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1
00:00:07,118 --> 00:00:11,680
- And now the Kung Pao Chicken.
- Yeah, smooth. Ha, ha.
2
00:00:11,856 --> 00:00:15,417
And finally, my Moo Shu Pork.
3
00:00:17,962 --> 00:00:19,862
LEONARD:
Whoo-hoo!
4
00:00:20,031 --> 00:00:24,468
There you have it, gentlemen.
Our entire dinner unpacked by robot.
5
00:00:24,636 --> 00:00:26,627
And it only took 28 minutes.
6
00:00:27,972 --> 00:00:31,305
- Impressive, but we must be cautious.
- Why?
7
00:00:31,810 --> 00:00:34,540
Today,
it's a Chinese-food-retrieval robot.
8
00:00:34,713 --> 00:00:39,343
Tomorrow, it travels back in time
and tries to kill Sarah Connor.
9
00:00:39,951 --> 00:00:41,646
I don't think that's gonna happen,
Sheldon.
10
00:00:41,820 --> 00:00:44,550
No one ever does.
That's why it happens.
11
00:00:46,257 --> 00:00:47,554
Hey. Is the food here?
12
00:00:48,059 --> 00:00:49,083
Ooh, what's that?
13
00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:52,525
That, dear lady,
is the Wolowitz Programmable Hand...
14
00:00:52,697 --> 00:00:56,690
...designed for extravehicular repairs
on the International Space Station.
15
00:00:56,868 --> 00:01:00,031
- Oh, cool.
- Ask me to pass the soy sauce.
16
00:01:00,205 --> 00:01:02,765
Oh, does that come up much
on the Space Station?
17
00:01:03,241 --> 00:01:06,176
Mostly with Asian
and Jewish astronauts.
18
00:01:06,711 --> 00:01:09,441
- All right, pass the soy sauce.
- Coming up.
19
00:01:09,614 --> 00:01:11,172
(CLEARS THROAT)
20
00:01:12,117 --> 00:01:13,914
(KEYBOARD CLICKING)
21
00:01:16,087 --> 00:01:18,317
(KEYBOARD CONTINUES CLICKING)
22
00:01:20,425 --> 00:01:23,417
- So how's work?
- Oh, It's not bad.
23
00:01:23,595 --> 00:01:26,428
- Kind of hungry.
- Yeah, we all are.
24
00:01:26,598 --> 00:01:28,293
Just wait.
25
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:31,401
You realize, Penny, that the technology
that went into this arm...
26
00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:35,505
...will one day make unskilled
food servers such as yourself obsolete.
27
00:01:36,307 --> 00:01:39,401
Really? They're gonna make a robot
that spits on your hamburger?
28
00:01:41,913 --> 00:01:44,313
I thought you broke up with her.
Why is she here?
29
00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:49,212
Okay, here we go.
Passing the soy sauce.
30
00:01:50,822 --> 00:01:52,722
Put out your hand.
31
00:01:56,428 --> 00:01:58,328
(PENNY CHUCKLES)
32
00:01:58,496 --> 00:02:00,828
- That's amazing.
- I wouldn't say "amazing."
33
00:02:01,032 --> 00:02:02,897
At best, it's a modest leap forward...
34
00:02:03,067 --> 00:02:07,094
...from the basic technology
that gave us Country Bear Jamboree.
35
00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:10,571
- Hey, Sheldon? Ahem.
- Yes?
36
00:02:18,817 --> 00:02:22,651
- Peace?
- No, not peace. Hang on.
37
00:02:49,914 --> 00:02:52,883
Does NASA know you're using that thing
as a napkin holder?
38
00:02:53,051 --> 00:02:56,487
Are you kidding? They still think
it's in a secure locker at JPL.
39
00:02:57,755 --> 00:02:59,916
- You stole it?
- Borrowed.
40
00:03:00,091 --> 00:03:03,822
The trick is to carry it out to your car
like you own it.
41
00:03:03,995 --> 00:03:05,087
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
42
00:03:05,263 --> 00:03:06,696
Excuse me.
43
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:13,494
Oh, Amy's at the dry-cleaner's
and she's made a very amusing pun.
44
00:03:13,705 --> 00:03:19,769
Ahem. "I don't care for perchloroethylene
and I don't like glycol ether."
45
00:03:24,749 --> 00:03:28,810
Get it? She doesn't like glycol ether.
46
00:03:30,955 --> 00:03:32,513
Sounds like "either."
47
00:03:34,092 --> 00:03:35,423
(GIGGLES)
48
00:03:37,495 --> 00:03:39,588
"L-O-L."
49
00:03:40,031 --> 00:03:41,089
Who's Amy?
50
00:03:41,266 --> 00:03:43,291
- His girlfriend.
- Sheldon has a girlfriend?
51
00:03:43,468 --> 00:03:45,436
- She's not my girlfriend.
- How long?
52
00:03:45,603 --> 00:03:47,503
- Four months.
- She's not my girlfriend.
53
00:03:47,672 --> 00:03:50,163
For four months
I have been asking you what's new.
54
00:03:50,341 --> 00:03:53,174
You never thought to go with
"Sheldon has a girlfriend"?
55
00:03:53,344 --> 00:03:55,471
- She's not my girlfriend.
- Teh, teh, teh.
56
00:03:55,647 --> 00:03:58,548
- How did they meet?
- Raj and I entered Sheldon's information...
57
00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:01,947
...on a dating site
and it spit out Amy Farrah Fowler.
58
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,281
Oh, my God! Sheldon and Amy.
59
00:04:04,455 --> 00:04:05,979
Or as we call them, "Shamy."
60
00:04:06,190 --> 00:04:07,350
(PENNY SQUEALS)
61
00:04:08,026 --> 00:04:10,460
Shamy. I am so digging the Shamy.
62
00:04:10,628 --> 00:04:13,188
All right. Everyone, pay attention.
63
00:04:13,364 --> 00:04:16,162
Yes, I have a friend named
Amy Farrah Fowler.
64
00:04:16,334 --> 00:04:17,528
Yes, she is female.
65
00:04:17,702 --> 00:04:22,332
Yes, we communicate on a daily basis,
but no, she is not my girlfriend.
66
00:04:22,974 --> 00:04:25,238
Okay, well,
what do you communicate about?
67
00:04:25,410 --> 00:04:28,709
Well, my work in physics,
her work in neurobiology...
68
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:32,077
...and most recently, the possibility
of our having a child together.
69
00:04:40,491 --> 00:04:41,856
Thank you.
70
00:04:43,361 --> 00:04:45,727
Wait a minute, a child?
You never see this girl.
71
00:04:45,897 --> 00:04:47,922
You just e-mail and text and Twitter...
72
00:04:48,099 --> 00:04:50,533
...and now you're considering
having a baby?
73
00:04:50,702 --> 00:04:52,863
Amy pointed out
that between the two of us...
74
00:04:53,037 --> 00:04:56,234
...our genetic material
has the potential of producing the first...
75
00:04:56,407 --> 00:04:59,274
...in a line of intellectually superior
benign overlords...
76
00:04:59,444 --> 00:05:02,538
...to guide humanity
to a brighter tomorrow.
77
00:05:04,716 --> 00:05:07,276
I'm guessing that future historians
will condemn us...
78
00:05:07,452 --> 00:05:10,944
...for not taking this opportunity
to kill Sheldon.
79
00:05:11,723 --> 00:05:14,624
- Okay. I have a question.
- Yes, Penny.
80
00:05:14,826 --> 00:05:18,023
You don't even like people touching you.
How are you gonna have sex?
81
00:05:20,098 --> 00:05:21,759
Why on earth would we have sex?
82
00:05:24,135 --> 00:05:26,695
Oh, honey, did your mom
not have the talk with you?
83
00:05:26,871 --> 00:05:30,307
You know, when your private parts
started growing?
84
00:05:30,475 --> 00:05:33,444
I'm quite aware of the way
humans usually reproduce...
85
00:05:33,611 --> 00:05:35,203
...which is messy, unsanitary...
86
00:05:35,380 --> 00:05:37,871
...and based on living next to you
for three years...
87
00:05:38,049 --> 00:05:41,746
...involves loud and unnecessary appeals
to a deity.
88
00:05:41,919 --> 00:05:44,353
- Oh, God.
- Yes, exactly.
89
00:05:47,625 --> 00:05:51,391
Consequently, if Amy and I choose
to bring new life into this world...
90
00:05:51,562 --> 00:05:53,496
...it will be accomplished clinically...
91
00:05:53,665 --> 00:05:56,498
...with fertility experts in a lab
with Petri dishes.
92
00:05:56,668 --> 00:06:00,468
Which reminds me, you have broad hips
and a certain corn-fed vigor.
93
00:06:00,638 --> 00:06:03,300
Is your womb available for rental?
94
00:06:05,510 --> 00:06:07,774
Still digging the Shamy?
95
00:06:08,913 --> 00:06:12,076
Look, Sheldon, before you race off
to the fertility clinic...
96
00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:13,547
...you might wanna think about...
97
00:06:13,718 --> 00:06:16,983
...gee, I don't know, maybe actually
spending some time with her.
98
00:06:17,155 --> 00:06:18,952
- You mean dating?
- Yeah.
99
00:06:19,123 --> 00:06:20,613
- I can't date Amy.
- Why not?
100
00:06:20,792 --> 00:06:22,453
She's not my girlfriend.
101
00:06:22,627 --> 00:06:24,618
Don't think of it as dating a girlfriend.
102
00:06:24,796 --> 00:06:28,391
Think of it as, uh, getting to know
the future mother of your child.
103
00:06:28,599 --> 00:06:30,533
Oh.
104
00:06:30,702 --> 00:06:32,670
I hadn't considered that.
105
00:06:32,837 --> 00:06:35,465
I suppose she will have to have
access to our progeny.
106
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:40,009
And you don't think I can achieve
the required intimacy via text messaging?
107
00:06:40,478 --> 00:06:42,207
- Probably not.
- Hmm.
108
00:06:42,980 --> 00:06:47,178
It would appear as if the phone
companies have been lying to me.
109
00:06:49,654 --> 00:06:53,454
Penny. Penny. Penny.
110
00:06:54,959 --> 00:06:57,553
You do realize
I stand on the other side of the door...
111
00:06:57,729 --> 00:07:00,289
...waiting for you
to finish knocking three times.
112
00:07:00,465 --> 00:07:03,559
I know. I can see the shadow
of your feet under the door.
113
00:07:04,368 --> 00:07:06,495
Yeah. My point is it's a waste of time.
114
00:07:06,671 --> 00:07:09,231
If you're looking for an example
of a waste of time...
115
00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,341
...I would refer you to the conversation
we're having right now.
116
00:07:12,510 --> 00:07:15,138
- What do you want?
- I've decided to take your advice...
117
00:07:15,313 --> 00:07:17,838
...and have arranged to go on a date
with Amy Farrah Fowler.
118
00:07:18,015 --> 00:07:21,678
- Oh, that's great. Have fun.
- Wait. You have to drive me.
119
00:07:21,853 --> 00:07:24,151
- What?
- You know I don't drive.
120
00:07:24,322 --> 00:07:25,653
- Well, go ask Leonard.
- I did.
121
00:07:25,823 --> 00:07:30,817
He said, and I quote, "Ask Penny.
It was her cockamamie idea."
122
00:07:31,462 --> 00:07:32,759
Leonard said "cockamamie"?
123
00:07:32,964 --> 00:07:36,559
Actually, I'm paraphrasing. Having
been raised in a Christian household...
124
00:07:36,734 --> 00:07:39,601
...I'm uncomfortable
with the language he used.
125
00:07:40,104 --> 00:07:43,232
And to be honest, I'm not
entirely comfortable with "cockamamie."
126
00:07:44,075 --> 00:07:45,406
Okay, fine. When's the date?
127
00:07:45,576 --> 00:07:47,009
- Now.
- Now?
128
00:07:47,178 --> 00:07:48,873
Hurry, we're going to be late.
129
00:07:50,515 --> 00:07:53,712
Sheldon, did it ever occur to you
that I might have other plans?
130
00:07:53,885 --> 00:07:57,184
I'm sorry. Do you have other plans?
131
00:07:59,991 --> 00:08:02,425
Well, no, not per se, but...
132
00:08:03,027 --> 00:08:08,124
And so this conversation is as pointless
as your door-knocking soliloquy?
133
00:08:09,233 --> 00:08:12,498
Let me get my cockamamie keys.
134
00:08:15,039 --> 00:08:18,236
HOWARD:
Oh, God, that feels so good.
135
00:08:18,509 --> 00:08:20,272
(MOANING)
136
00:08:22,947 --> 00:08:26,144
Yeah, that's the spot. Oh, baby.
137
00:08:26,317 --> 00:08:29,445
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Howard, dinner's ready!
138
00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:32,714
I'll eat later, I'm busy!
139
00:08:33,224 --> 00:08:36,591
Oh, yeah. Just like a real hand.
140
00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:45,559
Hmm.
141
00:08:49,407 --> 00:08:52,934
- Thank you for driving me.
- You're welcome.
142
00:08:53,978 --> 00:08:58,677
I wish you weren't wearing flip-flops.
Dangerous to drive in flip-flops.
143
00:08:58,850 --> 00:09:00,841
- Sheldon.
- Sorry.
144
00:09:01,052 --> 00:09:04,613
I just don't wanna be
yet another flip-flop fatality.
145
00:09:06,991 --> 00:09:08,652
Can I ask you a question?
146
00:09:08,826 --> 00:09:10,794
Given your
community-college education...
147
00:09:10,962 --> 00:09:13,829
...I encourage you to ask me
as many as possible.
148
00:09:15,299 --> 00:09:19,759
Yeah, ahem, well, my question is,
and I'm pretty sure I know the answer...
149
00:09:19,937 --> 00:09:21,564
...is this your first date?
150
00:09:22,139 --> 00:09:23,766
That depends.
151
00:09:23,941 --> 00:09:25,841
Does square dancing with my sister...
152
00:09:26,010 --> 00:09:29,707
...at a Teens for Jesus
Fourth of July hoedown count as a date?
153
00:09:30,681 --> 00:09:33,377
- No.
- Then this is my first date.
154
00:09:34,585 --> 00:09:37,577
Okay, well, then there's a couple of things
you should probably know.
155
00:09:38,356 --> 00:09:41,154
I have a master's degree
and two doctorates.
156
00:09:41,325 --> 00:09:44,817
The things I should know, I do know.
157
00:09:45,630 --> 00:09:48,690
My point is,
I know more about dating than you...
158
00:09:48,866 --> 00:09:52,529
...and if you were as smart as you think
you are, you would listen to me.
159
00:09:52,737 --> 00:09:55,706
If you know so much,
how come I have a date tonight...
160
00:09:55,873 --> 00:09:59,365
...and you have nothing better to do
than drive me to it?
161
00:10:01,913 --> 00:10:03,813
Fair point.
162
00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:09,242
You know, there's something I've
always wondered about Aquaman.
163
00:10:09,754 --> 00:10:12,348
- Yeah?
- Where does he poop?
164
00:10:14,892 --> 00:10:18,328
- What?
- What would a toilet look like in Atlantis?
165
00:10:18,496 --> 00:10:21,329
How would you flush it?
And when you did flush it...
166
00:10:21,499 --> 00:10:23,399
...where would the poop go?
167
00:10:25,469 --> 00:10:26,902
(PHONE RINGS)
168
00:10:27,071 --> 00:10:28,732
Hold that thought.
169
00:10:29,707 --> 00:10:31,834
Hey, Howard, what's going on?
170
00:10:32,276 --> 00:10:35,905
Wha...? Hold on. Howard.
Howard, slow down.
171
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,548
The robot hand
is stuck on your what?
172
00:10:42,286 --> 00:10:44,652
You're not gonna believe this.
173
00:10:58,769 --> 00:10:59,861
(PENNY CLEARS THROAT)
174
00:11:00,037 --> 00:11:05,270
So, um, Amy, Sheldon tells me
you're a neuro-something-or-other.
175
00:11:05,910 --> 00:11:08,208
Neurobiologist.
176
00:11:08,379 --> 00:11:10,973
Your "check engine" light is on.
177
00:11:12,616 --> 00:11:13,810
Yeah, it's okay.
178
00:11:13,985 --> 00:11:16,146
- But the light indicates...
- Don't bother.
179
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:21,053
I've wasted many an hour
tilting at that particular windmill.
180
00:11:23,127 --> 00:11:25,687
What is that scent you're wearing?
It smells great.
181
00:11:26,230 --> 00:11:27,925
Dandruff shampoo.
182
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:31,930
I have dry scalp.
183
00:11:32,103 --> 00:11:35,266
Ah, well, your hair looks very nice.
184
00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:38,306
Are you a homosexual?
185
00:11:39,276 --> 00:11:43,736
- No, I was just giving you a compliment.
- Hmm.
186
00:11:43,914 --> 00:11:46,849
I would have been more flattered
if you were a homosexual.
187
00:11:49,653 --> 00:11:52,747
- Guys, how about some music?
- Oh, I wouldn't care for that.
188
00:11:52,923 --> 00:11:54,584
- Amy?
- No, thank you.
189
00:11:55,426 --> 00:11:59,260
Okay. Uncomfortable silence it is.
190
00:12:03,367 --> 00:12:05,301
Hey, Sheldon, have you told Amy...
191
00:12:05,469 --> 00:12:07,835
...what it was like for you
growing up in Texas?
192
00:12:08,005 --> 00:12:09,529
No.
193
00:12:11,142 --> 00:12:13,269
Well, why don't you tell her?
194
00:12:14,178 --> 00:12:15,770
All right.
195
00:12:16,047 --> 00:12:17,742
It was hell.
196
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:20,944
Any follow-up, Amy?
197
00:12:22,686 --> 00:12:23,880
No.
198
00:12:28,826 --> 00:12:32,489
I, myself, grew up in Nebraska.
Small town outside of Omaha.
199
00:12:32,663 --> 00:12:37,794
Yeah, nice place, mostly family farms,
a few meth labs.
200
00:12:37,968 --> 00:12:41,165
I'm sorry, how is this better
than uncomfortable silence?
201
00:12:41,338 --> 00:12:43,636
I don't know.
I was just trying something.
202
00:12:45,709 --> 00:12:47,574
Muggles.
203
00:12:53,984 --> 00:12:57,385
You slipped and fell into a robot hand?
204
00:12:59,890 --> 00:13:01,152
Yes.
205
00:13:02,293 --> 00:13:03,817
Penis first.
206
00:13:07,398 --> 00:13:09,195
Yes. Now, help me!
207
00:13:09,366 --> 00:13:10,594
I'd suggest a lubricant...
208
00:13:10,801 --> 00:13:14,202
...but I have a feeling
you fell on some of that as well.
209
00:13:14,371 --> 00:13:15,599
Not funny, Leonard.
210
00:13:15,806 --> 00:13:18,604
Really? A robot hand's
got a death grip on your junk, dude.
211
00:13:18,776 --> 00:13:19,800
That's funny, ask anyone.
212
00:13:19,977 --> 00:13:21,001
(BOTH LAUGH)
213
00:13:21,512 --> 00:13:24,208
Please, before my mother walks in,
get this off me.
214
00:13:24,381 --> 00:13:25,405
Okay, let's see.
215
00:13:25,583 --> 00:13:27,210
No. Don't touch.
The program is paused.
216
00:13:27,384 --> 00:13:29,875
- Then let's unpause it.
- I loaded the wrong program.
217
00:13:30,054 --> 00:13:32,079
The hand thinks
it's holding a screwdriver.
218
00:13:32,256 --> 00:13:35,191
If you continue the program,
it's gonna start twisting.
219
00:13:37,027 --> 00:13:39,518
All... All... All right, how about this?
220
00:13:39,697 --> 00:13:43,690
When Winnie the Pooh
got his head stuck in the honey tree...
221
00:13:43,868 --> 00:13:47,531
...his friends all grabbed onto him
and pulled and pulled.
222
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:53,298
You do what you want. I'm not touching
another man's honey tree.
223
00:13:53,978 --> 00:13:55,536
All right, uh, forget pulling.
224
00:13:55,713 --> 00:13:58,147
How about we get an electric saw
and cut it off?
225
00:13:58,349 --> 00:13:59,941
What? No saws!
226
00:14:00,117 --> 00:14:03,052
One circumcision was enough.
227
00:14:05,589 --> 00:14:07,284
How about an acetylene torch?
228
00:14:07,491 --> 00:14:09,755
I can't believe
this needs to be said out loud.
229
00:14:09,927 --> 00:14:13,761
- No pulling, no saws, no torches.
- Then what do you want us to do?
230
00:14:13,931 --> 00:14:16,024
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Howard, I made cookies for you...
231
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,464
...and your little friends!
232
00:14:18,936 --> 00:14:20,665
That's great, Mom, thanks!
233
00:14:20,871 --> 00:14:23,601
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
I'll bring them up with Hawaiian Punch!
234
00:14:23,774 --> 00:14:25,742
- Don't come up here!
MRS WOLOWITZ: Why not?
235
00:14:25,910 --> 00:14:27,935
Are you ashamed of your mother?
236
00:14:28,112 --> 00:14:30,672
Yes, but that's not the point!
237
00:14:31,682 --> 00:14:32,740
Get me out of here.
238
00:14:32,917 --> 00:14:34,817
You have any ideas, Raj?
239
00:14:34,985 --> 00:14:38,682
Right now, all I can think about
is cookies and Hawaiian Punch.
240
00:14:45,296 --> 00:14:49,198
Hey, here's another possible topic
of conversation.
241
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:50,924
This is a big night for Sheldon.
242
00:14:52,403 --> 00:14:55,702
- Right, Sheldon?
- Big night?
243
00:14:55,906 --> 00:14:58,204
The winter solstice is a big night.
244
00:14:59,343 --> 00:15:01,709
It's over 14 hours
in Southern California.
245
00:15:03,447 --> 00:15:07,315
- That's an amusing factoid.
- Thank you.
246
00:15:08,786 --> 00:15:14,156
No, no. My point is, uh,
tonight is Sheldon's first official date.
247
00:15:14,325 --> 00:15:15,917
Discuss.
248
00:15:16,460 --> 00:15:19,452
- Is this true?
- Apparently a semi-incestuous...
249
00:15:19,630 --> 00:15:22,622
...Teens for Jesus
Fourth of July hoedown didn't count.
250
00:15:25,002 --> 00:15:27,197
So, um, Amy, what about you?
Do you date much?
251
00:15:27,371 --> 00:15:29,703
Once a year.
It's a deal I made with my mother...
252
00:15:29,873 --> 00:15:31,738
...in exchange for her silence
on the matter...
253
00:15:31,909 --> 00:15:36,812
...and the use of her George Foreman Grill
that seals in the flavor without the fat.
254
00:15:39,383 --> 00:15:41,180
What about you?
Do you go on many dates?
255
00:15:41,585 --> 00:15:44,145
Uh, yeah, I wouldn't say many. A few.
256
00:15:44,321 --> 00:15:45,618
(GIGGLES)
257
00:15:48,325 --> 00:15:49,314
What's?
258
00:15:49,493 --> 00:15:50,517
(IMITATES SHELDON'S GIGGLE)
259
00:15:50,694 --> 00:15:54,687
Your characterization of approximately
171 different men as a few.
260
00:15:54,865 --> 00:15:56,526
What...?
261
00:15:57,067 --> 00:15:59,558
Where did you get 171 men?
262
00:15:59,737 --> 00:16:01,068
Simple extrapolation.
263
00:16:01,238 --> 00:16:04,435
In the three years that I've known you,
you were single for two.
264
00:16:04,608 --> 00:16:07,406
During that time,
I saw 17 different suitors.
265
00:16:07,578 --> 00:16:08,704
If we work backwards...
266
00:16:08,879 --> 00:16:13,077
...correcting for observation bias
and postulate an initial dating age of 15...
267
00:16:13,250 --> 00:16:16,777
Whoa, wait, wait, wait.
I did not start dating at 15.
268
00:16:16,987 --> 00:16:19,080
- I'm sorry. Sixteen?
- Fourteen.
269
00:16:20,924 --> 00:16:22,016
My mistake.
270
00:16:22,192 --> 00:16:25,525
Now assuming the left side of a bell curve
peaking around the present...
271
00:16:25,696 --> 00:16:31,601
...that would bring the total
up to 193 men, plus or minus eight men.
272
00:16:33,771 --> 00:16:37,138
Remarkable. Did you have
sexual intercourse with all of these men?
273
00:16:37,308 --> 00:16:38,536
- No.
SHELDON: No.
274
00:16:38,709 --> 00:16:41,644
Although that number
would be fairly easy to calculate.
275
00:16:41,812 --> 00:16:43,973
Based on the number
of awkward encounters I've had...
276
00:16:44,148 --> 00:16:45,979
...with strange men
leaving her apartment...
277
00:16:46,150 --> 00:16:48,550
...plus the number of times
she's returned home...
278
00:16:48,719 --> 00:16:51,051
...wearing same clothes
she wore the night before...
279
00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:54,622
- I think you've made your point.
- So we multiply a 193...
280
00:16:54,792 --> 00:16:57,317
...minus 21 men
before the loss of virginity...
281
00:16:57,528 --> 00:17:04,024
...so 172 times 0.18
gives us 30.96 sexual partners.
282
00:17:05,436 --> 00:17:06,801
Let's round that up to 31.
283
00:17:08,305 --> 00:17:10,603
Okay, Sheldon. You are so wrong.
284
00:17:10,774 --> 00:17:12,765
That is not even close
to the real number.
285
00:17:12,943 --> 00:17:15,241
I'm gonna need a drink over here.
286
00:17:15,913 --> 00:17:18,609
This is very interesting.
Cultural perceptions are subjective.
287
00:17:18,782 --> 00:17:20,943
Penny, to your mind, are you a slut?
288
00:17:22,319 --> 00:17:25,345
No. No.
289
00:17:25,856 --> 00:17:27,653
No.
290
00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:30,650
Let's just all finish our dinners,
okay?
291
00:17:30,828 --> 00:17:32,625
This is an interesting topic.
292
00:17:32,796 --> 00:17:35,162
How many sexual encounters
have you had?
293
00:17:35,332 --> 00:17:38,631
Does volunteering for an experiment
in which orgasm was achieved...
294
00:17:38,802 --> 00:17:42,499
...by electronically stimulating
the pleasure centers of the brain count?
295
00:17:43,474 --> 00:17:45,442
I should think so.
296
00:17:45,609 --> 00:17:47,474
Then 128.
297
00:17:55,285 --> 00:17:58,220
Okay, come on.
298
00:17:58,789 --> 00:18:00,723
Almost there.
299
00:18:06,296 --> 00:18:07,786
Don't tug. No tugging.
300
00:18:07,965 --> 00:18:09,626
Next time take your own advice.
301
00:18:11,001 --> 00:18:13,663
Excuse me. Could you help us out?
302
00:18:13,837 --> 00:18:16,806
My, my, my.
What do we have here?
303
00:18:18,842 --> 00:18:21,811
- I slipped and fell.
- Yeah, we get that a lot.
304
00:18:23,046 --> 00:18:26,812
- What is this?
- It's a robot arm.
305
00:18:27,484 --> 00:18:29,349
Where's the rest of the robot?
306
00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:31,549
I only built the arm.
307
00:18:31,722 --> 00:18:34,122
Because that's all you needed, right?
308
00:18:36,026 --> 00:18:38,153
Can you please just help me?
309
00:18:38,629 --> 00:18:42,326
All right. All right.
Hang on, stay calm.
310
00:18:43,133 --> 00:18:44,862
(ON PA)
I need an orderly with a wheelchair.
311
00:18:45,035 --> 00:18:48,664
I've got a robot hand
grasping a man's penis out here.
312
00:18:50,407 --> 00:18:52,432
You think you could be
a little more discreet?
313
00:18:52,643 --> 00:18:56,079
I'm sorry, we don't have a code
for robot hand grasping a man's penis.
314
00:18:57,381 --> 00:18:59,042
Why is it hooked up to a computer?
315
00:18:59,216 --> 00:19:01,582
- It's what controls the arm.
- But it's frozen.
316
00:19:01,752 --> 00:19:04,414
Did you try turning it off
and back on again?
317
00:19:05,088 --> 00:19:07,249
No, you see,
it's more complicated than that...
318
00:19:07,424 --> 00:19:09,153
No, wait!
319
00:19:15,732 --> 00:19:19,293
Winnie the Pooh
is out of the honey tree.
320
00:19:20,871 --> 00:19:23,305
Now can we have cookies
and Hawaiian Punch?
321
00:19:28,378 --> 00:19:32,109
You were right.
This was a very productive evening.
322
00:19:32,282 --> 00:19:36,241
I saw a whole new side
of Amy Farrah Fowler tonight.
323
00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:39,719
PENNY:
I did not have sex with 31 guys.
324
00:19:40,290 --> 00:19:44,624
SHELDON: I'll be happy to check the math,
but numbers don't lie, Penny.
325
00:19:45,462 --> 00:19:49,660
In any event, now that Amy and I
have spent quality time together...
326
00:19:49,833 --> 00:19:53,769
...I feel much more confident proceeding
to the next stage of our relationship.
327
00:19:53,937 --> 00:19:54,961
And that is?
328
00:19:55,138 --> 00:19:57,936
Using in vitro fertilization
and a surrogate uterus...
329
00:19:58,108 --> 00:20:01,407
...to gift humanity with our progeny.
330
00:20:01,945 --> 00:20:03,606
You're still on that?
331
00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:08,683
In these uncertain times,
doesn't humanity deserve a gift?
332
00:20:09,686 --> 00:20:13,281
Okay, you know what? I'm gonna
come at this in a whole new way.
333
00:20:13,457 --> 00:20:16,517
Sheldon, if you try to make a baby
with Amy in a Petri dish...
334
00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:18,684
...I�m gonna tell your mother on you.
335
00:20:18,862 --> 00:20:20,454
Well, that's no threat.
336
00:20:20,631 --> 00:20:22,531
My mother's
always wanted a grandchild.
337
00:20:22,699 --> 00:20:25,691
Really? Your deeply religious,
born-again Christian mother...
338
00:20:25,869 --> 00:20:29,168
...wants a test-tube grandbaby
born out of wedlock?
339
00:20:32,376 --> 00:20:33,968
Curses.
340
00:20:34,144 --> 00:20:38,604
If I'd thought of that in the first place,
I could've saved myself this whole night.
341
00:20:38,782 --> 00:20:43,014
Well, it's not that late. You could
still go out and look for number 32.
342
00:20:46,890 --> 00:20:49,017
Good night.
343
00:20:49,192 --> 00:20:51,126
Hey, Howard. What's up?
344
00:20:51,295 --> 00:20:54,992
- I've decided not to procreate.
- Yeah, yeah, great.
345
00:20:56,233 --> 00:21:00,192
Howard, uh, slow down.
What do you mean, "It happened again"?
28551
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