Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:07,500
Melanie Weaver is getting married?
I went to college with her.
2
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,700
What does it mean when
lesbians are getting married before me?
3
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:14,600
- Look at that. I'm five for five.
- What's that?
4
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,600
It's this test.
the five pillars of happiness.
5
00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:19,200
Supposed to determine
the level of contentment in your life.
6
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:22,800
And it comes with a lotion sample.
so you know it's scientific.
7
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,600
I can't believe you would
evaluate your life
8
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:26,900
based on something
in the Lifestyle section.
9
00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,100
Okay. that was obligatory.
Bring it on.
10
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:30,500
The first pillar is health.
11
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,600
I gave myself a big yes.
'cause I just had my physical.
12
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:35,400
Everything's where it's supposed
to be. I'm running every day. and...
13
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:39,500
well. Iook at those calves. It's like
my knees swallowed a grapefruit.
14
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,600
Your turn.
15
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:46,000
I think I'm hypoglycemic.
I'm always tired and I can't poop.
16
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,800
I would give that a "no."
17
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:53,000
Okay. pillar number two is family.
18
00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:55,700
- That's a big yes. You?
- Well. Let's see.
19
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,500
My mother's idea of bonding
is making me scratch her back.
20
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,700
and for my last birthday.
my father gave me gum.
21
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,800
That's another "no" for Grace.
22
00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:11,400
Moving on. Iove life.
23
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:14,900
- Another "no" for Grace.
- Excuse me!
24
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:17,900
No. you can mark that "yes."
thank you.
25
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,100
Josh and I are doing great.
26
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,800
I mean. it's not perfect.
but we care about each other very much.
27
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:25,200
Grace? Hey.
what are you doing?
28
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,300
You left an hour ago to get bagels.
29
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:29,900
Here.
30
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,900
Toast 'em up. I'll be back in 15.
31
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:35,100
Okay. honey.
Uh. your laundry is almost done.
32
00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:40,400
Well. you get
a "no" on love life. too.
33
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,200
Actually. I haven't told you this yet. but
there's this lawyer. Alex.
34
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,400
We've only had one date.
but I'm already seeing
35
00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:49,500
2.5 Jack Russell terriers
and his-and-his SUVs in my future.
36
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:52,500
Yeah. yeah. okay. Next.
37
00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:54,400
Okay. pillar number four.
friendships.
38
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,700
- Okay. now we're talking.
- No. no. no. no.
39
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,600
Note the "s."
Friendships.
40
00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,500
They're talking more
than just you and me.
41
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,200
This test sucks.
42
00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:06,700
And the final pillar is work.
I love my job.
43
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:08,600
I work with a lush
who insults me.
44
00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:13,600
Okay. final tally is...
45
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:16,000
Will.
Dee-de-de-lee-dee-dee
46
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,700
Grace.
Waa-waa-waa.
47
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,400
You're not that happy.
48
00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:25,500
I've known you a very long time.
There's always something bugging you.
49
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,000
Come on. think hard.
50
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,000
- What is rotten in your life?
- I don't know.
51
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:32,000
My life is-- okay.
actually. there is something.
52
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:34,600
I don't like how you've stopped
having lunch with me at my office.
53
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,600
You know why that is.
I hate the view.
54
00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:38,700
Really? I thought
it was because you hated Ben.
55
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,800
That's what I meant.
the view of Ben.
56
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,100
Okay. I'll tell you what.
We'll have him over.
57
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,100
I'll make dinner.
and all you have to make is nice.
58
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:47,400
Think you can do that?
59
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,800
- I can make nice.
- All right.
60
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:51,500
I'm always nice.
61
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,700
- Sweetie. the bagels are ready.
- Call me when they're cream-cheesed.
62
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:55,800
- Love you.
- Uh-huh.
63
00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,800
( theme music playing )
64
00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:01,125
Downloaded from www.opensubtitles.org
65
00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:10,900
And Cook. Iisten. tell Butler to
tell Gardener to stay out of my kitchen
66
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,500
If he wants a snack
67
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:16,000
he can root around the terrace for grubs
and berries like the rest of the help.
68
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,200
Now get back to work.
69
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,300
Hey Care Bear.
70
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,200
Something's bothering me.
Can we talk?
71
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,600
Sure. honey.
Hey. are you wearing make-up?
72
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:31,000
Nothing. really.
just a little man-tan.
73
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,300
- Your eyelashes look good. too.
- Thanks.
74
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,300
I'm wearing individuals.
75
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,400
I'm concerned. Um...
76
00:03:42,100 --> 00:03:45,200
does Rosario seem different to you?
77
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:48,900
Come to think of it. she sent me
to work today with a juice box.
78
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:53,100
I guess that means Mason went
to school with a thermos full of Stoli.
79
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,300
She's distant.
she's distracted.
80
00:03:58,300 --> 00:04:00,700
She's getting a little handsy
in her sleep.
81
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:05,600
Last night. she rolled over and shook
hands with Master Harold and the Boys.
82
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:11,600
And let me tell you.
they were not amused.
83
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:14,900
I know. honey. but listen.
84
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,900
it's been my experience that when
problems arise between husband and wife.
85
00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:20,900
one should never
point the finger of blame
86
00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:23,000
because it's always
the husband's fault.
87
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:25,900
I know what it is.
88
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,500
Doilet-toilet.
89
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,000
I forgot our anniversary.
90
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:32,300
How insensitive of me.
91
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,800
This is my wife.
my significant otra.
92
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:38,100
That's good. honey. Why don't you
just run home right now
93
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,600
and tell her
how much she means to you?
94
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,500
I would.
but I have a date with Fernando.
95
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,600
Oh.
96
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,700
Well. then. why don't you
pick up a little something.
97
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:48,900
and bring it to her tonight? Something
she'd love. Iike pork or Tinactin.
98
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,300
No. not that.
99
00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:54,500
It has to be
a more meaningful gift.
100
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:57,100
I don't know. what's the traditional
first anniversary gift?
101
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,700
Ooh. well. Iet me try
to remember.
102
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,500
For my first
anniversary. I got...
103
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:04,300
a million dollars in cash.
104
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:05,600
Paper. it's paper!
105
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:11,000
Paper? Paper is so blah.
106
00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:12,000
Let me tell you.
107
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,300
when the gays can get married.
that's the first thing that goes.
108
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,300
So we're at this dim sum
restaurant downtown.
109
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:25,300
- and they have this thing called bao--
- Yes. I know what bao is.
110
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,800
I spent the summer
at the Culinary lnstitute in Hong Kong.
111
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:30,100
Personally. I prefer har gow.
112
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,000
- Okay. not the point of the story.
- Will: Anyway...
113
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:38,100
so she decides to have
some fun with the waiter.
114
00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:41,100
so she says. "What are these white
puffy things?" And he says "Bao."
115
00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:42,900
So. I do.
116
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,100
- "Okay. but what are they called?"
- Bao.
117
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,000
- "Okay. but what are they called?"
- Bao!
118
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,900
She did it like five or six times.
119
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,000
( Will and Grace laughing )
120
00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:01,300
It was a very funny story.
121
00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:03,300
I guess the humor
was derived from two things:
122
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,500
One, that the two words
sounded the same;
123
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:09,100
two. that you made fun of someone
who doesn't speak English very well.
124
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,200
Funny people think it's funny.
125
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:14,600
Really?
How would you know?
126
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,000
You know what.
Benjamin?
127
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,000
What do you want me to say.
bow wow?
128
00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:20,600
All right. all right. all right.
all right. all right. all right.
129
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:24,000
Don't make me turn this car around
or we're going home without ice cream!
130
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:27,700
(phone rings )
131
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,000
Hello.
132
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:31,500
Hi. Alex.
I was just thinking about you.
133
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:35,100
Okay. I wasn't.
but I certainly am now.
134
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,300
Let me take this outside.
135
00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:44,300
( laughs )
136
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,400
- It bugs you. doesn't it?
- What?
137
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,400
When you're not
the center of attention?
138
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,800
It kills you. I can tell.
139
00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:58,400
- You think so?
- Mmm.
140
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,200
I know you. Ben.
141
00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:04,800
You're so focused on yourself
and your whole Ben Doucette thing.
142
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:07,200
But do you ever think
of anyone else?
143
00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:11,100
Have you ever stopped
to ask someone else what's up?
144
00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:14,000
What's up. Grace?
145
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:20,500
No. I don't think so.
that's not gonna work with me.
146
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,900
We're talking about you.
147
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,500
All right. fine.
What do you want to know?
148
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,600
How about something real?
149
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:27,100
Something
that doesn't involve the words
150
00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:30,400
"Porsche." "beach house"
or "what's-her-name?"
151
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:35,100
Mmm.
Okay. something real.
152
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,200
Well.
I've been married twice--
153
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:41,000
first to the love of my life.
who died 10 years ago.
154
00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:43,300
then to a woman
who reminded me of my first wife.
155
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,800
but was. I found out.
nothing like her.
156
00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:50,400
I have two beautiful kids. one who's crazy
about me and one who's not.
157
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,400
And somehow.
driving my Porsche
158
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,200
to my beach house
with what's-her-name.
159
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:59,200
doesn't quite make up for the fact
that the things I really want in my life
160
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:02,100
are exactly
what's missing from it.
161
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,500
Wow.
162
00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:09,000
Is that true?
163
00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:12,700
All but the Porsche part.
I drive a Mercedes now.
164
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:16,200
S-Class.
165
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,900
Any more questions.
Grace?
166
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,400
Um...
how's the lamb?
167
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,500
I made it.
you know?
168
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:30,500
It's really good. Grace.
It's good.
169
00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:42,100
Date number two is set.
The romance pillar is a little firmer--
170
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:43,700
Iet me rephrase that.
171
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,200
Uh-oh.
172
00:08:51,100 --> 00:08:54,100
Grace. you didn't tell
the irregular pantyhose story. did you?
173
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,400
There was something
in the air tonight
174
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,400
The stars were bright.
Fernando.
175
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:05,900
What?
176
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,400
( sighs )
You know what?
177
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:11,300
Who needs brains
when you can lick your own eyebrows?
178
00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:14,300
Why did you give the flowers
to the womens?
179
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:16,200
You like the mens.
180
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,500
'Nando.
Poor naive 'Nando
181
00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:24,100
See Rosario married me
to get a Green card.
182
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,700
But as long as I'm married to her
183
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,400
I get a platinum card. a Barney's card
184
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,900
and a Hallmark card that says
"Welcome to Easy Street".
185
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:33,500
So I gotta keep the little women happy.
186
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,000
Now let me just give these to my wife. and
then we'll go make out.
187
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,500
- Okay.
- Okay.
188
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,300
Cha Cha.
what are you doing home?
189
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,100
I thought you had
a date with Dennis.
190
00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:45,100
( mocks spitting )
191
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,300
Not till 10:00.
192
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,300
Anyway. Rosie. um...
193
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,100
I know you're upset
because I forgot our anniversary.
194
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,600
but I'm just hoping
that this will make up for it.
195
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,300
Oh. so sweet.
196
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:03,000
And since paper is the traditional
first anniversary gift...
197
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:06,500
Oh. Bounty.
198
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,300
Now I can cross it off my list.
199
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:14,300
Happy anniversary.
Rosebud.
200
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,900
Don't wait up.
201
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,000
Is it safe?
202
00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:26,000
My husband's gone.
but I would not say that it is safe.
203
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,500
my little cup
of crema de cacahuates.
204
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:34,300
Rosie. can I have some cash--
205
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,500
Jennifer Love Hewitt!
What the hell is going on here?!
206
00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:46,000
What can I say. chica?
The heart wants what it wants.
207
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,000
But you and Gardener?
208
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:51,600
We're in love.
We want to get married.
209
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,300
Well. I guess it's clear.
210
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:57,800
I'm the only one in this relationship who
values the sanctity of marriage.
211
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,800
Come on. Fernando!
212
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:11,300
Mr. Zamir?
213
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,300
- Mr. Zamir!
- What? What?
214
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,100
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
215
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,700
I was walking my dog.
216
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,100
- What dog?
- Uh. where did he go?
217
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,300
( makes kissing sounds )
218
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:26,800
Doggy. doggy. doggy.
Doggy. doggy. doggy.
219
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:29,800
You were hunched over.
reading a personal card to Grace.
220
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:32,900
I would never do something
like that. It is wrong.
221
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,700
I'm glad you realize that.
222
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:37,200
So. she has slept with a guy
with named Ben last night.
223
00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:38,100
Let me see that.
224
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,900
Uh. that's a filthy note.
225
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,900
but also tender
and gentle in spots.
226
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,100
That Ben is a smooth operator.
227
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:50,000
Grace and Ben?
228
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,900
- Hey.
- Will. what are you doing?
229
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,700
I was helping Mr. Zamir
look for his dog.
230
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,800
I don't have a dog.
231
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,600
You and Ben?
232
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,500
Hey. you're the one
who wanted us to make nice.
233
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:14,700
We did.
We made nice. Twice.
234
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:23,800
You are unbelievable.
235
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:27,100
You're the second guy to tell me
that in the last 12 hours.
236
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:31,200
Come on. Iaugh.
237
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,900
Grace. he's my boss.
238
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:36,300
Obviously. I didn't plan
this thing with Ben. It just happened.
239
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,700
It was just this wild chemical.
240
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,600
"ripping off of a pair
of $50 panties" kind of thing.
241
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:42,500
Thank you. Grace.
242
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:47,200
That'll go next to the visual of my
grandmother getting out of the tub.
243
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,400
Don't make me
feel bad about this.
244
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:50,700
Ben's a great guy.
245
00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:52,900
Besides. you have all five
pillars of happiness.
246
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:54,000
Let me have this one.
247
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,800
But my boss? I mean.
did you stop for one minute to--
248
00:12:57,700 --> 00:13:00,100
you know what?
I'm not gonna do this.
249
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:03,500
This is your life.
your decision. Enjoy it.
250
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,500
Oh. Will. the passive-aggressive
gay man. it's been done.
251
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,800
No. no. no. no.
This is relaxed fit gay man.
252
00:13:10,700 --> 00:13:14,100
I'm serious. I'm making a whole
new choice with this conversation.
253
00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:16,200
See Ben.
Honestly. it's fine.
254
00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:19,300
All right.
I'm gonna take you at your word.
255
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,200
because I do want
to keep seeing him.
256
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:24,000
Good. Terrific. have fun.
Just leave me out of it.
257
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,700
Last thing I need in my life
right now is somebody else's drama.
258
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:31,100
My wife is cheating on me!
My life is ruined! Will. help me!
259
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:38,000
Enter the drama queen.
exit the neighbor.
260
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,100
Can you believe this?
261
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:43,500
She wants to divorce me
and marry Gardener.
262
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:44,600
I'm out on the street!
263
00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:47,200
That's shocking. Is there any way
you can tell me about this
264
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,200
without screeching
like a howler monkey?
265
00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:52,400
You know what?
I don't need you!
266
00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,800
I have plenty of friends who would be more
than happy to help me through this!
267
00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:03,100
Goodbye!
268
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,400
You don't even pretend
to leave anymore. do you?
269
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:09,700
This is serious. Will.
270
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:13,900
I am about to lose everything.
and I have a dog and a bird to support.
271
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,200
Jack. it was
a sham marriage.
272
00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:18,400
What are you going to do?
Take Karen to court and demand
273
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,000
she keep you in the lifestyle to which
you've become accustomed?
274
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,300
I'm not talking about--
I don't--
275
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,300
can I really do that?
276
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,900
Mr. Doucette said
that you should review the Blumen file.
277
00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:34,800
- Where is it?
- I don't know. ask his assistant.
278
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:37,700
- You are his assistant.
- I just said I didn't know.
279
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:40,400
Wow. is that your fun side?
280
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:43,000
I'm just asking.
'cause I wouldn't want to miss it.
281
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,400
( sighs )
282
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,300
( romantic jazz music playing )
283
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,800
- ( Grace laughs )
- You should consider yourself lucky.
284
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,100
Why is that?
285
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,700
'Cause I get about $500 an hour
for the work I do at this table.
286
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,600
That's it? I wouldn't
get out of bed for $500.
287
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,000
Really?
Will you take a check?
288
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:18,000
All right. you either said
something very romantic.
289
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,600
or you called me a prostitute.
290
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,700
- Whatever. sounded good.
- Yeah.
291
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,800
How you doing. Truman?
292
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,100
Hi. Will.
293
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,400
What can I do for you?
294
00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:34,500
Oh. I was just looking
for the Blumen file.
295
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,400
but hey.
Mr. Blumen can wait.
296
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:39,900
One more day in a Turkish prison
never hurt anybody.
297
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:42,900
Okay. okay. I'll get it for you.
It's in my office.
298
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,700
- You want to cut in?
- Uh.
299
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,400
- No. thank you. I'd rather not.
- Aw. come on. cut in.
300
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:50,100
This lady's gotta dance.
301
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,500
See you later. sweetheart.
You too. Grace.
302
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:03,900
Oh. please. with the look.
How many times did I have to watch
303
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:06,000
you and Michael do
"Summer Loving" from "Grease"?
304
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,400
That wasn't a look.
I was just looking at your skirt.
305
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,800
Shouldn't you be
on the dashboard of a cab. going...
306
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,100
It's amazing. you know.
307
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,400
when things are working
in the relationship department.
308
00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:25,700
all those other pillars
just fall into place.
309
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,400
Me and my family
are getting along.
310
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,800
- I'm loving my job again.
- Yeah. what about your health?
311
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:32,600
Health's better too.
but that's not Ben. that's bran.
312
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:39,800
Hello. Karen.
Hello. Grace.
313
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,700
I am here on business.
314
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,500
Oh. great. Put me down
for two boxes of the Thin Mints.
315
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,100
Okay. different business.
316
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,700
Damn. now I want a cookie.
Okay. I'll be back.
317
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:55,300
This is in regard to the very tragic
318
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,800
and devastating collapse
of my marriage to Rosario.
319
00:16:57,700 --> 00:17:01,300
It's the laughter you'll remember.
honey. Let's go buy make-up.
320
00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:04,800
And... even though
one could never
321
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,100
put a price on the pain
and suffering this has caused me.
322
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,400
one has.
323
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:13,700
Jack. I don't read.
I'm read to.
324
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:21,000
Very well. Item one.
$500.000 paid to me by you
325
00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,800
over the next four years.
preferably in 50s.
326
00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:27,800
Item two. A Shetland pony
dyed powder blue to match my eyes.
327
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,600
Item three.
powder blue eyes.
328
00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:35,800
- Item four--
- Wait a minute. wait a minute. Blanche!
329
00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:39,800
I'm still on item one.
500.000 in 50s?
330
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,400
Yeah. I've always been turned on
by one Benji Franklin.
331
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,100
He wasn't afraid to wear his hair
up and away from the face.
332
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,900
Franklin's on the 100.
you mook.
333
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,800
And where do you get off
asking me for 500K?
334
00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:54,300
Do you know how many times
I had to...
335
00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:55,700
( pants )
"Oh my God. Stan!"
336
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,300
( screams )
...to get that?
337
00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:05,700
Well. we did have a contract.
338
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,600
I gave you a year of my life
so Rosario could stay in the country.
339
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:11,600
I don't think a trust fund
and a Corvette is too much to ask for.
340
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,600
Are you kidding me with this?
341
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,000
I plucked you out
of a 4x4 hovel
342
00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:18,900
above a blinking light
in Times Square.
343
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,300
and I put you in a 6x6 maid's quarters
on Park Avenue.
344
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,300
- and this is the thanks I get?!
- ( gasps )
345
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,400
Hey. you got something
out of this too. Missy.
346
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:29,800
Who read "Valley of the Dolls"
to your kids every night?
347
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,800
Who distracted Stan for you
on Oyster Tuesdays?
348
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,600
Me. It was me.
349
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:40,900
Now I want my 500.000 in 50s!
50s with Ben Franklin on 'em!
350
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:47,200
You know.
you should think very carefully
351
00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:49,700
about what you're asking for.
Miss Gurley Brown.
352
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,300
You've got a good thing
going here.
353
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:55,600
and if you think that you can just
shamelessly siphon cash off a loved one
354
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,500
Iike I'm doing with my husband.
you've got another thing comin'!
355
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:01,600
I want my money.
356
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:04,000
You ain't getting 88 cents
from me. Rose.
357
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,900
Very well.
I will see you in court.
358
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,600
By the way. your boobs
look great today.
359
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:15,100
It's a custom-made Jean Claus. came in
from Paris yesterday. Get outta here!
360
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:22,200
And at that point. the arbitrator will hear
your side and Karen's side.
361
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:23,600
and then he'll render his decision.
362
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,000
But Jack. you've got to be
more reasonable in your demands.
363
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,000
You can't. for instance ask for
364
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,900
all of Karen's camisoles.
365
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:31,800
Why do you want them anyway?
366
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,600
For Halloween.
367
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:36,300
Me and 12 of my gym buddies
want to go as an East Side brothel.
368
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,000
And you will never get
this amount of money.
369
00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:44,800
I know it was
a little excessive.
370
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:47,200
but then just get me enough
for the essentials. okay?
371
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,900
Like food.
clothing and bikini waxes.
372
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,700
Well. that was good.
That way we all win.
373
00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:55,900
( phone rings )
374
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,500
Hello. Alex. hi!
375
00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:00,900
I'm so sorry about last night.
I couldn't get out--
376
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:04,200
Tomorrow brunch?
I will be there.
377
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,300
I will absolutely be there.
Okay, bye.
378
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:14,300
Jack.
he's straight and married.
379
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,700
Yeah. so I am.
380
00:20:16,900 --> 00:20:19,300
- (jazz music playing )
- Oh. good. Grace is here.
381
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:20,700
I'm gonna go tell her
about Alex.
382
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:24,600
Oh. you gotta go tell
your wife about your boyfriend.
383
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:25,900
( Jack blows a raspberry )
384
00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:27,000
Spooky.
385
00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:28,300
What?
386
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:31,200
When you said that.
you looked just like a woman.
387
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,300
Gracie. good news--
388
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:37,900
oh. you're not Gracie.
389
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:42,200
And this is not good news.
390
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:49,500
(phone rings )
391
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,000
Hello.
392
00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:54,600
Hey, it's Alex.
Where are you?
393
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,700
Ooh. were we having
brunch today?
394
00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:58,700
I thought we were having brunch
on your birthday.
395
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,100
Today is my birthday.
396
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,600
Ooh! I've got to break some really bad
news to a friend of mine.
397
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,700
Is there any way we could
reschedule your birthday?
398
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,900
'Cause you seem
more like a Libra to me anyway.
399
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,300
Okay, Will,
why don't youjust tell me now?
400
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,000
You're actually
a straight married man
401
00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:15,000
with three kids
who has no intention ofdating me again.
402
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,200
Nothing could be
further from the truth.
403
00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:21,000
Morning. sweetie.
Oh my God. is that bacon?
404
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,100
I love you.
I love you. I love you.
405
00:21:22,100 --> 00:21:24,900
Alex I'll call you back tonight.
I'm so sorry.
406
00:21:25,300 --> 00:21:26,700
What's going on?
407
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,400
Bacon. pancakes.
408
00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:30,300
You put a chocolate chip
smiley face on them
409
00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:32,400
this would be the meal
you make to cheer me up.
410
00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:37,900
But I don't need cheering up.
411
00:21:37,900 --> 00:21:38,900
Ask me Why.
412
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:40,800
Okay. here's a hint.
413
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,200
Check the outfit.
414
00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:47,500
You picked up a shift at Long John Silver?
415
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,000
I'm going yachting.
416
00:21:51,900 --> 00:21:54,000
Yes. that's right. I yacht now.
417
00:21:55,700 --> 00:21:57,300
But you're Jewish.
418
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,100
Hello? Have you ever heard
of a little boat called the Ark?
419
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,700
Did I mention that it's Ben's yacht?
420
00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:11,100
- Now about Ben.
- Oh. thanks I should Carbo load
421
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,600
drinking Martinis and having
sunscreen applied to your back
422
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,800
really takes it out of you.
423
00:22:15,700 --> 00:22:17,300
Remember when you first met Ben
424
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,800
how you really. really hated him?
425
00:22:18,700 --> 00:22:20,800
Yeah. now I really. really like him.
426
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,900
You know what else I really. really like?
427
00:22:22,900 --> 00:22:24,500
Bacon. Where you hiding it chief?
428
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:30,100
Remember how you said
he was slick and slippery
429
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,100
and you wouldn't trust him as far as you
could throw The Commish?
430
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:35,900
I guess I was wrong.
431
00:22:35,900 --> 00:22:40,700
Gosh Will. it is so great to
date a guy who's grown up.
432
00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:41,700
Who's secure with who he is.
433
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,200
who isn't emotionally needy.
434
00:22:43,100 --> 00:22:45,300
Who owns a big ass yacht.
435
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,300
I don't know. you are a pretty
good judge of people.
436
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,800
You hated Dr. Laura long before
the rest of the world did.
437
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,700
- Okay. taking these to go.
- What? Why?
438
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,900
I'm not gonna let you do that thing
439
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:00,800
where you chip away at a guy I'm dating.
440
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,300
I start to question and we break up
441
00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:04,300
and then I'm back to flirting with the
manager at Blockbuster again.
442
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:06,700
I'm just trying to...
443
00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:09,500
Just try to be happy for me okay.
that's what friends do.
444
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,100
Friends don'tjudge
445
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:12,800
and friends don't criticize.
446
00:23:12,900 --> 00:23:13,900
And most importantly
447
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,600
friends do not let me leave the house
448
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:17,600
Iooking like the little boy on
the Cracker Jack box.
449
00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:19,300
My God. what the hell were you thinking?
450
00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:27,700
Will. I need to see you for a moment.
451
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:28,900
Great. I need to see you too.
452
00:23:28,900 --> 00:23:31,900
- Can I get you anything else?
- No thanks.
453
00:23:31,700 --> 00:23:33,500
I'd like a Diet Coke. no ice.
454
00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:36,500
I'd like a date with Denzel.
but that's not gonna happen either.
455
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,600
Ben. I'm in
an awkward position here.
456
00:23:45,700 --> 00:23:47,800
I know. so I'm gonna
make this easy for you.
457
00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:50,300
This inappropriate behavior
is gonna stop immediately
458
00:23:50,300 --> 00:23:51,700
before someone gets hurt.
459
00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:53,700
Wow.
I couldn't agree more.
460
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:55,200
Good. I'm glad
we talked about this.
461
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,400
- Yeah. so you'll stop.
- Why would I stop?
462
00:23:57,300 --> 00:24:00,700
I'm not the one representing Jack against
our client. Karen Walker.
463
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,200
No. you're the one
who's cheating on Grace.
464
00:24:03,100 --> 00:24:04,800
- Is that what we're talking about?
- Yeah.
465
00:24:04,900 --> 00:24:06,300
Then why are we
still holding hands?
466
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,300
Will. I really don't see
where this thing with Grace
467
00:24:10,300 --> 00:24:11,300
is any of your business.
468
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,900
Really?
Give me a second.
469
00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:16,600
My boss plus my best friend
divided by chippy on the table--
470
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,200
yeah. that comes out
to my business.
471
00:24:18,100 --> 00:24:20,600
Check your math.
You work for my business.
472
00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:23,900
A business which bills seven
figures a year. from Walker. Inc.
473
00:24:23,900 --> 00:24:26,000
So if you're gonna be
representing anybody.
474
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,300
you're gonna be
representing them.
475
00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:28,600
- No. I'm not.
- Yes. you are.
476
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:29,700
- No. I'm not.
- Yes. you are.
477
00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:31,100
No. I'm not!
478
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,200
You know. it's kind of ironic.
479
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,700
35 years of legal experience
between us.
480
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:35,900
and this is the way we argue.
481
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:37,200
- And yes. you are!
- No. no. no!
482
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:41,100
Forget it. You want to talk about conflict of
interest. that's one thing.
483
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,400
but I am not going down
that road again
484
00:24:42,300 --> 00:24:44,000
where you pit me
against one of my friends.
485
00:24:44,100 --> 00:24:46,300
Will. I hate to reopen
an old discussion.
486
00:24:46,300 --> 00:24:47,400
but yes. you are!
487
00:24:47,300 --> 00:24:50,100
So basically. you're taking
my two best friends.
488
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,800
screwing over one of them and telling
me I have to screw over the other.
489
00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:56,400
It's amazing. all this screwing.
you'd think somebody would be happy.
490
00:24:56,300 --> 00:24:57,900
Here's your problem. Will.
491
00:24:57,900 --> 00:25:00,900
You've let your personal life
interfere with your business life.
492
00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:02,900
Now. I take some
responsibility here.
493
00:25:02,900 --> 00:25:05,300
After all. I am schtupping
your best friend.
494
00:25:05,300 --> 00:25:07,200
But you have to set
boundaries.
495
00:25:07,100 --> 00:25:08,900
You know what?
You're absolutely right.
496
00:25:08,900 --> 00:25:11,100
and I'm about to set
a very big boundary. I quit.
497
00:25:11,100 --> 00:25:13,300
- No. you don't.
- Oh. yes. I do.
498
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,100
Jack:
There's something I need to tell you.
499
00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:22,500
Mommy and Daddy.
500
00:25:22,500 --> 00:25:26,100
well. we've decided
to live apart.
501
00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:30,500
Now. this doesn't mean
we don't love you.
502
00:25:30,500 --> 00:25:34,400
In fact. it was because of you that
we stayed together as long as we did.
503
00:25:34,300 --> 00:25:37,000
But in this crazy.
mixed up world.
504
00:25:36,900 --> 00:25:39,800
how long can a marriage
between a Salvadoran maid
505
00:25:39,700 --> 00:25:43,100
and a West Village
singer-actor-dancer-choreographer last?
506
00:25:43,900 --> 00:25:45,300
( parrot squawks )
507
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,600
It's not your fault. okay?
It's not anyone's fault.
508
00:25:49,500 --> 00:25:52,600
But. Iet's face it.
Mommy's a whore.
509
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,600
Mommy cheated on Daddy
510
00:25:56,500 --> 00:25:59,700
and Mommy's going to hell.
511
00:26:03,900 --> 00:26:05,600
Hey. poodle.
512
00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:07,400
What the hell
are you doing here?
513
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,600
Isn't it enough you destroyed me
in arbitration today?
514
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,800
You have to come and gloat
over your victory?
515
00:26:11,900 --> 00:26:14,700
Oh. Jack.
I wouldn't do that.
516
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:18,100
You know I can't hide
anything from you.
517
00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:20,400
You've got nothing. nothing!
518
00:26:20,300 --> 00:26:22,400
( laughs. grunts )
519
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,600
Yeah.
520
00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:25,900
Go ahead. Iaugh.
521
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,900
Laugh at my pain.
but I'll be the one who laughs last.
522
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:30,800
- No. you won't.
- No. I won't.
523
00:26:32,100 --> 00:26:35,000
Yeah. but really. is there anything
I can do to make you feel better?
524
00:26:34,900 --> 00:26:37,200
You could apologize.
525
00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:39,000
Oh. I don't want to set
a precedent.
526
00:26:38,900 --> 00:26:41,100
but. Iisten.
I'll tell you what I will do.
527
00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:43,200
On your way out.
Security Guard is gonna frisk you
528
00:26:43,100 --> 00:26:45,100
to make sure
you didn't take any silverware.
529
00:26:46,300 --> 00:26:47,600
Hateful!
530
00:26:47,700 --> 00:26:49,600
I should haul you
back to court for slander!
531
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:56,800
Karen.
532
00:26:56,700 --> 00:26:58,500
Who let you in?
533
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,900
- Your butler.
- Huh. you mean ex-butler.
534
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:03,900
Speaking of exes.
you know what's nice?
535
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,400
Being your ex-lawyer.
536
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:08,400
Yeah. not having to kiss your ass
and pretend you're interesting
537
00:27:08,300 --> 00:27:10,800
is gonna free up a lot of my time.
I might even learn a language.
538
00:27:11,700 --> 00:27:13,800
Honey. if you look
inside this bag.
539
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,100
I'm giving you
a little sign language right now.
540
00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:25,600
- Hey. Jack.
- Oh. hey. Will. hi.
541
00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:28,700
I just want to thank you so much
for your fine work at arbitration today.
542
00:27:28,700 --> 00:27:30,800
Yeah. it was so nice.
Oh. wait a minute.
543
00:27:30,700 --> 00:27:32,800
That wasn't you.
That was the opposing counsel.
544
00:27:34,700 --> 00:27:37,800
I'm sorry.
I just have a lot on my mind
545
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,800
and my life is
in a very weird place right now.
546
00:27:40,700 --> 00:27:42,400
Well. Boo Radley-hoo. Iady.
547
00:27:44,900 --> 00:27:46,600
My freaking world
is collapsing.
548
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:50,000
Then why did you bring a date
to your divorce hearing?
549
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,400
"I bored. Yack.
Iet's go get a grape juith."
550
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,100
- 'Nando is my rock.
- ( sighs )
551
00:27:56,100 --> 00:27:57,700
And when we're
at a better place.
552
00:27:57,700 --> 00:28:01,000
I have stuff to tell you. It's like
the man does not have hamstrings.
553
00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:03,700
But back to the point.
554
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,400
I am out on the street
and it's all your fault!
555
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,600
I'm sorry. children.
I don't want you to see Daddy cry.
556
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,000
- ( parrot squawks )
- ( Jack crying )
557
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,500
Jack. I'm sorry.
558
00:28:19,700 --> 00:28:22,100
How can I help?
What can I do?
559
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,700
Can two gay men
share an apartment
560
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:49,500
without driving
each other crazy?
561
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,500
- ( parrot squawks )
- ( dog barks )
562
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:54,700
Probably not.
563
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,900
You know.
it's not the Four Seasons.
564
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,100
but since life
has given me lemons.
565
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,000
I will drink your lemonade.
566
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:13,400
With crushed ice. please.
567
00:29:14,300 --> 00:29:17,900
Okay. time to lay down
a few ground rules.
568
00:29:17,700 --> 00:29:18,900
Ooh, good idea.
569
00:29:18,900 --> 00:29:23,000
First rule. if the pad's rocking.
don't come a'knocking.
570
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:26,700
That's a good rule.
but I was thinking more like.
571
00:29:26,700 --> 00:29:29,500
you take your bags
and your menagerie. Laura.
572
00:29:29,300 --> 00:29:32,500
and... take them
into the back room.
573
00:29:32,500 --> 00:29:34,300
and I won't smother you
in your sleep.
574
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,200
Still waiting
on that limonada.
575
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,300
Well.
while you're waiting.
576
00:29:43,300 --> 00:29:46,400
just make sure that Claus
doesn't make a urinada on the floor.
577
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:50,000
- I gotta go talk to Grace.
- Oh. Will. Iook. quick thought.
578
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:51,800
The back bedroom's kinda small.
579
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:53,800
How about every six months
we switch rooms?
580
00:29:53,700 --> 00:29:56,700
Hey. how about every two months.
you and the bird switch heads?
581
00:29:58,300 --> 00:30:00,800
- Hi. Hi.
- Hi. Hi.
582
00:30:00,700 --> 00:30:02,900
Is this too sexy
for the symphony?
583
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,000
- Uh. probably.
- Good.
584
00:30:04,900 --> 00:30:08,200
Be a shame if the only overture
I got tonight was from Gustav Mahler.
585
00:30:09,500 --> 00:30:11,800
- Get it? Classical humor.
- Yeah. it was very good.
586
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:14,600
Somewhere. Beverly Sills
is chortling into her cleavage.
587
00:30:16,700 --> 00:30:19,500
Look. there was something
I was trying to say yesterday.
588
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,400
and I didn't and I think
I should say it now.
589
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:23,900
Sounds important.
590
00:30:23,900 --> 00:30:26,900
It is. so I'm
just gonna say it.
591
00:30:26,900 --> 00:30:30,900
I know you like Ben.
but he's not the guy you think he is.
592
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:34,600
Sweetie. he's cheating on you.
He's seeing someone else.
593
00:30:34,500 --> 00:30:35,900
- Hi.
- Hi.
594
00:30:35,900 --> 00:30:37,100
- You ready to go?
- Uh-huh.
595
00:30:37,100 --> 00:30:39,000
You look beautiful.
596
00:30:38,900 --> 00:30:40,800
( kissing )
597
00:30:40,700 --> 00:30:43,100
I'm gonna find a vase
and put these in some water.
598
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:44,900
Ooh. Will.
599
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,300
I am getting a lot of stuff.
600
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,900
If you'd like. Iater.
I can sit with you
601
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,400
and teach you
some calming pranayama.
602
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:06,800
- You were saying?
- Ben's seeing someone else.
603
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,800
which may not have quite the impact
I thought it would a moment ago.
604
00:31:09,700 --> 00:31:12,600
Oh. yeah. you mean that chick
with the Macy Gray hair?
605
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,000
So. you're okay with this?
606
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,600
Sure. why wouldn't I be?
607
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:22,500
Well. because...
he's seeing someone else!
608
00:31:22,300 --> 00:31:25,100
And so am l.
and so is Josh--
609
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:28,700
some girl
with armpit hair. named--
610
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:32,100
ugh. what is it again?
Hon. what's her name again?
611
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:33,400
Pond? River?
612
00:31:33,300 --> 00:31:35,100
- Ocean.
- Ocean.
613
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:42,000
God. the guys I'm dating
date such losers.
614
00:31:43,700 --> 00:31:45,300
Okay. who are you?
615
00:31:45,300 --> 00:31:48,500
You're dating two guys.
and they are seeing other people.
616
00:31:48,300 --> 00:31:51,200
This is not your life.
You're not gay or French.
617
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,700
I know. isn't it great?
I'm naughty.
618
00:31:59,700 --> 00:32:03,200
I'm dating two guys at the same time.
My mother would so not approve.
619
00:32:03,100 --> 00:32:05,100
I can't wait to tell her.
620
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:08,500
Well. that's--
that's great. I--
621
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,400
I just quit my job over this.
but that's great.
622
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,600
- What?
- I quit my job!
623
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:14,800
Oh my God. no!
No. you can't!
624
00:32:14,700 --> 00:32:16,400
Hey, we better get going.
625
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:19,000
My electric car only has
30 minutes left on the charge.
626
00:32:20,900 --> 00:32:22,900
Look. this is just
a huge misunderstanding.
627
00:32:22,900 --> 00:32:25,200
I'll talk to Ben
and I'll straighten the whole thing out.
628
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:26,600
Come on. honey.
Tick-tock.
629
00:32:26,700 --> 00:32:28,000
Okay. we'll work this out.
630
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,400
You worry about me
too much. mister.
631
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,400
So. you sound tall.
How tall are ya?
632
00:32:37,300 --> 00:32:39,600
I don't know,
six t-- is Will there?
633
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,000
Jack! Alex.
I've not forgotten about our date.
634
00:32:41,900 --> 00:32:44,200
I'm running a little bit behind.
but I will definitely--
635
00:32:44,100 --> 00:32:45,700
Is that guy living with you?
636
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:47,900
- Yeah!
- No! It's a long story.
637
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,900
You know what? I think I'm done
with your long stories.
638
00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:53,900
In fact, l--
I think I'm done with you.
639
00:32:53,700 --> 00:32:57,000
No. no. Alex. come--
don't hang up. Don't t--
640
00:32:56,900 --> 00:32:59,100
Goodbye.
641
00:32:59,100 --> 00:33:01,200
I blew it.
642
00:33:01,100 --> 00:33:04,900
I'm sorry.
I know you're hurting. buddy.
643
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:06,100
Thank God I'm here.
644
00:33:06,100 --> 00:33:09,800
He sounded cute.
You think he'd like me?
645
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,000
Uh. that was insensitive.
I'm sorry.
646
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:15,500
You probably need
a couple hours to mourn.
647
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:17,500
Remember. black is slimming.
648
00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:24,000
Okay. we plugged the car
into a Chinese restaurant
649
00:33:23,900 --> 00:33:25,900
so I can give you
five more minutes.
650
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,100
Are you okay?
651
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,000
I don't know.
Let's ask the Lifestyle section. huh?
652
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:35,200
Love life. gone.
Job got in the way.
653
00:33:35,100 --> 00:33:37,600
Job. gone.
Friend got in the way.
654
00:33:37,500 --> 00:33:41,200
Health. something's in the way.
I may have to borrow some of that bran.
655
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,000
And friends...
656
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,200
Okay. okay. I get it.
657
00:33:47,700 --> 00:33:51,500
And I'm so sorry 'cause
I know a lot of this is my fault. but--
658
00:33:51,500 --> 00:33:54,500
but trust me.
I will make it better.
659
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,300
I don't think so.
I-- I don't think you can.
660
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:59,400
I think this is something
I need to fix myself.
661
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:00,600
What are you talking about?
662
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,800
We don't fix ourselves.
663
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:04,500
That's not what we do.
664
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,000
I fix you. you fix me.
665
00:34:06,900 --> 00:34:09,700
So. this is
what we're gonna do.
666
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:13,300
Tomorrow.
it's all about Krispy Kremes.
667
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:14,900
blender drinks
668
00:34:14,900 --> 00:34:16,600
and more Krispy Kremes.
669
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,900
So. by the time we're fighting
over the last honey glaze.
670
00:34:20,900 --> 00:34:23,200
everything will seem
so much better.
671
00:34:23,100 --> 00:34:25,200
No. it won't.
I don't think a sugar buzz.
672
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,400
a morning drunk and a stomach ache
is gonna do the trick this time.
673
00:34:28,300 --> 00:34:32,700
I need a change.
I-- I need something different.
674
00:34:32,500 --> 00:34:34,100
You always say that.
675
00:34:34,100 --> 00:34:36,100
and you're always wrong.
676
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,200
Trust me.
I will take care of everything.
677
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:39,200
( Will sighs )
678
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:41,400
I got to go.
but everything is gonna be okay.
679
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:43,600
Right?
680
00:34:45,300 --> 00:34:48,400
- Sure.
- Sure.
681
00:34:49,500 --> 00:34:51,600
I'll see you later.
682
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:01,600
( shower running )
683
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,100
Sorry I'm late.
684
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:06,800
A horrible thing happened
on the way from the donut place--
685
00:35:06,700 --> 00:35:08,800
three and half of 'em
disappeared.
686
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,200
Make that four.
687
00:35:14,700 --> 00:35:16,500
What are you yammering about?
688
00:35:19,100 --> 00:35:22,200
I wasn't yammering to you.
Erykah Ba-don't.
689
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:25,700
I was yammering to Will.
690
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,200
Well. you're gonna have to yammer
a whole lot louder.
691
00:35:28,100 --> 00:35:30,500
Will's gone.
Left on a jet plane.
692
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:32,200
- What?
- Yeah. she's exhausted.
693
00:35:32,100 --> 00:35:34,600
Her life. Iike her hair.
had become unmanageable.
694
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:38,700
- Where did he go?
- Uh, some island.
695
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:41,600
I couldn't really make it out.
I was in there watching the "Creek."
696
00:35:44,300 --> 00:35:46,700
But-- but he--
697
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,400
no. no.
698
00:35:48,500 --> 00:35:51,600
No. no. he would never leave
without telling me.
699
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,200
We didn't do the chicken dance
so the plane wouldn't crash.
700
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:57,600
No. he would never do that.
That would be totally unlike him.
701
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:00,400
Well. maybe that's why he did it.
702
00:36:00,300 --> 00:36:01,500
But he--
703
00:36:03,900 --> 00:36:05,000
oh my God.
704
00:36:05,100 --> 00:36:08,300
And since this is my apartment now.
we have a few new ground rules.
705
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:12,800
Rule number one. if the pad's rocking.
don't come a knocking.
706
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:19,000
And rule number two.
the pad will always be rocking.
707
00:36:22,300 --> 00:36:23,500
Okay?
708
00:36:33,500 --> 00:36:35,300
Will's voice:
Day one.
709
00:36:35,300 --> 00:36:37,500
What have I done?
710
00:36:37,500 --> 00:36:40,400
I quit myjob,
I left my home, my friends.
711
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,300
I'm all alone
in the middle ofnowhere.
712
00:36:42,300 --> 00:36:46,000
This is the most ridiculous
thing I've ever done.
713
00:36:45,900 --> 00:36:49,900
I kick ass.
This is fantastic.
714
00:36:49,700 --> 00:36:53,400
And the best part is, no one
can reach me, no one can bother me.
715
00:36:53,300 --> 00:36:55,900
- Phone call. Will Truman.
- What?
716
00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:00,700
Hello?
Ben. how did you--
717
00:37:00,700 --> 00:37:02,400
never mind. I--
718
00:37:02,300 --> 00:37:05,600
No. I am not coming back.
I quit. Leave me alone.
719
00:37:05,500 --> 00:37:06,800
Thank you.
720
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:08,900
Okay, people can reach me.
721
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:12,600
But still, this feeling
ofremoteness is exhilarating.
722
00:37:12,500 --> 00:37:17,400
I'm experiencing for the first time
what it means to be completely alone.
723
00:37:17,300 --> 00:37:20,900
And you know what?
I think I like it.
724
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,800
- It's rude to hang up on people.
- Ahh!
725
00:37:23,700 --> 00:37:25,600
What the hell
are you doing here?
726
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:28,000
I didn't hear Tattoo announce you.
727
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:32,500
- How did you find me?
- I'm me. I can find people.
728
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:36,800
I hope you like pi�a coladas.
Me. I like getting caught in the rain.
729
00:37:38,300 --> 00:37:41,700
I don't care if you like making love
at midnight. I'm not coming back.
730
00:37:43,100 --> 00:37:46,700
Coming back? What makes you think
I even want you back.
731
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:50,000
- You just said so on the phone.
- Hear me out.
732
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:57,300
We have a client who is in a bit
of a dicey tax situation. and--
733
00:37:57,100 --> 00:37:59,800
- mm. mm. mm.
- What?
734
00:37:59,700 --> 00:38:01,500
It's not for you.
It's for me.
735
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,500
He wants to start
an offshore company.
736
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:06,700
- and this is as good a place as any.
- Forget it.
737
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,300
Come on.
it wouldn't even be like work.
738
00:38:08,300 --> 00:38:11,100
Couple of hours a day. the rest
of the time you work on your tan.
739
00:38:11,100 --> 00:38:12,800
write in your journal.
meet guys.
740
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:16,000
There's a place down the road
called the Rasta Fairy lnn.
741
00:38:15,900 --> 00:38:18,000
I'm assuming that's for you.
742
00:38:18,900 --> 00:38:21,200
And the whole tab
is paid for by me.
743
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:23,700
Ben. forget it.
You're wasting your breath.
744
00:38:23,700 --> 00:38:26,700
And by the way.
the Rasta Fairy lnn is not a gay bar.
745
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:29,100
It's a head shop.
I already checked.
746
00:38:29,900 --> 00:38:31,700
Come on. Truman.
what's it gonna take?
747
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:33,800
I know there's something
out there I can give you.
748
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:34,900
- Come on. name it.
- No.
749
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:35,900
- Ask for anything.
- No.
750
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:37,000
- Whatever it takes.
- No.
751
00:38:36,900 --> 00:38:38,200
- Piss me off.
- Make me partner.
752
00:38:38,300 --> 00:38:40,000
You're pissing me off now.
Truman.
753
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:42,900
Nobody makes partner
after six months.
754
00:38:42,900 --> 00:38:45,200
And I want that corner office.
the one that Steve has.
755
00:38:45,100 --> 00:38:48,400
Kick him out. He's homophobic
and he smells like gin and Hai Karate.
756
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:52,800
I want my name
on the letterhead.
757
00:38:52,700 --> 00:38:54,300
prettier numbers
on my paycheck.
758
00:38:54,300 --> 00:38:56,400
and a no dancing policy
on my conference table.
759
00:38:56,300 --> 00:38:58,500
Where the hell do you get off
asking for all this?
760
00:38:58,500 --> 00:39:00,000
I know you. Ben.
761
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:03,200
I know you'd never come down here
unless you couldn't do this without me.
762
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:05,600
So. the way I see it.
you've got two choices.
763
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:09,500
You can either give me what I want.
or you can take a plane home.
764
00:39:09,300 --> 00:39:12,400
You know. you can be a real jerk
when you want to be. Truman.
765
00:39:12,300 --> 00:39:14,700
I knew I liked you. Deal.
766
00:39:19,500 --> 00:39:24,300
Oh. one more thing. when I get back.
when ever that may be.
767
00:39:25,300 --> 00:39:28,100
I'd like Mrs. Freemen to treat me
a little more politely.
768
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,900
Will. there are limits to what I can do.
769
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:32,000
Have a nice vacation
770
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:35,000
- I'll take that drink now.
- No. you won't. Yo!
771
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:39,700
Grace:
Look at this.
772
00:39:39,700 --> 00:39:44,300
Janet Eisenberg. 33. and David Bromberg.
35. are getting married.
773
00:39:44,100 --> 00:39:47,400
It is the second marriage for both.
Can you believe that?
774
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:51,000
Uh. I really don't follow
straight society.
775
00:39:52,500 --> 00:39:54,300
Come on. Jack.
it's Sunday morning.
776
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:56,200
We're supposed
to go through the paper.
777
00:39:56,100 --> 00:40:00,800
You comment on what I read. and then
I will comment on what you read.
778
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,300
Okay. got a little bit
of a problem here.
779
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:09,100
See. you're trying to make me Will.
and I'm trying to make you disappear.
780
00:40:13,100 --> 00:40:16,500
How about we compromise.
and you make me scrambled eggs?
781
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:20,200
Jack. Iook where my foot is.
782
00:40:20,100 --> 00:40:22,500
I could scramble
a couple eggs from here.
783
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:27,500
Oh. Grace. I'm not like
the other men in your life.
784
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,500
I will hit you.
785
00:40:32,100 --> 00:40:33,600
Bring it on. Nancy.
786
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:44,500
You don't scare me.
I'll pull your hair.
787
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:47,000
Do whatever you want.
788
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,700
'cause today I'm handing out
lollipops and ass whoppings.
789
00:40:49,700 --> 00:40:51,500
and I'm all out of lollipops.
790
00:40:56,100 --> 00:40:57,600
- I miss Will.
- I do too.
791
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:02,800
I can't believe things were
so bad that he had to leave.
792
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:06,400
I just hope he finds
what he's looking for.
793
00:41:07,900 --> 00:41:10,000
Do you think he left
because of me?
794
00:41:09,900 --> 00:41:11,900
Yes. I do.
795
00:41:15,900 --> 00:41:18,000
You know what. Iets just
796
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:22,000
Iets just try to be really
supportive of one another okay.
797
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:25,000
Sure. Is there anything
you need from me right now?
798
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,600
No I'm okay.
799
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:32,200
Oh. I guess I'm -- is there
anything you need from me?
800
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:36,500
Yeah. just your keys. I don't really like you
walking in and out all the time.
801
00:41:47,500 --> 00:41:50,300
May I help you?
- Hello. I'm Will Truman. the attorney.
802
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:51,600
I have a 10:00 appointment.
803
00:41:51,500 --> 00:41:53,500
The Mister is not feeling well.
804
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:56,400
We told him goat does not agree
with everybody.
805
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:01,200
- But the Missus is right over there.
- Thank you.
806
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:09,800
Good morning.
807
00:42:16,300 --> 00:42:20,000
Well. well. well.
and they say fruit doesn't travel.
808
00:42:22,300 --> 00:42:25,200
If anyone's hungry.
I made BLTs.
809
00:42:26,099 --> 00:42:29,141
Tip for download: Open Subtitles MKV Player
63812
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
