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1
00:00:01,744 --> 00:00:04,278
So, I'm on
the Internets now?
2
00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:05,279
Yep.
3
00:00:05,331 --> 00:00:07,081
So, this is your
Internet browser.
4
00:00:07,116 --> 00:00:08,115
What?
5
00:00:08,168 --> 00:00:09,534
It's called googling.
6
00:00:09,586 --> 00:00:11,586
- Googles?
- Google.
7
00:00:11,621 --> 00:00:12,587
How about this?
8
00:00:12,622 --> 00:00:17,175
How about I look up
"Paul... Anka?"
9
00:00:17,210 --> 00:00:19,961
- My favorite, Paul Anka.
- See, there ya go.
10
00:00:20,013 --> 00:00:21,596
Yeah, there it is.
11
00:00:21,631 --> 00:00:22,630
(Chuckles)
Yeah.
12
00:00:22,632 --> 00:00:23,764
Oh, he's Canadian,
like you.
13
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,383
Yep.
Yeah.
14
00:00:25,435 --> 00:00:28,135
Oh, I love him, Paul Anka.
How do you like that?
15
00:00:28,188 --> 00:00:30,221
See, I'm learning
new things.
16
00:00:30,273 --> 00:00:35,810
How about "Jimmy Carter
sunbathing?"
17
00:00:35,812 --> 00:00:37,478
Oh, yeah,there he is.
18
00:00:37,530 --> 00:00:39,230
Oh, you know whatI'd like to look up?
19
00:00:39,282 --> 00:00:42,650
"Russian street party."
20
00:00:42,652 --> 00:00:43,818
Women get naked.
21
00:00:43,870 --> 00:00:45,286
The men bash themover the head
22
00:00:45,321 --> 00:00:48,573
and carry them back
to the Russian caves.
23
00:00:48,625 --> 00:00:52,326
(Belches)
No, nothing came up.
24
00:00:52,378 --> 00:00:55,296
All right,
what's this now?
25
00:00:55,331 --> 00:00:56,547
(Ricky)Oh, that's a pop up ad.
26
00:00:56,583 --> 00:00:58,216
You actually-- you don't
wanna click that.
27
00:00:58,251 --> 00:00:59,834
- (Woman moaning) - Oh, God.
- Uh, see?
28
00:00:59,836 --> 00:01:01,335
- What's going on here?
- Yeah, see?
29
00:01:01,387 --> 00:01:03,254
Uh, it-it-it's
just like a--
30
00:01:03,306 --> 00:01:05,506
- Oh, another one.
- Yeah, it's actually-- it's pornography.
31
00:01:05,508 --> 00:01:07,892
- You don't wanna--
- What is that man doing?
32
00:01:07,927 --> 00:01:10,811
He's mooshing his--
Oh, no, no, what is this?
33
00:01:10,847 --> 00:01:13,347
When you click it,more-more pages open.
34
00:01:13,399 --> 00:01:14,815
- (Gasps)
- Oh, oh, God.
35
00:01:14,851 --> 00:01:16,734
- Oh!
- That one is--
36
00:01:16,769 --> 00:01:19,687
- What is that? - I didn't know
things could stretch in that way.
37
00:01:19,689 --> 00:01:21,856
My uncle Mortyhad one of these.
38
00:01:21,858 --> 00:01:24,442
Yeah, see, you actually
wanna click X on that.
39
00:01:24,494 --> 00:01:26,277
- Piss drinking.
- Uh...
40
00:01:26,329 --> 00:01:29,080
A lotta piss stuff.
A lotta stuff with piss.
41
00:01:29,115 --> 00:01:31,866
And something like that,
that's called pony play.
42
00:01:31,868 --> 00:01:33,334
(Woman moaning)
43
00:01:33,369 --> 00:01:35,119
What kinda
thing is this?
44
00:01:35,171 --> 00:01:38,205
- How do we get back to Paul Anka?
- Um, um, this is a--
45
00:01:38,258 --> 00:01:40,424
- I just wanna see Paul Anka.
- Okay.
46
00:01:40,460 --> 00:01:41,876
- No, no, no, no.
- So, you never wanna--
47
00:01:41,878 --> 00:01:44,045
No, no, no, no, no.
Listen.
48
00:01:44,047 --> 00:01:45,880
You know, Harold and I,
49
00:01:45,932 --> 00:01:47,348
we never did
anything like that.
50
00:01:47,383 --> 00:01:49,684
Is that what men
expect nowadays?
51
00:01:49,719 --> 00:01:50,801
I don't know if it's
what they expect,
52
00:01:50,853 --> 00:01:53,187
but, I mean, it's-it's--
that's one representation
53
00:01:53,222 --> 00:01:55,022
of what people are
doing out there.
54
00:01:55,058 --> 00:01:56,724
Well, I'll tellyou what...
55
00:01:56,776 --> 00:02:00,611
(Chuckles)
I'm ready to learn.
56
00:02:00,647 --> 00:02:02,146
♪ la la la la la ♪
57
00:02:02,198 --> 00:02:04,982
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
58
00:02:05,034 --> 00:02:07,234
♪ la la ♪
59
00:02:07,287 --> 00:02:08,819
♪ la la la la la ♪
60
00:02:08,871 --> 00:02:10,538
♪ la la la la la ♪
61
00:02:10,573 --> 00:02:12,540
♪ la la la la la ♪
62
00:02:12,575 --> 00:02:13,991
♪ la la ♪
63
00:02:14,043 --> 00:02:21,248
♪
64
00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:23,384
♪ la la la la la ♪
65
00:02:23,419 --> 00:02:24,418
♪ la la la la la ♪
66
00:02:24,470 --> 00:02:25,636
♪ la la la la la ♪
67
00:02:25,672 --> 00:02:28,172
♪ la la ♪
68
00:02:30,376 --> 00:02:32,626
(Gigi)The worldwide web.
69
00:02:32,678 --> 00:02:36,881
It's like one giant public
pool of pornography.
70
00:02:36,933 --> 00:02:38,132
It has everything
you've ever dreamed of
71
00:02:38,184 --> 00:02:41,268
just right at the
click of a button.
72
00:02:41,304 --> 00:02:44,855
You interested in, uh,
midget moose riding?
73
00:02:44,891 --> 00:02:46,640
Oh, sure.
74
00:02:46,642 --> 00:02:49,894
You wanna watch fat people
sitting in wet cement?
75
00:02:49,946 --> 00:02:52,446
You bet.
76
00:02:52,481 --> 00:02:54,982
Well, if I plan on getting
back into the dating scene,
77
00:02:54,984 --> 00:02:58,118
I have to brush up on
the world of modern sex.
78
00:02:58,154 --> 00:03:02,656
I goggled and found the name
of a reputable sex therapist
79
00:03:02,708 --> 00:03:06,377
to help me on my quest
of sexually satisfying
80
00:03:06,412 --> 00:03:10,581
large clusters of men
in the Boca Raton area.
81
00:03:10,633 --> 00:03:14,885
I would very much like them
to run a train on me.
82
00:03:14,921 --> 00:03:16,003
And maybe afterwards,
83
00:03:16,055 --> 00:03:19,640
we can go out for
some bukaki.
84
00:03:19,675 --> 00:03:21,141
Well, here we are.
85
00:03:21,177 --> 00:03:23,310
(Whispering)
There is a sexual energy in here.
86
00:03:23,346 --> 00:03:24,728
- There's an energy, right?
- Yeah.
87
00:03:24,764 --> 00:03:26,146
- It's not just me.
- No, it's very palpable.
88
00:03:26,182 --> 00:03:28,065
There's an energy.I feel it.
89
00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:29,233
Oh!
90
00:03:29,268 --> 00:03:31,852
I'm never gonna get
up from this couch.
91
00:03:31,904 --> 00:03:34,355
I've never been rammed.
92
00:03:34,407 --> 00:03:37,157
I would like to
try getting rammed.
93
00:03:37,193 --> 00:03:39,743
Harold was very slow,
and I would say to him,
94
00:03:39,779 --> 00:03:43,197
"Don't stir my coffee.
Whip my butter.
95
00:03:43,199 --> 00:03:44,498
Whip my butter.
96
00:03:44,533 --> 00:03:46,116
I'd rather have
my butter whipped
97
00:03:46,168 --> 00:03:48,202
than my coffee stirred."
98
00:03:48,204 --> 00:03:50,037
I did everythingI could,
99
00:03:50,039 --> 00:03:52,206
and he would rather talkabout what's happening
100
00:03:52,208 --> 00:03:53,624
in the Middle East.
101
00:03:53,676 --> 00:03:55,175
He was so concerned
with Israel.
102
00:03:55,211 --> 00:04:00,130
Meanwhile, I'm trying
to-to fuck him.
103
00:04:00,182 --> 00:04:02,716
- So sorry to keep you waiting.
(Gigi) - Oh, hello, hello.
104
00:04:02,718 --> 00:04:04,385
- Hi... Ricky.
- Hi.
105
00:04:04,437 --> 00:04:06,387
Ava Cadell,
your sex therapist.
106
00:04:06,389 --> 00:04:08,555
Yeah, not mine.
Uh, her-her-- um, yeah.
107
00:04:08,608 --> 00:04:09,640
- Hello.
- Let's get you up.
108
00:04:09,692 --> 00:04:10,808
(Ava)A-are you okay?
109
00:04:10,860 --> 00:04:11,809
Yeah, I'm havin'
a little trouble.
110
00:04:11,861 --> 00:04:13,861
Very deep couch
and very low.
111
00:04:13,896 --> 00:04:17,314
A lot of older men are
only interested in sex,
112
00:04:17,366 --> 00:04:20,567
and I wanna be able to provide
them with what they want.
113
00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:24,204
But if-if they want some
kind of situation where,
114
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,407
you know, they pull their
foreskin over my head
115
00:04:26,409 --> 00:04:29,710
or something crazy like that,
I'm not used to that.
116
00:04:29,745 --> 00:04:30,995
You know, I'm not wild.
117
00:04:31,047 --> 00:04:32,830
I'm very conservative
in bed.
118
00:04:32,882 --> 00:04:36,750
My husband, he never
let me come to an orgasm.
119
00:04:36,802 --> 00:04:37,918
Well, first of all,
120
00:04:37,970 --> 00:04:39,920
you have to take responsibility
for your own orgasm.
121
00:04:39,922 --> 00:04:42,840
You can't blame your
husband for any of that.
122
00:04:42,892 --> 00:04:45,392
Well, excuse me,
but I-I've tried.
123
00:04:45,428 --> 00:04:48,178
He was so soft in bed
and so quick.
124
00:04:48,230 --> 00:04:51,148
Well, let's get you on
the journey to great sex.
125
00:04:51,183 --> 00:04:53,600
- Okay, I'm ready to go on that train.
- All right.
126
00:04:53,602 --> 00:04:56,070
S-so, most men,
no matter what age they are,
127
00:04:56,105 --> 00:04:59,990
they do like a woman
who can talk erotically,
128
00:05:00,026 --> 00:05:02,776
and who enjoys
oral delights,
129
00:05:02,778 --> 00:05:04,445
- and, uh--
- I love oral delight.
130
00:05:04,497 --> 00:05:07,031
- Do you really? Good, good.
- I love ice cream.
131
00:05:07,083 --> 00:05:08,532
And I love a lozenge.
132
00:05:08,584 --> 00:05:09,917
A BLT.
133
00:05:09,952 --> 00:05:12,786
Oh, a BLT for me.
A nice, juicy, fresh BLT.
134
00:05:12,788 --> 00:05:14,038
(Ava)No, no, no, no.
135
00:05:14,090 --> 00:05:15,122
What-what about, uh,
136
00:05:15,124 --> 00:05:19,710
deep-throating
and tea bagging?
137
00:05:22,348 --> 00:05:23,931
(Whispering)
What is tea bagging?
138
00:05:23,966 --> 00:05:27,017
- What is tea bagging?
- Let me show you.
139
00:05:27,053 --> 00:05:28,102
Oh!
140
00:05:28,137 --> 00:05:29,219
This is Richard.
141
00:05:29,271 --> 00:05:30,354
There it is.
142
00:05:30,389 --> 00:05:32,056
So, let me show you
tea bagging.
143
00:05:32,108 --> 00:05:35,059
- A penis.
- It's when you suck on the testes.
144
00:05:35,111 --> 00:05:39,146
- Testes?
- When the man is straddling your face.
145
00:05:39,198 --> 00:05:41,482
- Straddling my face?
- Yes, yes.
146
00:05:41,484 --> 00:05:45,903
And a lot of men say that
this part gets neglected.
147
00:05:45,955 --> 00:05:48,489
- I've never sucked a ball.
- There you go.
148
00:05:48,491 --> 00:05:52,159
And if you can suck two,
even more impressive.
149
00:05:52,211 --> 00:05:53,327
But I wanna
share with you
150
00:05:53,379 --> 00:05:57,164
the ultimate erotic
oral delight.
151
00:05:57,216 --> 00:05:58,999
It's called"The Four S's."
152
00:05:59,051 --> 00:06:01,552
Can you guess what the
first 'S' stands for?
153
00:06:01,587 --> 00:06:04,338
So, how's it going?
154
00:06:04,390 --> 00:06:05,889
I would make conversation.
155
00:06:05,925 --> 00:06:08,892
Conversation is good.
Erotic conversation is good.
156
00:06:08,928 --> 00:06:11,979
The first oneis actually "Slap."
157
00:06:12,014 --> 00:06:15,182
You would use it
to slap your face.
158
00:06:15,234 --> 00:06:16,433
- I'm sorry?
- You would say,
159
00:06:16,485 --> 00:06:20,320
"I want to feel it on my face,
or my breasts."
160
00:06:20,356 --> 00:06:21,522
Here, try it.
161
00:06:21,574 --> 00:06:23,690
So, I use it to
slap his face?
162
00:06:23,743 --> 00:06:25,909
No, slap your face.Gigi, no, no, no.
163
00:06:25,945 --> 00:06:27,111
Oh, oh, oh.
164
00:06:27,163 --> 00:06:28,862
You use his penis
to slap your face.
165
00:06:28,914 --> 00:06:31,448
- To slap my face?
- Yes, it's a-it's a visual.
166
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,167
- It's a--
- Ooh, it's heavy.
167
00:06:33,202 --> 00:06:34,752
- Men are very visual.
- Okay.
168
00:06:34,787 --> 00:06:35,702
Yes, well,
you can slap me.
169
00:06:35,704 --> 00:06:37,371
- Okay.
- Go ahead. Keep slappin'.
170
00:06:37,373 --> 00:06:38,622
When-- tell me
when you're done.
171
00:06:38,674 --> 00:06:39,790
Okay.
Number two.
172
00:06:39,842 --> 00:06:41,458
What do you think
the second 'S' is?
173
00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:42,793
(Ricky)"Stop."
174
00:06:42,845 --> 00:06:45,546
No.
"Spit."
175
00:06:45,598 --> 00:06:47,264
You use it as
a lubricant.
176
00:06:47,299 --> 00:06:49,099
You don't have-- you don't
have to do it now.
177
00:06:49,135 --> 00:06:51,602
But, so, you've slapped.You've spat.
178
00:06:51,637 --> 00:06:53,187
What do you think
is the next 'S'?
179
00:06:53,222 --> 00:06:54,688
Suppository.
180
00:06:54,723 --> 00:06:56,273
(Ricky) - Suck.
- Suck.
181
00:06:56,308 --> 00:06:58,108
(Ricky) - Suck.
- He knows. He's a man.
182
00:06:58,144 --> 00:06:59,643
- Oh, suck, yeah.
- He knows what he wants.
183
00:06:59,695 --> 00:07:02,529
You suck.
Just don't use your teeth.
184
00:07:02,565 --> 00:07:05,566
Oh, but Harold would ask me
to use, uh, my teeth.
185
00:07:05,568 --> 00:07:07,451
Okay, if the man wants teeth,then-then do it.
186
00:07:07,486 --> 00:07:09,403
But most men
don't want teeth.
187
00:07:09,405 --> 00:07:12,406
And then, what do you
think the fourth 'S' is?
188
00:07:12,458 --> 00:07:14,708
- See ya later.
- Sorry.
189
00:07:14,743 --> 00:07:16,960
- I'm sorry.
- No, come on.
190
00:07:16,996 --> 00:07:19,046
It's something
really exciting.
191
00:07:19,081 --> 00:07:22,049
Steven Seagal.
192
00:07:23,052 --> 00:07:24,585
Strangle me.
Strangle?
193
00:07:24,637 --> 00:07:27,004
- Swallow.
- You got it.
194
00:07:27,056 --> 00:07:28,755
- Swallow.
- Swallow, yeah.
195
00:07:28,808 --> 00:07:30,424
It tastes like
scallions.
196
00:07:30,426 --> 00:07:31,925
(Ava)Well, it shouldn't.
197
00:07:31,977 --> 00:07:34,478
But you can
pretend to swallow.
198
00:07:34,513 --> 00:07:37,264
And then, let him know totap you on the shoulder
199
00:07:37,316 --> 00:07:40,267
- before he climaxes.
- Come on, climax.
200
00:07:40,269 --> 00:07:43,654
- Give me a tap.
- And then just let it drip into your hand.
201
00:07:43,689 --> 00:07:44,771
He'll never knowthe difference.
202
00:07:44,824 --> 00:07:46,156
Okay, or maybe shoot it
over my shoulder.
203
00:07:46,192 --> 00:07:49,326
See how much power you
have over his sexuality?
204
00:07:49,361 --> 00:07:51,328
You're holding his pride
and joy in your mouth.
205
00:07:51,363 --> 00:07:53,447
Yeah, sure am.
206
00:07:55,450 --> 00:07:57,533
(Gigi) You mustn't
fear your own body.
207
00:07:57,585 --> 00:07:59,535
You must explore it,
208
00:07:59,587 --> 00:08:05,458
like the great James Cameron
explores the cavernous oceans.
209
00:08:05,510 --> 00:08:08,628
All right,
just-just look at it
210
00:08:08,630 --> 00:08:12,515
and see what you
got down there.
211
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,136
(Indistinct)
212
00:08:17,138 --> 00:08:19,805
(Exhales)
Okay, there you are.
213
00:08:19,807 --> 00:08:23,392
The damn thing lookslike the Eye of Mordor.
214
00:08:23,444 --> 00:08:26,646
Looks like a blooming onion
from Outback Steakhouse.
215
00:08:26,698 --> 00:08:28,564
Let me see whatyou look like magnified.
216
00:08:28,616 --> 00:08:29,815
Yow!
217
00:08:29,817 --> 00:08:31,367
That was a bad idea.
218
00:08:31,402 --> 00:08:33,569
What is that?There's some kinda fuzz.
219
00:08:33,621 --> 00:08:34,820
Hmm?
220
00:08:34,822 --> 00:08:36,872
You miss Harold?
I miss Harold, too.
221
00:08:36,908 --> 00:08:39,125
How he loved you.
Mm-hmm.
222
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:42,662
He would talk about
you a lot, often.
223
00:08:42,714 --> 00:08:43,913
Mm-hmm.
224
00:08:43,965 --> 00:08:45,881
Well, you look happy.
225
00:08:45,917 --> 00:08:49,051
I'll catch up with you
in another 25 years.
226
00:08:49,087 --> 00:08:51,003
Bye-bye.
227
00:08:53,121 --> 00:08:54,287
So, Gigi,
let me ask you.
228
00:08:54,289 --> 00:08:58,458
What part of your body do
you think is the sexiest?
229
00:08:58,510 --> 00:09:01,377
Oh, without a doubt,
it's my vagina.
230
00:09:01,430 --> 00:09:03,713
- Excellent. So, you--
- There's never any doubt about that.
231
00:09:03,765 --> 00:09:06,266
I love that.
232
00:09:06,301 --> 00:09:07,634
Okay, Gigi,put your head here,
233
00:09:07,686 --> 00:09:09,436
and then lie down
into missionary.
234
00:09:09,471 --> 00:09:13,056
- Oh, okay, here I come. - Yes, this is
gonna be an advanced missionary
235
00:09:13,108 --> 00:09:15,558
so that we canreach your G-spot.
236
00:09:15,610 --> 00:09:17,644
Come and help, Ricky.
237
00:09:17,696 --> 00:09:20,780
Okay, so, now when you'remaking love to each other...
238
00:09:20,816 --> 00:09:22,982
We don't
have to touch.
239
00:09:22,984 --> 00:09:24,818
Well, it's nice to
touch each other.
240
00:09:24,870 --> 00:09:26,119
(Gigi)Yeah, let me touch you.
241
00:09:26,154 --> 00:09:27,570
I don't-- I'm not
comfortable with that.
242
00:09:27,622 --> 00:09:30,990
Okay, so, the benefits of
this is G-spot orgasm,
243
00:09:30,992 --> 00:09:32,542
clitoral orgasm.
244
00:09:32,577 --> 00:09:34,577
How would you do that?
245
00:09:34,629 --> 00:09:36,713
Uh, well,
I-I would thrust.
246
00:09:36,748 --> 00:09:38,465
(Gigi) I just wantone clitoral orgasm.
247
00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:40,583
Gigi, take responsibility
for your orgasm
248
00:09:40,635 --> 00:09:42,669
and touch your own clitoris
while he's thrusting.
249
00:09:42,704 --> 00:09:45,555
- Yeah, I'm touching my clitoris.
- There you go.
250
00:09:45,590 --> 00:09:48,808
- Excellent.
- Yeeeaaah, baby!
251
00:09:48,844 --> 00:09:50,510
(Ava) This is a great
position for people
252
00:09:50,512 --> 00:09:52,562
who have slightweight issues.
253
00:09:52,597 --> 00:09:53,730
Pick up the rhythm.
254
00:09:53,765 --> 00:09:57,350
The faster you go,
the faster the breath flows.
255
00:09:57,402 --> 00:10:02,071
And this is also conducive
for anal penetration as well.
256
00:10:05,527 --> 00:10:08,945
Gigi, this is the femaleempowerment position.
257
00:10:08,997 --> 00:10:10,997
You are in control
of the angle,
258
00:10:11,032 --> 00:10:12,832
the depth, the motion.
259
00:10:12,868 --> 00:10:16,169
Grind your pelvis
into him.
260
00:10:16,204 --> 00:10:17,420
I don't like this.
261
00:10:17,455 --> 00:10:19,923
(Ava) Excellent. Excellent.
262
00:10:19,958 --> 00:10:22,258
So, Ricky, this isrear entry position.
263
00:10:22,294 --> 00:10:27,130
It's man's favorite position
because it's so animalistic.
264
00:10:27,182 --> 00:10:33,019
Hold on to her buttocks andstart slowly penetrating.
265
00:10:33,054 --> 00:10:35,555
- Very good. Very good.
- Ooh, ahh.
266
00:10:35,607 --> 00:10:38,558
Ooh, wait a second.
You hit my cervix.
267
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,777
I-- or somethin'.
I have a cramp.
268
00:10:40,812 --> 00:10:43,062
- Well, it's your knee.
- I have a bad cramp here.
269
00:10:43,064 --> 00:10:44,531
I think maybe if
you're gonna get into
270
00:10:44,566 --> 00:10:47,233
some of these more
athletic positions,
271
00:10:47,285 --> 00:10:49,285
you need to go to a gym,
or a yoga class,
272
00:10:49,321 --> 00:10:51,404
or strengthen your body.
273
00:10:51,406 --> 00:10:53,456
(Panting)
274
00:10:53,491 --> 00:10:55,491
Well, that womansure opened my eyes
275
00:10:55,544 --> 00:10:59,546
to the filthy world
of adult sex.
276
00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:00,914
I mean, I couldn't-- I couldn't
believe this woman.
277
00:11:00,966 --> 00:11:02,549
She-- you know, she used
the word "Vagina"
278
00:11:02,584 --> 00:11:05,001
like it was a
common greeting.
279
00:11:05,053 --> 00:11:07,170
I mean, can you imagine her
at a dinner party?
280
00:11:07,222 --> 00:11:09,722
Uh-uh,
"It's vagina to meet you.
281
00:11:09,758 --> 00:11:11,758
Could ya penis
me the salt?"
282
00:11:11,810 --> 00:11:13,560
(Laughs)
283
00:11:13,595 --> 00:11:15,228
Well, as it turns out,
284
00:11:15,263 --> 00:11:16,980
I'm not just out of touch
with the world of sex.
285
00:11:17,015 --> 00:11:18,598
I am severely
out of shape.
286
00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:20,733
I couldn't
bend for shit.
287
00:11:20,769 --> 00:11:23,770
I need to be like one of
those Cirque Du Soleil women
288
00:11:23,822 --> 00:11:27,907
who can bend enough to
smell their lower backs.
289
00:11:27,943 --> 00:11:29,859
So, I'm going to a
gymnastics facility
290
00:11:29,911 --> 00:11:32,779
to help me learn how
to make my body bend
291
00:11:32,831 --> 00:11:36,916
every which way
from Tuesday.
292
00:11:36,952 --> 00:11:39,752
I'm preparing to havesexual relations.
293
00:11:39,788 --> 00:11:41,037
Oh, okay.
294
00:11:41,089 --> 00:11:42,672
It's a-it's a-it's
a big thing for me
295
00:11:42,707 --> 00:11:46,042
because I'm dry as
a bone down there.
296
00:11:46,094 --> 00:11:47,510
- Oh!
- Yeah.
297
00:11:47,545 --> 00:11:49,128
I haven't had sex,
298
00:11:49,180 --> 00:11:52,932
I mean normal sex,
in I don't know how long.
299
00:11:52,968 --> 00:11:56,052
And I'm looking to
have new relations
300
00:11:56,104 --> 00:11:58,388
with some younger men.
301
00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,856
You know
what I mean?
302
00:11:59,891 --> 00:12:01,307
Not me.
303
00:12:01,359 --> 00:12:02,642
Yeah, no, not him.
304
00:12:02,644 --> 00:12:03,810
I don't want nothin'
to do with him.
305
00:12:03,812 --> 00:12:05,278
- He's too white.
- Okay.
306
00:12:05,313 --> 00:12:06,779
Yeah, I don't like
white like that.
307
00:12:06,815 --> 00:12:08,815
- Oh, okay.
- I like a darker white.
308
00:12:08,817 --> 00:12:10,283
Here's the problem.
309
00:12:10,318 --> 00:12:12,535
There's all kinds of positions,
all kinds of--
310
00:12:12,570 --> 00:12:13,820
But this one's
pulling the hair.
311
00:12:13,872 --> 00:12:15,538
The other one's
got me by the ear.
312
00:12:15,573 --> 00:12:17,540
He's got a fist
right up me.
313
00:12:17,575 --> 00:12:19,876
And I-I don't know how
to do any of that stuff.
314
00:12:19,911 --> 00:12:21,744
I'm not familiar,
and I'm not flexible.
315
00:12:21,796 --> 00:12:23,997
The other day, we went
to a sex therapist.
316
00:12:24,049 --> 00:12:25,465
I pulled a muscle.
317
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:28,418
It was near to my vagina,
but not quite in the vagina.
318
00:12:28,470 --> 00:12:30,303
- You understand?
- Oh, yeah.
319
00:12:30,338 --> 00:12:32,171
- Yeah.
- I suppose.
320
00:12:32,223 --> 00:12:33,339
And it hurt terrible.
321
00:12:33,391 --> 00:12:34,557
Do you guys wanna try
some stretches here?
322
00:12:34,592 --> 00:12:35,842
Yes, that's what
we're here for.
323
00:12:35,894 --> 00:12:37,510
- Okay, great, great.
- Yeah, I think that'd be--
324
00:12:37,562 --> 00:12:39,178
- Limber her up before we do anything else.
- Let's start.
325
00:12:39,230 --> 00:12:41,147
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Yeah, limber, limber.
326
00:12:41,182 --> 00:12:43,049
- Put your bottom on the-the green.
- Okay.
327
00:12:43,084 --> 00:12:44,350
- Yeah.
- Oh, all right.
328
00:12:44,352 --> 00:12:45,985
- So, I have to turn somehow?
- You're gonna sit down, yeah.
329
00:12:46,021 --> 00:12:48,354
- Yeah, turn-turn this way.
- All right, this is not easy for me.
330
00:12:48,406 --> 00:12:51,024
- Just put your--
- Okay, I'm just gonna go dead legged.
331
00:12:51,076 --> 00:12:52,358
Dead legged on three.
332
00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:53,526
- Are you sure that's safe?
- One-- Uh-huh.
333
00:12:53,528 --> 00:12:55,745
- Two, and--
- Okay.
334
00:12:55,780 --> 00:12:57,080
Wait.
Oh, my-oh, my gosh!
335
00:12:57,115 --> 00:12:58,865
- I'm okay.
- Oh, my gosh.
336
00:12:58,917 --> 00:13:00,083
- Are you okay? Are you all right?
- I'm all right.
337
00:13:00,118 --> 00:13:02,085
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, no.
338
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:03,086
Don't worry.
No, yeah.
339
00:13:03,121 --> 00:13:04,120
- Are you sure?
- No, yeah.
340
00:13:04,172 --> 00:13:05,755
- Okay, okay.
- I'll be fine. Don't worry.
341
00:13:05,790 --> 00:13:07,790
- Okay.
- No, no, yeah.
342
00:13:07,842 --> 00:13:09,459
- You're not okay, or you are okay?
- No, yeah, yeah.
343
00:13:09,511 --> 00:13:10,760
Yeah, no.
344
00:13:10,795 --> 00:13:12,512
Why don't we start with
stretching this leg?
345
00:13:12,547 --> 00:13:13,963
We're gonna lift it
straight up.
346
00:13:14,015 --> 00:13:16,683
- That's my good leg.
- Okay-okay, are you ready?
347
00:13:16,718 --> 00:13:18,634
- Okay.
- Okay, I'm gonna-I'm gonna--
348
00:13:18,687 --> 00:13:20,186
That's it.
349
00:13:20,221 --> 00:13:22,772
It doesn't gofarther than that.
350
00:13:22,807 --> 00:13:24,724
If you move me
one centimeter,
351
00:13:24,776 --> 00:13:26,776
I'm gonna be in
a lot of pain.
352
00:13:26,811 --> 00:13:29,395
- That I can promise you.
- Uh, what-what if I do it very slowly?
353
00:13:29,397 --> 00:13:30,563
- Like a little like--
- You-- Ahh!
354
00:13:30,565 --> 00:13:31,614
- Okay.
- See?
355
00:13:31,649 --> 00:13:33,449
- Um, oh, okay.
- What did I tell you?
356
00:13:33,485 --> 00:13:35,068
Maybe we'll-we'llcome back to that.
357
00:13:35,070 --> 00:13:36,786
Let me-let me just
get Ricky goin' here.
358
00:13:36,821 --> 00:13:38,788
Ricky, oh, great.
359
00:13:38,823 --> 00:13:41,207
- Yeah, this is great.
- Oh, very flexible.
360
00:13:41,242 --> 00:13:43,743
(Ricky) I had to go to mysister's lamaze classes.
361
00:13:43,795 --> 00:13:47,130
This is what it felt like.
Like I can feel myself dilate.
362
00:13:47,165 --> 00:13:48,715
(Inhales, exhales)
363
00:13:48,750 --> 00:13:50,967
- That's ten millimeters.
- Good, okay.
364
00:13:51,002 --> 00:13:52,585
- Yeah.
- Great, all right.
365
00:13:52,587 --> 00:13:53,970
Now, let's have you, um--
366
00:13:54,005 --> 00:13:55,254
(Gigi) Try another
leg, why don't you?
367
00:13:55,306 --> 00:13:56,389
Okay, let's just
see this one.
368
00:13:56,424 --> 00:13:57,423
This one we're
just gonna try.
369
00:13:57,425 --> 00:13:58,725
I'll do it very
softly, okay?
370
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:02,428
- Okay.
- Okay.
371
00:14:02,430 --> 00:14:04,097
- Yeah, this is a dead leg.
- Um--
372
00:14:04,099 --> 00:14:05,264
(Chuckles)
373
00:14:05,266 --> 00:14:06,766
I'm not flexible enough.
374
00:14:06,768 --> 00:14:08,351
You wanna try and get-getsome movement goin'?
375
00:14:08,403 --> 00:14:10,937
- Yeah, let me-let melearn how to bounce. - Okay.
376
00:14:10,939 --> 00:14:11,904
- All right, let's get you up there.
- All right, let's get you up.
377
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:13,106
(Gigi) - Let's do that.
- Ready?
378
00:14:13,108 --> 00:14:13,990
- Ready?
- Yes.
379
00:14:14,025 --> 00:14:15,525
- On the count of three.
- One, two, three.
380
00:14:15,577 --> 00:14:17,216
(Grunting)
381
00:14:18,863 --> 00:14:21,030
I need a little chalk
to put under my boobs
382
00:14:21,082 --> 00:14:23,082
because I'm--
I think I'm chafing.
383
00:14:23,118 --> 00:14:26,119
Do they make chalk specifically
for under the boob?
384
00:14:26,121 --> 00:14:27,370
(Coach)They don't.
385
00:14:27,422 --> 00:14:28,921
Ooh, yeah.
See?
386
00:14:28,957 --> 00:14:31,791
I haven't had this much
motion in a while.
387
00:14:31,843 --> 00:14:33,960
I feel powerful.
388
00:14:33,962 --> 00:14:35,795
Whee!
Ha-ha!
389
00:14:35,797 --> 00:14:36,879
Ho-ho!
390
00:14:36,931 --> 00:14:38,514
- Ooh!
- Oh-oh!
391
00:14:38,550 --> 00:14:42,185
(Grunts)
392
00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:44,303
Come up and see me
sometime.
393
00:14:44,355 --> 00:14:45,521
(Ricky) Are you gonna
actually hang,
394
00:14:45,557 --> 00:14:47,023
- or are you gonna--
- I am hanging.
395
00:14:47,058 --> 00:14:48,724
(Ricky) Yeah, but without
the block under you?
396
00:14:48,777 --> 00:14:51,144
I just don't know what the
point really is, if you do--
397
00:14:51,146 --> 00:14:52,612
of swinging
back and forth.
398
00:14:52,647 --> 00:14:54,530
Well, it's helping me
get a fart out.
399
00:14:54,566 --> 00:15:02,455
♪
400
00:15:02,490 --> 00:15:05,625
(Laughing)
401
00:15:05,660 --> 00:15:07,326
Not too fast.
402
00:15:07,378 --> 00:15:10,046
Whee!
403
00:15:10,081 --> 00:15:11,497
Well, that went better
than I thought.
404
00:15:11,549 --> 00:15:13,499
That was great.
405
00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:16,385
Gigi, you okay?
406
00:15:18,923 --> 00:15:21,307
- Gigi?
- Gi-Gigi?
407
00:15:21,342 --> 00:15:23,476
Gigi!
408
00:15:26,364 --> 00:15:29,498
- Gigi?
- Gigi?
409
00:15:29,534 --> 00:15:30,749
Hold my socks.
410
00:15:30,785 --> 00:15:31,867
Gigi!
411
00:15:31,869 --> 00:15:32,868
Gigi?
412
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:34,086
Gigi!
413
00:15:34,121 --> 00:15:36,672
(Grunts)
414
00:15:36,707 --> 00:15:39,208
Gigi!
415
00:15:39,210 --> 00:15:40,176
Gigi?
416
00:15:40,211 --> 00:15:42,261
(Gasping)
417
00:15:42,296 --> 00:15:44,263
(Sighs)
418
00:15:44,298 --> 00:15:46,599
(Gigi)Oh, my God!
419
00:15:46,634 --> 00:15:48,551
I'm all right.
I'm all right.
420
00:15:48,603 --> 00:15:50,219
- You're, um--
- Yeah?
421
00:15:50,221 --> 00:15:51,220
(Ricky)Your-your hair.
422
00:15:51,222 --> 00:15:54,223
Yeah, my hair is--
Where's my wig?
423
00:15:54,275 --> 00:15:55,724
- Yeah, I'll, uh, I'll find it.
- Where's my wig?
424
00:15:55,726 --> 00:15:56,976
It fell off.
425
00:15:57,028 --> 00:15:58,227
What do you mean,
it fell off?
426
00:15:58,229 --> 00:15:59,311
No, no, no.
427
00:15:59,363 --> 00:16:00,479
Don't-don't look
at me, sweetheart.
428
00:16:00,531 --> 00:16:01,897
Don't look at me, okay?
429
00:16:01,899 --> 00:16:03,032
(Ricky)Let me find it.
430
00:16:03,067 --> 00:16:04,950
Yeah, find it quickly.
431
00:16:06,037 --> 00:16:07,286
(Gigi)Oy... oy.
432
00:16:07,321 --> 00:16:08,487
You okay?
433
00:16:08,539 --> 00:16:09,905
I just need
a quick break,
434
00:16:09,907 --> 00:16:11,624
- because it's a lot for me.
- We don't have to--
435
00:16:11,659 --> 00:16:12,908
- Yeah, we don't have to rush anything.
- Yeah, okay.
436
00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:14,126
Take your time.
437
00:16:14,161 --> 00:16:16,912
I've always envisioned myself
running, running, running,
438
00:16:16,964 --> 00:16:18,831
and jumping
onto a bed,
439
00:16:18,883 --> 00:16:22,718
flippin' over and sayin',
"Come get me, tiger.
440
00:16:22,753 --> 00:16:24,136
Come get mama."
441
00:16:24,171 --> 00:16:25,721
So, apparently,
I don't bend.
442
00:16:25,756 --> 00:16:27,089
I break.
443
00:16:27,141 --> 00:16:30,593
All this physical exercise
has made me realize
444
00:16:30,645 --> 00:16:32,678
that the key to my
sexual renaissance
445
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:34,763
lies not in
my flexibility,
446
00:16:34,765 --> 00:16:38,851
but rather in my
sheer brute power.
447
00:16:38,903 --> 00:16:41,604
I think I might be what
my hairdresser, Emilio,
448
00:16:41,606 --> 00:16:44,523
calls a power top.
449
00:16:44,575 --> 00:16:47,610
Or, is it a power bottom?
450
00:16:49,163 --> 00:16:53,332
It's whatever
takes it in the ass.
451
00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:56,785
Well, I guess it
could work both ways.
452
00:16:58,623 --> 00:17:01,874
Wow, that's an
interesting visual.
453
00:17:02,927 --> 00:17:04,927
Okay, so, let's, uh, let's
get you another apparatus
454
00:17:04,962 --> 00:17:06,962
- over here.
- All right, sounds good.
455
00:17:07,014 --> 00:17:08,380
What's this?
456
00:17:08,432 --> 00:17:10,299
(Coach) This is the pommel horse.
This is a man event.
457
00:17:10,301 --> 00:17:11,967
It's a man event?
458
00:17:11,969 --> 00:17:14,937
- Yeah, normally, this is what the men--
- Well, I'm lookin' to have a man event.
459
00:17:14,972 --> 00:17:15,971
You know what I mean?
460
00:17:16,023 --> 00:17:17,306
Hee-hee-hee-yo!
461
00:17:17,358 --> 00:17:18,807
You're gonna need a lotta
strength for this one,
462
00:17:18,859 --> 00:17:20,309
for, like, upper body.
463
00:17:20,361 --> 00:17:22,361
- This is more, like, biceps, pecs.
- Well, my legs are worth nothing.
464
00:17:22,396 --> 00:17:23,445
Let's face it.
465
00:17:23,481 --> 00:17:26,649
But, my arms... I could
use a workout for my arms
466
00:17:26,651 --> 00:17:29,318
because I need
to be able to--
467
00:17:29,370 --> 00:17:31,487
- What's that?
- Nonstop, nonstop.
468
00:17:31,489 --> 00:17:32,821
Um...
469
00:17:32,873 --> 00:17:34,373
(Ricky) All right, well,
let's get-get her on it.
470
00:17:34,408 --> 00:17:36,241
- Okay, how do I get on this thing?
- Okay.
471
00:17:36,294 --> 00:17:36,792
- You can-you can--
- Ready?
472
00:17:36,827 --> 00:17:37,660
Yeah, nice and easy.
473
00:17:37,662 --> 00:17:38,544
(Grunting)
Ow!
474
00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:39,828
- Ooh!
- Okay, you okay?
475
00:17:39,830 --> 00:17:40,913
I'm wide open.
476
00:17:40,965 --> 00:17:42,298
(Ricky) - Yeah.(Coach) - Okay.
477
00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:43,415
Yeah, no, this is good.
478
00:17:43,467 --> 00:17:44,667
This is comfortable
for me.
479
00:17:44,719 --> 00:17:46,168
I've seen the men do
this in the Olympics.
480
00:17:46,170 --> 00:17:47,636
(Coach)Yeah.
481
00:17:47,672 --> 00:17:49,471
Oh.
482
00:17:49,507 --> 00:17:52,641
Mmm.
483
00:17:52,677 --> 00:17:55,844
This is a speciallittle thing I'm on.
484
00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:58,814
Mmm.
485
00:17:58,849 --> 00:18:01,517
Mmm.
486
00:18:01,569 --> 00:18:03,018
That's it.
Mm-hmm.
487
00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:06,071
Mm-hmm.
488
00:18:06,107 --> 00:18:09,825
I am so sorry for this.
489
00:18:09,860 --> 00:18:11,860
I think it's betterto just let her--
490
00:18:11,862 --> 00:18:13,028
I don't wanna say "finish,"
491
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:16,498
but it's-it's best
if we let her finish.
492
00:18:16,534 --> 00:18:20,202
(Whimpering)
493
00:18:20,204 --> 00:18:24,873
(Screeching)
494
00:18:24,875 --> 00:18:27,426
- I never wanted to see this.
- Yeah.
495
00:18:27,461 --> 00:18:30,379
(Whimpering)
496
00:18:30,431 --> 00:18:32,598
I just wanna
feel you.
497
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:36,802
(Whimpering)
498
00:18:38,939 --> 00:18:42,224
(Screams)
499
00:18:47,948 --> 00:18:51,734
I just made a come.
500
00:18:51,786 --> 00:18:54,119
Is this availablefor purchase?
501
00:18:54,155 --> 00:18:57,623
- I don't believe it's for sale. - I'm ready
to take this home with me, darling.
502
00:18:57,658 --> 00:18:59,908
This is my favorite
of the apparati.
503
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,911
(Ricky) I think this horse
has been pommeled enough.
504
00:19:02,913 --> 00:19:04,163
All right, take me off.
505
00:19:04,215 --> 00:19:05,247
- Oh, okay.
- Let's dismount you.
506
00:19:05,249 --> 00:19:07,332
I'm gonna fly off
of this thing.
507
00:19:07,385 --> 00:19:09,168
- Oh, God.
- Ready?
508
00:19:09,220 --> 00:19:11,920
- Yeah, ooh, I slip-slide right off.
- Just slide right off.
509
00:19:11,922 --> 00:19:13,589
- Care-careful-careful.
- I slide right off.
510
00:19:13,641 --> 00:19:15,891
I love this thing.
Let me give it a kiss.
511
00:19:15,926 --> 00:19:17,509
Okay.
512
00:19:17,561 --> 00:19:19,461
Wow!
513
00:19:25,371 --> 00:19:30,040
Hello, my name is
Gertrude Gettlestein Rotblum,
514
00:19:30,042 --> 00:19:32,876
and I am a sex addict.
515
00:19:32,878 --> 00:19:34,628
Here, have a smoke.
I don't smoke.
516
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:36,046
No, no, no.
You'll smoke now.
517
00:19:36,098 --> 00:19:38,549
- No, this'll kill me.
- We had a close, intimate moment.
518
00:19:38,601 --> 00:19:40,050
Come on.
519
00:19:40,102 --> 00:19:42,519
(Sighs)
520
00:19:42,555 --> 00:19:45,472
Feels good to finally
say that out loud.
521
00:19:45,524 --> 00:19:47,441
After my time on
the pommel horse,
522
00:19:47,476 --> 00:19:49,727
I've had an
insatiable appetite
523
00:19:49,729 --> 00:19:51,862
for getting myself off.
524
00:19:51,897 --> 00:19:53,147
In just the past week,
525
00:19:53,199 --> 00:19:55,566
I've had orgasms on
the back of this couch,
526
00:19:55,618 --> 00:19:58,118
the side of my bathtub,
and on Ricky's limp,
527
00:19:58,154 --> 00:19:59,737
sleeping body.
528
00:19:59,739 --> 00:20:00,871
Mm-hmm.
529
00:20:00,906 --> 00:20:02,039
I just don't know
how to stop.
530
00:20:02,074 --> 00:20:05,793
And, more importantly,
I don't want to stop.
531
00:20:05,828 --> 00:20:09,296
It's been 40 years
since I had an orgasm.
532
00:20:09,331 --> 00:20:12,549
You better believe
I'm gonna make up for it.
533
00:20:12,585 --> 00:20:14,468
The sex coach
suggested that
534
00:20:14,503 --> 00:20:17,638
I write a posthumous
letter to Harold,
535
00:20:17,673 --> 00:20:20,808
letting him know of all the
sexual feelings that I had
536
00:20:20,843 --> 00:20:23,143
during our marriage.
537
00:20:23,179 --> 00:20:27,514
She said it would liberate me,
so here it goes.
538
00:20:27,566 --> 00:20:31,735
"Dear Harold, or to
whom it may concern,
539
00:20:31,771 --> 00:20:34,021
you did a number on me.
540
00:20:34,073 --> 00:20:35,606
Your overbearing
control in the bedroom
541
00:20:35,658 --> 00:20:38,776
stifled my sexual
creativity.
542
00:20:38,828 --> 00:20:42,529
I wish you had been
receptive to my fantasies.
543
00:20:42,581 --> 00:20:45,032
I yearned to role-play.
544
00:20:45,084 --> 00:20:47,451
You would've been a
poorly trained dalmatian,
545
00:20:47,503 --> 00:20:50,754
and I an unguarded
fire hydrant.
546
00:20:50,790 --> 00:20:53,173
I always dreamed of making
a private porno version
547
00:20:53,209 --> 00:20:55,342
of the movie 'Nell'.
548
00:20:55,377 --> 00:20:56,844
I would like to have been
on the receiving end
549
00:20:56,879 --> 00:20:59,963
of a Portuguese breakfast.
550
00:21:00,015 --> 00:21:02,132
I always wanted to
fulfill my destiny
551
00:21:02,134 --> 00:21:03,801
as a human pin cushion.
552
00:21:03,853 --> 00:21:07,805
But instead of pins,
penises.
553
00:21:07,857 --> 00:21:10,891
I also want you to know
that I do miss you,
554
00:21:10,943 --> 00:21:14,611
and your sinewy body
sleeping next to me.
555
00:21:14,647 --> 00:21:18,615
Love always,
your little sack of skin,
556
00:21:18,651 --> 00:21:21,118
Gigi."
557
00:21:22,276 --> 00:21:25,698
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
41388
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