Original subtitles

Hey.

Wait a minute, McCluskey.

The least he could've did was let me know. I could've grabbed you.

Well, I picked him up outside of Stockton.

I think somebody tipped him off.

Nobody ever tips me off.

Hey, you're getting better, Bassett.

That was a terrific chase.

Thanks a lot, McCluskey.

I'd have had you that time if it hadn't been for that Cadillac.

Look, McCluskey, will you do me a favor?

Pay your ex-wife the dough. I'm gettin' tired of playing cops and robbers.

Why don't you have a drink and dinner, Bassett, and spend the night?

No, thanks. I got to get all the way back to L.A. tonight.

Give my best to Louie Blanchard, will you?

Yeah, I'll do that. Tell him I like him even if he isn't my lawyer.

I'll do that.

- Good luck. - Yeah.

Come on, stop pouting.

Come on in and I'll buy you a drink.

I'm not supposed to fraternize.

One drink.

Well, you did it again, Mr. McCluskey.

Two lengths.

I had 20 bucks on you.

Smart money was layin' 8 to 5 you wouldn't make it back.

Well, that's not smart, but it's generous.

Ah, it's a beautiful day.

- I had a fiver on you, honey. - Very good.

Come on, seven.

Eleven is the number...

- Steve, I'm glad to see you. - How are you?

- Where's Swing? - I put a call in. He'll be right over.

- Hi, Mr. McCluskey. - Chewing gum?

There's a burn hole in the cloth on the big eight.

That's a brand new $ 130 layout.

Not anymore, replace it.

Check.

How's everything been going? Pretty good?

There was a $ 25,000 win on a keno game...

- Hi, Mr. McCluskey. - Hello.

Find that girl a hobby.

Check.

Oh, Steve, thank God you're back.

- About these accommodations... - Herman, please, later.

- Later. - But...

There's a light out over there on the dollar slots.

I don't know how I could've missed it. I don't know either.

What were you saying before?

There was a $ 25,000 win on a Keno game.

Well, it's about time.

It was getting a little embarrassing.

Daytime to keno desk.

- See you. - See you later.

- Hey, Swing. - Steve.

- How are you? - Good.

What's up?

Mr. Mencken's up from Reno, rolling high.

- Dropped $ 50,000 at Craps and wants $ 10,000 credit. - Drunk or sober?

Feverish, but sober.

- Let him have it. - Check.

Slot machine number 184 isn't paying off enough.

- Fix or replace it. - Check.

$ 104 for playing cards. That doesn't sound enough.

Somebody must be playing with greasy packs.

I'll speak to the pit bosses.

Very good.

- Check. - Check.

Mr. McCluskey. You know what tonight is?

Mmm-hmm, after the poker game, it's Thursday.

Well, uh, I get off at midnight.

So you do.

Come on, dice. Once again, dice.

Seven, a winner.

How about that, huh? Here we go.

What do you say we kinda press a little bit, huh?

Come on, dice. Another natural, dice.

Well, Mr. McCluskey. So there you are.

Where should I be?

You should've been with me at the Reno airport to meet Miss Lockwood's plane.

Which Miss Lockwood?

This Miss Lockwood.

Well, Julius, I can't go running off to the airport

every time you get a new vocalist.

This "vocalist" happens to be the star of my show.

She also happens to be Mr. Friedman's niece.

Look, Julius, if Mr. Friedman wants to maintain a niece,

it's his time, his money, and his club.

For the time being, I'm in charge of the gambling and the private poker game.

You are in charge of the entertainment department,

which includes Mr. Friedman's niece.

It's a package deal, sweetheart.

Ugh.

- Marie. - Good afternoon.

Who's using Mr. Friedman's suite?

Oh, Miss Lockwood.

- Come in. - Miss Lockwood?

Yes?

I wanted to see if everything was all right.

My name is Steve McCluskey. I'm the manager.

Oh.

I was beginning to think we didn't have a manager.

Oh, yeah, we got a manager.

It's like when you're riding in a Rolls Royce.

The only thing you hear is the ticking of the clock.

Are you sure it's going?

Oh, yeah, it's going. It's going tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

We're very anxious to make your brief stay with us

as pleasant and as comfortable as possible.

- So, if there's anything you need... - Isn't that funny?

That's exactly what Uncle Bernie said.

"If there's anything you need, just ask good old Mr. McCluskey."

He thinks very highly of you, good old Mr. McCluskey.

We want all our entertainers to be happy.

While they're here.

- Mr. McCluskey... - Yes, ma'am?

I Intend to be the happiest little entertainer you ever did see.

No trouble, no expense.

So why don't you just go back to doing what you were doing,

and I'll go on doing what I was doing.

Miss Lockwood, don't give it another thought.

I've assigned one of the captains from the South Shore Room

to see to all your comforts.

You make all the demands you want... to him.

As if I weren't even here.

- Who do you conduct to? Chubby Checker? - Stravinsky.

- Where you been all day? - San Francisco.

Can I ask you one thing?

Can I ask you why?

Because I got a little closet fever is why.

I've been cooped up here for the last eight months and I felt like splitting out.

So you have to split to California?

Every time you cross that state line you're lookin' to make the net.

They clang that door shut on you in San Quentin

and you'll know what closet fever really is.

It's from Natalie. Oh, that's beautiful, huh?

- Which one was Natalie? - Natalie?!

What's in California you couldn't find right here in Nevada?

Tattoo parlors?

Floyd, I'm a little tired.

Any head shrinker will tell you the reason you go to California

when you shouldn't, is because, subconsciously, you want to get caught.

Subconsciously, I want to take a hot bath and have a little peace and quiet.

It's the same way with this electronic quail-trap routine.

Anybody else wants to date a lady friend,

he don't go with the blue lights and the tape recorder

and the record playing machine with the schizophrenic sound. But you do.

- I'm exotic. - You're a nut.

There's a guy named Piper, picked up 11,000 at the Crap table.

He heard about the private game and asked if he could get in.

I didn't want to disturb you, so I took a chance and said, "Yes".

Fine.

These people are decent, respectable poker players.

How are they gonna like a gambler in their game?

The gentleman's bringing $ 11,000.

That shows he's sincere. The game will show whether he's a poker player.

- Kill the people. - Later.

Good evening.

- Hello, Steve. - Hello Charlie.

- Fred, how's the ranch? - Very fine.

- Nick. - Hiya, sweetheart.

Mr. Piper, McCluskey.

- Uh-huh. - Pleasure to meet you.

How you been, Nick?

- Oh, okay. - Good.

The usual game, gentlemen.

25 and 50. No limit on raises.

And, Nicholas, prepare to bleed.

Mr. Piper? Thank you.

$ 50 ante, please.

Five card stud.

Ace. Bet the ace.

A thousand, gentlemen.

Call.

I raise you $ 200.

And two better.

I pass.

Nine over.

200. I raise you 200.

I call.

Here's my $ 200.

Ten, five, four, eight...

Bingo!

Good to me now.

Bingo!

Bingo!

Bingo!

Say, uh, do you follows mind if we get a fresh deck, huh?

This one's killing me.

Give him a fresh deck.

Here you are, sir.

The joker.

Ante 50. This is my game.

I can get even at the Crap tables.

Am I good for $ 1,000?

All right, Mr. Piper, I'll take your check.

I'd rather not write a check, if you don't mind.

But I'm good for the money.

Without a check, sir, nobody's good for the money.

But I can get the money in San Francisco in no time at all.

Well, that's where I can't help you.

Well, actually I'm... I'm clean. I...

I don't even have the plane fare.

Thank you.

There's no plane leaving from Tahoe,

but you can take a cab to Reno if you want.

I've got my car here.

I'll be back early this afternoon.

Very good.

Good night.

Probably never see that joker again.

Well,

I hate to see a guy walk out of here without his cab fare.

Good night.

- Good night. - Good night, sir.

Ah, good morning, Mr. McCluskey.

- Good morning, Mr. McCluskey. - Good night, Charlie.

- Gonna be a hot one today. - Yeah.

I don't know how to talk to her anymore.

You're going to have to step in to this.

I have cajoled, I have tried my utmost.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

It's a terrible situation. I don't know what to do.

Julius, either go away or cool off.

You're melting my butter.

But now, did you hear me? It is well past high noon by the clock.

And this woman is now demanding that I change 12 chorus costumes.

Do you hear? Do you hear me?

Just because it happens to be the same color as her little old bitty gown.

Hmm? Now is that not past belief?

Julius, as you pointed out, this is the niece of Mr. Friedman.

And it's best to pamper Mr. Friedman,

because they don't call him.

"Bernie the Butcher" because he knows how to carve a turkey.

- Oh, fiddle dee dee. - And how much can it cost to be nice?

- About $ 10,000. - What?

- Yes, it will. - Mr. McCluskey,

I want to be as reasonable as I possibly can about this,

but if my dress in the opening number has to compete with

12 chorus girls' costumes, I can't possibly...

Miss Lockwood, you couldn't find a better time to be reasonable.

You see, those chorus costumes are made months in advance in New York City,

which is many, many miles from here.

By changing your costume, you save us money and a lot of confusion.

And I personally consider it a gracious gesture on your part.

Thank you so much. Julius, would you pour Miss Lockwood some coffee?

Mr. McCluskey, I am not here to be gracious.

Now if you were deliberately trying to sabotage my opening,

- you couldn't do... - Cream and sugar, Miss Lockwood?

Miss Lockwood, a lot of people don't understand me.

You know, they really don't.

They just look at the outside-me.

Warm-hearted, gracious, indulgent, but inside...

I'm really like a machine.

I'm a regulator because I must regulate several hundred machines

that cost more than $ 30,000 a day to run.

Now those machines are supposed...

Those machines are supposed to go

"Pocketa, pocketa, pocketa."

Now if any of the machines go "Pocketa, pocketa, pocketa"...

a little fuse goes off up in here.

That machine automatically must be repaired or replaced.

Now that includes the slot machines in the casino,

the exhaust fan in the kitchen.

A vocalist in the supper show.

Ooh, you're a sweetheart.

Excuse me, Miss Lockwood.

It also includes the manager of a casino.

Otherwise Uncle Bernie would replace me.

- Mr. McCluskey. - Later.

Uh, Mr. McCluskey.

- Yes, Herman? - That Mr. Piper,

in room 87, the one you lent the money to, to go to San Francisco?

Well, he should've checked out by 3:00.

Mmm-hmm. Well, what's your problem?

What? I have a green card on 87.

I've got to have that room by 4:00.

We have a guest coming in from Sacramento.

He always insists on room 87.

Well, then, move Mr. Piper's stuff to another room.

This is Friday, Mr. McCluskey. I don't have another room.

Now that guy was supposed to be out of there.

Well, then, move Mr. Piper's stuff to the baggage room.

Mr. McCluskey...

Mr. Piper's stuff includes a girl.

Well, then, Herman, explain the situation to her quietly

and then ask her to leave.

I told her. Now you tell her.

All right. Where is she?

That's her?

I can see you don't know how to handle these kind of situations.

- Excuse me... - I'm over here, Jack.

- Hello. - Hello.

Are you all right? You got everything you need?

- Who are you? - I'm the manager. My name is Steven McCluskey.

I'm supposed to ask people if they're all right.

Sure. I'm okay.

Very good.

Except it's getting awfully close to Huckleberry Hound.

Well, I wouldn't give it a...

It's getting close to what?

Huckleberry Hound.

What's a Huckleberry Hound?

Huckleberry Hound's on television.

Most hotels have televisions right in the lobby.

Well, I'm sorry. We don't have that kind of thing here.

Then can I go in there where all the gum machines are?

You do and you'll get arrested.

Why?

Because there's no gum in there and no kids.

What're all the machines for?

Those are for people who've reached the age of 21.

You lay one finger on any one of those machines

and you know what'll happen?

The cops will come and drag you off to jail.

I don't need gum anyway.

That's only for people who can't brush after every meal.

- Huckleberry Hound. - Those things frighten me.

Children.

Yeah. Well, there's another airplane due in at 5:30,

her father's gotta be on that one.

You've been telling me that all afternoon.

I've got to do something.

What's to do? You feed it, you keep an eye on it

until its father gets back, then you cash it in and you forget it.

Mr. McCluskey in his office?

No, he's in the steam room.

McCluskey?

McCluskey!

Come on, Steve. I know you're in here somewhere.

Blanchard, your money or your life?

Steve, I had to go to Salt Lake City to talk to a client.

I was just driving past and I saw your lights.

Louie, you're always welcome.

Steve, I want to talk to you.

Come in and sit down.

This isn't drip-dry.

All right.

Baby, why don't you just give up gracefully

and come home to California?

Why? So you can serve me with your papers?

How many papers you got now?

You've got judgment, writ, bench warrant, show cause for contempt...

Who's counting?

You could buy me off for less than $ 9,000.

Louie,

it's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.

It's the principal, plus the interest,

plus the court costs, plus the legal fees.

She can rot before I'll give her another nickel.

Now look, why such a noise over nothing?

Everybody pays alimony. Why should you cry about it?

Why should I be paying her?

That witch has got enough money to feed to the hogs.

- Steve... - Not a nickel, Louie.

I'm not thinkin' about her.

I'm thinkin' about you. What kind of a life is this?

You're an exile, a fugitive.

You can't walk across your own parking lot.

You can't go to the bathroom at the wrong end of the hall

without crossin' the state line

and runnin' into one of my boys with the papers.

Louie, why don't you take a nice cold shower?

Steve, if you're short of cash, I'll lend you the money myself.

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

- That cold, cruel, miserable, vicious, mean... - Ah, ah, ah, ah. Try not to see her that way.

Try to see her as the court does.

A lovely girl,

a faithful, loving ex-wife,

cast off after she has given you the best years of her life.

Lonely. Deserted.

Destitute. Destitute!

What does she have now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury?

Hmm? Only her memories!

And all of the money!

You're terrific. You know, you're a regular Spencer Tracy.

Hello. Does it have to be now, Herman?

All right.

Well, barrister, I'll see you later.

- Could I use your phone? - By all means, charge it to your room.

- Terrific. - Ahh...

Person to person call. Beverly Hills.

Charge it to Mr. McCluskey.

How is the dear boy and what's he up to?

When's he coming across with the money?

Why don't we let the poor guy off the hook, hmm?

I don't mean wipe the whole thing clean,

because you know what his pride is.

But I mean, you know, a small settlement,

so he could keep his self-respect.

You have a divine sense of humor, darling,

but why should I let him keep anything?

All right, then.

If you want to clobber the guy, I can think of a lot quicker ways of doing it.

Louie, lover, that's no fun.

It isn't that you win or lose,

it's how you play the game.

You should see it, Steve. You should but see it.

You look, Julius. You've got young eyes.

It is a mausoleum, is what it is.

I declare, there's not enough folk out there

to pay for the candles on the tables.

Maybe they're all in the casino.

We always show a profit there.

Well, then, why don't you just shut down the hotel,

and the South Shore Room and my show

and have nothin' but your little bitty old gamblin'?

Why? I will tell you why.

Because if it was not for my little bitty old show,

folks would not traipse all the way up here

to Lake Tahoe for your little bitty old gamblin'.

- Applause, exit Julius. - Mmm-hmm.

And what is the big attraction for this evenin'?

A star? Mmm-mmm.

A big name? Oh, no.

Some dog chick girl of a singer that nobody ever dug or heard of before.

Mr. Friedman has heard of her before, and he'll understand.

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

I am supposed to be running a respectable hotel.

Just what do you think Mr. Friedman would say if he walked in here and saw that

dwarf living in my lobby?

Do you spend all your time worrying about Mr. Friedman?

A great deal of it, yes.

McCluskey, I've had that little twerp on my hands

since 11:00 this morning.

People are beginning to talk.

Good-bye, Herman. That's signal one.

- I asked you a question. - Signal one. Uncle Bernie? Bernie the Butcher?

The guy that owns the joint.

From Chicago. Beat it.

What do I do with the kid?

Put her in my room.

Hello, Bernie, baby. How are you?

When I'm payin' for the call, I ask the questions.

How's the kid?

The kid?

- My niece! - Oh, your niece.

Oh, she's fine. She's, uh, fine.

What kind of a crowd you got for the opening tonight?

You'll be very surprised when you see the figures, Bernie.

A pleasant surprise, I like.

It's the other kind that gets people in trouble.

Now listen, McCluskey, I want nothin' but the best for the kid.

You understand?

A lot of flowers, a lot of noise.

And I want to read good things in the newspaper.

Uh, well, Bernie...

And another thing, I want to see a lot of pictures.

Pictures of people laughin' it up, like Bernie Friedman

knows how to give 'em a good time. You know what I mean?

Yeah, Bernie.

That's a terrific idea, Bernie.

Hot. Hot!

Yeah. That'll be a gas.

You look like such a nice couple.

We want you to be our guests for dinner tonight in the South Shore Room.

- Well, I don't... - But it's our honeymoon.

Front, please.

- But it's our... - Enjoy the show.

But it's our honeymoon.

- I know, but you must. - But it's our honeymoon.

Mr. Cranston.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

the Villa d'Oro is proud to present

that radiant new singing sensation, Miss Chris Lockwood.

♪ If you put, you gotta take ♪

♪ If you fall, you gotta break ♪

♪ If you see, you gotta know ♪

♪ If you stay, you gotta go ♪

♪ And if you borrow, you gotta lend ♪

♪ If you save, you've got to spend ♪

♪ For that's how the concrete cracks ♪

♪ Yes I know what I'm speakin' of ♪

♪ And if you love ♪

♪ You've got to live ♪

♪ And if you live ♪

♪ You love ♪

♪ If you want ♪

♪ You've gotta choose ♪

♪ If you have, you've gotta lose ♪

♪ If you know, you've gotta tell ♪

♪ If you buy, you've got to sell ♪

♪ And if you promised, you've got to keep ♪

♪ If you sow, you've got to reap ♪

♪ That's how the banana splits ♪

♪ And I know what I'm speakin' of ♪

♪ And if you love, you've gotta live ♪

♪ 'Cause you just ♪

♪ Can't live ♪

♪ Live without love ♪

- Mr. McCluskey. - Hi.

- I'd like to thank you. - What for?

Well, it's common knowledge backstage that you papered the house.

Well, we usually comp some tables on opening night.

- But you were very good. - Thank you.

I, uh...

I'm sorry I was such a pain in the neck before the show.

Everybody's a little nervous on opening night.

We've had vocalists come up here and say that the microphones are flat.

You know,

I think I'm going to like it here.

You know why?

It's the altitude.

Did you know that up here a three minute egg takes five minutes?

Oh, now you're getting personal.

Hmm.

You look very nice.

Thank you.

Getting a little chilly?

- Mmm-mmm. - Gets chilly up here, you know.

I live right around the corner, and I've got a bottle of brandy,

- and I thought, maybe... - You know who should've been here tonight?

Besides us?

Uncle Bernie.

Yeah.

Would've been perfect then.

Good night.

Good night.

Doctor, I don't want you to keep anything from me.

Am I...

- Susan, I don't know how to say this. - Psst.

- It's the hardest thing I ever had to do. - Now just don't spill.

I never spill shrimp. I like it.

Dr. Martin, please don't worry about me.

I know what you're going to say.

You all right?

What kind of a question is that to ask?

I'm trapped in a room with a kid three solid hours.

Watching the boob tube. Watching the kid.

- I haven't even been able to go to the bathroom. - Shh.

Is it asking too much?

Well, then, put her to bed and then go to the bathroom.

My job is looking after you, right?

I'm not supposed to look after girls.

What are you talkin' about?

There've been girls goin' in and out of here every day for a long time.

They weren't five years old.

What do you think I am, some kind of a nut?

What am I asking you to do?

I'm asking you to put it to bed on the couch.

See to it it goes to the bathroom.

Then you tuck it in, you say good night,

you turn out the lights, then you leave.

Is that such a big deal?

- No. - Well, then, do it.

- No. - Oh, Floyd...

A fine friend you turned out to be, Charlie.

Susan, my dear.

Hi.

Hello.

I'm not afraid.

You know what? You know what?

You're gonna miss the best part.

The doctor's going to tell her not to bother with the operation,

because she's going to be deaf as a rock anyway, and after that

she's going to be dead. But she's very brave.

That's because she got a lot of sleep when she was a kid.

I didn't know that, and I've seen the picture 12 times.

Well, I think it's about time you went to bed.

Most times I don't go to bed until television's all over.

Well, my dear, here you do.

Why?

Because I say so, that's why.

And it's my apartment, and I'm bigger than you are.

All right.

Uh, I hope you're big enough to take your own bath?

- Sure. - Mmm-hmm.

Well, the bathroom is that way.

Hey.

Keep it clean.

- Okay. - Thank you very much.

What're you doing in there?

- Taking a bath. - Well, why does it take so long?

- Because I'm a girl. - Oh.

Uh, gypsy, you forgot your feathers.

- No, my pajamas. - Pajamas.

Are you going to spend all night in there?

I'm all finished.

Hey, uh, isn't that my hair brush?

Yes.

Yeah, I'll say you're finished, except for turning out the lights.

Hey, kid.

Come here.

- What do you call this? - A bathroom.

No, it's not a bathroom.

It used to be a bathroom, but it's not a bathroom anymore.

- Do you know what it is? - No.

It's a major disaster area.

I don't know what that means.

Well, I'll tell you what it means.

It means you and I are going to have a little G.I. party.

And we're going to police the area.

Come on.

- I'm gonna be sick. - Why?

When you have your own toothpaste,

in your own bathroom, and no man around the house,

then it's all right to live like a slob.

Squeeze the wrong end of the toothpaste,

leave the top off the tube,

and live like a hog.

Hogs don't use toothpaste.

I was married to a hog that used toothpaste just the way you do.

And what is all this?

I used some of your bubble bath stuff.

I don't have any bubble bath stuff.

I found it on the shelf.

I guess it was your mother's.

Uh, yeah, mmm-hmm. My mother's.

All right, I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

We're gonna clean up this mess. Now.

The towels in the hamper. Check?

- Check. - Laundry in the laundry bag. Check?

- Check. - Shoes in a neat row underneath your pad. Check?

- Check. - And while you're doing all of this,

I shall give you a demonstration of the use and care of the toothpaste tube. Check?

- Check. - Give me the brush.

Who gets to clean up the bubble bath?

Me. Bring me the tube.

Another thing well-organized people don't do,

they don't wander around in their birthday suits

looking for their pajamas.

You're supposed to sleep on the couch.

You didn't say "Go to couch", you said "Go to bed."

If there's anything you need, there's the phone.

Usually somebody reads me a bedtime story, or tells me one.

Well, we're not equipped for that kind of stuff here. You know?

But, you've got everything else squared away?

Bathroom, prayers, things like that?

I do all that before I go to bed.

- Oh, very good. - Right after "God bless Daddy."

I said "God bless Mr. McCluskey."

Was that all right?

Sure.

Kid, sometimes people have trouble sleeping in strange places.

I never do.

The important thing is not to worry about it.

Will my daddy know where I am?

Oh, sure, I'll tell him the minute he gets in.

I bet he went home and forgot all about me.

He's very absent-minded sometimes.

Well, your mother will tell him where you are.

We don't have a mother anymore. She died.

- Well, who looks after you? - Babysitters, of course.

When my daddy gets back, do you know where we're goin'?

- No. - To Hollywood.

That's where Disneyland is.

And then, to San Diego, where the zoo is.

Oh, you like the zoo?

No, I like Disneyland.

Go to sleep.

Good night.

But he had to go back to San Francisco.

- You mean, you're here all alone? - Oh, no.

There's this Mr. McCluskey I'm living with.

He's the boss of everything.

Yes, I've heard of him.

He doesn't usually have girls living with him, but I'm special.

Well, you'd have to be.

Uh, tell me,

what's it like living with Mr. McCluskey?

He's very old and funny.

And whenever you talk to him before you've had your lunch,

or leave the top off the toothpaste,

then he looks like this,

and starts talking about the time he was married to a hog.

Oh.

Well, that's very interesting. Tell me more.

Well, one day, he ran away from home.

He did?

No Piper on any flight in or out of Reno yesterday.

They never even heard of him.

Well, the guy certainly didn't fly off into the twilight zone.

We checked on the home address from the registration card.

It's a cheap little hotel in San Francisco.

Piper and the little girl have been living there for about a year.

They checked out last Thursday to go on a vacation

and they're due back next week.

Well, I think we ought to call the Sheriff's station.

- Let them take the kid. - No, no, no, no.

- What are you talking about? That's no good. - Come on, come on. Now can you imagine

what the newspapers are gonna do with a story like that?

Little old tiny lost kid in a great big old gambling establishment?

Big mushy story.

Big, big picture way up on the front page.

Big trouble with the Gaming Control Board.

We can end up sittin' here without our license.

Why? What did we do wrong?

We find a kid, we turn her over to the cops, like honest citizens.

Oh, no. No, no.

Mr. Friedman would not like it.

Mr. Friedman's first rule is

- "Do not call the cops." - Right.

Maybe the guy drove to San Francisco.

By this time he could've walked.

I tell you, sooner or later we're gonna have to call the cops.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Bernie ain't gonna like it.

I don't like it either.

You don't like it?

It's not nice to the little kid.

That little kid is nervous enough already.

You call in the police? That's terrible.

Well, now, what do you think they're gonna do to her?

Throw her into the drunk tank?

- Ah, come on, come on. - All right...

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. Hold it. Hold it.

Why are we getting so emotional about it?

Cops are great with kids.

They buy them ice cream, let them wear their caps,

put them on the desk, let them play with the guns.

And they call in the photographers.

All right, hold it, hold it.

Now, wait a minute. Let's all of us go back to work.

Now, this is nonsense.

The kid's going to the sheriff. Now, that's final.

Yeah, but...

Who's gonna tell that poor little kid?

Well, did I say I wouldn't?

- Check? - Check.

Uh, miss?

You better knock this off and come along with me.

I don't want to have any trouble with the unions.

But I'm supposed to help the pastry chef next,

and that's very important.

We're going to make a cake shaped like the Matterhorn.

Do you know what the Matterhorn is?

Yeah, the Matterhorn is...

that's a mountain in Switzerland.

No, in Disneyland.

Penny...

Yeah, Disneyland.

On to the pastry chef. Disneyland. Hmm.

- How'd she take it? - I didn't give it to her.

What do you mean?

Do I have to do all the thinking around here?

How would it look if the biggest hotel in Nevada with a staff of 800 people

couldn't cope with one measly five-year-old kid, huh?

- Pretty silly. - Bad for people's reputations.

Bad for business.

- Bernie wouldn't like it. - Bernie wouldn't like it.

Why 800 cases of bourbon?

The price is going up.

The price of everything is going up.

- Very good. - Check.

Any news from security?

- On the Piper thing? - Uh-huh.

No news over the weekend.

Where is the kid now?

She's out with Julius.

Julius?

What's he doing up at 9:30 in the morning?

Lot of people are up early in the morning these days.

9:00 to 10:30, riding lesson with Julius, on a horse.

10:30, snack.

11:00 to 12:00, swimming pool with Miss Lockwood.

12:00 to 1:00, lunch with Mr. McCluskey.

- 1:00 to 1:30, parking lot. - Read that again.

Parking lot. One of the boys is teaching her to write her name.

- Very good. - 2:15, nap with Mr. McCluskey.

After that, she's on the next shift.

- Hi. - Oh, hi.

Have you seen that little Piper kid around anywhere? I wanna give her these.

Oh, she said she'll be late.

- She wanted to straighten out her room. - She did that already.

Well, as I understand it, she put the mess in the closet.

Now, she's gone to straighten up the closet.

Well, it's just as well. I don't want her to get too much sun. She's not used to it, and you know,

you never know how much you're...

- how much you're getting. - Ugh.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - Oh, that's all right.

I'm always sleepy. I don't know if it's the hours or the altitude.

When do you sleep?

Oh, I've worked out a new system. I faint a lot.

No, I get a few hours during the day.

It must be rough on you.

You check the swing shift at 4:00 a.m.

and you're up with Penny at 7:00.

I should think you'd want to get away sometime.

Mmm-hmm.

I would like to.

Once in a while, I'm tempted to take an afternoon off and

go up to the mountains and

take a walk in the snow.

Well, I love to walk in the snow.

I'd even give up my afternoon nap for that.

Well... Hard night?

You know better than that. I haven't had time to carouse.

Daddy-o, don't tell me the things you haven't had time for, I'm one of them.

- Bambi. - How long is this bit expected to run?

Soon as I get rid of the kid in a couple of days.

Then things will be back to normal.

Yeah, well, that's better than nothing.

Look, if it's getting on your nerves,

think of what it's doing to mine.

A little patience and understanding.

Because, inside, I'm walking in blood.

There's the sheriff's station at Zephyr Cove. That's only a 10-cent call.

Bambi, I just haven't had the chance to call him.

- I'd call them right now if I... - You've got it now.

- Hi. - Hi, the Lone Ranger.

Look, we've been hearing about a kid on the loose here at the Villa.

A little girl.

Do you know anything about it?

- A little girl? - Yeah.

Uh...

The only little girl I'd hear about

is one that was winning at the tables.

That's very funny.

Unless it should get back to the Gaming Control Board.

They're very square.

Look, if you should hear about any infant females loose on the premises

- you give us a call, huh? - Right. I'll do that.

- Okay. - Give my best to your wife.

- Right. - See you later.

- Well? - I know.

You're walking in blood.

Look at this place.

Expanding into the next apartment didn't do much good.

We may have to add a wing to the building.

Oh, Floyd, will you stop complaining?

Because, we're one of those exploding populations.

The dresses for our Barbie doll take up a lot of space.

- And our new tea set we got yesterday... - Don't move.

Beautiful.

I want to remember you always just as you are at this moment.

I never noticed it, but you got a mouth just like my ex-wife.

Your ex-wife never had to put up with what I have to.

If I could put up with it for a couple of days, so can you.

Will you stop complaining? It's only temporary.

So was the tax on cigarettes,

and that was 100 years ago.

Floyd.

The first thing you gotta learn about life

is not to be bugged by it.

It just isn't worth it.

Life's too precious and too short.

If I were to let every little thing bother me,

do you know the condition I would be in?

It's impossible for...

- You know what? You know what? - What, dear?

This thing doesn't work.

It's all right, dear. I'm talking to Flo...

What doesn't work?

Look.

But...

This was Dave Brubeck.

Did I do something wrong?

Oh, no. No, you didn't do anything wrong.

It was just some musician friends of mine, noodling it up after a show.

A private party. Private recording.

The only copy in the world, but it's all ruined now.

But it doesn't make any difference. You know why?

Because, instead of a fabulous recording session,

do you know what I've got?

Brown spaghetti.

- I'm awfully sorry. - Oh, well, that makes all the difference in the world.

What are you looking at?

Daytime.

You know, when they say,

"Penny for your thoughts", around here, they mean a Nevada penny.

And that's silver, and it's about that big around.

I'll be leaving in a few days.

You don't have to, you know. Julius will keep you an extra week, if you like.

Mmm-mmm.

Julius is smart enough to quit while he's ahead.

So am I.

What do you mean by that?

Well, I've got regular features

and I can sing on key, but nobody is ever going to mistake me for Peggy Lee.

No, I've got a dazzling career leading right back to Chicago.

Home.

What are you going to do there?

What does any smart girl do?

Look for a husband.

That's good.

That's going to be a little rough on Bernie, isn't it?

Why? What's he got to do with it?

I don't know, I mean...

What are you going to do? Are you gonna walk up to Bernie and say,

"Thanks, Bernie" and "Good-bye, Bernie", just like that?

I'm sure he'll be very philosophical about the whole thing.

I guess you know Bernie better than I know Bernie.

I should think so.

Well, and who have we here?

I'm the princess.

Of course, I should've known.

Is everybody all right?

I didn't see Steve at the dinner show.

- Shh. He's asleep. - Oh.

You shouldn't be watching television this late.

That's all right, it's only the wrestling.

You don't need any sound for that.

You're supposed to be in bed, asleep. Now march.

Just a minute, princess. I'll help you with your train.

Do you know how late it is?

You should've been asleep a long time ago.

Sometimes it's hard for me to go to sleep at night.

I think it's because Steve has been making me take naps all day.

Into bed.

Are you having a good time?

Oh, yeah.

- Not getting homesick? - Oh, no.

- I like it here. - Well, that's nice.

If there's anything you need, you better tell me now.

Because in just about one minute, these lights are going out and you're going to sleep.

That's not the way we do it.

You're supposed to ask me if I've gone to the bathroom

and if I've said my prayers.

- Why? - That's the way Steve does it.

Prayers, bathroom, hit the pad.

Does he ever tell you a bedtime story?

He only knows one.

It's about this wicked witch who was cruel to her husband,

but her husband lived happily ever after.

Well, that doesn't sound very bedtimey to me.

- But he acts out all the parts. - You go to sleep.

♪ If you sow ♪

♪ You got to sleep ♪

♪ That's how the banana splits ♪

♪ And I know what ♪

♪ I'm speaking of ♪

♪ So, if you live ♪

♪ You got to love ♪

♪ Because you just can't live ♪

♪ Without love ♪

There's some orange juice for you,

but you don't have to drink it

if you don't want to.

What time is it?

The little hand's on one,

and the big hand's on five.

I slept... I slept more than three hours?

The operator said 15 hours.

That was when the big hand was on 12.

Nobody can sleep 15 hours.

They can if they're the manager.

Thank you.

You know what? You know what?

You missed all the excitement.

One of the dealers had a baby. Mrs. Donahue.

- In the casino? - Of course not. In the hospital.

And you missed the ambulance going past.

Oh, for Mrs. Donahue?

No, for the person in the car at the bottom of the canyon.

- What canyon? - It was a boy.

- In the car? - No! Mrs. Donahue's baby!

Floyd!

Floyd! Where's Floyd?

Chris told him to take the day off.

Chris told him to take...

Here, hold this.

What has Chris got to do with it?

She was in charge.

- You know what? You know what? - What?

- Chris sang me to sleep last night. - Oh, yeah?

She put the sign on your door, so no one would knock

and talked to the operator,

so no one would call you on the telephone.

- She's very nice. - Yes.

I'm supposed to call her for coffee when you wake up.

Well, call for coffee when I wake up.

Coffee for Mr. McCluskey, please.

Thank you.

You know something? You're very nice.

Now,

let's think of something nice we can do for you.

What would you like to do more than anything else?

Disneyland.

I... I mean, around here.

We can leave word where we're going,

if my daddy gets back before we do.

I'll tell you what, why don't you take off now and let me get dressed,

and we'll talk about Disneyland later.

All right.

That's what grownups say when they mean "No".

- Steve. - Mmm?

It comes to this,

even if you could go, you can't, because you're not her parent,

and I think there's some kind of law about that.

That's for grown-up girls.

Yeah, well, most grown up girls

have already been to Disneyland.

You know what that kid really needs is

someone to take care of her full-time.

That's not easy.

Nowadays, the only way to get full-time help is to marry it.

Marriage is for girls and their lawyers.

You show me a room full of people

and I'll show you the guys that are married.

It's a great speech, but you're in the wrong hall.

Yeah? Well, you show me a guy with a button missing on his shirt,

he's married.

Show me a guy that looks like he hasn't had a decent meal

in a year and a half, he's married.

Because, if you're running for Congress, I don't vote in this district.

And show me a guy that looks like he hasn't got a friend in the world, he is married.

Will you pull yourself together? I'm not proposing.

You see, that's what the problem is.

You can't have an intelligent discussion with a woman without her bringing it down to some personal level.

Because I have no intention of marrying anybody at this time.

Chris, there's nothing personal about what I've been talking about.

And, when I do, it'll be because the gentleman in question

asked me.

I think very highly of you, Chris. You know that.

And for that matter, seven have already.

You know I don't spend my evenings with the girls.

And every time I start thinking about you,

I start thinking about Bernie Friedman.

Bernie? How'd he get in here?

Look, I owe Bernie a lot. He trusts me.

How do you think I'd feel, trying to beat Bernie's time?

What? You know, you've been talking crazy ever since we got here.

What kind of a creep do you think I would be

to try to steal Bernie's girl?

- Bernie's girl? Is that what I'm supposed to be? - Chris, all I'm saying is...

You're only saying what the whole club is saying, that I'm somebody's little playmate, is that it?

Oh, no, no. What they're saying at the club

is that you're... Bernie Friedman's niece.

Well, that's wonderful, because my own mother thinks I'm Bernie's niece

and she happens to be his sister.

Hey, Chris!

Chris, wait a minute!

Yeah?

Tahoe on two.

It's about time it's Tahoe on two.

Where the hell have you been the last two days?

Uncle Bernie?

Uncle Bernie, this is a horrible place, and I hate it,

and I wish I'd never come here.

Wait a minute. What are you talking about?

You told me you were crazy about the place.

What's wrong, baby? You homesick?

What'd you do? Lose your money gambling?

I didn't do anything. It's that horrible Mr. McCluskey of yours.

He's a heel.

What are you talking about? There's no sweeter guy in the whole world

than McCluskey.

Baby, has that miserable rat been molesting you?

What do you mean, I made a pass? Are you crazy or something?

Now, look, that kid came out there clean.

I want she should come back clean.

Bernie, I never laid a glove on her.

Don't tell me what you didn't do.

Kid ain't hollerin' for nothing,

I left her not five minutes ago.

We were having a friendly argument.

Yeah, she kept saying no but you kept saying yes.

Bernie, we were discussing the servant problem.

McCluskey, you can't even tell a decent lie anymore.

Now, listen to me good, huh? Get this straight.

I got $ 25 million invested out there,

and I got relatives.

Now, I can't worry about both.

Understand?

Now, you want me to come out and straighten things out?

If I get out there, kid, I'll straighten them out for good, but flat.

You got problems, you wanna sleep off a drunk, do it.

But do it today and get it over with.

Because tomorrow when you clock in,

I want you to clock in bright and eager. Give me a day's work.

Bernie, I'm not coming to work tomorrow.

All right, that is... What?!

I'm taking a day off.

Steve, you know what? You know what?

Hey, kid.

Where you going?

To my room so I won't disturb you while you're thinking.

I'm not thinking. Come here.

- You know what? - What?

We're going to Disneyland.

Why? Why?

It's the least I can do for the poor kid

before I hit her with the bad news.

So, you gotta play Santa Claus in Blanchard's backyard?

If the kid wants to go to Disneyland, let me take her to Disneyland.

- Floyd, leave me alone. - Will you listen to me?

No, he's a thick-headed black Irishman

and they won't listen to anybody.

I thought...

Well, I thought, maybe if you talk to him...

Look, Chris, there's nothing to talk about.

- I know, you wanna help, honey... - No, no, I'm not thinking about you,

because I don't care what happens to you. No, that's not exactly true, there are a few things I like...

I should've known you were Bernie's niece. You sound just like him.

Oh, no, I don't wanna talk about us.

My only concern is the child.

If you insist on going on this stupid junket, I'm going along too.

Now, why would you go?

Well, anyone looking for you is not going to be looking for a family of three.

And somebody has got to take care of Penny.

Can you tell me one cotton-picking thing

you can do for that kid that I can't?

Yeah.

I can take her to the ladies room.

...executing a quick flanking movement around the enemy's left.

- Check? - Check.

- Check. - Check.

- Check? - Check.

Check.

The important thing will be disguises, diversions and camouflage.

Because the enemy is sure to have observation points that we know nothing about.

Julius, you shall be in charge of "Operation Smokescreen".

Check.

We must know the enemy and concentrate our efforts against his weakest point.

Now...

What is his weakest point?

You knucklehead.

Look where you're going.

Good morning, Cranston.

What's the caper?

You haven't saw McCluskey, have you?

I was just talking to him a few minutes ago.

You want me to have somebody find him for you?

I'm a detective, I can find people myself.

Mr. McCluskey, ready on your call to Chicago.

Mr. McCluskey.

No, no, honey. No, no. You see, sugar, I want a very definite beat there.

A pause. You see, the whole secret is timing, timing, timing.

Mmm? Where they at now?

United Airlines, Flight 903 to Los Angeles now boarding.

United Airlines, Flight 903 to Los Angeles now boarding.

Swing, tell Cranston Steve's on the line.

- Swing, tell Cranston Steve's on the line. - Yeah, I got it.

Cranston? McCluskey here. I hear you've been looking for me.

No, no. Nothing important. I just haven't seen you around.

I caught some kind of bug or something, and uh...

I'm down in the steam room. Wait a minute.

Excuse me. I'm down in the steam room trying to get rid of it.

You want to come down and have a cup of coffee?

No, no. No thanks. I just wanted to make sure you was all right.

Take care of yourself.

Steve! Here he is. Thank you.

Point two, successfully cleared.

Check.

Why shouldn't he make it, he always has.

Well, that's what I mean, the law of averages.

He'll make it.

Money where the mouth is.

You got a bet.

The car is out there in plain sight

and you just talked to McCluskey. So, what's bugging you?

I don't know. I just got that feeling.

Hmm. Now, stay sharp and keep in touch.

How does the man at Tahoe know Mr. McCluskey isn't there?

How does a bug know it's gonna rain?

Julius, report to Mr. McCluskey.

Julius, report to Mr. McCluskey.

What's spooky about that?

Maybe it was his lunch hour.

When McCluskey whistles, there ain't no lunch hour.

Call Mrs. McCluskey, tell her he's broken out.

Go on, Cranston. I'm listening.

And call Tri-State Detective and tell them to stake out the airports,

Sacramento, San Francisco, Los Angeles.

Los Angeles to Chicago, United Flight 750 is now ready for boarding.

Passenger McCluskey, to baggage desk.

Passenger McCluskey, to baggage desk.

How's that for timing?

Gonna call the club now?

In about 15 minutes, when we get to Disneyland.

Okay.

There's Mickey Mouse.

Hello, mouse.

Hi, Mickey.

- Look at the Keystone Kops. - Yes.

Playing the saxophone.

Hi, policemen.

I'm gonna call the club.

I'll get her a hat.

Steve, Blanchard's called four times and he's on the other line right now.

- What do I do? - Okay, doll, I'll take it.

Have the operator switch the call to this line.

All right.

What's up? What's the matter? Are you in trouble, Louie, baby?

I just wanted to know, uh, how you are?

You really care, don't you?

I'm all choked up.

I ran into Liz awhile back.

Oh, that's terrific. I hope you didn't damage your car.

And I thought that if you could make a token payment on the $ 8,000...

You know me, Louie. Nothing I hate like an empty gesture.

Good Lord. What's that?

That's the Queen Elizabeth pulling away from the pier.

On Lake Tahoe?

On West 50th Street.

It's a new demonstration record I got on stereo.

It sounds like you got the boat right in the middle of the room with you.

That's not the Queen Elizabeth.

That's a cable car going up Nob Hill in San Francisco.

Uh, you know, there some terrific racing stuff on the other side

if you like that kind of thing.

Now why would he need a new stereo set?

Why not?

He took $ 2,000 worth of hi-fi equipment when he left.

I understand he uses it on girls.

It was a boat whistle,

and it was a trolley car bell,

and it wasn't a record.

Now where would you find a steamboat and a trolley car in the same neighborhood?

I've heard that whistle before.

Give me Tri-State again. I want to talk to Bassett.

Welcome to Storybook Land, everyone.

Please keep your hands and arms inside the boat.

We're about to be swallowed by Monstro,

the very same whale that swallowed Pinocchio.

This is how we enter Storybook Land, a miniature world of...

- See the village? - ...fairy tales come true.

Straight ahead is the Swiss village where Geppetto lives.

Remember Geppetto?

He's the man who wanted a son so badly, he carved one out of wood.

That's his toy shop down in front where Pinocchio first came to life.

That was the wooden kid with the big nose.

Straight ahead is Toad Hall from the story Wind in the Willows.

Down by the water in the stump of that old tree is Mr. Rat's house.

And here on the left is the story of Cinderella.

There on the mountainside is the French village

where Prince Charming came looking for the girl who could wear the glass slipper.

The large house

is the chateau where Cinderella lived with her wicked stepmother

who kept her locked up in that high tower.

And way up on top of the mountain is Dream Castle.

Isn't this exciting?

Yes, very.

I have a morbid fear of heights.

Oh!

Not on this?

- Madam, on a footstool. - Ooh.

Have an apple, deary. Have an apple.

Ah.

This is fun.

Oh, boy.

- You like that ride, huh? - Yeah, I like it.

Uh, we're going to do it again.

- Come on, here we go. - Okay, captain.

You in?

Well, I think we've covered about everything, girls.

Why don't we go back to the main gate, huh?

You know what? You know what?

We haven't been to Tom Sawyer's Island yet.

Steve's right, darling. It's getting late. We have to be starting back.

But Tom Sawyer's Island.

I was saving that for the last.

Now look, we're not...

We are not going to Tom Sawyer's Island, and that's final.

Look, Steve, a waterwheel.

The tree house! The tree house!

- Look at the real tree house! - Uh-huh, a tree house.

Hey! McCluskey!

Uh... Penny!

Come on, Penny.

Hey, McCluskey! Hey, wait a minute, McCluskey!

Hey, wait a minute!

Why don't you watch where you're going?

McCluskey!

Will you let go of me, lady? Lady!

Oh! Lady!

Get off my foot!

McCluskey!

McCluskey!

What's the matter with you here? This is a one-way bridge!

Hey, the Americans here!

McCluskey!

McCluskey! Wait a minute!

Order, arms! Indian attack!

- Quick, in here! - Indian attack!

- Sir, you can't get on without a ticket. - What?

- You can't get on without a ticket. - Yeah, but...

Steve.

McCluskey! Stop that raft!

Hey, you gonna stop that raft?

There'll be another one along any minute, sir.

McCluskey! McCluskey!

Hey, buddy! I'm a cop. Follow that raft.

- Now what? - I don't know!

McCluskey!

We'll meet you at the station.

Hey!

Stop that mushroom!

Ew!

Which way is the main gate?

Thank you.

Hey, come back here!

Hey, McCluskey!

Oh!

Hey, bud, what're you doin' in my canoe?

Hey!

Hey, lift this up!

Lift it up! Hey!

Sayonara.

Hey!

Hey, kid.

Follow that car!

Hey, hurry up! Hurry!

Faster, kid. Faster! Faster!

Oh, watch the road.

Come on, move it, fella.

Put your foot in it. Let's go!

Hey, McCluskey!

There he isl!

Stop! Stop! Hey, you can't stop here!

Hey, come back! Don't park it there!

Hey, what about the car?

There's Steve! There's Steve!

Hi, Steve!

Hello.

Everything all right? Let's go home now.

Welcome to Disneyland, McCluskey. How are you?

Steve, run!

Cousin Norman! Oh, my cousin Norman, I haven't seen him in...

I don't know this woman!

Lady, I don't know you, woman!

- He ran away from home. - Lady, I... McCluskey!

Penny, come on!

Penny.

I want a balloon! I want a balloon!

Okay, here.

- I'm not her cousin! - Do you remember Aunt Harriet?

My name is Bassett!

Angel, you're perspiring.

And out of breath from running.

Ah, Steve, I wanted Bassett to flush you out,

but there wasn't that much of a hurry.

- Did she have to come along? - I'm the sponsor.

I'm paying for the whole show.

Think you'll find everything there except the warrant

- and this gentleman has that. - Steven McCluskey?

No, Snow White.

I can identify him, Officer. I'm the injured wife.

Are you the witch?

Which witch?

Steve was married to a witch once who sometimes turned into a hog.

But mostly she was just a witch.

- Stevel! - She's just a child.

Oh, Steve, I'm sorry.

- There's one of 'em, Mr. Blanchard. - All right, all right.

I hate to mess up your whole day, Steve.

- Yeah, I can see that. - You're confused between two different things, dear.

When Steve says "witch", that might mean me.

- If you're sure you've got the right one. - Is that Louie Blanchard?

- That's him there. - Why do you have to make a snide remark like that for?

- Now can't we keep it friendly? - Who are all these people?

That's Steve McCluskey, the big gambler.

I'm only saying that your taste gets more eccentric as you grow older.

Liz, that's been our problem from the very beginning.

- You had fun at Disneyland too? - Like the kind of female companionship.

- Now Liz, there's no need for that kind of... - Will you butt out?

- I can handle my own action. - Aw, come on, Steve,

- what kind of way to talk is that? I'm your friend. - What're you talking about, you fink?

- You served your papers, okay. - Oh, come on, Steve.

Why don't you beat it?

Any time I wanted to, Steve, I could've got you just as easily on Nevada papers.

You mean all of this was for nothing?

Sure. Come on, baby.

Seen your picture in the papers?

Oh, thanks a lot. I'd have missed it.

If it hadn't been for you

and 35 other people who showed it to me already.

I really don't think that beatnik outfit does much for you.

Well, look who's talking. The Duke of Windsor, huh?

Don't knock the outfit. It cost me $ 10,000.

And worth every nickel of it.

Now you can go to Disneyland anytime you like!

Here's another one for your collection.

Yes, sir. I'll have him call the Governor the minute he gets in.

The whole state is looking for him,

plus three wire services, two newsreel companies and The New York Times.

- Oh. - Mr. McCluskey!

- Later. Later. - But the Governor!

We've heard from everybody but Bobby Kennedy.

Well, you worry about him. I'll worry about Bernie Friedman.

Come on, come on!

Look alive, look alive!

Hello, operator.

Operator, tell... tell Mr. McCluskey Bernie's here. Bernie Friedman!

- Hello, Mr. Friedman. - Play, play!

Ah, will ya, will ya?

- Ah, Mr. Friedman. - "Ah, Mr. Friedman." Yeah, big deal.

Good to see you, Bernie.

Bernie, baby!

Good morning, playboy of the western world.

- Bernie, what a coincidence. - Come in, dear boy, and shut the door.

- I was just gonna call you. - McCluskey, you are beautiful.

I look at you, I get all choked up.

Don't stand there. Come in. Sit down. Have a drink.

Kiddo,

you are spectacular.

Let me look at you.

What did I always say?

You tell me. What did I always say?

You always...

I always said no ordinary dope can run my store for me, right?

- Right. - Kiddo, an ordinary dope you are not.

You know what you are?

You're a swinger. I look at you...

You wanted to decorate your office like some ladies' magazine?

Okay.

You want to pick fights in parking lots?

Okay.

You want my club should go to rack and ruin

while you are 400 miles away playin' around with some Mickey Mouse?

- Likewise, okay. - Bernie...

Or if you want to get the whole State of Nevada

hollerin' to take away my gambling license.

Hey, this, too, is pretty good.

But to do all of this on one day and still have time enough to get

my niece's picture on every front page in the country?

Could an ordinary dope do this? No.

This takes a super-colossal genius of a dope!

- Bernie, I can explain. - What?

Why explain to me?

Who am I?

Am I the press?

- Am I the Civic Betterment League? - No.

- Am I the Juvenile Courts? - No.

- Am I the, uh... - The State Gambling Commission.

State Gambling Commission, which is looking to take away my license?

What you want to explain to me?

Who am I?

I'm just the poor pigeon whose whole life savings has gone down the drain.

You're making a Federal case...

Do me a favor. Shut up!

- Bernie, will you believe me when I... - Oh, no. No.

Me, you believe.

Answer it.

Maybe it's good news like maybe the joint is on fire.

Look what you did to my desk. McCluskey.

Uh, who? Who? Who is it? Who?

The District Attorney.

Have him come in. Maybe we could use a pallbearer.

Have him come in. Maybe we could use a pallbearer.

Aw, don't be smart.

Listen to me. Listen to me good.

I give you my word of honor.

I give you a solemn vow.

Now look. Even everything should clear up,

you know, my gambling license, the welfare people,

my sister Rosie's heart condition from the pictures in the paper,

you are through. You know, when I say through,

I don't mean, like, "You know, you're through."

I mean through!

Nowhere in the whole state of Nevada do you work again.

You dig what I'm saying?

In the whole industry, you are out!

Come in!

Hi. Mr. Packer, Mr. McCluskey.

- Mr. Packer. - Serve him!

Mr. Packer, this is Mr. Friedman, the owner of the club.

A pleasant surprise!

Cavanaugh, give Mr. Friedman one of the John Doe summonses.

- Thank you very much for the introduction. - That's all right. What's this for?

This is a civil matter. A hearing tomorrow morning at Minden, to establish

whether or not one Penelope Piper, a minor child,

is or shall be a ward of the State.

- Well, why? - This is the first step

toward finding a decent home for the child.

There are a number of possible charges, running from

contributory delinquency to a possible charge of kidnapping.

What are you talking? Nobody grabbed the kid in off the street.

Then the Gaming Control Board of the State of Nevada will go to work on you,

when they will determine whether the Villa d'Oro

shall have its gaming license revoked

under the terms of Regulation 5,

- Section 5.010, Methods of Operation. - Oh.

- Something wrong, Mr. Friedman? - Oh, nothing.

Just a slight hemorrhage.

Now if you'll get the child ready,

Mr. Cavanaugh can take her down to the County Seat.

Well, why do you have to do that?

To have some responsible family

take care of her until the hearing.

You want... want me to call Floyd, so he can come in and help you pack?

I always pack by myself.

What's Minden?

Minden is a small town down in the valley.

- Am I going to stay all night? - Mmm-hmm.

Why?

Well, because you're gonna have to get up awfully early in the morning, Penny, to be in court.

What's a court?

That's where a lot of people go to decide what they're going to do.

What do they have to decide?

Well, they have to decide what they're going to do

in case your father doesn't come back.

My daddy always comes back.

Yes, but suppose, Penny, uh, suppose he doesn't come back?

Well, it wouldn't be his fault.

My Mommy couldn't come back

and nobody's mad at her.

I'm not sure I can get her in.

Well, you can carry her under your arm.

Why don't you go and get your coat?

Will there be a judge and a jury and Perry Mason and all that?

Uh-huh. Well, no, I don't think so.

I think what there'll be is just a judge.

Are you gonna be there?

Mmm-hmm.

Because if you don't go, then I won't go.

Hi.

Uh, Penny, this is Mr. Cavanaugh,

and Mr. Cavanaugh is a Deputy Sheriff and he's gonna drive you

to Minden in his, uh, police car.

You're gonna spend the night with me and Mrs. Cavanaugh.

Is she nice, too?

- Uh-huh. - And another thing. Uh,

if she wakes up at night, uh,

you don't have to go in to her.

All you have to do is holler, "Penny, go back to sleep", and she'll go right back.

- Okay. - Uh, the important thing is that

- she just knows somebody's around. You know? - Yeah.

- Okay? - Okay.

Penny,

now, I want you to remember everything I taught you.

- Right? - Yes.

The bathroom, the shape you found it in. What else?

- Keep the top on the toothpaste. - Right.

- And don't interrupt people. - Right.

Good-bye, Penny. Now, be a good kid.

Okay?

Bye, Steve.

I don't want to go.

There, there, Penny.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Everything's gonna be just fine.

Okay?

Okay?

Come on.

Come on, huh? I'll see you tomorrow.

Good-bye.

Car 17, check abandoned auto at the airport,

Car 17, check abandoned auto at the airport,

Hi.

Hello.

You got a minute?

Come in.

It's going to get a little hectic tomorrow and I thought I'd, uh,

see you before I went.

- Would you like some coffee? - Uh, thank you, no.

I wanted to thank you, uh,

for everything you've done.

- Uh, Penny, Disneyland. - It's nothing.

And I'm sorry I got your picture in all the papers.

In fact, if I went down the list of the things I've done wrong, why,

you wouldn't have time to dress for the show.

And another thing,

you know the other day when we were down at the lake

when I was popping off about people getting married?

Uh, well, I wanted... well, I told you that, uh, uh,

there was nothing personal about what I was saying.

Well, that isn't what I was angry about, anyway.

Because at the time, my problems were of a different nature.

Since they've been cleared up, uh,

you see, I don't feel that way anymore.

That's very nice.

Uh, where will you be going from here?

Oh, I thought when Bernie was ready to leave, I'd go home for a while.

Oh, home. That's very good.

- Chris? - Hmm?

Do you mind very much if I call you or...

or wrote you every now and then?

If you like.

Why?

Why do you always have to say why?

Do you have to have a motive for everything you do?

McCluskey, for once in your life, don't talk in circles.

If you've got something to say, come out and say it.

You're absolutely sure of that?

As sure as we can be, Your Honor.

The search was conducted by the police here and in California.

They wanted to notify Mr. Piper's next of kin.

I see.

Except for the little girl, there just wasn't any next of kin.

You're aware, Mr. Friedman,

that the laws of Nevada are quite strict about minors in gaming establishments.

In a case such as we have today,

- who is responsible? - Who else?

I beg your pardon?

What I mean, Judge,

you can pass the buck up and down, and back and forth,

but when you get to Bernie the Butcher, you can't go no further.

Is that what they call you, "Bernie the Butcher"?

- Yeah, Your Honor. - Why?

I'm in the meat packing business 37 years. What are they gonna call me?

"Bernie the Baker"?

And, uh, that was when?

- A week ago yesterday. - Hmm.

And at that time you specifically asked

Mr. McCluskey if such a child were on the premises?

- Uh, yes, Your Honor. - Mmm. And, uh, what did he say?

Well, he didn't say no.

But he didn't say yes, either.

Now, Mrs. Cavanaugh, when your husband brought the child home last night,

uh, what could you say about her condition?

Not a word, Judge.

She was neat as a pin and wearing a new dress.

Looked healthy, but she was a little homesick.

Oh, wanted her father?

Wanted Mr. McCluskey.

What makes you think your father isn't coming back?

Just the way Steve was talking about it.

Most times when people say suppose, that means it already is.

Tell me, Penny,

when you were with your father and he had to go to work, who took care of you?

Oh, that was no problem.

In hotels, the room service was always very nice to me.

And whenever we were in an apartment, then there'd be sitters.

Well, were they nice?

You know how sitters are.

Well,

a big, noisy place like the Villa d'Oro,

I should think you'd have found it quite confusing.

Just for a while.

It's awfully fussy for a hotel.

They've got rules about when I eat and what I eat,

and what time I go to bed and what time I get up in the morning, and naps,

and vitamin pills, and where you're allowed to go and where you're not.

Well, where can't you go?

Well, if you go into the casino, the cops will come and drag you off to jail.

Well, who figured out all these things for you to do?

Steve is in charge of all that.

Steve is in charge of everything.

Everybody says he's a bit picky, but he isn't really.

All you have to do is learn all the rules, then he's no trouble at all.

I must reprimand Mr. McCluskey for not having immediately relinquished

the little girl to the proper authorities.

But at the same time,

I must commend him for the conscientious care he's given the child.

Well, so much for that.

As to the point in question,

it's the finding of this court

that Penelope Piper is a ward of the State of Nevada,

and shall be relinquished to the care of the State Welfare Department.

Um...

Do you have a question, Mr. McCluskey?

Uh, yes, sir. Uh, where does she go from here?

Well, I hope she'll go into a nice foster home

with someone who will wish to adopt her.

There's no way that I could adopt her?

Well, it hardly seems feasible, Mr. McCluskey.

Because I'm a gambler?

Not at all. I have nothing against you,

legally, morally or personally.

I wish you could take the child home on probation starting today, but you can't.

I can't?

Of course you can't. Far as I can see, Mr. McCluskey,

you have no home to take her to.

This child doesn't need anymore hotel rooms and babysitters.

She should have a real home, with real parents, and a normal healthy life.

Can't you see it, kiddo? Try to visualize.

We build a whole new wing for the customers' kids,

you know, with a nursery full of formula, kitchen, games for the children, pool tables and whatnot.

- Excuse me. - I'll change all the signs.

It'll read "Friedman's Villa d'Oro. Come and bring the kiddies." Huh?

- What? Ha-ha. - Sounds great. Sounds terrific.

But I don't know what you're talking to me about, Bernie, I'm fired.

He's fired? Listen to this, "he's fired". How can I fire a relative?

It's tough enough working for friends.

Oh, I see. You want a raise. Okay, you got a raise.

Would you excuse me?

Will you stand still a minute so we can talk?

Remember what you said?

"I take a vow that if everything gets cleared up, you are out."

Bernie, you can't go back on a vow like that. You know it.

I see this.

- You want a piece of the action, a percentage. - Oh.

- Okay, you're a partner. - Here.

Well, well, what you... You're a partner.

I just said you're a partner.

Bernie, I don't want to talk about it now.

- When are you gonna talk? - Well, in a few days.

Look, I'm doing this for you. What is it to me? I'm an old bach...

Will you stop shepherding me? Leave me alone for awhile, will you?

Look, I'm not shepherding, I'm trying to help.

What am I, a caddy? Watch 'em.

Will you wait a minute?

I'm trying to talk to you like a Dutch uncle.

Now look, you got to start thinking like a man with a family.

What kind of a percentage did you have in mind?

- We wouldn't be talking gross. - I didn't hear you.

I said we wouldn't be talking gross.

Uh-huh, fine. Why don't we talk in a couple of weeks.

- Couple of weeks? What do you mean? - Bye, Lucille.

People are waiting to lose. What do you mean, a couple of weeks?

Will you hold... Stevie! Will you wait a minute?

I'm trying to talk to you like a friend.

- Gross. - Net.

- Gross. - Come on, who gets gross?

- I do. - He does.

What are you, standin'? You standin'? What are you, standin'?

- Steve, take care of yourself. - Right.

- Hey, Steve. - Later.

- You sure you got everything? - Get outta here.

Come on, don't make a Federal case out of it.

- Good-bye, sweetheart. - Good-bye, Uncle.

Good-bye, little one.

Hey, Sharpie, have a good honeymoon.

- Yeah. - Where you going?

Disneyland.

Good-bye, Uncle Bernie!