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1
00:00:02,220 --> 00:00:04,211
LEONARD:
Previously on The Big Bang Theory:
2
00:00:04,389 --> 00:00:07,085
Guess who I found
at LAX? My baby sister, Priya.
3
00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:08,885
It's nice to see you again, Leonard.
4
00:00:09,060 --> 00:00:11,051
Yeah, it's good to see you too.
5
00:00:11,229 --> 00:00:13,060
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
6
00:00:14,499 --> 00:00:15,727
(GRUNTS)
7
00:00:16,367 --> 00:00:19,131
- You slept with my sister?
- Yeah.
8
00:00:19,304 --> 00:00:21,602
- This is a terrible betrayal.
- Would it help...
9
00:00:21,773 --> 00:00:26,608
...if I told you that I offered her my heart
and she kind of stomped on it?
10
00:00:26,778 --> 00:00:29,076
- How hard did she stomp?
- Very hard.
11
00:00:30,381 --> 00:00:32,474
Okay, I'm good.
12
00:00:35,887 --> 00:00:37,479
(BERNADETTE GIGGLES)
13
00:00:37,789 --> 00:00:40,349
- What's so funny?
- Nothing.
14
00:00:40,525 --> 00:00:44,154
Just thinking about the noises
people make during sex.
15
00:00:44,329 --> 00:00:45,353
(HOWARD CHUCKLES)
16
00:00:45,530 --> 00:00:48,931
I do sometimes get a bit carried away,
don't I? Ha, ha.
17
00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:50,494
It's cute.
18
00:00:50,668 --> 00:00:54,001
You sound a little like
a drunken monkey.
19
00:00:54,906 --> 00:00:55,930
(GIBBERS)
20
00:00:56,107 --> 00:00:58,075
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
21
00:00:59,410 --> 00:01:01,640
You know, it's meant as a compliment.
Ha, ha.
22
00:01:01,813 --> 00:01:03,508
That's how I take it.
23
00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:04,739
(HOWARD SIGHS)
24
00:01:04,916 --> 00:01:07,043
This is perfect.
25
00:01:07,218 --> 00:01:10,949
- I hope this moment never ends.
- Me too.
26
00:01:11,122 --> 00:01:12,749
(BOTH SIGH)
27
00:01:12,924 --> 00:01:14,983
- Well, gotta go.
- Oh.
28
00:01:17,862 --> 00:01:21,730
- Already? Why don't you stay over?
- Well, I'd love to...
29
00:01:21,933 --> 00:01:25,733
...but you know my mother
needs me in the morning.
30
00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:31,266
Please, I think the woman can manage
to put a wig on by herself.
31
00:01:31,442 --> 00:01:33,876
Look, it's not just the wig.
32
00:01:34,045 --> 00:01:38,004
It's pinning her hair up, drawing
on her eyebrows. It's a two-person job.
33
00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:40,877
It's just...
34
00:01:41,052 --> 00:01:45,921
When you leave right after
we make love, it makes me feel cheap.
35
00:01:46,090 --> 00:01:50,959
- Oh, honey, I'm sorry. What can I do?
- Stay.
36
00:01:51,896 --> 00:01:53,158
Okay.
37
00:01:57,402 --> 00:01:58,699
(HOWARD SIGHS)
38
00:01:58,870 --> 00:02:00,861
Like, what, another five, 10 minutes?
39
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:05,441
- Go home.
- Your call, eh?
40
00:02:08,179 --> 00:02:13,549
Howard, have you ever considered us
living together?
41
00:02:13,751 --> 00:02:15,742
Boy, I don't know.
42
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:18,855
You, me, Ma,
living under the same roof? Ha, ha.
43
00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:22,624
No. I mean just you and me.
44
00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:25,889
You can move in here,
or we can find a place.
45
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,720
- I've got a solution.
- What?
46
00:02:27,899 --> 00:02:30,891
Wait for my mom's heart to explode
from all the salt she eats.
47
00:02:31,936 --> 00:02:35,372
Stick her in the ground, flip her mattress
and move into the bedroom.
48
00:02:37,075 --> 00:02:38,099
Great.
49
00:02:38,276 --> 00:02:41,609
Look at us. Planning a future together.
50
00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:50,312
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Who's there? Are you a sex criminal?
51
00:02:52,624 --> 00:02:56,060
Sex criminals don't have keys, Ma!
52
00:02:56,928 --> 00:03:00,091
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Where were you so late?
- I was out with Bernadette!
53
00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,129
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
I know what that means!
54
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,825
I watch Dr. Phil!
55
00:03:05,536 --> 00:03:08,835
I hope to God you used a condom!
56
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:11,770
HOWARD: I'm not having this conversation
with you, Ma!
57
00:03:11,943 --> 00:03:17,108
MRS. WOLOWITZ: God forbid you get one
of those new fancy sex diseases!
58
00:03:17,548 --> 00:03:20,847
HOWARD: Nobody has a disease!
- I hope not!
59
00:03:21,052 --> 00:03:23,987
I share a toilet with you.
60
00:03:25,757 --> 00:03:30,091
Is that what you want?
To give your mother herpes?
61
00:03:30,795 --> 00:03:32,319
HOWARD:
I don't have to take this!
62
00:03:33,931 --> 00:03:37,560
Good luck with your eyebrows
in the morning!
63
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,871
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Who's there? Are you a sex criminal?
64
00:03:47,612 --> 00:03:50,445
I'm still leaving, I just forgot my Claritin!
65
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:22,005
- Hey, what's up?
- I need a place to crash.
66
00:04:22,180 --> 00:04:23,772
Sure.
67
00:04:23,948 --> 00:04:26,746
- Why?
- Big fight with my mother.
68
00:04:26,951 --> 00:04:30,944
Hmm. Still arguing over
which CSI is the best?
69
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:35,352
No, we agreed
they all have their merits.
70
00:04:35,526 --> 00:04:36,959
This was about Bernadette.
71
00:04:38,262 --> 00:04:40,457
- What's going on?
- Howard's gonna sleep here.
72
00:04:40,665 --> 00:04:44,658
- He had a fight with his mother.
- Did you offer him a hot beverage?
73
00:04:52,677 --> 00:04:54,474
No.
74
00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:58,208
Leonard, social protocol states
when a friend is upset...
75
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:00,543
...you offer a hot beverage
such as tea.
76
00:05:00,885 --> 00:05:03,217
Tea does sound nice.
77
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,489
You heard the man, Leonard.
78
00:05:08,826 --> 00:05:12,284
While you're at it, I'm upset that
we have an unannounced house guest...
79
00:05:12,463 --> 00:05:13,725
...so make me cocoa.
80
00:05:17,301 --> 00:05:21,169
Point of inquiry, given that
Leonard is your secondary friend...
81
00:05:21,339 --> 00:05:23,500
...and Koothrappali
is your primary friend...
82
00:05:23,708 --> 00:05:25,903
...why didn't you seek refuge
under his roof?
83
00:05:26,077 --> 00:05:28,568
There's no room.
His sister is staying with him.
84
00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:30,771
Wait, wait. What?
85
00:05:31,215 --> 00:05:34,514
Cocoa, Leonard. Focus.
I'm down in the dumps here.
86
00:05:35,820 --> 00:05:39,278
- What? Priya's in town?
- Yeah, some work thing.
87
00:05:39,457 --> 00:05:41,584
My mother seems to think
that Bernadette...
88
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:46,196
- Hold on, when did Priya get here?
- I don't know, a couple days ago.
89
00:05:46,364 --> 00:05:49,026
Bernadette doesn't like
that I take care of my mother...
90
00:05:49,233 --> 00:05:51,201
...and my mother
doesn't trust Bernadette.
91
00:05:51,369 --> 00:05:54,634
Yeah, that's a real pickle. Bye.
92
00:05:58,476 --> 00:06:04,381
Don't worry, as your tertiary friend, I am
prepared to step in and comfort you.
93
00:06:04,982 --> 00:06:08,042
- That's not really necessary.
- No. I'll finish making the tea...
94
00:06:08,252 --> 00:06:12,245
...while you narcissistically ramble on
about whatever's troubling you.
95
00:06:13,491 --> 00:06:17,052
- Thanks.
- That's what tertiary friends are for.
96
00:06:21,065 --> 00:06:23,192
RAJESH: Who is it?
- It's Leonard.
97
00:06:24,001 --> 00:06:25,696
You can't come in.
98
00:06:26,370 --> 00:06:29,464
- Well, I just wanna talk to her.
- I forbid it.
99
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,904
- Open the door, Rajesh.
- You heard me.
100
00:06:32,076 --> 00:06:34,067
I forbidded it.
101
00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:35,911
Forbidded it?
102
00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:37,807
Forbaded it?
103
00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:41,311
Get out of the way.
104
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:43,919
- What are you doing here?
- What are you doing here?
105
00:06:44,088 --> 00:06:46,852
- I have business in Los Angeles.
- Why didn't you call?
106
00:06:47,024 --> 00:06:50,425
Clearly she was sending you a message
to take a hike, Mike.
107
00:06:51,362 --> 00:06:53,262
I'm sorry. I thought about calling...
108
00:06:53,431 --> 00:06:56,525
...but I wasn't sure
if seeing you was such a good idea.
109
00:06:56,701 --> 00:06:58,601
I know, last time I came on too strong.
110
00:06:58,803 --> 00:07:00,828
- Can we talk in private?
- No.
111
00:07:01,005 --> 00:07:02,063
Sure.
112
00:07:03,207 --> 00:07:06,699
It's inappropriate for a single woman
to entertain a man in private.
113
00:07:06,878 --> 00:07:09,244
If you insist on talking,
do it on the couch.
114
00:07:11,115 --> 00:07:15,176
All right, you may talk in the bedroom,
but I want this door to remain open.
115
00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:18,445
Just this once you may close the door.
116
00:07:18,623 --> 00:07:22,024
But keep in mind I'll be right out here
monitoring the situation.
117
00:07:35,940 --> 00:07:38,101
Oh, damn it.
118
00:07:38,276 --> 00:07:41,609
Leonard, when you get this message,
call me.
119
00:07:47,084 --> 00:07:49,814
Priya, this your brother.
120
00:07:49,987 --> 00:07:53,718
When you get this, tell Leonard
to check his voicemail.
121
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,390
Would you be sleeping over again
this evening?
122
00:07:58,562 --> 00:07:59,927
Because you're welcome to.
123
00:08:00,097 --> 00:08:02,122
Very nice of you,
but I made other plans.
124
00:08:02,767 --> 00:08:08,467
Just keep in mind that should you ever
need a slightly apathetic tertiary friend...
125
00:08:08,639 --> 00:08:10,436
...I stand at the ready.
126
00:08:12,009 --> 00:08:13,943
- Hi, Howard. Hi, Sheldon.
- Hello.
127
00:08:14,111 --> 00:08:17,080
Why are you holding hands?
I forbid you to hold hands.
128
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:20,577
Rajesh, you know Leonard and I
spent the night together.
129
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:24,517
Yeah, but you were just sleeping
because I forboded you to have sex.
130
00:08:26,023 --> 00:08:27,513
The word is forbade.
131
00:08:27,692 --> 00:08:30,786
You sure? That doesn't sound right.
132
00:08:30,962 --> 00:08:34,420
Listen, Rajesh, Leonard and I
decided to see each other again...
133
00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:38,932
...and you don't get to tell me who I can
or can't have a relationship with.
134
00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:40,297
Actually, he can.
135
00:08:40,471 --> 00:08:44,874
The Hindu Code of Manu
is very clear in these matters.
136
00:08:45,042 --> 00:08:47,135
If a woman's father is not around...
137
00:08:47,311 --> 00:08:49,506
...the duty of controlling
her base desires...
138
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:53,844
...falls to the closest male member
of her family, in this case, Raj.
139
00:08:54,018 --> 00:08:57,181
The code also states
that if she disobeys...
140
00:08:57,355 --> 00:09:03,021
...she will be reborn in the womb
of a jackal and tormented by diseases.
141
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:10,066
If true, that seems like an awfully large
gamble, given that the prize is Leonard.
142
00:09:15,139 --> 00:09:18,006
There it is, Priya. We're Indian.
We believe this stuff.
143
00:09:19,844 --> 00:09:21,903
It also says that if you eat beef...
144
00:09:22,079 --> 00:09:25,981
...you need to live with cows
for three months and drink their urine.
145
00:09:26,317 --> 00:09:27,978
Some makes sense, some is crazy.
146
00:09:28,152 --> 00:09:31,087
My point is
you can't go out with Leonard.
147
00:09:31,455 --> 00:09:33,821
- Who can't go out with Leonard?
- My sister.
148
00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:36,391
Penny, this is Raj's sister, Priya.
149
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:39,085
- It's very nice to meet you.
- Oh, yeah. You too.
150
00:09:39,263 --> 00:09:43,097
Priya, if you're experiencing
any tension or awkwardness...
151
00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:46,259
...it may stem from the fact
that Leonard and Penny used to...
152
00:09:46,470 --> 00:09:49,906
...if I may quote Howard,
"Do the dance with no pants."
153
00:09:54,745 --> 00:09:57,543
- Sheldon.
- Really?
154
00:09:58,215 --> 00:10:00,080
Hey, Bernadette. Can I talk to you?
155
00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:02,048
Sure.
156
00:10:02,553 --> 00:10:05,215
Penny, you became disenchanted
with Leonard as a lover.
157
00:10:05,389 --> 00:10:07,755
Would you please tell my sister why.
158
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:11,627
My mom's going to Palm Springs
to visit her sister.
159
00:10:11,796 --> 00:10:14,731
That's two nights in a row
I can sleep over with you.
160
00:10:15,132 --> 00:10:16,793
Unless the air dries her sinuses...
161
00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:20,266
...in which case I'll have to schlep
out there with the humidifier.
162
00:10:21,672 --> 00:10:24,368
That's your big solution
to all of our problems?
163
00:10:24,542 --> 00:10:27,636
If your mom's nose holds up,
we get two nights together?
164
00:10:28,412 --> 00:10:32,212
- Isn't that great?
- No, it's not great.
165
00:10:32,383 --> 00:10:34,613
You need to make a choice.
Me or your mother.
166
00:10:35,519 --> 00:10:36,543
Uh...
167
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:40,315
- Wrong answer.
- No, wait, you didn't let me finish.
168
00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:43,618
- I'm listening.
- Uh...
169
00:10:43,794 --> 00:10:45,762
(BERNADETTE GROANS)
170
00:10:52,670 --> 00:10:55,104
I came as quickly as I could.
171
00:10:56,874 --> 00:10:59,968
Okay. Why?
172
00:11:00,978 --> 00:11:02,275
To comfort you, of course.
173
00:11:02,613 --> 00:11:05,207
Sheldon told me about
Leonard dating Rajesh's sister...
174
00:11:05,382 --> 00:11:09,011
...so I hightailed it over here to pick up
the pieces of your broken heart.
175
00:11:09,587 --> 00:11:11,282
Okay. Amy, I'm fine.
176
00:11:11,455 --> 00:11:13,286
You don't have to be strong for me.
177
00:11:14,658 --> 00:11:17,889
Now, let's talk about Priya,
that man-stealing bitch.
178
00:11:19,663 --> 00:11:20,960
What?
179
00:11:21,132 --> 00:11:24,693
In situations like this, best girlfriends
are often catty about the other woman.
180
00:11:24,869 --> 00:11:26,166
(GROWLS)
181
00:11:27,838 --> 00:11:31,171
No, really, I am not upset
about Leonard and Priya.
182
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:35,506
Oh, then perhaps you don't understand
what's going on.
183
00:11:35,679 --> 00:11:39,342
Your former boyfriend has replaced you
with a very suitable mate.
184
00:11:39,517 --> 00:11:41,678
Arguably much more suitable than you.
185
00:11:43,420 --> 00:11:45,684
Oh, well, good for him.
186
00:11:45,856 --> 00:11:48,120
Hey, what do you mean
"more suitable"?
187
00:11:48,726 --> 00:11:52,856
Well, granted, Penny, you're secondary
sexual characteristics are bodacious...
188
00:11:54,398 --> 00:11:57,731
...but Priya is highly educated,
she's an accomplished professional...
189
00:11:57,902 --> 00:12:01,531
...she comes from the culture that wrote
the book on neat ways to have sex.
190
00:12:02,740 --> 00:12:05,538
You, on the other hand,
are a community-college dropout...
191
00:12:05,709 --> 00:12:08,872
...who comes from the culture
that wrote the book on tipping cows.
192
00:12:09,947 --> 00:12:12,916
Yeah, okay. I got it. I got it.
193
00:12:13,217 --> 00:12:15,117
So, what is all that stuff?
194
00:12:15,286 --> 00:12:17,584
This is a portable
electroencephalogram.
195
00:12:17,755 --> 00:12:20,121
I'm doing research on emotions
and brain activity.
196
00:12:20,291 --> 00:12:24,250
When you start crying, I can see
which region of the brain is activated.
197
00:12:24,929 --> 00:12:29,525
Then I'll stimulate the analogous area
in a rhesus monkey and see if he cries.
198
00:12:31,101 --> 00:12:32,728
Cool, huh?
199
00:12:35,673 --> 00:12:37,402
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
200
00:12:47,785 --> 00:12:49,719
I choose you.
201
00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:51,445
- Really?
- Yep.
202
00:12:51,622 --> 00:12:55,991
I moved out of my mother's house.
The cord is cut. I'm all yours.
203
00:12:57,094 --> 00:12:58,959
What did she say when you told her?
204
00:12:59,129 --> 00:13:01,825
I don't know, she hasn't responded
to my email yet. Ha, ha.
205
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,098
- This is so great.
- Ha, ha.
206
00:13:05,269 --> 00:13:07,999
- I love you, Howard.
- I love you too.
207
00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:10,799
- So, what's for dinner?
- Um...
208
00:13:10,975 --> 00:13:13,136
I don't have much of anything
in the house.
209
00:13:14,011 --> 00:13:17,139
That's fine. Why don't we go
fool around in our bedroom?
210
00:13:17,381 --> 00:13:18,746
(CHUCKLES)
211
00:13:18,916 --> 00:13:20,315
And then you can go shopping.
212
00:13:23,487 --> 00:13:26,320
I thought maybe after we eat
we could see an early movie.
213
00:13:26,490 --> 00:13:27,514
I'd love that.
214
00:13:28,125 --> 00:13:31,322
I love the way you say, "I'd love that."
215
00:13:31,996 --> 00:13:33,793
She says it the same way I do.
216
00:13:36,367 --> 00:13:40,804
I'd love that. Everybody in India
says it that way. It's not a big deal.
217
00:13:42,439 --> 00:13:45,135
- Rajesh, don't be a child.
- I'm not being a child.
218
00:13:45,609 --> 00:13:49,306
Leonard, if your sister ever comes
to town, I shall have my way with her.
219
00:13:51,649 --> 00:13:53,742
My sister's 38 and married.
220
00:13:54,018 --> 00:13:57,146
All the more shame that will fall upon
the house of Hofstadter!
221
00:14:00,658 --> 00:14:03,456
- Ooh! I thought I smelled pizza.
- That's remarkable.
222
00:14:03,627 --> 00:14:05,720
If pepperoni were
an explosive substance...
223
00:14:05,896 --> 00:14:09,297
...you could replace German Shepherds
at our nation's airports.
224
00:14:10,534 --> 00:14:13,059
- Hi. Penny, right?
- Oh, yes, hi.
225
00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,966
Sorry, didn't know you had company.
I don't wanna impose.
226
00:14:16,140 --> 00:14:17,869
It's not an imposition.
227
00:14:18,042 --> 00:14:21,011
At this point in our ecosystem,
you are akin to the plover...
228
00:14:21,178 --> 00:14:22,839
...a small scavenging bird...
229
00:14:23,013 --> 00:14:25,982
...that eats extra food
from between the teeth of crocodiles.
230
00:14:28,152 --> 00:14:30,985
Please, fly into our open maw
and have at it.
231
00:14:33,557 --> 00:14:37,015
If I had more than a box of baking soda
I wouldn't have to take that.
232
00:14:39,930 --> 00:14:41,830
Hi, bestie.
233
00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:45,365
Hi.
234
00:14:46,837 --> 00:14:51,171
- So, um, Priya, you're a lawyer, right?
- I know, pretty boring, huh?
235
00:14:51,342 --> 00:14:54,778
Oh, come on, it's not boring at all.
236
00:14:54,945 --> 00:14:58,176
Uh, she's currently helping set up
a secondary derivative market...
237
00:14:58,349 --> 00:15:01,876
...which would allow overseas car firms
to hedge their investments...
238
00:15:02,052 --> 00:15:06,045
...against potential advancements
in battery technology.
239
00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:09,822
Thank you, Leonard.
That doesn't make it sound boring at all.
240
00:15:12,096 --> 00:15:14,064
LEONARD: I'm sorry, but...
- How you holding up?
241
00:15:15,866 --> 00:15:17,424
I'm fine.
242
00:15:17,601 --> 00:15:20,069
Who are you kidding?
She's breathtaking.
243
00:15:22,373 --> 00:15:24,898
So, Penny, Leonard tells me
you're an actress.
244
00:15:25,075 --> 00:15:28,442
- That must be pretty exciting.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's real great.
245
00:15:28,612 --> 00:15:32,378
Today I drove to an audition I thought
was gonna be for a cat food commercial.
246
00:15:32,549 --> 00:15:33,948
Turned out to be porn.
247
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:37,849
Did you get the part?
248
00:15:40,257 --> 00:15:41,724
I didn't do the audition.
249
00:15:42,126 --> 00:15:45,289
Given the state of your career,
can you really afford to be picky?
250
00:15:48,132 --> 00:15:51,431
I took acting classes
when I was at Cambridge. I loved it.
251
00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:55,299
- We did Taming of the Shrew.
- Oh, wow, I love Taming of the Shrew.
252
00:15:55,472 --> 00:15:57,133
I did a paper on it in high school.
253
00:15:57,775 --> 00:16:00,505
Who knows not where a wasp does
wear his sting?
254
00:16:00,677 --> 00:16:02,941
- In his tail.
- In his tongue.
255
00:16:03,113 --> 00:16:05,274
- Whose tongue?
- Yours, if you talk of tails...
256
00:16:05,449 --> 00:16:06,916
...and so farewell.
257
00:16:07,084 --> 00:16:08,915
What, with my tongue in your tail?
258
00:16:09,086 --> 00:16:11,111
(BOTH LAUGH)
259
00:16:16,460 --> 00:16:20,453
I'm regretting my earlier cattiness.
She is an absolute delight.
260
00:16:23,734 --> 00:16:25,065
(SIGHS)
261
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:27,066
Wow.
262
00:16:28,806 --> 00:16:30,603
(PANTING)
263
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:34,843
Wow indeed.
264
00:16:35,846 --> 00:16:39,282
- I can't believe we're living together.
- Yeah.
265
00:16:39,450 --> 00:16:41,315
You know what would make this
perfect?
266
00:16:41,485 --> 00:16:43,146
- What?
- A little snack.
267
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,481
You got any string cheese?
268
00:16:46,924 --> 00:16:48,949
No. I might have some cheddar.
269
00:16:49,827 --> 00:16:52,660
Not as good.
You can't make strings with it.
270
00:16:53,831 --> 00:16:56,664
Remind me to put it
on your shopping list.
271
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,024
Okay.
272
00:16:58,202 --> 00:17:00,898
- Do you have hypo-allergenic detergent?
- No.
273
00:17:01,071 --> 00:17:02,333
Better put it on the list.
274
00:17:02,506 --> 00:17:05,964
If you wash my underwear with regular
soap, I get little bumps on my tuchus.
275
00:17:06,143 --> 00:17:07,872
(CHUCKLES)
276
00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:13,211
Wait a second,
I'm doing your laundry?
277
00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:16,812
Well, honey, it's not gonna do itself.
Heh, heh.
278
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:20,355
Oh, tomorrow morning
you're driving me to the dentist.
279
00:17:20,891 --> 00:17:22,358
I have to take you?
280
00:17:22,893 --> 00:17:25,453
You don't have to take me.
You get to take me.
281
00:17:27,030 --> 00:17:31,057
Wait a minute, are you telling me your
mother usually takes you to the dentist?
282
00:17:31,235 --> 00:17:35,365
Well, it's not weird. There's lots of kids
there with their moms.
283
00:17:37,174 --> 00:17:38,573
I can't believe this.
284
00:17:38,742 --> 00:17:40,334
What? It's fun.
285
00:17:40,511 --> 00:17:44,572
If I have no cavities,
afterwards we go out for a treat.
286
00:17:45,582 --> 00:17:48,016
Howard,
let's get something straight right now.
287
00:17:48,185 --> 00:17:49,880
I am not going to be your mother.
288
00:17:50,087 --> 00:17:53,181
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where did that come from?
289
00:18:01,732 --> 00:18:05,224
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Who's there? Is it a sex criminal?
290
00:18:06,436 --> 00:18:09,769
Nobody wants to do that to you, Ma!
291
00:18:10,607 --> 00:18:13,269
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Where were you?
- Didn't you read my email?
292
00:18:13,443 --> 00:18:17,641
MRS. WOLOWITZ: You know I can't turn on
that farkakt computer!
293
00:18:18,148 --> 00:18:21,208
I left you some brisket
on the kitchen counter.
294
00:18:21,385 --> 00:18:22,409
HOWARD:
Thank you!
295
00:18:22,586 --> 00:18:27,080
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Remember to floss after,
we have the dentist in the morning!
296
00:18:31,395 --> 00:18:33,795
- Oh, hey. What's up?
- I wanted to check in on you.
297
00:18:34,231 --> 00:18:36,495
- Why?
- Seems like the appropriate thing to do...
298
00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:40,501
...when one's best friend finds herself
replaced by a smart, beautiful woman...
299
00:18:40,671 --> 00:18:43,902
...with the smoldering sexuality
of a crouched Bengal tiger.
300
00:18:45,409 --> 00:18:47,240
I already told you, I'm okay with it.
301
00:18:47,411 --> 00:18:52,212
I mean, if anything, I'm quite pleased
that Leonard has found someone...
302
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:55,078
(SOBBING)
...that makes him so happy.
303
00:18:55,252 --> 00:18:58,813
- Oh, it's okay, it's okay.
- Thank you.
304
00:18:59,256 --> 00:19:01,019
Let's get these electrodes
attached...
305
00:19:01,191 --> 00:19:03,682
...and see what's going on
in that noggin of yours.
306
00:19:03,860 --> 00:19:06,260
Okay.
307
00:19:11,201 --> 00:19:12,725
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
308
00:19:13,437 --> 00:19:15,428
I smell Chinese food.
309
00:19:16,106 --> 00:19:19,769
It's actually Thai. You're slipping.
310
00:19:20,844 --> 00:19:24,302
- Are Leonard and Priya here?
- They went to Catalina for the weekend.
311
00:19:24,481 --> 00:19:28,542
- Oh, where's Raj?
- At home, forbidding it.
312
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:29,946
How about Howard?
313
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:34,318
I'm given to understand his mother
grounded him for running away.
314
00:19:34,891 --> 00:19:37,860
Oh, okay.
315
00:19:38,328 --> 00:19:41,695
Well, I guess
it's just the two of us, huh?
316
00:19:41,865 --> 00:19:43,492
Actually, it's the three of us.
317
00:19:43,667 --> 00:19:45,692
AMY (ON COMPUTER):
What up, bestie?
318
00:19:48,338 --> 00:19:51,535
Good news. Thanks to you, I was able
to make a rhesus monkey cry...
319
00:19:51,708 --> 00:19:53,573
...like a disgraced televangelist.
320
00:19:55,545 --> 00:19:56,569
Great.
321
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:59,010
- So you feeling better?
- Not really.
322
00:19:59,716 --> 00:20:03,709
- Sheldon, you have a guest who's upset.
- Right. I'll make tea.
323
00:20:03,887 --> 00:20:07,050
- It's okay, I don't want tea.
- I'm sorry, it's not optional.
27464
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