All language subtitles for Friends.S08E11.720p.BluRay.x264-PSYCHD

- Phoebe.
- Yeah?

Look at that guy by the window. Wow!

He's awfully short.
And I think he's talking to himself.

And to be completely honest,
he's not that good in bed.

Ugh, what is wrong with me lately?
It's, like, every guy I see.

Look at that guy, for example.

Normally that's not someone
that I would be attracted to.

But right now,
with the way I'm feeling...

...all I wanna do is rip off
his sweatpants and fanny pack.

Wait a second! This is about
the fourth month of your pregnancy, right?

- Yeah.
- This is completely normal.

Around the fourth month,
your hormones go crazy.

- Really? So this happened to you?
- Absolutely, yeah.

And keep in mind, I was carrying triplets.

So in medical terms,
I was thrice as randy.

Wow, this explains so much.

Last weekend, I went from store
to store, sitting on Santas' laps.

Yeah, I remember trying to steal...

...a cardboard cutout of Evander Holyfield
from a Footlocker.

- Ugh.
- Yeah, ugh.

I go see my doctor tomorrow.
I'll ask her about this.

Maybe she can give me
a pill or something.

Yeah, that's what you need.
A good pill.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Look, I got our pictures developed.

Oh, great. Joey, wanna check out
pictures of me and Mona ice-skating?

Oh, uh, ordinarily I would love to,
but I am just swamped right now.

Where are the pictures that creepy
pretzel vendor took of us together?

Oh, yeah. Probably at the end.

Oh, my God. All he took
were pictures of my breasts!

I'm missing picture time?

You know, she has a face, Ross.

- Okay, here's a good one of us.
- Wow, that is a good one.

Wow, It looks like a holiday card...

...with the tree in the middle
and the skaters and the snow. Heh.

Every year I say I'll send cards
and I never do it.

Do you wanna send
this one out together?

Together? Like, to people?

Yeah, "Happy Holidays,
from Mona and Ross." it'll be cute. Okay?

Heh. Uh, okay.

- Oh, I gotta get to work. Call me later?
- Sure.

- Bye, guys.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- Yeah.

Congratulations! You just got married!

I know. Can you believe that?

I'm sorry. What's the big deal
about a holiday card?

Married couples send out cards.
Families send out cards.

People who've been dating a few months
do not send out cards. Is she crazy?

Hey, hey, hey.
That's your wife you're talking about.

- Bing! Ho, and the Bingette!
- Ah, heh.

- Honey, you remember my boss, Doug.
- Yes. Hi.

So, good news, the divorce is final.
I signed the papers this a.m.

I didn't know you were getting
a divorce. I'm sorry.

Heh, sorry? Finally chewed my leg out
of that bear trap.

- Hey! Congratulations to you guys.
- Heh. No leg-chewing for us.

Well, give it time.

So! The divorce, the marriage,
we got a lot to celebrate.

How about we go out to dinner
tomorrow night?

I can't think
of anything we're doing.

Why can't I think of anything
we're doing?

Tomorrow night it is.
I should be out of court by 6.

They keep throwing sexual harassment
cases at me...

...and I keep knocking them
out of the park! Ha-ha-ha.

Okay, see you tomorrow.

Just so you know,
we're not seeing him tomorrow.

I cannot spend another evening
with that man.

Remember how he behaved
at our wedding?

- No.
- Because he wasn't invited.

Because of the way he behaved
at our engagement party.

Oh, yeah. Boy, urine cuts right through
an ice sculpture, doesn't it?

- Hi!
- Hey.

Hey, I went by the photo shop.
Take a look.

Here is a mockup of our card.
What do you think?

Huh. Wow, this is great.

Now, do you think it should say,
"Love, Ross and Mona"?

Well, we haven't said that
to each other yet...

...but I guess it's okay
to say it to other people.

- How many did you want? I'm getting 100.
- A hundred? Ha-ha-ha.

Well, I, uh, guess I'll take, uh...

Mona?

Uh, I don't... I'm not sure
about the whole, uh, card thing.

Really? Why not?

Sending out a holiday card together?

I just don't know
if we're really quite there yet.

I didn't think of it that way.
You're right. You're right.

- So can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.

- Where are we?
- Huh?

You know, where are we?
Where is this relationship going?

Hmm.

I mean, I love spending time with you.
I hope we're moving forward.

We should talk about that,
don't you think?

Let's do the card!

- What?
- The card! I think we're there.

Okay, but I still think
we should have this conversation.

Really? I mean, even with the card?

- Hi.
- Hi.

Just so you know, Dr. Long can't be here
today. She was called to the hospital.

So Dr. Schiff will be seeing you.

Okay. Can I ask you a question?

Was it me, or was the guy who
took my blood sample really cute? Heh.

You know who I'm talking about?
Bowl haircut, hairy fingers?

- Hi, Rachel. I'm Dr. Schiff.
- Yes, you are.

So how's it going?

Oh, it's really good.
But enough about me! Come on. Heh.

Where are you from? What do you do?

- I'm a doctor.
- Right. I meant...

...you know, in your spare time.
Do you cook? Ski?

Or hang out with your wife
or girlfriend?

Uh, I don't have a wife or girlfriend,
but I do ski.

I love to ski! How amazing is this?

- Are you experiencing any discomfort?
- No, I'm very comfortable.

- Any painful gas?
- No!

Ew, Dr. Schiff!
What kind of question is that?

Okay, then. Would you like
to lie down on the table?

Would you like me
to lie down on the table?

- Sorry, is there something going on here?
- Do you feel it too?

- Hi.
- Oh, hey. So...

...how did your doctor's appointment go?
- Well, let's see.

Uh, they gave me
"cute boy" doctor today.

In the middle of the exam
I put my pinkie in his chin dimple.

- Oh, my God!
- Why did you do that?

Okay, remember that problem I was having
during my fourth month of pregnancy?

Oh, yeah, the Evander Holyfield phase.

Oh, man. You were so hard up,
you practically came on to me.

You wish!

Hey, I could've had you if I wanted you.

Oh, yeah? Come and get it.

Okay, even this is turning me on.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

Hey, Ross. How's it going
with you and Mona?

You guys still together?

Oh, yeah, we're moving forward.
You'll be getting our card.

You and Mona
are doing a holiday card together?

We're not just doing a card.

She also wants to have the conversation
about where the relationship is going.

Ugh, women.

I know! Why do you guys need
to have this conversation, huh?

No self-respecting man would ask a woman,
"So where is this going?"

Uh, Ross, you asked me that.

Hey, you were a closed book, okay?
I'm not a mind reader!

Besides, I hate those conversations.
I'm horrible at them, really.

Maybe I need some kind of a gesture.

Something that says we're moving forward
without having to talk about it.

- Like asking her to move in with you?
- Wha...? Ha. Smaller than that.

- Making her a mix tape?
- Uh, bigger than that.

- Give her a key to your apartment.
- Whoa, hello. We were closer with the tape.

Have you said "I love you"?
Say, "I love you."

I don't... I don't think I'm quite there yet.

But, oh, I could say,
"I love spending time with you."

- No, we hate that.
- That is a slap in the face.

Oh, forget it. You know what?
I'll just have the conversation.

I'll just say, "I like things the way
they are," and hope for the best.

What do you think, Rach?

I think if it was
a little colder in here...

...I could see your nipples
through that sweater.

Bing, we're all set for tonight. 8:00.

Oh, uh, as it turns out, we can't do it.
Monica has to work.

Oh. My ex-wife didn't work.

Unless you call turning
into her mother "work."

Now, fine. Tomorrow night, then.

Oh, uh, well,
tomorrow's no good for her, either.

Oh? Why not?

It's the semifinals...

...of her...

...bocce ball tournament.

- Ahem.
- What's going on, Bing?

Does, uh, your wife have a problem
with me, or something?

Well now you're just talking crazy.

Then why can't the three of us
go out together?

Because, uh, we split up.

Monica and I split up.

Hold me.

Good God, Bing.

Well, I can't say
I'm altogether surprised.

I saw the way she looked at you,
and there was no love there.

And the way she looked at me,
pure lust.

What would help me
through this tough time...

...is choking someone.
Can I choke you?

Bing, my boy,
we're gonna get you over this.

Here's the plan: Grab your coat,
we're going to a strip club!

Oh, no, Monica would freak.

But to hell with that bitch!

Here we go.

Ah, Mona, um...

...I think it's time we had a conversation
about where things are with us.

Yeah, I think I suggested that.

Heh. Uh, we are so...

So, um...

...well, I really like you.

And I love, um, you know,
hanging out with you.

And I'm having a lot of fun.

Okay.

I mean, there's no point in spending time
with someone if it's just fun.

- It's gotta be going somewhere, right?
- Ha, ha.

So where is it going?

Ah.

That's the real question.

And the answer is...

...it's going somewhere...

...fun.

I know what you're thinking.
Fun was fine for you 10 years ago.

- Ha-ha-ha.
- But you're not getting any younger.

No, I mean, not you. Not you.
You are getting younger!

You look like you're getting younger
by the second. What's your secret?

I'm sorry, so, uh, where are we?

Well, to sum up:

We're having fun. You look young.

- Okay...
- But that's not enough.

So, heh, so...

...here's a key to my apartment.

- Really?
- Really.

- You don't think this is too fast?
- Mm-mm.

You gave her a key
to your apartment?

Not just a key,
I gave her the only key!

I am now a homeless person
in a very serious relationship.

- Oh, Ross, how'd the conversation go?
- Great. I live on the street.

Where?

- Hey!
- Hi.

Okay, Monica, Rachel,
this is my friend Roger.

- Hi, Roger.
- Hi, Roger.

- Hi.
- So, um, I'm gonna get us some drinks.

- Okay.
- Could you help me?

Yeah, okay.

Um, he's here to have sex with you.

- What?
- You're welcome.

Phoebe, no!

It's okay. He's a virgin.

Rachel, um, I was talking to this guy...

...and I think he'll have sex with you.
- Okay...

- Yeah, okay. Let's leave these two alone.
- Aah!

No. I don't care
what my hormones are doing.

I'm not gonna just do it
with some random guy.

Fine. Then you tell Roger.
He was really looking forward to this.

Ooh, Bing, look at those twin sisters
dancing together.

Let me buy you a lap dance
with those girls, huh?

That's all right, sir.
And that's just one girl.

Bing, what's this?

It's a hand. It's a thing you use
as a Jack and Coke holder.

No, it's a wedding ring.
You gotta get rid of it.

We're gonna go to the East River
and throw it in!

- Oh, no, no, no!
- Yeah, yeah!

I did, and I felt a hell of a lot better!

If you whip it right,
you might hit a seagull in the head.

Okay. Oh, I'm gonna need
a bunch of extra keys.

Apparently, I give them away
for no reason at all.

Hey, Ross, what's going on?
You changing the lock?

No, heh.

That guy is.

I don't understand.

You give me a key to your apartment
and then change the lock?

- Uh...
- Good luck, buddy.

Um, I thought we were moving forward.

And now you're sending me
all these mixed signals.

What are you trying to tell me?

I'm trying to tell you...

...I made you a mix tape.

- What?
- I love you.

Oh! Aww!

Heh, oh.

And I love spending time with you.

- Hi, honey, I'm home.
- From the tequila factory?

It was awful.

To get out of dinner with Doug,
I told him you and I split up.

So he took me to all these strip clubs
and sleazy bars.

And when I wouldn't give him my wedding
ring, he threw a soda can at a bird.

Come here.
I can breathe through my mouth.

Know what the worst part was?

I got to see what my life
would be like without you.

It was like It's a Wonderful Life
with lap dances.

Please promise me
that you'll never leave me...

...that we'll grow old together,
and be with each other the rest of our lives.

I promise.

Hey, speaking of together, how about
we send out a holiday card this year?

Ooh, I don't know if we're there yet.

Yes, I'd like to order a pizza.
Can I ask you a question?

Is the cute blond guy delivering tonight?
Very "Abercrombie & Fitch."

- I'll call you back.
- Who was that?

- Just the pizza place.
- You hung up on the pizza place?

I don't hang up on your friends.

- Sorry, I'm just having a rough day.
- Oh. What's wrong?

- Oh, you really don't wanna hear about it.
- Then why did I ask?

Okay. It's just that
this is really embarrassing.

But lately with this pregnancy thing...

...I'm just finding myself...

How do I put this? Um...

Erotically charged.

Is that college talk for "horny"?

Yeah. So, you know,
I have all of these feelings...

...and I don't know
what to do about them.

Because I can't date
like a normal person.

Which is fine,
I don't need a relationship.

All I really want is one great night.
Just sex.

You know?
No strings attached. No relationship.

Just with someone I feel comfortable with
and who knows what he's doing.

For just one great night.
I mean, is that really so hard...

...to find?

So how was your day?

Good. I, uh, saw a pretty big pigeon.

I gotta get up early,
and it's almost 7:00.

Yeah, I gotta go to my room too.

- Okay, good night.
- Good night!

- I can't do it!
- I didn't ask you to!

- You're Rachel!
- You're Joey!

- You're my friend! Yeah.
- Right back at you.

Plus, it would be wrong,
and weird and bad!

So bad! I don't know what you're talking
about. I didn't ask you to do anything.

I know!

- You wanna do it?
- No!

- Me neither, I'm just testing you!
- That's the end of this conversation!

- This conversation never happened.
- Never happened.

- Good night.
- Good night!

Get back in there!

Hi. Listen, ahem, I'm sorry about
that whole thing with Roger.

It really wasn't right,
and I wanna make it up to you.

So, um, I brought you something...

...that I think you'll really enjoy. Okay.

Now this is just a loan, okay?
I'm gonna want him back. So...

I'm gonna go now.

I'm sorry, I thought I could do it,
and I can't.