Original subtitles

BOW: Ever since my Aunt Dee-Dee

started working at my mom's office,

the two of them were thick as thieves.

They even had their own secret language.

Girl.

Girl.

♪ I turned around when I heard the sound ♪

♪ Of footsteps on the floor ♪

- Girl. - Girl!

♪ Love just like addiction, now I'm hooked on you ♪

Girl.

♪ I need some time to get it right ♪

Girl?

Every day was like a scene from an '80s buddy cop movie,

that is, if the cast had two Black cops

or two women, for that matter.

And like buddy cops, one of them

was a free-spirited, Eddie Murphy-type wild card.

I'm not out of order. You're out of order!

This whole office is out of order!

Including our copier, which is actually why I'm calling.

And the other, a hardworking, straight-laced captain

two weeks away from retirement.

Girl?

[Imitates Eddie Murphy laughing]

♪ In the mix ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, they keep trying ♪

♪ But they can't stop us ♪

♪ 'Cause we got a love ♪

♪ That keeps rising up ♪

♪ In the mix ♪

♪ Life turns around ♪

♪ 'Round and 'round it goes ♪

♪ Ooh, it's a mixed-up world ♪ ♪ Ooh, it's a mixed-up ♪

♪ And that's for sure ♪ ♪ Mixed-up ♪

♪ In the mix ♪ ♪ Baby ♪

♪ We're gonna get by ♪

♪ We're gonna ♪ ♪ On our own, side by side ♪

♪ Love's all we need to be free ♪ ♪ Lo-o-o-ve is all ♪

♪ I got you, you got me ♪

♪ Yaaaaay us! ♪

♪ I-I-In the mix ♪

♪ Yaaaaay us! ♪

♪ I-I-In the mix-ish ♪

♪

Hey, I took your advice, grew out my chest hair.

Now my wife can't keep her hands off of me...

because she gets her ring stuck in it.

[Both laugh]

I love that there are no rules

about what we can and can't talk about at work.

[Laughs]

Hope I'm not interrupting anything.

Oh, no, just shooting the breeze with my second favorite partner.

Oh. Um...

I was just on the phone

with opposing counsel for the Andrews case.

Needed the case file but couldn't find it.

Ah, ah! Oh, you talking about,

um, Blind Guy v. Sandwich?

Ah.

Bingo. Here you go.

Denise, you can't keep your desk like this.

But I know where everything is.

Ask me about any case, and I'll find it.

I don't care if you can find it.

This is a law office. You need to use the files.

I do use them.

Oh.

Ah. Here are my notes on Old Woman vs. Hot Coffee.

[Sighs] Okay, I don't know how you did things at Pan Am...

Pretty much like this, except with people's bags.

But here, we have systems,

and if you don't follow it, things fall through the cracks.

Imagine if the opposition called for discovery,

and we just sent them a box of...

Is this a... used napkin?

Define "used."

Girl!

♪

- [Thud on TV] - ALL: Whoa!

I love Hulk Hogan!

He will always have fans in the Black community.

- [Door opens] - PAUL: Oh, hi, kids.

I came home from work early.

What do you say to some ice cream?

We're watching wrestling!

- Ooh! - Whoa.

Who wants to tell me what they learned today?

- SANTAMONICA: Bow. - Okay, if you don't feel like sharing,

I could tell you something I taught.

- [Wham] - ALL: Yes!

Oh, yeah, well, did you know a tomato isn't a vegetable?

Dad, we're gonna have to ask you to leave.

- Okay. - Ooh.

Well... thank you for asking so nicely.

Whoa!

- This is getting good. - Whoa!

Dude!

Hey! Tough break.

What are you doing in my house?

[Scoffs]

Best friends don't use terms like "my house,"

"my door," "my bathrobe."

SANTAMONICA: What?!

Uh-oh. It's your last one.

Oh, mm...

SANTAMONICA: Oh. My. God!

Feels like you also need love.

Open up to me, buddy. What's going on?

Ah, it's just since I started working,

I don't get to see my kids that much.

Which is awesome. Kids are just friends you can't drink with.

- No, Griff, I-I love my kids. - Mm.

[Whispers] Of course. They can probably hear us.

[Normal voice] Aww!

I love my kids, too! [Chuckles]

You don't understand.

Because of my job, I'm away from the kids

for the whole day.

That's new for me.

And it's a big change for the family.

My dad worked all the time. I never saw him.

I don't want to be like that with the kids.

Well, look, if you really want your kids to feel special,

try spending one-on-one time with each of them.

I don't know.

You know, that's a pretty good idea.

It is.

Just like that new Coca-Cola formula.

Probably need to get you some of those, too.

We don't drink...

Don't worry. I'll drink them.

♪

You're sure I can pull off leather pants?

Girl, the only problem you gon' have

is choosing which man gets to pull them off.

And if that don't work, try talcum powder.

[Both laugh]

Can you excuse us?

While you were busy talking to your friend Dolores,

you made me late for a meeting.

Late? You were five minutes early.

I can't run on C.P. time.

Well, C.P. time is 20 minutes late, not 5 minutes early,

so you still good.

Am I, though?

There are 28 million Black people who live in the U.S.,

which means I would need to be 15 minutes early

- to 12 meetings a day... - What?

...for the next 47 years to mathematically defeat C.P. time.

Wait, there's that many Black people in the U.S.

and I still can't find a man?

[Laughs]

[Laughs sarcastically]

- I'm not joking. - [Stops laughing]

Why wasn't this in my calendar?

Well, I swear I wrote it down somewhere.

[Blowing nose]

Was the meeting regarding Crosby vs. Refrigerator?

Ugh! I took you to Red Lobster.

You nasty!

[Inhales, exhales deeply]

If you are my secretary, you're a reflection of me.

So I need to hold you

to the same standard I would hold myself.

But I don't want a white husband.

[Sighs] We're gonna talk about this later.

I have a meeting in two hours,

but to fix your mistake, I need to leave right now.

[Mockingly] I need to leave right now.

How could you?

DOLORES: Sorry.

On my dad's mission to bond with his kids,

he started with the youngest and meanest.

It means so much to me that we're having this moment

as a father and a daughter.

Stop stalling and play the game.

Okay.

Oh, no, purple!

Oh, back to the beginning I go.

Wow, you're so good at this.

Boy, I know you know how to play Candy Land.

Don't patronize me.

Oh. All right, kiddo.

Love the attitude.

Okay, my turn.

Oh! [Laughs]

And I win.

Good game, Santi. [Chuckles]

Who beats a child?!

You're a monster!

♪

[Cheers and applause]

[Door opens]

[Sighs]

Okay.

We have to finish that talk.

I'm off the clock.

If you want to talk to me about work, I'm billing you.

You can't bill people. You're not a lawyer.

I can't do this right now. I'm exhausted.

How are you tired, and I'm the one who worked late?

Yeah, because you're only working one job.

I'm doing two.

What are you talking about?

You know what I'm talking about.

The game show all Black women have to play at work?

[Theme music playing]

Welcome to "What's Your Role?," the game show

that no Black women want to play but have to anyway.

Hey, contestant, what's your name?

- Hi. My name is... - Doesn't matter.

Let's see what role you have to play at the office.

We have The Sassy Lady,

The Token, The Angry Black Woman,

and, of course, America's favorite, The Mammy.

Excuse me?

That's right. Every White kid's favorite babysitter.

Let's play!

No Mammy, no Mammy, no Mammy.

Stop!

Congratulations! You win!

I think everybody loses with that.

- Ah, not White people. - [Laughter]

Because of the mother-like legacy of The Mammy,

coworkers like Brad and Dolores

will feel way too comfortable

coming to your desk, bothering you

about leather pants, chest hair,

and all sorts of personal problems

you could care less about,

and they don't even know your last name!

- Actually, it's... - Again, nobody cares.

We'll see you next time

on Black America's least favorite game show.

[Cheers and applause]

So my mom realized

what Aunt Denise was up against in the office.

I'm so sorry. I've been working so hard at being partner,

I forgot you had to go through this stuff.

This is why my job is so much harder than yours.

I wouldn't go that far.

But we are gonna figure out a way

that you don't have to deal with this ever again.

- You gonna promote me to lawyer? - No.

You're gonna give me your office?

- Hadn't planned on it. - Okay, then more money?

Uh, out of the question.

Then you're not really committed to solving this problem,

now, are you?

- [Buzzer] - MAN: Oh! Sorry.

That's a big swing and a big miss.

Hey, homie.

Rainbow and Santi want to spend quality time with me,

but I told them, "No way. I want to jam with my boy Johan."

Gimme some skin.

BOW: After failing to bond with Santi, my dad got desperate.

And I mean desperate.

Wanna shred?

[Gasps]

So, y-you kind of just roll off the edge like this huh?

Yeah, just drop in, Dad.

Drop in. [Chuckles]

I... Should we maybe put a mattress down or something?

Padding is for posers.

That's what they said about seat belts, but okay.

Um...

Do we know who built this ramp? I mean, a-are they union?

D-Do they have a background in construction?

Are you gonna go or not?

My friends are watching.

Right. Hey. Hey, guys.

Okay. Okay.

[Laughs nervously] Here we go.

1, 2...

You know what? I don't think this is safe.

Your mother is never gonna let you do this.

I'm sorry, Johan, but you can never skate ever again.

Uh, sorry, boys, Johan isn't your friend anymore.

♪

Hey. I was wondering if you had a minute to talk about Denise.

Uh, Denise is a secretary.

This is already too much time to be talking about a secretary.

Well, Denise can't do her job

because she has to listen to coworkers' sob stories.

Why doesn't she just tell them to buzz off?

That's what I do. Speaking of which, can you buzz off?

Harrison, this is serious.

It's just different for Black women in the workplace.

Uh, what do you mean it's different?

When Denise walks to the copier, she has to pass Dolores' desk,

who dumps her problems on Denise.

Sorry to interrupt. I can't get these leather pants off.

I have talcum powder.

- Meet me in the bathroom? - Okay, let me make these copies,

and then we'll peel you like a banana.

ALICIA: She can try to avoid Dolores' desk,

but then she runs into Bradley,

who's a partner who burdens her with his personal life.

Is back hair as sexy as chest hair?

I have to do something for Alicia,

and then we can talk about your body at work.

This constant shape-shifting is stressful for Denise,

but she feels like she has to put up with it.

White people feel comfortable dumping their problems on us,

and we feel like we'll be punished if we try to say no.

Uh, sorry, Bradley.

Tell me more about your back hair!

[Beeping]

I don't get it. I also don't care that deeply.

But why does that happen to her and not you?

[Scoffs] Because I can fire everyone but you.

Look, they can't do this to me

because I'm too high up on the ladder.

But this is making it really hard for Denise to do her job.

So you need to do something.

Oh.

Well, I guess with great power comes great responsibility.

Hey, I should write that down.

I just came up with that.

[Clears throat]

Okay.

Yeah.

My dad was down to his last kid,

and he was hoping the third time would be the charm.

This is going great, right?

It wasn't so great with your brother and sister,

but maybe this is going great

because you're so much nicer than them.

W-W-We're really bonding, don't you think?

I mean, you... you feel it, too?

Oh, yeah, totally.

[Indistinct conversations, silverware clinking]

Oh.

So that's why you wanted to come here.

No! I wanted to spend time with you.

No, you didn't. But I get it. You're growing up.

You don't want to hang out with your dad.

But maybe I can help get him to notice you.

- Please don't. - Trust me.

I was in the eighth grade once, too.

[Clears throat]

Oh. Oh, boy.

Oh. Excuse me? Can we get this cleaned up?

♪

Thank you, young man.

♪

Have you met my daughter Rainbow?

Uh...

Uh, hey, Rainbow.

He's not my dad! He's a stranger!

We look nothing alike!

I'm gonna go.

♪

Do you want her number?

♪

Oh, look who's early, joining me in the fight against C.P. time.

The only thing I'm gonna fight is you.

Why did you go behind my back and complain to Harrison?

What are you talking about?

[Sighs]

♪

I didn't tell him to do that.

Why would you tell anyone what we talked about?

That was for us.

I was trying to help.

Honestly, no one here is going to understand,

so you can't feel sorry for yourself.

You need to just push through the same way I did.

Are you serious?

You think you pushed through?

Yeah.

[Theme music playing]

HARRISON: Welcome to "What's Your Role?"

So, our next contestant is ready to play.

Let's see what role she's playing for.

And I hate to break it to you.

- None of them are good. - [Laughter]

You can be seen as The Token Who's Not Allowed to Talk,

The Token Who's Forced to Talk on Behalf of All Black People,

The Office Oprah, and more.

Office Oprah is just a polite term for Mammy.

[Laughter]

No Mammy, no Mammy, no Mammy.

Stop!

Congrats. You won the Office Show Pony!

Your boss will trot you around the world

to prove he's not a racist.

He'll introduce you to Black clients

whose cases you aren't even handling,

and you get to become the face of the company!

On bus benches downtown.

Office Show Pony, brought to you by Clarence Thomas.

See? We never stop playing roles.

They just switch it up on us.

Well, uh, show pony isn't that bad.

And neither is that bus bench ad.

Maybe you're just jealous

I got recognized in the supermarket that one time.

[Scoffs] Girl!

Girl.

I thought my mom had all the answers.

But sometimes even moms need moms.

Oh, I see you can call me for problems at your office,

but when I ask you to sue the owner of the pet store,

you say you can't.

I just didn't know who else to talk to about my Denise problem.

You talking about me?

Who is that? Mama?

No, it's not Mama. Go away.

If I dial Mama line and it's busy, it's on.

Get out of my room! I mean office!

[Sighs]

Everyone's treating Denise like she's their therapist,

and now she thinks...

Yeah, and you're the one they trot out

to prove they're not racist.

Did you really call to explain something I lived through?

I'm a partner, so I thought I'd gotten beyond

having to play a role in the office.

Now I don't know what to do.

Don't listen to her, Mama.

Anything she says about me is a lie.

Wha... You see how she's talking to me, Mama?

- Open the door. - No.

- Open the damn door. - Get off the phone.

Okay, let me tell you two a story.

One day, my boss was really racist to me at work,

and that happened every day for the rest of my life.

And you know what?

I got over it.

Yeah, but, Mama, you don't understand.

I have to listen to these White people talking about...

[Grunts] Get in here! Get...

...leather pants and they...

and they chest hair.

Oh, that's all?

My coworkers tried to use me as furniture.

[Sighs] I guess that's not as bad as my problem.

Listen, girls, I know how you feel.

I've been exactly where you are.

But I pushed through, hoping it would be different for you.

And in some ways, it is, because you have each other.

So now that's what you need to do.

You need to push through and try to make it better for your kids.

I can do that.

Thanks, Mama.

Yeah, thanks, Mama.

You two are lucky to have each other.

I didn't have someone to go through any of this with me.

So you two need to stick together.

♪

What are you doing?

Alicia's using her phone to make personal calls at work.

- Mm. - Really?

Mm, mm, mm, so unprofessional.

[Sighs]

[Insects chirping]

[Sighs]

Care for a drink?

Yeah. I guess I could use one.

I feel like I'm losing touch with my kids.

On second thought, I'd rather drink alone.

Look, it's great that you want to make sure that they're happy,

but our generation was just trying to make sure

that you had enough to eat.

Okay, but what's... what's so bad

about wanting to give them some good memories?

You remember the first time we went camping?

Yeah. You mean the only time we went camping?

I remember. You forgot the tent.

Yeah, it was freezing.

We sat around the fire all night,

but the fire went out about 2:00 a.m.

We ran out of food. It... It was a disaster.

Yeah. I'll never forget that.

See? In the moment, you hated me,

but now it's one of those stories

you would tell at my funeral if I wasn't gonna outlive you.

Kids don't need good memories.

They just need memories, and they become good.

[Sighs]

Thanks, Dad.

Though I'm not really sure it's ever gonna be a good memory

that you lost my 10-speed in a poker game.

Give it time. You'll get there.

Well, cheers.

Cheers.

- I'll drink yours. - I know you will.

♪ Jitterbug ♪

Everyone plays a role in life, whether they realize it or not.

Dad called Brandon over to clean up the table

and introduce him to me.

That man is out of control!

SANTAMONICA: I hope you don't plan on going to school ever again.

My mom and my aunt

may have had different struggles at the office.

♪ Jitterbug into my brain ♪

But by sticking together, they were twice as strong

as they would've been by themselves.

So, I wasn't able to get the leather pants off.

[Whispers] I'm wearing them under my slacks.

Ew.

ALICIA: Excuse me, Denise.

Um, can I see you in my office for a second?

I need to talk to you about the People vs. the Other People.

Oh, you talking about the People vs. Other People?

[Both chuckle]

Um, sorry, I have to handle this.

- Time-sensitive. - Right.

Always something with Other People.

♪ 'Cause I'm not planning on going solo ♪

Through that, I learned

how to look beyond what we don't have in common.

Thank you. I didn't think she was gonna stop talking.

Well, you know I got your back.

Mm.

Ooh. Here come the partners with some Black clients.

♪ I wanna hit that high ♪

And I got yours, too.

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Jitterbug ♪

Mm. One of those gentlemen is fine!

♪ Wake me up before you go-go, don't you dare ♪

I'm gonna go see if they need any assistance.

♪ Boom-boom-boom-boom ♪ ♪ Wake me up before you go-go ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

Hello, gentlemen.

I'm Denise Johnson. Assistant attorney.

Okay, you have a 10:00 a.m., 12:00 p.m., and a 2:00.

You must've gotten a new tissue box.

- Girl. - [Laughs]

Girl!

- Girl! - [Laughs]

Ooh, girl.

Girl?

Girl!

Girl!

Girl.

Girl.

Gir...

♪

Hey, girrrls!

♪

- Girl. - Girl.

-- Subs by kinglouisxx -- for www.addic7ed.com