Original subtitles

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MY NAME IS TOM MURPHY.

LIKE MY PARENTS AND MY GRANDPARENTS

I'VE LIVED IN CLEVELAND, OHIO MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I'VE BEEN IN THE PAINTER'S UNION

EVER SINCE I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL.

YEAH, I'M YOU'RE TYPICAL CLEVELAND IRISH WORKING MAN.

YOU'RE SO STRONG!

I'M A MEAT AND POTATOES MAN.

I SPEND MY WEEKENDS AT THE LAKE ERIE ISLANDS.

AND DURING THE WEEK

I ALWAYS VISIT THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME

TO SEE THE U2 EXHIBIT.

TIME TO MEET COLLEEN, MY IRISH GIRL.

AT LEAST I THINK SHE'S IRISH, I DON'T KNOW.

SHE DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK A WHOLE LOT,

BUT AT LEAST MY MOTHER'S HAPPY.

NOTHING IS STRONGER THAN AN IRISH MOTHER'S LOVE.

THROW IN A LITTLE CATHOLIC GUILT

AND YOU ARE POWERLESS.

HEY.

HEY.

WHAT'S WRONG?

LEMME GUESS... THE U2 EXHIBIT AGAIN?

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

THAT'S RIGHT.

IT'S SO AWESOME.

THEY GOT A BUNCH OF NEW STUFF FROM THE LAST TOUR.

IT'S OVER, TOM.

COLLEEN, IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY.

THIS IS THE PLACE WE WENT ON OUR FIRST DATE.

AND OUR SECOND DATE,

AND OUR THIRD, AND OUR FIFTIETH.

STOP WITH THE MATH!

I HATE U2.

WHAT?

I DO, I HATE U2.

YOU COME IN HERE DRESSED LIKE A LEPRECHAUN,

AND YOU HATE U2?

I HAD A PICTURE OF YOUR RING

I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU IN THIS.

IF YOU COULD DELETE MY PHOTOS OFF YOUR CAMERA.

EVEN THE ONES WHERE YOU HAVE CLOTHES ON?

ALL OF THEM.

ALL RIGHT, IT SHALL BE DONE.

EXCUSE ME, SIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, RIGHT ON TIME.

OKAY, I'M A CURATOR FOR THE HALL, SIR,

AND YOU ARE STRICTLY PROHIBITED FROM SITTING

ON THOSE DRUMS!

THAT'S A GOOD RULE.

OOPS.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

IT'S SET TO LANDSCAPE MODE FOR MOUNTAINS SO...

ALL RIGHT.

...IT'S A COMPLIMENT.

I NEED ASSISTANCE IN THE LOBBY.

WE'VE GOT A PERVERT TAKING PICTURES AND SITTING ON DRUMS.

THERE'S NOT ENOUGH CHAIRS IN HERE.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE REALLY SICK!

OH, GREAT, AM I GONNA GET A PRIVATE TOUR NOW?

OH, YEAH.

YOU'RE GONNA GET A PRIVATE TOUR.

GET 'IM OUTTA HERE.

ANOTHER TUCHUS ON THOSE SACRED BASS DRUMS?

YOU'RE FIRED!

MR. FIGLER...

I PROMISE I WON'T DO IT AGAIN.

PLEASE, JUST...

WHA...

THAT JERK, GOD, IDIOT!

ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR!

MY HIGH SCHOOL BUDDIES AND I HAVE BEEN GOING TO THE HARP PUB

SINCE WE WERE IN GRADE SCHOOL

AND NOW, ONE OF US WAS COMING HOME.

YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALL DIFFERENT

BUT YOU NEVER FORGET THE GUYS YOU GREW UP WITH.

FREDDIE! HOW ARE YA, MAN?

TOMMY!

HOW ARE YOU, MAN?

WHERE YOU BEEN?

I'M SORRY, MAN, I'VE BEEN WORKING A LOT.

YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE GLOBAL WARMING THING,

IS KINDA GETTING ME DOWN.

YEAH, I'D FREAK OUT.

I THINK WE'RE GONNA BURN UP IN A FIERY BALL OF FIRE.

WORDS ON A SCREEN.

BUT LISTEN, YOU LOOK GOOD.

BOY, THOSE STOMACH STAPLES

ARE WORKING OUT FOR YOU, RIGHT?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

JUST, YOU KNOW, PORTION CONTROL.

I'LL EAT A SESAME SEED

AND I'M FULL.

YOU GONNA PUKE ON ME?

HA-HA-HA.

NO, NOT THIS YEAR.

GOOD SEEING YOU, BRO.

HEY!

THERE HE IS.

HOW ARE YOU?

I KNEW I'D FIND YOU HERE.

WELCOME BACK TO THE STATES, BUDDY.

THANKS.

THIS IS BERNIE.

AND I MET HER IN DUBLIN WHILE I WAS WORKING THERE.

A REAL IRISH GIRL?

YES, THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM FAKE ANYMORE.

GOD, BERNIE...

IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU.

LOVELY TO MEET YA, TOM.

I'VE HEARD SO MANY WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT YOU.

AH, I HOPE SOME OF THEM ARE GOOD.

THEY'RE ALL GOOD.

ME MARTY LOVE YA.

"YOUR" MARTY?

YEAH, IT'S GETTING A LITTLE POSSESSIVE NOW.

HER MARTY.

AYE, TEE-TEE-TEE.

WAIT'LL YOU HEAR, MAN.

WAIT'LL I HEAR WHAT?

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, IF I COULD HAVE YOUR ATTENTION.

MY GIRLFRIEND BERNIE AND I HAVE A LITTLE ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

UH-OH.

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.

WHAT?

TO PUT THE CHERRY ON TOP OF THAT...

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED IN BERNIE'S HOMETOWN IN IRELAND,

SO... BOOK YOUR TRAVEL TICKETS 'CAUSE WE'RE

GOING ACROSS THE POND.

HOLY CRAP, WE'RE GOING...

CONGRATULATIONS.

A LITTLE FAR.

WHERE EXACTLY IS IRELAND?

IF YOU LOOK AT A GLOBAL IMAGING MAP,

IT'S 53 DEGREES LONGITUDE,

YOU'LL START TO DRIFT.

ABOUT 6 DEGREES LATITUDE ACROSS...

LA-LA-LA, JUST FOLLOW THE SOUR CREAM BOAT..

IF I'M GOING, YOU'RE GOING.

UH...

AND YOU AND FREDDIE.

I GOT THE NEED,

I GOT THE NEED FOR TWEED.

ALL RIGHT!

WE'RE ALL GOING TO IRELAND!

WE'RE GONNA NEED CONVERTERS FOR OUR HOTEL ROOMS.

IT'S A DIFFERENT ELECTRICAL SYSTEM.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO PACK SOME STUFF INDIVIDUALLY

THEN WE'RE GONNA REGROUP ONCE WE GET OVER THERE.

BUNGEE CORD, COMPRESSION SOCKS.

MAYBE SOME IODINE TABLETS.

SHUT UP, NERD!

I'M JUST KIDDING.

MY DAD PETER MURPHY'S HALFWAY TO ST. PATRICK'S DAY PARTY.

ONLY 182 DAYS UNTIL GREEN BEER,

IRISH MUSIC AND CORNED BEEF.

AND HOW DO WE CELEBRATE?

PRACTICING WITH GREEN BEER, IRISH MUSIC AND CORNED BEEF.

TOMMY! LOOK AT THE TIME!

THERE'S ONLY SIX MONTHS LEFT!

HIGH HOLY DAY, WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?

PITTSBURGH, MASSACHUSETTS?

OH, PROHIBITION, PROHIBITION.

'SCUSE ME, BARKEEP,

HOW 'BOUT ONE OF THEM BLACK BEERS?

AH...

NOW RIGHT THERE,

THAT IS THE WORST JOHN WAYNE IMPERSONATION I HAVE EVER HEARD.

THAT WAS TERRIBLE.

PLEASE DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN, SON.

OH, MY GOD, PLEASE...

LET ME HANDLE THIS, UNCLE ANTHONY.

ON TOP OF THAT, YOU WERE TWO HOURS LATE!

SORRY, DAD, I JUST GOT DELAYED.

BUT YOU MISSED ALL THE FUN.

UNCLE ANDY SHOWED OFF HIS SHILLELAGH TATTOO.

AND THE REST OF US WERE RECALLING OUR FINEST

CHILDHOOD BEATINGS.

AH, THE GOOD OLD DAYS.

THE GOOD OLD DAYS INDEED.

WELL, IT WAS EITHER THAT OR A SWEARING CONTEST,

AND UNCLE ANTHONY ALWAYS WINS.

HE WAS A TEAMSTER.

HA-HA-HA!

SO WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?

WELL, I MET THE GANG DOWN AT THE HARP AND...

MARTY FLYNN AND HIS IRISH GIRLFRIEND BERNIE ANNOUNCED

THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED.

YOU DON'T SAY?

HE'S A GOOD MAN, THAT MARTY FLYNN.

PRINCE OF A FELLOW.

IRISH GIRLFRIEND.

WELL, IF THE HOMELY MARTY FLYNN CAN FIND ONE

YOU CERTAINLY CAN FIND ONE, TOO!

WELL, MAYBE I WILL, WHEN I'M OVER THERE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "OVER THERE"?

OVER WHERE?

MARTY AND BERNIE ARE GETTING MARRIED

IN BERNIE'S HOMETOWN IN IRELAND.

AND THEY WANT ME TO BE THE BEST MAN AND...

I'M GOING TO IRELAND.

MY SON IS GOING

TO IRELAND.

ALL THAT WATER TO FLY OVER.

I THINK I'M GONNA CRY.

TOMMY IS GOING TO MECCA.

WELL, ROUND 'EM UP AND HEAD 'EM OUT.

FIVE! FOUR! THREE!

TWO! ONE!

WHOO!

I'M NOT GETTING ANYTHING IN THERE.

IT'S PROBABLY ON A GOAT'S NUT SACK.

CONGRATULATIONS, SWEETIE!

CONGRATULATIONS.

OH, SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS.

THAT'S SO EXCITING!

I KNOW!

UH-OH.

YOU!

I SEE YOU'VE MET TOM.

YEAH, SHE HAD ME THROWN OUT

OF THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME TODAY.

I LOST MY JOB 'CAUSE HE WAS SITTING ON THE BASS DRUM!

NO, I WASN'T!

YES, YOU WERE.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED?

OKAY, I WAS AT THE ROCK HALL, OKAY?

THERE'S NO PLACE TO SIT.

I SAT DOWN ON THE BASS DRUM.

THERE WAS NAKED PICTURES, I WAS TAKING...

HE WAS TAKING PICTURES OF MY... HMM-MMM.

AND THEN I GOT FIRED.

MY THUMB GOT STUCK ON THE...

OKAY, OKAY...

WAIT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HISTORY IS HERE.

I DON'T CARE.

BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS THIS...

BOTH OF YOU ARE STANDING UP FOR BERNIE AND ME IN IRELAND.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YEAH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

OKAY, UHM, WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS YOU'RE MY BEST MAN,

AND SHE'S...

IS ME MAID OF HONOR.

OH, GOD.

MARTY AND BERNIE...

LOOKING REAL GOOD.

OKAY, WE COULD PROBABLY JUST SIT HERE ALL NIGHT

AND NOT SAY A WORD TO EACH OTHER

BUT YOU KNOW,

WE'RE THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN THEIR WEDDING PARTY,

SO WE'RE PROBABLY GONNA BE SPENDING

A LOT OF TIME WITH EACH OTHER.

DON'T REMIND ME.

ALL RIGHT, SO, WE PROBABLY NEED TO TALK.

LET'S START FROM SCRATCH.

COMPLETELY WIPE THE SLATE CLEAN.

WELL, SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AT THE HALL OF FAME TODAY.

THERE! THAT'S BETTER.

THAT'S IT?

WHAT?

I SAY "I'M SORRY", YOU SAY, "THAT'S BETTER"?

WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?

OH, NO, TELL ME, PLEASE,

BECAUSE INVARIABLY I'M GONNA SAY THE WRONG THING

SO TELL ME.

WELL, YOU COULD SAY THAT YOU'RE SORRY I LOST MY JOB.

OKAY...

I'M SORRY YOU LOST YOUR JOB.

I REALLY AM.

BUT I WASN'T TAKING PICTURES OF, OF YOU, YOUR...

I WASN'T, HONESTLY.

I JUST BROKE UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.

YOU WANNA SEE A PICTURE OF HER?

NUH-UH.

NO, REALLY, I COULD SHOW YOU A PICTURE OF HER.

SHE'S REALLY PRETTY.

I DON'T HAVE ANY ONES WHERE SHE'S GOT

CLOTHING ON.

SO UH... HOW'D YOU MEET BERNIE?

HER BROTHER WAS IN THE BAND OF POGUES.

WE BECAME GREAT FRIENDS WHEN I LIVED IN DUBLIN.

DUBLIN?

WOW, IT'S SO INFAMOUS FOR POETS

AND THE GUINNESS FACTORY.

IS THAT ALL YOU DO IS DRINK,

ALL YOU IRISH GUYS?

AND DRINK THAT STUFF THAT LOOKS LIKE I SHOULD BE

FUNNELING IT DOWN MY CAR ENGINE?

YEAH, THAT'S ALL WE DO.

WE JUST, UH, YOU KNOW, WE WRITE LONG SPEECHES

AND TELL BAD JOKES

AND YOU KNOW, WE RUN FOR CONGRESS.

THEN WE HAVE CORNED BEEF SANDWICHES.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THEN WE WASH IT ALL DOWN

WITH A 20 OUNCE GLASS OF MOTOR OIL.

THE WEDDING PARTY DECIDED TO GET IN SHAPE FOR IRELAND

AND WHAT BETTER WAY THAN A LOCAL CHARITY RUN?

JUST CARBING UP A LITTLE.

AH!

THAT POCKET'S YOURS, BABY!

YEAH, BABY!

ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT ONE!

WE GOT ONE!

NINE MORE AND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A STRIKE.

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN...

SORRY I'M LATE, I HAD THE DAY SHIFT.

OH...

RACK 'EM.

SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

"RACK 'EM"?

ALL RIGHT, LADIES, I WANT YOU TO WATCH PERFECTION.

I WANT YOU TO WATCH THE STYLE.

SLIGHT BEND OF THE KNEES.

BACK... STIFF AS A BOARD.

HERE WE GO.

WATCH THE CURVE OF THE BALL, WATCH THE STYLE.

WE'RE SHAKING HANDS WITH THE HEAD PIN.

HERE IT IS!

YAY!

MOCK APPLAUSE, IT'S VERY CUTE.

SPEAKING OF LOOKIN' GOOD, WHAT'D YOU THINK OF TOMMY?

HE'S YOUR BEST MAN, NOT MINE.

YOU DON'T LIKE HIM?

I MEAN, HE'S OKAY, I GUESS.

YOU'RE A LIFE-LONG FRIEND SO I PROMISE

TO GET ALONG WITH HIM.

PROMISE.

I PROMISE.

I PROMISE JUST FOR YOU,

ONLY FOR YOU AM I GONNA GET ALONG WITH HIM.

GOOD.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE UH...

WE'RE ALL GOING TO HIS PARENTS' HOUSE TOMORROW NIGHT.

WAIT, WHAT?

NO, COME ON, WHY?

LOOK, IT'S THEIR ANNUAL IRELAND VS. ITALY WORLD CUP PARTY

AND THEY WANT TO SEE ME AND THEY WANT TO MEET BERNIE

AND IT'LL BE FUN, YOU SHOULD GO.

ALL RIGHT, ISN'T THE WORLD CUP OVER?

YEAH.

OKAY, SO WHEN DID IRELAND AND ITALY PLAY EACH OTHER THEN?

1994.

SO THEY'RE HAVING A PARTY

FOR A SOCCER GAME

THAT HAPPENED IN 1994?

LOOK, THEY'RE IRISH.

THEY CELEBRATE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING IRISH.

OKAY, JUST A LITTLE WEIRD, I'M JUST SAYIN'.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE UP.

I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOUR GAME, GIRL.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

LEMME SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

YOUR FORM'S AWFUL.

MY FORM'S FINE, STOP IT!

OKAY, ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO!

HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO!

OH, MY...!

THE WORLD CUP 1994,

JACK CHARLTON AND HIS UNDERDOG IRISH TEAM

DEFEATED THE HEAVILY-FAVORED ITALIAN TEAM ONE TO NOTHING.

MY PARENTS WERE SO MOVED,

THEY WENT OUT AND RENEWED THEIR VOWS.

I LET MY MOM KNOW I WAS THROWN OUT OF THE U2 EXHIBIT

BY THE CURATOR, WHO'S COMING OVER RIGHT NOW

AND IS IN THE WEDDING, AND IS REALLY PRETTY,

AND SHE'S GREEK... OH, BOY.

LOOK WHO'S HERE.

IT'S THE HOMELY MARTY FLYNN.

AUNT MARY. GOOD TO SEE YOU.

"HOMELY" MARTY FLYNN?

WELL, THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL ME AROUND HERE.

AUNT MARY, THIS IS BERNIE.

LOVELY TO MEET YOU.

AND YOU TOO!

AND VANESSA.

HI.

VANESSA.

OH, IS THIS THE GREEK GIRL YOU'VE BEEN TELLING US ABOUT?

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A GREEK GIRL.

YOU BEEN TALKING ABOUT ME, HUH?

YEAH, HE TOLD US ALL ABOUT YOU.

ANNIE, COME AND MEET THE GREEK GIRL.

AND, THIS IS MY HUSBAND, ANTHONY.

HI.

WHERE'S YOUR TROJAN HORSE?

IN THE STABLES.

THEY'RE STILL LOADING THE SOLDIERS.

SHE'S FUNNY, I LIKE HER!

WELL, HELLO, HOW ARE YOU?

THIS IS MY BRIDE-TO-BE.

CHARMED, I'M SURE.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

I SEE YOU'VE ALREADY MET UNCLE TIMBER LEG.

I'M PETER MURPHY, TOM'S DAD.

ANNIE! THE GREEK GIRL IS HERE!

HI.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

CHARMED.

DID YOU SAY TIMBER LEG?

YEAH, WE WERE GONNA CALL HIM TONY

INSTEAD OF ANTHONY

BUT HE HAD HIS TOES AMPUTATED,

SO HE COULD STAND CLOSER TO THE BAR.

PLUS, CALLING HIM TONY IS VERY, UH...

ITALIAN,

AND THERE'S NOTHING ITALIAN IN THIS HOUSE

BUT YOUR MOTHER'S FAMOUS HOMEMADE SPAGHETTI SAUCE.

SO GLAD YOU COULD COME.

ANNIE, COME MEET THE GREEK GIRL.

THANKS FOR HAVING ME.

IT'S SO INTERESTING TO BE AROUND A FAMILY

SO FOND OF THE PAST.

OH-HO, I COULD TELL YOU A STORY.

I GOT A SCAR HERE,

I WAS STANDING AT A ROULETTE TABLE

IN THE HOLY ROSARY CHURCH

DURING THE FEAST OF ASSUMPTION.

IT WAS 1973...

SAY HELLO.

UH, VANESSA, THIS IS MY MOTHER ANNIE.

HI, PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

WELCOME TO OUR HOME.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GREEK.

I'M A HUNDRED PERCENT.

ACTUALLY MY PARENTS ARE FROM A LITTLE VILLAGE

CALLED PALEOPANAGIA,

RIGHT OUTSIDE OF SPARTA, GREECE.

THAT IS SO CUTE.

YEAH, I LOVE IT, I LOVE BEING GREEK.

AND YOU'RE IRISH.

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT.

THAT'S SO CUTE.

IS IT?

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME

MEATBALLS AND SODA BREAD?

UH...

OH, I AM SO SORRY.

I DON'T HAVE ANY CUCUMBER SAUCE.

OH, YOU MEAN TZATZIKI SAUCE.

UH, EXCUSE ME, EVERYBODY,

MY MOM NEEDS SOME HELP

IN THE BACK MAKING SOME ICE CUBES.

UH, STEVEN, COULD YOU GET EVERYONE SOME DRINKS?

I DO LOVE YOUR ARCHITECTURE.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THE BRIDE-TO-BE A DRINK, HUH?

MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THAT'S MARTY AND BERNIE'S FRIEND!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,

BUT PROMISE ME, THOMAS,

YOU WILL NOT GET INVOLVED WITH A GREEK GIRL.

I PROMISE, THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING...

IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS OF THAT, JUST REMEMBER,

A GREEK GIRL'S LOYALTY IS TO HER FATHER,

AND MAKING SURE EVERYBODY SEATED HAS MENUS

AND IS FAMILIAR WITH TODAY'S SPECIALS.

WE DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S LIKE THAT.

MARK MY WORDS, YOU'LL FIND OUT.

FIVE-FOUR-THREE-TWO-ONE...

YAY!

WELL, IRELAND WON AGAIN.

I HAVE TO GET GOING.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HOSPITALITY.

OH, WELL, YOU'RE QUITE WELCOME.

I HAD A REALLY NICE TIME.

I'M GLAD.

THANKS.

'BYE!

I GUESS MY MOM WAS RIGHT ABOUT GREEK GIRLS AND THEIR FATHERS.

WELL, I GUESS IT'S THE SAME WITH IRISH BOYS AND THEIR MOTHERS.

WHOO-WHOO-WHOO!

WHO WANTS TO SEE THIS ONE MORE TIME?

I SWEAR TO GOD, PETER,

HE IS GONNA MAKE ME GO GRAY BEFORE MY TIME.

NO, NO, NO,

ALL IN ALL, IT WAS A NICE EVENING.

DID I NOTICE A LITTLE FRICTION

BETWEEN YOU AND VANESSA?

ABSOLUTELY, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I THINK SHE INSULTED ME!

ABSOLUTELY!

SHE DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO

WITH MY SODA BREAD AND MY MEATBALLS.

AND I AM A VERY GOOD COOK!

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME.

HERE'S THE PROBLEM WITH TOM.

HE'S THINKING WORLDWIDE.

WE'VE GOT TO GET HIM FOCUSED ON IRELAND.

AND THIS IS NOT HELPING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THIS IS ITALIAN FOOD.

FROM NOW ON, NO FOREIGN FOODS IN THIS KITCHEN

UNTIL HE LEAVES.

AND I WANNA STRESS IRISH CULTURE.

I'M GONNA TAKE HIM OUT ON A LITTLE WALK TO THE IRISH GARDENS.

OH, THAT WOULD BE GOOD.

I WISH I KNEW MORE IRISH HISTORY.

BUT HE KNOWS LESS THAN I DO.

WATCH YOUR STEP, SON.

ALL RIGHT, DAD.

I WANT YOU TO SEE THIS AMAZING PLACE.

WOW, IT'S PRETTY.

I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER BEEN HERE BEFORE.

WELL, IT'S JUST BEEN REFURBISHED.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU, EVERY NATIONALITY

HAS A GARDEN ON THIS STREET.

THIS ONE IS IRISH.

IT'S VERY SPECIAL.

IT'S A MONUMENT TO ALL THE GREAT IRISH POETS,

PLAYWRIGHTS. CLEVELAND SETTLERS,

WHO CAME ACROSS ON THE NINA, THE PINTA AND THE GOOD TIMES III.

THAT'S RIGHT, THE GOOD TIMES III.

GOOD TIMES I AND II WENT DOWN IN HEAVY SEAS.

BUT THEY WENT DOWN HAVING FUN.

LAKE ERIE'S TOUGH.

ESPECIALLY THE CROSSING FROM TORONTO.

SAMUEL BECKETT.

HE WROTE WAITING FOR GODOT.

IT'S CONSIDERED THE MODERN BIBLE

FOR THE HUNTING OF FEMALE DEER.

A CRUEL AND SENSELESS SPORT.

THE VON TRAPP FAMILY SANG ABOUT IT.

JAMES JOYCE WROTE

ULYSSES, A DAY IN THE LIFE OF ULYSSES S. GRANT, THE GREAT GENERAL.

WILL WE EVER SEE THE END OF WAR?

HE WAS GOING TO BUILD A CASINO IN ATLANTA

BEFORE SHERMAN BURNED THE PLACE DOWN.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW.

HE WAS MUCH LAUDED FOR HIS WORK WITH PYGMIES.

HE WAS REFERRED TO BY SOME AS THE JANE GOODALL OF DUBLIN.

HE WAS A GOOD MAN.

VERY GOOD, THEY WERE ALL GOOD FINE FOLK,

BUT YOU DON'T HEAR A LOT ABOUT MANY OF THE FINE CLEVELAND IRISH FOLKS.

SUCH AS, CHEF BOYLE O'DEE.

THE CHEF WHO CREATED THE TECHNIQUE OF COOKING CALLED BOILING.

HAVE YOU HEARD OF THAT?

OH, I SURE HAVE.

YOU SHOULD.

IT HELPED MICHAEL SYMON BECOME IRON CHEF.

AND PADDY "PAINT STROKES"

MCGINTY.

HE PAINTED THE FIRST SIGN THAT READ:

IRISH NO NEED APPLY.

HE WAS GOOD WITH A PAINT BRUSH.

NOT TOO GOOD WITH STRUCTURING A SENTENCE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT ALL THESE FINE FOLK HAVE IN COMMON?

THEY'RE ALL DEAD?

WELL, UH, LET'S HOPE SO.

BUT MORE IMPORTANT,

THEY ALL HAD A GOOD, STRONG WOMAN AT THEIR SIDE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, DAD, I GET IT.

EXCEPT OSCAR WILDE.

HE INVENTED THE HOT DOG.

I DON'T THINK HE WAS EVEN IRISH.

LET'S TAKE A WANDER OVER TO THE WISHING WELL.

I WANT YOU TO MAKE A WISH HERE, SON.

DO YOU HAVE A COIN?

I THINK I DO.

GOT A LUCKY PENNY, DAD.

OH, A PENNY, CAN'T BE TOO LUCKY.

I WANT YOU TO TOSS IT IN AND MAKE A WISH.

WISH THAT YOU FIND A NICE, STRONG IRISH WOMAN

WHO'LL STAND BEHIND YOU,

ESPECIALLY AFTER YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING.

GIVE IT A PITCH.

NOW LET'S GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

YOUR MOM'S BOILING A TURKEY.

YUM.

WHILE I WAS GETTING MY PASSPORT,

DAD DECIDED TO JOIN THE FELLOWS

FOR SOME AUTHENTIC IRISH CORNED BEEF.

THIS IS IRISH CORNED BEEF?

HE HAD TO DO SOMETHING

TO GET THE TASTE OF BOILED TURKEY OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

YOUR FIRST TIME GOING OVERSEAS.

FIRST TIME ACROSS THE ATLANTIC, MR. MURPHY.

IT TOOK ME 30 DAYS

JUST TO GET MY PASSPORT APPROVED,

SO I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE PROCEDURES

ONCE WE FLY OUT OF NEW YORK TO CROSS THE ATLANTIC.

WHAT PROCEDURES IS THAT?

YOU JUST GET ON A PLANE AND YOU SIT.

WELL, NOT ANYMORE.

YOU GO THROUGH CUSTOMS,

THEN THEY HAVE THIS THING WHERE YOU STAND STRAIGHT

WITH YOUR HANDS UP,

AND THEN A SCANNER GOES IN FRONT OF YOU,

ALL THE WAY AROUND.

THEY SEE YOUR NAUGHTY BITS THROUGH THERE.

IS THAT WHAT'S HAPPENING?

AND YOU CAN GET A PHOTO OF IT BACK,

YOU KNOW, AN EIGHT-BY-TEN, IF YOU WANT IT.

YOU CAN HANG IT ON YOUR WALL.

THEY SPEAK UH... ENGLISH THERE, DON'T THEY?

AND GAELIC, MR. MURPHY, GAELIC.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND GAELIC?

A LITTLE BIT.

I'VE BEEN RESEARCHING IT FOR THIS TRIP.

I'LL THROW SOME ON YOU, YOU TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU SOUND A LITTLE GERMAN THERE.

I'M STARTING TO SLIP.

I DIDN'T HEAR ANY ACHTUNG IN THERE.

ACHTUNG!

DID IT GO WELL AT THE CULTURAL GARDENS WITH TOMMY?

I THINK I MADE SOME BIG HEADWAY THERE.

HE SEEMED QUITE IMPRESSED.

YOU KNOW, I'M A LITTLE FLIMSY ON MY IRISH HISTORY.

BUT I PULLED THINGS FROM, I DON'T KNOW WHERE.

AND IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SPOT.

HAVE ANY OF YOU BEEN THERE?

THEY GOT JAMES JOYCE.

NOW I'M NOT SURE IF THEY WERE BORN HERE IN CLEVELAND OR NOT,

BUT THEY GOT THE BEAUTIFUL MARKERS THERE,

AND WHEN I FIRST GOT THERE I THOUGHT,

GOOD LORD, ARE THESE PEOPLE BURIED HERE?

BUT I DON'T THINK THEY ARE.

I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE IS BURIED THERE.

YOU KNOW AT YANKEE STADIUM, THE MEMORIAL GARDEN?

OH, SURE.

I, AS A KID, I THOUGHT

LOU GEHRIG AND BABE RUTH WERE BURIED THERE.

AND I SAID, THAT MUST BE A GREAT PLACE TO BE BURIED.

OUT IN CENTERFIELD.

NO, IT'D BE HARD TO REST THERE.

THE RIVER LIFFEY PRETTY MUCH BISECTS THE CITY OF DUBLIN.

CAN YOU SWIM IN THAT RIVER?

WELL, PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THAT.

THERE'S AN OLD TRADITION WHERE YOU GET IN,

IF YOU CAN SWIM TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BRIDGE NEAR TRINITY,

YOU MIGHT HAVE A SHOT THAT SEMESTER.

A LOT OF TRADITIONS ON THE CAMPUS AT THE UNIVERSITY.

THE BOOK OF KELLS?

THAT'S WHERE THE BOOK OF KELLS IS KEPT.

WHAT IS YOUR LEAST-FAVORITE WORD?

MY LEAST FAVORITE WORD IS UNFORTUNATELY.

MY FAVORITE IS CONGRATULATIONS.

ANOTHER LEAST-FAVORITE WORD IS DUCK!

WHAT ARE THE THREE THINGS IF YOU HAD TO IMPART ON THIS SCHMUCK

WHO'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN THE AISLE OVER IN IRELAND,

WHAT ARE THE THREE THINGS HE HAS TO WALK AWAY WITH, HANDS DOWN?

WELL, OUR MARRIAGE STARTED OFF TERRIFIC.

THEN AS WE WERE LEAVING THE CHURCH,

I GUESS I SAID THE WRONG THING.

AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING ELSE

YOU HAVE TO TAKE PHILOSOPHICALLY IN YOUR MARRIAGE...

IF YOU WEREN'T MARRIED YOU WOULDN'T KNOW

WHAT THE HELL YOU WERE DOING WRONG.

THAT'S WHAT A GOOD WOMAN DOES,

TO POINT OUT WHAT YOU DID WRONG.

I USED TO BE A SNAPPY DRESSER,

BUT NOW ALL I HEAR IS

YOU'RE NOT GOING OUT IN THAT ARE YA?

YOU LOOK GOOD TODAY.

THANK YOU.

SLÁINTE.

SLÁINTE, SLÁINTE.

THE WATER'S LO-CAL, TOO.

YOU ALL PACKED, STEVEN?

YEP, I THINK I'M READY TO GO.

I'VE BEEN READING UP ON THE IRISH HISTORY.

HAVE YOU BEEN?

GETTING READY FOR THE METRIC SYSTEM, BOYS.

ALSO, DID YOU KNOW IN IRELAND

THEY DON'T USE MILES, THEY USE KILOMETERS.

YOU NEED ME.

YEAH.

I'M A CONVERTER, HUMAN CONVERTER.

I'M STILL GONNA DO MILES.

ME, TOO.

YOU HAVE TO DO KILOMETERS.

ALL RIGHT, BUDDY.

COME ON, DON'T DO THIS.

STEVE!

LOOK AT HIM!

STEVEN, YOU'RE GONNA WET YOUR PANTS AGAIN.

YEAH.

THAT'S BAD, THAT'S NOT GOOD.

YOU'VE GOT A LONG FLIGHT.

I DON'T THINK I CAN GO, YOU GUYS.

DON'T FREAK OUT.

IT'S TOO MUCH.

I'VE NEVER BEEN OUT OF OHIO.

HEY, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, WHAT ARE YOU...

WE WERE GONNA GO TO MICHIGAN FOR A TRIP.

BUT I HAD TO GET SOME VACCINATIONS,

AND EVERYTHING FELL APART.

HOW 'BOUT YOURSELF, YOU ALL PACKED?

YEAH, ALL PACKED. HERE WE GO.

OH, WHAT IS THAT?

THIS IS MY LUGGAGE.

YOUR WHAT?

YOU'RE TAKING THAT TO THE AIRPORT?

YEAH.

I GOT ALL THE ESSENTIALS IN HERE.

THIS RIGHT HERE...

A PIANO TIE?

...THAT GETS THE CHICKS.

SHOWS 'EM YOU'RE ARTISTIC.

YEAH, YOU'RE LIKE, FUN.

DIRECT LINE TO THE OLD MAN.

UH, RIGHT, THAT'S, I COULD PROBABLY USE THAT.

AND I GOT A FOOTBALL FOR THE PLANE,

TOSS THAT AROUND.

THAT'LL BE FUN.

I GOT THIS.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT.

I'M READY FOR IRELAND, BOYS.

LET'S HAVE A TOAST.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, I GOTTA GET GOING.

I'M OFF TO THE AIRPORT.

ALL RIGHT, SEE YA THERE.

ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE GOING TO IRELAND!

WE'RE GOING TO, WE'RE GOING TO IRELAND!

WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT.

WE'RE NOT, THERE'S NO WAY.

THOMAS, TOMMY, I AM SO GLAD WE CAUGHT YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?

SON, I AM PROUD OF YOU.

WE BOTH ARE, AM I RIGHT, ANNIE?

WAS THAT THE GREEK GIRL I SAW

GETTING OFF THE SHUTTLE WITH YOU?

SHE'S NOT WITH ME, HONESTLY.

WE WERE ON THE SAME SHUTTLE BUS TOGETHER.

YOU STEER CLEAR OF HER.

SHE'S NO GOOD, TOM, NO GOOD, I TELL YOU.

MOM, TAKE IT EASY.

YOU SOUND LIKE BARBARA STANWYCK.

WELL, I DON'T WANT HER TO SPOIL THIS CHANCE FOR YOU.

WHAT CHANCE?

TOM, WHAT YOUR MOTHER MEANS TO SAY IS,

YOU'RE THE FIRST MURPHY SINCE MY GREAT GRANDFATHER

WHO IMMIGRATED TO AMERICA IN THE 1880S...

TO GO BACK TO IRELAND.

IT'S YOUR ONLY CHANCE TO FIND A REAL IRISH GIRL.

MAKE US PROUD.

YOU'RE GONNA MEET A LOT OF LOVELY IRISH LASSES.

SAVE ONE FOR ME.

I MEAN, FOR BOTH OF US.

UH, FOR CONVERSATION.

I HAVE A DISTANT RELATIVE

IN A PLACE CALLED MILLTOWN MALBAY, COUNTY CLARE.

IT'S THE ONLY ROOTS I HAVE LEFT IN IRELAND.

HIS NAME IS FINTAN MCGUIRE.

YOU WANT ME TO LOOK UP THIS ONE PERSON IN IRELAND?

YOU'RE REPRESENTING THE MURPHYS.

DO US PROUD.

AND SINCE YOU'RE THERE, LOOK UP MY RELATIONS, TOO.

COME ON, DAD.

THEY'VE GOT THE ONLY BARBERSHOP

IN A LITTLE TOWN CALLED BRUMFORMENA.

IT'S... SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE.

SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE.

THAT NARROWS IT DOWN.

PLEASE, TOM, THEY'RE ALL I HAVE LEFT.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, DAD, KNOCK IT OFF.

THE OSCARS ARE OVER.

I'LL DO MY BEST.

THERE'S A GOOD BOY.

AND REMEMBER TO KISS THE BLARNEY STONE FOR ME.

UH, DAD, I THINK THE LOCALS PEE ON IT.

BRUSH YOUR TEETH AFTER.

NOW GO ON, MOVE YOUR ASS.

I LOVE YOU GUYS.

I'LL MAKE YOU PROUD.

FINALLY, NEXT STOP DUBLIN, IRELAND.

HOPEFULLY I'LL SIT NEXT TO SOMEBODY FAMOUS

LIKE SINEAD O'CONNOR, COLIN FARRELL,

OR EVEN CARROT TOP.

EXCUSE ME, COULD I GET A DIFFERENT SEAT,

OR MAYBE TRADE WITH SOMEBODY?

OH, THIS FLIGHT IS FULL.

ANOTHER SEAT, I LOVE IT!

EXCUSE ME, I'M RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.

LUCKY YOU, YOU GOT ME.

DON'T WORRY, I'M A FREQUENT BATHER.

WHAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TAKING MY SEAT.

NOT HERE.

YES, HERE.

CAN'T YOU SIT SOMEWHERE ELSE?

NO, I CAN'T, THIS IS MY SEAT, I PAID FOR IT.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!

YES.

HI, IS THERE ANYWHERE ELSE I CAN SIT ON THE PLANE?

OH, SURE, I'VE GOT A REALLY NICE SEAT FOR YOU.

RIGHT OUT ON THE WING.

SCOOCH IN, DOLL, I GOTTA GET THROUGH.

MOVE OVER, CABBAGE BREATH.

GET OUT OF MY WAY.

FINE.

YOU!

TAKE YOUR SEAT!

AH!

JUST DON'T CROSS THIS LINE, OKAY?

JUST DON'T TALK TO ME, DON'T LOOK AT ME.

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

FINE, FINE, DON'T BREATHE IN MY AIR SPACE, OKAY?

FINE!

FINE.

I'LL JUST HAVE A DRINK.

GET LIVER DISEASE LIKE YOU IRISH PEOPLE DO.

HA!

DID A LITTLE WORK... TIME FOR A NAP.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

YOU TAKE A NAP AND YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!

DON'T TOUCH ME.

A DISASTER.

OH.

'SCUSE ME, GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

THIS A RESTRICTED AREA.

OH, SORRY, THERE'S A PERFECT EXPLANATION.

OUR SON IS GOING TO IRELAND.

YES, YES, IT'S THE FIRST TIME FOR ANY OF US.

HE'S OUR ONLY ONE.

YOU GUYS CAN'T BE OUT HERE, THIS IS A RESTRICTED AREA.

OH, THERE'S A LITTLE HOLE IN THE FENCE THERE.

IT LOOKED SO INVITING.

IS THERE A GOOD PLACE TO EAT?

SO... WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WENT TO IRELAND?

ACTUALLY THIS IS MY FIRST TIME.

WAIT... WHAT?

RAH-RAH BOY'S NEVER BEEN TO IRELAND?

YOU MEAN, YOUR MOMMY NEVER TOOK YOU?

NOPE, THEY DIDN'T.

OH, MY GOD...

WELL, I WENT A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO.

I WENT THERE TO GET OVER A GUY I HAD JUST BROKEN UP WITH.

REALLY?

I KNOW, I LET A GUY HAVE THAT BIG OF AN EFFECT ON ME

THAT I HAD TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY TO GET OVER HIM.

BUT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN,

NO SIR.

BECAUSE NO MAN IS WORTH THAT,

NOT EVEN A GREEK ORTHOPEDIC SURGEON.

SO, WITH THAT BEING SAID,

MY LIFE IS NOT SUBJECT TO YOUR APPROVAL

OR ANYONE ELSE'S APPROVAL, YOU GOT THAT?

GOT IT.

GOOD.

MOSQUITO BITE.

WHAT IS THAT?

IT'S A SHAMROCK.

I GOT IT FOR THE TRIP.

NO, IT'S NOT.

YES, IT IS.

NO, IT'S NOT.

YES, IT IS.

HONEY, A SHAMROCK HAS THREE LEAVES.

NUH-...

SHIT.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

THE IRISH BOY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A SHAMROCK IS?

YOU'RE WACKED.

CAN SOMEBODY GET HER A GYRO?

EXCUSE ME, SIR, WE'RE LANDING.

PUT YOUR SEAT BACKS UP.

IT'S 7 A.M. IRISH TIME, OR ABOUT 2 A.M. BACK HOME,

BUT I'M NOT TIRED AT ALL.

MAN, I'M SO EXCITED.

WE'RE FINALLY IN IRELAND.

WE'RE HERE!

YEAH! MY CAR'S THIS WAY,

I GOT A SPECIAL SURPRISE FOR YOU.

OKAY.

IT'S THE GRAVITY BAR!

WHOO-HOO!

COME ON, YOU GUYS!

IT'S THE GRAVITY BAR!

ALL RIGHT.

THAT IS GUINNESS FACTORY,

ONE OFF THE BUCKET LIST.

MMM-HMMM.

AND WHAT'S NEXT, FRED?

DATE A COUGAR.

DATE A COUGAR?

YOU REALLY SET THE BAR HIGH WITH THAT ONE.

THANK YOU.

WHAT'S AFTER THAT ONE?

I'M GONNA SWIM ACROSS LAKE ERIE,

AND THEN I'M GONNA TAKE BALLET LESSONS.

UH, WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?

IT HELPS WITH SPORTS, OKAY?

WHICH SPORTS WOULD THAT BE?

ONES THAT ARE... YOU KNOW...

I ALSO WANT TO PLAY BEACH VOLLEYBALL.

I ALSO WANT TO WIN A CHICKEN WING EATING CONTEST,

THAT WOULD BE COOL, RIGHT?

SWIM WITH THE DOLPHINS.

AND MAKE MY OWN LUXE CAPACITOR.

WE TALKED ABOUT THIS, FRED.

THAT'S A MOVIE.

AND YOU REALIZE THAT ALL OF YOUR GOALS ARE FAIRLY ATTAINABLE.

EXCEPT FOR THE CHICKEN WING THING.

NO, I CAN DO THAT.

NO.

I CAN DO THAT.

THIS IS AWESOME, WE'RE AT GUINNESS, MAN.

WE'RE AT GUINNESS.

WE'RE DRINKING IN THE MORNING.

THEY GOT A BUNCH OF OOMPA-LOOMPAS

THAT ARE STIRRING A GUINNESS.

AGAIN, THAT'S A MOVIE, THAT'S THE WORLD OF MOVIES.

I KNOW.

BESIDES IT'S CREEPY.

YOU'RE GONNA SLEEP IN THE SAME BED AS YOUR GRANDPARENTS.

NO.

THAT WAS KINDA WEIRD.

YOU KNOW, ARTHUR GUINNESS ACTUALLY SIGNED A 9,000 YEAR LEASE ON THE PLACE.

WOW... I HOPE THEY RENEW IT.

I THINK THEY'LL BE OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET ANOTHER ONE.

YEAH.

I'M READY.

UH, WE ONLY GET ONE, GUYS.

WHAT?

THE FIRST ONE'S FREE, BUT THEN

WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT

SO THEY CAN BRING IN OTHER PEOPLE.

I MEAN, THEY'RE BRINGING UP PEOPLE ALL DAY,

SO WE GOTTA GO.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

IT'S OKAY, FRED.

NO, I THOUGHT I HEARD HIM SAY ONE.

WE HAVE A FULL DAY IN THE CITY.

NO!

WE HAVE A LOT OF THINGS TO DO.

NO! THAT'S NOT RIGHT! NO!

NO!

TALK TO MR. GUINNESS!

NOT ONE!

I WOULD HAVE ORDERED A PITCHER.

YOU CAN'T GET A PITCHER, THAT'S MY POINT.

WE HAVE TO GO...

I'LL GO BUY US A ROUND.

THE FIRST ROUND'S ON ME, GUYS.

LOOK WHAT YOU DID.

I COME HERE ALL THE WAY FROM CLEVELAND

TO GET MORE THAN ONE... YOU GIVE ME ONE?

IT'S OKAY.

SHUT UP.

GO TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE.

REMEMBER YOUR HAPPY PLACE?

THERE IS NO GOD.

REMEMBER...

THERE'S NO HAPPY PLACE.

...EDGEWATER PARK?

A BIG OL' THING OF POPCORN.

NO.

AND THERE'S SEAGULLS.

LOOK AT THE SEAGULLS, FREDDIE.

I'M GONNA KILL SOMEBODY.

IT'S MY FIRST DAY IN IRELAND,

NO SLEEP, BUT IT'S WORTH IT.

ONE OF MY DREAMS JUST CAME TRUE.

THANKS.

SEE YOU AT THE REHEARSAL, MAN.

SOUNDS GOOD.

GET SOME REST.

NOW IT'S TIME TO RELAX

IN THE COMFORTS OF A CHARMING BED AND BREAKFAST.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE I'LL GET A SPA TREATMENT OR A MASSAGE

SET UP WITH THE CONCIERGE.

HI, I'M WITH THE FLYNN WEDDING PARTY.

I'M JUST CHECKING IN.

YES, YOU ARE.

CEAD MILE FAILTE.

WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU

SINCE SUPPERTIME.

SUPPER...

UHM, YESTERDAY, I'M PRETTY SURE

I SAID I'D BE ARRIVING TODAY.

WE EAT OUR SUPPER AT 1 P.M. SHARP EVERY DAY!

ONE P.M.? UHM...

WHAT TIME'S THE LATE LATE SHOW ON?

3:30?

FOLLOW ME!

BREAKFAST IS AT 7:30 A.M. SHARP.

SUPPER AND DINNER, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.

I'M LILLY O'SHEA.

AND THIS GOBSHITE HERE,

WITH THE SPILLED TEA ON HIS TROUSERS,

IT LEAST I HOPE IT'S SPILLED TEA, IS MR. O'SHEA.

I'M TOM MURPHY, I'M FROM THE STATES.

OH, A YANK!

ALL THE WAY FROM THE STATES!

I HAVEN'T HAD ONE OF THOSE IN QUITE SOME TIME NOW,

IT'S MOSTLY GERMANS OR UHM, ITALIANS.

HERE YOU GO.

THIS IS THE KEY TO THE FRONT DOOR,

AND THAT'S THE KEY TO YOUR BEDROOM.

THANK YOU, MA'AM, I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.

NOW... MR. O'SHEA

IS ON HIS HEART MEDICINE, SO NO NOISE

AFTER THE CHAT SHOWS WHICH IS 10 P.M. SHARP.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YOU'RE PROBABLY NEVER EVER GONNA EVEN SEE ME.

I'M JUST HERE FOR THE WEDDING.

I'M JUST GONNA PRETTY MUCH SLEEP HERE.

OH, NO, NO, NO, WE'D LIKE TO SEE A LITTLE BIT OF YOU, LAD.

MY SON, EUGENE, HAS BEEN GONE FOR SOME TIME NOW.

OH, I'M SO SORRY.

COMPUTER PROGRAMMER IN CORK CITY.

OH.

OH, WE MISS HIM SO MUCH.

THE HOUSE HASN'T BEEN THE SAME WITHOUT HIM.

MR. O'SHEA TALKS TO THE SEAGULLS NOW.

AND I THINK THEY LISTEN.

OKAY...

YOU KNOW...

MAYBE WE CAN HAVE A CUP OF TEA SOMETIME.

OH, YOU DON'T MEAN IT!

GO GET THE BELLEEK OUT.

I HAVE SOME FRESH SCONES MADE AND MARMALADE AND A CUP O' TEA.

WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP O' TEA?

UH, NO, GOD, NO.

RIGHT NOW, I'M JET LAGGED.

I JUST WENT TO THE GUINNESS FACTORY.

OH, YOU DID, ALL RIGHT, THEN YOU NEED TO GET SOME REST.

YEAH, WORKING HARD.

GO ON IN THERE AND HAVE A NICE REST.

THAT'S A GOOD LAD.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I'LL BE RIGHT OUT HERE IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

THAT'S REASSURING, THANK YOU.

ANYTHING AT ALL.

HE'S A NICE YOUNG LAD, FOR A YANK.

HE'S A BOLLOCKS.

MR. MURPHY, MR. FRED, AND MR. RICARDO,

WELCOME TO THE PUB I GREW UP IN.

I HAD ME FIRST DRINK RIGHT HERE.

AND HOPEFULLY HER LAST FOR THE EVENING.

NO.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER, DON'T WORRY.

COME MEET THE IN-LAWS.

MY PARENTS-TO-BE.

WISH ME LUCK ON THIS ONE, FELLOWS.

YEAH, GOOD LUCK.

TOM, I WANT YOU TO MEET ME PARENTS.

THIS IS MARY AND HUGH FITZGERALD.

HI, HOW ARE YOU?

CONGRATULATIONS, THANK YOU FOR HAVING US.

HOW ARE YOU?

GREAT DAUGHTER, SHE'S REALLY NICE.

YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO BE

A WANKING BANKER NOW, WOULD YOU?

UH...

OH, NO.

I'M ONLY CODDING.

DON'T YOU PAY ANY ATTENTION TO HIMSELF.

HE'S JUST MAD THE DUBS LOST TO CLARE AT CROKE PARK.

OH, I GET IT, I'M INTO SPORTS, TOO.

WELCOME TO OUR HOME.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME.

WE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.

OH, HE'S TWITCHING NOW.

THEY LURED ME IN.

YOU'RE SO NICE!

A HUGGER, TOO.

THOMAS!

THOMAS MURPHY!

MR. MURPHY, GET UP OUT OF THAT BED!

HALF THE DAY IS OVER!

WHAT TIME IS IT?

IT'S VERY LATE!

IT'S SIX A.M.

SIX A.M.?

WHAT ARE WE, AMISH?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT ARE WE, AMISH?

WHAT IS THAT?

IS THAT A RASH OR SOMETHING?

COME ON, GET UP OUT OF THAT BED!

COME ON!

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

WHAT?

WHERE'S THE CAT?

WHAT... WHAT CAT?

THE CAT THAT TOOK A SHITE IN YOUR MOUTH!

HOLY MARY, MOTHER OF GOD!

WOULD YOU GET UP, MR. BOG BREATH!

JAYSUS...

HERE YOU GO, YANK.

YOUR FIRST IRISH BREAKFAST.

"YANK"?

QUICK QUESTION...

WHAT IS THIS?

DID YOU HEAR THAT, MR. O'SHEA?

DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD, YANK.

THIS, FOR YOUR INFORMATION, IS A TRADITIONAL IRISH BREAKFAST

OF RASHERS, SAUSAGES,

EGGS PARTIALLY SUNNYSIDE UP WITH A CHANCE OF RAIN,

BLACK AND WHITE PUDDING AND FRIED TOMATO,

SO YOU CAN EITHER EAT UP OR SHUT UP.

OKAY... I APPRECIATE IT, THANK YOU.

HMM, THIS IS PRETTY GOOD.

WHAT'S IN IT?

BLOOD AND INTESTINES.

WHOO! ALL DONE!

THAT WAS DELICIOUS.

BUT YOU'VE HARDLY TOUCHED IT.

I DID, I'M A LIGHT EATER.

WELL, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A LIGHT EATER.

I EAT A LOT OF SALADS.

OKAY...

DO YOU HAVE THE INTERNET?

AFTER GETTING MY FILL OF BLOOD SAUSAGE AND RUNNY EGGS

IT WAS TIME TO BURN OFF THOSE EXCESS CARBS

AND SEE THE SIGHTS OF DUBLIN.

DUBLIN IS AN AMAZING METROPOLITAN CITY.

IT WAS NOTHING LIKE MY DAD SAID IT WAS.

THERE ARE MULTI-NATIONAL COMPANIES HEADQUARTERED THERE.

EVERY NATIONALITY IN THE WORLD WALKED DOWN ITS STREETS.

GOOD MORNING.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

YOU LIKE IT?

YEAH, THAT'S REALLY GOOD.

I LOVE SUNSETS.

IT'S ACTUALLY A SUNRISE.

IT'S A SUNSET.

NO, IT'S A SUNRISE.

NO, IT'S NOT.

YES, IT IS.

IN FACT, IT'S THAT SUNRISE.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M DOING UP THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING?

I'M PAINTING THE SUNRISE AT SUNRISE.

TAKE IT EASY... ARTISTS.

THE TERTIARY COLORS ARE JUST CRISP, VERY BRIGHT.

WOW.

A COMPLIMENT, I'M FLATTERED.

ALL RIGHTY THEN.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?

NO, THAT WOULD BE ALL.

OKAY, GOOD.

GO BACK TO PAINTING YOUR SUNSET.

IT'S A SUNRISE.

IT'S A SUNSET.

WHATEVER.

IT'S GOOD.

POOR LILLY, SHE MISSES HER SON IN COUNTY CORK.

I GUESS IRISH MOTHERS ARE IRISH MOTHERS

NO MATTER WHAT COUNTRY THEY LIVE IN.

WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.

YEAH, LET'S GET THIS GUY MARRIED.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING DRESSED LIKE THAT?

YOU LOOK LIKE A KNACKER.

GET BACK INTO YOUR ROOM AND CHANGE YOUR TIE THIS INSTANT.

GUYS, THIS IS LILLY.

HOW ARE YOU, LADS?

VERY NICE TO MEET YA.

YOU'RE NOT REALLY GOING TO WEAR THAT TIE, ARE YOU?

THIS IS WHAT WE'RE WEARING IN THE WEDDING.

UH, MY FIANCÉ ACTUALLY PICKED OUT THE COLOR SCHEME HERE.

IS YOUR FIANCÉ FROM CORK CITY?

NO.

THOSE ARE THE CORK COLORS.

THESE ARE THE DUBLIN COLORS.

YOU SHOULD BE WEARING YOUR BLUE AND YOUR NAVIES.

YOU'RE GOING TO GET DESTROYED, YOU KNOW, AT THE WEDDING.

THEY'LL BE PELTING EGGS AND EVERYTHING AT YOU.

AND WHAT IS THAT?

I MEAN, THEY'LL MAKE...

YOU'RE AN AWFUL LOOKIN' EEJIT.

THEY'RE GONNA MAKE A TOTAL FOOL OUT OF YOU AT THE WEDDING.

OKAY, IT'S GETTING LATE.

HEY! I'M GETTING MARRIED.

RIGHT!

LET'S GO!

HEY!

HAVE A GOOD TIME.

SHOULD BE IN CORK, THOUGH, NOT IN DUBLIN.

THAT'S ALL I'M GONNA SAY.

MATCHES YOUR EYES.

MATCHES YOUR EYES... AND DON'T BE SO SMART.

SHOWING OFF IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS.

I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

DESPERATE PUPS.

WOW, THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL CHURCH.

I COULDN'T BE MORE HAPPY AND PROUD FOR MARTY AND BERNIE.

MAYBE SOMEDAY I'LL FIND THAT HAPPINESS, TOO.

I KNOW MY PARENTS WANT ME TO FIND AN IRISH GIRL,

BUT I'M NOT GONNA FORCE IT.

IF IT HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS.

TOMORROW WE LEAVE DUBLIN AND THE EAST COAST

AND SET OUT TO THE WESTERN SIDE

TO A PLACE CALLED COUNTY CLARE.

LET'S GET THIS STAGECOACH A-MOVING, PILGRIM.

UHM, YEAH, I GUESS MY DAD'S RIGHT, I BETTER WORK ON THAT.

I'M PISSED.

I'M PISSED, DARLIN'.

PISSED.

HEY, TOMMY TOM-TOM.

WHAT'S THAT?

YOU GOING FOR SOME BRIDESMAID ACTION?

I SAW YOU CHECKING OUT CARMEL OVER THERE.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU GUYS ARE TALKING ABOUT.

HEY, RICARDO...

I HAVE TWENTY DOLLARS U.S., SEVEN DOLLARS EURO,

SAYS THAT TOM DOESN'T HAVE THE GUTS TO GO OVER THERE

AND MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF THAT.

COME ON, NO, NO.

GO OVER THERE

AND HAVE HER MAKE YOU BLOOD SAUSAGE IN THE MORNING.

YOU'RE SERIOUS? RIGHT NOW?

GO, GO, GO.

PROVE IT.

DO IT, DO IT, DO IT.

ALL RIGHT.

HE'S GONNA STRIKE OUT.

HE'S A DEAD MAN.

THERE'S NO WAY.

I'M PRETTY SURE THAT GIRL'S A DUDE.

HEY, CARMEL.

HELLO.

NICE JOB TODAY.

THANKS, YOU, TOO.

YEAH, I THOUGHT WITH ALL THE ROMANCE IN THE AIR,

IT'D BE KIND OF A SHAME TO WASTE IT.

WHAT?

YEAH, I MEAN, SINCE I'M FROM THE BIG CITY,

AND UH, I'M WEARING SHOES,

I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO DANCE.

WEARING SHOES?

UH-HUH.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF US?

THAT WE'LL ALL COUNTRY FOLK, STUCK ON OUR FARMS,

MILKING COWS AND BALING HAY?

YEP.

WE INVENTED RIVERDANCE, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

AND BESIDES, I THINK YOUR LITTLE FRIEND IS CUTE.

HIM?

HEY, MAN!

MICHAEL FLATLEY IS FROM CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.

IRISH WOMEN DON'T EAT MEAT AND POTATOES ALL THE TIME.

WHAT'S UP, DUDE?

THAT YOUR FRIEND?

YES.

HEY, SONNY.

RIGHT IN THE BABY MAKER.

WANT TO DANCE?

SURE.

THOUGHT SHE WAS HEADING FOR ME.

NO.

YOU'RE A HERMAPHRODITE.

I DUB YOU HERMAPHRODITE.

ARE YOU CRYING? HUH?

SORRY.

YOU'RE NOT HERMAPHRODITE.

YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL STILL!

LOOK AT YOU, YOU'RE GLOWING!

YOU'RE A LIAR, BUT GOD BLESS YOU.

SO DID YOU HAVE FUN?

I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN.

EVEN THOUGH TOM'S HERE I'M STILL HAVING A BLAST.

VANESSA, YOU'RE ME MAID OF HONOR, YOU'RE ME BEST FRIEND,

AND I'LL ALWAYS BE ON YOUR SIDE,

BUT I THINK YOU'RE BEING AWFUL ROUGH ON TOM.

OH, BERNIE.

SURE, HE'S NOT PERFECT,

BUT HE'S KIND AND HE'S FUN.

AND HE'S CRAZY.

HE'S NOT CRAZY, HE'S IRISH.

WELL, THAT'S TRUE.

I THINK YOU MAY HAVE GOT OFF TO A BAD START,

BUT IT'S JUST A START.

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN.

HI.

HI.

YOU EVER HAVE ALL THESE EXPECTATIONS YOU HAVE TO LIVE BY

AND THEY'RE NOT YOURS, THEY'RE EVERYBODY ELSE'S?

YEAH.

I THINK THAT WOULD BE MY LIFE STORY.

REALLY?

HMM-MMM.

I GUESS I JUST KIND OF EXPECTED MORE FROM THAT,

I MEAN, IT'S BEAUTIFUL AND ALL.

IT'S VERY ROMANTIC.

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN OUT HERE.

LILLY, THANK YOU SO MUCH, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

IT WAS A GREAT TIME, GREAT STAY,

AND UH, WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

GO AWAY WITH THAT!

OH, OKAY.

OH, YOU TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF NOW, TOM.

THANK YOU, I WILL.

I CLEANED ALL YOUR UNDERWEAR.

YOU DID?

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME BANANA SANDWICHES FOR THE ROAD?

THOSE ARE BOTH CREEPY STATEMENTS.

I APPRECIATE IT, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

NO, I GAVE 'EM UP.

I'M TRYING TO GIVE UP PUDDING AND BANANAS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

YOU CAN COME BACK ANY TIME AND VISIT US.

ANY TIME.

I WILL, I CAN'T WAIT TO BOOK IT.

OH, WE'RE GOING TO MISS YOU.

CAN I HAVE THE BAG?

I WILL.

HEY, LOOK, THE CAT'S GETTING OUT.

I GOTTA GO, 'BYE.

'BYE.

WE GOTTA GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

POOR LILLY, I GUESS I REMIND HER OF HER SON.

WELL, SHE REMINDS ME OF MY MOM.

THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

OKAY, WHERE'S THE STEERING WHEEL?

WHOA.

WHOA!

ARE YOU ON THE RIGHT SIDE?

AH!

WHO'S BREATHING HARD?

I CAN'T SEE A THING.

YOU WANNA GUESS?

I GOT GAS.

TIME TO HEAD WEST INTO THE HEART

OF THE IRISH COUNTRYSIDE

TO A PLACE CALLED MILLTOWN MALBAY COUNTY CLARE.

IT'S PRETTY CLOSE TO SHANNON AIRPORT

SO I THINK I'LL LOOK UP MY RELATIVES.

THE ENTIRE WEDDING PARTY IS GOING, INCLUDING VANESSA.

VANESSA, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

THEY RENTED ME A SHIT BOX, THAT'S THE PROBLEM!

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

TELL YOU WHAT.

WHY DON'T YOU RIDE WITH US?

HEY, TOMMY, IS THAT OKAY?

YEAH, YEAH, OF COURSE.

HEY, TOM...

WHY DON'T YOU BE A GENTLEMAN

AND HELP THE LADY WITH HER BAGS?

ME BE THE GENTLEMAN...

OH, OKAY.

YOU'RE SCREWED!

OH, YEAH, THANKS.

YEAH, THAT DOESN'T REALLY LOOK GOOD.

THAT'S LEADING FROM THE MANIFOLD.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

MANIFOLD'S GONNA COME DOWN...

THAT'S NOT A MANIFOLD.

IT'S GONNA CONNECT TO A RADIATOR.

DRUMFOMINA...

HALFWAY THROUGH OUR TRIP WE FOUND IT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FOUND THIS PLACE.

LET'S GO TO A PUB.

OH, I CAN'T, THIS IS MY DAD'S RELATIVES.

I PROMISED HIM WE'D STOP BY.

IT'S DAPPER DAN.

IT'S THE ONLY BARBER IN TOWN,

SO IT'S GOTTA BE IT.

I'M SORRY, THE ONLY BARBER?

WHAT ARE WE ON, FLEET STREET?

I'M NOT EATING ANY PIE.

HEY, TOM, WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

YEAH, WE COULD BE AT A PUB OR SOMETHING RIGHT NOW.

ALL RIGHT GUYS, COULD YOU GIVE THE PUB ONE DAY OF REST?

OKAY...

EAT UP, YOU GOT LOTS OF FOOD ON YOUR PLATES NOW.

NEIL, GET IN HERE!

CALL YOUR DA.

DAD! DA!

BILLY GOATS.

LOOK WHO'S COME A-VISITING ALL THE WAY FROM AMERICA.

YOUR RELATIVES FROM THE STATES.

YOU DON'T SAY!

WELL, HELLO, MISS. HELLO, LAD.

I'M NEIL MURPHY.

I SEE YOU MET ME WIFE, LIZZY, ALREADY.

AND THESE ARE OUR DAUGHTERS.

SIOBAN AND THERESA.

HELLO.

HOW ARE YE?

HELLO.

AND HOW IS EVERYONE BACK IN THE STATES?

PRETTY GOOD.

DAD'S ABOUT TO RETIRE; MOM JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB.

SO... YEAH, IT'S A BIG MONTH.

HMM.

YOU KNOW, YOUR FOOD'S REALLY RICH.

I'M HAVING A TOUGH TIME GETTING ADJUSTED.

ALL NATURAL.

NO PRESERVATIVES, LAD.

WHAT WAS THAT?

THAT, MY FRIEND, IS ANOTHER CUSTOMER.

SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO IRELAND?

WELL, UH, A REALLY GOOD FRIEND OF OURS GOT MARRIED IN DUBLIN

AND UH...

AND TOM IS LOOKING FOR AN IRISH BRIDE.

OH!

JUST A BEARD TRIM.

MY ASSISTANT'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT?

YOUNG TOMMY HERE'S COME TO IRELAND TO FIND A BRIDE.

MY GOODNESS.

SUCH A WAY TO COME FOR THAT!

DUTY CALLS.

MAYBE YOU CAN MARRY ONE OF MY FRIENDS, TOM.

YEAH, TOM, MAYBE YOU CAN MARRY ONE OF HER FRIENDS.

WHAT ABOUT THE THREE OF YOU LADS?

ARE YOU LOOKING TO GET MARRIED?

UH... UH...

WE'RE GAY.

AH! HOMOSEXUALS, THAT'S WHAT WE ARE.

HOMOSEXUALS.

YEAH, WE'RE, UH, WE'RE SUPER GAY.

WAY GAY.

WHOO! WHOO!

YOU'RE SURE?

BACK UP, GIRLFRIEND.

HELLO, HELLO, HELLO!

THIS IS MY ASSISTANT, SASHA.

SHE'S FROM LATVIA.

DOESN'T SPEAK A LICK OF ENGLISH,

BUT SHE CAN CUT HAIR LIKE NO OTHER.

AND SHE BRINGS A LITTLE WOMANLY TOUCH TO THE SHOP.

NOW WHAT WERE WE ON ABOUT?

WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WOMANLY TOUCHES AS WELL,

THESE THREE LADS... LIKE... LADS.

THAT'S FUNNY!

YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY "BI."

BYE?

YEAH, I'M BI.

OH, BYE-BYE.

NO, NOT BYE-BYE.

NO, I MEAN I'M BI-SEXUAL, I'M BI-SEXUAL.

BUT I PREFER DUDES A LOT MORE, A LOT MORE.

SURE IS BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.

YEAH, IT'S KINDA NICE.

IT'S ALMOST AS BEAUTIFUL AS GREECE.

OH, ALMOST?

ALMOST AS BEAUTIFUL.

OH...

IT'S REALLY NICE, IT'S ACTUALLY GORGEOUS..

SO WHAT DO YOU DO IN GREECE FOR FUN?

YOU SUN BATHE.

YOU SUN BATHE.

YEAH.

TOUGH GIRLS, GREEKS.

HEY, MY PARENTS WERE BORN IN SPARTA.

I WANT A STRONG MAN.

SO, DID YOU GUYS LIKE, WATCH 300

AND GO, OH MY GOD, I'M RELATED TO LIKE 299 OF THOSE.

OH-HO! YOU'RE A FREAK.

I'M A FREAK?

I'M CONSIDERED LIKE A SUPER STAR IN THIS PLACE.

OH, THAT'S WHY YOU CAME ALL THE WAY HERE TO FIND A WIFE?

I...

IS THAT TRUE?

I'M INTERVIEWING.

YOU'RE INTERVIEWING GIRLS?

YES.

YOU CAN'T GET A GIRL IN THE STATES...

SO YOU CAME HERE TO TRY TO FIND ONE.

HOW 'BOUT YOURSELF?

THERE WAS THIS ONE GUY,

BUT UHM... IT JUST DIDN'T WORK OUT.

WHAT HAPPENED?

HE DIDN'T GIVE YOUR DAD ENOUGH CHICKENS

OR LIVESTOCK OR PIGGIES?

NO, IT WASN'T THAT.

WHAT?

MY FATHER DIDN'T LIKE HIM.

SO YOU DUMPED THE GUY THAT YOU LOVED

BECAUSE YOUR FATHER DIDN'T LIKE HIM?

IT'S NOT LIKE THAT.

MY FATHER'S ALL I'VE GOT SINCE MY MOTHER DIED.

I GUESS I WANT SOMEONE JUST LIKE HIM.

YOU KNOW, STRANGELY ENOUGH,

I THINK I CAN RELATE TO THAT.

I THINK I WANT SOMEBODY JUST AS GOOD AS MY PARENTS, TOO.

YEAH.

THAT'S COOL.

HEY, FELLOWS, I GOTTA GET DIRECTIONS.

SO STEVEN, YOU WANNA COME WITH ME?

WE'LL GO TO THAT HARDWARE STORE.

LET'S TRY THIS PLACE.

THAT DOOR'S STUCK.

IT'S REALLY DAMP IN HERE.

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD PLEASE HELP ME OUT.

I'M TRYING TO FIND FINTAN MCGUIRE.

I'M A RELATION OF HIS FROM THE STATES.

YEAH, IT'S ABOUT THREE KILOMETERS DOWN THE END OF THIS ROAD.

KILOMETERS! OKAY!

THAT'S MY LANGUAGE.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

KILOMETER... WHERE IS THAT AT?

ARE THERE ANY LANDMARKS?

THE FARM WITH THE HORSE IN THE FIELD, YOU CAN'T MISS IT.

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

UHM, YOU'RE...?

MOLLY, MOLLY SWEENEY.

MOLLY, PRETTY NAME.

I'M TOM MURPHY.

ANYTHING ELSE?

NO, THANK YOU, HAVE A GOOD DAY.

HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE CRACK...

CHEERS.

THEY DON'T PUT ANY NUMBERS ON THE DOORS.

GO AHEAD AND KNOCK.

LET'S TRY THIS ONE, I GUESS.

I THINK THE GREEN HORNET AND KATO ARE AT THE DOOR.

HI, I'M TOM MURPHY, I'M FROM CLEVELAND... USA.

I THINK MY MOTHER ANNIE IS A RELATION OF YOURS.

HER MAIDEN NAME IS MCGUIRE, ANNIE MCGUIRE.

ANNIE MCGUIRE!

AH! COME IN, COME IN, COME IN!

HOW ARE YOU? TOM.

TOM, HOW ARE YOU?

RICARDO.

RICARDO, HOW ARE YOU?

THIS IS MY WIFE, FIONA.

HELLO.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

WELL, I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOUR MOTHER IN YEARS.

IF WE'D KNOWN YOU WERE COMING,

SHE'D HAVE BAKED A CAKE.

PLEASE, DON'T GO TO ANY TROUBLE FOR US.

WE WERE AT A WEDDING IN DUBLIN

AND WE THOUGHT WE'D JUST POP IN.

I PROMISED MY MOM.

THEY WERE IN DUBLIN FOR A WEDDING

AND THEY POPPED INTO CLARE.

YOU MUST BE VERY THIRSTY AFTER ALL THAT DRIVING.

THANK YOU.

SMALL ONE FOR YOU, DARLING.

THANK YOU.

SLÁINTE.

FINTAN!

YOU HAVE THE MANNERS OF A GOAT.

SORRY, LUV.

WELL, THE YANKS ARE HERE,

WE BETTER GO TO THE PUB, HUH?

I'D GIVE YOU A DIRTY LOOK ONLY YOU'RE WEARING ONE ALREADY.

OH, DARLING, IT'S A CELEBRATION.

WHERE'S FINBAR?

FINBAR! FINBAR! GET DOWN HERE!

COME ON, WE'RE GOING TO THE PUB!

THE YANKS ARE HERE!

OH, AND YOU TWO, YOU'RE STAYING RIGHT HERE.

OH, NO-NO-NO.

WE INSIST, DON'T WE, DARLING?

YES.

YOU'RE FAMILY.

OKAY, WE'LL STAY.

WE'LL DO CHORES, IF YOU WANT US TO.

YOU CERTAINLY WILL.

THEY GOT ANIMALS AND STUFF.

OH.

PAINT THE ANIMALS.

NO, DON'T PAINT THE ANIMALS, NO, WE WOULDN'T LIKE THAT.

IT'S NOT ST. PATRICK'S DAY, RIGHT?

I REMEMBER THAT.

SORRY.

YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT.

EVENIN' ALL, HOW ARE WE?

BRIDIE! PETER!

HELLO, FINTAN.

WE'LL HAVE SIX PINTS OF STOUT HERE.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS, THIS IS MY ROUND.

NO, NO, NO, PUT THAT AWAY.

PUT THAT AWAY!

NO, I INSIST.

I INSIST,

IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO, OKAY?

THANK YOU.

SLÁINTE.

SLÁINTE.

TO THE MCGUIRES, MY FAMILY.

CHEERS.

CHEERS.

YOUR CHANGE.

NO, NO, NO, THAT'S OKAY, THAT'S YOUR TIP.

OH, "TIP."

TIP, DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?

TIP FROM THE YANKS.

HERE'S YOUR TIP, YANK.

PUT THAT AWAY, PUT IT AWAY.

WHAT DID I DO?

YOU DON'T TIP PEOPLE AROUND HERE.

INSULTING THEM.

TIP THAT INTO YOUR GOB, HUH?

THIS PLACE IS SO HOMEY.

HOMEY.

YEAH, I SHOULD HOPE SO.

BRIDIE AND PETER HAVE BEEN HERE FOR NOW 54 YEARS.

WOW.

FIFTY-FOUR YEARS.

LIVING IN A PUB.

YES, THEY RAISED THEIR LITTLE ONES HERE SINCE THEY WERE PUPS.

SO WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?

OH, I'M IN THE CATTLE BUSINESS.

YES, BEEF, CREAM...

YOU KNOW, IF YOU CAN EAT IT OR DRINK IT

AND OH, IF IT HAS HORNS ON IT, I'M YOUR MAN.

SUPPOSE IT'S NOT AS COOL AS THE PUB BUSINESS.

BUT IT HAS ITS MOMENTS.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOU THREE STOOGES, HUH?

LEMME GUESS.

YOU'RE A TRUST FUND BABY, RIGHT?

AND YOU...

YOU'RE A DANCER.

HA-HA!

I SUPPOSE YOU MAKE PEKING DUCKS, DO YA?

ACTUALLY, I'M AN ACCOUNTANT.

AH, I KNEW IT.

A REGULAR WARREN "BUFFAY."

I ACTUALLY DID WIN THE CLEVELAND DANCING WITH THE STARS

A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO.

OOO, FREDDY TRAVOLTA, HUH?

AH-HA, I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT.

I SUPPOSE YOU DON'T MAKE PEKING DUCKS.

UH, ACTUALLY I DELIVER THEM.

DELIVER THEM?

I'M A VETERINARIAN; I'M AN ANIMAL DOCTOR.

OH, WELL, THAT'S...

THAT'S NOT A DOCTOR.

UNBELIEVABLE.

THERE'S A COW UP THERE ABOUT TO DELIVER A CALF,

AND I'M A BIT CONCERNED.

WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS?

SYMPTOMS... WELL, SHE'S...

SHE'S... SHE... YOU KNOW...

SHE'S BEEN LEAVING PILES OF SHITE HIGHER THAN YAO MING.

THAT COULD BE A PARASITE.

WHY DON'T I TAKE A LOOK AT HER TOMORROW?

A PARASITE?

YEAH, SOME KIND

OF STOMACH WORM, OR A LIVER FLUKE.

DON'T WORRY, I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER.

OH, THANK YOU.

COME ON, LADS, WE GOING TO THE DISCO.

DISCO.

THE DISCO, IT'S WHERE ALL THE BIRDS HANG OUT.

I LIKE BIRDS.

COME ON.

I GOT A LOT OF BIRDSEED, TOO.

LET'S GO.

HEY, IT'S CARMEL,

SHE WANTS ME TO MEET HER IN GALWAY FOR THE RACES.

YEAH, I'M STAYING HERE.

I THINK I FOUND MY PLACE.

THE GALWAY RACES, HUH?

THEY MIGHT HIRE YOU ON AS A JOCKEY.

SO, YOU GUYS ARE LEAVING WITHOUT US?

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

YOU CAN CONTINUE YOUR QUEST.

JUST VISIT WITH YOUR RELATIVES.

YOU'LL BE OKAY.

AH, WE'RE ONLY KIDDING YA, COME ON!

WHAT WAS THIS ABOUT A QUEST?

TOMMY'S HERE TO FIND A WIFE.

A WIFE? HERE?

GEEZ.

WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR COMPUTER OUT

AND YOU KNOW, MADE TO ORDER.

THERE'S THE MATCHMAKING FEST IN LISDOONVARNA.

HE MIGHT FIND A GERMAN OVER THERE.

A NICE GERMAN GIRL.

ACHTUNG BABY.

NO, NO, THEY'RE TOO COLD, TOO FRIGID.

FINT!

WHAT?

THEY'RE LOVELY PEOPLE, THE GERMANS.

HOW 'BOUT A FRENCH GIRL?

OH, YES, YES, A FRENCH OOO-LA-LA.

OOO, THERE YOU GO.

YOU DON'T OWN ENOUGH TURTLENECKS, DO YOU?

V-NECKS.

HOW 'BOUT AN ITALIAN?

OH, AN ITALIAN, NOW YOU'RE TALKING.

YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.

CODDING HIM LIKE THAT.

OH, WE'RE ONLY HAVING A BIT OF FUN.

IT'S ROMANTIC, DO YOU REMEMBER THAT WORD?

ANY WOMAN IN HER RIGHT MIND WOULD LIKE SOME PASSION.

HE'S PASSIONATE AND ROMANTIC.

JUST LIKE YOU USED TO BE.

NOW GET OUT THERE AND TAKE HIM DOWNTOWN.

AH, GEEZ, YOU'RE GIVING A HUSBAND A HEADACHE.

I'LL TAKE HIM INTO TOWN.

AND NOT THE PUB!

I WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT.

SO YOU'RE HERE LOOKING FOR A WIFE.

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU DON'T KNOW?

EVERYBODY BACK HOME IN THE STATES SAYS THAT,

YOU KNOW, IF I TRY HARD ENOUGH,

I'LL FIND THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS

IN THE PLACE WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE.

THE PLACE WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE?

YEAH.

HERE?

YEAH.

BOLLOCKS.

BOLLOCKS?

LOOK, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

IRELAND IS A LOVELY PLACE, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE,

LOVELY SCENERY.

I WOULDN'T LIVE ANYWHERE ELSE.

BUT IT'S CHANGED.

HOW'S IT CHANGED?

I HAVEN'T SEEN A THATCHED COTTAGE YET.

THERE HASN'T BEEN A THATCHED COTTAGE AROUND HERE

FOR FORTY YEARS.

IN THE QUIET MAN, I MEAN...

THE QUIET MAN, HA!

THAT FILM IS OLDER THAN JESUS.

LOOK, YOU YANKS, YOU COME OVER HERE

AND YOU THINK THIS PLACE IS LIKE A MOVIE, BUT IT'S NOT.

WE'RE IN THE EUROPEAN UNION NOW.

YOU LOOK FOR A GENIE IN A BOTTLE,

MAYBE YOU'LL FIND IT,

BUT MORE THAN LIKELY, YOU WON'T.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

I MEAN, I SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT ONE.

BUT IT'S PERFECT FOR MY FAMILY,

IT'S PERFECT FOR MY FRIENDS.

WELL, THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM RIGHT THERE.

YOU HAVE TO FIND THE WOMAN THAT'S PERFECT FOR YOU.

HOW'D YOU KNOW FIONA WAS YOUR SOUL MATE?

ME SOUL MATE?

OH, YEAH, YOU BETTER NOT LET HER HEAR YOU SAYING THAT

BECAUSE YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE A PRISON SENTENCE.

HOW'D YOU KNOW SHE WAS

THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE?

WELL, I JUST KNEW.

I MEAN, SOMEONE WHO'S LOYAL AND LOVES YOU,

AND YOU KNOW, SHE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

YOU KNOW, IT'S,

YOU HAVE TO TAKE A CHANCE ON THAT.

LOVE, LOYALTY, AND FRIENDSHIP.

AND MAKES YOU LAUGH.

YEAH, I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE.

YOU READING THAT NEWSPAPER YOU'RE SITTING ON?

WHAT?

THIS ONE?

YEAH, I AM.

FECK OFF, NOSEY O'GRADY.

HOW 'BOUT SHOWING ME MORE OF YOUR LITTLE COUNTRY?

LET'S GO!

I WANT TO GET SOME ICE CREAM.

LOVELY.

SOUND GOOD?

YES, ABSOLUTELY, I'LL HAVE ONE AS WELL.

GET ME A 99.

A 99?

CONE WITH A FLAKE IN IT.

OH, THE FLA-, OKAY, GOOD.

TOO MUCH SUGAR IS BAD FOR YOU, YOU KNOW.

I'LL BE FINE.

SHUT UP AND GIVE ME YOUR WALLET, OLD MAN!

AH!

ARE YOU OKAY?

I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

OVER THERE.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS AND CONSIDERATION.

IT'S REALLY NO PROBLEM AT ALL.

I JUST HOPE YOU'RE OKAY.

I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE,

BUT YOU'RE NOT FROM IRELAND, ARE YOU?

AND YOU ARE NOT FROM IRELAND.

NO, I'M NOT, MY RELATIONS ARE.

I'M FROM THE U.S. MY NAME'S TOM, TOM MURPHY.

AH, THAT'S GREAT.

MY DAUGHTER, SHE LIVES THERE.

OH.

IT IS THE LAND OF OPPORTUNITY.

BUT YOU HAVE TO WORK HARD.

YES, YES, YOU DO, THAT'S SO VERY TRUE.

DO YOU LIKE LIVING IN IRELAND?

WHEN THE SUN COMES OUT I HAVE TO SIT BACK AND LAUGH.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT THE SUN?

WE ARE IN IRELAND.

THE SUN IS A MAGICIAN AND DISAPPEARS.

IN GREECE WE GRAB OUR LOVER AND DANCE THE WHOLE NIGHT LONG.

HA-HA!

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE A LUCKY MAN,

THAT'S ALL I GOT TO SAY.

TAKE CARE,

I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER, OKAY?

TOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I WAS JUST HELPING AN OLD GUY WHO FELL.

YOU CAME ALL THIS WAY TO HELP AN OLD GUY WHO FELL?

NO, I DIDN'T COME ALL THIS WAY TO...

I'M WITH MY RELATIONS.

I'M GETTING SOMETHING CALLED A 99.

AND UH... THIS OLD GUY, HE JUST...

WAS IT BEFORE OR AFTER YOU GOT HIM FIRED?

WELL, I GOTTA GO.

YEAH, I GOTTA TAKE OFF, TOO.

OKAY.

SO, I'M GONNA BE AT THE PUB TOMORROW NIGHT.

YEAH?

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHY I JUST TOLD YOU THAT

BUT UHM, IF YOU'RE BORED AND HAVEN'T MADE ANY FRIENDS,

WHICH WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME,

WELL, MAYBE I'LL TALK TO YOU FOR A BIT.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE AT THE PUB.

YEAH.

YEAH, THAT SOUNDS KINDA GOOD.

MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU AT THE PUB.

OKAY.

PUBBING.

THANKS.

ALL RIGHT, 'BYE.

'BYE.

HI, TOM MURPHY.

HEY, MOLLY, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

UH, SORRY ABOUT THE CRACK THING.

I'M LEARNING WORDS, GOOD CRACK!

GOODBYE, TOM MURPHY.

OKAY.

WHERE'D YOU GO?

WHERE'S THE ICE CREAM?

THEY RAN OUT.

RAN OUT?

THEY NEVER RUN OUT.

THERE WAS A TOUR BUS FROM PITTSBURGH.

PITTSBURGH?

BY THE WAY, YOU BE CAREFUL WITH THAT ONE.

WHAT ONE?

MOLLY SWEENEY.

HER BROTHER, DECLAN, HE'S A BIT OF A LOOSE CANNON.

FIRST OF ALL, ALL I SAID WAS HELLO.

YEAH, WELL, SHE WAS SAYING MORE THAN THAT.

DECLAN, HE'S SIX-FOOT-FOUR AND TWENTY STONE.

THAT'S SO IMMATURE.

JESUS, HE'S BIG, GOD.

IT'S LIKE WILL DANAHER AND I'M SEAN THORNTON

FROM THE QUIET MAN.

THE QUIET MAN, AGAIN, GEEZ.

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT BY THE TIME YOU GET TO SAY

MARQUIS OF QUEENSBURY RULES

HE'LL HAVE HIS BOOT UP YOUR ARSE.

I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT VANESSA,

BUT I'M IN IRELAND

AND I PROMISED MY PARENTS I'D MEET AN IRISH GIRL,

SO THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

HEY, MOLLY.

HEY, WE MEET AGAIN.

HOW'S IT GOING?

NOT TOO BAD, YOURSELF?

GRAND, YEAH.

HOW'S THE UH, HOW'S THE FISHING?

CATCH ANYTHING TODAY?

OH, NO, NOT YET.

BUT THAT MIGHT CHANGE WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN.

OH, NIGHT FISHERMAN.

SO WHAT BRINGS YOU TO IRELAND, HMM?

YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS DREAMED OF COMING TO IRELAND

AND UH, THOUGHT IT'D BE A GREAT CHANCE TO MEET MY FAMILY.

YOUR FAMILY?

YEAH, FIND OUT WHERE I COME FROM.

FINTAN MCGUIRE, MY RELATION.

I JUST...

I SEE A LOT OF MYSELF IN HIM.

YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE FINTAN.

NO?

UH-UH.

NOTHING.

UH-UH.

IT'S JUST THERE'S SO MANY PEOPLE IN AMERICA THAT UH...

THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY COME FROM.

I FINALLY DO.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL,

I ALWAYS DREAMED ABOUT GOING TO AMERICA.

YOU DID?

I'M GUESSING, I'D SAY, FLORIDA.

ARE YOU MAD?

WITH MY SKIN?

WHY NOT?

I'M SURE I'D HAVE TO STOP AT A PAINT STORE FOR SUNSCREEN.

THAT'S TRUE, TELL ME WHERE.

COLORADO.

COLORADO?

UH-HUH, I COULD FLY FISH

AND LISTEN TO JOHN DENVER ALL DAY IN THE MOUNTAINS.

JOHN, LITTLE J.D., THAT'S NICE.

AT THE END OF THE DAY

MAYBE GET SOME ROCKY MOUNTAIN OYSTERS.

UH-HUH, GOD, YOU'RE A REAL SMOOTH TALKER, AREN'T YOU?

OH, YEAH, QUICK-WITTED.

I LEARNED SOME NEW SWEAR WORDS TODAY IN GAELIC.

YEAH, I GOT A LOT GOING SO...

I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU, SO HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

SO, I'LL SEE YOU LATER, YEAH?

YEAH, SEE YOU LATER.

COOL.

'BYE.

VANESSA...

HEY, SO I SEE YOU MET A LOCAL.

OH, YEAH, SHE'S A PRETTY NICE GIRL.

SHE WHAT YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR?

WHY WOULD YOU CARE, I'M A DISASTER, REMEMBER?

I DON'T KNOW, I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU GET HURT.

HOW COULD SHE HURT ME?

SHE'S AN IRISH GIRL.

IRISH GIRLS LOVE AMERICAN MEN.

YEAH, THEY LOVE AMERICAN MEN, ALL RIGHT.

JUST LIKE CARMEL.

YOU KNOW YOU GET COCKY.

I'M NOT GETTING COCKY, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.

I MEAN, FIRST I'M A PIECE OF BLACK PUDDING

AND NOW YOU'RE CLARENCE FROM IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE?

WHY DO YOU CARE?

I DON'T KNOW, IS SHE REALLY WHAT YOU WANT?

YES!

NO!

SHE'S WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WITH.

SAYS WHO?

SAYS EVERYONE!

THEY SAY, BE WITH AN IRISH GIRL.

NOT SOMEBODY LIKE...

WHAT? SOMEONE LIKE ME?

NO! NO, I'M NOT... NO!

I'M DOING EVERYTHING THAT EVERYONE ELSE WANTS ME TO DO,

AND I'M OUT OF MY MIND.

YOU KNOW, TOM...

UP UNTIL TODAY I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WITH A GUY

THAT LOOKED LIKE JOHN STAMOS.

GROSS!

I MEAN, WE SPEND OUR LIVES SAYING WE HAVE TO...

WE HAVE TO GET A GOOD JOB,

WE HAVE TO MAKE OUR FAMILIES HAPPY.

WE HAVE TO LOVE SOMEONE THAT THEY WANT US TO LOVE.

THEN SOMETHING CHANGED THAT.

SOMEONE TOLD ME IT'S OKAY TO BE WITH SOMEONE

AS LONG AS THEY HAD A GOOD HEART.

MORNING, MY FRIEND, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

HOO, IT'S GONNA BE A SUNNY DAY TODAY, I KNOW IT.

BROWN BREAD, HIGH IN FIBER, OKAY...

TEA, COULD PROBABLY USE SOME WHISKEY

BUT IT'S A LITTLE EARLY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

NOTHING.

I WAS ON THE BEACH LAST NIGHT,

SPANISH POINT BEACH.

IRISH MOLLY, SHE KISSED ME.

I WARNED YOU ABOUT THAT GIRL.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

BUT YOU REMEMBER THE TALK WE HAD YESTERDAY,

ABOUT FINDING THE PERFECT ONE?

I KNEW INSTANTLY IT'S NOT HER.

IT'S SOMEBODY ELSE.

WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.

YEAH! AND THEN SHE JUST WALKED AWAY.

SHE PROBABLY RAN HOME AND TOLD HER BIG BROTHER.

OH, CRAP!

YOU PUT BOTH FEET IN THE WOOD CHIPPER THIS TIME, DIDN'T YOU?

LISTEN, IF YOU HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY,

YOU CAN HELP ME IN THE FIELDS.

SOUNDS GOOD, DOING WHAT?

YOU'LL SEE.

OH, LOVELY! BRAVO!

AH, THAT WAS A LOVELY MASS.

YEAH, IT WAS, WASN'T IT?

UH-HUH.

DIDN'T NOD OFF THEN?

WHO?

'COURSE I DIDN'T.

NOT ONCE.

NOT EVEN A LITTLE NAP?

NO!

OKAY.

SO WHAT WAS THE HOMILY ABOUT?

IT WAS ABOUT UH, LOVE...

LOVE, UH... AND SOMETHING...

MMM, SOMETHING.

SPEAKING OF WHICH... HAS TOM FOUND HIS YET?

NO.

NO, I THINK HE'S A BIT CONFLICTED.

WHY? WHAT'S THE CONFLICT?

WELL, IT SEEMS HE FANCIES A LOVELY AMERICAN GIRL,

BUT HIS FAMILY IN AMERICA WANT HIM TO MARRY AN IRISH-BORN GIRL.

VERY BACKWARD LIKE THAT, THESE AMERICAN COUSINS OF MINE.

MMM, NO MORE THAN YOUR OWN FAMILY

WANTING YOU TO MARRY THAT GIRL YOU GOT PREGNANT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BRING THAT UP FOR?

HAVE YOU BEEN AT THE COMMUNION WINE AGAIN?

SHEESH...

ANYWAY, SHE WASN'T PREGNANT.

IT WAS ENTRAPMENT.

LUCKILY I HAD ME SENSES ABOUT ME.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

BEGGING YOUR MOTHER FOR FORGIVENESS.

WELL, I HAD TO, DIDN'T I?

I MEAN, SHE IS ME MA.

DIDN'T WANT TO BREAK HER HEART.

THAT WOULD BE A SIN.

THEN I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO COME TO MASS WITH YOU

AND HAVE A PINT AFTERWARDS, WOULD I?

COME ON.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO GALWAY RACES?

DIDN'T WORK OUT THAT WAY.

BESIDES, I WAS ON CALL.

THAT'S A BRAND-NEW BABY CALF.

EXPERTLY DELIVERED BY MY NEW FRIEND HERE.

OH, MAN...

DON'T YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE YOU NEED TO BE RIGHT ABOUT NOW?

YEAH, YEAH, I DO.

I GOTTA GO.

GO GET HER.

YOU'RE NOT A BAD LAD, FOR A YANK.

HOW DO YOU KNOW FIZZY CANDIES

AND GUINNESS WERE LETHAL TO COWS?

DO YOU THINK...

WHEN YOU WERE A KID, DID THEY SAY,

"THE HORSE EATS HAY,"

"THE COWS EAT FIZZY CANDY AND GUINNESS"?

SO, WHEN ARE WE OFF TO AMERICA?

UH, HOW YOU DOIN', MOLLY?

I'M GUESSING THAT'S YOUR BROTHER, DECLAN.

HEY, DON'T TALK TO MY SISTER, HUH?

WHAT IS THIS GUY, THE IRISH BIFF TANNEN?

YOU ALL RIGHT?

I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT YOUR BROTHER.

WHAT'S THE IRISH WORD FOR PEACE?

OH, IT'S PÓG MO THÓIN.

HEY, DECLAN, PÓG MO THÓIN, BUDDY.

PÓG MO THÓIN.

PÓG MO THÓIN.

COME AGAIN?

RIGHT? PÓG MO THÓIN.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

A KICKING COULDN'T HURT LONG BEFORE I KISS IT.

TOM! YOU TOLD HIM TO KISS YOUR ARSE!

WHAT?

WHAT? ME?

OH, APPARENTLY I JUST LOVE AMERICAN MEN.

OKAY, DECLAN, THIS IS A LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING, HERE.

UH, DECLAN...

THAT'S IT.

BARE HANDS, MAN.

I'LL TELL YOU NOW, I'M SICK OF YOUR SHITE AMERICAN TALK.

TALK OF CAPPUCCINOS,

DILDOS, SKYSCRAPERS,

DALLAS REMAKES, STARBUCKS, AND SOFT DOWN YUPPIES,

WALL STREET BANKERS.

GO ON BACK TO FECKIN' ILLINOIS.

ALL RIGHT, NOBODY SAYS I'M FROM ILLINOIS!

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

YOU WANNA GO, JUST THROW IT DOWN, BUDDY.

WHERE ARE WE GOIN', MAN?

YEAH, WELL, FIGHT, NOT GO.

WHERE WE GOING TO?

'CAUSE I'LL TAKE YOU ON A MAGIC CARPET RIDE.

YEAH?

TO SLAP CITY.

YEAH, TAKE OFF THE LEATHER.

HOW MANY COWS YOU KILL?

NOT ENOUGH, MAN.

THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, FELLOWS, FELLOWS.

HOLD ON A SECOND!

HEY, HEY, WHO'S THIS COHORT!

MY NAME'S FRED, ALL RIGHT?

NOW HANG ON A SECOND.

WE'RE ALL IRISH BROTHERS AND SISTERS HERE.

EVERYONE, RIGHT?

LISTEN, NOBODY'S GONNA DO ANY

SHITE KICKING

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT ANYTHING IN ANYBODY'S GOB.

KEEP YOUR GOB OPEN.

LET IT BREATHE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

LOOK IT, THIS IS A NIGHT OF LOVE

AND LOVEMAKING.

NO...

WELL, NOT LOVEMAKING BUT, BUT LOVE, ANYWAY.

YOU KNOW, LIKE FRIENDSHIP, IRISH LOVE.

YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS SING A LOT AND ALL THAT.

IT'S ALL ABOUT SINGING, IT'S LIKE,

HER EYES WERE AS BRIGHT AS DIAMONDS, WEREN'T THEY?

NO, NO, THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES.

THESE PEOPLE ALL SPEAK ENGLISH, FRED.

OKAY, WELL, HOW 'BOUT

THE FIRST ROUND'S ON THE YANK?

THAT YANK, RIGHT OVER THERE.

COME ON OVER HERE.

BARKEEP, COME ON.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,

I'LL JOIN YOU GUYS IN A LITTLE BIT, OKAY?

VANESSA, I JUST WANT TO COME OVER AND JUST...

HRISTOS...

HOW YOU DOING, ARE YOU OKAY?

GOOD, MY FRIEND,

MUCH BETTER.

TOM, THIS IS MY FATHER.

HE'S YOUR FATHER?

MY DAUGHTER TELLS ME SHE MET A MAN AND HE'S NOT GREEK.

NO GOOD!

THEN SHE TELLS ME HE'S TOM MURPHY.

I SAY, I KNOW THIS TOM MURPHY.

HE'S OKAY.

HE'S VERY OKAY.

YES, PAPA, HE'S PRETTY OKAY.

OKAY.

IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.

VANESSA AND I TALKED INTO THE WEE HOURS IN THE MORNING.

OF COURSE, UNDER THE SUPERVISION OF HER FATHER, BUT...

THAT'S OKAY.

IT WAS AMAZING.

WE TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAD SO MUCH IN COMMON AFTER ALL.

HOW YOU DOING?

GOOD.

THAT WAS A GREAT TIME LAST NIGHT.

YEAH, I HAD A LOT OF FUN.

YOUR DAD'S A GREAT GUY.

I KNOW.

I DIDN'T WANT THE NIGHT TO END.

NEITHER DID I.

LOOK AT THAT, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT?

WOUND UP TOGETHER.

THEY ARE A GREAT COUPLE.

THAT IS REALLY NICE.

I WAS HOPING HE'D GO WITH MOLLY.

ME, TOO, SHE'S HOT.

BOY, I WONDER IF SHE'S STILL...

LET'S GO TALK TO THAT CHICK.

SMOKING!

HOT!

WANNA GO FOR A WALK?

YES, LOVE TO.

OKAY.

IT'S A GREAT SUNRISE, BY THE WAY.

SUNSET!

OH, OKAY.

I KNOW IT'S JUST A START, BUT WHO KNOWS?

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT WE'RE BOTH

OPEN- AND NOT CLOSED-MINDED.

IN 2013, THE YEAR OF THE GATHERING IN IRELAND,

I WENT BACK TO THE COUNTRY OF MY HERITAGE

AND I MET A GREEK GIRL.

NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL THE LUCK OF THE IRISH.

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