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Yes, I want you to come up tonight.

I want you to get up here as fast as you can, that's all.

Is that your mother?

Okay, then come up tomorrow, darling.

See you tomorrow.

Okay, honey. No, I won't.

See you tomorrow, okay, darling?

All right, sweetheart, I love you.

Yes, just come to New York

and come to the apartment right away.

Are you driving or are you...

All you do is take a cab to number 5 East 73rd Street

and here we are, flawless drag queens by the ton.

All right, dear, see you tomorrow.

- Love you, bye-bye, darling. - Jack, I need the phone.

What about dinner?

My name is Jack.

Well, my mother calls me Jack.

Everybody that cares about me calls me Jack.

That's--that's my name.

But I work under the name of Sabrina,

and all the queens all call me Sabrina

whenever I see them.

I go up to this queen and I say, "What's your name?"

The queen says, "Monique."

And you say, "That's marvelous, darling,

but what was your name before?"

And the queen will look at you straight in the eye and say,

"There was no before."

I don't try to compete with them.

Look, I'm 24 years old, but in drag

I come on like 110, and I do this whole

bar mitzvah mother thing.

You know, gaudy gowns and pushy,

but that's a good relationship with them

because they don't fear me as competition.

They respect me, and it's commercial.

All drag queens want is love,

and they try to get that love by being sexy and beautiful.

For some of them, baby, they sleep during the day

and they do all their work at night.

Because they're night people.

They're--some of them have not experienced

or have ever seen day people,

or worked with day people, or seen the outside world.

A lot of them know their street corners,

and their bars,

and their favorite YMCA, and their favorite bathhouse.

But they're beautiful.

They're, like, in this fantasy bag, you know?

But who's not in a fantasy bag?

I can't help but feel a certain responsibility

for Richard, although I certainly know

I have no responsibility to him.

I first met Richard at one of my promotional parties.

I just came in in one of my Alcoa Presents gowns

and went dancing around.

All of a sudden, there's this little kid

sitting there, started asking me questions,

and he wanted advice on drag and everything.

Well, first of all, I'm not interested

in getting any new recruits to the drag bag.

All I want to do is sell tickets

for people to come see them, so I said,

"Look, go get yourself some barbells and..."

But he wasn't about to take advice from anybody.

I really don't think Richard ever needed any advice.

He just sort of had it all mapped out in front of him.

- Oh! - Hello.

Jerry from Washington.

Elliot.

- Washington is here. - Washington is here.

No shit.

- Hello, how are you? - Okay, baby, how are you?

Where were you calling from this morning?

Where were you when you left that phone message,

you called me this morning.

Where did you call me from, Washington?

- No, I was here. - You were here in New York?

- Mm-hm. - Oh, my God.

We called Washington, we thought you were back there.

I called Washington, thought you were back there.

No, I don't think the woman ever understood what I was...

Okay, now, we've got to check you into the hotel.

In Washington, you were Miss Universe, right?

Well, in our contest you won't be Miss Universe.

You'll be part of the--you'll be Miss Greater Washington.

- Okay? - Did you fly all the way in,

or did you take a train?

Mary Alice Louise, may I please speak to the contestant?

- Hi. - Hi.

You want to take her coat, Elliot?

You'll check in with Joey...

Joey?

- Joey? - Yes, dear.

This is my assistant.

Check-in.

- Hi, girls. - Hello.

- How are you? - Fine, how are you?

- Hi, how are you? - Hi, baby.

That's her.

Who is this?

Let her see it first.

No, that's Nicole.

I run these contests all over America,

from Boston to the Ozarks,

and drag queens are all the same.

You get them together, it's like a convention.

As soon as you get out in the Midwest...

And so when I got in the cab, he said--

We were talking about the show

and he said to me, at fi--he said to me,

"You are a woman, aren't you?"

And I--because after I told him it was

a female impersonation contest, he said,

"You are a woman, aren't you?"

I says, "No," I said, "I'm one of the contestants

in the contest."

He goes, "Oh."

He said, "Oh, you certainly are pretty."

And he said, "On the other hand,"

which is more, he said, "I thought the other one

who just got out of the car was a dyke."

After recess.

Hi.

Hi, Jerry, hi, how are you?

Joey?

This is Jay under New York.

This is--this is Joe Venuti.

- This is Joe Venuti. - Hi, baby, how are you?

Okay, great, we'd like to stay here now.

We're gonna check you into a hotel.

Canelle is your last name, right?

You'll be checked into a hotel.

He just got in.

I was just gonna call ya.

- Richard? - Yes.

Would you please get in here and everyone else?

Joe is in charge of the entire East Coast contest.

What Joey says is it.

McNamara?

What color hair do you want?

Shut up. Don't start.

Will everybody please be quiet for a minute?

Yes, would everyone please be quiet?

Kids, may I have all of your attention, please?

If you remove a garment, we must know about it

and we'll have a page there to take it away from you.

At the front of the stage, right,

you want to take off the duster.

So, instead of doing the age-old drag trick

of taking off the duster and letting it fall,

flop on the floor as in, would you believe

Cupcake Cassie has been doing that act

at the Globe for 40 years?

Instead of that, you take the duster off,

hold the duster behind you if you want,

or hold it out or something if you want,

or just take it off and you put your arm out,

and it's our responsibility to make sure

your page is there, and he will be.

That instant there's a page there to take your duster.

It looks very much gayer for you

and it looks one million times better to the audience.

And if you don't do it, the judges will take points off.

Number two, if you are difficult or uncooperative

in the opinion of all those people in charge of you,

which I'm sure none of you will be, but I am

telling you this so you'll know about it,

you may be dropped from the contest.

Or if you stay out on stage

longer than the time allotted,

and this you'll learn in rehearsal.

Yeah, no cruising in front of Town Hall.

Yes, and you may not bring numbers to the room

unless you share them with national academy.

The national academy is me.

I promote and run the whole shtick.

The point system again:

Five points for walk,

five points for talk,

five for bathing suit,

five for gown,

five for makeup and hairdo,

and ten for beauty.

Shh.

Okay, we've got these three problems:

Number one, finding a hotel with 28 empty rooms.

Number two, finding a hotel hip enough

to let our guys in there.

And, number three, heh, keeping the guys in.

What are you doing, the bed?

No, I'm looking for a place to put my wig.

- Can I put it in the closet? - Put it over there somewhere.

Okay.

Okay, where's the bathroom?

Oh, somebody left their cologne.

Where's the brush?

This thing is a mess, don't even ask.

Look at this, it's falling apart.

I'm gonna have to reset it.

- Do you like the color? - Mm-hm, it's very nice, Jimmy.

Yeah, great.

I love the way you put your tease up in the back.

Thanks, dear.

Let's look at the gowns.

Let's see your coat, let's see your cape.

Two bottles of Scotch, please.

And ice. Thank you, we'll be down for it.

- My gown, I don't know. - You like it?

- Beautiful, beautiful! - I made it in one night.

I know.

- Do you like it? - It's very nice.

It's different.

The color with the black hair for a change

instead of the frosted hair.

Oh, my gown is all messed up.

I don't know how I'm gonna undo this.

I'm gonna try it on.

See if it fits all right.

These are the earrings I want to wear

with the bathing suit, look.

Aren't these pretty?

- I fixed them already. - What was wrong with it?

- They were just loose. - Where's the brush?

Yeah, I have a brush in here.

Jimmy, remember that stuff for the beards.

Remember that stuff for the beards.

We need that stuff to cover our beards.

That stuff she told us to get to cover our beards

so they don't come through our makeup.

What time is rehearsal tomorrow?

Rehearsals are at two, Jerry LeRoy Studios.

Are you gonna be able to get this fuzz out, Frank?

- Yeah, I will. - Did you put Ianolin on it?

I have to get back.

The thing is, you know, when you're made up,

I want to get an idea of your--this beard,

if you're not bothered.

All right, but that's good.

Now, wait, there's Eartha

and Josephine Baker come on like this.

You know the old 1920s teacup crossing

that we were always carrying on?

♪ Am I blue ♪♪

Wait, then the pages come back out with two buckets

of rose petals, right?

And while Minette's sitting up there totally unbothered,

doesn't even see the queens crossing in front of her,

she's still singing, these--

The two pages are throwing rose petals for her.

You're not making dinner.

Always oblivious.

♪ My doll is as dainty as a sparrow ♪

♪ Her figure is something to applaud ♪

♪ Where she's narrow, she's as narrow as an arrow ♪

♪ And she's broad where a broad

should be broad ♪

♪ 101 pounds of fun ♪

♪ That's my little honey bun ♪

♪ Get a load of honey bun tonight ♪

♪ I'm speaking of my sweetie pie ♪

♪ Only 60 inches high ♪

♪ Every inch is packed with dynamite ♪

♪ Her hair is blond and curly ♪

♪ Her curls are hurly-burly ♪

♪ Her lips are pips ♪

♪ I call her hips "Twirly" and "Whirly" ♪

♪ Oh, she's my baby, I'm her pap ♪

♪ I'm her booby, she's my trap ♪

♪ I am caught 'cause I don't want to run ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm having so much fun with honey bun ♪

♪ Believe me, sonny ♪

♪ She's a cookie who can cook you till you're done ♪

♪ Ain't being funny ♪

♪ Honey, put your money

on my honey bun ♪♪

With a lot of rehearsal, I could do it.

You've rehearsed all week.

It's too loud.

Hello.

My, if it isn't Bette Davis.

How are you, my dear? Bette Davis.

Hell, I haven't seen you in years.

Bette Davis...

I thought it was Alfred Hitchcock.

My big, bald head is showing, y'all.

It's more like Jackie Gleason.

No, this is Ricky's coat.

Isn't it beautiful?

It's glamorous for bed.

You know, they say that most Negro boys

get bumps on their face from shaving

'cause when I was working,

they had a magazine, Ebony, for Negro people

and they have a special depilatory

especially for the Negro boys

that takes all the hair off and prevents.

Boy, I was so tired at those rehearsals

with those heels on, forget it.

Oh, listen, I got a corn on my toe.

Look at the powder coming out of my shoe now.

The kids did well with that, I think.

- What? - No, I think that

it went pretty smoothly for tonight

when we go to The Town Hall.

In The Town Hall, yeah.

I'm anxious to see what it's like.

Well, you know, when we get to The Town Hall,

that's gonna be our big blow up.

Everybody.

♪ Remember ♪

Miss Monoball Montana.

Flown in under Miss Barelle's power.

Semi-finalist number three.

Flown in by blackbirds.

Semi-finalist number five.

Semi-finalist number six.

Wait until your numbers are called.

Wait until I say your number...

Semi-finalist number seven.

The queen of the 1967 nationals...

...that is the queen who will reign over America

as our winner tonight...

...here in New York.

From New York, Miss Jackie Morrell,

queen of the 1967 nationals.

This is our reigning beauty.

Queen of the 1967 nationals.

That's what it's like, only it's five times as bad.

Five times as bad.

You don't need these.

Come on, come on.

Oh, I'm a woman!

Can't look anything but.

But why are the titties all the way down here?

Huh?

Because you're longer than a woman is.

A woman is not as long, you know?

Boys are longer, back waisted and wider, different.

All right, which one-- is that the other one?

I'll never get into any.

Why can't you make a bikini?

You can come in here, mister.

Oh, wait, don't take no picture of me in it.

What's the black one for?

Put your arm-- put your shoulder...

Don't hook the bra.

Okay.

Won't have to wear any bras with them.

Don't hook the bra.

You have one for this little boy, right?

- I think these are fantastic. - It is.

the black.

How many of these do you have?

- I have ten. - Ten?

Where's the queen in the black?

The nationals!

This is the fabulous nationals.

♪ America's greatest beauties ♪

♪ And here they are ♪♪

Woo!

Woo!

- Sabrina, Sabrina. - Oh, why thank you.

Yuck.

Wouldn't this be a hell of a mess if the draft board

would call us right now to come down for a physical?

- This is... - Have you ever been drafted?

This is what I'm wearing to the draft, boys.

You've already been drafted, haven't you?

Of course not, I'm not old enough.

Well, you know, this friend of mine

went to the draft board.

Well, I was just talking to him and I said,

"Why haven't you been drafted?"

And he said, "Well, I have been,"

and I said, "Well, did you tell them

that you were homosexual?"

He said, "No, they told me."

Oh, my Lord.

They do, they take them to a psychiatrist.

I interviewed with him, and he asked me,

he says, "Well, why are you homosexual,"

and then, I told him that, you know,

that my mother and my father made me that way.

And then he asked me about boys and stuff.

Well, I said, "Yeah, I like boys."

So, he said, "Next."

I got a letter from the draft board

stating I come down at 7:00.

I got to the draft board.

They said--I had long, red hair,

so they said, "You really should have been a girl.

You're--it's too much."

They said, "You can go. We can't use you."

I said, "Thank you," and I left.

That was it, I went to Atlantic City, went back home,

and I wrote a long letter to the president,

stating I wanted to go into the Army.

I wanted to go not for-- because I was a homosexual

because there men there.

I wanted to help protect our country.

Simple as that.

So, I got a letter back and it stated that

they understood and that they couldn't

have me in the Army as of yet.

Maybe one day they'll see things right

and I could get in.

Well, my brother was drafted and he's gay, too.

He's gay.

Does it run in the family?

Well, he went down, but he didn't pass his physical

because of his nose.

- Nose? - He can't breathe too properly.

But I have a friend and he's gay,

his brother is gay, and his sister is gay.

I'm proud of what I've got

and I certainly don't want it whacked off.

Well, having it showing out of...

- You'd have been a queen. - I would've been a girl.

Two inches more and she'd be a king.

And although people think we may be feminine,

I know--I know I probably don't look like a girl,

but I may sometimes talk a little high

or, you know, a little feminine sometimes.

I think you're all woman.

Well, my, really and truly, would you like to be

a real girl if you could have that sex change

if you had the money or you could get it done free?

Well, I have enough money to go through the sex change

and I live only 30 miles from Johns Hopkins,

but it's the last thing I would want.

I know that I'm a drag queen.

I've been a drag queen for a long time,

I've been gay for a long time,

but I certainly do not want to become a girl,

even if I could have a baby.

Do you do bo--are you feminine in bed or you do both?

Well, my husband is in the service

and he's in Japan now,

and even if I could have a child,

I wouldn't want to have the operation.

But there's just one thing about being a sex change.

If you're a homosexual in the first place,

you want a man, you don't want--

you're not interested in girls.

So, if you're a drag queen, they--they don't want--

another gay person is not gonna go,

just like my lover.

He doesn't like me going in drag for the simple reason

that he doesn't want a girl, he wants a boy.

He wants me to be more of a boy than he wants me to be a girl.

But, yet, I want to be a girl, not sexually, but...

Although I like to go in drag and all that

and I don't go with girls,

I don't have anything against girls, but all that--

No, I don't, I really do.

I think it's ridiculous for some gay boys

that want to hurt girls and get jealous of 'em,

but that's just ridiculous.

I have respect for everybody.

But even if I could have a sex change,

I wouldn't have it anyhow.

- Not if it was given? - No.

My goodness gracious, no.

They don't know anything about it, do they?

What about--your mother knows this.

Yeah, but my stepfather doesn't.

My mother and daddy both know.

Yeah, when did yours find out?

Well, about my second husband, I think.

When I took him home and he stayed on

for the duration for about three years,

they finally figured it out.

No, my parents are very, very wonderful.

They accepted it, my mother more so than my father.

But Mother said, "Well, I love you just what you are."

I think it's funny because I come

from a little, small town, about 500 people,

and everybody in that town knew I was gay

from the time I was five years old on up.

Oh, Lord, you're so damn obvious.

Well, it was the truth, and everybody knew it,

and everybody--every woman in that town says,

"I want my son to grow up like Jerry Corwin."

Everybody does, and even the preachers

and everybody thinks I'm just okay.

I mean, I can go from house to house,

knock on door to door and--

Well, your personality makes the difference.

Come to think of it, knock on door to door, that's kinda silly

'cause I never knocked in my life.

I just open up and go on in, holler, "Howdy!"

- How many, 500? - About 500 people

and 1,440 dogs, coon dogs.

Well, you know, my mother, she doesn't really accept it.

She just sort of said that she wouldn't

talk about it anymore.

She really doesn't understand.

♪ Never boast or brag ♪

♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪

♪ Keep your eyes on the grand old flag ♪

♪ Grand old flag ♪

♪ You're a high-flying flag ♪

♪ Forever in peace may you wave ♪

♪ You're the emblem of the land I love ♪

♪ The home of the free and the brave ♪

♪ Every heart beats true for the red, white, and blue ♪

♪ Where there's never a boast or brag ♪

♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪

♪ Keep your eye on the grand old flag ♪♪

Cut!

Don't forget you have to put the false nails on me.

The metal gate towards the end.

I'll show you tonight when I take you to rehearsal.

- Oh, uh... - A clamp.

You have to put a few more here

and then criss-cross-- criss-cross there.

- The hair? - Yeah.

Try to center your chorus line.

Try to center your chorus line

because your chorus line keeps getting over too far.

- You got a comb? - You'll get a call.

Half-hour, 15 minutes,

five minutes onstage.

Okay?

It's got as many squeaks as my tits have wrinkles.

And her tits have wrinkles.

They do, look.

Look at the line I got here now.

Yeah, remind me to shadow.

You've got to shadow it, honey.

- Are you uncomfortable? - No, I'm fine.

Get this shoulder.

- Does that show? - Yes, it does.

This makeup is fantastic, I'll tell you.

The only thing is I'm afraid it's gonna be too red for me.

This is the color I always use,

but it's very red.

Do you think I should use that on Billy?

How do you think it'll work?

Where is it anyway?

Don't do any experiments on me.

No, dear, use the old shit.

All right.

What's Harlow's problem?

No wig?

All right, see if Kathy can get this full.

See if I can get it full.

Everybody will give you a full, honey,

until it's time to give you one.

They give you shit.

I want all them queers out of my room.

They're all getting out right now.

You just wait a minute.

I tell her, I'll get a rented, put on a rent on her.

I did it before to her.

We used to go in drag splits notice.

In her own hair, like this, I used to comb it.

355-3481.

I'm in a spot, and it's a matter

of absolute life or death, Carol,

that I get hold of a platinum blond full,

and I mean life or death.

For Richard to go out there tonight on that stage

without a wig

is like sending him out there without his head.

And I'm desperate, I am absolutely desperate.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do, I'm interested in myself

right at this point,

and I don't give a fuck about anybody to tell the truth.

I'm very much interested in myself.

An NBW, a natural beauty wonder.

The first contest Richard ever entered,

the first contest Richard ever entered, he won.

A lot of these kids have worked their way up

from, would you believe, last place

to second, maybe third.

So, they worked for it.

Richie never worked for it.

Went into a contest, got on stage,

was beautiful, the crowd cheered,

the kid won.

He never really experienced loss

or anything happening to him.

Goodnight.

- Richard. - What?

Just relax.

You know what I've been through today.

Richard, just relax, please.

My stomach is about to bust.

Richard, please relax.

You're acting like a little kid.

Well, that's exactly what I am.

You're not that little, darling.

You've been through worse than this.

All right, it's a big night, all you always wanted,

but that doesn't mean anything.

I'm dry.

- Give me enough. - What?

I says, "Give enough."

We're all washed up, too.

♪ Remember ♪♪

Well, that's how you're gonna be out on stage.

I can't see any beard or anything.

And it doesn't look cakey.

Do you think it looks cakey?

I'm talking about my eyes, child, those wings.

Hm.

I don't know about the eyes,

I thought you were talking about your makeup.

No, my eyes, they're terrible.

I like 'em.

- You gotta... - Okay, you gotta...

oh, God!

Here goes hell.

Oh boy, that's no good?

Agghh!

Then you tape these.

Ooh, you've gotta shadow my line in.

Don't forget.

- Go ahead. - Pull it in some.

You got that double tit again.

It's the first time I've ever taped.

I think I got three of 'em.

Extra points, got three titties.

- Over and over too. - Uh-huh.

I need you to go out right now

and get me Q-tips and spirit gum.

I need a fresh bottle of spirit gum.

- Where's my-- - I need it immediately,

I've no idea, Jim.

I've no idea, find a razor from somebody else,

I've gotta go.

I put it in here at the house.

Ugh.

Remember, girls,

it's the girl with the poise who'll get all the boys.

Work that hair.

You gorgeous darling.

What time is it?

Ten.

Uh, you want to talk to Joe Venuti

or just have him give me the list, or--

No, I want Joey, I want Joey.

I can't operate without him.

Can't you interweave it?

Oh, I know how to interweave it,

it's very easy,

just tease it up and mat it through.

But is that always necessary?

Well, she wants it, she digs it--

it makes the thing look full, fuller.

That is all right.

You won't really see it that much,

'cause when I brush it through,

you don't notice it.

It looks good,

but I don't like it with bangs.

It's not sophisticated enough.

I don't think so.

Really. I'm sorry.

I think it looks better off her face.

Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!

Richard, you should see what that looks like

from the side.

- The worst? - The worst.

You look like every other doggone drag queen.

She thinks I'm kidding her!

She looks like everybody else.

- Joe, shut up. - Well, then take it off!

Wear your hair sprayed back where you look like

you got a little class!

Where's the wig brace?

Joey, Joey has...

Wig brace.

- Joey's at 11:40. - Wig brace.

Where's the wig brace?

- It's in here. - Great.

Get Joe Venuti, get him over to Town Hall.

If he's not there now, Mother,

I won't remember one of those names

of the contestants, and I can't read up there.

That's a girl.

Spread it out and step up a little.

I was waiting for the snap.

Here, then you walk out, going in a line,

and then I walk out in front.

Oh, I feel like Maria Bach.

Mother--thank you, baby, very much.

I need a pound...

I'm 32 and I'm fabulous.

Oh no, get out, girl.

What happened?

I just popped a button.

It's in the case there.

Where is it? What case?

I gotta turn around in this damn thing.

Can I turn? No.

Is this the right costume?

Yes, it's the right costume.

Well, I have the wrong costume on.

Let me. Oh.

You don't ask.

If you listen, you hear.

Excuse me.

Joey...

Joey!

All right!

Get 'em over there.

In this order, in this order.

Boston.

Chicago.

Please get back so they can line up.

Please.

Brooklyn.

Brooklyn, Brooklyn!

Not yet for her.

Brooklyn, Brooklyn, get here.

Philadelphia.

Come on, get over there.

Brooklyn.

Oh, I don't have the purse.

No, get over here.

You got back on line again, I missed a girl, right?

You walk out... and model.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen.

Are you ready to see our contestants?

Let's open up the curtain

and take a look at our beauties.

Let's hear it for them.

Remember.

Every one of these contestants,

before they came here, is a winner.

I feel awfully sorry for the judges tonight.

It's a hell of a responsibility

having to pick out just one queen

out of all of these brilliant contestants.

Let's hear it for Mr. Mario Montez.

Mario? There he is.

Let's hear it for him, come on.

Thank you very much.

You're a hell of a nice guy, you really are.

♪ There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer ♪

♪ ...are a girl's best friend ♪

♪ There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer

thinks you're awful nice ♪

♪ But get that ice or else no dice ♪

♪ He's your guy when stocks are high ♪

♪ But beware when they start to descend ♪

♪ It's then that those louses go back to their spouses ♪

♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪

♪ I've heard of affairs that are strictly platonic ♪

♪ But diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪

♪ And I think affairs that you must keep Masonic ♪

♪ Are better bets

if little pets get big baguettes ♪

♪ Time rolls on and youth is gone ♪

♪ And you can't-- ♪♪

Bathing suit competition is the toughest.

It's right down to the nitty-gritty.

No feathers, nothing, just them.

- You're crazy. - I know it.

- Straighten your seam. - My seam?

Yeah.

Oh, it's all the way around the other side.

Excuse me.

Appreciate it so much, thank you.

Well, my brother, he would love to be in the contest too.

And my mother.

They all three,

all of us would have loved to be in it.

All right, Fairfield, your first name.

Again, your name.

Sprinkles Marketti.

Stamford.

Alicia.

Chicago.

Boy.

What? Your name, your name.

Oh, Alphonso.

Washington state, your name.

Stephanie.

Baltimore.

You want the whole name orjust the first name?

Whatever name you use in drag, baby.

Erika.

- Huh? - Erika.

I need a mirror.

Okay.

Hold it here, girls, and remember,

these are your lines to walk in, okay?

And back here, and stay here.

♪ I'm just a woman, a lonely woman ♪

♪ Waiting on the weary shore ♪

♪ I'm just a woman that's only human ♪

♪ One you should be sorry for ♪

♪ Woke up this morning long about dawn ♪

♪ Without a warning, I found he was gone ♪

♪ Why did he do it, how could he do it ♪

♪ He never done it before ♪

♪ Am I blue ♪

♪ Am I blue... ♪

♪ Ain't these tears in these eyes telling you ♪

♪ Am I blue ♪

♪ Wouldn't you ♪

♪ If each plan with your man done fell through ♪

♪ Was a time I was his only one ♪

♪ But now I'm the sad and lonely one ♪

♪ Lonely ♪

♪ Was I gay

till today ♪

♪ Now he's gone and we're through,

am I blue ♪

♪ Don't ask me am I blue ♪

♪ How come you ask me am I blue ♪

♪ Ain't these tears in these eyes

telling a tale to you ♪

♪ How come you ask me am I blue ♪

♪ Well, wouldn't you be too ♪

Now here's one of the contestants

that did not choose to go in the bathing suit.

Rather...

...this is very serious business.

Rather, she chose only to go in the dress--

gown, please forgive me.

This is Miss Boston, Massachusetts.

Miss Billie.

Miss Boston, Massachusetts, Miss Billie.

Let's have some music for her, Jimmy.

Hi, darling.

And now, it's up to the judges.

Believe me, I'd hate to be a judge in this contest.

Girls, the finalists are:

Miss Boston.

Philadelphia, New Jersey, Chicago, Manhattan.

Oh!

What do we do now?

The five finalists in the 1967 Nationals,

and they are,

from the state of New Jersey, Emory.

From Chicago, Miss Alphonso.

From Manhattan, Miss Crystal.

From Philadelphia, Miss Harlow.

And from Boston, Miss Sonia.

You ready to see them?

Let's open up the curtains and take a look

at our five finalists in the 1967 Nationals.

Let's hear it for them, ladies and gentlemen.

These are our finalists.

Okay, let's look at them one at a time.

Our first finalist we're going to look at,

from Boston, Miss Sonia.

Let them have a good look at you, Miss Sonia.

Our second finalist, from Philadelphia.

Miss Harlow.

Our third finalist, from New Jersey,

Miss Emory.

Our fourth finalist, from Chicago,

Miss Alphonso.

And our fifth finalist, from Manhattan,

Miss Crystal.

We are going to give you all and the judges

a closer look at them.

Okay, Crystal, you start it.

Walk right down into the center aisle

and pose halfway up the runway.

♪ I'm just a woman, a lonely woman ♪

♪ Waiting on the weary shore ♪

♪ I'm just a woman that's only human ♪

♪ One you should be sorry for ♪

♪ Woke up this morning long about dawn ♪

♪ Without a warning, I found he was gone ♪

♪ Why did he do it, how could he do it ♪

That's wonderful, darling, come on back.

♪ He never done it before ♪

♪ Am I blue ♪

♪ Am I blue... ♪

♪ Ain't these tears in these eyes telling you ♪

♪ Am I blue ♪

♪ Wouldn't you ♪

♪ If each plan with your man done fell through ♪

♪ Was a time I was his only one ♪

♪ But now I'm the sad and lonely one ♪

♪ Lonely ♪

♪ Was I gay

till today ♪♪

This is the moment we've all been waiting for.

It looks like Joey has the final judges' decision.

Here's our fourth runner-up,

Miss Alphonso from Chicago.

Let's hear it for her, ladies and gentlemen.

Our third runner-up in the 1967 Nationals,

from Manhattan, Miss Crystal.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for her.

The third runner-up in the 1967 Nationals.

Okay, now we're down to the real nitty-gritty,

and here are our three finalists.

Come on, kids, come on up here

to the front of the stage

and let the audience have a good look at you.

Crystal, where are you going?

This is not the time to show temperament.

Get back here and stay with the other finalists.

Oh well, you've got to expect losses.

Okay, we've gotta continue with the business at hand.

Here it is, ladies and gentlemen,

the name of the second runner-up

in the 1967 Nationals, Miss Sonia from Boston.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for her!

Miss Sonia, second runner-up

in the 1967 Nationals!

We're now at the point for which

everyone has been waiting.

Ladies and gentlemen,

there can only be one queen,

one reigning queen.

That's unfortunate.

Each one of these marvelous contestants

was certainly a winner in his own right.

But here is the only winner in the 1967 Nationals,

that queen which will reign over America...

Harlow, ladies and gentlemen, Queen of the 1967 Nationals!

Congratulations.

Love you.

- Do you think she is-- - She is not beautiful,

has no qualifications, and she's bodiless.

Did you think she deserved it?

Darling, she didn't

- deserve nothing! - Answer me!

You're not speaking from the damned camera,

you have a mind!

Do you think she deserved it?

You know she didn't deserve it.

All of 'em, the judges knew it too.

I could tell by the smile on their faces,

you know she didn't deserve it.

And her explanation for why she wanted the money:

to put it in the bank, ha-ha-ha!

She's not getting any money.

Because Sabrina's not going to pay her.

They're good friends.

It's only publicity, and it's bad publicity,

for Harlow and all the rest,

'cause I declare that's one of the uglier people

of the world.

And next time,

she should drop her outfit off at the cleaners

before she wears it on stage.

She better get the hell back to Philadelphia,

because she's one of the worst--

In the dressing room.

Where's Miss Sabrina at?

'Cause I'll sue the bitch, I will sue--

Did you sign the release?

No, I didn't sign any release,

and if she releases any picture on me,

I will sue the fool.

She won't make money off of my name, darling.

She can make it off of Harlow and all the rest of the fools

that will flock to her.

But not Crystal, darling.

Anybody but her.

Fantastique.

You can take all the pictures you want of me,

but I better not see 'em on the street,

because it's over.

Get a picture with me and Harlow

and we'll see which is more beautiful, darling.

- The judges-- - The judges didn't have

any taste, it was with you

that the judges was with, darling.

You were in it.

It was all week, two weeks--

Monique told me not to come,

that's why Monique is not here in dress,

because she is one of the--

Monique, darling!

She's a friend of ours!

Monique was not here as a friend of yours,

she's a friend of mine, darling.

Monique, would you tell her why you didn't come?

Because she knew it was fixed for Harlow.

She said, "Crystal, darling, don't go,

because you're not going to get it."

And that's why all the true beauties didn't come.

It's in bad taste and you're showing your colors,

you should have...

I am doing it bad, but I've got a--

I have a right to show my color, darling.

I am beautiful and I know I'm beautiful.

Don't talk about she's showing no color.

May I say this to you?

You're taking it in the wrong way.

Taking the wrong way, shit!

She looked bad!

And no way or what you say can do about it.

Look at Harlow's outfit.

That is.

Don't bother her, don't bother her,

it's not Harlow's fault.

It's not her fault.

I know it's not her fault.

Harlow has-- she can't help it,

'cause you're beautiful and you're young.

You deserve to have the best in life.

But you didn't deserve--

Miss Thing, I don't say she's not beautiful,

but she wasn't looking beautiful tonight.

She doesn't equal me-- look at her makeup.

It's terrible!

- And, and-- - Crystal, wait a minute.

Did you complain to the judges?

No. I wasn't thinking, really.

Why don't you show judges and complain to them?

But they told me, Sabrina,

that you had it fixed for Harlow.

Everyone knew about you having it fixed for Harlow

for weeks and weeks ahead.

Wait a second.

Now, we listened to you,

I listened to every word you had to say.

Now wait a second, hold it.

There's a party after here.

Every one of the judges is gonna be there.

You may feel perfectly free,

I'll cart you over myself

and you can talk to each one of them.

Most of those people, I never saw before in my life!

I don't know them.

I went down to the Dom one--

wait a second, dear, you listen to me.

I went down to the Dom one night,

trying to influence Mr. Warhol to come up here as a judge.

We sat down there for two hours

and couldn't even get an audience with Andy Warhol,

he was running around in his Factory

making a movie or something.

Everybody goes out!

What'd you say?

Everybody go out, that's what I said.

Everybody go outside. Everybody go outside.

Show was over at quarter to, I just want it out.

Yeah, we're going out right now.

Everybody out, let's go!

Ugh. Wanna get outta here?