Original subtitles

Now, people start looking at you funny,

all you gotta say is, " Howdy, partner."

- Howdy, partner ? - Faster than that or people will think you're slow in the head.

- Howdy, partner. - [Wang] Howdy, partner.

-Just follow my lead. Howdy, partner. - Howdy, partner.

- Howdy, partner. -Just park it right there.

It's not working.

Some people aren't as tolerant as I am. Not very friendly today.

- [ Grunts ] -John, what are you--

-John-- - Ow. Hurt.

Okay. We gotta work on that.

Here you go, John. Straighten up here.

- Roy, it hurts so bad. - I know, John,

but I'm not gonna walk with you if you walk like that.

I'll be okay.

- Hey, Roy. It's you. - Holy shit !

I'm a wanted man. Look at this !

- Five hundred bucks ! That's a lot of money. - Let me see.

- Nice picture. - Careful, careful.

Wow, look at this. Do you know what this means ?

- This will drive the girls crazy. - Really ?

Yes, really. Come on, let's get a couple more of these.

- It's not bad. - I'm wanted too !

- What ? - This.

Oh, come on. That's not right.

I know. I'm not from Shanghai.

No ! $1 ,000 for a sidekick ?

- You gotta be kidding me. - Be careful.

Justice system's all screwed up.

Man can't even ride a horse, and that's a really cool nickname-- Shanghai Kid.

It's like, got a snap to it that--

Uh -oh, trouble. John, come here. Get over here.

Tie 'em up over here, fellas.

- What's going on ? - Shh.

[Stammering] Oh.

[Wang] Howdy, partner.

Oh, my God, it's a posse. They can't be looking for us.

- What's " posse" ? - Oh, I think they're passing us by.

[ Sighs ] It looked like Marshal Nathan Van Cleef, the psychotic killer.

Roy O'Bannon ! This is Marshal Nathan Van Cleef.

- Ohh ! - We know you're hidin 'in there.

Oh, God, it is him. It is him.

Why don't you throw down Your six-shooters and come out With your hands up.

And that goes for the scum you're ridin' with too.

- He won. - Roy, Roy, it's okay.

No, it's not okay ! Stop ! You don't know this guy !

Let me talk to them. Remember, we have to save the princess.

What are you doin' ? St--

- Go easy, fellas. - Why are they shooting at me ?

What happened to " Mr. Shanghai Kid" ? "Oh, I'm a wanted man" ?

- Why ? - 'Cause you're an outlaw.

- I am not an outlaw ! - Stop ! You're a bad guy !

- Look at that poster. What does that say ? - Drives girls crazy.

Drives girls crazy ? Drives the posse crazy.

Makes them want to hang you, string you up, because you're a bad guy.

- You got 20 seconds -- - Aw, God ! Give us a minute !

Go around back, gentlemen. Make sure he isn't trying to pull the saddle over our eyes.

Remember, I want the Chinaman alive.

I'm not a bad guy.

You're a bad guy. You're with me, you're a bad guy.

Hey, you put me in this situation !

- I'm the good guy, you're the bad guy ! - No ! We're both bad guys !

- No, only you're the bad guy ! You go out there and tell them ! - No !

- I'm not going out there ! You go out there ! - No, you have to go !

[ Grunting ]

- Did I just do that ? - Not bad.

I don't know karate, but I know " karazy," and I will use it.

-[Yelling, Shouting] -[Glass Shattering]

What the hell is going on in there ?

You okay ?

You just threw me through a window.

You got that gold ?

What ? Gold ? What gold ?

Wrong answer.

Wait. I'm-- I'm unarmed. I'm unarmed !

No gun. Hold on, no gun. I don't--

I'm unarmed! You can't shoot an unarmed man.

- Don't worry. I help you. - No, John. No, no.

John ! John--

Fight with honor. You will win.

Are you frickin' insane? Is that what they teach you in Imperial Guard School?

- What-- - Pick 'em up.

- [ Whinnying ] - Well.

If it ain't the Shanghai Kid.

[Chuckling]

How about we make the Kid dance ?

Oh, come on ! You can do better than that.

[Gunfire Continues]

You robbed the wrong train, son.

- Look, Marshal, I think that if-- -Just shut up and put on your guns.

[ Sighs ]

This is serious, you know ?

We don't come back from this.

That's the general idea.

[Gunfire Continues]

[ Groans ]

[ Clicking ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Screaming ]

[Men Laughing]

- What the hell you doin' ? - [ Exhales ]

Stop procrastinating. Come on. Hurry up, son.

Stop it ! I'm not gonna let you cheapen it. All right ?

This is a duel. It's a sacred thing.

It's beautiful. It's what separates us from the animals.

- [ Chuckles ] - Oh, yeah.

Whew ! I do not envy you. You ready ?

Why don't you turn and face me like a man ?

Why don't you do it your way and I'll do it my way ? How about that ?

[ Chuckling ]

[Thinking] Oh, come on, Roy. You can do it.

Oh, no, you can't. He's gonna kill you.

- One. - He's gonna blow you away.

Come on, Roy. Don't think like that.

Two.

[Thinking] Oh, yeah. Be positive.

Be the bullet. Be the lead bullet.

- I'm about to die. -[Van Cleef] Three.

Roy !

Duel's off!

-[Horse Whinnies] - Roy !

You blew it, John !

Never interrupt a man in the middle of a duel.

I had him. That's what kills me. I had him ! I had him !

[ Shouting I n Chinese ]

Now you know how it feels to haul you around in that sedan chair.

I will never bow to you.

Take a good look at these faces.

If you attempt to escape,

I will kill one worker every hour...

- until you are found. - [ Grunts ]

- Starting with this one. - [ Groans ]

Do not let him see you suffer.

I know who you are.

Please, tell no one.

[Explosion]

- You call this a special hideout ? -§§ [Piano]

Yes, it is, John.

It's also a good place to gather intelligence,

'cause no one passes through Carson City without these people hearing about it.

- Would you ask them about the princess - Yes, sir, I will.

And I don't care how ugly it gets.

I'm not gonna rest until I've pumped everybody in there for information, okay ?

-§§ [Continues] -[Chattering, Laughing]

- Hi, Roy. - Roy. -[O'Bannon] Hello, ladies.

Make way for a couple of desperados.

Nice to see you again, Mr. O'Bannon.

- [O'Bannon] Greetings. Hello. - [Women] Roy.

Oh, yeah, we're gonna get some information here. Trust me.

This is not a proper hiding place.

Oh, come on, John. Let's relax for a little bit.

- Here, have a drink. - No. I wanna find the princess.

So do I, but we can't exactly go door to door in Carson City looking for her.

- Don't forget, we're wanted men. - Only because of you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything's my fault.

So, what's the princess like ?

John, what's the princess like ? Is she pretty ?

- Is she a pain in the neck ? - You are not fit to talk about her.

John, you better remember where you are.

This is the West. It's not the East.

- Remember ? - And the sun may rise where I come from--

Blah, blah, blah. I know.

Good. You remember.

- Is she single ? Is she single ? - What ?

Is she married ? Is she available ?

Only to a member of the Imperial family.

Are you a member of the Imperial family ? I don't think so.

Was that a joke, John ? That was a joke.

John, that was your first joke. We gotta have a toast. Your first joke.

- Yes. Yes. - No.

Come on. Drink.

-Just one. - Okay.

But don't talk about the princess any more.

Word of honor.

Be fun to play a drinking game.

- You know any Chinese drinking games ? - No. [ Coughing ]

Every country has a drinking game. You must know one.

Just one ?

[ Speaking Nonsense Rapidly ]

- Uno mas ? - Uno-- What ?

- One more. Uno mas. - Okay.

[Nonsense Continues]

No ! I lost ? One more.

Oh, no ! Oh, yeah !

I'm so lost, John.

Ninety percent of the time, I don't even know...

what I'm doin' out here in the West.

-[Horse Whinnies] - Terrible outlaw.

- No, you're a good outlaw. - Stop, please. I'm a screw up.

- No, I am screw up. Look at my scar. - No.

One for arriving late At a guard duty.

One for dropping fighting stick. You good. I saw you.

The only thing I'm good at is talking.

- It's true. -John.

- Huh ? - Take your hand off me, John.

Oh. [ Sighs ]

One more game ?

No. No more drinking. That's it.

- Uno mas ? - No mas, John. No mas.

[ Nonsense Continues ]

Roy ?

Roy ?

- Are you coming ? - Fifi ?

Uno mas ?

[ Burps ]

-[Glass Shatters ] - [ Burps ]

So, who's your funny-looking friend ?

[ Chuckles ] I don't know.

He's this crazy Imperial Guard I met.

He's-He's really funny.

-§§ [Piano Continues] -[O'Bannon] The guy's hysterical.

We were just playing-- Did you see us ? We were just playing that game.

John's going-- [Speaking Nonsense]

And I was going-- You can't really understand what he's saying, but--

Roy ? Roy ? I never figured you for riding with a Chinaman.

Well, I'm not exactly riding with him, Fifi .

He's not my friend, you know. I mean, he's a Chinaman.

[Fifi ] Well, that's good.

[O'Bannon] I mean-- And you really--

Were you guys talking about who he was ?

- Let's talk about something else. -[Woman Screams]

- [Van Cleef] Don't you look delicious ? - [ Gasps ]

-[Wang] What's going on ? - Well.

- You ! - If it isn't the Shanghai Kid.

Here. [ Gasps ]

[ Groans ]

[Coughing]

Thank you.

Ahh. Thank you.

Uno mas ?

[Woman Screams]

- [ Groaning ] -John, come on. We gotta get going.

- The marshal's downstairs. - No, no, Marshal's in there.

Oh, man, John. What'd you do to him ?

- Come on. Let's get going. - No !

- I don't wanna ride with you. - Come on, John. Damn, you're a mean drunk.

- Hi, horsey ! - All right. Shh, shh, shh.

- All right, it's time for a "yee-haw." - Yee-what ?

Shh, shh, shh. Roy O'Bannon special.

We jump off, land on the back of the horse, yell "yee-haw..."

and ride off, all right ?

Watch me and do exactly as I do it. Yee-haw !

Yee-haw ! [ Groans ]

Okay, hyah ! Hyah !

- Hyah ! Where's the head ? -John !

-John, get up ! - [ Horse Burps ]

[ Panting ] Tie 'em up.

What happened to my horse ? Is he dead ?

No, but we are, John.

- Hi, horsey. You sleeping ? - Get up.

Hmm.

Mighty impressive hardware you're packin'.

Why don't you get your eyes off my package, you twisted son of a bitch.

[ Groans ]

- I hope that's him leaving. - Your turn.

Thank you, Mr. Van Cleef.

Well, well. What have we here ?

Mr. O'Bannon, I presume.

Can I get a drink of water ? I got cotton mouth. Aah !

-[Groaning] - Don't mention it.

And this must be the famous Shanghai Kid.

- Chon Wang ? - Lo Fong ?

You remember your old comrade-in-arms ?

- Hmm ? - I remember a traitor.

[O'Bannon] I'm sensing some bad blood here.

- Where is the gold ? - Where's Princess Pei Pei ?

- [ Groans ] -[O'Bannon] Stop.

Come on. We're men. We're not pinatas.

Okay ? And we're really hung over.

We 're not trying to be tough guys.

- You wanna talk about the gold, let's talk about the gold. - So, you have my gold ?

- Your gold ? - Yes, we have the gold.

- Then where is it ? - The gold's in a safe place.

- [ Grunts ] - Is he telling the truth ?

No.

Ow ! Nice, John. Way to go. Way to think on your feet.

He cannot lie. He is bound by Imperial decree.

Imperial decree.

- When are you gonna learn you're not in China any more ? - [ Cocks Weapon ]

He will never learn. He can only follow orders.

At least I still have my honor.

Slaves have no honor.

-[Wang] No ! No ! - Hey !

Now you can never go back to China.

[ Panting ]

You blew it. Whoo ! You blew it, man.

You do not want to cut his hair off, trust me.

Nothing personal, boys.

My loyalty is to the emperor.

Yeah, John, I heard all about the emperor.

Must be a hell of a man.

He's only 12.

Are you kidding me ? You're sitting here with a noose around your neck...

ready to die for someone whose balls haven't even dropped ?

By virtue of the authority vested in me through the territory of Nevada,

I do hereby order these men to hang by their necks...

until their feet quit kicking.

[ Cheering ]

You're goin' to hell, boys,

and your horses are taking you there.

[ Chuckling ] Tighten 'em up.

[Crowd Chanting] Hang 'em ! Hang 'em !

Hang 'em ! Hang 'em ! Hang 'em ! Hang 'em !

Hang 'em ! Hang 'em ! Hang 'em !

[Crowd Laughing]

-[Chanting Continues] - Hey ! Watch it, you little punk.

Hang 'em ! Hang 'em ! Hang 'em ! Hang 'em !

Hang 'em ! Hang 'em ! Hang 'em ! Hang 'em !

Hang 'em ! Hang 'em ! Hang 'em ! Hang 'em !

-[ Snorts ] -[Wang Smacking Lips, Clicking Tongue]

- [ Whistling ] -John, what are you doing ?

[ Chuckles ]

-[Wang Whistles] - [ Whinnies ]

[ Screaming, Shouting ]

What the hell is goin' on here ? Stop those horses !

Stop them !

Pull it ! Pull it !

[ Both Yelling ]

- § I'm back in the saddle again § - Help me !

§ I'm back§

§ I'm back in the saddle again §

Well, don't just stand there ! Go after them !

Will you listen to this creek, John ?

I've never noticed what a beautiful melody a creek makes.

I've never taken the damn time.

Look at these mountains and these trees.

Hell, look at these green trees. Come here. I don't even know the names--

We're gonna learn the names of these green trees. Come here.

I want you to look at these.

Can we not-- John, what are you doing ?

Are you still worried about your hair ?

John, listen to me. You're very vain.

By the time you're 70, your queue, your ponytail...

will be as good as new.

- What are you doing ? - I'm leaving.

Can we not take two seconds, John ? We just cheated death.

Come on. Let's look at these mountains for a second.

- Okay, let me get my stuff. God, you're unbelievable. - I'm going alone.

What are you-- John, what are you talking about ?

- I heard you. - You heard me. Okay.

At Goldie's.

You said I wasn't your friend.

John--

Hold on a second, John. I was talking to a girl.

- It was-- That's taken out of context. That's not-- - Roy.

You were right. How could I ever be your friend ?

I'm just a Chinaman.

Hold on, John. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to--

Sayonara, Roy.

[Explosion]

[Explosions Continue]

Wait here.

Please.

[Pei Pei] You have come a long way.

I hope the princess you seek...

is worthy of such devotion.

It is my duty to bring her home.

I even brought her favorite book. [ Chuckles ]

That's very kind of you.

But what if you found the princess...

and she did not wish to go back to the Forbidden City ?

Why would she want to stay here ?

Maybe she can do more for the people here...

than she could back in China.

Princess Pei Pei.

Please, don't draw attention.

Please. Stand up !

Princess, you have to come with me.

I cannot. Fong cannot find me missing.

Princess, I cannot leave you here.

[Pei Pei] Please, standup !

Don't bow ! Get up !

Get up !

You must go.

If I leave, Fong will begin to kill the others.

It is my duty to bring you home.

I command you to go.

- [ Whinnies ] - Go !

Go !

Reach for the sky, baldy !

That's right. It's Roy.

Am I interrupting ?

I followed you. So what ?

What am I supposed to do, let you wander off ? You're a greenhorn.

- You'll get killed out here. -[Gunfire]

Come on ! We gotta adios out of here, partner ! Come on !

Hyah ! You gotta stick with me.

Don't forget, we got a princess to save.

Princess!

Put your weapons down.

Show me the gold.

- Chon Wang ? - Chon Wang ? - Chon Wang ?

-[Weapon Cocks] - That's right, Johnny Wayne is here.

Hey, it's me.

Why did you cut his hair ?

I tried to warn you, But you wouldn't listen.

- Go on, drop the gun. -[Gun Clatters ]

Now, slide it over.

Is that her ?

She's pretty.

Grab her.

Come on. We'll take it from here, guys.

I won't let you take the Princess back.

Who do you think you are? Have you forgotten your responsibility?

The Princess does not wish to return to China.

We are bound by Imperial decree, and you, Chon Wang, will not stop us!

John, what-- John, get up.

What are you-- I thought we were past this.

- Come on, John. - [ Speaking Chinese ]

Do you see ? He will always be a slave.

[Chinese Continues]

This is the West,

not the East.

And the sun may rise...

where we come from,

but here is where it sets.

You want me to translate ? The princess stays.

The princess stays.

I grab the gold, You marry the princess.

We both hang Fong and call it a day. Mission accomplished.

Well, well.

Nice to see we're all churchgoers.

Son of a bitch ! With my own guns !

Sweet, ain't it ? [ Chuckles ]

How about that ? It's a Mexican standoff.

Only we ain't got no Mexicans.

[ Speaking Chinese ]

- [ Gunshot ] - No !

Princess Pei Pei !

Princess, run! Princess, run for your life!

[Gunfire Continues]

[ Exhales ]

- I hit you ? -[Van Cleef] No.

But you're gettin' really close.

You've almost killed me, like, 17 times already.

Eighteen, nineteen, twenty !

You're on fire today !

[ Panting ]

[ Gasps ]

Go, save the Princess!

[Gunfire Continues]

[Shouting In Chinese]

[ Screams ]

How do you survive out here ?

What's that supposed to mean ? These aren't my-- These guns are really weird.

[ Gasps ]

[ Clicking ]

Oh, man.

[ Speaking Chinese ]

- [ Groans ] - Stay low !

[ Speaking Chinese ]

[ Screams ]

[ Screaming ]

Maybe we should let bygones be bygones. You got off some good shots.

I got off some good ones. Let's call it a tie.

What's the matter, O'Bannon ? Out of bullets ?

No, I got one left.

Tell you what I'll do.

I'll take out all my bullets but one.

And that way, we'll be even. How's that ?

Okay. That sounds fair.

You'd do that for me ?

Oh, yeah.

[Shells Clattering]

You bet I would.

[ Bell Tolling ]

[ Yelling ]

- [ Groaning ] -[Bell Tolling]

We come out on three.

I know, but-but let me count.

Fight with honor. Okay.

Fight with-- Okay. One !

Two ! Two and a half!

Two and seven-eights !

Three ! [ Yelling ]

[ Yelling ]

How the hell did that happen ?

It's a miracle.

I am invincible.

Roy !

Invincible !

[ Groaning ]

[ Yelling ]

[ Groaning ]

- Now it's time for you to die. - Adios, partner.

[ Groaning ]

[ Both Panting ]

Wow.

[ Speaking Chinese ]

Roy !

He took the gold.

[Coin Clinks]

Is that all you care about is the gold ?

[ Sighs ] Shame on you.

There's more to life than money. I hope you learn that one day.

What happened ?

What ? Nothing, nothing. I just killed him. How'd you do ?

- How ? - What do you mean, how ? I shot him with my gun.

Come on. Tell me the truth.

It was unbelievable. You missed a miracle. I had one bullet left.

He had, like, a million left. He lied to me and told me that he only had one too.

But-But when-- But when he--

- She's staying ? - Yes.

- Can I stand ? -[Chuckles] Yes.

- [ Gunshot ] - [ Gasps ]

Reach for the sky, O'Bannon !

That's my line. He stole my gang, he's stealing my lines.

- That's unbelievable. - Roy ! Roy !

- Get back ! - Stop, stop. It's Wallace.

Hey, Roy,

we know you been moonlightin' on us with that old yellow fella from the train !

You guys, you stay here. This isn't your battle.

-[Wallace Continues Shouting] - No, we stick together. We are partners.

That's beautiful.

You go out the back door.

- No. - Don't worry, Princess.

I promise you, I will see you again.

That which you have promised...

you must perform.

-[Gunfire Continues] - [ Speaking Chinese ]

- Get out of the way ! - Why ?

- Come on ! - Why ? What are you--

- What are you doing ? Are you crazy ? - No, John, stop, stop.

They can't touch me. Something happened back there. It was a miracle.

- There's no way-- -[Wallace] Hey, smart-ass ! Do you hear me ?

Time's up, O'Bannon ! It's the end of the line !

- We can take these guys. Yep, we can take them. -[Gunfire]

[Wallace] Are you comin' out or ain't you ?

Gun.

You really are the Shanghai Kid.

Nice riding with you, partner.

We go out on three. I count.

No, I count.

We'll both count.

[ Together ] One, two, three !

[ Yelling ]

[Gunfire]

[ Yelling, Whooping ]

- Indians ! Look out ! - No ! My family ! My family !

- Friends. Brothers ! -[Wallace] Roy !

I gotta tell ya, we always figured you for a dumb shit, but, uh,

we was thinkin' maybe you wanna come back and rejoin the gang.

- So, uh, what do you say ? - Yeah, what do you say ?

I think I'm just gonna wing it.

All right.

-And you are goin ' to jail. - That works too.

[Cheering, Whooping]

How, kimosabe !

How, kimosabe !

[Fireworks Exploding]

Oh, it's nice to be standing here next to you.

I don't think I've ever gotten a chance to Thank you for--

for saving us so many times.

I wish you could understand what-- I feel like there's this gap between us.

It's like, I'm a cowboy, you're an Indian.

You say "wampum," I say " money."

At a certain point, I just think--

Shut up, Roy. You talk too much.

Did-Did-- She just--

[ Horn Blaring ]

[O'Bannon] There she is, right on time, carrying a big, fat payroll.

- Oh. -[Horse Snorts ]

I don't know if I'll ever get used to this one.

Don't worry. You'll get used to it.

I can guarantee you, we won't get half as many girls being lawmen.

I know we're spoken for, but--

You never know what's gonna happen in a relationship.

I gotta get rid of my outlaw name. That's not gonna work any more.

Really ? What would you call yourself ?

I don't know. I mean, my real name's Wyatt Earp, but--

Earp ? That's a terrible name for a cowboy.

- Why ? - Bad.

- Really ? - Bad!

-And John Wayne's a great cowboy name ? - Roy, look.

There they are.

Yep. Look at those amateurs. That's my move !

Come on, Roy. Let's go say " howdy."

Let's go ! Hyah ! Hyah !

- Yee-haw ! - Yee-haw !

[ Whinnying ]

- Yee-haw ! - Yee-haw !

[Man] Scene up.

That which you have promised...

- you must perform. -[Telephone Rings ]

- Hello. -[Crew Laughing]

He was part of your " rushimiant--"

What ? Regiment.

[Wilson] He's one of your bandits.

He's one of your-- He's one of your--

He was part of your regiment of "dentists."

Bandits. Dentists ?

-[Glass Shattering] - Wow ! Shit !

He didn't teeth brush this morning.

- What is this thing ? - No !

[Crew Laughing]

You can't do stunts, man.

-§ Because I'm gonna be a cowboy, baby§ -[ Groans ]

- What's this princess like ? -[Bubbles Surfacing]

[Crew Laughing]

I got air bubbles coming out of my thing.

Uno mas, please.

- Uno mas -- -[Crew Laughing]

Thanks, Fido.

[ Together ] One, two, three !

- [ Yelling ] - Shit !

- Thank you so much, Princess. You're so good. - [ Laughing ]

Princess ! Oh, I love you so much.

[O'Bannon] I'm talking to you! Turn around!

Ask me if I give a shit.

§ I might walk a little funny but my walk is me§

§ I might stutter when I talk but I say what I see§

§ I don't agree with every other little thing that's proven§

§ I do a lot of things that I shouldn't be doin '§

§ I ruin everything you might've had in mind§

§ I'm a consistent, belligerent solidified mind§

§ Rhinestone freak Suburban style§

§ I ain't got no money And I got no car§

§ I might make par if it don't take much§

§ I gotta ride very far 'cause I ride on luck§

§ I stay pretty stuck in a rut like I should§

§And I do it for the love of everything's that's still good§

§ I don't know why I come here§

§ But I know I'll never leave§

§ It's the only place I wanna be§

§ Yeah, yeah, yeah§

§ I don't know why I come here§

§ But I know I'll never leave§

§ It's the only place I wanna be§

§ Yeah, yeah, yeah§

§ I'm a long way gone but I ain't short-lived§

§ I got knee-deep pockets that leak like a sieve§

§ I give one tenth throughout the course of the night§

§And if I don't go home then I did things right§

§ I'd like to settle down but I ain't that guy§

§ 'Cause everything I ever did I always did on the fly§

§ I stay stuck in the rut like I should§

§ You know, I do it for the love of everything that's still good§

§ I don't know why I come here§

§ But I know I'll never leave§

§ It's the only place I wanna be§

§ Yeah, yeah, yeah§§