All language subtitles for The.Three.Stooges.Go.Around.the.World.in.a.Daze.1963.1080p

(CHUCKLING)

You're a fine one,
Vickers Cavendish.

Wasting your time
reading

when you
should be thinking up
some scheme to defraud.

Listen to me,
you little pipsqueak.

Reading this book
gives me the idea
for a master stroke

that will take us out
of this miserable hole

and set us up in Mayfair

with enough money to
last us the rest of
our lives.

Ah, you're balmy.
Oh?

You must be,

else how would you get
such notions just from
reading?

Around the World
in Eighty Days.

Doubtless this is
news to you, Filch,

but Phileas Fogg
bet his entire fortune

that he could go
around the world
in 80 days.

And he did it,
winning £20,000

from his
skeptical friends
in the Reformers Club.

Hey. 20,000 quid?

(CHUCKLING)
Not half bad.

The day Mr. Fogg
started on his trip,

the Bank of England
was robbed of £55,000.

Oh, very clever of him,
to be sure.

But
it wasn't Mr. Fogg
who robbed the bank.

Oh?
Scotland Yard
just thought he did it,

planning his trip
to get the money
out of the country.

What happened to
the bloke what stole it?

They caught him.
Oh.

If he'd done away
with Mr. Fogg,

he could have
spent the rest of
his days in Clover

without ever
being suspected.

Well, what has this
got to do with us,
Mr. Cavendish?

Mr. Stuart to you,
from now on.

Oh?

I have a plan, Filch.

Oh, it's a beauty.

And wait till you hear
the name of the pigeon
I've lined up.

Well, all right!
Who is the pigeon?

Another Fogg!

Here, listen to this.

"Phileas Fogg III,

"born 1940,

"great grandson
of Phileas Fogg I.

"Occupation, landowner.

"Member,
Reformers Club, London.

"Residence,
Twickenham on Thames."

7:46 and nine seconds.

Mr. Fogg will be here in
exactly three minutes
and 51 seconds.

Don't strip your gears!
I'm always on schedule!

Oh, yeah?

Yesterday,
you were 40 seconds
late with his kippers.

Oh, I was so embarrassed,
I felt like turning in
my sideburns.

Well, a guy can have
an off-day now and then.

Uh-uh!

Being on time is just
as important to Mr. Fogg

as it was to the idol
he patterns his life after,

his great great granddaddy,
Phileas Fogg I.

There was a strong will.

Died two months after
the doctors gave him up.

Yeah.
The only time he was
ever late in his life.

You have exactly
three minutes to

bring this down
from 56 degrees to 48.

By the way,
where's frizzletop?

I haven't seen him
since he went out to
get the morning newspaper.

That mongoose will
be the death of me.

We have to start breakfast
promptly at 7:49

so Mr. Fogg can leave for
the Reformers Club at 8:11.

See?
Racing like a motorcycle.

Let me see.

106.

106?

(GULPING)

They left it in
the swimming pool today.

Oh, I see,
the Tadpole edition!

Yeah,
the Tadpole edition.

Wait a minute!
That's for now.

Remind me
to kill you later.

I had enough brains
to steal this from

the Duke's palace
next door.

You thought
I was stupid,
didn't you?

Now I'm sure of it.

Come on, get going.

Synchronize
your watches.

7:48 and
10 seconds.

Man your posts!

He's coming down
the main staircase.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
He's walking
through the library.

It's 7:49.
And here he is!

Good morning, boys!
ALL: Good morning, Mr. Fogg!

Your napkin, sir.

Your morning paper, sir.

10 seconds to kipper!

Your kippers, sir,
right on the dot.

Moe, about how long
would you say

I've been having
kippers for breakfast?

Well, man and boy,
I'd say we've been
eating our kippers

every day for...

It must be
11 years, sir.

Time for a change.
Yes.

Starting tomorrow,
I'd like sausages.

Oh, those ugly little brown...
Sausages?

Five minutes past 8:00,
right on time!
Excellent.

Well, I'm off to
the Reformers Club

and mind you,
starting tomorrow,

sausages!

(WHIMPERING)

(SCREAMING)

How would you like
a coffee break
in the head?

I'm sorry!
I didn't mean it, Moe.

Hey, Moe.
Did I hear right?

Did he say sausages?

That's what
I thought he said.

But I'm geared
for kippers.
He hasn't...

Okay, so we broke
a 100 year old tradition.

Back to the scullery.
There ought
to be a law.

And as for you,
porcupine,

you have about
52 seconds to
get your hat

and get
Mr. Fogg to his club.

Now lean on it!

His great grandfather
didn't use sausages,
you know.

Come on, get going.

Kippers take
11 minutes to broil.

Sausages take
four minutes more.

Four goes into 12... 20...

It can't be done!

(PLATES CRASHING)

(CRASHING)

(EXCLAIMS)

I'm sorry, Moe,
but the door swung

and all the dishes
are broke.

Well, don't
distress yourself, lad.

No?
You didn't break everything.

I didn't?
Here's one you missed.

(YELPS IN PAIN)

Now, dignify yourself
and put that hat back on.

Oh, Moe.
That hurt me
more than it did you.

9:05.
Right on time, sir.

I'll expect you
at 5:18 as usual.

Yes, sir.

Good morning, Mr. Fogg.
Good morning.

Good morning, Phileas.
Chap here's been
asking for you,

and, I might add,
raising quite a ruckus.

Oh? Who might
this chap be?

He's a stranger.
He's not one of
our sort, really.

You know, trumpeting
around here like a
bull elephant.

He says
he just arrived
from Melbourne.

Oh.

Uh, Mr. Fogg, sir.

You wished to see me?

I did!

All my life,
I've looked forward
to the day when I might

square accounts with
the heir of that rascal

who cheated
my great grandfather!

Cheated?

Who are you
to come in here and
talk to me like this?

Randolph Stuart III,

great grandson of that
distinguished barrister,

a former member
of this very club.

Oh, one of the clique
who bet against
Phileas Fogg.

Precisely,

and as a man of honor,

my great grandfather
had no choice but to
do away with himself

when Fogg's
base trickery
wiped him out!

Trickery?

My great great grandfather
won fairly and squarely!

Hear! Hear!

Hear!
MAN: Hear!

Come, come, Mr. Fogg.

When he used his wealth

to bribe
steamship captains
and port officials?

He'd have failed miserably
if it hadn't been for his
money!

I disagree, sir!

He could have
gone around the world
without spending a farthing.

He'd have done it on
his wits, if necessary.

Yes, but he didn't,
Mr. Fogg,

and I say
you couldn't, either!

If I set
my mind to it,
sir, I say I could!

A cheap and
arrogant boast, sir,

or would you be
willing to back it up
as your ancestor did,

by wagering £20,000?

Around the world
without money?
Ridiculous!

Impossible! Don't get
involved with this man!

It can't be done,
Phileas. Forget it.

Well, Mr. Fogg?

You have a bet, sir.

£20,000,
I can go around the world
without spending a farthing!

Done!

I'll draw up an agreement and
meet you at the Regent Street
Bank to sign it

at 10:30 sharp
tomorrow morning.

I'll be there.

10:30, sharp.

Good.

I say, Phileas,
you feeling
quite all right?

I say,
old man, surely,
you can't be serious?

I've never been
more serious in my life.

Well, I tricked him
into it.

The fool agreed!

Oh, he did, he did?

Oh, I've got to
hand it to you,
Mr. Cavendish.

It's all going to
work out beautiful.

Yes,
provided that
currency shipment

arrives
at the bank precisely
at the time you told me.

Oh, it will.
It will.

I've checked it
all week.

It arrives at exactly
10:37 every day.

Good.

I say, Phileas, that
was terribly rash of you.

Even your intrepid
great great grandfather

would have
turned down a bet
as ridiculous as that.

Going
around the world without
spending a ruddy farthing?

"Fogg's Folly," I call it.

Pretty good, what?

If you're all so sure
I'm going to fail,

I'd be happy
to accommodate you
with a few side bets.

£5,000. Make that 10,
if you like.

Uh, put me
in for five.

I'll take five of that.

Done!

According to this
agreement, Mr. Fogg,

if you depart
today, March 5th,

you must be back at
the Reformers Club
in 80 days.

Entirely correct, sir.

Will you kindly sign
all three copies of
the agreement?

Good morning,
Mr. Willoughby!

Here's today's
currency shipment.

Now, remember, Mr. Fogg...

(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me.

You're not only prohibited
from buying any sort of
transportation,

a steamer, train, plane, etc.,

but also
from doing
any sort of work

to pay
for your passage.

I'm fully aware
of that, sir.
You have my word.

My £20,000
for Mr. Stuart

in the event I lose.
Oh, and...

Oh! Excuse me.

(CLEARS THROAT)

And, uh, mine

for Mr. Fogg in the
unlikely event I lose.

Very well, gentlemen.

I should say
our business
is concluded.

I'll deposit these
with our chief clerk.

Good luck and all that
sort of thing, Mr. Fogg.

Thank you, sir.

Well, I'm off to
Brighton for the weekend.

Thank you.

Oh, Mr. Fogg,
would you mind?

Just until I get this
safely tucked away
in my wallet.

Uh, excuse me
for a moment,

that teller
could help me.

Join you
in half a minute.

That gentleman with
the bag over there

was asking directions
to Piccadilly Circus.

I'm a stranger
here myself.

It's just two
blocks south, sir,
a five minute stroll.

Oh, well,
thank you kindly.

Not at all.

(BELL TOLLING)

Thanks so much, Mr. Fogg,

and in parting,
may I wish you
bon voyage?

In like spirit, Mr. Stuart,
my best wishes to you.

Thank you.

Home as fast as
you can make it,
Larry.

I've got to
be on my way.

Yes, sir.

Full throttle, Filch!

(EXCLAIMS) Good heavens!

Shredded wheat!

Oh, no!

(ALARM RINGING)

It'll work.

Shh! Let me
do the talking.

Ah. Here's my wallet,
credit cards, everything.

No good to me
on this trip.

I can't understand what's
detaining Larry with my bag.

(LARRY YELLING)

(CRASHING)

There he is, sir.

Why, you imbecile, you.

(GRUNTS)
Out of my way.

Surprise me sometime.

Do something right!

What is all this? I gave
orders I wanted to travel
light.

Well, you see, sir...

A truck apiece
for the four
of us, sir.

You see,
we've decided
we have to go along.

You decided?

Who's going to lay out
your day togs for daywear?

And your night togs
for nightmares?

And most important,
who's going to serve
you tea every day

the way you want it?

Brewed
six minutes
and five seconds,

with just a dash
of lemon, hmm?

By Jove,
that is important.

Besides,
didn't we
hear you say

that you had to
figure out a way

to get from
here to Istanbul

without
purchasing a ticket or
working your way over?

Of course, but...

Ah, then leave
everything to us.

Remember,
you're dealing
with born chiselers.

Why, I suppose...
Oh, you won't
regret it, sir.

Well,
we'd better
get started.

I'll lock up.
The rest of you,
take care of the luggage.

Yes.
Good.

Oh, boy!
We're going
around the world

on our wits.

With your wits,
you won't get past
the front door.

Come on, bend over.

You, give me a hand.

Right here.

Up!

Easy,
easy there.
Easy there now.

Oh!
Steady now.

MOE: Easy does it.

Easy for who?

(GRUNTING)

Where are you?
Here I am.

MOE: Get on
the other side.

Easy, now.
There we go.

All right, now.

Easy, Moe, easy.

Hey, imbecile!
Give me a hand.
Okay.

Here we go.
Easy now. Easy.

MOE: Hold steady, now.

Now.

Give it to me.
Heave!

There we are.

Steady now, kid.
Easy. Steady.

Diagonally.
Lead him out while
I get my umbrella.

Okay.

Go ahead now.

Come on,
follow me.

Come on
this way.

Come on.

(GRUNTING)

Oh, boy!

Hey, Larry,
something's missing.

(GRUNTING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Get this off my head.

All right.

Easy, Moe.

Sorry, Moe.
Sorry. Low bridge.

Pardon me?
Low mentality!

(GROANING)

Come here, you!
Come here.

Easy, easy, easy.

What are you trying to
do, knock my brains out?

Don't you know me?
Don't I belong with you?

What's the matter
with you?

It was
an accident!

They didn't build
the house right.

I'm positive, Inspector,
he's the one.

Left the bank with
the satchel and carried
it right to the street.

Mr. Fogg was sitting
next to me,

right where
I placed the money.

(INTERCOM BUZZES)

Yes, Cruikshanks?

The men went out
to Twickenham
as ordered, sir.

Found the house locked up
and completely deserted.

Looks like our pigeon
flew the coop.

Yes. Thank you.

Mr. Willoughby, I'm very much
afraid that you're the victim
of a shrewd plot

inspired
by the original
around-the-world trip

of the first
Phileas Fogg,

but whereas that gentleman
was unjustly accused of
bank robbery,

his great great grandson
appears to have pulled
the job off,

inventing these
ridiculous bets to cover
up his flight with the money.

Cruikshanks,
send out an all-points
bulletin for Phileas Fogg.

Warn all
outgoing ships,
trains, and planes.

35, 40, 45.

£50,000
of spanking
new banknotes.

Ruddy good, I'd say,
for an afternoon's work.

Hmm!
Plus the £20,000

that I'm going to
win from Phileas Fogg!

His check isn't rubber,
like mine.

Well, what if he
gets back in 80 days?

He won't!
I'll take care of Mr. Fogg.

Hey, fellas, wait for me!

All clear, Mr. Fogg.

Let's see.
We've been underway
11 hours and 32 minutes.

I calculate our speed
at 16 1/2 knots per hour,

so we must be about
184 miles out of London.

Excellent.

Do you nitwits
know it's 7:45?

We'd
better get going
or we'll be late

serving Mr. Fogg
his breakfast.

Oh, I say. Let's forgo our
schedule for the duration.

Oh, no,
I'd rather
we wouldn't, sir.

You see,
we need it
for our morale.

Hear! Hear!
And a pip-pip!

I wonder where
the kitchen is.

That's galley,
lamebrain!

Galley, schmalley.
What's the difference

if we don't know
where it is?

What are
you sniffing?

(SNIFFING)
Ham and eggs.
Sunny side up!

We'll be right back,
Mr. Fogg.

Hey, buttonhead,

did you say
you smelled
ham and eggs?

(SNIFFING) Yep.
In butter.

Where?

(SNIFFING)

Come on.

Your paper, sir.

Try to get
some dessert.

(GROANS)

What are you
waiting for?
Snag the pie.

(EXCLAIMS)

(YELLING)

Stowaways!

Stowaways!

Stowaways!

Stowaways!

Stop your pushing!

You ain't
got nothing to
worry about, sir.

I told those roughnecks
who you are,

and when
the captain finds out
that you're Phileas Fogg III,

you'll get the red-carpet
treatment and an apology!
Your troubles are over.

"Inspector Crotchet,
Scotland Yard.

"Phileas Fogg,

"reported wanted
by Scotland Yard
for bank robbery,

"seized aboard this ship.

"Turning over to
authorities at Istanbul.

"J.T. Singleton,
Captain, Star of Turkey."

Excellent!

Cruikshanks?
Yes, sir?

Get me a seat aboard
the first plane for
Istanbul.

Right away, sir.

MAN ON RADIO: ...will
address Parliament on
the 23rd of next month.

A bulletin.

The BBC has just learned
that the fugitive,
Phileas Fogg,

wanted for robbing the
Regent Street Bank of
£50,000,

has been seized aboard
the SS Star of Turkey
bound for Istanbul

and will be turned
over to authorities
pending extradition.

Now the derby results
from Upson Downs...

Blast!

Now he'll spill
his insides, he will.

It'll be the word
of a gentleman
against two rascals.

Even a gentleman
can't talk if he's dead.

Dead?

Oh, I get you.

We do what the chap
in that there book
should have done.

Exactly.

Filch,

we're off for
exotic Istanbul.

While our comfort
has left something
to be desired, chaps,

at least we've arrived in
Istanbul right on schedule.

Good.
That's very good.

All ashore, gentleman.

You're free.

(LAUGHS) But you
won't be for long.

What are you
getting at, zombie?

You'll find out,
won't they, Harry?

I'll say.

Yeah,
and you'll be glad
to be back here again

once you see
the inside of one
of them Turkish jails!

Turkish jail!
On what charges?

As if you
didn't know!

Righto, come on,
you blokes, out of it.

Look lively now.
Get that door open.

Get them out.
Quick as you can...

(GRUNTING)

Good work, Mr. Fogg.

Let the blighter
have it.

(GONGING)

Now let me have
the billy club

and I'll get
another one for you.

(GONGING)

Come on.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Let's go for the hold.

Okay?
Come on.

Mr. Cavendish, look!

Inspector Crotchet
of the Yard.

Careful, Filch.

Over here.

Hold it!

You have to
be so rough?

(THUDDING)

Coast is clear.

Larry, Joe?
You all right?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Oh, fine! Just great.

Mr. Fogg,
are you all right, sir?

Top hole!

(YELLS)

Come quick!

"Maharajah of Karengore.
Calcutta, India."

(CRASHING)

Odds!

Odds!
Evens!

It's a good thing
you don't carry
a briefcase.

Chaps, this
is our 22nd day,

and we're
a good two days
ahead of our timetable,

thanks
to Joe's marvelous
idea of traveling C.O.D.

Yeah, but suppose
the Maharajah don't
pay the freight?

Then they'll send us
back where we came from.

Oh, I'm not worried, Moe.

Remember, he was
host to my family

on all their
tiger-hunting trips.

It's 40 minutes past
Mr. Fogg's breakfast.

Now, we'll
man our posts,

but first,
shut that door

so Mr. Fogg
doesn't catch cold.

Right? Places.
Carry on.

Come on, Nanny.
Mr. Fogg won't drink
his coffee without cream.

Hey, I'd like to have
two eggs for Mr. Fogg.
We're late now.

Eggs, hey. Come on.

Eggs! Two!

Coffee's ready.
Come on with the cream.

(LAUGHS)

Hold it! Thanks.

We're late! Hey, Moe.
I can't get no...

What are you doing?

(EXCLAIMS)

Sorry, Mr. Fogg,
we had difficulty
with your breakfast.

Well,
we got you
coffee anyhow.

Yeah, coffee.

(THUDDING)

What was that?

Uh-oh.

Hey, the brakeman.

The brakeman!

Let go of me!

Let go!

Let go!
Let go of me!

Let go!

A damsel
in distress!

Come on,
let's go.

Now, see here,
you chaps!

MOE:
Good work, Mr. Fogg.

(GRUNTING)

(TRAIN HORN HOOTING)

Let me introduce

Curly-Joe,

Moe and Larry.

And I'm Phileas Fogg III
of Twickenham on Thames,
England.

Well,
I'm Amelia Carter
of Council Bluffs, Iowa.

What were
you doing with
those characters?

Well, I was with
a tour doing India.

In Janupur
this morning,

I hired those
two men as guides.

Well, one look at them,
and you could tell
right away

that all
they do is guide
you right into trouble.

I no sooner
got into their car,

than they
grabbed my purse,

and I realized
I was being kidnapped.

They wouldn't believe
the truth.

They thought
I was an heiress,
like all American girls.

(CHUCKLES)
Well, we'll take you

to the very first
American consul
we can find,

or perhaps the
Maharajah would
be willing to help.

The Maharajah?

Quite! Our host,
if all goes well,

and I'm sure
he'd be delighted

to offer you
his protection.

He would?

Oh dear! And me
a sight to behold.

No comb,
no lipstick,
not even a mirror.

Oh, I wouldn't
say that. Here.

Oh, thank you.

(TRAIN WHISTLING)
Now, you see,

here's Calcutta, here,

and here's
the Maharajah's palace,

just across
the Karengore River,

about 25 miles
out of town.

Now,
owing to monsoons
at this time of year,

we may have trouble
getting across this bridge.

Could be
completely underwater.

Well, don't worry.

We'll cross that bridge
when we come to it.

Pardon me.
May I have
the mirror?

Oh, certainly.
Thank you.

You know,
a sharp crack
deserves a sharp answer.

Yeah.

Why, I ought to...

Will you cut it out?
What's the matter?
You crazy?

You want to give her
a bad impression?

(TRAIN HORN HOOTING)

Easy, easy.

Careful, careful.

It may contain
something fragile.

Now, come.
Open them.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Well, Kandu,

my subjects seem to be
sending their birthday
gifts early this year.

And it's my guess,
extremely valuable,
Your Highness,

well worth the
5,000 rupees we paid
for the shipping charges.

(THUDDING)

Kandu, look!

Hey!

Oh, my!
Hello, Ra-ha...

(EXCLAIMS)

What's the matter?

What in the name
of the sacred apes
of Kashmir is this?

Permit us to introduce
ourselves, Your Highness.

Miss Amelia Carter
of Council Bluffs, Iowa,

and I am
Phileas Fogg III,

whose family
has long enjoyed

the gracious hospitality
of this palace.

Phileas Fogg?
That's right, Maha.

We work for him.

My uncle Gus
had a lodge uniform

that looked
exactly like yours.

The Loyal Order
of the Timberwolves.

Silence!

I happen
to listen faithfully
to the BBC, Mr. Fogg.

And I know
all about you.

Wanted in every
country on earth.

Wanted?

(SCOFFS) For what,
if you'd be good
enough to explain?

Come, come, Mr. Fogg.
You know the reason
as well as I do.

5,000 rupees.

Take them away.
Hold on,
Your Highness.

Look, I have no idea
what this is all about,

but in any event,
this young lady
is not involved,

and I insist

that she be freed
immediately.

Very well, Mr. Fogg.

I shall
accept your word.

Take her to
the women's quarters
and see that she is...

Shall we say,
made more presentable.

And lock up
the others.

Wait! Wait!

I've got friends
in Parliament.

All right,
take it easy.

We didn't do
nothing, fellas.

What you doing?

You know, we prefer
the penthouse.

I hope you have
the good sense

not to cause
any trouble,

like the
snake charmer did

who was in here
before you.

Yeah? What
kind of phony rap
did you pin on him?

Charming cobras
without a license.

Cobras!

In you go!

Can't we talk?
Don't shove!

Can't we
talk it over?

Look, fellas,
we're a...

MOE:
We protest,
buddy boy!

You better change
the linen here.

Yeah. Linen?

Linens
in this place?

Well,
I meant the straw.

Look at that stuff.
Hoo-Hoo.

(HISSING)
Hey, fellas,

there's a snake
in there.

(LAUGHING)

ALL: Snake!

Come on, come on.
Let us out!

Help! Change this room!

Excuse me,
Your Highness.

The police are here
from Calcutta

with a warrant
for Mr. Fogg's arrest.

Police?

I gave no orders
to notify the police.

Oh,
they say they've been
trailing him for days.

Oh. Oh, I see.

Well, send them in.

Remember, Filch,
I'll do the talking.

Your Highness.

Welcome, gentleman.

We should like
to take Mr. Fogg

to Calcutta immediately,
if it please Your Highness.

I have all
necessary papers.

There is no need.
You may have him.

But you must be weary
after your long journey.

You need
food and rest.

Oh, thank you,
Your Highness,

but the British
authorities

are anxious
to speed extradition.

They can
wait a day longer.

My good friend,
the Commissioner of Police,

would consider it
a personal affront

if I permitted you
to leave without,

without enjoying
my hospitality.

(PLAYING SNAKE TUNES)

He don't
like my music.

He's not supposed
to like it.

He's got to hate it.

Then he comes out,
sees you,

goes out
of his mind,

while he's out,
I clobber him.

Now go ahead
and play.

I played
everything I know.

Well, Larry, don't
play that Weasel song,

because when I hear that,
you know, something pops!

Don't play it.

It's coming up next.
Larry, no.

(PLAYS POP GOES THE WEASEL)

Larry, don't play...

Larry.
Larry, don't play it.

(EXCLAIMS)

(GROWLING)

(GRUNTING)

(YELLS)

Hey, hey. Curly-Joe.

Did you
hurt yourself?

Well,
I didn't do
myself any good.

Why did you have
to play that song?

All right,
take it easy.

At least he got us
out of that snake pit.

Now's our chance!
Let's find Miss Carter
and get out of here.

What'll I do with this?

Keep it.
We may need it.

Now relax, please.

Now I tell you
what we do...

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHISPERS) Filch,
watch your manners.

Whatever happened
to Miss Carter?

I sent word she was
to join me for dinner.

I suppose the usual
feminine tardiness,
Your Highness.

Oh,
she'll be along
at any moment now.

I've arranged for some
entertainment for you,
while we wait.

(ARABIC MUSIC PLAYING)

There! I'm sure
His Highness
will be pleased.

How do you do?
Me Visiting Poopendyke,

official guest
of the Maharajah
for moose-hunting.

Tiger-hunting!
Tiger-hunting, yes.

He, Maharajah
of Musclebean.
Yes.

We are
official bodyguards
also double as man Friday.

And Saturday.

We bring
a new bride
for your master.

She,
the sister
of Gunga Din.

Me, Ginga Din!

I take Miss Carter,
you take Ginga.

You know,
the old switcheroo.

(SHOOING)

(SHOOING) Out, out!
Everybody.

Go! Go!
Beat it. Beat it!

Go!

Where in the world
did you get these...

We haven't
got time now.
We'll explain later.

As a matter of fact,
we should be on our
way to Tokyo!

Yes, let's get
out of here before
we get in more trouble.

We'll sneak out
under cover of the music.

Hey, Moe, are
you sure you know
where you're going?

Excuse me,
Your Highness.

Will you
let me go?

I'm sorry.

(SHUSHING) What's
the matter with you?

Look, I'll tell you
what you do.

When you get to the...

Guards! Guards!

Okay, easy now, fella.

We didn't do anything.

(SHUSHING) Okay.

(GRUNTS)

What's all this?

What's the matter with you,
you clumsy ox?

I'm sorry, Moe.
I didn't...

(EXCLAIMS)

Why, Miss Carter!

You look
positively ravishing.

Take your mistress
to the table!

I'll handle this.

Well, gentlemen,

I don't believe
I've had the honor.

Highness,
we're a new act.

This is
Maharajah Musclebeanie.

He is the greatest
sharpshooter this
side of Chicago.

Oh, I see,

one of Kandu's
surprises, apparently.

Ah, I wouldn't be surprised.

Very well, then.
Entertain us.

Thank you.

What, what?

Hey, wait, wait!
I've got an idea.

Got your old plan
with the glasses?

Do you think...
Okay, stand by.

Do you think
it'll work?

I hope he knows
what he's doing.

Hey, maybe it will.
Who knows?

Watch your
P's and Q's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Your Highness.

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

Ladies and gentlemen,

there is no
expense been spared

in bringing the next
attraction to this palace.

With his
mental agility,
muscular control,

and keenness of eye...

I'll put the glasses on
for disguise.

MOE: ...this man
is the sensation
of three continents.

(ALL CLAPPING)

Where is everybody?
Guide me.

He speaks
very little
of our language,

so I was asked to
act as his interpreter.

I take great pleasure

in presenting
for your approval,

his Royal Highness,
the Maharajah of Sallibad.

Sallibad!

Benny?

How do you do?

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, that was
a good spill.

Thanks, mister.

Here's the chair here, Rajah.

There.

(SIGHS)

Now, the Rajah
never on any occasion

uses a helper,
assistant or
confederate,

but for this particular
group of tricks,

we'd like to have
a young man...

Here I am.

That's a young man!

What does the Rajah do?

We shall see.

Maha?
Uh-huh?

Rajah?
Oh.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

...you do?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Nothing.

Nothing?
Nothing.

Oh, boy!

The Rajah says

he's an
expert pistol shot,
marksman and sharpshooter,

that he has spent
the better part
of his life

as Chief Pistol Instructor
in the Musselyeben Junior FBI.

His pistol record?

(MUMBLES) ...shots
out of a possible 300.

That's without bullets.

Shut up!

What will be
his first trick?

We shall see.

Maha?
Uh-huh?

Rajah!

(EXCLAIMS)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

You've got a trick,
for goodness sakes?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

With the rayseenos .

Rayseenos?

That rayseenos,
you going to hit it?

That rayseenos,
I'm going to smash it.

Oh, boy!

The Rajah says
that he will, without
the aid of a telescope,

shoot a raisin
from the top of
this gentleman's head.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Hold it.

Shoot what raisin
from which
gentleman's head?

Oh, pardon me for
calling you a gentleman.

That's better.
Get down here
or I'll crash you.

(CLEARS THROAT)

California seedless.

Get a pistola.

Hmm? Pistol?
Oh, yes, pistola.

Pistola.

No pistola.

No pistola?
No pistola.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the Rajah states that
he has misplaced his pistol,

therefore,
we will have to
skip this trick entirely,

don't you see?

Here, use mine.

Oh, thank you.

Maha?
Uh-huh.

Rajah! Pistola.

Pistola, where?

Oh, pistola!

Bluff it.

(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)

(BULLET RICOCHETS)

My pistol, please.

What will
the Rajah's
next trick be?

We shall see.

Maha?
Uh-huh?

Rajah!

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

If you've got a trick,
for goodness sakes,
do something.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

...with knives.

Oh, my goodness!

The Rajah says that,
at this time,

he will throw
the razor-edged daggers

at random.

Random?
Get him up here!

Hey, Randy.
Come on.

Pardon me,
Mr. Random.

You don't think
I'm going to let
that blind bat throw

knives at me,
do you?

Blind bat?
Yeah.

Why, he can see
better than you can,
and I can prove it.

You'd better
prove it.

Maha?
Uh-huh?

Rajah!

Huh?
What is this?

Half a dollar.

You're right.
I thought
it was a dime.

Get back
to the wall.

Oh! Moe! Moe!

Make him take
the glasses off.
He'll kill me.

Oh, come on.

Will you do
as you're told, once?

Maha?
Uh-huh?

Rajah.

Please, please.

Knifies.
Knifies. Knifies.

Knifies! Knifies!

Knifies. Knifies.
Oh, knifies!

This a-way.

Moe! Moe!
Stop it!

Please.

(APPLAUSE)

Missed that.
Missed that? Impossible!

Missed it?
What is he aiming at?

You'll find out.

Rajah, knifies.

Knifies, knifies.

Oh... Double-decks.

Pitch it!
Pitch it. Pitch it.

Double-deck.

(APPLAUSE)

Getting close.

Close?

Keep yourself busy.

Busy? Oh.

Hey, busboy.

Back in your cage!

Boy, are you guys ugly.

Go ahead.

Knifies!
Knife... Knife... Knifies!

Now, for
the piece de resistance,

the Rajah will attempt
to throw three blades
with one hand,

and in order to
make this more difficult,

he will twist himself
in complete circles

till he becomes
more dizzy.

This way!

(EXCLAIMS)

Pitch it!

Stupid!

Seize the imposters!

Everybody, scram!

Oh, let me go.

Larry, play a tune!

Go ahead! Come on!

Leave me alone!
Leave me alone!
Help!

You going to
hit a man with
glasses? Yeah.

Go ahead.
Play, Larry!

(PLAYS POP GOES THE WEASEL)

Throw me
somebody else.
Throw it to me.

How was that?
Why didn't you play
in a higher key?

Come on, come on!

Come on, Mr. Fogg.
Let's go, Miss Carter!

Here, off one more, ducks!

(EXCLAIMS)

Get that point, too?

After them, Filch!

After them!

You imbecile,
give it the gun!

(HORN HONKING)

That's the horn.
The gun! The gun!

Let me see
your license.

Who's got a license?
I've got...

Why, you nitwit!

Turn it around
and get it going.

Get out of here!

Bone dry.

Wait a minute.

I'll fix it.

Here, here, here.

Where do you think
you're going with that?

I'm going back for gas.

The only gas
you'll get is
on your stomach.

Oh! That's my stomach?

I'm sorry, Miss Carter,

we seem to be
farther away than ever
from your American consul.

Well,
do you have any idea
at all where we are?

In this area here,
somewhere.

But whether
we're on the Indian or the
Chinese side of the border

is anybody's guess.

Just like picking
a bird off in the bush.

Too bad, old boy,
you made a splendid try.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Hold it,
Mr. Cavendish.

You. Come with us.

Make any trouble,
you die!

This is an outrage!

I'm a British subject
and this young lady's
an American.

In Indian clothes?

You spy!
You all spies!

Nonsense!

You tell your soldiers
to release us!

We not soldiers,
we technicians!

I've heard that
someplace before.

You've got us
all wrong, I tell you.

We're merely
seeing the country,

on a trip
around the world.

You take me for fool.

They're
as good as dead,
the whole lot of them.

Aye, and we'd have
been dead, too,

if we'd been caught here
in China dressed like
blooming Indians.

Come on.

You go
Shanghai headquarters.

Chop-chop.
And confess.

Confess?
He's a member
of Parliament.

And furthermore,
we're three of
Colonel Fogg's men.

Tell them,
Curly-Joe!

Look here, you...

"Steep grades, bumpy roads,

"all the way
from India to
the China border."

You spies!

Mapping invasion route
to China.

I have
all the evidence
I need right here.

But that's not true,
I tell you.

That's just
my log book.

We're on a trip
around the world!

Silence!

If you no talk,

your friends will,
I betcha.

(LARRY GROANING)

Psychiatrists.

Wash brain till
whole head shrink!

You sign now, huh?

Expert wash brains?

Sorry, General.

With these boys
no brainy to washy.

We turny tables
on headshrinkers.

(SPEAKING CHINESE)

Hey!

Sixty-two.

(SPEAKING CHINESE)

Forty-one!

Uh-uh.

That's number 21.
We don't do that
anymore, see?

We do number 47,
like this.

No! No! No!

Get rid of them!
China in enough
trouble already!

(SPEAKING CHINESE)

(SPEAKING CHINESE)

It could be worse.

At least
they provided
our transportation

all the way from
India to the China Sea.

If a wind comes up,
we'll be in Tokyo
Bay in no time.

I hope
we make it soon.

All we have
to eat here is
fortune cookies.

Oh, hey, give me
a fortune cookie.

All right,
here you are.

I want to
see my fortune.

What a coincidence!

(LAUGHS)

It says,
"You're going
on a long trip!"

Oh, yeah?
Well, you are.

Moe! Curly! Phileas!

What's the matter?
Land!

Tokyo!

The terms of my wager
prohibit me from cabling

for funds for myself,
Miss Carter.

However, there's
no reason why we can't

arrange for
you to return to
Iowa immediately.

Well,
I'm sorry you feel
this way, Mr. Fogg.

I suppose
I am a drag.

Miss Carter,
I say.

I was
only thinking
of your comfort.

But I haven't complained once,
that I recall, have I, boys?

Not once.
You're a real trooper.

None of us
want to see you go.

Which brings
us to the question
still before the house.

How are we going to
get to San Francisco?

Forgive me,
Miss Carter.

I only meant to say...

What I mean is...

Dash it all,
I'm jolly glad
you feel that way.

Rather.

What smells
so scrumptious?

There must be something
we can do to earn enough
for a meal.

(CALLING OUT)

Lovely spectators.
Your kind attention, please.

What's all
the excitement?

...take
pleasure in presenting
honorable Itchy Kitchy,

greatest Sumo wrestler,
in all of Japan.

And now,
everyone welcome
to watch training exercise,

but please to remember

buying tickets
to the next match

at the Tokyo
Sports Palace,

this not being
on television.

And now,
the great Itchy Kitchy,

strongest man
in the world.

That ain't a man.
That's a committee!

(THUD)

(THUD)

Ladies and gentlemen,

most happy
to give 1,000 yen

to anybody who
stay on his feet

for 60 seconds
wrestling with
the great Itchy Kitchy.

Will a thousand yen
buy a square meal
for the five of us?

Yes, indeed,
with something left over.

(GROWLING)

Go out there, kid.
You got him on the run.

(GROANING)

Help! Help!
What are you doing?

Help, Moe!

Oh, I can't look
at this, Phileas.

(GROANING)

Oh, Moe!
What are you doing? Help!

Hit it, maestro!

Who's maestro?
You, you fool!

What do you mean?

Let me have it!

Come on, play.

(PLAYS POP GOES THE WEASEL)

Oh, I say,
now you can look.

Oh, yes!

Brighten the tempo, kid.

(PLAYS FASTER)

Come on, Joe!

Congratulations, champ.
Shake.

Shake with the champ.
Good show, Joe!

You no fool
Charlie Okuma!

He American
Sumo champ.

Very clever
gimmick.

Thanks, Charlie!
No hard feelings.

Uh, you manager.
Listen.

Itchy lose face.

He want revenge.

How about deal
they wrestling at
Tokyo Sports Palace

for World
Championship?

Out of the question, Moe.
We're 10 days behind
schedule now.

We've got to be
in San Francisco
as soon as possible.

Oh, another manager.

I think
he's smarter than me.

San Francisco
draw bigger gate.
Very clever gimmick.

Supply the transportation,
you got yourself a deal.

Ah, so.
Make lots of yen.

I pay all expenses.

How about
throwing in
some new duds?

That's what he means,
new duds.

Hey, where's
our new champ?

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

(GROANING)

I hurt
my widdle hand.

Ladies and gentlemen,

our feature attraction
of the evening,

the Sumo wrestling contest

for the championship
of the world.

Presenting
the champion
of all Japan,

the mighty Itchy Kitchy

who shows
in the traditional ritual

what he intends to
do with his opponent.

His opponent
ain't staying, boys.

Against Mighty Joe,

the champion of
Twickenham on Thames.

Start playing that thing
as soon as we shake hands.

Get after him!
Get after him!

Don't start playing
till I tell you.

We got to make this thing
look good.

Now, remember,
no time limits
and no holds barred.

You both understand
the rules?

No rules.

I want
a good dirty fight.

Now, shake hands
and come out gouging.

(MOANING)

(SPEAKS JAPANESE)

Give him an upshot.

(BONES CRACKING)

(EXCLAIMING)

(GROANING)

(CRACKING)

Oh, I hope
you boys know
what you're doing.

Don't worry.
I've got the
equalizer right here.

You trying
to hurt somebody?

Larry! Larry!

(TRUMPET PLAYING)

(SPEAKS JAPANESE)

Larry! Play! Play!

Give me that!

Let go!

I'm trying to find
Larry, Curly-Joe!

No, no.
Give me that.

Mommy, help!

Taking toys
from a child!

You leave
my Timmy alone,
you big bully.

Oh, help!

(PLAYS POP GOES THE WEASEL)

(SPEAKS JAPANESE)

(CRASHING)

(CROWD EXCLAIMING)

Hey, Moe! Larry!

(GROWLS)

By Jove! Bravo!

BOY:
Come on, Ma.
Hit him again!

WOMAN: Police! Police!

I want
this man arrested
for child beating!

Hey, we'd better
grab our clothes
and get out of here.

It's not so healthy
around here.

After me, chaps.
Next stop, New York.

Kennedy-style hiking.
At least we're keeping fit.

Yeah, and if
that knuckle-head

had beaten
that big slob
fair and square,

they wouldn't have
held up his purse.

Well,
I didn't have
time for training.

3,000 miles
to New York

and 3,000 more
to the Reformers Club.

We'll never
make it now,
not in six days.

That place
has a telephone.

I'll call
my solicitor

and ask him
to cable us

enough funds to complete
our journey first class.

We may be through,
but at least we'll
be comfortable.

Well, how can you
say we're through?

We've still got
a fighting chance.

You can't give up now,
Mr. Fogg.

You'll lose
everything you own.

Remember,
your great
great grandfather.

He wouldn't give up.

Well, if you feel that
way about it, let's...

How do they say it
in America?

Let's stay
in there putting.

That's "pitching."

And if you keep on trying,
you'll always have a chance.

Yeah, and we'll
starve to death
in the meantime.

Wait here.

I'll see
if that hash house
will take Japanese yen.

He's still got yen.

Yeah.

Okay!

What's the matter?

What's the matter?
That dispatcher's
out of his mind.

He wants me to high-ball
my truck through to New York

in four days.

Four days?
You'll need wings
on your rig to do it.

You're right.
Let's go eat.

Okay.

Hey, fellas!

Our luck's
still with us.

That truck's going
through to New York
in four days.

Giving us
two whole days
to get to London.

It's possible.

You lamebrains!
Don't you know
there's a strict rule

against
picking up hikers?

We could
be stowaways,
like on the boat.

Stowaways
on a truck!
Get him.

By Jove,
so we could.

That's what
I was saying,
so we could,

by Jove.
Let's take
a walk over and see.

Hey, give me
a hairpin.

Like a safecracker.
Yeah.

Get busy there.

Oh,
you'd better
do it yourself.

Well, Gus,
it's about time
I called the garage

and check on
that connecting rod,

and as
soon as that's fixed,
I'm off to the big town.

Sure wish I was
going with you, Bill.

Got some kin in New York
I haven't seen in years,

but I got a load
of furniture

that I have to
deliver in Canada.

So long.
So long, Gus.

We seem
to be making
excellent time.

If we do reach
New York in four days,

my record shows it will be
the 78th day since we left,

giving us only two days
to cross the Atlantic
to London.

I don't see how
we can possibly do it.

(HORN BLARING)
Oh, we'll think of
something, Mr. Fogg.

(TIRES SQUEALING)

Oh, Miss Carter,
how are you getting on?

Fine, I guess,

except when my
dressing room
rolls downhill.

(LAUGHS)

Knock! Knock!

Who's there?
Larry.

Larry who?
La...

We thought
you might like to
borrow this dinner dress.

Thank you.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Dinner will be
ready anon, Mr. Fogg.

It would be ready sooner,
only we have a slowpoke
in the kitchen!

(WHISTLING)

Oh, Moe, this is
really too much.

Oh, tut-tut,
Mr. Fogg.

Go to it, kid.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS
ON RADIO)

Dinner is served, ma'am.

Well!

Miss Carter!

Amelia, I say!

You look
perfectly smashing!

Route 66.

Oh, a very
wonderful year.

Amelia.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I just want to say that
no matter what happens,

I shall always
treasure this moment.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(SNIFFS)

(SNIFFING)

Onions!

Nah. I must be tired.

Folgers?

(SNIFFS)

I ain't tired.
That's coffee!

(DOOR SLAMS)

FOGG: Sir,
I demand that you
release us immediately.

After all, I've
promised to pay for
all the damage in the lorry.

I don't see
why we should be held
in Canada another minute.

Four days directly
to New York,

and here we are,
thanks to you.

Oh, you don't
have to thank me.

Go on.
Order!

Outside of the hardship
to everybody concerned,

the delay has been very
costly to me personally.

Midnight tonight marks
the passing of the 80th
day since I left London,

which means
I lose my wager
and everything I own.

Mr. Fogg,

you are not
being held because
of the highway incident.

Will you come in, please?

Inspector Crotchet
of Scotland Yard.

Well,
it's a pleasure
to meet a fellow...

Phileas Fogg,
I arrest you in
the name of the Crown.

I warn you that anything
that you say may be taken
down in writing.

I am completely
at a loss.

Will someone be
good enough to tell me
what this is all about?

My dear sir.
You know as well
as I do, Mr. Fogg.

You are accused of robbing
the Regent Street Bank
of £50,000

on the day
that you left London

on this so-called
around-the-world trip.

Phileas!
Don't worry, Amelia.

There's not a word
of truth in it.

Oh, you'll have
your chance in court.

Inspector, Mr. Fogg
is the only one that
we want to extradite.

The others can be released
unless you have any more
charges against them.

No charges, Inspector.

They're free to go.
Look here!

Where Mr. Fogg goes, we go.

Mr. Fogg flies to London
at the expense of the Crown.

I have no permission
for any other guests.

Well, come along.

(IN COCKNEY ACCENT)
Speaking for
the rest of the mob,

I'd say we're sorry
it turned out this way,

dodging the police
for two months,

and all that
sort of thing,
eh, what?

Rather funny, eh?

You're under arrest
and we're free
as the birds,

in a manner
of speaking, sir.

Don't worry, old bean.

We'll hire
the finest barrister
in the United Kingdom

to get you out of this,

even if it takes
every last tuppence
of the bank's money.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
If they send you to
Dartmoor,

I'll visit you
every day, I will.

And when they
spring you, duckie,

we'll have enough
left to live in style,

like a blinking
duke and duchess!

Hear! Hear!
Hear! Hear!

I'll take them all.

They're as much in it
as he is.

No, no!
They're just
putting on an act!

Order!

Oh, I'm sorry.

(CHATTERING)

MAN ON RADIO:
...the Queen's
return to the city.

It was learned today
that Phileas Fogg

has been apprehended
in Ottawa, Canada,

and is expected to arrive
at London Airport tonight.

Hold it!
We'll wait here.

The Yard's
sending a car.

Well, a miss is
as good as a mile,

and all that sort
of thing, Amelia.

My last chance
went glimmering at
exactly midnight yesterday.

And after all
you've been through.

Oh, Phileas,
I feel so awful about it.

It's a bum rap, fellas.
He never robbed any bank.

Just in time,
Mr. Cavendish.

Yes. Sit tight, Filch.

Good evening, Inspector.

We've been ordered to
take charge of Mr. Fogg.

But I understood
that Sergeant Muddles
would meet the plane.

Oh, uh, well,
he's on another case, sir.

Orders have been changed.

Well, inside with you.
Don't give me no
trouble now.

Who are you, Constable,
and who changed the orders?

I distinctly understood
that Sergeant Muddles
would meet the plane.

Hurry it up, Henry.
We haven't got
all night.

This fellow.
Seems to me I've seen...

Now that's enough talk.
Inside with you.
Quick about it.

You too, Mr. Nosy.

Now just a minute, mister.

Hey, have I flipped,

or are they
the same two cops we saw
at the Maharajah's palace?

They get around
faster than we do.

I smell a rat.
Come on!

Now look here...

(GROANS)

Hey, that Land Rover.
Come on.

(SIREN WAILING)

Go faster, will you,
Joe, please!

Come on. Out!

Come on out!

This way. Come on!

Now inside with you.
Lively! Come on!

I think we lost them.

They must have
turned left.

Lamebrain, at the next
corner, turn left.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Well, Mr. Fogg,

you gave us quite
a run for our money.

Stuart!

I knew there
was something.

His name's not Stuart.

He's Vickers Cavendish,

one of the smartest
confidence men in
England.

The smartest, if you'll
forgive me, Inspector.

You see, Mr. Fogg,

I not only win
my £20,000 bet
with you,

but, Filch,
get the satchel!

Right you are.

When they find you here,

it's going to look as if
Mr. Fogg resisted arrest,

aided by this young lady,

resulting in a gunfight
with Inspector Crotchet,

in which all three of you
were wiped out!

You wouldn't dare!

Wouldn't I?
Filch! Hurry up.

Let's wind it up
and get out of here.

We lost them.

Knucklehead, turn!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ENGINE SPUTTERS)

Next time,
watch where
you're going.

Hey, they must
have turned down
that street up there.

Come on,
we'll have to do it
by foot and find them.

Get out!

Our £50,000
retirement fund.

And that ain't
shredded wheat,
Inspector.

Wait!

What's the matter
with you?

There it is!

Come on. Come on.

Oh, we'll live
like lords, we will,

with no fear whatever
from Scotland Yard nor
nobody else,

because they'll
always blame him
for the bank robbery.

There they are!

Hold it!

Now you'll die, too!

(GUN FIRING)

MOE: The keys,
Inspector Crotchet,
the keys!

CROTCHET:
Here they are!

MOE: Where's the money?

Amelia,
where are you?

(SCREAMING)

Come on you!
Look it, here!

I don't know
how I got in these.

(GUN FIRING)

(AMELIA SCREAMS)

AMELIA: Phileas!

Get the number
of that truck.

Phileas!

(GUN FIRING)

Oh!

Oh, oh, dear!

CROTCHET:
All right, you people,
I'll take over now.

I knew
you'd get the right ones
if you kept on swinging.

Think nothing of it.

CROTCHET: Come on, you two.
Now, then...

The money!

Let's go!

What happened here?

Take this.

Joe! The hose!

Oh, the hose, yeah.

What am I
supposed to do?

Hose out!
Hose out!

Kill it!
Okay, Moe boy!

Hose out! Oh, boy.

(GROANS)

You and your
ruddy books.

Help! Help!

Never mind, you lamebrain,

the fire is out!

Easy!
Man the lifeboats!
Women and children first.

(GROANS)

How we doing, Moe, huh?

You nut!

Will you cut that out!
You want to get me wet?

I'll murder you!

Here, hold that.

Come on, you two.

Hey, there they are.

Scotland Yard first,

and then I'll drop
you at Twickenham!

Right, Inspector.

Come on, Larry.
Let's go. Get going.

What are you doing?
Get out.

Inspector,
we'll do the driving.

You get these
rats around the back
and keep an eye on them.

Yeah, good.

Go ahead, go ahead,
get moving.

Wait a minute.
Do you know how to drive?

Well, certainly,
I know how to drive.

This is a crazy,
mixed-up car.

Well,
I'm a crazy,
mixed-up driver.

Oh, okay, okay.

MAN ON RADIO:
Car 11, a disturbance
at East Cricklewood Lane.

Repeating, Car 11,

go to East Cricklewood Lane,
a disturbance.

If you ask me,
the disturbance is
in that squawk box.

Car six, a disturbance...

MALE NEWSREADER: ...here is
the late-night weather
report...

Mr. Fogg, I don't know
how to apologize to you

for all the trouble
I've caused you.

False arrest,
notoriety,

and on top of
everything else,

I'm responsible for you
losing a wager.

Well,
don't feel too badly
about it, Inspector.

I have a consolation prize

that I wouldn't trade
for anything.

Phileas Fogg
is back in London
in custody of Scotland Yard

to face charges
of bank robbery.

This complication
apparently will end
Mr. Fogg's last chance

to complete his
around-the-world trip
by midnight tonight,

his deadline
for reporting
at the Reform Club.

It's now exactly 11:51,

which means Fogg has only
nine minutes to reach
the club,

on this, the 80th day
since his departure
from London

two and a half months ago.

(RADIO TURNED OFF)

Mr. Fogg, he said
this is the 80th day.

By Jove, it's true!

I made
the same mistake my
great great grandfather did,

never realizing that,
by continually
traveling eastward,

we gained
four minutes

every time we crossed
a degree of longitude.

360 degrees times
four minutes equals

1,440 minutes.

We gained 24 hours.

This is
the 80th day,

and not the 81st,
as I calculated
in my log book.

Oh, Phileas!
There's still time!

If we hurry.
We're still miles
from the club!

It's 11:54.
We have just
six minutes.

Give her the gun,
Curly-Joe.

11:56.

Well, gentlemen,
I scarcely think
I'm premature in declaring

that our wager
with Mr. Fogg is won!

Jolly good show!

I'm glad
I had 10 of that.

I'm glad I had 5,
too.

So am I.

(SIREN BLARING)

We have just
three minutes.

Turn at
the next corner.

Left?
Right.

Right, you knucklehead.

No, I said left.

See? Right was left.

What?
I don't know.

Gentlemen, shall we?

Do you know,
I put this bottle aside

80 days ago to
celebrate our victory?

Two minutes.

(TIRE SCREECHES)

What are you
stopping for?

A red light.

If you hadn't
made a wrong turn,
we'd be there already.

Moe.
Oh. Turn me loose.

It's not polite
when I'm talking
to interrupt.

Moe.
What do you want?

The light is green.

Oh, why didn't you
tell me?

Go ahead!
Green light.

Right to the top.
I'm not going to stint it.

(TIRES SQUEALING)

10 seconds,
and we're still
a block away.

That time
left was wrong,
you beetle-brain!

Well, I... Ooh!

Seven seconds to go.

(AMELIA SCREAMS)

Hey, it's on
the next corner.

Park and
I'll dash inside.

He hasn't got time
to park.

Hang on, everybody!
Here we go!

(GASPS)

Mr. Fogg!

The winner by two seconds!

Hey.

Oh, isn't that cute!

Larry,
may I toast
to your health?

Please do.

Oops!

Don't worry
about it, Moe.
It's on them.

No, no.
It's on the both of us.

Come on!
What's the matter
with you guys?

Cut it out, will you?