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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,212 --> 00:00:06,797 He sprang to his sleigh To his team gave a whistle 2 00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:09,967 And away they all flew Like the down of a thistle 3 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:13,262 But I heard him exclaim Ere he drove out of sight 4 00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:18,892 "Merry Christmas to all And to all a good night." 5 00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:24,815 - Wow. That was great. - Mm-hm. 6 00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,066 You really wrote that? 7 00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:28,944 Uh-huh. 8 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,989 - Say goodbye, elves. I'm off to Tulsa. - Aw. 9 00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:34,491 I can't believe you're not gonna be here for Christmas. 10 00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:36,493 You're really not coming back? 11 00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:39,830 Yeah, we have this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. 12 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,708 - If I don't get it done, I'll be fired. - It's so unfair. 13 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,919 - You don't even like your job. - So? Who does? 14 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,588 - I like my job. - I love my job. 15 00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:50,841 - I can't wait to go back to work. - I can't get enough dinosaurs. 16 00:00:55,263 --> 00:00:57,347 I'm sorry I won't be here. 17 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,309 It's just hard enough not seeing you during the week... 18 00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,436 ...but for Christmas... 19 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,772 If this is what you have to do, I understand. 20 00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:07,316 Thanks. 21 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:08,734 I'll see you New Year's Day. 22 00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:11,070 You're not gonna be here New Year's Eve? 23 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,324 - Did I not mention that? - No. 24 00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,701 And to all a good night. 25 00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:15,467 All right, everybody. I know that it is Christmas Eve... 26 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:19,012 ...and you'd rather be with your families, but there is no call for writing: 27 00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:23,809 "Screw you, Mr. Bing" on the back of my chair. 28 00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:26,353 By the way, you can all call me Chandler. 29 00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,815 - Hey. - Hey. Where you been? 30 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:33,318 I was, uh, checking out that insurance company's Christmas party on three. 31 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:36,738 It was really beautiful. They have all these decorations and this huge tree. 32 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:39,908 And I just thought, to hell with them, we have to work. 33 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:42,661 So I stole their ham. 34 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,123 You hear that? You may not be with your families... 35 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,917 ...but at least it's gonna smell like ham in here. 36 00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:52,254 My kid's in a play right now. 37 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,465 You know what? I know what will cheer you guys up. 38 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,759 I had a talk with the boys in New York. 39 00:02:57,927 --> 00:03:00,095 I told them about all the hard work you've been doing... 40 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:03,098 ...and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order. 41 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:08,729 "A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet." 42 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,691 Well, that's like money in your pocket. 43 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,695 All right, look, you want me to say it? This sucks. 44 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:19,281 Being here sucks. This work sucks. 45 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:21,783 Now it feels like Christmas. 46 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,119 I'm sorry. 47 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:27,247 Hey, at least you get to go home and be with your families tonight. 48 00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:29,958 I have to back to an empty hotel room and lay down... 49 00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:33,253 ...on a very questionable bedspread. 50 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,049 Then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses. 51 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,635 Which, by the way, none of you have invited me to. 52 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:44,097 - You can come to my house. - Ha, ha. No, thanks. 53 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:47,684 - It was a nice pep talk. - Oh, thanks. 54 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:51,313 I'm actually thinking about becoming a motivational speaker. 55 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:56,151 So if you were home right now, what would you be doing? 56 00:03:56,361 --> 00:04:00,656 Typical Christmassy stuff, you know. Our holidays are pretty traditional. 57 00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:03,742 So here's a very special holiday song... 58 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:07,537 ...that I wrote for some very important people to me. 59 00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:14,670 Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap 60 00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:17,881 Asked him to bring my friends All kinds of crap 61 00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:22,844 Said all you need Is to write them a song 62 00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:27,474 They haven't heard it yet So don't try to sing along 63 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:30,143 No don't sing along 64 00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:36,775 Monica, Monica Have a happy Hanukkah 65 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:44,658 Saw Santa Claus He said hello to Ross 66 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:51,999 And please tell Joey Christmas will be snowy 67 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:56,837 And Rachel and Chandler 68 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,303 Happy holidays, everybody. 69 00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:07,764 Okay, Pheebs, look in the kitchen. I'll look in the back closet. 70 00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:11,393 I can save you time, ladies. I'm right here. 71 00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:14,104 Yeah. Chandler, why don't you take a walk? 72 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:16,231 This doesn't concern you. 73 00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:19,651 We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica. 74 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:23,196 - What? That's terrible. - No, no. We do it every year. 75 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,866 Oh, well, that makes it not terrible. 76 00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:31,496 No. Yeah, we never find them. She's always bested us, that wily... 77 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:32,998 ...minx. 78 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,876 Don't worry. We're gonna search here for an hour... 79 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,170 ...and then we're gonna go to Joey's and search. Okay? 80 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,131 No, not okay. You can't look for Monica's presents. 81 00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:43,175 - No, we have to. - No, you don't have to. 82 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:47,304 And you can't, because I live here too. 83 00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:51,975 - Well, then you should look with us. - Why? 84 00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:55,145 Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas? 85 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,564 No, I have a great idea for a present for her. 86 00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,817 Oh, pfft. That's it? A great idea again? 87 00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:04,404 Chandler, that's not enough. What if she gets you a great present... 88 00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:06,740 ...two medium presents and a bunch of little presents... 89 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:10,160 ...and you got her one great present? That's just gonna make her feel bad. 90 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:13,121 Why would you do that to her, Chandler? Why? Why? 91 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:17,250 - If I helped, we could find them faster. - That's right. 92 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:22,506 - Ooh, ooh, we have a live one. - It's a Macy's bag. 93 00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:23,965 Yeah. 94 00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:27,928 - Oh. - Ooh. Who's it for? 95 00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:33,266 "Dear Losers: Do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? 96 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:37,312 P.S. Chandler, I knew they'd break you." 97 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,442 Rach, these are for you. 98 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:47,364 Wiper blades. I don't even have a car. 99 00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:51,701 No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do. 100 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,499 Okay, Pheebs, your turn. 101 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:02,462 Ah. Toilet seat covers. 102 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,218 Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas? 103 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,887 You guys. 104 00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:15,434 And for Ross, Mr. Sweet Tooth. 105 00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:23,150 - You got me a cola drink? - And... a lemon-lime. 106 00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:27,028 Wow. Well, this... This is too much. 107 00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:30,073 I feel like I should get you another sweater. 108 00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:35,036 And last, but not least... 109 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,583 They're ribbed, for your pleasure. 110 00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:42,878 Well, hey, Ben. 111 00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:49,259 What if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights? 112 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,969 Cool. 113 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,888 Come on, Ben. 114 00:07:55,558 --> 00:08:02,105 Years and years ago, there were these people called the Maccabees. 115 00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:06,109 Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas. 116 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:10,197 - Santa. - Hey. 117 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:14,034 What are you doing here, Santa? 118 00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:18,788 Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. 119 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,208 What are you doing here... 120 00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:25,170 ...weird turtle-man? 121 00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:33,470 I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. 122 00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:38,558 You sent me here to give Ben some presents. 123 00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:41,019 Remember? 124 00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:44,356 What? 125 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,733 Okay, Ben, why don't you open some more presents? 126 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,653 Santa, the armadillo and I will have a talk in the kitchen. 127 00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:53,657 There's a sentence I never thought I'd say. 128 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,159 What are you doing? 129 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:59,496 You called everyone and said you had trouble finding a Santa costume... 130 00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:02,290 ...so I borrowed one from a guy at work. 131 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,001 Thank you, but you gotta leave. 132 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,670 - Why? - Because... 133 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,589 ...I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah. 134 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,258 And you're wrecking it. 135 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:15,512 But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly. 136 00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:22,477 I'm sorry, Chandler, but this is really important to me. 137 00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:26,856 Okay, fine. I'll give the suit back. 138 00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:31,361 Hey, you think you can keep it another night? 139 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:35,156 Santa? Really? 140 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:40,996 - Yeah, is that okay? - Did your dad ever dress up like Santa? 141 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:46,126 - No. - Then it's okay. 142 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,505 You know what, everybody? 143 00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:52,882 Go home. You should be with your families. 144 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:55,302 It's bad enough that we're working New Year's Eve. 145 00:09:57,805 --> 00:10:01,182 Did I not tell anyone about New Year's Eve? 146 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:05,395 All right, look, go. Go home, okay? Merry Christmas. Go. 147 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,981 - Merry Christmas. - Peace on earth. 148 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:12,861 - Bye. - Good. Godspeed, good people. 149 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:17,741 - You're not gonna go? - Nah. I couldn't leave you alone. 150 00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:20,201 Oh. Thanks. 151 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:24,414 Besides, I can't leave until that Christmas party downstairs clears out. 152 00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:27,876 There are some pissed-off insurance people looking for that ham. 153 00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:29,252 Ah. 154 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:34,090 - Chandler Bing. - Hi, honey. We're all here. 155 00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:36,051 We just want to wish you a Merry Christmas. 156 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:37,761 Merry Christmas. 157 00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:43,266 Aw, merry Christmas. I miss you guys. 158 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,061 So is it horrible? Is everybody working really hard? 159 00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:49,105 Uh, well, no, it's just, uh, me and Wendy. 160 00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:52,025 Wendy? That sounds like a girl's name. 161 00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:55,403 It is. Did I not tell you about her? 162 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:59,366 Mm-hm. About the time you told me about New Year's Eve. 163 00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:02,661 - Where's everybody else? - I sent them home. 164 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:06,623 Oh, you are such a good boss. Is she pretty? 165 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:11,544 - Uh... Uh... - Answer faster. Answer faster. 166 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,589 - I don't know. - Answer better. Answer better. 167 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,718 I don't think of her that way. I mean, she's a, uh, colleague. 168 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,971 - What does she do there? - Oh, she's regional vice president. 169 00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:24,641 - She's just below me. - She did what? 170 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:32,065 Below me. 171 00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,819 Oh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma? 172 00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:37,654 What? 173 00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:41,157 Well, she didn't win. 174 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,327 All right, well, maybe I should let you... 175 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,497 ...and the second-prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work. 176 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,040 Well, second prettiest that year. 177 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,710 Of all the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably... 178 00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:53,378 Chandler, stop talking. 179 00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:58,091 Honey, there's really nothing to worry about. 180 00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,552 - Okay. - I'm serious. 181 00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:02,011 Okay. 182 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:05,014 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. 183 00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:07,892 - Merry Christmas, you guys. - Merry Christmas. 184 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:18,069 - The wife says hi. - Ah. Fun conversation? 185 00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:21,322 Ah, well, she's just got this weird idea that, uh... 186 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,867 ...just because you and I are alone something's gonna happen. 187 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:26,745 Huh? Really? 188 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:30,540 Hmm. Would that be so terrible? 189 00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:35,587 This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about... 190 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:39,591 ...but you're getting ham on my only tie. 191 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:49,809 - Whoa, back off, missy. - Ha, ha. Missy? 192 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,645 I don't know. I'm not used to girls making passes at me. 193 00:12:52,813 --> 00:12:56,858 Wait a minute. Am I sexy in Oklahoma? 194 00:12:57,818 --> 00:13:02,405 - You are to me. - No. No. No. 195 00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:06,993 - Look, I'm married. - So? I'm married. 196 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,078 I'm happily married. 197 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,873 Oh. What's that like? 198 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:17,212 - Right. So I'm sorry, but... - Seriously? Happily married? 199 00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:20,507 So that phone call before, that was happy? 200 00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:23,927 Well, look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart. 201 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,346 She's entitled to be a little paranoid. 202 00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:29,182 Or, in this case, right on the money. 203 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:34,771 You know, she's amazing and beautiful and smart. 204 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:38,566 And if she were here right now, she'd kick your ass. 205 00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:46,574 Look, you're a really nice person, ham stealing and adultery aside. 206 00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:51,246 But what I have with my wife is pretty great. 207 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:54,457 So nothing's ever gonna happen between us. 208 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,252 Okay, let me ask you something. 209 00:13:57,419 --> 00:14:01,005 If what you and your wife have is so great... 210 00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:04,425 ...then why are you spending Christmas with me? 211 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,429 You were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight. 212 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,015 - Really? - Are you kidding? 213 00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:14,185 You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms. 214 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,612 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on? You and I just made out. 215 00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:27,240 - You and I are making out? - Well, not anymore. 216 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:31,828 - But we don't do that. - I know. I just thought it would be fun. 217 00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:35,999 - How drunk are you? - Drunk enough that I know I wanna do this. 218 00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:39,419 Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage. 219 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,214 That's a perfect amount. 220 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,347 - You know what's weird? - What? 221 00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,933 - This doesn't feel weird. - I know. 222 00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:59,314 - You're a really good kisser. - Well, I have kissed over four women. 223 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,400 - You wanna get under the covers? - Uh-huh. 224 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,110 Okay. 225 00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,662 Wow, you are really fast. 226 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:18,041 It bodes well for me that speed impresses you. 227 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,503 - We're gonna see each other naked. - Yep. 228 00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:25,340 - You want to do it at the same time? - Count of three? 229 00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:27,008 - One. - Two. 230 00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:29,260 Three. 231 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:37,185 Well, I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined. 232 00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:40,021 Eh, we weren't that close anyway. 233 00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:44,400 So are you really gonna go out with that nurse-man? 234 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,820 Well, uh, you and I are just goofing around. 235 00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:51,616 I thought, why not just goof around with him? 236 00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:57,956 I don't know if you've ever looked up the term "goofing around" in the dictionary. 237 00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,416 Well, I have. 238 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:05,588 And the technical definition is two friends... 239 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:12,053 ...who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex... 240 00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:18,810 ...and just want to spend more time together. 241 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,146 But if you have this newfangled dictionary that gets you mad at me... 242 00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:26,025 ...then we have to, you know, get you my original dictionary. 243 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,571 I am so bad at this. 244 00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,783 I think you're better than you think you are. 245 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,787 - Really? Okay. So if...? - Know when to stop. 246 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,039 You know, I sensed that I should stop. 247 00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,292 - So we're okay? - Yeah. 248 00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:49,465 - Don't do the dance. - Right. 249 00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,428 I can't get married without something old, something new... 250 00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:56,389 ...something borrowed, something blue. - Okay, okay. 251 00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,891 Here's something blue and new. 252 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,602 You are so efficient. I love you. 253 00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:03,146 - Let's go. - No, no, wait. 254 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,023 We need something old. 255 00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:09,444 Okay. I have a condom in my wallet that I've had since I was 12. 256 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,488 That'll work. 257 00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:14,490 I don't think so. 258 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,160 Okay. Now we just need something borrowed. 259 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:22,623 - Here, just take this. - That's stealing. 260 00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:25,376 We'll bring it back. Just put it under your dress. 261 00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:34,677 Aw. 262 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,015 Okay, one thing at a time. 263 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,144 Listen, um... 264 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,731 ...I've been thinking. 265 00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:51,152 It's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. 266 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,405 I mean, you work... You work really hard for that. 267 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,824 - Well... - Well, you work for that. 268 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,454 Look, I've thought about it too. And... 269 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:06,250 ...I'm sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding. 270 00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:11,172 - You do? - Yeah. I'm putting my foot down. 271 00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:15,009 Yeah, look, when I proposed... 272 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:19,305 ...I told you that I would do anything to make you happy. 273 00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:23,142 And if having the perfect wedding makes you happy, then... 274 00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,269 Then that's what we're gonna do. 275 00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:28,314 You are so sweet. 276 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:35,113 But wait. What about our...? What about the future and stuff? 277 00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:39,075 Ah, forget about the future and stuff. So we only have two kids. 278 00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:43,412 You know, we'll pick our favorite, and that one will get to go to college. 279 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,874 - You've thought about that? - Yeah. 280 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:51,087 - How many kids were we gonna have? - Uh, four. A boy, twin girls... 281 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:52,713 ...and another boy. 282 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:57,260 - What else did you think about? - Well, heh... 283 00:18:57,427 --> 00:19:01,097 ...stuff like where we'd live, you know. 284 00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:05,768 Like a small place outside the city where our kids could ride their bikes and stuff. 285 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:09,605 You know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar... 286 00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:13,651 ...and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. 287 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:18,114 Of course we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old. 288 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,246 You know what? 289 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:28,708 I don't... I don't want a big, fancy wedding. 290 00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:31,377 - Sure you do. - No. 291 00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:35,381 I want everything that you've just said. 292 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:38,009 I want a marriage. 293 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,761 - You sure? - Mm-hm. 294 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:46,726 - I love you so much. - I love you. 295 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:05,119 - Ah! Oh, I love it. - Really? You're not gonna return it? 296 00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:06,787 Well, not this second. 297 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:12,043 Hey, look, you guys. It's snowing. 298 00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:14,003 Oh. 299 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:20,468 - Oh, wow, it's so beautiful. - Wow, it really is. 300 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,220 Ah. 301 00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:26,098 Wendy's a fat-girl name. 302 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:28,768 Aren't we done with that? 303 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:33,022 Okay, fine. Fine. Let's talk about snow. 304 00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:35,566 Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa... 305 00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:38,569 ...where my husband's having sex on a copying machine? 306 00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:43,532 - Hey. - Oh, my God. 307 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,660 - Hey. - Aw. 308 00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:49,372 Hey. Look at that. It's a Christmas miracle. 309 00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:55,461 - What are you doing here? - I wanted to be with you. 310 00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,380 I missed you so much. 311 00:20:57,547 --> 00:21:00,841 - Hey, hey, uh, who'd you miss the most? - Monica. 312 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,928 Gotcha. 313 00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:10,935 - I never wanna leave you again. - But I thought if you left, you'd get fired. 314 00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:14,605 Turns out they can't fire me. Because I quit. 315 00:21:14,982 --> 00:21:18,526 - What? - What? You...? You really quit your job? 316 00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:22,196 Yeah. It was a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you. 317 00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:24,740 And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do... 318 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,200 ...what he really wants to do? 319 00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:31,330 - Well, what do you really wanna do? - I have not thought this through. 320 00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:35,501 - Oh, my God. - I know. I should've talked to you first. 321 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:38,879 No, I think that this is what you wanna do. I think it's great. 322 00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:41,674 Thanks. 323 00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:46,971 Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could ever imagine. 324 00:21:47,222 --> 00:21:48,306 Aw. 325 00:21:48,515 --> 00:21:51,017 - Now give me my real gift. - Yeah. 326 00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:53,227 - Thank you. - Here, pass those around. 327 00:21:53,812 --> 00:21:55,771 Oh, hey. 328 00:22:01,611 --> 00:22:05,906 "A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet." 329 00:22:07,659 --> 00:22:09,994 How did you know? 330 00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:14,165 What? Are you kidding? I can't return this. 331 00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:17,710 I thought it was time we started thinking about other people. 332 00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:20,338 And besides, this gift still says I love you guys. 333 00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:24,342 - Mine says, "To Lillian Myers." - I don't have a job. 334 00:22:29,556 --> 00:22:32,141 Actuary? No. 335 00:22:32,476 --> 00:22:35,644 Bookkeeper? Hmm, no. 336 00:22:35,812 --> 00:22:38,397 Topless dancer? 337 00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:47,365 Hey, you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. 338 00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:53,037 You are the head of the household. I don't do anything. I'm a kept man. 339 00:22:53,246 --> 00:22:54,747 You are. 340 00:22:54,915 --> 00:22:56,332 Honey, here's 20 bucks. 341 00:22:56,625 --> 00:22:59,251 Go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow. 27815

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