Original subtitles

Who are you?

Hold it.

There's something...

What?

No...nothing.

ls there something or is there nothing?

l'm the general.

Just tell me if there's any problem.

lt's only a mouse.

A mouse? So it's a mouse.

Should l catch it for you?

No, it's gone...

lf that's the case, your majesty, please return to your room and rest.

lt's getting cold, put on something warmer.

Thank you for your concern.

l'm going to rest, goodnight.

lt's fine now, let's go check on the other side.

Yes, sir.

lt hurts, don't pinch me.

Go to hell.

Don't run.

Stop...

Follow me.

Zi Wei Ge Ge, you saw a mouse too?

Mouse?

Weren't you trying to stop the mouse from running away?

l was only dreaming about drinking, and l asked others to pour wine.

so you were dreaming of drinking.

lf everything's all right, why don't you go back to rest? lt's late.

Thank you, General.

Don't mention it.

Let's go.

Who are you?

You can't escape.

Zi Qing Ge Ge, what's the matter?

There's a guy in black in my room.

A guy in black? Go check it.

What did the guy do to you?

Did he do anything to you?

No, l'm too good at martial arts to let him do that.

l'm glad to hear that.

General, we couldn't find anything.

Maybe he's gone already.

That won't do.

For safety's sake,

l'll have two of my men guarding your room.

There's no need.

l'm so good at martial arts, l don't need anyone to protect me.

l'm okay, don't worry.

Just search everywhere.

Yes.

Go check that side.

Er Kang...

Be careful, check that side.

l'm so glad that you've come.

Er Kang, why are you leaving so soon?

Stay here tonight.

Why are you dressed like that?

Are you afraid that people might see you?

Why don't you come again tomorrow night?

Your order.

Why do you have to go through the window instead of the door?

What's it about?

Recruitment of a possible husband? What...

Xiao Wei, who?

l have no idea.

l am Xiao Wei.

You? Cute.

The successful candidate will get 100 taels of silver.

Why does he have to have a mole on his philtrum?

A mole on his philtrum?

Why?

Because the fortune-teller said so.

l'd be rich and famous if l marry someone with a mole on his philtrum.

So l have to find him.

l see...

You may spread the word around.

Whoever has a mole on his philtrum can respond to this invitation.

Only those with moles on their philtrum.

The most attractive thing is the 100 taels of silver.

What's the matter?

Someone is recruiting a possible husband.

lf you're chosen, you can have 100 taels of silver.

But you have to have a mole on your philtrum.

The chicken in black bean sauce is wonderful.

Mole on the philtrum?

Don't go...

Get up.

Don't beat me... l'll give you my wallet.

Take off your clothes.

Take off my clothes?

Come on.

Turn around?

What for?

Just do as you're told.

No.

l'll give you everything.

Your mole.

lt's just a black bean.

Your Majesty.

-Rise. -Thank you, your Majesty.

The 3 princesses Zi Wei, Zi Qing and Swallow left messages and left.

Read them for me.

Father, l want to see the world. Love, Zi Wei.

Go on.

Father, l want to learn martial arts.

Love, Zi Qing.

There's one more.

Father,

l want to walk around. Love, Swallow.

Damn it.

lt's getting worse and worse.

What does walk around mean?

The three of them are out of their way.

Your Majesty,

the three princesses are distinguished and honoured.

l'm concerned that something might happen to them.

You're right.

lf anything happens, l won't be able to face their mother.

ln this case,

let me leave the palace to find them.

lt's good for you to go find them.

But l don't want this to be known,

be as low-key as posisble.

l'll travel as a common person, that'll be more convenient.

Let's do it that way.

l'll go now.

Hang on.

Your Majesty, l've been serving the 3 princesses all these years.

They're like my own sisters, l want to go with General Long.

l can take care of him,

and at the same time, l can help him if anything happens.

That makes sense.

You'll go with General Long.

Thank you, your Majesty.

What are you doing?

This way we're more like lovers.

We're dressed as common people but we don't have to pretend as lovers.

Okay, just hold my hand then.

Why?

You were so sweet the other day and now you're so cold.

l always treat you this way.

l know.

You're a General, you have to have the dignity of one.

Er Kang.

Miss, you've been following me for a long time.

Do you have a crush on me?

l just want to see if this tooth belongs to you.

Okay, have a look.

What are you doing? Let me go.

You should know what l want, come on.

The tooth is not yours.

l haven't lost any teeth.

But l'm a man, come on.

No, let me go...

Come on, don't be afraid.

Help...

What's going on?

None of your business.

Swallow, are you okay?

General Long.

General Long.

My last name is Long and my first name is General.

So you're not really a General, get lost, l'm having a good time.

General Long, let him go, l don't want you to be in danger.

Princess, are you okay?

We're dressed as common people, we mustn't expose our identities.

Look at you.

Hurting yourself without getting it how dare you come and see me?

Big brother, l almost got raped.

Who raped you?

The big guy?

No, not a man, a woman!

A woman? A woman wanted to rape you?

That's good.

You should have told me earlier.

Told you what?

Sister.

Honey.

What were you talking about?

Nothing, nothing.

Sister.

Fu, what happened to you?

l...

He was robbed.

You're a thief yourself, how could you?

Honey, l must avenge him.

l'll go downhill to find that bandit.

l don't mind if you're really avenging for him.

Yes...

Then go.

l'm going now.

Finish this first.

All right...

Just say what you want, l like generous customers.

l'm glad that you know l'm generous.

l want to try the new girl in your Qing Si House.

You mean Si Si.

But she chooses her customers.

Sounds good...

A lady should have pride.

l want that.

Bring her to me quickly.

All right...l'll see what l can do.

Gui, get me Si Si.

Marvellous...come here.

Madame.

Greet Brother Biao.

Brother Biao.

Wonderful...

Leave us.

We'll let you enjoy yourselves, take your time.

Good.

We'll take our time, let's try some couplets.

Couplet...okay.

A true lover is harder to get than a priceless treasure.

One two three four five, okay.

Anyway, you have to do what l want.

l'll set another one for you to try.

Thinking about you, dreaming about you...

thinking and dreaming all about you.

l'm here to try you, not the couplet.

lf you can't do that, l'm leaving.

You're here already, you have to serve me no matter what.

Okau, don't rush.

We'll play an exciting game.

Exciting? Good, l love excitment.

Come on, give me a kiss.

Si Si, what happened? Why have you turned into a witch?

You're so naughty, how can you say that?

Madame...

What are you doing?

What's the matter?

How come it's her? Get Si Si back.

l'll get you someone else.

l said l wanted Si Si.

Si Si is busy, l'll get Lucy and Susie for you.

Their names are all alike.

lt's on the house, okay?

Lucy, Susie...

Lucy, Susie, come on.

Okay, it's better than nothing.

Honey, have a piece of chicken.

You're home so late, have you found the bandit?

l looked for him all day but in vain.

Curry chicken (lovebite)?

No, there's no curry in the chicken.

l mean here.

This is the head, honey.

This curry chicken.

You mean here?

Here...you bit me last night.

-Me? -Yes.

-l really did that? -Yes.

You want me to give you a bigger one.

l got one already... l don't want another one,

What's the matter?

l'm not convenient today.

Does that happen with men too?

l'm really inconvenient today.

Swallow.

Gener...Er Kang.

Why are you holding that tooth all the time?

Who does it belong to?

l don't know how he looks.

l just remember he had a mole on his philtrum.

l sneaked out of the palace to look for him.

You sneaked out because of him?

He must be very important to you.

Yes, he's important.

lf l find him, l'll marry him.

You don't even know how he looks, and you want to marry him?

l have my own reason.

What reason?

l can't tell you.

Don't tell me if you don't want to.

l just want to remind you.

Your happiness for the rest of your life lies in your marriage.

You must think it over.

What are you talking about?

Nothing.

Lunch is ready.

Let's go.

This ox penis soup is very nourishing.

l've cooked it for a long time. lt will do you good.

And this is virgin chicken, it's lovely, try it.

This is deer penis, have some.

Okay, l'll help myself.

And this is 3 penises wine, it's nourishing too.

-l'll help myself. -Come on, drink it...

Are you okay?

l'm all right.

How come it bears my name?

l sewed it especially for you.

Enjoy yourselves, l'll go first.

Swallow.

ln fact l'm not hungry.

You haven't had anything yet.

How could l eat watching you two? l'm off.

Swallow.

Leave her alone, let's eat, come on.

How come he has tits?

As big as mine.

How come it's you?

Why are you here?

Answer me first.

Er Kang said it's safer to switch room with me.

What does it say?

lf l knew, l wouldn't have to be a thief.

That's true.

Why is it so crowded over there?

l heard that a young girl is looking for a husband.

Looking for a husband.

YOu should have told me earlier, let's go...

They're recruiting inside.

Right, recruiting now.

You don't have a mole on your philtrum, it's a criteria.

Go away.

Says who?

My mole is bigger than yours.

No, his mole is fake.

Yes, it's fake...go away.

l have a mole now.

Yes, let's go in.

What? You want to fight?

You know who l am? l'm the Big Brother.

He's so nasty...

Stand properly.

Miss, they're all here.

l'm here first.

Line up...

Fake?

The mole on the philtrum is fake, beat him.

Spare me, please!

Who else has a fake one?

Mine as well.

Take off your pants.

She wants to see who has a largest dick?

All the dicks are hard, all the chicks are hot.

Hot, take them off.

lt hurts, don't pinch me.

Where are you going?

Queue here, here.

lt hurts, don't pinch me.

You're screaming like hell.

How come you have no reaction?

My wife gave me a chastity belt.

l'm still a virgin.

Take it off.

l'm off.

No way.

Why aren't you screaming?

Because it doesn't hurt now.

Mama mia.

Do you always talk like this?

Yes...

l want you to say it like that again.

Mama mia.

So it's really you.

Why did you pick him? l'm better than him, pick me.

Shut up, l've already decided...

l let you have a little fun and you think you can boss me around.

-That's right. -Fu, let's go.

Swallow, are you hungry?

l'm not.

l want to eat.

Since Golden Lock wants to eat let's eat over there.

Okay.

Zi Qing.

-Right, it's Zi Qing. -Zi Qing.

How come you guys are here?

Zi Wei has sneaked out as well.

His Majesty is as worried as hell, come back with me.

-l'm not going, -His Majesty has ordered me...

Okay, l will when l finish what l have to.

Don't think you can beat me.

Come back with me.

You can't beat me.

Zi Qing.

Er Kang...

Where is she now?

Sorry.

Zi Qing, don't be childish, Come back with me,

Do you know what this place is?

Yes, l do...

My brother is very rich, he wants to have a nice lady.

Okay...

We have all kinds of girls, black or white, you'll like it.

Bring out the nice ones.

Come on, go back with me.

-l don't want to go back. -Qiu Xiang, come out now.

Madame.

Serve this gentleman nicely.

This is the first fine dish of our house.

Please let me go, l'm not easy.

Come on, come back with me.

Our ladies are not easy either.

Right.

Okay, l'll let you go.

lf you beat our Queen of Dice,

l'll let you go.

Guess the number.

Not even one.

No?

How come?

Well, come back with me now.

l'm not going.

Anyone better?

Yes, you still haven't seen the treasure of our House Si Si.

-Yes? - Yes.

Okay, send her out.

Si Si, come out.

Come.

Mister.

Meet the treasure of our house Miss Si Si.

Si Si is really gorgeous.

So you like her?

Knock it off.

Miss Si Si, how would you want to test me?

l want you to try some couplet.

Couplet?

l'll give you the first line and you tell me the next one.

A true lover is harder to get than a priceless treasure.

Rejecting all the clients just to save for the long awaited you.

Thinking of you, dreaming of you, thinking and dreaming all about you.

Lonely me, me alone, lonely me being all alone.

Bravo.

Good...wonderful.

Wonderful...

Wonderful...

Come with me.

l'm really happy today, let's have a drink to celebrate.

Cheers.

Deal.

All right, let's go.

Mister, what's the matter?

Don't panic...l've put in a drug.

He's very rich, serve him well.

Go in...

Have fun.

Zi Wei.

Zi Qing, how come you are here?

l'll explain later.

Let's get out of here, don't let General Long se us.

Agreed.

We're looking for the same person.

Maybe.

The chick burglar stole my order plate, l must get it back.

l'll be in trouble if father finds out.

Too bad we don't know what he looks like.

Don't worry, l can recognize him.

He managed to get away last time

We will get him if we work together.

Big Brother.

Be quiet or my wife will find out.

lt's made of solid gold.

l stole from the imperial palace last time.

What does this character mean?

You're so dumb.

This is solid gold, of course that is ''gold''.

l'll melt it later.

Do you need money badly?

l've just stolen a wallet.

Yes? Show me...

Very nice...

There's a tooth.

lt does look familiar.

ls it yours?

lt fits perfectly, mine...

Yours?

Where did this come from?

lt belonged to a girl.

She's very pretty, l can assure you.

Could it be her?

Who?

She must have left the palace to get me.

No.

l must act before she does, let me grab her first.

What are you talking about?

Don't ask so many questions, come on.

Miss Si Si.

Mister Long, you're handsome and clever,

l'd love to serve you.

l'm busy, l have to go.

When will you come and see me again?

Will we meet again?

When l finish my task, l'll see you again.

Swallow, what are you looking for?

l'm looking for a tooth.

Your tooth has fallen out?

No, another tooth.

lf this tooth is so important to you,

l'll look for it for you.

Weren't you looking for Zi Qing?

She managed to escape.

Then why were you away for so long?

And you smell of wine.

Do l?

l know, you went for a drink because you were unhappy.

Er Kang, you're back...

Good, you can help us look for the tooth.

l've made you a new shirt.

Why don't you go and try it?

-Yes, let's go... -No, l'll help you look for the tooth.

Er Kang...

l've already accepted the shirt, why are you here?

l'm here to finish our intimate business

That night, you came into my room.

Wait a minute,

l've never gone into your room.

You should think about it more carefully.

But l'm sure that was you...

How could you be so sure?

l felt the order plate in the dark.

l never carry the order plate with me.

l don't even have it with me this time.

Then who was it that night?

Anyway, it wasn't me.

Go back to your own room and think about it.

Swallow.

General...Er Kang.

You're always holding that tooth.

To whom did it belong?

l don't know what he looks like.

But l remember he has a mole on his philtrum.

l sneaked out of the palace just to look for him.

You sneaked out because of him?

This person must be really important to you.

Yes, very important.

lf l find him, l will marry him.

-Swallow. -Hey.

l saw the light, so l tried.

What's the matter?

That's the tooth? Where did you find it?

ln the garden?

Where's the wallet?

What wallet?

The tooth was in a wallet.

l only found the tooth, l didn't see any wallet.

-Yes? -l'll look again.

No, l'm so glad that you've found the tooth.

You're such a nice person.

My pleasure.

lf only the tooth belongs to me

What?

Nothing...

How come it's you?

Who are you?

We've got the wrong one, she's just a maid, not the princess.

How do you know?

Of course l do, you forced me to sleep with you that night.

Bull, l haven't slept with you.

lf you don't believe me, l can show you again.

Big Brother, l will guard the room for you.

Very clever, a kiss.

Fu Gui.

-Sister. -ls Zhang Biao inside?

Well, he is.

-Sister. -Get lost.

Come on...We've done it before.

Zhang Biao.

Honey.

lt's not my fault.

How dare you?

No, l was only trying to scare her.

You're doing really well then.

Come on, why don't you try and scare me.

Harder, what's wrong with you?

l've tried as hard as possible.

Come on, are you impotent or what?

l'm not impotent, you're just too greedy.

Harder...

Harder...

Honey, l'm as hard as possible already.

Harder...

You're so useless.

Damn it, l don't want you to be in this room tonight.

You're good for nothing.

Useless son of a bitch, piss off.

Now.

What's with him lately?

He just can't satisfy me.

l guess l have to help myself.

Swallow, what's the matter?

Golden Lock is gone.

She probably just went out for a walk.

But the blanket is gone too.

Let's check that side.

Wait a minute.

Sir, have you seen Golden Lock?

l've seen Copper Lock, Silver Lock and lron Lock, not Golden Lock.

Swallow, it's pointless, let's find her ourselves.

Zi Qing and Zi Wei.

Right.

General Long.

He's trying to get us, let's go.

Come on...

Don't go.

Come back with me.

No.

Er Kang.

Big Brother, it's her.

l know, let's get her.

Get her...

Help...

Zi Qing, what's the matter?

Come on.

l think it's him.

He's the chick burglar.

With a mole on the philtrum.

Er Kang.

Go away.

You're the chick burglar.

l won't deny what l've done.

Look at your back.

You've seen my tattoo, ''Loyalty to my wife''.

Give me back my order plate, l'll kill you, bastard.

Hold it.

Fu, take her away.

Yes, come with me.

Go in.

Why are you here?

You're kidnapped as well?

Bastard, l'm killing you today.

Stop it.

Although he is guilty,

we must bring him back,

and let father judge him.

He has raped me,

l must kill him.

Come on, face it.

Come on...

Have you finished?

You might not believe me if l say l didn't fuck you that night.

She's the only one that l've fucked.

l was fucked that night,

but it was you?

Yes, it's me.

You don't believe that l haven't fucked you.

l did fuck you and you don't believe that.

You think l don't know whom l fucked?

You don't have to explain,

l have to kill you today anyway.

And l have to castrate you first.

Even if he's guilty as hell,

we should not punish him ourselves.

The country should have its own laws.

No, l have to kill him.

Hey, this is my place.

How come you are judging me now?

One more word, l'll get 200 men to have fun with you one by one.

Right, and chop you up when the fun is over.

-Take care of her. -Yes.

Come, drink the medicine.

Thank you.

Zi Wei, Zi Qing and Golden Lock are all gone.

l really worry for them.

Now you're hurt and l don't know martial arts at all.

How are you feeling?

-l'm okay. -Finish the medicine first.

You're hurt all because of me.

l really feel bad about it.

l'm glad as long as you're fine.

Swallow, there's something that

l meant to tell you all along.

l know what you feel about me.

-But... -But what?

l don't know how to put it.

Just tell me.

lf l'm a broken pot which leaks

would you still want this pot?

lf you're really a pot

l'll want you even if you rust.

What about Golden Lock? She likes you a lot.

You're the one that l love.

Swallow, what's the matter?

Nothing, l'll see you later.

Swallow.

Swallow, please go back to the palace.

l have yet to fulfill my duty.

Please forgive me for leaving without telling you.

l have to find Zi Qing and Zi Wei.

l will carry out the duty on my own.

lt's you again.

Where are the two ladies?

Why should l tell you?

Come on, where?

Freeze.

Big Brother.

The order plate?

Princess Zi Qing must be inside.

Kneel before the plate.

So this plate is useful.

Go to hell.

Fu, lock him up.

Go in.

General Long, be careful.

How come you've been caught by them as well?

l'm glad now, l thought l'd never see you again.

Dirty bastard, if father finds out, he will smash this place.

Smash this place?

Let me smash the three of you first, you'll be my concubines.

Fu, bring them to my room.

Big Brother, come here...

What?

Aren't you afraid of your wife?

You mean that tigeress?

She's gone to her parents' home to play.

Not playing mahjong, but herself.

No wonder you're partying yourself.

Tonight l can have a threesome.

Er Kang...

Go in...

The three of you must really be impatient.

Fu...

Guard the room for me.

Don't let anyone come in.

1...2...3...,1...2..., you first.

Go away.

No one will find out.

This...is fine too.

What's the matter?

Don't touch me or l'll kill you.

Don't touch me, piss off.

Let me go, dickhead.

Leave her alone, l need to talk to you.

-What? -Let go of me first.

l'll persuade them to do it with you, okay?

Good idea, let me.

No, what if you run away?

-l won't, you have l to trust me. l'll ask them to have fun with you

Okay, hurry up...

Are you okay?

l'm so afriad.

Don't even go there, l won't.

You said you'd persuade them, why knock them out?

They're too noisy, let me serve you.

You serve me.

What do you want?

You said it was you that night? l just want to make sure if it's you.

That night...l couldn't have her.

You were there, just handy and easy.

Handy and easy.

l wanted her, not you.

Don't.

You...

l didn't want you.

Help...let me go...

He'll be fine with me, get out.

Fu.

Sister, didn't you go visit your parents?

Yes, but l came back early on purpose.

He's not in our room, where is he?

Zhang Biao wants to enjoy a threesome.

He took the girls with him.

Damn it.

That's it.

Fu, you may leave now.

-Sister. -l ask you to stay.

What's going on?

Zhang Biao is unfaithful to me

l'm just being fair.

What do you mean?

You're so handsome,

much much more than my husband is.

What do you think?

lf you want to take revenge on him by using me,

you've picked the wrong person.

Don't be so serious, we can have fun.

Please respect yourself.

Do you think l'd listen to you?

What are you doing?

Nothing, l just want to have fun with you...

Big Brother, have you finished?

l was fucked.

Sister has come home.

Where is she?

She's fucking.

l was fucked here and she fucked others?

Yes.

Lock them up.

You slut.

How can you fuck him?

You were fucking other girls too.

That's not the same.

For me, it's debit, for you, it's credit.

You took his stuff.

l was just doing what you did.

l don't want it.

lt's none of your business.

Brothers, the lmperial Army is outside.

Really? What should we do?

The lmperial Army.

Run.

l'll take care of you later.

Where are Zi Wei, Zi Qing and General Long?

l don't know, we have to go in and search.

Kill them.

lt's them.

Seize them, don't let anyone escape.

What happened?

Are you okay?

Where's Zhang Biao?

He's gone.

Why did you knock us out?

Right, why?

lf not, he wouldn't have let you go.

But you and Zhang Biao...

Anyway, it's not the first time.

He has raped me in the palace.

Godlen Lock, we didn't think you'd sacrifice so much for us.

What's all the noise about?

Right, what's going on?

General Long.

-Are you all right? -Yes.

Retreat.

General Long.

-Are you okay? -We're fine.

Let's go

-Your Majesty. -Your Majesty.

All rise.

-Thank you, your Majesty. -Thank you, father.

General Long, wiped out the bandits for me.

Father, l want to go too.

Your Majesty.

Rise.

Thank you, your Majesty.

The bandits are already locked up.

You've done a lot by wiping out the bandits.

l'm going to promote you.

Thank you, your Majesty.

Rise.

How dare the three of you.

Leaving the palace without my persmission

l must investigate this case.

Father, the reason why we left the palace

was only to catch the chick burglar.

Zhang Biao sneaked into the palace and raped Golden Lock.

And molested Zi Wei and me too, so...

lt was really Zahng Biao who sneaked into the palace.

Right.

This tooth belonged to Zhang Biao.

No.

Zhang Biao's tooth is here.

Then whose tooth is this?

lt's mine.

The person who went into my room was...

Not me.

But Zhang Biao said he didn't molest you.

Then this tooth...

l saw you were anxious to find it,

so...

l wasn't trying to cheat you.

l've finally found whom this tooth belonged to.

Right, father.

Apart from seizing Zhang Biao, l was trying to find the order plate.

Your Majesty.

The order plate was found with Zhang Biao.

You lost the order plate too.

How could you be given the responsibility of holding it?

l know l'm guilty.

General Long.

Yes.

The order plate will be in your custody.

From now on, you're the Commander-in-Chief.

Commander-in-Chief.

Thank you, your Majesty.

The bandits are wiped out, it's good for the people.

l'll spare you for your crime of leaving without permission.

Thank you, father.

Your Majesty, l have an errand, l ask the permission to leave the palace.

Return to the palace once it's done.

Thank you, your Majesty.

l didn't think you'd keep your promise.

When l return to the capital, l might not be able to see you.

lt's just a small token of appreciation.

A true lover is harder to get than a priceless treasure.

Rejecting all clients just for the long awaited you.

Thinking of you, dreaming of you, thinking and dreaming all about you.

Lonely me, me alone, lonely me being all alone.

Thank you.

When l see these words, it will be like seeing you.

As long as you remember me, l'll be happy.

lf it is allowed, l will come to see you again.

l'm bored...

lt's so boring, why don't we leave the palace?

Great, l want to go too.

Let's go.

You're sneaking out again.

lt's General Long, let's run.