Original subtitles

- It's fucking cold outside.

The guy on the radio said it's gonna get down to 34.

It's 34.

That's freezing, for Christ's sakes.

Yo, Chili.

What, are you spacin'?

- They're closing down the Granville,

that theater down on Biscayne.

- Yeah, the guy owes Momo a couple of Gs.

- I know.

I was thinking maybe Momo should buy it.

I could run it for him, show some old Cagney movies.

- Hey, what's Momo gonna want with some broken down theater

that shows movies no one wants to see anymore?

Outside of maybe turning it

into some kind of a porno house.

Not gonna give much of a fuck.

- I'm gonna go talk to this Chili.

- Besides, you've already got a job.

- Yeah, yep.

- Hey, Ray, how you doing?

- Yeah, good, you?

- Okay, hey, can you believe this weather?

It's Miami Beach, for Christ's sakes.

- Chili Palmer.

It's chilly outside and it's Chili inside.

It's a regular fucking Chili-fest.

- How you doing, Ray?

- Eh well, obviously much better than you, Chili.

- That was a good one. - Yeah, yeah.

- Hey, when you're done staring out the window,

I'll meet you back at the office.

- Better than I did, I did 25.

25 dollars on credit card.

- Hey!

Where's my coat?

- It's not one of these?

- Well do you see a black leather jacket

fingertip length, like the one Pacino wore in Serpico?

'Cause if you don't, you owe me $379.

- But maybe you didn't see the sign, we never...

- I seen the sign, but I didn't come to sunny Florida

to freeze my ass off, you got that?

So you either find my coat,

or give me the $379

that my ex-wife paid for it at Alexander's.

Wait a minute.

Ray Bones took my coat?

- No, no, he didn't take it.

He borrow it.

'Cause see somebody took his coat,

so Mr. Barboni tried this other coat

and it fit him pretty good.

- That was my coat.

- He was wearing it to go home.

But he's not gonna keep it.

- My car keys are in that coat.

- Mr. Barboni is a good customer.

You know, he works for Jimmy Capp.

- I know who he works for.

Where's your phone? - This way.

- Are you sure it was Ray Bones that took the coat?

- That's what the man said.

- Hey tomorrow, I see on the TV weather

it's gonna be nice and warm.

You don't need the coat.

- This is it.

- Hey, Chili, get the coat,

just don't piss the guy off, okay?

Then we're gonna have

to call Momo and straighten the whole thing out.

Now Momo's gonna be pissed off for wastin' his time.

We don't need that, huh.

- Don't worry about it.

I'm not gonna say any more than I have to, if that.

- It's freezing.

♪ Ow ♪

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, just a minute.

What are you, fucking nuts?

My nose, my nose!

You broke my fuckin' nose.

- Uh-oh.

- Holy shit!

Somebody call nine-fucking-one-one-one!

Somebody call nine-fucking-one-one-one!

Somebody's gotta call nine-fucking-one-one!

- What do you want me to do, Ray?

Go to war over a fucking coat?

You're lucky the guy didn't kill you.

The coat was a Christmas present, for Christ's sakes.

- Now listen to me Jimmy,

you gotta do something about this guy.

I mean he's running amok.

And he's got no fucking respect for none of us.

- He's got no respect for you.

And I don't gotta do shit.

Chili Palmer don't work for me,

he works for Momo up in Brooklyn.

So as long as Momo's around,

nothing happens to Chili Palmer.

Do you understand?

Over here.

- We're here, Momo.

- I hope you guys checked this place out good,

'cause I'm goin' in there alone,

and I don't want no fuckin' surprises.

- Oh, yeah, I checked everything, Momo.

- Yeah, who is it?

- It's Momo.

- Get in here!

- Surprise!

- So what are you trying to say,

you're never gonna sleep again?

- No, I said I'm never going to bed.

See there's a difference.

See this article says that most people die in their beds.

I figure as long as I stay out of bed, I'm safe.

- What?

That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Where are you gonna sleep?

- In my recliner.

You know, the tan one in the TV room.

Or I'll go to the coffee shop,

slide into a booth, pull my hat down.

Hey how many people you know died in a coffee shop?

- You cut straight hair in here, or just fags?

- Hey, Bones.

That's quite a scar you got on your head.

Why don't you have these guys fit you for a rug,

cover it up for ya, huh?

- You two geezers, take your game to the park.

- This man is the man.

You understand what I'm sayin', motherfucker?

He's Mr. Bones.

Now you speak to Mr. Bones from now on.

- Come on, you can do better than him, can't ya?

- Not these days.

Not unless you speak Spanish.

You got a miss, Leo Devoe is six weeks over.

- He's dead.

- How do you know he's dead?

Did he tell you?

- Yeah, he told me that he was dead.

- Personally?

- Yeah, Ray, he personally told me he got killed

in that get away jet crash that happened a month ago.

- Well maybe he took out some flight insurance.

Go check with his wife.

- You check it out, it's your book now.

He owned some dry-cleaning store over on Federal Highway.

- Let me explain something to you.

Momo is dead,

which means that everything he had now belongs

to Jimmy Capp, including you.

Which also means that when I speak, I speak for Jimmy.

E.g., from now on,

you start showing me the proper fucking respect.

- E.g. means for example.

What I think you want to say is i.e.

- Bullshit, it's short for ergo.

- Ask your man.

- To the best of my knowledge,

e.g. mean for example.

E.g., i.e., fuck you.

The point is this that when I say jump, you say okay, okay?

- Yeah, Ray, okay.

- All right.

Now, you owe me the dry-cleaner's 15 Gs plus the juice,

which is another...

- $2,700.

Now you either get it from his wife

or out of your own pocket, I don't give a fuck,

but you never hand me a book with a miss.

- We'll see you, Ray.

- Go see the dry-cleaner's wife.

You got three days.

- I told you not to piss him off that time, remember?

- Don't say another fucking word, all right?

- I hate the dry-cleaning business.

- Oh.

- I hate being inside all day around all those machines.

- Mm-hm, must be hot.

- You have no idea how hot it is.

- Mm.

You know, Fay, I was wondering.

Did Leo have life insurance?

- I don't know of any.

- Hm.

- I trust you, Chili.

I think you're a decent type of man even if you are a crook.

- Oh, thank you.

Thank you, Fay.

- I wish he really was dead.

He's a son of a bitch.

- Yeah, that's him all right.

Called himself Larry De Mille.

Hit on every showgirl in town.

He told me he was the Martinizing King of Miami.

What a moron.

Anyway, you want this guy?

He's in L.A.

We put him on a plane after he spanked one

of my cocktail girls in the Keno Room.

- Leo spanked a cocktail girl?

- I don't know, apparently the way it went,

he invites her to Santa Anita to play the ponies with him,

she tells him what to do with that,

he gives her one on the tush.

- Ah.

- My guess, he's by his lonesome at the track right now.

Hey Chil, if you decide to go to L.A.,

this guy owes us 150 grand, 60 days over,

some movie producer.

- Movie producer, really?

- Yeah. - Yeah, why not?

- I appreciate that, man.

You're gonna love this guy,

another fucking moron, Harry Zimm.

- All right, thanks a bunch.

Where is it?

- It's right there.

- What is that?

- It's an Oldsmobile Silhouette.

- I ordered a Cadillac.

- Oh well, that's the Cadillac of minivans.

- Are you kidding me?

- Hey you want?

La Tijera Car Rental is right over there,

but I think all they've got is Rabbit convertibles.

- I guess I'll take the Cadillac of minivans.

- Harry.

Harry, goddammit.

Wake up, wake up, somebody's downstairs.

- What's wrong, what's wrong?

- Somebody's downstairs.

Shh, be quiet, listen.

- I don't hear anything.

- Right there.

- That's the television.

- When I came upstairs,

you stayed downstairs to finish your drink.

I told you to turn off the television when you were through.

- Mm-hm.

- I also told you you could sleep in the maid's room.

- MM-hm, yeah, well I did that.

I turned the television off with the remote thing,

then I laid it on the floor.

Oh, you know what coulda happened?

The dog came in, stepped on it

and turned the television back on.

- I don't have a dog, Harry.

- You don't?

Oh, what happened to Muffy?

- Harry, are you gonna go down there,

or do you want me to do it?

- No, I'll go.

- Hurry.

- Anybody skimmin' the pool?

It needs it.

- Harry! - I'm going, I'm going.

I gotta go to the bathroom. - Harry!

- All right I'm going.

I'm going.

- Jesus!

- Cable, do you have cable? - I got cable

- Yeah. - Did you get one

of those satellite dishes? - Yeah.

No I don't have satellite dishes.

- Yeah ya know, where I live,

how many channels do you get of television where you live?

- Oh, there are probably 40, 50 channels.

- Is that right?

Are you on the information superhighway?

- No, not yet.

- Where I live, I get all the premium services

on my cable system.

I get 2,800 different channels.

- 2,800 channels?

- 2,800.

- No kidding. - And if I wanted I could...

- Harry Zimm.

- Jesus Christ!

- How ya doing?

I'm Chili Palmer.

- Oh, Jesus, if I have a heart attack,

I hope you know what to do.

- Where you been, Harry?

- Have we met?

I don't recall.

- We just did.

I told you, my name's Chili Palmer.

- Well, you're in pictures, right?

Did you ever stop and think what would happen

if I had a heart attack?

- Look at me, Harry.

- I'm looking at you.

- I want you to keep looking at me, right here.

- Well that's what I'm doing.

- You know Dick Allen, Mesa's Casino?

- Oh that's what this is.

You're a collector for the fucking casino, huh.

You come here in the middle of the night,

I thought you were an actor auditioning, for Christ's sakes.

We'll see about this.

Operator, let me have Las Vegas information...

- Harry, let me give you some advice.

You don't wanna act like a hard-on when you're in your undies.

What you wanna do is sit down and talk to me.

Now Harry, a marker is like a check.

- I know what a marker is.

- They don't wanna deposit yours and have it bounce.

That annoys them.

Your dear friend, Dick Allen's been calling you,

leaving messages on your machine

and you haven't gotten back to him.

So he asked me as a favor to look you up.

So I follow you here,

and I see you in a window with a woman.

Looks a lot like Karen Flores, the actress from Grotesque.

You're not looking at me, Harry.

- Why do I have to keep looking at you?

- Because I want you to.

- So now you gonna get rough, huh?

I make good by tomorrow or you're gonna break my legs?

- Come on, Harry, Mesa's?

- You tell Dick Allen I'll cover those markers

in the next 60 days at the most.

If he doesn't like it,

then that's his problem, the fucking prick.

So, you want me to call you a cab?

- So you make movies, huh?

- I produce feature motion pictures, no TV.

You mentioned Grotesque before.

That happens to be Grotesque Part II

that Karen Flores was in.

She also starred in three of my Slime Creatures releases.

You may have seen them.

- I got an idea for a movie.

Yeah, what this guy looked like.

You can't imagine what a pathetic little guy.

- He knows my business there,

fuckin' Bermuda shorts and black socks?

- No, no, wait for this, okay.

Leo, right, he would wear like plaid wool hats in Miami

in the middle of the summer, right.

I mean, he doesn't want anyone

to think that he's bald right,

- Yeah, you're right. - So he wears a fucking cap.

- Karen, Karen.

Hey, say hello to Chili Palmer.

Chili, this is Karen Flores.

- It's a pleasure to meet you, Karen.

- How'd you get in the house?

- He just told me an idea for a movie.

It's not bad so far.

Sit down and have a drink.

Tell Karen, see what she thinks.

- Maybe you didn't hear me.

- I came in the back door.

- You broke in?

- No, it was open, it wasn't locked.

- Huh, well, what if it were?

- You wanna hear this idea?

It's about this dry-cleaner

that scams an airline out of 300 grand.

Tell her.

- Well, it's simple.

It's basically, about a guy who owes a Shylock $15,000

And he's about three weeks over on the vig.

That's the interest you have to pay.

- I know what vig is.

- Anyway, this dry-cleaner, let's call him Leo, right.

He's scared.

He doesn't know any better.

He leaves town.

So Leo gets on a plane,

but the plane sits there, it doesn't move.

They announce over the PA system

there's some kind of mechanical problem.

They'll be there maybe an hour,

but keep your seats in case they get it fixed it sooner.

So the guy's nervous and in no shape just

to sit there and sweat it out,

so he gets off the plane, he goes into the cocktail lounge

and he starts throwing them down, one after another.

As a matter or fact, he's still in the lounge

when the plane crashes on takeoff.

So when the guy finds out it was his flight,

he can't believe it.

If he had stayed on the plane, he'd be dead.

Right now he knows his luck has changed.

If everybody thinks he's dead,

he won't have to pay back the 15 or what he owes on the vig.

- Huh. - Keep going.

Come on, keep going.

- Well since Leo's name is on the passenger list,

they bring his wife into the airport,

where they're going through personal effects.

Whatever wasn't burned up.

Leo's bags were on the plane,

so the wife tells 'em what to look for,

you know, things that only she would know about.

- Oh, my Leo!

My Leo!

- So a couple days go by,

and the people from the airline come out to see his wife,

they tell her how sorry they are and all

that their plane exploded.

They offer her a settlement.

The amount based on what he would've earned

operating the dry-cleaners the rest of his life.

- So how much is the wife offered?

- 300 grand.

So they take it.

You know, money in their hand, babe.

So he gets his wife to cash the check,

and he takes off for Vegas with the dough.

He gets there and he's supposed to call her,

you know, let her know when to come out and all that.

She never hears from him again, but he's hot.

He runs the 300 grand up to half a million.

- Then it comes back to haunt him...

- But it's driving him nuts,

because he's winning and he can't tell anybody who he is.

So we show in a back story his motivation,

and his desire to be famous.

And he's got the dough to buy his way in,

mix with the celebs, and he can't resist.

So then he comes to L.A.

- I dunno about the mixing with the celebrities.

I mean that's something new that was just added,

but, yeah, he comes to L.A.,

and I don't know what happens after that.

- What, that's it?

That's your movie?

- Well, I said I had an idea for a movie.

- No, that's half a movie with holes in it.

Yeah, there's maybe 40 minutes of screen time.

You don't have a girl, a female lead,

and on top of that you don't have anybody

to sympathize with, you don't have a good guy.

- Well the Shylock is a good guy.

- No, the Shylock is barely mentioned.

And it's not believable

that the wife would get a settlement that fast.

- Harry doesn't realize it's a true story.

That Miami flight that went down?

It was on the news every day for about a week.

Harry must have been busy.

- That's where you got the idea?

- Well part of it, yeah.

- Oh, wait, wait a minute.

You're not the guy, are you?

The, uh, dry-cleaner?

- Leo.

- No, you wouldn't be talking to me if you were.

- No, I'm not the guy, Harry.

- But you do work for the casino?

- For God's sake, Harry.

He's the Shylock.

- Is that right?

That's what you do for a living?

- - Well that's what I did for a living until recently.

But after I'm done here,

I don't know what I'm gonna do next.

- Well, I got an early call.

- Yeah, no problemo, babe.

Go on up to bed.

- What I'm saying is I would like you

and your new buddy to get out of my house.

- Oh, yeah, well, sure.

- It was absolutely a pleasure to meet you, Karen.

- Mm-hm.

- I guess in your line of work, uh,

there's times you have to get kinda rough, huh,

you know, um, I guess one of your customers don't pay.

- They always pay.

- Yeah, you pack a gun?

- Not really.

- You ever been arrested?

- Well, I've been picked up for loansharking

and racketeering, but never convicted.

No, I'm clean, Harry.

- Racketeering.

That covers a lot of ground, doesn't it?

- Get to the point, Harry.

You want me to do something for you?

- That's us.

- Good girl.

- Don't say nothin' to me.

Just sit down and act like you're waiting

for somebody's who's supposed to meet you.

- What the fuck you talkin' about.

There ain't nobody know me here.

Now give me the fuckin' money.

- Sit down.

Now, be lookin'.

Man over to your right in the blue wool shirt, hangin' out.

The other way.

Derecho.

That's a federal officer.

Most likely DEA.

He moves his leg, you look for the bulge.

You savvy bulge?

Good.

That's his backup piece.

Hey, try it without lookin' right at him if you can.

What's your name?

- Yayo Portillo.

- All right, Yayo, you know he's there,

just forget about him.

I'm gonna get up,

as soon as I'm gone you sit down in the same seat I'm in.

You feel somethin' under your ass that's a key

to a locker where your half million is.

Along with some product we're returning.

Powder's been stepped on so many times it's baby food.

- Hey, but you're supposed

to give me the money yourself, brother.

- Try to be cool, Yayo.

I told you where it is.

You do it just how I told you

and you have a safe trip home.

♪ Mercy ♪

- Johnson, please meet your party

at baggage claim, carousel number...

- What d'you have for breakfast, baby, huh?

What did you have for breakfast,

how come you weigh so much?

You have a burrito?

Okay, give it to the nice lady.

There you go.

Sorry.

You have chocolate all over you.

Say thank you. - Thank you.

- Bye-bye. - Bye.

- Hi.

- The white zone is for loading...

- Like fucking clockwork, huh, Bear?

- Hi, Bo.

- Hey Farrah, are you ready to go for a ride, sweetie?

- Yeah. - I told you

to watch your mouth around my daughter.

- For loading and unloading only.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only.

- These guys, my investors, they run a limo service.

They came to me originally,

put some money in a few of my pictures,

did okay, they're happy.

This was back a few months ago

when I was planning what would be my next picture.

About this band of killer circus freaks

that travel around the country leaving bodies in their wake.

There's this 700 pound fat lady

who has a way of seducing guys, gets 'em in her trailer.

- Harry, look at me.

You trying to tell me

that you fucked up without sounding stupid.

And that's hard to do.

Let's talk about where you're at, okay.

You blew 200 grand of these limo guys' money

on a football game in Vegas, and you didn't tell 'em.

Now why?

They don't seem like the type of guys that would take it

with any understanding or restraint.

First thing they'd do is break my legs.

- Now you got that on the brain.

But if you were so scared,

why'd you take it to Vegas to begin with?

- I needed half a million dollars to buy a script.

- A movie script?

- A blockbuster, but quality.

No mutants or maniacs.

This is gonna be my Driving Miss Daisy.

Murray Saffrin, the guy that wrote it,

did all my Grotesque pictures.

Had it in his drawer for 20 years.

He shows it to me one day,

and he says he's got a major star interested,

would I produce it?

- Which star?

- Two-time Academy Award nominee, Martin Weir.

- That's Martin Weir.

He's the one who played the mob guy turned snitch

in Cyclone.

- Yeah, one of his best parts.

- No, well his best part was

when he played the crippled gay guy

that climbed Mt Whitney.

- Yeah Ride the Clouds, good picture.

- Now that woman, she looks familiar.

- Yeah, she's a rock star.

Every day, same time, they come down here

and have breakfast.

He faces west, so he can see his billboard.

She faces east as an excuse to wear her shades.

- Unbelievable.

- Anyway, Murray has this shrink

who happens to be Martin's personal trainer's shrink.

So Murray gives the shrink the script

the shrink gives it to Martin's trainer,

who reads it to Martin as they work out.

Martin loves it, he flips.

- So what's the problem?

- The problem is Murray.

Heart attack.

Doris, Murray's widow,

she finds out about this Martin Weir thing,

and because Murray and I never had a written contract,

she wants half a million bucks for the script.

- Ah, so you want me to put you next to my dry-cleaner

so he can invest in your movie.

- Well that, or I was thinking,

what if some tragic accident were

to befall the Widow Saffrin?

- No, Harry, I'm not gonna pop her, okay.

- No, it was just a thought.

- I'll tell you what I can do.

I can meet with these limo guys,

tell 'em to leave you alone for a while.

Make a point in a way they can understand.

- You don't know these guys.

- Believe me Harry,

I know 'em a whole lot better than you do.

- I once asked this literary agent

what kind of writing paid the best.

He said ransom notes.

Ransom notes.

Here it is, Mr. Lovejoy.

- Lovejoy sits behind a wheel,

watching the bar across the street getting his video camera,

what is he following someone?

- Read it, it's a grabber.

- Hm.

Harry, I think your investors are here.

- Oh, Jesus.

- All right, this is the plan.

I want the limo guys to sit in these chairs,

not on the couch.

You got that?

- Yeah.

- No, no, no, keep the blinds open.

I want the light in their eyes.

I'm gonna sit at the desk.

And I don't want you to introduce me, just start talking.

And I want you to stand here behind them

as they sit down.

You understand?

- Well, yeah, yeah, they'll be looking at you,

but they don't know who you are.

- Yeah, that's right.

They'll be saying, who is this guy, right?

But you won't say anything.

Do not tell 'em who I am, okay.

Don't introduce me.

- Well, I gotta say something to 'em.

- No, you don't.

Don't say anymore than you have too.

Unless you want to say something like,

glad you assholes stopped by, now I can straighten you out.

- You're kidding, right?

- No, just say the movie's been postponed a year

but don't tell 'em why.

And whatever you do don't say anything about Mr. Lovejoy.

You got that?

All right, let's go.

- Hey, Ronnie.

- Harry, hi.

Wow. - Harry.

- What year it is man?

Have we entered a time warp?

I feel like I'm in Hollywood of yesteryear.

- Have a seat right there. - Cool.

- This is my associate, Chili Palmer.

He's gonna be working with me.

Just so there's no misunderstanding,

despite the rumors that you might have heard,

your investment in Freaks is just as solid

as the day you signed your participation agreement.

- I can hear you, man,

but where the fuck are you?

- Right here.

- What I've been wondering is, where's he been?

- Yeah, where you been, Harry?

We haven't heard from you lately.

- Ah, New York,

I was interviewing actors, scouting locations

that kind of thing.

But the main thing is that Freaks is gonna be put off

for a couple of months.

A couple of months. - Yeah.

Just a couple months.

Yeah, we need more, um, um, prep.

- Hey, Harry.

Bullshit, man.

We have an agreement with you.

- No, no, we're gonna do this picture.

We are going to do it.

I just have another project to do first,

one I promised this guy for years.

- I wanna see your books, Harry.

Just show me where it is.

A two with five zeros after it,

in black and white.

I wanna see. your books,

I want to see your fuckin' bank statements...

- Hey, Ronnie.

Look at me.

You have a piece of a movie, that's all.

Not a piece of Harry.

If he wants to do another movie this year,

that's how it's gonna be.

- Excuse me, bro, but who the fuck are you?

- I'm the one telling you how it is.

Cat.

- What is this other movie you're doing first, Harry?

- Oh let me show ya...

- Harry, Harry, let me answer this one.

First of all, who am I talking to?

Am I talking to him, or am I talking to you?

- You can talk to me.

- That's what I thought.

Let me put it this way.

Outside of Freaks,

it's none of your fuckin' business what we do.

- Oh, oh!

Hey, here it is, right here.

This is the project, Mr. Lovejoy.

I don't want you guys to think that I'm trying

to put something over on ya, this is it.

- Mr. Loveboy?

What is it, Harry, a porno flick?

- No, no, it's fluff.

You wouldn't be interested in it.

- You think we go to see your movies, Harry?

I've seen better film on teeth.

It makes no difference to me which one our money's in.

So how 'bout you just take our 20 points out of Freaks,

and put 'em in this other one, this Mr. Loverboy?

- No, I can't do that.

- You're positive about that?

- It's a different kind of deal.

It's, uh, structured.

- Okay, then be good enough to hand us our money back.

Or you think about us coming in on this new deal.

You let us know.

- By Friday, man, or you're fucking dead as disco,

you hear me?

- Take your time, Harry.

We're not animals, are we, Ronnie?

- What?

What?

- Maybe I wasn't clear,

but I thought I, I thought I told you

to keep your mouth shut.

- I had to tell 'em something.

- Harry, never say anything unless you have to.

You asked me to get these guys off your back.

And the next thing I know you're saying,

have a piece of Mr. Lovejoy.

I couldn't believe my fuckin' ears.

- I told them that I would think about it.

In this town, what does that mean?

Nothing.

- Well that's the difference between you and me, Harry.

I say what I mean.

If I want something from someone, I ask him straight out.

If I want Martin Weir, I go get Martin Weir.

I don't fuck around with his trainer's shrink.

- Shrink's trainer.

- Take me back to my car.

- Yeah?

- Tommo, Chili.

- Hey, where you been?

I been lookin' all over for you.

Hey, Ray Bones is looking for you.

Where the hell are you?

- I'm in L.A. now.

- Hey, what are you doin' out there?

- I'm going into the movie business.

I'm thinking about producing.

- What the fuck do you know about makin' movies?

- I don't think the producer has to know much.

- I think you're full of shit.

Load of chum.

- I gotta go.

Call me when you know more about Ray Bones.

- Hey Chili...

- Hey, Karen, how you doin'?

- What are you doing here?

- Listen, I wanted to come by

and apologize for breaking in the way I did last night.

- Let me get this straight.

You broke in again to apologize for breaking in before?

- No, no, your patio door was open.

Now you shouldn't do that.

'Cause you got a lot of nice things in this house.

- Well, make sure you lock it on the way out.

- You had a bad day, huh?

- I spent all day crawling out of a grave.

The director said I was incapable

of reaching the emotional core of the character.

- What?

Well, obviously he didn't see you in Bride of the Mutant.

- You saw that one?

- When you turn to the camera,

and you say to the alien mother

that her time on earth is finished,

Joan Crawford on her best day wished that she had had,

in her day, the emotion, the intensity,

that you had in that scene.

- Oh, that was a good scene, I mean for a horror movie.

- No, for any movie.

- I know I'm better

than what I've been doing all these years,

walking around in fuck-me pumps and a tank top,

waiting till it was time to scream.

- Yeah, but what a scream.

- Oh, yeah. It's a real gift.

Look, all I'm saying is,

it would be nice to get the chance to say one great line.

You know like in that great Bette Davis movie,

Cabin in the Cotton, where she walks up

to the guy in the porch, gives him a flirty look and says,

I'd kiss you...

- But I just washed my hair.

- Great line.

How come you don't do movies with Harry any more?

- Oh, 'cause I married the great Martin Weir.

He was a full-time job.

- Well, have you read Harry's new script?

- No.

- Well, he says it's the best thing he's ever read.

- He must mean after Slime Creatures III.

- Is that why Harry came over here last night,

to, uh, ask you to help him put Martin in a movie?

- Harry's dreaming of a $40 million production,

he'll never get off the ground,

with a star he'll never sign with or without my help.

- Yeah, but he said that Martin flipped over it.

- Yeah, well Martin's known for his flipping.

He flips over a script

and then when it comes time to make a deal, he flips out.

- Well why don't I go to over to Harry's office,

and pick you up a copy of the script

and you can read it yourself?

See what you think.

- Don't go out of your way.

- Nah, nah, it's nothing.

Well, I better go have a talk with Leo,

my runaway dry-cleaner.

- Right, see how your story ends.

- Hey, you know, that movie Touch Of Evil is playing

near my hotel.

We can go check it out if you want.

Go watch Charlton Heston be a Mexican.

That's all right.

Another time.

See you around.

- Yeah, see ya.

♪ Hey fella with a million smackers ♪

♪ And nervous indigestion ♪

Hi, my name is Ray.

I'm a friend of Chili Palmer's.

Have you spoken with Mr. Palmer

since your husband blew up?

- Oh, uh, once or twice.

- Uh huh, and what was it you talked about?

- Um, nothing really.

This and that.

- This and that?

Fay?

Fay, honey?

I want us to be friends.

I really do.

And we all know that friends don't hit each other

unless they have to.

So what do you say we start all over again,

and you tell me exactly what the fuck is goin' on?

Huh?

Okay? - Okay.

- Good evening, sir.

- And a very good evening to you, too, sir.

- Thank you.

- Leo.

Look at me.

I'd have never thought you'd be so dumb.

Leaving over 300 grand in a closet, under an extra blanket.

But I guess you are.

- I didn't know where else to keep it.

Where would you?

- How about a bank?

- No, they'd report it to the IRS.

- Well, you don't open an account.

You put it in a safe deposit box.

You dip into it whenever you want.

- How did you know that I was here?

- I'll give ya another tip.

Next time you write to your wife,

don't use hotel stationery.

- It was Fay, wasn't it, told you about the money.

What, she tell you my whole life history, for Christ's sake?

- Leo, I'm here to save your ass.

- How?

By taking my money?

- No, you get to keep the money you won today.

That's yours.

- It's all mine.

- Leo, sit down.

I don't know how you got this far,

you're so fuckin' dumb.

But you're through, and I'm gonna explain why.

I hope you're not so dumb that you won't understand.

Ray Bones is the man that you're dealing with now.

And when Bones finds out what you did,

he's gonna take everything,

including the sporty little hat you got on your head.

And then most likely he'll shoot you,

so you won't tell on him.

Now, I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

Now you've got 310,000 in the bag here.

I'm gonna take the 300 you scammed from the airlines,

and the ten that's left over,

I'm gonna borrow from you and pay back at another time.

- Wait.

You take all my money, but you're borrowing part of it?

- At 18%.

Now don't ask another fuckin' question.

I'm leaving now.

- But you won't know where I am.

I mean, I don't even know where I'll be.

- I'll find you, Leo.

You leave a trail like a fucking caterpillar.

- Hey!

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, what's this 18% a year shit?

You wanna borrow ten, the vig is three bills a week.

That's 15 for the vig, plus the 10,

that's 25 big ones.

You go the whole year, buddy!

Hey, you hear, hear me?

- This is good, this Mr. Lovejoy.

It needs a better ending, but yes,

I can see why Harry wants to do it.

You understand, I knew Harry was lyin',

sayin' this wasn't any good,

but holding on to it, like you'd have

to break his fingers to get it away from him.

- That's funny because I was thinking when am I gonna have

to break off yours to get away from you.

- Now I'm explaining to you what I'm doing here,

in case you thought I came to rob the place

or rip off any of this dusty old shit that the man has.

- I wouldn't make you out

to be a burglar, not in that outfit.

- Harry called you his associate.

What does that mean?

I mean, I never heard your name,

or read it in Hollywood Reporter or Variety or anyplace.

- That's what he said, I'm his associate.

- You must bring something heavy to the deal.

- I do, me.

- It says here you're getting Martin Weir

for the part of Lovejoy.

- That's right, we're getting Martin.

- Come on, how you gonna do that?

I'm gonna take a gun,

I'm gonna put it to his head, I'm gonna say,

sign the fuckin' papers, Martin, or you're dead.

That's it.

- I wonder, would that work?

You know who I see for the part of Al Roxy?

Harvey Keitel, man could play it in his sleep.

- He's pretty good,

he was pretty good in that movie Fingers.

- I missed that one.

You know who else?

Morgan Freeman.

You know Morgan's work?

- Morgan Freeman, yeah, but he's a colored guy, though.

- So what?

Where does it say in the script the man's got to be white?

Color's what the part needs, man.

You need somebody to do it with some style.

Well what do you think of the script?

- Well the first thing that's gotta go is the title.

I mean this writer's name, Murray Saffrin,

would be better than Lovejoy.

- I'm with you on that one.

You know what I'm thinkin'?

Why don't you and I, we sit down,

we write the script over where it needs it?

- You could write one of these?

- There's nothin' to it.

All you do, you get an idea,

you set down what you wanna say on paper.

Then you hire somebody else to fill in the commas

and shit where they belong if you're not positive yourself.

Maybe fix up the spelling where you have some tricky words.

Although I've seen some scripts,

I know the words weren't spelled right.

There was hardly any commas in it at all.

So I don't think that's too important.

All right, you get to the end.

You write in fade out, you done.

- That's it? - That's it.

- That's all there is to it?

Then what the fuck do I need you for?

- Because I'm offering my services on this one, man.

- Well I'll tell you what.

If I need a ride sometime, I'll let you know.

- How could you arrest me here?

This is my country.

- This is where you're gonna die.

That was no miss, Vargas.

That was to turn you around.

I don't want to shoot you in the back.

Unless you'd rather try to run for it.

Schwartz!

Is she there?

- Did you bring my wife?

- She's in the car.

I've got it all on tape.

- You sure you got enough?

- Go play it back, you'll see.

- How many did you frame?

- You'd better give me the gun.

- Okay, here it, still do it.

Fire!

- That's second bullet I stopped for you.

- That's the second bullet I stopped for you.

- You're going down, Orson.

- Isn't somebody going to come and take him away?

- Yeah, just a few minutes.

You really liked him, didn't you?

- The cop did.

- The cop did.

The one who killed him.

- He loved him. - He loved him.

- Well, Hank was a great detective, all right.

- But a lousy cop. - But a lousy cop.

- Is that all you have to say for him?

- He was some kind of a man.

What does it matter what you say about people?

- Goodbye, Tanya.

- Adios.

- Adios.

Wow, huh?

You've been here the whole time?

- No, I just caught the end.

- Yeah, you know, Welles didn't even want to do this movie.

He had some studio contract he couldn't get out of.

But, you know, sometimes you do your best work

when you got a gun to your head.

- Yeah.

- I brought you a copy of the script.

- Oh, I already read it.

Harry left a copy at the house.

- Well, how'd you like it?

- It's not horrible.

- Well, I don't like the title

and I don't like some of the characters in it.

- So you read it?

- Well I haven't read it yet but I will.

- You and Harry make a great team.

- Is that right?

- Listen, I'm gonna make a deal with you.

- Oh good, you found a character you like for yourself?

- No, I don't want to act in it, I want to produce it,

especially if I help him get Martin.

- Well, hey, that's fair, huh.

- Yeah.

So, uh, what do you get out of it?

- It that why you came down here, to ask me that?

- I wanna know.

- Why would anyone wanna be in movies?

- Yesterday you were a loan shark.

- Yeah, but I was never that into it,

and especially that bullshit about having respect.

Forget about it.

I mean it was bad enough treating these guys

like they're your heroes, you know,

smiling at stupid comments they think are so funny.

- You think the movie business is any different?

- Yeah, but I like movies,

and I figured if I help Harry make a movie,

I'll find out what to do outside of raising money

and having an idea.

I mean that doesn't sound so hard.

I mean, I was in the money business,

and I have a lot of ideas floating around in my head.

- Listen, I'm gonna talk to Martin tomorrow morning.

I told Harry that I'd meet you and him

at the Abiquiu restaurant afterwards.

I mean, uh, this might just work out.

You never know.

- Just might.

Adios.

Huh.

- I spent eight hours at the airport looking

at people's bulges.

I don't like that.

This is not the way we do business.

You two do not know who you're messing with.

Now listen to me, I don't want no fucking key.

I want the money.

- Yayo, You gonna smoke,

you get the hell off my $70-a-yard carpet.

Now I told you where the money is.

All you gotta do is go and get it.

- No.

I'll tell you somethin'.

Hey, I go to the airport and I open that locker

and they bust me,

I tell them I come to get something for you.

That's all I know.

- That's all you know, huh?

- That's all I know.

- You wait here a minute Yayo,

I'll be back directly.

Keep an eye on Yayo for me.

- That's the way you get things done.

What the fuck you gonna do with that?

- I'm taking you out, Yahoo.

Did you see that?

The way the man just went right over?

Maybe we could get Chili Palmer up here.

You could fix my railing

to give way like they do in the movies.

I invite the man up here to have a look at my view,

get him to lean over the railing.

- Cat, that's the dumbest idea I ever heard.

- Here's the thing, Bear.

I want to produce movies.

I mean, what's the point of living in L.A.

unless you're in the movie business?

And I mean high up in it.

And that's the reason Harry's gonna produce this Mr. Lovejoy

with me, not Chili Palmer.

- I can't believe this map is accurate.

I bought it for 10 bucks

from a kid sitting on a lawn chair on Sunset.

- Chili, you were supposed to meet me

at the restaurant.

- I know, but look at this.

It says Martin Weir's house

across the street from George Hamilton.

That must be George Hamilton.

- That's George... - Chili?

- Nicole?

Nicole - Jesus, it is you.

It's Nicki now.

I don't believe this, hey!

- I know her.

- Hm, hi, Nicki.

- Karen, shit, I didn't see you there.

How are you?

Come in, baby!

You gotta come in.

You gotta meet Martin.

Come on.

Where have you been?

What have you been doing?

Chili was the only one at Momo's

who didn't try to hit on me.

- Oh, what a gentleman.

- Do you like my hair black?

Like this? - Oh, nice, yeah,

especially under the arms.

- Martin won't let me shave.

I guess I fill some need.

It takes him back to the '60s or something.

- Hm. - Hm.

Speak of the devil.

- Karen, look at you.

- Hi, Martin.

- Oh, mm, you smell so good.

She always smells so good.

- Neat, Martin, this is Chili Palmer.

- Chili, is it?

- Nice to meet you, Martin.

- Chili's a gangster.

Ran a club I used to play at

for another gangster back in Miami.

How is Momo these days, anyway?

- Dead.

- Bummer.

Well, I'll let you get to your movie talk.

Chili, do not leave without saying goodbye to me.

- Yeah.

So...

you know how beautiful you are?

You really are beautiful.

I'm sitting here,

looking at you and having flashbacks,

and memories of us.

- Really? - Yeah, and I'm wondering,

how did it go wrong?

How did it all slip away?

- Well it didn't slip away, Martin.

You did when you went off to fuck Nicki

at my birthday party.

- Yeah, that was a good party.

- You know Marty, you were so good

in that movie The Cyclone.

- Martin.

Yeah, it was a beautiful role.

All I had to do was find the character's center.

The stem I used to wind him up and he'd play, man.

He'd just play.

- But you had that down cold.

Look, if I didn't know better,

I'd have thought you was a made guy.

- Thank you.

I mean, no acting there, right?

- Yeah. - And the fink part.

Oh man, Jesus Christ.

I mean look, I never met a fink

and I hope to God I never do. - Mm-hm.

- But the way you played a fink,

that's how it's gotta be, right?

- Yeah, I know.

- Well, two weeks before we, uh, started shooting,

I went back to Bensonhurst just to hear you guys talk.

See I'm Italian, but I grew up in Tarzana.

So, uh, I wanted to get the rhythms

of your speech, you know.

- Oh, we speak differently?

- Well it's more like your attitude, your tone.

Your speech patterns demonstrate a certain confidence

in yourselves, in your opinions,

your indifference to conventional views, you know.

- Like we don't give a shit?

- Yeah, kinda, yeah.

Anyway, once I get the authentic sounds

of speech, the rhythms, the patois,

you know, I can actually get into their heads,

I can actually think the way those guys do.

Get inside.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Well I'm one of those guys.

What am I thinking?

- Well, heh, don't get me wrong,

an actual metamorphosis doesn't take place,

that wouldn't be acting.

- So you don't know what I'm thinking?

- No, I don't.

But I have to say I'm curious.

- So you want to know what I'm thinking?

- Yeah, if you want to tell me.

- I'm thinking about a movie.

- One of mine?

- No, one that we're producing.

- With what, wise-guy money?

- Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

- No, no, look Martin, I'm not connected to that any more,

not since I left that loansharking operation in Miami.

- What's the matter, the pressure got too much for you?

- Pressure, I'm the one who applied the pressure.

- Oh, yeah?

- Now Martin, can I ask you a question?

- Yeah. - You're an actor.

Actors like to pretend, right?

- We've been known to make-believe.

- Pretend this.

You're a Shylock.

A guy owes you 15 grand.

He skips town, he takes off.

What do you do?

- Oh Martin, for Christ's sake.

Just, you know.

- I'm doing Shylock instead of a Shylock.

- Right.

- All right, what's my motivation?

The acquisition of money, to collect,

to inflict pain if I have to.

Guy splits with 15 large of my money?

I go after him, what the hell do you think I'd do?

- Martin, look at me.

- I am looking at you.

- No, look at me the way I'm looking at you.

Put it in your eyes.

You're mine, asshole, without saying it.

- Okay, how 'bout this?

- What are you telling me,

that you're sleepy, that you want to go to bed?

- All right, wait, wait.

Okay.

- Well now you're squinting like you need glasses.

- What do you, what do you?

- Look at me. - What.

- What I'm thinking is you're mine.

I fuckin' own you.

But what I'm not doing is feeling one way

or another about it.

You see, you're not a person to me.

You're an entry in my book.

That's all.

You're just a guy who owes me money.

- All right, how about this?

- Oh, wow, not bad, not bad, mm.

No wonder you're Martin Weir.

- Oh, yeah.

- That's what I think of you, asshole.

Nothin'.

- I believe it, I believe it.

- So, I turn this on when I confront the guy?

- Well you haven't found him yet,

because he split for Las Vegas.

- Well how do I know that?

- Because his wife told you. - Oh, his wife told me, okay.

- Only two months.

- Harry, how you doing?

- Oh, hi, great.

I'm expecting some people.

- You must be doing big deals,

doing lunch in a place like this.

- Yeah, I'm working on a few things.

- Yeah, I hear you bagged Martin Weir for Mr. Lovejoy.

- This town, word gets around, doesn't it?

- Chili Palmer told me last night,

when he called me to your office to talk about it.

- Chili Palmer showed you my script?

- Yeah, I was wondering why he would do that.

- So the wife sues the airline?

This is some gutsy babe.

- Good-looking, too, like Karen.

- So when do I meet up with the husband

and give him the look?

- Ah, that's not so simple.

There's a mob guy, a real hard-on.

You owe him money.

And he's after you, wants to take you out,

because you broke his nose and shot him.

- Right, right, okay, all right.

Go ahead, keep going.

- Well at this point, basically, that's gotta be it.

- I mean, that's all you're gonna tell me?

- Well actually Martin the reason we came by was

to talk about Mr. Lovejoy.

- We understand that you read the script,

that you loved it, you flipped.

- Mm-hm.

- Refresh my memory.

- Listen, Harry, how'd you like

to get your hands on $500,000?

You pay me back at your convenience, with no interest.

- Are you serious?

- All I want in return is to work on this movie with you.

In fact, I've already got some strong ideas

on how to fix it up.

- Gentlemen, can I get you anything else?

- Uh, Let's get another one for Mr. Zimm, uh, a double.

- You're just gonna give me this 500 grand?

- We'll talk about that, Harry, but first I gotta know,

how'd you hook up with this Chili Palmer?

- Yeah, Mr. Lovejoy was good.

I'll call Buddy and set up a meeting.

- All right, now who's Buddy?

- Lovkin, his agent.

- Karen knows him.

- But you are interested?

- Yeah, I'm intrigued.

You know what might help,

if you take another look at The Cyclone.

The way a visual fabric is maintained

while the metaphor plays on different levels.

- Ah, ah.

- Hey, Chili, is this your ride?

- Yeah, yeah, I like to sit up high, check everything out.

I mean it is the Cadillac of mini-vans.

- Ho. - Yeah, check this out.

- Wow, you mind if I take it for a spin?

- He was watching Letterman, huh?

Sneaky, that Chili Palmer.

So did he ever find that dry-cleaner,

the one with all that money on him?

- Leo? - Mm.

- I don't know.

- I bet he did, and he ain't giving you one penny of it

to help you out, not the way I am.

- Assuming I go along with this,

when could I have the 500 grand?

- Whenever you want.

The money's in one of those jog bags

in 100 dollar bills out at the airport,

just waiting in a locker to be picked up.

- At the airport?

- It was waiting out there on a deal

that didn't go through, Harry.

One that you don't want to know about.

- I don't know, uh.

- All right, it's not the kind of thing you'd do,

so I'm thinkin' why not send your boy Chili Palmer?

If he gets busted, hit on the head,

you aren't out a thing, Harry.

- C18. - Magic number.

- Cat.

- No, I don't think so.

- I'm positive it was Susan Hayward.

- No, no, it was Rita Hayworth and Glenn Ford.

- Excuse me, Harry.

- Wait here.

- I'd like you to meet my associate, Bear.

Movie stunt man, champion weightlifter,

as you might have noticed.

Throws things out I don't want.

- I think you ought to turn around and go back to Miami.

- You're a stunt man, huh? - Yeah.

- You any good?

- Am I any good?

- Whoa! - Oh God!

- That's not bad for a guy his size.

I'll make you a deal.

If you can get out of here before I take my coat off,

I won't clean up the floor with you

and mess up your pretty little costume.

- You don't know me.

You only think you do.

- That guy is a stunt man.

- Yeah, he was in Creatures II.

Mm, mm.

- Rough business, this movie business.

I may have to go back to loansharking

just to take a rest.

- Harry, what are you still doing with those guys?

- He happens to be loaning me $500,000, no strings.

I can write any kind of agreement I want.

- Cash or check? - Cash.

It happens to be sitting at the airport

in a locker at this moment.

- A locker at the airport, Harry, Jesus Christ!

Tell me you're not really that stupid.

- You're being set up, Harry.

You pulled him out of Freaks show

and now he's paying you back.

- Is that right? - Mm-hm.

- He's setting me up?

Why is it that Catlett said I should send you

to the airport to pick it up,

since you haven't done a fucking thing for me,

since you got involved in this

except show Bo Catlett my script?

- You're right, Harry.

You're not the one being set up.

- At least Bo is invested in three of my movies.

- Harry, we spoke with Martin.

- We? - Mm-hm, Chili and me.

- Really?

- Yeah, he asked us to call Buddy, set up a meeting.

- A meeting. - Mm-hm.

- You and Karen? - Harry!

- Guy's been in town two clays,

and he already he thinks he's David O fucking Selznick.

Okay, Mr. O. Selznick.

Shall I make my deal with Bo,

or are you finally gonna help me out

and have a talk with your dry-cleaner if you find him?

- I found him, but forget about Leo's money, Harry.

- Do you have it?

- Look, if I gave you Leo's money,

you'd have Ray Bones all over your ass,

and that's a whole new kind of trouble.

- Who?

- Ray Barboni, he lives in Miami.

He owns Leo now that Momo's dead.

- Who in the fuck is Momo?

Jesus Christ, where do you get these names?

- I'll tell you what I'll do for you, Harry.

I'll go out to the airport tomorrow morning

when it's crowded.

I'll check it out.

If there's no problem,

I'll get you your money.

- But I wouldn't get my hopes up, Harry.

- Maybe I should call this Ray Barboni character

and see if he wants to invest in my movie.

- Don't waste your time, Harry.

He's not a movie fan.

Now come on, give me the key.

- Oh, Harry.

- Well you tell him he's got to be out there

by five in the morning.

Because the actor'll only work one night, that's why.

I gotta go, yeah.

Coming!

Who is it? - Me.

- Oh, fuck.

- I heard that.

- Hello, Doris. - Harry Zimm.

You look like a wet kiss.

- Mm. - Mm.

Yum, well, aren't you gonna offer me

whatever it is you taste like?

- Come in, Doris.

My favorite color, putty.

- I like it.

What do you want, Doris?

- I miss Murray, Harry.

- Yeah, I miss him, too.

Hell of a good writer, you know.

I should know, I discovered him, made him what he was.

- What he was was a, a hack.

He couldn't get a job writing for anybody but you.

I'm being honest.

He was a lousy writer, but he was a good husband.

I just didn't know until it was too late.

- Yeah, well, 20/20 hindsight and all that,

you know what they say.

- I hate being alone.

The house is so quiet, so lonely.

It needs,

a man's touch.

- Nice necklace, Doris.

Mm, Doris?

I don't know how I feel about this.

- Mm, you seem to feel fine about it.

- Uh huh, I mean morally.

You know, Murray was a friend.

- Murray's dead. - Mm.

Does this mean that you're gonna reconsider our deal

on Mr. Lovejoy?

- No, but now that you mention it,

I did talk to a gorgeous young executive

over at Paramount the other day who just happened

to get his hands on the script.

- What'd he say?

- He said if Martin's interested,

I can get half a million for it easy.

Oh, don't worry, Harry.

I'm still gonna give you till Friday.

- How honorable of you.

Harry, you want me to go, just say so.

- What the hell.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

- What?

- Ray Barboni? - Who is this?

- Is this the guy they call Ray Bones?

- It depends, who is this?

- Who is this?

This is the one telling you the way it is.

Okay, asshole?

Now you want your 300 grand or don't you?

- What 300 grand are you talking about?

- The 300 grand a guy named Leo Devoe scammed

off an airline.

The 300 grand that Chili Palmer now has in his possession.

Hello, are you there?

- Yeah, yeah, I'm here.

I just don't like this anonymous crap.

It means you're either a big chickenshit

or you're not for real.

- Trust me, I am very for real.

- Okay, then, so who are you?

- I happen to work for Harry Zimm, all right.

- Who?

- Harry Zimm, the man happens

to be a major Hollywood player.

- I never heard of him.

- Maybe that's because you've never been out

of fuckin' Miami, dipshit.

Maybe you ought to get on a plane,

come out to L.A., take a meeting with Mr. Zimm.

- Okay, so, this Zimm guy.

What is he asking for, a finder's fee or something?

Is that what we're talkin' about here?

- Hey, Zimm don't ask for dick.

Zimm tells you the way it is, or else.

- Or else what?

- Or else use your fucking imagination.

- Excuse me, I was wondering if you could you help me?

I got a surprise gift in here for my wife.

It's a surprise.

I was wondering if you could you put this

in locker C 17 for me.

10 bucks, take you two minutes.

- Yeah, okay.

- And you'll need some of this.

Better make it quick, though.

She's in the john.

C17.

Good man.

- Passengers come to gate.

- Let's go, boys.

All right, excuse me, sir.

- Let's go boys.

- Excuse me sir.

Agent Curtis, Drug Enforcement.

These are Agents Dunbar and Morgan.

Would you come with us, please?

- Jesus Christ, what's going on?

- Just follow him and behave ourselves, what do you say

- Mr. Barbone, welcome to L.A..

I'm Bobby, your driver.

Did you have a good flight?

- Yeah, well I hope you drive better

than you fucking spell, jack-off.

The name is Barboni, not Barbone, okay?

- You want to go to the hotel first, Mr. Escobar?

- I want to get my fucking money.

- You live in Miami? - That's right.

- What are you doing in Los Angeles?

- Well, I'm in the movie business.

- You're an investor is that it?

- No, I'm a producer.

- You have a card in this?

- Well not yet, I just got started.

I'd appreciate you telling me what this is all about?

- I got a John Doe search warrant says

I could strip-search you.

- Pat him down.

- Put your hands on the wall.

Spread your legs.

- What are you doing at the airport?

I mean I was supposed to pick up my wife here,

but she wasn't on a plane.

- Why, if you live in Miami is she coming in from Newark?

- Well, we had a fight, and she left me,

went back to Brooklyn.

So I called her and I said why don't you come out West,

maybe a change of scenery will get us back together again.

She said okay, but evidently she changed her mind.

- Your wife a Lakers fan?

- I am, I'm a fan of everything that's L.A..

I love it out here.

- He's clean.

You can go.

- What are you guys looking for, anyway?

A bomb or something, what is it?

- Something that shouldn't be here.

- Is that right, oh?

Why don't you get an attendant to open up the lockers

and look in, maybe you'll find it?

- That's an idea, I'll think about it.

- Yeah, I'd do that.

Then I'd get the right guy next time.

- Mr. Barbone, if you ever wanna go to the beach,

here's the freeway you take that we're on.

Of course, on the weekend, there's no traffic.

- I'm from Miami fucking Beach

and you wanna show me the ocean, huh.

And what about the sun,

does that ever shine in this town,

or is this smog around all the time?

- They say the smog's the reason we have

such beautiful sunsets.

- That's what they say, huh?

What a bunch of fucking bullshit.

- Gee, I don't know how I missed you in that shirt.

It's the same as the other one,

except a different-colored hibiscus, is that right.

- So what, you didn't have the key on you?

- You think I'd be standin' here?

If you're gonna set someone up and you want it to work,

it's gotta be a surprise.

Can you remember that?

- You spotted 'em, huh?

What, did you see it work

in some movie that you got beat up in?

- I gotta ask you for that key back.

- Wait a minute.

The setup didn't work, and you want the key back?

- Bo said if you didn't open the locker, the deal's off.

- You're serious.

This is how you guys do business?

I'm surprised you're not dead.

Look, there's no fucking way you're gonna get the key, okay,

unless you put a gun to my head and then maybe we'll talk.

Now move away from the fucking car.

- I don't need a gun for you.

- All right, all right.

All right, slow down, slow down.

Breathe through your mouth, slow.

Breathe.

Bear, look at me.

You tell your boss I don't ever wanna see him again.

He made a deal with Harry and a deal's a deal.

You got that?

Okay, get up.

Now what are you hanging

around a guy like that for anyway, huh?

I mean, you were in the movies.

You were a stunt man, right?

What's he ever done that he can talk about?

You okay?

- Not too bad.

- How about when you fell down the stairs?

- Pulled my quadriceps.

- So, how many movies you been in?

- About 60.

- No shit? - No shit.

- What were some of them?

- You'd, you'd never seen none of 'em.

- That right, well what were some of them?

- Oh, you wouldn't know anyway.

- I know movies.

- Harry Zimm?

- Who is it?

- Oh, I'm the dipshit who's never been out of Miami.

- Mr. Barboni, what a nice surprise.

Good to see you, here, have a seat.

Right here, right here.

Ray Bones, Barboni, yes, sorry.

Oh, yes, um.

- They say the fucking smog is the fuckin' reason

you have such beautiful fucking sunsets.

- Yeah.

- What do you mean, he faked them out?

- Well he knew it was a setup

and he was ready for it.

- So where's the money?

- Well, I guess it's still in the locker.

- Guess, you mean you don't know?

- I mean I don't care, Bo, I really don't care.

- Bear, I'm gonna call you later.

Mr. Escobar, what a surprise.

Welcome to L.A.

- Where's my nephew?

- Your who?

- Yayo, where is he?

- I haven't seen Yayo.

- He's my sister's kid, no father.

Not too bright.

Personally, I think he's a retard.

I gave him the job as a favor to my sister.

You understand?

- Oh sure, family, I know how that goes.

- Mm-hm, he comes up here with our product.

He's supposed to come back home with the $500,000.

He never shows up.

Meanwhile, my sister's going crazy,

she's calling me all the time.

She's worried.

Me, I just wanna know what happened to my fucking money.

- I don't know.

I gave the man his money,

I sent him on his way.

- You gave him the money?

- I gave him the key to a locker that had the money in it.

- Now why would you do that, put the money in a locker?

- Because there were a zillion DEA guys hanging

around the terminal.

- A zillion?

That's a lot, huh?

- Mr. Escobar, maybe your nephew panicked and took off.

- Why are you talking to me this bullshit?

I think maybe I have Ramon and Cesar staple your tongue

to your chin.

What do you think?

- I think you speak very good English, Mr. Escobar.

- We're gonna spend the weekend

at the Universal Sheraton.

Take the tour, see the shark.

Check out that Miami Vice action spectacular.

- Oh nice, yeah.

- After, we're gonna come back here, get my money.

Oh, yeah.

And Yayo, too.

- His fucking nephew?

- You get to town, you go straight to the bank.

Raid the limo account.

- Hey bro, I am in town.

It don't matter, we got click in the bank.

We dumped it all into Harry's movie.

- I'm talking about you, Ray Barboni,

owning a piece of a major motion picture.

How much of a piece is entirely up to you.

What I'm saying is,

you could invest part of the 300 grand

that Palmer owes you, or all of it.

It's entirely up to you.

- Where's Chili Palmer?

Where's Leo Devoe?

Where's my fucking money?

- Ray, look at me.

- What?

- Look at me, Ray.

- Did you just say look at you?

- Look at me, Ray.

- I'll tell you what, Harry.

Why don't you take a fucking look at this?

And have a peek at this.

You know, Harry, this is the exact fucking thing I needed.

A little fucking exercise

after that long fucking plane ride.

You got a big problem, Harry.

Harry?

Well come on, Harry, don't pass out on me.

Look at me, Harry.

Where's my money?

Where's my money?

Harry, I'm gonna ask you one more time,

then I gotta shoot you

if you don't tell me what I wanna know.

Where's my money?

- Your money?

Who the fuck are you?

- I'm Ray Barboni from Miami.

- What like that's supposed to mean somethin' to me?

That man you're standing on there happens

to belong to me and my partner, bro.

- Well this piece of shit owes me money.

- Hey get in line.

- Yeah, but I don't like waiting in lines.

- Tough shit, bro, this ain't Miami.

You want something, you gotta talk to me.

- No, no, no, no, fuck you, fuckball.

I mean, L.A. is an open city,

and I don't think I have to get permission

from nobody for nothing.

- Oh, really?

Well, uh, I just closed it.

- Well you must be what they call one

of those quick-draw artists,

you know, because the way you got your gun stuck way down

in your belt like that.

- Well, what have you got there?

Wop nine?

Fucking Fiat of guns.

Always jamming on you at the wrong time.

- Don't you puke on my shoes, Harry.

Hey, Harry.

I want you to do me a favor.

I want you to take this gun

and put a pill in the bro over there.

Now I know what you're thinking.

Why the fuck would I shoot him, the guy's already dead?

But, you see Harry, the police have these tests

to tell whether or not a guy fired a gun.

And I was never here.

Do you understand that, Harry?

I was never here.

And if you say I was, I'm gonna come back

and I'm gonna throw you right outta that fucking window.

All right, knock it off, Harry.

We haven't got a lot of time here.

That's it, that's it.

- Not a worry in the world.

- Your pool needs skimming. - Yeah.

That was Martin.

He wants to have lunch tomorrow if you can make it.

- It depends on who's paying.

- Oh, definitely not Martin.

Movie stars they never pick up the check.

They have no idea what things cost.

Of course most of them don't know their phone number

and a lot don't even know their zip code.

- I don't know, I just can't get used to the idea

that the two of you were together.

- You don't like Martin much, do you?

- No, I do. I do, I think he's,

I think he's short.

But, uh,

I know he's a good actor and everything,

but what was it exactly that you saw in him?

- Oh, Martin was different then.

He wasn't a movie star.

Anyway, what about your story?

You thought of a title yet?

- Yeah, how about Get Shorty?

- How about Chili's Hollywood Adventure?

- Ah, I don't know that's a different story.

I'm still working on that one.

I'm still getting the visual fabric together.

- Yeah. - But I have added to it.

Yeah, there's a girl in it now.

- Really? - Mm-hm.

She looks a lot like you. - Oh.

I think you could be an actor.

I know you're acting sometimes, but you don't show it.

- You thought I was faking?

- No, not then.

I mean in general.

- What, you don't mean a movie star though right?

I mean you're talking more like a character actor?

- No, whichever.

- Yeah, well, I can see myself in the parts

that Robert De Niro plays you know,

or maybe even an Al Pacino movie,

playing a real hard-on.

But I couldn't see myself in the movie

where like the three guys get left with a baby,

they don't know how to take care of it,

so they act like three grown up assholes,

- Chili, - Like they're all cute

and everything... - Chili look at me.

- Leave a message.

- Hi Karen, it's Doris.

Listen doll, you might wanna come by Cedars tonight

and visit Harry, he's in the emergency room.

- Let's go.

- Well what can I tell ya.

I stopped by his office to see if he wanted

to take me to Le Dome for dinner.

When I see Harry and some other man lying on the floor.

Goodnight, Todd.

Goodnight, Lewis.

- Oh, man.

- Oh. - Jesus.

- Harry, my God.

- He can't talk, he's full of Demerol.

- What happened?

- Well according to Todd, Sergeant Randall,

a man named Ronnie came by Harry's office

to collect on a debt.

He got rough and Harry shot him.

- You shot Ronnie?

- Hello, hello, okay, here we go.

Looks like Mr. Zimm here has a broken jaw

and some neck trauma to go with these fractured hands.

Excuse us, folks.

Harry, Martin wanted to meet us for lunch tomorrow

at the Ivy, and I canceled,

but he's going to Cannes next week,

so I really think that maybe Chili and I should still go.

- Okay, who wants to take a crack

at wiring Mr. Zimm's jaw, hm?

- Son of a bitch.

Son of a bitch.

- Hi, Bo.

Hey, Farrah.

Little honey bunny.

You wipe your feet before you come in here?

- Yeah.

- That's my girl.

Keep Uncle Bo's carpet nice and white.

I've been calling you, man.

Where you been?

- See the paper?

- Yeah, I seen it.

I don't believe it.

It says Harry shot Ronnie five times,

four through the chest and one through his foot.

- His foot, Jesus.

Poor Ronnie.

- Tonight, later on, I got one for you

that doesn't involve any heavy work.

I want you to go take a look

around Chili Palmer's hotel room.

- No, I can't, I can't.

I gotta take Farrah over to her mother's

in Costa Mesa and uh.

And that don't matter, 'cause I quit.

I don't work for you no more.

I just came down here to tell you right to your face,

so we got no misunderstanding.

- Bear, the Colombians are in L.A.,

all upset about their money,

and if that ain't enough, it turns out as a bonus

that Yayo was Escobar's nephew.

- That's your problem.

You went and shot the guy.

Farrah?

Hey, honey bunny.

Come here, Farrah, come here, honey bunny.

Come and see Uncle Bo.

Yeah, you know Uncle Bo hates being alone.

In fact he hates it so much he takes a fall,

he's not gonna fall by himself.

He's gonna plea-deal his way out,

give up his ace stunt man,

now one of the West Coast's dope kings,

if they go easy on the Cat.

You know, I hear in federal joints,

they let you spend an extra five minutes

with your daddy on Father's Day.

- Just let her go, Bo.

After this one, I'm out, you understand?

This is the last time we talk to each other.

You remember Harry's story

about the dry-cleaner Palmer was after?

The one that stole that $300,000 from the airline?

- Yeah, what about him?

- Tonight you go have a look around Palmer's hotel room

while I go check out Karen Flores's place,

see if he hasn't stashed it somewhere.

And you meet me back here at midnight.

- So what kind of food they got at this, uh, Ivy place?

- It's Continental, but it doesn't matter,

Martin won't order from the menu anyway.

- Why not.

- Because movie stars can never order straight

from the menu.

They have to think of something they have to have

that isn't on the menu.

- No.

- Stephanie!

- Harry, what are you doing here?

You supposed to be in the hospital.

- Hey, Harry, you look like you ought to be

in one of your own horror movies.

- My project.

- What'd he say? - My project.

- Mr. Zimm.

- Hey, Harry.

Attaboy, killer.

- Right this way.

- You're a celebrity, Harry.

You shoulda shot someone a long time ago.

- Hi.

Hi.

Excuse me.

How you doin'? - Did you see?

- Hello, hi.

How you doin'?

Hey, Chili.

Good to see you, great to see you.

Oh, Harry.

Oh, my goodness.

- Hi, Martin. - Sweet face.

Honey, you look great. - Mm.

- You smell good, too. - Thanks.

- Yeah, so, Harry, I hear you had quite an experience.

Well, anyway, I'm glad you're okay.

You know what else?

I'm really glad that you rejected me ten years ago,

when I auditioned for the part

of Eddie Solomon, the pedophile clown and birthday boy.

If I'd have gotten that part,

I might have been typecast.

Have you guys ordered?

Because I have something after this.

Can we order?

Excuse me, could you?

Hi, what's your name?

- Stephanie. - Hi Stephanie.

Um, I feel like an omelet.

Can you make an egg-white omelet but with shallots,

with the shallots only slightly brown,

very little olive oil and no salt?

Okay, why don't you bring one for the table?

We'll pick on it. - No.

Have, oh, I know, how about having those strawberry frappes,

you know the little drinks with little strawberries in 'em?

And bring two straws for Harry.

Anyway, I think the romance angle

in your story is critically important.

I mean, this shouldn't be just a hop

in the sack for either of 'em.

These two should fall deeply in love.

- Which two?

- And then, later, when their lives are in danger

and the mob guy's chasing 'em,

it not only heightens the tension

but it adds a wistful element to their romance.

- Mob guy?

- I have to consider, as the mob guy,

it's another man's wife I'm sleeping with, so.

- Yeah, and, after all, you have such morals.

- Mob guy?

- Look, I have to run, but what I would like to see,

is that they begin to have misgivings

about wanting the money.

This becomes a moral dilemma for the two of them.

I mean, they, they rationalize taking it,

but in the end, they can't.

- What money?

- The 300 large, what other money is there?

I know I shouldn't be talkin' about this

until I read the script

but I have a such a good feeling about this.

I am that Shylock. - Hm.

- Look at me, Harry.

- Ho. - Hey, not bad.

You're really getting it down.

- It scares me how well I know this guy.

I mean, I could do this tomorrow, no further preparation.

Doll face. - Mm-hm.

- You really should think about getting back into acting.

We could do something together.

- I'll give it some heavy thought.

- Okay. - Mm.

- Take care of yourself, Harry.

- Enjoy.

- Here, let me help you out.

Go ahead.

Suck harder.

- Chili, wake up.

Somebody's downstairs.

It's Harry.

- How do you know?

He's doing the same you did to him,

playing Letterman on TV.

- That's not Dave, that's a movie.

Hm. - You gonna go down?

- I don't know.

- You don't know?

- I know, I'm goin', I'm goin'.

Karen, you got a gun?

- No.

- Well any kinda gun'll do.

- No. - No.

Ah, sounds like Rio Bravo.

- Dude.

Maybe this will help.

- Guess I'll take that drink now Charlie.

- I thought you would.

You want that gun, pick it up.

I wish you would.

- I need the money.

- What money?

- The 300 grand that you got

from a little dry-cleaner named Leo.

- Let me get this straight.

You break into Karen Flores's house,

and you ask for 300 grand that doesn't belong to you?

- Just give me the money, I'll be on my way.

- I can't believe how you guys do business out here.

I can't believe how fucked up your organization is.

- I tell you what, how about I count to three

and I'll organize your fuckin' brain

all over the wall back there?

How 'bout that.

One.

- Oh, you're gonna shoot me now, huh Bo?

- Just a second, two.

- I can't believe this.

- Karen!

- She can't talk right now.

That's a really nice scream there, we give you more work.

- All right, I'll get you the money.

But it's not here.

I gotta go get it.

- Okay, fine.

In the meantime, I'll hold on to her for safekeeping.

Now you know Laurel Canyon?

- I'll find it. - All right.

I'm at 8150 Wonderland Avenue, right off of Laurel.

- I'll be there, Karen.

- You get the money?

- No, what is this?

- Plan B.

You make yourself comfortable.

- Karen Flores is plan B?

- That's what I said.

Don't ask me any questions.

- She's a movie star!

- I don't care what she is.

I know what I'm doing.

I'm making a little trade. - Oh, for Christ's sake.

- Trade for what? - The money, man.

- You get life for kidnapping.

- Just calm down, Bear.

- Calm down, you're talkin' about life in prison

and you want me to calm down!

- Do not fade on me now, Bear.

- What are you gonna do you shoot me now?

Is that what you're gonna do?

Well go ahead then, go ahead, put me out of my misery.

Go ahead!

- I said, calm the hell down.

Unless you wanna spend your rest of your life holding Farrah

on your lap in a roomful of goddam felons.

- So, this is one of them houses you see hanging

off the side of the cliff.

Where's Karen?

- In my bathroom.

Where's the money?

- Let me see her.

- Go ahead.

- Karen!

Are you okay?

- The guy's got a fucking pink toilet, for Christ's sake.

- She's great.

Give me the money.

- First, I'm gonna settle something between you and me.

Now I've been shot at before.

Once by accident, twice on purpose, and I'm still here.

And I'm gonna be here as long as I want.

Which means that gotta be somewhere else.

And nowhere near me, Karen or Harry.

Now here's your money.

Take it, and leave the movie business

to the rest of us who know what we're doing.

Come on, Karen.

- You broke in my house,

and I have a witness to it.

- What!

- Only this time it ain't no John Wayne

or Dean Martin shooting bad guys in El Dorado.

- That was Rio Bravo.

Robert Mitchum played the drunk in El Dorado.

Dean Martin played the drunk in Rio Bravo.

Basically it was the same part.

Now John Wayne, he did the same on both.

He played John Wayne.

- Man, I can't wait for you to be dead.

- Now are you gonna let him talk to me...

- That's for the stairs,

- Hey!

and that's for the airport.

- Bear, get him off my carpet before he starts to bleed.

- You wanna take this guy out, huh?

You come out here on the deck

and make it look like he came at us.

You shoot him, self-defense.

Get up.

- Shouldn't he have a weapon, a knife or something?

- Oh, no. - I'll get it later.

- All right, Bear, that's enough.

Enough, Bear!

You keep hitting him like that,

he's not gonna look like he broke in anymore,

he's gonna look like somebody beat him up and then shot him.

- No, he ain't.

Hold on, man.

We gotta get the fuck outta here!

- Chili!

- What the hell are you doin'?

- Karen, what the fuck are you doing?

- Oh, shit. - She's shooting at us.

Come on.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Wow.

- How do you think that happened?

- Beats the shit outta me.

- So were you scared up there?

- You bet.

- You don't act like it.

- Oh, I was scared then, not now.

How long do you want me to be scared?

I'll be right back.

How'd you get in here?

- It was easy, I told them I was you.

I acted real stupid and they believed me.

- What brings you to L.A., Bones?

- Please, don't insult me, just turn around.

Turn around!

Do you know that you're the dumbest fuck I ever met

in my whole life?

Let me take a look in these pockets.

You shoulda told me about Leo Devoe

as soon as you found out about him.

- Now why would I do something like that?

- Because the guy is a customer of mine, that's why, dummy.

He belongs to me.

Well, well, well, well, well.

What have we here?

C18.

Now I wonder what this could be.

A locker key?

But where's the locker?

- I checked the bag at the airport.

- Ah, which terminal?

Which terminal?

- Sovereign.

- You found Leo, huh?

You found him, you took the poor bastard's money,

you put it in a locker all ready to go.

Why haven't you left?

- I like it out here.

- You know, Chili, I've been thinking.

There's really no reason why you and I shouldn't get along.

I mean, forget about all of that stuff that happened before.

I don't even remember how all of this mess started.

You took a swing at me for some fuckin' thing.

I say fuck it.

I say you owe me money.

I say fuck that.

I say you owe me the juice on the money.

I say fuck that, too.

I say live and let die.

But this, this is strictly between you and I.

You say nothing to nobody about this, understood?

- Whatever you say, Ray.

- I mean, I think it's only fair, don't you?

Well then it's all settled.

I'll see you around.

Dumb fuck.

Come here.

The fucking airport.

- Bingo, boys, let's go.

- Hey, Bones, look at me.

- Fuck you, fuckball.

- Damn. - Cut.

- I, I, I. - Cut, cut.

- I am, I am pushing the right button.

- You're not pushing the right button,

- I'm pushing the right button.

- Or else that thing wouldn't fall on the floor.

Every take I'm pushing the right button.

- It's all right.

Where's that Bear man, show him how to do it.

- All right, I don't really know, maybe it's the gun.

- What do you wanna do, Harry?

- I don't know, we'll get it fixed, I'm sorry.

- All right - Wrap, it's a wrap.

Come back tomorrow.

- Harry, I had a feeling. - Fuck.

- Harry, what are you doing? - Fuck.

- You should've gone into overtime to get that shot.

This is only the second day,

we're already two weeks behind.

And do me a favor, all right Harry.

Make sure...

- Now here's what I don't understand.

Martin already told me that he loves it.

- Look Buddy, I just don't think that Martin is right, okay.

- Why the hell not?

- Because he's too short.

Come on.

Why does he keep pushing Martin Weir?

- Packaging.

- Yeah, but that's not really,

you can't make a Martin Weir into a Mel Gibson.

Come on. - How do you know?

- Where do you wanna go?

Do you want to go to Morton's or Dan Tana's?

- I don't know.

- Cooperation.

- Faces glow.

- Where do you want to go?