All language subtitles for young sheldon s04e08.An Existential Crisis and a Bear That Makes Bubbles.eng

- Previously on Young Sheldon...
- Hello, Mrs. Cooper.

I just wanted to let you know,
with Dr. Sturgis away,

I'll be available should
Sheldon need anything.

Now, I'm not terribly experienced
around children.

If he needs to use the restroom,

I don't have to go in with him, do I?

I don't need you to babysit me.

I'm perfectly self-reliant.

Then it's good I kept the receipt

for this bottle of bubbles
shaped like a bear.

Welcome to the world of philosophy.

I'm going to teach you

that you don't even know
what you think you know.

Oh, boy.

I'm not going to school.

- Why not?
- Because I don't know what's real.

Nothing matters.

George?!

All right,

what's the problem here?

I don't know what's real.

That's a fun thing to think
about on the way to school.

Get up and get dressed.

Maybe I'm already dressed.

Maybe I'm wearing a zoot suit and spats.

That's a shoe covering that's
short for "spatterdasher."

Or is it?

There's no way to know.

Here's what I know: I don't
have time for this nonsense.

What is time?

What is sense? What is "is"?

Sheldon, I mean it.

I remember when things meant things.

All right, I'm gonna
count to three. One...

Believing in numbers...
that takes me back.

- Two...
- To be or not to be.

Shakespeare was onto something.

It's your last chance.

Have you ever wondered
if you're the tongue

of a multidimensional being
trying to taste something

you can never even understand?

I have.

I talked to him.

Where is your mother?

She had to leave for work.

I have to work, too.

You also get to take me to school.

What am I supposed to
do about your brother?

Call me old-fashioned,

but I say spank him.

Your mom won't let me.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

Okay, I'm here.

What's up?

Sheldon won't get out of bed,
and I'm gonna be late for work.

He's gonna be late for school.

So you want me to get
him up and drive him?

- Yeah.
- I like it better

when I just come eat
your food and leave.

Hey, Moon Pie.

What's going on here?

That's an excellent question.

Too bad there's no answer.

Well, you need to get out of bed.

I don't need to do anything.

Okay, I'm gonna count to three.

Dad already counted to three.

Oh.

Did he try the Texas thing?

- No.
- In that case,

look at you, lyin' there.

When a Texan gets knocked off a horse,

he gets right back on.

That is the second most important thing

about bein' a Texan,

right after thinkin' you're
better than everybody else.

Maybe the horse gets back on the Texan.

Who's to say?

I don't know what that means.

That's because you can't know anything.

If you need to stare at the ceiling

and contemplate the
futility of existence,

Missy's bed is available.

- Amazing.
- What is?

I've been using this same
pen for seven months,

and it's still going.

That's your bar for amazing?

Yeah.

Sad.

It's the same pen.

It is too early in the morning for you.

Hello.

Yeah. I'll be down in a bit.

Where ya headed?

Principal's office.

Ooh, you're in trouble...

You're a child.

I'd rather be a child than in trouble.

Shelly, Dr. Sturgis is
on the line for you.

Maybe he is, maybe he
isn't, but very well.

- Hello?
- Hi, Sheldon.

I hear you're going through
some sort of existential crisis.

I suppose so.

I just don't know if we can
tell what's real or not.

And if nothing's real,

I don't know what to think or
if I'm even thinking at all.

I went through something similar once.

Really? What happened?

I was trekking through the Amazon,

and I saw two frogs,

one hallucinogenic

and the other not.

I tried to lick the normal one,

and, by mistake,

I licked the hallucinogenic one.

It really rocked my world.

Why would you lick either of them?

I'm not sure. Probably low blood sugar.

But the point is,

I also lost track of reality.

How did you handle it?

I saw a jaguar,

and I realized I didn't care
if it was real or not.

I just hauled my tushy out of there.

I appreciate the call.

I'm giving you back to my meemaw now.

Bye!

Hey, John, any luck?

Not unless you have access to a jaguar.

I don't think I do.

Really, any jungle cat will do.

Hey, Tom.

George.

Sheldon's not here anymore.

Thought it'd be a while
before I got called back

into the principal's office.

How's he doing? I miss that kid.

He took a philosophy class
and won't get out of bed

'cause he doesn't know
what's real anymore.

Anyway, uh, we need
to talk about Georgie.

Should've seen that coming.

- What's wrong?
- Well,

he's been cutting classes.

Already? Semester's barely started.

He's a go-getter.

Mm.

- I'll talk to him.
- Thanks.

How's the team looking
this year, George?

We just had one difficult
conversation, Tom.

Let's not have another.

Smart.

While my meemaw wasn't
able to acquire a jungle cat,

the idea of tormenting a child
did tickle her Texan fancy.

Sheldon.

I have someone else
who wants to talk to you.

What are you doing
with that filthy thing?

Why do you care?

If nothing is real,

then neither is the chicken.

Oh. Good.

We're standing now. That's progress.

Get her out of here.

Well, I would, but... apparently,

I can't know what "here" is.

So maybe I could just...

set her on your bed.

Okay! Okay.

I'll get dressed.

Make it snappy.

This still doesn't solve
my existential crisis.

Say what? You want to hold her?

No.

Less talk.

More pants.

What's your first class?

Solid-State Physics at 11:30.

We'll make it just in time.

- Although, does...
- And before you say

"Does time even exist?" it does.

So stop wasting mine.

What's this philosophy teacher's name?

Professor Ericson. Why?

I might pop in and say hello.

Be careful.

She may make you question
your most deeply held values.

I'm a stubborn old crank.

I'll do just fine.

I'm a stubborn young crank,
and it didn't help me.

You wanted to see me?

Sit down.

Is this gonna take long?
I need to get to class.

From what I hear, you
don't care about that.

Now, sit.

What the hell you doin'?

I cut a class. Who cares?

It was more than one, and I care.

You start flunking out, you're
gonna get kicked off the team.

Fine.

Now you don't care about football?

Not really.

I don't know what's going on with you,

but you better get your
head out of your ass.

Football's a waste of time.

I have a job I could be at.

You made a commitment to the
team and you're gonna honor it.

We done?

Just get back to class.

And I better see you at practice.

Well, I don't know if I can find
it with my head up my ass.

So,

according to de Broglie,
lambda equals "h"

divided by "m" times what?

- Sheldon.
- Is it velocity?

- Yes. Now...
- Or is it a velociraptor?

I'm sorry?

Perhaps lambda equals "h" divided
by "m" times a velociraptor.

Or a velveteen rabbit.

Ooh, or Velveeta.

That's the cheese my
mom puts on broccoli

when she's being fancy.

Is this from your philosophy class

or perhaps that Ren &
Stumpy I've heard about?

Philosophy.

Mr. Cooper, do you really believe

that de Broglie's equation
contains Velveeta cheese?

I don't know. Maybe he was
just trying to be fancy.

Hello.

Can I help you?

Hi. I'm Connie Tucker.

I'm Sheldon Cooper's grandmother.

Oh. Nice to meet you.

He is a remarkable young man.

Yes, he is. He's also a very
impressionable young man.

Kind of like a lump of
clay with a bow tie.

All I did was teach him
about epistemology.

Whatever it is you're teaching him,

it has made him question everything.

That's the goal.

Lady, I had to threaten
him with a chicken

so he'd put his pants on.

I don't know what's
gotten into that kid.

He's allowed to not
want to play football.

Can you for once in your
life take my side, Wayne?

Not my fault you're never right.

So you think it's okay he just quits?

He doesn't get that much playing time.

Well, in my family, we don't quit.

Oh, I don't know. You quit
my book club pretty quick.

I'm talking about football!

Why is it so important
to you that he play?

Are you sure you're a coach?

Team sports provides confidence,
leadership, discipline.

So does holding down a job,

which he seems to shine at.

Let's just eat in silence.

Fine.

I still think you should have
read The Color Purple.

We were bawling.

Although tasty, a brick of
cheese is not a number.

Why are we still talking about this?

Maybe we're not talking at all.

Okay, that's enough for today.

Not your best lecture.

It's fairly normal for first-time
philosophy students

to have their worldviews shaken.

Do they snap out of it?

Well, you hope.

Professor Ericson, I insist...

Hello, Connie. What a pleasant surprise.

Hey.

I'm sorry you're about to see me
speak harshly to my colleague.

- Have at it.
- Professor Ericson,

I insist that you speak
to this young man

and explain to him that reality is real,

and it's possible to
know things as fact.

The class is called
"Introduction to Philosophy."

That's what I did.

Well, un-introduce him.

Yes, he's at this school 'cause
of his brilliant scientific mind,

and he spent my last class

talking about processed cheese.

Sheldon, is that true?

Nothing's true.

You see what you've done? You broke him.

Hey.

How come you didn't want to
get out of bed this morning?

If I can't know what's
real, what's the point?

You have the right words.

You're just saying them wrong.

It's not, "What's the point?"

It's, "What's the point?"

I don't understand.

Asking these questions is exciting.

It's what gets me out of bed.

That's interesting.

Richard Feynman did say
the greatest joy in life

is the pleasure of finding things out.

Feynman... he's the physics guy, right?

Yes. And your perfume is beguiling.

It's all making sense to me now.

Thank you.

I am happy to help.

Dr. Linkletter, I'm dropping your class

and switching my major to philosophy.

Uh, what?

It's funny.

This morning, I couldn't get out of bed,

and now I stand before a whole
new exciting field of study.

Well, maybe instead of
making this big switch,

you could study both.

You could be physics-philosophy guy.

You sound like a logical positivist.

That's a branch of philosophy
that maintains

the best way to philosophize
is through science.

Well, there you go. Do that.

It may be too early to specialize.

I've only been a philosopher
for 15 minutes.

Did you notice Dr. Linkletter
didn't look too thrilled

about you leaving science?

He never looks thrilled about anything.

I think that's just his face.

That's the face.

Why the hell weren't you at practice?

Can't talk right now. I'm working.

Well, you're gonna talk about it.

What do you want from me?

I don't want to play football.
I want to work.

You have your whole
life to hold down a job.

Hey, I like my job.

It's not my problem you hate yours.

Do whatever you want.

To figure out which school of philosophy

suited me best, I decided
to sample each one.

The same way I determined
my favorite flavor of oatmeal...

plain.

What are you doing?

I'm practicing the
philosophy of cynicism...

the ancient Greek view

that the rules of society
should be ignored.

If you're gonna break rules,
you can do better than that.

How?

- _
- Renaissance humanism

is finding meaning in the
human form through art.

Can I move?

- No.
- But my butt itches.

Scratch it on your own time.

- _
- Nihilists believe

that there's no point to anything,

because it all ends in nothingness.

Mind if I put on MTV?

Doesn't matter.
We're all gonna die anyway.

Deep thought, dingus.

- _
- Traditionalism is the philosophy

that the best way of life
is a return to the past.

What are you doing?

Making my own butter,
like in olden times.

That's stupid.

My arms are still sore.

- _
- Altruism is the belief

that we should live only by
bringing happiness to others.

These are for you.

Thanks.

What the hell?!

- _
- Egoism is the belief

that we should live only by
bringing happiness to ourselves.

Mmm. These are pretty good.

- _
- Transcendentalists were philosophers

who believed that our deepest connection

is with nature.

Eh.

I'm beautiful.

And then Georgie accuses
me of hating my job.

Is this where I thought I'd end up? No.

Is this where you thought you'd end up?

I thought I'd be working at
my father's funeral home

sewing people's eyes shut.

My life turned out great.

Well, good for you.

The worst part is,
I think Georgie's right.

You're not happy at work?

I can see if my dad's hiring.

How are your sewing skills?

It's not work.

Honestly, I don't know
if I'm happy anywhere.

Ugh.

When I asked y'all to hang for a drink,

I didn't know you were
gonna be such a bummer.

Geez Louise.

- Dr. Linkletter?
- Sheldon.

Good to see you.

Come on in.

I don't suppose you're here
to discuss physics, are you?

As a matter of fact, I am.

Excellent.

I'm here to drop your class.

I just need you to sign this.

Have a seat.

Sheldon, I don't know if
you thought this through,

but you're here on a
physics scholarship,

and switching to philosophy
may not be well-received.

Ordinarily, I'd be concerned,

but I'm currently embracing hedonism.

Sheldon, I've been made
responsible for you,

and so far, it's not going very well.

You were admitted to this university

for your scientific acumen.

And changing majors could
have serious repercussions.

Son, please try to understand.

If you abandon physics for philosophy,

you're gonna be missing
out on the opportunity

to be part of something great.

Possibly...

As Dr. Linkletter prattled on,

I couldn't help but notice

the beauty of that ephemeral bubble.

I wondered if perhaps
we're all just bubbles,

being buffeted through life
on a stream of currents

beyond our understanding.

Look at it. The local
minimization achieves

a global maximization,
and it's nearly perfect.

I wondered if this was the key

to the smoothness of
matter in the universe.

The cosmic web of stars and
galaxies could hold it together

like the web of polymers in soap!

This could be a whole
new area of research.

Changing majors would be a huge mistake,

but if this is what you
really want, here you go.

- Sheldon?
- What?

Here you go.

Good luck with philosophy.

Oh, I'm back on science
now. I have work to do.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --