TURN TO BOOZE.

HA HA HA!

OH, IF MY BLOOD COULD DRINK MY FACE, WE'D BE ALL RIGHT.

>> MY TOE, I'M GONNA GET TOE.

>> OH, HERE'S A GOOD IDEA.

LET'S FIND SOME GUNS AND PLAY WITH THEM.

>> DAMN STRAIGHT.

GIVE ME A GUN.

I'LL GIVE YOU A HEART ATTACK.

>> NICE.

>> I DON'T CARE HOW MANY LITTLE CHITTERLINGS YOU HAD.

[TOY MACHINE-GUN FIRE] >> OK, HERE'S IT.

YOU GIVE ME A GUN, AND THEN I'LL SAY, "GIVE ME THE GUNS."

HA HA HA!

WHERE'S MY HAT?

JOE, BE HONEST WITH ME.

IS MY HAT ON MY HEAD?

>> I DON'T DRESS YOUR ASS IN THE MORNING.

SHUT THE FREAK UP.

>> COOL.

ALL RIGHT, SO FIRST, AHEM, WE GET THE LIQUOR.

THEN IT'LL BE LIKE, "GIVE ME YOUR HANDS."

>> HEY, REALLY GREAT TO BE HERE TONIGHT.

IT'S REALLY GREAT TO BE HERE TONIGHT.

I JUST WANT TO THANK THE WHOLE CROWD FOR COMING TO SEE ME,

COMING TO SEE ME.

HA HA!

BECAUSE YOU'RE EYEBALLS.

THANK YOU.

SO, WHAT'S UP WITH THIS TOWN, HUH?

IT'S LIKE IT'S MADE OF CARDBOARD OR SOMETHING.

HA HA HA!

>> HE'S FUN-EYE.

>> HE IS FUN-EYE.

>> THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, SERIOUSLY.

SO I WENT TO GET A BAGEL AT THE HAT STORE, AND THE HAT SAID,

"HEY, GO GET ME A BAGEL."

THE HAT SAID IT.

YOU PEOPLE ARE WILD.

AND WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED.

>> WHAT ARE Y'ALL DOING?

WHAT ARE Y'ALL DOING?NG?

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

WHAT ARE Y'ALL DOING?

>> WE'RE PARKING.

>> OH, I GET IT NOW.

I GET IT NOW.

>> I GET IT NOW.

>> I GET IT NOW.

>> I GET IT NOW.

>> SKILLET, YOU ARE NOW DR. SKILLET.

FIX HER HEAD.

NO, NO, NO.

FIX IT, LIKE TERMINATOR.

>> THIS ONE HERE IS LOW AND SLOW.

♪ NOW, GUNS ARE FUN AND YOU'D BETTER RUN

WHEN YOU SEE ME COMING 'CAUSE THIS A-K

WILL MAKE MY DAY WHEN I START A-HUNTIN'

WILL MAKE MY DAY WHEN I START A-HUNTIN'

NOW, WHEN MY SWEET BOAR IT STARTS TO ROAR

YOU OUGHT TO SEE THEM SCATTER JUST IN CASE MY AGENT K WON'T

PUT AN END TO THE MATTER NOW IT AIN'T NO LIE

MANY MEN HAVE DIED AND, MISTER, I AIN'T BRAGGIN'

SO WATCH YOUR MOUTH AND MIND YOURSELF

OR I'LL SKIN THIS HERE SMOKE WAGON

[BEEP] [BEEP]

GOL DARN IT!

MAN, THERE WERE A THOUSAND GUNS DOWN IN THERE.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

SPIDER BOY, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING LEFT TO DO...

AND THAT'S TO FIRE UP THE CORN DROID.

OH, UH, YOU'RE NOT THE CORN DROID.

THIS IS ONE BAD [BEEP].

NOW, SEE, A SKELETON IS AN ARRAY OF FUTURE WEAPONRY WHICH

IS SURROUNDED BY MEAT...

THAT WAS MECHANICALLY SEPARATED AND FINELY COATED IN A TEFLON

BATTER AND DEEP-FRIED.

AND HE HAS ONLY ONE MISSION, AND THAT'S TO WIPE THIS

FREAKIN' PLACE OUT ON MY COMMAND.

SO, UH, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

YOU WITH ME?

>> I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW, BUT THERE'S THIS THING CALLED A

CLUTCH.

IT'S DOWN THERE.

>> YEAH, I KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND I'M PRESSING IT WITH MY FIN,

BUT I EASILY COULD PRESS IT WITH YOUR FACE.

THERE WE GO.

SEE?

I'M ON THIS.

>> WOW.

I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE IMPRESSED.

YOU MUST BE A SCIENTIST.

>> I HAVE A FEELING SOMETHING BAD IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO YOU

AND EVERYONE ELSE, BUT MAINLY YOU.

>> WE'LL TALK TO THE CLOCK ABOUT THAT.

>> I'LL TALK TO HIM.

YOU STAY IN THE CAR.

>> YES, I WILL BECAUSE I WANT TO STAY IN THE CAR.

IT WAS MY IDEA.

I THOUGHT OF IT BEFORE YOU SAID IT.

>> YEAH, EVERYBODY CARES WHAT YOU SAY, AS LONG AS YOU SAY IT

LAST, WHICH YOU ALWAYS BARELY DO.

THAT'S REALLY APPEALING.

>> YES, IT SURE IS, ALWAYS.

ALWAYS AND ALWAYS.

>> WHOOPS.

NOW I'LL HAVE THE LAST WORDS, WON'T I?

YES, I WILL.

I'M HAVING THEM RIGHT NOW.

I'M HAVING THEM RIGHT NOW.

AND THEN I'LL BE THE GUY EVERYONE SAYS, "HEY, THERE'S

THE GUY."

HEY, WHAT-- >> SLOW AND PATHETIC.

I'M OUTWALKING YOUR CAR, DUMB ASS.

>> YOU LITTLE PIECE OF-- >> SHIP. GET IT?

SHIP.

THERE ARE 3 SHIPS, NOT TWO.

HEY, HOW ABOUT A ROUND OF DRINKS FOR MY FRIENDS?

>> EYE NEVER DRINK.

>> EYE NEVER DRINK EITHER.

>> SO THIS GUY--A GUY WALKS INTO HIS HOUSE.

WIFE SAYS, "HEY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

I BOUGHT YOU THIS BOWTIE."

AND THE GUY GOES, "NOT ANOTHER TIE."

HE SERIOUSLY SAID THAT TO HER.

HEY, WHO'S HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE SCREAMING LETTER?

HEY, WHO'S HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE SCREAMING LETTER?

>> THIS IS EVERY BIT OF CLOTHING I'VE EVER OWNED IN MY

LIFE.

>> [SCREECH] >> SOMEBODY WRAPPED THEM UP.

>> [SCREECH] >> WHAT?

OH, SHE IS?

[GUN COCKS] [MACHINE-GUN FIRE]

YOU ROUTED HER TRIGGER MOUTH TO THOSE TRIGGERS.

>> FIND A FIRE THAT WILL COOK

SOME MEAT, AND THEN FIND THE MEAT TO COOK ON IT, AND THEN

WE'LL HOLE UP HERE FOR A WHILE.

[CLINK] >> AND WHEN HE SAID, "CAN I

GIVE YOU A HAND?" HE REALLY MEANT, "CAN I GIVE

YOU A HAND--THIS HAND."

[CHUCKLES] HEY, Y'ALL KEEP DRINKING AND

LAUGHING, AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE.

THEY'RE NOT BUYING IT.

>> [BABBLING] >> NO. HERE'S A BETTER IDEA.

SUCK IT.

>> [BABBLING] >> SOMEONE SOUNDS MAD BACK

THERE.

>> YES, SOMEONE DOES.

>> ♪ 12 OZ. MOUSE, 12 OZ. MOUSE 12 OZ. MOUSE, 12 OZ. MOUSE

12 OZ. MOUSE, 12 OZ. MOUSE 12 OZ. MOUSE, 12 OZ. MOUSE