Original subtitles

>> ♪ OUT OF MY WAY I'M DRUNK AS HELL

I'LL BLOW YOUR ASS AWAY LIKE A RICKETY BELL

FOOT TO THE FLOOR AND THE WHISKEY IS FLOWING

I GOTTA FORTUNE AND I GOTTA GET IT GOING ♪

>> ♪ YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HE DON'T GIVE A DAMN ♪

>> ♪ 12 OUNCE MOUSE 12 OUNCE MOUSE

12 OUNCE MOUSE 12 OUNCE MOUSE ♪

>> ♪ JETCAR'S ROLLING ALL NIGHT LONG

CRANKING UP THE JAMS AND SINGING ALONG

CAR FULL OF RICHES AND A BRAND-NEW PHONE ♪

CAR FULL OF RICHES AND A BRAND-NEW PHONE ♪

[DOOR CLOSES] >> HEY.

THE BAR IS CLOSED.

OH, HA HA HA.

HEY, YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL ANYBODY, ARE YA?

OH, COME--IT'S JUST A FAKE!

I MEAN, IT'S MADE OF METAL, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

IT'S A JOKE.

IT'S A GIFT FROM MY, UH, [INDISTINCT].

IT'S FUNNY.

ISN'T IT?

COME ON, GUYS.

[CLICK] OH, NO.

>> PUT ANOTHER TURKEY AT HER FEET.

>> HEY, YOU KNOW, THIS REALLY ISN'T A GOOD IDEA OF BEING HERE.

I MEAN, THIS PLACE WHERE WE'RE AT NOW?

THAT'S THE IDEA THAT I'M REFERRING TO THAT ISN'T GOOD.

I MEAN, I LIKE YOUR PLACE.

IT'S CHILLY.

YOU GOT SOME THINGS THAT ARE BANDITO, BUT, UH, LISTEN.

WE'RE--WE'RE DEAD.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

>> ME--WHO, ME--ME?

>> NO.

YOU.

>> DO I KNOW--I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU REFERRING TO THAT I KNOW?

[SQUEAKING] WHAT IS THAT?

A, UH...THE DOG?

[SQUEAKING] >> HE'S A SQUIRREL.

>> YEAH, I KNOW.

HERE, SQUIRRELLY, SQUIRRELLY.

GET YOURSELF A NUT.

>> SHUT UP.

>> YOU SHUT UP!

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF PARTY IS IN STORE FOR US HERE.

[CLICK] OK?

>> I LOVE A PARTY...

WITH CLOWNS AND CAKES.

YOU KNOW, I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WAS AT A PARTY, AND

THAT IS WHAT IS DRIVING ME OUT OF MY BRAINS.

>> YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?

YOU WITH A BRAIN?

>> WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THAT SHARK?

[SIGH] >> MAN, I DO NOT KNOW.

WHAT SHARK?

>> SKILLET, SHOW HIM.

[SQUEAKING] >> ROOSTER, DUDE.

ROOSTER IS THE GUY.

>> WHAT ABOUT ROOSTER?

>> HE'S A HE.

HE'S THE MAN.

EVERYTHING--EVERYTHING HE TOUCHES GOES BAD.

>> WHAT ABOUT THAT?

>> SHE'S THE MAN-WOMAN.

YOU OUGHT TO ASK HIM.

HE'LL SHOW YOU.

>> AND THAT NO-EYED SQUARE GUY-- WHAT'S HIS DEAL?

>> DON'T TALK TO HIM, MAN.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO.

I'M TELLING YOU.

>> WHO IS HE?

>> UH, HE'S RICH.

HE'S REALLY RICH.

HE'S--HE'S THE BANK.

HE'S GOT, LIKE, ALL THIS MAD CASH FROM THE...

>> FROM THE WHAT?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

ROOSTER KNOWS.

ONE MORE QUESTION, AND I'M OUT, BECAUSE I AM SICK AND TIRED...

OF THIS.

>> WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT A...

COLD PHONE?

>> YOU DON'T EVER WANT TO GET ONE.

NOT EVER.

>> AND WHAT ABOUT THIS PRONTO?

>> NO, NO, SHH.

NO, SHH, DON'T.

I SAID ONE MORE, AND THAT'S IT.

>> YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE HERE AND GO TO YOUR BAR, AND WHEN THAT

NO-EYED SQUARE GUY SHOWS UP...

[CRASH] CALL ME.

>> THANK YOU.

>> GRAB ANOTHER TURKEY AND PUT IT BY HER FEET.

[SQUEAKING] AND LET'S GET MY BAG.

[LAUGHTER] >> OUT OF SIGHT THIS NIGHT!

WHAT UP, SHORTY?

NO WAY, MAN.

>> THIS IS HOW IT WENT.

IT WENT LIKE THIS.

[PLAYING] ♪ WAS A TIME NOT LONG AGO

LIVED A GOOD LIFE ON THE ROAD BIG SNOUT HOUSE

TWO-CAR GARAGE 3-PIECE SUITS

AND A BRAND-NEW DODGE BUT IN THE WINK OF AN EYE

I LOST IT ALL I GOT SOME LAND

GROW CORN DOGS SO NOW I'M STUCK

ON THIS HERE FARM DONE LOST MY MIND

WHEN I LOST MY ARM GROW MEAN DOGS

FOR THE CORNY TRASH AMONG THE THINGS

I'LL DO FOR CASH OH, MY DEMISE

AIN'T ALL MY FAULT BUT A REDIVORCE

THAT IT HAS BROUGHT BUT A REDIVORCE

THAT IT HAS BROUGHT ♪ >> DID YOU HEAR THAT, GUYS?

THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

>> I MISS...

I MISS THE OLD DAYS AND--AND THE PURPLE HAZE AND THE MAYONNAISE

AND THE FRIGGIN' DAYS IN MY MAZE.

EATING KETCHUP SANDWICHES UNDER THE CHRISTMAS TREE.

>> BRO, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW, BUT, LIKE, IF THIS FREAKS

YOU OUT, JUST LET ME KNOW, BUT, LIKE, JOE AND ME AND LET ME

KNOW IF JOE...

>> OH, NO, YOU JUST DIDN'T, MAN.

YOU SAID, "JOE LET ME KNOW."

THAT'S A RHYME ON MY DIME, BIZNITCH.

SLAP ME A LICKIE QUICK, OLD MAN.

>> HEY.

>> FAR OUT.

>> FAR OUT.

>> OUT!

>> MAN, I'M SO FAR OUT I'M CRUNK AS A MUG UP IN THIS JOINT, MAN.

OUT LIKE DISMOUNT IN THE PLANET...

>> ALL RIGHT, NOW.

HEY, HEY.

>> OH, HO!

OH, SHOOT.

>> HEY, GUYS.

DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT, UH, HOW I GOT HERE?

DID I--HOW I GOT TO BE LIKE THIS?

>> ONE MORE AGAIN, ROOST.

GOT WHERE TO BE LIKE WHAT?

>> YOU KNOW WHERE.

>> MAN, THESE ARE FREAKING COOL.

[SQUEAKING] THEY WERE ABOUT $300 OR $400.

>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETIE.

>> THIS IS FOR ME?

>> OPEN IT.

>> WOW, THESE ARE COOL.

THANKS.

>> HUH, UM...

WHAT ARE, UM...

THAT'S NOT WHAT I...

[BABY COOS] UM, I'LL GET HER.

HUSH, HUSH, HUSH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

[INDISTINCT MUMBLING] THAT'S MY--THAT WAS FOR FITZ.

WHY DID YOU TAKE IT?

LEAVE US ALONE, YOU BASTARD.

[SQUEAKING] >> SORRY, SKILLET.

LET'S DO IT.

>> IT WAS JUST A CAR, MAN.

I MEAN, I LEFT THE STEREO, AND THIS GUY SHOWS UP AND SOME GUY--

I CAN'T EVEN MAKE OUT HIS FEATURES AND EVERYTHING--AND HE

GROWLS AND HE GROWLS.

THE NEXT THING I KNOW, I WAKE UP IN SOME ROOM--SOME ROOM PAINTED

WHITE WHERE THERE'S A GIANT FAN ALL SPINNING, AND HERE HE

COMES--THIS SHAPELESS THING-- AND HE COMES OUT FOR ME AND I

CAN'T MOVE.

I GOT SOMETHING STICKING OUT OF MY NECK AND IT PARALYZES ME, AND

HE GRABS ME AND STARTS PUSHING ME TOWARD THE FAN.

HE GRABS ME AND STARTS PUSHING ME TOWARD THE FAN.

[SLURRED SPEECH] >> OK, HERE'S THE DEAL, FELLAS.

[SLURRED SPEECH] >> OK, HERE'S THE DEAL, FELLAS.

ONE OF YOU, ALL OF YOU, NONE OF YOU MAYBE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS

GOING ON HERE.

>> NOW, MOUSE, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

>> SHUT UP.

NOBODY TALKS.

NOBODY TALKS UNTIL I...

FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M DOING WITH THIS THING.

HOW DOES THIS GO AGAIN?

[SQUEAKING] >> IS THAT THING LIKE A RABBIT

OR...

>> DUDE...

THAT IS TOTALLY AN ANIMAL.

>> THIS IS ALL, LIKE, SOME SORT OF PUKE DREAM THAT I CAN'T SEEM

TO SHAKE THE SWEATS FROM.

AND EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND, THERE'S A SHARK AND A CLOCK AND

SOME SORT OF EYEBALL THING.

>> OH, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, DUDE.

I MEAN, I'M TOTALLY BLOWN AWAY BY THE EYEBALL MAN.

I MEAN, IF I SEE HIM...

>> LOOK, EYEBALL, SCHMEYEBALL.

[SQUEAKING] >> I SAID SHH.

OK, NOW...

FUNNY THING IS I HAVE THESE WEIRD FLASHES LIKE I'VE BEEN

SOMEWHERE BEFORE.

LIKE I'VE BEEN RIPPED FROM SOMEWHERE FOR REASONS I DON'T

UNDERSTAND.

DOES ANYONE ELSE PICK THAT UP-- THAT UNDERSTANDING OF...

RIPPEDNESS?

I KNOW YOU DO.

DOES, UH...

[COUGHING] BIRMINGHAM MEAN ANYTHING TO

ANYONE?

DOES IT?

HOW ABOUT YOU?

>> YOU KNOW.

I TOLD YOU BEFORE.

THE NIGHT WE GOT DRUNK.

ABOUT MUG.

>> SO WHAT?

>> WELL, SO WHAT IS, HIS REAL NAME IS BIRMINGHAM.

THAT'S SO WHAT.

>> I THINK, UH, I'VE GOT A LOT ON MY MIND, GENTLEMEN.

I'VE GOT A LOT ON MY MIND AND A LARGE GUN IN MY HANDS, SO DON'T

"F" THIS UP.

I'M NOT SURE WHEN IT'S GONNA GO OFF.

[GUNSHOT] >> GOOD GOD, HERE WE GO.

>> ♪ POOLSIDE GAMES FOR LITTLE DAMES

LOTS OF TWISTER AND NOW YOU'RE IN LIMBO... ♪

[CLICKING] >> MOUSE, MOUSE.

HE'S HERE.

SQUARE BUSINESS MAN IS HERE.

I CALLED YOU LIKE YOU ASKED, AND DON'T SAY I DIDN'T TELL YOU SO.

>> THIS IS RHODA, ISN'T IT?

HOW YOU DOING, RHODA?

STILL, UH, ALIVE, I HEAR.

IT'S GONNA GO HARD FOR YOU, RHODA.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE WHAT COMES NEXT.

>> ♪ 12 OUNCE MOUSE 12 OUNCE MOUSE

12 OUNCE MOUSE 12 OUNCE MOUSE

12 OUNCE MOUSE 12 OUNCE MOUSE

12 OUNCE MOUSE, 12 OUNCE MOUSE, 12 OUNCE MOUSE, 12 OUNCE MOUSE,

12 OUNCE MOUSE, 12 OUNCE MOUSE, 12 OUNCE MOUSE, 12 OUNCE MOUSE,

12 OUNCE MOUSE ♪ [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]