All language subtitles for Sanford and Son - 02x03 - The Dowry.DVDRip.Addic7ed.com.srt (English)

Lamont, where you been?
You should have been home an hour ago.

What's the matter with you, Pop?
What are you so excited about?

My cousin Grady from St. Louis,
he's gonna stop off and see us.

Cousin Grady? I got a date tonight, Pop.
I don't wanna see no cousin Grady.

Wait a minute, Lamont.
You'll wanna meet him.

- He's my favorite cousin.
- Close the door. Flies be comin' in.

Okay.

He's my... He's
my favorite cousin. Really.

He's so funny. He's like the life
of the party everywhere he go.

When he passed by the cemetery,
know what he say?

"People just dyin' to get in there. "
Ain't that funny?

- Do you get it?
- I got it.

He's so full of fun.

Wait till you meet him.
You'll love him. Know what else he said?

- What?
- Know what he call his self?

The white sheep of the family.

- You get it? Instead of saying...
- I know. I know.

Pop, cousin Grady sounds like a barrel
of laughs, but I got a date tonight.

Wait a minute, son. Come here. I want
to show you cousin Grady's picture.

It's in the album here.
You might remember him?

You met him when you were little.
Come on. Sit down.

Pop, I told you.
I don't have time...

Sit down. It ain't gonna
take you about a minute.

- Now, look it there.
- Is that cousin Grady?

No, that's your Uncle Toot.

See, Uncle Toot was a chef
on the Titanic...

but he never got a chance
to cook nothin'.

Come on, Pop.

And here's your fourth cousin here.

This is your fourth cousin on your
great, great aunt's side... AuntJennie.

See, AuntJennie
married Uncle Tips.

See, he had a wooden leg.

During the Depression, he had a job
picking up paper in the park.

The way he did it,
he sharpened the tip.

Really. He sharpened the tip
on his wooden leg...

and then he went through
the park like this.

- Would you stop it.
- And he worked there a long time.

He sharpened it so many times
it got so short they had to lay him off.

- Well, I gotta go, Pop.
- Wait a minute, son. Just a moment.

Listen. I just got a few more...

Will you look at that?

That's you when you were a baby.

You're probably the
ugliest baby I ever saw.

Really. I don't know
who was uglier...

you or that old bear rug
you're laying on.

Well, you're my father.
Wasn't I supposed to look like you?

Well, no. A lot of people thought
you favored the bear.

- There's Grady.
- Great. Tell him I said hi, Pop.

Wait a minute, son. Listen.
Aren't you gonna stay and see him?

- I already told you I got a date.
- Listen, Lamont.

Your own flesh and blood is coming
to see you and you ain't gonna be here.

See, Grady's bringin' his new bride
and his stepdaughter to meet us.

I wanna make a good impression
and you ain't gonna be here. Okay, then.

Well, go ahead on your old date.
I don't care.

All right, Pop,
what do you want me to do?

Break your date.
I'd do it for you.

When do you ever have dates?

Are you kiddin'?
I got a date Thursday.

I've been invited to
theJunkmen for Nixon Rally.

And if you don't want me to go,
I won't go.

All right, I'll break my date.

Thank you, son.
And I'll break mine.

Come on. Help me clean up
for the company.

Uh-oh. It's too late for that, Pop.
Looks like your company's arrived.

Doggone it.

- Hello.
- Hi!

Hey, Grady, Grady, Grady.
Good to see you.

Grady, Grady, always shady.

Fred, Fred, old cabbage head.

Give me five so I can stay alive.

I'll let you have two
till Lou gets through.

- Can you still do that dance?
- Yeah.

- And what about...
- Susie Q. Susie Q.

- Grady, good to see you.
- Hey, who is this, Fred?

Don't tell me
this is little Lamont.

My goodness how you've grown.
The last time I saw you...

you was about knee high
to a June bug.

Fred, this is my new bride Margaret.

Margaret, this my favorite cousin Fred
and his son Lamont.

I've heard so many fine things
about you, Mr. Sanford.

- Please call me Fred, Margaret.
- I will.

Let's all sit down
and talk about old times.

Let's do that. BettyJean,
come on. What's keeping you?

- It's good to see you.
- You're lookin' good.

This is my stepdaughter
BettyJean.

BettyJean, I'd like you to meet
Fred Sanford and his son Lamont.

- Hello, everybody.
- Hi, BettyJean.

I'm so hungry.

BettyJean, you can't be hungry.
Didn't you take your diet pill?

Yes, I did,
and it made me hungry.

Oh, BettyJean, put that away.
You're supposed to be dieting.

I am dieting.
This candy is dietetic...

bittersweet chocolate flavor
and low-cal.

And besides,
I've already lost 40 pounds.

BettyJean, you mind
if I ask you a question?

How long have you been dieting?

She belongs to this Weight Watchers club
back home and they meet once a month.

What do they do,
eat for 30 days?

Oh, no. We talk about
what we didn't eat.

I bet that's a short conversation.

Excuse me, BettyJean, but how much did
you weigh before you lost the 40 pounds?

I don't remember.
See, I'm one of those unlucky people.

The least little thing I eat and
I just blow up. I think it's glands.

Well, you better stop messin'
with them glands.

Say, why don't we go into the kitchen
and fix them something to eat, Pop.

- Yeah, let's do that.
- Don't go to any trouble.

Don't worry. We'll just throw something
together. It'll be no trouble at all.

It's good to see him,
ain't it, son?

Hey, Pop, do you believe her?

That's a big girl, ain't it, son?

And she says she lost 40 pounds.

If she'll look behind her,
she'll find 'em.

Say, listen. What are we
gonna fix for her to eat?

What about a whale?

You know what? We oughta lock her up in
the refrigerator and let her go herself.

That Lamont is a handsome
young man, isn't he?

He certainly is. And he'll make
someone a fine husband.

- Wouldn't he, BettyJean?
- I guess so, but I'll bet he can't cook.

- Handsome men don't know how to cook.
- You shouldn't be so choosy.

Cooking isn't everything.

He's good looking, he's intelligent
and he's got a cute moustache.

- Don't you like his moustache?
- It's too bushy.

There don't seem to be enough of
anything in here to satisfy BettyJean.

- What are we gonna do, Pop?
- We better do something quick.

Fat people get violent
when they have nothing to eat.

Hey, I know. Why don't we tell her
we gotta go shopping.

- Hey, let's do that.
- All right.

Say, folks, I'm sorry,
but we couldn't find nothing to fix.

- We didn't go shopping this week.
- I love to go shopping.

- May I go shopping with you?
- That's a good idea.

Lamont, you take
BettyJean shopping.

See, and I'll stay here
and talk with Grady and Margaret.

- What's the matter with you?
- No, go ahead, son. Take her with you.

Then on the way back
you can stop off and get some tacos.

- Oh, tacos. I love Mexican food.
- Go ahead, son.

- But...
- Go ahead.

Will we see any Mexicans?

The route that I'm taking,
that's all we gonna see.

Fred, I hope we're not imposing
on you by staying the night.

Oh, not at all.
Glad to have you.

See, you and Grady can take
the front room...

and Lamont and I,
we'll sleep in the back.

And you can go up now if you'd like
to and sort of freshen up.

Why don't you do that. You go freshen
up and me and Fred will reminisce.

- All right. I'll do that.
- Okay.

- You'll find everything up there.
- Thank you.

Hey, Grady, that's
a good-looking woman you got there.

- Where'd you meet her? She's pretty.
- You think she's pretty?

You should see her sister.
Beautiful.

No kidding?
If she's so pretty...

why is it that
your stepdaughter is...

- Large.
- No...

- Plump.
- No.

- Fat.
- That's the one.

I don't know. But she's
a nice girl, that BettyJean...

and just dyin' to get married.

But it's a funny thing.
She's very particular.

She don't just take just anybody
'cause she's got so much to offer.

Yeah. Maybe that's what the problem is...
she got too much to offer.

I don't mean that. I mean, there's more
to her than meets the eye.

There can't be.

No, I ain't just talkin'
about her physique.

I'm talkin' monetarily.

See, the lucky man
that marries her...

gets a $10,000 dowry.

Ten thousand dollars, Fred.

- You kidding.
- Cash money the day after the wedding.

See, her father left it to her
when he passed.

But he stipulated she don't
get it till she gets married.

Ten thousand dollars.

That's a lot of money.

Yep. A man could do a lot
with $10,000...

especially if he had a little business
he was trying to build up.

Yeah.

A man could get a new truck
with $10,000.

Fix up his home
like brand-new.

- Pay off bills.
- Yeah, and take a trip.

Right. But it's not gonna be easy
to find a husband for her.

She's so shy and all.

- And so misunderstood.
- Right, right.

Say, Grady, what about Lamont?

Lamont?
It never crossed my mind.

He'd be perfect.
You think he'll go for it?

- Sure he'll go for it. Leave it to me.
- Hey, Fred, that's great!

Hey, Grady. See, up to now,
Grady, we just been cousins.

- But now we're gonna be in-laws.
- Fred, Fred, that's using your head.

Grady, Grady, you still shady.

- Hey, good morning, Pop.
- Good morning, son.

- What you all dressed up for?
- I'm taking our guests out sightseeing.

I got your breakfast ready
warming in the oven.

I don't know what it is
but it sure smells good.

Yeah, it's good.

- There you are.
- Oh, wow. Steak and eggs!

No, no, cubed steak and
country scrambled eggs...

with buttermilk biscuits
and pure honey.

This sure is
an elegant breakfast, Pop.

Yeah, I'm sorry I don't have the
champagne that's supposed to go with it.

But would you like some Ripple?

- Some orange juice will be fine, Pop.
- Okay, son.

I'm surprised you got
any food left at all.

I guess the blimp
hasn't been down here yet.

Say, don't call her that.
BettyJean, she's nice.

Maybe she don't make
a good first impression...

but after a while
she grows on you.

Well, I guess it's better to have
her grow on you than fall on you.

No, Grady was telling me
about BettyJean.

She's sweet and she'll make
some man a nice wife.

Uh-huh. Some man who better be
the owner of a supermarket.

- You want anything else, son?
- No, this is fine, Pop.

See, you know...

you might think I'm crazy
for saying this, but...

I wouldn't mind having BettyJean
for a daughter-in-law.

I mean it.

Have you been
in the applejack this morning?

No, listen, son. You're not
getting any younger, you know.

I heard you say you wanna get married
and settle down to one steady woman.

Yeah, one,
not two like BettyJean.

That's just weight
you talkin' about.

See, she's not ugly.
You can get rid of weight...

but you can't get rid of ugly.

You mean me marry BettyJean?

You could learn to love her.

See, love conquers all, even fat.

See, it's like that movie,
The Enchanted Cottage...

with Robert Young
and Dorothy McGuire.

They were both ugly...

but when they were in the enchanted
cottage they weren't ugly at all.

They were beautiful to each other.
And it works the same way with fat.

And so this could be our little
enchanted cottage right here, huh?

Yeah, now you got it.

- Hey, Fred, we're ready to go.
- We're in the kitchen, Grady.

I'm not askin' you to make up your mind
right away, son, but think about it.

You're mad, Pop.
You are stark, raving mad.

- Good morning!
- Good morning.

- We're all ready to go. Good morning.
- How are you?

- BettyJean going with us?
- No.

Too much walking is bad for her.

Her thighs rub against each other
and she gets a rash.

That'll be good. Then BettyJean can
stay here and keep Lamont company.

- What's the matter with you?
- Good morning.

- Hi, Lamont, Mr. Sanford.
- Good morning, BettyJean.

Since you're not goin' with us, stay
here and have breakfast with Lamont.

- Well, it's time to go to work.
- No, son.

Come here and sit down and have
a cup of coffee with BettyJean.

- Sit down!
- Let's get going, Fred.

- Yeah, we'll see you two later.
- You're gonna be all right.

- And remember, no nibbling. Good-bye.
- Okay, Mother.

Well, it's time for me
to be going.

What do you do? I mean,
just drive around all day?

Yeah. I drive around
and look for stuff. See ya later.

That must be interesting to go to
different places, see different people.

- Different houses and things.
- It's terrific. I gotta be going.

- I love to travel. Don't you?
- It's great.

Speaking of traveling,
I gotta be traveling.

That's what I'm gonna do
when I get married... travel.

I mean, really travel,
like Europe.

I guess if you marry a rich dude
you'll be able to do that.

- I'll have money of my own.
- That's great.

The day after I get married
I come into some money... $10,000.

- You don't say.
- Yeah.

See, my real daddy
left it for me...

but he said I had to be married
before I could get my hands on it.

- Ten thousand dollars?
- Ten thousand.

You're gonna have to be careful
'cause there's a lot of evil old men...

that would like to get
their hands on that money.

Oh, don't I know it.

But what you gotta do is stop 'em
before they get a chance to.

- Right.
- Right.

I enjoyed the Roller Derby
much more than the sightseeing tour.

Yeah, I liked that
Roller Derby too.

Yeah, and you know, that
Rocky Kluzewski was something else.

You see him when he bumped
into that guy with a left hook?

Yeah, but all that's
a fake, ain't it?

Yeah. I wonder how he got
that guy's nose to bleed like that.

Yeah, that was fun.

- Hello, son.
- Hey, Pop. Did you all have a nice time?

We had a fine time.
We went down to the Chinese Theatre...

where they got the stars'
footprints in the cement.

Yeah, and my footprint
was the same size as Joan Crawford's.

- And guess who my feet fit?
- Boris Karloff.

No. Rudolph Valentino.

- No kidding?
- I got the feet of the sheik.

- All right.
- What's that wine for?

Well, the son of the sheik
has got a little announcement to make.

- You have? What is it?
- You ready?

BettyJean and I
are gettin' married.

Where's BettyJean, upstairs?
Come on, honey.

Well, son, that's beautiful.

What made you change
your mind about BettyJean?

Well, Pop, I got to thinkin'
about what you said.

And if you want me to get married,
I'll get married.

- I can't believe it.
- Out of respect to you, of course.

To make a father
that I respect happy.

Well, I'm the happiest father
in the world. I'm proud of ya.

Hey, let's drink to
our future happiness, Pop.

Just a little toast here.

- All right, first to the bride.
- To the bride.

All right.

- To the groom.
- To the groom.

All right.

- To the grandparents.
- To the grandparents.

To our happy life
in St. Louis.

To our happy life...

St. Louis? Did I hear
you say St. Louis?

That's right, Pop. BettyJean
and I are gonna move to St. Louis...

and start a little family
of Sanfords.

By the time you come to visit us, Pop,
you'll have ten grandchildren.

But what about me?
What's gonna happen to me?

Well, I... I don't know, Pop.

I guess you'll have to
sell the place...

and move into one
of those old folks homes.

Oh! I feel a bad one comin' on.

What's the matter, Pop?
What's the matter?

I thought this was what you wanted,
for me to marry BettyJean.

- Yeah, but see...
- But what? Now, BettyJean and I...

are gonna live in our own
enchanted cottage in St. Louis.

See, I don't want you
to leave me.

See, I won't make it
through the weddin'.

You hear that, Elizabeth?
I'm comin' to join you, honey...

with a glass of Ripple in my hand.

I don't understand you, Pop.
Here I am doing everything...

that I thought you wanted
and look how you're carrying on.

But I don't want you to leave me.
Are you truly sure you wanna marry her?

Well, not truly.
I was only doin' it for you, Pop.

Then don't do it. Don't do it for me.
Please don't do it for me.

I don't know what I can do about it now.
I've already asked her.

I gotta get upstairs and start packin'
for St. Louis now.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Do you wanna get out of it?

- I wanna do whatever makes you happy.
- Leave everything to me.

You better hurry up
because it might be too late.

- Hey, Grady, you comin' down?
- Here I come, Fred!

Oh, Mr. Sanford.
Or should I call you Pop?

- Ain't this exciting, Fred?
- It's just thrilling.

- You ain't even kissed the bride.
- I will when she cut the weddin' cake.

It's gonna be a big one... a seven-tiered
affairs shaped like a giant pyramid.

That sounds good, Mother.

It's gonna be too bad you won't be able
to eat none of your own weddin' cake.

Why not?

Because my son, he's gonna
help you with your dieting.

He's a Weight Watchers'
weight watcher.

- What does that mean?
- It means he's gonna help you.

Once I tried to lose 22 pounds
and he locked the refrigerator.

He caught me tryin' to get in it
and he chained me to the bed.

I didn't have nothin' to eat
for a week but Ry-Krisp and water.

- Are you serious?
- Of course I'm serious.

He's not gonna chain you. He's just
gonna put you on a strict water diet.

Only seven gallons a day.

See, seven gallons.
And if you don't drink it all...

he's gonna shove a funnel in your mouth
and pour it down your throat.

Mother!

He was tellin' me how he wanted to
get you down to around 98 pounds.

Then people wouldn't know you
from Shirley Chisholm.

Mother, let's get out of here.
This man scares me.

You go wait in the car, honey.

I'm sorry, Mr. Sanford...

but I don't think
it's gonna work out.

Please tell your son that we decided
he is not the man for BettyJean.

Wait a minute.
That's a shame because...

my son bought
a nice gift for her.

He gonna give her
a monogrammed sweatbox.

Come on, Grady.

Well, I'm sorry, Grady.

Fred, Fred, the plan is dead.

Grady, Grady,
you better join your lady.

- See ya later, Fred.
- Yeah, have a good trip.

- Say hello to all the folks for me.
- Okay.

Here comes the bride

- Hey, Pop, where's the bridal party?
- I told you I'd take care of it.

- The wedding's off. They're gone.
- Really?

- You won't have to go to St. Louis now.
- That's great.

Son, I guess you
stuck here with me...

in our own little
enchanted cottage.

Hey, Pop, you're beautiful.
Come here.

Well, I'll see you later, Pop.
Don't wait up for me.

What do you mean don't wait up?
Ain't you gonna stay home for supper?

Pop, I got a date tonight.
I'm already late now.

You can't do that. I made some
arrangement. I got a surprise for you.

Is another relative comin'?
How much does this one weigh?

No, wait a minute, son.
It's Bubba's niece, Alberta.

I met her. She's nice.

And I felt so bad about Grady
and his stepdaughter...

so I invited her to come over
and have dinner with us.

Listen, Pop. Give the lady
my apologies and tell her...

that a previous dinner engagement
makes it impossible for me to stay.

Wait a minute, son.

That's her now. Wait a minute.
This is embarrassing.

Look. I'm getting sick and tired of you
trying to set me up with dates.

There's no way I'm gonna stay here
and meet this chick. You got that?

- But, son...
- No, no, I'm leaving.

Hello, Mr. Sanford.

Hello, Alberta.
This is my son Lamont.

- Come right in, darling.
- Gee, I hope I'm not late.

You're just in time.

Listen. See, Lamont here has
a previous engagement...

so he won't be able
to stay with us...

because the date makes it
impossible for him to stay here.

So I hope you don't mind
having dinner with me alone.

- Oh, no, that'll be just fine.
- Oh, swell.

Well, Lamont,
I know you got to go, son...

'cause this previous engagement
that you have...

is makin' it impossible
for you to stay with us.

So, I'm sorry 'cause we
got a good dinner planned.

Sit right down, darling,
and I'll go check on the meatballs.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape
before a live studio audience.