Original subtitles

Shit.

Howdy, stranger? What'd you do, lose a wheel off your horse?

Not off old Ryder. He's got hooves of solid feet.

- What are you looking for? - A friend.

Oh, yeah?

- Got a light? - Yeah.

How's everything out at the old homestead?

Everybody's really into farming. Even me.

- Here, light it with this. It's good luck. - Okay.

Yeah.

Matthew, there's something you can do for me.

Yeah. I want you to make me some silver bullets.

Having trouble with that vampire out at the ranch again, Zach?

No, I need some fancy bullets to do some fancy shooting.

With this.

Listen, Alfredo, run over to Mr. Harrison's and get me some more horseshoes, okay?

- Okay. - Okay, andale.

- Where did you get that? - Sent away for it.

Came in a plain brown wrapper.

Far-out.

Got close that time. Look out for that bobcat.

It's all right, I got it.

You calling me out, Red?

I'll handle this.

Draw!

Zach, I got him.

Zach, I did get him. Look at this. This big one right here. Look.

- I cut myself. - Where? Let me see.

Right here.

Don't shoot.

- Do that again, you're a dead man. - Okay.

Sit down.

I'm gonna fall down.

You know, I've been thinking about that hammer spur.

And I'm gonna file it down...

then we'll be able to fan it about five times faster, I bet you.

Which do you think it'd be easier to shoot it out with, the sun or the moon?

- Sun, I guess. - No, it's the moon.

How you figure?

Well, it's old and it's dead.

What the hell you wanna shoot it out with a dead man for?

I'm not talking about a dead man, I'm talking about the moon.

Sure.

One more mile And we'll score a lid of grass

One more mile

Till this bummer will be over

Oh, one more mile

And we hope we'll get there fast

One more mile

One more mile

Oh, my God, Zach, it's The Crackers.

- What's going on? - It's The Crackers!

- The Crackers? Where? - Right over there.

- Come on, quick. - Okay, I'm on.

Let's go!

Got him.

- Hey, man, maybe we'd better knock first. - Right. Right on.

Hey, Jackson, I ain't seen you since the Avalon Ballroom closed.

It must be our fan club over there.

Do you like this?

Don't you know how to laugh or anything? You made out of stone?

Hey, you ain't the barber, are you?

Hey, this bar has a barber in it.

...set them up on the bar, boys.

Come on, knock them right back.

You ain't gonna shoot the piano player, are you?

Give me that thing.

I hope we don't disturb your scene

Here below the border

But men who deal in locoweed

Don't care for law and order

We shoot our guns and watch 'em run

Sittin' high up in the saddle

We smoke and fight and ride all night

But we won't punch no cattle

I ride a stallion

His name is Fred

And if you think that's funny, Jack

I'll blow off your head

We're The Crackers

We're The Crackers

We're The Crackers

We're The Crackers

Man, they're incredible.

- You want a shot right out of the bottle? - Well, yeah, sure. But...

- This town has always needed good music. - Yeah, really.

Music? You call this dumb, stupid noise music?

Oh, come on. What are you talking about? They're good.

They're lousy.

You weirdoes are all alike.

If you don't like it, mister, why don't you leave?

Come on, cut it out, Matthew. Let him be.

That's right, Matthew. Let me be.

Mister, we're just listening to the music. We don't want any trouble.

So you and your girlfriend are looking for trouble?

Hey, I'm talking to you, boy.

Watch it, mister.

Look what the tough little boy has in his pants.

Clear the bar! We're gonna have a big-time gunfight.

Make way here!

Let's give Annie Oakley a chance.

I don't have any quarrel with you, mister.

I'm gonna kill you, you little fag.

Any requests?

Jesus, I'm shaking.

What happened, man?

You gave that son of a bitch what he deserved. That's what happened.

I guess he's dead, isn't he?

I mean... I'm sure he's dead.

It was fantastic, Zach.

- I wish it had been me. - Yeah, well, it wasn't.

I gotta take it home with me now.

- Why go home? - Where else?

There are a lot of places you could go.

I'm with you.

Yeah, man.

Yeah. Thank you.

Zachariah!

Hey, Pistolero. How you doing?

I'm glad you came.

Have some coffee.

- Is he dead? - He's really dead.

- Is anybody looking for me? - No, they're looking for The Crackers.

- They robbed the express office. - Well, I can't go home.

I tried.

But, Matthew, that's just all over.

You said there were a lot of places I could go.

And all night that's been shaking me. I'm taking off, Matthew.

Me, too.

- Where you going? - Where you going?

I'm gonna go find The Crackers.

I thought of that, too.

I'm gonna be a gunfighter, Matthew.

Hey, I got something for you.

- Oh, Matthew, that's beautiful. - I only had enough silver for one.

Matthew, let's go get ourselves a job.

One more mile

All right, everybody, hold it. Hold it right there.

Hey, it's Fast Draw farm boy.

- What do you want with us, kid? - Looking for a job.

High pay, good working conditions, plenty of chance for advancement.

- Did you finish high school? - No.

Well, that's tough. I don't think we have anything for you.

Take your time. You'll think of something.

No, there ain't no room for him, boys.

Now, if he kills you that'll make room for one.

If I kill that little fart right there, that'll make another place.

Of course, we're always looking for someone who can draw.

I learned to draw at home in my spare time.

Here she comes.

Go for the gold!

That's the fastest stagecoach I ever saw.

Cover me. I'm gonna jump on the driver.

Get down!

Go!

You stupid fool!

You dumbbell!

All I need to have a good time

Is a reefer, a woman and a bottle of wine

With those three things I don't need no sunshine

A reefer, a woman and a bottle of wine

All I want is to never grow old

want to wash in a bathtub of gold

want 97 kilos already rolled

want to wash in a bathtub of gold

What a lovely supper.

- What the hell we been eating? - Hog backs and flat beans.

You want some more?

Want to light my cigars with ten-dollar bills

I'd like to have a cattle ranch in Beverly Hills

I'd like a bottle of redeye that's always filled

I'd like to have a cattle ranch in Beverly Hills

These guys sure play better than they rob, don't they?

Well, at least we eat regular.

God, I'll remember this meal for a week.

Matthew, come here.

I have had this fantastic idea in my head all day.

About putting these guys where they belong.

And putting us where we ought to be.

We divide the group.

The Crackers play loud music at one end of town.

We ride in on the other, right? Tie up our horses near the bank.

The whole town is watching The Crackers. Now, listen to this. Loud music.

That's a dumb idea. It'll never work.

We're poor but honest Crackers

From the hills of Arkansas

We've been chased from town to town

But we never broke the law

It's hard to make a living

When you live by the code of the West

Seems like every time Someone commits a crime

They put us under arrest

We're musicians and singers Not gunslingers

Ask any girl in town

Don't want your money or your lives Or your dollars or your wives

We're the nicest guys around

We wouldn't rob a bank Or steal your cash

Good time, cowboy So let's have a blast

We're poor but honest Crackers

And we never stole a dime

We just play our Cracker music And music ain't no crime

Well, see you later.

Don't breathe. Don't move. This is a holdup.

I've never been in jail I've been out on the trail

You know that I ain't no bum

We're musicians and singers Not gunslingers

Ask any girl in town

Why don't you go back where you belong?

I'm sorry, sir, that's impossible. In there.

Sit down.

This is beginning to hurt.

Good time, Cowboy So let's have a blast

Stop them! They just robbed the bank!

Oh, nuts!

...Crackers: Wanted dead or alive.

-$25,000 reward. - Yeah.

-$10,000. - Yeah, that's probably more like it.

- I feel a tour coming on. - Yeah, a tour.

We're gonna play the bank at Sacramento. Just like today, right?

- We need some more booze. - Yeah.

I'll go get it.

We're gonna play the post office in Guadalupe.

There's an old cantina out that way.

The Cleveland rug factory in Algiers.

The loan company in Missoula, Kansas.

The Wells Fargo office at San Anselmo.

The railway station at Clavin Junction.

Zeno's Head Shop in Madagascar.

Teen Town, USA. Psychedelic Supermarket in Detroit.

We'll play the Golden Stairway to heaven.

See you're interested in them posters, stranger.

That man, Job Cain?

Don't mess with him.

- Why? - He's fast.

Killed four men in one day at Apache Wells.

Did you see it?

No. But I saw his eyes. Weird eyes.

Came in here for a beer afterwards.

I know who you are, and I know who you're gunning for.

Zachariah, Zachariah, You don't need a gun to die

Life is mean And death is quick

And so is Job Cain's gun

Zachariah, Zachariah, Don't go to Apache Wells

Nineteen's tried And nineteen's died

And you killed only one

...sitting in this rocking chair playing a funny looking old fiddle.

Now, hold, it Zach. Who did you say this guy is?

Job Cain. He's the man the fiddler told me about.

He's the fastest gun going.

You didn't wake me up to show me this poster.

I say we gotta go find Job Cain. Maybe join up with him.

To see how he does it. To find out what makes him best.

This is what we've been looking for.

Well, Zach, ain't we got what we're looking for?

We're gunfighters. If we stick with The Crackers we'll get rich.

These guys are gonna keep messing up the same jobs...

and drinking the same bad liquor for the next 40 years.

No, Zach, we're just now getting it all together.

I don't want go, Zach.

There's something out there that's better than this.

- We just gotta find it. - I just don't wanna go now.

You wanna go alone?

Hell, no, Matthew. We gotta stay together.

Yeah, whatever it is, we've gotta stay together.

Come on, let's get some sleep.

Are you open to one more thought?

Okay, one more. But don't try to talk me into going to...

- Where did you say that dude lived? - Apache Wells.

I gotta have lights I gotta have air

I gotta find something I can't find it here

Man, you were right. This is the way gunfighters live.

I knew it would be like this. Red velvet and champagne.

Count those guns, Matthew.

I gotta have lights I gotta have air

I gotta have something I can't find it here

Job Cain!

What are you waiting for?

- Now, sonny. - Don't "sonny" me, you bastard!

Now, who is this that wants to get himself killed?

What are you doing up here anyway?

You should be home with your mother on the farm...

taking care of the pigs and cows.

Enough talking, boy. Draw!

Shit.

Drink up, everybody.

Hey, that was great.

Boys, this is a private party.

So if you've finished your drinks, split!

Wait a minute, mister, you got us figured all wrong.

We're fast guns, looking to join up with you.

Oh, gunfighters.

I'm sorry, boys, I didn't know you was gunfighters.

Now a lot of fellas come around here saying they're fast and most of them stink.

Ain't that right, Job?

- You gotta be fast. - I'm fast.

What about your friend?

He's fast.

Well, we got a little game we play around here between shoot ups.

It's called, "You're dead."

That's right, boys, and I'm gonna show you how it works.

Come with me, boy.

Now, when I pop this cork...

When I pop this bottle...

you draw and hit the bull's eye, and not your partner.

You ready, Zach?

- I'm not playing. - Come on, Zach. I won't hit you.

What's the matter, Zach, you scared of me?

Yep.

You faster than that?

Am I, Matthew?

We ain't never figured that out.

Well, you can't go through life wondering about things.

Let's get it figured out right now.

We don't need to figure that out.

We're friends.

We're all friends here. Fast friends, ain't we?

And everybody's got his number.

- What number are you? - Number one.

Then I'd be happy to play with you, Mr. Cain.

What did you say your name was?

- Zachariah. - Okay, Zachariah.

Wow! Dead even.

Job won, boy. You're dead.

Are you sure?

Every man I draw against is dead.

Except this time. This is for fun.

Sure was.

Drinks were good, too.

Thanks for the hospitality.

Goodbye, Mr. Cain.

Zach!

Now you don't want to be a gunfighter.

- I am a gunfighter. That isn't the point. - You're a jackass.

You walk right into something, you turn right around and walk out again.

Now what the hell are you trying to prove?

Think for a minute.

Don't you see what would happen if we stayed here?

Oh, I can see it so clearly.

Some day, some way...

it would get down to you and me, and we'd end up killing each other.

Oh, bullshit.

Will you stop talking like that?

Zach, you and me, we ain't gonna kill each other. Come on.

We could own this goddamn place.

We could have them eating out of our hands inside of six months.

Matthew, this is not The Crackers.

No matter how you look at it, it would have to be you or me.

You'd do it.

- You'd shoot me. - That's not what I meant.

I love you, Matthew.

We said we'd stay together. Let's get out of here.

You and me are not on the same trip.

You don't know what you mean.

I don't wanna have any more to do with you.

Goodbye, Matthew.

Whatever it is you're looking for, I hope you find it.

Anybody in there?

Anybody there?

Yeah, I'm over here.

I watched you come down the pass.

This here is for your dinner.

Much obliged.

I got a fresh, clean-smelling bed for you inside.

Horse is free. Table costs two bits.

You can hang that weapon up here.

- I'm not gonna use it on you, old man. - I know you ain't gonna use it on me.

You ain't gonna use it at all. You can hang it up there.

It won't get away from you. The mountain will keep an eye on it.

Where you heading, Zachariah?

That way.

Going to the border?

Horny?

They got what you're looking for, if that's what you're looking for.

Yeah, could just be.

Say, old man...

it's been really good talking to you.

- I've been alone for a long time. - You like being alone?

Kind of religious?

- No, I wouldn't say that. - No, I wouldn't say it, either.

I'm alone because I want to be.

Why are you alone?

Well, I didn't start out alone. I just...

- Thanks for the bed. - Anytime.

- I'll be seeing you. - Be seeing you.

What do you think of him, Mountain?

Yeah?

Me, too.

All right, friends, now the only thing I ask...

is that you, please, step in a little closer.

It's against the city ordinance for me to block a thoroughfare...

so give me a break, folks.

Give yourselves a break. I promise you, you won't regret it.

All right, friends, gather around now...

and let's take a look at the greatest selection...

at the world's largest mustang deal west of the giant Mississippi.

Let's talk about horse power.

Or are you looking for a wagon?

Conestogas, Studebakers, surreys, wagons of any description?

We are covered where wagons are concerned.

Now let's take a look at this beauty.

An 1889 Overland...

complete with wood-spoke wheels, water barrels, and a brand new canvas top.

Or take a glance at these beautiful little fillies.

They're slick, they're sleek, they're ready to go.

What's more, they're guaranteed for the rest of your human life...

or a new set of shoes, whichever comes first.

Now, friends, this is no humbug.

There's a man that looks like he knows a lot about horses.

Come here, sir. Come on over here, wrangler.

Come here, boy.

I'll tell you what I want you to do, boy.

I want you to look at the inside of this filly's mouth.

Go on, don't be afraid.

This is the way I operate, folks. It's all on the up and up.

If you feel that I am misrepresenting in any shape or form...

-each and every one of you-- - Smile, cowboy.

I bet your teeth are prettier than his.

There are a lot better things to get close to in Camino than that horse, cowboy.

What are you interested in?

I'm not sure yet.

Camino's a cabaret, cowboy. Enjoy yourself.

- Bye. - So long.

Well, now, it's time to get back to business.

You're here to get a bargain and I aim to give it you...

but nobody, nobody gets nothing for nothing.

I'll only be insulting your intelligence if I were to tell you that.

That's why they call me the Dude...

because I'll get you in the mood, and I won't be rude.

So step in a little closer and at the end of the sale everybody will get a free ride.

That's right. Free, absolutely free.

The ladies will love you to death, señor.

Here, it's all jangled.

Let me help you where it's jangled.

Do you have a lady you're interested in, señor?

Only one. Belle Starr.

Belle Starr only goes with gunfighters.

The best gunfighters.

Gunfighters?

- Your name, señor? - Zachariah.

Sorry, señor, but this is a private house. And your name is not on the list.

Why don't you take another look.

No, it is not...

See, Mr. Colt, right this way, señor, please.

My name is Belle Starr, what's yours?

Zachariah.

Men call me the sweetheart of the West.

These are for you.

Pancho.

Yes, madam?

Put these birds in some water, please.

What do you do?

I'm a gunfighter.

Billy the Kid.

Wild Bill Hickok.

Matt Dillon. Marshall McLuhan. I've had them all.

Most gunfighters bore me.

I won't.

Tell me, Zachariah, what can you do for me?

I can think.

I can wait.

And I'm fast on the draw.

And I love you.

You're full of surprises.

How about a kiss, Belle?

Nothing's free, Zachariah.

And I'm a big spender.

That's fine.

It would be fantastic to be a millionaire, with you on my arm.

I'd walk in here with a cage full of six yellow canaries.

Sixty canaries.

A room full of canaries.

I'd slash my way through the birds...

and then I'd lay a bouquet of fresh orchids in a garland at your feet.

Then I'd jump on you.

Oh, Zachariah.

Stop it.

You and I are gonna have a terrific time.

Open up, I really want to take a look

I don't believe it's there

What's its name?

When did it walk the earth?

What's its worth?

The hands are merely folded together

It looks like it's a comfortable place

Her lips are painted red

And it looks like she's been fed

And there's a smile upon her face

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Oh, can't you see

I really have to set her free

She belongs to me

Oh, I don't care

No, I don't care if she's there

Dead or alive

Women are afraid to touch me

Children close their eyes and run

But there's one thing we can do

It'll have to be with you every chance

If we are having fun

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Oh, open UP

I have to touch you once again

Tom Mix.

Ken Maynard.

Lash La Rue.

Bat Masterson.

You're better than all of them.

I'm gonna miss this place, Matthew.

Keep the boys straight while I'm gone. You know what to do.

Yeah, I know what to do.

Don't get called out while I'm gone. I'd hate to lose you.

You're the boss. I'll hold all the calls.

Next time, I might take you with me.

Give you a little taste of Camino.

Get that itch off your trigger finger.

Yeah, I know what to do.

I'm leaving, Belle.

I thought Camino could be an answer for me...

but it's not.

What about me?

You belong here, Belle.

You belong here, too.

Not right now, Belle.

Not right now.

Zachariah.

Stay right where you are, cowboy.

Don't you remember me?

Get off that horse and I'll blow your head off.

I'm Zachariah.

You ain't Zachariah. I remember him.

Do you mind if I step inside to continue this amazing conversation?

Why, sure. All you had to do was ask, boy.

Come on in.

Here you are.

- No. - Want some more, boy?

- No, thanks. - All natural food. Can't hurt you.

Why, prairie dogs around here eat better than most city folks.

- Sure you won't have some more? - I can't eat another thing.

What about Camino? What about the border?

Did you find what you were looking for?

Or is that what you were looking for?

No.

At least, when I left...

it didn't look the way I thought it would when I arrived.

I gotta get some sleep.

Gotta get up early in the morning.

Which way this time?

Some place I've never been before.

Well, I can take you there.

- Where's that? - The desert.

It's amazing, the things you can find out there.

Who knows? You may even find peace.

I wouldn't say peace is what I'm looking for.

Well, if it ain't, you've been looking for the wrong thing.

You're gonna like my desert.

Come on, hurry.

Look, the curtain's going up.

What are you waiting for, Zachariah? Come on. Let's go.

Okay.

That's it!

I told you you'd like my desert.

Now you're getting it.

What a view.

Close your eyes, boy.

Now open them.

You see any difference?

- Nope. - Too bad.

It's changing. Changing all the time.

The mountain keeps a record of it.

Page by page.

Everything in nature leaves its mark.

Look, seashells. At the top of the mountain.

And down, down below, under the sand...

new mountains are growing.

It must take a lot of water.

You're beginning to understand.

You're slowing down a little.

You know, back where I come from, slowing down can be fatal.

Hurry up and die.

- Can we sit here and watch it for a while? - Sure.

Someone's in a hurry. Hurry, hurry, hurry.

- Hurry up and die. - That's right.

Slow down now. Slow down.

Hurry.

How you doing?

- Hi, Bill. - Hey, Dick.

Who you guys after? A bunch of thieves?

How you doing, boy?

Let's get them moving.

Zachariah, this one's about to toss a shoe.

Zachariah?

Matthew.

Well, well, well.

Nobody back home would recognize the old blacksmith now.

I doubt if they'd recognize you either, Zach.

Under this faded shirt, I'm still the same old guy.

- Is that right? - Yeah.

Just like under that black thing, I bet you're still the same old Matthew.

I've got it together, Zach. I don't know if I am the same.

But I'm where I wanna be, and I'm on the way up.

Good.

Oh, hell, you look like you're on the top already.

I'll be in Camino tonight, then I'll be on top.

Once I beat Job Cain, there ain't nobody better than me.

If you've gotta be in Camino, I'd better get the horses ready.

Zach.

What the hell are you doing here?

- You hiding out? - Yeah, in a way.

What about your gun?

All set out here, boys, let's get moving.

Take care of yourself.

- Hey, Matthew. - Yeah?

Good luck.

Luck ain't got nothing to do with it, old buddy.

Come on, let's go.

Job Cain!

Matthew.

Haven't you learned anything at all?

Ever look for your bullets after they've left your gun?

I ain't gonna talk to you no more.

Been out shooting at my mountain again?

Thought you weren't talking to me?

I forgot.

I've been looking for bullets.

I found this arrowhead.

It's really beautiful.

Thought you might want to have it.

I think I'll die.

Hi, Matthew.

Boy, you sure are edgy.

Guess I had the drop on you, didn't I?

Hey, I hope you can stay for a while.

Homegrown.

Come on.

Sure are out in the open.

Aren't you afraid of rattlesnakes, or scorpions...

or maybe strangers?

It's gonna be a scorcher.

Why don't you put on your gun?

Can't we wait until after dinner?

Now, Zach, if I'd wanted to play house I could've stayed with Belle.

Why didn't you stay with Belle, Matthew?

A whore's only good for one night.

Matthew, I get the feeling you're trying to rile me.

I'm calling you out.

Put on your gun, you vegetable.

You're gonna have to do better than that, Matthew.

All right.

Now you've done it, Matthew.

Then strap on your gun!

You're absolutely right.

There's no other way now.

What in the hell are you doing?

I'm cleaning my gun.

I haven't used it in months.

Will you hurry up? The sun will be down in an hour.

Okay, but it's gonna take a little time.

You see, there are all these little pieces.

I'm ready, Matthew.

Boy, it sure is getting dark out here.

You wanna shoot it out inside?

We could move some of the furniture out and light the lanterns.

Or maybe we could have some supper first.

Boy, Matthew, this gun fighting sure works up an appetite, doesn't it?

God damn it, we'll do it here and right now!

Yeah, sure, right. Good idea.

Matthew?

I don't have any bullets.

You only need one!

This is for vampires, not friends!

I gotta kill you.

Haven't you learned anything yet?

I'm gonna kill you!

I'm gonna kill you!

Where are you?

Zach, come back here!

Zachariah, come back! I can't do it alone!